2020. Quit my 300k job, started my own business, divorced my covert narcissist ex-wife, rebuilt the relationships with my kids, friends and family. The greatest year of my life 🥰🥰🥰😊😊😊
I wish I could do similar...I’m truly unhappy . Due to having to care for someone I luv full time. I cannot work, I have no freedom. I won’t be able to change things. It’s very hard to live with. What you have done is wonderful and no doubt well deserved. all the very best.
Abusive people are so manipulative! They need to get a reaction from you to make you be the unstable one, when actually they are unstable. They feel so bad about themselves, they are broken, and in order to feel better they need to control you by baiting you to react to their defense mechanisms. Then you become the bad guy and that gives them the control, and frees them from the fear and insecurities they have and can't control. Behavior like that screws with your mind, and eventually your relationship with them. Thanks Stephanie for your insight and help.See you next week. Be well.
Amazingly, SPOT ON! Wow. I thought I was wrong in thinking this. (I was made to feel I was crazy and always wrong and .....well, I'll stop because I will run out of characters..
If you have never read a book called "The Celestine Prophecy" I highly recommend it. It is about energy exchange and the difference between sharing energy with people and taking it from people.
I’m still struggling after months of reactive abuse ... still feeling like, I shouldn’t have reacted. Should have sucked it all up in and left, but I couldn’t. Was gaslighted, badly.
This is how i am with my parents. Sometimes i can be reactive when im belittled and yelled at. It took me 24 years to realize that im not crazy or insane, my parents were emotionally abusive and unsupportive of me. Thank you for this video Stephanie. Im distancing myself from them emotionally and trying to save enough money to move out.
I had a very abusive mother. What she did was that bad, no one believed me....it’s really important to move out....you can’t be around abuse if it won’t stop. If you have tried your hardest to make them change, and they won’t, then leave.....I really tried to make things work, but she took advantage of me still being around And toyed with me even more....I can’t believe how evil she was....I shudder at how I had to live with her...I’m in my 50s, I’m free of her now ...I just refuse to see her....and she knows why....
@@artwithmamafairybreadd i am very sorry to hear that. My siblings and i have tried to reason with them but they are still stubborn. Thank you for sharing!
@@artwithmamafairybreadd how did you gain financial independence staying with abusive parents?? . I am struggling with confidence to attend interview . Lockdown made everything worse .
Sorry to hear that, you deserve far better. This video is so eye opening, and I feel from listening to it that it’s something I may even have been experiencing too. It’s been particularly worse throughout the pandemic. These types of people push and push you until you do or say something bad. It’s an extremely clever way for them to attempt to destroy you. I wish to leave too. Let’s hope this pandemic ends quickly, then people experiencing this can get away from these types of environments.
@@anu7982 when there is a will,there is a way, same thing here I was sinking in learned helpesness , I'm still fighting,what about you ,did the situation improve
For me, my reactivity always follows being gaslit. Because I have experienced gaslighting throughout my life from my close family and certain relationships. If someone basically denies my reality and doesn’t take any accountability for their role in something after I have, I go into fight or flight and I sometimes don’t act the way I would like to. It becomes more about me trying to establish that I’m right Vs being empathetic.
Quit reaction and win. Don't give your power to others. You are better than that, self control is the best control. listen to this woman, she is right.
I have done reactive abuse and have felt terrible and guilty about it for a while now. Thank you for this video. I was appalled at my behavior and this helps me to forgive myself.
It was a normal response to a cruel and abnormal situation. The fact that you feel awful afterward is a good sign, you're a normal human. The disturbing thing is the abuser doesn't feel bad about it afterward. Stay strong and be gentle with yourself ❤️
Yes that was me, I was blamed and gaslight for catching a lie and pursuing the truth. The blame she was throwing at me for her lies and the invalidation of my feelings drove me insane and cruel. I feel guilty about being cruel but to this day she sticks to her story that it was only me that was cruel. I apologized for having been cruel and she never did. I know better now. Thank you for this video.
Reactive abuse is a huge problem I have because of CPTSD; I've been in therapy for two years and YOU CAN GET BETTER. you can become less reactive through introspection and learning healthy coping strategies
I caught myself recognizing these toxic people and I’m practicing not to mirror them emotionally, but by labeling it as “reactive abuse” I feel better because now I know that the abuser wants me to think I’m the problem when I’m not, even if they don’t realize that they’re being abusive... thanks for the video 🙏🙏
Not recognizing yourself in these reactions is the red flag for me. I just ended a 2 year relationship of broken promises and gaslighting. I reacted and we broke up. He called me crazy, I wasn't crazy. I was being emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused. I had a similar relationship with my parents and cut them off years ago. I recognized about 2 months into the relationship when my feeling and conversations were ignored, but I was determined to make the relationship work. I tried talking about things that bothered me, but it ws always a dead end. I had so much anxiety I wanted to crawl into a ball and die. I'm working through this and this video helps. Thank you!
I have found that not taking things personally is a huge golden nugget. I have learned the way people act the way they do is because they are not healthy. Creating a bubble is so important. I stopped engaging with my ex when I became healthier and could see he had a lot of childhood baggage. He just repeated the patterns of behaviour he grew up with. Gosh, it was so toxic yet I stayed longer than I needed to. I wasn’t getting much in return but abuse and control. When I finally reached an emotional pain threshold I cut myself free. ☮️ and ❤️ to everyone who has managed to do the same. Just breathe now...
I have learned how to really slow myself down in order to stay in control of my emotions. Abusers really do crumble when you stay in your own lane of being grounded, calm and collected. Ultimately your energy is so much higher than theirs that they no longer feel comfortable being around you.
I think the hardest thing is when your husband thinks all these lies about you and tells you constantly. It hurts so bad and it makes you start to believe it. He literally went at me all night until I finally broke and cried and admitted I'm at fault.
It hurts when they talk to all family. He has his audience. I am all alone. It seems as though, as most people automatically do this: The first person who they hear from first, they tend to agree with them. I don't gossip. No body has EVER asked me about anything, of what has been said. It has caused my physical health to deteriorate.
Ive had this done to me my son has got everybody on his side and I think to myself get in with it because I know the truth and if he has to go around telling everybody and getting everybody on his side then he knows his lying because I’m on my own and that doesn’t hurt me as I know the truth and the truth always comes out in the end karma and the universe will intervene ❤️
@@Gloroxsocks 💞Thank you. It is ironic, you don't even know me, but have shared those words of kindness I so need, but that have never been said to me, by those who I would like to hear from, that have never even asked me anything. I Thank You for your kindness.💞
I have to deal with the same issue. You are not alone I feel even less valued than a criminal because even criminal has rights and is listen to in court but even this is not even allowed to me to even speak up your truth. I know it can be very frustrating and make you angry I think that is the purpose to aim to destroy or attack your self esteem that they can get control over you. Don't fall in their trap and take distance from such toxic environment. You cannot expect to heal in the same environment that makes you sick. God bless you
OMG that describes the lay 8 months of my marriage and him blaming me for leaving. You described it to a tee. He was cheating and nearly 2 yrs gone still won’t take ownership.
I didn't realise I was being gaslight at work until my coworker pointed it out to me. For a minute I thought I was the problem but learned that we have an abusive manager at work. Instead of approaching me to resolving problems, she bad mouths about me to everyone. Best thing my boss did was remove me from a negative position to keep me in a good mental state. Can't wait to move out of this toxic environment. Thank you for explaining this!
To be honest, i wouldnt even explain it. Rebuild the relationship by letting them see you for who you really are. Dont talk about it , just be yourself and your character over time will show them that your past reactions wasnt who you really are. My dad went through this and he goes blue in the face explaining it to me everyday, and I believe him. I know my mom is evil and saw it for myself. I'm sad that he feels the need to explain and defend himself constantly. Not that its bad to do, and I'm sure a normal reaction, but i just say, let people see who you are for themselves. Even if its hard to do, gotta push through it and then reap the rewards later
Angry voicemails, text, etc. are often pinned as the behavior of an “abuser” because its considered abusive behavior. However, I have lived and witnessed enough abusive relationships to know that actual abusers (these days) know not to leave an electronic trail most of the time. If someone gets an angry message or wall of text, I am more suspicious of the receiver than the sender…
You explain this so well. It’s so difficult to see our response is just inflating things and allows justification to the abusers remarks. It takes tremendous self control to slow down and not react. By the way the goosebumps are an indication of speaking from a higher truth. Your teaching is so needed.
This video was so helpful and insightful. The hardest thing for me, is to stay positive when the other person is throwing shade. It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline to hold one’s tongue, or not to even have an internal reaction. Still working on it, though.
I call reactive abuse "Poking the Bear" and my ex often did it when I was either tired or drank a little too much, such a sinister jerk, did it when I was at my weakest point and couldn't defend myself, evil.
This helped Stephanie. I am beating myself up over reacting badly like a child to a person that gives me bare minimum. When I throw a fit he gives me silent treatment which makes me feel terribly anxious and sad.
You nailed it when you said you can't change until you know you have a problem. Feeling safe enough to be vulnerable and admitting that your reaction was unacceptable and then taking appropriate action to learn how to regulate and communicate in a calm and clear manner.
I'm a victim and survivor of domestic violence, and I thought I was pregnant twice from it but thankfully I did not end up pregnant from everything, if I did end up pregnant from everything there would of been no way out of the situation, I was also homeless because being homeless was only way to get out of the situation, aside from that I have a rare syndrome called 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome, and I also have PTSD and BPD to. I almost died from everything... I think this video is true, "don't take things personally" is the best life lesson a person could learn Thanks for posting your video, is good to have reminders like this once In awhile.
They DECIDE when the abuse started USUALLY according to them the abuse started at exactly the first time you reacted negatively to their disrespect and manipulation.
My ex would passive aggressively talk to the dog about me. 'Oh Mummy's crazy, she's mad, isn't she?'. When I lost it and shouted at him to stop, after calmly asking him to stop this behaviour on several separate occasions, he said I was the abusive one. He then used this against me for months.
Thank you. you described my relationship with my mother I was the scapegoat,this tipe of relationship has affected my whole life,now I 'm starting to heal from that upbringing,by the way I'm 55 ; )
Going no contact felt impossible at first but I know the only reason why I've made the progress I've made is because I'm not on the emotional rollercoaster that comes with any and all contact with my ex. I ALWAYS reacted, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it. It's crazy that I didn't even realize how toxic that relationship was until after the discard but I'm so very grateful for all the information and education I've found in your videos. I didn't think I would ever be able to heal but it is possible if you do the work. I've never been more self aware and so very proud of myself than I am now. Thank You for doing what you do by sharing all this information that should be taught in schools.
This information is very helpful! For the longest time I felt like I was the sole cause of the issues because of how I was reacting to the subtle forms of abuse and manipulation.
I didn't know there was a term for this. OMG! Crying. My ex was a drug addict. He would lie and gaslight and I would get furious, screaming and yelling. He would then say, "see? This is why I have to lie to you all the time" He ended up beating me up and I got a restraining order and never spoke to him again but I couldn't help thinking it was my fault. It kind of was, to a certain degree. But 12 years of gaslighting and lying really does damage. It was a co-worker who told me his behavior had nothing to do with me. Totally freeing!!!! I am happily single but I have not stopped revisiting and educating myself to be able to identify this toxic behavior, not only from others, but myself as well.
This is the best explanation of reaction abuse that I have seen. Even though society should hold them accountable they won’t take personal responsibility for themselves. This is the mark of a narcissist. So we need to understand that. Also, you were the first person who explained the difference between a reaction and a response. In addition, you didn’t say to leave permanently. Just leave the situation long enough to collect your thoughts and calm down.
Omg!! The NEX just hoovered me and I gave in (after a few of his attempts) and THIS reactive abuse is how the three-day convo ended. And of course I'm so "dramatic and crazy". Ugh. I definitely HATE how they make you act SO out of character. THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. Back to No Contact!!
I have the same issue with my older adopted sister although the roles are reversed. She is abusive and I have to remain non-reactive. I can say from my first hand experience I had no control over the fact I was my mother's favorite as a child when I became an adult and saw this I said something to my mother about it. Doesn't excuse my sister's abusive behavior toward me.
Your videos have helped me learn not only about how to react to others, but also self awareness that has helped me lower my defensive wall and become stronger by actually dealing with my own issues to avoid the people I've attracted and kept around in the past. Thanks! I also saw your insta post, Happy 40th!
This was an eye opener for me. Having years of terminology knowledge on dealing with narcissistic or toxic people, reactive abuse is a new one. I dont mind hearing where I can improve because thats always been the goal. So much to put in practice and honestly I feel so... annoyed I guess that I even have to deal with people like this at all. I'd rather just walk away because I have no need to resolve anything with anyone who treats me this way.
Actually my Aunt said this to me once about my family and she is right, it is true. Her advice was not to get so upset about what they are saying because the moment you do, and you say something because you're so upset then they can turn things around on you and I was glad that she said that, because I feel I can really talk to her about how I feel, she will try to relate, I don't think she's always felt heard though maybe that's what we share in common
Thank you for explaining this in way that enabled me to move into acceptance and beyond guilt. That guilt seemingly keeps getting me sucked back into chaos, trying to prove, explain, justify, defend and ultimately apologizing for my " crazy outrageous childish behavior" of screaming and yelling regardless of what was said or done repeatedly to provoke it. Unfortunately when I became of aware of the patterns and what was going on instead of accepting it as that persons issue, not mine....I did become increasing enraged as I started identifying what was going on while it was actually happening.. and could give the insidious emotional abuse a name and identify the tactics and cycles. I exploded until it was cleared from my life. Not only do I feel guilty and ashamed for acting in such a way, but also feel stupid for letting myself continue with someone to that level and for so long. I find these videos' helpful in making sense of what went on and why, and I truly appreciate them. All of them.
Abuser PROVOKES the subject, using a host of subtle and perhaps covert tactics. The unitiated subject usually has no idea (until the repetitive cycle becomes obvious) what is going on and is like a bull in a ring, being stabbed and spiked by the circling matador. The bull knows nothing but to eventually charge the source of pain. When the matador is gored, the crowd sympathises...
I can’t tell you how helpful you are.Thankyou so much. I’m slowly learning to take my control back and becoming a calmer person and everything I’ve learned it’s from you so Thank youuu 💯💯❤️
Well, they blamed me that I can’t control my emotions, when I reacted to them. Now even they ignored the parenting agreement, I stop reacting to them. Understanding them as vampires, not human being made me stop reacting them. They don’t understand how harmful to my daughter keep away from her father 2 months. They do it to satisfied their empty hurt.
Well I'm definitely guilty of reactive. Whats interesting I work in retail and I deal with people all the time who are trying to manipulate to get discounts or items marked down I've even dealt with people cussing me and I maintain my cool. but in the family unit between my ex-wife and my stepdaughter it was next to Impossible to stay out of the reactive in retail the encounter only took maybe five minutes but at home it was hours of berating and mouthing. Seemed the only option for me was to get out so after 20 wasted years I did.
Good on you! When mum and your step daughter team up, you never going to win that one. All the hardwork you put will never be appreciated but thrown in your face. Thanks for sharing 👍
I tried to get myself out of the situation so I can just try to handle my own emotions then if I get quiet I'm called passive aggressive I'm trying not to make it worse by reacting and then I'm accused of attacking and I don't even have to say anything .
I have dealt with this by giving myself words to say before it happens, and trying to play it out ahead of time in my mind. It gives me something to hold on to, knowing that I know what I say isn't reactive or driven by emotion. Usually it's something like, "This is upsetting me right now, and I need some time to calm down and organize my thoughts." If they react and say something negative, I just stand my ground, knowing I do need that time in order to be able to process and respond appropriately.
yeah, they believe what they believe. They are the creators of their reality. so, i have definitely learned to stay way away from these people. Not saying manifesting is good or bad, either but if their manifestations do not align with self.... get out stay out. As their obsession states.
I just discovered you yesterday! Thank you so much for your videos. You are so knowledgeable and I love your delivery. I think the goosebumps are because you genuinely care and you're compassionate.
They want to make you responsible for their actions because if they are responsible for their actions that's like a mitting that they're wrong and we know that narcissists never want to look at their own problems they don't want to be defeated by their own self realization
When someone is yelling and screaming at you and you react, they're triggering your fight or flight switch in you if you can take a deep breath before you react (I know it feels unnatural the first few times you do it) but what that does it restores the balance of the flight or fight in you
The favorite thing that was said to me everytime i noticed I was about to become reactive & I tried to stop the conversation to calm the argument down & to re- center things, was “of course, there you go controlling the conversation, like always” in a very demeaning way.
Thank you so much for making these videos. I'm confused and I'm sad and I feel broken. I have no family, no close friends, so leaving this relationship really will leave me alone. But at this point I'm so hurt and I'm actually starting to believe I can be happier without him. Your videos are the support I need. Thank you. 🖤
You can do it! I felt similar but could connect to a childhood friend and extended family. Family/home is where you make. You can do this. Step by step you are caring for yourself.
I am absolutely trapped in this situation, it’s become so bad that I’ve been to jail for 16 days because of this. I’m a marine corps veteran and I have absolutely embraced becoming reactive. And I don’t know how to stop it. When I try to leave she becomes physical, leaving is actually the exact situation that got me arrested. It was the worst moment of my life. And I feel completely trapped or addicted it’s horrible.
Great video! I went through extremely damaging reactive abuse in my most recent situationship. Until recently, the term was new to me. Now that I know about it hopefully I can avoid people who do this going forward. I feel like he was intentionally doing things to make me react unfavorably to make me feel like I was going insane. Then he could prove that I was the issue to his thuggie friends when in fact he was the reason we didn't work. No contact was the only way to start to restore the broken parts of me I lost while caught up in this toxic mess. I refuse to play his game anymore.
These videos are so helpful. I have commented on here before: I was taken in by a phony who turned out to be an abusive narcissist and screw with my mind. He robbed me of years of possibly loving and trusting another person. i have finally accepted that I was in a "romantic aciident" where the other driver was abusive and it wasn't my fault. I am still working on the non-reactive part. The anger has been hard to manage but I'm getting better.
I learned this term this year at the age of 26. I often experienced this dynamic of gaslighting and reactive abuse by my father as a kid. I remember him saying things under his breath quietly, bringing things up in public in a way that only I would know that he was being manipulative. Nobody else saw it, but in private he'd rant at me for hours. He'd quietly say something to get under my skin until finally I'd snap and scream, shout, sometimes lunge at him. And then he'd appear all calm, like he hadn't just purposefully set me off, and I was the crazy one. He'd say "you don't see anyone else doing that (my reactive behavior)"
This is THE BEST strategy I have heard to help people who are aware of their REACTIVE ABUSE and stuck a little in the allow others in their life control others in this way. Especially when it’s mention that you do t want this person(s) take down all the work you HAVE done thus far…yes, beyond helpful in this video. Thank you 🙏🏻💓🙏🏻
Mine triggers every negative story that I share with him about my childhood. He manipulates everything to be a victim because my victimhood brings validity to him.
I've been accused of abuse by simply asking weather or not my partner can be trusted, after insinuating that I can't be trusted. "I can be trusted. Can you be trusted?" It was all down hill from there.
I was in an extremely toxic relationship three years ago. They did not take the time to process the trauma from their past relationships, which included cheating. They projected this onto me through out the whole relationship. Any time they would do so I would react physically. Their response to this was that I was abusive and that I needed to get help. Unfortunately I grew up in this exact situation with my sister so I started to believe that this was the case, and that I was truly the problem. I moved out to get away from this situation. I realized that it didn’t make sense to be taking this from someone I didn’t see a future with if I wouldn’t take it from my own blood. It took me about a year to see that leaving the situation was the best option. It took me a really long time to come to terms with the way I handled myself, and with the actions I took within these relationships. It made me realize how important mental health is. The only good thing that came from this experience is knowing when I see traits in people that add no value to my life I’ll be able to respond in a way that’ll positively impact me. I’ve been able to prioritize myself for the first time, and it’s been great. I will wrap this up by saying that I appreciate you taking time to share information like this, and for giving us tools to improve our mental health.
When the abuser is taking the child, our child, out of the home just because the abuser doesn't like to be challenged or have a challenging conversation...hard not to react poorly.
I had no idea this was a thing. I swear. My soon to be ex is notorious for this sort of behavior. He baits a fight then when I react, he tells everyone my reaction but not the entire story. "She was yelling and crying!" No one ever asks why they just assume I'm overly emotional which plays into him getting sympathy and money from people. I am so happy I am getting away from this toxic cycle. It's slowly killing me.
I wish I would have seen this before my big blow out with my now X boyfriend. He's probably walking g around feeling justified and I'm sitting here feeling totally vulnerable and violated watching videos like this one . Trying to make sense of what happened to me.
Although in my most recent relationship, the abuse I received was not necessarily at the hands of a narcissistic person (more self-obsessed and selfish), the behaviour pattern was very similar. This has helped me understand that my reactive abuse is nothing to be ashamed of and was completely understandable given the awful things that were done to me. She would routinely highlight my behaviour as being a huge problem and in fact I'd spend most of my time trying to make up for my reactions to her initial rejections, betrayals and lies.
Thank you so much for this clip! I haven’t seen any videos on this particular tactic, and this has really helped me to understand this. My ex would use this tactic against me alllllll the time! It was very hard for me because he lies and argues so cleverly, I stood no chance !
You know your self best & only you can strategically plan to leave.. do u live with bf? Or alone or with parents? You block the person's cell phone number, or change your number is Best, block & remove your self from all social media.. You leave don't ever consider going back.. cause it will hurt more when you do back m forth..
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT..... I understand EXACTLY how you are feeling. I have 14 years in and I’ve gone NO CONTACT since Dec 19..it’s not easy but the PEACE OF MIND I have and listening to UA-cam videos has helped me significantly. I encourage you to seek peace within yourself and BE HAPPY(they HATE that)it will get better. He is doing a lot of gaslighting now and I’m still IGNORING him....I REFUSE to give him any ENERGY! Hang in there!!! WE GOT THIS!! 💯
Thank you so much! This helps me to understand how I fit into this equation of the abusive relationship. It makes me also take accountability of my actions. But I love how you also validated the person who is projecting reactive abusive as if it's almost like defense, or it's almost to be expected, like it's human nature, but it something to be worked on. But I cannot lie, it is so difficult to not be reactive, when abuser constantly gaslights you, triggers you, and then blames you for the reason they "acting bad", now don't do that, because you was doing this shit way before ( and I know why they do it too, it's cuz they selfish and they love themselves way more than they love the ppl around them)
2020. Quit my 300k job, started my own business, divorced my covert narcissist ex-wife, rebuilt the relationships with my kids, friends and family. The greatest year of my life 🥰🥰🥰😊😊😊
Awesome, congrats!
I wish I could do similar...I’m truly unhappy . Due to having to care for someone I luv full time. I cannot work, I have no freedom.
I won’t be able to change things. It’s very hard to live with. What you have done is wonderful and no doubt well deserved. all the very best.
What job did you do before @Josh Galt
@@starryeyed777 I worked on subway infrastructure projects 🤙
Excellent! 👏
Abusive people are so manipulative! They need to get a reaction from you to make you be the unstable one, when actually they are unstable. They feel so bad about themselves, they are broken, and in order to feel better they need to control you by baiting you to react to their defense mechanisms. Then you become the bad guy and that gives them the control, and frees them from the fear and insecurities they have and can't control. Behavior like that screws with your mind, and eventually your relationship with them. Thanks Stephanie for your insight and help.See you next week. Be well.
Wow, this is exactly it. My husband was just like this
Can relate to this.
Perfectly well described. I can really relate
Amazingly, SPOT ON! Wow. I thought I was wrong in thinking this. (I was made to feel I was crazy and always wrong and .....well, I'll stop because I will run out of characters..
Absolutely!!!!!
If you don’t like something, take away it’s only power. Your attention.
@Mary Callan
Thank you❤
Mary Callan,your lovely smile can make the news!
“They are banking on you to react” truer words have never been spoken. Don’t continue to give them what they want.
Real❤
Navigating dealing with the narc is exhausting
So exhausting
Wears you down so much it's hard to do anything productive for your life
If you have never read a book called "The Celestine Prophecy" I highly recommend it. It is about energy exchange and the difference between sharing energy with people and taking it from people.
My current boyfriend gets me to react to his abuse and gaslighting and then records me while I react. He’s a nut job
Mine did that too! Why? Do this listen to this later, to feel powerful?
Same! Never good psychotic antics.
One word RUN!
@@freerobuxcheckmychannel2521 to use later against you to people if necessary. To spin it to make you look like the mean one. Lies.
Sounds like ex-boyfriend energy
Remember to breathe and maintain your own calm and steady frame of mind
Confidence is quiet, insecuties are loud
I’m still struggling after months of reactive abuse ... still feeling like, I shouldn’t have reacted. Should have sucked it all up in and left, but I couldn’t. Was gaslighted, badly.
I'm still trying to find my way out. The gaslighting and emptional abuse is pushing me to my breaking point
@@MsAIR1990 it’s time to leave or they will turn you into a monster.
You couldnt of fixed it. I left the scene every time they tried to bait me.
Then they just got mad for me leaving.
Hope you are doing better!
@@msliberated3899 its time to leave
This is how i am with my parents. Sometimes i can be reactive when im belittled and yelled at. It took me 24 years to realize that im not crazy or insane, my parents were emotionally abusive and unsupportive of me. Thank you for this video Stephanie. Im distancing myself from them emotionally and trying to save enough money to move out.
I had a very abusive mother. What she did was that bad, no one believed me....it’s really important to move out....you can’t be around abuse if it won’t stop.
If you have tried your hardest to make them change, and they won’t, then leave.....I really tried to make things work, but she took advantage of me still being around And toyed with me even more....I can’t believe how evil she was....I shudder at how I had to live with her...I’m in my 50s, I’m free of her now ...I just refuse to see her....and she knows why....
@@artwithmamafairybreadd i am very sorry to hear that. My siblings and i have tried to reason with them but they are still stubborn. Thank you for sharing!
@@artwithmamafairybreadd how did you gain financial independence staying with abusive parents?? . I am struggling with confidence to attend interview . Lockdown made everything worse .
Sorry to hear that, you deserve far better. This video is so eye opening, and I feel from listening to it that it’s something I may even have been experiencing too. It’s been particularly worse throughout the pandemic. These types of people push and push you until you do or say something bad. It’s an extremely clever way for them to attempt to destroy you. I wish to leave too. Let’s hope this pandemic ends quickly, then people experiencing this can get away from these types of environments.
@@anu7982 when there is a will,there is a way, same thing here I was sinking in learned helpesness , I'm still fighting,what about you ,did the situation improve
For me, my reactivity always follows being gaslit. Because I have experienced gaslighting throughout my life from my close family and certain relationships. If someone basically denies my reality and doesn’t take any accountability for their role in something after I have, I go into fight or flight and I sometimes don’t act the way I would like to. It becomes more about me trying to establish that I’m right Vs being empathetic.
I'm sorry and can relate...
You just taught me how to deal with my husband right now.
Quit reaction and win. Don't give your power to others. You are better than that, self control is the best control. listen to this woman, she is right.
I agree great information... and damn she’s gorgeous 😳
Without your reaction, they expose their manipulative intentions.
Also they will lie about it later so take notes or record when necessary
Me too
I have done reactive abuse and have felt terrible and guilty about it for a while now. Thank you for this video. I was appalled at my behavior and this helps me to forgive myself.
It was a normal response to a cruel and abnormal situation. The fact that you feel awful afterward is a good sign, you're a normal human. The disturbing thing is the abuser doesn't feel bad about it afterward. Stay strong and be gentle with yourself ❤️
I know exactly what you mean
Yes that was me, I was blamed and gaslight for catching a lie and pursuing the truth. The blame she was throwing at me for her lies and the invalidation of my feelings drove me insane and cruel. I feel guilty about being cruel but to this day she sticks to her story that it was only me that was cruel. I apologized for having been cruel and she never did. I know better now. Thank you for this video.
Same
Reactive abuse is a huge problem I have because of CPTSD; I've been in therapy for two years and YOU CAN GET BETTER. you can become less reactive through introspection and learning healthy coping strategies
I caught myself recognizing these toxic people and I’m practicing not to mirror them emotionally, but by labeling it as “reactive abuse” I feel better because now I know that the abuser wants me to think I’m the problem when I’m not, even if they don’t realize that they’re being abusive... thanks for the video 🙏🙏
Not recognizing yourself in these reactions is the red flag for me. I just ended a 2 year relationship of broken promises and gaslighting. I reacted and we broke up. He called me crazy, I wasn't crazy. I was being emotionally controlled, manipulated, and abused. I had a similar relationship with my parents and cut them off years ago. I recognized about 2 months into the relationship when my feeling and conversations were ignored, but I was determined to make the relationship work. I tried talking about things that bothered me, but it ws always a dead end. I had so much anxiety I wanted to crawl into a ball and die. I'm working through this and this video helps. Thank you!
I have found that not taking things personally is a huge golden nugget. I have learned the way people act the way they do is because they are not healthy. Creating a bubble is so important. I stopped engaging with my ex when I became healthier and could see he had a lot of childhood baggage. He just repeated the patterns of behaviour he grew up with. Gosh, it was so toxic yet I stayed longer than I needed to. I wasn’t getting much in return but abuse and control. When I finally reached an emotional pain threshold I cut myself free. ☮️ and ❤️ to everyone who has managed to do the same. Just breathe now...
How did you do it?
Okay this is wild! I never knew that they were finding "proof" and actually justifying their own abuse - that they started. Thanks for this!
I have learned how to really slow myself down in order to stay in control of my emotions. Abusers really do crumble when you stay in your own lane of being grounded, calm and collected. Ultimately your energy is so much higher than theirs that they no longer feel comfortable being around you.
I think the hardest thing is when your husband thinks all these lies about you and tells you constantly. It hurts so bad and it makes you start to believe it. He literally went at me all night until I finally broke and cried and admitted I'm at fault.
It hurts when they talk to all family. He has his audience. I am all alone. It seems as though, as most people automatically do this: The first person who they hear from first, they tend to agree with them. I don't gossip. No body has EVER asked me about anything, of what has been said. It has caused my physical health to deteriorate.
I hear you and I am here for you ❤️
Ive had this done to me my son has got everybody on his side and I think to myself get in with it because I know the truth and if he has to go around telling everybody and getting everybody on his side then he knows his lying because I’m on my own and that doesn’t hurt me as I know the truth and the truth always comes out in the end karma and the universe will intervene ❤️
Speak your truth calmly ~ even writing a story to share with friends helps
@@Gloroxsocks
💞Thank you.
It is ironic, you don't even know me, but have shared those words of kindness I so need, but that have never been said to me, by those who I would like to hear from, that have never even asked me anything.
I Thank You for your kindness.💞
I have to deal with the same issue. You are not alone I feel even less valued than a criminal because even criminal has rights and is listen to in court but even this is not even allowed to me to even speak up your truth. I know it can be very frustrating and make you angry I think that is the purpose to aim to destroy or attack your self esteem that they can get control over you. Don't fall in their trap and take distance from such toxic environment. You cannot expect to heal in the same environment that makes you sick. God bless you
You are right, being aware and having the right tools makes life easier. No one deserves the evil and dysfunction of others.
OMG that describes the lay 8 months of my marriage and him blaming me for leaving. You described it to a tee. He was cheating and nearly 2 yrs gone still won’t take ownership.
I didn't realise I was being gaslight at work until my coworker pointed it out to me. For a minute I thought I was the problem but learned that we have an abusive manager at work. Instead of approaching me to resolving problems, she bad mouths about me to everyone. Best thing my boss did was remove me from a negative position to keep me in a good mental state. Can't wait to move out of this toxic environment. Thank you for explaining this!
She is so cool, calm, and collected.
I learned this too late. HOW can I explain this to my adult kids ? They are ONLY reminded of my reactions and NEVER what got me there
To be honest, i wouldnt even explain it. Rebuild the relationship by letting them see you for who you really are. Dont talk about it , just be yourself and your character over time will show them that your past reactions wasnt who you really are. My dad went through this and he goes blue in the face explaining it to me everyday, and I believe him. I know my mom is evil and saw it for myself. I'm sad that he feels the need to explain and defend himself constantly. Not that its bad to do, and I'm sure a normal reaction, but i just say, let people see who you are for themselves. Even if its hard to do, gotta push through it and then reap the rewards later
Angry voicemails, text, etc. are often pinned as the behavior of an “abuser” because its considered abusive behavior.
However, I have lived and witnessed enough abusive relationships to know that actual abusers (these days) know not to leave an electronic trail most of the time.
If someone gets an angry message or wall of text, I am more suspicious of the receiver than the sender…
You explain this so well. It’s so difficult to see our response is just inflating things and allows justification to the abusers remarks. It takes tremendous self control to slow down and not react. By the way the goosebumps are an indication of speaking from a higher truth.
Your teaching is so needed.
...true.. when one is not healthy and whole, and is not happy, it's not very difficult to lose one's control over simple differences..
When you naturally react to being mistreated and they use it against you as a new problem to blame you for
This video was so helpful and insightful. The hardest thing for me, is to stay positive when the other person is throwing shade. It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline to hold one’s tongue, or not to even have an internal reaction. Still working on it, though.
Leave that environment quickly.
Thank you for goving a name to this. This is literally what has allowed me to become the scapegoat of the Narcs in my life.
I call reactive abuse "Poking the Bear" and my ex often did it when I was either tired or drank a little too much, such a sinister jerk, did it when I was at my weakest point and couldn't defend myself, evil.
This helped Stephanie. I am beating myself up over reacting badly like a child to a person that gives me bare minimum. When I throw a fit he gives me silent treatment which makes me feel terribly anxious and sad.
You nailed it when you said you can't change until you know you have a problem. Feeling safe enough to be vulnerable and admitting that your reaction was unacceptable and then taking appropriate action to learn how to regulate and communicate in a calm and clear manner.
Learning emotional regulation definitely helps with taking control of your emotions and to be able to respond and not react.
I'm a victim and survivor of domestic violence, and I thought I was pregnant twice from it but thankfully I did not end up pregnant from everything, if I did end up pregnant from everything there would of been no way out of the situation, I was also homeless because being homeless was only way to get out of the situation, aside from that I have a rare syndrome called 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome, and I also have PTSD and BPD to. I almost died from everything... I think this video is true, "don't take things personally" is the best life lesson a person could learn Thanks for posting your video, is good to have reminders like this once In awhile.
They DECIDE when the abuse started USUALLY according to them the abuse started at exactly the first time you reacted negatively to their disrespect and manipulation.
My ex would passive aggressively talk to the dog about me. 'Oh Mummy's crazy, she's mad, isn't she?'. When I lost it and shouted at him to stop, after calmly asking him to stop this behaviour on several separate occasions, he said I was the abusive one. He then used this against me for months.
Thank you. you described my relationship with my mother I was the scapegoat,this tipe of relationship has affected my whole life,now I 'm starting to heal from that upbringing,by the way I'm 55 ; )
I’m with you. I hope you can see now, the abuse was never about you ❤
Going no contact felt impossible at first but I know the only reason why I've made the progress I've made is because I'm not on the emotional rollercoaster that comes with any and all contact with my ex. I ALWAYS reacted, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it. It's crazy that I didn't even realize how toxic that relationship was until after the discard but I'm so very grateful for all the information and education I've found in your videos. I didn't think I would ever be able to heal but it is possible if you do the work. I've never been more self aware and so very proud of myself than I am now. Thank You for doing what you do by sharing all this information that should be taught in schools.
This information is very helpful! For the longest time I felt like I was the sole cause of the issues because of how I was reacting to the subtle forms of abuse and manipulation.
I didn't know there was a term for this. OMG! Crying.
My ex was a drug addict. He would lie and gaslight and I would get furious, screaming and yelling. He would then say, "see? This is why I have to lie to you all the time"
He ended up beating me up and I got a restraining order and never spoke to him again but I couldn't help thinking it was my fault. It kind of was, to a certain degree. But 12 years of gaslighting and lying really does damage.
It was a co-worker who told me his behavior had nothing to do with me. Totally freeing!!!!
I am happily single but I have not stopped revisiting and educating myself to be able to identify this toxic behavior, not only from others, but myself as well.
I literally just went through this EXACT situation. Exactly. Thank you for framing it so well.
Dawn M,You deserve better 🙏
Thank you, Stephanie! Great information! I was manipulated before and this sheds so much light on what I went through.
This is the best explanation of reaction abuse that I have seen. Even though society should hold them accountable they won’t take personal responsibility for themselves. This is the mark of a narcissist. So we need to understand that. Also, you were the first person who explained the difference between a reaction and a response. In addition, you didn’t say to leave permanently. Just leave the situation long enough to collect your thoughts and calm down.
You can’t fix toxic personalities. Only AVOID them at all costs!!!!!
Omg!! The NEX just hoovered me and I gave in (after a few of his attempts) and THIS reactive abuse is how the three-day convo ended. And of course I'm so "dramatic and crazy". Ugh. I definitely HATE how they make you act SO out of character. THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. Back to No Contact!!
I feel u sameeeeeee over here
@@somrahprincess1 sending all the strength & love to get through it all! ❤
I relate to this 😩
Same here. I've never kept no contact long enough. Now it's permanent. I never want to see him again.
He does not show this side of him to others. I am his adopted sister. But, I am 11 years older.
HE IS THE FAVORITE
I have the same issue with my older adopted sister although the roles are reversed. She is abusive and I have to remain non-reactive. I can say from my first hand experience I had no control over the fact I was my mother's favorite as a child when I became an adult and saw this I said something to my mother about it. Doesn't excuse my sister's abusive behavior toward me.
@@BlueButterfly-mw8ld
Thank you💞
That's what I needed to hear. I just "woke up".
I admire the way you talk and analyse the situation. It all make sense to me!
Kisses from GREECE!
This is blowing my mind. Realizing I need to heal way more than I thought, but I'm ready to take those steps. Ugh. Thank you.
Always on point missy!! Thank you Jesus...Oct.5th, 2020....17 yrs done!!! Thanks...strength from God....YOU ARE AWESOME SAUCE!! 😘
Congratulations!!! I’m getting there
Your videos have helped me learn not only about how to react to others, but also self awareness that has helped me lower my defensive wall and become stronger by actually dealing with my own issues to avoid the people I've attracted and kept around in the past. Thanks! I also saw your insta post, Happy 40th!
I have had some great counselling about this exact problem. I have struggled with reactive abuse for decades. Thank you so much for this.
This was an eye opener for me. Having years of terminology knowledge on dealing with narcissistic or toxic people, reactive abuse is a new one. I dont mind hearing where I can improve because thats always been the goal. So much to put in practice and honestly I feel so... annoyed I guess that I even have to deal with people like this at all. I'd rather just walk away because I have no need to resolve anything with anyone who treats me this way.
Actually my Aunt said this to me once about my family and she is right, it is true. Her advice was not to get so upset about what they are saying because the moment you do, and you say something because you're so upset then they can turn things around on you and I was glad that she said that, because I feel I can really talk to her about how I feel, she will try to relate, I don't think she's always felt heard though maybe that's what we share in common
Wow, you just explained my 21 year marriage in about three minutes. I was the reactionary abuser.
Thank you for explaining this in way that enabled me to move into acceptance and beyond guilt. That guilt seemingly keeps getting me sucked back into chaos, trying to prove, explain, justify, defend and ultimately apologizing for my " crazy outrageous childish behavior" of screaming and yelling regardless of what was said or done repeatedly to provoke it. Unfortunately when I became of aware of the patterns and what was going on instead of accepting it as that persons issue, not mine....I did become increasing enraged as I started identifying what was going on while it was actually happening.. and could give the insidious emotional abuse a name and identify the tactics and cycles. I exploded until it was cleared from my life. Not only do I feel guilty and ashamed for acting in such a way, but also feel stupid for letting myself continue with someone to that level and for so long. I find these videos' helpful in making sense of what went on and why, and I truly appreciate them. All of them.
This is exactly what I suffered through. I would always throw that term out there, “reactionary “ not even knowing this is an actual thing
Wife of 23 years started this shit 3 years ago. I’m glad videos like this exist
I really needed to see this today. I really wish I'd seen this 7 months ago.
Abuser PROVOKES the subject, using a host of subtle and perhaps covert tactics. The unitiated subject usually has no idea (until the repetitive cycle becomes obvious) what is going on and is like a bull in a ring, being stabbed and spiked by the circling matador. The bull knows nothing but to eventually charge the source of pain. When the matador is gored, the crowd sympathises...
Message to all bulls in a matadors ring... break out of the ring. Go find a peaceful field far away from armed torturers
That was my life
this lady has open my eyes it funny how life works
I can’t tell you how helpful you are.Thankyou so much. I’m slowly learning to take my control back and becoming a calmer person and everything I’ve learned it’s from you so Thank youuu 💯💯❤️
Well, they blamed me that I can’t control my emotions, when I reacted to them. Now even they ignored the parenting agreement, I stop reacting to them. Understanding them as vampires, not human being made me stop reacting them. They don’t understand how harmful to my daughter keep away from her father 2 months. They do it to satisfied their empty hurt.
Yup!! 💯
Well I'm definitely guilty of reactive. Whats interesting I work in retail and I deal with people all the time who are trying to manipulate to get discounts or items marked down I've even dealt with people cussing me and I maintain my cool. but in the family unit between my ex-wife and my stepdaughter it was next to Impossible to stay out of the reactive in retail the encounter only took maybe five minutes but at home it was hours of berating and mouthing. Seemed the only option for me was to get out so after 20 wasted years I did.
Good on you! When mum and your step daughter team up, you never going to win that one. All the hardwork you put will never be appreciated but thrown in your face. Thanks for sharing 👍
💯💯
Thank you Stephanie...your videos have been my lifeline the past year..I am so grateful to you for this channel. You are seriously awesome.
You explain these concepts so well. I’ve also been reading on same subjects you cover. Your explanations definitely make material easy to grasp.
You speak from heart that’s why you get goosebumps 🌸
I tried to get myself out of the situation so I can just try to handle my own emotions then if I get quiet I'm called passive aggressive I'm trying not to make it worse by reacting and then I'm accused of attacking and I don't even have to say anything .
I have dealt with this by giving myself words to say before it happens, and trying to play it out ahead of time in my mind. It gives me something to hold on to, knowing that I know what I say isn't reactive or driven by emotion.
Usually it's something like, "This is upsetting me right now, and I need some time to calm down and organize my thoughts." If they react and say something negative, I just stand my ground, knowing I do need that time in order to be able to process and respond appropriately.
yeah, they believe what they believe. They are the creators of their reality. so, i have definitely learned to stay way away from these people. Not saying manifesting is good or bad, either but if their manifestations do not align with self.... get out stay out. As their obsession states.
Yup!!! Exactly!
This is my life. I'm bad if I try and leave, I'm bad if I react, I'm bad when I shut down, I'm always bad no matter how good I am
Then you don't know what passive aggressive is, its when they make remarks sarcastically like but try to be serious about the comment
I just discovered you yesterday! Thank you so much for your videos. You are so knowledgeable and I love your delivery. I think the goosebumps are because you genuinely care and you're compassionate.
Amber Schonhaar,You look cute,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....
They want to make you responsible for their actions because if they are responsible for their actions that's like a mitting that they're wrong and we know that narcissists never want to look at their own problems they don't want to be defeated by their own self realization
When someone is yelling and screaming at you and you react, they're triggering your fight or flight switch in you if you can take a deep breath before you react (I know it feels unnatural the first few times you do it) but what that does it restores the balance of the flight or fight in you
Thank you for posting this video when I needed it the most.🙏
@Rashmi Girish
Her timing in this video was needed by myself, right now, too.
The favorite thing that was said to me everytime i noticed I was about to become reactive & I tried to stop the conversation to calm the argument down & to re- center things, was “of course, there you go controlling the conversation, like always” in a very demeaning way.
Thank you so much for making these videos. I'm confused and I'm sad and I feel broken. I have no family, no close friends, so leaving this relationship really will leave me alone. But at this point I'm so hurt and I'm actually starting to believe I can be happier without him. Your videos are the support I need. Thank you. 🖤
You can do it! I felt similar but could connect to a childhood friend and extended family. Family/home is where you make. You can do this. Step by step you are caring for yourself.
pray also and God will help you get through this hun...
Me 2.god bless
I am absolutely trapped in this situation, it’s become so bad that I’ve been to jail for 16 days because of this. I’m a marine corps veteran and I have absolutely embraced becoming reactive. And I don’t know how to stop it. When I try to leave she becomes physical, leaving is actually the exact situation that got me arrested. It was the worst moment of my life. And I feel completely trapped or addicted it’s horrible.
Leave! This discipline is only good temporarily because they will still try to destroy and tear you into pieces.
Great video! I went through extremely damaging reactive abuse in my most recent situationship. Until recently, the term was new to me. Now that I know about it hopefully I can avoid people who do this going forward. I feel like he was intentionally doing things to make me react unfavorably to make me feel like I was going insane. Then he could prove that I was the issue to his thuggie friends when in fact he was the reason we didn't work. No contact was the only way to start to restore the broken parts of me I lost while caught up in this toxic mess. I refuse to play his game anymore.
These videos are so helpful. I have commented on here before: I was taken in by a phony who turned out to be an abusive narcissist and screw with my mind. He robbed me of years of possibly loving and trusting another person. i have finally accepted that I was in a "romantic aciident" where the other driver was abusive and it wasn't my fault. I am still working on the non-reactive part. The anger has been hard to manage but I'm getting better.
I learned this term this year at the age of 26. I often experienced this dynamic of gaslighting and reactive abuse by my father as a kid. I remember him saying things under his breath quietly, bringing things up in public in a way that only I would know that he was being manipulative. Nobody else saw it, but in private he'd rant at me for hours. He'd quietly say something to get under my skin until finally I'd snap and scream, shout, sometimes lunge at him. And then he'd appear all calm, like he hadn't just purposefully set me off, and I was the crazy one. He'd say "you don't see anyone else doing that (my reactive behavior)"
This is THE BEST strategy I have heard to help people who are aware of their REACTIVE ABUSE and stuck a little in the allow others in their life control others in this way. Especially when it’s mention that you do t want this person(s) take down all the work you HAVE done thus far…yes, beyond helpful in this video. Thank you 🙏🏻💓🙏🏻
You seriously just saved the day!
How did it go
Mine triggers every negative story that I share with him about my childhood. He manipulates everything to be a victim because my victimhood brings validity to him.
Thank you so much for this video ❤
I've been accused of abuse by simply asking weather or not my partner can be trusted, after insinuating that I can't be trusted. "I can be trusted. Can you be trusted?" It was all down hill from there.
I was in an extremely toxic relationship three years ago. They did not take the time to process the trauma from their past relationships, which included cheating. They projected this onto me through out the whole relationship. Any time they would do so I would react physically. Their response to this was that I was abusive and that I needed to get help. Unfortunately I grew up in this exact situation with my sister so I started to believe that this was the case, and that I was truly the problem. I moved out to get away from this situation. I realized that it didn’t make sense to be taking this from someone I didn’t see a future with if I wouldn’t take it from my own blood. It took me about a year to see that leaving the situation was the best option. It took me a really long time to come to terms with the way I handled myself, and with the actions I took within these relationships. It made me realize how important mental health is. The only good thing that came from this experience is knowing when I see traits in people that add no value to my life I’ll be able to respond in a way that’ll positively impact me. I’ve been able to prioritize myself for the first time, and it’s been great. I will wrap this up by saying that I appreciate you taking time to share information like this, and for giving us tools to improve our mental health.
When the abuser is taking the child, our child, out of the home just because the abuser doesn't like to be challenged or have a challenging conversation...hard not to react poorly.
I had no idea this was a thing. I swear. My soon to be ex is notorious for this sort of behavior. He baits a fight then when I react, he tells everyone my reaction but not the entire story. "She was yelling and crying!" No one ever asks why they just assume I'm overly emotional which plays into him getting sympathy and money from people. I am so happy I am getting away from this toxic cycle. It's slowly killing me.
I wish I would have seen this before my big blow out with my now X boyfriend. He's probably walking g around feeling justified and I'm sitting here feeling totally vulnerable and violated watching videos like this one . Trying to make sense of what happened to me.
Thanks for explaining reactive abuse, I’ve never heard it that way ! and boy do I hate how I react ! It’s causing me even more trauma, from myself
I cried listening to this. I was pushed and pushed and pushed until i snapped. Then i was called the abuser.
And i even didnt react harshly.
Thank you for this❤️
I am really learning so much.
I so needed to hear this. Thank you.
Although in my most recent relationship, the abuse I received was not necessarily at the hands of a narcissistic person (more self-obsessed and selfish), the behaviour pattern was very similar. This has helped me understand that my reactive abuse is nothing to be ashamed of and was completely understandable given the awful things that were done to me. She would routinely highlight my behaviour as being a huge problem and in fact I'd spend most of my time trying to make up for my reactions to her initial rejections, betrayals and lies.
Thank you so much for this clip! I haven’t seen any videos on this particular tactic, and this has really helped me to understand this. My ex would use this tactic against me alllllll the time! It was very hard for me because he lies and argues so cleverly, I stood no chance !
That was amazing thank you so much 😁
Danielle Emch, hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Thank you. I knew this already but needed to hear it again
💯 💯 Omg I am 15 years in this relationship, I just don’t know how to get out of this.
You know your self best & only you can strategically plan to leave.. do u live with bf? Or alone or with parents?
You block the person's cell phone number, or change your number is Best, block & remove your self from all social media..
You leave don't ever consider going back.. cause it will hurt more when you do back m forth..
@@connie1212
This is true, in my experiences, as well.
Go no contact
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT..... I understand EXACTLY how you are feeling. I have 14 years in and I’ve gone NO CONTACT since Dec 19..it’s not easy but the PEACE OF MIND I have and listening to UA-cam videos has helped me significantly. I encourage you to seek peace within yourself and BE HAPPY(they HATE that)it will get better. He is doing a lot of gaslighting now and I’m still IGNORING him....I REFUSE to give him any ENERGY! Hang in there!!! WE GOT THIS!! 💯
So needed to hear this today, thank you Stephanie for the excellent content!
I find listening to you so calming, empowering, and helpful. Thank you.
SAME!!!!!
Your very good Stephanie.
Thank you so much! This helps me to understand how I fit into this equation of the abusive relationship. It makes me also take accountability of my actions. But I love how you also validated the person who is projecting reactive abusive as if it's almost like defense, or it's almost to be expected, like it's human nature, but it something to be worked on. But I cannot lie, it is so difficult to not be reactive, when abuser constantly gaslights you, triggers you, and then blames you for the reason they "acting bad", now don't do that, because you was doing this shit way before ( and I know why they do it too, it's cuz they selfish and they love themselves way more than they love the ppl around them)