That "Not having enough faith in sin" line had me shook. Holy cow, she said the thing! Me opening my mind to the world beyond the church and not revelling in fear has taught me a lot of things, but I never thought to call it 'faith' in fear/sin. I haven't even gotten to ten minutes into the video but I had to respond now.
Wow. Shook. “He would have to restructure why he is proud of me.” My dad won’t respond to me when I try to open dialogue around courting and purity culture’s effects on me. This gives me hope.
SophiaMarie92 - what is wrong with courtship? I see why being shamed for not being able to control your sex drive would be damaging. But courtship? Maybe I misunderstand what you mean by courtship.
@@LivingTrancefully first off, consent does not mean you "cant control your sex drive". Its literally the opposite of that. Someone who cant control their sex drive is more akin to a rapist. Second, i dont think its the act of courting itself that's the problem. The problem is men who think following certian steps in courting guarantees them exclusive access to a women, or that men get to soley decide how the courting/dating procedure should go, or that a women's father needs to be involved at all (like asking a man to date his daughter first before asking her).
Not being able to control yourself is shamed because it suggests the person is unlikely to be faithful. That's totally something that should be shamed. No one wants a spouse who's slept with a million men. Studies show such women never marry. They die and are replaced by others, meaning they don't do their biological function.
@@johnnonamegibbon3580 thier "biological function"? Sounds like the only person who has no control over their desires is you. Human beings are more than just reproducing machines. And yes, there are millions of women who find love and marry and are happy even though they've had sex prior. Only men who think they own women and put more vaule in a vagina than person, dont want to marryca person whos had sex before.
I'm an atheist is well and Brenda has such a beautiful spirit , she has put a bit of peace in my heart that was crushed by the church. I just love her 💕🍁
We were told you were not allowed to be depressed. If you were depressed you just need to read the Bible more and pray more cause you can't be depressed and a good christian
That's what our church always said. I believe it played a major role in my dad's suicide. He would go through these cycles of depression, talking with the pastor, finaly going to the doctor and getting on meds, start feeling guilty, go off the meds, be ok for a bit, and it was endless. We always knew where he was and the amount of times he told me, "I must not be good enough" for needing antidepressants was horrible. I still believe in God, but growing up seeing this cycle made me believe very similar to Brenda even before I was out of the Baptist church I grew up in. I was probably 11 or 12 when I started feeling the ways Brenda does and it showed me a completely different life view.
This is so true! I struggled with depression for most of my life, and I have recently realized that one of the primary reasons was because my religion told me being depressed was a sign that I lacked faith. It’s very damaging and it’s a self-sustained cycle of depression.
I was lost for a time and since i found your channel it got me closer to god, i start reading my bible , watch your videos, pray more to understand this world. So thank you ❤❤❤
I'm not Christian but that warms my heart to hear! You should always follow the spiritual path that calls to you and I'm so glad that this video inspired you to do just that 💕
I am just stunned at how many people struggled with anxiety and panic attacks like I did just before I left my church. I was deconstructing and suddenly I just couldn't handle being at church anymore because of things that were being said and practiced that were very harmful.
Brenda, thank you for redefining a Christian!!! 😍 I’ve often hated them because of the hate I’ve gotten as a gay Japanese Buddhist. You really are changing America. Love and aloha from Hawai’i! 😁🏳️🌈🤙🏽
God is Grey Have you ever been to Hawai’i? If not, I think you’ll love it. The teachings of Jesus Christ are evident everywhere here in Hawai’i. Because of our extreme racial diversity, we’re raised with the ideology that we’re ALL equal...and as an adult, it’s been pointed out to me by my mainland friends. Several of them have told me, “we can tell you’re not from here (the mainland)”...and when I ask why...they tell me, “you clearly don’t feel inferior to white people!” To which is reply, “why should I? Aren’t we created equal?” I recently had someone tell me that they go to a university that’s very racially diverse, but he still see racism all the time. So I told him, “there’s a difference between a bunch of races being raised together (as is the case in Hawai’i) and a bunch of races being raised homogeneously and then being lumped together in the same university (as is the case in his Uni)”. I told him that in his Uni’s case, people are just going to hang out with their own...and that’s not how we’re raised in Hawai’i. It’s not perfect here, not by any means...but I think that it’s a place you’d enjoy very much. 😘 I often tell hateful Christians...”if Jesus was quietly standing behind you when you spew hatred and judgment...he would he ashamed of you. For you, “if Jesus was quietly standing behind you when you have these conversations...he would be so totally and utterly happy that someone is spreading his messages to the world.” 😍😍 PS - I hope baby is coming along well and that the three of you are doing well! So much love and aloha!!! 😘😘
vanessa benoit Yup! I was born and raised in Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines...and when I was 14, years before I even came out to my family, my Christian Aunty told me “you’re going to hell ‘cause you’re gay!” Despite being raised in very different religious environments, and having HATEFUL statements/slurs thrown at me...I’ve always been of the mindset to forgive people and to NOT judge everyone by the actions of others. So when I was watching Mr. Atheist and he was praising Brenda and her channel...I had to come and check out her channel, and I subscribed on that day. 😁🤙🏽
I love this conversation! It is something I can really apply to being brought up in a toxic sports environment (competitive dance). I think this is my favourite conversation you've had! ♥️
“Trauma of leaving church”. Man... that hit me. And it’s so very hard to explain to people (Christians and non Christians). Leaving an evangelical church was one of the hardest, soul crushing things I’ve ever had to do. The anger was real
As a German Christian it’s really interesting how different growing up as a Christian is in different parts of the world. Although there are obviously fundamental Christians in Germany as well, most seem to be a lot more open and progressive. Even in school we learned a lot about biblical hermeneutics and exegesis and how a lot of texts in the bible only really make sense if you know about what’s in German called “Sitz im Leben” (setting in life - when, where, why, by whom was the text created?).
Heya everyone, Haha, Madison reminds me of one of my students several years ago, "loud and bubbly" flipping around doing cartwheels and gymnastics while we were standing in line for an event! She made our student ministry so fun! Reminds me of the verse in Psalm 139:14, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." Enjoyed the video, I am learning a lot from a different perspective (I took 2 pages of notes). First, my heart hurts for people who are involved in legalistic churches who are damaged by a false view of Scripture. I can see the hurt it has caused many. I wish people would check what they are taught against Scripture and see what God does and doesn't really say. I cringe at the ideas like, "If you remain a virgin you will have an awesome marriage" or "you just don't enough faith/or your sinning." The word "balance" comes to mind. This could apply in several areas of the video. We should balance our faith, the facts, and our feelings together. Not all our feelings or our heart is wrong/bad. But at the same time, they're not always correct/good either. Checking them against each other (alongside Scripture) will help. Another example, having too much concern over sin to the point where we lose sleep and have anxiety (I'm thinking the "M" word discussion haha) versus not have any or little concern over sin to the point where we embrace it all. The answer is balance. Find the right biblical point of view that we will struggle with sin as we grow in our relationship with Christ, but don't beat yourself up. Seek forgiveness and go forward! Happy Monday!
Hey John! You sound like a wonderful leader & I pray God continually blesses your ministry and students. I agree with balance, balance, balance. Hoping to impart more details on that next week
Madison Hedlund is a Godsend! The part where ahe discusses the "mean girl" mindset is completely what has held me back in my life. When I truly love myself and give myself self compassion I feel like I am being evil! It held me back from embracing my love of music and my desires to share beauty and healing through music. It has been horrible!
Not only that, but fundamentalism also constantly trains its followers to constantly belittle themselves. That they are worthless. That without god and jesus, they can't accomplish anything, or every do anything good, that they are less then dirt.
I also notice that these same "Fundagelicals" also make God too human. They aspire humanlike traits like jealousy and the way they make God sound is petty. God is not human and we cannot truly know God's ways in this mortal coil.
Wow. I completely resonated w your intro about your father. I’m going through a very similar situation. It has been very hurtful, but I’m holding out hope that he’ll still find a way to be an important part of my life. Even though he has been toxic, it doesn’t feel right to cut him out of my life. I love him dearly.
I'm going into Psychology to provide therapy & have heard of the ACE score! I really like how you guys discussed different therapy routes here💕 all love for you as usual, Brenda! Keep being the wonderful soul that you are. 😊🌟
You know, my Grandmother was in a different form of Christianity. She felt like people can be healed and loved no matter what the struggles, she never got angry or hated people for their own problems. She was still a bit of a homophobe, but she didn't go out of her way to make anyone feel bad for living their life. As an atheist, the purity culture was the most toxic influence on my teen years, and confused me and damaged me further growing up around people who bullied me for NOT being sexually active. Both sides of the extreme are bad, idk why folks can't just let people live their lives.
To be Godly means to allow yourself to be God-like. It's not a doctrinal mind-set. Although we experience the earth's journey as distinct individuals, at heart we are still 'Godly'. Since God is both male and female, it is not logical that one of His/Her realities of nature would tell one part of His/Her nature to 'quiet down' and take a back seat.
Oh my gosh, so personally I’m not very spiritual or religious but I watch god is grey because of “Mr.atheist” and when you said you lived in Springfield Mo I ALMOST SPIT OUT MY DRINK. If you ever do a conference or something in the area I’d love to know 💕
We were in the church for years over 25 and I was considered an uncovered woman because I had my own thoughts and opinions. I was not a meek & gentle proverbs 31 woman. Now that I've left I'm considered a backslider headed to hell. I have a few chronic illnesses and have always had them even in church but now they're a result of me leaving, like Gods punishment. God had mercy in the church for who he had mercy. My adult daughter getting pregnant then married excluded her from having a baby shower at the church even though we supportrd the church for years. But 2 men who are BOTH in prison for CHILD rape & molestation WERE allowed to come to church where some of their victims were. But I'm the sinner. Thanks for shedding light and changing my views on being Christian. I've always thought God & salvation aren't that complicated if you believe in your heart & confess with your mouth that Jesus is lord you shall be saved.
Lisa Camacho - no the difference is they were repentant about their sin and you clearly weren’t. why do you not WANT to be a Proverbs 31 woman? It’s nothing to do with your actions. It’s your heart. If people see a genuine desire to change.... they stay patient with you. If you WANT to be more Godly... and not be rebellious? Then you are on the right path. Even if it takes you many years to improve and improvement is very gradual... you have to at least try...
Lisa Camacho - but you don’t believe in your heart unless you DESIRE to do good. Paul desires to do good but often failed; as he talks about in Romans 7:15-20
@@LivingTrancefully how in the hell do you know the perverted sick assholes were CLEARLY repentant and I was not? Because I sinned by wanting to have a FB account and the church was against it so it should be deleted? My sin was saying NO. One man said If pastor told him to do something he did it cause he was the pastor. He may be the pastor but he certainly isn't the god they preach about! How in the hell do you possibly know my hearts desire? I don't want to be a proverbs 31 woman because it's bullshit. My hearts desire is to be the furthest from being christian as possible. Im not into being accepted and showing people my hearts genuine desire so others can be patient with me. I refuse to be a "godly" woman. If they are my example of it no thank you. And who the hell are you to say what the right path for me is? It did take many years to change gradually and to realize that I was being indoctrinated and isolated my family & friends to be christian. Who are you? You seem like the very people that went to my church? You talk like you know me personally. What's your name & where you from? Brenda started to help me see things differently and now thank you for snapping me back to reality and reminding me that it really is bullshit and opening my eyes once again to why it's all kinds of f'd up.
Hey Brenda! Do you think you’d make a video explaining what “deconstruction” is? I’ve heard you talk about it on your podcasts & UA-cam but I’m not sure what it is. Thanks for all that you do! *Much love from your progressive, Southern, Jesus loving, science believing, married gay Fan! (Me haha, and my hubbie who’s not Christian but watches your videos to better understand my faith).* ✌🏼😉💚
Going wild is easy, returning to God requires commitment and an understanding of why it might be valuable. As christians, we fail nearly everyday to live up to our initial holiness. Yet we should keep trying. We are being transformed into the image of God by his spirit. Plenty of non-christians are amazing kind-hearted people. I would love for them to join us eventually haha! If I were to go astray, I would still hope to return to God in time. Don't dwell in your past mistakes, repent and know that he is waiting for you, like any loving father would.
I sometimes think both my boyfriend and I are codependent. Our relationship is stable but sometimes when it rains...it pours...in a codependent manner. I'm really interested in this "awaken your soul" book.
The masterbation thing- I’ve seen first hand the inner torment of someone given those messages of purity. A friend of mine told me that he’d feel suicidal and want to cry after masturbating. I’m not sure if these church leaders even realize the damage they are causing to people. But then there is also the message that if you’re feeling negative feelings from a message like that, you’re the one with the problem. It’s sad. Brenda, I love what you’re doing with your channel and the message you have. And I can’t believe you’re 8 months already! Probably doesn’t feel like it now, but it goes by so fast.
Yeah, they have that wrapped up in a neat little bow. What you're saying happened to your friend is infuriating. I've never been Christian (thank the gods), but I feel for the people who lose decades of their lives to repressive, disgusting purity culture Christianity. It makes me sick to my stomach.
Thank you. Everytime you debunk something I've been thinking about, I feel lighter. I used to not listen to music, dance, sing, I hated gays and I was taught to wait for that (saved) prince charming. Now I work with God and nature and everything surrounding us, because God made that, and if that isn't amazing, I don't know what is! I am happy, closer to God than ever, and I am no longer living in fear of life. Thank you.
I had to turn this off at the 20 minute mark because I felt what you two were talking about so deep in my soul I started bawling. I don't think I've ever heard anything so beautiful as to looking at these internalized feelings as my inner child calling out to me in fear and the importance and reassuring her that she can trust me.
I know this will be hated, but if i don't say it, I've failed my Lord. We are called to be a peculiar and holy people. There's much about Fundamentalist Christianity that i detest. The way it paints our Lord, is horrible. Nobody should feel unclean when he has made everything clean. Nobody should feel guilt when they are forgiven. But the fact of the matter is that we are called to be holy(separated from the world unto the Lord), and once saved, to live, speak, feel, think and present ourselves as sheep of the Lords flock. I can see how much damage the Churches have done to so many of you, and my heart goes out to all of you. But the fact of the matter is that you don't need a Church. Just Jesus. I see too many people on this channel that are being mislead. Many of you are creating God in your own images, not the other way around. You are of this world, not the Kingdom of God. I'm not judging anyone. I am a gay man and regardless of what anyone says, i was BORN gay. But i deny myself because i love my Lord and i know that it hurts him when i give into my lusts, so despite my loneliness, i abstain. The same would apply if i was straight. By all means deconstruct from churches that make you feel guilty or more distant from your creator. But don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Be holy, because your body is his temple. Be a peculiar person, that the world knows that you are of him and not it. Bless you all. 🙏❤️
I think that "female intuition" can be very problematic when it comes to the abuse of women. We're told to ignore our gut about creeps, but then shamed when abused in any way because we didn't listen. Also, what if you don't have that gut-feeling? If it has been indoctrinated away, or you've ASD or any other social disorder that makes it hard for you to interpret social cues that are often part of this intuition? I think we have to debate the concept, especially the gendering of intuition, men are as much of social and spiritual beings. And of course, non-binary, trans and every other identity, are they not also privy to intuition? (Does it make sense that a bio-female loses their intuition when transitioning to male? Of course not, imo). And then, as a final thought, how interchangeable are the holy spirit and intuition, for a Christian specifically?
It has been indoctrinated away because in the church you learn to trust the authority at pretty much all costs. Do you ever have any feelings when you're around someone of high anxiety, wanting to run away, hide, etc? It's not always easy to interpret, but I find even if I'm doubting, there will be these kind of feelings prevalant even if I'm trying to rationalize it's something else. For example, I will say this person is kind. They're a Christian. I'm in the wrong. Why don't I want to be around them? That's me being picky, but meanwhile when around this person, my anxiety is so high and I literally want to run away, but feel powerless and like it's rude. If you do experience these feelings, listen to them. I believe it is not only your body but God trying to warn you about people. I hope this helps. I also struggle with social struggles, though maybe not in the way you do and there are some people I will feel generally more comfortable around and other people where I will feel uneasy around. I am not able to answer all your questions hopefully Brenda can, but I hope this helps in some way.
I still have issues with even allowing myself to feel angry sometimes, possibly due to my religious upbringing. I feel like, in a lot of churches, feeling anything other than peace or happiness is basically labeled as sinful or "not okay," at the very least.
I didn't even know masturbation EXISTED until I met my husband. When people told me not to touch myself, I thought that meant just like don't touch my breasts, you know? I even felt strange cleaning myself in the shower. But then, my partner showed me what it was and encouraged me to try it myself, and holy crap it rocks. (: So anyway I appreciate this whole video, it's beautiful! (: And especially the part about sexuality and self expression, and also the part about how the reason you feel "bad" about masturbating and other things like that is because it's been programmed into you, not because it's what God is saying. 💛
I love you brenda you are such an awesome person. Thank you for talking about your ideas and welcoming other demographics that would otherwise be alienated by the church. You remind me that being christian is about LOVE
Hi Brenda 🤗🤗. I can’t thank you enough for putting what so many of us have gone through in words. I don’t feel so alone in my deconstruction and evaluating why I believe and do what I do, if that makes sense. All my love to you and baby boy ❤️❤️.
Every time I hear "deconstruction" used outside of a Derridaen context, it's like nails on a chalkboard. Deconstruction is a theory of language that posits that the rules of language do not hold as a coherent whole.
you have no idea what this video meant to me as a young christian woman struggling with my sexuality and identity as an adult, feeling alone, with no one else but videos like this to turn to. thank you
Did anyone catch what the name of that Christian therapy was called? It sounded like Splunknuck (sp?), but I couldn't find anything about it online. Much appreciation to you if you can help.
Thanks for sharing ladies! This was really encouraging to me as a Christian who is going through her own journey in re training my brain and deconstructing some of my own beliefs too. I loved hearing you both share and feel less alone! Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️🤗
Oh Brenda.. you and I have so many things in common. I too was exposed to the evangelical church / purity culture when I was 12, having been a catholic before. Now in a time where I don’t know exactly where I sit with God, and my family is trump supporting, Conservative Christians, I’m so grateful to have found a progressive Christian voice like yours. Your videos bring me peace and give me hope, thank you 💜
I REALLLLY recommend reading the book "a theory of objectivist parenting" by Roslyn Ross and looking into the UA-cam channel "the mellow mama" I really truly you and you child will being it from these resources so so so much and I hope you enjoy them!! I love hearing your perspective on all the topics you talk about!!
Shit shit shit im not even Christian and this podcast had me shook. I can relate so much. This is something women all over the world experience, and mostly from other women you’d find, because it’s a neverending cycle of shaming :(
38:18 That talking point gave me a spiritual breakthrough I’ve been working on for years!! I couldn’t understand why I kept being shown that I shouldn’t trust other people but that specific point was the last thing that made me understand that I’m actually being taught to trust the gifts that God gave me and God themself more than what other people tell me is God.
As the peacekeeping middle child I relate hard to what Brenda said about all the pressure she felt to be perfect, to not cause trouble. Really that just created more guilt around deconstructing. Great convo. Thank you beautiful ladies
The law is supposed to convict us of sin...the Bible says so. Jesus is the payment however we cant continue to live in sin. Thats Bible. Acts tells you how to be saved. Repent, get baptized in Jesus name and receive the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues. Its simple. Dont complicate the gospel.
emorydawn830 - exactly, if we sin, it is to be a mistake only. that is the evidence of true saving faith... if you make a mistake because of your flesh nature, your spirit (Holy Spirit) will grieve inside you... you will feel repentance..and ask God to change you, to give you more strength to conquer temptation.
@@serenitymcbride2700 I mean not normal... normal for sinners. It seems inevitable... and that's why I can't judge others sin... women who are addicted to actual men and women addicted to actual women... I fortunately can get by on my own. I have convinced myself its not possible to not orgasm... which makes sense as God wants us to have lots of sex in marriage. So how could that bioligcal urge be controlled outside? Again, I will not judge those who need a physical partner to achieve what I achieve on my own.... we all sin differently... its the heart that matters... a womans sexual past does not matter to me at all... (this kind of talk probably disgusts God even, I'm sorry). Please pray for me.
I feel like this is a safe place to talk about this. I am a Christian, raised in the church but not purity culture or uber conservatice. I guess I'm still in the middle of reconstruction but in many ways I'm loving it. I have a different view of sex and premarital sex than even some progressive Christians. I am engaged and in an amazing relationship full of love and support. We are sexually active and that part of things is great, and I believe full of grace. But because of both the social stigma and the fact that we aren't financially stable yet I have a lot of fear and anxiety around getting pregnant. I have the birth control implant but even though it is more than 99% effective I still get so anxious when I don't get a period and expect to. I am in the grip of this anxiety right now. It doesn't help that I have fibroids and so my cycle is incredibly irregular. I think even if I was married already I would feel this anxiety because we aren't ready for a baby yet. I just wonder do all married women just live with the dread that they could get pregnant any time. I'm afraid that even when I want to get pregnant I will still feel this way because it has been forced into my mind for so long with all that I was told in the church and my home about getting pregnant. It's always been the worst thing a girl could do. I don't know what to do about this. And I struggle with trusting God on this topic because even if everything would work out I don't believe that he would totally protect me from getting pregnant. I reflexively see getting pregnant as a way for God to punish a woman like me who dares to have sex when she shouldn't. It helps to share this here. I don't expect a reply but it would be nice to not feel alone.
Hi :) I relate to what you’re going through. I’m catholic and I have been sexually active and afraid to get pregnant partly because of fear of judgment from my peers (in France most people are atheists so it’s not because of purity culture) and partly because like you, I don’t feel I’m ready yet to have a child. Now I’ve made my peace with this, because my boyfriend and my sister are so supportive and our parents would be too. I can assure you though, God isn’t waiting to trap you into a punishment. In any case, if you conceive, this child will be God’s blessing to your couple more than your punishment. He sees you and knows what’s good for you. Also my boyfriend and I (for other reasons) have decided to trust the Catholic Church’s teaching about chastity and embrace a journey of learning to know each other on a deeper level before mariage - we want to replace sexuality (for now) with learning to go out together towards others, especially those who are marginalized. We’re both coming from a place of trauma (we’ve both been in some way sexually abused) and we believe God has allowed us through our trials and sin to find peace and forgiveness that comes from Him through each other... and now He is leading us to another place. I’m not trying to tell what to do or what not to do but I just hope my story tells you that wherever you’re at, God sees you and He’s leading you to wherever He has planned for you and He loves you. Above all. That is the most important thing you need to know. ❤️
Here’s a Bible verse for you : «I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.» [...] «Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.» Psalms 139: 14 & 16 ESV
What r ur thoughts on different kinds of witchcraft I have friends and watch you tubers who practice it and some of it creeps me out and some of it is beautiful like there love of the earth and the idea that the good things and bad things you put out come back three times more astrology is interesting idk if it’s good or bad lol
In my own personal experience, going to fundamentalist Christian church's most of my life, a big majority of the so called Conservitive Christian women I knew, had sex before Marriage, or where bi, or lesbian, and there was always this double standard, Preachers would talk all day about purity, but the doctrine never seemed to be useful or help full, and practical, so many spent most of their time condemning them selves or being hypocrites. At the last chuch I was going to, The pastor preached purity all the time, but let his 20 year old daughter where extreamly short mini skerts, so short that she couldent even kneel down to pick somthing up, with out showing her under whear, hypocritical stuff like this is what I found in Church. Not that Im aganst allowing a woman to be free to dress how they want, but it was a little confusing.
Very interesting conversation. When I left the fundamental church it was difficult because I did not know what I actually felt about anything as the fundament church 'tells' you what to believe. I went to a therapist and took a stress test and scored 300. She said 100 was high. I took almost two years to get my anxiety low enough to function.
Thanks Brenda, this was so rich with so much that resonated! I actually took my time listening to the video, pausing and taking lots of notes. So helpful for me right now!
"At the core of us is divinity.." Sorry I cannot agree . We are made in the image of God, made to reflect the moral will and character of God...but we do need a Redeemed because of sin. Believe, Recieve Him, and Live! (John 10:10). That Redeemed is Jesus The Christ.
I'm sorry I don't get it!! I grow up in church as a PK and yes it's hard and people do judge you a lot but don't have any trauma do to the church and religion. The traumas that I have experience has not been related to the church.
And throughout the bible v see God's children sinning against Him, but our God is a merciful God. They r mentioned to teach us about how v r supposed to abstain and shun all evils. Be more like our Lord. I would say Follow Christ and not the other people mentioned in the bible as all r sinners. For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But our God sent his only begotten son to die for us. And he has made us a royal priesthood, a holy nation. So v r supposed to obey Him, be Holy (which as a mortal is diificult bt not impossible. For with God everything is possible) and not to grieve the Holy Spirit.
Steffi - and it takes devout prayer, God has taken a long time to heal me and make me desire to obey Him. It takes deep repentance and consistency in prayer to activate Gods grace.... or having another pray for you unknowingly may give you a 2nd wind... but you still have to be repentant and choose it for yourself.
Thank you. More people should know this and know the love of God. God forgives us all if we confess our sins but it doesn't give us the liberty to continue in sin.
"Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry" - Colossians 3:5 "For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live." - Romans 8:13
Not sure why you guys even call yourselves Christian. Why use that label? You're modern, powerful women who identify with spirituality, whatever that means. You're honest enough to face your sexuality head on. Unfortunately you're disputing some biblical passages while cherry-picking others that suit your life choices. I frankly think using the label "Christian" diminishes you, reduces you as women, individuals and sexual beings.
What churches are those.the churches l attend we are equal but female.we find our identity in Christ.Father created us in his image.he has a scroll or book were our days are ridden.Father always hopes the best for us.the brokeness is to be healed that is part of the what Jesus will do.l am a good example.if you want to be healed from trama sexual abuse anxiety,depression exstra.you got to want it and believe its God best for you.By the way its HolySpirit who does the work through Jesus and his finish work on the cross and its supernatural and it brings wholeness.God has raised up many awesome christians who are helping heal hearts minds bodys spirit.no newage stuff just pure Jesus healing.
thanks for sharing, nan. I rely heavily on my faith in Jesus but I've also found that supplements outside the church - like having friendships with those of other faiths or none at all, embracing health practices from eastern traditions, allowing therapy from western traditions etc have all edified my faith. God works through so many different avenues xoxox
@@GodisGrey I didn't think about that haha, I was concerned they were upset and that why the grammar was so off. I typed that quickly and it comes off a little judgemental, not at all the intention though!
@@littl3ica4us9 it's all good honey!! just wanted to let you know because a lot of people apologize for not speaking English well and I'm like allll good. I can ONLY speak English - which I hate haha
That "Not having enough faith in sin" line had me shook. Holy cow, she said the thing! Me opening my mind to the world beyond the church and not revelling in fear has taught me a lot of things, but I never thought to call it 'faith' in fear/sin. I haven't even gotten to ten minutes into the video but I had to respond now.
I love that this phrase stood out! profound but simple revelation, huh? xoxo
Wow. Shook. “He would have to restructure why he is proud of me.” My dad won’t respond to me when I try to open dialogue around courting and purity culture’s effects on me. This gives me hope.
SophiaMarie92 - what is wrong with courtship? I see why being shamed for not being able to control your sex drive would be damaging. But courtship? Maybe I misunderstand what you mean by courtship.
SophiaMarie92 - isn’t courtship the idea that a man wants to “date” you towards marriage, without sexual intimacy?
@@LivingTrancefully first off, consent does not mean you "cant control your sex drive". Its literally the opposite of that. Someone who cant control their sex drive is more akin to a rapist.
Second, i dont think its the act of courting itself that's the problem. The problem is men who think following certian steps in courting guarantees them exclusive access to a women, or that men get to soley decide how the courting/dating procedure should go, or that a women's father needs to be involved at all (like asking a man to date his daughter first before asking her).
Not being able to control yourself is shamed because it suggests the person is unlikely to be faithful. That's totally something that should be shamed. No one wants a spouse who's slept with a million men. Studies show such women never marry. They die and are replaced by others, meaning they don't do their biological function.
@@johnnonamegibbon3580 thier "biological function"? Sounds like the only person who has no control over their desires is you. Human beings are more than just reproducing machines. And yes, there are millions of women who find love and marry and are happy even though they've had sex prior. Only men who think they own women and put more vaule in a vagina than person, dont want to marryca person whos had sex before.
I’m atheist but I click on your videos before I click on anything else in my subscription box😂
Same.
hahah yes - I love it xoxox
I'm an atheist is well and Brenda has such a beautiful spirit , she has put a bit of peace in my heart that was crushed by the church.
I just love her
💕🍁
We were told you were not allowed to be depressed. If you were depressed you just need to read the Bible more and pray more cause you can't be depressed and a good christian
Yes
That is so sad :( I’m sorry you went through that. Gods a kind father - he understands mental health issues. X
That's what our church always said. I believe it played a major role in my dad's suicide. He would go through these cycles of depression, talking with the pastor, finaly going to the doctor and getting on meds, start feeling guilty, go off the meds, be ok for a bit, and it was endless. We always knew where he was and the amount of times he told me, "I must not be good enough" for needing antidepressants was horrible. I still believe in God, but growing up seeing this cycle made me believe very similar to Brenda even before I was out of the Baptist church I grew up in. I was probably 11 or 12 when I started feeling the ways Brenda does and it showed me a completely different life view.
This is so true! I struggled with depression for most of my life, and I have recently realized that one of the primary reasons was because my religion told me being depressed was a sign that I lacked faith. It’s very damaging and it’s a self-sustained cycle of depression.
@@dekubro413 i felt so much better my hubby asked me what I did . I had secretly quit the church
Oooooo “I was in an abusive relationship with the church.” That hit it. Yes. Loving this video so much! Thanks ❤️❤️ 🙏
YES!
I was lost for a time and since i found your channel it got me closer to god, i start reading my bible , watch your videos, pray more to understand this world. So thank you ❤❤❤
ahh this makes my heart SING- I love it xoxox
I'm not Christian but that warms my heart to hear! You should always follow the spiritual path that calls to you and I'm so glad that this video inspired you to do just that 💕
I am just stunned at how many people struggled with anxiety and panic attacks like I did just before I left my church. I was deconstructing and suddenly I just couldn't handle being at church anymore because of things that were being said and practiced that were very harmful.
Brenda, thank you for redefining a Christian!!! 😍 I’ve often hated them because of the hate I’ve gotten as a gay Japanese Buddhist. You really are changing America.
Love and aloha from Hawai’i! 😁🏳️🌈🤙🏽
aw well, I certainly hope so. thank you so much for being here in the God is grey community. I love the diversity we all represent together xoxox
Aloha from Hawaii too! Cool to know there are others in the state that love this channel
God is Grey Have you ever been to Hawai’i? If not, I think you’ll love it. The teachings of Jesus Christ are evident everywhere here in Hawai’i. Because of our extreme racial diversity, we’re raised with the ideology that we’re ALL equal...and as an adult, it’s been pointed out to me by my mainland friends. Several of them have told me, “we can tell you’re not from here (the mainland)”...and when I ask why...they tell me, “you clearly don’t feel inferior to white people!” To which is reply, “why should I? Aren’t we created equal?” I recently had someone tell me that they go to a university that’s very racially diverse, but he still see racism all the time. So I told him, “there’s a difference between a bunch of races being raised together (as is the case in Hawai’i) and a bunch of races being raised homogeneously and then being lumped together in the same university (as is the case in his Uni)”. I told him that in his Uni’s case, people are just going to hang out with their own...and that’s not how we’re raised in Hawai’i. It’s not perfect here, not by any means...but I think that it’s a place you’d enjoy very much. 😘
I often tell hateful Christians...”if Jesus was quietly standing behind you when you spew hatred and judgment...he would he ashamed of you. For you, “if Jesus was quietly standing behind you when you have these conversations...he would be so totally and utterly happy that someone is spreading his messages to the world.” 😍😍
PS - I hope baby is coming along well and that the three of you are doing well! So much love and aloha!!! 😘😘
@@SeanShimamoto that's beautiful - I haven't been but would love to someday soon!
I've gotta bring the baby :)
vanessa benoit Yup! I was born and raised in Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines...and when I was 14, years before I even came out to my family, my Christian Aunty told me “you’re going to hell ‘cause you’re gay!” Despite being raised in very different religious environments, and having HATEFUL statements/slurs thrown at me...I’ve always been of the mindset to forgive people and to NOT judge everyone by the actions of others. So when I was watching Mr. Atheist and he was praising Brenda and her channel...I had to come and check out her channel, and I subscribed on that day. 😁🤙🏽
I love this conversation! It is something I can really apply to being brought up in a toxic sports environment (competitive dance). I think this is my favourite conversation you've had! ♥️
Comforting my inner child 😭 I need to be intentional about adding this practice to my everyday.
Beautiful - I'm so happy to hear this convo had an impact on you
Same
“Trauma of leaving church”. Man... that hit me. And it’s so very hard to explain to people (Christians and non Christians). Leaving an evangelical church was one of the hardest, soul crushing things I’ve ever had to do. The anger was real
Hang in there, time heals all
As a German Christian it’s really interesting how different growing up as a Christian is in different parts of the world. Although there are obviously fundamental Christians in Germany as well, most seem to be a lot more open and progressive. Even in school we learned a lot about biblical hermeneutics and exegesis and how a lot of texts in the bible only really make sense if you know about what’s in German called “Sitz im Leben” (setting in life - when, where, why, by whom was the text created?).
Another German here, I feel the same way. This notion of taking the Bible literally is really weird to me.
Slyceify exactly.
Thank you both for sharing.
of course xoxoxo
At 19 minutes in, when you started talking about your younger selves... WHOOO BOY. I almost started to cry at work. I need to meditate on this.
Heya everyone,
Haha, Madison reminds me of one of my students several years ago, "loud and bubbly" flipping around doing cartwheels and gymnastics while we were standing in line for an event! She made our student ministry so fun! Reminds me of the verse in Psalm 139:14, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."
Enjoyed the video, I am learning a lot from a different perspective (I took 2 pages of notes). First, my heart hurts for people who are involved in legalistic churches who are damaged by a false view of Scripture. I can see the hurt it has caused many. I wish people would check what they are taught against Scripture and see what God does and doesn't really say. I cringe at the ideas like, "If you remain a virgin you will have an awesome marriage" or "you just don't enough faith/or your sinning."
The word "balance" comes to mind. This could apply in several areas of the video. We should balance our faith, the facts, and our feelings together. Not all our feelings or our heart is wrong/bad. But at the same time, they're not always correct/good either. Checking them against each other (alongside Scripture) will help. Another example, having too much concern over sin to the point where we lose sleep and have anxiety (I'm thinking the "M" word discussion haha) versus not have any or little concern over sin to the point where we embrace it all. The answer is balance. Find the right biblical point of view that we will struggle with sin as we grow in our relationship with Christ, but don't beat yourself up. Seek forgiveness and go forward!
Happy Monday!
Hey John! You sound like a wonderful leader & I pray God continually blesses your ministry and students. I agree with balance, balance, balance. Hoping to impart more details on that next week
God is Grey ♥️ back at ya!
Madison Hedlund is a Godsend! The part where ahe discusses the "mean girl" mindset is completely what has held me back in my life. When I truly love myself and give myself self compassion I feel like I am being evil! It held me back from embracing my love of music and my desires to share beauty and healing through music. It has been horrible!
Fundagelicals don't realize that Christianity teaches that humans can never be pure enough
Not only that, but fundamentalism also constantly trains its followers to constantly belittle themselves. That they are worthless. That without god and jesus, they can't accomplish anything, or every do anything good, that they are less then dirt.
I agree- fundamentalism is a mess x
@@Aging_Casually_Late_Gamer It's not like we all fall short of the glory of God or something.....
@@Aging_Casually_Late_Gamer "Nobody's good except God" - Yeshua ben Yosef ve Miryam
I also notice that these same "Fundagelicals" also make God too human. They aspire humanlike traits like jealousy and the way they make God sound is petty. God is not human and we cannot truly know God's ways in this mortal coil.
Wow. I completely resonated w your intro about your father. I’m going through a very similar situation. It has been very hurtful, but I’m holding out hope that he’ll still find a way to be an important part of my life. Even though he has been toxic, it doesn’t feel right to cut him out of my life. I love him dearly.
I'm going into Psychology to provide therapy & have heard of the ACE score! I really like how you guys discussed different therapy routes here💕 all love for you as usual, Brenda! Keep being the wonderful soul that you are. 😊🌟
thank you, love!! All the best to you in your chosen profession - you'll make such a difference in this world xoxox
@@GodisGrey 💕💕
You know, my Grandmother was in a different form of Christianity.
She felt like people can be healed and loved no matter what the struggles, she never got angry or hated people for their own problems. She was still a bit of a homophobe, but she didn't go out of her way to make anyone feel bad for living their life.
As an atheist, the purity culture was the most toxic influence on my teen years, and confused me and damaged me further growing up around people who bullied me for NOT being sexually active.
Both sides of the extreme are bad, idk why folks can't just let people live their lives.
To be Godly means to allow yourself to be God-like. It's not a doctrinal mind-set. Although we experience the earth's journey as distinct individuals, at heart we are still 'Godly'.
Since God is both male and female, it is not logical that one of His/Her realities of nature would tell one part of His/Her nature to 'quiet down' and take a back seat.
God is not a hermaphrodite. Sorry
God the Father
@@askeletonsdaisy2440 Sorry, you've totally missed and misinterpreted the point.
@@GaryEllis nahhh, we know where you're wanting to take this. All inclusive, equality, new age, progressive bullshit. Everyone is sick of it
Thisblogisdangerous.com
Oh my gosh, so personally I’m not very spiritual or religious but I watch god is grey because of “Mr.atheist” and when you said you lived in Springfield Mo I ALMOST SPIT OUT MY DRINK. If you ever do a conference or something in the area I’d love to know 💕
We were in the church for years over 25 and I was considered an uncovered woman because I had my own thoughts and opinions. I was not a meek & gentle proverbs 31 woman. Now that I've left I'm considered a backslider headed to hell. I have a few chronic illnesses and have always had them even in church but now they're a result of me leaving, like Gods punishment.
God had mercy in the church for who he had mercy. My adult daughter getting pregnant then married excluded her from having a baby shower at the church even though we supportrd the church for years. But 2 men who are BOTH in prison for CHILD rape & molestation WERE allowed to come to church where some of their victims were. But I'm the sinner. Thanks for shedding light and changing my views on being Christian. I've always thought God & salvation aren't that complicated if you believe in your heart & confess with your mouth that Jesus is lord you shall be saved.
Lisa Camacho - no the difference is they were repentant about their sin and you clearly weren’t. why do you not WANT to be a Proverbs 31 woman? It’s nothing to do with your actions. It’s your heart. If people see a genuine desire to change.... they stay patient with you. If you WANT to be more Godly... and not be rebellious? Then you are on the right path. Even if it takes you many years to improve and improvement is very gradual... you have to at least try...
Lisa Camacho - but you don’t believe in your heart unless you DESIRE to do good. Paul desires to do good but often failed; as he talks about in Romans 7:15-20
@@LivingTrancefully how in the hell do you know the perverted sick assholes were CLEARLY repentant and I was not? Because I sinned by wanting to have a FB account and the church was against it so it should be deleted? My sin was saying NO. One man said If pastor told him to do something he did it cause he was the pastor. He may be the pastor but he certainly isn't the god they preach about! How in the hell do you possibly know my hearts desire? I don't want to be a proverbs 31 woman because it's bullshit. My hearts desire is to be the furthest from being christian as possible. Im not into being accepted and showing people my hearts genuine desire so others can be patient with me. I refuse to be a "godly" woman. If they are my example of it no thank you. And who the hell are you to say what the right path for me is? It did take many years to change gradually and to realize that I was being indoctrinated and isolated my family & friends to be christian. Who are you? You seem like the very people that went to my church? You talk like you know me personally. What's your name & where you from? Brenda started to help me see things differently and now thank you for snapping me back to reality and reminding me that it really is bullshit and opening my eyes once again to why it's all kinds of f'd up.
Hey Brenda! Do you think you’d make a video explaining what “deconstruction” is? I’ve heard you talk about it on your podcasts & UA-cam but I’m not sure what it is. Thanks for all that you do! *Much love from your progressive, Southern, Jesus loving, science believing, married gay Fan! (Me haha, and my hubbie who’s not Christian but watches your videos to better understand my faith).* ✌🏼😉💚
Going wild is easy, returning to God requires commitment and an understanding of why it might be valuable. As christians, we fail nearly everyday to live up to our initial holiness. Yet we should keep trying. We are being transformed into the image of God by his spirit. Plenty of non-christians are amazing kind-hearted people. I would love for them to join us eventually haha! If I were to go astray, I would still hope to return to God in time. Don't dwell in your past mistakes, repent and know that he is waiting for you, like any loving father would.
I sometimes think both my boyfriend and I are codependent. Our relationship is stable but sometimes when it rains...it pours...in a codependent manner. I'm really interested in this "awaken your soul" book.
@Ramp Shark ooh i think i missed that one....season and ep #??
BRENDA!! Please do a video on the whole Beth Moore situation!!
Love you to death btw hope you and your baby are doing well!
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
thank you for being here xoxox
The masterbation thing- I’ve seen first hand the inner torment of someone given those messages of purity. A friend of mine told me that he’d feel suicidal and want to cry after masturbating. I’m not sure if these church leaders even realize the damage they are causing to people. But then there is also the message that if you’re feeling negative feelings from a message like that, you’re the one with the problem. It’s sad.
Brenda, I love what you’re doing with your channel and the message you have. And I can’t believe you’re 8 months already! Probably doesn’t feel like it now, but it goes by so fast.
Yeah, they have that wrapped up in a neat little bow. What you're saying happened to your friend is infuriating. I've never been Christian (thank the gods), but I feel for the people who lose decades of their lives to repressive, disgusting purity culture Christianity. It makes me sick to my stomach.
Thank you. Everytime you debunk something I've been thinking about, I feel lighter. I used to not listen to music, dance, sing, I hated gays and I was taught to wait for that (saved) prince charming. Now I work with God and nature and everything surrounding us, because God made that, and if that isn't amazing, I don't know what is! I am happy, closer to God than ever, and I am no longer living in fear of life. Thank you.
I had to turn this off at the 20 minute mark because I felt what you two were talking about so deep in my soul I started bawling. I don't think I've ever heard anything so beautiful as to looking at these internalized feelings as my inner child calling out to me in fear and the importance and reassuring her that she can trust me.
Godisgrey, this is your best interview yet. I NEEDED to hear this, it's healing for my soul.
💗
I know this will be hated, but if i don't say it, I've failed my Lord.
We are called to be a peculiar and holy people.
There's much about Fundamentalist Christianity that i detest. The way it paints our Lord, is horrible.
Nobody should feel unclean when he has made everything clean. Nobody should feel guilt when they are forgiven.
But the fact of the matter is that we are called to be holy(separated from the world unto the Lord), and once saved, to live, speak, feel, think and present ourselves as sheep of the Lords flock.
I can see how much damage the Churches have done to so many of you, and my heart goes out to all of you.
But the fact of the matter is that you don't need a Church.
Just Jesus.
I see too many people on this channel that are being mislead.
Many of you are creating God in your own images, not the other way around.
You are of this world, not the Kingdom of God.
I'm not judging anyone. I am a gay man and regardless of what anyone says, i was BORN gay.
But i deny myself because i love my Lord and i know that it hurts him when i give into my lusts, so despite my loneliness, i abstain.
The same would apply if i was straight.
By all means deconstruct from churches that make you feel guilty or more distant from your creator.
But don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
Be holy, because your body is his temple.
Be a peculiar person, that the world knows that you are of him and not it.
Bless you all.
🙏❤️
I think that "female intuition" can be very problematic when it comes to the abuse of women. We're told to ignore our gut about creeps, but then shamed when abused in any way because we didn't listen. Also, what if you don't have that gut-feeling? If it has been indoctrinated away, or you've ASD or any other social disorder that makes it hard for you to interpret social cues that are often part of this intuition? I think we have to debate the concept, especially the gendering of intuition, men are as much of social and spiritual beings. And of course, non-binary, trans and every other identity, are they not also privy to intuition? (Does it make sense that a bio-female loses their intuition when transitioning to male? Of course not, imo). And then, as a final thought, how interchangeable are the holy spirit and intuition, for a Christian specifically?
It has been indoctrinated away because in the church you learn to trust the authority at pretty much all costs. Do you ever have any feelings when you're around someone of high anxiety, wanting to run away, hide, etc? It's not always easy to interpret, but I find even if I'm doubting, there will be these kind of feelings prevalant even if I'm trying to rationalize it's something else. For example, I will say this person is kind. They're a Christian. I'm in the wrong. Why don't I want to be around them? That's me being picky, but meanwhile when around this person, my anxiety is so high and I literally want to run away, but feel powerless and like it's rude. If you do experience these feelings, listen to them. I believe it is not only your body but God trying to warn you about people. I hope this helps. I also struggle with social struggles, though maybe not in the way you do and there are some people I will feel generally more comfortable around and other people where I will feel uneasy around. I am not able to answer all your questions hopefully Brenda can, but I hope this helps in some way.
Brenda
I still have issues with even allowing myself to feel angry sometimes, possibly due to my religious upbringing. I feel like, in a lot of churches, feeling anything other than peace or happiness is basically labeled as sinful or "not okay," at the very least.
I didn't even know masturbation EXISTED until I met my husband. When people told me not to touch myself, I thought that meant just like don't touch my breasts, you know? I even felt strange cleaning myself in the shower. But then, my partner showed me what it was and encouraged me to try it myself, and holy crap it rocks. (: So anyway I appreciate this whole video, it's beautiful! (: And especially the part about sexuality and self expression, and also the part about how the reason you feel "bad" about masturbating and other things like that is because it's been programmed into you, not because it's what God is saying. 💛
I love you brenda you are such an awesome person. Thank you for talking about your ideas and welcoming other demographics that would otherwise be alienated by the church. You remind me that being christian is about LOVE
Hi Brenda 🤗🤗. I can’t thank you enough for putting what so many of us have gone through in words.
I don’t feel so alone in my deconstruction and evaluating why I believe and do what I do, if that makes sense.
All my love to you and baby boy ❤️❤️.
Every time I hear "deconstruction" used outside of a Derridaen context, it's like nails on a chalkboard. Deconstruction is a theory of language that posits that the rules of language do not hold as a coherent whole.
Thank you so so so so much Brenda for this!!!
of course! xoxox
you have no idea what this video meant to me as a young christian woman struggling with my sexuality and identity as an adult, feeling alone, with no one else but videos like this to turn to. thank you
Did anyone catch what the name of that Christian therapy was called? It sounded like Splunknuck (sp?), but I couldn't find anything about it online. Much appreciation to you if you can help.
Thanks for sharing ladies! This was really encouraging to me as a Christian who is going through her own journey in re training my brain and deconstructing some of my own beliefs too. I loved hearing you both share and feel less alone! Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️🤗
Oh Brenda.. you and I have so many things in common. I too was exposed to the evangelical church / purity culture when I was 12, having been a catholic before. Now in a time where I don’t know exactly where I sit with God, and my family is trump supporting, Conservative Christians, I’m so grateful to have found a progressive Christian voice like yours. Your videos bring me peace and give me hope, thank you 💜
I REALLLLY recommend reading the book "a theory of objectivist parenting" by Roslyn Ross and looking into the UA-cam channel "the mellow mama" I really truly you and you child will being it from these resources so so so much and I hope you enjoy them!! I love hearing your perspective on all the topics you talk about!!
Shit shit shit im not even Christian and this podcast had me shook. I can relate so much. This is something women all over the world experience, and mostly from other women you’d find, because it’s a neverending cycle of shaming :(
38:18 That talking point gave me a spiritual breakthrough I’ve been working on for years!! I couldn’t understand why I kept being shown that I shouldn’t trust other people but that specific point was the last thing that made me understand that I’m actually being taught to trust the gifts that God gave me and God themself more than what other people tell me is God.
As the peacekeeping middle child I relate hard to what Brenda said about all the pressure she felt to be perfect, to not cause trouble. Really that just created more guilt around deconstructing. Great convo. Thank you beautiful ladies
The law is supposed to convict us of sin...the Bible says so. Jesus is the payment however we cant continue to live in sin. Thats Bible. Acts tells you how to be saved. Repent, get baptized in Jesus name and receive the Holy Ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues. Its simple. Dont complicate the gospel.
emorydawn830 - exactly, if we sin, it is to be a mistake only. that is the evidence of true saving faith... if you make a mistake because of your flesh nature, your spirit (Holy Spirit) will grieve inside you... you will feel repentance..and ask God to change you, to give you more strength to conquer temptation.
emorydawn830 - it’s not the fleeing from sin that is evidence of saving faith, but the desire to flee from sin.
@@LivingTrancefully amen, someone on here in the comments who gets it
@@serenitymcbride2700 I mean not normal... normal for sinners. It seems inevitable... and that's why I can't judge others sin... women who are addicted to actual men and women addicted to actual women... I fortunately can get by on my own. I have convinced myself its not possible to not orgasm... which makes sense as God wants us to have lots of sex in marriage. So how could that bioligcal urge be controlled outside? Again, I will not judge those who need a physical partner to achieve what I achieve on my own.... we all sin differently... its the heart that matters... a womans sexual past does not matter to me at all...
(this kind of talk probably disgusts God even, I'm sorry).
Please pray for me.
I feel like this is a safe place to talk about this. I am a Christian, raised in the church but not purity culture or uber conservatice. I guess I'm still in the middle of reconstruction but in many ways I'm loving it. I have a different view of sex and premarital sex than even some progressive Christians. I am engaged and in an amazing relationship full of love and support. We are sexually active and that part of things is great, and I believe full of grace. But because of both the social stigma and the fact that we aren't financially stable yet I have a lot of fear and anxiety around getting pregnant. I have the birth control implant but even though it is more than 99% effective I still get so anxious when I don't get a period and expect to. I am in the grip of this anxiety right now. It doesn't help that I have fibroids and so my cycle is incredibly irregular. I think even if I was married already I would feel this anxiety because we aren't ready for a baby yet. I just wonder do all married women just live with the dread that they could get pregnant any time. I'm afraid that even when I want to get pregnant I will still feel this way because it has been forced into my mind for so long with all that I was told in the church and my home about getting pregnant. It's always been the worst thing a girl could do. I don't know what to do about this. And I struggle with trusting God on this topic because even if everything would work out I don't believe that he would totally protect me from getting pregnant. I reflexively see getting pregnant as a way for God to punish a woman like me who dares to have sex when she shouldn't. It helps to share this here. I don't expect a reply but it would be nice to not feel alone.
Hi :) I relate to what you’re going through. I’m catholic and I have been sexually active and afraid to get pregnant partly because of fear of judgment from my peers (in France most people are atheists so it’s not because of purity culture) and partly because like you, I don’t feel I’m ready yet to have a child. Now I’ve made my peace with this, because my boyfriend and my sister are so supportive and our parents would be too. I can assure you though, God isn’t waiting to trap you into a punishment. In any case, if you conceive, this child will be God’s blessing to your couple more than your punishment. He sees you and knows what’s good for you. Also my boyfriend and I (for other reasons) have decided to trust the Catholic Church’s teaching about chastity and embrace a journey of learning to know each other on a deeper level before mariage - we want to replace sexuality (for now) with learning to go out together towards others, especially those who are marginalized. We’re both coming from a place of trauma (we’ve both been in some way sexually abused) and we believe God has allowed us through our trials and sin to find peace and forgiveness that comes from Him through each other... and now He is leading us to another place. I’m not trying to tell what to do or what not to do but I just hope my story tells you that wherever you’re at, God sees you and He’s leading you to wherever He has planned for you and He loves you. Above all. That is the most important thing you need to know. ❤️
Here’s a Bible verse for you :
«I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.»
[...]
«Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.»
Psalms 139: 14 & 16 ESV
What r ur thoughts on different kinds of witchcraft I have friends and watch you tubers who practice it and some of it creeps me out and some of it is beautiful like there love of the earth and the idea that the good things and bad things you put out come back three times more astrology is interesting idk if it’s good or bad lol
She actually did a video on this a while ago
I used to punch holes in walls because I was angry about being sexually assaulted.
I just have anger at my parents due to religious differences.
In my own personal experience, going to fundamentalist Christian church's most of my life, a big majority of the so called Conservitive Christian women I knew, had sex before Marriage, or where bi, or lesbian, and there was always this double standard, Preachers would talk all day about purity, but the doctrine never seemed to be useful or help full, and practical, so many spent most of their time condemning them selves or being hypocrites. At the last chuch I was going to, The pastor preached purity all the time, but let his 20 year old daughter where extreamly short mini skerts, so short that she couldent even kneel down to pick somthing up, with out showing her under whear, hypocritical stuff like this is what I found in Church. Not that Im aganst allowing a woman to be free to dress how they want, but it was a little confusing.
Brenda, thank you soooo much for this interview. 💜💜💜
my pleasure! xo
I can relate to this so much
This is making me cry.
Very interesting conversation. When I left the fundamental church it was difficult because I did not know what I actually felt about anything as the fundament church 'tells' you what to believe. I went to a therapist and took a stress test and scored 300. She said 100 was high. I took almost two years to get my anxiety low enough to function.
I am in love with your channel! Thank you for your wonderful and insightful videos. 😊
Thanks Brenda, this was so rich with so much that resonated! I actually took my time listening to the video, pausing and taking lots of notes. So helpful for me right now!
Fascinating convo, I think with relationships love is boundless, falling in love quite the same, loving even more so.
🔆Such a fabulous discussion. Thanks so much to both of you wonderful ladies ❤️
Even as an atheist, the lessons here are so eyes-opening! We all have that pressure, somewhere, somewhat...
Wow. This is brilliant. Thanks for sharing, such an important conversation.
"At the core of us is divinity.." Sorry I cannot agree .
We are made in the image of God, made to reflect the moral will and character of God...but we do need a Redeemed because of sin. Believe, Recieve Him, and Live!
(John 10:10).
That Redeemed is Jesus The Christ.
I'm sorry I don't get it!! I grow up in church as a PK and yes it's hard and people do judge you a lot but don't have any trauma do to the church and religion. The traumas that I have experience has not been related to the church.
You dont automatically get trauma from just going to a church. You get it mostly from churchs that are fundamentalists and sheltered from reality.
And throughout the bible v see God's children sinning against Him, but our God is a merciful God. They r mentioned to teach us about how v r supposed to abstain and shun all evils. Be more like our Lord. I would say Follow Christ and not the other people mentioned in the bible as all r sinners. For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But our God sent his only begotten son to die for us. And he has made us a royal priesthood, a holy nation. So v r supposed to obey Him, be Holy (which as a mortal is diificult bt not impossible. For with God everything is possible) and not to grieve the Holy Spirit.
Steffi - Amen!
This was so incredibly helpful for me
I feel so seen this brings tears to my eyes. Thank you.
Beautiful, ladies. As always. Xoxo
Wow. This gave me such relief
I LOVED this, thank you
Christ teaches you to be more like him. He was the sinless spotless lamb of God. And we can be more like him only by prayers and His grace.
Steffi - shes leading many astray and thinks she’s actually preaching grace
Steffi - exactly, and to pray to be sanctified quicker, requires repentance. unrepentant sinners aren’t praying to change and be more like Christ.
Steffi - and it takes devout prayer, God has taken a long time to heal me and make me desire to obey Him. It takes deep repentance and consistency in prayer to activate Gods grace.... or having another pray for you unknowingly may give you a 2nd wind... but you still have to be repentant and choose it for yourself.
Thank you. More people should know this and know the love of God. God forgives us all if we confess our sins but it doesn't give us the liberty to continue in sin.
1:44 bookmark
Praying for the People watching this Brenda, and for you as well.
Meadow Sweep - I’ve never felt so heavily convicted to pray for a woman I’ve never met.
...was Jesus asexual?
Brenda is a false teacher! What she and her guests say do not align with Scripture. Unsubscribe.
"Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry" - Colossians 3:5
"For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live." - Romans 8:13
Not sure why you guys even call yourselves Christian. Why use that label? You're modern, powerful women who identify with spirituality, whatever that means. You're honest enough to face your sexuality head on. Unfortunately you're disputing some biblical passages while cherry-picking others that suit your life choices. I frankly think using the label "Christian" diminishes you, reduces you as women, individuals and sexual beings.
Rip clearly they are not Christian they are trying to subvert Christian Truth. You could actually say they are in league with Satan.
^
What churches are those.the churches l attend we are equal but female.we find our identity in Christ.Father created us in his image.he has a scroll or book were our days are ridden.Father always hopes the best for us.the brokeness is to be healed that is part of the what Jesus will do.l am a good example.if you want to be healed from trama sexual abuse anxiety,depression exstra.you got to want it and believe its God best for you.By the way its HolySpirit who does the work through Jesus and his finish work on the cross and its supernatural and it brings wholeness.God has raised up many awesome christians who are helping heal hearts minds bodys spirit.no newage stuff just pure Jesus healing.
Are you okay Nan? Your grammar is awful here, its concerning
@@littl3ica4us9 careful! God is grey is in 39 countries around the world! Not everyone is a native English speaker xo
thanks for sharing, nan. I rely heavily on my faith in Jesus but I've also found that supplements outside the church - like having friendships with those of other faiths or none at all, embracing health practices from eastern traditions, allowing therapy from western traditions etc have all edified my faith. God works through so many different avenues xoxox
@@GodisGrey I didn't think about that haha, I was concerned they were upset and that why the grammar was so off. I typed that quickly and it comes off a little judgemental, not at all the intention though!
@@littl3ica4us9 it's all good honey!! just wanted to let you know because a lot of people apologize for not speaking English well and I'm like allll good. I can ONLY speak English - which I hate haha