I adore you. Your videos give me so much clarity. I appreciate how emotionally articulate you are and how much attention to detail you bring to the nuances of relating.
This is very helpful to me. Been in an anxious Avoidant relationship for 6 years. We are not compatible and I'm finally giving it up. This explains so much. Thank you
In the 20 years, I have researched why my relationahips do not work, this video is by far the very best explanation. Thank you so much! ❤️ The way you presented different styles and needs without judging, helps me to revisit my previous relationships, and to give up the one I have been in for 1 year now, and which has caused me so much anxiety and sadness.
This is a masterpiece! I watch it again after another relationship try has failed and it becomes so obvious what it is about and what happens when the relationship lacks this rhythm.
10 місяців тому+6
I have watched maybe a dozen of your videos and I have gotten something useful out of each one. I have never felt so seen and heard, and today's insight is something I will bring to my own therapy session this week. Thank you so much for making this and all the videos you have shared!
Thank you for sharing this video with us, Alan 🤗I appreciate the fact that you don't compartmentalize the behaviors you mentioned into particular attachment style(s), and instead explains about them in a holistic manner. As for continuity, I have revisited emotional moments in the past and expressed my gratitude or apologies for the other person. When communicating these feelings to the other person i.e. my partner, a friend, a family member, a colleague, was received with empathy, understanding and gratitude, I felt it strengthened our attachment bonds ❤ And when it wasn't, I understood we weren't compatible. I accepted this with radical acceptance and either ended, withdrew from our relationship or maintained it while calibrating my expectations.
You're welcome and I appreciate your feedback. Glad this video brought some inspiration for your relationship choices. I'm wondering also if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's so validating when others can relate to our situation. We learn so much from each other. Thanks again for your comment. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Yet again, you speak to a large part of my own experience. Thank you for putting so much of your own experience and understanding into words that many of us have felt but have been unable to verbalize. What I learned, eventually, is that it is not on the "other" to heal us. We have the ability to heal within our own grasp, and each of us owes it to ourselves to find that healing. Certainly, that experience of closeness, intimacy, and resonance is really only achieved with another person present. Still, the healing is what we do inside of our own selves so that we can have an opportunity to experience that closeness and intimacy with someone else.
Very helpful and insightful. Validates when I've known things were off in the past on a deeper emotional level and helps outline what to look out for in terms of compatibility. Thank you.
This is super helpful and validates things I felt intuitively but couldn't put into words. It's too early to know about continuity, but so far my new boyfriend and are really on the same page in these ways you describe. You've given me a lot of great vocabulary to help me understand what is transpiring, such as the other day when I pulled back out of fear I was being too much, and he called me on the change in frequency. I acknowledged it (shared reality!), admitted why, and resumed daily 'good morning' texts the next day, to his delight. Yay!
This video was definitely the best one for me and my situation. I’ve been in a relationship for two years and I’ve had a really hard time trying to figure it out. This answered all my questions. This also has helped me decide do I stay or do I go. Thank you!!!
Glad to hear this video was helpful and brought you some clarity. I want to share you may also like to take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2?r_done=1
Hi Alan. Thanks so much for your videos, these posts provide me with not only insight- but also allow me to feel normal/okay in a way that I didn’t think was previously possible. You are a great calm to me in times of intense stress and worry. So thank you! Quick question for you- what are some examples of the “creative grieving” one can do when in relationship with a partner who has a different attachment style? Maybe a video for the future?
Oh thanks so much for sharing the videos helped bring you some insight and calm. It's wonderful to hear when others resonate with what we share. Creative grieving is pretty personal and specific for each person. I remember when it came up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's comforting when others can relate and we learn so much from each other. Thanks again for the kind feedback. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
You're welcome. Glad this video was helpful. I want to share you may also like to take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
You are clear and honest. Thank you for the videos you shared. 🎉 The speed you are talking seem different or faster than before. Keep the speed that is comfortable for you because you are offering very valuable information and very pleasant to listen. Thank you 🙏
How do you get back to the compatibility that you had when you first started dating? The first six weeks we were totally on the same page and between 6-7 weeks she had a domestic issue with her 14 year old son, both 17 and 14 year old sons ended up taken from the hom to the psych ward for couple hours and then went to grandmas for the night. I felt that she withdraw from our relationship drastically after that
Thanks for the kind words and for the video suggestion. Oh jealousy is a big topic to unpack. I remember when we mentioned it in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's validating when others can relate with what we share. Thanks again for the comment. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I am wondering if the same can be applied to friendships. I am thinking of leaving a long time platonic friendship because repeatedly this friend shows me they are incapable of and disinterested in the depth of emotional connection that i desire and require in my life. I am realising we are very different in our need for emotional conversation (I want emotional chats every day, they basically never talk about feelings) and therefore, perhaps we are incompatible.
That's great clarity that you know your need for deep emotional connection. It's helpful to learn about ourselves. We mentioned skills in communicating our needs in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much together. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
My partner, said some super hurtful things a while back. I told her how awful I felt. She gave a half assed sorry. A week later I brought it up again, still feeling hurt. Her response "you are still stuck on that"? 😔
thank you for the video. are you able to do a video about maladaptive daydreaming? i really lost myself daydreaming about a future with him and his family, what we would do in the summer etc. so that when i finally was dumped, my world imploded. how do people stop daydreaming like this? it's hard to stop. i do this with any guy i like.
Glad you like this video and thanks for the question. You wouldn't believe how many of us can relate with the daydreaming. It makes me think about our different attachment wounds. I remember when we mentioned this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's really affirming when others can relate and we learn so much from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
This sounds like a fairy tale life. I’m incredibly skeptical as to whether there are any large number of couples who can actually pull this off. Not that I don’t want this or love what I heard. It just seems impossible on a large scale. 😢
Just a serious question, not a provocation...Are there in the world man ( from their 30's to the 60's because it is my range of knowing) that are capable of emotional deep connection? Not the majority though.
Yes, yes there is, they are the nice guys that you probably overlooked and he ended up meeting a woman, started chatting connecting, he felt the compatibility, totally opened his heart to her and after 6 weeks/months of an amazing loving relationship. Overnight she changed the pattern, and for the next 4 weeks I was going crazy trying to figure out what happened and why things changed? I found this video and I thought he was describing my/our relationship. I just wish he would have talked about ways to get back to the magical first 6 weeks
I have no fucking idea if I'm compatible with my first girlfriend and now fiancee (I'm 35 and she's 10 years younger), with whom I'm in a LDR with. I guess we'll see how it goes after I tie the knot. 🎲😂
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
I adore you. Your videos give me so much clarity. I appreciate how emotionally articulate you are and how much attention to detail you bring to the nuances of relating.
YES! I was going to leave a similar comment.
I appreciate the kind words.
This is very helpful to me.
Been in an anxious Avoidant relationship for 6 years. We are not compatible and I'm finally giving it up. This explains so much. Thank you
Thank you for sharing this was helpful and I hear you.
This is so great. You rarely find anyone that can flow like you can. It flows together so well.
I appreciate the kind words and I'm glad this video was helpful.
In the 20 years, I have researched why my relationahips do not work, this video is by far the very best explanation. Thank you so much! ❤️ The way you presented different styles and needs without judging, helps me to revisit my previous relationships, and to give up the one I have been in for 1 year now, and which has caused me so much anxiety and sadness.
This is a masterpiece! I watch it again after another relationship try has failed and it becomes so obvious what it is about and what happens when the relationship lacks this rhythm.
I have watched maybe a dozen of your videos and I have gotten something useful out of each one. I have never felt so seen and heard, and today's insight is something I will bring to my own therapy session this week. Thank you so much for making this and all the videos you have shared!
Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful.
Love your videos, Alan. So helpful and healing!
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this video with us, Alan 🤗I appreciate the fact that you don't compartmentalize the behaviors you mentioned into particular attachment style(s), and instead explains about them in a holistic manner. As for continuity, I have revisited emotional moments in the past and expressed my gratitude or apologies for the other person. When communicating these feelings to the other person i.e. my partner, a friend, a family member, a colleague, was received with empathy, understanding and gratitude, I felt it strengthened our attachment bonds ❤ And when it wasn't, I understood we weren't compatible. I accepted this with radical acceptance and either ended, withdrew from our relationship or maintained it while calibrating my expectations.
You're welcome and I appreciate your feedback. Glad this video brought some inspiration for your relationship choices. I'm wondering also if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's so validating when others can relate to our situation. We learn so much from each other. Thanks again for your comment. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Thank you for your reply comment and intdroducing me to your community
Yet again, you speak to a large part of my own experience. Thank you for putting so much of your own experience and understanding into words that many of us have felt but have been unable to verbalize.
What I learned, eventually, is that it is not on the "other" to heal us. We have the ability to heal within our own grasp, and each of us owes it to ourselves to find that healing. Certainly, that experience of closeness, intimacy, and resonance is really only achieved with another person present. Still, the healing is what we do inside of our own selves so that we can have an opportunity to experience that closeness and intimacy with someone else.
Thank you for the meaningful comment and great insight. I'm glad you connected with this video.
Its a very uncomfortable situation. Thanks for touching on this topic
I hear you and if you only knew how many of us can relate. You're welcome.
Very helpful and insightful. Validates when I've known things were off in the past on a deeper emotional level and helps outline what to look out for in terms of compatibility. Thank you.
Amazing insight as always! Thank you so much for these videos :)
Oh thank you, glad the videos are helpful. Also check out the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
This is super helpful and validates things I felt intuitively but couldn't put into words. It's too early to know about continuity, but so far my new boyfriend and are really on the same page in these ways you describe. You've given me a lot of great vocabulary to help me understand what is transpiring, such as the other day when I pulled back out of fear I was being too much, and he called me on the change in frequency. I acknowledged it (shared reality!), admitted why, and resumed daily 'good morning' texts the next day, to his delight. Yay!
This video was definitely the best one for me and my situation. I’ve been in a relationship for two years and I’ve had a really hard time trying to figure it out. This answered all my questions. This also has helped me decide do I stay or do I go. Thank you!!!
Glad to hear this video was helpful and brought you some clarity. I want to share you may also like to take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2?r_done=1
This is helpful. Thank you for this.
You're welcome. Glad this is helpful.
Hi Alan. Thanks so much for your videos, these posts provide me with not only insight- but also allow me to feel normal/okay in a way that I didn’t think was previously possible. You are a great calm to me in times of intense stress and worry. So thank you!
Quick question for you- what are some examples of the “creative grieving” one can do when in relationship with a partner who has a different attachment style? Maybe a video for the future?
Oh thanks so much for sharing the videos helped bring you some insight and calm. It's wonderful to hear when others resonate with what we share. Creative grieving is pretty personal and specific for each person. I remember when it came up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's comforting when others can relate and we learn so much from each other. Thanks again for the kind feedback. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
👏🏻 my question as well. What do we do going forward?
So grateful for your videos they've been so helpful on my journey of understanding myself and becoming more emotionally healthy. Thank you ❤
Thank you, I'm glad the videos are helpful for you.
Another amazingly helpful video. Thank you!
Glad to hear that. You're welcome.
Thank you, so very true. I question all of it.
You're welcome. Glad this is helpful.
Spot on Alan! Thank you
You're welcome. Glad this video was helpful. I want to share you may also like to take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you so much for these videos
You're welcome. Glad you like the videos. I want to share you may also like to take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
You are clear and honest. Thank you for the videos you shared. 🎉
The speed you are talking seem different or faster than before. Keep the speed that is comfortable for you because you are offering very valuable information and very pleasant to listen.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you for the kind feedback. I'm glad the videos are helpful.
How do you get back to the compatibility that you had when you first started dating? The first six weeks we were totally on the same page and between 6-7 weeks she had a domestic issue with her 14 year old son, both 17 and 14 year old sons ended up taken from the hom to the psych ward for couple hours and then went to grandmas for the night. I felt that she withdraw from our relationship drastically after that
This is so helpful... thank you
Great to hear this video was helpful for you. I want to share the relationship quiz as well: www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Excellent.
Thank you.
Could you plz do a video on rétroactive jealousy.
You have such a unique and simple way to explain things and to go deep the details.
Thanks for the kind words and for the video suggestion. Oh jealousy is a big topic to unpack. I remember when we mentioned it in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's validating when others can relate with what we share. Thanks again for the comment. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I am wondering if the same can be applied to friendships. I am thinking of leaving a long time platonic friendship because repeatedly this friend shows me they are incapable of and disinterested in the depth of emotional connection that i desire and require in my life. I am realising we are very different in our need for emotional conversation (I want emotional chats every day, they basically never talk about feelings) and therefore, perhaps we are incompatible.
That's great clarity that you know your need for deep emotional connection. It's helpful to learn about ourselves. We mentioned skills in communicating our needs in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much together. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I would love a deep chat friend too
Its so hard to make deep connection friends as adults
This message came at the exact time I was seeking it 😊😊
Glad this is helpful.
Welcome back! 😁
Thank you.
Thanks!
You're welcome. Thank you for the kind donation.
He is so right
Thanks.
My partner, said some super hurtful things a while back. I told her how awful I felt. She gave a half assed sorry. A week later I brought it up again, still feeling hurt. Her response "you are still stuck on that"? 😔
Really balanced and insightful
Thank you.
Thank you, so much, Alan!❤
You're welcome.
thank you for the video. are you able to do a video about maladaptive daydreaming? i really lost myself daydreaming about a future with him and his family, what we would do in the summer etc. so that when i finally was dumped, my world imploded. how do people stop daydreaming like this? it's hard to stop. i do this with any guy i like.
Glad you like this video and thanks for the question. You wouldn't believe how many of us can relate with the daydreaming. It makes me think about our different attachment wounds. I remember when we mentioned this in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's really affirming when others can relate and we learn so much from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Thank you.
This sounds like a fairy tale life. I’m incredibly skeptical as to whether there are any large number of couples who can actually pull this off.
Not that I don’t want this or love what I heard. It just seems impossible on a large scale. 😢
Excellent!!!
Thank you.
Just a serious question, not a provocation...Are there in the world man ( from their 30's to the 60's because it is my range of knowing) that are capable of emotional deep connection?
Not the majority though.
Yes, yes there is, they are the nice guys that you probably overlooked and he ended up meeting a woman, started chatting connecting, he felt the compatibility, totally opened his heart to her and after 6 weeks/months of an amazing loving relationship. Overnight she changed the pattern, and for the next 4 weeks I was going crazy trying to figure out what happened and why things changed?
I found this video and I thought he was describing my/our relationship. I just wish he would have talked about ways to get back to the magical first 6 weeks
Another amazing video!
Thank you.
You can be incredibly attracted to the WRING person for marriage/ LTR. Don't tely on that.
Good insight.
I have no fucking idea if I'm compatible with my first girlfriend and now fiancee (I'm 35 and she's 10 years younger), with whom I'm in a LDR with. I guess we'll see how it goes after I tie the knot. 🎲😂