Imagine your partner confiding in you that they were sexually assaulted in the past and your first thought is, *"Was he bigger than me??"* Truly a 'Man VS Bear' moment
When I was a dumb teen, I had this kind of mindset. Then I turned 19 or so and fully internalized that all the stuff American men are promised is a horrific fantasy. Why don't the right advance past their teens?
Yay, let's shit on men and compare them to animals. Then wonder why they are moving right. Keep using rage bait and other otherizing language. See what happens
the married man with a child who suddenly can't deal with his wife's past boyfiend's height is having insecurities about being a FATHER. Being a father is a difficult, stressful business, filled with responsibility, less sex, less money and a child crying repeatedly for YEARS and many want to run away. This guy is trying to find excuses to run away.
My ex-husband became an abuser right after we got married and I had our child. Everyone in my life told me there should have been red flags which I didn't see. It wasn't until after we were locked in that he became jealous, controlling, possessive, accusatory, verbally emotionally and physically abusive. When I told him I was leaving him, he told me that he wouldn't be involved in our child's life after I left him. It suddenly clicked with me. He never wanted the baby.
I dunno, maybe? Some people are just like this without any reason, but yeah the disguised or unconscious desire to run away from your stressful life is definitely a thing, it can totally emerge in this way.
Meanwhile, I found a small photo album that belonged to my current wife’s ex boyfriend from the early 00s that has a lot of his childhood pics and I’m low key stressing out about how to eventually get it to him because I’d want someone to return photos of my family.
They aren't broken They were raised to believe this and a lot of you raised to believe the same thing because like I still see people give other people crap for just having an STD which is common It's not a rarity
Wow, typical radical Leftist solution. What’s next, we’re going to tell Joe Rogan that his net worth doesn’t necessarily need to be an even 10 figures? Get over yourself.
Genuinely that was horrific. Imagine your response to finding our your partner was abused is to divorce them and kill yourself. That's psychotic. And traumatizing for her.
Don’t be dumb these guys are suffering and this guy making fun of them if you made fun of women for same thing they called sexist. It’s stupid gonna make fun of guys then should make fun of women for same thing
@@Unknown-r2p2onah making your partner’s abuse about you is just crossing the line. at that point your insecurity does not even deserve any pity anymore. you’ve become a reactionary and a terrible person, and any contempt toward you is just
It’s so lame he complains about men like a feminist radical women . Vsaush such a women lady crazy. These poor Guys legitimately suffering he making fun of them
@@Unknown-r2p2o This is not making fun. He is criticizing which he can. If you want to see people making fun of people watch Asmon. That is a different kind of content.
@ well women need to be criticalized too because they act just as pathetic and out of line as these guys or even more so. He is kinda making fun of them but at least be fair. Calling them roaster holders lol yeah there insecure but women do same cause bs for society Never heard of that guy I look it up but want see women made of too
Imagine this scenario applied to anything else. She's had better ice-cream. Her parents were nicer than mine. She laughed more at the movie than I did. She read that book before me. She visited another country. Her sister bought her a nice birthday present. Her jacket is more cozy.
I'll tell you right now that I once made ice cream for my gf and I'll never forget what she said when she tasted it. "I've had better." I have still not mentally recovered from this years later. I will have my vengeance in this life or the next. Currently working on a Rocky Road recipe. It's all coming together.
@@MortemErr Bruh i think she hit your ego without even knowing it. You're insecure buddy if you want to work on it you can open up to her but here's the thing it will also be a test for her if your relationship is solid.
I've literally *NEVER* understood sexual jealousy. Like bro, you guys can literally just make new sexual memories together. What? You can't? Literal skill issue lmao. Plus, experienced partners are more likely to have skills, be less awkward, actually be able to describe what they like, etc.
It’s not sexual jealousy lmao. It’s a visceral primal disgust - that I personally feel and can’t explain. Akin to when your hand accidentally touches cold wet food in the sink Ive had two separate occasions where I’ve date someone with a “past” and tried to rationalise it to myself, dismiss it the best I could to myself but my being cannot accept it I’ve settled for avoiding girls with a past altogether.
@@Grand_EdictI think you mean avoid people with a past? Because you said it’s the people with a past who disgust you, but you avoid the ones without a past? That doesn’t really make sense
@@LordChevonlier When people fear an imaginary outcome (such as being left for someone else) they sometimes behave in ways that sabotage the relationship and ultimately fulfill that prophecy, or some version of it. The thought in and of itself is compulsive and unwanted, and the distress it causes leads to hypervigilance and suspicious paranoia, resulting in reassurance behaviors or sometimes aggression and accusatory hostility that are meant to remove the distress, but in fact detaches the partner from you, worsening the distress while reinforcing the intuitive truth value of the compulsions.
reminder that if you feel really uncomfortable hearing these posts, thats normal. most people dont think the way these posters do and are disturbed by this thought process. that first post is especially uncomfortable to read.
I hate it. I've always had my issues with dating, raised in a cult and all that( just not asking out people I liked). But the way these guys think about their partners is vile. It's like they are looking for something to feel insecure about on purpose.
I didn't hear it correctly at first, like I couldn't understand what he was saying. I thought he was [x]ing because his wife had been r'ed and the trauma eventually caused her to [x] herself. (God youtube is difficult) Eventually I was able to parse what he said... that's a man that needs a kind of mental health help we just don't have in the states. He needs to be in a well-designed, high quality institution before he becomes an FBI wanted poster or a pool of unspeakable fluids on the sidewalk.
Is it weird those posts make me go "You know what? I am NOT the worst partner out there and should cut myself some slack" Like i don't use this as an excuse to be a bad partner it's just to silence this little voice at the back of my head
My abusive ex of five years, told me to my face that he was disgusted by my sexual history and that once I told him he couldn’t sit in silence or else he’d think of disgusting horrible this involving me and these other people and that he genuinely thought I was gross and sometimes it effected his ability to preform, I never went into detail I told him what he asked for, how many men, if we had sex and if protection was used….and their race. we were in our mid twenties and I was his first everything basically. He was horrible. I didn’t realized until it was too late that he was an incel who hated women. I’ve been free of him for 3 years now.
wow yeah I almost think incel is the wrong term to use because celibacy has little to do with it, and relationships and sex cannot not fix most of them. The "mind movies" thing they keep bringing up is what really gets me, that's clinical paranoid obsession and needs therapy/treatment, but they seem to talk about it like it's a symptom rather than the cause.
@ he was wildly insecure for sure. I encouraged him to attend therapy as a lot of awful things happen to him when he was younger he would always refuse going back to when he was a child. He was forced to go to therapy because of how violent he was and it never worked for him so it “wasn’t going to start working now” he lost one of his closest friends over refusing to go to therapy after I ended the relationship. He’s got with someone a month later and not even a year into their relationship they got married and now they have a kid. I PRAY for that child because I know the kinds of things he believes is appropriate in parenting
My therapist said I have malignant narcissism but my unwarranted egotism renders me completely immune to this kind of insecure bullshit. So who is a dysfunctional monster now society??
Nah you're still it. Imagine being so horrible you can't even comprehend something bad like this. That's you. Almost like narcissism was rooted in fundamental disconnect to one's shadow. Of course you find a way in which you feel it's appropriate to feel proud about yourself, what a surprise
When i was in High School in the 2000's, it was almost considered " normal " for teen girls in my school to date guys in their 20's. i remember a girl i had a crush on had a boyfriend who was 22 and he would come pick her up from school everyday, even came into the classroom a few times and not a single teacher said or did anything about. Strange Times
yeah that was a thing for a long time before it too. it certainly wasn't "normal" for most people, but it was "normal" enough that people usually wouldn't blow the whistle on that behavior. it'd be nice if that's changing now, with more social acceptance for calling out men getting with women who are definitely too young. "post me-too" as they say.
Same. It was so frustrating back then because I was thinking “how the fuck can I compete with a 21 year old when I’m 14”. Now I realize that is fucking insanely creepy
This is still pretty common now. Just more people are willing to point out how fucked it is. I was in high school in the 2010's and I knew girls who had 20-somethings boyfriends. Me and some of my friends kept trying to tell them it was weird shit, but weren't listened to. Even though some of us at the time were willing to speak up, it really was not nearly as many as it should have been.
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised by that, I’ve already seen a post by a husband who was unironically jealous of his own newborn child for suckling on his wife’s tits and even started demanding his wife use formula milk to feed the baby instead.
Apparently most women have never seen these men because they can never find real ones even though they keep repeating what a "real man" is supposed to be, usually when they need something to be paid for
The best advice is never to talk about it, never ask about it. It doesn't matter at all. Not even a little bit. It's a young person's jealousy. Old people don't give a shit. I'm in my mid 50's now, and I honestly couldn't care any less who my wife has slept with. If she wanted those dudes, she'd be with them and not me, and same for me. In the end, as the time gets shorter, you just hope your partner had a great life, whether it was with you or not.
I think it's possible to discuss such things if your relationship allows for it, and it can be fine (and even fun for some - who doesn't like knowing more things about their partner?). But the average person probably isn't very open minded about such things, and bringing it up just to get jealous or angry or insecure about it is definitely a bad idea.
@@blarghblargh yeah, the reality is a lot of people aren't really open to talk about it. even if you are a man and talking about your ex, BAD IDEA, it MIGHT upset your GF or stress her, she might think you trying to ''raise the bar'' or ''remember the lod ways''. it's really come to test the water, and if you both feel confortable about it, then sure, go ahead and talk about it.
I can't share my past sexual abuses with my partner because I'm under the age of 50? That's wild and untrue. I got together with my spouse when I was in my late twenties and I shared the fact that I was raped with him, and he didn't think anything about it other than it was seriously shitty for me. Men can and do better.
I hate how the thing that 'makes polyamory look bad' isn't the examples of actual toxic polyamorous relationships but these sorts of men who just can't keep a relationship going
Yeah, these guys are cooked. Their minds have become insecurity-mazes that nobody else can help them navigate out of. Once you reach the point of feeling insecure because your partner was ASSAULTED before you met, I really think that you’re beyond being helped by others to be less deranged. At the very least you need like…proper, actual therapy. Assuming that they can even understand that who they are currently is a serious problem.
Many men think assault = lucky her for "getting some" because they can't imagine being assaulted themselves by a woman and not enjoying it, which is obviously diseased thinking.
Actually, that one kind of makes sense in a way. My partner was abused in a past relationship and I do kind of feel like maybe I should go find that guy and do something. It's not because I'm sexually insecure, but I don't want to think of anybody harming my partner, laying hand on my partner.
@@SpecialBlanket that's different from worrying about your partners previous consensual sexual encounters. What you're against was a lack of justice, the dudes in the varying posts are worried about their partners previous sexual history which are two very different things.
@@SpecialBlanketid say feeling rage towards the assaulter is different than feeling JEALOUSY. what you feel is valid and fair, the latter is completely unhinged
If I can shed a little light on this as someone who's struggled with it, retroactive jealousy is almost always a form of OCD, generally manifesting in individuals who have anxious attachment problems and/or a really really shitty and repressed childhood, although sometimes it does show up in people who have neither of those factors. People who struggle with it rarely have control over it and rarer still manage to identify it as OCD, so they just obsess over it endlessly and feed into the cycle. If you're in this boat, the world has failed to nurture you into a healthy individual and I'm genuinely sorry. It failed me too. Identifying it as as OCD, getting treatment, and going through the slow laborious process of changing the way your brain works is the *only* way out.
It's just practical, rational self interest past a certain point. The way women and men tend to relate to sex is very different - this is not up for dispute. I'm not saying I need some virgin tradwife, but relationships cost time and money. They're an investment. I don't care if my partner has been with 100 other dudes /in theory/, but to think that I, Mr. 101st, will be her "soul mate" is laughable.
@michaelgregor1640 You seem to have a weirdly transactional view of relationships. Also, a relationship can still be valuable even if she isn't "the one." You can still learn from each other and make good memories.
@@jasonfenton8250 All relationships are transactional. Don't be obtuse. We seek the company of others because of mutual enjoyment. Something, by the very nature of the interaction, is being exchanged. That doesn't make the interaction any less legitimate. I think your take is very telling of many people in left wing spaces, because they'll support and encourage every sexual proclivity, orientation and preference under the sun, but it's only shaming tactics when straight dudes state their preferences.
@@jasonfenton8250 All relationships are transactional. We seek the company of others because of mutual enjoyment. Something, by the very nature of the interaction, is being exchanged. That doesn't make the interaction any less meaningful or legitimate.
Okay, is anyone else picking up on the OCD tendencies? Almost every post really reminds me of common dysfunctional thought patterns, specifically related to Pure OCD symptoms.
Same, completely different theme but the wording on a few of these remind me of how my brain was right before I got diagnosed. Interesting to see how it comes off on the other side at least.
I’m also seeing some potential BPD symptoms, particularly the intense projection and inability to identify when an insecurity originates within themselves (and instead misidentifying the cause as something external), the self sabotage and also the sudden and very intense 180* love/hate flip on how they feel about an important person in their life. I do definitely see signs of OCD tendencies too (the two conditions often occur concurrently) but irrespective of which conditions these men have, all the red flags are there to signal that they need to see a psychiatrist and figure out what is wrong with them so they can address it. There’s way too many guys with undiagnosed mental illnesses who aren’t getting the professional interventions that they need. I honestly don’t think there’s enough mental health awareness focused specifically on the conditions that cannot ever get better without professional intervention, some mental illnesses will truly ruin a person’s life if they don’t get the correct diagnosis and treatment. The number 1 thing someone experiencing distress or dysfunction in their life should be doing is seeing a psychiatrist to check for possible mental illnesses that could be to blame.
Yes but it's not really OCD. They have obsessive thoughts but almost no obsessive action. And most of them do not recognize these thoughts as alien to them and as debilitating. Aside from maybe the guy with the girl who went to therapy. To me this seems more like a weird form of paranoid schizophrenia, emphasis on the paranoia.
Me: *guy with no relationship history watching a video about the most insecure posts imaginable* "Damn... Guys are crazy. Hope I'm never anywhere close to that mindset..."
Self awareness is key. Keep a good grasp on what actually does and does not matter to you and the things that do, Talk about them early and often. And remember being single is far better then being in a relationship that's bad to you.
I still remember the dude I was in the talking stage with ask me if I included the guy who forced himself on me in my body count No. No I do not. He got blocked.
No joke about the breast size example: The second girl I ever dated, I found out, had body image insecurity that came up in a night of drinking along similar lines to your example. Trying to help her into bed after a night of drinking, her shirt came off, and after a couple minutes she started to get really upset that I hadn't been audibly impressed I guess. That old line "I bet your Ex's were bigger," came up and since we'd both been talking about Ex's earlier, all I could think to say was, "well... yes." Where she then got angry and stormed out of her own bedroom to sleep on the couch. Years later, she realized that she had obvious traumas built up from her past and after starting therapy is doing much better.
"Well yes" was a pretty stupid response from you. You should've said that her size doesn't matter to you-because you didn't say this, she rightly assumed that you were disappointed with her chest. If you WERE disappointed, then congratulations for being honest, I guess. But then you're validating her insecurity. You're giving her a valid reason to feel insecure.
@@verbatim7508 A dumb response to a clearly inciting statement, sure. But she didn't rightly assume my actual opinion. I saw her as she was and made no mention of her body. She was clearly drunk and I was openly helping her get into her bed to pass out for the night. Only when she made the comparison to my ex did I confirm a matter of fact about the difference between their bodies. I didn't do a long sigh, look off into the distance and say something like "... yeah... there was actually something there to play with" or something awful like that. It was, "yes." She didn't ask my preferences. She didn't ask how I felt about her. I didn't insult her, other than by confirming a fact. And if hearing that, yes, my ex had a larger chest, made this girl start assuming she wasn't up to my standards, or went into a rage, that is HER insecurity. Insecurity in either her body image or something deeper. That was her insecurity doing mental gymnastics to make it a problem. The two were over 50 lbs and 6+ inches in height difference. Those 2 bodies would just *be* different proportions. But without knowing/acknowledging that, this girl spiraled to anger. Just like the guys in this subreddit from the video: If they find out their girlfriend has had other boyfriends and they, in their own head, start comparing themselves to men they've never met and projecting their own ideas of thoughts she may have had onto her, that would be the GUY'S insecurity causing the problems. They should seek out a therapist to talk about this with and to help them organize their thoughts and feelings instead of jumping to anger and depression.
The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on Men and manhood, states that they are far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject: "Avoid. If at all possible." Unfortunately, most Men have never read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
True story: I always carry a medium towel with me and it proved useful in dozens if not hundreds of situations throughout the years since i started doing this as a joke when i was a teen
@@AstraIVagabond It's never too late to leave. Everyone deserves better. We just get the life we fight for, and no matter how late it feels, it's worth it to fight.
@@Lex_Nocturna The Legion celebrates its defeats because it is through losing that they learn. No matter how awful it gets, you just keep getting back up.
As a psych major, I felt so heard when you dumped on Evo psych. Every time I'm assigned to explain something through that perspective in an assignment it takes my entire being to not answer in a sarcastic way.
I am deeply embarrassed to admit that I had a phase like this when I was younger and in my first really long term relationship. Thankfully I've grown past it but my god, idk how you're literally married with kids and still thinking like that.
As did I. This video really shattered my belief that such insecurity is normal for lonely teens, but as people gain various experiences, they give fewer shits. Someone with 10,000 hours of driving doesn't have the same fears and anxiety as someone with 1 hour of driving. Someone who's been in the same relationship for 4+ years doesn't have the same fears and anxiety as someone who has never been in a relationship... or so I thought.
@@SIGIDIOT I think this dude's story is a total fluke -people DO normally become less insecure about these things, the older and more experienced they get. I'm a chick and I had similar jealousies of my bf's previous partners (not their boobs, lol, but if they were more fun in bed, if the guy was more in love with them, etc). But after my 20's or so, I stopped wondering and worrying about any of that. I think this married dude just never had a relationship reach the point where the sex became less frequent, and he found a totally toxic way to (NOT) deal with it. Someone else even suggested that he's actually freaked out about being a parent and is subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship so he can get out. I don't know if I'd place a bet on that, but it's not a ludicrous theory either.
@@SIGIDIOTor how about don't be insecure about that in the first place? "I was young" my ass. This has nothing to do with age. What did your parents do to you to make you that way?
There's an old saying that set me free in my adult life more than any other, and these young men ought to get it tattooed on all of their foreheads: "Comparison is the enemy of joy." Live your life and stop being insecure about people you haven't met and will never meet.
YES. This is true of so, so many things. Celebrate your own strengths and skills, and if you are going to compare, do it out of a productive desire to grow your good qualities, not to put yourself down.
Body count is whatever. How many relationships you've had is waaay more important. If you've had 8 relationships in like 2 years it's a massive redflag and sign of commitment issues.
hmmm. that sounds sarcastic XD but i'm pretty sure the buddha or someone said to take things in moderation. and obviously if you were abused, i would assume that's like a freebie or something. it shouldn't count for bodycount, not really.
I assume you're talking about 8 monogamous relationships, since if the person was polyamorous and everything was consensual it would also be whatever lol
just don't date redditors and channers and people with insecurity/anger problems, and you should be okay :D and of course, communicate boundaries early on and don't play games. much easier to weed out the people who still need to work on their own shit that way.
My spouse and I have known each other since PRESCHOOL. We've seen all our exes and the worst in each other. They saw me in my anti trans, self hate stage where I was a "sexy tomboy". If anyone has the right to be insecure it's me but any time I think about their ex gf I just think "wow what a loser, now I get all this cake for myself"
Maybe the last guy was really cool and the sex was great but he just wasn't the right guy. Maybe I'm closer to being the right guy for her, but the sex isn't as good. Do you see how this could make me insecure?
@@angelantayhua3096 what in the brainrot ? what do you mean by that comment ? or i cant understand as english is not my first language and i am not familiar with the latest lingo .
@@Aintnohope the men who do this kind of stuff usually hide that behavior until they think they have power over someone usually by social or monetary isolation
@@Kinma15 the first six months he was a nice, kind gentleman and seemed normal. After that he gradually turned into a different person. He says it’s because of stress at work. I think he might have undiagnosed mental illness. He is active in the in-cel community online.
A dating advice for girls I heard before was to always pretend you had partners, if a guy is “happy” that he is your first or “mad” that he is not, then he does not treat you like a human being, but as an object to control and show off.
At first I thought it was pretty good advice but it sounds like you could get good information without lying. Like you said, if they're too happy that they're your first or if they're mad they're not you have an answer either way... and it doesn't give a good foundation for a relationship if you're lying to them like that. Maybe I misunderstood what you're saying.
@ You don’t have to involve lying, it could be seen as “make sure to know your partner’s attitude on past romantic experiences”, when you’re getting to know them, just casually bring it up, and if they’re acting weird then it’s a big red flag. Cause you do not want to figure this out 2 months into the relatiknship
@@gm9460 Ah yeah because we can throw the entire meaning behind it cause lying bad, its not like you can casually bring up something to test your potential partner
@@gm9460Lying to protect yourself and others is generally deemed noble behavior - lying to screw over others is what is bad. Lying that you had past partners in order to protect yourself does not involve screwing over another person, and therefore most people wouldn't mind.
@@HumanityPeaked1994 Therapy is HIGHLY encouraged nowadays. The real problem is that it's prohibitively expensive in America to those who don't have insurance. If you've ever been shamed for seeking therapy then I'm sorry.
Happy marriage, kid on the way, an idealistic relationship. Flushing it all down the shitter because of "was he bigger then me?". This insistence on being Pathetic and miserable because one wants to go off and fight ghosts is baffling to me.
"kid on the way, an idealistic relationship" "happy marriage" actually believed the guy despite being such a standard meaningless non-descriptor "what a shame to destroy a perfect relationship" let's make fun of the complete banality of male insecurity let's shame these ungrateful men, such an immature child this must be, while his wife is for sure an awesome partner yeah the lack of perspective is baffling, so if OC here was not written by a woman, count me shocked
I used to struggle with this alot in my first long term relationship. It's a combination of a) deep sexual insecurities and b) your partner being your first but you not being your partner's first. I've addressed my sexual insecurities and moved on to other relationships and don't have issues with this at all anymore
Many ways, and not even deliberately it just sort of happened. My ex had a difficult time with having sex which was a source of insecurity itself. Other than that I've just gotten fitter, dress better and have my own confident sense of style now, and I've been with enough people who've enjoyed sex with me that I know I'm good. I'm not Jesus or anything but a million times happier than I was before
Vaush is a lot more reasonable than his audience. When you look at it is an extension of FOMO, it’s a lot more easy to understand. If these dudes were as wild as their partners were, they’d have no complaints. But because their ladies had all that ocean and they were stuck in the kiddie pool, they feel jealous. Nothing to end a relationship over, but it can be hard to move past.
its not that simple, its also plain patriarchy at work. These men feel insufficient because men are promised sex, riches and fame. When they go through puberty and then into their early adulthood most men get NOTHING. Men are broken by the system and tossed out the other side with no good rolemodels to teach them what truly matters in life, and you end up with a whole generation of insecure lonely men. This is a psychological issue, and the only way of fixing it is by destroying societal expectations and patriarchal structures that generate these problems in the first place
Yup. People refusing to empathize with this or even attempt to understand it beyond just assuming the worst of anyone feeling that way is making this issue worse. Funny how people can recognize this issue goes away as people get experience and no longer feel like they are missing out but since THEY aren't personally feeling that way they don't care. Not a shred of humanity at all.
But your current partner has no control over your past. If you feel that insecure, then maybe you should fool around a little bit before entering into a new (long-term, I assume) relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of these posts make it sound like it was the partner's problem that they had more experience than you.
I’m now 40 years old. I first noticed that people were saying that black men are bad around the age of 10. I am tired of being labeled as bad alongside other negative stereotypes, and practicing the “if it doesn’t apply, let it fly” mindset has done little but allow people to smear our public image without objection.
A subset of misogynistic thought that denies equal relationship rights? Purity First Men generally don't apply these standards to other men, and funnily enough I don't think I've ever witnessed this kind of insecurity from bisexual or gay men (purely anecdotal).
No it 100% happens, and plenty of women are ravenously insecure about their boyfriends and husbands. I work as a...... male escort a lot, and the world is literally overflowing with middle aged women who are going out of their way to cheat on their husbands explicitly because they're afraid they are, and/or are going to leave them soon for one of those other women. Men having a long history prior to them is a big driver of these beliefs. It presents a bit differently, but comes from the same place. If my partner has had a dozen+ failed relationships before me, why in the world would I expect that I am magically the only one that is good enough to keep them long term? Also, it is a hard fact, 70+% of people cheat, and that very often is the cause for the relationship failing, to run away with one of those people they're cheating on you with. It is a very real fear and a very founded one, I say, often being that man they're trying to runaway with. Which to me has always been hilarious: you think I'm going to get into a serious risky committed relationship with you, knowing first hand that you're a cheater and liar? What a goober. There are things that may bias stuff around, but this is a human reality and problem. There are not very many of us who are suited to not be cheaters or have long term relationships last.
As a bi man, I do have my insecurities however nothing this severe. Being self-aware about how irrational your brain can get helps a ton in managing these feelings so that they don't grow into actual issues.
Honestly a lot of the posts talked about here really remind me of when I was going through the worst of my OCD. Obsessive intrusive thoughts, really bizarre fears that can be easily reasoned away, but keep coming back stronger anyways. The fears aren't rational in any way, but they are very real to the person who is effected. They need therapy and mental healthcare.
I do think we should at least try to get rid of the stigma around going to therapy. Life is hard, and theres no shame in getting some help from a professional, same way there isnt any shame in having medical issues and needing to go to a hospital.
Talking therapy as seems to be most common in US really is useless for men. Also good chance that a woman therapist will not properly understand certain things (same vice versa) - and majority of therapists are women. And it is expensive. So all that added up doesn’t give it a high selling point to most men. Before you even get to the part that most will be considered weak for going. The comments can shout all they like about men needing to go to therapy. But mental weakness in men is a big “ick” for many women. Is it a double standard? Perhaps not technically. Since men are wary of women who openly talk about how long they’ve been going to therapy for. But it seems like more of a stigma. Men are told to “man up”. I was told to “man up” by my own mother upon revealing I had depression. So there is that
@@gm9460 women get icked out by men going to therapy for the same reason men feel ashamed to go; its two sides of societal expectations on men. The ones that end up losing the most are men, you can try to "man up" as much as you want but it wont fix you if you have serious insecurities and struggles. I say this as a guy in his twenties who was always too ashamed to go to therapy, and instead chose to suffer along, and the only thing that helped me was the luck of finding a girlfriend that showed me acceptance and love. Had i been less fortunate i would've stayed stuck, even though i "manned it through", that is: not crying ever, not talking about my struggles, focusing and doing well in university. None of that ever fixed me, but introspection and a supportive girlfriend made me the happiest ive ever been
@@gm9460 I was told "You're not sad. You don't know what _real_ depression is." by my mom when I was a teenager. I guess this is the female equivalent to "manning up."
You know who wouldn't judge you like this? A bear. They'd just chill out and let you pet/hug them. That's way more comforting than having a guy freak out and yell at you because you've been in a relationship before.
I really need crazy monogamous like in this video to realize that your partner chooses you. They choose to share their love and life with you. Right now. Enjoy that. Being insane and obsessed with losing them will literally CAUSE you to lose them. No one wants a jealous partner.
I'm guessing that these type of men prefer a women whose sexual attraction is exclusive to him. They might be looking for loyalty and the ability to pair bond.
You aren’t that dense surely. Only a small portion of the men are doing this “running through”. Lots of men aren’t doing any of it. Sure some of the guys who are real dogs are hypocrites but lots of those who don’t like it haven’t been “responsible”. So it’s not quite the gotcha you think it is Men are not a homogeneous blob. Neither are women
Seeing this and talking to my relatives trying to find long term partners out there makes me really glad Im happily married. 18 years (14 married) and couldnt be happier. On another stream you mentioned praising your partner for little things. Yes! We leave each other thank you and love notes and it feels amazing. Find peace and self confidence men, lifes too short to be this way.
Don't make her experience of SA and abuse or any past experience at all about you. This is fundamentally the delusion, obsession, entitlement and lack of boundaries of narcissistic personality disorder.
@iang7244 i set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes so i know when its time to inform everyone in my life again 😊 gonna send out another mass text in 2 mins to my entire contact list, thanks for reminding me!
I was a ‘late bloomer” when I finally had my first gf and “lost it”, and I had the same insecurity problem…. But then I just got over it after realizing it really didn’t matter, and years later we broke up over other things. This is pathetic, like you gotta be seriously unhinged and insecure to end a 7 yr over that like wth
Right. Because they're just going to do it to the next person in their life, too. Goofy. You gotta HEAL before entering relationships or they won't turn out well.
that's just leaving the insecurity packaged up instead of dealing with it. many people choose to do that. sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes poorly. asking the question isn't a useful step to unpacking it tho, I agree.
i think we (and by we i kinda mean humans) are predisposed to seek pain we just feel pain from different things men will ask about the cock sizes of their women's exes trans women will upload their picture for others to tell them how ugly and mannish they are etc.
Yeah right ? Good thing people never act in self-destructive ways haha. What an ignorant comment. It's a compulsion for them. Would tell someone "humm have you thought about just not self-harming ?" What a stupid comment.
i thought i had insecurities, but damn... how do you end up thinking like them, i really don't understand, well maybe not being particularly interested in heterosexual monogamous relationships has something to do with it, but like i really don't get obsessing over stuff like that
While i do relate to being jealous of taller men, this is genuinely unhinged posting. You definitely have to go to therapy if it's weighing on you this much, I have all the mental issues under the sun and even I'm not this insecure.
As a certified tall person(TM) are people really seriously unironically insecure about that? The average person will be average height, there is always someone taller!
@@Helperbot-2000 As another tall person. Yes people are insecure about that. I actually understand why too. Its funny how empathizing even slightly seems to be the biggest skill issue most people have.
Not inherently, but the amount of women I hear gooning over tall men after all these years has started to cut me deep and has made me feel like I can't be attractive to any woman cause I'm an Un ideal height. I'm 5'8 and now feels if a woman were to date me they'd be settling cause I've also heard how horrid women speak about short guys, then if you say anything about it you have "small dog" syndrome. I never cared about it until around high school when I had this rhetoric blasted Into my brain over and over, from fictional medi and real life
@@Helperbot-2000As a guy who is 5 ft 6, yes it really gets bad but not in the “I’m married and have kids and still insecure” this bad my goodness. I just feel off whenever I shoot my shot at the club but jeez man this is unhinged.
@@Helperbot-2000 I mean I'm not short, as tall as Vaush here but these things are just irrational. As long as you can realize this it won't affect you nearly as much as these posters who seem genuinely devastated.
@@Helperbot-2000 Its on the higher end, sure, but like 2 a year isnt anything that ridiculous, especially when going through some shit. I've known girls with much hgiher body count
Let's be real. For every man like this, there is a woman out there that says disgusting things like "I prefer men who are cut" or thinks it's embarrassing if a guy shows a drop of emotion other than anger.
for every one woman that says that, there's 10 guys who say the same shit. legit every girl i know has an ex that said equivalent shit, like degrading their bodies, saying they prefer other women etc.
tums, donkey kong, wizard of wor, dragnet - apparently the original version of that motif appeared in "The Killers", a 1946 noir film. thanks for the reminder to finish looking that up :D
Statistically, the chances of you having the best primal compatibility with the partner you settle down with, as opposed to whoever came before, goes down with the number of the previous partners. And don't we all deep down wish that we were our soulmate's best match? So, I kinda get where this retroactive jealousy would come from. As for the sexual assault jealousy, that's just creepy.
I'll die on this hill man. This is why people think the left actually hates men as a class. No charitability for any of the men here... its just stock standard insecurity for most of these dudes who are seeking advice on how to get over what they ALREADY perceive as an irrational hang up about how they measure up to previous partners and we fell compelled to smugly dunk on them.... its actually stupid. I say this as a fan, vaush's inclination to project his own adolecest misogynistic tendencies onto every man and completely dismiss their emotions is peak "pick-me" cringe. There's more growth to be had by him here.
I can agree with you to a point. The problem is that what they are experiencing is implicit misogyny that has been taught to them by a highly misogynistic society. I consider these men victims to that cycle. However there is enough information and access to it now that if you are seeking help for a hang up like this then you can find it. People going to Reddit for advice from subs that often perpetuate the same issues is not looking for help, it’s looking for validation. They are still victims of this issue and deserve empathy, but they also are not taking full responsibility for their behavior. Which empathetic support would help them with.
I'm gonna be honest idk if I'm a fan of Vaush saying at 8:47 "that's a fucked up reaction to have in your head too" when the post was literally labelled as "help with obsessive thinking", as someone who struggles with intrusive thoughts making it sound like intrusive thoughts that pop into your head actually mean you are a bad person for having them is pretty messed up if you ask me and the opposite of what mental health professionals tell you, maybe it's simple for someone who doesn't know what intrusive thoughts with severe OCD are like to say but you are not a bad person for having a thought that you can't control
I muse be insane. My immediate reaction to something like this is to want to hug the poor woman who had to live through anything like abuse. I know I'm not my wife's first. What do I care? It has nothing to do with me.
Same. My first instinct if I heard this from my partner of 6+ years would be to hug, then protect. For context: I'm gay, male, monogamous. You would think after 4+ years of being together, that would be the ONLY acceptable reaction. Some people are just self-absorbed. It makes me angry.
on the note of men telling people to go to therapy as an insult. Your discord community does that a lot. Like a whole lot. Absolutely insane how toxic it is.
@@verbatim7508 For you it was, and I emphatize, but for many it isn't a waste. I have a close friend that progressed tremendously thanks to therapy. That's life, sometimes we try things that don't work for us, that doesn't mean we should answer with bitterness toward the whole industry or be mad at ourselves for trying things out.
17 днів тому+2
To be fair I'm not gonna shame anybody for feeling this way. If they feel sex is so sacred, that's their faith and it's ok. And if it's not about religion and it's just insecurity and jealousy I feel very sorry because these feelings really are hard to deal with.
On one hand, I can definitely understand being insecure, especially when you're younger. I mean, it can be frightening when you think that you have to compete against every single person she's ever been with. I mean, heck "This is the guy she tells you not to worry about" meme is so popular for a reason. And, no, women don't really have to face that same level of competition as a general rule. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and relationships, generally, so the pressure to compete isn't nearly as high on them as it is on men. But like, dude. She's had your freaking babies. Out of all the guys she's been with, she chose YOU to father her children. She didn't have kids with anyone else. Like, c'mon. Clearly, she sees something in you that she really really likes. Things that she thinks are better than the other dudes she knew. You've WON by that point. Take the W, my man.
My daughter was in the hostpital for 11 years after she was born because she inherited my heart deformity and we have been in the trenches for the past 6 weeks having to feed her every hour around the clock. My wife and I just had a really touching moment dancing in the kitchen which had us both in tears by the end of it. So i dont wanna hear it when somone complains about how their healthy newborn affects their relationship. My wife has also slept with over 30 men before me and that fact remains the last thing on my mind because in the face of some of life's darkest moments, shit really isn't that serious.
These videos not only make me feel deeply uncomfortable, but also happy I’m not this stupid or insecure, and it’s not like I’m smart and not insecure, but damn if I ever end up on this level someone please tell me or put me down
I agree, but the sex is nice and in my opinion if they have plenty of experience that would make it better. Like I'm not going to hire an electrician to rewire my house and it's a novice that's never even installed a wall plug, do you know what I mean? The whole mindset is absurd to me. Why wouldn't you want someone with a little bit of experience?
I know this isn't a very hot take but I think it's just a simple matter of maturity. I'm a chick and when I was younger (like in my 20's) I used to have these exact vexations about dudes I dated, regarding their previous partners. No it wasn't about their boob size or anything about their bodies really -more like whether they were more fun in bed, whether they guy was more deeply in love with them, etc. And then ... I dunno .... I think just after some number of relationships I stopped worrying about my comparative value like that. I actually ended up having one partner who sometimes _tried_ to manipulate me by citing how his former partners were .... and that really made me realize how ridiculous this sh actually is. And yeah I dumped him, like quick.
I remember saying to myself "damn redpill community is cherry picking t he worst to portrait a negative portrait to women" . I didn't expect vaush to fall into the same level , kinda disapointing
What? I don't think Vaush is painting everyone like this because posts like that are psychotic however most right-winger men do suffer from some level of sexual insecurity which often drives their politics
I'm gonna open up here an hope for the best, I'm 31 now and over the last year I've been breaking out of a self-imposed isolation stemming from depression, I've never been in a relationship, none, not in school not since, kissless virgin the whole thing, I've never worked a job (tied to the isolation), I plan on getting into the dating field I'm worried, just about everything, where do girls go to met guys? is it still cafes and clubs, I just don't know what to do and everywhere I look I just see really repugnant people pushing idea's I don't ascribe to (incel, redpill shit).
The apps kind of suck for guys, unfortunately, and im not sure if women really like being approached in public so much these days (I'm in a blue bubble, so i could be wrong). I recommend joining meetup groups and going to events for stuff that interests you. Become FRIENDS with some women first. It will help them be way less scary and easier to understand. By doing stuff you enjoy and making friends, you will be enriching your life, which will make you happier and more confident, which will make you more attractive. Seriously. And then, you just might meet someone with common interests. Or one of your friends might turn into more.
Well, if you have some kind of hobby, you could look for clubs related to it. Might be a bookclub, sport, cosplay, whatever that will put you out there and help you meet people with shared interests. I'd say go wit the mindset to make friends first and foremost, and if you happen to meet someone who you are attracted to and is attracted to you, then great. If you don't, well you'll still have new friends, so that's still a win.
I'd definitely second the "not the apps". They are full of bots, unserious people, social experiments and people seeking shallow hook-ups. If you do try them out, don't read into the "success rate" or anything there. You might find someone to chat with casually, which could be a good step for you, but overall it's garbage. I recommend getting to know people through interests/activities. Maybe find something like a board game community, a beginners class in some sport, photo club, movie club or such. Or go to a museum or something like that if you find it interesting. Oh or get a dog, helps you get out and is a easy way to start conversation (even get approached), and if it doesn't work, you have a dog now! These times are weird, hard question, shit do I know, I'm as isolated though less virgin.
That free meal comment is big OOF. Maybe I'm just the wrong sort of autist, but I think 90+% of first dates I've been on were just me paying for two lunches with no measurable levels of date, which always feels shitty afterwards.
I feel like some communities feed their own neuroses, and having and expressing the group neurosis or opinion is a marker/performance of belonging to that group. It isn't just small insular reddit communities either, it's just more noticeable when it is than when large social groups and swaths of the population do it.
Its insecurity build upon the notion that you are not enough in something. This makes you worse. Nobody wants to be worse. It follows, that she/he will want something better or has "settled". That they are with you from a sense of pity or other issue like mental ilness, that it wasn't you who managed but something outside of you helped. It compromises the feeling of freedom you want to have in your life as its gives it to luck/chance. Consider this a formula into which you put circumstances such as those in the video. Ego, fear, entitlement and insecurity. I had these too. The framework my fellow men have is that there is a system and hierarchy and categories and a whole ideology what constitutes humiliation, victory, happiness and spiritual fulfilmment. I have decided to always ask open questions. For example, why and how does making somebody throw themselves on the floor in dirt be a matter of humiliation (decreasing ones dignity, so that you can justify different behaviour towards them). It has pure poetic and mystical worth such an action, to associate filth and spastic animal-like behaviour to this person, to dehumanize them. Its a performance. It all stands on analogies. But a human being can never be made this way, as its not a reflection of wanting to do this, but a reflection of wanting to survive, the source is different. Its different if such a thing occurs under pressure, and the interest of said person is to live if the alternative is death. A drowning person will grab onto a razor. Likewise, if somebody won, then in what way creating this scene will make me see this win as bigger, when it touches a different subject, the one who lost? As such, its cruelty, and such people must be fought. If cruel people erected a system that allows to vent said cruelty, then I can reject it in defiance. I can then do my own thing, and people will join or not. So, if a woman out there would be SA'd or raped and I would be with ther, then her status is not a product of her nature, but a product of that abuser exercising power on her. I should be vengeful to him, not her. I'd rater get life in prison in murdering and forcing myself to perform gay sex on that guy (we both know how they view homosexuality) then to kill myself, becouse in both scenarios my life ends. Her bodycount is not made from her desire to have sex becouse she is lustful. How can this be counted in if it lacks a neccesery trait that it came from her will? The common point with a typical bodycount and this, is that she had sex with another (and that sentence is descriptive of an event, a graphical representation, the very same sentence normally is used to say somebody had intercourse with another and the presuposition there is that both wanted it). That is like saying a circle and triangle are the same, as they have a common point of being geometrical figures. Also important to note, is that the state of the a liberal society and lawsystem is insane. You would sooner land in prison for intervening into such a abusive relationship to free such a woman from a person who clearly oversteps the borders a liberal system sets up and promises punishment from treading on them. We're sold a lie, that its about freedom and its protection, yet as soon as on the basis of your freedom, you engage with a person who on the basis of her/his freedom asks for your help/wants to do something with you as they're in conflict with another, you're seen as nosy. Idk, I guess charities should be made illegal and helping others is alright if you're a milionaire. Point being, that the greatest horrow however hides in one - that these memories will resurface in your partner from time to time, it was a horrible experience and it left a mark. The possibility that even once she'd have a thought where you are lacking in something the other could provide is gut wrenching. This is the crux of these men. You can either have a woman which has no point of refference, does have it and you're the best, or have to be in fear. Also, you don't even know how many men out there just want to live a typical romantic story, where he and she are each others firsts. Second. Fellow men, please, those who don't agree or cannot change their mind, lets recognize that if these people out there exist, you don't want them to exist, why do you live in an enviroment which allows for situations where your life gets worse be as it is unchnaged? Secure your future and root them out.
I read Unlearning Shame by Dr Price and, while it doesn't mention cis-het-white-men at all during the whole book. I feel you could write a book about those men and systemic shame and how it fucks guys up and is used to control them. Just wish I could find such a book to read and or recommend to some guys who let shame (and anger masking that shame) run their whole lives.
This is why a lot of men are going to church, but sadly many of them are not finding what they need and are joining right wing romam Catholic and orthodox churhes
Imagine your partner confiding in you that they were sexually assaulted in the past and your first thought is, *"Was he bigger than me??"* Truly a 'Man VS Bear' moment
When I was a dumb teen, I had this kind of mindset.
Then I turned 19 or so and fully internalized that all the stuff American men are promised is a horrific fantasy. Why don't the right advance past their teens?
Yay, let's shit on men and compare them to animals. Then wonder why they are moving right. Keep using rage bait and other otherizing language. See what happens
Honestly shocked all women aren't lesbians...men need help
That wasn't what she said that's what he implied.
the man vs. bear was a hypothetical about meeting either in the forest..
what is the 'bear' option here? being in a relationship with one?
the married man with a child who suddenly can't deal with his wife's past boyfiend's height is having insecurities about being a FATHER. Being a father is a difficult, stressful business, filled with responsibility, less sex, less money and a child crying repeatedly for YEARS and many want to run away. This guy is trying to find excuses to run away.
My ex-husband became an abuser right after we got married and I had our child. Everyone in my life told me there should have been red flags which I didn't see. It wasn't until after we were locked in that he became jealous, controlling, possessive, accusatory, verbally emotionally and physically abusive. When I told him I was leaving him, he told me that he wouldn't be involved in our child's life after I left him. It suddenly clicked with me. He never wanted the baby.
Just like how women find excuses not to take accountability for their actions ?
I dunno, maybe?
Some people are just like this without any reason, but yeah the disguised or unconscious desire to run away from your stressful life is definitely a thing, it can totally emerge in this way.
Let’s make fun of women’s post they are just as or more pathetic
It's an interesting theory. I don't know if I'd state it so assuredly, but if I had chips for gambling I'd put at least a few on it. 😆
So many men are just
Broken. This is actually horrifying me.
Meanwhile, I found a small photo album that belonged to my current wife’s ex boyfriend from the early 00s that has a lot of his childhood pics and I’m low key stressing out about how to eventually get it to him because I’d want someone to return photos of my family.
@@jimjo8541you had me at first ngl
@@jimjo8541 Why not just ask your wife how to contact him?
Wether that's the case or not , It's not like you people cared to begin with .
They aren't broken They were raised to believe this and a lot of you raised to believe the same thing because like I still see people give other people crap for just having an STD which is common It's not a rarity
The only valid response to "whats your bodycount" is saying " my lawyer has advised me to not talk about it, but the charges were dropped"
I'll use that
“I told you I don’t talk about the war…”
Only response to that is "I'll pass" past predicts future.
No. Just ghost
I have to use this at least once when talked to in English 😅
I’m calling now for an end to all podcasts until we can figure out what the hell is going on
lol yeah. an indefinite hiatus until humanity figures out how to do them safely
Hello beyblade comrade 👀 we meet at last
Wow, typical radical Leftist solution.
What’s next, we’re going to tell Joe Rogan that his net worth doesn’t necessarily need to be an even 10 figures? Get over yourself.
PLEASE
Damn, they had podcasts in the ancient egypt, greece, rome, middle ages, modern era, when virginity was valued?
"Honey I was abused before meeting you. Thank you for being there for me"
"How dare you. I must [redacted] now"
Genuinely that was horrific. Imagine your response to finding our your partner was abused is to divorce them and kill yourself. That's psychotic. And traumatizing for her.
Don’t be dumb these guys are suffering and this guy making fun of them if you made fun of women for same thing they called sexist. It’s stupid gonna make fun of guys then should make fun of women for same thing
Let’s make fun of women pathetic complaining
Stupid
@@Unknown-r2p2onah making your partner’s abuse about you is just crossing the line. at that point your insecurity does not even deserve any pity anymore. you’ve become a reactionary and a terrible person, and any contempt toward you is just
Honey, wake up. Vaush posted another video about male sociology.
No please, go back to sleep
It’s so lame he complains about men like a feminist radical women . Vsaush such a women lady crazy. These poor Guys legitimately suffering he making fun of them
@@Unknown-r2p2o This is not making fun. He is criticizing which he can.
If you want to see people making fun of people watch Asmon. That is a different kind of content.
@@Unknown-r2p2o bro shut up
@ well women need to be criticalized too because they act just as pathetic and out of line as these guys or even more so. He is kinda making fun of them but at least be fair. Calling them roaster holders lol yeah there insecure but women do same cause bs for society
Never heard of that guy I look it up but want see women made of too
Imagine this scenario applied to anything else.
She's had better ice-cream. Her parents were nicer than mine. She laughed more at the movie than I did. She read that book before me. She visited another country. Her sister bought her a nice birthday present. Her jacket is more cozy.
I've had friends like this (emphasis on the past tense) it was so fucking draining. Not worth maintaining ties with.
I'll tell you right now that I once made ice cream for my gf and I'll never forget what she said when she tasted it. "I've had better." I have still not mentally recovered from this years later. I will have my vengeance in this life or the next. Currently working on a Rocky Road recipe. It's all coming together.
That’s how insecure people literally think so yes.
@@MortemErr Bruh i think she hit your ego without even knowing it. You're insecure buddy if you want to work on it you can open up to her but here's the thing it will also be a test for her if your relationship is solid.
@@melodyyoung9640 it's definitely a thing lol
I've literally *NEVER* understood sexual jealousy. Like bro, you guys can literally just make new sexual memories together. What? You can't? Literal skill issue lmao. Plus, experienced partners are more likely to have skills, be less awkward, actually be able to describe what they like, etc.
It’s not sexual jealousy lmao. It’s a visceral primal disgust - that I personally feel and can’t explain. Akin to when your hand accidentally touches cold wet food in the sink
Ive had two separate occasions where I’ve date someone with a “past” and tried to rationalise it to myself, dismiss it the best I could to myself but my being cannot accept it
I’ve settled for avoiding girls with a past altogether.
@@Grand_Edictthat’s gonna be a lot harder once you’re not a teenager anymore. also do you hold the same standard for yourself?
@@Grand_Edictsadge
@@Grand_Edict skill issue
@@Grand_EdictI think you mean avoid people with a past? Because you said it’s the people with a past who disgust you, but you avoid the ones without a past? That doesn’t really make sense
How do these men get over the fear of rejection only to be worried about some weird hypothetical that no sane person thinks?
New to overthinking and self loathing?
Women and men both frequently have a number of neurotic behaviors and fears tied to their partner's past.
they don't, they work and die in their mid40's, and they grind the world into their circumstances by voting republican
@@TheDreadPirateRoberts-jr2fk But those two would feed EVEN MORE into the fear of rejection
@@LordChevonlier When people fear an imaginary outcome (such as being left for someone else) they sometimes behave in ways that sabotage the relationship and ultimately fulfill that prophecy, or some version of it.
The thought in and of itself is compulsive and unwanted, and the distress it causes leads to hypervigilance and suspicious paranoia, resulting in reassurance behaviors or sometimes aggression and accusatory hostility that are meant to remove the distress, but in fact detaches the partner from you, worsening the distress while reinforcing the intuitive truth value of the compulsions.
Sees title:
TRUE
For me it was 'not again 😭'
title: plural of man
video: just a singular guy
>he takes us for fools
TRUUUUUUU
No
reminder that if you feel really uncomfortable hearing these posts, thats normal. most people dont think the way these posters do and are disturbed by this thought process.
that first post is especially uncomfortable to read.
I hate it. I've always had my issues with dating, raised in a cult and all that( just not asking out people I liked). But the way these guys think about their partners is vile. It's like they are looking for something to feel insecure about on purpose.
I didn't hear it correctly at first, like I couldn't understand what he was saying. I thought he was [x]ing because his wife had been r'ed and the trauma eventually caused her to [x] herself. (God youtube is difficult)
Eventually I was able to parse what he said... that's a man that needs a kind of mental health help we just don't have in the states. He needs to be in a well-designed, high quality institution before he becomes an FBI wanted poster or a pool of unspeakable fluids on the sidewalk.
Is it weird those posts make me go
"You know what? I am NOT the worst partner out there and should cut myself some slack"
Like i don't use this as an excuse to be a bad partner it's just to silence this little voice at the back of my head
Men are naturally repulsed by r/retroactivejealousy
My abusive ex of five years, told me to my face that he was disgusted by my sexual history and that once I told him he couldn’t sit in silence or else he’d think of disgusting horrible this involving me and these other people and that he genuinely thought I was gross and sometimes it effected his ability to preform, I never went into detail I told him what he asked for, how many men, if we had sex and if protection was used….and their race. we were in our mid twenties and I was his first everything basically. He was horrible. I didn’t realized until it was too late that he was an incel who hated women. I’ve been free of him for 3 years now.
wow yeah I almost think incel is the wrong term to use because celibacy has little to do with it, and relationships and sex cannot not fix most of them.
The "mind movies" thing they keep bringing up is what really gets me, that's clinical paranoid obsession and needs therapy/treatment, but they seem to talk about it like it's a symptom rather than the cause.
Their RACE?! 🚩🚩🚩
@ he was wildly insecure for sure. I encouraged him to attend therapy as a lot of awful things happen to him when he was younger he would always refuse going back to when he was a child. He was forced to go to therapy because of how violent he was and it never worked for him so it “wasn’t going to start working now” he lost one of his closest friends over refusing to go to therapy after I ended the relationship. He’s got with someone a month later and not even a year into their relationship they got married and now they have a kid. I PRAY for that child because I know the kinds of things he believes is appropriate in parenting
@@kendracasale8625 Oof, bit broken from the start.
Occasionally those folks start thinking straight after a breakup, here's hoping :\
@@kendracasale8625 oh wow, so glad you are out of that situation
My therapist said I have malignant narcissism but my unwarranted egotism renders me completely immune to this kind of insecure bullshit. So who is a dysfunctional monster now society??
😂😂
You know what, critical support.
Nah you're still it.
Imagine being so horrible you can't even comprehend something bad like this. That's you. Almost like narcissism was rooted in fundamental disconnect to one's shadow. Of course you find a way in which you feel it's appropriate to feel proud about yourself, what a surprise
Height insecurity is destroying men holy shit
Yeah because women cause it. They don't like shorter men so these guys end up with no relationship experience, making them even more unattractive
It would help if social media wasn't full of women setting height as their deal breaker.
Height is just one. That’s how “looksmaxxing” and “meowing” became a meme.
You know women prefer tall men right?
@@justsomeguy6336do you get sexual satisfaction from lying and generalising like this?
When i was in High School in the 2000's, it was almost considered " normal " for teen girls in my school to date guys in their 20's. i remember a girl i had a crush on had a boyfriend who was 22 and he would come pick her up from school everyday, even came into the classroom a few times and not a single teacher said or did anything about. Strange Times
yeah that was a thing for a long time before it too. it certainly wasn't "normal" for most people, but it was "normal" enough that people usually wouldn't blow the whistle on that behavior.
it'd be nice if that's changing now, with more social acceptance for calling out men getting with women who are definitely too young. "post me-too" as they say.
Same. It was so frustrating back then because I was thinking “how the fuck can I compete with a 21 year old when I’m 14”.
Now I realize that is fucking insanely creepy
Yep. Graduated in '05 and can absolutely confirm this!
Graduated on 06 and my gf was 24 when I was 16. I'm a female
This is still pretty common now. Just more people are willing to point out how fucked it is.
I was in high school in the 2010's and I knew girls who had 20-somethings boyfriends. Me and some of my friends kept trying to tell them it was weird shit, but weren't listened to. Even though some of us at the time were willing to speak up, it really was not nearly as many as it should have been.
God these people would be jealous that their children were deeper than them
Ughhhhhh my brain why would you do this
Dont put that out into the world, someone on 4chan is going to take it seriously
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised by that, I’ve already seen a post by a husband who was unironically jealous of his own newborn child for suckling on his wife’s tits and even started demanding his wife use formula milk to feed the baby instead.
Least degen Vaush viewer
@@User-d6g4s You're literally the only one who thinks OP condones it...
Talk about projection.
Interesting, never heard of these "Men" entities, looking into it.
Apparently most women have never seen these men because they can never find real ones even though they keep repeating what a "real man" is supposed to be, usually when they need something to be paid for
Results may shock you
These are not men, but immature boys
@@yoshiEgg_main many such cases. at a wide variety of ages
Mentities.
The best advice is never to talk about it, never ask about it. It doesn't matter at all. Not even a little bit. It's a young person's jealousy. Old people don't give a shit. I'm in my mid 50's now, and I honestly couldn't care any less who my wife has slept with. If she wanted those dudes, she'd be with them and not me, and same for me. In the end, as the time gets shorter, you just hope your partner had a great life, whether it was with you or not.
I think it's possible to discuss such things if your relationship allows for it, and it can be fine (and even fun for some - who doesn't like knowing more things about their partner?).
But the average person probably isn't very open minded about such things, and bringing it up just to get jealous or angry or insecure about it is definitely a bad idea.
@@blarghblargh yeah, the reality is a lot of people aren't really open to talk about it. even if you are a man and talking about your ex, BAD IDEA, it MIGHT upset your GF or stress her, she might think you trying to ''raise the bar'' or ''remember the lod ways''.
it's really come to test the water, and if you both feel confortable about it, then sure, go ahead and talk about it.
@freakrocker, maybe she DID want those dudes but they rejected her and you're 2nd choice.
I can't share my past sexual abuses with my partner because I'm under the age of 50? That's wild and untrue. I got together with my spouse when I was in my late twenties and I shared the fact that I was raped with him, and he didn't think anything about it other than it was seriously shitty for me. Men can and do better.
Old people don't care because they can't afford to. Their smv is low
I hate how the thing that 'makes polyamory look bad' isn't the examples of actual toxic polyamorous relationships but these sorts of men who just can't keep a relationship going
Yeah, these guys are cooked. Their minds have become insecurity-mazes that nobody else can help them navigate out of. Once you reach the point of feeling insecure because your partner was ASSAULTED before you met, I really think that you’re beyond being helped by others to be less deranged. At the very least you need like…proper, actual therapy. Assuming that they can even understand that who they are currently is a serious problem.
Many men think assault = lucky her for "getting some" because they can't imagine being assaulted themselves by a woman and not enjoying it, which is obviously diseased thinking.
Actually, that one kind of makes sense in a way. My partner was abused in a past relationship and I do kind of feel like maybe I should go find that guy and do something. It's not because I'm sexually insecure, but I don't want to think of anybody harming my partner, laying hand on my partner.
@@SpecialBlanket that's different from worrying about your partners previous consensual sexual encounters.
What you're against was a lack of justice, the dudes in the varying posts are worried about their partners previous sexual history which are two very different things.
@@SpecialBlanketid say feeling rage towards the assaulter is different than feeling JEALOUSY. what you feel is valid and fair, the latter is completely unhinged
This is a CBT or self delete kind of moment. This person is flawed on a fundamental level, and those are the only options they have to change.
If I can shed a little light on this as someone who's struggled with it, retroactive jealousy is almost always a form of OCD, generally manifesting in individuals who have anxious attachment problems and/or a really really shitty and repressed childhood, although sometimes it does show up in people who have neither of those factors. People who struggle with it rarely have control over it and rarer still manage to identify it as OCD, so they just obsess over it endlessly and feed into the cycle. If you're in this boat, the world has failed to nurture you into a healthy individual and I'm genuinely sorry. It failed me too. Identifying it as as OCD, getting treatment, and going through the slow laborious process of changing the way your brain works is the *only* way out.
THIS! These posts display a lot of rumination and the authors desperately need therapy.
This just sounds like extreme insecurity, who cares who they were with before you, YOU have them now, in your own mind YOU won.
It's just practical, rational self interest past a certain point. The way women and men tend to relate to sex is very different - this is not up for dispute. I'm not saying I need some virgin tradwife, but relationships cost time and money. They're an investment. I don't care if my partner has been with 100 other dudes /in theory/, but to think that I, Mr. 101st, will be her "soul mate" is laughable.
@@michaelgregor1640that cope is outrageous
@michaelgregor1640 You seem to have a weirdly transactional view of relationships. Also, a relationship can still be valuable even if she isn't "the one." You can still learn from each other and make good memories.
@@jasonfenton8250 All relationships are transactional. Don't be obtuse. We seek the company of others because of mutual enjoyment. Something, by the very nature of the interaction, is being exchanged. That doesn't make the interaction any less legitimate.
I think your take is very telling of many people in left wing spaces, because they'll support and encourage every sexual proclivity, orientation and preference under the sun, but it's only shaming tactics when straight dudes state their preferences.
@@jasonfenton8250 All relationships are transactional. We seek the company of others because of mutual enjoyment. Something, by the very nature of the interaction, is being exchanged. That doesn't make the interaction any less meaningful or legitimate.
And i thought i was insecure, jeez.
Same! I think I live in an insecurity complex especially about dating/sex but damn. These men make me look like a well-adjusted socialite.
Okay, is anyone else picking up on the OCD tendencies? Almost every post really reminds me of common dysfunctional thought patterns, specifically related to Pure OCD symptoms.
Same, completely different theme but the wording on a few of these remind me of how my brain was right before I got diagnosed. Interesting to see how it comes off on the other side at least.
I'm OCD and shit like this just makes me want to mask forever. Normies will never understand, they'll just see me as a villain.
I’m also seeing some potential BPD symptoms, particularly the intense projection and inability to identify when an insecurity originates within themselves (and instead misidentifying the cause as something external), the self sabotage and also the sudden and very intense 180* love/hate flip on how they feel about an important person in their life. I do definitely see signs of OCD tendencies too (the two conditions often occur concurrently) but irrespective of which conditions these men have, all the red flags are there to signal that they need to see a psychiatrist and figure out what is wrong with them so they can address it.
There’s way too many guys with undiagnosed mental illnesses who aren’t getting the professional interventions that they need. I honestly don’t think there’s enough mental health awareness focused specifically on the conditions that cannot ever get better without professional intervention, some mental illnesses will truly ruin a person’s life if they don’t get the correct diagnosis and treatment. The number 1 thing someone experiencing distress or dysfunction in their life should be doing is seeing a psychiatrist to check for possible mental illnesses that could be to blame.
Yes but it's not really OCD. They have obsessive thoughts but almost no obsessive action. And most of them do not recognize these thoughts as alien to them and as debilitating. Aside from maybe the guy with the girl who went to therapy. To me this seems more like a weird form of paranoid schizophrenia, emphasis on the paranoia.
@@vidyagaems4063do you realise your thoughts of "normies" and "see me as a villain" is part of your ocd and a factor in keeping it present?
Me: *guy with no relationship history watching a video about the most insecure posts imaginable*
"Damn... Guys are crazy. Hope I'm never anywhere close to that mindset..."
*same*
Self awareness is key.
Keep a good grasp on what actually does and does not matter to you and the things that do, Talk about them early and often.
And remember being single is far better then being in a relationship that's bad to you.
you are better off just being kind to the women/girls around you, and seeing who wants you, everything else is a lie/mistake
ANOTHER W FOR THE ACES
Sane king 👑
I still remember the dude I was in the talking stage with ask me if I included the guy who forced himself on me in my body count
No. No I do not. He got blocked.
Jfc
What the fuck, is wrong with these dudes.
That's just a weird question to ask somebody. It's inconsiderate.
lolololol my god...... how the fuck do we solve this.... O.o
It counts though
No joke about the breast size example: The second girl I ever dated, I found out, had body image insecurity that came up in a night of drinking along similar lines to your example. Trying to help her into bed after a night of drinking, her shirt came off, and after a couple minutes she started to get really upset that I hadn't been audibly impressed I guess. That old line "I bet your Ex's were bigger," came up and since we'd both been talking about Ex's earlier, all I could think to say was, "well... yes." Where she then got angry and stormed out of her own bedroom to sleep on the couch.
Years later, she realized that she had obvious traumas built up from her past and after starting therapy is doing much better.
"Well yes" was a pretty stupid response from you. You should've said that her size doesn't matter to you-because you didn't say this, she rightly assumed that you were disappointed with her chest. If you WERE disappointed, then congratulations for being honest, I guess. But then you're validating her insecurity. You're giving her a valid reason to feel insecure.
@@verbatim7508 A dumb response to a clearly inciting statement, sure. But she didn't rightly assume my actual opinion. I saw her as she was and made no mention of her body. She was clearly drunk and I was openly helping her get into her bed to pass out for the night.
Only when she made the comparison to my ex did I confirm a matter of fact about the difference between their bodies.
I didn't do a long sigh, look off into the distance and say something like "... yeah... there was actually something there to play with" or something awful like that.
It was, "yes."
She didn't ask my preferences. She didn't ask how I felt about her. I didn't insult her, other than by confirming a fact.
And if hearing that, yes, my ex had a larger chest, made this girl start assuming she wasn't up to my standards, or went into a rage, that is HER insecurity. Insecurity in either her body image or something deeper. That was her insecurity doing mental gymnastics to make it a problem. The two were over 50 lbs and 6+ inches in height difference. Those 2 bodies would just *be* different proportions. But without knowing/acknowledging that, this girl spiraled to anger.
Just like the guys in this subreddit from the video: If they find out their girlfriend has had other boyfriends and they, in their own head, start comparing themselves to men they've never met and projecting their own ideas of thoughts she may have had onto her, that would be the GUY'S insecurity causing the problems. They should seek out a therapist to talk about this with and to help them organize their thoughts and feelings instead of jumping to anger and depression.
Fuxking savage with the "well yes" response goddamn 🤣🤣
But you see if a woman does it it's understandable and it's men's fault, but if a man says it all men are evil
@@squigglychris8396 I don't think you did anything wrong.
And it's good to see that therapy helped her :)
The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on Men and manhood, states that they are far too complicated to define. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject: "Avoid. If at all possible." Unfortunately, most Men have never read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
fuck I really need to read Douglas Adams' stuff
Dude I read most of that book as a kid and understood almost none of it, I seriously need to go back to it
Holy crap you two (as of time of writing), drop everything and go read Hitchhiker's Guide.
What are you even doing with your life?
GOATed book. Just acquired the full series recently. I haven't read it since high school so I'm looking forward to it.
True story:
I always carry a medium towel with me and it proved useful in dozens if not hundreds of situations throughout the years since i started doing this as a joke when i was a teen
Girl really dodged a bullet with the one at the start.
After seven years? I wouldn’t say she dodged it.
@@AstraIVagabond It's never too late to leave. Everyone deserves better. We just get the life we fight for, and no matter how late it feels, it's worth it to fight.
@@AstraIVagabond better late than never
Don’t unalive yourself. Instead… JOIN THE FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION!!!
What they gonna do, wave the white flag ?
@@Lex_Nocturna The Legion celebrates its defeats because it is through losing that they learn. No matter how awful it gets, you just keep getting back up.
Let someone else unalive you! It's more manly and chicks dig it.
@@godemperormeow8591 Unironically based
@@Alienwatcher 1 pair of sports shoes, 3 sets of spare underwear (3 briefs / boxers - 3 T-shirts - 3 pairs of socks), Toiletries (soap / shower gel - razor and shaving foam - shower towel - shower sandals), and like 70 euros.
As a psych major, I felt so heard when you dumped on Evo psych. Every time I'm assigned to explain something through that perspective in an assignment it takes my entire being to not answer in a sarcastic way.
Same 🙋♀️
I am deeply embarrassed to admit that I had a phase like this when I was younger and in my first really long term relationship. Thankfully I've grown past it but my god, idk how you're literally married with kids and still thinking like that.
As did I. This video really shattered my belief that such insecurity is normal for lonely teens, but as people gain various experiences, they give fewer shits. Someone with 10,000 hours of driving doesn't have the same fears and anxiety as someone with 1 hour of driving. Someone who's been in the same relationship for 4+ years doesn't have the same fears and anxiety as someone who has never been in a relationship... or so I thought.
@@SIGIDIOT I think this dude's story is a total fluke -people DO normally become less insecure about these things, the older and more experienced they get. I'm a chick and I had similar jealousies of my bf's previous partners (not their boobs, lol, but if they were more fun in bed, if the guy was more in love with them, etc). But after my 20's or so, I stopped wondering and worrying about any of that. I think this married dude just never had a relationship reach the point where the sex became less frequent, and he found a totally toxic way to (NOT) deal with it.
Someone else even suggested that he's actually freaked out about being a parent and is subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship so he can get out. I don't know if I'd place a bet on that, but it's not a ludicrous theory either.
@@SIGIDIOTor how about don't be insecure about that in the first place? "I was young" my ass. This has nothing to do with age. What did your parents do to you to make you that way?
There's an old saying that set me free in my adult life more than any other, and these young men ought to get it tattooed on all of their foreheads:
"Comparison is the enemy of joy."
Live your life and stop being insecure about people you haven't met and will never meet.
YES. This is true of so, so many things. Celebrate your own strengths and skills, and if you are going to compare, do it out of a productive desire to grow your good qualities, not to put yourself down.
Body count is whatever. How many relationships you've had is waaay more important. If you've had 8 relationships in like 2 years it's a massive redflag and sign of commitment issues.
hmmm. that sounds sarcastic XD but i'm pretty sure the buddha or someone said to take things in moderation. and obviously if you were abused, i would assume that's like a freebie or something. it shouldn't count for bodycount, not really.
I assume you're talking about 8 monogamous relationships, since if the person was polyamorous and everything was consensual it would also be whatever lol
@@iwiffitthitotonacc4673”she may be a virgin but she’s emotionally ran through 😒” - some asexual romantic incel probably
Both are redflags. Why put in effort for something others had for free 😂
Body count is not "whatever", having hundreds of partners is a glaring red flag.
"wow, your girlfriend left you for me? gee, aren't I a sucker..."
this used to be the good ending to movies
As a transfemme person mostly into men, these videos make me petrified of getting into dating and shit 💀
I feel so sorry for you. That's horrible.
Literally the largest advantage of being straight and male is limiting your exposure to other straight males
My condolences.
just don't date redditors and channers and people with insecurity/anger problems, and you should be okay :D
and of course, communicate boundaries early on and don't play games. much easier to weed out the people who still need to work on their own shit that way.
It's a good day to be pansexual 😎
Dudes like this can’t be normal so you should be able to avoid them if you pay most basic attention.
My spouse and I have known each other since PRESCHOOL. We've seen all our exes and the worst in each other. They saw me in my anti trans, self hate stage where I was a "sexy tomboy". If anyone has the right to be insecure it's me but any time I think about their ex gf I just think "wow what a loser, now I get all this cake for myself"
King shit honestly
Guys, if this last dude was so cool you need to worry about him, she'd still be with him.
Maybe he was the one to break up, women aren't universal prizes, the perfect little creatures you guys make them out to be.
Maybe the last guy was really cool and the sex was great but he just wasn't the right guy.
Maybe I'm closer to being the right guy for her, but the sex isn't as good. Do you see how this could make me insecure?
@@personaladdress3539nobody is saying that bruh. You want to stand up and admit something to the class?
@@angelantayhua3096 what in the brainrot ? what do you mean by that comment ? or i cant understand as english is not my first language and i am not familiar with the latest lingo .
As a deeply flawed man myself, this pisses me off so much. MEN, BE BETTER!!!!!!!!
I’m thankful for those of you that care to listen and self reflect, you’re a real one and I’m happy you’re here ✌️🩷
Repeal the 19th
@@Count990 Same. It gives me hope that my daughter can one day find a good man, if that's the way she ends up leaning.
Yeah just telling them “Be better” will make a change
@@ingolfringolfrson1577no one is pretending like this guys one UA-cam comment is supposed to change the whole damn world, what are you on about?? Lmao
My bf said I am a burden and have no redeeming qualities. He also called me a “wore” even though I have no body count.
He should be your ex bf
DTMFA
Really don't understand why women date people like this.
@@Aintnohope the men who do this kind of stuff usually hide that behavior until they think they have power over someone usually by social or monetary isolation
@@Kinma15 the first six months he was a nice, kind gentleman and seemed normal. After that he gradually turned into a different person. He says it’s because of stress at work. I think he might have undiagnosed mental illness. He is active in the in-cel community online.
A dating advice for girls I heard before was to always pretend you had partners, if a guy is “happy” that he is your first or “mad” that he is not, then he does not treat you like a human being, but as an object to control and show off.
At first I thought it was pretty good advice but it sounds like you could get good information without lying. Like you said, if they're too happy that they're your first or if they're mad they're not you have an answer either way... and it doesn't give a good foundation for a relationship if you're lying to them like that. Maybe I misunderstood what you're saying.
@ You don’t have to involve lying, it could be seen as “make sure to know your partner’s attitude on past romantic experiences”, when you’re getting to know them, just casually bring it up, and if they’re acting weird then it’s a big red flag. Cause you do not want to figure this out 2 months into the relatiknship
@@StarsShatteredBeyondthe original advice is garbage as it involves lies
@@gm9460 Ah yeah because we can throw the entire meaning behind it cause lying bad, its not like you can casually bring up something to test your potential partner
@@gm9460Lying to protect yourself and others is generally deemed noble behavior - lying to screw over others is what is bad. Lying that you had past partners in order to protect yourself does not involve screwing over another person, and therefore most people wouldn't mind.
Dude, men really need therapy, more so than ever.
We're not okay
Always did 😂
Gonna be on waitlists until we're all dead.
Then encourage them to go.
Not shame them into going
@@HumanityPeaked1994 Therapy is HIGHLY encouraged nowadays. The real problem is that it's prohibitively expensive in America to those who don't have insurance.
If you've ever been shamed for seeking therapy then I'm sorry.
Happy marriage, kid on the way, an idealistic relationship.
Flushing it all down the shitter because of "was he bigger then me?".
This insistence on being Pathetic and miserable because one wants to go off and fight ghosts is baffling to me.
It's not baffling at all. It's incredibly easy to understand. Simple as 2+2.
"kid on the way, an idealistic relationship"
"happy marriage" actually believed the guy despite being such a standard meaningless non-descriptor
"what a shame to destroy a perfect relationship"
let's make fun of the complete banality of male insecurity
let's shame these ungrateful men, such an immature child this must be, while his wife is for sure an awesome partner
yeah the lack of perspective is baffling, so if OC here was not written by a woman, count me shocked
I used to struggle with this alot in my first long term relationship. It's a combination of a) deep sexual insecurities and b) your partner being your first but you not being your partner's first. I've addressed my sexual insecurities and moved on to other relationships and don't have issues with this at all anymore
How did you address those sexual insecurities exactly?
Many ways, and not even deliberately it just sort of happened. My ex had a difficult time with having sex which was a source of insecurity itself. Other than that I've just gotten fitter, dress better and have my own confident sense of style now, and I've been with enough people who've enjoyed sex with me that I know I'm good. I'm not Jesus or anything but a million times happier than I was before
@@hugoeriksson6524Do you think those insecurities would have gone away if you didn't get to have sex and have people enjoy sex with you?
Vaush is a lot more reasonable than his audience. When you look at it is an extension of FOMO, it’s a lot more easy to understand. If these dudes were as wild as their partners were, they’d have no complaints. But because their ladies had all that ocean and they were stuck in the kiddie pool, they feel jealous.
Nothing to end a relationship over, but it can be hard to move past.
its not that simple, its also plain patriarchy at work. These men feel insufficient because men are promised sex, riches and fame. When they go through puberty and then into their early adulthood most men get NOTHING. Men are broken by the system and tossed out the other side with no good rolemodels to teach them what truly matters in life, and you end up with a whole generation of insecure lonely men.
This is a psychological issue, and the only way of fixing it is by destroying societal expectations and patriarchal structures that generate these problems in the first place
Yup. People refusing to empathize with this or even attempt to understand it beyond just assuming the worst of anyone feeling that way is making this issue worse. Funny how people can recognize this issue goes away as people get experience and no longer feel like they are missing out but since THEY aren't personally feeling that way they don't care. Not a shred of humanity at all.
But your current partner has no control over your past. If you feel that insecure, then maybe you should fool around a little bit before entering into a new (long-term, I assume) relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of these posts make it sound like it was the partner's problem that they had more experience than you.
That assumes you are able to fool around as much as your partner which isn't true in most cases. @AnnaMaria-mt5yf
@@AnnaMaria-mt5yf Not everyone as able to "fool around". So this isn't really an option for alot of people.
I’m now 40 years old. I first noticed that people were saying that black men are bad around the age of 10.
I am tired of being labeled as bad alongside other negative stereotypes, and practicing the “if it doesn’t apply, let it fly” mindset has done little but allow people to smear our public image without objection.
Yes ya all bad deal with it losers 🙄💅🏼
Or just do us a favor and stop existing 😂
Yes ya all bad 🙄💅🏼
Stop crying brokie
A subset of misogynistic thought that denies equal relationship rights?
Purity First Men generally don't apply these standards to other men, and funnily enough I don't think I've ever witnessed this kind of insecurity from bisexual or gay men (purely anecdotal).
No it 100% happens, and plenty of women are ravenously insecure about their boyfriends and husbands. I work as a...... male escort a lot, and the world is literally overflowing with middle aged women who are going out of their way to cheat on their husbands explicitly because they're afraid they are, and/or are going to leave them soon for one of those other women. Men having a long history prior to them is a big driver of these beliefs.
It presents a bit differently, but comes from the same place. If my partner has had a dozen+ failed relationships before me, why in the world would I expect that I am magically the only one that is good enough to keep them long term? Also, it is a hard fact, 70+% of people cheat, and that very often is the cause for the relationship failing, to run away with one of those people they're cheating on you with.
It is a very real fear and a very founded one, I say, often being that man they're trying to runaway with. Which to me has always been hilarious: you think I'm going to get into a serious risky committed relationship with you, knowing first hand that you're a cheater and liar? What a goober.
There are things that may bias stuff around, but this is a human reality and problem. There are not very many of us who are suited to not be cheaters or have long term relationships last.
@@ASDeckardvery interesting
As a bi man, I do have my insecurities however nothing this severe. Being self-aware about how irrational your brain can get helps a ton in managing these feelings so that they don't grow into actual issues.
This is beyond pathetic. It's just depressing.
Imagine ruining your long happy marriage because you feel heightmogged by her last boyfriend.
needing therapy but not going to therapy is yucky
Everyone is poor and therapy is expensive.
@@WaltzingUndead the fact that everyone is poor and therapy is expensive is also yucky
Im built different Im my own therapist
Well shit
@@kommi7658could you also be mine
Honestly a lot of the posts talked about here really remind me of when I was going through the worst of my OCD. Obsessive intrusive thoughts, really bizarre fears that can be easily reasoned away, but keep coming back stronger anyways. The fears aren't rational in any way, but they are very real to the person who is effected. They need therapy and mental healthcare.
I do think we should at least try to get rid of the stigma around going to therapy. Life is hard, and theres no shame in getting some help from a professional, same way there isnt any shame in having medical issues and needing to go to a hospital.
Talking therapy as seems to be most common in US really is useless for men. Also good chance that a woman therapist will not properly understand certain things (same vice versa) - and majority of therapists are women. And it is expensive. So all that added up doesn’t give it a high selling point to most men. Before you even get to the part that most will be considered weak for going. The comments can shout all they like about men needing to go to therapy. But mental weakness in men is a big “ick” for many women. Is it a double standard? Perhaps not technically. Since men are wary of women who openly talk about how long they’ve been going to therapy for. But it seems like more of a stigma. Men are told to “man up”. I was told to “man up” by my own mother upon revealing I had depression. So there is that
@@gm9460 women get icked out by men going to therapy for the same reason men feel ashamed to go; its two sides of societal expectations on men. The ones that end up losing the most are men, you can try to "man up" as much as you want but it wont fix you if you have serious insecurities and struggles. I say this as a guy in his twenties who was always too ashamed to go to therapy, and instead chose to suffer along, and the only thing that helped me was the luck of finding a girlfriend that showed me acceptance and love. Had i been less fortunate i would've stayed stuck, even though i "manned it through", that is: not crying ever, not talking about my struggles, focusing and doing well in university. None of that ever fixed me, but introspection and a supportive girlfriend made me the happiest ive ever been
@@gm9460 I was told "You're not sad. You don't know what _real_ depression is." by my mom when I was a teenager. I guess this is the female equivalent to "manning up."
Therapy is useless tbh?
You know who wouldn't judge you like this? A bear. They'd just chill out and let you pet/hug them. That's way more comforting than having a guy freak out and yell at you because you've been in a relationship before.
I really need crazy monogamous like in this video to realize that your partner chooses you. They choose to share their love and life with you. Right now. Enjoy that. Being insane and obsessed with losing them will literally CAUSE you to lose them. No one wants a jealous partner.
Is that vaush with a Hatsune miku binder
@shaunsmith9752 it may be.
@@sagethevvitch amazing
If men don't like women the have been run through, how are all these women getting run through? THINK MARK, THINK!!
I'm guessing that these type of men prefer a women whose sexual attraction is exclusive to him. They might be looking for loyalty and the ability to pair bond.
By guys that pump and dump those women
You aren’t that dense surely. Only a small portion of the men are doing this “running through”. Lots of men aren’t doing any of it. Sure some of the guys who are real dogs are hypocrites but lots of those who don’t like it haven’t been “responsible”. So it’s not quite the gotcha you think it is
Men are not a homogeneous blob. Neither are women
They don't like them for relationships but they do like them for a quick fix.
Didn't you hear? They're one night stands or very short term, yeah I'd be willing to sleep with a ran through girl but no way I'd marry one
Seeing this and talking to my relatives trying to find long term partners out there makes me really glad Im happily married. 18 years (14 married) and couldnt be happier.
On another stream you mentioned praising your partner for little things. Yes! We leave each other thank you and love notes and it feels amazing.
Find peace and self confidence men, lifes too short to be this way.
Stop socializing men to be possessive !!
Wanting men to be held responsible for everything while not being possessive of anything will not work.
@telluhwatboy Quit your bitching. Who said anything about holding men responsible for EVERYTHING ??
It comes with testosterone in all human beings... the higher the T... the more possessive and selfish you become. It's some kind of survival genes.
Kevin Smith already went over this in Chasing Amy in the 90s
It’s a universal feeling men go through these days. Ignoring it and shaming it WILL NOT help.
MEN?! what they did this time?
I dunno, I don’t think I did anything 🤷🏻♂️ 😂
@@discowolf25 repent for your sins
You know what you did.
You went out and became a productive, good member of society, that’s what.
Don't make her experience of SA and abuse or any past experience at all about you. This is fundamentally the delusion, obsession, entitlement and lack of boundaries of narcissistic personality disorder.
Man, I am way too asexual for this conversation.
You (ace)
🤝 understanding none of this shit
Me (virgin)
Yea, the straights are working through some baggage
We will get back to the scheduled programing soon
Aro/Ace people can’t go 5 minutes without telling everyone their aro/ace. We get it.
@iang7244 truly the linux users and vegans of sexuality
@iang7244 i set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes so i know when its time to inform everyone in my life again 😊 gonna send out another mass text in 2 mins to my entire contact list, thanks for reminding me!
I was a ‘late bloomer” when I finally had my first gf and “lost it”, and I had the same insecurity problem….
But then I just got over it after realizing it really didn’t matter, and years later we broke up over other things.
This is pathetic, like you gotta be seriously unhinged and insecure to end a 7 yr over that like wth
Right. Because they're just going to do it to the next person in their life, too. Goofy. You gotta HEAL before entering relationships or they won't turn out well.
@@jupiterthree5228”I don’t need healing I need her” - guy who is a ticking time bomb
I wonder why man v bear ever became a topic 🤔
Did these guys never think of not asking questions they don't want answers to? Its actually really easy.
that's just leaving the insecurity packaged up instead of dealing with it. many people choose to do that. sometimes it goes well, sometimes it goes poorly.
asking the question isn't a useful step to unpacking it tho, I agree.
@@blarghblargh Often times it goes VERY poorly. If you don't resolve your insecurities then they will manifest future problems in one way or another.
i think we (and by we i kinda mean humans) are predisposed to seek pain
we just feel pain from different things
men will ask about the cock sizes of their women's exes
trans women will upload their picture for others to tell them how ugly and mannish they are
etc.
Yeah right ? Good thing people never act in self-destructive ways haha. What an ignorant comment. It's a compulsion for them. Would tell someone "humm have you thought about just not self-harming ?" What a stupid comment.
@@blarghblargh Imo asking the question is an important part of unpacking it, it just that many are not ready to begin unpacking in the first place
i thought i had insecurities, but damn... how do you end up thinking like them, i really don't understand, well maybe not being particularly interested in heterosexual monogamous relationships has something to do with it, but like i really don't get obsessing over stuff like that
consuming copious amounts of toxic manosphere content. or talking to other idiot dudes that do the same
While i do relate to being jealous of taller men, this is genuinely unhinged posting. You definitely have to go to therapy if it's weighing on you this much, I have all the mental issues under the sun and even I'm not this insecure.
As a certified tall person(TM) are people really seriously unironically insecure about that? The average person will be average height, there is always someone taller!
@@Helperbot-2000 As another tall person. Yes people are insecure about that. I actually understand why too. Its funny how empathizing even slightly seems to be the biggest skill issue most people have.
Not inherently, but the amount of women I hear gooning over tall men after all these years has started to cut me deep and has made me feel like I can't be attractive to any woman cause I'm an Un ideal height. I'm 5'8 and now feels if a woman were to date me they'd be settling cause I've also heard how horrid women speak about short guys, then if you say anything about it you have "small dog" syndrome. I never cared about it until around high school when I had this rhetoric blasted Into my brain over and over, from fictional medi and real life
@@Helperbot-2000As a guy who is 5 ft 6, yes it really gets bad but not in the “I’m married and have kids and still insecure” this bad my goodness. I just feel off whenever I shoot my shot at the club but jeez man this is unhinged.
@@Helperbot-2000 I mean I'm not short, as tall as Vaush here but these things are just irrational. As long as you can realize this it won't affect you nearly as much as these posters who seem genuinely devastated.
Fear of inadequacy can consume someone like nothing else
i LOVE men
Being a straight guy comes with its perks. I am so glad I am attracted to women so I don't have to spend more time with men than necessary.
@theLunarDJ im becoming a manhating lesbian after reading this omg
I don't! Isn't there somebody you forgot to ask?
My condolences.
Femboys are good for the economy!
the guy complaining about his girl having 15-18 partners over the course of 7 years is WILD
That sounds like ridiculously many, but i wouldnt know whats normal as ive had zero
That is an insane number, and shows that she is a bad partner and has bpd, drug problem and provlbably stds.
I mean that’s like 2-3 a year. I would be kinda worried about commitment if nothing else.
@@Helperbot-2000 2-3 per year is probably on the lower end tbh. That could literally just be a drunk hookup every 4-6 months.
@@Helperbot-2000 Its on the higher end, sure, but like 2 a year isnt anything that ridiculous, especially when going through some shit. I've known girls with much hgiher body count
The reason why telling a man to get therapy is insulting is because Tyrone didnt have to get therapy. Hes on his conquest, no need to cope for him.
Let's be real. For every man like this, there is a woman out there that says disgusting things like "I prefer men who are cut" or thinks it's embarrassing if a guy shows a drop of emotion other than anger.
for every one woman that says that, there's 10 guys who say the same shit.
legit every girl i know has an ex that said equivalent shit, like degrading their bodies, saying they prefer other women etc.
@@elbownio5820 Correct. Men and women both are socialized in disgusting ways that need to stop. This isn't a man only thing.
*To the Tums commercial tune* "Men, men men men, meeeeeeen"
tums, donkey kong, wizard of wor, dragnet - apparently the original version of that motif appeared in "The Killers", a 1946 noir film.
thanks for the reminder to finish looking that up :D
I just ate a tums, and this is witchcraft
Smoothies!
Statistically, the chances of you having the best primal compatibility with the partner you settle down with, as opposed to whoever came before, goes down with the number of the previous partners. And don't we all deep down wish that we were our soulmate's best match? So, I kinda get where this retroactive jealousy would come from.
As for the sexual assault jealousy, that's just creepy.
Why would it go down
@@popsickle3549 dude was banned in google, there are multiple studies
I'll die on this hill man. This is why people think the left actually hates men as a class.
No charitability for any of the men here... its just stock standard insecurity for most of these dudes who are seeking advice on how to get over what they ALREADY perceive as an irrational hang up about how they measure up to previous partners and we fell compelled to smugly dunk on them.... its actually stupid.
I say this as a fan, vaush's inclination to project his own adolecest misogynistic tendencies onto every man and completely dismiss their emotions is peak "pick-me" cringe. There's more growth to be had by him here.
I can agree with you to a point. The problem is that what they are experiencing is implicit misogyny that has been taught to them by a highly misogynistic society.
I consider these men victims to that cycle. However there is enough information and access to it now that if you are seeking help for a hang up like this then you can find it.
People going to Reddit for advice from subs that often perpetuate the same issues is not looking for help, it’s looking for validation. They are still victims of this issue and deserve empathy, but they also are not taking full responsibility for their behavior. Which empathetic support would help them with.
I'm gonna be honest idk if I'm a fan of Vaush saying at 8:47 "that's a fucked up reaction to have in your head too" when the post was literally labelled as "help with obsessive thinking", as someone who struggles with intrusive thoughts making it sound like intrusive thoughts that pop into your head actually mean you are a bad person for having them is pretty messed up if you ask me and the opposite of what mental health professionals tell you, maybe it's simple for someone who doesn't know what intrusive thoughts with severe OCD are like to say but you are not a bad person for having a thought that you can't control
I muse be insane. My immediate reaction to something like this is to want to hug the poor woman who had to live through anything like abuse.
I know I'm not my wife's first. What do I care? It has nothing to do with me.
Who cares about being first when you can be best?
Same. My first instinct if I heard this from my partner of 6+ years would be to hug, then protect. For context: I'm gay, male, monogamous.
You would think after 4+ years of being together, that would be the ONLY acceptable reaction. Some people are just self-absorbed. It makes me angry.
@@jingbot1071 this guy gets it 😎
Not insane that guy needs therapy
@@jingbot1071the thing is these guys can’t even fathom being the best if they are not the biggest, richest, or most powerful I.e they are insecure.
on the note of men telling people to go to therapy as an insult. Your discord community does that a lot. Like a whole lot. Absolutely insane how toxic it is.
To be fair, a _lot_ of men *_DO_* need therapy, and the reddit posts here are proof of that lol.
@@fuffilicious I went to therapy for 10 years, have seen five different therapists, and it didn't help.
What's your brilliant advice now?
@@verbatim7508Now u can legally become a villain, but its nice you tried, therapists do help people and laughing at those doesn't help
@@marchewkaaron9951 It's not nice that I tried. It was a colossal waste of time and money.
@@verbatim7508 For you it was, and I emphatize, but for many it isn't a waste. I have a close friend that progressed tremendously thanks to therapy. That's life, sometimes we try things that don't work for us, that doesn't mean we should answer with bitterness toward the whole industry or be mad at ourselves for trying things out.
To be fair I'm not gonna shame anybody for feeling this way. If they feel sex is so sacred, that's their faith and it's ok.
And if it's not about religion and it's just insecurity and jealousy I feel very sorry because these feelings really are hard to deal with.
On one hand, I can definitely understand being insecure, especially when you're younger. I mean, it can be frightening when you think that you have to compete against every single person she's ever been with.
I mean, heck "This is the guy she tells you not to worry about" meme is so popular for a reason.
And, no, women don't really have to face that same level of competition as a general rule. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and relationships, generally, so the pressure to compete isn't nearly as high on them as it is on men.
But like, dude. She's had your freaking babies. Out of all the guys she's been with, she chose YOU to father her children. She didn't have kids with anyone else. Like, c'mon. Clearly, she sees something in you that she really really likes. Things that she thinks are better than the other dudes she knew. You've WON by that point. Take the W, my man.
My daughter was in the hostpital for 11 years after she was born because she inherited my heart deformity and we have been in the trenches for the past 6 weeks having to feed her every hour around the clock. My wife and I just had a really touching moment dancing in the kitchen which had us both in tears by the end of it. So i dont wanna hear it when somone complains about how their healthy newborn affects their relationship. My wife has also slept with over 30 men before me and that fact remains the last thing on my mind because in the face of some of life's darkest moments, shit really isn't that serious.
These videos not only make me feel deeply uncomfortable, but also happy I’m not this stupid or insecure, and it’s not like I’m smart and not insecure, but damn if I ever end up on this level someone please tell me or put me down
_"I have no empathy, sonder or social skills. And it's yyoooooouuuurrrr problem."_
Dudes out there, just be friends with people, and they might be someone you end up deciding to spend your life with. It's not about sex.
I agree, but the sex is nice and in my opinion if they have plenty of experience that would make it better. Like I'm not going to hire an electrician to rewire my house and it's a novice that's never even installed a wall plug, do you know what I mean? The whole mindset is absurd to me. Why wouldn't you want someone with a little bit of experience?
Thing is, for dudes, it's all about sex! 🤣
C
U
C
K
This aint about jealousy. It's insecurity, the fear of being inadequate.
I know this isn't a very hot take but I think it's just a simple matter of maturity. I'm a chick and when I was younger (like in my 20's) I used to have these exact vexations about dudes I dated, regarding their previous partners. No it wasn't about their boob size or anything about their bodies really -more like whether they were more fun in bed, whether they guy was more deeply in love with them, etc. And then ... I dunno .... I think just after some number of relationships I stopped worrying about my comparative value like that.
I actually ended up having one partner who sometimes _tried_ to manipulate me by citing how his former partners were .... and that really made me realize how ridiculous this sh actually is. And yeah I dumped him, like quick.
Felt obligated to watch as a man
The title really spoke to me personally
I remember saying to myself "damn redpill community is cherry picking t he worst to portrait a negative portrait to women" . I didn't expect vaush to fall into the same level , kinda disapointing
What? I don't think Vaush is painting everyone like this because posts like that are psychotic however most right-winger men do suffer from some level of sexual insecurity which often drives their politics
I'm gonna open up here an hope for the best, I'm 31 now and over the last year I've been breaking out of a self-imposed isolation stemming from depression, I've never been in a relationship, none, not in school not since, kissless virgin the whole thing, I've never worked a job (tied to the isolation), I plan on getting into the dating field I'm worried, just about everything, where do girls go to met guys? is it still cafes and clubs, I just don't know what to do and everywhere I look I just see really repugnant people pushing idea's I don't ascribe to (incel, redpill shit).
Get a job first
The apps kind of suck for guys, unfortunately, and im not sure if women really like being approached in public so much these days (I'm in a blue bubble, so i could be wrong). I recommend joining meetup groups and going to events for stuff that interests you. Become FRIENDS with some women first. It will help them be way less scary and easier to understand. By doing stuff you enjoy and making friends, you will be enriching your life, which will make you happier and more confident, which will make you more attractive. Seriously. And then, you just might meet someone with common interests. Or one of your friends might turn into more.
Focus on yourself first and the rest will follow
Well, if you have some kind of hobby, you could look for clubs related to it. Might be a bookclub, sport, cosplay, whatever that will put you out there and help you meet people with shared interests. I'd say go wit the mindset to make friends first and foremost, and if you happen to meet someone who you are attracted to and is attracted to you, then great. If you don't, well you'll still have new friends, so that's still a win.
I'd definitely second the "not the apps". They are full of bots, unserious people, social experiments and people seeking shallow hook-ups. If you do try them out, don't read into the "success rate" or anything there. You might find someone to chat with casually, which could be a good step for you, but overall it's garbage. I recommend getting to know people through interests/activities. Maybe find something like a board game community, a beginners class in some sport, photo club, movie club or such. Or go to a museum or something like that if you find it interesting. Oh or get a dog, helps you get out and is a easy way to start conversation (even get approached), and if it doesn't work, you have a dog now! These times are weird, hard question, shit do I know, I'm as isolated though less virgin.
People in this comment thread that are on Reddit should unironically hang out in small subs like this and give *good* advice.
That free meal comment is big OOF.
Maybe I'm just the wrong sort of autist, but I think 90+% of first dates I've been on were just me paying for two lunches with no measurable levels of date, which always feels shitty afterwards.
I feel like some communities feed their own neuroses, and having and expressing the group neurosis or opinion is a marker/performance of belonging to that group.
It isn't just small insular reddit communities either, it's just more noticeable when it is than when large social groups and swaths of the population do it.
Its insecurity build upon the notion that you are not enough in something. This makes you worse. Nobody wants to be worse. It follows, that she/he will want something better or has "settled". That they are with you from a sense of pity or other issue like mental ilness, that it wasn't you who managed but something outside of you helped. It compromises the feeling of freedom you want to have in your life as its gives it to luck/chance. Consider this a formula into which you put circumstances such as those in the video.
Ego, fear, entitlement and insecurity. I had these too.
The framework my fellow men have is that there is a system and hierarchy and categories and a whole ideology what constitutes humiliation, victory, happiness and spiritual fulfilmment.
I have decided to always ask open questions. For example, why and how does making somebody throw themselves on the floor in dirt be a matter of humiliation (decreasing ones dignity, so that you can justify different behaviour towards them). It has pure poetic and mystical worth such an action, to associate filth and spastic animal-like behaviour to this person, to dehumanize them. Its a performance. It all stands on analogies.
But a human being can never be made this way, as its not a reflection of wanting to do this, but a reflection of wanting to survive, the source is different. Its different if such a thing occurs under pressure, and the interest of said person is to live if the alternative is death. A drowning person will grab onto a razor. Likewise, if somebody won, then in what way creating this scene will make me see this win as bigger, when it touches a different subject, the one who lost? As such, its cruelty, and such people must be fought. If cruel people erected a system that allows to vent said cruelty, then I can reject it in defiance. I can then do my own thing, and people will join or not.
So, if a woman out there would be SA'd or raped and I would be with ther, then her status is not a product of her nature, but a product of that abuser exercising power on her. I should be vengeful to him, not her. I'd rater get life in prison in murdering and forcing myself to perform gay sex on that guy (we both know how they view homosexuality) then to kill myself, becouse in both scenarios my life ends.
Her bodycount is not made from her desire to have sex becouse she is lustful. How can this be counted in if it lacks a neccesery trait that it came from her will? The common point with a typical bodycount and this, is that she had sex with another (and that sentence is descriptive of an event, a graphical representation, the very same sentence normally is used to say somebody had intercourse with another and the presuposition there is that both wanted it).
That is like saying a circle and triangle are the same, as they have a common point of being geometrical figures.
Also important to note, is that the state of the a liberal society and lawsystem is insane. You would sooner land in prison for intervening into such a abusive relationship to free such a woman from a person who clearly oversteps the borders a liberal system sets up and promises punishment from treading on them. We're sold a lie, that its about freedom and its protection, yet as soon as on the basis of your freedom, you engage with a person who on the basis of her/his freedom asks for your help/wants to do something with you as they're in conflict with another, you're seen as nosy.
Idk, I guess charities should be made illegal and helping others is alright if you're a milionaire.
Point being, that the greatest horrow however hides in one - that these memories will resurface in your partner from time to time, it was a horrible experience and it left a mark. The possibility that even once she'd have a thought where you are lacking in something the other could provide is gut wrenching. This is the crux of these men. You can either have a woman which has no point of refference, does have it and you're the best, or have to be in fear.
Also, you don't even know how many men out there just want to live a typical romantic story, where he and she are each others firsts.
Second. Fellow men, please, those who don't agree or cannot change their mind, lets recognize that if these people out there exist, you don't want them to exist, why do you live in an enviroment which allows for situations where your life gets worse be as it is unchnaged? Secure your future and root them out.
I read Unlearning Shame by Dr Price and, while it doesn't mention cis-het-white-men at all during the whole book. I feel you could write a book about those men and systemic shame and how it fucks guys up and is used to control them. Just wish I could find such a book to read and or recommend to some guys who let shame (and anger masking that shame) run their whole lives.
There isn't a way to get rid of the shame that men have by being a virgin
This really seems like OCD. Like they cannot stop thinking about this and it causes them massive stress, they are ruminating.
Moving away from reproduction by budding was a mistake.
No, no it was not. As a woman, I am very happy I can give myself an O w/o having to get pregnant every single time.
These people need to watch the movie Chasing Amy. Excellent movie.
Hot take: it's valid for men to have insecurities.
It's not valid to kill women over those insecurities, however, which is what men tend to do.
That "micro creating" tiktok is insane, it was clearly made by a person that got cheated on once and builded their entire personality on it.
If these are fake stories, jesus christ people need to touch grass
If they are real, jesus christ, people need to touch grass
If they're fake, it's funny
If they're real, f*cking jeez dude... :o
This is why a lot of men are going to church, but sadly many of them are not finding what they need and are joining right wing romam Catholic and orthodox churhes