Do you Fear Abandonment or Enmeshment?
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- Опубліковано 14 кві 2019
- #highlysenstivepeople #abandonment #spiritualpsychology
The fear of Abandonment and Enmeshment come from a fear of our true self but also a need for BIGGER BOUNDARIES.
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I can't believe someone like you exist! You are so raw, real and physically beautiful.
YES !
I think what you call 'sit in yourself' is what a therapist once called 'mindfulness'. It's when you observe your feelings instead of allowing them to make you react to whatever stimulus. I like to describe it as watching yourself in a movie scene. Peace.
Thanks & good job. Therapy is how we level up. Everyone is damaged. Some people are in denial (toxic/narcissists). Those who seek therapy are like people who go to the gym. They are healthier. Thanks for helping us develop healthy relationships with self and others.
More like this !😊 presently working through the freeze 🥶 and drop. Very painful. This message was beautiful and has given me step by step movement through it
This is really timely for me, as I have a habit of running also. Either that or I stay and get mad. Being able to sit with things as they are is powerful. Thank you.
Candace you probably don't know this, but you are a lighthouse guiding many of us along the rocky shoals of life. Thank you
Totally agree...i was diagnose. Bipolar, manaic depressed, adhd, n more...im currently work 2 jobs,working on degree, single mom of 4...& no medication...both parents were schizophrenic also....its all my mind
sending you a really big hug❤ you're a warrior🔥🌻
🙏🏻
💌
@Sabrina Bookmarks how she figured it out , that doesnt make sense
You’re so brave and such an inspiration. Never stop!
Love that!! I’m so going to take that and apply in my life, powerful and empowering 🙏🏼💕🌎✨
You are a bright star 🌟 Candace Van Dell
Candice, you are the best. I’m glad I have found you. Your videos are so informative. Thank you very much.
I have spent hours and hours in therapy not being able to understand why I fear abandonment and how to handle it. I have been running away from people and relationships. This video made me understand many things that I have not been able to even to be aware have been going on. I bless you!
I will definitely check your programs and start my healing with your help.
I used fear abandonment years ago. I had fear of being alone, since o have a high sex drive my fear was to end up single and suffer. But now that ive been single for 1 and a half i am not afraid anymor i have become better at satisfiying my self sexually and to have more self control and behave with men. And now o dont want a man just for sex since i have been able to manage wothout it. Now i just want like a partner to do fun stuff and shared life with. O dont see man anymore as sexual tool but i actually want a fun relationship. Im not gonna put up with any shit since i know i can be alone.
I needed to hear this. Made me understand why i fear totally open up for relationships and myself. Empowering and useful. Thank you
You are amazing. I am a Christian and you help me the most. Thank you. ❤️
This is an amazing video. Lots of useful information for the soul to heal. Thank you for posting this and being open about your own experience.
Ohhhhhh talking about the collective consciousness 😍🔥💗🌌 loving your channel already doll/angel!
I even walked away from a covert narcissistic romantic relationship for the first time ever. I usually do the codependent thing, get resentful, self destruct. You made me realize my worth and walk away. I didn't even realize what was happening, they were a deep covert.
The ending story reminded me of how the environment around you reflects you over time
Thank you beautiful you literally spoke to me. Sending love thank u so much
Your videos have been helping me so much they are short and simple and straight to the point and really empowering especially being an empath and highly emotional guy
This was sooo helpful thank you for sharing✨
Amen. Ur brilliant. Much love
In short: Yes
Amazing, efficient and helpful
Gold! 👏👌❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Candace!🙏🏻 This is a big item for me at the moment. To close to the guy I like makes me want to run. Distance saddens me. Very confusing. I WILL sit with myself on the next trigger. You just confirmed what I tried( but didn’t quite manage) on the last trigger. The only way out.....is IN..😌
Your so awesome. Thank you.
This is one of your best videos
Hi and thank you.
How do you know you have a Fear Of Abandonment?
Watch the way your reaction to a break up, be it a lover a friendship or are you a person who is a people pleaser.
When any of those situations manifest itself do we feel hurt more than usual?
Unless you know whats the trigger you cannot identity what ABANDONMENT really is.
Yes Sit In The Emotions.
Count to 10
Count to 100
Count until you are present.
Love yourself
Dignify yourself
Be compassionate with yourself
Or
Emotion journal
Write out how, what, you are presently Feeling.
Let me know your feed back.
Very empowering :)
“I hope this helps a little bit “..!! Yes most certainly did -great explanation of ‘A& E ‘ issues ..A& E as in accident & emergency (in UK ) in of the emotional realm ...but you don’t have to do that old routine as said in video just sit in presence
She beautiful and I like the topic she speak on ♥️ thanks Candace
loved it
Hi, Candace
This is the second time am noticing that I've watch this very video.
It's amazing how when we in search of HELP we find HELP.
I was struggling with Post nasal drip and it resulted in having anxiety for a few weeks and I knew ANXIETY is a distraction.
So I find you.
A few weeks ago I've been resisting or running away from Keeping Still, it a form of discipline.
I do this lying on my back flat with my eyes close, it was for 15 minutes at a time and in less than five minutes I feel like RUNNING, AGITATED, and I get up.
This left me feeling wired.
Now I understand why, it's unreleased negative energy. So my body held on and accumulated more and more unreleased energy and it resulted in me feeling Anxious.
Post nasal drip is normal phenomena.
Its not my first time experiencing P N D.
However I've been Doing The Work On myself with myself for 2-3 years now and I quickly realized am resisting.
So I found you Candace.
It all came home to me when you said
IN THAT FEELING YOU WILL FEEL LIKE, RUNNING. Then you said DON'T MOVE.
That was the line that heal me that very day.
Right away I attempt the exercise and right away THE FEELING, pin up energy as I now know it to be , begins to flow , I said to myself DON'T MOVE, YOU WILL NOT DIE, BE STILL.
Candace it worked like a cham. I lay and didn't move for the whole time.
I did it again. Repeated same lines, it work.
My reward
I feel asleep for an hour without any fuss or fight as in the pass.
I spent weeks resisting , running, fighting.
I told myself DO NOT MOVE, and it obeyed, released pin up energy and now am free from ANXIETY.
peoples you don't have anxiety, you have a fear.
Fear of?????
Well ask yourself
What am I scared of, ? why am I afraid? Who am I afraid of?
Ask and ask
Wait
You can lie yo yourself, but if you are searching for Truth you will be found.
Thanks Candace
Its not Anxiety, anxiety is the distraction. It wasn't the post nasal drip, It was FEAR.
THANK YOU
Its FEAR.
Your amazing thank you !
Love you sweet angel named Candace!
Wow this really helps me a lot! I was diagnosed having bp disorder and when I asked my therapist what to do in that very moment when I cannot control my emotions and emotional pain that I feel so intensely she didn’t give my any answer. Bc I find myself, to run like you described this method of siting and being in the presence helps me a lot! Thanks you! I r so beautiful and helpful 🦋🙏🙏🙏
I don't fear abandonment anymore but I fear enmeshment. I fear losing myself in a relationship
Wowie this is sooo important! Thank you!!! I am from an enmeshed family and I have been the black sheep for 9 years now and I’ve noticed I don’t get as intimate with people as I’d like with the fear of being smothered taking over. It’s nice to know we can heal ourselves and that we are separate souls from those who told us otherwise
Awesome
Thank you beautiful
Thankyou 🌙
Dear Candace, thank you for that video! I got a question though, I’m rather someone who freezes up if I am being triggered, which means that I have programmed myself to not act up on things that are not ok to me. In a sense of not telling other people my boundaries in given situations that are crossing my boundaries...i feel as if it won’t be very good for me to sit in those situations and not do anything...because that’s what I always did and it ended up with me being where I am now. Fear to be expressing myself. thank you for an answer and thank you for your work 💛
Thank you
There are verryyy less video on enmeshment..so many videos just focus on abandonment leaving out enmenshment trauma😑..that's sooooo frustrating... People with avoidant attachment are seen as bad cold people..that's not fair.. No-one sees our suffering..
Sit.stay.HEAL
Good girl!
Im also a runner but the thing is that when i sit with it, i feed the toxic ideas and i end up wanting to dissappear because is too much pain. I try to get out of my head but not even breathing helps. Any advice?
Karen Truzman please tell me you gotten answers
Karen Truzman my only go to is to MAKE myself breathe . Lay on the floor and close your eyes force all that negative out of your head . Fill it with all and every positive thing you have accomplished. Then I do basically 20-30 of exercise .? Walk the dog do something that is not over 30 minutes!
@@nicolelauderdale3919 thank you so much. i feel so seen
@@zonazona888 lots of love for you too!! thank you so much for taking the time to answer. Its been hard lately
Accurate!!!
I am a newcomer to your spiritual guidance. They are very enlightened. I recently found that my root pain is of rejection, beginning at age 8 when my parents divorce and separated. Ever since I have sought to replace that rejected feeling with (toxic) relationships. I am working on owning those old emotions, but any input you have on healing rejection feelings would be appreciated. namaste
I fear both seriously!😣😞
American pie the naked mile..brandi it's you..
If your fear response is to freeze, then should you run away because it’s the opposite response?
But how do you sit with yourself if you’re in a situation where you’re interacting with people. I could see this working if you don’t have to talk but not if you do. Like your example when you went off by yourself. How can you sit with yourself and interact? Thanks!
I totally agree with your points, particularly about not running. However, when you're with a clinical NPD, particularly in a marriage with children, it can feel like there are no options and you can cave within. I'm just curious about what you recommend doing in that scenario?
ok so what do I do when I fear … both at the same time?
I fear both
💛
found my heart in a cool place but unexpected
ahkuna matata
Am able to do this now finally but. I ruminate and thoughts get scrambled.
❤️
“Oooooh...” 😯
Does this apply to dating? How do you know if your fear is your guidance saying ‘dont do it’ or if the fear is something i need to deal with. Dating triggers my fears, overthinking and insecurities so i always run from it. The fear is too much, its like a phobia already.
I can handle being abandoned once a week but when it gets to twice a week I am going to make big changes. I am worthy of not being cheated on I think but it's open to discussion.
My wife left me. Her and her friends are like teasing me of her leaving me. Its real weird. And i say friends, the guy she says she is not living with but is called my phone lastnight with her phone and left a one word voicemail. Been separated for 4 months. I havent talked to her yet.
Lucus Chambers It’s great that you recognize what they are trying to do. And because of that you know it’s their problem not yours. Sounds like she did you a favor even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Blessings to you.
You hope you helped a little bit ? You are so humble ! You helped A LOT!!! As always! Cccaaattt13
😍
God, I wish I could afford your help!
Casey Presler you can! Join my monthly membership. You have a live q&a with me every week! TruthRoomTribe.candacevandell.com
instead of flight fight or freeze good tup
sit in my anxiety? Don't give the anxiety power over me?
I don’t have any friends or family
Candice, I have a question. I keep wondering amd weighing in if I love my bf or not. It is giving me huuuge anxiety and it's lasted for a while now. I keep wondering if I'm truly question that or does it come from some fear?
it's something I've been dealing with too. What helps me when the wave of "not being so high on love"? i hug him the most tight it's possible, kiss him, show him love. and it's okay. or we stay separate for some time and in that way you'll know if you'd miss him.
Eva, I've just found Candace and was looking to see how she replies to her comments. I read this comment from you and noticed she hasn't responded. I hope you have found some inner guidance that answered your question or at least quelled your anxiety since you commented. Personally, I find it fascinating that you would seek the counsel of Candace (or anyone) over your own inner voice. Trust your heart.
Isn't this method the same as freezing? I flip between flight and freeze and from my experience of trying to be present I find I'm sitting in my pain and I feel extremely overwhelmed and powerless by this. I feel like I'm that powerless child again that has no choice but to sit in the pain. And I hate myself even more for not having the power to change my situation. It can be something as simple as walking out of an uncomfortable situation like a conversation that I don't want to engage in but am too powerless and scared to get out of.
I'm tired of sitting in my pain. And not being able to be my true self, eg. Say "I'm not comfortable with where this conversation is going so I'm going to end it here." Essentially speaking up for myself and my needs and wants.
I don't see how sitting in the pain will help one become true to themselves? If anything it seems very passive and powerless.
Ruby Ruby sitting in the pain allows you to deal with what triggers you, so that you don’t feel the need to exit the situation because it makes you feel uncomfortable or even vulnerable, but it is in those moments that you learn the most about yourself. When you are able to stay and be an objective observer.
as long as it's a woman
Hello Candace i don’t fear abandonment as such it’s more rejection I experience it’s a constant pain in the Ass
(the biblical kind) I know it’ll all pass soon enough my lovely ✌🏻🙏🏻🤗😇🌏🌍😁
both? 😅
yea nothing bads gunna
I get sad listening to you,😢💔 though I didn't hear what you said🙉 (I was sleeping) Sorry though. 😩😭💗❤
Kram på dig!
telepath professional
Starts after 5:00
Maybe we aren't broken. Maybe society is toxic. 😉
Ś
She's so good but she throws my concentration off when she speaks with her hands. I have to put my phone to the side and listen to her. Lol. No offense. Haha
Carmen Nieves well I’m starting a podcast so you are in luck.