Early Trauma Can Make It Hard to Connect and Commit (4-Video Compilation)
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- Опубліковано 13 кві 2024
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People who lived through trauma in childhood often develop an "avoidant" attachment style, which can be hard for their partners who may crave reassurance, commitment, and frequent expressions of affection that don't come easily to avoidants. In this 4-Video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about being avoidant, dating an avoidant, when the avoidance is "too much" and how relationships can work when one partner is avoidant.
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Omg! I’m an avoidant and my eyes are open now thanks to you!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now I can work on it using your daily writing practice.
So glad to hear Anna's video was eye opening! Enjoy the benefits from the Daily Practice!
Nika@TeamFairy
On Blocking: sometimes to heal you need to remove yourself from seeing their posts and stories and you need to cut contact. It’s too hard to move forward if you are always seeing, hearing or connected to the past person. Just my thoughts. Blocking to retaliate is different.
Agreed! I do not stay connected on social media with anyone who has distrurbed my peace, and I stand by that as a healthy choice. Access revoked. 🚫
I've seen a lot of women get ghosted and "retaliate" by blocking. I always think, "he's not into you, what's the point in blocking him?"
@@patriot-hj5vx It feels safer. It helps you stop thinking about the person, lets you know for sure you won't be hearing from them again. It's especially useful for ghosting because the terrible part of being ghosted is the uncertainty, the waiting - you really don't know what the ghosting person's intention is because they were too cowardly, or whatever, to state it. Blocking creates certainty.
💯 once you break up and you have to remove yourself from them at all costs.
It does make me mad (and sad) that women give their all in breadcrumb relationships, as you accurately described them, to men who just use them for sex!
Especially if a woman with an avoidant *personality disorder* takes all her courage and dares to open her heart for love... You can't imagine how brave that is when someone has an avoidant personality disorder, and then for someone to take her love and throw it away and exploit her like that, it makes me extremely sad...that we live in a world where the sexual narcissism and selfishness of men is so normalized.
I am not sure that I am “Avoidant”, I think I have had such little practice in connecting throughout my life, that I may not really be familiar with the “How”. I am not certain.
As I type this, there is imagery in my mind’s eye of me actually “connecting” with confidence, agency, authenticity and the know-how to do so properly.
There was severe Attachment ruptures on both sides, with both parents, and my experience very much follows suit.
I’ll stay tuned!
My mom didn't die, she left without any contact ever. I think I was 3-4.
I'm so sorry you experienced that! It sounds even more painful than a death. 😢I hope as an adult you understand that her inadequacy as a mother had nothing to do with your value.
Aren't "disorganized" and "fearful avoidant" the same attachment style, just different terms?
There are four attachment styles, one secure and three insecure ones:
- Secure.
- Anxious-preoccupied.
- Dismissive avoidant.
- Fearful avoidant.
The avoidant *attachment styles* are not to be mistaken with the avoidant *personality disorder.* Those are completely different things and it's crucial not to confuse them because a person can absolutely have an anxious attachment style with an avoidant personality disorder. (Avoidant personality disorder is more like social anxiety than anything else!)
I think disorganized and anxious are actually interchangeable names.
@@adriennearterbury7841no op is correct- disorganised is fearful not anxious
I came here to say this. Anna missed the basic information here. Her technique is a great amalgamation of 12 step modality and CBT, but she's definitely not a psychologist.
I believe you are correct this also includes Anxious Avoidant - plus Disorganised & FA are one in the same. I commented to say the same thing.
I am an FA & I also have AvPD
From my understanding (according to various therapy channels) there are 4 attachment styles…. Secure, Anxious Preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant & Fearful Avoidant.
Fearful Avoidant’s are also known as Disorganised attachment & Anxious Avoidant & are all one in the same..
Thank you for this video Anna, it really resonates with me ❤
I listened to this about 3 times. Thank you so much. ❤
Thanks for listening!
Nika@TeamFairy
I took a test the test on attachment styles and it showed fearful avoidant. However I feel it goes beyond attachment. I am fearful of everything and avoid everyone 😢. I live in a frozen state most of my life which is crippling. Started daily practice and am hopeful this will help!
Thank you for sharing! We are sending you encouragement! -Frida@TeamFairy
Good Advice. Thanks
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
I hear ppl's bids for connection more than they think I do, but I ignore u avoid them. I'm making an active choice to dismiss their bid 😏
Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart with us
Yes! The last advice really resonated... 💗 I'm so much more regulated after hearing that advice.
I’m always being used by men, I have a good heart ❤️ and low self esteem 😢. Men always hurt me and leave me. I feel very in loveable. I’m afraid to try anymore. I’ve been married twice. And they were both narcissist. And treated me badly. My mother was a narcissist. And I was the scapegoat of the family. 😢😢😢. Never any self esteem. But I do have a loving heart ❤️. I forgive easily. I’m just lost. 😢😢😢😢. Plus I’m now. 77. My parents are now dead. But both my siblings are narcissist. And they treat me badly. 😢. So I really have NO ONE. !!!😢😢😢😢😢. I’m ALL ALONE. I have gone NO CONTACT with my siblings. It sure HURTS. 😢😢😢😢. THEY ARE TOXIC. !!!!
Many people have benefited from Daily Practice which is a great way to process fears and resentment. I encourage you to give it a try. And it's a free course! Here's the link to it: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
"I'm having a really intense emotional experience." That's good. I have been hearing people talking about "abandonment melange" and I didn't think it applied to me because I never am thinking, "oh no, I'm afraid I'm going to get abandoned." But I do have something where if I think my partner is angry and yelling at me, my emotions get triggered into a highly elevated state. I wonder if that's what that is. It definitely does feel like panic. I definitely am thinking, "oh no," to the extent that I can think when that hits. I hesitate to call it "abandonment melange" because who knows if it has anything to do with abandonment? Maybe... I wonder if there is a better name for it. "Emotional disregulation" is good.
I've tried the daily practice, and I want to find it helpful, but the phrases "I have fear" and "I'm resentful because I have fear" made me feel like I was gaslighting myself because that's not how I was feeling, I felt annoyed, frustrated, angry etc (wasn't automatically at fear, yet anyway) and writing the word "fear" repeatedly made me more annoyed. By the end I didn't feel better, like, I could release anything. I wished it helped. Any suggestions?
Personally I wrote how I felt. It led to fear or resentment but not always. Writing out my emotions no matter what they are and then asking my HP to take them helped. It’s based in twelve steps thoughts and looking at your emotions to bring you to the things blocking you from healing. It usually boils down to resentment or fears of some sort but not always. Write what you feel and just let go until your done. Then give it to your higher power. Then do a meditation. If that doesn’t provide relief then maybe you need something more physical like somatic yoga or tapping.
Thanks for the reply :). Yes, even once I got to the HP part I felt conflicted over what things I needed to work on vs let go of. I may look into the author of the book on emotional writing that she mentioned - maybe that will help🤷
There are other videos on journaling techniques. I’ve read that writing is a way to communicate with your subconscious mind. When I’m stressed I like the 20 min technique, where you write without pause whatever is on your mind, and if the thoughts stop just keep writing even if it’s one word over and over, until thoughts come up again. Do this for 20 mins. It’s stream of consciousness or automatic writing. It helps calm the mind and emotions.
@@pennypie923 Thanks PP, that way of writing reminds me of "morning pages" from The Artist's Way. Yes sometimes it's good to just do a brain dump for relief :)
I was confused about the I fear part, but her free course of daily practice on her website helps clear all the doubts. She has a FAQ section which answers questions like this. I hope you try that.
I watch ur videos and love them..my main problem is im stuck i can't move forward I have major panic attacks, restlessness and gut problems.. im always worried about the future and not living in the moment altho I try and try
Thanks ❤
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
This is why I avoid relatuonships altogether.... I also do not believe that any woman could be able to deal with my Traumatic Brain Injury-( TBI ) "quirks"-( repeating myself,word finding,easily frustrated and short fused) anyway...
She is incredibly vulnerable to a manipulative man. It's odd where she has ALL those words about herself, presumably without going to therapy. I'd be worried he's given her that list of things - not many trauma survivors can admit they're controlling, if they even are. I thought my ex was so lovely and supportive, but he turned out to be very abusive. I think you need to be alone to heal, at least at the beginning. You need to find peace and happiness on your own, rather than relying on a partner, because if they leave or you want them to leave, you'll lose a bit part of your "identity". Also, her fear of him leaving, perhaps he's given an indication of that.
Thank you for sharing your insight with us.
Nika@TeamFairy
This sounds very much like my own life. I’m so sorry
We're all here to support you!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is all really great information. Truly, thank you for your honest content. The world needs to learn this stuff. You can give all this stuff to Jesus and He will take it away. He did it for me. He’ll do it for you ❤
Please tell me how?🙏🏽😭
Are there any other supernatural beings that will do the same, or is it only Jesus?
I can see around me all culture of avoiding being developing trough UA-cam videos of people who choose to live by themselves without any significant outside communication or even moving far away to the countryside or near the sea because they sick and tired of all the drama that being created by today narcsist world,cind sad
The second video feels really victim blaming. He's clearly a douche bag, there's a trauma bond (which comes from abuse), he wanted to mend their relationship whilst seeing other women?! And he blocked her, not him. And I'm guessing she was at the end of her tether with him, no wonder she lost it and ended it!
Omg.
First
0:08 it even predicts how much money You’ll mske