When CPTSD Makes You Want to FLEE RELATIONSHIPS, Try This
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2024
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Some people who were abused or neglected in childhood have a tendency to cling to relationships: others have the opposite problem. If you’ve ever "run away" from a good partner who loved you -- maybe you got overwhelmed and triggered by the intensity, or the fear involved in being close to somebody, -- and you slipped into avoiding behaviors like disappearing on them, giving them the silent treatment, lashing out at them so they would leave, or hurting their trust in you -- there is a way to change that pattern. In this video I talk about strategies to calm triggers before taking any impulsive action or saying damaging words that would harm a relationship you value.
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You are one gifted woman Anna! This is wonderfully wise, genuine, clear... simply fantastic. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
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@@CrappyChildhoodFairy qqqqqqq
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I push people away before a relationship can even start. I feel like I have nothing to offer, and they figure that out and leave. I also feel incredible shame, and guilt for wanting to be loved because I would just be making someone else's life more complicated. So I cocoon myself, and go through the motions each day. It's really soul crushing.
Look at work of Marisa peer I am
Enough she says mind a computer just write I am enough I am valuable more u say it more believe it
Same. I have borderline personality disorder and I can 100% fucking understand this that I now have tears in my ehes
@@TheMrNocturnax Yeah, I most likely have BPD. It lines up, but can't bring myself to talk to a therapist.
@@epicmage82 it's hard. It took me 3 yrs to check myself in and after my second attempt to take my life.... so I understand... I'm currently in dbt but even then... I still feel so damn fucming low I'm considering checking myself in as a volunteer patient at a mental hospital.
@@TheMrNocturnax I've been thinking about that myself.
Sometimes I wonder whether my trauma was "actual" childhood trauma because it's an amulgation of lowkey emotional neglect and lack of validation, but then I see videos like these and recognise myself in everything they say and I feel so seen and at the same time called out lol.
You are very welcome here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Me too! I find myself thinking, “was I really emotionally abused?” or “was what I went through really bad enough to justify my emotional weaknesses?” But then all this info. on codependency and CPTSD describes so many of my feelings and life patterns so well. But it’s hard to accurately assess your formative years, and I know I can remember some bad stuff. I guess part of what we need to learn is to accept ourselves and where we are, drop the judgement and need to justify it to ourselves or anyone else, and focus on what brings healing.
There is a video by Bessel Van Der where he specifically mentions that childhood neglect is abuse and it causes trauma.
@@HereForTheCatContent very well said.... helpful. Thank you for commenting.
“Childhood emotional neglect” is a thing y’all. Kids need attunement and eye contact and nurturing and attention. Not getting it is devastating. You don’t have to be slapped around to have “actual” trauma. It’s ALL trauma.
So many disturbed emotions when presented with emotional intimacy in an available partner relationship, feel sick to the stomach, deep desire to cut and run and have anger towards the other person and take personally everything they say. It’s exhausting.
I finally found a good man and I can already feel myself running and pushing him away.. Thank you so much for this.
You got this!
I will watch tomorrow. My anxiety is awful today. I have not slept and its almost 3 pm. I want to cry and hide. I can't do either. I'm trying to calm down. I play with my bangs or rub my fingertips on my arm. All I hear is I'm not good enough and I am a failure and more. I am 50 years old and feel 12.
Claudia pkease try to start on the daily practice as soon as you can. It helps me SO MUCH!!!
Dear Claudia, I am so sorry. I will pray that you may feel the comfort of God. Please know that you are beautiful and beloved. Please take the steps needed to get help and support counseling because no one deserves to hear those things. You deserve joy. Sending ❤ and prayers your way, Christine
You don't have to listen to that. It's not you. Slowly take your power back. You know that those are lies, you don't have to listen. Those things that are being repeated are not true. The minute you know it's not you and you tell it to piss off you'll be surprised how fast it stops. I promise. Trust me. Laugh at it and say oh is that you again ? I'm on to you. But don't get mad, don't get frightened just tell it to buzz off and within a days it will be gone. Try it. Please. You will find relief so fast that you will be like me, telling others the truth about it. You got this!!
I'm sending you gentle comforting thoughts. I'm glad you reached out on here today. xx
EFT is a very helpful healing tool. Search on UA-cam for Brad Yates tapping intro and you will get some information. He has tons of great EFT videos for lots of different things. ✌️🙏
The worst part is the feeling and the ruminating thoughts that you can never ever talk to these people again, because you did a mistake, so you just feel too ashamed to talk to them again, you feel like you don't deserve to say sorry, like you don't deserve another chance, so you just leave, forever, in shame and remorse.
Turns out, at least for us, we have this because that's how we were treated by our parents. There is absolutely no second chance or second try, with anything. It's perfect flawlessly at first try or never ever allowed to try again. Which is just nonsensical, you'll never be good at something without actually learning and practicing it.
We might have felt that was the case before but as adults today, we can give ourselves and others more chances to get it right :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've never run away from a healthy partner, I've never had a healthy relationship lol. But I do worry this could happen in the future. For now I'm staying single, working on me, healing my heart, and just enjoying peace!
I relate to that! It was a lot of work just to get to healthy partner options :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I resonate with every word you said. 💙 Sending you lots of love on your healing journey.
I thought I was the only one.
Freaked out when a very compatible possible life partner started getting too close. THAT was the event that sent me into the tailspin of cptsd and misdiagnosis of depression & anxiety. Wow. Just wow. And thank you.
Glad you saw the video!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I do th we same. Met a new ," healthy:" patient great guy, but I got triggered and ran. I think I've been " unemotional available most my life. Working to change this.
So sorry to hear. Would you wish you ran into them or they reached out to you 6 months or a year later?
Update please!
I run from everyone... and then when they give up I want to socialize with them. It’s so weird.
We are perplexing to others and to ourselves but there really is room for growth & change :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love how you validated “Neena” and cheered her on.
Anna is so encouraging, right!
I've been so self-assolating for about 4 years now I don't trust anybody and don't let keep people at arm's length was going to church got hurt and I just I'm world's worst world's about walking away not telling people what's wrong not talking to people just walking away
@@sonjatiffin6331 Yeah, the most common things I say are it's ok, I fine, and nothings wrong. Then I put on a fake smile, and try to make them laugh. It's a hard thing to get passed. I'm still trying to myself.
:)
Mam please make video on intimacy i am afraid of getting close to people its hard to give commitment to be open and honest
Noted :)
Stopping drinking completely has helped me be less socially anxious after the outing, I can trust my perception and my memory,
What a relief right?!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Her observations are better than psychologist. You must have someone you're connected to in your life at some point to overcome the unconnected feeling in your childhood.
Most of us crave some community even if we wish we didn't and even if it's scary :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Social beings crave a group identity. That's why you see people rooting for their sport team and sporting team logos. And why a lot of parentheses children grow up an join gangs. Thank you Anna for sharing all your golden wisdom with us. ☮️💕
Meditation has saved me every time. You have to allow yourself to cry to yourself and allow yourself to soothe yourself. You are enough. You are Devine. Your spiritual DNA is perfect. This is just your human experience. ♥️🌎
Beautiful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
My cptsd sometimes makes me think bad thoughts about people that aren't true. This caused me to push them away before they could hurt/reject me. All the while clinging to and pining after very toxic people who were doing the same thing to me. Ugh the irony!
PTSD is absolutely monster. You have to work on youself. It's very long journey to recovery but is possible. When you healed is possible to have healthy relationship with people.
Yes, hard but worthwhile work :)
I have learned to fight cptsd and not face or address it calmly. Its my internal enemy and im at war. Im now learning to recognise the triggers and fight with truth in a more peaceful way. Prayers of thankfulness helps alot, even when im starting prayer in a negative mood.
Try some uplifting spiritual music to lead you in more thoughtful prayer, might help your focus. Does mine when I need fixing I just ask Jesus in song. He doesn't care about the format, just the content! I come to realize that if He and I know the truth that is where peace abounds!
I'm glad you are recognizing those triggers, it's worthwhile work :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
What a timing.
Not in a relationship, but this "I want to run away" feeling triggers really intensely whenever I'm pushed to talk about my feelings to the person involved. Or I start questioning "Is this even real" when things "go too well to be true".
I'm able to put the brakes and not act it out, but the disturbing emotions still come up and sometimes the fear makes me feel sick to my stomach. It's a relief to see this video to know that this is part of CPTSD and has nothing to do with who I am as a person.
That fear is rough, it really causes havoc on our nervous system. I suggest trying this course Anna created, it has helped me immensely with CPTSD triggers
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Was there anything a partner could do if they didn’t want to give up on you
I wish there were CPTSD 12-step meetings. I love the 12-steps, and this would be perfect.
This is so right. I stumbled upon that in my current relationship (that I only stayed in and committed to because I really loved him and he practically wouldn't take no for an answer when, as usual, I flipped out and pushed him away). once I learned a way to calm myself down in moments when I would have normally started a giant relationship ending argument, our relationship became so much better. Now if only I could learn and apply that in friendships.
Thanks for sharing! Sending you encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy
I was a devout Christian in my late teens. God worked through me to lead my parents to him. I prayed with my mother, I went through trails with my father, who was testing my faith to provoke me, but I kept to love and he became a Christian. I was also having issues with frightening feelings and images during this time, that I would find years later were repressed memories of severe physical abuse as a childhood. God new I needed healing, but it scared me and I ran from God, delaying healing. I’m also gay, my parents ejected me from their lives, returned Christmas presents, with note referring to me as a reprobate who can not celebrate Jesus. I received long letters full of scriptures calling me a w...., this from man who molested me. I send heart and love to every gay person sent away by parents or others. Love is love. I thank you Anna for validating our hearts! ♥️🕊
May that shaming never happen to you again. Hugs!
I am praying for you. It always amazes me that the most poisonous people will quote scripture. You are perfect, you are blessed. Try to work through your trauma, please; if not it will later manifest as physical pain. Take the “ presents” that you would normally buy for them and find a family in need. Those who love and appreciate us are the best family possible. Praying for you
@@kcflygirl29 Thank you 😊 great advice and kindness. My father physically damaged me, I have many broken vertebrae and other injuries, that were not treated, so one problem I have with the past, is it is ever present. I also have a little girl inside who is really sad, she’s the handful. Prayers are always welcome, and I’m resilient, and I keep learning and trying, and many days I’m happy. Again thank you so very much! ♥️🌹🕊
I understand you perfectly. My father was an alcoholic, he was physically, and verbally abusive to my mother, and I, even our animals when they wouldn’t listen. I used to wonder why he hated us so much; he hated himself more; please just remember that. Your father just hated himself so much that he caused pain to everyone around him. Take care of yourself. You are safe now
@@kcflygirl29 Hurt people hurt other people.
Spiritually & emotionally disconnected people who disconnected due to their pain.
Im 50 and just noticed I have a flight fight freeze mentality when I go anywhere inside a store or building. I didnt know that was happening, i only knew I felt unhappy since childhood.
So glad you were able to learn a bit more about the condition of CPTSD...makes us less lonely.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will never forget being 13/14 and coming across my first ACOA book. To see my thoughts and feelings in black and white like that was so upsetting and yet I could see that what was wrong was real and had a name and other people behaved the same way. That was freedom, a map to find my way out. It was an epiphany for me.
I am 44 and I’ve never had a healthy relationship, so needed this info my whole life. Thank you!
I’m 53 same thing. So happy I’ve discovered Anna and Patrick Teahan ❤️🩹
I relate so much to this. Clinging, then distance. Different background, but same distrust of relationships. I've always been good at self soothing, so now I have a better focus for that thanks to this!
That's great, I'm so glad it helped make some connections!
-Cara@TeamFairy
What would you want from someone who you pushed away but still loves you? Of course respecting your space. Reaching out briefly every 3-6 months? Would that make you feel cared for and not abandoned
It's so true! I've learned through lockdown that I really miss people. And that I feel much better after small talking to other people.
:)
You are a gifted, gifted communicator. Thank you and God bless you!
Wow, thank you!
Wow, I'm everything in this video. I'm so tired of hurting people that truly love me. I'm breaking up with my partner every 2 weeks, a crazy cycle. I'm so tired of hurting her!
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
My dad was someone who exploded over the smallest thing, would use physical punishment and became someone who I feared and didn’t trust. My interactions with him as a child was quiet or angry. My mother was passive and usually didn’t say anything or would side with him. I learned to read the room at an early age and do everything in my ability to avoid conflict. And if conflict occurred, it was my fault. I had to navigate an emotionally unpredictable home by myself and learned that I had to comfort myself and cope alone. Now I see that in my own relationship. Every time there’s anger or raised voices, I immediately put up my walls and want to flee. But I know that it’s not healthy conflict resolution. It’s so hard to rewrite this narrative and take back the power. But I know that I’m an adult now and it’s my turn to regulate my emotions and create a healthy environment for me and my SO. Please send your support. Definitely nice to have a community who understands
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. If you haven't already, try the Daily Practice. It is a great to process fears and resentments and it has already helped many people worldwide. Here's a link to the free course, if you're interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you for another gift. I can hide. It's usually when I mess up. Can be if I feel someone triggered or deregulated, overwhelmed.
I don't have to deep down the rabbit's hole. Need my space, get grounded. I do occasionally feel guilty about taking the space. Its not a punishment. It is a need. I need to center and ground myself.
Glad you're here :)
can cptsd make me a toxic person, i listened to a description, it fit me so well
Certainly we can get really bitter and negative and not feel at all good to be around. But we can also heal from all that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
No one is trustworthy to share with. At least I can't trust anyone.
You can start with how to be honest with yourself, covered in this free mini course bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Share with yourself. As you walk in the park. I do this anyway because people don't wanna hear it.
Even Journaling helps me talk to myself to solve my own problem.
There is no perfect person.
Also, if you live for approval you will die from rejection. Be happy with yourself and accept who you are.
I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since before age five. I’ve been in therapy for years I finally decided it is what it is. I’m happier once I accepted myself and got a puppy. I was a military brat so we moved every two years. My mother was proximity abandonment and my step dad was her police man. My two older sisters lived with their abusive father for several years so when they came to live with us my mothers guilt allowed for them to abuse us. After many decades of trying to be a part of their lives I finally decided they don’t deserve me and I gave up on them. Best thing I ever did for myself. When people treat me like an option I let them think what they want and I slip away before they even notice I’m gone. Not going to put up with mean people. I learned a long time ago if you want good people in your life don’t have uncomfortable conversations about things they are not familiar with. Enjoy the good people and fill your life with those people and soon you will forget the people who were never there for you.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
-Cara@TeamFairy
As a person with artistic flair, I am trying to create my own healing. I really appreciate your channel and what you do and others that have helped save my mind my sanity and the future for my son. I send you big love and big hugs thank you for doing what you do
Great, glad you're here :)
My strength comes from loving myself, I need to be accountable otherwise I will never be happy and in harmony, the voices need to shut up when I remember I love myself and that someone out there is waiting for me to heal more, right now I am trying to be present, read body language, listen more to people without interruption and really have a genuinely connection with that person and make it short and sweet. If I keep talking I will probably confused the person or I loose track of the subject of the conversation. 😅
Thank you Anna for your WISDOM.
I've struggled all my life with cptsd.
I'm 59 years old.
I grew up thinking I'm no good..
And my girlfriend has said to me, that I've lived a negative lifestyle, like it was normal behavior.
She solved an issue with me, that I became exactly like my ABUSIVE OVERT NARCISSISTIC mom..
This sounds like my childhood. We moved every 2-3 years to a completely different place and at some point I just stopped putting in effort to connect. I definitely push people away in relationships.
Thanks for watching, hope these techniques help you like they have me :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi Anna, I would love to see a video on childhood/young adult friendships as a person w CPTSD. As early as elementary school, I would overshare and offer up “fixing” suggestions which drove people away (we become great observers and highly intuitive bc we are always “watching”, trying to stay safe and survive). It wasn’t until after college that I learned this behavior was driving people away. I now know how to be a better friend (and not drive people away), but there is often and insecure and pervasive loneliness that is close to the surface. My mask is to be an extrovert (more in the past). I am much more subdued now (in my 60s). Thank you
To request a live response from Anna, please be as specific as possible and email your question to hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com. Type 'Ask the Fairy' in the subject line to indicate you are interested in the question being made into a video.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I fawn when I’m triggered. I try to fix the problem and feel so overwhelmed even when it’s not my problem.
Good insight, awareness is important! If you need more help, we have it courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you! I have done SO MUCH damage by cutting people off (some people needed to be cut off but then it became a habit) and blowing up on people I actually want in my life. I go from resentment to guilt and back again. I do the daily practice but I haven't implemented anything that can be done at the moment. I MUST stop the minute I'm triggered, I will say nothing at all. Thanks, Anna!
I’m the youngest of four, and the only girl. My Mother passed suddenly when I was 14.. and left with a narcissist Father. 😥
That's really rough, lots of sympathy to you. It's very similar to my history - youngest of 4 and the only boy, father died when I was 2 and our mother was unfortunately very emotionally immature and a mess at times. Sending you caring and gently encouraging thoughts, fellow traveller.
That's a sad thing to deal with, I'm glad you're here with us :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm realizing that this is why being a float nurse worked so well for me. Working around the same people every day all day made me nuts, no matter how much I liked them. We moved every few years when I was growing up. I got so tired of telling people that no, my dad wasn't in the military.
Good at diagnosis but very light on solutions. EMDR is the most recognised therapy.
The course Anna created called the Daily Practice is a technique I've used for 12 years. Saying it changed my life is an understatement.
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I worked with someone who said she was cured of her childhood trauma because she had been through EMDR. Most seriously messed up person I have ever met in my life. There is no one size fits all.
Yes, I run from EVERYONE!!!! No one is allowed inside. All I see is the darkness in people. I've been described as a hyper social person by my psychiatrist who diagnosed me w/ C-PTSD, my psychologist told me I'm like a war veteran. I used to live in an ashram bc I love people but I always see their defects. I'm aware of Jungian's notion of projection of the shadow self but still just see narcissism. My whole family are narc's and I'm frightened of people. I've been single basically since I was 26, with the exception of a few short term relationships, and am about to turn 42!!!
Staying alone is an instinct to protect ourselves and being single is fine if you like it. If you are unhappy this way though, we suggest trying some methods that help heal CPTSD. This is a great start: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
there is also a dating & relationships course :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna I am new to your channel and so grateful for its contents...I had trauma in my childhood years but other things happened in my adult life. Almost trauma upon trauma...
However what I wanted to say is how useful the daily practice has been, I have been deregulated for so many years, this helps.
I wanted to mention that at the end of the day after writing I like to add what I am grateful for that day, it keeps me in the moment and helps me to stop focusing on what's wrong.
So glad to hear that the Daily Practice is helping you! Welcome to the community! I hope to see you on some upcoming coaching calls :)
Also as a man, it's so hard to talk to anyone. I've always been bullied for being weak. I'm way too nervous around girls, and talking to the couple of guys I know would open me up for some extreme jabs.
Join a group on facebook. Theres a large group, i forgot its name but something about CEN childhood emotional neglect. Or search for groups that are for victims of narcissists if you had a narcissistic parent.
Join a group on facebook. Theres a large group, i forgot its name but something about CEN childhood emotional neglect. Or search for groups that are for victims of narcissists if you had a narcissistic parent.
Glad you're here, hopefully you will find strategies that can help :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm so sorry you were bullied!
Hi Anna, This one's a hard one for me. I've entered estrangement with several family members over these characteristics. I agree with your general take in your videos. Like you, I do not like all the psycho-jargon and infinite labels seen in personal recovery conversations, but these CPTSD characteristics can present to others as a frightening derangement (or worse, an antisocial character) when not understood by others. I lost my relationship to a parent this way. I can honestly say we failed to achieve 5 minutes of healthy bonding across our lifetimes.
I tend to feel dysregulation. I keep a moderate level of estrangement with several family members mostly as a way to manage my own triggers to Fight-Flight-Freeze-Fawn. I continue to work on my external present-day triggers.
I had to realize that my identity/personality is not "fixed in place" or immutable. I think this is a common misinterpretation by CPTSD people. We were so afraid as children we thought we couldn't take the time to change the thoughts we already had (like a fixed computer memory with no storage). Later on, we actually thought this was the way the mind was supposed to work, and became defensive when well-intentioned teachers or mentors tried to teach us HOW to learn.
And for me, learn to listen.
As a nurse I see daily how the body & body systems, immune/circulatory/nervous/muscular, etc., have to remain connected in order to fully function @ optimal health. I believe God created people to be likewise connected and not dismembered from each other.
:)
Hi Anna I'm back for a refresher! Felt like I needed a tune up recently.😊 It's hard not to get smokin tennis shoes when your feelings get all screwed up and you're sure things are just not going to work out even with the best of them.❤ Thank you for being there once again🎉😅
Indeed, I’m this way. Esp at work, or stressed. Ugh
:)
Woaa, this is amazing... For many years I didn't know what was happening, why I acted like that... This has been very insightful, and I feel that a step closer to understanding myself, hoping to be able to change or calm that fear... I didn't realize I was an avoidant.. Thank you very much... I will try to listen to this many times, and will do my best to grow more in understanding, in compassion for myself, and hopefully in enough calmness for those triggering moments. Thank you.
I'm glad it's provided insight, stick around!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m at that stage of recognising those thoughts and I just remove myself from the room before I say or do anything regretful, I used to run away or yell and fight before so I know this is progress for me
When I remove myself I stop and think and make myself name 3 positive things about myself and or work out why I’m feeling triggered
I’m absolutely not fine! The first few months were nice because everyone else seemed to slow down as much I normally wanted to slow down but meeting new people now is so much harder on top of it already being hard and awkward
Yes, it sure is. Thanks for watching!
I relate to you "Nina". You're not alone.
:)
I love you! You have changed my life.
I look forward to my daily practice. It is like a ritual that prepares me for meditation - sets an intention unconsciously. I also emdr and haven as a mediation. Its working, I am sleeping well
Wow! Happy to hear the Daily Practice has changed your life. Sending you encouragement as you continue to heal. - Ashley, Team Fairy
You’re words of wisdom are helping me more than words can say. You are an answer to to one of my prayers for healing. Thank you for what you do.
Thank you so much Hedi, I appreciate you being here!
Anna has such a soothing way of educating us!!!
Agreed!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is me. I have attachment wounds from abandonment as a baby and then emotional neglect (although I think my adoptive parents tried their best - they just couldn't understand me and they were struggling with my father's war induced PTSD). I had someone who truly loved me, but I couldn't settle, self-sabotaging the relationship all the way - we lasted 12 years. Now, through therapy, I understand what was happening and want to have another chance, but no-one is interested in me - I think something must be obvious from me just being me. I'm sure that I am looking for the unconditional love I didn't get as a baby.
I understand, it can take time but keeping that focus on yourself is going to get you healthier and healthier :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have problems keeping relationships, my dad had cancer when he was 14,then again when he was 20 the year when I was born. No one had time for me. My grandma who was also my dads mum lost her son through epilepsy, which caused her to try and take her own life. I saw that attempt and have struggled with relationships.
I'm so sorry. That is so much for a girl to go through. So much sadness and trauma in the family. You're safe now, and I'm glad you're here!
I looked for love all the time (no boundaries ment teenage years + very difficult as I was used by men and I couldn’t share that with anyone as they’d already been through enough.
That's my mom and dad remarried they validated their second child more than they did me it just seems like they love their second child with their new mate more than they did me I was just there I was supposed to be seen not heard
We have troubling and pasts that hurt, but we can get better now! Glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
“Attachment Wounds” yeah that's it, Bingo!
Can you make a video about complex ptsd from Intense bullying over 10 years in school and high school. I feel like when i get disregulated i cannot do anything about it i feel like i have nothing to offer and feel like i never know what to talk about with people because all my life i was living in distractions. Also do u suggest me to go to a therapy ?
Hi ddd das, Anna doesn't focus much on the abuse that caused CPTSD, but she has created a course for something to do daily that might help you, it helped me a great deal :)
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Highly recommended book.by Pete Walker on cptsd
Nina's story is relatable. The details are a bit different, but the military, moving, emotional neglect are similar.
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Such great advice! These eternal truths are all right there in Torah, but most never get past the part about not being the most important personal priority...so many things bigger than us! Pain seeks escape and pleasure...two things that can really mess things up when not regulated.
Our Creator simply refuses to let us continue in such things without a sample of the bad results those wrong priorities produce for eternity if we remain separated from Him and the protocols of Heavenly living that He invites us to enjoy, as He made us to do!
When we see pain in this way, a LIGHT comes on that really helps us see the love that God has for us, and that He wants us to be able to give as well as receive in the healthy ways He always intended.
I love to listen to you, Anna, because I have so much to learn about myself and those I love-but this much I know: God is good to us, all the time...even though we were born on a battlefield between good and evil, and generally take a lot of hits before we learn the Truth and gain 100% victory over everything opposed to His goodness filling our lives.
Thank you for your love and diligence! The thing I love most about your channel is your healing humility and that I have never heard something that rejects Torah (the protocols of Heavenly living that our Creator enjoys and invites us to share)!
Micah6:8
:)
I destroyed two of my 4 year friendships because I didn't heal my cptsd. I couldn't control it until after and focusing on healing it has skyrocketed my anxiety. Nightmares every night and intense fear at any time I feel emotion for someone.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy website offers courses designed specifically for calming our triggers and jump starting healing. Take a look, you can get better :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Most of my relationships starts clingy AF and then me leaving feeling guilty for not loving them anymore, most of them were abusers in a sort of way but I always carry the feeling of shame a guilt. I have found a nice person totally different from the past ex partners, he want to take it slow and patiently, I feel so strange like i do like him but not enough... that i want to give it a chance but better run away as usual... and again I feel guilty, I dont even know why.
OMG! You do amazing work here! I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Thank you! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thanks for sharing Neena. My childhood was so similar
😊
I have this feeling of wanting to run away from my relationship. But the thing is, I should. I’m in a relationship that’s not right for me. I know because he says he wants kids within a couple of years. And I don’t. Thats the main thing but there is also other things. He’s 7 older than me and I’ve often felt like I needed to rush my healing in order to be with him.
I need to end it soon but I lack other relationships in life. I’m afraid of the loneliness. My abandonment gets triggered really hard when I get close to leaving him. I know I have to. I feel so bad for staying.
Be true to yourself
@Rose these decisions are so hard, I recommend trying this course Anna created for us to help us be more honest with ourselves :)
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love your videos!! I am deeply involved in the Re-evaluation Counseling community and I find your videos very in line with their concepts. Your videos also give me a broader vocabulary when speaking/writing, and a layer of validation for how I get by in this sometimes-not-so-easy world. So, thank you :)
I'm so glad!
Only seen a few of your videos and I already feel more self acceptant
So glad to hear that!
I'm loving all of your videos (well at least the ones I've watched); and I'm learning so much about how to tame my frustration with myself. Thank you for the good work.
You got this!
i have Cptsd. i do run from very healthy relationships and found every reason to sabotage a very loving relationship with someone that cared for me dearly. they made me want to do better. so i’m watching this to try and improve myself for when i’m able to connect with yet another healthy relationship. i want to maintain and hold down the forte. i want to be able to have kids and get married. i can’t do this whilst running all the time
I get you so much babes 😤❤️
I would like to come with a different input.
I do believe that most of us with CPTSD developed empathetic abilities and heightened radar for toxic people. Now I’m speaking from personal experience,
I’ve been in several relationships where at first I felt and knew this wasn’t right for me, but still I stayed because I thought it was just fear. It later turned out that I was right and my predictions were correct. Because of my childhood trauma I am now able to quickly recognise red flags and toxic environments. Sometimes it’s okay to run, and sometimes it is worth trying to communicate instead of running.
All I’m trying to say is, trust yourself. Even if it seems ridiculous.
Needed this
:)
Woman- I have much love for you, although we have not met, I couldn't be more grateful for you in my life at this time. My Utmost Gratitude 💞
Wow, thank you
I'm starting my Daily Practice
Love your Videos
Anna, you may have just saved my marriage of 13 years. He’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, he struggles with attachment as well, which triggers my abandonment trigger & sets me off and I’m constantly running out the door. We almost divorced 3 years ago after I had an affair with a horribly abusive man after having some flooding memories I couldn’t handle of my first husband hurting me & I didn’t feel supported enough by my current husband. But I DO want this marriage to work, and I’m hurting him every time I scream and cut him down and threaten to leave. And I’ve tried everything I know how to stop it. But when he ignores me....it starts the cycle again, and sometimes I just don’t know if I’m supposed to stay or go. But either way, I’m not supposed to act like this...
I hope you'll consider a membership with Crappy Childhood Fairy, there is a lot of help and support for you. When the cycle starts, with no support we are just caught up in it like a tornado every time, but that can completely change! bit.ly/2rukHvh
Silent treatment (being ignored) is considered emotionally abusive, i believe
I'm so blessed to have found your videos. Thank you
So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I never had long term relationship, even thou I want family. I always expect smth bad from men...well...it always happened ..and then I would run away crying...I hope I can handle it and be happy finally...coz it's unbearable
You probably won't' be able to handle it without some help- we all need a little from this community, from the strategies Anna teaches, or other professional help. This is what gave me the most help to change my relationships and get what I needed courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you Cara , I watching a video right now
This was so helpful. Thank you so much! 💕❤️💕
Glad it was helpful!
I think this is a really good summary of cptsd and how to face it. I've watched alot of the other Crappy Childhood videos, I do daily practice and am half way through bootcamp. Watching this video gives a great broad view on the subject, thanks Anna.
Glad you enjoyed it and so glad you are doing the Daily Practice and working through your course!
Can you do both-cling and push away?
DEFINITELY
I used to take this to another level by avoiding getting into relationship by dressing down so that people don't find me attractive. Which is what I later realised to be self sabotaging behaviour.
I noticed during my healing / recovery time, that I only want to flee, it is because of that there is a reason: The person is a toxic person!
When that is the case, it's great you can get yourself out of there!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I react extremely when I am disappointed in love, although I put no hope on it and I am independent.
If you want to learn more about adult attachment theory, then I highly recommend Thais Gibson's UA-cam channel, The Personal Development School. That channel has done SO much and given me a whole new language to understand myself and my relationships
wow, I wondered why I kept taking off.
It is true that the first step to healing is awareness. However, the way to face the triggers everyone has their own way. Writing does very little for me , I believe that finding your own way may be achieved with the help of a good therapist who has a solid knowledge and experience of attachment wounds. Before undergoing this type of therapy I was unable to really connect and open up even to good friends as I was not clear myself of what was going on. Through my therapist's support I am slowly finding my own way of self regulating and my connection to other people is much deeper and more meaningful!
wowowowo this is actually exactly how i act
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Great video! I have been in therapy for many years now, and it has helped me emotionally
I’ve ran for like ,forever. The problem is, I’ve never attracted a healthy man in my life. It’s so frustrating being stuck in this horrible loop. I would cling, obsess, the works. I can identify so well with this woman. I grew to a point where I would make sure that I cheated, so as to have a reason to never get hurt if my current partner cheated. I also got to a point where I just couldn’t be healthily attacked to someone. With everyone I ever had sexual relations with, I grew to detest them. Looking back, I would have absolutely nothing to do with any of them if I could turn back time. I’ve attracted people who were dead broke, disrespectful, manipulative, dishonest, unavailable. Of course, I’m the magnet, attracting them constantly. I am most aware that I have to fix me. Honestly, I feel for this woman. I’m quite aware that I have dished out hurt on these men but, like so many others, I’ve been hurt. They hurt me and I hurt them back. Triggers are really hard to control, especially when you don’t know how to keep them under wraps.
Disregulation sounds so similar to what I was told were flashbacks, which were also triggered...which held me hostage most of my life until my therapist gave me the keys to finding their triggers. Today they don’t happen very often, and when they do it doesn’t take long to sort them out. In the past it would take months and months to figure out what happened after living in the fog of a flashback, and I always wanted to bury them in shame. But once I knew how to find and look at the trigger, I lost my fear and was able to examine the original memory dispassionately. I made some remarkable discoveries that brought me past that horror into love...at the time an event happened it was traumatic and I think the flashback is a notification that there’s more important info I need to understand. Ex, once when I was abt 18 mo, the memory of being shoved out of the car by my enraged mother who’d just spewed a bunch of hate about me to my father, and said she wanted to get rid of me, then, when he stopped the car, she thrust me at a man standing there, and she laughed at me as I screamed. What the flashback allowed me to see after re-experiencing the feelings of looking at my mother laughing at my fear and terror of abandonment, was the soothing love that washed over me as my uncle brought me to him and cuddled me in his gentle hands. He and my aunt were loving people who wanted to take me but my mother wouldn’t have it, instead she found strangers.
There are triggers and emotional flashbacks; so glad you found a therapist who helped! We all need the support.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m so glad to have found your channel ❤️❤️👍👍
Me too!!
Anna, I was able to see my grandchild for 2 hrs today....but she can NEVER sleep over again....WHY because she told her mom and my son ( divorced ) that she called me 'mom' ( over a month ago ) and I said it was OK..( yes I didn't want to make her feel bad, I said oh it's ok.....). My oldest granddaughter did the same thing...Slip of the tongue...SO NOW WHAT ...I can't keep seeing her being pushed by not seeing/being with me for 'everything' she does...( Last time was a whole month cause she copied ONE word from another student...at 7 years old !!!!! my son saying NOW you can't see grandma...FOR A MONTH....!!! )
I started to tell my story. It opened up like flood gates and shut me down again. I am like you, the more I talk about it, makes me worse. I hid all that stuff for a reason, it was to much for me.
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Is there a Navy Brat CPTSD subculture? Perhaps a Military Brat CPTSD Culture?
Likely, military brat ( in general) cptsd
Interested in seeing the replies!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyAnna, your videos are so much fun for me and always seem to launch me on a new project! My friends follow you now and then we talk afterwards.
There is one big reason why human presence works, it is social hormones like oxytocin that make part of the learning and re-learning process, readjustment after trauma. Intranasal oxytocin is proposed as a drug for curing depression and anxiety. Friendly human presence can have a similar effect.
Same as regular exercise can help fight depression via induced endorphins, dopamine, and other hormones.
Thanks for this episode, good food for thought! :)
I'm same like the person you talked about in the video.....Now I realized that I m that type and I push away people..i always feel like people leave me but I m wrong...😔
Great insight!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This was so helpful thank you so much