How To Manage Rejection Sensitivity - Dr. Samantha Hiew, PhD (4K)

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 115

  • @TranscendingTrauma
    @TranscendingTrauma Місяць тому +20

    When people tell me I’m “too”sensitive I now see it as them calling themselves out on their own “lack” of sensitivity

  • @targaghjj
    @targaghjj 8 місяців тому +149

    I don't have any friends I can call. And I don't know anyone compassionate except my therapist. Just a call out to all us lonely people out there!

    • @echolux2225
      @echolux2225 7 місяців тому +18

      I read this and teared up. I feel that on a deep level ❤

    • @Freedom_Prof
      @Freedom_Prof 5 місяців тому +19

      I have friends who tell me to reach out, but I think if I did, they’d be done with me. It’s a very isolating, lonely place to be when RSD flares. Ugh 😩 So I don’t bother. I ride it out alone. My partner is the logical one, and she’s probably the only person who can deal with me, and whom I feel and know won’t just walk away. I really think others would. And I really don’t want to burden others with my issues, my dysregulated emotions, etc. So I isolate until the storms pass.

    • @TLZ
      @TLZ 5 місяців тому +16

      I dont talk to most of my family at all and dont open up to the ones i do speak to. Theres no safe place for feelings in my circle, especially for men.

    • @ShaunaMarieG
      @ShaunaMarieG 4 місяці тому +15

      ​@Freedom_Prof It's like when people ask, "How are you?" but they don't actually want you to tell the truth (or care)...just say, "I'm good, thank you, and yourself?" (like a robot) as opposed to saying how you REALLY feel like your world has been turned upside down and you're losing your will to live. "Call me anytime" really means (or at least I feel) "call me if you're doing well because I can't handle any 'negative' talk".

    • @targaghjj
      @targaghjj 4 місяці тому +3

      @@ShaunaMarieG 100% it does. I'm dealing with this today.

  • @babydivauk
    @babydivauk 3 місяці тому +41

    I’ve been triggered by complete strangers snapping at me. I still feel it years later

    • @christythomson536
      @christythomson536 Місяць тому +3

      And me snapping at people! I feel it for a long time.

    • @mellowmusic1372
      @mellowmusic1372 Місяць тому +4

      I broke down crying, sitting on the floor, first time in years, the reason: an unknown lady told off my three months old puppy for try to get close to her. Okay she was rude in her wording, but at the same time she might have been scared of dogs. Still I felt so hurt by that, as the owner/ partner of that puppy. Still hurts a few years on

  • @lawrencehudson8552
    @lawrencehudson8552 Місяць тому +7

    I'm 58 and only broke my addiction to food 1.5 years ago, only to hear in this interview that food was a viable coping skill. Now I know why I writh in angst most of my waking hours trying to figure out how to cope and adapt.

  • @kionaalley5643
    @kionaalley5643 2 місяці тому +11

    Literally cried when she said see someone calling you sensitive as a compliment and not criticism

  • @iselamartinez3182
    @iselamartinez3182 5 місяців тому +28

    I liked it up to when she said in response to the user comment about his pain of rejection “ I don’t take it personally, I don’t rely on friends for validation “. 😮 gosh I thought she understood it was not voluntary or rational. She might all well have said “oh well grow up, it’s not about you”… Alex tried to save it. I think I would have preferred to hear Alex here. Very wise young man.

    • @teejay8258
      @teejay8258 26 днів тому +3

      I understand what you mean, but she is coming from a healed perspective. I have been working on this for a long time, and I am no longer as triggered by rejection. Once you start to understand yourself better, you are able to navigate rejection a lot easier. It’s not rational at all, and it’s certainly not your fault, but when you are able to understand the trigger, it does lessen. It’s a very long process. You are triggered by her comment because in a way, you perceive that she is rejecting the struggles you have. We are constantly misunderstood, and you are reacting to feeling misunderstood by her. This is her whole point, really. The more you stop seeking external validation, the less you are hurt by rejection and criticism.

  • @Kins_things
    @Kins_things 9 місяців тому +13

    This has been such a helpful validating discussion to hear & has helped me understand so much about my experiences of RSD. Thankyou 🙏

  • @LysanderLH
    @LysanderLH 2 місяці тому +7

    I can tell you how I finally accepted a way to deal with rejection. I watched a video in which old people were asked for their life advice. Almost all of them said to care less if at all about what others think of you. If someone makes no effort to contact or associate with me, they are dropped; that includes employers who promise much and deliver nothing. Since adopting a ‘couldn’t care less’ attitiude, I have found that I mainly have only the people who actually do care around me.

    • @MizzTH-G
      @MizzTH-G Місяць тому +1

      Totally agree: I am taking this approach to my life now too. The art of not giving a F. Life is too short and precious to waste on people not worth my time and effort.

  • @tjparker8654
    @tjparker8654 10 місяців тому +71

    be careful who you tell you are sensitive, one could be gas lit because of it.

    • @RenTheWren
      @RenTheWren 9 місяців тому +11

      For sure. That's why learning to recognise gaslighting is forever a part of The Work :/

    • @sameus11maximus
      @sameus11maximus 9 місяців тому +2

      Yes! Exactly what my x did to me!

    • @telefellavision
      @telefellavision 3 місяці тому +1

      ​@@RenTheWrenyou've got that right

    • @diepiriye
      @diepiriye 2 місяці тому

      Yes, and it's also important to recognize that trauma can make trust difficult, such that we constantly look out for people to hurt us, and when we find them it confirms this bias.

    • @chrismills9620
      @chrismills9620 2 місяці тому +1

      Absolutely 👍🏻

  • @juliak2591
    @juliak2591 Місяць тому +2

    “With great power, comes great responsibility “. So empowering. I have always thought my strong emotions make me weak when in fact the ability to feel is a powerful tool for navigating through life. I simply need to learn to control and use them appropriately.

  • @ADHD_Chatter_Podcast
    @ADHD_Chatter_Podcast  10 місяців тому +19

    Such an important topic! I really hope this episode helps. Please Like the video (and subscribe) if you found it useful. Lots more videos like this to come. Thanks so much for your support. Alex ❤

    • @bringitbex
      @bringitbex 10 місяців тому

      Great UA-cam channel as always interesting and informative interview Thankyou ❤

  • @mackfin8869
    @mackfin8869 4 місяці тому +11

    I’ve lived like this all my life 55 now

    • @ADHD007-A1
      @ADHD007-A1 4 місяці тому +3

      Right behind you at 53. Positive ADHD Vibes to you.

  • @joshuaheise7293
    @joshuaheise7293 3 місяці тому +4

    Amazing thank you I was miss diagnosed with bipolar but after 10 years of wrong meds and working through issues I was diagnosed ADHD and child hood trauma
    Your video has help me understand the worst part of my behaviour and how I effect my life

  • @ah3738
    @ah3738 Місяць тому +2

    This is just an invaluable discussion. I knew i had some issues 😂 but now i actually know that its RSD. I'm really really grateful for this. Thank you. 💛

  • @TibiSum
    @TibiSum 7 місяців тому +9

    I appreciate the updated conversation happening in this vid. We must look at neurobiology, both in how we started life with neurodivergent CNS wiring and how said wiring was impacted by the social determinants of health and humiliation/alienation in NT dominated environments, such as schools, all along the way. This one of the few, rare moments where an expert describes the relationship between emotional flooding, triggers and a CNS that is operating in a PTSD way. A lot of us do have the acquired brain injury of PTSD alongside an already similarly functioning CNS just given we are over represented in populations of intimate partner violence survivors and CA. I take off label medications for CPTSD and these have resolved some of the struggle associated with living with AuDHD. Our pain can be languageless, alienating and isolating. Look at how adults living with these traits experienced school. As a 70's baby, I was exposed to devastating harms in the school system. Workplaces have not been so easy, either.

    • @kathyw348
      @kathyw348 8 днів тому

      Can you please say what off label meds you take for CPTSD? I have this and ADHD and am so sensitive to all the meds over the years. @TibiSum

    • @TibiSum
      @TibiSum 6 днів тому

      @kathyw348 I'm on 300mg Sertraline, 450 Wellbutrin, AM/PM Pregablin, 7.5mg Mirtazapine and 15mg Prazosin. To this, recently have added 28mg Concerta. Not sure yet about it. Just came off Vyvanse to try it. The stimulants are helping, but there are draw backs, such as struggling to eat and overwhelming hyper focus. The other meds all really help. Mirtz for sleep and Prazosin for night terrors.

  • @briana9918
    @briana9918 10 місяців тому +7

    This conversation was brilliant. Thank you both! So much to learn from it!

  • @peterridgway7355
    @peterridgway7355 10 місяців тому +5

    This is a great discussion, only it has set my mind off on a number of past depressive spirals which have been with me most of my life……..
    I’ll have to finish listening to it at a later time.

  • @username604error5
    @username604error5 16 днів тому +1

    Attempting to solely THINK oneself out of RSD is a fool’s errand !!! I need to engage in a Somatic type practice FIRST to interrupt the RSD train. I do breath-work THEN my thinking is better able to access all the therapy CBT DTA ACT BS etc

  • @emeliemetcalfe4576
    @emeliemetcalfe4576 10 місяців тому +3

    So insightful. Great guest/expert.

  • @terrancemonster
    @terrancemonster 23 дні тому

    Shame about the mic in a sock sound issue for him/you but the message is clear enouth. Thankyou. I'm learning to forgive myself for my sketchyness.

  • @Tashargh
    @Tashargh 25 днів тому

    38:44 A comment on living in the wild being great for ADHD. I was homeless for a year, and though it was emotionally and physically stressful, it was one of the best times of my life. I found an accepting community, and we all helped each other to survive. There was no judgement. No worries of bills or losing your house. Just find food and shelter and keep yourself and friends as safe as possible. This isn't a usual reaction to being homeless, most people I met on the street really needed some emotional support and were miserable. But for me, I have fond memories, and I'm pretty sure that's an ADHD thing ❤

  • @Darkmode9
    @Darkmode9 2 місяці тому +2

    My partner told me early on about RSD, so I always put into account that what he is experiencing is caused by RSD.

  • @lionessbehindyou
    @lionessbehindyou 10 місяців тому +3

    Interesting one! I love almost every video! Great format and great interviewer!

  • @MarieWilliams-t9w
    @MarieWilliams-t9w 5 місяців тому +4

    Understanding people are too interested in themselves. And they are less respectful and more init for themselves. If someone is being disrespectful it's just because they are not thinking about other people's feelings. And are just saying or doing what suits them. If people show disrespect they lack respect.

  • @karagrant5778
    @karagrant5778 10 місяців тому +14

    This is such a great and fascinating discussion. I suspect I have adhd and am looking into getting tested. Rejection hits me hard and I tend to be very critical of myself. Thank you for the great information!

    • @ADHD_Chatter_Podcast
      @ADHD_Chatter_Podcast  10 місяців тому +5

      Thanks for your kind words!

    • @RenTheWren
      @RenTheWren 9 місяців тому +2

      Good luck in your quest to figure out what's up :) I hope you find some answers soon!

    • @karagrant5778
      @karagrant5778 9 місяців тому +1

      @@RenTheWren thank you! I really appreciate it. :)

    • @karagrant5778
      @karagrant5778 9 місяців тому

      @@ADHD_Chatter_Podcast of course!

    • @obtuseangler768
      @obtuseangler768 9 місяців тому

      ​there's quite a few online diagnosis tools that may be of help to you.
      That's how I found out...
      ADHD rating scale (one word) is a widely used one. It links up as a report to the Dr that you choose it sent to and it takes 5 minutes max.
      Best of luck to you!​@@karagrant5778

  • @kevinadams8168
    @kevinadams8168 5 місяців тому +1

    This is one of the best videos i have watched in a very long time, it hit close to home….or work actually…….I wish I would have watched this a long time ago….lol

  • @lucky4cloverz
    @lucky4cloverz 9 місяців тому +7

    Wow I simply adore her. What a lovely smart and inspiring woman ❤

    • @ShinbrigTV
      @ShinbrigTV 9 місяців тому +1

      We need more attention on women like HER!!!

  • @charlotteyoungson3722
    @charlotteyoungson3722 4 місяці тому

    With in the first 8 mins you said something that I could relate to having been through this week. Thank you for putting the info out there, helps people like me understand myself and learn how to manage it so I don’t lose a very special person x

  • @annika1025
    @annika1025 6 місяців тому +1

    Wonderful woman! Wonderful interview! Thank you, this is so helpful for me, me having RSD without ADHD. Could you please tell me which helpful gadget she uses during the interview? Thank you so much!

  • @Itjustis123
    @Itjustis123 5 місяців тому +9

    I'm 43 now and I still get hung up on my dad leaving when I was 11,its ruined my life,I have no friends, I no longer speak to my mum or my sister,I dont even know how to explain how overwhelmed I still get,I've begged the nhs for help ,had counselling, did cbt, I'd like to speak to a real psychologist but the nhs are rubbish and keep telling me they cant help me,and now even the government are saying depression and anxiety arent real illnesses,I'm just about ready to give up.

    • @m.bird.
      @m.bird. Місяць тому +1

      Don't give up. Do you live in your own personal space where you can let your nervous system feel safe?

    • @gryphc3860
      @gryphc3860 13 днів тому

      I can completely empathise with this and for me, I was 6 and a half when my mother left my father. I am 53 and that hurt, confused, heartbroken child is still present with me daily. Don't give up on trying to get help and I hope you can find a solution in the future. Videos like this can be a very helpful way gain strength and being self aware is a large step in the right direction. Big hugs 🤗

  • @oingpla
    @oingpla 29 днів тому

    Your voice is in tune with my adhd. ✌🏼🌍

  • @leighatkins22
    @leighatkins22 Місяць тому +2

    I just stopped caring - i just wanted so badly to not give 2 shits if someone accepted me or not, so i looked in the mirror and said to myself "I like you Leigh, you are a kind, sensitive, thoughtful and considerate person and I am glad to have you as a friend and that you are with me all the time".
    After that, i knew that anyone else's opinion of me didn't matter and now when someone tries to upset me, i just laugh and walk away becoz i really just do not care about what such masses of children playing in sandpits at my feet, think about me or do with their little lives...

  • @ShinbrigTV
    @ShinbrigTV 9 місяців тому +1

    Best episode so far.

  • @ms.suzylee2932
    @ms.suzylee2932 10 місяців тому +10

    It could be partly that we miss the signs that ppl have already walked away from us and we feel stupid for not realizing it when they make it abundantly clear. Its humalitaning.
    I think ppl are on some level conscious or unconscious, "eye for an eye"
    and i think ppl get put off by ppl with adhd or a degree of autism when we say and do things without considering how it may come across b/c for us its jst saying it, getting it out, asserting ourselves versus not saying or asserting ourselves; like it could be a boundary or an opinion and we just off the cuff say something or do something but ppl take it personally and feel the need to return it and must reject us or be rejecting towards us, even if we aren't intending it to be a rejection at all. And we may be about the behavior not the person but that distinction goes unnotiticed; we're trying to do clarity, honesty.
    Like we think we're so fragile yet ppl will show us they are more fragile or show us what they are about. Its good to know and see.
    Theres lots of manipulation behavior out there.
    Its like everyone else can be a way but heaven forbid we are some sort of way.
    We are forgiving to a fault.
    so these one-way or ppl who abuse trust... we have to get into the drivers seat and drive away or out of the imbalanced and possibly abusive situation.
    Thats like accepting the rejection.
    I've got a list of people ive literally lost, as in they have died, passed away are no longer living
    And a list of figurative deaths of ppl who just turned or walked or rejected in a passive or aggressive way
    the brains ability to deal with literally death is difficult it doesn't deal with the sudden change well
    And you don't want to turn or kill relationship figuratively based on the feelings of the actual death if someone we love and care about
    But then its normal I guess, to not go thru phases with ppl and really at a certain age you can't look for friendship society says it must be a relationship but that doesn't align and so most ppl are looking for sex or romantic relationship and your trying to do friendship, you will get rejected.
    There is a "traum brain" and a way we harden our hearts and ppl in a normal state, WILL NOT GET IT. Even counselors.
    We all meet ppl as we are but some ppl are more flexible
    Nerou divergent means we operate, think outside the normal barriers
    So we can't see how we may be rejecting to others but we see how they almost become more sensitive then we imagine ourselves to be, in an instant, and ut changes everything forever.
    We def know that if we don't comply with the "demands" or needs of others they are out.
    And like we are confused but its a blessing.
    But i think we are actually way more aware and thats what fucke us up b/c there are movers and shakers that just keep moving on, never stopping, not concerned in the least. Not trying to go deeper in relationships just wanting what they want.
    Like hearing about loss and experiencing lost are two completely different things.
    We can see pll dont really care about us as an individual being, they care that we aren't assimilating into our "role" like were meant to or "supposed" to.
    I know too many words, needs edited and to be short, sweet, to the point, apologies.

  • @robyn9617
    @robyn9617 Місяць тому

    Wow she gets it! Very important information

  • @stickyandsweetie
    @stickyandsweetie 2 місяці тому +2

    I'm Adhd and I have a secure attachment to my mother not really my father and also did have a good secure attachment to my grand parents so just not sure about that bit 😅

  • @leeboriack8054
    @leeboriack8054 11 днів тому

    In this over stimulating world, being hyper sensitive is a difficult combination.

  • @MsCogan555
    @MsCogan555 3 місяці тому

    I loved this. Now I have a few new tools to try ❤

  • @billbrooks4694
    @billbrooks4694 4 місяці тому

    great video. I loved listening to Samantha. TY.

  • @dlmills31977
    @dlmills31977 7 місяців тому +1

    No wonder I love backpacking

  • @robertavila1863
    @robertavila1863 2 місяці тому +1

    as an audio guy, his microphone sounds quite boomy or woofy, and Dr. Hiew sounds crystal-clear. Hmmm

  • @lawrencehudson8552
    @lawrencehudson8552 Місяць тому

    PS which reminds me: the only time my brain feels calm, litteraly "zen-like" is after about 4 days of fasting when it starts fueling on ketones instead of leaching sugar from the already minimal amounts of natural carbs I consume.

  • @rjflores438
    @rjflores438 28 днів тому

    Trying to date as a man with RSD is extremely challenging. Most guys are going to get a lot less interest from women anyway so then you have to be the one to approach, and due to the fact that you already fear and feel rejected by default, it becomes extremely challenging. Plus the fact that you fear a negative response it ends up becoming a self fulfilling prophesy.

  • @AmyLong
    @AmyLong Місяць тому +1

    What is the name of the RSD medication(s)?

  • @Burak_abi
    @Burak_abi 5 місяців тому +1

    This is really intense, it confuses me because i had a breakup where i was rejected in a very strange way and over a year now i can’t coop with it. I still want to believe it was real because it is the first time in my life i had it this intense.

    • @abwhitaker425
      @abwhitaker425 4 місяці тому

      Perhaps if you're really ADHD the partner increased your dopamine and you developed a type of addiction to the person. If your logic tells you it was not the most beneficial rlshp yet you still want to be there, consider if you need to break the addiction.

    • @Burak_abi
      @Burak_abi 4 місяці тому

      @@abwhitaker425 i have no clue why i have this. First time in my life and the only thing that happend for this feeling was just she opening the door and Not even one word was said. This meeting happend before we actually became a couple and it was over 2 years ago. It doesn’t make sense to me anymore.

  • @saltedcuts
    @saltedcuts 3 місяці тому +1

    similar to deer in headlights

  • @moniquebonnici2236
    @moniquebonnici2236 2 місяці тому

    My mobile there rejects me and my condition, makes it feel difficult to enjoy being myself

  • @andreakuipers3449
    @andreakuipers3449 2 місяці тому +1

    So much ❤
    Thanks for being REAL and you! and fuck rsd! I’m in the middle of dating right now and it sucks but it’s true that the best thing you can do is just say fuck it.
    So fuck it I’m dating right now! 😅

  • @chg6365
    @chg6365 8 днів тому

    Is rejection sensitivity always linked to ADHD?

  • @emielc
    @emielc 4 місяці тому

    That green light is not very flattering on camera.
    I keep being distracted by it lol

  • @melanieiris3116
    @melanieiris3116 19 днів тому

    Someone else feel that pain literally in the body ?

  • @Pippistrella
    @Pippistrella 10 місяців тому

    How is the medication be stpelled whe told about?

    • @ferolicious
      @ferolicious 6 місяців тому +2

      Guanfacine (Intuniv)

  • @BadKittyNoMilk
    @BadKittyNoMilk 21 день тому

    I have ADHD I can’t get through this video. Can someone paraphrase it please? Or make a shorter video. 😊thank you.

  • @Gimenez528Hz
    @Gimenez528Hz 2 місяці тому

    RSD can make me feel physically sick.
    I also get very bad eczema on my hands and fingers, related to it
    All those who think it's trendy to have ADHD .. it fkn isn't.
    Not when you REALLY have it

  • @saltedcuts
    @saltedcuts 3 місяці тому +2

    i believe the "trauma" is from pre linguistic period of child development

  • @daytradersanonymous9955
    @daytradersanonymous9955 3 місяці тому +1

    50/50 on this one...lots of repetitive terms of "maturity and emotional intelligence" aimed towards women I think... as I click off she's on menstrual cycles...

  • @FreePalestine3974
    @FreePalestine3974 6 місяців тому +2

    This is so depressing

  • @Leelafaust
    @Leelafaust 3 місяці тому

    Such a shame. My sensitivity is in that place where I dont even lets say go to my husband to have sexy time, when I want to. Because the fear of rejection is such a great thing, that well... Sex? Not for me. Still thinking he secretly hates me, thinks i am ugly etc. Leading to arguments where I blame him for not wanting sex with me. He saying Well If you want Sex, you can reach out for that. And theres my RSD-wall. Background. My Mom was a real slut, i had to see things as a child. So sex is kind of a tabu theme for me, i dont even want to want to have sexual needs. Later i have been sexually abused. So...how do i get out of this?

  • @mackfin8869
    @mackfin8869 4 місяці тому +4

    She’s lost me

  • @BeastMasterNeil
    @BeastMasterNeil Місяць тому +1

    The idea that God is good because disadvantages are balanced by advantages is absurdly delusional. Try telling that to an armless toddler in Gaza as they slowly starve to death in a tent orphanage. If a person can believe that, we have to assume they will believe whatever makes them comfortable regardless of the obvious facts, and are not a credible source of advice.

  • @ShaunaMarieG
    @ShaunaMarieG 4 місяці тому

    One of the most eye-opening podcasts I've EVER watched 😳 Thank you SO MUCH 🥲❤️🙌🏻