I've found the following Nelson Mandela quote to be useful - "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." Of course, I'll never get rid of fear. But, when I notice that a little too many of my choices are starting to be motivated by fear, then that's when I know I need to take a break & reassess.
My therapist has me define worry as:past worry, present worry, and future worry. To dismiss past worry since one cannot change the past, see what can be done about future worry and if nothing, then delay the worry and recognize and try to address present worry.
I try to circumvent fear by avoiding previous situations that yielded negative results in the past. This will disallow me to be afraid of repeating the same situation again, and therefore not experience fear of failing again. Everyone can fail once. But, it why put yourself in the same situation you failed in the past again? That only provokes anxiety, fear, nervousness, and poasibly failure again. Fail once, shame on the situation. Fail again in the same situation, shame on you!
Regarding fear of not being good enough, I realized quite some time ago, now, that loneliness is rejection kept at a distance. When you feel rejected by everyone for long enough, you simply contract from that pain and isolate. It leaves you lonely but at least not constantly feeling the sharp elbows of rejected. Hence, loneliness is rejection kept at a distance.
Three videos just popped up on my subscriptions about fear tonight hahaha! I definitely have been dealing with resentment in my job as well as a fear of failure starting my side business. I'm definitely dealing with other fears around not having the relationship I want but trying to remember what is meant for me will find me. Maintaining a positive attitude around all of this is what I struggle with. Lots of fears, will be journaling tonight : )
This was wicked good Kati Morton! I am fear driven, most all decisions are based on fear. Constant fear leads to all kinds of addictions, anything to get some relief! And that snowballs into even more bad decisions. All this is trauma response. It started from no self esteem, believing myself broken and unable to cope. I was taught this at home. My physical defects were played on, also. My parents were pretty crazy but I didn't know that, I thought I was the crazy one. Living with crazy parenting just felt normal. So when I went out into the world with coping skills adapted to a crazy household things went badly. Even though I know all these things, those old patterns are always running in the background ready to pounce. And there seems to be a mechanism in my brain trying to forget my new skills. So alertness, journaling, and talking to others is a must for the rest of my life. Thanks for the reminders Kati.
Could you also talk about fear of death? That is the one that holds me back the most in life. I am constantly afraid of car accidents, getting sick, getting old. I have other fears but I’ve been struggling with existential crisis since the age of 6 it’s affected my life more than anything else.
After decades of debilitating fear and inner work I wasn’t getting peace and actually making myself worse. I accepted I have an adhd/ ptsd brain and I simply cannot afford to take it for its word alone. Basically I have to ignore it - knowing that gut feelings are non emotional hints. Secondly, I had to get past the gaslighting and say out loud- No! I am not “ just depressed “ or “ being negative because of xyz” the world IS a dangerous place and there are zero guarantees. Change is the only constant. Basically validation of myself while remaining almost pragmatic and connected to my instincts or gut at the same time. Today I had the most peace I have had in - ever. So much so I wrote that out including the date and time and put that on my wall in my office- who knew seeing who or what the real “ enemy “ was could make such a dramatic and quick shift for me.
This is so helpful! I always love having an actionable plan to work on issues. Love love love your journal prompts! Thank you so much for sharing all your wonderful resources!! You did mentioned worksheets which I haven't been able to find in the description. Could you please add them? Thank you again! 🙏💖
i can relate a lot to fear of failure, aka when we settle down for a career that's not fulfilling. that was actually my real life story when i didn't have a strong sense of self so i just took "anything" that i could do despite of the lack of interest & skill. i ended up having blind-optimisim that led me to my biggest "black hole" in life. plus, i think i'm on neurodivergent spectrum too, so making decisions that i can actually commit 100% is difficult. i'm still learning how to not "underestimate" or "overestimate" myself. sometimes, i could get lost in "positive thinking" to a fault but now i can see that's bcs i have fear of vulnerability, where im scared to acknowledge my limitations due to my upbringing to be a "perfectionist". i was always taught to do "hard work" but never taught how to listen to my gut feeling. i kept switching career that i thought would be great but now i feel like i'm far from "good choices". i'm lost.
A fear I have that wasn't mentioned is the fear of hurting others. I grew up hearing stories of how difficult a kid I was to deal with. My parents tried to teach me manners, but I think I am learning now that my takeaway was, don't bother people. It sounds like a great lesson, but I fear every action I make that could have an effect on someone else. For example, I can't get myself dinner on my way home because what if my mom wanted me to pick something up? I have to call and have a half hour discussion about what we want for dinner and I have to hope that I don't have to put in more effort than I want. But if I don't, I am a jerk who is inconsiderate of others.
This I do as well. I go to bed hungry at night because I didn’t want to order food just for myself but I didn’t want to pay for everyone in the house as well.
This is such a good video at helping me see how far I've come already. When your fam is toxic, it takes times but working on self compassion is the best thing you can do ✌✊
I’m more afraid of walking away from people. Sometimes I can’t handle their problems and vulnerabilities and it becomes overwhelming, but I don’t want to walk away from a vulnerable person. Feels dirty. I had an emotionally unstable mother, who relied on my emotional support. She also threatened to end her life often. There’s probably a fear that the person will make a permanent decision and I wasn’t there to help. It’s an awful feeling to live with.
That is so exhausting. 😢 I know several people who have committed suicide and everyone who cared about them wonders if they had done enough. But once people get into that mindset, only they can talk themselves out of it. Keep taking care of yourself ❤
Can I just say.... I subscribed to the channel because I don't have a support system when it comes to mental health ( I'm 16) and I also find psychology pretty interesting but anyway I found this channel because I needed some knowledge on mental health to help me understand how to some what handle my own mental health I've got bad anxiety self harm and social anxiety and I'm a big people pleaser ect. Before I found this channel I was not educated on mental health and I when I found this channel I was not alone anymore and because I do not have anyone who I trust to talk to i truly don't have a support system in that area so for me to find this channel and to not feel alone means a lot to me so thank you for what your doing keep up the good work ❤
Some BS right there that you didn’t get into the gifted program in school! 7:22 I totally relate to that meme.. but I’ve also realized that everyone on the planet is bad at something first, before some keep trying and get better. We all had to do this when learning to walk, or talk. What’s changed is our perception of ourselves based on exterior influences; and realizing that everyone is on their own learning journey has helped me get over the fear of messing up!
The gifted thing happened to me, accompanied by a few other things in life and suddenly I saw myself as a loser in mathematics, I’ve discovered it can be a joy but now I feel like we’ve grown apart for too long, me and math. At middle school and high school I always thought I was supposed to understand everything instantly, like I should be the kid who already knows everything because that’s who I thought I was. And it broke me in middle school, later high school, knowing that I actually have to work to get a good grade, so I just took the path of “Oh duh school is boring not for me I’ve got better things to do” And just ignored studying and valuing what I was passionate about. All and all, my talent(s) turned out to be a gift and a curse. I just hope I can get the chance to change that. That I can be better. Thank you Kati, thank you so much.
That was basically my same story. Fear seems to underly everything I do. Constant people pleasing and choosing many words carefully. These days it seems like if you say the wrong thing you immediately get ghosted.
There is so much packed into this video, thank you so much, I'll have to watch this again and again to sort out my responses. If you wanted to do another similar follow up vid, thst would be very helpful. Thank you.
We can't just manifest ourselves as a millionaire or professional athlete - to become something you must actually do something first. Each day I wake up in a state of intense FEAR or ANXIETY and most days the thoughts in my head win over logic leaving me there struggling with getting out of bed (it feels like a high blood pressure, high heart rate kind of chest pumping CNS attack RIGHT WHEN I WAKE-UP). No it's not just because I've got the alarm clock noise RINGING MAX loudness. However , I'm there in bed and this is where I'm failing myself- this is where i don't accept my reality and I struggle, this is where I must accept and become aware I'm only human, this i think is where in my day my levels of dopamine in my brain are at its lowest). Stop thinking about who you are and become someone you want to be. "You just got to have a little guts!" - Katie Morton. These thoughts in my head the FEARS I'm creating ARE NOT REAL - they haven't even happened yet.
Hmmm, recently had a session where I realized I have a fear of not being worthy enough for love. I had so much emotion to fight through just to get to the point of saying those words. Once I said it, I was blown away by the sense of relief that I felt.
Resentment, yes! It can be so strong when it's something else causing it (and it usually is something else). As time passes, and I work through the cause, either through journaling, with my therapist, or even just the passage of time, I almost feel guilty I felt that resentment toward that person.
I am relating to a lot of these consequences of my fears! I definitely have 2 sets of rules, and I definitely settled for a career that didn’t fit. I stayed in it for 30 years. And the people pleasing that brings on resentment! I am in therapy now, and there is so much to unpack! Writing it all down in a journal is starting to help. I have also taken up drawing and painting. I wrote down the questions you posed, and I will consider them. I feel like I’m already on my way to recovery
It was so fearful when my best friend was in a coma, I had been fully immersed by fears and worry to not have him beside in future me and my uncle have experienced this igony.
From: Trevor. To: Kati Morton. You Are Appreciated, Ambitious, Compassionate, Dedicated, Humble, Knowledgeable, Kind-Hearted, Remarkable. May The LORD Bless You, And May The LORD Fill You With A Life Of Abundance, Courage, Happiness, Healing, Prosperity, Protection, Serenity, And Success Wealth In Jesus' Name Amen! ❤
I don’t have fear that “I will not be good enough”. As egocentric as this may sound, “I have fear others are not good enough”. I must protect myself from others crude, harsh personalities. They like me, because I try to always act right, they have no compulsion to do the same. I always have a party, where peace, contentment, calm and loneliness come to visit. They are a package deal. I wish loneliness wouldn’t tag along, but considering the alternative…I invite them all in, and I’m friends with loneliness, taking a lesser role among my other favorite friends.
I get that. It's pretty typical for a dismissive-avoidant attachment style: I'm ok as a person, but others are not safe. And you're right. They're just not. It doesn't matter how good you are, how understanding, how much you give and consider their boundaries and needs etc. They still treat you like $hit, and they do it more when you're bending over backwards to make things work. I don't know how to solve this. I just gave up on people.
True I tell everyone yes I have no self esteem because every time I get a little a girl or a guy will beat it out of me why have ego if one sees it they want too kill it ?
Fear itself is not simple. But what is actually happening inside your body while experiencing fear (not talking about thoughts/brain) is rather simple and that's something you can learn to overcome or rather, learn how to cope with it.
Dear doctor... Good evening. In the past, I was very fear but there is no reason. Every one feared me. I have not harm any one so far , I am trying to even now living lonely. If I can spiritually. I had a problem, I
I feel like I am scared of everything that it consumes my life. I am boxed inside. - I have fear of failure that I just don’t do anything which makes me feel like a failure because I haven’t accomplished anything - I have Disorganized (Anxious-Avoidant) Attachment which just makes me fear forming friendships and relationships (I am afraid I will disappoint people and they’ll realize just how boring and damaged I am. That I am not good enough and I am not worth keeping around.) - I am afraid of wasting my time - I am afraid of making irreversible mistakes and harm - I am afraid I am not a good person and I am pretending to be so people like me - I dislike being angry or showing anger - I am afraid of being perceived as selfish or rude - I am afraid of being seen as incompetent(I feel incompetent all the time) - I just hate living with myself, it’s a torture
Hey Kati, I don’t know how or why but I get a sense that you are struggling more than you let on. I hope I’m wrong, but nonetheless sending you much ❤ .. stay safe and be well. Big hugs!
I am 53 and I've had a phobia of sharp objects, and needles especially, since I was a child. It has wrecked my life and I've seen so many people to get help and they just give me pills and ask if I have weapons in the home. I am asked if I am a threat to others or myself. Then they pat me on the shoulder gingerly as they push me out the door and I get another set of two appointments two months later. The only place I can get in to is the medicaid clinics, the few that accept medicaid are so overwhelmed and overbooked but it's all I have. I've tried so many medications. It's a very long list. I'm getting old. My teeth are really bad. I can't go to the dentist. I haven't been since I was 20. I got a full scholarship and couldn't go to college either because I needed immunizations. I almost died from covid and still didn't get the vaccination. AND walked out of the hospital with covid related pneumonia preparing to die because I couldn't be there, I couldn't let them near me with needles. I can't be around them. I get sick if I see it on a show. I will be anxious for the rest of the day. I live with a diabetic roommate so there are procedures we have to go through so I don't inadvertently walk in on him giving himself a shot. I know there are boxes of syringes and I think about them sometimes with worry. It's not THAT bad, I just think about if someone attacked me with them, but I'm able to push that away. I recognize how irrational my thinking is. I just don't know how to do it. And believe me I fantasize about this, I know my life would be better. I wouldn't have to rely on fish antibiotics because I have another dental infection. I could get my teeth fixed. And it's getting worse. Now I can't get my eyes examined. I haven't had new glasses in ten years so I can't drive anymore. But I think of the doctor getting close to my eye, and that pointed light thing going in to my eye. It makes me dizzy to think about it. I feel like I'm falling. This is not how I want to live my life.
My fear is simple and is proven correct nearly every day. The world does not care if I live or die. The world is a heartless place that is not worth living in except for the fact that dyeing is possibly worse.
What would life look like if u were wout fear, how do u think things would change If you had no fear of failures SS Or didn't fear not being liked.didnt fear not been seen or perceived being lesser than What would your life look like What wud your career be like Wud u be doing what ur doing Wud you be living wer ur living Wud your frnships look the same What would your day to day look like
What worksheets? I see links for videos, a workshop, membership, merchandise, books, better help, Patreon, and shopping. I don't see worksheets. Am I blind?
My greatest fear is having to explain that the reason I don't think I'm good at my job in software and that the stability of my job is not secure is because in my undergrad I studied biology and I was raped by my instructor that hired me to TA his course for 3 years. He put a restraining order on me for the 3rd/last year. I ended up in the psych ward to get checked and in less than 7 days, I was discharged with no diagnosis. Those that didn't know me called me a narcissist and those that did believed me. It's been 7 years of peace since graduating with no reference letters, transitioning into software, and having existential dread by thinking I let all the people down that I volunteered for, taught, and asked advice from in all the extra-cirriculars I did... I had aspirations, but to go into these post-grad jobs, it requires reference letters. I can definitely get work references, but not academic ones... To top it all off, I fear of going into financial debt to take steps in reaching my aspirations.
@@carmagurl317 I did not expect that someone could understand what I just wrote. Thank you for the encouragement! :) It helped make a difference as I maybe will try to explain my greatest fearful reasoning orally again when needed as I take small steps towards my aspirations that I had before undergrad.
You have done a video on the oldest child and the youngest child. It is only appropriate that the middle child video be made last, or not at all. Haha!
What would life look like if you were without fear? How do you think things would change ? If you had no fear of failure, fear not being liked ,fear being seen or perceived as lesser then, what would your life look like? What would your career look like? Would you be doing what you're doing? Would you be living where you're living? Would your friendships look the same? What would your day to day look like?
Paralyzing fear of confrontation as well as people pleasing. I know it exists. I can see it manifest. But there is NO WAY I will break it. Ending a relationship because you're just not interested.. yeah okay.. have that conversation? Not on your life. Attempt to keep the status quo at all times. etc etc etc Hate what I've been doing for a career/job/whatever for the last 30+ years. Check. Fear of unemployment.. not having skills to do something else that could pay anything close (not that I make enough as it is)... and not really knowing what I want to do for a living anyway... just knowing what I don't like.. bla bla bla i'm just rambling here
Fear of failure and dating someone or marrying someone in a divorce me and or die before me fear of not getting things right in my home and wasting all that time but then again not touching anything. Until it's too much. Fear of losing weight because now I'm going to have to deal with all that loose skin and I have an autoimmune disease so surgery won't be the best thing possibly for me. And I live by myself so who's going to take care of me. Having conversations with people because I have no life no clue what to say but I'm a good listener. I'm afraid to go in a nursing home. I'm afraid to be in a relationship and get rejected. Another reason why I'm afraid to have conversations is because what if I say something somebody doesn't agree with well I'm not too good about thinking on the fly. I'm afraid to stand up for myself in a lot scenarios because one I don't want the confrontation with regards to losing something like a job or money. I'm afraid to go into the nursing home. I'm afraid my nephews will never love me because of the relationship my sister has put me and them
It's sad but when I have a 'simple' fear of say spiders or heights, sure they are scary, but compared to the deep dark demons, they are not all that bad so when I see a spider, I get scared, freak out, scream, run away, heart beats faster ... but I end up in laughter at my own silliness. Bu the deep fears? They are totally debilitating....
HI KATI U WERE EXPECTING ME WELL WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GROUP OF PEOPLE GET TOGETHER INCLUDING OFFICIALS TO ISSOLATE INTIMIDATE AND SET UP SOMEONE YOU FIND A PLATFORM AND SPEAK COZ THATS THE REASON IVE BEEN PLACED INTO THIS SITUATION AND CUT OF SO NOW I REFUSE TO SAY --PLEASE SIR MORE AS THEY WANT MY GIFTS AT ANY COST ID RATHER DIE ALONE THANKS
❤✝“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
I've found the following Nelson Mandela quote to be useful - "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears."
Of course, I'll never get rid of fear. But, when I notice that a little too many of my choices are starting to be motivated by fear, then that's when I know I need to take a break & reassess.
My therapist has me define worry as:past worry, present worry, and future worry. To dismiss past worry since one cannot change the past, see what can be done about future worry and if nothing, then delay the worry and recognize and try to address present worry.
Past fixation = depression
Future fixation = anxiety
The present moment is all you really have. The other two are just mental, time constructs.
Is your therapist wise Rafiki?
That's really good. Thank you
I try to circumvent fear by avoiding previous situations that yielded negative results in the past. This will disallow me to be afraid of repeating the same situation again, and therefore not experience fear of failing again. Everyone can fail once. But, it why put yourself in the same situation you failed in the past again? That only provokes anxiety, fear, nervousness, and poasibly failure again. Fail once, shame on the situation. Fail again in the same situation, shame on you!
Your video transitions & subtitles are new to me & appreciated. Thank you for the worksheets!
Regarding fear of not being good enough, I realized quite some time ago, now, that loneliness is rejection kept at a distance. When you feel rejected by everyone for long enough, you simply contract from that pain and isolate. It leaves you lonely but at least not constantly feeling the sharp elbows of rejected. Hence, loneliness is rejection kept at a distance.
Three videos just popped up on my subscriptions about fear tonight hahaha! I definitely have been dealing with resentment in my job as well as a fear of failure starting my side business. I'm definitely dealing with other fears around not having the relationship I want but trying to remember what is meant for me will find me. Maintaining a positive attitude around all of this is what I struggle with. Lots of fears, will be journaling tonight : )
This was wicked good Kati Morton! I am fear driven, most all decisions are based on fear. Constant fear leads to all kinds of addictions, anything to get some relief! And that snowballs into even more bad decisions. All this is trauma response. It started from no self esteem, believing myself broken and unable to cope. I was taught this at home. My physical defects were played on, also. My parents were pretty crazy but I didn't know that, I thought I was the crazy one. Living with crazy parenting just felt normal. So when I went out into the world with coping skills adapted to a crazy household things went badly. Even though I know all these things, those old patterns are always running in the background ready to pounce. And there seems to be a mechanism in my brain trying to forget my new skills. So alertness, journaling, and talking to others is a must for the rest of my life. Thanks for the reminders Kati.
Tip 1, about the significance of holding yourself to different standards than others, spoke to me.
Gosh, such great content. I love the real example of what fear looks like. Thank you
Could you also talk about fear of death? That is the one that holds me back the most in life. I am constantly afraid of car accidents, getting sick, getting old. I have other fears but I’ve been struggling with existential crisis since the age of 6 it’s affected my life more than anything else.
Same fear
After decades of debilitating fear and inner work I wasn’t getting peace and actually making myself worse. I accepted I have an adhd/ ptsd brain and I simply cannot afford to take it for its word alone. Basically I have to ignore it - knowing that gut feelings are non emotional hints. Secondly, I had to get past the gaslighting and say out loud- No! I am not “ just depressed “ or “ being negative because of xyz” the world IS a dangerous place and there are zero guarantees. Change is the only constant. Basically validation of myself while remaining almost pragmatic and connected to my instincts or gut at the same time. Today I had the most peace I have had in - ever. So much so I wrote that out including the date and time and put that on my wall in my office- who knew seeing who or what the real “ enemy “ was could make such a dramatic and quick shift for me.
This is so helpful! I always love having an actionable plan to work on issues. Love love love your journal prompts! Thank you so much for sharing all your wonderful resources!!
You did mentioned worksheets which I haven't been able to find in the description. Could you please add them? Thank you again!
🙏💖
i can relate a lot to fear of failure, aka when we settle down for a career that's not fulfilling. that was actually my real life story when i didn't have a strong sense of self so i just took "anything" that i could do despite of the lack of interest & skill. i ended up having blind-optimisim that led me to my biggest "black hole" in life. plus, i think i'm on neurodivergent spectrum too, so making decisions that i can actually commit 100% is difficult. i'm still learning how to not "underestimate" or "overestimate" myself. sometimes, i could get lost in "positive thinking" to a fault but now i can see that's bcs i have fear of vulnerability, where im scared to acknowledge my limitations due to my upbringing to be a "perfectionist". i was always taught to do "hard work" but never taught how to listen to my gut feeling. i kept switching career that i thought would be great but now i feel like i'm far from "good choices". i'm lost.
A fear I have that wasn't mentioned is the fear of hurting others.
I grew up hearing stories of how difficult a kid I was to deal with. My parents tried to teach me manners, but I think I am learning now that my takeaway was, don't bother people.
It sounds like a great lesson, but I fear every action I make that could have an effect on someone else.
For example, I can't get myself dinner on my way home because what if my mom wanted me to pick something up? I have to call and have a half hour discussion about what we want for dinner and I have to hope that I don't have to put in more effort than I want. But if I don't, I am a jerk who is inconsiderate of others.
This I do as well. I go to bed hungry at night because I didn’t want to order food just for myself but I didn’t want to pay for everyone in the house as well.
I relate to you in so many ways...thanks for giving me something to ponder, "what would my life look like without fear"
Wow, Kati! This video truly helped me. I did some self-examination. I will return to this one again to dig deeper.
This is such a good video at helping me see how far I've come already. When your fam is toxic, it takes times but working on self compassion is the best thing you can do ✌✊
I’m more afraid of walking away from people. Sometimes I can’t handle their problems and vulnerabilities and it becomes overwhelming, but I don’t want to walk away from a vulnerable person. Feels dirty. I had an emotionally unstable mother, who relied on my emotional support. She also threatened to end her life often. There’s probably a fear that the person will make a permanent decision and I wasn’t there to help. It’s an awful feeling to live with.
That is so exhausting. 😢 I know several people who have committed suicide and everyone who cared about them wonders if they had done enough. But once people get into that mindset, only they can talk themselves out of it. Keep taking care of yourself ❤
Can I just say.... I subscribed to the channel because I don't have a support system when it comes to mental health ( I'm 16) and I also find psychology pretty interesting but anyway I found this channel because I needed some knowledge on mental health to help me understand how to some what handle my own mental health I've got bad anxiety self harm and social anxiety and I'm a big people pleaser ect. Before I found this channel I was not educated on mental health and I when I found this channel I was not alone anymore and because I do not have anyone who I trust to talk to i truly don't have a support system in that area so for me to find this channel and to not feel alone means a lot to me so thank you for what your doing keep up the good work ❤
Some BS right there that you didn’t get into the gifted program in school! 7:22
I totally relate to that meme.. but I’ve also realized that everyone on the planet is bad at something first, before some keep trying and get better. We all had to do this when learning to walk, or talk. What’s changed is our perception of ourselves based on exterior influences; and realizing that everyone is on their own learning journey has helped me get over the fear of messing up!
The gifted thing happened to me, accompanied by a few other things in life and suddenly I saw myself as a loser in mathematics, I’ve discovered it can be a joy but now I feel like we’ve grown apart for too long, me and math.
At middle school and high school I always thought I was supposed to understand everything instantly, like I should be the kid who already knows everything because that’s who I thought I was. And it broke me in middle school, later high school, knowing that I actually have to work to get a good grade, so I just took the path of “Oh duh school is boring not for me I’ve got better things to do”
And just ignored studying and valuing what I was passionate about.
All and all, my talent(s) turned out to be a gift and a curse.
I just hope I can get the chance to change that. That I can be better.
Thank you Kati, thank you so much.
You mentioned journal several times, all I can say- life changing! My advice DO IT
Kati, you are more than enough! Your insight and wisdom has helped lots of people, it certainly helps me!
That was basically my same story. Fear seems to underly everything I do. Constant people pleasing and choosing many words carefully. These days it seems like if you say the wrong thing you immediately get ghosted.
There is so much packed into this video, thank you so much, I'll have to watch this again and again to sort out my responses. If you wanted to do another similar follow up vid, thst would be very helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for uploading this video Katie!!
We can't just manifest ourselves as a millionaire or professional athlete - to become something you must actually do something first. Each day I wake up in a state of intense FEAR or ANXIETY and most days the thoughts in my head win over logic leaving me there struggling with getting out of bed (it feels like a high blood pressure, high heart rate kind of chest pumping CNS attack RIGHT WHEN I WAKE-UP). No it's not just because I've got the alarm clock noise RINGING MAX loudness. However , I'm there in bed and this is where I'm failing myself- this is where i don't accept my reality and I struggle, this is where I must accept and become aware I'm only human, this i think is where in my day my levels of dopamine in my brain are at its lowest). Stop thinking about who you are and become someone you want to be. "You just got to have a little guts!" - Katie Morton. These thoughts in my head the FEARS I'm creating ARE NOT REAL - they haven't even happened yet.
Hmmm, recently had a session where I realized I have a fear of not being worthy enough for love. I had so much emotion to fight through just to get to the point of saying those words. Once I said it, I was blown away by the sense of relief that I felt.
I fear feeling some of my feelings like sadness, anger, and shame. I sometimes get panicked and distract myself to avoid them.
Resentment, yes! It can be so strong when it's something else causing it (and it usually is something else). As time passes, and I work through the cause, either through journaling, with my therapist, or even just the passage of time, I almost feel guilty I felt that resentment toward that person.
Thank you for the well thought out video.
I am relating to a lot of these consequences of my fears! I definitely have 2 sets of rules, and I definitely settled for a career that didn’t fit. I stayed in it for 30 years. And the people pleasing that brings on resentment! I am in therapy now, and there is so much to unpack! Writing it all down in a journal is starting to help. I have also taken up drawing and painting. I wrote down the questions you posed, and I will consider them. I feel like I’m already on my way to recovery
My fear in life was that I thought I would live in resistance for the rest of my life. Once I stopped it changed everything.
Thank you Kati. Have a good day.
It was so fearful when my best friend was in a coma, I had been fully immersed by fears and worry to not have him beside in future me and my uncle have experienced this igony.
From: Trevor. To: Kati Morton. You Are Appreciated, Ambitious, Compassionate, Dedicated, Humble, Knowledgeable, Kind-Hearted, Remarkable. May The LORD Bless You, And May The LORD Fill You With A Life Of Abundance, Courage, Happiness, Healing, Prosperity, Protection, Serenity, And Success Wealth In Jesus' Name Amen! ❤
I don’t have fear that “I will not be good enough”. As egocentric as this may sound, “I have fear others are not good enough”. I must protect myself from others crude, harsh personalities. They like me, because I try to always act right, they have no compulsion to do the same.
I always have a party, where peace, contentment, calm and loneliness come to visit. They are a package deal. I wish loneliness wouldn’t tag along, but considering the alternative…I invite them all in, and I’m friends with loneliness, taking a lesser role among my other favorite friends.
I get that. It's pretty typical for a dismissive-avoidant attachment style: I'm ok as a person, but others are not safe.
And you're right. They're just not. It doesn't matter how good you are, how understanding, how much you give and consider their boundaries and needs etc. They still treat you like $hit, and they do it more when you're bending over backwards to make things work.
I don't know how to solve this. I just gave up on people.
My goodness that is exactly how I feel. Makes sense after getting burned. Just did round 3 of friend purging. It sucks being lonely.
True I tell everyone yes I have no self esteem because every time I get a little a girl or a guy will beat it out of me why have ego if one sees it they want too kill it ?
@@areuarealman7269 maybe you need more ego ! Protect yourself, that's what it's there for.
Red flags: 1)having two set of rules , one for us and one for others
2)if we get agitated when a request for our time or effort is asked
this is a personal attack...well written
I think so many decisions in my life are based of fear that I don't know how to do them without...
I ask myself if my fears were the cause of my last relationship ending.. or if my fears were reasonable enough... or both...
That was so helpful, thank you
Overcome : 1) find out when fear shows up
2) play it out, worst out scenario
3) keep your goals in mind
"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan J. Jeffers
Fear itself is not simple.
But what is actually happening inside your body while experiencing fear (not talking about thoughts/brain) is rather simple and that's something you can learn to overcome or rather, learn how to cope with it.
Dear doctor... Good evening. In the past, I was very fear but there is no reason. Every one feared me. I have not harm any one so far , I am trying to even now living lonely. If I can spiritually. I had a problem, I
Your the best kati
I feel like I am scared of everything that it consumes my life. I am boxed inside.
- I have fear of failure that I just don’t do anything which makes me feel like a failure because I haven’t accomplished anything
- I have Disorganized (Anxious-Avoidant) Attachment which just makes me fear forming friendships and relationships (I am afraid I will disappoint people and they’ll realize just how boring and damaged I am. That I am not good enough and I am not worth keeping around.)
- I am afraid of wasting my time
- I am afraid of making irreversible mistakes and harm
- I am afraid I am not a good person and I am pretending to be so people like me
- I dislike being angry or showing anger
- I am afraid of being perceived as selfish or rude
- I am afraid of being seen as incompetent(I feel incompetent all the time)
- I just hate living with myself, it’s a torture
Hey Kati, I don’t know how or why but I get a sense that you are struggling more than you let on. I hope I’m wrong, but nonetheless sending you much ❤ .. stay safe and be well. Big hugs!
I am 53 and I've had a phobia of sharp objects, and needles especially, since I was a child. It has wrecked my life and I've seen so many people to get help and they just give me pills and ask if I have weapons in the home. I am asked if I am a threat to others or myself. Then they pat me on the shoulder gingerly as they push me out the door and I get another set of two appointments two months later. The only place I can get in to is the medicaid clinics, the few that accept medicaid are so overwhelmed and overbooked but it's all I have. I've tried so many medications. It's a very long list.
I'm getting old. My teeth are really bad. I can't go to the dentist. I haven't been since I was 20. I got a full scholarship and couldn't go to college either because I needed immunizations. I almost died from covid and still didn't get the vaccination. AND walked out of the hospital with covid related pneumonia preparing to die because I couldn't be there, I couldn't let them near me with needles. I can't be around them. I get sick if I see it on a show. I will be anxious for the rest of the day. I live with a diabetic roommate so there are procedures we have to go through so I don't inadvertently walk in on him giving himself a shot. I know there are boxes of syringes and I think about them sometimes with worry. It's not THAT bad, I just think about if someone attacked me with them, but I'm able to push that away. I recognize how irrational my thinking is. I just don't know how to do it. And believe me I fantasize about this, I know my life would be better. I wouldn't have to rely on fish antibiotics because I have another dental infection. I could get my teeth fixed.
And it's getting worse. Now I can't get my eyes examined. I haven't had new glasses in ten years so I can't drive anymore. But I think of the doctor getting close to my eye, and that pointed light thing going in to my eye. It makes me dizzy to think about it. I feel like I'm falling.
This is not how I want to live my life.
My fear is simple and is proven correct nearly every day. The world does not care if I live or die. The world is a heartless place that is not worth living in except for the fact that dyeing is possibly worse.
I think other people have different sets of rules for me. They think I should give more than they do.
wait what was the link for the worksheets?
I fear that im not enough, i fear failure and at the moment im struggling with the fear that my therapist will leave and give up on me
O dear, I hope that u r ok and have a good therapist either way
OUCH! Fear of rejection, fear of hope. Hope could let you down and then cause rejection, which would crush you.
What would life look like if u were wout fear,
how do u think things would change
If you had no fear of failures SS
Or didn't fear not being liked.didnt fear not been seen or perceived being lesser than
What would your life look like
What wud your career be like
Wud u be doing what ur doing
Wud you be living wer ur living
Wud your frnships look the same
What would your day to day look like
What worksheets? I see links for videos, a workshop, membership, merchandise, books, better help, Patreon, and shopping. I don't see worksheets. Am I blind?
My greatest fear is having to explain that the reason I don't think I'm good at my job in software and that the stability of my job is not secure is because in my undergrad I studied biology and I was raped by my instructor that hired me to TA his course for 3 years. He put a restraining order on me for the 3rd/last year. I ended up in the psych ward to get checked and in less than 7 days, I was discharged with no diagnosis. Those that didn't know me called me a narcissist and those that did believed me. It's been 7 years of peace since graduating with no reference letters, transitioning into software, and having existential dread by thinking I let all the people down that I volunteered for, taught, and asked advice from in all the extra-cirriculars I did... I had aspirations, but to go into these post-grad jobs, it requires reference letters. I can definitely get work references, but not academic ones... To top it all off, I fear of going into financial debt to take steps in reaching my aspirations.
I am so sorry this happened. It was wrong. I am rooting for you that you will get everything you wanted.
@@carmagurl317 I did not expect that someone could understand what I just wrote. Thank you for the encouragement! :) It helped make a difference as I maybe will try to explain my greatest fearful reasoning orally again when needed as I take small steps towards my aspirations that I had before undergrad.
@@123Iamawesome321 ❤❤❤
You have done a video on the oldest child and the youngest child. It is only appropriate that the middle child video be made last, or not at all. Haha!
What would life look like if you were without fear?
How do you think things would change ?
If you had no fear of failure, fear not being liked ,fear being seen or perceived as lesser then, what would your life look like?
What would your career look like?
Would you be doing what you're doing?
Would you be living where you're living?
Would your friendships look the same?
What would your day to day look like?
Journal prompt 00:16:07 😊
All my fear has gone after my NDE.
Can you talk about body language in therapy
Paralyzing fear of confrontation as well as people pleasing. I know it exists. I can see it manifest. But there is NO WAY I will break it. Ending a relationship because you're just not interested.. yeah okay.. have that conversation? Not on your life. Attempt to keep the status quo at all times. etc etc etc Hate what I've been doing for a career/job/whatever for the last 30+ years. Check. Fear of unemployment.. not having skills to do something else that could pay anything close (not that I make enough as it is)... and not really knowing what I want to do for a living anyway... just knowing what I don't like.. bla bla bla i'm just rambling here
I am truly afraid of my abuser even though I left 😢😢😢
Fear of failure and dating someone or marrying someone in a divorce me and or die before me fear of not getting things right in my home and wasting all that time but then again not touching anything. Until it's too much. Fear of losing weight because now I'm going to have to deal with all that loose skin and I have an autoimmune disease so surgery won't be the best thing possibly for me. And I live by myself so who's going to take care of me. Having conversations with people because I have no life no clue what to say but I'm a good listener. I'm afraid to go in a nursing home. I'm afraid to be in a relationship and get rejected. Another reason why I'm afraid to have conversations is because what if I say something somebody doesn't agree with well I'm not too good about thinking on the fly. I'm afraid to stand up for myself in a lot scenarios because one I don't want the confrontation with regards to losing something like a job or money. I'm afraid to go into the nursing home. I'm afraid my nephews will never love me because of the relationship my sister has put me and them
xo 🧡
I cant seem to find the download worksheets
It's sad but when I have a 'simple' fear of say spiders or heights, sure they are scary, but compared to the deep dark demons, they are not all that bad so when I see a spider, I get scared, freak out, scream, run away, heart beats faster ... but I end up in laughter at my own silliness. Bu the deep fears? They are totally debilitating....
❤❤❤
This entire video describes me to a T.
HI KATI
U WERE EXPECTING ME
WELL WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GROUP OF PEOPLE GET TOGETHER INCLUDING OFFICIALS
TO ISSOLATE INTIMIDATE AND SET UP SOMEONE
YOU FIND A PLATFORM AND SPEAK
COZ THATS THE REASON IVE BEEN PLACED INTO THIS SITUATION AND CUT OF
SO NOW I REFUSE TO SAY --PLEASE SIR MORE
AS THEY WANT MY GIFTS AT ANY COST
ID RATHER DIE ALONE THANKS
Hi! I can't find the link to the spreadsheet, is it just me? Can someone help me? ❤
Thank you kati! You are awesome! ❤
15:51
Please help with needle phobia without showing any pictures. This is not simple. It has spoiled my entire life.
lesser than* not then
16:25 shouldn’t it be lesser THAN?
✔✔☹☹
❤✝“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
No thanks.
@@WouldntULikeToKnow. ❤ None so deaf and blind as those unwilling to hear or see.