Am I Exaggerating My Struggles?
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- Опубліковано 11 жов 2023
- This week we're be talking about how to go deeper in therapy to explore what it means to be you. We will also discuss why we can often feel like we are exaggerating what we tell our therapist, or think we are making up what we have gone through. We will dig into childhood sexual abuse and why it can be comforting, why hearing about it can sometimes be arousing, and all of the things that can come along with that sort of trauma. I will explain the difference between disordered eating and an eating disorder, and when we should reach out for help. We will come up with ways to uphold boundaries with people who don’t respect them, and the effects a near death experience can have on us. Let’s get into those questions!
Audience questions for episode 185 of Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast.
1. I’m in therapy for anxiety, self esteem and trauma. We talk about surface things like what happened that week and checking in with symptoms, and other times we...
2. I wanted to ask you why I always feel like I'm over-exaggerating what I tell my therapist. I don't do this on purpose, but after my sessions, I always get really angry at myself because I...
3. Is it normal to fantasize about your childhood sexual abuse to try to find comfort in it? I feel like I’m trying to change the narrative to make it feel less traumatic.
4. Hi kati 😊 what's the difference between disordered eating and an eating disorder and when is it serious enough to ask for help? I've been having some problems with restricting and purging when I do eat more than once a day, but I don't feel like it's bad enough because...
5. How can you set boundaries for people who cross boundaries all the time? Especially if it’s a parent you are struggling with. Luckily I don’t live at home anymore but quitting the relationship/contact completely isn’t an option. I don’t want that. Another question is, how can you not let negativity ruin your mood.
6. I have asked this question a number of times and so I really hope this gets picked. I was wondering if anyone has ever told you they had an NDE (near-death experience). If they have, how did you react? What did you say?
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1. 0:47
I’m in therapy for anxiety, self esteem and trauma. We talk about surface things like what happened that week and checking in with symptoms, and other times we...
2. 5:25
I wanted to ask you why I always feel like I'm over-exaggerating what I tell my therapist. I don't do this on purpose, but after my sessions, I always get really angry at myself because I...
3. 13:21
Is it normal to fantasize about your childhood sexual abuse to try to find comfort in it? I feel like I’m trying to change the narrative to make it feel less traumatic.
4. 26:45
Hi kati 😊 what's the difference between disordered eating and an eating disorder and when is it serious enough to ask for help? I've been having some problems with restricting and purging when I do eat more than once a day, but I don't feel like it's bad enough because...
5. 37:53
How can you set boundaries for people who cross boundaries all the time? Especially if it’s a parent you are struggling with. Luckily I don’t live at home anymore but quitting the relationship/contact completely isn’t an option. I don’t want that. Another question is, how can you not let negativity ruin your mood.
6. 43:19
I have asked this question a number of times and so I really hope this gets picked. I was wondering if anyone has ever told you they had an NDE (near-death experience). If they have, how did you react? What did you say?
Thank you!
Thank you for the time stamps 💗
Thank you for the time stamps
A big thank you
stockholm syndrome
Toolbox with “a broken rubber and and an old tootsie pop” LOL Totally made me laugh!
Me too😂
My heart goes out to the people who have suffered like this... I'm so sorry.
Thank you so much. ❤❤❤
A follow up to Question nr. 2:
Personally i am told by my mentor that i AM over-exaggerating my feelings.
Like i use big words to describe how much it really hurts, and its most likely because i wasn't listened to as a child when i felt bad.
My mom is a nurse, but she would send me to school no matter how sick i was, even with a fever, to the point where my teachers would send me home because it was so obvious that i was sick. I had painful tummy aches every day in school (anxiety) but it was never looked at because nobody understood that it was more mental then physical, least of all me -
I would sometimes make a scene out of puking in the morning just so i could stay home when i was sick -
In school i would be send to the nurse and she would be the first person to listen to me, she knew -
But as my life progressed i was taught that unless i am unable to walk, break a limb or am on the verge of dying, nobody will see me, or my pain, nobody will listen to me, so i gotta really tell how much it really hurts!
I over-exaggerate today because i was never listened to when i told the truth. And it is no longer serving me.
Thank you Kating for sitting with us every week and thank you to those who share their journey and delicate parts of their life asking questions. This podcast helps so much and it's because of all of you
Question number 3 was reassuring. I have no recollection of childhood SA but I have many symptoms that suggest it and I've been known to repress abuse on multiple occasions, only finding out about it through other people. I feel really ashamed and messed up for feeling this way but it's comforting to know I'm not alone and that it may be due to past experiences.
I've had many of these questions swarming around my head for a while, this is very helpful. Thank you! ❤
How serendipitous! I woke up to see this with enough time to watch it before speaking with my counselor! It was like the first video on my feed! Good timing!!!
Thank you so much for answering my add-on question, Kati! You’ve given me some hope, encouragement, and clarity, so now I feel less weird. I won’t specify the topic here, but I will definitely bring it up with my therapist, as you recommended, when I feel able to address it.
Thank you so much for answering my question. I very much appreciate it!
I love that you've never been afraid of discussing the hardest of problems that plague so many of our lives.
I'm not sure what subtle difference I'm feeling from your videos recently. It's definitely a positive, quiet change or maybe it's my perspective that's changing?
I continue to learn such important information from you Kati, thank you.😊
Kati, you may never see this, but when I need comfort and learning for my Specialty in Children's Mental Health. Thank you, for the knowledge. I always get 100% because of my own experience with mental health struggles and my schooling.
I came across this by chance. Didn’t realize you would be answering so many questions that were personal to me. Thanks you for addressing sexual abuse and trauma and validating people like me. ❤
I love what you said about letting people tell you how they feel rather than assuming that you know how they feel.
This is my first episode of this podcast I have watched for a while. No specific reason for not tuning in. I just have been online significantly less recently. I do not know when Kati switched up the format at the beginning of the pod but I absolutely love it. She has done an amazing job.
Oh my, that point with setting boundaries with the mom really gives me hope. For me it's my mom, but far worse with my husband, I tried telling him how hurtful his behaviour is for me, but he just ignores it, or belittles me or loughs it off, or tells me I should not take it personally or be so sensitive. Will try it the way you described it.
To quote adele - divorce babe, divorce
But being real, hope you either sorted through that with them or found another solution
Thank you so much Katy for this wonderful video ❤
For anyone that has experienced an NDE and not sure who to talk to there are alot of support groups and people who understand, from what I have heard IANDS is a good place to start ❤
This is helpful. Thank you!
Such a useful episode on so many levels.
Thank you, Kati!
Hi Kati,
A burst of happiness just came back, as I have just found you. I am a psychological hot mess with these letters plaguing me: PTSD, BPD is my obvious scrambled alphabet. I also have a voucher in a safe clean quiet apartment; however, I am back in the bird's nest where my trauma began at age 4. I am ready to completely throw away all of my safety to get the hell away from this support group whose support is like a glass of water with no bottom to support the water. My only escape from their bottomless support is to go homeless. I have listened to three of your videos and it is a smoking gun that I have never amounted to anything is because the relentless trauma that kissed me at age 4, until his kiss of death was his little boy running scared at 18. My no mad journey filled with fear, self - denial has me felony free, however I was told to never come back here, but I did, so on the road again, but this time it is my fearful 61-year-old thumb on an open highway to the Appalachians. Hopefully, I can begin my therapy with a newfound support team. My clean safe home is nothing but a support with materials, that can be replaced. I am stepping out into the unknow to hopefully get the true help that I deserve and so need, because it is not here where all this shit began.
Finally found! Your AKA podcasts on the Kati Morton channel where they should be. I mean why would all this great info be on an Opinions That Don't Matter space? Your brand matters. Thanks for all you do Kati.
Hey Kati i thought I'd just say i like the way you started this video and just the way you word things 😊
Happy 40th Birthday Kati. I wish everyone a happiest of birthday's and also, I believe that no matter what age we turn in 2023 that everyone should celebrate it in any way that they can and do it the best that they want to with friends and family. It should be celebrated in an awesome way.
Hi Katy!
I have a question, would love to hear your perspective. Why is hard for me to feel gratitude? I have friends, family, a supportive partner, a house, food and water. I also have anxiety and maybe depression. People have tried to help telling me to be more grateful, journal about my small wins, count my blessings. It always seems so forced to me. So I keep “whining” about my problems and being “unappreciative”, and the guilt and shame of it all starts to pile up. What should I do to help myself?
Good episode Kati! I always ask my partner... "Do you know what day it is? It's Ask Kati Anything day!" P.s.Does anyone else miss the short version of the opening tune? Like she did in about 4 episodes recently.
Thank you Kati ❤
You're awesome, Thanks for you videos ❤
Thank you for answering my question ❤
Hey Kati, I love your videos!
I finally told my therapist about my restriction after a year of struggling in silence and losing 60lbs. I told her how I almost ran out of the room during a group therapy mindfulness exercise because it involved eating. She said she didn't notice and that it was just one bite of food. I feel so invalidated. How do I make her understand this is a major issue for me and i need support? I really don't want to go back and i honestly want to give up on therapy. Thanks!
Useful wisdom from the leopard lady. However from Amazon reviews I've seen, The Body Keeps The Score is a book that needs to be recommended very carefully given the graphic nature of its content. Is this true?
Hi Katie , I’m a new member of yours I want to know if I’m over thinking and over exaggerating or even being too picky on choosing a Thyrapy. Since I have gone through over 6-8 Thyrapist already in the past over 20 yrs and now I am not seeing one because I have been picky that’s what my husband say. But do I have the right to be? Or isn’t because I’m trying to avoid to actually see one again?
Katie im seeing my therapist/psychologist for anxiety/self esteem/trauma etc. i have a question. My trauma has come from childhood from parents and bullying etc. does what you’ve been through cause you to feel attached to your therapist? I didn’t get the love and support from my parents. I feel like my therapist provides support and compassion ive never had. Is it possible that im looking for that in my therapist and thats why i feel attached?
Yes, you must have space to talk about that, which is important in therapy, big and small. But it is also the therapist's task partly to keep the focus on the overall goals, partly to register whether the desire to talk about something else is a defense against working with what could be the primary thing. The human psyche is a whimsical mechanism; it can deceive us in many ways. And the therapist must help to discover that if it happens.
Would be nice if I could find a therapist who will even work with me. I’m too far gone.
I placed my first boundary and I cried I never thought being healthy would be so hard
What happened to the opening song?
I think my favorite flavor right now is either snickerdoodle or raspberry cheesecake. I LOVE to use the snickerdoodle shake to add to my coffee occasionally, but raspberry cheesecake is SO AMAZING all by itself.
What is it about intense emotions that ties to hunger fullness? Why can I be STARVING all day, then become so angry I can't eat? Or become so anxious that I'm nauseous? Not just upset tummy, but like, mouth watering, almost gagging, sweating, thoughts consumed with bowing to the porcelain throne? How do I disconnect my stomach from my emotions?
I felt like that sometimes
Hey Katie I have PTSD and ptsd-c along with BPD and a whole list of medical problems my question is this my psychiatrist always cuts me off when I try to discuss how to overcome this let alone trust a physician when at at 4 to 15 from pediatrician and I repressed this for years as a child I was so depressed never smiled and now at 35 I'm now starting to be able to heal but my doc keeps brushing it off and just keeps adding more medicine. Is this actually helping me will I ever be confident enough to be strong and push forward I've died 12 or more times and I've had out of body experience but he's has been my doc for over a decade but I keep on having to call and set up appointments for him to talk to me. He was my doc when I was impatient and helped me through a lot but shouldn't I be able to get a hold of my doc when I've been having a trigger or flashbacks and nitemares and nothing gets resolved I cant even pinpoint all my triggers idk feel like the only thing I know is to be depressed and I think I don't know how to truly be Happy how can get to this point to heal
Some psychiatrists do therapy, but it sounds like yours only prescribes pills. I’d recommend finding a therapist to help you with these things. Some psychiatrists want to fix things with only pills.
I suffered decades of child abuse and sexual abuse and I'm trying to get help for it, but I'm tall and handsome and athletic and intelligent and everyone thinks I'm coping well.
I'm over 40 and all I can think is that I've only been designed to be some kind of solider.
Surely I've got to be able to use those experiences and my leadership skills, but every cause I see seems futile.
I am scared to reach out I’m scared to do I’ve had weirded relation with I never purged and scared to eat something new and I. Fourier myself to eat more when I’m full and I tell people I’m not hungry and this has happen more when my gran past away
I've said for years and years I have "disordered" eating, not an eating disorder. This is it- the yo-yo dieting, restrict/binge/over-eat cycles. Unfortunately, I started to find recovery too late. I made so much progress towards body acceptance and intuitive eating-- only to be plagued with type 2 diabetes now... and see no alternative but to go on a super restrictive diet again. It sucks so bad. I only wish I had found intuitive eating 20 years ago- before I did all the damage. I heard that the yo-yo dieting is a big factor in triggering diabetes- and I am sure it was a factor in triggering my bodies disposition. Now, I'm stuck...
Consulting a dietician and informing them about your disordered eating might help?
21:43 This actually made me realize something. My sexual fantasies in my early 20s were of r@pe. I felt awful for that arousing me. Now I realize it was because of the sexual abuse from my father, that's what I thought it should be like. My first sexual partner I picked because he was neglectful and narcissistic like my father. But now it makes sense also why I was aroused by that when I was with him but not after. Sorry if this is too much but thank you, this helped clear my mind
Would Intermittent Fasting be considered disordered eating? This is really hard for some of us who don't eat too much but are still overweight . . . we've tried everything to make our doctors happy . . . but now you are saying that dieting or limiting our food intake is disordered??
❤❤you're the best ❤
Hey,
Tw
Would smacking a kids butt, grabbing a kids butt as a joke be considered assault? Even if it’s cultural. Like no asking for consent beforehand, just doing it? Like my family has no ill intent with it
Kati I think you need new mech that said "It's not about the fucking food" 🤣
Yes. Yes you are.
Some people don't know where they want to go. They don't have a vision of a future and they don't have a good foundation/understanding of who they are and even what they feel and think about life, etc. (childhood emotional neglect). I've been so frustrated with therapists because they don't get it and they don't know seem to know how to help me. I needed understanding about life--why this or that happened and how to manage and get the most out of life. I even had a therapist fall asleep on me! More than once. At $120 per session? Really? I didn't know and understand boundaries until my 40's. I always had an empty pit in my stomach and couldn't figure out what it was until I learned about childhood emotional neglect in my 50's. Soooo frustrating that the educated therapist getting paid the big bucks knows our issues, but doesn't tell us what is happening or why. It would be helpful in a therapist could do assessments so that a person can learn about what has happened to them. I always felt like I was floundering in therapy and stopped because it wasn't helping. I got waaaayyy more out of self help books. A therapist needs to instruct and guide in my opinion.The videos are so helpful, but in the office speaking with the client would make a huge difference--at least it would have in my case. :)
I wish these were broken down into chapters. There are some questions I'm really interested in while others can be quite uncomfortable to listen to. I end up giving up trying to skip through or even not watching because I don't want to accidently hear some of them.
Same. If there are questions or topics that I don’t want to risk hearing, I normally wait for the time stamps that some helpful person puts on. It’s usually after a few hours.
@@EllieGrant1yes that's so true & solution-focussed❤
@@EllieGrant1 Yeah, I've done that before. I know whoever does it is probably happy to do it, but also seems weird that the onus is on the viewers to supply that.
I was going to direct you to the Transcript, but then realized that the text in the transcript is the same content.
I'm assuming that the comment was removed, and so had to look more carefully at the way I was suggesting you navigate the video. The transcript is not as comprehensive as the timestamps you are referring to... I hope they begin to address this concern!
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Therapy was something not allowed in my step-dad s house so I only received & only received it from shelters for abused weman from at least 4 untill 17 and at least 6x per year for a few days up to two weeks. 6 months before 18. Was kicked out for verbalized who I am overall. No problem having sexual encounters since 3 or 4 until 13 almost everyday almost. I had parts of summer and beaks for holidays or period or windows when mom around and shelters. Everyway sex like experimental... partners. I always think telling therapists would cause them to think I am exaggerating. Especially if I would tell about those he made money letting others abuse me from school time until after dark sometimes. If I said my dad also and my childhood friends dad. What about the almost adult 'kid' across the street at the next house. What about my older cousin 8 almost 9 years older and my second cousin, a F each every other summer and my grandmother in a way. F Second Cousin was only 3 years older and it was only deep kissing and humping and grandmother sleep on her breast, she said left one was mine and the other my Cousin the M one who ... had the right one. She had me lick and suck the little I could. Around 8 until 11 she ask if she could see my x and I allowed it, I showed her at will. She ask to feel it felt so nasty just not for the reason one would think and she kissed tip once. She would ask if I could "cum yet" and said no. It was true except I remember shortly after I could and I don't think you're up in years old is even a normal age the I could be wrong I'm just sure I had my 12-year birthday later that year. She only asked to see it one other time at least I think. I suppose after I had an experimental experiences where's my cousin's sister which later I found out he didn't to her up until 21 22 which I won't even get into her story. She is a year younger than I am and around 10 years old she would want you and succeeding in convincing me to Rob up and there was a clothes off couple dozen times which I found it disgusting but for the same reason my grandmother in the same reason my second cousin that all females. My dad's mother which I only remember seeing her around or 13 and spend the night with her for a couple weeks during the summer. I'm more or less to know anyone but I want to just for interdictions and I slept in the bed with my uncle that rode with her and probably still does. I pretended I was asleep when he touch a litter he ejaculated on me. Another night he must have on himself, I didn't see except just felt him rubbing it on my lips like chap but as sick as this is, I was wanting to go down on him to swallow. The very last he slept very close and I could feel it pressed up. I moved forward away and he backed up quickly. I couldn't sleep and later I heard him snoring. I very quietly crawled under the blanket but underwear to pull down. He was still sleep and I put it in my mouth until it started erecting. He moved away from surprise Justi for a second until his body was shaking and he put his hand pressing the back of head I didn't gag much until rhythm as I was worried I was doing a good job. It was very dark still when I was up and had fallen a sleep. He held me tight and at my very own I thought he was smaller and thinner as me and as he slept he was awaken to me puling down my own underwear placing me on saliva he did something I knew of too... held and he started and vocal and I worried my grandmother would hear. I was not wanting anything else when he started biting me and when I got up something something I've never seen before huge red kind of circles allover lower stomach and further. He casually told me what they were and simply said do not say anything. I caused it all so I thought of course not and started panicking once I realized my step dad would know and he did. I hated him. He would always find reason to use his belt on three of us. He started using his belt at some point before he would do stuff. He beat me throughout even knocked a tooth out and told my mom I got in fights (extremely racist) with other kids. After I would get punished for these supposed fights with his belt a paddle with holes and the switches. I stayed panicky not knowing which one often. One time before I went on a trip with grandparents he actually had me walk to the woods with him, it was our playground for brother and sister we stayed out all the time day until street lights came on even snuck out at night. He ruined a good spot when he did stop with me and then rubbed poison ivy or poison oak as if wiping me. I didn't quite know what was going on and he often wore black leather gloves so that didn't give it away. I still didn't get what it was about Angel walking home and he confirmed and telling my mom I use the bathroom in the woods and I wiped with poison ivy or oak and laughed and laughed about it. My mom is yelling clean it off as he took me into the bathroom and cleaned it...
I have never told anyone of the handful of a counselors lower psychiatrist or psychologist nor any other therapist. I am 40 and still see counselor just once per month or so.
I know I brought some of it on myself and starting to wonder if other times and what if I just forgot. Plus I don't think a human believe the number of people and how often especially since I have talked somewhat about stuff as when an adult, stuff I wanted and relationships and in a long-term relationship with someone 10 years older so obviously like older guys. 20 relationship. What is nasty though, only feel horrible from female abuse and stepdad. I h hated him and when he died I paid for his cremation. I even asked if I could see the process and was told no. Couldn't even stay inside during from timing but stayed parked in the parking lot looking for smoke. I got a portion of his ashes in a generic black plastic container, I took original container with sticker on it like a present and kept it in the garage with my urine. I got satisfaction of I contributed, I paid having him burned up and then urinated in the container. I felt a high from it. Now I feel like an extra horrible person. His family were so angry and shocked he was cremated. After I told her a little she agreed having him roasted against his graveside I'm waiting him next to his father and mother. A stone is all. Our mom kept a little ash and sister tossed her portion in a dumpster at KFC. Our younger brother was the golden child in his eyes. Half sister and brother but at 4 years old until now I'm their older brother and always been and never call or consider any different. One good thing about the family outcome.
I will say I continued stepdad s life over 30. I checked out coffee filter my mom had poured a rat poison in but only so she wouldn't end up getting caught.
I don't know how I feel about it. A lot of harm to my sister and mom and brother at end. Some parts and at times I feel horribly responsible for some absolutely horrible things they went through. He absolutely pushed our mom to drug addiction she never overcame green garden with the attempts we had tried. Sister and brother and suicide attempts. It was amazing how how of an entire sitting I went down the country road and where my sister's and found her and also got to her apartment on time once. She is the major success of the family. Luckily I found my brother in the woods and went down to the basement at our house where he was living and found him several times in conditions I don't even talk about. I was so worried how he would turn out in life. I am happy to say he is doing very well. I am proud to say we raised him for half a decade and cared for him several years after adulthood monkey returned from basic training for army. Our mom died rather young in 2012 and it feels like yesterday.
I finally went to see her site yesterday and now I feel over it all. I can't since I don't want to hurt anyone plus Henry time I think about it cuz I realized that the cost and the days off of work people would have to take and a hassle.
About disordered eating. When we were growing up we had to sit at the table watch the clock, we had to finish out food with in one minute. No hold over effect like time.
I am not sure what this is considered but when I eat dinner, we have to have exact portions and eat at the same time. I watch the utensil he eats with and what part of food for the same bite. I won't eat alone. When we go out with people or I loose track of food during a movie or whatever, I stop and do not finish eating. If with a friend, they have to eat also and if they stop or when they do I do as well.
I can only think it is from when my mom would not eat so we had enough food. It hurt and I cry just saying this and any time I think of it. Have vomited even in past.
13:45
I know you didn't mean to, Kati, but the way you said it, it almost sounds like sexual assault could be appropriate at the "right" age. I just want to compassionately make you aware of this. Give you the opportunity to comment on that. Or am I the one confused here, because my English is so bad? Sorry if that is the case.
Time stamps anyone 😊
6:51
I can't live anymore. My mental health issues got the best of me
Something needs to be done to end mandatory reporting laws. No mandatory reporting laws are good. All violate privacy. All end in worse outcomes for those who are reported on.
hey almost first. Cool.
Exercise like walks in sunshine in nature helps a lot to lesson our struggle Get out in the 3D now and embodied & away from 2D screens & poor posture 😂
What if you don’t want to live in the 3D now so badly that it drives u to only seek dopamine from the 2D as an escape?
Hi I’m not angry at anyone, firstly. We come to mental health treatment for real recovery and expect ethical treatment and providers. Then get autism and criminal charges. Never adhd medication for the neurotypical genius becoming the autistic genius. They don’t like me and female providers never do anything but listen to us men dysregulated screaming and crying into the phone. The office crowded with the phone laughing erupting about me on the phone.
New tshirt: it's not about the fucking food..
If you have HPD you may do this 😂
Again I say that your idea about eating a burger and fries every day getting old and repulsive quickly is wrong. People do eat those things every day, and they crave it, because those things are made to trigger the body to want them, they are addictive. People drink starbucks and eat fast food every day, some do for every meal, and if you don't see that you are not living in the real world.
Sometimes we are exaggerating our problems. I've been to poor countries!
This is a joke....isnt it ?
Thank you, Kati, for helping us in dealing with these negative feelings that stem in the shame of sharing,(in my mind I’m complaining) 💕🫶🏼💪🏼