Why you should not rush your healing after a toxic relationship

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  • Опубліковано 6 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 55

  • @lisashelton4718
    @lisashelton4718 7 місяців тому +47

    I am tired of people telling me "I should've been, over it".

    • @simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266
      @simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266 7 місяців тому +3

      So invalidating and triggering

    • @thelittleetherealghost
      @thelittleetherealghost 7 місяців тому +3

      That’s the most upsetting and (agreed) invalidating thing… people who haven’t experienced it themselves have no idea what it’s like…

    • @rabbit3212010
      @rabbit3212010 2 місяці тому

      I hear you. I keep as quiet as possible about it because I don't want to hear that reaction.

  • @stacielivinthedream8510
    @stacielivinthedream8510 7 місяців тому +25

    True!!! They can smell us coming!!! Never tell the next person what happened cause they'll know they can manipulate you as well!!! Even someone who would never hurt you might because you look like an easy target!!!

  • @mzgreeneyez9048
    @mzgreeneyez9048 7 місяців тому +12

    Take your time is a fact!! I tried to speed up the process and ended up with a worse person. He told me that I was too fat, ugly and bald to be wanted by anyone.
    I finally got used to the idea of being alone and I met the love of my life. He is truly a godsend. I had to stop playing that record in my head to meet this one.

  • @TamcorpTamcorp
    @TamcorpTamcorp 7 місяців тому +7

    😂Lee you are hilarious. Sometimes I’m feeling down and I start listening to you and bust out laughing. You are definitely part of my healing process.

  • @RainbowLove487
    @RainbowLove487 7 місяців тому +15

    "If you're afraid to be alone" good point. I'm slowly becoming okay with being my myself. I feel like I have space to breathe and heal.

  • @sarcasticcat4982
    @sarcasticcat4982 7 місяців тому +6

    Thank you, Lee. I just realized that its all on God when my healing is done. I give it all to Him. When He mends my broken heart (and He is) and I find myself returning to living for Him then and only then I will be whole again.
    In God's hands I place my burdens and He will make them light.😊

  • @dawnmarieperez6349
    @dawnmarieperez6349 7 місяців тому +8

    Your not ready!!! Sometimes I know you can feel lonely but the best is keeping busy and staying focused on yourself!!! I know I'm not ready!!! And in my case with what's going with her obsession with me I wouldn't want to bring anyone into that situation!!! I enjoy my time alone actually I treasure it!!! Yes take yr time and this time you know all the red flags and non-negotiables!!! So just stay strong!!!!!!

  • @mskathryn231
    @mskathryn231 7 місяців тому +5

    I was in a toxic abusive relationship for 28 yrs. Half of my life! I am 56 now. I plan to stay single. Much easier that way! I don't want to date again. I am enjoying being single sooo much!

  • @TundraFl0w3r
    @TundraFl0w3r 7 місяців тому +3

    Thank you for this Lee! As a 51 year old my ex tried to convince me to stay by saying “are you sure you want to start over at this age?” - implying that no one would want me.

  • @bettycarmella1127
    @bettycarmella1127 7 місяців тому +2

    Yes! Not taking time to heal will leave you wide open for another round in the narc arena😵‍💫 absolutely happened to me too🤦🏽‍♀️

  • @AliceLytle
    @AliceLytle 7 місяців тому +4

    I ordered the book “Out Of The Fog” that you mentioned in this live video, Lee. Thank you for this timely message . I sent it to a young friend ending a narcissist marriage.

  • @nilaja-itsmylife
    @nilaja-itsmylife 7 місяців тому +3

    It’s scares me that I am not healed yet. It makes me wonder if I ever will be 😔

  • @ThorAllMighty7333
    @ThorAllMighty7333 7 місяців тому +3

    Yeap, totally agree. “Best” advices I had “Just let it go”, “get laid”. I went for a date 2 months after such a breakup- awful experience: flashbacks, feeling of guilt for that girl from a date, cause my mind wasn’t with her… No. best to do - books, self development, sport and professional help to fix my mental health. I’m 45 😉

  • @SharikaShalom24_7
    @SharikaShalom24_7 7 місяців тому +5

    I am enjoying my solitude and peace.I was in a Relationship for 25 years and married for 13 years.We have separated twice.He didn’t want to heal at all.He did rush into madness.

  • @Iamflamingosrule
    @Iamflamingosrule 7 місяців тому +5

    Always just in time Lee, thanks bunches

  • @dawnmarieperez6349
    @dawnmarieperez6349 7 місяців тому +5

    Especially after what i went thru in my case when im ready im looking for a companion someone to do things with not looking for something serious and thats cause im alot older and been there and back meaning married, engaged and now just want something lite, i will never let anyone know where i live ill meet them outside, and definitely no one constantly calling or texting thats going to be a boundary thats non negiotable!!!

  • @briannaarentz2244
    @briannaarentz2244 7 місяців тому +4

    I did. I found an absolutely worse person. After 20 years in an emotionally abusive marriage, I wound up with a complete con man. One with antisocial tendencies.

  • @leslielebron4735
    @leslielebron4735 7 місяців тому +3

    Thank you for the title because watching your videos has helped me so much and I am slowly very much healing because of the information you put out and and I'm able to understand this trait this personality this person this thing this poison cuz I never understood when you give so much love you don't understand so you gave so much clarity and your information has helped me see through my naive ways and empathy for this person thank you

  • @aggray1971
    @aggray1971 6 місяців тому

    So true Lee, heal before getting back out there. Sometimes I think I’m ready. Then they will say or do something familiar I been through and i get suspicious then i say I’m not ready.

  • @samonecharisma3043
    @samonecharisma3043 6 місяців тому +1

    The devastation of getting pregnant by one of these men is heart breaking….dont let it happen. And it’s your choice! Don’t sign up for a life of torment

  • @nilaja-itsmylife
    @nilaja-itsmylife 7 місяців тому

    He absolutely destroyed my self esteem. I didn’t realize how bad until I went back to work.
    I am a shell of my former self. I had no idea how much confidence I had lost during the duration of a decade of mental abuse.

  • @patriziastella6564
    @patriziastella6564 7 місяців тому

    Thanx Lee, your absolutely right IV been on my own for 6mnths now enjoying my own company. Im still in my healing process I have good days & bad days still think about him alot it's been hard. Being around my kids keeps me going & their support have been amazing.

  • @carolynabrahams5824
    @carolynabrahams5824 7 місяців тому +1

    Thanks Lee for caring.

  • @sarahthesarah2850
    @sarahthesarah2850 5 місяців тому

    Part if healing is focusing on building healthy relationships. The first one is with one self. A solid support network and community is vital. Dismantling codependency, attachment dysregulation, generational trauma is vital. Encourage the deep growth and develop of relationships with safe people.
    Self development is so crucial when your self has been deteriorated by toxic relationships. Becoming independent and healthy. I started thinking about what I want for my daughters.
    Changing behavior is a consistent and persistent effort. You have to keep what fuels the change abundant. You have to avoid or cope with whatever triggers the behavior. Exploring and experiencing and experimenting with what works for a person to heal and grow takes time. You show up for yourself everyday.

  • @bekarni442
    @bekarni442 6 місяців тому

    Great video, Lee. All people going through break up should watch it.

  • @brianmerritt6499
    @brianmerritt6499 7 місяців тому +4

    @Mental Healness my body was shutting down I needed sleep and I also had tremors is this normal?

  • @user-wc5dw2qx9i
    @user-wc5dw2qx9i 7 місяців тому +2

    Nooo... because you will meet another narcissists happened to me moved quickly than expected we got 🤰 and after that saw his true colors. He still around but he is definitely a narc and I just wanna be friends.

  • @the.toxic.phoenix
    @the.toxic.phoenix 7 місяців тому

    I think Doctor Ramani recommended a year / 12 months minimum not saying, working on yourself.
    I've been free over 2 years and I'm still not ready, despite over 50 hours therapy, but my abusive marriage was almost 16 years and followed a toxic first marriage, multiple toxic relationships and an abusive childhood, so a lot to unpack... I am totally happy on my own, not working on those boundaries and spotting red flags, not fawning or trying to fit into others expectations is hard

  • @damonteforney8076
    @damonteforney8076 4 місяці тому

    The new situations look like the old situations when we don't heal. We have to trust the process of healing. Many of us don't want to climb the mountain of healing. Healing is a lonely path, and yes, people can help you heal. But you're own healing as he said, is YOUR responsibility. It's not someone else's job to heal you

  • @MENTALHEALTHWITHLUKE
    @MENTALHEALTHWITHLUKE 7 місяців тому

    Completely agree.
    There seems to be a rule of thumb when to get back in the game after a toxic relationship.
    A year out for a 2 year relationship, 2 years for 2 to 4 years and so on. Personally I'm 3 months in on my healing journey. Blocked and deleted, there is no reason for contact. I'm doing the correct therapy, which is so important. Also, doing self work. Recognising and accepting what's been and gone. Recognising where the warning signs were. What was said and done, and why they were ignored. No way am I ready for another relationship. I'll be disrespecting a decent person who doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve it. Affecting her, her kids, my kids, and our friends and family, it's wrong, Imo. I'm sure I'll meet another toxic person next time out, just to see if I've learnt t my lessons. I was guilty of repeat offending. Not taking the lessons and doing the self work just prolongs your healing and has the potential to keep you permanently "damaged." It's not fair to you.
    The longest relationship is with ourselves. We came alone and we go alone. So why would we mistreat ourselves and constantly put ourselves through it ? Love yourself first.

  • @pamela9148
    @pamela9148 6 місяців тому

    That is word for word what i was told, get under someone else. Im not ready

  • @pamela9148
    @pamela9148 6 місяців тому

    Lee, i love your videos!! Your advice is awesome and so genuine. So appreciative of your sincerity and with a laugh, which i need right now! Thank you!

  • @nilaja-itsmylife
    @nilaja-itsmylife 7 місяців тому +1

    I learned in my 20’s that you can clap as many cheeks as you like and still be in love and hurt by an ex 🤷🏽‍♀️

  • @DragonHeart5150
    @DragonHeart5150 7 місяців тому +1

    You're the best you big hearted toxic person. ❤️

  • @JS-il9nw
    @JS-il9nw 7 місяців тому +1

    I knew the behaviors but I was still attracted to the flash !! I stepped out of the dating world for 7 mos!!

  • @nilaja-itsmylife
    @nilaja-itsmylife 7 місяців тому +1

    I had a geriatric pregnancy at 43 🤰🏽✨🙏🏾💯

  • @agneswilliams9855
    @agneswilliams9855 3 місяці тому

    For people with children with shared custody. Take some one with you.

  • @dawnanderson5611
    @dawnanderson5611 7 місяців тому +3

    How do you know when your ready? I know its different for everyone

  • @agneswilliams9855
    @agneswilliams9855 3 місяці тому

    That was a good one. Thank you

  • @tracydean3503
    @tracydean3503 7 місяців тому

    Bingo sir the mother of my son met her when she was 21 and I just turned 25 she moved was moving to Orlando and told her, I I can't long distance relationship. We was for 5 months she called when was in Orlando that time and wanted to move with me so I drove and got her. Well I met her in 2015 and broke up 2020 doing the pandemic and left me and moved to Louisiana with her mom and in 3 months she started and had another baby and she called me narc and I having dated since the pandemic.

  • @HotTamaleez
    @HotTamaleez 7 місяців тому

    Thank you for calling out pain shopping. “What’s going to hurt my feelings today…” 😂❤

  • @TheCurlyBeauty
    @TheCurlyBeauty 7 місяців тому

    I love my solitude and my own company. I know that true love is still possible. It will find me in its perfect time. I know I'm fine af! 😂

  • @the-oldest-3-year-old
    @the-oldest-3-year-old 7 місяців тому +1

    💥🔥💯✅
    PLEASE
    GIVE
    YOURSELF
    ONLY A YEAR!
    “The Wolf is always
    ALL
    ways at the door!
    As WELL
    as having
    fun w/
    US
    we construct a F****
    AWESOME
    “NO NARC”Zone
    THAT
    KEEPS
    THEM…
    🤢😡🤬
    58 years…
    (I mean miles …🥳☺️)
    AWAY!
    Out out damn Narc!
    Thx
    Daddy/Pastor/Lee!
    ❤️✌🏻🔥👏🏻💯💥💫✨

  • @mariami2670
    @mariami2670 7 місяців тому

    Thank you🥺❤

  • @Hazyisasigmagirl
    @Hazyisasigmagirl 7 місяців тому

    Why’re people so anxious to get back into another relationship?! It’s been quite awhile for me and I still know that I’m not ready for anything, I’m just enjoying the time w my kids.

  • @DulcesSweets
    @DulcesSweets 7 місяців тому

    Get out of your comfort zone. You don't know if you're capable of doing better until you try.

  • @agneswilliams9855
    @agneswilliams9855 3 місяці тому

    Lol. You got to love you first. As long as you have the fear you aint ready

  • @ericagardens1234
    @ericagardens1234 7 місяців тому

    wait, whatever happened to the lady that used to share your live show limelight?