Avoidant Personality Disorder or Introvert? My Struggle

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  • Опубліковано 4 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 60

  • @annmorris4531
    @annmorris4531 4 місяці тому +9

    You have a commendable grasp of your psyche. I think additionally you're up against how our culture encourages men to reject their own emotional experience, so much so that they usually lack the vocabulary to talk about it or even think about it in clear terms. I love that you sweat your way through a very public admission. Honestly, congratulations. That was a major display of courage.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +2

      Your heartfelt comment really made me happy, Ann. Thank you for leaving it for me. You are right about the culture. I remember skipping down the aisle in Kmart once and dad told me to stop, because it was effeminate and "God doesn't like it." Things like that over the years sucked away all my joy and I tried to be like the other "men." I'm going the other direction now and trying to reconnect with my true self. I feel better overall as a person, but still dealing with other issues. I hope you have a wonderful day! 🌷

    • @MultiDancing1
      @MultiDancing1 3 місяці тому +1

      @@time4clocks Geez, not gonna lie, it crushed my heart a little bit to read about your dad telling you to stop skipping! (Of all things for a parent to chastise a child for!!) And God doesn't like it?---Are you kidding me? ...Who do you think invented joy, laughter, sunshine, flowers, singing, SKIPPING??
      The more I investigate this disorder, the more I believe it is shame-based (meaning the adults battling it were on the receiving end of excessive unnecessary criticism & rejection-based treatment from their primary caregivers, or other influential figures).
      The sad hiccup is, you're right to observe that all the external validation in the world cant repair the internal dialogue that needs addressing (your own voice).---I had to learn this the hard way trying to date someone who I surmise most likely is struggling with this disorder (if not, then his avoidant attachment style is so severe it can be easily mistaken for AVPD). Unfortunately, I cannot set myself on fire to keep someone else warm (as much as I wish I could nurture every human heart, healthy relationships do require reciprocity & mutual energetic investment).
      I would encourage you not to give up on your love life (or the idea of connection in general), in spite of not getting the response you were hoping for from the lady you bravely attempted to befriend.
      The reality is, you are a very physically attractive man, quite articulate, & as it turns out, sufficiently introspective as well---all these qualities are things that the majority of women appreciate. If you can get yourself to a place where you're willing to tolerate enough vulnerability to engage in (or sustain) emotional intimacy, you've got this in the bag! (Definitely!)
      I just want to say that you're not broken or defective & there is nothing inherently wrong with you, you simply had a detrimental internal voice that was installed at a young age (because the people around you were themselves not necessarily the healthiest & therefore couldn't treat you in the ways that would help you recognize your own value & encourage internal compassion). That leaves you having to do a little bit of revision-updating (the internal heavy lifting) right now, but that certainly doesn't mean it cant be done!
      (A late start is better than no start!)
      As the proverb goes: when is the best time to plant a tree? Twenty years ago. ...But the second best time? Today.
      I wish you all the best in your future endeavors & I really enjoyed watching your video! (Thank you for posting this!)

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  3 місяці тому

      @@MultiDancing1 It was very nice of you to take the time to leave me such an encouraging and validating comment. You have some particular insight there and I'm sorry for that difficult relationship you had. I've been going to therapy now and am in a much better place now and have some good tools for building positive self image. In other words, becoming me for the first time and not comparing myself to others and actually loving myself. Anti-depressants were suggested but a Naturopathic Dr is helping me with that to good effect. Again, your comment was greatly appreciated. 😸🙏

  • @QuestioningYourSanity
    @QuestioningYourSanity 4 місяці тому +3

    Please remember that a diagnosis is not who you are. It's a tool to understand some behaviors but does not control how you will act or feel. Today might be hard, but tomorrow will be easier.

  • @chrischapman4314
    @chrischapman4314 4 місяці тому +3

    Just know that you have added value to the lives of people you have never met or may never meet.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      Thank you, Chris! That is a nice way to look at it. 🌷

  • @M-Murray96
    @M-Murray96 4 місяці тому +2

    Thanks for sharing and enlightening.

  • @Capricorn1-14-44
    @Capricorn1-14-44 4 місяці тому +3

    You are a verry brave pereson to talk about yourself the way you do. I am always impressed by your skills and knowledge. Please take care of yourself and get help for depression.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      Appreciate that, Elbridge! I hope you have a wonderful day! 🌷

  • @GG-mu4wg
    @GG-mu4wg 3 місяці тому +1

    Yep - the dentist can cut, drill, scrape, solder & crowbar my teeth all they like, but that interaction part is a deal-breaker! Welcome to the club & great job on the vid mate.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  3 місяці тому +1

      @@GG-mu4wg Thanks! But I'm trying to get out of the club. 🤣🤣 Good luck!

  • @seanoconnor4591
    @seanoconnor4591 4 місяці тому +2

    I have a fearful avoidant attachment style which I suppose is similar to AVP. I can operate daily and speak with others but developing an emotional bond is very difficult for me. Oddly enough, I am engaged and she is wonderful and patient with me. I am not a psychologist/therapist but it sounds like you have childhood trauma and I would urge you, if you can, to see a therapist. I found in person therapy is what I need. What saddens me to hear is how you dismiss your pain because "others have it worse." I used to say that to myself all the time earlier in life but through therapy I learned that was a trauma set on by my mother whenever I felt hurt. I would urge you to create a discord account and join groups that have similar hobbies as you. I always found making online friends to be easier, personally. I do wish you the best!

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      I appreciate your words. When I said others have it worse was not to dismiss my pain but to not forget being even a little thankful helps, because it could be worse. I made an appointment for therapy on Monday. I found the discord servers to be very odd awhile back and never really understood them. Maybe it's changed. Thank you. 🌷

    • @seanoconnor4591
      @seanoconnor4591 4 місяці тому +2

      @@time4clocks If I can offer any advice for therapy, it is to be open and honest. It may take a few sessions to build rapport which is normal. Also, it may take a few therapists until you find the one. You will generally know if you have the right therapist by the 3rd-4th session. I know this may sound scary because it was for me, I went through 4 therapists in 13 years. I hope this helps because I can understand your pain.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      @@seanoconnor4591 Thank you Sean! I will keep that in mind. I met with a naturopathic doctor today for some physical health issues, and his holistic approach is very encouraging and said he works in conjunction with the therapy I will be getting from a counselor. It was very nice. Thank you for thinking of me! 🌷

  • @grinchlette
    @grinchlette 4 місяці тому +4

    Ab, thank you for sharing this with us and making yourself so vulnerable. I’m an HSP and so somewhat of a wallflower. 😊Easily overwhelmed sometimes.
    You have gifts about you, unique to you, and a beautiful spirit. It’s great that you’re reaching out here and seeking assistance through counseling. We could all benefit from that, every one of us.
    Sending prayers your way for you to live your best life, one day at a time.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +4

      I had to look up HSP(Highly Sensitive Person), glad to have learned something Diana. Thank you. Your words are very encouraging, thoughtful, and not wasted. I don't think anyone ever said I have a "beautiful spirit" before. Ever since you first left a comment on my channel, I knew you were a kind and caring person. Sometimes it is only the nice comments that allow me to keep going. Thank you for making a difference, and for you, just being you. Whoever is in your life is most fortunate. 🌷

  • @mjl549
    @mjl549 4 місяці тому +3

    I feel for you man, sorry you’re going through this. This sounds really tough. Hopefully a good therapist can help you work through this. I think this video is a good step in the right direction

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      Thank you very much for your nice comment. Hope you have a great day! 🌷

  • @mikepearson5066
    @mikepearson5066 4 місяці тому +2

    just so should know you are very informativ. right or wrong it really only matters if works for you! keep up the good work!

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      @@mikepearson5066 Thank you, Mike 🌷

  • @DobermanDanK9
    @DobermanDanK9 4 місяці тому +2

    I can see the barrier wanting you to stop. I feel that deeply, as someone on the secure spectrum who has dated an avoidant and been a part of their life for over a year, I feel it.
    I want to congratulate you and thank you for your openness. It's commendable
    Is avoidant disorder different to attachment style?

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      Thank you for your supportive comment. I truly appreciate it. Truthfully, I do not know anything about attachment style so I cannot answer that. I can say that if you dated an avoidant, you must be a person with a lot of patience, understanding and sympathy. 🌷

    • @DobermanDanK9
      @DobermanDanK9 4 місяці тому +2

      @time4clocks I have for a long time, but unfortunately, my time has come, I believe.
      I've been fair in my support, but the continual sabotage and pushing me away comes at a cost (my own mental health).

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      @@DobermanDanK9 🌷

  • @quiet1towatch
    @quiet1towatch 4 місяці тому +1

    thanks for posting this it helps to think where I'm at..

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      Sometimes we are so busing doing things we don't have time to look at ourselves.

  • @fabienlamour3644
    @fabienlamour3644 4 місяці тому +2

    As i already said Ab, you're not alone....stay strong and moving on. You have the strenght . You are certainly not a loser. NO WAY. 💞💞💞💞 I'd really and sincerely be happy to be your friend. Don't doubt about that....

  • @mjordan2876
    @mjordan2876 4 місяці тому +2

    Thank you Ab for sharing this with us. It took a lot of courage to share it. The first step to finding a solution is identifying the problem. I’m very happy you are going to seek help via therapy to help you deal with the problem. My best wishes are always with you.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      Thank you, Dr. Michael! Even though comments are from people far away, they do help, and I truly appreciate it! 🌷

  • @neurodivergent7744
    @neurodivergent7744 4 місяці тому +2

    I thought I have AvPD, but I with hope meet new people, despite of not so optimistic generally... First of all I'm extrovert, but due to many many relatively minor psychological traumas, during the time I become more introverted and less extroverted. Now I maybe just 60% of extrovert and 40% of introvert... Next I was very cheerful and joyful in childhood, buy again, due to many, many many traumas... generally emotional, but also physical abuse... bullying I become more sad and so called my cyclothymic temperament shift to more dysthymic pole, but anyway generally I stay cyclothymic by my temperament... I checked different diagnosis, now I know exactly that I have ADHD (I officially diagnosed with it) and some psychiatrist and clinical psychologist found that if 50% of my life explained with ADHD another 50% explained with Complex Trauma... some think I have Trauma-related OCD and/or Real event OCD... (despite of I generally almost don't feel guilt, but precisely feel deep shame... and interesting else I don't feel any remorse...., but certainly... I feel deep regret... in my life.), but others think I have Complex PTSD... one psychiatrist said I have both Trauma-related OCD and CPTSD, but mild or even sub-clinical severity... Generally some areas of life are impaired more than others... None of areas are perfect..., but some are worse than others... The worst is I have no friends, despite of that I had, or thought I had... For me difficult maintain deep relationships (none romantic sexual), but as far as romantic-sexual relations are concerned, there were practically none at all. I just had casual sex... and from 27 to 47 year old I had no sex at all... I also thought, maybe it is BPD, but felt that generally not met criteria of BPD, NPD and HPD not to mention AsPD... maybe just some Histionic and borderline traits along with avoidant traits... And it because Complex Trauma can manifest in different ways including Complex PTSD itself... so.... Some more clarifications are required regarding my diagnoses...
    Thank You very much for sharing your concerns and thoughts. I wish you and all good luck and maximum mental health...
    Bye.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +2

      Life is not easy, and it sounds like you had and have some real challenges. Thank you for sharing that with me and I wish you all the best in getting your situation under manageable control. Everyone deserves to be happy. 🌷

  • @wernerkratzer8330
    @wernerkratzer8330 4 місяці тому +2

    Hello Ab, I admire you for your video. It's probably not that easy to talk about certain things.
    I support you with my positive thoughts and hope that you think positively too. Best wishes and all the best!

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      Thank you, Werner. You are always very supportive, and I appreciate you so much! Keep playing your music! 🌷

  • @Quebot111
    @Quebot111 4 місяці тому +3

    I understand. I have panic attacks and anxiety attacks when I get around crowds

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      @@Quebot111 Panic attacks are difficult to deal with also. I hope you get better with time. Thank you! 🌷

  • @Paul-yk8bj
    @Paul-yk8bj 4 місяці тому +2

    Hi Ab, thanks for sharing about yourself, i am sat here thinking what do i say, what do i comment on trying to find the right words to write to be more positive about yourself and ignore the negative side of you, to look at the parts of you that are caring, considerate and not judgemental to other people, there are people out there who are worse off but its about you and how you are struggling with your life that matters yes words that are easy to say but not easy to do for a person going through a bad time in their life, I have seen different psychiatrist and psychologist most of my life and push people away and los some good friends because of it.Try and take this opportunity in your life to love yourself and what you want out of life. As someone used to say take my friend (apologise for the gammer and spelling)

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      @@Paul-yk8bj Thank you, Paul. I am definitely trying. I know we all have our problems. Sounds like you've had your share as well. When I first took a hard look at myself and really discovered who I am, I felt really good and hopeful for the future. When I tried to be social and friendly that's when the pain started and I realized my issues were not so easily fixed. I wish the best for you in your life and hope you have a measure of happiness as well. 🌷

  • @katherinemarkva7552
    @katherinemarkva7552 4 місяці тому +2

    Thank you so much for sharing your insight 😊

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      You're welcome, Katherine. Hope it helps someone! 🌷

  • @joatmonuk
    @joatmonuk 4 місяці тому +4

    I wonder if subconsciously we align to you because we are the same as you. I’ll admit you are speaking the same language as myself. I’m a people watcher and prefer to be alone, some say I’m arrogant but I find it difficult to communicate as feel inferior and out of my depth. I don’t cuddle the wife and it makes me look uncaring, how we’ve stayed together for 34 years is a mystery. Every word you spoke resonated with my personality, we are twins hehe. I’ll leave it there my virtual friend, have a splendid week.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +5

      That's an interesting thought!! But, shame on you for not cuddling!! lol Thank you and you take care also!! 🌷

    • @fabienlamour3644
      @fabienlamour3644 4 місяці тому +4

      You're not alone to feel like that. It's also difficult to me to have near contact with people and with my wife too. But i try to give her the best presence i can. Nobody's perfect.

  • @munnerlyn3
    @munnerlyn3 4 місяці тому +2

    I think if you change your thought process to say "I dont give a F about what people think about me" then you will start feeling better about yourself. Your clock videos are good. Your history on clocks is great. So keep that in mind. Say the heck with what people think about you and you will start feeling better about yourself. I used to be shy and thought that people would laugh at me. These days I will do whatever I want to do because I could care less what others think about what I say or do. Good luck with your struggles.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      Appreciate that, Mark. I wish I could do that. I still intend to make videos. I just got some mag polish like you suggested so thanks for that. I'm getting help with my personal issues because I don't like going to bed and praying that I don't wake up. Good days are ok. Bad days are pretty bad. I would like to be strong but I'm not. Thanks for thinking of me. 🌷

  • @ЛюдмилаШевченко-л4ы
    @ЛюдмилаШевченко-л4ы 4 місяці тому +1

    I came along this video by pure chance. You are a smart attractive man, don't be so self-rigorous 😉
    What if you explore MBTI? It explains a lot in one's psyche. You seem 2 b an INTJ. ENFPs (as me) would definitely make friends with you! We are mostly very accepting and joyful. Maybe there are some MBTI clubs in your area...
    Good luck, man. U r kind, nice and awesome! 🤗

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому

      @@ЛюдмилаШевченко-л4ы I've never heard of an MTBI club before. I just took the free MTBI test and at the end it wants me to put my email address instead of telling me the results so I closed it. Thank you for your kind words. I really do not know what to say. 🌷

    • @ЛюдмилаШевченко-л4ы
      @ЛюдмилаШевченко-л4ы 4 місяці тому

      Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, MBTI.
      There are plenty of UA-cam channels of INTJ-fellows, struggling just the same issues as you are. I may even name some here, if you don't mind.
      In my country we even have MBTI dating apps. Just google 😉

  • @1AEROSOL.1PUFF
    @1AEROSOL.1PUFF 3 місяці тому +1

    I FEEL VERY SIMILAR TO YOU, DON'T BE EMBARRASSED ❤😊

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  3 місяці тому

      Thank you! Hope you can get it all sorted out also. 😸🥰

  • @doc2398
    @doc2398 4 місяці тому +1

    David Carradine talks AVPD

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      🤣🤣🤣You made me laugh! 🌷

  • @quiet1towatch
    @quiet1towatch 4 місяці тому +1

    I'll email you. i can relate to much off what you are saying ❤

  • @justmike57
    @justmike57 4 місяці тому +3

    I am not sure what to say, except I will pray for you. I am not sure how you held yourself together all these years or when you started the UA-cam channel, the right outfit, the nice smile and maybe you would burry yourself in the history of the clock and your mom and dad to hide from your truth. Since the passing of your parents, I could see the depression taking hold and wonder why. And now that you have so much time on your hands, you can't hide from the fact. Maybe I am just rambling on with my thoughts, but that is what I do.
    As you get older, you have less friends and not many people can say they have true friends, not counting family). This is why, (I) have a hobby of clock repair. sure, I have a couple of internet friends on UA-cam that I talk to from time to time. But no friends.... because they were all users of my handyman skills and they just wanted a free favor and Poof, they were gone. Yes, I am watching over my 96 year old dad. But after that, I can get my life back and sleep in if I want or whatever I decide to do by my self. Yes, it's more fun with a partner to share it all with, but she died years ago and now I have my kids that have their life to live as well. Enough said and rambling on again.

    • @time4clocks
      @time4clocks  4 місяці тому +1

      Sorry to hear that Mike. That people were just friendly to get you to help them. In fact, that's pretty horrible. I'm not sure I know what to say either, except that I truly appreciate you. 🌷