Reactive abuse is a nasty setup...
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- Опубліковано 28 сер 2024
- Reactive Abuse is a thing. It's a setup by toxic people who try to turn the tables and make you - their target - sound and look like the abuser instead. Learn more in my recent podcast episode here:
• How to Avoid Falling I...
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
CONNECT WITH ME:
Website: www.EmergingEmp...
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Facebook: / hijackals
Twitter: @RhobertaShaler
LinkedIn: / rhobertashaler
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Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
Take my free checklists: www.forrelatio...
Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on UA-cam to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
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TO TALK, ASK QUESTIONS, GET EXPERT ANSWERS & SUPPORT?
Join my Emerging Empowered Community, online:
www.JoinInToday...
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Explore my eCourses to build your confidence in dealing with narcissistic people.
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#boundaries #Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
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Greetings, Dr. Rhoberta.
Praying for your welfare and thanking you for going beyond your strength. It's your life's work to help those who find themselves at the hand of abusers.
Dr Rhoberta passed away in April 2024. God bless your soul, your work is done here now but your legacy of people you have helped will always remember you. I called you friend and I misss you. Dance with the angels my friend
Oww noooo , did she passed away. How do you know
@@1Marflowa her family notified me, they had a service. It’s so sad 😭
@@TracyAMalone i find this very very sad. It made me cry. She tried to help us , till her last breath. Bless her soul 🙏
I took care of my mom the last 3 years of her life. Her last words on this planet in front of my husband saying, ' I have one regret. 'I should have beat you more as a child.' I took her in to show her what a lovinh family looks like. She was 100 percent bedridden the whole time. It was hard taking care of her narcissist abuse and then her last words. She had a massive stoke and passed two days later. I tell you. A evil narcissistic person will do or say anything to get what they want. I left at 16 to get away, but in her 80s she like I need you. Im sorry for everything etc.
They can't see what they won't look at in the mirror. My mom is 90. I've got 2 1/2 years into it. I left at 16 also but she is so covert it looks like I'm the crazy one to everyone else. Never learned about the narcissist until I was back in her presence, what a battle it's been for me. I have to distance to stay out of her evil web.
@@joannoliver7077 I took course online just to gain some peace. I'm sorry you are going through this; as I wish it on no one.
Btw, when she passed had no funeral. I gave the ashes to my brother. Distance yourself to those who refuse to help.
Yes! Thank you fir the validation! These are ture spoken words!
Wow 😢
My mother said the EXACT same thing to me: " I should have beat you more" . Disgusting.
Hi Dr. Roberta, how are you doing? I can see you are going through something very serious right now. I have just seen this video now. We had a session together about 2 years ago. My name is Lily from England. I hope you feel better soon, and know that we appreciate your work and are happy to hear about what you are going through, and walk with you on and through this journey. Love and strength 🙏❤️✨
This is true, I experienced it many times, thank you for educating people, very evil they are imho. ❤😊
So sorry to hear of her passing and just look at this video where she is still working to spread her knowledge n help others. Rest in Peace n may her knowledge be spread to many.
Thinking positive thoughts for your health Dr.R. Thank you for your dedication and your help to the many 😊
I am sending prayers for you in all that you need right now. I thank you for sharing your helpfulness in relationships & people I dont understand.🧡
RIP my dear, thank you for all the context you produced, love 💕 and light 🕯️🕯️🕯️
You are an angel, bless you on your journey, thank you for all you did for many while you were here x
I am in this exact situation now!
Please leave this situation , Are there any support groups out there for you ?
Are you in Scotland? X❤🎉
No I'm in Nashville Tn
And he is a very prominent citizen in our community. Everyone thinks he Is amazing
You dedicate your life to a good cause may God bless and keep you❤
This is the malignant narcissists gift that keeps on giving_ it's the 'Have a yucky Christmas with all my love'. Everytime I hear 'I love you' means give me more stupid.
Sweet sistar ❤! You have been dropping jewels and so much great info. I give thanks for you sharing with us and showing up! Sending so much love and hugs
RIP Rhoberta. Let her be a reminder to all of us and a light in our hearts that one can speak the deepest truth and be of significant value to others from a very vulnerable place. Nothing but gratitude 🙏
Just found her channel, even her voice was healing. God bless her gentle soul.😢❤ Thank you for all.
Exactly what I needed to hear, thank you for trying to teach us until your last breath. RIP.
Thank you! ❤
Thank you for helping us. You helped me leave my abuse and I'm in a peaceful place now❤
Thank you! Hope you get better soon. Thank you so much for all that you do! You have "Saved my Sanity " and for that I am forever grateful! 🙏
This is so true. 😢
Yes
I hear you and totally agree. I hope you feel better, thanks for your hard works!
Thank you for helping all of us!!! Praying for you and your peace, health and well-being
Dr. Roberta, are you okay? 😢 I hope you feel better soon. I’m praying for you. 🙏🏻🕊️
She just passed away this month
@@stephanied9629 oh no!!! 😥 I’m so sorry to hear that!!! How did you find out??
@@LoisPasinella if you click on her main page, there is an announcement
❤So very sadden to hear of your passing, thank you for all you have done for this community
I got upset bc he woudbe quiet for days after an intimate evening.
I told him I was confused. He replied 'surprised' and I flipped into feeling shame and embaressed and I apologized and he said ' no problem I'm not easy to upset'.
I felt a huge stab in my heart as if he was innocent and I was the one with issues.
All.I did was expressing my hurt feelings decently for feeling used and ignored in between dates. I still have no clue if he was indeed playing my mind on purpose.
He said he was emotionally unavailable.
7 weeks later im still feeling hurt from some remarks and wondering if I unneccesarily pushed him away but i know better. I was understanding about his busy job etc and i didn't expect daily text but days pf silence and cold style.
I have to let it go.
Yes, you have to let go. Pushing him away was NECESSARY. Sounds like his wants and needs were sexual only. You WERE used at his discression and ignored otherwise. If things are causing you pain this early on, the longer he is in your life, the worse it will get.
@@heathervandewalle8954 Thank you. I moved on and he is out of my system overall.
I feel really burned out, I'm starting to think there are bored psychopaths on dating apps. The confusing part here was that we didn't have sx all the way, talked and he took my hand making it seem like a connection.
When i talked about my experience with an online psychologist she blamed me more or less by saying " you did assumptions for him".
I will never talk to a therapist again
My trust is gone.
Have been through worse things bc others abusive stuff I'm tired of being the one having to selfreflect and never getting some acknowledgement for basic common sense that it was mistreatment.
At least strangers like you do understand the obvious :)
so sad we have lost you. you helped so many. thank you RIP
Praying for your healing! Big 🤗
Maybe I need to listen to this all day on repeat _ just so I don't blow my top
You look exhausted I hope you are feeling alright.🙁
Oh my goodness, I hope you get well soon. 💗
So true... I have been away from the narcissist for almost 5 years and I am still healing.
Thank you for your information Ive watched a lot of your content, sending healing and positive energy.🙏 God will reward you for speaking truth and spreading this information to help others. 💗
Thank you! This information is golden. 💞
My deepest condolences to her family an children 🙏 😢 💔
Yep. Been there. Such nasty people. Better to go no contact.
And saying prayers for your health Dr Rhoberta!
her profile says she passed away on April 3 this year 💔💔💔. I just found her channel yesterday and I am really enjoying the content. Rest well, sweet Dr. Shaler 👼
@@doesnotFempute ohhhh no. That’s so sad. She seems like a sweet lady. 💔
The fun to make youre life hell, you get so upset wishing that has a home far away from them.
Thank You For
Your Service
I’m in a relationship like that right now
Dear Rhoberta, I find your podcasts so helpful and intelligent. BUT, I am worried because you are on Oxygen all the time. Others have asked but you do not respond. Please can you explain to us why you are on Oxygen. We are worried for you, not being nosy. Try to understand people are concerned about you. ❤🎉xx
Did she/anyone ever respond. I’m concerned with who runs her platform now?
Take good care of your Dr.
Thank you for what you do
This is exactly what my soon to be ex husband would do to me. He'd torture me sexually, and psychologically. Until i would snap
Then he'd use it as " evidence" that i was the abusive one.
I'm so sad .. I'm sad for me too. I'm upset that your right! I Love you 💕💕 this is so Horrible ❤️
In my situation things could not have been different, I lacked awareness
Warm hug , hope you get better ...
I wish the term could be changed because most of this is you defending yourself from something that was said or done to you to bait or provoke you to a reaction. Thus, you attempting to defend yourself from something actually abusive lobbied at you is then called abuse as well through the term, which could easily be taken by those who don't understand as everyone basically reacting equally bad or abusive. I wish the term could be changed to something like Reactive Defense. It would make a lot more sense, and help reduce the odds of others misunderstanding. I don't have children, but I imagine a woman could end up in family court and have this term dropped a few times in response to something that happened between her and her spouse, and then the judge misunderstand it, and then take the two parties to be equally abusive (emotionally, verbally, or physically), but the mother was only defending herself, and then a really bad father could get custody. Well, just my 2 cents. Aside from that, however, I hope YOU are doing okay. always a worry to see someone on oxygen - especially when they are as sweet, kind and helpful to others as you are. Please take good care of yourself. ((hugs))
Carolina you make a very good point but I guess really people who live with people like this have to get help sooner rather than later n at least protect themselves from getting to a point where they do react in a way that appears or even is abusive even in self defense especially if the reaction seems out of proportion to the latest event. If one does not live with the abuser this is why it's so much better to know when to walk away. Have people you can vent n talk with but never stoop to their level.
Are you ok? What is happening?❤💝🙏🏻
So true
Also known as getting hoodwinked.
Truth ✅
Gaslighting 101
Gaslighting is totally different
They tend to act like the innocent 'mature' calm one but they have no patience and intention to talk about it together and resolve things in a kind spirit.
Just don’t react, I know it sounds easy but if you can don’t react don’t let them push your buttons, secondly get as far away as possible if you can
Hope you find your breath soon. ❤
Do you have more videos on the subject in more detail. If so put the link below 😊
Oh my...I feel very bad for your health crisis... Will you be ok? Seems like it came on since you took the Covid Vaccines?? Thank you so much for pushing through to continue helping all of us!! It is very appreciated!!
She had hypersensitivity pneumonitis
Amazing
XO ❤️
100%
Yes this is indeed narcissistic abuse but i wonder if it also not something that aoplies to people who i wouldnt exactly lay that very stigmatizing label on without knowing for sure. I have found with my biological family who i was n continuevto be estranged from for the better part of 15 years ( though my father n my brother both passed in the past 4 years leaving just my mother n sister) that they often go too far with something even if on some level initially it stemmed from a place of concern or love but bc they dont even acknowledge let alone apologize for their boundary crossing and hurtful,unkind remarks and begin to double down n add insult to injury by accusing you first of being oversensituve n as tine gies on petty n unforgiving for "holding on to it" rather than letting the past stay in the past and accepting people for their faults and not expecting people to be perfect. So you can see how unless one is a doormat or willing to subject themselves to such people over time for some greater good or fear of walking away, this can get very bad n almost unsolvable. On some level they know they were wrong but their ego n their shame gets in the way of doing what's necessary to try to heal the relationship which begins with apologizing n understanding why you should. They are more likely to apologize if you apologize for something you said or did but if you bever stooped to their level bc you are a kinder and healthier person or didn't want to feel you now have something to apologize for then they will actually try to provoke you so that one day you do n as they see it would all be even and a wash now. I came to see this n was glad i didn't take the bait but I also had to break contact after trying so bard to get them to see even with the help of a therapist. I knew that if i even saw them occasionally i would one day give in to the temptation. Not going to give them the satisfaction or myself life long regret. I also in the first few years really thought they would love me enough to apologize n try to make amends so i really didn't want to muddy the waters with more things to have to forgive n forget or things I'd have to apologize for.
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I just discovered you and it seems that you are having health challenges. I said a prayer for you! I pray that you know your creator. Jesus loves you enough to pay for your sins all you need to do is receive what He did for you on the cross. I pray that you receive the wonderful gift He gave you, so that you will be with Him in Heaven one day. ❤
Lord send her someone to care
Fore her.trustworthy.❤1/1/2024
Romans 10/9-13❤