I Was Cancelled (By Exvangelicals) & I'm Done Being *Perfect* | God is Grey
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Today we're addressing my #cancellation by #exvangelicals
I hope this message will help anyone losing friends, community, or a job as they move out of trauma & into freedom. #progressive #GodisGrey
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Hell even in the atheist community this is an issue. You can unlearn the beliefs but I think sometimes those neural pathways that have had perfectionism beaten into them take the longest to undo.
It’s 100% true. I’ve gotten involved with the online atheist community and I see the same damn behavior there as I did as an evangelical. The self righteous hypocrites, lies, double standards, and other examples take place there too. So I don’t even log on hardly anymore to avoid the drama. It’s exhausting
@@Cowboy-uw7jz oh yeah they are definitely Hippocrates. The there are only a few athiest creators I still follow as the other ones have just turned into toxic people who say some really messed up shit .
@@Cowboy-uw7jz I think, a lot of times, when people switch beliefs - their personality hasn't really changed. They just simply switched teams! I've noticed so many similarities between the "SJW" community (which I used to be part of) and the "anti-SJW" community (which I never did and still don't got on well with). Specifically, that militants in both communities with be very dismissive of feelings.
So I guess it's better to just find a group of people where you can just be yourself around.
I agree. I had a coworker who was a pk, her family had no boundaries. They were so enmeshed they didn't even let her have a door to her bedroom. They removed the door and put a curtain instead. Although she rejected their faith, she still couldn't respect boundaries because she never learned any. It was very difficult to work with her because she wouldn't respect anyone's efforts to set personal boundaries with her.
Oh hell yeah. I find myself reverting to my Catholic "sensibilities" constantly. I catch it all the time, Sometimes days after it actually happened.
I genuinely wish people (not you!) realized competing needs exist, and it's an issue in the exvangelical community (and why I can't be a part of that community!). Sometimes people have competing needs--what heals one person may hurt another. It's an imperfect world where there is no perfect answer. Complex problems do not have simple solutions. Making one moment a representative of the entirety of what someone thinks or is or will ever be is just very anti-human. The world doesn't orbit around any one person and their needs. Ftr, I do get that marginalized communities have 100% had their needs ignored far more often than the privileged and that must be acknowledged and rectified. I can understand the hurt people are expressing and would never tell them they don't have the right to feel hurt, but it was a healing experience for *you* (as in you, Brenda!) and you didn't need to be shamed for that. I'm glad you were able to do that. That's actually what empathy is--realizing that others and their needs matter. We're all just doing the best we can.
(Honestly, this is kind of related to how I think about the concept of 'original sin'--I do think there's a tendency in most of us--certainly in me lol--to want to have the world cater to what we think is right, what we think is wrong, how we think others should behave, and we cancel others who don't fit... even if our pain is very legit and righteous. Making ourselves "like God" in a sense.)
I outgrew the exvangelical community pretty quickly. it seemed they traded in their spiritual policing for wokescolding, attacking anyone who used a wrong word or didn't provide a trigger warning that they likely didn't even know about, having just left their conservative bubble. people who had just escaped terrible spiritual abuse, hoping to find some comfort, only to be chastised for not having a proper level of awareness that exvangelicals made up. this behavior is unhelpful. they may have left the religion but they hang on to the abusive superiority for dear life.
So, basically, from performative sainthood to performative wokeness. From one type of virtue signalling to another.
Perhaps that's it. Sometimes people who live in oppressive tyrannies call for a revolution not because they hate tyrannical power but because they want to exercise that kind of toxic power themselves.
Yes…the unspoken expectation to immediately have a doctorate level of empathy, trauma awareness and vocabulary, after years of living in a Christian bubble.
I did the most personal growth and significant learning about other ways of being in college. It wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t a fearful experience. I needed to be exposed to other communities and be awkward and cringey to learn. I don’t think being in a bubble and policing each other about being better does much to make each other better.
@@raysofmariehere6441 I'm glad you got through it. I believe a lot of us can benefit from stepping out of that Christian bubble that I was in for a good part of my adult life.
The trauma I sustained over the past year could very well have broken me. But not only did that not happen, I'm actually thriving now. My close friends at this time are not church people, and I believe that's a good thing. This is Psalm 23 stuff here! I don't know where this train leads, but I'll take it.
Did you out grow Gods Word the Bible cause Brenda sure seems to have done just that ! No mention of sin anymore and no mention of the two sexual sins God talks about over and over again ( "Fornication and Adultery" ) and no mention of "hell or the lake of fire" ( Revelation 20; 14 and 15 and no mention of the two things ( Romans 10; 9 and 10 ) we must all do to have our names written in the "book of life" ( roll book of Heaven) etc ! Yet still claims to be a "Christian" ! HMMMMM !
You rock! You being you rock! Happy to keep learning from you, as a fellow human, as a fellow christian, not as an authority up on a pedestal. I think this focus, as you say, of listening to your body and intuition, is so important! To bring with you what resonates with you, and leave behind what doesn't. Finding a space that resonates, and moving away from those that don't. Keeping in mind that a person, a space, an ideal, experiences, are rarely back and white, wrong or right. We are very diverse people, in a diverse world, with diverse experiences - and we've just got to flow through them, and in that I lean on my intuition and my body, and I feel the support of God.
I feel like cancelling isn't inherently bad when it's used against figures which are doing legitimately bad things such as committing crimes or promoting misinformation and bigotry. However, when people cancel to manipulate, bully, and abuse someone over something mundane, it no longer encourages accountability, but instead conformity.
EDIT: I say 'cancelling' as an overarching term for behaviors such as boycotting and posting online to bring visibility to the topic. Sending death threats, trolling, and any other abusive behavior is the bad kind of cancelling that encourages conformity instead of accountability.
It's stan Twitter spilling over to other platforms. Those people need to be reminded they aren't on Twitter anymore. They are not in a space where dog piling is acceptable behavior. We all need to call out dog piling behaviors and remind people that it is an antisocial behavior they probably picked up by spending too much time on Twitter and they they need to take some time to detox from Twitter so they can behave like humans again.
This is right on the money. So true.
“Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.” (Deut. 4:2.)
That’s just it. It easily gets abused and loses its power.
Hi from a fellow perfectionist! It’s so true that the same toxic patterns of performative sainthood can follow us to spaces outside the Church, too. It leaves little room for the raw, messy journey that is being an individual human being, trying to navigate through gray areas and sticky questions in our own way and time.
Something I’ve been trying to distance myself from is the feeling of social tribalism. So much of my religion growing up was “Us vs. Them.” I try to gauge my growth as a person based on how much I’ve fallen back into that mindset. If I am stuck in a place of “Those people are 100% stupid and evil and wrong, but my group is 100% in the right,” then I know I’ve become stagnant and need to open my mind up again. If I believe I have all the right answers, then I sure as hell don’t.
Thanks for your content, Brenda! I’m here for all your ideas, messy or not!
Oh, my.... ABSOLUTELY. After painfully leaving my strict fundamentalist community, as a gay person I've been stunned to eventually find the EXACT same Evangelical puritan tribalism in the liberal/secular side. The thought-policing, moral perfectionism, social conformity, mass shaming, and identitarian flag-waving didn't leave. I almost fear it more, since it operates without the "religious" label it deserves and has no reliable forgiveness, just the perpetual call to atone. This tribal perfectionism is so insidious. =( (If you want a good read, _Kindly Inquisitors_ by Jonathan Rauch is a marvelous read-and it has a recent updated edition.)
The group who canceled you lost me at “no visible disabilities”. In trying to be as woke as possible they said something absolutely disgusting. Invisible disability can be excruciating and no less valid. Additionally it can go back and forth. If I’m feeling good enough for goofing off like they were in the photo chances are my cane isn’t right next to me. Doesn’t mean my cane or my pain have magically disappeared tho. Also Wtf did they want “Hey I don’t have enough dark skinned friends, will you be my dark skinned friend? And hey you over there, wanna be my fat friend?” 🙄deranged. If someone asked me to come be the disabled friend I’d probably swing at them tbh
THANK YOU!!!! As a plus size person with disabilities, I cannot tell you how fcking offensive it would be for someone to just ask that of me, just so that they could randomly ensure the photo was "diverse enough".
that's not negating invisible illnesses. How fucking obtuse. It's just defining what's missing THAT CAN BE SEEN.
As a fat disabled person in leadership whose invisible illness has become very visible. It is important for all of us to be represented.
Whenever I'm in a space as a VISIBLY disabled person it means I get to open the conversation about invisible disabilities. It's not an either or.
I encourage you to plug in with the disability right community if you haven't.
@@neriah9969 Nah what's more offensive to me as a fat person with a visible and invisible disability is being excluded from photos or being asked not to sit in my wheelchair. Or could I just leave my walker out of the photo. Being excluded from events, conferences.
Exclusion is so, so much more offensive than inclusion.
But to each their own.
Psst-you have a visible disability hate to break it to you!
Also who asked her to falsely construct a friend group it's a fucking photo shoot.
Furthermore, why isn't her friend group more diverse?
If I needed to do a diverse photo shoot tomorrow made up of just my actual friends I could. From women in religious dress, trans women, fat, thin, younger, older, all races, visible and invisible disability, wheelchair users, tatted up. or not.
I can't demand people have diverse friends but I wonder about people who don't especially when they live somewhere like LA.
@@lauriebertramroberts8990 I’m sorry so is no one allowed to take a picture unless every person from every possible walk of life is represented? Like I truly am at a loss to understand what is happening here.
On the one hand, I agree that the way we "cancel" people can be very harmful. It's not so much consequences as it is a bunch of people dogpiling without doing any research. On the other hand, I have seen so many instances of creators being all, "Oh, I'm being cancelled" when people are actually saying, "Hey, this is part of a pattern that this person has shown". I see a lot of it start as BIPOC fans or creators trying to point out an issue and getting out of hand. I don't know if you meant for this to come across, but it kind of seems like you're saying that cancelation is all mean girl shit because people are jealous, when very often what is happen ing is that people from marginalized community are FINALLY speaking up about harmful behavior from a creator or a community. Sadly, it works best against smaller creators, especially WOC (seen this time and time again), meanwhile bigger creators can be truly bigoted and they still have a platform.
I can talk about this further but my particular experience was led by a large majority of white women supposedly speaking on behalf of bipoc people, while bipoc people dm'd me to say they disagreed with the backlash but didn't want to get involved. Also, my irl bipoc friends walked me through the experience & at least one said "white women have lost their minds."
Of course, my cancellation wasn't exclusively white women but they represented the vast majority so I can really only speak to how white women treat each other & ironically silence bipoc voices while centering themselves in these pile ons. One major issue I see is that White women often treat bipoc people as though they are a monolith and will share the same views on how social Justice needs to play out when in fact (obviously) no person is a part of a monolith and not all bipoc people think the same (again, obviously).
One good example is that black mothers who lose their children to police brutality don't share the same views - some mothers will want people to "say their child's name" & recount the brutality of their murder while others don't want their child's final words ever spoken again, even if doing so is in the name of Justice.
We as white women need to listen better & - again- I think I will share my expanded views on this soon. ❤
I was thinking the same thing, thank you for pointing this out ❤
@@GodisGrey respectfully you are doing the same thing they did right now by speaking for your BIPOC friends ect.
None of us need y'all to speak for us and it would be super helpful if y'all would hush unless we ask you to assist us and/or let us speak for ourselves.
Your example of Black mother and police brutality is out of line. Say her name is a campaign specifically for Black women who have died from state sanctioned violence. I don't expect people to have perfect knowledge of these topics but if you are going to raise it please get it right. Also your example is even less accurate since victims families lead activism not community members. Black people aren't a monolith is a complete statement you didn't need to invoke our deaths to make the point.
At the end of the day you received some feedback from BIPOC in the exvangelical community, correct? Are you saying that was from a place of jealousy?
I'm not here to bring anyone down I'm frankly confused since there are so few BIPOC in exvangelical spaces in my experiences.
I don't ask for perfection from anyone but I don't believe that intentions alone are enough.
I'm still here listening
Do you believe in God and the Bible Gods Word or dont you question mark ! Brenda clearly wants to do away with whatever she deems offensive in the Bible yet still claims to be a Christian ! Now she says she is done with trying to live sin free aka "perfection" ! Meanwhile she does not want to talk about sin or "hell" or the" lake of fire" ( Revelation 20; 14 and 15) and she does not want to talk about the two things God says we must all do to avoid "hell and the lake of fire" ( Romans 10; 9 and 10 ) yet still calls herself a follower of God ! WOW !!
@@danielrisk5731 LOLOLOL enjoy your thoughts of hell
Brenda, I been rocking with you since day one. Like I found your channel when the first video was the only one there. So I want you to know I’m saying this with nothing but love and respect. I was never aware you were canceled, and have no idea what this situation was about buuuutttttt….. what I do know is that this was almost certainly the wrong way to handle it. Like sis did you talk to ANYONE before you posted this?
Without even listening to anything said after the halfway point I already know that by choosing not to even discuss what you were canceled for, not only did you miss the opportunity to explain your perspective and apologize for any hurt you caused unintentionally, you gave credence to your opps on a silver platter by pleading the fifth! And then you double down and make your entire argument about “fighting perfectionism” and fostering a community where you can be yourself and not be afraid to make and learn from mistakes and miscommunication? All whilst simultaneously refusing to even mention let alone take accountability for the way your mistakes/miscommunication might’ve hurt people in YOUR community? Huh?
You’re using exact same tactics as the ones you condemn in your arguments against evangelicalism! Like… How did you miss this? Why discuss being canceled at all if your plan was to just ignore it in the first place? You coulda just released the next video sis!
Girl honestly… You might wanna look into some new friends of any of them co-signed this video before you released it cuz this is kinda embarrassing. How you a whole white lady and don’t know this on page 1 of the Karen handbook? Whatever you said/did you HAD to know that the “I’m only human” excuse wasn’t gon cut it! You can do better than this!
All of this
Demanding accountability is not the same as being cancelled. Having a platform is a privilege, not a right. Unsubscribed.
The first person I found online who said that she could no longer support Brenda is a popular blogger who says herself that she has never been an evangelical OR a progressive Christian, so Brenda's point about the people cancelling her being from a perfectionist evangelical past is not all true.
@@narcissistsanonymous3904 could you link to this? I can’t find anything on it and yeah all I’m seeing is “lack of diversity” which is really not a good reason at all. I’m willing to accept there’s an actual problem here, I just haven’t been able to get a real answer out of anyone yet.
@@chilltheheckoutwithava1454 can’t link or will be deleted but the blog is called she seeks nonfiction, written by a former collaborator of Brenda’s, and the entry mentions her full name. Outlines how the body Pos drama was dumb but got way out of hand, and the reaction by a woman named Alice in specific defense of Brenda was way disproportionate and wrong. My issue is her silence on the matter since Alice’s post was written in defense of her. The post starts small and ends in a very bad note.
I am not going to watch this video and I'm really not happy about it. I saw the blog post by your girl Alice, it was really gross. I'm not jealous of you and your friends, I don't think the initial post was something I'd bother getting involved I just don't see it as a big deal, but I also don't think the initial concerns expressed were a big deal either. But the response ? that's what is really disappointing. And again, your girl Alice is a nasty piece of work and that makes me wonder why you would hang out with someone like that. I wish you the best 👌
Ugh! Yeah I can’t get myself to watch the video after researching what happened. So disappointing.
@@sarapinkandpurple right :( I still value Brenda's perspective on leaving the evangelical church, it was really helpful for me as a ex evangelical. And this doesn't undo the good things she's done. But also as a mixed race woman who has been told by white women I'm not conventionally attractive, and "fat", yeah I can't anymore.
Yeah she honestly helped me to see that there is more than one way of interpreting scripture as a Christian and talking about things that have been harmful in the church. She started to really plant the seed for me with deconstructing. I hope she can be open to learning one day.
@@sarapinkandpurple of course. Another channel I recommend is Belief it Or Not. I love his videos on leaving the church, and so far no crazy controversies or coded white supremacist bs.
@@sarapinkandpurple and we can be grateful for Brenda, but at the same time outgrow some of her other teachings. I cannot emphasize this enough, everyone has a pile of good and bad things they have done, and they don't cancel each other out. They just are. I have those piles too, and there are people who have every right to not want to speak to me or deal with me again. I let them down. But we have to learn and do our best to make amends, and forgive ourselves while respecting others rights to drop us if they need to or want to. And that's why people complain about "cancel culture ". They want to decide how everyone reacts to them and their actions and that isn't how life works.
Cancel culture is so unproductive. I appreciate what you're doing in this space. Keep it up!
For those viewers who don't know the details of the "cancellation", Brenda was not cancelled for being imperfect!
She inadvertently caused harm to several minority groups (including a group that I'm a part of, I'm not speaking on behalf of others. I was also only an observer and did not participate at the time). And instead of responding with remorse and sorrow for the harm she accidentally caused or trying to remedy it, she doubled down on the harm and blamed those who had been harmed by her actions for the harm she caused.
No one called for her to be cancelled, but she lost a lot of followers because of her own actions. It was not a cancellation, no one owes her their attention and people simply chose to protect their own mental health and unfollow her.
I unfollowed Brenda because her actions showed me that the minority group I belong to do not hold value on her platform.
She doesn't owe me a space on her platform, but neither do I owe her a place on my feed. And that is not cancellation.
Yea thank you for saying this! I agree 100%. It seemed like the initial mistake was just that: a mistake, although she really should have thought more before making those posts. But her response and doubling down? That’s what caused me to unfollow her. It’s literally not “cancelling”: people disagree and that’s ok. We don’t owe them views
yeah and its kind of bad that she didn't say something when a friend of her posted some racist and fatphobic stuff
Thank you! I’ve been reading up on it and researching recently. I watched some of her videos in the past but when I learned about what happen, I can’t get myself to watch her videos anymore.
I have zero idea who this woman is or what the situation was, but by the end of this bizarre video all I could think was "girl did some white woman shit didn't she".
I'm very disappointed by her response. When people call you out for doing something hurtful, and your response is basically, "It's not my fault because people unreasonably expected perfection from me," that's kind of toxic. It's pretty much the reason I'm estranged from my dad because it's like... nobody asked you to be perfect. They asked you to understand the hurt you've caused and try not to do it again. That's it.
Often times I feel myself trapped in the middle of communities. Yes I'm an exvangelical, but there are loud and popular voices in the exvangelical culture that I find distasteful and downright hateful. I don't want to be associated with it, but I also don't want to be associated as an evangelical. So it's nice to hear a voice in the middle, where most truth lies. It also doesn't allow much room for growth and leaves no room for grace for those who are trying to do better.
I have some mixed feelings about this situation, I have done some research, and on one hand it seems like you dont really understand what you did wrong and took it as you not being perfect, but on the other hand your channel has helped me so much and I understand that its hard to be a public figure and get everything right, I just hope in the future that you do more research about how your biases may effect how you feel about things, im sorry you have been stressed out though
hi, I have no context, can you link specific sources of what happened??
@@pinkerhero hmm i have tried to Post 2 links about it, but youtube wont let me for some reason...
@@thegamerwoman5320 can you describe or space out the links? direct me where to find them? thank you for trying
@@pinkerhero hmm i tried to space out the links
@@thegamerwoman5320 ok just tell me what terms to google, please
You have truly helped me to grow in my relationship with God! Always so thankful for you and your videos ❤️
I have found your channel extremely balanced, well thought out, and above all loving. I am a follower of Jesus, and leaving toxic religion has been extremely painful but so rewarding. Thank you for all you do to light up dark places.
I didn't even know that you were canceled; that's so sad. I first saw you when you put out that Christian video on masturbation a couple of years ago. I also loved your debate with conservatives on Jubilee. Only recently am I going to be visiting a progressive Christian church for the first time in a few weeks, after being an evangelical for almost 20 years. What has influenced to me to take this path is that one of my friends recently deconstructed (although i have many other friends still in the evangelical space) and I also wanted to be more loving to the queer community, not just because I'm bisexual,but because I got tired of telling people that they can't love who they want to love. I started reading Rachel Held Evans with an open mind. I'm still wrestling with a lot with God, though, and wouldn't even consider myself an Exevangelical yet because I'm still wrestling with a lot, but I think that I would have a better place in a liberal church that's gay affirming. I also lean left in a lot of my political views as well. I haven't felt the need to go public though, that I'm struggling in my faith, or even felt the need to tell all of my friends. Eventually in time I will tell more of my friends, but I've only told 3 close friends so far, one of my family members, and my therapist about what I'm wrestling with. I still want to follow Jesus; I just see so many flaws with the evangelical movement and don't want to be part of that sometimes racist, and homophobic community that also largely oppresses women. I still believe a lot of the Bible - just acknowledging other authors' viewpoints at this time who take a more Progressive stance.
Nice!
Only out of curiosity, when you were evangelical, would you say that you were politically sort of a right-leaning libertarian? I've spoken to some evangelicals, and it seems that a lot of them have libertarian leanings, with exception for issues like abortion. They also tend to have socially conservative leanings on the issue of marriage, though even on that, some of them lean libertarian in that they are okay with gay people being married in the civil sense of the word, but not so much the spiritual sense of the word
@@technoloverish Thanks for your comment- I hope that it will let me reply because it wasn't letting me do that before. I'm not aware of all of the labels but I only started becoming lib in recent years. (I'm non partisan when I vote). I no longer hold traditional views of marriage or abusive child discipline. I am trying to study the PCUSA views on homosexuality and the many ways that the so called "clobber texts" can be interpreted. I'm starting to support gay marriage in my heart, at least (I'm still new to this- have only been questioning the church's stance on LGBTQ for the past few months or so). And I'm still "pro life," actually, that's one thing that I haven't budged on yet...
@@nicoleann0703
Yeah, that makes sense:)''
Yeah, I think part of the problem with Christian fundamentalism is that it promotes a literal view of the Bible. Progressive Christianity makes more sense in that it recognized that certain translations may not be fully accurate and that some words mean different things in different contexts. One example of such is the word "body". Most fundamentalists think that the body being a temple means that each of our physical bodies are temples, when in reality, the body being a temple most likely refers the collective of believers (the church)
I wish you'd use a term more like "cyber bullied" because that's what it sounds like happened. Great video tho, appreciated.
That is actually a good point. Especially since people on the right have a tendency to warp the term 'cancel culture' to refer to the instances with Dr. Seuss or Potato Head, despite those instances having absolutely *nothing* to do with cyber bullying!!
I'm sorry you went through the cancelling stuff. I don't actually know anything about what happened, I just knew you disappeared and such and felt sad but was extremely glad when you came back. And I admire you for you. Be you. Which is always harder than people want to admit it is. No one is perfect and we all should love ourselves despite that.
I truly dislike cancel culture I'm so sorry this happened to you Brenda. I will never cancel an artist I love just because they have different views than me. Some Christian singers I truly love are super conservative do I agree with their views or posts on Instagram all the time? No..but I love their music so why can't I separate the art from the artist? That goes with you tubers, actors and any other type of creators too. I never understood not liking an artist anymore specifically just because they have different views or say something I don't agree with. we are all unique creations and have different opinions now if someone is being outright mean or hurtful maybe that would be a reason to cancel someone however no artist I love has ever done that they all have their own views and are trying to do their best through this life with the tools they know. I love your channel so much Brenda.. thanks for all you do to help the progressive christian movement. ❤️
I understand where you're coming from. I guess I come from a different perspective. I've personally boycotted artists and companies because I don't want to encourage or give money to someone or something that is contributing to discrimination or promoting misinformation. I don't want to buy Chick-fil-A because they spend money to lobby for anti-LGBT legislation as well as encourage conversion therapy. I don't consume any more Harry Potter content(from the creator), because JK Rowling's transphobia had a significant impact on the trans community. This person and this company have negative impacts on me and my community seeing as I'm trans. I would feel like I'm contributing to the problem if I were to consume their content or products. I think cancelling is important for accountability in modern times. However, those who cancel over mundane things, or use bullying as a means of cancelling are not acting accountable themselves.
that said, there is a difference between cancelling someone for being honest about their minor faults, vs no longer platforming bill cosby after realising how much of a criminal he is.
imo, the issue isn't simply "being judgemental", but what actions are done after people make their judgements. is the reaction commensurate to the revelation? are people overreacting? if it was a mob-driven moral panic, are there safeguards against excesses or pathways to reverse course? the unfortunate answer for social media is: no. we aren't acting as a rational jury bounded by laws with actual precedents. we do not have jail sentences or rehab centres or even proper human channels of communication. there is no appeals procedure, no do-overs, sometimes not even room to contemplate nuances.
i will say this: if r kelly or bill cosby can show true remorse and evidence of being rehabilitated, their work will once again be acceptable. but even when it is in a formal legal setting IRL, there is still no formal rehabilitation process, best we got is some public show of entering rehab at best. if public figures IRL still have no way of recovering from being exposed, public vilification and legal sanction, there is even less available on social media.
I do think you made unwise and hurtful choices during the situation you were cancelled for, but it is also toxic to demand that someone else take a particular course of action and punish them if they don't (i.e., "all they had to do was disavow x, y, and z [in a way we find acceptable] and we would have stopped going after them"). We desperately need to find some kind of balance where people can be educated on/asked to take accountability for their actions, without resorting to manipulation or pushing anyone to the brink.
My thoughts exactly. I definitely think things should’ve been handled more tactfully on Brenda’s part and the suing for defamation is 100% overkill (in the nicest terms), but I also think it’s silly when people demand you IMMEDIATELY cut someone out of your life because they’re problematic. It’s human nature to want to save our relationships, and it might take a while to sort things out in private to see if they’re worth keeping around or are able to see the error of their ways. The expectation to put someone you call a friend on blast at a moment’s notice is gonna be extremely difficult for anyone who actually values their friends. And I say this as a nonbinary disabled (autistic) person myself (as if that remotely means my opinion is more valid, but some people think it does so I’m clarifying). There’s some people I’ve had to put at a distance because of one reason or another, but it took years to do so in some cases.
Like you said though, there’s definitely a way to acknowledge criticism (whether it’s right or wrong) without becoming a doormat or leaning fully into defense tactics and bashing the opposing side.
(Edited for clarification)
You posted a picture that caused some backlash, and instead of sitting and thinking about it, researching, asking questions and trying to understand why people were hurt or off-put by it, your reaction was to push back and become defensive. More than that, the reaction of your peers was to become vitriolic (see Alice's post that included a lot of racist rhetoric and fatphobic sentiments), and you stood by and said nothing (which is an action in and of itself). Following that, when the only woman of colour who was on your excursion began to express hurt, many people, yourself included, from your group of friends began to ignore her or tell her they didn't want to talk. When the only woman of colour there is pushed out that should be a wake up call that perhaps there is something wrong in your sentiment. But instead of that, you threatened to sue her for defamation.
No one is demanding perfection. That was never the sentiment. The call was for you to learn, to become educated, to listen to the voices of the marginalized and not diminish them and attempt to victimize yourself.
This is the kind of behaviour I remember from my church. This righteous self-persecution when the reality is much simpler. Listen. Listen to those saying something hurt them even if it wasn't your intention, because intent can only take you so far. If I accidentally break a window, even though I didn't mean to, I still broke that window and the next course of action would be for me to learn from that mistake and do my best to not repeat the actions that led to said window being broken.
You may not be a bad person, Brenda. But good people can do bad things, and the more bad things a good person does the harder it is to justify calling them good.
Ditto ! Sadly Brenda wants to distance herself more and more from what God says in his Word the Bible yet still wants to be known as a "Christian" ! And I have addressed all this with her over and over again ! Sadly she would like to see passages in the Bible like Romans 10; 9 and 10 and Revelation 20; 14 and 15 and Romans 1; 26-32 go away or not be included by God in his Word the Bible ! We can however pray she will turn to GOD and allow him into her heart and life before it is to late and the next life begins !!
@@danielrisk5731 Daniel, you totally missed the point. You and your clobber passages will not prevail.
yeah i gave brenda the benefit of the doubt by checking in for a few weeks after the ~cancellation~ to see if she would ever address alice’s heinous post and nope….nothing. THAT was why i stopped watching/listening to brenda. completely inexcusable and the fact that she is still doubling down on this is 🚩🚩🚩
@@afterwards8233 Geez; Okay so you dont like to hear what GOD says when I point you to specific passages in the Bible which flat out refute what Brenda is saying on a you tube channel ironically entitled "God is grey" aka all about GOD ! Got it !
@@danielrisk5731 None of that is ironic. Lol
I have alot to learn about everything. No joke. My job as a christian is simply to listen, learn apply what I wish and try not to judge others journey's.
I know all people are not gonna like me. I have to learn what makes me. Me.
However God's holy spirt is my guide I'm not letting anyone bully me out of loving him. That's my boundary. K.
Good for you. Be fearlessly authentic. Don't kowtow to anyone's narrative when it's not your own.
I didn't realize you had been canceled, but after doing some research, I'm upset that it happened and frustrated on your behalf. Tbh, what you're describing in this video seems to be a bigger issue with leftist culture. What you experienced is what people are experiencing in academia, liberal churches, friend groups, and more. Woke policing is not helping people become better humans, and it is not getting justice for people who have been victimized by harmful institutions and ideas. It is about moral purity and oppressed individuals lording power over those who have historically experienced privilege. It's sad because racism, ableism, misogyny, and other isms are real and harmful, but harassing someone online for posting a photo with friends is actually diminishing the severity of these real issues. So, Brenda, I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you didn't take the picture down.
Also, I'm a writer, too. I have a manuscript in the works about my experience in Purity Culture/evangelicalism, and I've been told by some other writers that it's a publishable work (once it's done). But hearing about your experience in the exvangelical movement makes me scared that maybe it's not worth putting myself out there, even if I desperately want to share my story with others. I survived evangelicalism; I don't want to relive it in another group that perpetuates similar harmful attitudes and systems of control.
It can be scary to put yourself out there but also SO freeing. It took over 7 years to publish my book and I originally wrote it as fiction because I was afraid of people knowing my story but ultimately making it a memoir has been incredible, healing & helpful to others so... it's been a win win.
Take your time but I say: publish ❤
@@GodisGrey Thank you for the encouragement. It means a lot to me. And thank you for putting your story into the world. I have a copy of your memoir in my living room and deeply appreciate the vulnerability and candor and grace within its pages. I hope you can continue to find a community of people who support you, especially after all the good you've done to help those of us who've been hurt by evangelicalism and shame.
This is so true. I'm progressive (kinda? Maybe centrist) but cancel culture is becoming a massive problem. I know someone who is so lovely and not hateful at all, who won't put their art out there because they're worried about being cancelled for it later when opinion moves along.
I'm central Asian. I almost never see people who look like me in photos. I don't go around yelling at people why they are not including in their photos other central Asians. It's ridiculous.
My dad did stuff that hurt me and my husband. We've distanced ourselves from him. Instead of acknowledging our hurt and saying, "I'll try not to do the things that hurt you anymore," my dad has been saying, "Well, I guess you just hate me because I'm not perfect!"
Brenda, please hear me say this in love, this has the same vibes. I'm really sorry to see it because I liked you a lot as a creator and I'm really not into just "cancelling" people. You did something. People felt hurt. I understand that you didn't mean to hurt anybody, that you feel your intent was misunderstood. I get that. But nobody asked you to be perfect, they asked you to try to understand why they felt hurt by how things went down. To have a little humility and try to do better. Have some people been unreasonable about it? I think so, for sure. But I think the attitude you're displaying here is a little bit disappointing because people DID feel hurt by what happened even if you absolutely did not mean for anybody to get hurt. I think just acknowledging that what you did left people feeling hurt would go a long way.
no it fucking doesn't, Jesus Christ 🙄
About the point described, save for a couple of people I felt weren't toxic, I unfollowed a lot of deconstruction accounts on my own. God is Grey was not one of them, it was what helped me initially identify what i was going through. I originally followed various people hoping to find some community and wisdom for this journey I was on. When I started seeing a plethora of monetized programs and services to help one deconstruct easier, that was a huge part of my leaving that space behind. I realized there is no one way to go through such a process, everyone is different, and people may end up in all sorts of situations after. I'm so much happier having left it behind. I wish you the best in your journey ahead Brenda.
The Life After Secret Facebook group is one of them. They are prescribing only one way to deconstruct and it shut down for a while after an incident in their After Thot sub group. I don't know why I am still in it. Out of curiosity I suppose and I tread on egg shells there. I was once horrified when some of the female members had posted up photos of themselves in bikinis on the beach or the back garden to prove they had rejected purity culture one after the other as they followed like sheep. I didn't join in and wouldn't have even during my bikini wearing days had social media existed then. I didn't pass round print photos of bikini shots of myself even back then. It's not a safe thing to do. But in their minds it didn't happen unless there are photos to prove it.
I accepted a friend request from one of them and it ended up in huge arguments as we didn't like some posts on each other's pages. Her page was full of people wearing face masks in places you wouldn't normally wear one like at home or in the garden as a FU to people who refuse to wear them at all. Often with aggressive hand gestures.
Brenda, I will always support you, and that does not come conditionally (I.e. I’ll support you as long as I continue to resonate or agree with everything you say). It’s simply because of your genuinely good heart and that you’ve changed my life for the better with your content
Sadly judgmental people are going to judge, regardless of their believe systems. And the internet is full of them.
No one cancelled you nor expected perfection. Ever. People did expect at least honesty and transparency and instead got a lot of vitriol and defensiveness after pointing out an issue.
The mistake was ok, everyone is allowed to make mistakes. The reaction from your side was the problem- the constant deflection, defensiveness, and ultimately silence(oh yeah, I forgot the threats of suing, that was a nice touch).
You weren't cancelled but many people saw right through you and decided we're not interested in what you have to say anymore because of your repeated harmful behavior.
Seriously, during the initial backlash you could've just said "thank you for bringing this up, it's something I haven't thought about, I apologize for any harm." And that would've been that, instead of digging your heels deeper and deeper.
Yes, yes, yes! Exactly why I stopped supporting Brenda.
Well said! It was the reaction on her side that really bothered me and not taking time to think and reflect what marginalized communities are telling her. I watched some of her videos in the past but I haven’t been able to watch them since I researched what happened. I hope she will be open to learning one day.
This. After everything that has happened, I think she still believes she was “cancelled” over the photo, when that just wasn’t the case. She threatened a woman of colour with legal action and made a video calling those who had concerns a “woke mob.” That was what turned so many people off. I loved her content but I just couldn’t support that kind of behaviour and lack of self reflection. No one expected perfection, but the lack of humility and accountability was disappointing.
Brenda, you have no idea how much your videos have helped me process my own religious trauma and come to terms with the ways I’ve been hurt, how I’ve possibly hurt others as well and apologize/ forgive myself and others.
Nobody demanded perfection, just accountability to own up to your actions and say sorry. Your pushback against the fact that you made a mistake (as we all do) is what I found to be off putting.
Can you explain to me what she did wrong? Or know anywhere that I can read about it?
I’m so confused here. All I can find is that she took a picture and people are mad because the people in the picture are white and skinny?? Please correct me if I’m wrong because I am profoundly confused at this whole thing.
@@chilltheheckoutwithava1454 wait wtf i thought it would be something extremly contraversial 😂 i dont see how that is wrong? why are people upset. someone please explain if you are offended by what she did and help me understand cos im honestly lost
@@daynaperry8832 I am not sure. Apparently it’s complicated. I’m just really confused.
Brenda minds her business. These asshats didn't. Her stuff is between her and GOD.
You may be done BEING it, but you're not done LOOKING it, Hunty!! 👏👏👏
Hahah oh love you, babe xoxoxo
She said you can find this online but I can't find anything about it
Try searching for it under the fundiesnarkuncensored subreddit
No idea what happened, but I’m glad that this is where you landed.
I took a break from UA-cam for a minute for health reasons, and I came back to this. This really spoke to me because I recently left a job and the friend group I had there, and I’m grieving that loss while also feeling free. I will keep you in my mind and heart this week.
Something similar recently happened to me in my own spiritual (pagan) community online. I really resonated with this. Thank you so much for sharing 💖
As you were being cancelled and people were telling us why to do it, it didn’t make sense to me. It felt like grasping at straws and like (once again) we were being shamed for not being able to read minds and for not catering to everyone else’s needs all the time.
Sorry you got canceled. You’re doing great work! We shouldn’t hold people on pedestals, no one is “perfect” and everyone has a different idea of “perfect”.
Only one is perfect and his name is Jesus Christ
Thank you Brenda. I used to think "cancel culture" was a thing only among leftists until I experienced it myself among church people. In short, I was excommunicated by my conservative church assembly for "getting an unscriptural divorce". I received condemnation from other nominal believers, but I found redemption in my dance community.
God led me to a friendly and fun group of people after I was slandered, shunned, and blacklisted by those who were supposed to be God's Children. In my new social circle, we have parties, dance socials, events, all kinds of fun stuff. You can even interact with someone of the opposite sex here! (Purity Culture be damned!) And although they know of my divorce, I'm not condemned unjustly for it.
Brenda, I fucking love you and what you're doing is so important. The world is a better place when you let your true light shine ❤
2 Corinthians 11:14
14 And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.
Don’t listen to this woman. She will lead you to destruction.
Nobody's perfect... But there's a very big difference between making s*** up and following reality. Criticizing somebody for making s*** up and then believing it is not hate speech. If one really hated you they could simply let you destroy yourself.
We love you, your anger, and your sailor mouth too, Brenda
I was canceled by them for suggesting that celebrating a recent missionary's death was unnecessary. They told me I was not allowed to delete my comment (which really did just say something like 'hey can we not celebrate? we were once very evangelical who could have been like him, were we not?'). I then begged people to stop commenting, but they did not. I was expected to sit there and take it, because somehow saying 'hey can we not celebrate' meant i had white supremacy that I needed to face and accept within myself (that's actually what the prominent founder of the community told me). It was honestly worse than any of the betrayals I felt from the evangelical community.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Idk why some people in the community feel like celebrating someone else's death, even if that person wasn't a good person, is a sign of wokeness, progress, or empathy. If anything, it seems very sociopathic and twisted.
@@ladycaticorn2950 it wasn’t “celebrating their death” it was appreciating justice being served versus the injustice that individual wished to bring upon them.
there is always so much misunderstanding with things because of a lack of knowledge and education on reasoning. it’s the same thing that pro-choice is not “pro-abortion” like anti-abortionists claim. It’s about something that only incidentally has to do with abortion.
Just like the appreciation of justice regarding this individual. It isn’t being “pro-death” or “anti-christians”. It is being PRO-JUSTICES like anti-colonialism and anti-white supremacy, if they incidentally involve an individual and their death it is what it is.
Same with Pro-LGBTQ rights not being “anti-cisgender”, “anti-masculinity”, or “pro-grooming”. It’s about being PRO-Societal inclusivity vs forcing adherence to irrational and unreasonable standards based on subjective beliefs.
If people can’t understand why someone seems like they’re “celebrating” a tragedy, instead of jumping to the conclusion the individuals are simply malevolent hate-mongers, listen to the actual reasons they’re trying to provide and educate others on where they’re actually coming from.
You saw it as “celebrating someone’s death” because you didn’t have all the perspective and info.
@@m3ntyb With all due respect, you didn't see the responses or this person's specific reactions to what happened. You are projecting your own assumptions onto this person and treating your assumptions as facts. The main problem Mercy identifies here ISN'T even a take but the response where Mercy was told that they were not allowed to respond or to remove a comment to end the conversation, but had to stand there and take the public shaming and outright verbal (well, written) abuse. That is cruel. That is wrong.
Also, your idea that justice involves death, "It is what it is" isn't a moral fact, no matter your hurts or experiences; that's your opinion that many in the progressive world do not share. Which isn't the same as saying your hurts and experiences don't matter--they do and surely shape your opinions--but it is saying that people are allowed to disagree about it being a moral fact.
I know Mercy, and I know that they genuinely do understand justice in this situation. They weren't blaming the ppl who killed the missionary, not at all, and thought the missionary was wrong and it was good he was stopped. (I do as well). Doesn't mean they think his being dead was something to rejoice at, and they weren't talking about critical engagements but instead specific, celebratory takes.And your assumption about Mercy not having perspective and info isn't true; they have more than you can imagine, but that's personal information not fit for comments.
To tie it back to this video's concept: I certainly don't think anyone has to have moral certitude to express pain--you included! People entitled to feel and express pain about situations whether or not they are directly involved, although they should think wisely about how/to whom to express it. Brenda is entitled to express her pain even if she didn't handle everything perfectly. Assuming that expressing pain=a moral wrongness is just not logically or humanistically sensical, and yet that's 90% of the internet, I'm afraid.
@@k53107 I didn’t say it was a “moral fact”, I wasn’t speaking about morals, just logical and natural conclusions and consequences. No I did not see this specific persons specific encounter. If there are people praising murder then they’re pot stirring trolls or rare psychopaths who shouldn’t be fed. If they bullied op then they shouldn’t. My points were projecting from my experiences with people complaining about comments seeming celebratory and are still relevant in a general sense. If not in a specific sense to this specific persons specific experiences, then … generally acknowledge … or ignore.
i’ll never leave u, brenda. u changed my life forever!
so for several years I've seen atheist UA-camrs place you on a pedestal, and I never quite agreed with that. Don't get me wrong...your content is good, and I very much agree with the vast majority of your values and your views...but I still disagree with your religious beliefs. I was raised VERY Christian, but have been an atheist for over 20 years. I simply can't understand how you can live your life in open opposition to the majority of the ideals and values taught in the Bible and by the Christian church, while still believing in the Christian God. EVERY Christian cherry-picks from the Bible, which is one reason why I left the religion behind...but you (and others like you) openly defy the vast majority of what the Bible says, and certainly what the modern Christian church teaches. I don't see how you can believe in something because this one book (and no other source) claims it's true, while also rejecting most of what that book teaches. You either have good reason to believe this book is telling you the truth, and are convinced by it...or you're not. If you ARE...how do you justify being convinced by the claim that God exists, but not convinced that this book represents truth in general? I can understand believing that some sort of higher power exists, but not claiming to know anything about it. I don't agree with that, either...but I can wrap my brain around it. I can't wrap my brain around people cherry-picking from the Bible. It makes ZERO sense. Especially when your values and lifestyle are very liberal and secular. From my perspective, it seems like you want the freedom of a secular lifestyle...but also the warm and fuzzy, secure feelings provided by Christianity. I also recognize that your views and beliefs place you in a position where you can potentially achieve maximum acceptance. You can gain acceptance from the religious right for your religious beliefs (though the far-right will certainly reject your values), and from the left for your secular values (though the atheist community will reject your religious beliefs). You're enough of both sides to be accepted by nearly everyone. I'm not suggesting you do that intentionally...but perhaps you do it on a subconscious level? Anyway...I don't know yoiu personally, so my opinions here don't really matter...but you seem like a great person, and I genuinely do like you and respect what it is you're doing. I simply don't understand how you can justify your particular combination of beliefs and values, and I think there's something going on beneath the surface that you aren't consciously aware of. I'm not condemning it...I just view things differently.
cancellation really is not a thing! you're still here on UA-cam there's a bunch of people who are so called canceled but they come back and are still doing great! and even come back stronger! the only way to be canceled is simply cancel yourself! you're not a TV show just follow the rules and don't say anything stupid and hateful you'll be okay! and this canceled bullshit and woke bullshit is a far right talking point! just saying
Also does anyone know what happend bc i dont remember brenda being canceled? I also dont know a lot about the ex vangelical community. Also the way brenda seems to use canceled=cyberbullying cyberbullying is bad but most ppl use cancelation as a content creator did a bad potentially criminal thing? So the different useage of canceled and my lack of knolege on the exvangelical community. This vid breaks my brain rn.
I'm kinda confused. What exactly happened?
All of this. Another "pity me" video. And still you don't denouce the reply from Alice. You don't put out a video truly addressing this issue and the you don't truly apologize for the possiblly inadvertent racism you expressed. I waited and waited for you to come back, but I'm done. I think you started out trying to do a great thing, but got lost somewhere. Good luck. Hope you do get "woke" sometime.
Agree so frustrating and disappointing.
I usually don't care to get involved with the drama but this response ain't it. "I'm done being perfect"? Girl nobody expected that from you or asked you to be that. You did something. People felt hurt. Instead of expressing humility and understanding, instead we get this toxic "People demanded that I be perfect"? Girl an apology or at least an acknowledgement that you hurt people and you didn't mean to do that would be 100% fine
@@vintagearisen, exactly 💯! We all hurt people, most of us accidentally and we need to appologize when it happens and even call out our friends or stop defending them when they're spewing racist/hateful things. We all make mistakes, and most of them aren't on purpose.
Good God, you're amazing! From all the youtubers I've watched and who are Christians, you're the most relatable and understandable to me! Probably because we've been through some similar experiences.
Exvangelical here but I prefer the term progressive Christian. Thank you for being brave and vulnerable to talk about this. We all need to be more differentiated and to be less spiteful towards other people when their lives don't even affect our own.
I would say this. Even in your tamer videos in season, you still called out injustices very effectively. And if that tamer version of yourself was to welcome people into this space, it really worked, and personally I am proof of that. Lets just say your channel helped when I was in a very dark place, where I thought I was a monster because of my sexuality, and for that Thank You, and Thank God for this channel. So if are holding back parts of yourself, I say release yourself, move ahead and don't look back
This is why I am always sus of progressive white leftest creators because this happens. I say this as a white leftest woman. So many people in this comment section explained it perfectly too. it’s how these creators handle when they “slip up” and it’s usually oof…..
Same here. It’s the same behavioral patterns at play as evangelicalism. Maybe the belief is gone but the neural pathways aren’t quite.
I appreciate who you are. Both those subcultures are the flip side of the same coin. I’m looking forward to seeing the next part of your creative journey.
When you spoke of perfection, ironically enough that reminded me of the character of Jesus Himself. He had a potty mouth against the powerful, he was sarcastic, AND almost NEVER gave a straight answer. That's the man we're supposed to emulate lol! And I say "Hell yes!" Because what made Him perfect wasn't the ability to be soft-spoken. What made Him perfect was that He followed the Law that transcends all man-made Law, the Law that is written in our hearts.
The Law that is our conscience, uncorrputed by coercion and selfish ambition, is what we are supposed to follow.
We are not given a Spirit of fear and timidity but a Spirit of Power, Love, and Self-discipline.
I looked up the whole drama and I'm really sorry you and the other women were attacked like that. There's a whole lot to be explored with this situation and I've been thinking a lot about it. Even if many think you could have responded differently, I understand that it is difficult and overwhelming to be on the receiving end of such accusations, and so it's hard to respond perfectly (let alone be "perfect" from the start). I'm glad you left the post up because I don't believe you did anything wrong by posting it, and I didn't think you were required to respond to everything. The only thing that bothered me about your actions was seemingly pretending not to ghost Jo when you actually seemed to. The screenshot you showed was a couple months too late. I would just say to that that there's no need to pretend to be perfect, just like you say in this video. :)
I'm only 13 minutes in so far, but I want you to know that I love your videos, and just how much you have helped me learn to show myself grace. The world needs more souls like you Brenda. You make a difference. ❤️
I know the feeling ☹️ unrealistic expectations and the pressure it sucks I kind of feel like an outsider as a Christian in a place where I should feel safe and loved I feel the exact opposite it feels like I'm being interrogated 24/7 one wrong move in their eyes and I'm considered an outcast just because I believe something different? I think I feel safer being in this space then I have in any other circle I don't have to feel like I'm put on trial and I can just be myself I'm so glad I found you when I did because I don't have that feeling when I watch your channel I can just let my guard down and be myself
are you going to be okay now? I'm glad you made this video like I said I know the feeling I just want to give you a hug it sucks to go through something like that
Ex religion/ athiest/ antitheist cominites can be really toxic. I'm an ex Mormon but I've noticed some people go from one extreme to another so the only ex mo cominity I really frequent would be the cominity latter day lesbian podcast has made as it's more about healing then fuck Mormonism. I've also recently turned back to religion about a year ago Norse paganism to be exact but still want to engage in the athiest cominity as they helped me figure out the religion I was in was toxic. But they call religious people delusional and other horable things instead of just pointing out the bad ideas. I don't want to operate like that full of hate I want to operate with love and understanding.
A lot of times, they didn't even really change personalities - but simply switched teams. Also, in pretty much any ex-religion community (I'm most familiar with ex-Christian and ex-Muslim), there are people who will leave their religion for different reasons - and I think that has a lot to do with in-fighting in ex-religion spaces. For me, I left Evangelical Christianity (I wouldn't call myself an ex-Christian, as I'm still intrigued with the supernatural and stuff) because of ethical issues I have with the whole hell doctrine.
Omg you were Mormon bassically you werent Christian. It was Just some parody of Christianity. And yes well thats why I dont like USA because USA failed everything. USA did many bad things. And has many vs free things that became really funny.
That's why I love Mormon Stories so much 🥰
I apologize if I'm missing something because there were parts of the video that were vague.
How do you ask your community to provide criticism to you and not have it be labeled "cancellation" or "abuse"?
Critique is a normal part of having creative work out in the world and overwhelming criticism can be very upsetting. I've experienced it. I don't fully understand where all creators draw that line and sometimes it seems like there is no line - it's all the same.
You say in this video that one negative comment can start an avalanche. Should people stop commenting or only comment positive things out of fear their critical comment could lead to the cancellation of their favorite creator?
I'm seeking clarity as how you believe the people who cancelled you could have brought their critiques to you in a manner you would have felt comfortable with.
YOU SAID: "How do you ask your community to provide criticism to you and not have it be labeled "cancellation" or "abuse"? "
Well, this woman is on record as having been run through by fifty seven men. That was some time ago. The body count could be double that now. It is not my concern. But I suspect that this entire channel is nothing but her way of struggling against the certain conviction that she is a ho in the sight of God and His People. She turned to the ex-people to gain affirmation. And when even they began to criticize her, all that she had longed for came to an end. The only thing that was canceled here was the poor facsimile of admiration that she had developed amidst the wind created by her fickle audience.
@@oscarbenigsen4538 how do you say these things about her and still call yourself a christian? try loving thy neighbor sometime
@@carolinejane8491 *YOU SAID:* _"how do you say these things about her and still call yourself a christian? try loving thy neighbor sometime"_
Well, firstly, when you see a false teacher promoting sin and openly living in sin, you should be clear to state what they are in no unclear terms. When Jesus, for example, called The Pharisees a "brood of vipers" and other insults, He was not being mean. He was being sure to underscore the despicable nature of those who falsely claimed to follow God.
Secondly, I merely described what I suspect is the reason for why this channel exists. It is curated by a female who has been plowed through by no fewer than fifty-seven men. That has to corrupt the psyche of any female. And if she has any conscience remaining, she is likely driven by the conviction that she is a ho. I am not saying that she is a ho. I am saying that after having been rammed by at least fifty-seven men, she likely has a deep-down conviction that she is a ho and therefore runs this channel as a mean of fighting against the so-called "outdated sensibilities" that would condemn her as a ho.
Thirdly, loving your neighbor does not entail accepting their condemnation. It typically entails telling the truth about them so that they might have a fighting chance to turn from sin and live honorably before God.
@@dinahn6955He's a dense, unwanted incel.
I am really happy for your voice. You love people how Jesus wants us to. So many christian's don't.
I'm sorry for others treatment on you. 😮😢 I understand I'm in the same season of healing wondering who really are my friends? Which church to attend? I'm a content creator not focused on the faith side but in fashion/beauty content and girls are so mean
I feel really thankful to have dodged so many bullets of evangelical culture - like feeling afraid to ask questions about religion.
I did research and watched the videos on youtube and Instagram and have been processing all of this. I didn’t follow you consistently and I don’t have Instagram so I didn’t know what happened until I saw the comments on your shame video and did my own research.
To be honest, as a white women who isn’t skinny, I probably wouldn’t have thought much about the caption and photo. But if people, especially those on the margins, are telling me how this photo is hurting them, I would take time to listen. I’m disappointed on how the aftermath of the photo was handled and it’s really disappointing that you were silent when Alice posted her blog. Seeing how you are about having discussions and calling people on the other side out, it’s disappointing you weren’t willing to have a convo with Jo or others and ghosted her. I felt so bad for you when you wanted to have a conversation with Paul and Morgan and Girl Defined but they never responded and said you weren’t a real Christian. I was angry that GD said that and said they would love to have a discussion but ghosted you. So I’m surprised and disappointed you are doing the same thing with not having a discussion. Especially since Jo was willing to do the free emotional labor for you and she didn’t have to.
I understand you probably lost followers but you still have a platform and making videos so in my opinion, you weren’t cancelled. I did watch Mickey’s video and although she isn’t someone I am interested in subscribing to, I didn’t see anything wrong with her video. I do think she could’ve said things more kindly and not make faces, but she was using your video to talk about perfectionism and cancel culture.
I’m sorry all of this has been affecting your mentally. To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I haven't started a blog yet because of putting myself out there and the response I might get. So I’m sorry your mental health isn’t doing well and I hope you can get help.
When looking at the comments on the shame video, many that I saw were kind and constructive. Since I don’t have Instagram, I can’t fully comment on that but some of the screenshots i saw on the comments were also kind. I am sorry if you got a lot of messages that were hateful and that can be hard to not take personally. I can see those messages affecting one’s mental health. I’m sure it was a shock to see people from your own community push back as I could see that being a shock for me, especially if my intentions were good. But I think it’s important to take time and listen and have these conversations, even when it’s hard. I’m reminded that it will be a lifelong process for me to deconstruct whiteness and my white privilege and that I may unintentionally do things that cause harm to marginalized communities and I need to own when I do that.
Anyways i wish you the best and even though I didn’t watch a lot of your videos, thank you for planting the seeds of deconstructing and for the times you’ve demonstrated having a discussion over a debate.
You are my
HERO
Such a Brave Girl!!!!!!
TRUTH-SEEKER!!!
I love 💕 you so much!!!!!!😢
You HELPED ME SO MUCH!!!!!
i think there are more christ following people that think like u than u know or think. i relate to u so much because i have many of the same thoughts on everything. i think u should be u. people who relate will follow. maybe its not the same folks as before. we all change and we all have the right to change. just because u are a type of personality, it shouldn’t make u feel stiffled to evolve.
I'm glad to see people in the comments holding her accountable instead of just excusing this behavior. I think it is also really telling which comments Brenda has chosen to "like". This is called deflection, Brenda. I hope you learn to do better.
yeah, men tear each other down, too. Not just women. Everyone. I've experienced it so much (almost always from other guys...but sometimes women) that I've had zero confidence and been single for over 20 years. My depression and anxiety are so bad that I can't work or even function normally. I have my flaws, and have made my mistakes...but I learned from them, and have bettered myself every day. I KNOW I don't deserve to be treated the way I have been, and still often am. I KNOW I don't deserve my self-loathing. Still, I can't help but BELIEVE otherwise. I can't help but FEEL like I'm not worth anything. Clinical depression is highly illogical. I believe things that I KNOW are not true, and no amount of telling myself these things are not true will convince me to feel that they aren't. That's why it's so hard to understand clinical depression if you've never experienced it.
Girl, keep going. I am with you no matter what you decides to be.
I suppose UA-cam won't alert me if a creator removes my comments... I wish you well, and I hope I will soon stop seeing your videos recommended to me now that I've unsubscribed. I hope that you will one day be open to learning.
Yes!! I have experienced being dragged down by other women in my life!
I’m sorry it happened to you!
It’s Disgusting when older women do it to an innocent young girl whom they are JEALOUS of!!
Pure EVIL!
I expected more humility from you. Your actions created discourse and instead of contributing to the discussion in any meaningful way you decided to focus on your own hurt ego? How can we as a collective become kinder if we don't listen to each other but instead take all critisism as personal attacks?
This response...is not it. You didn't actually hear what people were trying to tell you. And you didn't hear it because you chose to dismiss, shutdown, mute and shout over those voices. Unsubscribed for the second time. I'm disappointed. I want more from my fellow deconstruction folks.
I think you genuinely missed the point of the video. She is saying how people have distinctly told her what she what to do and then still got cancelled regardless if she did what people said or not. She didn’t mute, shutdown, and shout over the voices at all. She is pointing out how the toxic spaces exist on both sides.
I love your Free
Thinking
Mind ❤❤❤
I had no idea that this had happened. I could go down a Google rabbit hole but I don't see any value in that. I'll keep watching your videos and I appreciate that you are growing as a person.
That’s because Emily Wilson was talking to Christian woman who are waiting to get married and have sex. If being a Christian and talking about Christian values and morals is privileged then yes Emily Wilson is privileged.
Love the color of that shirt. Love even more that you share your real heart and not a fucking cliche version of a heart. And even more than all of this… I love that you’re helping me relearn to love God AND to fully accept that I am loved in return; just as I am. (Haha I am … totally not claiming to be God these.)
Pageantry stuff and homecoming stuff gets nasty sometimes - small towns especially. I'm told often people get like homecoming queen/king because of their last names and family standing. It's silly.
I would love to hear you talk about your relationship with God and how He helps you get through hard times 💖
That's what we'll be doing this season! Thank you for being here xoxoxo
You are rocking it Brenda. You played your part on my deconstruction journey and I am grateful to you for that. Your light and the love behind your messages shine bright. The love inside of us all is not defined by any religious doctrine 🙏❤️
On Her Knees was a breath of fresh air. So beautifully written! LOVED IT.
I like her. She seems like she would be fun to hang out with
There is definitely something to be said about millions of people with unresolved trauma working through it collectively in a highly publicized manner. Sure, it isn't ideal, but for a lot of us, it's all we have. It's easy to lose sight of the other person in our own pain and that's where I think a lot of people get lost.
While I think that some creators absolutely need to be shunned, I think there are some instances where we are too quick and too forceful in our approach. For one, a popular tea creator got death threats over his matcha whisk technique. (He did not wet it before using it.) The threats also came from mostly White people while many Asians, both continental AND diaspora, agreed that it wasn't a big deal.
I also think that we are quick to conflate accountability and punishment because the White standard is so engrained in the way we think.
It's weird that so many branches of American Protestantism have embraced the unChristian notion that one can be perfect or that perfection is a possible thing of this world. It's like a sort of low church Protestant Catharism and it's weird.
Of course it's also not weird insofar as this idea now has encompassed so many other communities and American life in general.
I'd love to see you touch on why you have progressive views based upon you're understanding of the bible? Do you not believe in it? Do you not agree with what it's saying? Etc.
I love watching your channel and I value your boldness. ❤️
That's where we're headed this season! Thank you for being here xoxox
Well this outta be interesting
Brenda you are so amazing, I can't thankyou enough for everything you do.
Keep going girl! X
You have no idea how many people you are inspiring by just being yourself!!!!! Saying this while on the surface our backgrounds seem so much different yet SO MUCH IS SIMILAR. Please dont dim your sparkle and keep shining! You are doing greater than you think I swear.
I support cancel culture when someone is abusive, actively bigoted, a scam artist, violent, predatory, etc, but let’s be real. Those people aren’t getting ‘canceled.’ People judge their actions for all of a month, tops, and then they get to waltz around like they did nothing wrong, and everyone applauds them for some half-assed apology. However, real people who don’t have millions of dollars get canceled for honest mistakes, or choices like yours where they should not have had to worry about harsh consequences. They have to worry about someone they know doing something rude, without their knowledge, and getting lumped into it. You did something far less harmful (actually not harmful at all) than kanye west has done over the last several years, and got harsher consequences. Human priorities are out of whack.
I’m for consequences. I have zero examples of people actually changing when people have been nothing but gentle and supportive when they were not earning it. I have seen many people get worse, because everyone in their life was so quick to say ‘no, it’s fine. You’re human. It’s ok that you hit me. It happens sometimes. Yesterday I went over the speed limit for a few miles so I’m no better than you. I think you need more love and support, so thank you for being you.’ But our priorities on what behavior is weighted as problematic, make no sense. Nude pics? All that someone really should be expected to do is say ‘yes these pics exist. It was a different time in my life. I would not do that now,’ or say ‘you know what, I do have an adult fanbases so I’m going to make my content 18+.’ That’s it. I’m sorry it was turned into such a big deal, and I’m sorry that you were made to feel so flawed and horrible about something most people have done, whether they put it online or not. I’m personally glad that it never ended up online for me because my parents would freak out. I don’t have or want a platform, but it seems that nudes affect people way more now than they did in the early 00s. People could turn a sex tape into an a list career, in a few months time, back then. Now you can get property damage and death threats.
I am confused. When did she get canceled?
Earlier this year I think. It was really stupid
@@ariellastrawberry I did recently read a thread on Reddit (I don't remember what subreddit it was) that was basically tearing down God is Grey. I dunno the specifics, but it seems to have something to do with a group photo that she posted on Instagram.
Im so glad that i believe in the eventual universal reconciliation of all now instead of annilationism or eternal hell suffering.though there will be some pain experienced with being purged and purified from sinful attachements and wrong beliefs in this life and the life to come eventually all will come to love God the way he was meant to be loved.❤️🔥
Can anyone say what she did? I don't want to stop supporting her but she is just talking and not explaining what actually happened. I looked on the internet and tik tok and I couldn't find it, so I don't know why she said you can find it online
From what I’ve gathered, she apparently took some pictures with a bunch of her exvangelical type friends celebrating their freedom from toxic religion, and someone got mad because everyone in her friend group happened to be white/white-passing. Also one of said friends was apparently libertarian instead of Democrat, and I guess people got mad that Brenda was hanging out with someone who held different political views than she does? Then instead of “addressing it” (in other words, apologizing for having mostly white friends and ceasing to associate with anyone who happens to have different political opinions than her) Brenda got defensive… which in my opinion is understandable. I’d be defensive too if random strangers online decided to call me racist and demand apologies just because I happened to post a picture with mostly white people in it, or simply because I was open-minded enough to associate with people who don’t vote the same as me.
Of course, that’s just what I’ve found through YT comment sections, a couple google searches, and a random Reddit post. So take my evaluation with a grain of salt, I guess, since I haven’t personally seen the post that was supposedly considered offensive. But most of the complaints I’ve seen go something like, “We tried to tell her that her photo was harmful because it didn’t have enough diversity in it, but instead of seeing things our way she doubled down and refused to apologize for it”.
Frankly, that makes no sense to me… there are many issues that are hurting minorities that ought to be addressed. But someone posting a picture of a group of friends that happens to only be white/white-passing isn’t one of those issues. If, for instance, it came to light that there had been a black friend present who was cropped out of the photo or something, the objections would make sense then-but I don’t see what’s racist about a photo of a friend group just happening to be mostly white. My friends happen to be mostly white, too. I don’t have a problem with non-white people, nor would I object to being friends with them if I happened to get the chance, I just happen to live in a town where almost everyone I meet is white.
Also, a lot of my friends are conservative Republicans while I am not. I don’t have to agree with their political views in order to be friends with them. I’m not afraid to discuss my beliefs with someone who doesn’t agree with them, and I’m not scared of having my perspectives challenged sometimes instead of living in an ideological echo chamber.
Thank you for this! I feel like I try to do 5he same thing in my private life.
In the ex Christian groups on Facebook there are ex worship leaders who are the type who intimidated me when I was in evangelical Christianity. They were above reproach as they could get away with more than the rest of the congregation and yet were looked up to. They and the pastors' daughters paved the way in modernising and they set the pace. For example not being allowed wearing make up until they did.
I'm so glad she made this. Because I felt her stance more than anything but could not get more than 3 minutes in because I could feel her "perfectionist/saintlike" feel and hated it. It just reminded me with what I struggled with the most and still struggle with. I'm 31 and just realized why I don't know WHO I am because I formed myself into this "perfect chameleon" that was what everyone else needed me to be. Finally I feel like I'm seeing a person. Now I can finally listen instead of hide and being "triggered".
I love this comment x thank you xoxo
@@GodisGrey I feel like I don't always communicate in a way people comprehend what I mean to say. So I'm so glad that it seems I have this time. Thank you!!!! It's easier said than done. I understand you got cancelled but I hope this brings more people who felt like I did, that enjoy seeing you for your love and imperfections together and lift you up. Cause like you pointed out if you feel this way, there are most likely many other struggling with the same thing even if the senerios arnt the same. Much love and support.
Omg me too, such a difficult habit to unlearn as well that "perfect chameleon" routine
I love and appreciate you so much. Your authenticity is uplifting and healing and I’m grateful for you every day.
Not you unironically using “cancel culture” to describe your situation. You’re hella goofy. Ugh and “mean girls” please stop. Thankfully I am Jewish so I never connected with your work on that deconstruction level. I feel for anyone that you’ve had a huge impact on in that way, and are now continuing to be hurt by how you’re dealing with all of this.
Yes! I feel for those where her work has had a big impact on others. I’ve watched some of her videos in the past and they did plant seeds on deconstruction. I’m still disappointed though but I can’t imagine those who have followed her a long time and watched her videos.