AS A MAN PLEASE LISTEN TO HIM. STOP BEING COOL ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT WE ARE ALL TIRED OF THIS. YES YOU WILL SCARE AWAY THE BAD ONES BUT YOU WILL FIND AND ATTRACT THE RIGHT ONE
While I agree that women should not tolerate having to play the "cool girl" and just embrace their feelings. I think the main problem is the exhausting amount of guys that cannot handle the slightests amount of commitment.... It's honestly just exhausting to date atm and I wish guys would be more aware of themselves and how they affect others
@@ichigoMomomyaChan That's the point, to weed out the bad options, think about it, do you really want a guy that you could never talk to, share or even something as important as just being yourself, that's not even a relationship at that point You want a fake relationship, be fake, you want a real relationship be real, you get what you give
@@ichigoMomomyaChan Wrong. It is only the top 20% of men who will not commitment. The other 80% of men most likely will. However, the real question is if you will be attracted to the other 80% of men or if you will friendzone them after the first in person meeting.
This is so true. I fell into the trap of the "cool" girl persona for a guy I fell completely in love with. When I finally felt safe to be myself it was suddenly too much for him. I realized I set my standards to the minimum and made it easy for him to be the "low effort" boyfriend. I gave so much in that relationship that it left me completely drained on the inside while he made it seem like I was the bad guy for asking for too much. I learned so much from that relationship. Set your standards ladies/gents and set boundaries. Don't be afraid to walk out if he/she doesn't step up or invest as much as you do because they most likely never will and you are just wasting your time!
Me too... Only ten years to learn! 🙄 Watched this UA-cam video on 'How to make a guy commit ', by Matthew Hussey, and it was exactly what I'd done wrong. Feels like game playing to me because I've always been my true self, but apparently game playing IS REQUIRED to get and keep a guy! They say they hate women like that, then treat the honest, true ones like crap. 😂
This is the thing isn't it - if you then drop the mask and change your expectations they will be surprised confused. They might even have been ok with it if we could be open from the start, but changing later won't work.
I played it cool with a guy I always had a crush on, because I figured he was out of my league. This was before I heard about some of the women he dated. He seemed out of my league, so I wasn’t really playing games, I just blew him off, but that was because of my self-esteem issues at the time. He chased me down relentlessly, and when I rejected him, he took it personally, and became very mean to the point where I had to actually block him on social media. He had actually really liked me, I thought everyone told me. Then we reconnected, and he was very fearful. So I started to walk on eggshells, and played the Cole and laid-back chick, And could never just admit how I truly felt and would blow him off when he would tell me how he felt. So I couldn’t use words, and I came on strong as a super friend, who wanted to hang out all the time, but it ended up, making him fearful of me. You really have to be your true and authentic self. That does not mean being crazy and needy, and chasing a man down, which I believe, never works, at least not with the man you really want. But there has to be a happy medium. You don’t chase someone who shows no interest, yet at the same time, you could only play hard to get and play it cool before people start to treat you exactly the way you were presenting herself. Most of us don’t look inward and we just blame the other person.
It’s shocking how Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest isn’t being discussed. The book is full of life-changing insights, yet no one seems to notice. Time to break the trance and read it yourself!
Can you please elaborate.. I always wonder what people meant by energy shift. So he knows you’re thinking about him even when you’re not around and when you move on they also feel it too? Is it telepathy?
@@lila5239hi Lila. so, thoughts and feelings radiate energy. if you adjust your thoughts and if your feelings also change, the vibration or frequency emitted from those thoughts and feelings is affected. the vibrations emitted from thoughts and feelings are picked up by others, often unconsciously. an example is when, say, person A breaks up with person B. person B is sad, missing them, maybe obsessing, trying to get them back, anything like that where they are giving their energy to that person A still. person A feels repelled by this energy of person B desiring them so strongly. then, you ever notice how when person B finally lets go, moves on, and stops giving to that person energetically (maybe without even contacting them), person A feels that energy shift, or that loss of person B's focused thoughts and feelings on wanting person A, and then person A comes running back...? that is an example of someone feeling an energy shift. it happens on an energetic plane. telepathy, to me, is more when you send thoughts to a person and they can pick up on what you are sending, like communicating to someone without words, for example looking in someone's eyes and having/sending your thoughts and they know what they are, or to me when working with or studying with someone and sharing the same thoughts and even finishing sentences. that is all my perception of these meanings, they may differ for others. ❤
I’m not the cool girl, but if they don’t put effort anymore, if they pull away, if they get distant, I’m just doing the same. It’s about reciprocation. If I ask you directly, you say the good thing but you don’t show it, Imma step away cus I know I deserve way better than that so if they wanna lose a good thing it’s with them, but if they don’t they might step up. That’s all. If you can’t meet me at my level, I’m not going to step down. I’m not gonna be the one always texting first, I’m not gonna entertain more “left on read” and then calling me when they want or need. And no one should. Men or women
I have this guy with whom i am doing circles, it's been a year now. First i thought we are already dating when I found out he thought we are just friends plus, although we acted as a "normal" couple in every way - besides him sleeping with others too. I stood up for myself,and wanted to quit,then he quickly agreed to be exclusive. Three months later he realized he cannot do that and broke up - but didn't want to let me go. Wanted to get back to this friends plus something which looks actually more like an open relationship. I went with the flow because i still had feelings for him - just to realize he basically doesn't even respect me because I prioritized others and his happiness as well over mine (he still doesn't want to let me go,but would never commit to me). What to add,we should stand up for ourselves and be true to what we want: the wrong people won't respect us either way.
This is literally the same situation I found myself in for a year, better yet is that my guy made me move in with him… only for me to find out he’s been texting his ex sexually and some other girls. BY “ACCIDENT” I found out because we didn’t have a tv yet so we watch movies on his tablet and tablets are connected to your phone. And as I turned it on to watch a movie when he was at work in real time I was watching him text her talking about being more secretive. Seeing her ass was a cherry on top too. Oh and rewind literally the day I found out he was telling me how he doesn’t trust women because he’s been hurt LOLOLOL all while he was texting other people. Once he was caught, cried. Said he does “love me” and doesn’t want me to go. He doesn’t love me. Doesn’t respect me. And it was a sad harsh truth.
Most of us have made the mistake of thinking that if we really love some one, then we should stick it out. But that's not always the best solution. It really is ok just to realize that while we may love someone, it does not mean that they can, or will be able, to love us back. While we must take responsibility for our own feelings, we also must let them take responsibility for thier's. Whether they choose to or not, is out of our control. Your not being mean by having healthy boundary's. His journey is his own to walk, and you have yours. You are not responsible for his actions
Matthew, I'm a 38yo guy watching your videos for about a year. They really help me have more confidence when I'm struggling with social skills and dating. When I'm overanalyzing a situation or feeling unconfident, I watch one of your videos. Thank you. I've watched this one 4 times now. It's one of your best. You have a gift. Thanks for sharing it with us. 😊
How great that you are educating yourself and doing the work. Someone will be lucky to be with you. Relationships are hard, communication can be confusing. It takes effort on both sides to nurture and understand each other and the relationship.
Playing games is the problem. It's like trying to manipulate someone into liking you and if you're both playing that game, it's a big mess. When I used to date, things would get dragged out for longer than they should have. Mostly because of the guessing games and lack of certainty. You get a sense early on if a person really likes you and if you like them. When I met my husband, it was pretty much like "yup, he's it." within a couple of weeks. Nothing dramatic, no games and no one acted cool at all 😂
Yeah! That’s my issue. Most men I meet either just want the bedroom or they are playing a lot of mind games and it is a huge guessing game. I hope one day I can find someone that I can say is the right person too.
Exactly. When you're attracted to someone, although you wouldn't want to play the game, you just find yourself in it. The guessing game, the silent communication, picking up each other's cues. I don't want that. I don't want to play. So even though it was hard, i really just stopped. Like, stop. Distracted myself in a way that's productive so i won't be thinking about him. And he noticed it. I want to keep it that way. I don't want to be scared losing someone who isn't even genuinely interested about me.
Tbh as a woman in the dating scene, when I was "playing cool" I actually didn't want much of the person and didn't expect anything and they would get smh more and more hooked which was very weird for me. It's years of about that made me seemingly so "cold" but now I know that's not true to my heart. Since then I've healed and am a much different person. I had to really invest time and effort to figure out that I actually DID want things, DID deserve good things in life and I was allowed to ask that of a person I like and likes me. My point is 1) first heal then date 2) don't chase after emotionally unavailable people. They either don't like you or have some work to do.
I agree with you but the truth is that “asking for what you want,” will scare a few people away but that’s a good thing, especially if you love them because you might have otherwise spent years waiting for this person to invest in you only to realize it will never happen. It’s ok to test the waters but don’t be afraid to dive in.
This was actually extremely helpful for me to hear right now. I’m always trying to be the cool girl, the people pleaser if you will. Why do I feel so concerned about asking someone to go out of their way for me for once? I’m always the one that drops what I’m doing to help others. So i am actually throwing myself outside as the doormat, and never even realized it. Til just now. Im 37…why am I just having this eye opener?! Ugh.
Carl Yung said something in those lines: 'once we realise what is in our subconcious mind we no longer call what ever happens in our lifes a fate'. Because of access to psychology via internet we became finally safe aware and there is big shift in global conciousness. I am glad for you. Keep it up and you will be just fine
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 5 years ended, but i couldn't just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Love and respect yourself and be willing to lose him to keep your boundaries! Keep your body to yourself until he gives you a real commitment! It will weed out the users and save you from wasting time
I have been approaching dating in a more passive way due to fear, being too needy/ demanding and advice from other dating coaches to allow men to “chase” constantly. I love this shift in perspective. People do appreciate what they invest in. Will be trying this approach and seeing how it goes. I have been suppressing and not messaging first I will focus more on connecting with my value, my standards and communicate those. Great video ❤
I feel you girl, we all have the fear of being rejected due to being “too much” “too needy” or “too demanding”. I am learning a new way to approach dating now. When I state my needs, rather than doing it intensely or saying “my way or high way” I am learning to state them playfully but with equal firmness. use as few words as possible with a decoration of an emoji when asking for things, which makes it so powerful ⚡️ And also set a standard when to negotiate and when to say goodbye 🤗
There's a lot of "don't chase" advice out there these days and I didn't chase but I'm not afraid to make the first move and I'm not afraid to ask for what I want. It worked well for me in the past except that I was going for guys who were wrong for me. Hopefully it works well with the right kind of guy this time 😏 wish me luck!
A woman operating out of her feminine energy will never make the first move as this is masculine in energy and will put a man off. Men are biological wired to pursue not woman. When you are truly in your feminine energy you won’t need to chase as the magnetism that flows from that feminine energy will attract him without you needing to pursue
@@manalibrahim8013 EVERYONE has feminine and masculine energy in them. Ideally you get to a point where both energies are in equilibrium within you. Forget what the red pill podcasters spout online about "feminine and masculine energy", it has fuck all to do with reality.
Exactly right! If we don't invest in something we don't really value it. Someone who never asks for investment will always just be convenient and disposable and that's sad. Ask people for what you want and that will connect you to your value! Awesome video Matt!
Yes, I tidy up hotel rooms before I leave, because I do think about what is happening to that room next. My family owned a motel when I was young and I grew up helping clean rooms. Never forget where you came from.
Your a great person Matt "the moment someone backs away we break our standard" I am so happy your in the world. Bless you and your family and your lovely mum Pauline
Very very good point. It seems like some men have used the manipulative tactic of calling girls with descent standards “high maintenance”, to prevent them from ever asking for their needs to be met. Sneaky sneaky. Great video and topic!
I took seriously "not chasing". So after the first date, i believed i should wait and not reach out, and my male friends agreed - if he doesn't reach out to you, "he's not into you". Well I decided to take a chance, why not? I called and guess what, he was interested in meeting up again and we did, had a nice time, maybe he'll feel more like he can reach out to me now.
@@ChocolatePheonix yes, actually, he sought me out at the mutual interest venue that we both attend weekly, we spent a few hours together, discussed a variety of things, felt mutual attraction, in retrospect a few important things are not aligned, but it was nice to have the opportunity to find that out.
I love the part about investing in someone or something is what make us care, and it gives us momentum to invest/care more. It can be applied to everything
I've had a habit of finding really needy and insecure men. This is true. Once I had a need WOW UNBEARABLE. I completely did it to myself by being the super cool helper, wanting to be needed backfired horrendously. Great video, and well said.
Not really: one just has to be able to walk away if the deal is less than reasonable, enjoyable and fair. Walking away from shady situations is the coolest thing ever
I have always been a nice cool girl, sometimes I would break when I had a breaking point but until then it would be too late to make the guy understand your needs because you make them easy. I always thought that men need space, let them have a chill life, be easy, let them take, get nothing in return and turns out no guy would stay in a relationship with me cz I was too easy.
I'm watching Gone Girl right now. Sometimes, it ends up messy. Better just leave if it's not worth the time and energy to be happy within the relationship.
The moment you feel devaluation ready to take place you need to run as if a lion is after you. Run Run hard. When someone disposes you it’s no joke. Love bombing devaluation BOOM!!! Disposed 😫😫😫😫😪
Dear Matt, thank you so much for your warm, peaceful, clear and motivating words for this. I think the same goes for finding true friends and a good job situation.
I’ve been the cool girl at work 😬 I ended up absorbing an insane amount of work for years but never getting the promotions. I realised I was never invested in after I burnt out and quit.
I always played the cool girl something I learned from home , never be the first to call or invest in him he should be the one to do so and I ended marrying twice the wrong person , going to take your tips now ❤❤❤ thank you for these tips .
I name everything even my dialysis machine has a name 🙈 I am beyond help. I care too much but know what it feels like not to be cared for. I subscribed years ago Matthew. I lost my confidence many years ago, being physically ill has made things harder. Every day is a new day and all we can do is try our best 🤗✨ Good Luck with the virtual retreat and the video as always is insightful and makes me have many thinkerings. 👍
I do not agree with your perspective with ' being physically ill make things harder'. I watched a tv program about a girl without both legs. She met a guy. Amazing wealthy french guy who also was super handsome 😍 Most suprising for me was that many girls would just settle with no demands. She , on another hand, knowing she will not have that many chances because of her disability asked him if he wanted children because of not hlshe would have to look somewhere else. I was so amazed by this. All we have to do is to have vision for outselfes and not to be scared to execute it. I am still just amazed of such confidence in this woman.
@Oriana M and you're totally entitled to that view but you have no idea what my disabilities are or how they effect my daily life.. have a Beautiful day 🤗
@@clairexxx0405 of course ⚘ only you know. Have a wonderful day. This story just came to my mind based on your comment and on a content of the video xx ⚘
@@orianam9835don’t judge someone unless you’ve walked in their shoes. You may not have been able to endure what she went through so it’s best to be empathetic than judgemental on things you know nothing about
Great video. Practical explanation. So many women are doingg this to keep the man around; to be more convenient and yielding to him. He ends up using you & secretly desiring the girl that called him out of his BS.
He’s describing a “doormat”, not a “cool girl”. A “cool girl” would walk away because she knows there’s other men out there that want her because she’s easy to be around.
It sounds like not being cool is being needy. U be the person to text first, u be the person to talk first and the man would always feel, he is the king of the world.
Asking for what you picture as ideal from your view, then seeing their perspective in return. And you're spot on ~ it conveys mutual value (with healthy boundaries.)
Calls with Retreat Specialists are filling up fast with the event just around the corner, but we've made some more times available, head to MHVirtualRetreat.com to book your call now
Boils down to being authentic. Which is not a state so easily attained for someone who has been heavily abused while growing up. But we can all get there, no matter what. Life journey. And it is actually fantastic when that happens.
I was into the "cool girl" era to protect myself in the initial stage of the relationship. But as the relationship grew serious and he started being a little too okay with not investing the bare minimum, I made a few demands or rather communicated my non-negotiables. But he never got me. I kept trying and he never got me. I don't know what to do in such a situation. Its like he says he knows what is wrong but he will not do anything to make things better.
The key is to understand that unfortunately most other people do not, so don’t automatically assume that others will behave with the same respect and care. 🫤
This is an interesting topic. It resonated with my experiences during the recent process of job search. I failed a lot of times and begin to understand that the right approach and communication gets a longer way than desperate application and following up with no given chance for an interview. Sometimes the circumstances do not work out in favor and I have to constantly put energy to new opportunities while still being open to someone reaching out after first contact a while ago.
I'm a guy but I also have my providing attitude and expecting less I never thought that I can make a mistake for not letting others care. EYE OPENER THANKS
Thank you for this!!! It encouraged me to pause my cool card and reach out to a guy I like. I'm waiting to see what happens but it feels good to just be my authentic self.
I was the cool girl... ended in an abusive relationship... Learned the hard way... But showed me that the foundation of that was in my childhood, we learn to love and be loved there, so it's important to meditated on that, to go deep inside one's heart and life
Breakthrough! We also care more about ourselves when we invest in ourselves. That's why self-care is so important. I'm only just realising thing. Wow. I think something just clicked into place for me and I'm excited for it.
11 years ........ I finally learnt he was not able to invest in us as I had always wanted him to. I then found out he met someone else, and got married within 2 years, and inherited 4 children in that process. Dont be me ...... Set your boundaries straight away, invest in yourself FIRST
Thank you, every time I’m struggling with this one, I came to your channel, indeed, he’s not the one, but I’m also psycho 💕 but the love yourself part is definitely cheering
Man, I'm tired of trying to find someone anymore. The amount of mental puzzle of trying to figure out if this person is serious or not, if he likes me or not. I've been ghosted, rejected, or just just blindly assumed we've got something going on. I'll just not look for new love anymore and just focus on the love that I have now, my friends, family, and my job
love this, also realising and understanding peoples own condition of worth is a good place to start. learning why people feel the need to "play it cool" helps to know why we do it
I'm struggling so bad with this right now. I'm head over heels in love with a man. At the beginning of our friendship it was wonderful. He would always communicate with me. He would show up. He's missed the past two months of us talking about hanging out. Yet every time I see him in person he keeps talking about hanging. Yet he hasn't been trying to plan the things he says he wants to do and i don't know how to vocalize that he's sabotaging our friendship and any plans for anything more. Just this week I made a comment about wanting to see Christmas lights. He said he loved the idea and would love to come. My immediate thought was, "i didn't invite you. I would love if you did come. But i didn't actually ask because i doubt you will show up." He complains about people not hanging out or being around. He's got his insecurities and i try to be supportive of them. I'm just to the point, as much as i care, if he doesn't step up i may have to step back. I don't want to .. but he is breaking my heart.
The thing is... I'm like that naturally since I'm used to being self-sufficient and independent. Talking to a therapist it's also a defensive mechanism I've built up since childhood so uhhh yeah...working on it. But I'll try to follow the advice
The guy I was feeling so close to shared that he wanted to have an open relationship on occassion. I was put off by this and almost lowered my value in order to be cool and be ok ...and be ok with going to a swinger club to please him. And I was horrified and broken and sick for a week at the idea of even considering that to please him... I broke it off and was hurt that he was ok with it. I am still broken but he did not care for me, even after 3 months that he was ok with letting me go so that he could have his cake and eat it too.
Oh my gosh I am absolutely loving the new style of cheeky humour about subscribing and sharing! Also love the sarcastic humour, it makes me want to subscribe a second time even though I have been subscribed for a long time LOL!
I feel bad I haven’t seen your videos before, i was in a toxic relationship for 7 years and i was the only one giving and giving I thought he earn less he couldn’t do it. I was the one making efforts.
You are the best, Matthew. I wish I could ask for more from him. He runs the show, and I'm nothing to him. He plays me constantly. I am worn out. Simply don't know what to do about him anymore
It’s a fine line where being independent and not over-needing the person and having other legs of the table standing while also being real about our needs. Especially when there are so many advisors saying you need to not show too much interest.
I think that advice is rubbish. You should show your interest! If they like you, they’ll be encouraged by that. If they don’t, they won’t love you anyway
Wow! Thanks for cooling down all the people's feelings, Mathew , Thank you for translating what we need to understand in a very sweet and simple way (=
I'm currently in a "cool girl" situation where the man I'm dating is not meeting up my needs and expectations on an intimate/sexual level. So I'm very confused on how to handle it without insulting him cause he is actually a very nice and decent guy. But I'm also getting tired of being too nice and accepting of his sexual problem in hopes it will get better if i just dont stress too much about it and wait it out. Ugh, theres always something...
@Claudia P. can't keep it up for more than a minute, hardly ever comes or it takes wayyy to long, it's frustrating and he just changes "subject" up to "do you want a massage" or something like that which is nice and all but...
@@alinamih oh! that would be also so frustrating to me. My boyfriend of 8 years was pretty much like that. Wouldn't keep up for more than 2 minutes and i had to "help" him get hard again. Very frustrating. I have come to learn this is due to porn addiction. It can really destroy a man's capabitily to have healthy in person sex. Specially because a hand is totally different than a vagina, so, they can only come with a hand and an specific pressure. You need to make him see the problem because only aknowldging it he can get the help he needs. It could also be a problem with his hormones, etc.. so... Complicated. What do you intend to do? Are you thinking of breaking up? or try to help him first?
🔥Bruce Lee is my idol, he’s so wise and centered, NOW you also make my list 😊👍incredible how you reach everyone’s spirit in a positive way with so much enlightenment 🔥I hope you realize how important you are and all the positive difference you make.
What happens if you’ve been out of the dating game so long, and don’t “feel the need” to belong with someone, but deep down you do want someone? What happens then? It’s easier said than done (at least with me)
I understand perfectly what you are saying. I feel the same. I got so used to being single. No one would make me feel the spark. Then it came out of nowhere, I encountered this guy online that I connected with and liked, however he would be hot and cold, and I got tired. I learned new things and now I know better what I want out of a relationship. Let’s be patient with ourselves, enjoy our time, be open and at some point maybe we will meet the right person
I’m a 20 year old guy never had a girlfriend and I always feel like I’m putting in a lot more effort than women do, waiting ages for replies and ends up fizzling out before even one date. I’m also the only one who initiates conversations. I really want a relationship but I’m just at a brick wall, and don’t know what to do😒
If you have standards and live it, you will see clearly how less people remain in your life longterm. There were in it probably for the wrong reasons. All the best.
AS A MAN PLEASE LISTEN TO HIM. STOP BEING COOL ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT WE ARE ALL TIRED OF THIS. YES YOU WILL SCARE AWAY THE BAD ONES BUT YOU WILL FIND AND ATTRACT THE RIGHT ONE
While I agree that women should not tolerate having to play the "cool girl" and just embrace their feelings. I think the main problem is the exhausting amount of guys that cannot handle the slightests amount of commitment....
It's honestly just exhausting to date atm and I wish guys would be more aware of themselves and how they affect others
As a woman 'thankyou' 🎉
Love honesty and transparency 😊
@@ichigoMomomyaChan That's the point, to weed out the bad options, think about it, do you really want a guy that you could never talk to, share or even something as important as just being yourself, that's not even a relationship at that point
You want a fake relationship, be fake, you want a real relationship be real, you get what you give
@@ichigoMomomyaChan
Wrong. It is only the top 20% of men who will not commitment. The other 80% of men most likely will. However, the real question is if you will be attracted to the other 80% of men or if you will friendzone them after the first in person meeting.
This is so true. I fell into the trap of the "cool" girl persona for a guy I fell completely in love with. When I finally felt safe to be myself it was suddenly too much for him. I realized I set my standards to the minimum and made it easy for him to be the "low effort" boyfriend. I gave so much in that relationship that it left me completely drained on the inside while he made it seem like I was the bad guy for asking for too much. I learned so much from that relationship. Set your standards ladies/gents and set boundaries. Don't be afraid to walk out if he/she doesn't step up or invest as much as you do because they most likely never will and you are just wasting your time!
Omg this is so me a month ago!
Me too... Only ten years to learn! 🙄
Watched this UA-cam video on 'How to make a guy commit ', by Matthew Hussey, and it was exactly what I'd done wrong.
Feels like game playing to me because I've always been my true self, but apparently game playing IS REQUIRED to get and keep a guy! They say they hate women like that, then treat the honest, true ones like crap. 😂
This is the thing isn't it - if you then drop the mask and change your expectations they will be surprised confused. They might even have been ok with it if we could be open from the start, but changing later won't work.
Sounds like my story too. Very painfull heartbreak but now healing and learning what I was doing wrong to never let this to happen again💃
I played it cool with a guy I always had a crush on, because I figured he was out of my league. This was before I heard about some of the women he dated. He seemed out of my league, so I wasn’t really playing games, I just blew him off, but that was because of my self-esteem issues at the time. He chased me down relentlessly, and when I rejected him, he took it personally, and became very mean to the point where I had to actually block him on social media. He had actually really liked me, I thought everyone told me. Then we reconnected, and he was very fearful. So I started to walk on eggshells, and played the Cole and laid-back chick, And could never just admit how I truly felt and would blow him off when he would tell me how he felt. So I couldn’t use words, and I came on strong as a super friend, who wanted to hang out all the time, but it ended up, making him fearful of me. You really have to be your true and authentic self. That does not mean being crazy and needy, and chasing a man down, which I believe, never works, at least not with the man you really want. But there has to be a happy medium. You don’t chase someone who shows no interest, yet at the same time, you could only play hard to get and play it cool before people start to treat you exactly the way you were presenting herself. Most of us don’t look inward and we just blame the other person.
If it works, it works. If it doesn't, don't waste your time and energy in convincing someone that you worth. I'm starting getting into it.
this!
8 years of playing cool and still got dumped. This is an eye opener. Thank you so much.
same here... we got this!!!
❤ Hope you find your happiness for the full you soon.
Gosh! I’m so sorry. Better things ahead
😂
1:25 1:30 😅
It’s shocking how Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest isn’t being discussed. The book is full of life-changing insights, yet no one seems to notice. Time to break the trance and read it yourself!
Are you the author 😅you post this on every video
@@nervouscowjerky1388scam
Leave him alone: stop thinking about him. He will feel the energetic shift and come running behind
and that does not mean the relationship has any more value or will work out. The worst guys love to chase...
Can you please elaborate.. I always wonder what people meant by energy shift. So he knows you’re thinking about him even when you’re not around and when you move on they also feel it too? Is it telepathy?
@@lila5239hi Lila. so, thoughts and feelings radiate energy. if you adjust your thoughts and if your feelings also change, the vibration or frequency emitted from those thoughts and feelings is affected. the vibrations emitted from thoughts and feelings are picked up by others, often unconsciously. an example is when, say, person A breaks up with person B. person B is sad, missing them, maybe obsessing, trying to get them back, anything like that where they are giving their energy to that person A still. person A feels repelled by this energy of person B desiring them so strongly. then, you ever notice how when person B finally lets go, moves on, and stops giving to that person energetically (maybe without even contacting them), person A feels that energy shift, or that loss of person B's focused thoughts and feelings on wanting person A, and then person A comes running back...? that is an example of someone feeling an energy shift. it happens on an energetic plane. telepathy, to me, is more when you send thoughts to a person and they can pick up on what you are sending, like communicating to someone without words, for example looking in someone's eyes and having/sending your thoughts and they know what they are, or to me when working with or studying with someone and sharing the same thoughts and even finishing sentences. that is all my perception of these meanings, they may differ for others. ❤
@@lila5239yeah I don't buy that soul mat3 stuff.
What if he doesn’t, then what? What if he still expects attention and then gives you the cold shoulder?
Be you! Authentic! If they don’t like it, then they aren’t for you. 💜
🎯
I’m not the cool girl, but if they don’t put effort anymore, if they pull away, if they get distant, I’m just doing the same. It’s about reciprocation. If I ask you directly, you say the good thing but you don’t show it, Imma step away cus I know I deserve way better than that so if they wanna lose a good thing it’s with them, but if they don’t they might step up. That’s all. If you can’t meet me at my level, I’m not going to step down. I’m not gonna be the one always texting first, I’m not gonna entertain more “left on read” and then calling me when they want or need. And no one should. Men or women
Absolutely LOVE the way you put this. This is exactly how I feel. Good job! And THANKS!!!!!!😊
I have this guy with whom i am doing circles, it's been a year now. First i thought we are already dating when I found out he thought we are just friends plus, although we acted as a "normal" couple in every way - besides him sleeping with others too. I stood up for myself,and wanted to quit,then he quickly agreed to be exclusive. Three months later he realized he cannot do that and broke up - but didn't want to let me go. Wanted to get back to this friends plus something which looks actually more like an open relationship. I went with the flow because i still had feelings for him - just to realize he basically doesn't even respect me because I prioritized others and his happiness as well over mine (he still doesn't want to let me go,but would never commit to me). What to add,we should stand up for ourselves and be true to what we want: the wrong people won't respect us either way.
Wtf you're still with that idiot who clearly is just using you... 🙄
Sounds like this man is not in love with you - he’s just scared of being alone
@@KajsaBernhardina that's actually totally correct.
This is literally the same situation I found myself in for a year, better yet is that my guy made me move in with him… only for me to find out he’s been texting his ex sexually and some other girls. BY “ACCIDENT” I found out because we didn’t have a tv yet so we watch movies on his tablet and tablets are connected to your phone. And as I turned it on to watch a movie when he was at work in real time I was watching him text her talking about being more secretive. Seeing her ass was a cherry on top too. Oh and rewind literally the day I found out he was telling me how he doesn’t trust women because he’s been hurt LOLOLOL all while he was texting other people. Once he was caught, cried. Said he does “love me” and doesn’t want me to go. He doesn’t love me. Doesn’t respect me. And it was a sad harsh truth.
Most of us have made the mistake of thinking that if we really love some one, then we should stick it out. But that's not always the best solution. It really is ok just to realize that while we may love someone, it does not mean that they can, or will be able, to love us back. While we must take responsibility for our own feelings, we also must let them take responsibility for thier's.
Whether they choose to or not, is out of our control. Your not being mean by having healthy boundary's. His journey is his own to walk, and you have yours. You are not responsible for his actions
Matthew, I'm a 38yo guy watching your videos for about a year. They really help me have more confidence when I'm struggling with social skills and dating. When I'm overanalyzing a situation or feeling unconfident, I watch one of your videos. Thank you. I've watched this one 4 times now. It's one of your best. You have a gift. Thanks for sharing it with us. 😊
Have my confidence my guy❤.I date you . I'm in ny
Matthew is so intuitive and informative. Everyone should follow him
❤❤
How great that you are educating yourself and doing the work. Someone will be lucky to be with you. Relationships are hard, communication can be confusing. It takes effort on both sides to nurture and understand each other and the relationship.
Playing games is the problem. It's like trying to manipulate someone into liking you and if you're both playing that game, it's a big mess. When I used to date, things would get dragged out for longer than they should have. Mostly because of the guessing games and lack of certainty. You get a sense early on if a person really likes you and if you like them. When I met my husband, it was pretty much like "yup, he's it." within a couple of weeks. Nothing dramatic, no games and no one acted cool at all 😂
Was answering his calls and paying for things here and there an issue? For some reason I don’t see a big deal in that.
@@tjay5178 I'm not sure what the context is here.
Yeah! That’s my issue. Most men I meet either just want the bedroom or they are playing a lot of mind games and it is a huge guessing game. I hope one day I can find someone that I can say is the right person too.
@@Florida_gyrlthen they are not right. Treat a date like meeting a friend
Exactly. When you're attracted to someone, although you wouldn't want to play the game, you just find yourself in it. The guessing game, the silent communication, picking up each other's cues. I don't want that. I don't want to play. So even though it was hard, i really just stopped. Like, stop. Distracted myself in a way that's productive so i won't be thinking about him. And he noticed it. I want to keep it that way. I don't want to be scared losing someone who isn't even genuinely interested about me.
This man is literally changing the dating standards for all of us.. Precious. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Tbh as a woman in the dating scene, when I was "playing cool" I actually didn't want much of the person and didn't expect anything and they would get smh more and more hooked which was very weird for me. It's years of about that made me seemingly so "cold" but now I know that's not true to my heart. Since then I've healed and am a much different person. I had to really invest time and effort to figure out that I actually DID want things, DID deserve good things in life and I was allowed to ask that of a person I like and likes me.
My point is 1) first heal then date
2) don't chase after emotionally unavailable people. They either don't like you or have some work to do.
I agree with you but the truth is that “asking for what you want,” will scare a few people away but that’s a good thing, especially if you love them because you might have otherwise spent years waiting for this person to invest in you only to realize it will never happen. It’s ok to test the waters but don’t be afraid to dive in.
I love this, thanks ❤️
You can never say the wrong thing to the right person!
12 hours of therapy and still no one explained this clearer. Thanks.
This was actually extremely helpful for me to hear right now. I’m always trying to be the cool girl, the people pleaser if you will. Why do I feel so concerned about asking someone to go out of their way for me for once? I’m always the one that drops what I’m doing to help others. So i am actually throwing myself outside as the doormat, and never even realized it. Til just now. Im 37…why am I just having this eye opener?! Ugh.
I need to get in on this virtual retreat somehow.
Eventually you remained alone???
@@mariumshafqat3826 huh?
@@MandatheManiac what?
Carl Yung said something in those lines: 'once we realise what is in our subconcious mind we no longer call what ever happens in our lifes a fate'.
Because of access to psychology via internet we became finally safe aware and there is big shift in global conciousness.
I am glad for you. Keep it up and you will be just fine
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 5 years ended, but i couldn't just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Intriguing! I'm curious, how did you find a spiritual counselor, and what's the most effective way for me to reach him?
Meet father Akunna, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for his talent in bringing back ex-partners.
Thank you for this valuable information.
Definitely be you; if they don’t like it then they aren’t meant for you 😅
Self-love =self respect, align with that frequency and you will mirror that to the universe and guess what happens, the universe responds.
Love and respect yourself and be willing to lose him to keep your boundaries! Keep your body to yourself until he gives you a real commitment! It will weed out the users and save you from wasting time
I have been approaching dating in a more passive way due to fear, being too needy/ demanding and advice from other dating coaches to allow men to “chase” constantly. I love this shift in perspective.
People do appreciate what they invest in. Will be trying this approach and seeing how it goes.
I have been suppressing and not messaging first I will focus more on connecting with my value, my standards and communicate those.
Great video ❤
Good luck with the new appraoch! ❤
you and me both :)
I feel you girl, we all have the fear of being rejected due to being “too much” “too needy” or “too demanding”. I am learning a new way to approach dating now. When I state my needs, rather than doing it intensely or saying “my way or high way” I am learning to state them playfully but with equal firmness. use as few words as possible with a decoration of an emoji when asking for things, which makes it so powerful ⚡️
And also set a standard when to negotiate and when to say goodbye 🤗
There's a lot of "don't chase" advice out there these days and I didn't chase but I'm not afraid to make the first move and I'm not afraid to ask for what I want. It worked well for me in the past except that I was going for guys who were wrong for me. Hopefully it works well with the right kind of guy this time 😏 wish me luck!
A woman operating out of her feminine energy will never make the first move as this is masculine in energy and will put a man off. Men are biological wired to pursue not woman. When you are truly in your feminine energy you won’t need to chase as the magnetism that flows from that feminine energy will attract him without you needing to pursue
@manalibrahim8013 you're making generalizations about all men which is stupid. Not all men like the same approach, some like to be pursued.
@@soundtravels4348 yes.some men like to be pursued and you may not have what they desire down there.
If a man likes to be pursued then he’s in feminine energy (aka F boy energy) and not masculine energy. You’ll just end up getting hurt in the end.
@@manalibrahim8013 EVERYONE has feminine and masculine energy in them. Ideally you get to a point where both energies are in equilibrium within you. Forget what the red pill podcasters spout online about "feminine and masculine energy", it has fuck all to do with reality.
Exactly right! If we don't invest in something we don't really value it. Someone who never asks for investment will always just be convenient and disposable and that's sad. Ask people for what you want and that will connect you to your value! Awesome video Matt!
Yes, I tidy up hotel rooms before I leave, because I do think about what is happening to that room next. My family owned a motel when I was young and I grew up helping clean rooms. Never forget where you came from.
Same ❤
It doesn’t make sense to be chill. Just leads to resentment.
Your a great person Matt "the moment someone backs away we break our standard" I am so happy your in the world. Bless you and your family and your lovely mum Pauline
Carry yourself with confidence and composture, feeling the tension between your standards and their desire for convenience - so well put. Thank you.
Very very good point. It seems like some men have used the manipulative tactic of calling girls with descent standards “high maintenance”, to prevent them from ever asking for their needs to be met. Sneaky sneaky. Great video and topic!
Lol I'm a guy who watched this and I gotta say I really don't care for a "cool girl" 😅. Just invest in me like I invest in you and we good 💯 👍
I want you to explain more. How do you want her to act towards you
@@Afternoon99 Just care about me? Lol
@@StArkyBuildZ I bet if she does, you’d ask her to be yours yeah?
@@Afternoon99 of course ?
I love this. Thank you for being grown.
I took seriously "not chasing". So after the first date, i believed i should wait and not reach out, and my male friends agreed - if he doesn't reach out to you, "he's not into you". Well I decided to take a chance, why not? I called and guess what, he was interested in meeting up again and we did, had a nice time, maybe he'll feel more like he can reach out to me now.
Men barely refuse an invitation. Now wait for him reaching out 😉
@@orianam9835 ok thanks for letting me know, and yeah had no plans to do it again
Any update, has he reached out? :)
@@ChocolatePheonix yes, actually, he sought me out at the mutual interest venue that we both attend weekly, we spent a few hours together, discussed a variety of things, felt mutual attraction, in retrospect a few important things are not aligned, but it was nice to have the opportunity to find that out.
I love the part about investing in someone or something is what make us care, and it gives us momentum to invest/care more. It can be applied to everything
I've had a habit of finding really needy and insecure men. This is true. Once I had a need WOW UNBEARABLE. I completely did it to myself by being the super cool helper, wanting to be needed backfired horrendously.
Great video, and well said.
So true! The thing is one has to be ready, or learn to get a lot of rejection
Not really: one just has to be able to walk away if the deal is less than reasonable, enjoyable and fair. Walking away from shady situations is the coolest thing ever
@@AAPAI_24 great answer!
@@AAPAI_24and walking away demonstrates a level of self worth that will leave an impact
Yeah... And speaking about your own wants/needs is literally a muscle that has to be practiced in the first place!
Well explained holding your value even when they step back..thats the confidence & competence ...
I have always been a nice cool girl, sometimes I would break when I had a breaking point but until then it would be too late to make the guy understand your needs because you make them easy. I always thought that men need space, let them have a chill life, be easy, let them take, get nothing in return and turns out no guy would stay in a relationship with me cz I was too easy.
Whoa. This is terrifying for me to do. Thank you for this. I want to become more. I need more of this for myself. This is huge. Huge.
Game changer
you’ve got this! ❤
I'm watching Gone Girl right now.
Sometimes, it ends up messy. Better just leave if it's not worth the time and energy to be happy within the relationship.
The moment you feel devaluation ready to take place you need to run as if a lion is after you. Run Run hard. When someone disposes you it’s no joke. Love bombing devaluation BOOM!!! Disposed 😫😫😫😫😪
Dear Matt, thank you so much for your warm, peaceful, clear and motivating words for this. I think the same goes for finding true friends and a good job situation.
I’ve been the cool girl at work 😬 I ended up absorbing an insane amount of work for years but never getting the promotions. I realised I was never invested in after I burnt out and quit.
I always played the cool girl something I learned from home , never be the first to call or invest in him he should be the one to do so and I ended marrying twice the wrong person , going to take your tips now ❤❤❤ thank you for these tips .
I name everything even my dialysis machine has a name 🙈 I am beyond help.
I care too much but know what it feels like not to be cared for.
I subscribed years ago Matthew.
I lost my confidence many years ago, being physically ill has made things harder. Every day is a new day and all we can do is try our best 🤗✨
Good Luck with the virtual retreat and the video as always is insightful and makes me have many thinkerings. 👍
I do not agree with your perspective with ' being physically ill make things harder'.
I watched a tv program about a girl without both legs.
She met a guy. Amazing wealthy french guy who also was super handsome 😍
Most suprising for me was that many girls would just settle with no demands.
She , on another hand, knowing she will not have that many chances because of her disability asked him if he wanted children because of not hlshe would have to look somewhere else.
I was so amazed by this.
All we have to do is to have vision for outselfes and not to be scared to execute it.
I am still just amazed of such confidence in this woman.
@Oriana M and you're totally entitled to that view but you have no idea what my disabilities are or how they effect my daily life.. have a Beautiful day 🤗
@@clairexxx0405 of course ⚘ only you know. Have a wonderful day. This story just came to my mind based on your comment and on a content of the video xx ⚘
@Oriana M It's a Beautiful story 🤗
@@orianam9835don’t judge someone unless you’ve walked in their shoes. You may not have been able to endure what she went through so it’s best to be empathetic than judgemental on things you know nothing about
Great video. Practical explanation. So many women are doingg this to keep the man around; to be more convenient and yielding to him. He ends up using you & secretly desiring the girl that called him out of his BS.
True - playing it cool is not cool at all! Be you!
He’s describing a “doormat”, not a “cool girl”. A “cool girl” would walk away because she knows there’s other men out there that want her because she’s easy to be around.
You nailed it 🎉
@@maggiesmith8279
Thank you 🙏🏽
He is not talking about really being cool but about „the cool girl“ that is pretending being cool
@@xiao__mao2796
Don’t assume to know what someone else “meant”. Also, my comment still hold true.
@@The.Hawaiian.Kingdomhe is though. He said “playing it cool” at the beginning. However your comment is valuable as well.
This is so true. Additionally, giving people the space and grace to invest in you.
People play cool either out of indifference or low self-esteem 😢 How to distinguish - that is the question 😅
😂 I like that - Maddie - used to work with a girl with that name - names have a
😂
😅
Got a cool friend -- the things he recommends to me r so cool in several ways @ 😁 he's 🏡🏡speaking to the thoughts in my head again 😂 - hang on!!!!!
She's never been with or invited anyone malevolent into her life. ... 😂
It sounds like not being cool is being needy. U be the person to text first, u be the person to talk first and the man would always feel, he is the king of the world.
Asking for what you picture as ideal from your view, then seeing their perspective in return. And you're spot on ~ it conveys mutual value (with healthy boundaries.)
This is true. Dont try to be all things to all people.
Calls with Retreat Specialists are filling up fast with the event just around the corner, but we've made some more times available, head to MHVirtualRetreat.com to book your call now
Boils down to being authentic. Which is not a state so easily attained for someone who has been heavily abused while growing up. But we can all get there, no matter what. Life journey. And it is actually fantastic when that happens.
I was into the "cool girl" era to protect myself in the initial stage of the relationship. But as the relationship grew serious and he started being a little too okay with not investing the bare minimum, I made a few demands or rather communicated my non-negotiables. But he never got me. I kept trying and he never got me. I don't know what to do in such a situation. Its like he says he knows what is wrong but he will not do anything to make things better.
Good god. I spent the first 47 years trying to be the cool girl and not asking for what I needed and wanted. Awful. I’m going for what I want now. ❤
your program is a light at the end of the tunnel for many relationships, successes, always be focused
I actually leave hotel rooms extremely clean and organized. 😹♥️
The key is to understand that unfortunately most other people do not, so don’t automatically assume that others will behave with the same respect and care. 🫤
Me too!! ❤
Same here!! It’s a thing for me!! 😅
Same 😂
This is an interesting topic. It resonated with my experiences during the recent process of job search. I failed a lot of times and begin to understand that the right approach and communication gets a longer way than desperate application and following up with no given chance for an interview. Sometimes the circumstances do not work out in favor and I have to constantly put energy to new opportunities while still being open to someone reaching out after first contact a while ago.
I'm a guy but I also have my providing attitude and expecting less I never thought that I can make a mistake for not letting others care.
EYE OPENER THANKS
Thank you for this!!! It encouraged me to pause my cool card and reach out to a guy I like. I'm waiting to see what happens but it feels good to just be my authentic self.
Glad you found the dog found a lovely home, even if you couldn't find it's original owner 👌🐕🥰
Know what Matthew I demanded this attention but instead I got rejected!! Surely I forgave myself and Him for the hurt that I felt.
But also, when I finally DIDNT “play it cool”, and was vulnerable and asked for more, it still didn’t work 😢😅😢😅
Cause he was never the one for you
I was the cool girl... ended in an abusive relationship... Learned the hard way... But showed me that the foundation of that was in my childhood, we learn to love and be loved there, so it's important to meditated on that, to go deep inside one's heart and life
Breakthrough!
We also care more about ourselves when we invest in ourselves. That's why self-care is so important.
I'm only just realising thing. Wow. I think something just clicked into place for me and I'm excited for it.
11 years ........ I finally learnt he was not able to invest in us as I had always wanted him to.
I then found out he met someone else, and got married within 2 years, and inherited 4 children in that process. Dont be me ...... Set your boundaries straight away, invest in yourself FIRST
Thank you, every time I’m struggling with this one, I came to your channel, indeed, he’s not the one, but I’m also psycho 💕 but the love yourself part is definitely cheering
Man, I'm tired of trying to find someone anymore. The amount of mental puzzle of trying to figure out if this person is serious or not, if he likes me or not. I've been ghosted, rejected, or just just blindly assumed we've got something going on. I'll just not look for new love anymore and just focus on the love that I have now, my friends, family, and my job
"We want them badly " i have never felt more wanted from mathew
you are a wonderful human being, I prayed for you that you will meet your real real love of your life
I hate it. I always play too cool and super uninterested. But actually I CARE and daydream and have butterflies everytime i event think of them.
How is it that these videos come at the exact moment I need them?
❤
Fr!
this video came out precisely when I needed it, thank you
divine timing ❤
love this, also realising and understanding peoples own condition of worth is a good place to start. learning why people feel the need to "play it cool" helps to know why we do it
Love your videos man! I know your content is for women but this is super helpful for guys also. Thanks!
Great to hear that ❤
I'm struggling so bad with this right now. I'm head over heels in love with a man. At the beginning of our friendship it was wonderful. He would always communicate with me. He would show up. He's missed the past two months of us talking about hanging out. Yet every time I see him in person he keeps talking about hanging. Yet he hasn't been trying to plan the things he says he wants to do and i don't know how to vocalize that he's sabotaging our friendship and any plans for anything more. Just this week I made a comment about wanting to see Christmas lights. He said he loved the idea and would love to come. My immediate thought was, "i didn't invite you. I would love if you did come. But i didn't actually ask because i doubt you will show up." He complains about people not hanging out or being around. He's got his insecurities and i try to be supportive of them. I'm just to the point, as much as i care, if he doesn't step up i may have to step back. I don't want to .. but he is breaking my heart.
The thing is... I'm like that naturally since I'm used to being self-sufficient and independent. Talking to a therapist it's also a defensive mechanism I've built up since childhood so uhhh yeah...working on it. But I'll try to follow the advice
The guy I was feeling so close to shared that he wanted to have an open relationship on occassion. I was put off by this and almost lowered my value in order to be cool and be ok ...and be ok with going to a swinger club to please him. And I was horrified and broken and sick for a week at the idea of even considering that to please him... I broke it off and was hurt that he was ok with it. I am still broken but he did not care for me, even after 3 months that he was ok with letting me go so that he could have his cake and eat it too.
Oh my gosh I am absolutely loving the new style of cheeky humour about subscribing and sharing! Also love the sarcastic humour, it makes me want to subscribe a second time even though I have been subscribed for a long time LOL!
I feel bad I haven’t seen your videos before, i was in a toxic relationship for 7 years and i was the only one giving and giving I thought he earn less he couldn’t do it. I was the one making efforts.
you are the best matt! bless you for bring peace in my life. will always support you!
Listening to all these videos is Keeping me Single 😅 from past 5 years. LetS see how many more 🙈
You are the best, Matthew. I wish I could ask for more from him. He runs the show, and I'm nothing to him. He plays me constantly. I am worn out. Simply don't know what to do about him anymore
It’s a fine line where being independent and not over-needing the person and having other legs of the table standing while also being real about our needs.
Especially when there are so many advisors saying you need to not show too much interest.
I think that advice is rubbish. You should show your interest! If they like you, they’ll be encouraged by that. If they don’t, they won’t love you anyway
I played cool. He was irritated. I was myself, he was overjoyed.
Learn from this man 😅
Wow! Thanks for cooling down all the people's feelings, Mathew , Thank you for translating what we need to understand in a very sweet and simple way (=
❤
This is VERY TRUE!!! It should reach humanity! COOL is OVER! DONE!
I'm currently in a "cool girl" situation where the man I'm dating is not meeting up my needs and expectations on an intimate/sexual level. So I'm very confused on how to handle it without insulting him cause he is actually a very nice and decent guy. But I'm also getting tired of being too nice and accepting of his sexual problem in hopes it will get better if i just dont stress too much about it and wait it out. Ugh, theres always something...
I’m sorry, but what is his sexual problem?
@Claudia P. can't keep it up for more than a minute, hardly ever comes or it takes wayyy to long, it's frustrating and he just changes "subject" up to "do you want a massage" or something like that which is nice and all but...
@@alinamih oh! that would be also so frustrating to me. My boyfriend of 8 years was pretty much like that. Wouldn't keep up for more than 2 minutes and i had to "help" him get hard again. Very frustrating. I have come to learn this is due to porn addiction. It can really destroy a man's capabitily to have healthy in person sex. Specially because a hand is totally different than a vagina, so, they can only come with a hand and an specific pressure. You need to make him see the problem because only aknowldging it he can get the help he needs. It could also be a problem with his hormones, etc.. so... Complicated.
What do you intend to do? Are you thinking of breaking up? or try to help him first?
Please leave asap .. cause things will be getting worse
@Gauhar Gauhar I know...right
11:14 aka as “emotional intelligence”. dude, ur absolutely right
Your advice is always welcome! Regards from Brazil!
Bom dia! ❤
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Olá! Tudo bem?
Im a man and i find this really helpful, i sincerely thank you for this
I always feel enlightened by your amazing relationship videos. 😊
🔥Bruce Lee is my idol, he’s so wise and centered, NOW you also make my list 😊👍incredible how you reach everyone’s spirit in a positive way with so much enlightenment 🔥I hope you realize how important you are and all the positive difference you make.
What happens if you’ve been out of the dating game so long, and don’t “feel the need” to belong with someone, but deep down you do want someone? What happens then? It’s easier said than done (at least with me)
Same feeling here
Same here
I understand perfectly what you are saying. I feel the same. I got so used to being single. No one would make me feel the spark. Then it came out of nowhere, I encountered this guy online that I connected with and liked, however he would be hot and cold, and I got tired. I learned new things and now I know better what I want out of a relationship. Let’s be patient with ourselves, enjoy our time, be open and at some point maybe we will meet the right person
Right there also.
We should form a support group ☺️
I’m a 20 year old guy never had a girlfriend and I always feel like I’m putting in a lot more effort than women do, waiting ages for replies and ends up fizzling out before even one date. I’m also the only one who initiates conversations. I really want a relationship but I’m just at a brick wall, and don’t know what to do😒
If you have standards and live it, you will see clearly how less people remain in your life longterm. There were in it probably for the wrong reasons. All the best.
I was the cool wife. Buried two decades of disappointment and resentment.
It makes one vulnerable, believe me
I’ve never seen or had a healthy relationship. I don’t even know what I want or how to communicate it without coming across as controlling or bossy
Right on time was this. Thank you Matt.
Omg we are not naming this dog...you took that dog home!! same difference! Aw he is so adorable.