Reminds me of a Drama called メリー ミー (Marry me) where this guy who works for the JP government is part of a program to help Hikkikomori women re-integrate into society, so he ends up marrying this girl. Its actually really wholesome and has a satisfying ending
Sounds really wholesome, congrats for them both! Unfortunately, reverse the genders and no such thing would ever happen. It's crazy that the popular misconception is that women show more empathy, more emotional intelligence, have lowers requirements than men (women love to repeat that it's men who have unrealistic standards), etc.
I don’t think most foreigners would mind meeting any of the 3 groups mentioned. The issue is just like the rest of the world, if you are shy or want to meet someone shy, it takes a lot of luck. Add the extra level of being a foreigner that maybe can’t fully express what they want to say in Japanese, and the conversations might be stressful for both people.
I think you've touched on something interesting there! A a foreigner in Japan, everyone does give you alittle leniency to break social norms? 😆 Like if you stretch out your hand and give someone a firm handshake and a tap on the shoulder 9/10 times they appreciate the friendliness, it's novel and you see their face instantly light up because it's a funny situation for them, and you can get people to open up in a way that Japanese-to-Japanese might be difficult to do?
@@GunterThePenguinHatesHugs yeah, I’ve had strange interactions with Japanese natives though. I’ve had people ask for photos with me, presumably just because I have blonde hair and blue eyes. As the quintessential gaijin, I feel that a lot of my conversations are just trivial and not actually any bit deep. That’s alright and I think it will get better as my Japanese improves, but it’s a unique situation for me as a sheltered American who never really felt like an outsider.
@@flytelp Oh my god yes they want pictures! 😆 I feel like it's not as common in Tokyo any more, but in Chiba atleast it still happens lol. ...You ever heard of _gaijin-hantā?_ Look it up for a laugh 😂 ...In my experience, some people seem to want to just test their English, but most young Japanese people would genuinely love to be friends with you! Just got to find the right group, like I made friends in Japan doing martial arts for a while, and through chatting with my barbers too lol 🙂👍 -I do think though, many Japanese being generally quite self-conscious and self-contained, might just be awkward because they might feel that they have to change their behaviour interacting with foreigners, especially so for younger people? Like they're conscious of what other Japanese around them will think, which is why it might seem like there's some distance, y'know? 🤔 That's my two cents anyway, just have to put yourself out there really, as with anywhere else 🙃
It doesn't need to be na hikki for that. Practically all over the world people who are not breaking their back for others in exchange for money ("working") are seen in a very bad light. Even though a lot of that work is just Bullshit - producing things that no one needs, which then need to be sold with a lot of annoying ads to people who don't have the time to think about those ads because they have to work to get the money for the gadgets that they think would fill their empty, work-driven life with meaning.
A dear friend of mine tends to say that we're conditioned to be drones from infancy to eventually just produce and consume. That we're "caged" in this society and stuff. So I get where you're coming from. Even I experienced people treating me differently before and after I got a "proper job" as well.
@@liesandy291 Can confirm, I've taken care of distant family in their dying years because they shut off communication with everyone else they knew. The worst part is that I saw my future in them because I'm the same way. Hopefully I'll keel over earlier than them because I don't want to keep trying to be "normal".
I don't need to watch the video. A lot of people who game might be chill but that's as far as the good stuff goes. They might be good material as friends but if they aren't able to work and handle daily stress from simply being in the community or at work, its going to be a challenge for the partner who has to take care of everything and be the bread winner, esp with Japan's bad economy.
Idk if you have social anxiety as well, but I recommend joining a club/hobby group as well. That can be anything from an MMO where mics are used (Planetside 2 is good imo, but very game-focused) to something physical like a book club, crafts group, or what I did, the SCA: a medieval swordfighting/crafts club that's very common across North America. Sorry if you don't need this advice, but finding community, especially in person, is important even for the most introverted people.
The interviewer talking about dating people that fall into this group reminds me of a recent podcast I listed to. I dont remember the guy's name, but he pretty much said to stay away from dating apps and dont try to talk to people over social media. Just because you think the person's pictures are attractive, they are almost never the type of person you are looking for outside of looks. Plus, you have to compete with everyone else trying to get their attention. He said to go out and meet people. There are attractive people on this planet who might not be as photogenic and have great personalities. Most people dont see it because you actually have to spend time with them.
You might have a point. I’m extremely shy, but don’t get any interaction on dating apps anyway. Meeting people irl is the way, just have to overcome severe shyness…
I agree to stay away from dating apps, but depending where you'd look, you may find a likeminded person even online, but I obviously know it's equally not only a big RNG game, but not necessarily very favourable for you as a user on a given platform. You probably would have the best chances by just going outside, but I think a good place to look is where your interests lie. For example I met my wife years ago on DeviantArt and we both shared a love for art, anime, stories and such. It was absolutely a happenstance and I realise the RNG game worked that time. But if one would be into basically otaku related things, then maybe conventions might be a place where you may have a chance of meeting that special person, as you will already have something in common. Naturally though, you do need to actually speak and interact with others, which is the hardest part, especially if you're shy and/or socially anxious ( like how I am as well. )
I would probably have become a hikkikomori if not for the environment I grew up in ...I hope for them to find the place where they belong and people who value them in the future
The fact you said what you said proves you were never going to be one. If you actually understood, your message would be something like "i wish them peace" not "i wish they find people or a place". You sympathise but lack any empathy towards the situation.
Yeah upbringing, and parent's personalities and how they raise you are important too. Only children are often spoilt, (and there are many in Japan) and that can mean parents are too afraid to give them the tough love and right kind of support they need, and instead just infinitely provide for the 'child' because they just want them to live comfortably, which I can understand to an extent...
@Reiman33 You know among all the moment in life there are only two moment you can truly be at peace when you're born and when you die the rest of the time you may not see it or consider it a small thing but they are always things that you'll be concern about whether it's about yourself (like what you're gonna eat/wear, how was your day, how will be the days to come) or about your relatives family (even that friend you had years ago and never saw/contact since) In worst cases you might not even be able to do something but if you have/can reach people or have a place to go where you feel comfortable and belong to that will help you face whatever life throws at your face even if you fall along the way it won't matter cause there will be people helping you
Sure, I would date a hikikomori. But how do you find one? How do you overcome the walls they've built up around themselves? I spent a month in Japan years ago, and even as a "crazy American' able to walk up to complete strangers and say hi, I found it VERY difficult to overcome the social barriers in Japan. I felt like I made people uncomfortable. I felt like I was the sun burning somebody's pale skin. I felt like I was breaking the unspoken "rules" that everybody else knew but me, and they were too polite to tell me but wanted to be anywhere in the world other than talking to me. As for gyaru, it's sort of the opposite. They're beautiful, they're sociable, they're the center of attention. And even as the crazy American able to talk to people in line or on a train...it's hard to walk up to a girl who looks and acts like she's on stage with a spotlight on her. Maybe they're socially isolated, but they look and act like unobtainable rockstars. I did have one experience in Japan...just some girl carrying a dog, we made eye contact in a crowd...she was absolutely beautiful, but there was this haunted look in her eyes that stayed with me for hours before I figured it out: I think she was absolutely and completely socially isolated and desperate for anyone to break through her shell and would have loved for me to have found some way to break the ice...but I didn't. If I could go back in time to talk to that girl, I would, but I can't. I'm sorry. Nobita...Americans LOVE Japan. We adore the Japanese. We like your cars, we like your anime, we have a weird fascination with ninja, I took Shotokan for years, miko are adorable, and karaoke is fun. You've taken parfait and made it a beautiful and delicious experience far beyond what it originally was. There are so many things about Japan I could gush about how amazing they are. Sure, the language is hard and I don't get the fascination with bugs, sailor fuku aren't nearly as cute in person as they are in anime, and I was kind of distressed once to see a Japanese businessman wearing a suit while sleeping in a cardboard box on the streets of Shinjuku. I'm not just a totally ignorant foreigner lost in "grass is greener" delusion. Yes, there are things about Japan that are difficult. But Americans on the whole really do genuinely like Japan and really do like the Japanese. There are probably a million Americans who would absolutely love to date, or even just sit down and play games together in companionable silence with the people you're talking about. But that genuine fondness isn't always enough to overcome the social barriers. They're very real.
As said, you can't. Mostly. You'd have to talk fluently Japanese, hence having to spend days in and out talking to many people, learning a lot, which pushes you to more social people, more "societal" people. Just with this, you're most likely going to pass the hikkikomori person. And as you said yourself and above, you're not going to find any of them really easily because of the walls they've built around. It's a human trait, not specifically tied to Japanese people. Don't get weeaboo-ified because of the word alone. I've met people in Europe and NA that were completely shelled, secluded, and not part of the society at all, some for 20+ years, as I was working in hospitals and healthcare. Not throwing anything at Nobita, but be mindful of the UA-cam game as well, topics, titles and thumbnails are MADE to attract to make a livelihood. While many topics are heartfelt and true, the relation you'd hope to have will not come easily without actual YEAR of efforts on your end, and that might not even work, considering how hikkikomori are in nature, comportment and mentally. A more natural and healthier way is... Find someone who likes you and who you like, and then you can adapt some video games, watching dramas and staying at home slowly in your day to day.
They can rely on parents who take care of them, buys food and don't need to pay for rent, so theres no reason to ever leave the house anymore and no motivation to go to work when you don't need the money. Also when someone is away from large crowds for a long period of time, it builds up anxiety when you go back, so it becomes scary to go to a place like Shibuya because of that painful feeling of anxiety that comes with it.
Many people don’t understand the concept of institutionalization but it’s very real. I’d say that it not only applies to people in prison or mental hospitals but can apply to these people in their parents’ care. What distinguishes it is the comfort of being contained in a small space, having your basic needs met and minimal contact with outsiders. I’m sure there’s more but that’s a good start.
@@joeb4142 You’re right, what you mentioned is only part of the reality as to why people become shut-ins. And I’m going to quote a line from the movie, Chicken Run. “Do you know what the problem is? The fences are just out there. They’re up here, in your head.” In other words, people don’t just become institutionalized by outside forces like society or peer pressure. They willingly choose to confine themselves from the outside world, because of what they believe will happen if they decide to go back into the world. The more lies and negative information one receives throughout their lives, the higher the chances there are of choosing to remain isolated in their own little space, for fear of any harm coming to them at any given notice.
I think it's universal that anyone who's gone through the worst of life and lived through it will be some of the nicest people you've ever met. People who've experienced how bad something feels have an incredible amount of empathy.
It's extremely sad but yeah, the only way to actually understand other people's feelings is to have people not understand your own and suffer because of it
I scrolled down to see if someone else had the same question. How to even establish contact with hikikomori as an outsider (non-japanese) regarding dating?
seriously i feel bad for them. Im east asian. Nobita is actually trying to help these people. Becoming soulmate or helping them to more social. Whatever it is nobita is kind hearted men for sure
This is a nice video. I'm in the United States. I don't date anymore. I can participate in society but don't like crowds. I pay bills and maintain a minimum of interaction with a few people. I'm similar to a phenomenon in the west called "Men Going Their Own Way." I'm older and I already have kids, so I have already performed those functions for society and species. I don't find the "Dating Market" attractive. I also don't offer enough to be attractive to that dating market. We are mutually irrelevant. I can appreciate and respect the feelings and statements of these people that you mention here. Thank you for this video. I wish everyone the best. They all seem nice.
@rickygamer4732 indeed. I wish you the best as well. Between predatory dating, false accusations, foodie calls, dual-mating strategies, tik tok trends, social media dependency, and so much more, I don't know how anyone feels safe enough to attempt to be alone with anyone else. It's a mine field out there.
@rickygamer4732 bro what do you mean "because society will judge you for just trying to form a connection with someone you never met before.". The problem today is that people lack social skills, devilizing (or whatever is the right term) the family, being obsessed with status. And it's not society that's the problem, men are doing good. Problem is that women get free degrees in some bullshit and think they're fucking untouchable. Now they're too good for men they would have married in the past, who don't have any bullshit degrees, but still make good money. So they're stuck fucking lowlifes and adopting cats/dogs. And they say wOmEn gEtInG eDuCaTiOn Is A GoOd ThInG. lmfao Or we should just ban social media/internet and that would also solve many issues, idk.
Dang, this is pretty relatable to my life. I'm from the USA and I've never considered myself a hardcore Hikikomori but I've struggled with social isolation and feeling like an outcast for the majority of my life. I still go out and have friends but I still feel those emotions at times.
Watching this warms my heart knowing full well I'm a Hikikomori, a western one. I've never been in Japan. Never was born Japanese. But my lifestyle is that of a Hikikomori. My parents even misunderstand who I am and it makes me feel awful as there isn't really a proper term. It's more of a definition rather than a term. I've been treated awfully in my school years, and I'd rather shut myself in the room and never have to deal with awful humans. I'm truly just a softie, but due to said awful human interaction, I became more and more a Hikikomori.
As a fellow Hikikomori, I can totally relate to how you feel and what you have experienced. It's hard getting out of that lifestyle, especially if you mostly had experiences with awful people around you. What I'm about to say doesn't necessarily have to be helpful to you, but just so you've heard it once, in case you're trying to get out of this Hikikomari lifestyle. What personally helped me was first, getting out of my old environment and staring a new life somewhere faraway from home and second, learning how to socialize. It sounds stupid, but for me, simple stuff like "how to start a conversation" or "how to get a conversation going" was never so clear. Also realizing that the person in front of me in a conversation for example, is just another person like me with a life, family, backstory and work etc. was kinda eye opening and gave me the courage to not be afraid of them. I hope what I'm trying to say make sense to you. Now, enough of my philosophy. Let me just say that life always offers the opportunity to live a better life, so hang in there!
One of my friends is a Hiki and I'm in the states. He has Autism, he's very well spoken and he's a smart guy, he just very much prefers to stay at home in his parents' house an keeps to himself. He works at a library, he's a very nice guy, he just doesn't like being out in public often.
You are a neet, in Spanish speaking countries is called noni or Nini (standing for no estudia ni trabaja, doesn't study or work) This is a systematic issue in both western and eastern society I just wanted to let you know since you don't know the English name for it and I've been a hikikomori/neet/noni Best of lucks and much love 🤙🗿
I was borderline one myself. Social anxiety can be so paralysing. I do really well with making anxious people feel at ease. I would be interested in dating a hiki but meeting one isn't easy. Maybe Nobita can set me up next time I'm in Japan. I'll be his wingman in exchange.
as a person who have add, severe anxiety and depression i could relate almost all of em. since elementary school to high school ive been bullied alot, and at home my father always dump his anger at me, i guess because of that i choose to lock my self in the room alot and everytime im seeing a new person my anxiety level went through the roof but once im comfortable with this new person i felt relive and thankful to the for talking to me, but once i got home i would think all the stuff i said and think did i say anything bad, did i annoy that person, is he/she mad at me, etc 😭😭😭. last year ive been always thinking of what i should do, ive dropped out of collage, didnt have any job and so ive attempt to un alive my self 2-3 time last year, im 23 now and been feeling better, dicided to chase my dream to become a youtuber, though still single cause ofc im scared to talk to girls afraid of hurting their feelings, but hopefully slowly but surely i could live the life ive always dreamed for
A really eye opening video. You took a very different approach to people who had been put into a "stereotypical box" and helped others better understand them. Your analysis does provide a new approach. Boiled down - ひきこもり are victims of societal and cultural bullying. I am glad that they have gone beyond たてまえ and are in touch with and presenting their true selves. It takes a lot of courage to achieve what these people have done. Well Done.
I'm from the Philippines but have the lifestyle of a NEET/hikikomori. I only go out of my room for food/necessities and if there's work to be done. Been living this way for a good decade now, currently age 32. As you've said in this video, I'm someone who has already done a lot of self reflection/introspection over the years and have a good idea of who I want to be as a person and what I want in life. I chose to be a social recluse and avoid having to deal with people simply because I can't find likeminded people around my current environment. Not a single irl friend, no prospective girlfriend. I feel like I don't belong here but I can't really leave because of my obligation to my family (I take care of my father). But people here don't really have the same interests or amount of passion I have for the things I like. I also feel like people around me aren't as empathetic as I'd like them to be. They're insensitive, most are just drunkards, gossipers, etc. Maybe if I was surrounded by better people, I wouldn't have to be a social recluse? I'd like to eventually find a partner in life (as I now believe no man is an island) but I'm very picky when it comes to looks, personality, and how compatible their current situation in life is to mine. Problem is currently I don't really have much to offer yet (other than being a provider) to justify my high standards for a partner. I'd like to improve myself, but to what extent? And even if I do, that doesn't even guarantee that I'd find someone who I'd like as much as they'd like me. Dating just involves too much of a luck factor that I'm still confused on how to go about it, regardless if I'm a hikikomori or not. I would have no problem dating a fellow female hikikomori provided we've got a lot of things in common (core values/mindset/interests) or can complement and improve each other really well.
Hello fellow kababayan, I also have a lifestyle of a NEET/hikikomori 🥹 I only go out if I'm forced to by my parents. Throughout my life I have been bullied, ostracized, and alienated by fellow classmates. And moving back to the Philippines, things haven't changed as I was also harassed and constantly picked on... 🫠 I've always felt more comfortable at home where no one will pick on me or bully me anymore... yet I still feel lonely and yearn for friendship and compassion... Its been 2 years and I still don't have any plans attending college for reasons such as integrating with peers between language barriers (I was taught and spoken to in English), fear of work, projects, and stress that will heavily affect my mental health, going overseeas to Manila/Visayas and leaving my parents, and fear that I won't be able to find myself such as my interests and passion and the course I'm doing is just a waste of time and resources. So yeah too much stuff to think about... I'm scared of talking to people again but at the same time human interaction is a need isn't it?...
Yeah human interaction's a need, for better or worse. I've also been made fun of since previously I had some sort of chuuni phase, from my elementary days up until early college years. There was this one guy too who was kinda obsessed with making fun of me, whom I even considered one of my best friend. Not to mention I was constantly taken advantaged of. People considered me to be someone smart, well off, and a person who doesn't know how to say no. And so people would often leech off of me for homeworks, free lunch, etc. Eventually I just drifted away from people I used to be close with, for the sake of my own sanity. Nowadays, I think I've learned enough to be able to tell what kind of people are worth spending my time and effort on. I'm also able to set my own boundaries, and if people crossed those lines I've set for myself, then I just cross them off of my life. People that don't know how to treat you right or know basic human decency aren't worth getting stressed over. Sure, this way of thinking made connecting with people so much harder for me but this is probably much better than being with toxic people.
@@gavan1730 I'm sorry for that man 😢 Being taken advantage of sucks especially with close people. You deserve so much better. A lot of people also have taken advantage of me too for my personality and kindness and they use it to decieve me and mistreat me. But I guess experience pays off as I'm now starting to get defensive against people who try to attempt to exploit me. I'm glad its working out for you. What they say is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hope you cherish those who are worth being around with. ❤
@MatchaCutie14 Thanks, but I don't know if I truly deserve better. It might've been my fault for being that way in the first place and people just couldn't help but be drawn to who I was as a person before. After all, who wouldn't wanna be friends with a kind/generous/dependable person, right? Good for you that you've better yourself. Balance is still one of the biggest keys to life, too much kindness and positivity can still harm or negatively impact you in some way. At least if ever you return to college, finish your studies, or whatever else you pursue in life, you'd already be in a much better spot with all the things you've learned so far. I don't know how much younger you are to me, if at all, but I really wish I would have learned these things much sooner. I'm all for caring for people who deserve that from me but the problem's always been how or where to find such people. Currently, I only have a group of online friends (more of a circle than actual personal friends) who're into otaku stuff like me. I feel like they're enough when it comes to having "friends". What I've been really longing for is what the topic of this video's about, hence why I'm here lol.
always try and befriend a shut-in no matter which country they are in. i don't think people become shut-ins by choice, there's usually something more sinister and psychologically at play. could be that you feel inadequate, won't be able to live up to someones expectations, bullying, close family member died etc. it's easier to shut yourself in and surround yourself with your hobbies then to actually get help. what i do when i visit my oshi's and random streams wether it be japans streams or someone elses stream is to send a "heart" and ask them how they are. you can also give them compliments if you think their voice is cute, good at drawing or anything they might be doing online since hikimoris do communicate online that's where strangers online should try and befriend them. you don't necessarily have to visit them or meet up with them irl but instead just be the rock they need mentally. and if you don't care about any of this just stay quiet and politely move along.
Takes me back to the time during the quarantine,I got so isolated from society at large that I feel like i turned into a hikki for a while and even thought circumstances forced me to reintegrate to society, it’s never really felt the same since. I’m glad to see other people who have or still are struggling getting help from others and move on. My best wishes for you all
Based on your descriptions of their experiences and social behaviors, there might be a significant crossover between Hikimori and neurodivergence, particularly autism. People with autism also often have difficulty getting or keeping jobs due to our abnormal social behaviors and lots of miscommunications/misunderstandings. We tend to get bullied and ostracized for our differences especially as children, so we do try to treat people with kindness and not judge them, considering how often we've been negatively judged for things we struggle with. Many of us are shy or socially awkward partially due to not intuitively understanding many social dynamics that others automatically understand and respond to, so it can be really anxiety inducing to have social interactions even when we desperately want to, because we're worried that we'll say something wrong or react in a way the other person didn't expect it doesn't like, which leads to us getting rejected and hurt like we have so many times before. Not maintaining eye contact is also common for autistic people, they it's not that we fundamentally can't make eye contact (which is a harmful stereotype that prevents many people from getting diagnosed), rather it can be uncomfortable for us, or make it difficult for us to think, as we're then focusing our attention to the other person's facial expressions rather than what they're saying, so it can be difficult to fully engage in a conversation and remember what was said if we're forced to prioritize eye contact.
This is such a heartwarming, insightful, and kind video. hiki dorms sound like a wonderful idea and Meari Kuze sounds like a wonderful caring person. Thank you for this.
As someone who's also very shy and an indoors person, I relate a lot to the part of not wanting to waste anyone's time. I've tried to be friendly and learn whatever other people liked so we could have some common ground to talk and hang out together, but most of the time I only got very lukewarm reactions. I don't blame them, I'm not entitled to anyone's energetic reaction. And I understand people have their own best friends with whim they really get well together. But after some time, I just stopped trying. It started to feel like a chore, and I felt like people were just tolerating my presence to be polite, so I stopped initiating conversations and interactions, and soon enough all my "friends" faded away. I figured if they really cared about me they would reach out some time later. Guess that wasn't the case. The sentiment of inadequacy is very real, and the more you isolate, the harder it is to overcome because the only way to develop social skills is to actually socialize. It's a vicious cycle. But there's a silver lining in here, knowing people in Japan are making an effort to cross that gap and help those isolated people to sort these things out.
I have a crazy idea a Manga and/or anime about a Hikkikomori supporter rehab group.A Drama anthology series, with hints of romance and comedy about these people who go around japan providing help, support, and compassion for hikki. A good and wholesome collection of stories to help shed a light on this unfortunate situation and the show how it can be fixed.
nice video, so true; I won't deny the looks are the first magnet to want to talk to someone but the character and values is what makes a person likeable and want to be around.
Nice video Nobita! Wrote my first "academic" paper back in high school on the topic of hikikomori and if/how it is a disease or symptom of modern civilization. Felt I always had shut-in tendencies with low social skills and was/still am prone to rather not going out and staying inside even when I know I should go out and try to enjoy stuff instead of assuming I won't like it.
I was wondering if many 引きこもり are neurodivergent, but now that you mentioned that most of them avoid eye contact or fidget I'm quite sure that many of them are. People who are neurodivergent also tend to be gentle or careful of others.
I highly suspect many of them are (ADHD, autism, etc) because the risk factors of becoming a hikkikomori is often consistent with the the daily struggles and people face. Ex: struggling to maintain relationships/integrating with society, being bullied, depression, etc… I’m no expert but being autistic myself and having similar struggles, I feel at least 70% certain ND people are more likely to become hikkikomori.
Thank you so much for making this video for the hikikomori! You have probably explained about them in the positive and correct way. If only there were more journalists who think like you!!! Much love from the US!!!❤❤❤😊😊😊
I thought this was an interesting observation to bring up, the parallels between gaijin and hike. I never would have thought of this myself. Thank you for sharing and I appreciate all your videos on these under discussed topics 🙏.
Watching this made me realize that I probably was or am a Hikikomori the last few years. Luckily my mother and brother are quite supportive. I have gotten to the point that I can go places without too much anxiety, and I celebrate that achievement.
I will totally be friends with hikikomoris, especially with those that I'll find something in common. I understand them pretty well, because I'm a person who likes to be alone. In my country it's hard to be a hikikomori, because the chance of your parents kicking you out for not have a job or education is high.
5:40 I have to say that people within society kind of like plants in a garden that way. Same type of plant in the same garden area can grow unhappy and might enjoy a different part of the garden. I have two chillis plants one a year older, the older one is very happy and growing strong. I placed the new chilli in a spot close by thinking that it would be happy there too. The poor chilli began to show signs of distress so i moved it to the other side of the garden. It is very happy there.
I know the "topic" of the video was finding love in Japan and whatever, but I actually really appreciate the amount of work it seems like you put into connecting with these people and changing your perception of them. As someone who has known a lot of people who don't fully mesh with society, whether because they're autistic, queer, socially anxious, depressed, you name it-all those people have been some of the most amazing friends and partners a person can find. I think difficulty and hardship make relationships and people more special. My "reject" friends? They're the best ones I've ever had. That's the end of it. Well done!
Great video. Really gives an eye opening view of hikkikomori. Across the world, the people with some sort of social bluntness or minor disorder are often going to be the most genuine towards others. They may even be assholes, but at least they're honest. Japanese girls that learned to be more than the stereotypical way definitely stand out. Many Japanese guys and girls may not appreciate that (generally), but you better believe people that have actually grown up mentally appreciate that. It's amazing how many Japanese (younger) adults still behave like they're in high school. It's nice and all, but the sooner you learn to move past that era of immaturity, the better you become as a human being.
It's heartbreaking to see all these kind hearted people get rejected from society because of their traumatic experience. I truly wish them the best. You're a great reporter Nobita-san. Keep up the good work👍
man im a hikikomori for years and this video hits hard in the spot esp no.3 :( i also was bullied in school and by fam and cousins, abused by one of my parents my entire life ( it led my to many thoughts of sui*ide, self ha*m and sever depression) and se*ally assaulted as an underage and as an adult by 3 men in my family thro the years and that broke me as well as society failed me in education. as i get older things in life esp finding friends and love (esp in my age group) become harder and harder (excluding jobs cuz thats for surer) but im still optimistic about life and that my life will get better nothing last forever. just fyi for everyone reading this,things are waaayy better now and im in a better mentality and health but still being effected by all or some of that and still hikikomori thx for the informative video reporter san ^^
people and social groups can be like toxic clouds. sometimes its best to leave it and take a breath of fresh air. just make sure its actual fresh air, and not another stinky cloud :)
Sorry that all happened to you, but you sound like a great person and I can relate and I'd totally talk to you for one. Love and happiness is sure to find you and I hope it does for me someday too.
I've heard from plenty that they are pretty easy to talk to, and are pretty open to foreigners (They probably talk to a lot of foreigners online so are probably more open to them, my assumption though.) This is probably my goal, being a bit of a loner myself (not enough to really be classified as a hikikomori or a neet), they probably would be a nice person to strike a friend ship with (I'm striving to study in Japan.). Thank you for your thoughts, these help us foreigners get used to topics like this (especially since it's from insider point of view.)
Hi, Nobita-san! Im a big fan from Brazil, follow your work for about 4 years now. I found very interesting when you described around 7:00 the eye contact and fidgeting, because those are usually behaviours atributed to autism in west. I was diagnosed in autism spectrum 2 years ago and also struggle with socializating and blending in society, living in and of hikikomori phases through my whole life post school. Just some food for tought. Take care!
Lovely video mate, I do feel a lot in common with Hikikomori, I did try to hide away from the ugliness in the world for a couple of years, it took a lot of effort to venture back out and I'm still not fully recovered but I found some very nice people, all older than I am and I learned to appreciate humans more in the now, still not a big fan of false niceness.
Thank you for your videos, telling us about things we'd otherwise not know much about. I mean, I knew the term from before, and I had no negative judgements for them even then because I don't like to judge like that, partially due to exactly the same reasons they don't judge someone like that... I was just recently in Japan for the first time in 24 years and wish I could go back soon. When I do I will make an effort to meet a few because I want to make friends there and if anyone deserves my friendship it's people who won't judge :) And BTW, I appreciate your humor!
most hiki likely have ADHD. I relate too much. The world is hard to engage with as it is and the motivation to do things and be able to focus is like trying to move in quick sand, you sink more than you get out of it and you get paralyzed by your failures and setbacks and getting back on track is hard. Apparently it is called executive dysfunction and i still have a hard time explaining it since it is mostly subconscious. I get into these slumps of being laid off and then not having money to pay for medication i need to be able to maintain sustained motivation and focus to do tasks and lift me from my constant zombified depression having constant thoughts of the future and how i don't see myself having one and thinking to myself the best way i can leave this world without doing any damage to others especially those i care about and who have shown me kindness. Sadly there is no way to do that and so i'm stuck unemployed and unmedicated which means i am a burden of which i am reminded every day nearly saying good morning to my brother. It's easier to fail alone in my mind because nothing is worse than a tragedy and people ask if a tree falls in a forest with nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound? My version is , if i'm the only tree on a desolate moon and fall, would i make a sound? Anyway, it is messed up having to live in a world where you need medication to function and everyone looks at your diagnosis and treatment as supplementary instead of needed to live life. i'm sick of repeating the same pattern over and over again and just wish there was a way to break the cycle, but so far it seems only money can remedy that and it's the thing i end up being out of since layoffs and rough months of applying to absurd amounts of jobs and being ghosted by most of them and being fed canned responses that don't make any sense at all. anyway, i hope everyone on the internet has a good day and remember to check in with yourself from time to time and see how you have changed and have grown as a kind of milestone or doctors checkup.
As both an outside observer, and someone who personally knows several Japanese hikki, my impression is that a lot of these people are probably neurodivergent in some way, but generally tend to be un-diagnosed due to Japan's general poor understanding of mental health issues, meaning they usually aren't getting the types of support they might need. When you described them as being socially awkward people who have difficulty with eye contact, articulating their thoughts, and tremble/fidget, my immediate thought was that this is generally how I myself behave as someone with autism. I've lived a hikki lifestyle in he past, but the main reason I can be independent nowadays is because autism is well understood where I live, and there are support systems to help people who struggle because of it. Many of my Japanese friends envy this when I talk about it, because they say that they would never receive this kind of social support in Japan.
Seeing the success of this idea - Hikikomori living together is quite reassuring. I had this weird thought as a student in the Uni that one day people might not be separated by nations, but by the way they want to live their live. As I grew old, I realized that this isn't possible (at least not on Earth), but perhaps it might still be done on a smaller scale. People of different culture / way of live to gather in separate counties or at least settlements... I mean, I would love to live among friends and kind - hearted people, instead of sharing the same building with people who like gossip (talk ill of others, because that way they feel better about themselves) and/or noisy neighbors. Even as I write this comment, I can hear the young punk downstairs clashing the furniture against the walls and his mom and grandma try threatening him, but as they never really punish him, the noise just gets worse 😄And it is better not to mention other neighbors and their loud music. I guess, I'll have to try figure it out - where to move, so I can live in peace and maybe find people with similar mindset. Similarly, the various Hikikomori have problem with what is considered "the way of live norms" in Japan. When they meet others, who do not want to conform with the "common opinion" they realize that they are not alone anymore. That they can have friends with similar mindset, who won't deem them as lazy, awkward etc. And this is why their social skills return. After all, almost all humans are social creatures. And don't get me wrong - even if we get split into different counties / settlements, I still think that it we should to keep working together for the common good, help each other out in case of adversity etc., just... not sharing the same habitat 😁That way we can also offer people, who happen to develop a different mindset different options. Just choose the place to live, which suits you best! Anyways, thanks for the video, Nobita San! Stay safe, everyone 😇
🥺🥺 thank you so much for researching and sharing this. You have shared their positive characteristics and personalities about them- they are such kind people that I want to meet them in person. Edit : I love how you added yourself as well 😂 Would totally like to meet and get to know you too!
As a former hikikomori (not in Japan) I recognise the same experiences for my self. And I still can't let it go; people are scary and I'm worried about giving other people experiences like I have had and that still make me miserable. I think I'm still a hikikomori, the only change is now I have a job and live by myself and it's so lonely, but also extremely scary talking to people.
Hell yeah!! Our Boi Nobita casually putting himself out there! But in all seriousness, this is a very good and informative video in an issue that Japan has been experiencing for decades and that the rest of the World has just begun to realize exists in our respective countries. Thank you, Nobita-san, for your journalism with heart. I hope you find the right person for you.
Before watching, my take is: "I would love to date a hikkikomori, but think it would be a bad idea since I'm basically one myself and I don't need an extra drain on my finances." After watching, my take is: "I almost don't want to date a hikkikomori because I feel like I would be taking advantage of their understanding nature, but I no longer believe they would be that much of an economic drain."
Nobita man, you are a champion! Thanks for another great video. Before your videos on Gyaru's and their great personalities, I would have never considered them. And now Hikikomori. Thanks for shinning light on genuine people. Hope I can meet some of them one day!
You'd end up with another tinder with bunch of people pretending to be hihikomoris because it's quirky for them. The idea sounds nice, but it unfortunately won't work
It feels better to have a conversation with self than having endlessly surface level conversations with people who judge every little thing. Where can we find these authentic and kind people? How can we even approach them without scaring them away?
@10:00 To be fair to Japan, being honest though, looks matter a lot more than many will openly admit. Yes, there are other factors that will influence attraction but physical appearance is still number 1 over all
Looks obviously matter but what he's talking about is that looks are supplemental to the actual personality of the person. Which probably explains the lack of relationships and frankly the amount of cheating in Japan. They're often not connecting well
Japanese people are overdoing it though. Looks matter to a certain threshold, and once you pass it you need a good personality for a relationship to actually be sustainable and for the couple to not break up. With looks, just take care of your skin, hair, and fitness, and you'll most likely pass the threshold needed to look good enough for most. And after someone finds your looks good enough, they look for your personality for whether they should date you or not. Sure, a lot of people will make assumptions on your personality based on your looks, but after getting to know you, all of those assumptions are cleared up and your true personality will be the deciding factor, not your looks.
I know it's far from a real person, but the characters that I get endeared with the most in gacha games are most often gyaru, shy ones with clear difficulty socializing, and characters who have painful pasts. It's kind of a dream of mine to be able to support such a person that needs it, being someone who has gone through years of depression and shut-in behavior myself. You'd think I would find myself useless in that case, but the idea of helping someone in a similar situation is very motivating. Now if only getting over the language barrier was easier, but hey, things that are worth it usually aren't easy.
I'm living a big crazy life, I could take anyone along for the ride, but there is no way to find anyone. If you ask, you look desperate. If you don't ask, you are ignored like everyone else. All I can do is wake up every day and find things to make myself happy. I will see you lovely japanese people sometime this year, so come out of your shell and join.
I like your channel, you're so considerate on people and even though you make mistakes I am sure you realize and try to improve. Keep on your content, or work in whatever you'd like to besides this amazing channel
As a hikkimori with mdd, schizo, suicidal, severe anxiety and panic attack, trauma and shit and whatnot I finally get my shit together in 2023 and get a job and life in track. I get my treatment, takes medicine and finally have will to live. Life become so much better and no longer suicidal. Now im writing a novel about my life being a mental health patient. Im making a visual novel game and expecting 2025 to be in development as I am writing the script right now. I hope my story will help those who goes through the same experience and pain like me. I just want to help other get better and let them know they are not alone. Wish me luck!
I know about Hikikomori. It is about social anxiety issue such as social withdrawal, shy, dislikes outdoor (kinda like vampire who afraid of sunlight), bullied, and lazy in Japan. Hikikomori was also might be affected by autism spectrum disorder. I have read the (light) novel alongside with anime adaptation was “Welcome to the N.H.K.” where it is talking about life of Hikikomori for main character.
Mexican American here. Ive grown up in this community of mainly mexicans or decendants. The closes ive seen someone to a hikikomori is this dude who has a job but is an isolisionist person. Ive visited his compoud and let me tell you his fruit trees are the most beautiful plants in the spring. I remember all the fruit trees reminding me of the cherry blossoms in japan. Other than that hes never married or in a current relationship of any sort. Then those who do have some form of depression are immediately scolded and criticized. The most famous act they do to get the depression out of them is throw them a shovel at their feet and tell them to grab it and go outside and dig. Most of the times they go out with a large group working all together. I've been in those groups before not for being depressed just out of respect as we were digging a grave for someone who recently passed away. So hearing how japan has them i think get a shovel and dig out in the sun. Other than that we also grew up with lots of family around so i see the differences in culture.
I used to be the closest thing to a hikki where I live (a third world country in a not so rich region at time) our parents used to make us always do something even if it was pointless so that we could "get rhythm" and not starve in the future. I had a lot of problems socializing, mostly don't understanding/connecting the collective conciousness (still have some), that lead me to years of fighting most of my colleages for some seconds of peace; verbal and phisical ones. I still was able to get friends, actualy We're more like people We could relate to, like a support group of dysfunctional people. At time I also worked in my family business as an attendant. It was a hell as most costumers were either adolecents or young adults and I was a child, no one respect me while i was just trying to do my work. These things just made me more and more want to leave society, to never talk to anyone again. be lonelly, to not exist; why can't i fit with anyone, why can't anywhere be nice... I'd say, think and repeat thru my insomniac night, I wish but couldn't be a hikki didn't even know i was a thing somewhere, so I just endured all things hopeing to things to get better or to go to a better place. I got better, sometime i learned how to fit and the costumers started to treat me as a human because i was older. (This forced socializationg gave me problems, the one that bothers more is the that I am almost zero stress resistant, either crying and beying sorry, angered easily or in catatonic state (mostly this one) when in these situations. Being a Hikki is probably the is best that those people can do to themselves, allowing them to heal and think of everything, as mentioned in the video) And to make sure it isn't out of topic (but isn't a date): At some shortly before pandemy19 i was using internet for the first time, while using social media for the first time i got trolled a little and on and on was great i found funny atleast was better than all cold conversations i had. And I encountered a guy little a younger than me from the big city that almost no one talked to him (i talk from later convivence) and all his posts had 0 to 1 likes (wich was so low compared to everything else i had seen that day) talked a little discovered were his birthday said congratulations, he said thanks. After that conversation kinda died. I was kinda woried about him, because the way he talked, couldn't tell completelly why at time now can't less. So I'd periodically check up on him ask 'bout his and make some uncle jokes/comentaries. As we talked he got attached and i was going out of the internet for sometime in the end/beggining of the year so i showed him a group that my friend from the time i was bullied putted me, guided him a little tried to give him some confidence and introduced him to the group adm (the person in the group that i trust more given that my friend had left the group) explained what i thought and asked him to help the guy to start socializing at least a little. The year after the 19 I tried giving him helping incentivised the guy to get something on his school theater tried give him advices because he was so innocent, I couldn't believe and wanted nothing bad to happend because of it. Things gone great with time he less and less shy. An extrovert is really sad. I don't talk to (anyone) him too much but he mentions a lot how that congratulations was nice. And some years ago he said about how stuck he was in his shell that couldn't talk to anyone and thanked me, I cried as i am right now. Yeah talk to Hikkis, when they're ready.
Genuinely, I've long known I'd get along better with hikikomori than I do with other Japanese people, but there are several big issues with that, meeting new people is complicated and I'm totally unable to socialize on topics I'm not interested in. Asperger's does not help.
As an American version of one: I quite agree with your assessment. While I do not suffer the same self-image issues (though I've found that quite uncommon, even here): I know that I often find myself disliking many of the normalized aspects of my own culture. There's so much internalized hostility towards others we are taught that I have no desire to interact with most. Especially as an empath who is prone to mirroring the energy of those around him: It honestly feels terrible having to repeatedly expose myself to any of it. I'd much rather be in the company of those who practice a bit more self-awareness and seek to create for the sake of creating, than destroy for the sake of preserving their pride.
5:20 i don't identify as hiki but i do have lots of their traits, and this is very true. it's the small things, like washing dishes, cooking dinner once in a while, doing the laundry, being punished that i've never learned from my parents. it always means ive had nothing else to do other than sit on the computer all day. this sort of "taking care of everything" parenting sounds nice and all on paper, but in reality it leaves your child with no desire to do anything, or any basic life skills. i love my parents very much, but in this aspect they may have fallen short.
The thing about looks applies to basically anyone. People who always have top notch looks are usually the opposite on the inside. (Doesn't automatically apply vice versa though. Exceptions are always part the equation too.)
This makes sense as an introvert, i often feel most comfortable when i'm isolated from society, although i work full time, it can be extremely difficult for people for leave their personal space, especially if they're dealing with severe trauma, or ptsd or are generally feeling depressed or alone.
That would be great, but I think that it'd be rare to find one out in public 😅 Is there somewhere thy hang out online? I'm visiting Japan next month, would be cool!
There's a bit of a perception that's starting to take off in the west: "Working out might not fix all your problems, but it will fix a lot of them." I'm a bit amused that some hikki have discovered the same.
I am willing to give them a shot. I’ve had my own struggles in life and did disconnect in my own way. I would of course like to get to know them first, but if they have a good sense of humor we will probably get along well.
Instead of becoming a Hikki, I became sarcastic, grumpy and telling annoying people to f-off. Oh god. I became British.
British is truly the worst possible state a person could be in. I hope you get well soon
get well soon
Praying for a speedy recovery 🙏
Oh god, I think i become both.. a british hikikomori
The horror!
Nobita casually dropping that he's got a great personality for dating! xD
The cope reporter indeed.
Isn't he married?
@@decwow That is what I am uncertain? Maybe he drop his name in there just for laughs.
Oh so that's what that was about. 😂
I thought maybe it was some term I wasn't familiar with LOL.
Nobita is indeed married.
Nice try, Shinzo Abe.
Abe: Curses! Foiled again!
Rip
I don’t getit
even after death he's stilll working
Shinzo Abe wanted to make the birthrate hugher through more dating and marriage@@artymusoke1352
Reminds me of a Drama called メリー ミー (Marry me) where this guy who works for the JP government is part of a program to help Hikkikomori women re-integrate into society, so he ends up marrying this girl.
Its actually really wholesome and has a satisfying ending
Reminds me of the anime Re:Life, it's really good.
Reminds me of welcome to the NHK which goes in depth on the psychology of this phenomenon.
Ahhh I remember reading that! I think their names were Mari and Sen? Helping each other confront their issues was very healing 🥲
Yes, I remember this one
I dropped it after 12-ish chapters but I was very promising
Sounds really wholesome, congrats for them both! Unfortunately, reverse the genders and no such thing would ever happen. It's crazy that the popular misconception is that women show more empathy, more emotional intelligence, have lowers requirements than men (women love to repeat that it's men who have unrealistic standards), etc.
As a hikikimori myself im starting my first job in 4 years since I graduated from high school
Congratulations :) That's a big step
You got this Man, things will get better from now on!
❤❤❤❤GL
Good for you.
Stay safe ❤
I don’t think most foreigners would mind meeting any of the 3 groups mentioned. The issue is just like the rest of the world, if you are shy or want to meet someone shy, it takes a lot of luck.
Add the extra level of being a foreigner that maybe can’t fully express what they want to say in Japanese, and the conversations might be stressful for both people.
imo the family can help by meeting them up somehow
I think you've touched on something interesting there!
A a foreigner in Japan, everyone does give you alittle leniency to break social norms? 😆
Like if you stretch out your hand and give someone a firm handshake and a tap on the shoulder 9/10 times they appreciate the friendliness, it's novel and you see their face instantly light up because it's a funny situation for them, and you can get people to open up in a way that Japanese-to-Japanese might be difficult to do?
@@GunterThePenguinHatesHugs yeah, I’ve had strange interactions with Japanese natives though. I’ve had people ask for photos with me, presumably just because I have blonde hair and blue eyes. As the quintessential gaijin, I feel that a lot of my conversations are just trivial and not actually any bit deep.
That’s alright and I think it will get better as my Japanese improves, but it’s a unique situation for me as a sheltered American who never really felt like an outsider.
@@flytelp Oh my god yes they want pictures! 😆 I feel like it's not as common in Tokyo any more, but in Chiba atleast it still happens lol.
...You ever heard of _gaijin-hantā?_ Look it up for a laugh 😂
...In my experience, some people seem to want to just test their English, but most young Japanese people would genuinely love to be friends with you! Just got to find the right group, like I made friends in Japan doing martial arts for a while, and through chatting with my barbers too lol 🙂👍
-I do think though, many Japanese being generally quite self-conscious and self-contained, might just be awkward because they might feel that they have to change their behaviour interacting with foreigners, especially so for younger people? Like they're conscious of what other Japanese around them will think, which is why it might seem like there's some distance, y'know? 🤔
That's my two cents anyway, just have to put yourself out there really, as with anywhere else 🙃
I am kinda shy and my best friend is also shy, so…
They all sound pretty relatable. It's weird to imagine that people who can be this understanding and chill are seen as "bad people".
Not really shutting off the world can cause some unstable mental condition when things get rough.
It doesn't need to be na hikki for that.
Practically all over the world people who are not breaking their back for others in exchange for money ("working") are seen in a very bad light.
Even though a lot of that work is just Bullshit - producing things that no one needs, which then need to be sold with a lot of annoying ads to people who don't have the time to think about those ads because they have to work to get the money for the gadgets that they think would fill their empty, work-driven life with meaning.
A dear friend of mine tends to say that we're conditioned to be drones from infancy to eventually just produce and consume. That we're "caged" in this society and stuff. So I get where you're coming from. Even I experienced people treating me differently before and after I got a "proper job" as well.
@@liesandy291 Can confirm, I've taken care of distant family in their dying years because they shut off communication with everyone else they knew. The worst part is that I saw my future in them because I'm the same way. Hopefully I'll keel over earlier than them because I don't want to keep trying to be "normal".
I don't need to watch the video.
A lot of people who game might be chill but that's as far as the good stuff goes.
They might be good material as friends but if they aren't able to work and handle daily stress from simply being in the community or at work, its going to be a challenge for the partner who has to take care of everything and be the bread winner, esp with Japan's bad economy.
As an introvert and having no social life outside of work I really feel for them.
Also props on those gals working out 💪
Idk if you have social anxiety as well, but I recommend joining a club/hobby group as well. That can be anything from an MMO where mics are used (Planetside 2 is good imo, but very game-focused) to something physical like a book club, crafts group, or what I did, the SCA: a medieval swordfighting/crafts club that's very common across North America.
Sorry if you don't need this advice, but finding community, especially in person, is important even for the most introverted people.
The interviewer talking about dating people that fall into this group reminds me of a recent podcast I listed to. I dont remember the guy's name, but he pretty much said to stay away from dating apps and dont try to talk to people over social media. Just because you think the person's pictures are attractive, they are almost never the type of person you are looking for outside of looks. Plus, you have to compete with everyone else trying to get their attention.
He said to go out and meet people. There are attractive people on this planet who might not be as photogenic and have great personalities. Most people dont see it because you actually have to spend time with them.
It is RNG to go out and meet people online because you might run into a Ted Bundy.
You might have a point. I’m extremely shy, but don’t get any interaction on dating apps anyway. Meeting people irl is the way, just have to overcome severe shyness…
Can confirm the RNG is pretty terrible. It is rather difficult to find well adjusted people via apps
I agree to stay away from dating apps, but depending where you'd look, you may find a likeminded person even online, but I obviously know it's equally not only a big RNG game, but not necessarily very favourable for you as a user on a given platform. You probably would have the best chances by just going outside, but I think a good place to look is where your interests lie. For example I met my wife years ago on DeviantArt and we both shared a love for art, anime, stories and such. It was absolutely a happenstance and I realise the RNG game worked that time. But if one would be into basically otaku related things, then maybe conventions might be a place where you may have a chance of meeting that special person, as you will already have something in common.
Naturally though, you do need to actually speak and interact with others, which is the hardest part, especially if you're shy and/or socially anxious ( like how I am as well. )
@AdachiCabbage if that plagues your mind all the time then you won't have a good time whether physically or online
Nobita really made an entire 11 minute video as to why you should date him. I respect the grind 😂
This entire video is an advertisement
Self advertising
Nobita is not a hikki.
I would probably have become a hikkikomori if not for the environment I grew up in ...I hope for them to find the place where they belong and people who value them in the future
i could be one if i werent lucky lol
Same mate. Either that or sewer slide. Im so thankful for having such good friends
The fact you said what you said proves you were never going to be one. If you actually understood, your message would be something like "i wish them peace" not "i wish they find people or a place".
You sympathise but lack any empathy towards the situation.
Yeah upbringing, and parent's personalities and how they raise you are important too.
Only children are often spoilt, (and there are many in Japan) and that can mean parents are too afraid to give them the tough love and right kind of support they need, and instead just infinitely provide for the 'child' because they just want them to live comfortably, which I can understand to an extent...
@Reiman33 You know among all the moment in life there are only two moment you can truly be at peace when you're born and when you die the rest of the time you may not see it or consider it a small thing but they are always things that you'll be concern about whether it's about yourself (like what you're gonna eat/wear, how was your day, how will be the days to come) or about your relatives family (even that friend you had years ago and never saw/contact since)
In worst cases you might not even be able to do something but if you have/can reach people or have a place to go where you feel comfortable and belong to that will help you face whatever life throws at your face even if you fall along the way it won't matter cause there will be people helping you
Sure, I would date a hikikomori. But how do you find one? How do you overcome the walls they've built up around themselves? I spent a month in Japan years ago, and even as a "crazy American' able to walk up to complete strangers and say hi, I found it VERY difficult to overcome the social barriers in Japan. I felt like I made people uncomfortable. I felt like I was the sun burning somebody's pale skin. I felt like I was breaking the unspoken "rules" that everybody else knew but me, and they were too polite to tell me but wanted to be anywhere in the world other than talking to me.
As for gyaru, it's sort of the opposite. They're beautiful, they're sociable, they're the center of attention. And even as the crazy American able to talk to people in line or on a train...it's hard to walk up to a girl who looks and acts like she's on stage with a spotlight on her. Maybe they're socially isolated, but they look and act like unobtainable rockstars. I did have one experience in Japan...just some girl carrying a dog, we made eye contact in a crowd...she was absolutely beautiful, but there was this haunted look in her eyes that stayed with me for hours before I figured it out: I think she was absolutely and completely socially isolated and desperate for anyone to break through her shell and would have loved for me to have found some way to break the ice...but I didn't. If I could go back in time to talk to that girl, I would, but I can't. I'm sorry.
Nobita...Americans LOVE Japan. We adore the Japanese. We like your cars, we like your anime, we have a weird fascination with ninja, I took Shotokan for years, miko are adorable, and karaoke is fun. You've taken parfait and made it a beautiful and delicious experience far beyond what it originally was. There are so many things about Japan I could gush about how amazing they are. Sure, the language is hard and I don't get the fascination with bugs, sailor fuku aren't nearly as cute in person as they are in anime, and I was kind of distressed once to see a Japanese businessman wearing a suit while sleeping in a cardboard box on the streets of Shinjuku. I'm not just a totally ignorant foreigner lost in "grass is greener" delusion. Yes, there are things about Japan that are difficult. But Americans on the whole really do genuinely like Japan and really do like the Japanese. There are probably a million Americans who would absolutely love to date, or even just sit down and play games together in companionable silence with the people you're talking about.
But that genuine fondness isn't always enough to overcome the social barriers. They're very real.
I would also like to know how find and approach them. :)
@bangkokjack4698 or go to ひっき寮. 🤔
Dogs are great ice breakers for talking to someone. Ask anyone who has ever had a dog.
As said, you can't. Mostly. You'd have to talk fluently Japanese, hence having to spend days in and out talking to many people, learning a lot, which pushes you to more social people, more "societal" people. Just with this, you're most likely going to pass the hikkikomori person.
And as you said yourself and above, you're not going to find any of them really easily because of the walls they've built around. It's a human trait, not specifically tied to Japanese people. Don't get weeaboo-ified because of the word alone. I've met people in Europe and NA that were completely shelled, secluded, and not part of the society at all, some for 20+ years, as I was working in hospitals and healthcare.
Not throwing anything at Nobita, but be mindful of the UA-cam game as well, topics, titles and thumbnails are MADE to attract to make a livelihood. While many topics are heartfelt and true, the relation you'd hope to have will not come easily without actual YEAR of efforts on your end, and that might not even work, considering how hikkikomori are in nature, comportment and mentally.
A more natural and healthier way is... Find someone who likes you and who you like, and then you can adapt some video games, watching dramas and staying at home slowly in your day to day.
im an american who wants to learn german and japanese
They can rely on parents who take care of them, buys food and don't need to pay for rent, so theres no reason to ever leave the house anymore and no motivation to go to work when you don't need the money. Also when someone is away from large crowds for a long period of time, it builds up anxiety when you go back, so it becomes scary to go to a place like Shibuya because of that painful feeling of anxiety that comes with it.
Until their parents pass away, or are in the verge of it. Then who’s gonna take care of them?
Many people don’t understand the concept of institutionalization but it’s very real. I’d say that it not only applies to people in prison or mental hospitals but can apply to these people in their parents’ care. What distinguishes it is the comfort of being contained in a small space, having your basic needs met and minimal contact with outsiders. I’m sure there’s more but that’s a good start.
@@joeb4142 You’re right, what you mentioned is only part of the reality as to why people become shut-ins.
And I’m going to quote a line from the movie, Chicken Run.
“Do you know what the problem is? The fences are just out there. They’re up here, in your head.”
In other words, people don’t just become institutionalized by outside forces like society or peer pressure. They willingly choose to confine themselves from the outside world, because of what they believe will happen if they decide to go back into the world. The more lies and negative information one receives throughout their lives, the higher the chances there are of choosing to remain isolated in their own little space, for fear of any harm coming to them at any given notice.
Normally in India People live with their parents
@@ranjanrai3766its different dwag Indian live with their parents and actually go out and work
I think it's universal that anyone who's gone through the worst of life and lived through it will be some of the nicest people you've ever met. People who've experienced how bad something feels have an incredible amount of empathy.
They know how things are not easy.
I wouldn't agree on empathy but it's muuuch easier to understand that someone might be going through something bad
i wouldn't be so sure about that. i'm a shut in of 11 years now and i'm emotionally numb, i don't know when the last time was that i felt empathy.
It's extremely sad but yeah, the only way to actually understand other people's feelings is to have people not understand your own and suffer because of it
The real question should be "How" you should date hikkikomori in Japan. With no external communication is impossible.
I scrolled down to see if someone else had the same question.
How to even establish contact with hikikomori as an outsider (non-japanese) regarding dating?
That is a good question.@@silvio1894
@@silvio1894just burst in through the door with flowers and manga
Invite them to play a game xD
Finding them on internet, that should do it.
seriously i feel bad for them. Im east asian. Nobita is actually trying to help these people. Becoming soulmate or helping them to more social. Whatever it is nobita is kind hearted men for sure
That hikikomori girl with patience is so lovely
I almost tear up thinking someone could treat her badly while she is so kind
@@ElTioPental 🤗
@@ElTioPental Yeah, I honestly refuse to believe someone could be so bad
@@UnkownUnkown01 A lot of good people get treated like shit by others and a lot of bad people get treated good.
@@bjrock1235 The sad reality we live in
This is a nice video. I'm in the United States. I don't date anymore. I can participate in society but don't like crowds. I pay bills and maintain a minimum of interaction with a few people.
I'm similar to a phenomenon in the west called "Men Going Their Own Way." I'm older and I already have kids, so I have already performed those functions for society and species.
I don't find the "Dating Market" attractive. I also don't offer enough to be attractive to that dating market. We are mutually irrelevant.
I can appreciate and respect the feelings and statements of these people that you mention here.
Thank you for this video. I wish everyone the best. They all seem nice.
@rickygamer4732 indeed. I wish you the best as well. Between predatory dating, false accusations, foodie calls, dual-mating strategies, tik tok trends, social media dependency, and so much more, I don't know how anyone feels safe enough to attempt to be alone with anyone else. It's a mine field out there.
@rickygamer4732 bro what do you mean "because society will judge you for just trying to form a connection with someone you never met before.". The problem today is that people lack social skills, devilizing (or whatever is the right term) the family, being obsessed with status. And it's not society that's the problem, men are doing good. Problem is that women get free degrees in some bullshit and think they're fucking untouchable. Now they're too good for men they would have married in the past, who don't have any bullshit degrees, but still make good money. So they're stuck fucking lowlifes and adopting cats/dogs. And they say wOmEn gEtInG eDuCaTiOn Is A GoOd ThInG. lmfao
Or we should just ban social media/internet and that would also solve many issues, idk.
MGTOW is pretty cringe
lol my response got deleted, cringe
MGTOW is mostly divorced dudes who have been in relationships. Not really comparable.
Dang, this is pretty relatable to my life. I'm from the USA and I've never considered myself a hardcore Hikikomori but I've struggled with social isolation and feeling like an outcast for the majority of my life. I still go out and have friends but I still feel those emotions at times.
Watching this warms my heart knowing full well I'm a Hikikomori, a western one. I've never been in Japan. Never was born Japanese. But my lifestyle is that of a Hikikomori. My parents even misunderstand who I am and it makes me feel awful as there isn't really a proper term. It's more of a definition rather than a term. I've been treated awfully in my school years, and I'd rather shut myself in the room and never have to deal with awful humans. I'm truly just a softie, but due to said awful human interaction, I became more and more a Hikikomori.
As a fellow Hikikomori, I can totally relate to how you feel and what you have experienced. It's hard getting out of that lifestyle, especially if you mostly had experiences with awful people around you.
What I'm about to say doesn't necessarily have to be helpful to you, but just so you've heard it once, in case you're trying to get out of this Hikikomari lifestyle.
What personally helped me was first, getting out of my old environment and staring a new life somewhere faraway from home and second, learning how to socialize. It sounds stupid, but for me, simple stuff like "how to start a conversation" or "how to get a conversation going" was never so clear. Also realizing that the person in front of me in a conversation for example, is just another person like me with a life, family, backstory and work etc. was kinda eye opening and gave me the courage to not be afraid of them.
I hope what I'm trying to say make sense to you. Now, enough of my philosophy. Let me just say that life always offers the opportunity to live a better life, so hang in there!
One of my friends is a Hiki and I'm in the states. He has Autism, he's very well spoken and he's a smart guy, he just very much prefers to stay at home in his parents' house an keeps to himself. He works at a library, he's a very nice guy, he just doesn't like being out in public often.
You are a neet, in Spanish speaking countries is called noni or Nini (standing for no estudia ni trabaja, doesn't study or work)
This is a systematic issue in both western and eastern society
I just wanted to let you know since you don't know the English name for it and I've been a hikikomori/neet/noni
Best of lucks and much love 🤙🗿
The term is recluse.
10:37 wait! wait! wait! So this is the true purpose of making this entire video, you sneaky sneaky man.🤣🤣🤣
I was borderline one myself. Social anxiety can be so paralysing. I do really well with making anxious people feel at ease. I would be interested in dating a hiki but meeting one isn't easy. Maybe Nobita can set me up next time I'm in Japan. I'll be his wingman in exchange.
as a person who have add, severe anxiety and depression i could relate almost all of em. since elementary school to high school ive been bullied alot, and at home my father always dump his anger at me, i guess because of that i choose to lock my self in the room alot and everytime im seeing a new person my anxiety level went through the roof but once im comfortable with this new person i felt relive and thankful to the for talking to me, but once i got home i would think all the stuff i said and think did i say anything bad, did i annoy that person, is he/she mad at me, etc 😭😭😭. last year ive been always thinking of what i should do, ive dropped out of collage, didnt have any job and so ive attempt to un alive my self 2-3 time last year, im 23 now and been feeling better, dicided to chase my dream to become a youtuber, though still single cause ofc im scared to talk to girls afraid of hurting their feelings, but hopefully slowly but surely i could live the life ive always dreamed for
A really eye opening video. You took a very different approach to people who had been put into a "stereotypical box" and helped others better understand them. Your analysis does provide a new approach.
Boiled down - ひきこもり are victims of societal and cultural bullying. I am glad that they have gone beyond たてまえ and are in touch with and presenting their true selves. It takes a lot of courage to achieve what these people have done. Well Done.
I'm from the Philippines but have the lifestyle of a NEET/hikikomori. I only go out of my room for food/necessities and if there's work to be done. Been living this way for a good decade now, currently age 32. As you've said in this video, I'm someone who has already done a lot of self reflection/introspection over the years and have a good idea of who I want to be as a person and what I want in life. I chose to be a social recluse and avoid having to deal with people simply because I can't find likeminded people around my current environment. Not a single irl friend, no prospective girlfriend. I feel like I don't belong here but I can't really leave because of my obligation to my family (I take care of my father). But people here don't really have the same interests or amount of passion I have for the things I like. I also feel like people around me aren't as empathetic as I'd like them to be. They're insensitive, most are just drunkards, gossipers, etc. Maybe if I was surrounded by better people, I wouldn't have to be a social recluse?
I'd like to eventually find a partner in life (as I now believe no man is an island) but I'm very picky when it comes to looks, personality, and how compatible their current situation in life is to mine. Problem is currently I don't really have much to offer yet (other than being a provider) to justify my high standards for a partner. I'd like to improve myself, but to what extent? And even if I do, that doesn't even guarantee that I'd find someone who I'd like as much as they'd like me. Dating just involves too much of a luck factor that I'm still confused on how to go about it, regardless if I'm a hikikomori or not. I would have no problem dating a fellow female hikikomori provided we've got a lot of things in common (core values/mindset/interests) or can complement and improve each other really well.
I'm not gonna give you advice because it's probably nothing you haven't heard since I'm just a young little shithead, but good luck to you my dude
Hello fellow kababayan, I also have a lifestyle of a NEET/hikikomori 🥹 I only go out if I'm forced to by my parents. Throughout my life I have been bullied, ostracized, and alienated by fellow classmates. And moving back to the Philippines, things haven't changed as I was also harassed and constantly picked on... 🫠 I've always felt more comfortable at home where no one will pick on me or bully me anymore... yet I still feel lonely and yearn for friendship and compassion... Its been 2 years and I still don't have any plans attending college for reasons such as integrating with peers between language barriers (I was taught and spoken to in English), fear of work, projects, and stress that will heavily affect my mental health, going overseeas to Manila/Visayas and leaving my parents, and fear that I won't be able to find myself such as my interests and passion and the course I'm doing is just a waste of time and resources.
So yeah too much stuff to think about... I'm scared of talking to people again but at the same time human interaction is a need isn't it?...
Yeah human interaction's a need, for better or worse. I've also been made fun of since previously I had some sort of chuuni phase, from my elementary days up until early college years. There was this one guy too who was kinda obsessed with making fun of me, whom I even considered one of my best friend. Not to mention I was constantly taken advantaged of. People considered me to be someone smart, well off, and a person who doesn't know how to say no. And so people would often leech off of me for homeworks, free lunch, etc. Eventually I just drifted away from people I used to be close with, for the sake of my own sanity.
Nowadays, I think I've learned enough to be able to tell what kind of people are worth spending my time and effort on. I'm also able to set my own boundaries, and if people crossed those lines I've set for myself, then I just cross them off of my life. People that don't know how to treat you right or know basic human decency aren't worth getting stressed over. Sure, this way of thinking made connecting with people so much harder for me but this is probably much better than being with toxic people.
@@gavan1730 I'm sorry for that man 😢 Being taken advantage of sucks especially with close people. You deserve so much better. A lot of people also have taken advantage of me too for my personality and kindness and they use it to decieve me and mistreat me. But I guess experience pays off as I'm now starting to get defensive against people who try to attempt to exploit me. I'm glad its working out for you. What they say is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hope you cherish those who are worth being around with. ❤
@MatchaCutie14 Thanks, but I don't know if I truly deserve better. It might've been my fault for being that way in the first place and people just couldn't help but be drawn to who I was as a person before. After all, who wouldn't wanna be friends with a kind/generous/dependable person, right?
Good for you that you've better yourself. Balance is still one of the biggest keys to life, too much kindness and positivity can still harm or negatively impact you in some way. At least if ever you return to college, finish your studies, or whatever else you pursue in life, you'd already be in a much better spot with all the things you've learned so far. I don't know how much younger you are to me, if at all, but I really wish I would have learned these things much sooner.
I'm all for caring for people who deserve that from me but the problem's always been how or where to find such people. Currently, I only have a group of online friends (more of a circle than actual personal friends) who're into otaku stuff like me. I feel like they're enough when it comes to having "friends". What I've been really longing for is what the topic of this video's about, hence why I'm here lol.
always try and befriend a shut-in no matter which country they are in.
i don't think people become shut-ins by choice, there's usually something more sinister and psychologically at play.
could be that you feel inadequate, won't be able to live up to someones expectations, bullying, close family member died etc.
it's easier to shut yourself in and surround yourself with your hobbies then to actually get help.
what i do when i visit my oshi's and random streams wether it be japans streams or someone elses stream is to send a "heart" and ask them how they are.
you can also give them compliments if you think their voice is cute, good at drawing or anything they might be doing online since hikimoris do communicate online that's where
strangers online should try and befriend them. you don't necessarily have to visit them or meet up with them irl but instead just be the rock they need mentally.
and if you don't care about any of this just stay quiet and politely move along.
But the problem is we don't know where they are so we can only communicate them online
Takes me back to the time during the quarantine,I got so isolated from society at large that I feel like i turned into a hikki for a while and even thought circumstances forced me to reintegrate to society, it’s never really felt the same since. I’m glad to see other people who have or still are struggling getting help from others and move on. My best wishes for you all
Based on your descriptions of their experiences and social behaviors, there might be a significant crossover between Hikimori and neurodivergence, particularly autism.
People with autism also often have difficulty getting or keeping jobs due to our abnormal social behaviors and lots of miscommunications/misunderstandings. We tend to get bullied and ostracized for our differences especially as children, so we do try to treat people with kindness and not judge them, considering how often we've been negatively judged for things we struggle with. Many of us are shy or socially awkward partially due to not intuitively understanding many social dynamics that others automatically understand and respond to, so it can be really anxiety inducing to have social interactions even when we desperately want to, because we're worried that we'll say something wrong or react in a way the other person didn't expect it doesn't like, which leads to us getting rejected and hurt like we have so many times before.
Not maintaining eye contact is also common for autistic people, they it's not that we fundamentally can't make eye contact (which is a harmful stereotype that prevents many people from getting diagnosed), rather it can be uncomfortable for us, or make it difficult for us to think, as we're then focusing our attention to the other person's facial expressions rather than what they're saying, so it can be difficult to fully engage in a conversation and remember what was said if we're forced to prioritize eye contact.
I think I read somewhere that they had much higher rates of autism than the general population (along with being neurodivergence in general).
This is such a heartwarming, insightful, and kind video. hiki dorms sound like a wonderful idea and Meari Kuze sounds like a wonderful caring person. Thank you for this.
As someone who's also very shy and an indoors person, I relate a lot to the part of not wanting to waste anyone's time. I've tried to be friendly and learn whatever other people liked so we could have some common ground to talk and hang out together, but most of the time I only got very lukewarm reactions. I don't blame them, I'm not entitled to anyone's energetic reaction. And I understand people have their own best friends with whim they really get well together. But after some time, I just stopped trying. It started to feel like a chore, and I felt like people were just tolerating my presence to be polite, so I stopped initiating conversations and interactions, and soon enough all my "friends" faded away. I figured if they really cared about me they would reach out some time later. Guess that wasn't the case.
The sentiment of inadequacy is very real, and the more you isolate, the harder it is to overcome because the only way to develop social skills is to actually socialize. It's a vicious cycle. But there's a silver lining in here, knowing people in Japan are making an effort to cross that gap and help those isolated people to sort these things out.
I have a crazy idea
a Manga and/or anime about a Hikkikomori supporter rehab group.A Drama anthology series, with hints of romance and comedy about these people who go around japan providing help, support, and compassion for hikki.
A good and wholesome collection of stories to help shed a light on this unfortunate situation and the show how it can be fixed.
nice video, so true; I won't deny the looks are the first magnet to want to talk to someone but the character and values is what makes a person likeable and want to be around.
Nice video Nobita!
Wrote my first "academic" paper back in high school on the topic of hikikomori and if/how it is a disease or symptom of modern civilization.
Felt I always had shut-in tendencies with low social skills and was/still am prone to rather not going out and staying inside even when I know I should go out and try to enjoy stuff instead of assuming I won't like it.
I was wondering if many 引きこもり are neurodivergent, but now that you mentioned that most of them avoid eye contact or fidget I'm quite sure that many of them are. People who are neurodivergent also tend to be gentle or careful of others.
I highly suspect many of them are (ADHD, autism, etc) because the risk factors of becoming a hikkikomori is often consistent with the the daily struggles and people face. Ex: struggling to maintain relationships/integrating with society, being bullied, depression, etc…
I’m no expert but being autistic myself and having similar struggles, I feel at least 70% certain ND people are more likely to become hikkikomori.
Literally me, but on the other side of the world. It's tough.
Thank you so much for making this video for the hikikomori! You have probably explained about them in the positive and correct way. If only there were more journalists who think like you!!! Much love from the US!!!❤❤❤😊😊😊
I thought this was an interesting observation to bring up, the parallels between gaijin and hike. I never would have thought of this myself. Thank you for sharing and I appreciate all your videos on these under discussed topics 🙏.
Watching this made me realize that I probably was or am a Hikikomori the last few years. Luckily my mother and brother are quite supportive. I have gotten to the point that I can go places without too much anxiety, and I celebrate that achievement.
I will totally be friends with hikikomoris, especially with those that I'll find something in common. I understand them pretty well, because I'm a person who likes to be alone. In my country it's hard to be a hikikomori, because the chance of your parents kicking you out for not have a job or education is high.
Thanks Nobita. I come for the information and insight. I stay for the personality.
Just what I needed thanks the japan reporter your awesome ❤
Very sweet and educational video, thank you for highlighting these misunderstood people with the respect and understanding they deserve. 👏
5:40 I have to say that people within society kind of like plants in a garden that way. Same type of plant in the same garden area can grow unhappy and might enjoy a different part of the garden. I have two chillis plants one a year older, the older one is very happy and growing strong. I placed the new chilli in a spot close by thinking that it would be happy there too. The poor chilli began to show signs of distress so i moved it to the other side of the garden. It is very happy there.
I know the "topic" of the video was finding love in Japan and whatever, but I actually really appreciate the amount of work it seems like you put into connecting with these people and changing your perception of them.
As someone who has known a lot of people who don't fully mesh with society, whether because they're autistic, queer, socially anxious, depressed, you name it-all those people have been some of the most amazing friends and partners a person can find.
I think difficulty and hardship make relationships and people more special. My "reject" friends? They're the best ones I've ever had. That's the end of it.
Well done!
Yooo is that a resurgence of the
FIND YOUR LOVE IN JAPAN
Great video. Really gives an eye opening view of hikkikomori. Across the world, the people with some sort of social bluntness or minor disorder are often going to be the most genuine towards others. They may even be assholes, but at least they're honest.
Japanese girls that learned to be more than the stereotypical way definitely stand out. Many Japanese guys and girls may not appreciate that (generally), but you better believe people that have actually grown up mentally appreciate that.
It's amazing how many Japanese (younger) adults still behave like they're in high school. It's nice and all, but the sooner you learn to move past that era of immaturity, the better you become as a human being.
It's heartbreaking to see all these kind hearted people get rejected from society because of their traumatic experience. I truly wish them the best. You're a great reporter Nobita-san. Keep up the good work👍
This is actually inspiring, I loved this video and made me think that I could actually help improve the life of people. Thanks so much
man im a hikikomori for years and this video hits hard in the spot esp no.3 :( i also was bullied in school and by fam and cousins, abused by one of my parents my entire life ( it led my to many thoughts of sui*ide, self ha*m and sever depression) and se*ally assaulted as an underage and as an adult by 3 men in my family thro the years and that broke me as well as society failed me in education.
as i get older things in life esp finding friends and love (esp in my age group) become harder and harder (excluding jobs cuz thats for surer) but im still optimistic about life and that my life will get better nothing last forever.
just fyi for everyone reading this,things are waaayy better now and im in a better mentality and health but still being effected by all or some of that and still hikikomori
thx for the informative video reporter san ^^
people and social groups can be like toxic clouds.
sometimes its best to leave it and take a breath of fresh air.
just make sure its actual fresh air, and not another stinky cloud :)
Stay safe ❤
Sorry that all happened to you, but you sound like a great person and I can relate and I'd totally talk to you for one. Love and happiness is sure to find you and I hope it does for me someday too.
I've heard from plenty that they are pretty easy to talk to, and are pretty open to foreigners (They probably talk to a lot of foreigners online so are probably more open to them, my assumption though.) This is probably my goal, being a bit of a loner myself (not enough to really be classified as a hikikomori or a neet), they probably would be a nice person to strike a friend ship with (I'm striving to study in Japan.). Thank you for your thoughts, these help us foreigners get used to topics like this (especially since it's from insider point of view.)
Just make youself a harem of hikki women or at least write yourself a manga where you do that.
@@jebes909090 I'm An Exchange Student And I CANT Believe My Dorm Room Is Filled With A Hikki Harem!!!
Where do i sign up to find a hikikimori?(im a semi-hikikimori myself) XD
are you serious? where are you from then.
1. Study Japanese
2. Go to Japan
@@joeb4142too much work lol
Fr, my monk3y brain tells me too comfort her and play games all day.
Grocery store, most hikikimoris would only go out to pick up food/snacks, or you can probably find them in hobby shops (though, probably briefly...)
Hi, Nobita-san! Im a big fan from Brazil, follow your work for about 4 years now. I found very interesting when you described around 7:00 the eye contact and fidgeting, because those are usually behaviours atributed to autism in west. I was diagnosed in autism spectrum 2 years ago and also struggle with socializating and blending in society, living in and of hikikomori phases through my whole life post school. Just some food for tought. Take care!
Lovely video mate, I do feel a lot in common with Hikikomori, I did try to hide away from the ugliness in the world for a couple of years, it took a lot of effort to venture back out and I'm still not fully recovered but I found some very nice people, all older than I am and I learned to appreciate humans more in the now, still not a big fan of false niceness.
Thank you for your videos, telling us about things we'd otherwise not know much about. I mean, I knew the term from before, and I had no negative judgements for them even then because I don't like to judge like that, partially due to exactly the same reasons they don't judge someone like that... I was just recently in Japan for the first time in 24 years and wish I could go back soon.
When I do I will make an effort to meet a few because I want to make friends there and if anyone deserves my friendship it's people who won't judge :)
And BTW, I appreciate your humor!
most hiki likely have ADHD. I relate too much. The world is hard to engage with as it is and the motivation to do things and be able to focus is like trying to move in quick sand, you sink more than you get out of it and you get paralyzed by your failures and setbacks and getting back on track is hard. Apparently it is called executive dysfunction and i still have a hard time explaining it since it is mostly subconscious.
I get into these slumps of being laid off and then not having money to pay for medication i need to be able to maintain sustained motivation and focus to do tasks and lift me from my constant zombified depression having constant thoughts of the future and how i don't see myself having one and thinking to myself the best way i can leave this world without doing any damage to others especially those i care about and who have shown me kindness. Sadly there is no way to do that and so i'm stuck unemployed and unmedicated which means i am a burden of which i am reminded every day nearly saying good morning to my brother. It's easier to fail alone in my mind because nothing is worse than a tragedy and people ask if a tree falls in a forest with nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound? My version is , if i'm the only tree on a desolate moon and fall, would i make a sound? Anyway, it is messed up having to live in a world where you need medication to function and everyone looks at your diagnosis and treatment as supplementary instead of needed to live life. i'm sick of repeating the same pattern over and over again and just wish there was a way to break the cycle, but so far it seems only money can remedy that and it's the thing i end up being out of since layoffs and rough months of applying to absurd amounts of jobs and being ghosted by most of them and being fed canned responses that don't make any sense at all.
anyway, i hope everyone on the internet has a good day and remember to check in with yourself from time to time and see how you have changed and have grown as a kind of milestone or doctors checkup.
Hikkimori's doesn't only exist in Japan. Hikkimori's exist in other countries around the world aswell, making it a global issue.
Yeah apparently laziness is a global phenomenon
As both an outside observer, and someone who personally knows several Japanese hikki, my impression is that a lot of these people are probably neurodivergent in some way, but generally tend to be un-diagnosed due to Japan's general poor understanding of mental health issues, meaning they usually aren't getting the types of support they might need.
When you described them as being socially awkward people who have difficulty with eye contact, articulating their thoughts, and tremble/fidget, my immediate thought was that this is generally how I myself behave as someone with autism. I've lived a hikki lifestyle in he past, but the main reason I can be independent nowadays is because autism is well understood where I live, and there are support systems to help people who struggle because of it. Many of my Japanese friends envy this when I talk about it, because they say that they would never receive this kind of social support in Japan.
Seeing the success of this idea - Hikikomori living together is quite reassuring. I had this weird thought as a student in the Uni that one day people might not be separated by nations, but by the way they want to live their live. As I grew old, I realized that this isn't possible (at least not on Earth), but perhaps it might still be done on a smaller scale. People of different culture / way of live to gather in separate counties or at least settlements... I mean, I would love to live among friends and kind - hearted people, instead of sharing the same building with people who like gossip (talk ill of others, because that way they feel better about themselves) and/or noisy neighbors. Even as I write this comment, I can hear the young punk downstairs clashing the furniture against the walls and his mom and grandma try threatening him, but as they never really punish him, the noise just gets worse 😄And it is better not to mention other neighbors and their loud music. I guess, I'll have to try figure it out - where to move, so I can live in peace and maybe find people with similar mindset. Similarly, the various Hikikomori have problem with what is considered "the way of live norms" in Japan. When they meet others, who do not want to conform with the "common opinion" they realize that they are not alone anymore. That they can have friends with similar mindset, who won't deem them as lazy, awkward etc. And this is why their social skills return. After all, almost all humans are social creatures. And don't get me wrong - even if we get split into different counties / settlements, I still think that it we should to keep working together for the common good, help each other out in case of adversity etc., just... not sharing the same habitat 😁That way we can also offer people, who happen to develop a different mindset different options. Just choose the place to live, which suits you best! Anyways, thanks for the video, Nobita San! Stay safe, everyone 😇
🥺🥺 thank you so much for researching and sharing this. You have shared their positive characteristics and personalities about them- they are such kind people that I want to meet them in person.
Edit : I love how you added yourself as well 😂 Would totally like to meet and get to know you too!
Really recommend to watch the Anime "Welcome to the NHK" which is about the struggle of a Hikkikomori trying to change his life.
Just found your channel a bit ago and have been watching some. Really love your views on Japan, to express its real forms of beauty and faults!🙏🏼
As a former hikikomori (not in Japan) I recognise the same experiences for my self. And I still can't let it go; people are scary and I'm worried about giving other people experiences like I have had and that still make me miserable. I think I'm still a hikikomori, the only change is now I have a job and live by myself and it's so lonely, but also extremely scary talking to people.
Another great video! Thanks for all the work you do.
Awesome awesome video. Thank you for your hard work!
Beautiful topic and great video, well done Nobita!
Hell yeah!! Our Boi Nobita casually putting himself out there!
But in all seriousness, this is a very good and informative video in an issue that Japan has been experiencing for decades and that the rest of the World has just begun to realize exists in our respective countries. Thank you, Nobita-san, for your journalism with heart. I hope you find the right person for you.
Before watching, my take is: "I would love to date a hikkikomori, but think it would be a bad idea since I'm basically one myself and I don't need an extra drain on my finances."
After watching, my take is: "I almost don't want to date a hikkikomori because I feel like I would be taking advantage of their understanding nature, but I no longer believe they would be that much of an economic drain."
Nobita man, you are a champion!
Thanks for another great video. Before your videos on Gyaru's and their great personalities, I would have never considered them. And now Hikikomori. Thanks for shinning light on genuine people. Hope I can meet some of them one day!
Great video Nobita! An excellent message in the end!
Time to get Hiki love app?
" love "
You'd end up with another tinder with bunch of people pretending to be hihikomoris because it's quirky for them. The idea sounds nice, but it unfortunately won't work
It feels better to have a conversation with self than having endlessly surface level conversations with people who judge every little thing. Where can we find these authentic and kind people? How can we even approach them without scaring them away?
I've been also wondering that for some time too now, genuine nice people are hard to find nowadays
amazing video!! thank you for this new perspective on hikkikomori, i hope that all hikki in japan get to find themselves and become independent again!
Thanks for another good content
@10:00 To be fair to Japan, being honest though, looks matter a lot more than many will openly admit. Yes, there are other factors that will influence attraction but physical appearance is still number 1 over all
Looks obviously matter but what he's talking about is that looks are supplemental to the actual personality of the person. Which probably explains the lack of relationships and frankly the amount of cheating in Japan. They're often not connecting well
Japanese people are overdoing it though. Looks matter to a certain threshold, and once you pass it you need a good personality for a relationship to actually be sustainable and for the couple to not break up. With looks, just take care of your skin, hair, and fitness, and you'll most likely pass the threshold needed to look good enough for most.
And after someone finds your looks good enough, they look for your personality for whether they should date you or not. Sure, a lot of people will make assumptions on your personality based on your looks, but after getting to know you, all of those assumptions are cleared up and your true personality will be the deciding factor, not your looks.
@@loserinasuit7880 and what you’re missing is that if you don’t have the looks, it does not matter
@@ExpertContrarian Retard alert, retard alert. Maybe fucking read the comment I left.
that girl who redid the interview was so sweet
I know it's far from a real person, but the characters that I get endeared with the most in gacha games are most often gyaru, shy ones with clear difficulty socializing, and characters who have painful pasts.
It's kind of a dream of mine to be able to support such a person that needs it, being someone who has gone through years of depression and shut-in behavior myself. You'd think I would find myself useless in that case, but the idea of helping someone in a similar situation is very motivating.
Now if only getting over the language barrier was easier, but hey, things that are worth it usually aren't easy.
I'm living a big crazy life, I could take anyone along for the ride, but there is no way to find anyone. If you ask, you look desperate. If you don't ask, you are ignored like everyone else. All I can do is wake up every day and find things to make myself happy. I will see you lovely japanese people sometime this year, so come out of your shell and join.
I like your channel, you're so considerate on people and even though you make mistakes I am sure you realize and try to improve. Keep on your content, or work in whatever you'd like to besides this amazing channel
Great and eye opening video!
As a hikkimori with mdd, schizo, suicidal, severe anxiety and panic attack, trauma and shit and whatnot I finally get my shit together in 2023 and get a job and life in track.
I get my treatment, takes medicine and finally have will to live. Life become so much better and no longer suicidal.
Now im writing a novel about my life being a mental health patient. Im making a visual novel game and expecting 2025 to be in development as I am writing the script right now.
I hope my story will help those who goes through the same experience and pain like me. I just want to help other get better and let them know they are not alone.
Wish me luck!
I know about Hikikomori. It is about social anxiety issue such as social withdrawal, shy, dislikes outdoor (kinda like vampire who afraid of sunlight), bullied, and lazy in Japan. Hikikomori was also might be affected by autism spectrum disorder. I have read the (light) novel alongside with anime adaptation was “Welcome to the N.H.K.” where it is talking about life of Hikikomori for main character.
Nice video! I hope these people find the social spaces that are right for them. Its a shame some would give such nice people a hard time.
Mexican American here.
Ive grown up in this community of mainly mexicans or decendants.
The closes ive seen someone to a hikikomori is this dude who has a job but is an isolisionist person.
Ive visited his compoud and let me tell you his fruit trees are the most beautiful plants in the spring.
I remember all the fruit trees reminding me of the cherry blossoms in japan.
Other than that hes never married or in a current relationship of any sort.
Then those who do have some form of depression are immediately scolded and criticized.
The most famous act they do to get the depression out of them is throw them a shovel at their feet and tell them to grab it and go outside and dig.
Most of the times they go out with a large group working all together.
I've been in those groups before not for being depressed just out of respect as we were digging a grave for someone who recently passed away.
So hearing how japan has them i think get a shovel and dig out in the sun.
Other than that we also grew up with lots of family around so i see the differences in culture.
Very interesting. Please keep on making these content because I have Japanese friends :)
I used to be the closest thing to a hikki where I live (a third world country in a not so rich region at time) our parents used to make us always do something even if it was pointless so that we could "get rhythm" and not starve in the future.
I had a lot of problems socializing, mostly don't understanding/connecting the collective conciousness (still have some), that lead me to years of fighting most of my colleages for some seconds of peace; verbal and phisical ones. I still was able to get friends, actualy We're more like people We could relate to, like a support group of dysfunctional people.
At time I also worked in my family business as an attendant. It was a hell as most costumers were either adolecents or young adults and I was a child, no one respect me while i was just trying to do my work.
These things just made me more and more want to leave society, to never talk to anyone again. be lonelly, to not exist; why can't i fit with anyone, why can't anywhere be nice... I'd say, think and repeat thru my insomniac night, I wish but couldn't be a hikki didn't even know i was a thing somewhere, so I just endured all things hopeing to things to get better or to go to a better place.
I got better, sometime i learned how to fit and the costumers started to treat me as a human because i was older.
(This forced socializationg gave me problems, the one that bothers more is the that I am almost zero stress resistant, either crying and beying sorry, angered easily or in catatonic state (mostly this one) when in these situations. Being a Hikki is probably the is best that those people can do to themselves, allowing them to heal and think of everything, as mentioned in the video)
And to make sure it isn't out of topic (but isn't a date): At some shortly before pandemy19 i was using internet for the first time, while using social media for the first time i got trolled a little and on and on was great i found funny atleast was better than all cold conversations i had.
And I encountered a guy little a younger than me from the big city that almost no one talked to him (i talk from later convivence) and all his posts had 0 to 1 likes (wich was so low compared to everything else i had seen that day) talked a little discovered were his birthday said congratulations, he said thanks. After that conversation kinda died. I was kinda woried about him, because the way he talked, couldn't tell completelly why at time now can't less. So I'd periodically check up on him ask 'bout his and make some uncle jokes/comentaries.
As we talked he got attached and i was going out of the internet for sometime in the end/beggining of the year so i showed him a group that my friend from the time i was bullied putted me, guided him a little tried to give him some confidence and introduced him to the group adm (the person in the group that i trust more given that my friend had left the group) explained what i thought and asked him to help the guy to start socializing at least a little.
The year after the 19 I tried giving him helping incentivised the guy to get something on his school theater tried give him advices because he was so innocent, I couldn't believe and wanted nothing bad to happend because of it. Things gone great with time he less and less shy. An extrovert is really sad. I don't talk to (anyone) him too much but he mentions a lot how that congratulations was nice. And some years ago he said about how stuck he was in his shell that couldn't talk to anyone and thanked me, I cried as i am right now.
Yeah talk to Hikkis, when they're ready.
Great work as always, I really enjoy your videos
Really interesting and informative video.
Genuinely, I've long known I'd get along better with hikikomori than I do with other Japanese people, but there are several big issues with that, meeting new people is complicated and I'm totally unable to socialize on topics I'm not interested in. Asperger's does not help.
Interesting video
As an American version of one: I quite agree with your assessment. While I do not suffer the same self-image issues (though I've found that quite uncommon, even here): I know that I often find myself disliking many of the normalized aspects of my own culture. There's so much internalized hostility towards others we are taught that I have no desire to interact with most.
Especially as an empath who is prone to mirroring the energy of those around him: It honestly feels terrible having to repeatedly expose myself to any of it. I'd much rather be in the company of those who practice a bit more self-awareness and seek to create for the sake of creating, than destroy for the sake of preserving their pride.
5:20 i don't identify as hiki but i do have lots of their traits, and this is very true. it's the small things, like washing dishes, cooking dinner once in a while, doing the laundry, being punished that i've never learned from my parents. it always means ive had nothing else to do other than sit on the computer all day. this sort of "taking care of everything" parenting sounds nice and all on paper, but in reality it leaves your child with no desire to do anything, or any basic life skills.
i love my parents very much, but in this aspect they may have fallen short.
Excellent video.
If the society is a bit nicer, even just a little bit none of this would happen but this is what reality is👏
The thing about looks applies to basically anyone.
People who always have top notch looks are usually the opposite on the inside.
(Doesn't automatically apply vice versa though. Exceptions are always part the equation too.)
Hey, I'm a hikkikomori too. Any hikkis in my area hit me up!
This makes sense as an introvert, i often feel most comfortable when i'm isolated from society, although i work full time, it can be extremely difficult for people for leave their personal space, especially if they're dealing with severe trauma, or ptsd or are generally feeling depressed or alone.
if they could change things for themselves, they would. ive been dealing with this for 10 years now.
That would be great, but I think that it'd be rare to find one out in public 😅 Is there somewhere thy hang out online? I'm visiting Japan next month, would be cool!
There's a bit of a perception that's starting to take off in the west:
"Working out might not fix all your problems, but it will fix a lot of them."
I'm a bit amused that some hikki have discovered the same.
I am willing to give them a shot. I’ve had my own struggles in life and did disconnect in my own way. I would of course like to get to know them first, but if they have a good sense of humor we will probably get along well.