Why Christian Sex is a Mess with Sheila Gregoire | God is Grey
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Hi, beautiful people. Today we're talking "Why Christian Sex is a Mess with Sheila Gregoire."
#progressiveChristianity #GodisGrey #exvangelical
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Great conversation. As a young gay black man, my sexuality always hovered between being hijacked into two extremes the oppression/repression of the Church and many facets of pop culture(and the people who followed it) overtly and covertly telling me I was supposed to be hypersexual because of my racial demographic and romantic orientation. I bought into both of these myths for extended periods of time. Now at 31, Im just now rebuilding and refining and redefining my sexuality brick by brick. All I can say now is I may be a late bloomer in regards to healthy sexuality but I can't wait for the unique reconciliation. Good luck to everyone else as well!
@Justin don't worry, my brother. We'll see each other through this
God bless you on your journey! Thank you for sharing your story.
It does sometimes feel like I get pulled into what other people want from me. After I came out as trans the church didn’t have nearly as much pull with its ideologies though. Queer culture on the other hand seems to know what I should be like as well. It gets a bit tricky navigating without helpful conversations about what’s actually in my best interests most days.
God created sex. God's got this.
God created sex for one man and one woman in a healthy lifelong marital relationship. Can't improve on that.
Last time somebody said 'women aren't visual like that' I laughed in their face. Like, where'd you get that idea, my guy? Is that why you refuse to wear pants that fit?
haha, go to italy!
men dont understand that, but men also dress to impress men
Love this. Thank you so much for existing 🙏
Maam When you write that new book that says "noticing isn't lusting", could you please go back in time and give it to my 19-year-old self? He was in a very dark place and those words would have helped him.
I'm so glad you guys found each other! I have been watching God is Grey for years and then found Sheila's channel and blog a few months ago. Both have been helpful to me in different ways in gradually shaking off the harmful influences of purity culture. I liked my Christian school overall and met my two best friends there, but the way they approached sex education was abominable in the lack of information. I also had it so ingrained in me that sex before marriage was bad that I didn't try to seek out information on my own and would have felt too embarrassed to ask my parents questions. I feel like I am still playing catch up sometimes as a married woman in my early 30's. I didn't encounter discussion of consent until college freshman orientation. Fortunately my husband is a good guy who wants to make sure I am having positive experiences and has been patient with me while I work on undoing different mental blocks I didn't realize I had until we were seriously dating.
I would say that Good Sex education also PROTECTS CHILDREN. Because a sexually aware child is far less likely to be taken advantage of. All these SA cases happening in the church happen to kids that in the majority didn't even know they were groomed or abused.
that‘s why sex ed in primary is important and usually mandatory (here where I live at least)
@@TheMntnG But in America some kids being shown straight up pornography in school. That is not education, that pure evil.
The first time I learned about Prolapse was in medical school, It is a surgical emergency, sometimes requiring stent placement and it can also be prevented by Kiegel exercises.
I appreciate hearing about her experience about vaginismus. I have that am I'm still struggling with it due to not having access to an effective pelvic floor physical therapist. It's nice to hear I'm not alone. I have been so embarrassed about this condition for years.
I also have a history of vaginismus! If you're open to it, I'd like to recommend the channel "Dr Bri's vibrant pelvic health." She has dozens of helpful videos on relaxing and softening your pelvic floor.
I suffer from this as well! It was expensive but the therapy literally was life changing. I was so depressed and couldn't have sex for months before I got treatment. So I understand. I hope you find a good therapist soon
@@thehappyduck9761 I actually found an amazing pelvic floor physical therapist but it was over 50 miles away and it was expensive. Once I started working I had to stop the sessions. I haven't been able to find a place like that locally. So I'm struggling to move past a certain point in my treatment
I'm incredibly grateful for your channel and these videos. I was brought up non religious in a pretty secular country and still I'm finding out incredibly harmful and traumatic things related to my sexuality and relationships. I have an abundance of shame internalised, both because of the things I learned having to research these things on my own online growing up but also because I had to hide it from my peers that I had endured and made a lot of mistakes and didn't know many things because I was raised as if human beings are all asexual. Thank you so much, you keep changing my life.
Sheila, what a beautiful person you are. I felt deeply and intensely touched.
Mind blown about this collaboration! I found both of you when I was on my deconstruction journey I didn't even know I was on at the moment. Because of the two of you my daughters will have a much brighter future than I had due to evangelical teachings.
I'll have to check out The Great Sex Rescue! It sounds like a great, challenging book!
"Vulnerability requires feeling safe which requires trust." As someone who has recently been unpacking my hyper-vigilance and how my lack of trusting others without lots of concrete proof (or even then) makes me see vulnerability as terrifying - and who is now learning to see that being more open doesn't always equal MASSIVE DANGER!! - Vulnerability isn't trust. It's risk. Having more trust might make it easier. But what about when a stranger asks you, "How are you doing?" and you actually give them a personal, emotional answer? It's not safe. You haven't built trust. I think you've got the order backwards. But also trust doesn't equal safety either. But anyway -
maybe work on your trust then. the world is good and most people too. maybe not everywhere. but here and mostly
Do you know for certain that you are saved?
@@pianoplayer2260 dude...
@@LipSyncLover Do you?
@@pianoplayer2260 🤣
Oh my gosh what??? Sheila revolutionized the way I viewed sex and relationships into something far more healthy, loving, and mutual... and then four years later, Brenda did it again! Now a collab?? Between two of the most positive influences in my life?? God has blessed us this day!
Okay not ready to comment on all these marriage ideals but - YAY! LET's PLEASE KEEP UNPACKING MARRIAGE TEACHINGS!!!
I love Sheila and im an egalitarian I disagree with complimentarianism i feel it is sick but I m in the middle between Traditional Christian beliefs and Progressive beliefs
This is one of my fav channels! ❤️
I so admire what Sheila is doing in the conversation around sex in the church.
I enjoy Sheila's instagram, she's one of my favorites!
The only time I heard of the arousal cycle was in a college Biology book, and thats it.
Fantastic conversation. Both of you are so lovely.
Ladies great conversation. I love how you can put aside your differences and not about the problems in the church about sex. It's refreshing. I intend to read both books that Sheila Gregoire.
Maybe interview scholar Ben Stanhope? He’s someone who recently deconstructed from evangelicalism, and has written a book critiquing the creation museum
I was just thinking a few weeks ago that I would LOVE to hear a conversation between you and Sheila, and as soon as I saw it, I knew I had to watch right away!
Lydia, if you died right now do you know for certain that you would be with Jesus?
@@pianoplayer2260 I am thankful to be in Christ and have his spirit with me right now, and not having to wait until I die!
@@lydiathomas2123 do you dismiss the parts of the Bible you don't agree with?
@@spirituallysafe Nah, just human interpretations of the Bible that are easily disproven with a bit of study.
Christianity as a religious sect is bad and wrong, as a philosophy its great. Jesus didnt give a sht about churches or money or any of that, he did good works and forgave those that trespassed him to give them a chance at redemption. They ended up killing him as prophesied so his redemption became eternal and he returned with the good word. Live a loving life, prosper, do good works etc, that was it.
@Brad1980 Amen!
The book's on Audible for those who are curious - The Great Sex Rescue that is.
Evangelical Pastor: “Why would you deprive him of something that makes him soooo happy and takes SO LITTLE TIME?”
Father of convicted rapist Brock Turner: “Why should he have to serve six months in jail for 20 MINUTES OF ACTION?”
this is great! thanks for sharing
@36:00 We're talking here about actual pain and damage to women's bodies, actual physical damage inflicted by misguided men upon the women they say they love and have vowed to God to love, honor and cherish. This also leads men to be uncaring about the physical and spiritual pain and damage they inflict under cover of marriage. A loving and merciful God does not tolerate this and that's why Sheila has been called to this ministry.
I LOVE SHEILA
48:15 Well then that would probably explain why marriages were better back in your day, Mrs Gregoire.
Sex-restrictive Christian: "I just think you should save sex for marriage because to have good sex you need a partner who understand and accepts you and puts your needs first."
Progressive Christian / non-Christian: "Yeah, I see that. In fact that's a pretty good description of me and my boyfriend..."
Christian: "Not like that!"
Progressive: "...didn't see that one coming." 🙄
I’m not a Christian but hell yes to all of this 😆
Glad this is being talked about for women in this space
Yes, about time!
Speaking of "sex" why is it the two sexual sins ( "Fornication and Adultery" ) GOD talks about over and over again in his Word the Bible is not ever talked about on this channel which I might add is post to be about "GOD " ( "God is Grey" ) right question mark ! PS: GOD states in his Word the Bible that those people who commit those sexual sins ( 1 Corinthians 6; 9-11) "shall not inherit the Kingdom of GOD " ( Heaven) etc !! You would think that would be an important topic here rather than promoting those same sexual sins !
Daniel do you have nothing better to do with your life than hate watch Brenda and say the same damn thing over and over again on almost every video she does? She's not going to notice you and also Brenda has already talked about the things you mentioned here many times on her channel, you just don't like her answers
@@oncerand_directioner no - Brenda just does not like the Bible.
@Spiritually Safe No, she actually does otherwise she wouldn't have spent years and years pouring over it during her deconstruction and researching everything about it such as the writers behind it, the history, as well as the cultural context behind certain books. And honestly, there are things in the Bible any sane person should be absolutely horrified by like how much rape, murder, theft, sex slavery, ordinary slavery, pillaging, pedophilia, child sacrifices, and many more are all over it as well as how women were treated like literal property by their fathers and husbands.
You don’t defeat porn by becoming porn. -Sheila Wray Gregoire. Hear hear!
How can you be a deconstructed Christian? Deconstructed from what?
It means testing the beliefs you were fed, working out what's fallacious or harmful, and taking a fresh look at God. Examples in the Bible are Hebrews and Galatians where they rethink the old covenant in terms of the reality of Jesus.
"Great Sex Rescue" huh? I'm a cisgender straight Christian Asian male and I would love to read this book. This may be helpful information when I find my wife-to-be.
1:13:05 - "Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex" ?? Oh wow a 2nd book reco!
Hey man, I did read your comment, but was there a time in your life that you were in a broken contrite spirit guilty before God and did you call on the Lord? Just wanting give people assurance.
Can someone explain to me why sex is talked about more than Jesus Christ?
Because in many church contexts, there are harmful teachings surrounding sex, and frankly I have interacted with youth pastors who unfortunately preached about sex (or rather refraining from sexual temptation) just as much if not more than they preached about Jesus. So people like Brenda feel the need to spend a ton of time addressing these harmful teachings, because so many pastors have spent tons of time preaching them.
That’s the topic of the video.
@@braedenstorkersen7498 Still not an excuse to talk about it more than Jesus
What is bad and good fruit? God defines that if you read past the verses that they stop at. I think they need to actually study the bible
Sheila HAS studied the Bible. That's what gives her the authority to do this ministry.
I knewwww I got bad vibes when I saw this chick on TikTok
I think Sheila had a lot of interesting data and information! As a Christian, I know that some of us have toxic views of sex, and that we need to do better. However, there is no doubt that waiting until marriage is still the best thing to do, because it allows deep intimacy and protection from unplanned pregnancy, STDs, and emotional hurt. I think that Brenda's perspective, although legitimate, has been deeply shaped by previous hurts and pain. There is anger and hatred in her, that I think needs healing. Christians are fallen people just like anyone else and they too can harm others, unfortunately. That doesn't mean that the glorious plan that God has for us (marriage and sex in the context of marriage) is wrong. I truly hope and pray that Brenda finds healing and that God opens her eyes to the truth of his promises.
Just because someone is hurt or angry doesn't automatically mean they're not right, our opinion are shaped by our experiences. And even when healed doesn't mean that it will change. Also I don't believe healing means we are no longer upset or angry by something. I think healing is more about peaceful acceptance of our selves.
I'm not a Christian I don't believe in waiting until marriage for sex. Unwanted pregnancy can happen in marriage, and I haven't seen any research that marriage helps to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Maybe more people that get married want children and maybe it seems that way. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a correlation between wanting children ane wanting to get married.
Also I tend to think is view of sex, marriage often ignores other cultures, and people who aren't monogamous. Christianity is still very geared towards heterosexual monogamous people. And these rules may be incompatable for people who aren't those things and don't belong to the culture that holds these beliefs.
I think the std thing has a lot more to do with having a long term monogamous relationship rather then marriage itself. Obviously people who are married its typically harder both socially, emotionally, and legally to split. So less ease to leave a relationship, and one partner would lower the risk of stds. Compared to someone who has more partners and has a "easier" time leaving a relationship. But also not all married people are monogamous and swingers exist. Also stds have a lot of shame attached to them when most should be treated like a cold. Use protection, go to the doctor, stds are in my opinion too heavily stigmatized.
Less emotional hurt, people get hurt all the time. Relationships aren't easy and thats okay. It doesn't feel good but its what shapes us within reason. And I think its healthy to be sad and to get hurt. No one says to only have one friend because you can get hurt. But also humans often don't treat each other like humans. I think married or not, a bit of empathy and humility goes a long way and can save us from a lot of hurt.
no, sex needs practice. how can you know what you like if you dont have multiple experiences?
I‘m happy I was taught sex positivity in high school
I think by the number of people who are deconstructing and who have been hurt there IS doubt that sex only during marriage is the best way. It's not. How about we stop leaving sex ed in the hands of male youth pastors and brai washed religious women. You stop STDs and pregnancy with the power of knowledge, not the so called rightness of waiting for marriage.
@@chandraa5333 For Christians, our source of truth should be God and His word, which is the Bible. Again, God knows what is best for us, and the Bible clearly states that sex should be done in the context of marriage (because God knows that's the context in which we are more likely to find the greatest fulfillment and protection). Marriage may not protect against unplanned pregnancies, but it provides stability to the woman who becomes pregnant. As for STDs, it's possible to get infected even when using condoms. The only way for a married couple to get STDs is if one spouse cheats, which shouldn't happen if the said couple believes in the sacredness of marriage.
Once again, the fact that people are sinful and hurt others doesn't mean we should make generalizations and reject God's word. Brenda is right in being hurt and angry because of what happened to her, but it's not right to stay in that anger and allow it to breed even more anger and hatred (I've been there too, and still struggle sometimes, but I've come to realize that it's very toxic and pulls me away from God). The Bible says that the fruit of the Spirit is "love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.", not anger and resentment. So yes, I hope she finds healing and hope after the terrible things that happened to her. I also hope that she too (just like she is asking of other Christians), humbles herself and repents of her own sin (such as sleeping around and abortion) to find true peace, which only God can provide.
@@TheMntnG You can find out what you like by having sex only with your spouse. You literally have your entire life to figure that out and to get better at it. There's no judgement, no fear of being dumped, and that's honestly so freeing, trust me! According to research, those who wait until marriage to have sex enjoy the best sex. On the contrary, people who have sex before marriage are more likely to experience negative consequences such as unplanned pregnancies in unstable relationships, STDs, and a lot of emotional hurt.