Hint: It's Not Because You "Want to Re-Create Your Childhood"
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- Опубліковано 28 кві 2024
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People who were emotionally or physically neglected, or literally abandoned in childhood often find themselves getting left by partners over and over again. The reasons feel mysterious when it's happening to you. But this is how CPTSD can damage your ability to form healthy relationships AND your perception about why this happens. In this video I explain common behaviors and thinking patterns that may be dooming your relationships from the beginning.
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Just wanted to say I’m DEEPLY thankful for you Ms. Fairy and really for all the people that share their insight’s knowledge on this platform called UA-cam to anyone and everyone who needs it, I believe with all my heart what you do is God’s work, thank you so much
It's not that I want to re-create my childhood; it's just that I haven't unlearned my childhood reactions to trauma.
When you grow up in abuse you do everything you can to survive. So you become very compliant and people pleasing etc. So you attract the bullies and crazy makers because anyone with good boundaries wouldn’t let them in.
It wasn’t until my sister moved in next door to me in 2021 that I realized that being around me was exhausting. Because being around her was exhausting, and I was very similar. Then I visited my Mom and realized that being around her was also exhausting. An entire family of needy, late, clingy, self absorbed people who were incapable of being generous of spirit, but expected everyone else to cater to their needs and desires and triggers. Including myself. It was a very hard look in the mirror that made me wake up and realize I needed to do something drastic to fix myself or stay miserable the rest of my life. I’m not late to meet friends anymore. I’m much better about not interrupting people. I’m less selfish. I thought for years that I was such a good person and that others owed me their friendship. Now I realize I was a terrible friend. And I don’t blame people for not wanting to be around me.
I am 56 and I haven’t seen an emotionally healthy person. Everyone has some kind of trauma.
I’m not looking to recreate my childhood, I’m looking to recognize the true self that was shattered as a child, and pick up the pieces and move on from where I left off.
"Making you incredibly good at adapting to horrible circumstances"...I became a pro at this one 😢
i just want to put this out there: IGNORE THE MANIFESTATION & YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE CRAP. i started believing in that and i felt worse about myself, feeling like i ahd attracted a sociopath and a narcissist. granted, my issues prevented me from leaving them sooner, but i didn`t attract what i am. i am a human full of LOVE <3
Because of this I nearly died . I will never let anyone treat me badly again .
It's so very empowering to finally have boundaries, and to state verbally what you will and will not accept from others. We teach others how to treat us, so grab your boundaries and hang on to them for dear life.
I think the basis of "you are recreating your childhood" comes from the patterns rather than a want. It's also true on that basis. We DO often recreate our trauma because it feels safer than the unknown-edited since many don't read the comments lol
I sure wish I'd found your video's sooner. I'm turning 71 soon and have stayed single and away from getting close to anyone for the last 25 years. After retiring it was easy to become a hermit.
Exactly! I don't want crap anymore. We deserve better!!
Therapists can sometimes to a lot of harm; the suggestion of “wanting to recreate your childhood” is so devaluing and devastating. Who would ever want to experience that kind of pain?
We don't intentionally sabotage ourselves... I believe this unfortunately is all we know and we don't know any better... Sad😢...
Anna, I can’t shake the feeling that “healthy” people and “healthy” relationships are a pipe dream. Even if I put in the work to become my best self, there is no guarantee that I will ever encounter someone who does the same. And even if I do, there is no guarantee that things will work out.
My only regret is that it took too long to understand why. No clear answers; however at least I’m getting clarity and this is the key to living in freedom from CPTSD
I feel like I'm impossible to fix. I finally met a guy in real life instead of online amd we talked for hours on the phone for a week. And then when we meet again I could tell he lost interest. And I told myself, "it's just in my head" but then the next day he gave me the it's not you it's me talk. I have no I idea why thus happens. This is why I feel hopless. It hurts more to try but it also hurts just as much to be alone. And shit, therapy is expensive!
I’m a 49 year old woman with a history of child abuse, and neglect, and religious abuse, followed by religious shunning. To say I’ve had a big issue with abandonment, is an understatement! I’m finally healing the deep trauma I was carrying, and I’m single with adult children. Thankfully there isn’t anyone to have to cut out, and I get to add people to my life when I’m ready. This is a big thing I need to focus on for my healing!! Thank you for talking about it!!!! ❤
I’m from a military upraising with ten siblings (I’m number 4) and the cruelty I experienced then has impacted my life in negative ways. My previous therapies always focused on cognitive behavioral therapy, and did not delve into any of the issues I feel that your podcast highlights for me. Again this is good to know what you’re sharing. Sooo helpful as I understand myself better. Thank you!!!🙏