Is a Great First Date a Red Flag?
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
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A bad date-where we know we won’t see the person again-can be frustrating since it wastes our time. But what’s even MORE frustrating? An amazing date with someone who just disappears after seeing us only once or twice.
It leaves us wondering: “What happened?? I thought we had real chemistry!”
In today’s video, I explain exactly why someone pulls away after a first date…
(and how you can tell the difference between someone who’s a keeper vs. someone who’s just telling you what you want to hear.)
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Getting attached early on is a HUGE risk. No matter how lonely, low, or eager you feel, do NOT pedestalize the person.
That's my main mistake, I always make
So important to do that. It's easy to get excited when you meet someone who has what you're hoping to find.
I needed to hear that. That’s my main problem.
That’s why I didn’t go on a date for 12 years. And the two times I’ve broken that since then I’ve regretted it deeply.
As Matthew said many times before, women tend to overvalue things like attraction and connection. One date is not enough to get to know someone’s character.
Gay men too
That's why dating is so freakin' hard because 1) we crave that connection so much and if you go on a lot of dates, the connection is rarely there, and 2) as a result, when we do feel that connection we're craving, we want to keep it because why wouldn't you? But as it turns out, connection does not = relationship. Sigh, dating to find someone sucks. 😂
So true!
Just because you think the date went well dont mean he did.
EXACTLY!!! However,many people don’t get it.
Don't mean he did what?
@@bestactress1281 don’t mean he did think it went well too (I guess that was the point).
@@Foxfire3moka oh it went well for him too
Matthew Hussey…. Saving me from wasting time being disappointed with time wasters
People put on their BEST FACE in the first date. Expect that will be the best it ever is. Then you'll never be let down
Thats bullish and you know it.
I agree, I do think this is true the majority of the time. However, I think it's possible for that person to have a bad day and so the first date may not be the best it can be.
My issue is which I’ve had for a long time is when I meet someone I’m attracted to I immediately think the other person is out my league and feel I have to have the best humour to keep them interested. This eventually turns into anxiety and start to make them my priority very early. I know this is a sign of lack of confidence. I’m 32 and do try my best to work on it but it always happens.
ITs called being a man. We really need to get off these dating apps its killing us all. Especially Bumble.
I wonder: can you make your focus instead on trying to learn more about the person, what matters to them, what their values are, and what inspires them? Can you see if you can learn something new to help you in your own life?
It's impressive how you know exactly what's your problem 😊
Half solution to know the problem.
@@coach_amy it’s more of me trying to impress someone by being funny. I also do ask them about their life and their values but it doesn’t materialise.
@@zobabahider9820 very true it’s the other half that I struggle with sadly.
“At least have it back” 😂😂😂
Some men know how to make a great first impression on the first date- it’s more about them, than you.
I just had a guy do this to me. We went on a couple of dates and the attraction and chemistry were through the roof. We were texting every day. I was sure it was going to be something special. But then he unexpectedly pulled away and then eventually ghosted me. I was devastated. I now know he has an avoidant attachment style and desperately needs a therapist. He later told me his work was sending him away for two and a half months. I understand that, but that doesn’t excuse not having an adult conversation about it. I feel bad for him, but at the end of the day, I have needs too. I’m still healing, but I have definitely learned some lessons from all of this.
I think we both know the same person
This is why I have a 0 f%cks rule of dating. Until he is my man, he gets no emotional space in my mind. He gets warmth and responsiveness, but no tie to my value. You simply don't know anything about that person so why blame yourself?
💯💯
Keyword, in general: "sober up". I don't know you guys, but I grew up in a world (decades ago) that encouraged through movies and tv series to create romance from inconsistent episodes. In the last years I learned to keep my feet on the ground, stick to the substance. It helped immensely to cut the BS 😅
Yeah and literally don't drink too much! 😅
Just like how bad p(0)rn is to men in portraying how sex in real life is and also how it is negatively affecting them (all of us) resulting in lowering their pursuit of women, the same way it is bad for women to watch pretty much anything on tv and on the internet. From drama's, to romcoms, to "realityshows" to IG and Tiktok, it is so deceptive that it skews the perception of reality and how 'relationship are supposed to be', because we are constantly bombarded with it that it becomes way too convincing.
In fact I am actually 200% convinced women are the biggest portrayers of having far too high standards and unreal expectations of men than vice versa. Exactly because of aforementioned reasons. Most of us are addicted to social media and reality shows nowadays. Most men on the other hand are not addicted to prn, nor social media or anything on tv ... they are far less likely to be affected by it. The blame is on us, not men.
These videos are the most comforting vids to fall back asleep to or during stressful or lonely times 😹💙 soaking support into brainwaves
Oh my god this is my question!!!! And I immediately clicked on this video. Thank you sm matthew!!!
Everything is a red flag to women nowadays. Men have no chance.
It was a great question, I hope you're doing well!
@@itismetotori thank you sm! I am doing well!
Matthew is right. I once met a man at work and I started a chat with him (I was not interested in him romantically even though he was good looking). I can tell we had a great ‘connection’, and guess what, he left me his phone number on a piece of paper but I never texted him because I was just not into him - he just wasn’t my type. So you can have a great connection with someone but it doesn’t mean you’ve just met a love of your life. You may be a great person just not the other person’s type.
100%
Sign me up for all of it!!
Proud of you, Matthew! 🎉
So exciting !!!
Can’t wait for my copy
Thank you for sharing you excitement !
I've order already your new book and I am excited thinking of the moment when I will have the book in my hands! ❤ I'm so happy to see the happiness on your face, Matthew, because of the first copies of the Love Life book! Congratulation for all your work and for your beautiful results! ❤
The amount of confidence and clarity your videos, courses, and advice has given me has completely changed everything for me in relationships with others and myself. I especially love Auudrey's input, whether it's directly or in talks where you've described her reactions to how you showed up along the way in your relationship with her. Those moments of vulnerability and transparency really make me have even more respect for you and your work. That you know you're not perfect and you admit it allows us to connect with you more.
This is such a great point! I haven't heard this topic articulated this way and hadn't thought it through like this. Thank you!
If I can tell the other person (potential friend or more) and I aren't alike in the ways that matter to me, I just try to meet the person where they are at, and like in a customer service job, I don't bother getting into deeper things, etc. I see now how some people can interpret this as connection based on no conflict and the ease of it for them.
I created a 5.5 year relationship based on "connection" which was based on attraction and my having compassion for and relating to the person's stuffed down emotional trauma. I didn't want to give up my dream that real connection just had to be there. the denial was insanity. Said partner thought our relationship was great during the times I didn't bring up our differences in values and desires, and when I kept things really simple. When I did bring up our foundational issues, my ex would get angry. (Red flag, everyone!)
Also, even just in a customer-related job, people would attach to me when I was only being courteous and non confrontational. I never understood that. But this video might have something to do with it.
P.S. Matthew, at 69, after 13 years alone, I started dating again. I almost didn't go on the first one. This guy asked me to come out at night to see the Aurora Australis. It was cold, I was tired. But I remembered what you said about making the effort to go out when you'd rather be snuggled down in bed. So I went. We didn't get to see the Southern Lights - too much mist rising from the sea. Instead we talked for 2 hours about NDEs. (He'd had one). So, quite interesting.
so happy I discovered your podcast and I can't wait to get a hold of that book!
congratulations Matthew! So excited for you! thank you for all you've done!
Congratulations Matt! Cant wait til i can get hold of your new book. Love that Audrey called out if you have 2x copies it makes a full loveheart!! I might get 2.... ❤❤
Your book has become my best investment because of all the freebies you gave. Thanks to you, I've grown as a person. Can't wait for the book to arrive soon!
Been watching you for years, can’t wait to get this book thank you!
SO EXCITED FOR THIS TO COME IN THE MAIL!!!!!
Thanks for this, going on date tomorrow I’ll remember the advise… Ordered your book, look forward to reading it.
You nailed it 🤘🏻
I'm happy for you and the book, can't wait to get my hands on it
Wow! This is what happened to me a week ago. Amazing first date, texting afterwards and he has disappeared out of the blue. Just ghosted me. I understood he was only after sex, goodbye. I am happy it has ended this way.
Congratulations Matthew! I can’t to get my copy. Pre-ordered of course!
You're always on the money, Matthew 💯 When will your book be on the shelves in South Africa?
Love this video! Taking notes, I cannot wait to receive my copy of the book🥰 also I think the first link in description needs fixed just as a heads up x
Hey Matthew!! I pre-ordered your book..as im huge fan of yours ❤
Great work. My book arrives 25th April 🎉. I ordered it way back mid November lol
Women tend to fall in love with POTENTIAL. Been there, t-shirt etc. No! 👎
I think a great first date means that it is possible to try another date.
A disappearence is closure. It happen to be polite and expect the courtesy of the date to later close. But I can't always get what I want.
❤❤❤❤❤❤as an author, I'm so proud of you- totally celebrate this moment 🎉
Congratulations on your book.
I’m so happy for you!!! Congratulations!!! 🥳🥳🥳👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
You just described Carmine and why I had 2 breakdowns in 4 days. He was a people pleaser and literally the next day he got distracted. The funniest part, we met in a hostel and he was in the bed across from me. Even though, I still felt ghosted in the short days we had together. It was just more in my face.
Good morning! 💙
Very Happy for you Dear Matt and Audrey ... !!!!
I was having a relationship with a man, with this great level of a connection for 3,5 years. But it has never been converted to any intention, commitment or investment - he basically doesn't want all of that. And I was blind all the time thinking that the connection is everything that matter!!!
Thanks for putting a nail to the truth!
It might also be a template for yourself, to indicate that you are there even though the other person is not. Move forward in your journey with the knowledge that you need to find that alignment.
Awesome.. id love a couple of sweaters as well!
CONGRATULATIONS MATTHEW!!!
My god.... this is exactly what happened when I started feeling "the hots" after just one talk with the one guy I connected with when I was in my single stage. I had decided to break things off with my long-term boyfriend about a year ago. I wasn't able to recognize the signs and subtleties of what he was doing back then. I honestly thought he was being genuine in his responses. Oddly enough, the connection I have with him now is much better, but we don't talk as much as we used to, which I'm okay with. I've made my peace with the dumb decisions I made before entering my 30's, which is helping me to move forward a lot more! 😊
It’s hard to have skin in the game with someone who doesn’t see you as the real you but makes up stories about your personality and potential. When I feel that someone has already assigned me a role, I start to play this role just to have a nice time. They think it’s connection, but it’s just some fantasy. Never went on a second date with someone like this. I’ve started to pay attention to how authentic someone is (no impressing unless for fun!), how they see me and what assumptions they make, if any. I am much happier talking to people and dating now
You are amazing
How much
Wow. This was almost exactly what happened to me with the last man I dated. I fell for him so badly and so quickly, but he turned out to be a dismissive avoidant and it was like being punched in the gut and then run over by a bus.
G'morning! 💛💛💛
"For a true love story to occur, you need not just connection, you need intention, you need investment, you need someone who's actually committed to making the story go somewhere."
So what is a good first date idea that’s not over the top?
A walk and a coffee. A walk makes a conversation less like an interview style date
If he can't be bothered to reach out, the book is yours now. 😎
Would I be participating in the Giveaway as I've pre-ordered the book a couple of months ago already or is it only for people who are ordering from now on..? 😊
Hey Steffe ❤ Yes! Everyone who pre-orders will be participating! If you didn't get the email with the details, please email our Support Team at support@matthewhussey.com and they'll get you set up 🤗 -Bianca, MH team
@@bianca-mhteam6237 Thanks a lot! I'll contact the support ❤️
Matthew help!!!! No hard cover pre order availability on Amazon 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
Hi! Please go to LoveLifeBook.com and you can see all the options there to preorder! If you have any questions you can also email our support team at Support@matthewhussey.com 🤗
Do guys do this too?
ok see you soon
To the ladies in the Audience, what is "he disappeared"? Is it, you went on a date and he didnt initiate conversation afterwards? If so what was the conversation proportion between you until then? We all take it to heart when the person WE are interested in doesn't act as we EXPECTED! though the same behavior from someone we're not interested in would go unseen.
An important question men and women should ask themselves is where did the expectation come from? Who molded it? Is it healthy?
One guy told me he had a great date let's do it again then for 2 wks did not say anything That was my 1st sign
true
Sounds like over-thinking and self-sabotage to me.
I had connection, intention and investment, but then his intention changed and then so did the level of investment leaving me wondering wth just happened? 😢
WELL DAMN the last tip tho
this is what I need to hear but I don’t understand because on my third date today I thought we had a connection after the second date. On the third date at this guy‘s house after two hours of being there, then he tells me there’s nothing there, and I don’t understand. I felt like he was investing in me and I thought there was intention there but maybe there wasn’t I just was very confused and he never told me exactly why.
Did you have sex with him on the third date?
Hmmm..the title got me thinking..maybe it's true.
Rapport =/= connection, indeed.
Rotten eggs!
I'm having a hard time just to find people wanting to invest into a sain sexual and talkative relationship...i'm not searching for love but dude why do they keep being so distant and only want to see me when everything else has been done 😂
Is it just me or the link is not working?
Hey there! I'm sorry to hear the link isn't working! Please try again at LoveLifeBook.com, or you can email our support team at support@matthewhussey.com and they'll help you pre-order 🥰 -Bianca, MH team
Just like how bad p(0)rn is to men in portraying how sex in real life is and also how it is negatively affecting them (all of us) resulting in lowering their pursuit of women, the same way it is bad for women to watch pretty much anything on tv and on the internet. From drama's, to romcoms, to "realityshows" to IG and Tiktok, it is so deceptive that it skews the perception of reality and how 'relationship are supposed to be', because we are constantly bombarded with it that it becomes way too convincing.
In fact I am actually 200% convinced women are the biggest portrayers of having far too high standards and unreal expectations of men than vice versa. Exactly because of aforementioned reasons. Most of us are addicted to social media and reality shows nowadays. Most men on the other hand are not addicted to prn, nor social media or anything on tv ... they are far less likely to be affected by it. The blame is on us, not men.
😢 I can't find the book in spanish versión...
Hey Raquel 🧡 Unfortunately, at the moment the book only comes in English, but hopefully we can get it translated soon!
-Bianca, MH team
@@bianca-mhteam6237Would I be participating in the Giveaway as I've pre-ordered the book a couple of months ago already or it's only for people ordering from now on..? 😊
@@bianca-mhteam6237Would I be participating in the Giveaway aa I've pre-ordered the book a couple of months ago already or is it only people who are odering from now on..? 😊
@@bianca-mhteam6237 🙏😊
First ti comment~
Und,,,was,,habe,,ich,,mit,,
im,,,zu,,tun,,,kans,,du,,miea,,
sagen,,,,
😲🤦🏼
jamais contents putain de bordel
This is Rubbish I'm sorry. 😅
He sounds so, so, so narcissistic ⛹🏼😮😅
I'm not a Hussey fan, randomly click here and there to provide insight where I can. That said, this comment seems like it has projection.
I don’t know how you are seeing that. Matthew and his team are incredibly generous.
@@marylennon1524 generous to women. telling them everything they want to hear making their egos run rampant out of control until they treat every man like a dating app swiping left endlessly making it impossible for men to date
@@qwertpoo1 spoken like a true narcissistic incel, who wants women without boundaries and standards.
Thank you, Awesome, Congratulations Matthew Hussey
Appreciate 😎🥲
I’ve been on quite a few dates where the person I was with thought it went really well.
They were genuinely shocked when I told them I wasn’t interested afterwards.
The last guy said to me “but you were smiling”
Oops! Guess I should stop smiling 🤣🫢😬
Congratulations on the book!🎉
Congratulations @thematthewhussey It was so sweet to see your happiness over your accomplishment with your book and I love how Audrey was right there to experience it with you and cheer you on 🤍
Matthew is right. I once met a man at work and I started a chat with him (I was not interested in him romantically even though he was good looking). I can tell we had a great ‘connection’, and guess what, he left me his phone number on a piece of paper but I never texted him because I was just not into him - he just wasn’t my type. So you can have a great connection with someone but it doesn’t mean you’ve just met a love of your life. You may be a great person just not the other person’s type.