Hey everyone! I had no idea this video I made for a college project would get the kind of attention it would. Thank you all so much for the nice comments, I'm glad that I've been able to speak to people who didn't feel seen! Thanks to everyones nice and supportive comments, I want to give a try at another video like this. Maybe something art related, or even more lgbtq+ related things. Again, thank you everyone for your amazing supportive comments ❤❤
Thank you too for making this video and sharing your perspective, I think that those awful judgements are not an entire community thing because: 1) I am a trans masc person and I think you're valid 2) There are bad apples in every community unfortunately.. I also think that I heard a similar experience on UA-cam, from the youtube channel named JAMIEvstheVOID edit: sorry I remembered it wrong but you're not the only one, you are not alone I really did hear something like that but heck even I did like dresses when I didn't know it was only for girls!
hey! I I wanted to say if you're posting a video publicly as a trans person, please try not to show any windows or indicators of where you are! It can be unsafe
As a woman, I wanna be feminine! But... I don't wanna be a girlie girl girl. I wanna wear girlie things SOMETIMES but I don't want to be a girl in that way. That's why I use she/they! It makes me feel like I don't have to be all sunshine and rainbows and I can be more androgynous at times!
Have you ever watched Ezra Butler's videos? He's a trans man, and he does "grwm as a trans man who wears whatever he wants" videos sometimes. I love when he does one with a skirt or puts on lipstick. He serves as a great example to the trans community. Also, off topic, I am living for the cavetown instrumental music in the background ❤️❤️❤️
@willcomeback11 i havent watched him before but I'll deffo give his stuff a watch!! And thank you!! I figured cavetown was an appropriate song to have I'm the back of this video lolol
Trans people are always pushed to prove that they are so definitely 100% the gender they say they are. Most of my trans friends and me do agree that we want to fight this narrative, but it's hard because the second you admit to liking something that's stereotypically seen as a "not the gender you say you are" thing, people question you and "if you like X, then why do you think you are Y?" So much so that I sometimes even find myself leaving out parts of my story that might make people take me less seriously, while I truly don't think that's right. I think it's so important that people make video's like this. You really hit the nail on the head and said what needed to be said.
I struggle with this so much that for the longest time I was going stealth. I didn't let my closest friends know that I was trans, so that I could be the cisgender queer guy who likes to wear croptops and colored nails to parties. Being openly trans and doing that just feels like something that would give me dysphoria.
You know, as a trans girl, I somewhat relate to this but not fully. I don't enjoy masculine clothing, just not my taste. However, I don't absolutely hate boyhood, its just my body, voice, etc. makes me want to curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. Y'know?
Boyhood is fire. Just not comfortable with the body I have. It actually feels like my inner self is androgynous. And I hate how my body doesn’t match that. Like the hair. Don’t even get me started on the hair
Someone put it into words. I've spent years feeling like I'm "less trans" because I enjoyed being a girl as a child, I was happy as a girl. I wore dresses and I played with dolls and I would only play pretend as girl characters. Then, when I was around eleven, that stopped feeling right. It doesn't mean I'm any less trans, but I relate to the experience of feeling as such. Your video was really inspiring and struck a chord with me, and I thank you for that. Have a wonderful day, and please remember you are valid no matter how your experiences look. :)
I genuinely thought I was the only one feeling like that. I… loved being a girl, just like you described it. I loved my pink toys and dresses and being my „daddy’s little girl“. Until I didn’t. I loved it. To a point. And that’s when puberty began. I loved being a GIRL but I hate being a WOMAN, if that makes any sense at all. Periods and boobs I didn’t even know I minded them until I felt gender euphoria for the very first time. I cut my hair without any… deeper meaning, but when people started referring to me as a guy I LOVED it, and that’s the moment I realised that I actually DO mind boobs and periods, I just wasn’t… aware at that time.
one thing a lot of people get wrong is gender identity ≠ gender expression, i'm a trans woman, but i love a lot of boyish things, i don't like wearing skirts or dresses or typically feminine clothes too much and sometimes my parents say that cursed thing "If you want to be a girl, why do you like XYZ things?" though i feel being a boyish girl is more accepted than being a girly boy, specially while being trans. Often times trans people feel they should act a certain way to "prove" their gender, and that's just plain stupid, do whatever makes you feel like yourself. Yap session over lol, this video is great! You should have way more subscribers
Something that helped me even realize i was trans in general was that, there is no "amount of suffering" you need to be trans. I was a body builder and was in the army before i came out. Some of it was over exaggerating my masculinity but some of it was because its what i liked to do. Im a trans woman but i definitely identify as a tomboy. I like you HATE the idea of being seen or labeled as the sex i was assigned at birth. I know who i am and that is that i am a girl. I think most trans people who are also in therapy get over the "i must be exactly like the cis' idea of what a man or woman is". Being trans to me is accepting your TRUE self regardless of "gender norms". Im sorry you cant love the trans community, not everyone can, but there are spaces that are more accepting and more mature than what your describing. I hope you find one. ❤️
This hit home. I’m a trans girl but so much of mainstream transfem culture is strongly tied to internet, gaming, and programming circles to the point that I felt completely alone with my unrelated hobbies and had nobody who would understand me. I’ve heard so many jokes about “every trans woman does this” and “every trans woman does that” that I found myself able to relate to trans men more because they’re the ones who care about what I care about, but they could never understand the way I experience gender… and living that way is exhausting.
This is a very important video to make, so preach! We have to convince not only the cishets, but often a lot of the trans community that there isn’t one way to be trans! You don’t have to have dysphoria about everything (or anything!), you don’t have to be or have acted a certain way when young, or act a certain way now! The idea that it’s not up to you how someone else lives is very prominent in the trans community, but sometimes we focus so hard on other people judging us we don’t realize the harm we’re causing. Very good video, Ava approved
I understand this. I was a girly kid. I loved the idea of being a princess and liked the thought of marrying cute boys. I wore nothing but dresses and leggings and skirts and when I was little I thought the difference between boys and girls was only hair length so I kept my hair as long as possible so I could be seen as pretty. But eventually it felt like an act. When I was around ten years old I didn’t feel it anymore. I liked tomboy characters and cutting my hair short, I liked violence and swords and really wished I could pee standing up. I wore baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants because I hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s what womanhood was to me. A fantasy. This fictional thing I liked to role play as as a kid. Because it did make me happy but over time I grew more and more out of that ideal… and then I found Kuromi. At thirteen years old I found a pretty but boyish girl character who I related to on a deeper level, I started dressing feminine again because I wanted to be like her and more importantly I realized exactly who I am: a feminine boy. That’s why I liked dressing up my little brother because I wanted to relate. That’s why I liked feminine things but hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s why it was always a costume and not a gender. I will never be a woman, but that little girl I was will always be a part of me. I am very much a trans man but I also love feminine things, just not the body and role that comes with it in adulthood. I can always understand another trans guy when they say they were a girl when they were a child but a man now because I lived that. Childhood doesn’t have a gender. I was just a feminine child.
I wasn't necessarily the girliest kid growing up but I've never really related to narrative I've heard from most trans people online. I didn't "always feel like something was wrong" or refuse to dresses or anything pink, my childhood friends were all girls, i was happy playing dolls or dress up. This is one of the main it took me years to come to terms with my identity and still haven't had the courage to come out to some people in my life even if i know they'd be supportive. I've just always been terrified of being wrong. "If i didn't 'feel like a boy' before learning about trans people who knows if I'm really not just copying the character on tv or the people online". But turns out trans people can have a lot of different experiences and i might have just wasted half my teen years overthinking it. So thank you for making this video and making people like me feel seen. (Also sorry for the ginormous paragraph)
I feel this so much, people often tell me you can't be trans and still want to be feminine, but I gotta prove them wrong, im gonna be a pretty boy and they can't stop me!! I hope you find comfort in all of us coming and commenting on your video, it makes me happy to see so many people like me here :)
Im glad youtube randomly recommended this video to me, bc I'm almost exactly the same. I adored being a girl, and wearing dresses and playing princesses and i would constantly reject anything masculine. Then i became a teenager and i did a complete 180, and im still figuring things out today honestly; i still love feminine things, but they make me so uncomfortable sometimes it's frustrating, and im still not sure abt my gender, i question it almost every day, but part of me wants to be a man, so im just trying to figure out what that means to me (and if it's truly what i want). Thank you for sharing honestly, it's nice to know other ppl with the same experience :]
yesyesyes i get this very much!!! it wasnt so much "i dont feel like a girl" but instead when i tried to make myself a boy in my mirror it was like "oh. oh so this is me? i get it now." important to mention that i always really enjoyed feminine things until like the age of 9. i still liked them, but i felt the urge to hide it. back then, it was because i simply didnt like it, now theres a bit more dysphoria involved. i still dont like wearing dresses or pink, but i love them on others anyway.
YES YOU DON'T NEED DYSPHORIA TO BE TRANS, it's, you know, EUPHORIA because you felt better as a boy, but you still never hated it when you thought you were a girl, it was more kind of neutral rather than negative
@@vayianos i mean you do have to have some dysphoria to be trans imo. You don't have to be super masculine, or hate being a girl, but you should have some discomfort surrounding pronouns, name, body, etc. The only reason transgender makes sense, and other things like trans race or trans age don't, is because gender dysphoria is a proven thing that has existed for years. Otherwise how is the trans community any different than trans racial or trans age? Are those valid too? Gender incongruence, our mental condition, is what makes us valid compared to stuff like that. We have actual proof that our minds function differently.
@@vayianos anyway, no offense I support your self discovery, I just wanted to point out the flaws in that way of thinking. As a trans nonbinary person myself.
as an ftm femboy, I totally get it. I told someone what I was once and they thought I was using the word femboy as an offensive title towards trans people - no, it’s just my gender identity and presentation. what an uncomfortable interaction
When I came out as trans, my familys biggest argument was how much I would wear skirts and dresses I mean, my dad made a list of reasons on why he knew I wasn't trans and it was stupid stuff like how I liked a bunch of typically feminine things. I relate to this video so much. Thank you. Knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this helps more than you can imagine
I relate to your experience, I think the best way I can explain is that I liked being a girl but I HATE being a woman. I like feminine things but the thought of being seen as a woman makes me want to hurl. I guess thats why puberty sucked. I’m hoping I can get on T when I’m 18 so hopefully one day I can wear pretty things without being seen as a woman.
MtF here, i can also kind of relate. I've never _loved_ being a guy or anything, and im definitely much more comfortable as a girl, but I don't really have all that much dysphoria. I'm fine with not looking 100% feminine at all times. Although i do wanna get on e and do all that stuff eventually, im already pretty as i am, or least i like to think so xd. I wanna do cosplays as a guy eventually for some of my fav characters. In terms of the trans community: Yes, theres bad people, but thats just kind of a natural consequence of being in a big community. Maybe I just haven't had enough contact with people, but at least i feel that the popular opinion is that you dont need to only do stuff that ""fits"" your gender to qualify as being trans. There's idiots out there, definitely, but thats just kind of what happens at this size. At least for me, it doesn't make me think any less of our community.
I deffo can see that. My issues with the community and fitting in is a lot of people I've had contact with almost "baby" other trans people, or talk shit about them when they don't fit the status quo. It's not the norm and a lot of people are accepting, but especially IRL it's hard to come across people who are decent about it 😭 I do agree tho, there are always the shit bags in a community that ruin it
Before I was a tomboy. I called myself "half boy half girl", I was always like that. But what I struggle with now is that I want to be a girl so bad. I currently do wear pink and pretty things and I love being a girl. I feel so pretty and I have so much fun as a girl, but I know that's not me. I know when I look in the mirror, I'll still feel off. When I feel my hair touch my shoulders and rub against my back it'll feel wrong. I'll always be a phantom of myself like this but at the same time if I try and force myself to like "boy things" and wear baggy clothes and throw at all my pretty pink clothes that'll also be denying myself. I feel like two forces of femininity and masculinity are constantly tugging at me, and while I know gender wise I'm a man, expressing myself as a woman is just so... nice? Cause even if I transition and wear these things, it won't be the same. And at the same time, it doesn't feel like it'll matter anyway? Cause even if I transition I'll always be a "trans man".
Maybe you could be demi girl (partially girl), demi people can also feel like the opposite gender, and it's not necessarily always 50% girl 50% boy you can adjust how you like! Or be bigender (male and female), you can also be bigender flux the difference is that your genders fluctuate between each other randomly This is just from what I've seen in your experience, you don't necessarily have to be this stuff, good luck finding yourself tho :)
i sort of relate to this, the only “sign” that i showed as a child was always having my hair short and that’s about it. i’ve felt excluded from the trans community and felt like i wasn’t valid cus i wasn’t a tomboy or whatever. it dosent matter if you showed “signs” or not, you can still be valid if you wore dresses and makeup and had long hair and heels or if you had short hair and played in the mud or played with tractors. that’s what you were told was the right thing so of course your going to find interest in it. you are valid.
As a trans man, thank you. I also loved wear “girly” things as a kid, heck, I was obsessed with this green tutu I had! But in the end, I found out I was a boy. I don’t regret ever wearing that tutu as much as I did, because I LOVED it. And it made me happy. It made me so, so, so happy. I’ve never had an off feeling about myself, it just randomly clicked in middle school I wasn’t a girl. Thank you for making this video 🩵
I totally feel the same. I like wearing makeup and being "feminine", but I hate how that makes people see me as a girl when I'm not. I always used to be called a girly girl, and I now know it wasn't the girly part that bothered me, but the girl part.
Honestly this is such an amazing video, I’m a 16 year old trans guy and came out at 9, which is when I got the “puberty talk” and all the gender aspects really started to come into play and make me stressed. But as a kid I was not specifically “boyish” or “girly”. I liked Star Wars and super hero’s and ran around with my shirt off. But I’d also wear rainbow sequin shirts and love my long hair and watch princess movies. As a kid I don’t think I ever fully thought about being a “girl”, I was just a kid. I definitely thought because I wasn’t distressed about this as a kid that I wasn’t ACTUALLY trans. But I’ve realized my parents just let me be me, and didn’t typically FORCE me to be a girly girly, so I could explore and be whoever I wanted to be. Thanks for the video you’re awesome! 🏳️⚧️🩵
So glad UA-cam recommended me this! I'm a trans NB fella, going by they/he pronouns (planning to start HRT soon hopefully if all goes well). I used to get scared that I was "faking" and avoided using make up and wearing skirts. Now I'm at a point where I do not care as much. I love throwing glitter at my face and dressing in pink. I do not mind looking feminine. I don't wear skirts very often, but I at least don't absolutely hate the idea, or fear how I am perceived as much anymore (I still do absolutely feel it, but to a lesser extent). I was a very feminine kid, I loved wearing dresses, and was into MLP, LPS and all the things a "typical girl," would like. Although funnily enough hated the idea of wearing make up for a while lol. Although I never truly felt like a "girl." It's so weird and hard to explain to people, who are so confined to the gender norms. I feel like my style is very fluid, but my gender identity is very much still NB and not fluid. I've tried all pronouns before, but did not like still going by she/her pronouns at all and being called a girl. So I get it. I just like slaying and wearing what I like ✨✨✨ Thank you for making this video 💜
nonbinary transmasc here, i wanted to thank you for making this video. while i can't relate to the beginning of the video, the trans community makes me feel very alienated, because of the judgement and how different their experiences are from mine, to the point i start hating being trans because I'm not trans the way everyone else is. all that aside, thanks for the video, good work. despite our different experiences, it made me feel seen
As a trans male, I loved being a girl too. Being a girl was so fun. But at like age 10 or so, I just felt so uncomfortable with how I looked, my pronouns, my hair, how my face looks, etc. I wish I never felt so insecure, but I’m glad I turned out to be Trans Male.
You're not alone Tobias; I did not fully dislike acting my assigned gender, nor do I think I have to achieve complete stereotypical femininity to be trans. I like having the chance to grow a moustache, wear whatever makes me comfortable that day, or doing and enjoying stuff regardless of its gendered connotation. I miss not worrying about the things I worry now that I know I'm trans, and I hope this whiplash dysphoria ends up flattening a bit over the years, but for now, all I want is to figure out what actually fits me instead of relying on a stereotype. Thanks for this video, I needed it. Much love
You dont have to have gender dysphoria to be trans! You're valid bro and enjoying "girl"hood is just not conforming to gender stereotypes, which is perfectly fine, you be you! :)
I feel like both. I love being a man, but in a weird way also want to be a woman. It might sound confusing but in a way it feels normal for me to feel like both.
thank you for making this! i’ve always doubted whether i’m really trans or not because i just don’t fit anybody else’s experiences. i didn’t act like a boy when i was little. i didn’t hate “girl” clothes. i only started feeling the way i do when i was around 9 or 10. i’ve been feeling so invalid, so i really appreciate seeing a bunch of people like me here!
God im so happy i found this video. Im trans (FtM) and with my time with being a girl, im going to be honest, ive also never hated it, nor did i even care in the first place, all i wanted was to be a wild kid having fun, and its what ive done during my entire time experiencing girlhood, id play swords with the neighbors, id make mud cakes and tea parties with water and green leaves id find outside, id play around in the grass with my dog and spin in my dresses outside, and also uh, accidentally leave my barbies outside in a rainy day lol. I absolutely LOVED dolls, and especifically my little pony figures, but because of the standards in the trans community, i had to give all my quote on quote '' girly things '' away. I miss my dolls, and i miss my mlp figures oh so much. I wish i didnt care as much for it even if im not one to want to dress girly, i have particullarly girly interests. And in a way the trans community kinda created a barrier between me and the things i liked the most as a kid, pressured me into giving my dolls and figures away because it wasnt '' masculine. '' nowadays, i dont hate myself for having fun as a kid, and i see these memories in a positive outlook more than anything, and i honestly kinda miss it. Im glad im not the only one.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve always felt this way too because it wasn’t until a friend started questioning her fender that i really thought about it and it all clicked. I loved being a girl when i was a kid but now if anyone calls me a girl i cant help but feel so uncomfortable which is sad in a way because of just how much i loved it. I’m glad someone else feels this way too
Yeah that is a grief for me that I don't think I've processed completely. I guess it further proves we don't choose our gender identities because if we wanted something and it felt right then we would just be that ya know? You are valid and I hope you have a good day!🌈💕
Similar here. I'm NB and sometimes refer to myself as "trans-masc" due to similarities between myself and some trans people, particularly trans men. However, I don't fully like referring to myself that way, and I NEVER refer to myself as just trans because I don't view the trans community as one that would welcome me. Due to the community's toxicity, especially online, I often actively choose not to refer to myself as part of it.
I’ve just started transitioning and I’m transfem so I haven’t experienced this but I did enjoy being a boy growing up. As a teenager I went from boy to woman (not as in transitioning just how I felt inside)
That's almost word for word how I feel! I'm Trans-masc Nonbinary, I love wearing long skirts and feeling pretty. I'm currently fem presenting [Though I don't like people seeing me as a girl, I'd rather be this mysterious unknowable gender that confuses people] until I find a way to comfortably be more masc/androgynous. I was around 12 I think, when I learned about the community, I was a very strong ally for a month or so, then realized that I didn't identify as a girl. There was never any discomfort with my identity before that, as far as I know. Going through puberty was probably the reason. Relatable video! Glad to know there's others in the community that had the same experience.
trust me, even as someone whos had a pretty stereotypical trans experience, that feeling of being excluded from the broader trans community never really goes away.
For me I definitely had those moments as a kid where I felt "wrong", but I still adored being a girl, I miss it. I loved dress up, then puberty hit, that's when the dysphoria hit. This video was so relatable, it's so similar to my experience as a trans person.
Thank you for making this video. I've had a weird experience growing up trans, as a child I loved pink ponies and princesses, but I'd also play in the dirt and catch bugs and a lot of my friends were boys. I didn't cry or throw tantrums or even feel uncomfortable when i was called a girl, in fact as a kid I'd be more weirded out being compared to boys. If anything I'd say dysphoria only really started to show up in middle school, when puberty and expectations based on gender started to show up. All this to say, you're not alone in being the "minority" so to speak with trans experiences. (Ironic how there's a minority for a minority, isnt it?) In the future I hope our community is more open minded about the experiences of others, not just the ones with a common narrative. I'd say this video is a good start.
Thank you so much, I'm so happy that I'm not alone in this feeling. The same thing happened to me when I figured out my transness when puberty started. I genuinely hope when people find this video they gain that open mindedness. Thank you again, I'm really happy I'm not alone in this issue 😊
I’m a fem transmasc too! I grew up loving princess dresses and feeling beautiful. I really only felt like something was wrong when during puberty my body changed. Literally nothing was wrong until then. Like maybe I felt generally unattached to my deadname, but, nothing felt truly off until I had boobs. I feel your pain. The whole “there were never any signs!” that parents say 😅 yk?
I had abit of a “not like ither girls” phase but im always confused about it becsuse i was always bullied for being a girl. Before i was bullied i had the same experience. Its so confusing because sonetimes im scared that im not actualky trans because of it
As an AMAB person who is still not sure on my identity, I relate to this. I only ever started exploring my gender in college, and even years after graduating I feel like I can't possibly be trans bc when I was young I really enjoyed being a boy. I enjoy presenting feminine but at the same time I don't know how much of the internal pushback i get in my head is my mind telling me something isn't right vs an internalized shame around the idea that, even though I want to be more feminine, I'm actually just "tricking myself" and that those desires arent valid.
I get that feeling so much. When I try to be just a normal guy I feel like I am pretending but when I let myself be me I feel ashamed and like I making it all up. It so bad that at this point I am treating these two sides of me as seperate personalities when really its all just me hating myself.
This really made me feel seen. Like, I know I’m a girl but when I was younger I felt more strong with gender roles. Like when I was younger and put in overalls for the first time I said “Oh no, a dress” and didn’t like it when my parents would joke about getting me barbies for Christmas. But I’m now a girl, look at that. I thank you so much for making this video because I’ve had thoughts of “am I really trans?” before.
I am a trans woman, and I relate to allot of what you said. I didn't grow up trying on girls clothes till I realized I was trans around 24. People like Blair White held me back. We need more voices like yours.
I think you're very brave to make a video like this. Its hard to talk any sort of negative about a community you're a part of. You are definitely allowed to feel however you want. Being different is something to be proud of, not something to feel shameful for. If others dont like it, then thats their problem and if they try to make it your problem, then they arent worth your time. Also, in your next video, maybe talk about your mom, i bet she's just as cool as you are. 😁
i didn't think i would find anyone else who feels this way too! my gender is more complicated than just "boy" so maybe that makes my experience different, but i don't remember being dysphoric at all until i was like 12. and im still really attached to things that make me more "feminine", like jewelery or my high pitched voice. thank you for sharing your experience, it means so much to see that im not alone
first off love the cavetown in the back secondly im so happy I came across this video. I feel that I really needed it. I feel the same way. I know im trans and im proud of that but sometimes its hard to tell people that im trans when knowing that I am different than every other trans person ive met/seen. I like being feminine but mostly, i never hated being a girl. I loved it. and there are times that I wished I never realized im trans bc it has caused me a lot of pain. I miss being a girl a lot. I really do and I thought that maybe I am just different but I am trans, no matter if I was unhappy being a girl or not. Thank you btw your awesome :)
The youth give me hope for the future. you guys have so much figured out in comparison to those of us who started the founding steps. I am happy to have walked, so you may run. May we travel together, and may we make the world just a little better, each step of the way; and may we all fight together for our futures
After finding out I was trans (17, I had gone through a good 7-9 years of questioning) and sometimes I hate being trans. I too loved being a girl, but when I had hit puberty, everything changed. My nana told me that all I wanted to be was a boy. But I still wore girly things. I wore those high waisted black skirts, those black chokers, kuromi sweaters. I wore knee socks, lots and lots of patterened knee socks. But now that I’ve officially come out as trans, I’ve stopped wearing skirts and anything hello kitty related. I’ve stopped wearing chokers and I’ve stopped wearing certain colors.
For me I’m still a teen, but I will never get the body I want. I wish I was born a boy, I wish I could be naturally tall, wider build, and have a lower voice. But I don’t want to be a boy, I wish I was mtnb, the euphoria I could have had would have made me feel on top of the world. But again I will never get to be me right, if that makes sense
i guess i should have talked about this sooner so people wouldn't feel alone, lol! i'm glad you did it first! i'm a trans guy and i literally never dress masculine. for sure i like it sometimes, but 90% of the time, i dress as feminine as possible! sometimes, i even wish to pass as female sometimes but im always a boy. its really fulfilling to realize that im me. i'm not scared of being mistaken as anything anymore, cause i know who i am!
So I’ve felt like this ALOT recently caus I want to be called he/him but not be trans. I loved being a litter girl and playing with my hair but I never loved makeup but have always loved princesses and dresses and jewelry and pretty, long hair and beautiful clothes and all of my girly friends and playing with Barbie’s and all the things that I little girl likes to do. I loved to put hair clips in my now late fathers hair and pretend he had long hair and play pretend and do little recitals of ballet with my ballet class or make up funny songs or use my moms makeup and end up looking like a clown, and I miss that. I was super girly and silly and cute and pretty but or some reason I barely had any friends. I wasn’t that I was annoying, or ugly, or weird. I just didn’t relate to the other girls. I did all of the same things and played with the same toys but I don’t know how they saw something in me that I didn’t even see, that I was different, that I wasn’t a true “girl”. I would still hang out with just my little friend group of two very gay and fem boys, and my weirdo bestie and watch tmnt or paw patrol but I always felt like I could never fit into the cat agony of “normal”. I hated that feeling. I know I’m kinda ranting but I’ve been so depressed abt this and seeing all these people having a similar experience to me is literally amazing and just scrolling thru these comments for like a minuet I already feel like my whole,e body has relaxed and given its self a break. If you’ve read this far Tysm I’m so great full for you all have a great one!💙💗🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🐈⬛🐾
there are people in the queer community that try to inforce binary experiences and exclude anyone outside of that norm, but don’t listen to them. as someone with an unorthodox identity i know what it feels like, but just know there are people out there that WILL accept you for who you are!!!
i did and liked "girly" stuff before I realised I was trans, too! i loved dresses and dolls and skirts, but while I'm not comfortable with them, now, doesn't mean you can't be comfortable with them! liking femininity and being connected to it doesn't make you any less trans, or any less of a man. it's just what you feel comfortable with! you'll still be a boy no matter what you do and how you express yourself
I'm a freshman right now, and I'm only out at school and to my therapist. But I often feel like im not a real trans man because I like girly things. And that's no fun. I find myself hating who I used to be "for not realizing sooner" and I just being a baby in the community. I have to keep reminding myself all the things you said in this video. Thank you .
im a trans woman, and i feel almost the exact same way. i enjoy dressing fem on some days, and i enjoy dressing masc on other days. ive also thought a lot about being gender fluid, but ive never gone through with it cause i still absolutely despise being called a man. i wish it were easier to just express myself however i want on any given day, but its unfortunately not always that easy with out a lot of people asking questions they really shouldnt be.
This whole video is a mood. I’m trans feminine non-binary and I’ve always felt so isolated. Hope you get an A cause this was a great video that was very relatable. Hope you continue to make great content like this!
I’m sorry that you feel excluded:( i feel excluded as well but i feel like i still fit in a bit, i couldn’t imagine not being able to really find anyone who has the same experiences. I love this video and I’m so glad you posted this!! I hope you have a good day:) btw you look so cool!!
okay total essay warning hello???? Same, same SAME. It's so icky and I somehow have all the "invalid" cards stacked up against me KDSFHJS. I personally have felt excluded as a genderfluid person who feels differently about my body at any given time. When I am a trans guy or transmasc, sometimes I love my body. most times I'm neutral or just feel a slight bit sad. but is it so wrong to like my feminine body as a guy? Every time I've gotten this comment made towards me, every time somebody has looked at me and thought "she's faking it," I just think. Because, why would my own community go against their core values? Why does me having (and not hating) my chest make me any less of a guy?? They claim to believe that oh, it's not your body parts that make you on gender or another! but when somebody appreciates those parts of themselves that are typically "gendered" they get looked down on. I also hate being invalidated because I am genderfluid. "You are not transmasc-" actually, I am transmasc when I am transmasc. I'm a girl when I'm a girl and I'm a thing when i'm a thing. "Genderfluid" is not a gender in my definition for myself. It's a term to describe how my gender,,, fluids. But every time my gender changes, I am valid in my gender. Don't you dare take that away from me. This is actually why I usually use more obscure terms, like idemfluid- I hate when people just see me as nonbinary with whatever pronouns the second I say "genderfluid." Plus, I hate how people view labels. Oh you're a guy? Then yeah, like you mentioned in the video, you must be a guy. Like, just feeling wholly like a guy and not liking anythign feminine. But no. Goodness gods, can't a girl call herself a guy and still be right about it?? Just because I say that I'm a boy doesn't mean I'm a boy in the sense that you think I am. My gender is complex. I will die before I find the right words to explain it. But, to entertain everyone else and to feel like I'm making SOME desperate attempt to get people to understand me, I simplify it into these little 4-12 letter words. OF COURSE I DONT FIT THE LABEL TO A T ARE YOU DUMB?? I am a very passionate, individual person with a wild, complex mind. We all are. And I'm autistic so my brain literally doesn't operate in a "typical" way. Nobody is going to feel the same exact way about their gender, and we just use these labels to validify ourselves and explain it to others. My use of the labels does explain my gender, but it's simplified into easy bite-sized words. That is not my gender. And finally, pertaining to that. I will refer to myself however I want to refer to myself. I am the ONLY ONE who knows my own gender, or at least the only one who can FEEL it at any given time. Yeah, even though most the time I think of myself as a boy/masc/genderless/nonbinary/xenic, I might still call myself a girl. Heck, i may even use she/her pronouns on myself even when my bio says "anything but she/her." I have a million times deeper understanding of myself than you ever will. Using a silly STRING OF LETTERS to just quickly refer to myself means nothing to me- honestly, it's habit to call myself by that since i've been called she/her all my life; its just like referring to myself as my given name. I do not care enough to make you happy. However, when I ask you to not call me she/her, don't. It's simple. It means nothing to me but it means everything to everyone else, and I know nobody thinks exactly the same as me. I know what many other people imply by using she/her on me and I don't like it most times. So don't. Because when I say it for myself? It means nothing. But when you say it after I asked you to avoid it? People like you are implying that I am a girl, and not in the weird messed up xenic way I feel it. You're implying that I'm a girl. And I'm not. anyways amazing video!! hope you get an A LOL
My experience has been different, and I can confirm that it's very strange to not see anything similar to what I feel. Thanks for this video. Also Lemon Boy goes hard 🔥🔥🔥
I’m a very masculine sort, but I’m very comfortable with kilts and more flowy clothes, and I’ve always had a lot of respect for feminine men. I wear my hair long, and I feel odd for it among other things, but it’s just sort of my style
I can kinda relate to an extent. As a kid I wanted my dad to call me his son, but I also liked pink stuff and I didn't mind my friends giving me "feminine" hair styles because it was a way to bond. I also love making flower crowns, and I love the smell of perfume. When I first realized I was trans I tried to act like a hyper masculine straight dude just to win the approval of my older brother. But I realized that no matter how tough or masculine I was, he would never accept me as his brother. It made me realize I should just do what makes me happy instead of trying to earn someone's approval
Yuh you're chilling, I didn't realize I was trans til I was 12, and I enjoyed being a girl up until that point. In retrospect it was obviously puberty that ended up bothering me, and all the changes and associations with it. It's all patriarchal and transmed brainrot fr. IDK if you want to be on hormones, but T really helped me become comfortable enough in my masculinity to try more feminine things again and it's been lovely.
When i was little i loved being fem but when i found out about being trans i did research and i want to be masc now (i also loved spinny dresses like i would wanted to have makeup and have heels) but i dont want that anymore
Thank you for sharing, I thought I was the only one. I loved dresses, sparkles and pink and handbags and shoes and magazines and make up and being pretty. I never felt the wrongness that others described. I was lonely and isolated but I never felt like I "was in the wrong body" when I was young
Unfortunately, me being Genderfluid. People keep rendering me off as a cis male which makes me feel sad since I’m not a cis male. I’m genderfluid (assigned male at birth).
One of the main reasons why I insisted I wasn’t trans for so long was because I still like feminine things and not wanting specific masculine traits: Wearing dresses (sometimes), having long hair, not wanting facial hair, etc. But then I remembered: Cis men can have long hair and wear dresses and not have facial hair. I definitely know I’m trans, but sometimes its really difficult to be trans and feel like I’m a real trans person in the eyes of other people.
Wow I feel this so much. I am afab and love feminine stuff and dress relatively feminine most of the time but I absolutely love the idea of being seen as a guy. I haven’t told anyone but I might tell my parents soon. I don’t know 100% what labels I use but I’m pretty sure I am genderfluid/nonbinary.
I'm genderfluid, genderfloren to be exact I love looking like girl (most of the time) but even though my gender fluctuates, I'm never one to the full extent and I don't wanna be seen as a 100% girl 😭 Which, combined with the fact that I go by all pronouns, including she/her makes me feel like I'm faking it Even though I know I'm not
it feels so good that someone shares a similar experience. i sometimes deal with the feeling that i’m “not trans enough” because i’ve always resonated with femininity throughout my life. i hate having to live up to a standard to be respected for who i am, it’s so exhausting. but there’s comfort in knowing that none of us are alone, and despite everyone’s experience being different there’s always going to be someone who gets it. i’m also a robin btw! i chose that name when i was 14 or 15 because of rockin’ robin (the song) :) i also go by many other names like kasper and xenith but there’s something special about that name that i’ve held dear for years.
There are as many ways to be trans as there are trans people. I'm sorry that you feel excluded from the community. I'm nonbinary but I pass as cis because I don't care too much about what I wear. So I can sympathize with you (although my experience is very different).
I'm not trans but I watch quite a few trans creators and part of what you're describing sounds pretty similar to what Abigail Thorn (Philosophy Tube) talked about in her coming out video, specifically the part about it feeling like you're supposed to fit this narrative of always knowing you wanted to be (insert X gender) even as a child.
Thank you- I’ve been contemplating on if I’m a trans man or if I’m just gender-fluid or something like that- because I want to be- as I describe it- ‘the way men were in the old days’- such as wearing make up, skirts, long hair, and all of that stuff. Thank you for helping me get a bit closer to that answer of what my gender is.
i mean like i kinda just hung out, didnt really feel off, i had dreams i was a girl but like i wasnt outwardly against being masculine till recently, i thought being masculine meant i couldn't be a woman so i avoided it for that, but tbh I'm going back to masc clothing and being like the hottest awesomest most masc lesbian ever, then i went through a big part of my life discovering that this system had DID, and now just not caring about fitting to one mold, there's hundreds of different people in here, most agender or women, and they're all happier to just wear whatever, feel like whatever, act like whatever, it's so freeing to just do whatever you want because people are people, and now i can finally concentrate on school and feel free I'm on a path to what i find fun, I'm cruising down a path in to a job i know I'll love, with enough financial stability to transition and otherwise just live how i want to. All this to say, the individual is more worthy to live as themselves than the many are to control it, and that stereotypes are not being mentioned sparingly enough, thrown around like gospel when it really should be a fun "out of ur friends which are u?" type silly
I'm not trans, i identify as a cis girl, but for the same reasons that you've explained, for a period of my life i tought i was. When i was little i didn't liked sterotypical feminine things, playing with dolls and things like that, and so that really cofused me when i realized that a lot of transmasculine people went trought the same thing. I tought it was a sign, or something like that. It's good to remember that not everyone goes trought the same exact experiences and that we are all different. Thanks for the video, it was very insightful.
I relate to this, as I am a genderfluid. Sometimes I feel like a girl but don’t want to be feminine, or I feel like a boy and I don’t want to be masculine. Boys can be pretty princesses/pretty princes. And girls can be as masculine as they want! Also the memory thing is really relatable, I loved being a girl but as I grew up I changed out of that as I grew. But it was so fun to be a princess as a kid!
oh yeah. I'm completely comfortable in my masculine body. but deep inside I know what I am, a girl. I could live in this body forever, what matters to me is what's inside.
This is 100% real, my best friend Ollie was super girly and loved being a girl and turns out he was trans at the end of 5th grade and they go by every thingy but she/her/hers now but he had long hair and wore dresses and love fashion and pink and Sanrio but he changed at 10 years old
ive had a similar experience, i realized i was trans when puberty hit. before that i just kinda vibed in dresses and skirts i would still considerer myself a feminine guy, i hate it when ppl try to overcompensate because they themselves aren't secure with their gender identity and let that influence how they judge other (trans) ppl... let trans men/masc ppl be feminine smh my head great video!!
DUDE THIS IS ME its why im so scared to come out to my parents. i know my mom will make some comment like "i thought you wanted to be a boy, why are you wearing a pink sweater?" "so i guess youre going back to being a girl then?" because shes transphobic and all. and this video really REALLY makes me want to come out to my parents but i know they'll never understand that i just feel more comfortable being referred to as a boy while i can still dress girly sometimes if i want to. its gotten to the point where i lie, saying i hate the color pink and my room is too girly. but i like girly things. in fact i wish i wasnt trans so me liking girly things wouldnt seem out of place for me but i am trans. i've tried referring to myself as a girl and its kind of repulsing. ive had people refer to me as a girl and though i dont mind it very much it just feels like the objectively incorrect answer. my mom says you shouldnt make that choice until youre an adult, but its not a choice. she says that people are forever changing, and that i could change my mind later, but its not something i chose. its not me wanting something just because someone else has it. its not as simple as a taste in clothes or a nickname. its me wanting to completely reshape my body, my voice, everything. i could be skinnier, i could work out more, i could brush my teeth more, but over ALL of that, i just need to transition, so i guess all that stuff will have to wait until i move out.
Fellow trans guy here, this is a WONDERFUL video and great discussion! Ya better get that A skdjfnksdf The expectations within the trans community are HIGH, I would say higher than the expectations of cis folks... Because the majority of us feel like we need to meet and exceed the "standards" to pass in the eyes of others. We're social creatures, ultimately we want to fit in by instinct... But I will never understand the idea of imposing "I need to fit in" onto other trans folks. A lot of people overlook the fact that SO MANY gendered things are entirely based on social expectations... Social expectations that, in the grand scheme of things, are relatively new! Men have worn what would be called dresses now for CENTURIES. High heels were to help cavalry keep their feet in the stirrups of their horses' saddles, THEN became men's fashion, THEN became women's fashion. EVERYONE of nobility wore makeup in many cultures. Pink used to be the masculine color, while blue was the feminine one. The list goes on! All in all, from one trans guy to another... Do what makes YOU happy and comfortable in your own skin. People are going to judge you regardless, that's the human experience, so why not make yourself feel good? Do things you like. Life's too short not to have fun. (Also, video tip: The music in the intro is a tad loud, making it hard to hear you clearly; that could be because I have sensory processing issues, but it's worth nothing for future reference if you plan to make more content like this... Which... Please do! You're clearly insightful and have a way with words. Well constructed video, all in all.)
Yes exactly! And thank you for the advice, I've always struggled with leveling the music out because I know what I'm saying, but I forget not everyone already knows lol. I deffo plan to make more content like this, I genuinely didn't expect this video to do as well as it did!
I am not a member of the transgender community (I’m a pansexual male), so I unfortunately cannot understand the situation you describe, but your video made me think of a saying I heard years ago: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. I’m not 100% male-acting, but I don’t know if there is a term for that sort of thing, so I just do what I do and don’t pay attention to “you might be [this] if you do X, Y, Z” sort of videos. I tend to get a lot of grief from gay men who think I should act a certain way, and it hurt for a long time, but as I got older, I just stopped caring. I am who I am and that’s okay, and you’re okay in how you choose to express yourself. Superhugs to you and all others like yourself!
Hi Toby, Ripley here!! oh my god I've only watched this video finally at 2 am while working on my assignment but this video is actually so well put together and so very moving. Genuinely amazing, and the music choices are SO GOOD. I agree so much with everything you've said. I've moved away from labels in recent because it's gotten so hard to know what exactly I am anymore. The pressure of labeling every part of yourself to fit in and "earn" respect is overwhelming. More people should know they can go with the flow! In the end I'm certainly not a cis woman. Instead, some evil butch-thing.
Putting all the societal norms aside for a second, being trans is just about being more authentically YOU. I’m an 18 year old trans guy, I’ve been lucky enough to start hormones and get top surgery. The first thing I can think of that has changed is that I don’t feel pressure anymore to conform to what everyone expected. It’s weird bc when ur trans, some people are either trying to force you to act your birth sex OR they expect you to be the perfect embodiment of your gender identity
I would also like to point out. Jamie Dodger is very good about making sure his audience know the trans experience is not cookie cutter. Though i know hearing all the time that "i experienced this when i was a kid" gets old just know everyone has a unique and valid experience
I am 22 and i came out a year ago, and I feel you so much. I often find myself to be sad that I never explored my girlhood like I could’ve if I was a girl. I never did, because it scared me so much and being seen as a girl pained me so much. But wearing pretty dresses and going to the beach, wearing red lipstick. It feels like grieving someone I was so close to being, but never was.
This perfectly describes how I feel and I feel alone as well everything I like is so feminine and I feel like by acknowledging that and expressing that I risk being seen as more of a girl and I hate it, I absolutely love this video.🧡
This. I honestly relate to this as someone who is fem but none gender conforming, like I’m not trans enough or I’m not doing it right. Something to remember is that even if our experiences are not a lot like others, we are not any less trans. We are apart of the transgender community and the people who don’t want to accept that are fuckheads. Good luck being you fellow trans friend 🤍
This is so beautiful and touching. I just want to say something that I thought throughout the video. Girlhood is ultimately better than womanhood. Girlhood is when you’re exploring the world and soaking up the colors and beauty of everything around you whether it’s the rain or the sun or the stars or the grass or a simple breeze in your hair girlhood is somehow whimsical. Womanhood on the other hand is when you are experiencing changes in your body, changes in yourself. Others around you are changing too. Your peers physically and mentally change, and it can affect your life through the choices you make and many other ways. Yet, perhaps neither is better than the other, and both are equal. I’ll never know. I’m wishing you the best, you have my support along with the support of many others, you are heard.
THOS VIDEO IS SO REALLLL, I SAW SO MNAY VIDEOS ON TIKTOK SAYING LIKE "if ur transman why do u like to wear femenine? " AND SOME PPL SAYING IT WERE LITERALLY TRANS TOO....
Hey everyone! I had no idea this video I made for a college project would get the kind of attention it would. Thank you all so much for the nice comments, I'm glad that I've been able to speak to people who didn't feel seen!
Thanks to everyones nice and supportive comments, I want to give a try at another video like this. Maybe something art related, or even more lgbtq+ related things.
Again, thank you everyone for your amazing supportive comments ❤❤
Thank you too for making this video and sharing your perspective, I think that those awful judgements are not an entire community thing because:
1) I am a trans masc person and I think you're valid
2) There are bad apples in every community unfortunately..
I also think that I heard a similar experience on UA-cam, from the youtube channel named JAMIEvstheVOID
edit: sorry I remembered it wrong but you're not the only one, you are not alone I really did hear something like that but heck even I did like dresses when I didn't know it was only for girls!
based femboyism!
I have a trans guy in my class and he often wear skirts too, never let anyone tell u that it's wrong to be who u are!
hey! I I wanted to say if you're posting a video publicly as a trans person, please try not to show any windows or indicators of where you are! It can be unsafe
@@aroufoam9654 I will deffo follow that in the future! I didn't think anyone besides my class would see this, so I didn't even consider it
Thanks for being TRANSparent about this ;)
@@richardavelino7383 amazing pun omg
LOLLLLLL
the dad joke must be made.
@@fezcrystal9 dad joke.. transparent.. PARENT.
TRANS PARENT
I’m so glad someone feels the same. I love being feminine. But I don’t wanna be seen as a girl.
@@aidend9 exactly! I'm so happy that other people can relate to this, i never seen any people talk about it
I feel the same too but opposite, I like masculinity (tomboy style) but I'd hate to be a boy again. (I'm a tgirl)
im a trans girl and this is pretty much what i am like, however i also love feminine stuff.
i feel timilar as a lesbian girl. i love being masculine I just dont't wanna be seen socially as a man
As a woman, I wanna be feminine! But... I don't wanna be a girlie girl girl. I wanna wear girlie things SOMETIMES but I don't want to be a girl in that way. That's why I use she/they! It makes me feel like I don't have to be all sunshine and rainbows and I can be more androgynous at times!
Have you ever watched Ezra Butler's videos? He's a trans man, and he does "grwm as a trans man who wears whatever he wants" videos sometimes. I love when he does one with a skirt or puts on lipstick. He serves as a great example to the trans community.
Also, off topic, I am living for the cavetown instrumental music in the background ❤️❤️❤️
@willcomeback11 i havent watched him before but I'll deffo give his stuff a watch!!
And thank you!! I figured cavetown was an appropriate song to have I'm the back of this video lolol
Trans people are always pushed to prove that they are so definitely 100% the gender they say they are. Most of my trans friends and me do agree that we want to fight this narrative, but it's hard because the second you admit to liking something that's stereotypically seen as a "not the gender you say you are" thing, people question you and "if you like X, then why do you think you are Y?" So much so that I sometimes even find myself leaving out parts of my story that might make people take me less seriously, while I truly don't think that's right. I think it's so important that people make video's like this. You really hit the nail on the head and said what needed to be said.
I struggle with this so much that for the longest time I was going stealth. I didn't let my closest friends know that I was trans, so that I could be the cisgender queer guy who likes to wear croptops and colored nails to parties. Being openly trans and doing that just feels like something that would give me dysphoria.
Yep
You know, as a trans girl, I somewhat relate to this but not fully. I don't enjoy masculine clothing, just not my taste. However, I don't absolutely hate boyhood, its just my body, voice, etc. makes me want to curl up into a ball and rock back and forth. Y'know?
Holy shit... Someone else gets it
Do you need a hug? 🫂
Holy shit... Someone else gets it
Boyhood is fire. Just not comfortable with the body I have. It actually feels like my inner self is androgynous. And I hate how my body doesn’t match that. Like the hair. Don’t even get me started on the hair
holy shit someone gets it
Someone put it into words.
I've spent years feeling like I'm "less trans" because I enjoyed being a girl as a child, I was happy as a girl. I wore dresses and I played with dolls and I would only play pretend as girl characters. Then, when I was around eleven, that stopped feeling right. It doesn't mean I'm any less trans, but I relate to the experience of feeling as such. Your video was really inspiring and struck a chord with me, and I thank you for that.
Have a wonderful day, and please remember you are valid no matter how your experiences look. :)
That’s my exact experience lol
I genuinely thought I was the only one feeling like that.
I… loved being a girl, just like you described it. I loved my pink toys and dresses and being my „daddy’s little girl“. Until I didn’t.
I loved it. To a point. And that’s when puberty began. I loved being a GIRL but I hate being a WOMAN, if that makes any sense at all. Periods and boobs I didn’t even know I minded them until I felt gender euphoria for the very first time.
I cut my hair without any… deeper meaning, but when people started referring to me as a guy I LOVED it, and that’s the moment I realised that I actually DO mind boobs and periods, I just wasn’t… aware at that time.
wait this is so real lol
i jst ruined the 69 likes
I've been doubting if im like trans at all, but reading this and realising that this is praticly what i think is very validating-
@@ZeroGravityLoop join us :3
one thing a lot of people get wrong is gender identity ≠ gender expression, i'm a trans woman, but i love a lot of boyish things, i don't like wearing skirts or dresses or typically feminine clothes too much and sometimes my parents say that cursed thing "If you want to be a girl, why do you like XYZ things?" though i feel being a boyish girl is more accepted than being a girly boy, specially while being trans. Often times trans people feel they should act a certain way to "prove" their gender, and that's just plain stupid, do whatever makes you feel like yourself. Yap session over lol, this video is great! You should have way more subscribers
“Do whatever makes you feel like yourself” new daily affirmation to myself 🥹
Something that helped me even realize i was trans in general was that, there is no "amount of suffering" you need to be trans. I was a body builder and was in the army before i came out. Some of it was over exaggerating my masculinity but some of it was because its what i liked to do. Im a trans woman but i definitely identify as a tomboy. I like you HATE the idea of being seen or labeled as the sex i was assigned at birth. I know who i am and that is that i am a girl. I think most trans people who are also in therapy get over the "i must be exactly like the cis' idea of what a man or woman is". Being trans to me is accepting your TRUE self regardless of "gender norms". Im sorry you cant love the trans community, not everyone can, but there are spaces that are more accepting and more mature than what your describing. I hope you find one. ❤️
Actually my username is pretty indicative of myself as a trans woman. Im a Knight but even though most knights are men, this one is not :3
This hit home. I’m a trans girl but so much of mainstream transfem culture is strongly tied to internet, gaming, and programming circles to the point that I felt completely alone with my unrelated hobbies and had nobody who would understand me. I’ve heard so many jokes about “every trans woman does this” and “every trans woman does that” that I found myself able to relate to trans men more because they’re the ones who care about what I care about, but they could never understand the way I experience gender… and living that way is exhausting.
This is a very important video to make, so preach!
We have to convince not only the cishets, but often a lot of the trans community that there isn’t one way to be trans! You don’t have to have dysphoria about everything (or anything!), you don’t have to be or have acted a certain way when young, or act a certain way now! The idea that it’s not up to you how someone else lives is very prominent in the trans community, but sometimes we focus so hard on other people judging us we don’t realize the harm we’re causing.
Very good video, Ava approved
I understand this. I was a girly kid. I loved the idea of being a princess and liked the thought of marrying cute boys. I wore nothing but dresses and leggings and skirts and when I was little I thought the difference between boys and girls was only hair length so I kept my hair as long as possible so I could be seen as pretty. But eventually it felt like an act. When I was around ten years old I didn’t feel it anymore. I liked tomboy characters and cutting my hair short, I liked violence and swords and really wished I could pee standing up. I wore baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants because I hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s what womanhood was to me. A fantasy. This fictional thing I liked to role play as as a kid. Because it did make me happy but over time I grew more and more out of that ideal… and then I found Kuromi. At thirteen years old I found a pretty but boyish girl character who I related to on a deeper level, I started dressing feminine again because I wanted to be like her and more importantly I realized exactly who I am: a feminine boy. That’s why I liked dressing up my little brother because I wanted to relate. That’s why I liked feminine things but hated the idea of growing into a woman. That’s why it was always a costume and not a gender. I will never be a woman, but that little girl I was will always be a part of me. I am very much a trans man but I also love feminine things, just not the body and role that comes with it in adulthood. I can always understand another trans guy when they say they were a girl when they were a child but a man now because I lived that. Childhood doesn’t have a gender. I was just a feminine child.
This is genuinely helping me find words for what I've been feeling!! Yes, it feels like fun roleplay, but I don't want to roleplay all the time
You get it
It's probably not a universal experience, but "childhood doesn't have a gender" is so real to me.
@@Aquee_101 I can tootally agree with this, childhood is for exploring
This is so real
I wasn't necessarily the girliest kid growing up but I've never really related to narrative I've heard from most trans people online. I didn't "always feel like something was wrong" or refuse to dresses or anything pink, my childhood friends were all girls, i was happy playing dolls or dress up. This is one of the main it took me years to come to terms with my identity and still haven't had the courage to come out to some people in my life even if i know they'd be supportive. I've just always been terrified of being wrong. "If i didn't 'feel like a boy' before learning about trans people who knows if I'm really not just copying the character on tv or the people online". But turns out trans people can have a lot of different experiences and i might have just wasted half my teen years overthinking it. So thank you for making this video and making people like me feel seen. (Also sorry for the ginormous paragraph)
I feel this so much, people often tell me you can't be trans and still want to be feminine, but I gotta prove them wrong, im gonna be a pretty boy and they can't stop me!!
I hope you find comfort in all of us coming and commenting on your video, it makes me happy to see so many people like me here :)
@@eebyisshort Yessss, prove them wrong!!! And I really do, it makes me so happy to know I'm not totally alone in this 😭
Im glad youtube randomly recommended this video to me, bc I'm almost exactly the same. I adored being a girl, and wearing dresses and playing princesses and i would constantly reject anything masculine. Then i became a teenager and i did a complete 180, and im still figuring things out today honestly; i still love feminine things, but they make me so uncomfortable sometimes it's frustrating, and im still not sure abt my gender, i question it almost every day, but part of me wants to be a man, so im just trying to figure out what that means to me (and if it's truly what i want). Thank you for sharing honestly, it's nice to know other ppl with the same experience :]
yesyesyes i get this very much!!! it wasnt so much "i dont feel like a girl" but instead when i tried to make myself a boy in my mirror it was like "oh. oh so this is me? i get it now." important to mention that i always really enjoyed feminine things until like the age of 9. i still liked them, but i felt the urge to hide it. back then, it was because i simply didnt like it, now theres a bit more dysphoria involved. i still dont like wearing dresses or pink, but i love them on others anyway.
YES YOU DON'T NEED DYSPHORIA TO BE TRANS, it's, you know, EUPHORIA because you felt better as a boy, but you still never hated it when you thought you were a girl, it was more kind of neutral rather than negative
@@vayianos i mean you do have to have some dysphoria to be trans imo. You don't have to be super masculine, or hate being a girl, but you should have some discomfort surrounding pronouns, name, body, etc.
The only reason transgender makes sense, and other things like trans race or trans age don't, is because gender dysphoria is a proven thing that has existed for years.
Otherwise how is the trans community any different than trans racial or trans age? Are those valid too? Gender incongruence, our mental condition, is what makes us valid compared to stuff like that. We have actual proof that our minds function differently.
@@vayianos anyway, no offense I support your self discovery, I just wanted to point out the flaws in that way of thinking. As a trans nonbinary person myself.
as an ftm femboy, I totally get it. I told someone what I was once and they thought I was using the word femboy as an offensive title towards trans people - no, it’s just my gender identity and presentation. what an uncomfortable interaction
When I came out as trans, my familys biggest argument was how much I would wear skirts and dresses I mean, my dad made a list of reasons on why he knew I wasn't trans and it was stupid stuff like how I liked a bunch of typically feminine things. I relate to this video so much. Thank you. Knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this helps more than you can imagine
I relate to your experience, I think the best way I can explain is that I liked being a girl but I HATE being a woman. I like feminine things but the thought of being seen as a woman makes me want to hurl. I guess thats why puberty sucked. I’m hoping I can get on T when I’m 18 so hopefully one day I can wear pretty things without being seen as a woman.
MtF here, i can also kind of relate. I've never _loved_ being a guy or anything, and im definitely much more comfortable as a girl, but I don't really have all that much dysphoria. I'm fine with not looking 100% feminine at all times. Although i do wanna get on e and do all that stuff eventually, im already pretty as i am, or least i like to think so xd. I wanna do cosplays as a guy eventually for some of my fav characters. In terms of the trans community: Yes, theres bad people, but thats just kind of a natural consequence of being in a big community. Maybe I just haven't had enough contact with people, but at least i feel that the popular opinion is that you dont need to only do stuff that ""fits"" your gender to qualify as being trans. There's idiots out there, definitely, but thats just kind of what happens at this size. At least for me, it doesn't make me think any less of our community.
I deffo can see that. My issues with the community and fitting in is a lot of people I've had contact with almost "baby" other trans people, or talk shit about them when they don't fit the status quo. It's not the norm and a lot of people are accepting, but especially IRL it's hard to come across people who are decent about it 😭 I do agree tho, there are always the shit bags in a community that ruin it
Before I was a tomboy. I called myself "half boy half girl", I was always like that. But what I struggle with now is that I want to be a girl so bad. I currently do wear pink and pretty things and I love being a girl. I feel so pretty and I have so much fun as a girl, but I know that's not me. I know when I look in the mirror, I'll still feel off. When I feel my hair touch my shoulders and rub against my back it'll feel wrong. I'll always be a phantom of myself like this but at the same time if I try and force myself to like "boy things" and wear baggy clothes and throw at all my pretty pink clothes that'll also be denying myself. I feel like two forces of femininity and masculinity are constantly tugging at me, and while I know gender wise I'm a man, expressing myself as a woman is just so... nice? Cause even if I transition and wear these things, it won't be the same. And at the same time, it doesn't feel like it'll matter anyway? Cause even if I transition I'll always be a "trans man".
Maybe you could be demi girl (partially girl), demi people can also feel like the opposite gender, and it's not necessarily always 50% girl 50% boy you can adjust how you like! Or be bigender (male and female), you can also be bigender flux the difference is that your genders fluctuate between each other randomly
This is just from what I've seen in your experience, you don't necessarily have to be this stuff, good luck finding yourself tho :)
I think you’re a bigender man and woman
Crazy how we still try to put people into boxes, when we’re supposed to be so accepting. We need to be more understanding.
i sort of relate to this, the only “sign” that i showed as a child was always having my hair short and that’s about it. i’ve felt excluded from the trans community and felt like i wasn’t valid cus i wasn’t a tomboy or whatever. it dosent matter if you showed “signs” or not, you can still be valid if you wore dresses and makeup and had long hair and heels or if you had short hair and played in the mud or played with tractors. that’s what you were told was the right thing so of course your going to find interest in it. you are valid.
As a trans man, thank you. I also loved wear “girly” things as a kid, heck, I was obsessed with this green tutu I had! But in the end, I found out I was a boy. I don’t regret ever wearing that tutu as much as I did, because I LOVED it. And it made me happy. It made me so, so, so happy. I’ve never had an off feeling about myself, it just randomly clicked in middle school I wasn’t a girl. Thank you for making this video 🩵
I totally feel the same. I like wearing makeup and being "feminine", but I hate how that makes people see me as a girl when I'm not. I always used to be called a girly girl, and I now know it wasn't the girly part that bothered me, but the girl part.
Honestly this is such an amazing video, I’m a 16 year old trans guy and came out at 9, which is when I got the “puberty talk” and all the gender aspects really started to come into play and make me stressed. But as a kid I was not specifically “boyish” or “girly”. I liked Star Wars and super hero’s and ran around with my shirt off. But I’d also wear rainbow sequin shirts and love my long hair and watch princess movies. As a kid I don’t think I ever fully thought about being a “girl”, I was just a kid. I definitely thought because I wasn’t distressed about this as a kid that I wasn’t ACTUALLY trans. But I’ve realized my parents just let me be me, and didn’t typically FORCE me to be a girly girly, so I could explore and be whoever I wanted to be. Thanks for the video you’re awesome! 🏳️⚧️🩵
So glad UA-cam recommended me this! I'm a trans NB fella, going by they/he pronouns (planning to start HRT soon hopefully if all goes well). I used to get scared that I was "faking" and avoided using make up and wearing skirts. Now I'm at a point where I do not care as much. I love throwing glitter at my face and dressing in pink. I do not mind looking feminine. I don't wear skirts very often, but I at least don't absolutely hate the idea, or fear how I am perceived as much anymore (I still do absolutely feel it, but to a lesser extent). I was a very feminine kid, I loved wearing dresses, and was into MLP, LPS and all the things a "typical girl," would like. Although funnily enough hated the idea of wearing make up for a while lol. Although I never truly felt like a "girl." It's so weird and hard to explain to people, who are so confined to the gender norms.
I feel like my style is very fluid, but my gender identity is very much still NB and not fluid. I've tried all pronouns before, but did not like still going by she/her pronouns at all and being called a girl. So I get it. I just like slaying and wearing what I like ✨✨✨
Thank you for making this video 💜
nonbinary transmasc here, i wanted to thank you for making this video. while i can't relate to the beginning of the video, the trans community makes me feel very alienated, because of the judgement and how different their experiences are from mine, to the point i start hating being trans because I'm not trans the way everyone else is. all that aside, thanks for the video, good work. despite our different experiences, it made me feel seen
As a trans male, I loved being a girl too. Being a girl was so fun. But at like age 10 or so, I just felt so uncomfortable with how I looked, my pronouns, my hair, how my face looks, etc. I wish I never felt so insecure, but I’m glad I turned out to be Trans Male.
You're not alone Tobias; I did not fully dislike acting my assigned gender, nor do I think I have to achieve complete stereotypical femininity to be trans. I like having the chance to grow a moustache, wear whatever makes me comfortable that day, or doing and enjoying stuff regardless of its gendered connotation. I miss not worrying about the things I worry now that I know I'm trans, and I hope this whiplash dysphoria ends up flattening a bit over the years, but for now, all I want is to figure out what actually fits me instead of relying on a stereotype. Thanks for this video, I needed it. Much love
You dont have to have gender dysphoria to be trans! You're valid bro and enjoying "girl"hood is just not conforming to gender stereotypes, which is perfectly fine, you be you! :)
I feel like both. I love being a man, but in a weird way also want to be a woman. It might sound confusing but in a way it feels normal for me to feel like both.
thank you for making this! i’ve always doubted whether i’m really trans or not because i just don’t fit anybody else’s experiences. i didn’t act like a boy when i was little. i didn’t hate “girl” clothes. i only started feeling the way i do when i was around 9 or 10. i’ve been feeling so invalid, so i really appreciate seeing a bunch of people like me here!
God im so happy i found this video.
Im trans (FtM) and with my time with being a girl, im going to be honest, ive also never hated it, nor did i even care in the first place, all i wanted was to be a wild kid having fun, and its what ive done during my entire time experiencing girlhood, id play swords with the neighbors, id make mud cakes and tea parties with water and green leaves id find outside, id play around in the grass with my dog and spin in my dresses outside, and also uh, accidentally leave my barbies outside in a rainy day lol. I absolutely LOVED dolls, and especifically my little pony figures, but because of the standards in the trans community, i had to give all my quote on quote '' girly things '' away. I miss my dolls, and i miss my mlp figures oh so much. I wish i didnt care as much for it even if im not one to want to dress girly, i have particullarly girly interests. And in a way the trans community kinda created a barrier between me and the things i liked the most as a kid, pressured me into giving my dolls and figures away because it wasnt '' masculine. ''
nowadays, i dont hate myself for having fun as a kid, and i see these memories in a positive outlook more than anything, and i honestly kinda miss it. Im glad im not the only one.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve always felt this way too because it wasn’t until a friend started questioning her fender that i really thought about it and it all clicked. I loved being a girl when i was a kid but now if anyone calls me a girl i cant help but feel so uncomfortable which is sad in a way because of just how much i loved it. I’m glad someone else feels this way too
Yeah that is a grief for me that I don't think I've processed completely. I guess it further proves we don't choose our gender identities because if we wanted something and it felt right then we would just be that ya know? You are valid and I hope you have a good day!🌈💕
Similar here. I'm NB and sometimes refer to myself as "trans-masc" due to similarities between myself and some trans people, particularly trans men. However, I don't fully like referring to myself that way, and I NEVER refer to myself as just trans because I don't view the trans community as one that would welcome me. Due to the community's toxicity, especially online, I often actively choose not to refer to myself as part of it.
I’ve just started transitioning and I’m transfem so I haven’t experienced this but I did enjoy being a boy growing up. As a teenager I went from boy to woman (not as in transitioning just how I felt inside)
Weird how some marginalized groups marginalize their own community. Kinda like the Ace “Debate”. I’m a bit of an outsider tbh, but it’s weird
That's almost word for word how I feel! I'm Trans-masc Nonbinary, I love wearing long skirts and feeling pretty. I'm currently fem presenting [Though I don't like people seeing me as a girl, I'd rather be this mysterious unknowable gender that confuses people] until I find a way to comfortably be more masc/androgynous. I was around 12 I think, when I learned about the community, I was a very strong ally for a month or so, then realized that I didn't identify as a girl. There was never any discomfort with my identity before that, as far as I know. Going through puberty was probably the reason. Relatable video! Glad to know there's others in the community that had the same experience.
trust me, even as someone whos had a pretty stereotypical trans experience, that feeling of being excluded from the broader trans community never really goes away.
For me I definitely had those moments as a kid where I felt "wrong", but I still adored being a girl, I miss it. I loved dress up, then puberty hit, that's when the dysphoria hit. This video was so relatable, it's so similar to my experience as a trans person.
Thank you for making this video. I've had a weird experience growing up trans, as a child I loved pink ponies and princesses, but I'd also play in the dirt and catch bugs and a lot of my friends were boys. I didn't cry or throw tantrums or even feel uncomfortable when i was called a girl, in fact as a kid I'd be more weirded out being compared to boys. If anything I'd say dysphoria only really started to show up in middle school, when puberty and expectations based on gender started to show up. All this to say, you're not alone in being the "minority" so to speak with trans experiences. (Ironic how there's a minority for a minority, isnt it?) In the future I hope our community is more open minded about the experiences of others, not just the ones with a common narrative. I'd say this video is a good start.
Thank you so much, I'm so happy that I'm not alone in this feeling. The same thing happened to me when I figured out my transness when puberty started. I genuinely hope when people find this video they gain that open mindedness. Thank you again, I'm really happy I'm not alone in this issue 😊
I’m a fem transmasc too! I grew up loving princess dresses and feeling beautiful. I really only felt like something was wrong when during puberty my body changed. Literally nothing was wrong until then. Like maybe I felt generally unattached to my deadname, but, nothing felt truly off until I had boobs.
I feel your pain. The whole “there were never any signs!” that parents say 😅 yk?
I had abit of a “not like ither girls” phase but im always confused about it becsuse i was always bullied for being a girl. Before i was bullied i had the same experience. Its so confusing because sonetimes im scared that im not actualky trans because of it
As an AMAB person who is still not sure on my identity, I relate to this. I only ever started exploring my gender in college, and even years after graduating I feel like I can't possibly be trans bc when I was young I really enjoyed being a boy. I enjoy presenting feminine but at the same time I don't know how much of the internal pushback i get in my head is my mind telling me something isn't right vs an internalized shame around the idea that, even though I want to be more feminine, I'm actually just "tricking myself" and that those desires arent valid.
I get that feeling so much. When I try to be just a normal guy I feel like I am pretending but when I let myself be me I feel ashamed and like I making it all up. It so bad that at this point I am treating these two sides of me as seperate personalities when really its all just me hating myself.
This really made me feel seen. Like, I know I’m a girl but when I was younger I felt more strong with gender roles. Like when I was younger and put in overalls for the first time I said “Oh no, a dress” and didn’t like it when my parents would joke about getting me barbies for Christmas. But I’m now a girl, look at that. I thank you so much for making this video because I’ve had thoughts of “am I really trans?” before.
I am a trans woman, and I relate to allot of what you said. I didn't grow up trying on girls clothes till I realized I was trans around 24. People like Blair White held me back. We need more voices like yours.
I think you're very brave to make a video like this. Its hard to talk any sort of negative about a community you're a part of. You are definitely allowed to feel however you want. Being different is something to be proud of, not something to feel shameful for. If others dont like it, then thats their problem and if they try to make it your problem, then they arent worth your time.
Also, in your next video, maybe talk about your mom, i bet she's just as cool as you are. 😁
i didn't think i would find anyone else who feels this way too! my gender is more complicated than just "boy" so maybe that makes my experience different, but i don't remember being dysphoric at all until i was like 12. and im still really attached to things that make me more "feminine", like jewelery or my high pitched voice. thank you for sharing your experience, it means so much to see that im not alone
first off love the cavetown in the back
secondly im so happy I came across this video. I feel that I really needed it. I feel the same way. I know im trans and im proud of that but sometimes its hard to tell people that im trans when knowing that I am different than every other trans person ive met/seen. I like being feminine but mostly, i never hated being a girl. I loved it. and there are times that I wished I never realized im trans bc it has caused me a lot of pain. I miss being a girl a lot. I really do and I thought that maybe I am just different but I am trans, no matter if I was unhappy being a girl or not. Thank you btw your awesome :)
i relate to this so much.. also i can’t believe this was for school!! this is amazing!!! :D
The youth give me hope for the future. you guys have so much figured out in comparison to those of us who started the founding steps. I am happy to have walked, so you may run. May we travel together, and may we make the world just a little better, each step of the way; and may we all fight together for our futures
After finding out I was trans (17, I had gone through a good 7-9 years of questioning) and sometimes I hate being trans. I too loved being a girl, but when I had hit puberty, everything changed. My nana told me that all I wanted to be was a boy. But I still wore girly things. I wore those high waisted black skirts, those black chokers, kuromi sweaters. I wore knee socks, lots and lots of patterened knee socks. But now that I’ve officially come out as trans, I’ve stopped wearing skirts and anything hello kitty related. I’ve stopped wearing chokers and I’ve stopped wearing certain colors.
For me I’m still a teen, but I will never get the body I want. I wish I was born a boy, I wish I could be naturally tall, wider build, and have a lower voice. But I don’t want to be a boy, I wish I was mtnb, the euphoria I could have had would have made me feel on top of the world. But again I will never get to be me right, if that makes sense
i guess i should have talked about this sooner so people wouldn't feel alone, lol! i'm glad you did it first! i'm a trans guy and i literally never dress masculine. for sure i like it sometimes, but 90% of the time, i dress as feminine as possible! sometimes, i even wish to pass as female sometimes but im always a boy. its really fulfilling to realize that im me. i'm not scared of being mistaken as anything anymore, cause i know who i am!
So I’ve felt like this ALOT recently caus I want to be called he/him but not be trans. I loved being a litter girl and playing with my hair but I never loved makeup but have always loved princesses and dresses and jewelry and pretty, long hair and beautiful clothes and all of my girly friends and playing with Barbie’s and all the things that I little girl likes to do. I loved to put hair clips in my now late fathers hair and pretend he had long hair and play pretend and do little recitals of ballet with my ballet class or make up funny songs or use my moms makeup and end up looking like a clown, and I miss that. I was super girly and silly and cute and pretty but or some reason I barely had any friends. I wasn’t that I was annoying, or ugly, or weird. I just didn’t relate to the other girls. I did all of the same things and played with the same toys but I don’t know how they saw something in me that I didn’t even see, that I was different, that I wasn’t a true “girl”. I would still hang out with just my little friend group of two very gay and fem boys, and my weirdo bestie and watch tmnt or paw patrol but I always felt like I could never fit into the cat agony of “normal”. I hated that feeling. I know I’m kinda ranting but I’ve been so depressed abt this and seeing all these people having a similar experience to me is literally amazing and just scrolling thru these comments for like a minuet I already feel like my whole,e body has relaxed and given its self a break. If you’ve read this far Tysm I’m so great full for you all have a great one!💙💗🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🐈⬛🐾
there are people in the queer community that try to inforce binary experiences and exclude anyone outside of that norm, but don’t listen to them. as someone with an unorthodox identity i know what it feels like, but just know there are people out there that WILL accept you for who you are!!!
i did and liked "girly" stuff before I realised I was trans, too! i loved dresses and dolls and skirts, but while I'm not comfortable with them, now, doesn't mean you can't be comfortable with them! liking femininity and being connected to it doesn't make you any less trans, or any less of a man. it's just what you feel comfortable with! you'll still be a boy no matter what you do and how you express yourself
I'm a freshman right now, and I'm only out at school and to my therapist. But I often feel like im not a real trans man because I like girly things. And that's no fun. I find myself hating who I used to be "for not realizing sooner" and I just being a baby in the community. I have to keep reminding myself all the things you said in this video. Thank you .
im a trans woman, and i feel almost the exact same way. i enjoy dressing fem on some days, and i enjoy dressing masc on other days. ive also thought a lot about being gender fluid, but ive never gone through with it cause i still absolutely despise being called a man. i wish it were easier to just express myself however i want on any given day, but its unfortunately not always that easy with out a lot of people asking questions they really shouldnt be.
This whole video is a mood. I’m trans feminine non-binary and I’ve always felt so isolated. Hope you get an A cause this was a great video that was very relatable. Hope you continue to make great content like this!
I’m sorry that you feel excluded:( i feel excluded as well but i feel like i still fit in a bit, i couldn’t imagine not being able to really find anyone who has the same experiences. I love this video and I’m so glad you posted this!! I hope you have a good day:) btw you look so cool!!
this is so real. literally putting everything i've never managed to get across into words. thank you.
okay total essay warning hello????
Same, same SAME. It's so icky and I somehow have all the "invalid" cards stacked up against me KDSFHJS. I personally have felt excluded as a genderfluid person who feels differently about my body at any given time. When I am a trans guy or transmasc, sometimes I love my body. most times I'm neutral or just feel a slight bit sad. but is it so wrong to like my feminine body as a guy?
Every time I've gotten this comment made towards me, every time somebody has looked at me and thought "she's faking it," I just think. Because, why would my own community go against their core values? Why does me having (and not hating) my chest make me any less of a guy?? They claim to believe that oh, it's not your body parts that make you on gender or another! but when somebody appreciates those parts of themselves that are typically "gendered" they get looked down on.
I also hate being invalidated because I am genderfluid. "You are not transmasc-" actually, I am transmasc when I am transmasc. I'm a girl when I'm a girl and I'm a thing when i'm a thing. "Genderfluid" is not a gender in my definition for myself. It's a term to describe how my gender,,, fluids. But every time my gender changes, I am valid in my gender. Don't you dare take that away from me. This is actually why I usually use more obscure terms, like idemfluid- I hate when people just see me as nonbinary with whatever pronouns the second I say "genderfluid."
Plus, I hate how people view labels. Oh you're a guy? Then yeah, like you mentioned in the video, you must be a guy. Like, just feeling wholly like a guy and not liking anythign feminine. But no. Goodness gods, can't a girl call herself a guy and still be right about it?? Just because I say that I'm a boy doesn't mean I'm a boy in the sense that you think I am. My gender is complex. I will die before I find the right words to explain it. But, to entertain everyone else and to feel like I'm making SOME desperate attempt to get people to understand me, I simplify it into these little 4-12 letter words. OF COURSE I DONT FIT THE LABEL TO A T ARE YOU DUMB?? I am a very passionate, individual person with a wild, complex mind. We all are. And I'm autistic so my brain literally doesn't operate in a "typical" way. Nobody is going to feel the same exact way about their gender, and we just use these labels to validify ourselves and explain it to others. My use of the labels does explain my gender, but it's simplified into easy bite-sized words. That is not my gender.
And finally, pertaining to that. I will refer to myself however I want to refer to myself. I am the ONLY ONE who knows my own gender, or at least the only one who can FEEL it at any given time. Yeah, even though most the time I think of myself as a boy/masc/genderless/nonbinary/xenic, I might still call myself a girl. Heck, i may even use she/her pronouns on myself even when my bio says "anything but she/her." I have a million times deeper understanding of myself than you ever will. Using a silly STRING OF LETTERS to just quickly refer to myself means nothing to me- honestly, it's habit to call myself by that since i've been called she/her all my life; its just like referring to myself as my given name. I do not care enough to make you happy.
However, when I ask you to not call me she/her, don't. It's simple. It means nothing to me but it means everything to everyone else, and I know nobody thinks exactly the same as me. I know what many other people imply by using she/her on me and I don't like it most times. So don't. Because when I say it for myself? It means nothing. But when you say it after I asked you to avoid it? People like you are implying that I am a girl, and not in the weird messed up xenic way I feel it. You're implying that I'm a girl. And I'm not.
anyways amazing video!! hope you get an A LOL
My experience has been different, and I can confirm that it's very strange to not see anything similar to what I feel. Thanks for this video. Also Lemon Boy goes hard 🔥🔥🔥
I’m a very masculine sort, but I’m very comfortable with kilts and more flowy clothes, and I’ve always had a lot of respect for feminine men. I wear my hair long, and I feel odd for it among other things, but it’s just sort of my style
I can kinda relate to an extent. As a kid I wanted my dad to call me his son, but I also liked pink stuff and I didn't mind my friends giving me "feminine" hair styles because it was a way to bond. I also love making flower crowns, and I love the smell of perfume. When I first realized I was trans I tried to act like a hyper masculine straight dude just to win the approval of my older brother. But I realized that no matter how tough or masculine I was, he would never accept me as his brother. It made me realize I should just do what makes me happy instead of trying to earn someone's approval
Yuh you're chilling, I didn't realize I was trans til I was 12, and I enjoyed being a girl up until that point. In retrospect it was obviously puberty that ended up bothering me, and all the changes and associations with it. It's all patriarchal and transmed brainrot fr. IDK if you want to be on hormones, but T really helped me become comfortable enough in my masculinity to try more feminine things again and it's been lovely.
When i was little i loved being fem but when i found out about being trans i did research and i want to be masc now (i also loved spinny dresses like i would wanted to have makeup and have heels) but i dont want that anymore
wait this is a thing other people feel, i feel so happy thank you
also tobias is a cool name
Thank you for sharing, I thought I was the only one. I loved dresses, sparkles and pink and handbags and shoes and magazines and make up and being pretty. I never felt the wrongness that others described. I was lonely and isolated but I never felt like I "was in the wrong body" when I was young
Unfortunately, me being Genderfluid. People keep rendering me off as a cis male which makes me feel sad since I’m not a cis male. I’m genderfluid (assigned male at birth).
thank you! i feel you. especially as an intersex trans man the isolating feeling as though you were somehow wrong or not "trans enough" is so real
THIS WAS FOR A SCHOOL PROJECT!!?
damn dude you really confident, congratulations on doing this
The three stages i had watching this video:
oh
*oh.*
*OH.*
One of the main reasons why I insisted I wasn’t trans for so long was because I still like feminine things and not wanting specific masculine traits: Wearing dresses (sometimes), having long hair, not wanting facial hair, etc.
But then I remembered: Cis men can have long hair and wear dresses and not have facial hair. I definitely know I’m trans, but sometimes its really difficult to be trans and feel like I’m a real trans person in the eyes of other people.
Wow I feel this so much. I am afab and love feminine stuff and dress relatively feminine most of the time but I absolutely love the idea of being seen as a guy. I haven’t told anyone but I might tell my parents soon. I don’t know 100% what labels I use but I’m pretty sure I am genderfluid/nonbinary.
I'm genderfluid, genderfloren to be exact
I love looking like girl (most of the time) but even though my gender fluctuates, I'm never one to the full extent and I don't wanna be seen as a 100% girl 😭
Which, combined with the fact that I go by all pronouns, including she/her makes me feel like I'm faking it
Even though I know I'm not
it feels so good that someone shares a similar experience. i sometimes deal with the feeling that i’m “not trans enough” because i’ve always resonated with femininity throughout my life. i hate having to live up to a standard to be respected for who i am, it’s so exhausting. but there’s comfort in knowing that none of us are alone, and despite everyone’s experience being different there’s always going to be someone who gets it.
i’m also a robin btw! i chose that name when i was 14 or 15 because of rockin’ robin (the song) :) i also go by many other names like kasper and xenith but there’s something special about that name that i’ve held dear for years.
@invad3rxenith omg that's so cool! I chose my username for the same reason, that's so awesome!!
There are as many ways to be trans as there are trans people. I'm sorry that you feel excluded from the community. I'm nonbinary but I pass as cis because I don't care too much about what I wear. So I can sympathize with you (although my experience is very different).
I'm not trans but I watch quite a few trans creators and part of what you're describing sounds pretty similar to what Abigail Thorn (Philosophy Tube) talked about in her coming out video, specifically the part about it feeling like you're supposed to fit this narrative of always knowing you wanted to be (insert X gender) even as a child.
Thank you- I’ve been contemplating on if I’m a trans man or if I’m just gender-fluid or something like that- because I want to be- as I describe it- ‘the way men were in the old days’- such as wearing make up, skirts, long hair, and all of that stuff. Thank you for helping me get a bit closer to that answer of what my gender is.
i mean like i kinda just hung out, didnt really feel off, i had dreams i was a girl but like i wasnt outwardly against being masculine till recently, i thought being masculine meant i couldn't be a woman so i avoided it for that, but tbh I'm going back to masc clothing and being like the hottest awesomest most masc lesbian ever, then i went through a big part of my life discovering that this system had DID, and now just not caring about fitting to one mold, there's hundreds of different people in here, most agender or women, and they're all happier to just wear whatever, feel like whatever, act like whatever, it's so freeing to just do whatever you want because people are people, and now i can finally concentrate on school and feel free I'm on a path to what i find fun, I'm cruising down a path in to a job i know I'll love, with enough financial stability to transition and otherwise just live how i want to. All this to say, the individual is more worthy to live as themselves than the many are to control it, and that stereotypes are not being mentioned sparingly enough, thrown around like gospel when it really should be a fun "out of ur friends which are u?" type silly
I'm not trans, i identify as a cis girl, but for the same reasons that you've explained, for a period of my life i tought i was. When i was little i didn't liked sterotypical feminine things, playing with dolls and things like that, and so that really cofused me when i realized that a lot of transmasculine people went trought the same thing. I tought it was a sign, or something like that. It's good to remember that not everyone goes trought the same exact experiences and that we are all different. Thanks for the video, it was very insightful.
I relate to this, as I am a genderfluid. Sometimes I feel like a girl but don’t want to be feminine, or I feel like a boy and I don’t want to be masculine. Boys can be pretty princesses/pretty princes. And girls can be as masculine as they want!
Also the memory thing is really relatable, I loved being a girl but as I grew up I changed out of that as I grew. But it was so fun to be a princess as a kid!
oh yeah. I'm completely comfortable in my masculine body. but deep inside I know what I am, a girl. I could live in this body forever, what matters to me is what's inside.
This is 100% real, my best friend Ollie was super girly and loved being a girl and turns out he was trans at the end of 5th grade and they go by every thingy but she/her/hers now but he had long hair and wore dresses and love fashion and pink and Sanrio but he changed at 10 years old
ive had a similar experience, i realized i was trans when puberty hit. before that i just kinda vibed in dresses and skirts
i would still considerer myself a feminine guy, i hate it when ppl try to overcompensate because they themselves aren't secure with their gender identity and let that influence how they judge other (trans) ppl... let trans men/masc ppl be feminine smh my head
great video!!
DUDE THIS IS ME its why im so scared to come out to my parents. i know my mom will make some comment like "i thought you wanted to be a boy, why are you wearing a pink sweater?" "so i guess youre going back to being a girl then?" because shes transphobic and all. and this video really REALLY makes me want to come out to my parents but i know they'll never understand that i just feel more comfortable being referred to as a boy while i can still dress girly sometimes if i want to. its gotten to the point where i lie, saying i hate the color pink and my room is too girly. but i like girly things. in fact i wish i wasnt trans so me liking girly things wouldnt seem out of place for me but i am trans. i've tried referring to myself as a girl and its kind of repulsing. ive had people refer to me as a girl and though i dont mind it very much it just feels like the objectively incorrect answer. my mom says you shouldnt make that choice until youre an adult, but its not a choice. she says that people are forever changing, and that i could change my mind later, but its not something i chose. its not me wanting something just because someone else has it. its not as simple as a taste in clothes or a nickname. its me wanting to completely reshape my body, my voice, everything. i could be skinnier, i could work out more, i could brush my teeth more, but over ALL of that, i just need to transition, so i guess all that stuff will have to wait until i move out.
Fellow trans guy here, this is a WONDERFUL video and great discussion! Ya better get that A skdjfnksdf
The expectations within the trans community are HIGH, I would say higher than the expectations of cis folks... Because the majority of us feel like we need to meet and exceed the "standards" to pass in the eyes of others. We're social creatures, ultimately we want to fit in by instinct... But I will never understand the idea of imposing "I need to fit in" onto other trans folks.
A lot of people overlook the fact that SO MANY gendered things are entirely based on social expectations... Social expectations that, in the grand scheme of things, are relatively new!
Men have worn what would be called dresses now for CENTURIES. High heels were to help cavalry keep their feet in the stirrups of their horses' saddles, THEN became men's fashion, THEN became women's fashion. EVERYONE of nobility wore makeup in many cultures. Pink used to be the masculine color, while blue was the feminine one. The list goes on!
All in all, from one trans guy to another... Do what makes YOU happy and comfortable in your own skin. People are going to judge you regardless, that's the human experience, so why not make yourself feel good? Do things you like. Life's too short not to have fun.
(Also, video tip: The music in the intro is a tad loud, making it hard to hear you clearly; that could be because I have sensory processing issues, but it's worth nothing for future reference if you plan to make more content like this... Which... Please do! You're clearly insightful and have a way with words. Well constructed video, all in all.)
Yes exactly! And thank you for the advice, I've always struggled with leveling the music out because I know what I'm saying, but I forget not everyone already knows lol. I deffo plan to make more content like this, I genuinely didn't expect this video to do as well as it did!
I am not a member of the transgender community (I’m a pansexual male), so I unfortunately cannot understand the situation you describe, but your video made me think of a saying I heard years ago: “Comparison is the thief of joy”. I’m not 100% male-acting, but I don’t know if there is a term for that sort of thing, so I just do what I do and don’t pay attention to “you might be [this] if you do X, Y, Z” sort of videos. I tend to get a lot of grief from gay men who think I should act a certain way, and it hurt for a long time, but as I got older, I just stopped caring. I am who I am and that’s okay, and you’re okay in how you choose to express yourself. Superhugs to you and all others like yourself!
Hi Toby, Ripley here!! oh my god I've only watched this video finally at 2 am while working on my assignment but this video is actually so well put together and so very moving. Genuinely amazing, and the music choices are SO GOOD. I agree so much with everything you've said. I've moved away from labels in recent because it's gotten so hard to know what exactly I am anymore. The pressure of labeling every part of yourself to fit in and "earn" respect is overwhelming. More people should know they can go with the flow! In the end I'm certainly not a cis woman. Instead, some evil butch-thing.
Putting all the societal norms aside for a second, being trans is just about being more authentically YOU. I’m an 18 year old trans guy, I’ve been lucky enough to start hormones and get top surgery. The first thing I can think of that has changed is that I don’t feel pressure anymore to conform to what everyone expected. It’s weird bc when ur trans, some people are either trying to force you to act your birth sex OR they expect you to be the perfect embodiment of your gender identity
I would also like to point out. Jamie Dodger is very good about making sure his audience know the trans experience is not cookie cutter. Though i know hearing all the time that "i experienced this when i was a kid" gets old just know everyone has a unique and valid experience
Yes! I love his videos, I just used him talking about his experience as an example, rather than a callout. His content is amazing.
I am 22 and i came out a year ago, and I feel you so much. I often find myself to be sad that I never explored my girlhood like I could’ve if I was a girl. I never did, because it scared me so much and being seen as a girl pained me so much. But wearing pretty dresses and going to the beach, wearing red lipstick. It feels like grieving someone I was so close to being, but never was.
This perfectly describes how I feel and I feel alone as well everything I like is so feminine and I feel like by acknowledging that and expressing that I risk being seen as more of a girl and I hate it, I absolutely love this video.🧡
This. I honestly relate to this as someone who is fem but none gender conforming, like I’m not trans enough or I’m not doing it right.
Something to remember is that even if our experiences are not a lot like others, we are not any less trans. We are apart of the transgender community and the people who don’t want to accept that are fuckheads. Good luck being you fellow trans friend 🤍
This is so beautiful and touching. I just want to say something that I thought throughout the video. Girlhood is ultimately better than womanhood. Girlhood is when you’re exploring the world and soaking up the colors and beauty of everything around you whether it’s the rain or the sun or the stars or the grass or a simple breeze in your hair girlhood is somehow whimsical. Womanhood on the other hand is when you are experiencing changes in your body, changes in yourself. Others around you are changing too. Your peers physically and mentally change, and it can affect your life through the choices you make and many other ways. Yet, perhaps neither is better than the other, and both are equal. I’ll never know. I’m wishing you the best, you have my support along with the support of many others, you are heard.
You worded this beautifully, genuinely.
Thank you, your words at the conclusion were very well crafted. I wish you good luck and success throughout your journey.
THOS VIDEO IS SO REALLLL, I SAW SO MNAY VIDEOS ON TIKTOK SAYING LIKE "if ur transman why do u like to wear femenine? " AND SOME PPL SAYING IT WERE LITERALLY TRANS TOO....