Narcissist's Reactions to Abandonment, Separation, and Divorce
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissisti...
The dissolution of the abuser's marriage or other meaningful (romantic, business, or other) relationships constitutes a major life crisis and a scathing narcissistic injury. To soothe and salve the pain of disillusionment, he administers to his aching soul a mixture of lies, distortions, half-truths and outlandish interpretations of events around him.
All abusers present with rigid and infantile (primitive) defense mechanisms: splitting, projection, Projective Identification, denial, intellectualization, and narcissism. But some abusers go further and decompensate by resorting to self-delusion. Unable to face the dismal failures that they are, they partially withdraws from reality.
(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissisti...)
They have new supply lined up ALL the time because they're in CONSTANT turmoil and need to soothed 24/7.
RUN!
They are adult in diapers who needed attention 24/7.Social medias are their pacifiers.
I agree. They are in constant need, like meat eating scavengers for power and control. Constant fuel supply to enhance their self image and confidence, and satisfy their over the top ego. Their tank is never empty, due to co existing supply.
@@fredmad4988 that’s gold! 😆
One of the bigger issues I had was how she the narc couldn't be happy for other people. Especially me !!
Mine projected it onto me and said I could not be happy for him. 😂
After 25 years of this living hell, I divorced him and went NC last year. He remarried 5 months after the divorce. He did not display any of the above scenarios except to smear me.
After I discarded he actually told me he "never thought long term with me." So I guess telling me I'm the "one" and talking about forever is not a long term commitment, lmao! So great point when you say they are "liberated by their own self initiated abandonment."
That's so petty 🤢 Congratulations on being narc free though 🍀
It is absolutely terrifying when you find out their lies and they are exposed. When the jig is up they will absolutely try to destroy your life until you die by their own hands or your own because your PTSD is so severe you can't cope w life - your trust and faith in humanity disappears. After 9 years of divorce and being single I still struggle to trust anyone. Im more safe with just myself and being alone
I remember when he told me that he was with wife 8 years and he said they never loved each other. Looking back I thought that was a strange thing to say. He will never be happy just spending money buying stuff his hobbies but bored of life really. He will be an old lonely man soon.
@Michele Johnson that's so sad really. Poor child. Hope he gets love and support for a normal upbringing.
"Liberated by his own self-initiated abandonment"
California Gal innit 😣
Crazy rt?😥
fing whackos
I want to thank you for your writings. I came upon them when I was starting my divorce. I FINALLY understood how and why my husband was as he was. Your writings were lived out for years in our lives. He also worked with "Gaslighting" me and took me away from any support system I had. We were surrounded by people who would raise him up. (If they didn't - they were banished.)
But, in reading your writings I finally understood that I wasn't a terrible person who was totally unworthy. THANK YOU.
That's so interesting. Thank you for sharing your insights. I never would have guessed that's what it's like for a narcissist. I definitively have been ostracized by my ex's family and certain friends after ending the relationship. He's telling people I'm crazy and "unstable" everywhere he goes. Meanwhile, I'm more calm and grounded than ever, and he's the one who can't control himself. I feel like, if he's also suffering, that's a GOOD thing. And I never feel that way about anyone. I think a side effect of having loved a narcissist is that it has made me somewhat bitter. Here's to life without him.
Well said - it made me bitter
Never let bitterness , resentment or anger rule the aftermath. Stay intact. Free completely. Best wishes.
Thank you.
Rrh
"To soothe and salve the pain of disillusionment, he administers to his aching soul a mixture of lies, distortions, half-truths and outlandish interpretations of events around him." Could not have said it better. He spend a year making up complete lies about me and my family/friends. I am not even sure how a mind could be so messed up; I felt pity when I would hear these fake stories; it showed how emotionally unstable he truly is.
Christine Cervellieri been there
My grandma does this for ever to all of us that we abandoned her and she sacrificed her life and health for us. She never took care of her health when she had a chance and a doctor to do surgery and us telling her to do it, because she was afraid btw. Now she is too old to do surgery like that. Not our fault that you chickened out. Yet she calls neighbors and just bad mouths everyone that we don't feed her (She doesn't accept our food is the truth) etc. to look like a victim even though it was very far from the truth. In the end we just stop beeing nice, me personally, I dont visit her except to bring the baby to see her sometimes because all she is going to do after I leave is call someone and tell them horrible things about me. Or try to turn me against my siblings and mom with stupid tricks. Is this narcissist behavior?
Maka Place In my experience having been raised by two narcissists, having a narcissist grandmother and a boss & coworker like this, and as a result of an intense year and a half of study of this disorder, it sounds like her behavior could very well be narcissism.
This description is spot on based in my experience with breaking up with my Narcissist. Exactly what he did, including the family employed to try to gaslight me from a distance.
Thank you for explaining this. For my birth person her coping mechanism was denial.
My narcissist is currently in the kitchen,banging around,knocking things over,breaking things.According to the eviction order I got from the court,he has 1 week left to get vacate the premises.He got violent after numerous attempts to manipulate me into letting him stay didn't work.He's family so instead of pressing charges I had them take him for 3 day psychiatric observation. They said he "wasn't a danger to himself and others" so they let him out.New Jersey has funny laws,even though he was just staying in my house,he's considered a tenant (he changed his forwarding address before he even got here it seems).Even after the court order ,he tried to manipulate me by his self abuse. He has extremely unstable blood pressure, so he took to eating large cans of beans,processed high sodium foods,stuff like that and complained to our older brother that His Doctor said if his blood pressure didnt go down soon he might have a stroke.He actually wrote him a 6 page letter,since he knows he can no longer leave these "I hate you so much" letters for me.He never bathes either,this too is done to punish.
Thank you for helping us understand these complicated and harmful people
The narcissist that I know is also a psychologist... He would use his skill to advice people and he is very nice and helpful just to dig your weakness and someday he would use them to against you !!
Narcissists are everywhere and in every profession, Uchiba. The smarter they are, the more prestigious the profession. The ones with average IQs are likely in prison most of the time. Or, in middle management, and you're working for him.
diane9247 The Professions of the Narcissist samvak.tripod.com/journal70.html
Narcissistic therapists samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily24.html
The narcissist I dated was a doctor. People believe that just because you are a doctor that you are good. not so Oh and they use it against you. Yes Begood4000 mentions never revealing too much about yourself too soon in one of his videos. I watched it 5 times.
Uchiba Uki .shame on him😕
Ask me about it. He ruined perfect a family in the name of delusional jealousy and naricissism.
Self delusion
Very interesting. I think mine is number four, paranoid / schizoid. Thank you for this insight.
You'r GOOD!!! LOL.....LOVING IT! RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!🤣
Is there a way for disabled to.escape narcissistic mother?
This is my life now he is slandering me on social media after 30 years
Shift your focus onto you. Don't entertain it. Ray Charles the vs. Be happy be beautiful. Love yourself because you are.
Did you say 30 years!? Good grief what a nightmare!
I’m sincerely sorry😐 my heart goes out to you,(and other victims of stalking).
slu_josh great advice!
Girl, get rid of social media, I.e. Facebook. And get a gym membership, and a loving church home!!! God is good and I pray that God removes that man completely from your life!! You are worth so much more to Christ, whom loves you SO much!!!!!
I got off social media best thing I ever did,14 years after I divorced him he sent our youngest son up to me (10years to the day) to destroy my 50th birthday (this year) it's a life saver to have sites like these,I kicked him out after 5 weeks it made me so ill,I had to get the police involved,I'm sick of doing it,going by what the police said to be I could tell they had said things to them,it is a nitemare,but the only option is no contact with anyone who's connected with the ex-husband,and I'm moving away to disappear it's the only way,I hope you get things sorted
He sobs and cry and says he is so sorry for what he has done. Is he really a narc? All the videos I have watched say's they don't apologize in that way. He has cried in a restaurant in front of people talking about me. He says he wishes he could change, am I being fooled? He never cheated in 12 years , we have been separated for 4 months and there has been no new source. He says he thinks of me everyday.
We signed the divorce papers. I had it put in the papers that he cannot stop paying maintenance even if we are living together. He is still begging me to give him another chance to show me he can change. I told him I would now that I have protected myself. He agreed to everything in the papers. I know he wants to change , just not sure he can. I will take it slow to see if he can. What do you think? I think he has traits but he is not full blown. I will not move back fanytime soon. I am watching as I know they can't act forever.
Just be careful. They are great actors and manipulators. He would have to go to extensive counseling to really be able to change. Keep a close eye on his actions and comments. They tend to tell on themselves when the mask slips again. Pay attention to your gut feeling
Something brought you here to watch a video on narcissist behavior. If you have any inkling in your gut that something is wrong ie: maltreatment, abuse its best not to go back....just grieve the loss of what you thought was a relationship. If indeed the person is a narcissist they will punish you with increased abuse... either covertly or overtly.
@@gina1784 Did he change?
@@MrFredsAdventures No Im afraid he got worse and I am happy divorced for going on two years now
mine turned into a socipath. i think he was already when we were together
Hello Sam, after watching your videos I challenged myself and going to challenge you with one question - could it be that in certain phases of a relationship (1. during the relationship crisis which naturally appears in every one of them, 2. when we are slowly figuring out that we are not with the right person) we would tend to see every fragment of the other person's behaviour as narcisstic? When a relationship is not working, there is going to be a phase when we start to see the gaps in our significant others. Their behaviour could be perceived as demeaning, egotistic, devaluating, overly critical, distant or conditional and self-centred. In such a phase of the relationship we could be easily misled that our partner show signs of "a typical narcissist" as our mind set up got stuck on a possibility that our partner is a narcisstic and we start to analyse every bit of his behaviour through this optics. While in a reality it could be just awakening from the honeymoon phase and our own dissatisfaction with the "real" face of our partner which we refuse to accept. Our own dissatisfaction than could deceive us and tries to put a name on something which could resolve itself in a natural course of the relationship either by a breakup or by end of the crisis.
+Lin Lin I fully agree. Watch these: Can You Diagnose Your Narcissist? ua-cam.com/video/FzLFSCzUzNA/v-deo.html Narcissophobia: Narcissism Hijacked (Spartanlifecoach (Richard Grannon) Talks to Sam Vaknin) ua-cam.com/video/3OzWsXqYXgo/v-deo.html
It appears you never had a romantic relationship with a narcissist. It's not that you see the typical human failings or the other person's true colors and then you see them as narcissists because the "honeymoon" is over. I would recommend you to inform yourself a bit more regarding narcissistic and psychopathic behavior in relationships before you continue to minimize or normalize that kind of behavior.
Hello Sam. I stumbled across your videos on Facebook and UA-cam. Your work is enlightening. I am currently no contact with my husband of 10 years. He seems to have all the characters of NPD. He also has been diagnosed to have PTSD/CPTSD and a traumatic brain injury. My question is regarding the topic you spoke on I the video. Is it possible for a him to be using multiple solutions in order to cope with the abandoment. I am seeing and have seen each of these at different times. Secondly how do I protect myself and our children from being further hurt (physically, financially and emotionally) by him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I have some questions. To put this all in persepective the following might come handy.
My ex spoke with other people (with friends and her daughter) about me being manipulative and "diagnosed/labeled" me with NPD. (and it really got me unsure because when I looked indepth at what this NPD is all about there were indeed some factors, although minor, but still - it got me a little bit worried.
Now, I found YOUR videos and the entire image flipped for me.
I feel/felt tricked into some (of her) games where I have the feeling that I was unwillingly and unknowingly involved in. Games that you cleared up, step by step. Really clear.
But still... Who is who in this game?
The narcissist tends to trigger another in order to get a response where he/she is confortable with based on ones experiences of gaining attention way back into one childhood.(and of course there are many more factors)
But on the other hand there is the victim. The victim, according to my own experiences, tried everything to understand it's partner and to deal with the given circumsances as effective, truthful and loyal as possible. Which is not good too, for sometimes, or rather most of the times, things get out of hands wya too easy and it costs a lot of energy in the end. In my case I projected a lot of blame onto myself, questioning myself like: am I really blind, am I really too easy on this person. Why couldn't I just protect myself against this?
The latter question is a rethoric one.
Rescue Fantasies - Surviving the Narcissist
samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html
The Malignant Optimism of the
Abused
samvak.tripod.com/journal27.html
The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence
and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists
samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html
Codependence and the Dependent Personality
Disorder
samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html
The Dependent Patient - A Case
Study
samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html
Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm
Syndrome
samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily.html
The Cult of the
Narcissist
samvak.tripod.com/journal79.html
The Narcissist's Victims
samvak.tripod.com/faq38.html
Myself and Wife has been going thru a cycle of pain all these years. I’m 33. She’s 24. I have 3 kids. We are separated since 2016. I was a bad Husband at the initial stage because I couldn’t let go of her past. She has terrible past which tormented me even in my dreams. I love her. And I still do. I just couldn’t accept my love being shared around. There’s this thing in me because I was also brought up from a insecure family. Thus making me even more insecure with her and raking up her past day in and out. Finding faults with her and linked all I can was because the root causes was her past. I was selfish. I was stupid. I am retarded for even bringing up her past. I accepted her thought that I could forgive her but I couldn’t. Fast forward to years after our marriage, we have our 3rd kid. Yeah, I’m a motherfucking sex machine and I’m Asian. Back to the story, we have 3 kids and I find myself drifted away from her as time goes. She moved out on our quarrels. She went night life. She went even to her mother place but got chased out due to her abnormal unusual late night attics. She became a stronger drinker than she used to. Going nights out with friends 3-4 times a week. I shall not divulge more. It’s heartbreaking. Right now after 3 years I’m still seeing my kids all these time. Fetching them to school and picking them from school and rushing to work. Cook for them and do their laundries. Shower them and pack their school bags the next day. I’m worn out. Totally shagged out. At many occasions I thought of ending my life. I don’t have a life. I don’t drink like I used to. I do not have any friends anymore especially devoting 99% of my time to my kids. I have nobody to talk to anymore. Until this very day I’m still struggling. I’m still waiting for her. But today I’ve saw her social media’s and she’s still enjoying her life and knowing so many different guys. It’s so obvious they only want that Pussy of hers. I as a husband on paper can only pray to God and open her eyes. I was depressed and I still am. I’ve lost all sense of direction and I’m so tired seeing my kids. I’m hanging on because they are my responsibility. I might be a jerk who rake up her past but I certainly do not deserved being ignored for 3 years. I kid myself she will changed and be back. But it didn’t happened. I pray hard and cry hard to Lord Jesus as I’m a backslider I pray that one day I can find a partner who can motivate me and be strong. Someone who understands me and show me love. I’m dying for that love. I hope u guys pray for me as tmr I’m going to the family court and initiate divorce proceeding. This is the first time in my life I’ve finally make my decision after seeing her social media is so active with different guys. I can swear for my whole family life despite having a dick stand so often, I never once insert my dick onto another Pussy. For this imconfident. I’m giving up this marriage. I’m letting God handle my pain. My sorrows and my disaster. I’m asking Jesus to give me strength and make me a better person. Most important right now I want to provide a stable shelter for my 3 kids. My life has changed. I no longer need friends. My friends are my children. I love them. They are my responsibility.
Read the story of Jezebel and Ahab.
Hang in there. Hope things are going well for you now. I will say a prayer for you.
While this video I'm sure does accurately reflect what an NPD will do/go through in a breakup- I do feel I have to point out that there seems to be enormous cross-over with a normal reaction to a break up. For example, the NPD may deliberately destroy their work in order to feel in control and gain supply from self-victimhood; but would it not also be possible for a psychologically healthy person to be devastated by a sudden break up, and simply not be able to function for a period of time? They may not be able to function while they process the emotional trauma? From the outside those two scenarios would look identical.
Not functioning and self-sabotaging have nothing in common and do not look the same to any sane observer: samvak.tripod.com/faq69.html
Dear Sam, I highly appreciate your Knowledge and am learning a lot. Thank you for your excellent work 🙏❤️. I hope, it's ok to drop a question. One of my Expartners seems to be a psychopathic Narc and is sadistic too. I have managed to escape and am living a happy life. We still have to sort out financial Stuff and this will be done by Court. He owes me a lot of money and his Chance to get away with this are very low. My Question: How dangerous will he be once the Judge decides his Guilt?
He has several guns... And this scares me. A short answer is highly appreciated ☺️.
I can’t tell exactly how my ex has reacted. I left him (which he did try to say was a conspiracy) and I’ve been no contact for almost 4 years. I got a restraining order and protective order and he violates them repeatedly. I have contacted the police in every. single. instance. He went back to jail and even to prison. It has been radio silence from him for a couple years and now he shows back up by sending a letter in the mail to my home address.
Does he still see me as the snapshot from 15 years ago as a 15 year old girl? Does he see me as the locus of control?
Will he ever give up or do I have to manipulate him in return?
Keep reporting him to the court and to the cops
You're very intelligent. Spot on.
"often they cause real and lasting damage, fortunately mainly to themselves..."
I'm not so sure Sam -_-
If what you propose is even partially true, that narcissists can infect a non, then it seems to me the damage they could cause is unlimited
Narcissist women almost 100% of the time try to diagnose and play victim saying their spouse is a narcissist and use the system against them.
im at the healthy conclusion anyhow wow
@5:47+, this is my abuser. But what he has done is to project it all upon me by covert use of others to covertly do every single one of these these very things to me. Now last weekend, he put 50k on my head and told someone to "get it done and make it quick". The police won't listen to me even though I recorded it because they say that I cannot absolutely prove it is him. In reality that should be enough to start an investigation to get more info to prove it was him, but because he called them ahead of time and told them I was nuts of course, they dismiss me. At this point, who cares anymore because at least I will finally be free from his abuse if that happens. These monsters only grow far worse with age. They are nothing but absolute evil. And sometimes there is no stopping them. We have been separated for over 10 years and still he insists on making me his hobby of complete destruction. I laugh because I know that after I'm gone, he will lose his focus and self destruct. There is only 1 answer for dealing with these demons.
I think how you described the schizoid the last part of the video, is how my ex was...He didn't want to go anywhere, go out for a meal, didn't want to associate with neighbours, meet people he knew, etc..He didn t want to socialise...His hygiene was maybe 1 shower every 2 weeks...the last 3 years we lived a bit more isolated in the countryside. Basically, all he wanted to do was stay there...the only time he left to go out was to buy cigarettes or maijuana, or to get food supplies for the chickens/ dog....His parents used to bring him food, cooked meals, etc...He lost his job, his elderly parents were supporting him, paid all his bills, etc...He was delusional, he used to say no one understood him, he was special, ge was perfect, he was god, that he had consciousness, he was seeing auras, he had 2 spiritual guides...I left 7 months ago, there was more insults, abusive behaviour, criticising everything, demeaning me, humilliation etc...I knew I had to leave for my own sanity...
Good information, except that you seem to be saying only males can be narcissists...
Female narcissists samvak.tripod.com/faq34.html
Why does Sam only refer to narcissists as males ??
Because a majority of narcissists are male. Female narcissists: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq34.html
NOT TO JUDGE,
BUT by being an empath, All dislikes hate the truth or just might be.....😮 The narc
theyre lined up - theyre like dope fiends theyll never be without a connect
I would pity the narc for beeing so constantly in need for supply if I didn't despise him for eating with the same pleasure exquisite cuisine and rotten apples from the trash
if you're not accepted by society but want it so bad, there's no other option
I thank you so much! I never knew my man was an NPD until I read your book. Now, I see him for the infantile person he is and have left him. You probably saved me and my children from a lifetime of disappointment and abuse.
Hi Heather ,
I also didn't know the ex was npd 11yrs barely married for 1 I discarded him a year ago after discovering why he married me & the evil he had done while being in mine and my children's life . Whole situation not relationship was a set up. You can't relate with evil your just pouring your love and light into an abyss.
I managed to go no contact & divorce him online .through the courts ✨️
Healing 🙏🏾 & peace🌸
Malignant envy. That is spot on. They are envious even when you are doing good things for them. My future ex wife is jealous of me when I make a nice dinner and clean the kitchen. I can see her wheels turning. She thinks she should be getting the credit and becomes malignantly envious. They have no original thoughts, only reactionary mimicking.
Same with my current bf they feel out of control and lime they'll be nothing they can critizise you about. When I cook or clean he seems envious as d jealous.thry need to feel better at everything.they want to make.you feel like you can't do anything right
melvin151515 me ex wife narc used to do the same too. Each time I washed clothes and dishes and did many good things, she will go on silent treatment.
melvin151515 Don’t marry her, unless she agrees to counseling.
Interesting you wrote no original thought. Describes my ex exactly.
@@wanketta
Just don't marry her. Move on to something better... and sane!
I left the narc 3 weeks ago with no contact. He was getting paranoid. Changed all his credit cards and trying to see if someone was getting his personal info thru email. The abuse escalated!! I am sick now but am moving on for a better life at 55 yrs old. Best wishes to all of you. Thank you for all your videos. It has helped me understand my situation and move to recovery.
If you had a narcissist parent, you may be subconciously attracted to narcs. I was. I wish you hapiness
my story too
Movin on up lady! Props 👊
Incredible. Left my woman narc 3 weeks ago as well. Only with the cloth on me. I’m 58 and I’m very happy. Total No Contact
Reaction?
Simple, they find new supply as soon as possible.
@@bdale8102
This is implied, which can occur during the devaluation period. Devaluation can extend over months, even years.
In the case where, _you_ discard the narcissist first, yes, they will often use the secondary supply to replace the primary source. Then seek out a higher quality primary source.
However, just because someone is monkey branching (lining someone up before they leave you) doesn't mean they have NPD. It could also mean they are just really insecure and fear being alone as well as self absorbed.
Mine found a new supply 10days after I asked for seperation due to disrespect emotional and mental abuse! Been with him for over 20years! With 3 children.He devalued me,introduced his new supply to his family and started making future plans together! Karma has got him already as he found out new supply gave him STD! TV and HepetitisB!
Now he wants me back!and refusing to sign divorce papers!No chance!Good riddance!Doing everything to sort out this divorce as soon as possible!
If you don't keep up with contacting them through text or phone calls, on a daily basis. They will confront you for it like it is your debt and responsibility.
Even if you do call/text them, they will consider it as not enough and in their eyes, you are now their enemy.
My ex used to complain about me not calling him.
Sam says narcs have no personality to fix. That’s why they can’t get help, much less an official definition. They need a secondary illness, like bipolar disorder, to bring them to therapy. Even then, there’s no definitive treatment, no behavior modification, if there’s no introspection. I’m a total amateur, but I think NPD is actually a psychosis. There’s no remorse.
Healing and Curing Narcissism
vaksam.tripod.com/faq63.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq77.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq70.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq12.html
vaksam.tripod.com/10.html
vaksam.tripod.com/case03.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq31.html
vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html
vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html
vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html
Sam Vaknin Thank you so much! I I will probably watch every video of yours I can find, but it’s very helpful to have specific ones to see.
I've been through a phase where I think I'm crazy and I need help.
I guessed in the first two weeks of being with him that he had some form of mental health. He laughed it off and then slowly started putting it back on me saying I'm crazy. It's all calmed down alot now seems I don't play into his games.
But now I've questioned if he has bi polar...
Hahahaa just as u said!!
I know he won't go to the docs or physiatrist, it's too much stress for him.
Looks like I have a choice to make....
I am abandoning the narcissist I am involved with now Sam. I have been wrung nearly dry by this man. You always helped me.
I want to know how people get involved with narcissists in the first place. They're usually pretty groan worthy and easy to catch out. Then again, my psych thought I had a paranoid personality disorder...well no actually I just pay attention.
samvak.tripod.com/faq68.html
Sam, you are so dead on! Thank you so much for all your videos. If only I could abandon my narcissistic friend. Watching and re watching your videos are helping me to move in the right direction. They are teaching me so much about myself, my friend and, MY MOTHER! I realize that I was raised by an narcissist, and that is probably why I feel "comfortable" with my friend. Both my sisters are married to narcissists. You are a wonderful teacher.
Because I've watched a lot of videos in order to solve my schizotypal reactions to life, I do feel like life is hopeless and that I'm hopeless, as I don't want to invest any effort into being someone who has a higher chance of obtaining "success". I get no sex and am constantly rejected (through non verbal cues mainly as I have learned to avoid direct confrontation), from which I now only intereact with those that I "have" to interact with (work, training partners and family). The only effort I am currently willing to invest in, is in self sabotage through self isolation which will lead into a more desolate life, but in turn feels more soothing in the short term than investing effort into a more productive life that contains possible disappointments, as feeling "omnipotent" seems to be important to me. Btw thanks for the video. A little bit of cold therapy here I guess. I'm not so special. 👍
sam,
I love a narcissist,but whenever i ask him how he feels about me he gets angry and says mean things to me.
Is it because he's afraid to feel anything close to love or happiness ?
should I stop saying "i love you"?
I read in your book that narcissists hate the words "I love you"
The narcissist hates to be loved because he hates women (is a misogynist); because he fears intimacy (which would render him less unique and less mysterious); and because he cannot believe that an intelligent, perceptive mate would find him loveable: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq74.html
And in the case of a narcissistic woman is it the same? Thank you
Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links:
groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727
3:20 he is his own self-generated narcissistic supply...
I am divorcing a narcissit soon I move out due to his violent controlling behavior and he lied routinely. I am shciked i even know him due to all the horrible things he did to me
Distaste of anything too domesticated. Patterns are very predictable and cyclical, on the edge of the proverbial seat. I so enjoy this information yes
your spot on I'm going through that now with my ex.. the rage and hate campaign has begun x
Marie Ashton my advice, stay off social media and cut off contact
Thank you for posting Sam, much appreciated. If a narcissist withdraws to the point of catatonia and ends up in a psych ward, if they are correctly diagnosed would they be told they'd been diagnosed as a narcissist or would just the debilitation be treated?
Healing and Curing Narcissism
vaksam.tripod.com/faq77.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq63.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq70.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq12.html
vaksam.tripod.com/10.html
vaksam.tripod.com/case03.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq31.html
vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html
vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html
vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html
Denise Horn Misdiagnosing Narcissism - The Bipolar I Disorder samvak.tripod.com/journal71.html
Sam Vaknin I've observed that Antisocial and Borderline PDs are also misdiagnosed as BP I. Med providers want to find something they can treat and are reluctant to send someone away with the information that there's no pill to help them.
How might one guess after no contact which their ex experienced? Might there be hints in the hoovers or are the hoovers to calculated to estimate from?
I am currently in the middle of breaking up with a cerebral narc. who withdrew sex and as soon as i said i don't have the desire/spark for it (after begging for 7 months) he suddenly said he will do it... and will improve one it... and he tried to convince *hoovering* me to stay with him... I can't live my life with this narc its draining and hurting me...
Merlsuasan they get off on punishing. Little do they realize how much they’re doing you a favor with the lack-luster sex. Take care of yourself, stress can cause cancer and other ailments.
Merlsuasan
Run! Your health and sanity depends on it.
1. Are the narcissists aware of the strategies,tactics and mind games that they are using on there victums ? Or they use them by instict ?
2. If i used these tactics and strategies against a narcissist what would happen ? Or in other words would i be able to control him somehow ?
3.what does it means when a narcissist is detached sexualy NOt phisically from you ?
I would be greatful by your replience your are such a great people .
Answer ro your question 1: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/2.html Question number 2: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq4.html Question number 3: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq29.html
Sam Vaknin thank you so much
They are aware of what they do. They know that they hurt people This is why covert/malignant narcissists are labeled as having a disorder. They are not labeled as mentally ill. They know what they are doing when they do it and they do it with intent.
this man is on Spot..
Liberated ! Freedom ! I am free ❤
Funny how everybody is labelling their spouses and/or husbands as narcissists.
@Diva R 👌👌💯
I just divorced my narc of 24 years last week. Guess what? He has now taken his new gf/supply on a 3-day trip to Vegas this weekend. On top of that, he called me while on vacation to ask what I was doing. He did not tell me he was on vacay, but he asked me what time it was in Atlanta-therefore letting me know he was away somewhere. However, he never told me directly. The new supply posted pics of being surprised by a vacation-but did not post any pics with him-he probably told her not to post any as usual to conceal their relationship. We are not married anymore-so I'm wondering why she is still being made to conceal their affair on social media. (He does not claim her on social media-but she claims him.) And, he refuses to even add a relationship status on his fb. The status states no relationship info; yet, the new supply is already changing her last name to his on her page-even before we got divorced which seems a little desperate... He just recently came into about 40k back pay in a settlement and I will admit that him buying and posting material items for this new supply and taking her on trips bothers me after knowing that I've been with him more than 24 years with 3 kids and she comes along and reaps the financial benefit as I decide to exit. He also purchased his new supply's son a used car and has not done that for his on beautiful children. This has really pissed me off... He does not think that I know, but I just wonder how a man could do for another child and not for his own child...? Do you think this was revenge on me for filing and paying for divorce...?
Narcs do not love because they are too damaged. If he can lovebomb his new supply AND get under your skin with the same action, he probably looks at it like an operational efficiency (killing two birds with one stone). Very sad for you and your children, and even for the new supply. Congratulations on your divorce. The healing will come in time. (I am in the process of divorcing one of these types after 26 years married. Ugh.)
Oh wow! Good luck to you... It is certainly a difficult process.
I'm sorry to hear that you and your children are going through that. Dealing with a ex narcissist is one of the worst if not the worst experiences that one could ever go through. Unfortunately my case is very similar to yours so I can relate. Going through a divorce for 4 years now (long story) with triangulation, hoovering, & all the other *wonderful tactics that narcissists implement. Like Sam said " to get pleasure only from your destruction"! When the enlightenment bulb finally goes off and you feel like you have cracked the case or had an ephiany it's only then do you finally realize that nothing was real. By this time it's too late! The words, love, time spent...absolutely nothing was real. You loved someone who was never really there, an "illusion"... the person they pretended to be. A fraud! When your precious time, energy, money, selfworth has all been stripped and you're discarded with nothing left...that is the real tradegy! That is something you can't wrap your head around. The worst and hardest thing I've ever had to recover from by far.
He is trying to use her to make you jealous to spark a reaction from you and yes for payback too. He will lovebomb her and they will be on a honeymoon phase for a very short period. All of which you are seeing now on social media. All apart of his plan. Social media is the perfect platform for narcissist to showcase their *awesome* life's but that too is an illusion. Only the people closet to the narcissist know what really goes on behind closed doors. It won't be long before all of that will come to quick end with him and her. After the new wears off he will become bored and his mask will come off. Depending on the situation they may be together for a short period or history will repeat itself. He will have the same type of relationship with her as he had with you. She will experience everything you went through. He will not love her more or change for her. He exists soley for narcissist supply and right now she's supply #1 but it won't last it never does. So my best advice to you is to take care of yourself and your children. Ignore him and as hard as it is " do not look at their profiles " Believe me it's all show and make no mistake it's on purpose. The narcissist is only hoping that your watching
How did you stay with him for so long? That must have taken a lot out of you.
Deborah Etheridge to which person are you asking?
What makes a narcissist?
Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.
These may be of help - click on the links:
vaksam.tripod.com/1.html
vaksam.tripod.com/npdglance.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq82.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faqpd.html
Pathological narcissism is a reaction to prolonged abuse and trauma in early childhood or early adolescence. The source of the abuse or trauma is immaterial - the perpetrators could be parents, teachers, other adults, or peers. Pampering, smothering, spoiling, and "engulfing" the child are also forms of abuse - see these:
vaksam.tripod.com/narcissismglance.html
vaksam.tripod.com/npdglance.html
vaksam.tripod.com/journal42.html
metapsychology.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=de&id=419
Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links:
groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727
The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism
vaksam.tripod.com/journal43.html
Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man
groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5048
Adolescent Narcissist - A Case Study
samvak.tripod.com/narcissistadolescent.html
Me > everybody else
I believe deeply that my sister is in fact an advanced Narcissist. Is there a test for this? She has been involved in physical aggressive abuse when she doesn't get her way. We have always had a troubling relationship because I want to help her FEEL. Empathy even towards our parents seems to be difficult for her. I always believed that my parents have "babied" or spoiled her to keep her home, as they had problems when I left the "nest" when I was married. Two years ago she was unfaithful several times and the man she was with ( who we have all labelled a masochist) finally left her. She refuses to believe she did anything wrong and changes the story of the breakup, lies about the number of sexual partners she cheated on him with, ....etc. Always an excuse. One day I took her out to lunch and asked her why she felt he was a "perfect suitor" for her. Her EXACT words were" You know Gina, he was a lot like you, very easy to manipulate". She is my little sister and I always feel a need to protect her, be there for her, care for her....etc. But I believe her empathy is fading. I believe the older she gets, the longer the madness of her narcissism lasts, her empathy worsens. Do I speak to her about it? Do i let it go? Is a person like her able to be tested on ? Does empathy lessen as a narcissist become older and more in control of her own lifestyle?
Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.
These may be of help - click on the links:
vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders11.html
vaksam.tripod.com/1.html
vaksam.tripod.com/npdglance.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq82.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faqpd.html
Marc McCall Marc, why don't you click on the first link in my response above?
thank you so much for this
As the extreme sensitiv heterosexual man i am, i think that the different thing about self destructive behavior, between the people that are not a narcissist, and the narcissist, is that the first group that i have written about, gets to feel disappointed about them self, and the narcissistic people, do not get to feel that at all, and it seems to me, that there is too many of the good enough people today, that is destroying their own Lifes unfortunately then, yes.
I am concerned for his well being if I break away. I still love him in spite of himself. I don't want him to do these things to himself.. it breaks my heart .. why? Even after all he's done in the last 20 years?
You do not abandon someone you love, never! I wish that you know the feeling there, it is deep in your heart for ever and ever,so do not even talk about it, ciao Zina
treliyiaellinika Yes, it's a game. He misses the narcissistic supplies you provided. He doesn't miss YOU, he misses getting what he wanted from you. Resist the temptation to go back, say goodbye to your belongings and move on to a man who deserves you. Better yet, take a break from men and work on your self-esteem.
Well thank you Diane! i left him and my belongings and stop asking for him to send it back to me?
How do you know so much in your heart how to deal with this???wow and I admire you just for that and how old are you, may i ask?
I divorced after 32 yrs of marriage to one guy and after I divorced I have met him...hoping for a better one...well it was so much sex and wow for a while and then it was about other things that i did not like like being cold in the winter inside the one million dollar house or....being too hot in the summer because the air condition
is off!!!
ciao Zina
Even if that person wants to destroy you? you. must work on the self love you can love him from afar if you must but please take care of you coz he wont x you
Thank you for this video, although I’m a bit confused. I have questions. I don’t know if this text is too long but would be grateful for answers. I appreciate every Video you put out and the time you invest in it, no matter if you respond or not, Sam.
I don’t really know if he projected things onto me or if he has paranoias or both paranoia/schizoid…
We were in a long distance relationship, so we would FaceTime all day long. He asked me every 5 minutes to turn the camera, and he tried to „catch“ somebody in the background. He thought I would hide somebody - „a fuckboy“ as he called „him“ that I of course didn’t have. I had to show the content of my garbage, the bathroom to check how many towels are hanging there and so on. Every time we argued, because I would get insane with this behavior, he‘d break up with me saying, he saw „him touching me“ and that I was „shaking“, that I’m a terrible person „fucking in front of him on camera“ 🤯
He then went further to make screenrecordings of our FaceTime calls, sending them to me to show me the proof of it. And there is nobody but me on the recordings as well as the narc in the little window.
3 days ago was the last time he did that. He forwarded me his recordings asking me if I’m earning money with this on the internet… that I’m humiliating him with „him“. That he knows people watch this online.
I told him he should seek professional help and that I’m done. he blocked me everywhere. And I blocked him. I’m beyond exhausted and still trauma bonded, so it’s hard right now.
But: Did he share the videos somewhere (projection)? - how would you know… but maybe he does invent these things only to hurt me? Or would it be possible that he actually sees things that doesn’t exist, and is in fact paranoid/schizoid? My brain is fried making it make sense…
I should mention this has been going on for a year and we met each other in person every 2 weeks. These days were used for love bombing. After 3 days of only FaceTime he would accuse me of this and devalue me again.
Thank you for such phenomenal explanation of this...and such insight!
That’s a deep & very interesting opinion
I will love to share your videos with Spanish speaking friends. The cc (captions) are only in English.
Claudia Riecken translated a few of them to Portuguese. Search for her on UA-cam.
So so true! Thank you for this video!!!
been there!!!!!!!!!!
That's not cool. We have hearts too. I got rejected and went into a deep depression. How is having a narcissistic personality my fault? It's a mental problem yet we get seen as evil and no good.
Charlie Towers There is a Spectrum to NPD disorder . My ex narc chose to be hurtful, and some have physical contortions in the brain.
Charlie Towers i said there is a spectrum. you may have the lack of prefrontal brain use and it might not be your fault but others choose to be npd and eventually their brain chemistry changes. just work on yourself and ignore the comments of hurt codependants like us. its actually our fault for holding on to npd disorder relationships due to our codependency
Alberto Estrada what a deep observation
LadybugsPicnic one2III wow ok. uhm, as much as i want to say or be rude, you made a very valid point. i didn't know i did that. so, are you here to just criticize or help?
if u see you have a problem then I doubt u have a true narrisistic personality. ..and with councling you may have a chance of healing
im sure im a narcisist. I hope im not but i do feel we should show them some compasion think of what they went through to become what they are.
benjy freakyfool if you think you are get help. They arnt monsters. They just have too much hurt and dont know how to admit to their faults to heal
That's what most narcs want...to feed their supply. No contact is best for the victims. Hope you seek help from a professional.
Thank you!
Didnt realize their was so many certified psychologists in this chat, who can diagnose their husbands. As entertainment I browsed alot of the comments, even saw some of these ladies admitting social media stalking, checking up on their ex's. I am very sure MOST if not all of these mean are not even narcs. I have been accused of a narc or sociopath if I didnt cater to my ex wife. I think "projection" is a real thing. My wife would always call me a narc or sociopath sometimes randomly. Would always say I was toxic, even though I have an amazing career and allowed her to stay at home and do pottery and art painting lol. Ladies I will give you some advise, feminism has ruined you and the meaning of marriage. Marriage for men is now nothing more than a high-stakes gamble. Infact its WORST than gambling because the odds are not in our favor. My wife would threaten divorce, just to get a reaction, I told her never to threaten it again. The 3rd time she did, i packed her bags for her, she started back-pedaling saying she loves me, how im perfect, blah blah blah. After she left my house I will admit I was sad, because i started to blame myself. I felt maybe I didnt "fight for her". Then i realized, I dont want to be married for decades always on egg-shells for a wife who cries wolf everytime we have a dispute. Why ? because of the divorce laws are 1-sided and if you pretend like its not then you are a delusional. Okay my rant is done, but it was entertaining.
U guys are vey cruel towards narcissistics they are humans at the end ok I believe my mom is Narcissistic and she is so cruel and i think im npd as well but im trying to not to be like her and I don’t want to be like her i think i have bipolar disorder and a little bit of narcissistic behaviors
My mother is a narcissist and I’ve haven’t talked to her in 5 years. Ever since I left her house all she does is drive my dad crazy and she tries to contact me every other month lol. Boo hooooo.