Uncle waited til day of wedding to let her know that 2 plates she paid for would be wasted. A coffee doesn't cover that. He is the asshole and deserves everything he gets.
I honestly love the reply of OP in the first story. It's super petty and I love it. OP was considerate to let them know weeks in advance so they aren't paying for extra plates. Her uncle didn't even give her that.
As someone who never got the cake I wanted due to allergies I absolutely held a grudge till I was old enough to get my own cake lol ate it all to myself in my room 😂
Cake allergy story: no one sucks here. This could've been handled better. If your daughter wanted a peanut butter cake, it should've been served at the friend party, then the family party could do something different. I say this because this is the first of many family parties where the entire family will be involved EXCEPT the cousin. This boy will grow up estranged because if one person is allowed to exclude him, others will follow suite. It's no one's fault, that's just how this family is gonna be. As it is though, since the friend party already happened and she asked for the peanut butter cake, it is what it is. OP would've been an a-hole to their daughter if they said no. The situation sucks, but it can't be helped. Of course the mom of the nephew is mad because her boy is being excluded from a family event for something that's not his fault, and this is the first of many. Having kids with allergies is hard because they will be the black sheep, especially if people are willing to exclude them. It means the nephew will not have a strong family bond, but OP and the family are also not obligated to accommodate a child that's not theirs. The only ones obligated to accommodate are his parents and grandparents.
The daughter that made the cake wasn’t happy to do it or just for donations she’s a people’s pleaser so she wouldn’t stand up for herself and the stepdad took advantage of her kindness she’s 16 that’s her job she would even have to pay for the ingredients a kid in high school shouldn’t have the burden on them with no compensation
Story @ 20:34 "Well maybe you should stop chemo so you can afford the wedding..." I have never had a more visceral reaction to a story I literally shouted "Oh fuck you!" Several times at my phone lol. My dad died of cancer, so I have the opinion that it's objectively one of the shittiest things to happen to people. That couple needs to never allow that woman back into their lives. She has flat out told OP that OP's health is if far less concern than MIL's social life. When people show you who they are... believe them.
Cake story- I think it would be different if the cousin was older, but how aware is a 3 year old really going to be of this situation? He probably wouldn’t be upset at all if his mom didn’t make a thing about it
Dusty, they aren’t denying her the cake… she can still have the cake later…. But to purposefully exclude a family member over something they LITERALLY cannot control… is an asshole move….
I rarely disagree with Dusty but I’m w/ you on this one. It would’ve been a good teaching moment re: compromise and then they can have her cake of choice privately with a little intimate family moment. The cousin can’t control his severe allergy.
So, I have a rare allergy. I am highly allergic to onions. That being said, I do not expect people to cater to my allergy. Most of my friends and family do out of generosity but I don't go in expecting things to be onion free. Sure, OP could have handled her interaction with her sister better but for her sister to expect everyone to cater to her kid because of an allergy is also wrong too. As the nephew gets older, he will learn how to avoid areas that could be an issue.
@@Fallenfromgrace1990 I totally understand; I also feel the bond between the cousins is important. They’re kids and the cousin will grow up feeling left out. I don’t think anyone should demand anything, but knowing how I was as a kid, I would’ve picked a different cake that won’t potentially kill my cousin bc I would like him to be there. My cousins were like siblings to me growing up so maybe I see it differently.
@@Fallenfromgrace1990 and I’m vegetarian so I get it, mines not an allergy just a way of life… but I typically bring my own food to things because I know there’s limited to no options. I’d hope that your friends and family would respect your allergy/life threatening allergy - it’s not a preference to have an allergy -and be mindful so you can be included in family and events. I’m not sure how it would be extremely acceptable to exclude someone /family out of milestones etc because of a health issue. it’s easy enough to accommodate and still be able to cater both parties so why wouldn’t you?
I’m sorry, but how do you sort of see the Dads side?? She does this for a side hustle. My daughters each have side hustles they enjoy. One of them happens to bake and does cakes on order. She’s made our cakes the last few years and it’s been wonderful. I tell her to just let me know what we owe her, to which she chuckles and says she’d never charge us. The compromise, when she accepts it, is we pay for her ingredients (plus we give her extra because her time, effort and love matter). If she were to ever straight out say we need to pay for it, we’d do it. No questions asked. I’m surprised you can see his point, even a little, after all the stories of people being taken advantage of with the excuse of “but faaaamily.” This too, is one of those times. OP, stood up for her daughter and this will help her daughter to know it’s ok to stand up for herself. Even against faaaamily. NTA.
The teen girl didn't tell him she was to be paid. If you don't say pay me you don't get paid. She'll get over it. Mom was the one who couldn't handle it. Expectations get you nowhere
Does she watch Judge Judy? She shouldn’t lend him money! She shouldn’t have said she’d pay off the credit card wi her! The at removes her legal independence!
Story 1: nta if the uncle and bride are upset that op won’t forget the past, it’s only because the uncle never completed the AA steps properly and apologized to op 🤦♀️🤷♀️
Peanut butter cake. I have to disagree with you. She could have let her daughter have the peanut butter cake at the party for her friends. This was a family event and a great opportunity to teach her daughter about compromise and inclusion, a great life lesson.
Omg, all these asscanaughts... but the mother in law expecting to place cancer treatments on hold...she's off the charts evil. Not ok. What a terrible human being. I've seen people disagree with the kid cake due to allergies. I agree with you 100%. It's ok to have a day celebrating you. Its literally just one day. Every day of the year kid's food is chosen for them. Things they can't have, and to be able to choose your cake is super exciting. Because its something YOU CHOSE something YOU WANTED. The parents shouldnt have to spend $$$ on buying multiple cakes either. They gave the nephew's mom a heads up, and it sucks, but at the same time, there will be more birthdays. They can invite the nephew to the friend's party. But the actual birthday party is the one day the kid feels like they have a say, and they shouldn't be placing themselves last. They get to share what they love with everyone, and see people's reactions to what they love. It's a great moment. We have enough of the world teaching us to place ourselves last. Everyday we're forced to put others feelings before our own. Let the kid or any person have the damn cake they want on their bdays! Why people get so mad about allowing the bday person to feel special, is flabbergasting to me. I just can't with those people.
Stepdad cake story- gotta disagree and go NTA. Parent child is a powerful dynamic. Daughter expected to be paid. It doesn’t sound like it’s a donation thing. I do think a better lesson would’ve been had if it had been done differently, but kids never want to go against parents. He has the power to make her life hell. Mom stepping in takes that power away.
I disagree on the cake, you can eat any cake you want and not having a cake at the friend party was a choice. Healthy families show loyalty to each other, OP knew she was excluding family. I think it’s an asscon 3
I agree with you on this one I feel like she could have had the cake at the party with friends. So what will OP do when the daughter is old and what's the same cake and the her cousin is aware he is not invited and excluded because of an allergy. I think have family members there is more important then the cake choice especially when she had 2 parties
If the daughter who bakes cakes wants to be paid by stepdad for the cake she should have said that to him specifically. Mom was low down for selling the gift. The daighter would have been fine with it but mom decided that wasnt good enough.
On the birthday cake one where the child had a cousin that is allergic to it there is a way to include the other child without hurting the birthday child they could have explained to them we are going to do this cake for the party and later than the evening we have your special cake or even have the special cake the night before there are ways for the birthday child to get their cake an include their cousin who is deathly allergic to their favorite cake they handled it improperly and I am all about birthdays I celebrate everybody's birthday but I also accommodate for allergies and I taught my children from a young age that sometimes you need to make accommodations especially because I am allergic to a food item that my children are not so my kids understand that there are something's mom will not enjoy with them and yes a 7 year old can't understand about allergies you just have to explain it to them in a way they understand
I disagree with NTA for the second story with the peanut butter cake. The parent should have told the daughter no we can’t get a peanut butter cake for the family party because your cousin is allergic. We can have it another day but let’s choose something else so he can attend your party. Teaching her to have empathy and consideration for others is way more important than a cake. And she can still have her cake another time it’s not the end of the world. Excluding family because of something they can’t control is a big a-hole move I’m sorry.
My question is this, how does the sister go out with her nephew if his allergy is so severe he can't even be in the same room as nuts. Not every place is nut free. Every restaurant uses nuts and have things packed in facilities that also may pack nuts. Make this make sense.
I'm severely allergic to latex, my nieces and nephews are very young and love balloons. I CANNOT be around them. The parents don't hang balloons but will give them out after I leave or I will go outside or in another room if they get them beforehand. They are one, three and seven and understand that I can't be around them and they make the effort to keep them away from me. Yes it sucks for them but only for a little while. This little girl should be taught the same empathy patience and understanding. It's not that hard even for a seven year old.
Uncle waited til day of wedding to let her know that 2 plates she paid for would be wasted. A coffee doesn't cover that. He is the asshole and deserves everything he gets.
Uncle & the wedding… NTA 😂 I’d do the same
I honestly love the reply of OP in the first story. It's super petty and I love it. OP was considerate to let them know weeks in advance so they aren't paying for extra plates. Her uncle didn't even give her that.
As someone who never got the cake I wanted due to allergies I absolutely held a grudge till I was old enough to get my own cake lol ate it all to myself in my room 😂
Cake allergy story: no one sucks here.
This could've been handled better. If your daughter wanted a peanut butter cake, it should've been served at the friend party, then the family party could do something different. I say this because this is the first of many family parties where the entire family will be involved EXCEPT the cousin. This boy will grow up estranged because if one person is allowed to exclude him, others will follow suite. It's no one's fault, that's just how this family is gonna be.
As it is though, since the friend party already happened and she asked for the peanut butter cake, it is what it is. OP would've been an a-hole to their daughter if they said no. The situation sucks, but it can't be helped. Of course the mom of the nephew is mad because her boy is being excluded from a family event for something that's not his fault, and this is the first of many. Having kids with allergies is hard because they will be the black sheep, especially if people are willing to exclude them. It means the nephew will not have a strong family bond, but OP and the family are also not obligated to accommodate a child that's not theirs. The only ones obligated to accommodate are his parents and grandparents.
For story 1 they should have sent the uncle some fishing lures for a wedding gift NTA
Story 1 - go to the wedding and give them a tackle box for the gift. 😂
The daughter that made the cake wasn’t happy to do it or just for donations she’s a people’s pleaser so she wouldn’t stand up for herself and the stepdad took advantage of her kindness she’s 16 that’s her job she would even have to pay for the ingredients a kid in high school shouldn’t have the burden on them with no compensation
Story @ 20:34 "Well maybe you should stop chemo so you can afford the wedding..." I have never had a more visceral reaction to a story I literally shouted "Oh fuck you!" Several times at my phone lol.
My dad died of cancer, so I have the opinion that it's objectively one of the shittiest things to happen to people. That couple needs to never allow that woman back into their lives. She has flat out told OP that OP's health is if far less concern than MIL's social life.
When people show you who they are... believe them.
Story @20:34: holy crap what an absolutely toxic person! On another note your Moira voice always cracks me up so much 😂
Cake story- I think it would be different if the cousin was older, but how aware is a 3 year old really going to be of this situation? He probably wouldn’t be upset at all if his mom didn’t make a thing about it
Probably not but I also think other arrangements could've been made and the little girl still gets her favorite cake
36:12 Mom was NTA for me. He knew she was doing it to make money he just didn’t want to pay her, not cool at all
Story 1: She Said she's watching his granddaughter, so his daughter could go lol it definitely was a petty comment on the not attending line.
Dusty, they aren’t denying her the cake… she can still have the cake later…. But to purposefully exclude a family member over something they LITERALLY cannot control… is an asshole move….
I rarely disagree with Dusty but I’m w/ you on this one. It would’ve been a good teaching moment re: compromise and then they can have her cake of choice privately with a little intimate family moment. The cousin can’t control his severe allergy.
@@angiegonzalez52311 me too!! I rarely disagree , but you said it - could be a good tool to learn compromise and learn how to be mindful!
So, I have a rare allergy. I am highly allergic to onions. That being said, I do not expect people to cater to my allergy. Most of my friends and family do out of generosity but I don't go in expecting things to be onion free. Sure, OP could have handled her interaction with her sister better but for her sister to expect everyone to cater to her kid because of an allergy is also wrong too. As the nephew gets older, he will learn how to avoid areas that could be an issue.
@@Fallenfromgrace1990 I totally understand; I also feel the bond between the cousins is important. They’re kids and the cousin will grow up feeling left out. I don’t think anyone should demand anything, but knowing how I was as a kid, I would’ve picked a different cake that won’t potentially kill my cousin bc I would like him to be there. My cousins were like siblings to me growing up so maybe I see it differently.
@@Fallenfromgrace1990 and I’m vegetarian so I get it, mines not an allergy just a way of life… but I typically bring my own food to things because I know there’s limited to no options. I’d hope that your friends and family would respect your allergy/life threatening allergy - it’s not a preference to have an allergy -and be mindful so you can be included in family and events. I’m not sure how it would be extremely acceptable to exclude someone /family out of milestones etc because of a health issue. it’s easy enough to accommodate and still be able to cater both parties so why wouldn’t you?
I’m sorry, but how do you sort of see the Dads side?? She does this for a side hustle. My daughters each have side hustles they enjoy. One of them happens to bake and does cakes on order. She’s made our cakes the last few years and it’s been wonderful. I tell her to just let me know what we owe her, to which she chuckles and says she’d never charge us. The compromise, when she accepts it, is we pay for her ingredients (plus we give her extra because her time, effort and love matter). If she were to ever straight out say we need to pay for it, we’d do it. No questions asked.
I’m surprised you can see his point, even a little, after all the stories of people being taken advantage of with the excuse of “but faaaamily.” This too, is one of those times. OP, stood up for her daughter and this will help her daughter to know it’s ok to stand up for herself. Even against faaaamily.
NTA.
The teen girl didn't tell him she was to be paid. If you don't say pay me you don't get paid. She'll get over it. Mom was the one who couldn't handle it. Expectations get you nowhere
"AITA for making my future MIL cry?" Hells, no. You're my hero!
Does she watch Judge Judy? She shouldn’t lend him money! She shouldn’t have said she’d pay off the credit card wi her! The at removes her legal independence!
Love the WORDS R HARD shirt😊😊❤
Story 1: nta if the uncle and bride are upset that op won’t forget the past, it’s only because the uncle never completed the AA steps properly and apologized to op 🤦♀️🤷♀️
I’d do the same lol NTA
And bYW, how did he pay for those clippers? With her credit card? 😮
💜
Peanut butter cake. I have to disagree with you. She could have let her daughter have the peanut butter cake at the party for her friends. This was a family event and a great opportunity to teach her daughter about compromise and inclusion, a great life lesson.
You should have had the cake with the friend party and pizza with the family party. Daughter still gets her favorite cake and cousin can still attend
Not an asshole though.
Omg, all these asscanaughts... but the mother in law expecting to place cancer treatments on hold...she's off the charts evil. Not ok. What a terrible human being.
I've seen people disagree with the kid cake due to allergies. I agree with you 100%. It's ok to have a day celebrating you. Its literally just one day. Every day of the year kid's food is chosen for them. Things they can't have, and to be able to choose your cake is super exciting. Because its something YOU CHOSE something YOU WANTED. The parents shouldnt have to spend $$$ on buying multiple cakes either. They gave the nephew's mom a heads up, and it sucks, but at the same time, there will be more birthdays. They can invite the nephew to the friend's party. But the actual birthday party is the one day the kid feels like they have a say, and they shouldn't be placing themselves last. They get to share what they love with everyone, and see people's reactions to what they love. It's a great moment. We have enough of the world teaching us to place ourselves last. Everyday we're forced to put others feelings before our own. Let the kid or any person have the damn cake they want on their bdays! Why people get so mad about allowing the bday person to feel special, is flabbergasting to me. I just can't with those people.
This is just a dig. He can drop his responsibility and little happens. What if this were your child?
This is just a dogHe can drop his responsibility and little happens. What if this were your child?
your moira voice thoooooo :"D
Stepdad cake story- gotta disagree and go NTA. Parent child is a powerful dynamic. Daughter expected to be paid. It doesn’t sound like it’s a donation thing. I do think a better lesson would’ve been had if it had been done differently, but kids never want to go against parents. He has the power to make her life hell. Mom stepping in takes that power away.
Daughter didn't say pay me. She will get over it. 1 free cake isn't going to break her bank. Expectations will get you nowhere but angry
I disagree on the cake, you can eat any cake you want and not having a cake at the friend party was a choice. Healthy families show loyalty to each other, OP knew she was excluding family. I think it’s an asscon 3
I agree with you on this one I feel like she could have had the cake at the party with friends. So what will OP do when the daughter is old and what's the same cake and the her cousin is aware he is not invited and excluded because of an allergy. I think have family members there is more important then the cake choice especially when she had 2 parties
Mum did ask. We do t know ow how much we tried. Bit it is tough. Also, how close is she to her 4 yo cousin?
You know he was spending that money on his side piece? Right? He just wiped his feet all over you and you said thank you. Jeez! So desperate.
If the daughter who bakes cakes wants to be paid by stepdad for the cake she should have said that to him specifically. Mom was low down for selling the gift. The daighter would have been fine with it but mom decided that wasnt good enough.
On the birthday cake one where the child had a cousin that is allergic to it there is a way to include the other child without hurting the birthday child they could have explained to them we are going to do this cake for the party and later than the evening we have your special cake or even have the special cake the night before there are ways for the birthday child to get their cake an include their cousin who is deathly allergic to their favorite cake they handled it improperly and I am all about birthdays I celebrate everybody's birthday but I also accommodate for allergies and I taught my children from a young age that sometimes you need to make accommodations especially because I am allergic to a food item that my children are not so my kids understand that there are something's mom will not enjoy with them and yes a 7 year old can't understand about allergies you just have to explain it to them in a way they understand
I disagree with NTA for the second story with the peanut butter cake. The parent should have told the daughter no we can’t get a peanut butter cake for the family party because your cousin is allergic. We can have it another day but let’s choose something else so he can attend your party. Teaching her to have empathy and consideration for others is way more important than a cake. And she can still have her cake another time it’s not the end of the world. Excluding family because of something they can’t control is a big a-hole move I’m sorry.
My question is this, how does the sister go out with her nephew if his allergy is so severe he can't even be in the same room as nuts. Not every place is nut free. Every restaurant uses nuts and have things packed in facilities that also may pack nuts. Make this make sense.
@@rachelmcclung3888they may not eat out because of it unfortunately.
I'm severely allergic to latex, my nieces and nephews are very young and love balloons. I CANNOT be around them. The parents don't hang balloons but will give them out after I leave or I will go outside or in another room if they get them beforehand. They are one, three and seven and understand that I can't be around them and they make the effort to keep them away from me. Yes it sucks for them but only for a little while. This little girl should be taught the same empathy patience and understanding. It's not that hard even for a seven year old.
Should compromise. Peanut butter at home. Kindness
Mum did ask. We do t know ow how much we tried. Bit it is tough. Also, how close is she to her 4 yo cousin?