The Curse Of ADHD
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
- If you're living with ADHD, it's likely that feelings of being overwhelmed are a familiar experience. In today's video, we're going to tackle this challenge head-on. We'll explore effective strategies and practical tips for managing ADHD, helping you to break free from its overwhelming aspects.
Think you might have ADHD? Take our quiz: bit.ly/48WMIvW
Join us as we delve into understanding ADHD more deeply and learn how to harness its unique strengths. We'll cover techniques for improving focus, organization, and time management, all tailored to the specific needs of those with ADHD. Whether you're seeking to enhance your productivity, reduce stress, or find more balance in your daily life, this video is designed to empower you on your journey. Let's transform the 'curse' of ADHD into a pathway for growth and success.
Learn more from Dr. K in his Guide to Mental Health: bit.ly/45NirwY
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
03:04 - Creating a chaotic environment
04:26 - Habit circuitry
07:14 - Cognitive reframing
09:45 - Delaying failure
12:34 - Conclusion
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DISCLAIMER
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All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
#healthygamergg #mentalhealth #adhd
Having ADHD is like being good at a game with the bad set up.
You know you're capable and smart but you can't tap into your potential.
And then you watch all your peers excel at the game in half the time and sometimes they're even a few years younger than you.
This is a good analogy but it's funny aswell. Because when I am playing a game with a different set-up and controls, like when you are on your friends' phone I tend to focus waay better and easier
😂good
@@SynthwavelLover I usually just lurk around the comment sections but I'm breaking that habit just to reply to this because _BY GOD_ you have NO idea (you probably do but just bear with me for a sec) how much I relate to this.
I tried writing, and I dabble a little bit in graphics design, but also interested in animations and a bit of video editing. It took me... I don't know how long, but it was _a damnably_ long time for me to grasp things, let alone do things that is deemed objectively competent (as in not looking/sounding like something a 5 year old would come up while playing with their toys/drawing books).
And hearing people just do these impeccable things that people adore and being told that they're so much younger than I am is just incredibly discouraging - and at times also envy-inducing.
Ok I'm the opposite. I have it set up great but I have a bad mindset. I answered my own question. Change your mind set.
Live as though life is rigged in your favour ~ Rumi
life is hard with adhd and i see so many people using as a personality trait like it’s cool. i’m like you have no idea
Yess bro i understand you. Same here and also people on the outside thinking you are joking or making things up or actually just lazy for fun instead of having adhd
i mean it's both kinda. and not everyone with adhd freely shares their struggles with their environment so i don't think people "using it as a personality trait" are necessarily treating it lightly. they might just not want to trauma dump and want to reclaim the narrative instead
It’s always a spectrum. Everyone’s experience is valid, and everyone on both sides need to realize that.
You have no idea yourself
life with adhd is as hard as you make it, stop blaming others
3:05 “good at damage control, not damage prevention” couldn’t have said it any better. It’s so genuinely accurate
I felt that.
i noticed that I'm calm when people panicking and panicking when people are calm 😅
Thats me
Me too
Yup exactly
This can be an advantage in a crisis, like if there is an active shooter and you are able to think clearly in the chaos and tell others what to do you might save someone's life
I was never able to articulate this. You described it perfectly thanks
I got diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I'm 32 now, and I've come to the conclusion that it's like being spread thin, every day for your entire life. I have so many interests and hobbies, that I can't put enough time into, that I get bored with, or switch to and from, so I never really get good at any of them.
It's really rough sometimes
I feel that too on switching hobbies every week. It feels very frustrating to never get rly good at something, even tho you have the potential to do so
I have ADHD too and for me it was a lot of minor interests and two very focused major interests
I have a lot of hobbies. But I also cycle through the same ones over and over again. And I hyperfixate on them. So I usually gain some level of expertise before the dopamine wears off and I switch to a different interest. My issue is that when something doesn't come naturally to me, learning it is like pulling teeth. I'm so used to getting good at stuff fast, that I never really developed study skills. So things that take more consistency are the hardest. Even if the task should be easy.
@@NotSoNormal1987 I feel that pretty hard.
If it doesn't come naturally I'm more likely to give up
Or that you just know ahead of time you won't continue them, so there's no point in doing so, then you get depressed you can't pursue any of the cool things you like. 😅 Yep.... That one's going to be hard to fix.
Something I can't explain to anyone in a way that makes them understand: The amount of sheer rage and anger I have built up inside from all the disappointments, all the frustration, and the years of depression since I was a kid. All because I couldn't pay attention, and everyone around me, including myself, believed it was me
EDIT: Yes. I'm in therapy, and although I'm only human, I do my best to own up to my own BS. Now do me a favor and mind your own fucking business...
EDIT 2: I feel the need to update this since it's getting a lot of attention. I was in a very frustrating mindset when I wrote this, and as many of us are probably aware, anger can be a very irrational emotion. Basically, I watched the video, and this comment came outta me. I'm gonna leave it as is for those who can relate, but just know it is not meant to be read as anything other than what it is: a rant.
It was you. Difference is it wasn't VOLUNTARILY you.
So it was you
These replies aren't helping, I totally understand. You aren't alone
The bitter af victim mindset isn't going to get you anywhere.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_ hes not doing the victim, its not his fault that he has adhd and it makes it way harder than others, in life you you dont recognize and admit some things it wont help, for sure if we worked harder we would be succesful but its life and im sure he knows that he doesnt work hard enough bc someone that would work enough would succeed
Lots of people I know with ADHD get super stressed or upset by small inconveniences that most NT’s wouldn’t think twice about… but in a high pressure or emergency situation, they suddenly become cool as a cucumber and totally in control when many NT’s would become frozen with fear
There are A&E doctors who calmly deal with life or death situations everyday or who love performing in front of thousands of people regularly who have meltdowns over forgetting where they put their car keys or panic when they forgot to buy one ingredient for a meal
This is happening to me while driving. I remember quite a lot of times where people nearly crashed into me when I had the right of way, and instead of panicking or even having an increased heart rate I just take it as no big deal. Happens you know.
Or the time I got a glass thrown at me in a pub and I didn't even flinch. (Probably from being a little drunk, but also because staying calm was funny.)
so real but why is that science explained
This is something that I feel quite ridiculous about when I'm explaining to other people how it affects me but I experience this huge anxiety over petty things such as if I've planned what I'm going to get from the shop for lunch, I get there and what I've planned is out of stock. I'll spend the next 15-20 minutes walking around trying thing of a plan b before giving up and just not having anything.
Yet, I present in front of 100s of people for my job and I thrive off it. it's where I feel my most comfortable. I don't prepare speeches or what I'm going to say. it'll be bullet points at most that I never end up looking at anyway.
I think it's hard to admit when you know it affects such "trivial things" to other people but it still feels debilitating and stupid to explain to someone. like yeah, I can play in bands on stage or smash a public speaking task but almost have a meltdown bc the sandwich i wanted for the meal deal is out of stock
Yeah I've got ADHD and that's a weird quirk. I think because I'm so used to thinking about a million things at once that when a complex problem comes with loads of moving parts that needs to be sorted quick I can just see everything all at once.
@@transcendance5358 maybe because in a way you guys are to some degree in panic/problem solving mode a lot of the time since your mind is always throwing a million things at you to sort of battle with?
Like you're constantly fighting with some kind of internal crisis/battle/chaos that the methods you use on a near daily basis to function on a daily basis (whilst most NT's are on autopilot) so you have those tools immediately available when an external one hits...
another thing with adhd is around 60% of naturally gifted kids have adhd but are undiagnosed because they have good grades, i am one of those
Not everyone who has some ADHD like symptoms has ADHD though
How do you know you have it if it’s undiagnosed?
I’m one of those too only difference I’ve also got complex mathematics disability too
@@mathis104erbelieve me you know you are different and have loads of challenges
Great, go get it checked out if you think you have it, but don’t talk about it like this if you don’t know. I’m really tired of people claiming they have adhd when they don’t know, or don’t have it. Especially when it’s something so many people are struggling with and are frustrated about having
I love how this is finally being recognized as more than “kids being hyper and can’t pay attention”. People see it now as a valid condition, rather than an excuse
We still need to get the general public and health professionals past thinking of ADHD as "disruptive behavior disorder of childhood", it's got a lot more complexity about it.
We're still not at the point where I could tell my potential employer that I have ADHD and what kind of arrangements I might need to perform better. ADHD is synonymous with unproductivity with employers
"adults being hyper and can't pay attention" lol
@@TheCladeLi always tell my employeers but it never goes anywhere. I bring it up on occassion and its never talked about
Huuraaay!!! 28 years too late.... but yeah... woohoo I guess XD
If only that recognition was there in any way throughout my entire existence, maybe I wouldn't hate myself for just being alive so much...
Onwards and upwards I suppose.
That feeling of “I know I’m just as well as my peers yet I perform much worse than them” hits hard. It was a big reason I dropped out of college (more than once).
Hi, I also dropped out of college twice 😭 Diagnosed at age 49. Absolutely broke my heart.
3 times here
Im starting my 5th year right now. My bachelor program ends at 4 years.
Im struggling to get over the last 10 subjects + thesis to graduate, but its feeling so overwhelming.
Told my family about adhd and Im trying to get professionally diagnosed by next week. Wish me luck guys...
@@angpham941good luck! With your degree and your mental health journey❤❤❤
i'm in my first year of college right now. i'm medicated, but my motivation is quickly running out and it's really kicking me in the ass😭 i really hope I can get over this
My wife always tells me you only act when you need too, when your back is against the wall. For a long time I thought it was just plain laziness but this video made me understand what’s really happening. Great video!
I'm 33 years old. I was diagnosed with ADHD in college at 21. Sitting here listening to your videos is like a mental flash bang. Years and years of experiences flash through my head as you mentioned performing better post failure. Pitching in baseball. Kicking in football. ACT. College chem classes. My success came after the worrisome yet seemingly inevitable failure. I thrive in his stress situations yet cannot forge success from the beginning. I can pull things together with bubble gum and shoe string but can rarely orchestrate it from the beginning. I thoroughly appreciate your videos and love listening to them. Thank you for opening up mind to what it itself is doing.
Well put.
Shed a tear watching this. "Yeah, there’s a decent chance I'm gonna fail. But I’m going to do as good a job as I can… For as long as possible” Why is this so emotionally triggering for me? It's like this beautiful process of accepting myself and having hope
Same. I'm trying to get better about telling myself failure is normal and okay, without simply giving up...but my whole life, I've had it beaten into my head that failure is just what happens when you didn't try hard enough. Cognitively I know how wrong and messed up that is, but there's so much to deprogram.
Brothers, i recently found out i had ADHD. I ve known people that made me think Something is wrong with me, that not being like them is wrong or smth.. but after discussing with another ADHD person i realised that, this is how we are. Thats is it. I will not bother trying to fit in places i do not actually like.
For me it’s also very validating to think that way because I’m not seeing myself as a lazy failure but someone who is trying all the time
Because it may be the essence of what you are doing at Work/Life? Realizing "i know i can do this, but why have i try so hard and still don't perform as well as...?". Feel this 😢👍
I cried reading this
As a smart kid with ADHD who struggled through Med school and even more in residency, I’ve definitely noticed that I counterintuitively did better (or at the very least handled the stress better) in chaotic situations compared to my peers. But of course you can’t discount the chaotic family upbringing either 😅
Same man. Medical college was so difficult for me because there was so much vast information and lot of memorization, I just couldn't study because memorization seemed so mundane to me.
Yeah you get so much done during last-minute-panic, but it still doesn't make those hours any less unpleasant or anxiety-ridden
Holy shit! I’m in residency right now I’m so pissed at myself for making simple mistake like drug dosage . How do y’all work around that?
What helped you get through Anki?
I had to double check the username cause I don't remember writing this comment sharing my literal life lol 🥲
I got diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 16, spent my whole life fighting ADHD. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. This is something that really need to be use globally to help people with related health challenges.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
YES sure of Dr.benfungi. Did straight shrooms in few nights. Left me like a blank slate after words, no more addictions, pains, ptsd and depression. Shit saved my life, all thanks to Dr.benfungi
100% agree I used to have Psychosis and paranoid thoughts like "people thinking about me talking about me etc. Very odd behavior after getting off Adderall from 7-16. Antidepressants at 18-29. 31 now. I took way to much, but took about 20g of Gold caps (Psilocybin containing mushroom) I analyzed my entire life. The emotions that came out helped me understand behavior etc more. Wont ever need to do it again because I'm happy and contempt forever, but I wish more people did this to alter their perception of reality. Would help with healing much trauma
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
I have adhd (no medication) and I find that I need to tell myself to do things that are automatic for others. I used to think I was just bad at everything and that there was nothing I could do to get better because I wasn't making noticeable progress fast enough for my satisfaction and when I practiced I would get bored or frustrated but the in last few years I have started to think of practice as it's definition instead of as a term for test or warmup; I now think of practice as doing the action becuase practice means do and that has helped me with self-esteem and confidence a lot.
I really feel that first part. I have to internally tell myself "Okay, get out of bed, go to bathroom, shower, coffee, dress, leave etc" and I have to keep telling myself this as the morning progresses so I stay on track.
The reframe for me was, "if I'm going to go down, why don't I go down in flames?" And once I decided that it was ok to fail spectacularly, I could try my best without preemptively quitting. Actually in that particular situation I succeeded quite well and had the time of my life - I was shocked 😂. Thanks Dr K I can start using this advice right away! ❤
Same here. It becomes alot less of "I have to Win!" and more into "welp, im going to lose.. so now i can relax and have fun with it.. lets make it more interesting.. see how long i can hold out". I usually like to see how things play out even if its looking bad for me. And yeah, sometimes, that one in a million turning point happens.
Unironically functional advice. I've done that a few times and usually feel just fine after, as long as I didn't fixate on oerforming well or winning something. 😂
Oh hell yeah this is exactly the perfect description for how I've reframed things in my mind! I couldn't figure out the words for it but that's spot on! I can be a very... fiery person in general (while also being very chill and peaceful??? I guess I'm overall chill af, but if something pushes my buttons or scratches my brain itch in the right way I burst into flames... so I'm very passionate and _can_ get extremely angry if warranted but I've got much better at regulating anger as I've got older...) It makes sense that I'm a very all-in person, and also a scorched earth person if something/someone pushes me far enough 😳 (yet I'm very understanding & forgiving... it's more like, moral slights or feeling very betrayed that trips this switch in me 😅)
Interesting approach
@@lyianxHold up, that does make sense to me.
I got diagnosed nearly two years ago. And since then I've been promoted at my job twice and turned my life around. Suicidal thoughts and hopelessness... GONE. It's amazing what happens when you're diagnosed and treated properly for it as opposed to living a life thinking you're just a burden on everyone including yourself.
Congrats on the promotions!! It feels like such a relief when things start to click into place and you can do the job you WANT to do at work.
whats the proper treatment?
Hey! I just got diagnosed, and I don't know what to do, I am really lost, I always have been. And the psychiatrist who diagnosed me, told me that I was diagnosed with 18 so it was not worth it to go to the therapist to understend o control better my adhd, because It was just worth It on kids. She just told me that I can get medication and that's It, (I am kinda scared of start medication but I will try It). But I don't think what should be enough to get my life finally on the right direction and organized it and me. What you did to treat you, what you mean about the "treat you propperly"? I need help, I am tried of being and feeling inferior and living with a chaos on my head and life.
If diagnosing with this curse was just cheap... Like people don't listen to me because I don't have a diagnosis of it. And even if I might get a diagnosis in future, maybe people will just think that I'm using the diagnosis as an excuse for my mistakes.
@@ChessyRawrthe school do a test if u dont have has a child u never had it free test.
My kiddo (7) was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 and he's on meds but we're also in counseling and his school is awesome. Thankfully, he loves learning so he does really well in school but when he starts to get "the wiggles" he is allowed to go to a sensory hallway where he can hop and spin and run for a few minutes and then he goes back to class and is able to refocus. He's also learning impulse control, and emotional regulation. It is so much work but it is so rewarding for everyone when he makes even tiny improvements. Also the whole family is getting on a schedule and getting more organized and creating better habits all around.
if medication works then go for it but for me one of my biggest regrets is starting adhd medications. Feels like they ripped a piece of my personality out that i still havent fully patched. Best of luck to you and your son
You sound like the best parent ever
As someone with Moderate-Severe ADHD, Medication is my last resort, I took it for a while and the side effects are no joke.
26 years old and recently realizing I have ADHD, everything you said was spot on. I really appreciate all the info you gave in a digestible way and making ADHD more aware since there’s a lot of misinformation on this topic and that’s why I never knew what was wrong with me for so long
YESSSS.... ME TOOO...
27, me too. I am actually encouraged by this new realization. I plan to go monk mode, use plans written by licensed experts (Dr K, Dr Russell Barkley) and learn to manage it on my own using without meds or other people's help.
Having adhd, severe anxiety disorder, and possibly autism and depression, i must say that playing life in hard mode is an understatement
I think I'm in your boat. I bet you have high empathy and intuition as well.
@@sprinkles4293 No, that is hard mode, hard as hell, I would definitely exchange my conditions for deafness and maybe blindness even, that's how bad it is, at least deaf or blind people can't hear or see the horrors of life, but despite how insanely hard it is, they can learn how to live with those conditions, some are happy and live good lives even
But every crippling disorder is horrible in their own way, even those that are not obvious for those who don't have it, and it's difficult as fk for everyone that has one or multiple, I envy you for not knowing how hard it is, and I must say, stay healthy mentally so you never ever get there
@@XxxXxx-br7eq Well I must have some good at least right? Lol, hope you're doing well
@@sprinkles4293 Perhaps you shouldn’t be so arrogant until you know fully well what it’s like, which you won’t, unless you’re diagnosed with it. Blindness or being deaf are disabilities, too, but it certainly doesn’t make the rest any worse than they are now.
Did u diagnose yourself lmao 🤣
I'm a therapist who has ADHD and I work primarily with people who have ADHD. I also feel memory and trauma play a huge role in how hard ADHD is to manage. I feel like habits are super helpful but it's incredibly hard to form new habits when you can't remember.
@XXDevinReevesXX hi, do you think trauma such as: Not being able to join(rejected) the Military despite growing up in the environment (as one of the parent was) can be contributing factor or a catalyst to the ADHD in case of a 25 yo male adult?
Thank you for that last line. ❤ it is incredibly difficult, though not impossible, but that validation means so much to me.
The last line 💔
I felt that last line so hard
You're born with ADHD, and by the time you're 25 it's either present or it isn't.
You might not recognize it but if you've got it, it's active by that point.
It s not that i m only overwhelmed. Is that my self worth is so low that sometimes I can t even enjoy a walk without comparing myself with all the other seemingly normal people and feeling inferior each step.
There are times I don't think I have adhd and then shit like this comes through and just cracks me upside the head and it's like "yeah ok"
Same ctfu im like fuck that diagnosis I'm like this why cause my dad beat my ass 😂
Thank you for the video. My ADHD son is struggling with school. He is very bright, but now he is dealing with anxiety and depression due to his constant "failure" of not turning in work and not paying attention in class. As a mom, it is heartbreaking to see your child fight a constant battle with himself.
Some tips that helped me was to write down the daily assignments on my arm because I would forget to check a notebook but I would see scribbles on my arm and read my shorthand. Always put stuff in the same place and always put papers back in the proper folder immediately after finishing it because I would forget it otherwise. Learning how to teach oneself is a necessity when you cannot pay attention but will serve you very well in college because that is 90% self study anyway. YT and reading the book are solid methods. Won’t fix everything but they are some strategies that may help him
Got ADHD myself and I am 24 years old, I really wish I could give good advice, but I can not. I have come to accept that even when on Concerta (Works best for me, no side effects), I will have to fight to do what I need to do to move forwards in life. Medication does wonders if you can take it without side effects, but it is no cure. I still got issues, it just makes it easier to regulate my attention. Makes it less chaotic in my head.
Part of the reason I have gotten this far in life is because I have had supportive parents who educated themselves on what ADHD is, how it works and supported me as best as they could. Judging by your comment, I think your son is in good hands.
@@Ozzianman I feel you, I started on ritalin then switched to concerta and it's far from a magic cure. Definitely helps clear the head but the depression/anxiety/bad habits have to be fixed through very deliberate goal-setting and staying vigilant against unhelpful thoughts, at least in my experience. Do you ever experience appetite suppression on concerta? It's a minor thing but does mess with my usual "don't eat unless you're hungry" system.
I will write you some of the things that has worked well for me and some of the things I wish was done differently in my upbringing just as perspective of myself as someone who wasn't diagnosed until few years ago.
reward him for trying (but actually trying) not just result and not being smart. actually being labeled smart is such a limiting thing in my experience. some things are just naturally easy and when I try them I can easily do them or at least replicate them well enough for everyone to be shocked and that is not good, cause up until recently I would avoid things that weren't like that for me like plague, cause I somehow felt the "smart" label would be taken away and I would be left with nothing, which was the wrong way to think and feel about things. everything isn't supposed to be easy and smart people sometimes can make the dumbest mistakes ever, so it's not really the labels that matter it's the journey and the effort (I don't mean just keeping busy or hustling) and knowing the day was well spent.
also don't tell him "he has so much potential if only he applied himself more and that he isn't living up to his potential" that may be true and that's what makes it sting the most and hearing that all your life every single day doesn't really make it any better ( said by so many ADHD people)
also look into alternate ways he could finish school ( this one is something I wish was different for me, I wouldn't have dropped out of highschool and had to go through so much after it as an adult if this part was different). I personally learn best online and when I'm alone ( some people learn best in a group) and there is no one to distract me including the teacher and whenever I get distracted and miss something that was said I just rewind the video, something that wouldn't be an option if someone else was learning along side me. and whenever I'm focused I listen on 3 or 4x speed. I'm also an auditory and visual learner so even when I'm reading a book I listen to the audiobook at the same time to understand it better and faster.
basically figure out what suits him and his style of learning best and don't ask him to just do things, give him a good reason for it, make him understand for himself why something is important ( I prevented a friend from dropping out this way) sorry this became so long.
@@spanzotab My problem is having too much of an appetite. I really love food.
Appetite suppression is pretty common when on ADHD medication though. I am the exception.
"Don't try to stop failure" That's something that if you're undiagnosed ADHD it's hard to impossible to do.
The sad part is that the longer you stay undiagnosed the worst Masking and Perfectionism gets and if the diagnosis is Really late... These symptoms can get very close to a pathological narcissism so I think it's a very severe topic that should be discussed more
YES! You get absolutely rigid and "stuck" in this mode of masking and perfectionism. Eventually you lose yourself, your personality, the ability to be impulsive and to just "flow" with life. This can be very difficult to change. I personally have had some success with TMS/ketamine therapy (promotes neuroplasticity and re-wiring your brain) but you also have to work on the daily habits that support these negative coping mechanisms & way of being. 😭
@@almondmilksoda Definitely, your take totally in line with my experience
So what do you suggest that someone with undiagnosed ADHD does to improve? Is a diagnosis necassary?
@@georgepetrou501 a diagnosis is as necessary as water. Unfortunately not everyone has access to clean water. Therefore, diagnosis is typically a privilege which is difficult to separate the muck (bad/inexperienced psychs or lack of funds due to systemic issues) from the elixir.
@@audreydoyle5268 why do you feel a diagnosis is so important? Is it just because it gives you an answer and stops the wondering? Or because it affords you access to medication? I’m curious for myself. I’ve never thought I had ADHD but my sister was recently diagnosed and some of the things Dr. K has said in his videos have me wondering if I may have it as well.
I have struggled to manage my ADHD my entire life (I'm 28). Nobody has ever summed up and described my situation quite like you did in this video. It honestly almost brought me to tears. It's hard trying so hard and ending up with mediocre results knowing you could've done so much better. I was fortunate enough to be good with tests but never did homework and had a single notebook I'd stuff every assignment in. It's tough when you have to put forth 110% effort on seemingly trivial tasks and everybody around you gets them done without thinking twice about it. It's just so nice hearing somebody explain everything you're going through so accurately. It's like somebody finally gets it. Thank you for making this video.
Sorry for the long post, lol
Here are my notes for this video; I tried to make the information more actionable.
->To take advantage of the automation of your brain's habit circuitry, you need to delay failure.
->This means that you keep trying for as long as possible even if failure seems certain & inevitable. This has two dimensions:
->If at first you don't succeed, try try again(repetition, long-term)
->Don't give up until the bitter end, even if you predict failure(completion, short-term)
->By continuing to give tasks/challenges your all, even if you fail 90% of the time initially, you will have already taken the first steps towards habit formation.
->With each attempt/repetition, improvements are made, behaviors/strategies that work are reinforced(automated further), success chance goes up, and engaging the challenge becomes easier.
->BE PATIENT; the attitude to have is:
->Celebrate small improvements, not wholesale success.
->The final success is the result of the sum of all of the little improvements.
Don't you hate it when grammarly gives you 🤓for tone?
I've been struggling with health exhaustion for over a year (Type 1 diabetes, ADHD and several other fun things including a recent spinal injury). In my mid-30s, after decades of struggling and often intense depression, anxiety, and self-doubt, I've finally found some peace with my situation by refusing to play along with the world's expectations. Whatever makes me happy and allows me to live my life without feeling like it's a constant, insurmountable struggle is what I'm going to do. If that means less money, so be it. If that means less 'productivity', so be it. I'm so done with holding myself to the world's standards, and the moment I came to peace with that is the moment I felt I could finally start living MY life.
I agree started doing this a year ago (Asperger's and ADD)
And this saved me so much stress. The only problem is getting a stable income The longest job I had was 1 year. I'm 24 ATM and I'm not sure if I'll ever find a good job, the ironic thing is that when it comes to work I perform better than my colleagues. But I fail when it comes to social aspects:/
AMEN!!! Thank you for this reminder. I learned this lesson last year, but it can be easy for me to get swept up in the world again
I came to that same realization, sadly you do need a full time job here to sustain basic life. Or you move into some random ex-Soviet block apartment in a random suburb where crime rates are like x10 and even that would just save you a handful of bucks a month.
I have a few things to point out that I thought were poignant. One thing that my mother has always told me that particularly stood out to her when dealing with my ADHD in school was something that I had said, which was "If I try my hardest and succeed at 9/10, but fail at the last one, yet get punished the same as failing it entirely, why even bother trying in the first place?" That led to my parents pretty radically shifting how they dealt with parenting to support me and my ADHD, working with me to help me manage getting over that last hump, rather than unsuccessfully trying to force me to sit down and do it. Glad we learned this lesson early on, they have been tremendously helpful in helping manage my ADHD.
The other point that stood out to me is the 'thriving in chaos.' There are no points in my life where I am happier and feel more alive than in the midst of chaos and under pressure. In college I would go weeks with an essay written in my mind, yet unable to get even the first work onto a page. I would wait until the night before it was due, when suddenly all mental blocks disappeared, and work through the entirety of the night with immense satisfaction, eagerness, and alacrity. This is a state that is completely foreign to me in scenarios outside of immediate time pressure, as writing is something that ive struggled with the most and found debilitatingly tedious and arduously slow; impossible for me to initiate on otherwise. Yet, in the midst of chaos of my own making, writing essays became one of my favorite activities, and the products that resulted very often far exceeded expectations and requirements, and were something that I was immensely proud of.
This idea of creating an organized chaos or manufactured pressure was really the only way I could operate in college, and I found it necessary for me to succeed. I could only work on homework with that time pressure, so I woke up every morning at 4am to work on the assignments or projects that were due later that day in lecture. In the evenings, I could not initiate on any work or study as I could always rationalize waking up earlier in the morning to work on it, with an inflexible time-pressure looming to serve as a catalyst to lower the activation energy of engaging in schoolwork. To me there is nothing more exhilarating and energizing than that whirlwind of stress and pressure that gives you the opportunity to exert yourself to the fullest and see what you are capable of.
I literally did this all of my architecture degree. 4am clan rise up.
Thank you for this. I've been slowly shifting my college strategy to something similar, and I think I'm now fully convinced on the "screw the evening, I'm waking up early instead" mentality.
It sounds like we operate very similarly. However, I pushed it too far in college. I was addicted both to the joys of leisurely study and to the adrenaline-fueled frenzy of time-pressured accomplishment. I would learn things quite deeply just for fun, even if it had nothing to do with assignments, and I went really deep with that. It helped with my career long-term, but in the short-term, it just gave me even less time and mental energy left over to complete assignments, which fed into my adrenaline addiction. Eventually the adrenaline turned to overwhelming anxiety and feelings of self-hatred, because I knew I could do so much better, but for who?
Oof I feel this so hard... I've been trying to cordon off chaos in my life, because I _love_ it, it makes me feel alive... but it's not good for me to _live_ in chaos... so I've been trying to do things like have tubs for stuff and while I'm doing art, I put things in the tub once I've done using them, and slowly I'm creating the habit of putting stuff in it's designated tub - but while I'm using stuff and in my art itself I let the chaos reign and be as wild and messy as I need to be, and the stuff in the tub doesn't need to be super neatly organised since I've found a size that is still easy to look through while just having things dumped into them 🤔. I also very much let go when I go on nights out, because I don't go on big ones super often - I allow myself to be chaotic, I talk to loads of people, I dance and sing my heart out, I just lean into the moment... and it's so fun and lets my brain almost rest and reset? By staying up super late and ignoring a "bedtime" I actually can go to sleep earlier in my "normal" life 🤔.
So for me, having outlets for chaos while putting things in literal or metaphorical tubs has really been helping 😊. Also with tidying my space, I've been roughly sorting things first by just... chucking them in a designated area, then dealing with each bit - it lets me use some chaos to get started and it becomes easier after that 😊
I wish more parents were like yours. My mom and I had constant explosive meltdown arguments til the day she died because we were both untreated ADHD. I now am treating my ADHD wishing she would have done that in her life, but that opens up another convo because she refused medical treatments for everything and refused to acknowledge if she needed anything, which led to her untimely death.
I was diagnosed with adhd as an adult and realized I had it since childhood. People glorify it and make it seem funny or cool. It's actually hell...
Omg the working under pressure, Or being the hero with a solution, or get the screw up out of the way...... I’m 52 I’ve had people tell me I was usually by me talking.
I scheduled an appointment to get tested, earliest I could get one is 3 months from now. crushed me. I see now the whys & when’s & hows my brain works, most of all now is I give my self breaks, I’m not an idiot. I can and should really be proud how I created an environment to help myself thrive. Without knowing. Even my anxiety has lessened some, by understanding adhd traits then better creating ways to work around. Go easy on yourself, I started listing the things I excel at they are my ‘Super Powers’
My biggest personal curse with ADHD happened as recently as yesterday. I had a tiny little positive happen at 2 pm and immidiately my brain started to have a battle of wills debate whether I could take credit for that positive or not and whether I had impostor syndrome or not, whether my intuition was right the first time or not, whether I misread the situation or not, and this carousel back and forth kept going nonstop until 11 pm. I could not redirect, I could not distract, I could not make it stop no matter what until a conversation with a friend unlocked the right key that the doubt was based in cultural upbringing and programming. Then my brain could let it go. That was BRUTAL.
Agree, just constant internal struggling on attribution of incidents
Ah yep, the good old "If I succeed it's an accident, if I screw up it's because I'm a failure". It does help to have someone you can talk to honestly about stuff if only to stop your mind being an echo chamber.
My mind even turned meditation and mindfulness into this same kind of toxic endless thinking. Spent many years like that and only when i got medicated i started to finally understand what it meant to just feel and be present. I realized that most of the time i was thinking about feeling, because that was my fundamental operating mode and the only way i knew of, which is fkn sad.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years old, and my parents refused to allow me to be treated. They instead decided to take me to church and to punish it out of me. CPTSD took hold and as my parents saw it, God cured me.
And Dr. K is so right, if I screw up, I perform better afterwards and I can think so much clearer.
And it's stuff like this that made me stop believing God exists.
Also the bible is kinda fucked up if you actually read it and it makes you question the religion as a whole.
@@OzzianmanThe bible is just one very, very long propaganda piece.
Yep, the Bible we have is propaganda to prop up the British monarchy, and the canon before that was made to legitimize Rome/the Catholic Church.@@jordan7402
@@Ozzianman the bible is changed to fit humans their desires. It has not been the word of god for centuries. The qoran however is not changed throughout 1400 years. And in islam we actually acknowledge that there is mentall ilnesses and people can have issues but we dont try and punish people for it we encourage people to make sure they get to a docter. And there is a saying. The pen is lifted from someone who is mentally not 100 so someone who cant think for themself or look after themself they dont know what good or bad is they are relieved from their obligations such as prayer and fasting.
So no not all religions are bad. Only the ones that have been changed to fit a humans desires. Our desires can get out of controll. And in islam we are not to follow our desires because it can lead us to many dangerous and destroying habbits like addictions.
@@noraRvxnot all religions are bad, only the ones that are not yours? I'm pretty sure that there is some terrible stuff in the qoran as well that moderate believers will just ignore (as they should).
I'm not religious either way btw but your comment seems exceptionally ignorant to me.
7:25 this is exactly why Ive always struggled so much in maths, despite having a pretty good understanding of most of it, like I can work out what to do really quickly but not quite have the final answer, but by the time Ive written the working out Ive already lost my train of thought. thats why I also lose marks for not showing working out
I have never seen a video resonate with before until watching this. This is such EFFECTIVE advice to approach ADHD that if you’re a person that is journaling your daily life, you’re bound to have note a day you took this advice subconsciously without even knowing that, and each and every time you did this you had a great fulfilling day.
I had a day this week where I actually did follow this advice without trying and I knew that I had made great progress with what I was doing. Realizing now how powerful a mindset shift that is incredibly powerful.
00:00 🧠 Individuals with ADHD often feel overwhelmed despite their efforts to organize and plan, leading to a chaotic life.
00:27 🔄 The real challenge of ADHD lies in underutilizing intact parts of the brain due to adaptations made to cope with ADHD.
01:10 😴 Hyper-focusing on avoiding mistakes can actually lead to more errors, similar to trying too hard to fall asleep.
02:05 🔄 Embracing the inevitability of mistakes allows for mental freedom and often leads to better performance in ADHD individuals.
03:01 🧩 ADHD individuals excel at damage control but struggle with damage prevention, hindering habit formation crucial for stability.
04:34 🧠 Habit-building is crucial for ADHD management, as habits are automatic and do not require constant attention or focus.
06:14 🔄 Cognitive reframing is key to building habits, allowing ADHD individuals to function more effectively in daily life.
07:50 🤓 Recognizing one's intelligence alongside the struggle to leverage it due to ADHD can lead to cognitive reframe for positive change.
11:46 🔄 Delaying the inevitability of failure provides time to form habits and activate different parts of the brain for improved life outcomes in ADHD individuals.
Thank you for your good work
I thanked you before i read this but i will thank you again after reading it and commend you for your accessible emojis 🥹
@@RolloRooit's an AI/bot btw
Awesome, now I don’t have to watch the video
Was looking for this comment, thanks
Your “habit circuitry” and frontal lobe analysis are spot on in my opinion. I’ve done a lot of self-analysis about how mine works, and I’ve realized that habit-building is KEY.
The biggest obstacle we run into regarding habits is that, after years and years of never having them, we train our brains to *resent* them. So it can feel almost impossible to stick to them, especially when we’ve never known the actual feeling of having a good habit ingrained into the psyche.
I started over a year ago with just making my bed every morning. When you start, you can get a burst of motivation that carries you through the first few days of it. But the moment of truth comes when that motivation wears off. I pushed through that, and then at about 2-3 weeks it suddenly got wayyy easier. At a month? It actually started feeling *good*. Now it’s been over a year and I’ve literally never missed a day. Even on mornings where I’m flying out the door, or groggy, I still do it every time. I never would’ve thought it was possible before, but it is.
Thank you for sharing that, that gives me so much hope.
To get confidence, I started trying to prove to myself I got develop a habit and stick with it--Wim Hoff breathing every morning. Now, for two years. I use it as a reminder that it's not too late to develop other habits--which spills over into more important work related habits.
@@heatherwalker6470 of course! Best of luck in your journey with it, and never give up, as cliche as it sounds!
@@j.p.morgan8367 very familiar with it, though i've never tried it myself. That's the right mentality
A teacher told us if you do something for 21 days consistently, it's more likely to become a habit.
It just hit me.
When I hit a streak of failures I would often wonder if I was actually cursed. This is the perfect video to share my feelings on ADHD with.
I hate that ADHD is often tied to academic performance. I did great in school, I finished my bachelor’s with honors, but I was completely miserable because I was doing exactly what you described in this video. I don’t think I have ever in my life done an assignment or studied for a test on time. Everything I did I did under a crisis control mentality. I couldn’t really do anything besides school either. My parents and teachers always tried to get me to do extra curriculares and to just do more because I was “so smart”, but I always ended up disappointing them and it was just that they didn’t realize I could barely manage to get my schoolwork done since I guess I “made it look easy”. My psychiatrists never believed me, I can’t have ADHD, I don’t need meds because I’m doing too good in College, I’m just depressed, that’s it. I’ve finally gotten them to believe me now that my life is falling apart in grad school and it fucking sucks how it had to get to this point for someone to see I’ve been drowning all these years.
True. Depression comes when we give up. But sometimes trying gets exhausting.
Finding out about ADHD put a lot of sense to my struggling. I'm looking forward to get diagnosed soon at 34 yo, wishing meds+therapy help me do all the things I've cared for my whole adult life.
Thanks for this content, Dr. K
Honestly, this video gave me answers to some questions that have been haunting me for many years. I especially like the example of 'we might have lose but give them hell for every inch of ground', it reframes the mindset instead of waiting for defeat helplessly into trolling the enemy and if you troll enough they might give an opportunity to turn the game around. It creates the chance to give power back to you and if it doesn't at least gives you fun.
I still don't know for certain if i have ADHD cause i'm not diagnosed yet, but this ENTIRE VIDEO resonates with me so much. It's like you're explaining my whole life, and my 'unreasonable' fear of failing.
You just spoke my life like I’ve never heard anyone do. The first part of this described all of my youth including the chaos etc. Then I married a man with great executive functioning skills that helped me learn habits over the course of years. I found myself more capable and less depressed. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 40 years old (this year) and put on medication that changed my life even more. Even though the habits helped, I still had exhausting coping mechanisms such as constantly holding everything in the back of my mind. I would always be repeating the next four steps I was going to do at any given time in the back of my mind so that I wouldn’t forget what was next. Now on medication I feel so much more relaxed and capable of being fully present in each moment.
Sadly, what I learned is to not try. My family was very much a "if you can't do it right, don't do it all." Since I could do very little according to their expectations, guess what I learned? Sigh. Trying very hard to unlearn that, at 54 and just diagnosed.
I hear you. I'm 36 and both my mom and I were diagnosed ADHD but neither one of us treated it. She also didn't believe she never hurt anyone so telling her she hurt me made her basically say she's the one being hurt and it's all my fault, which was a lifelong issue with her. She's dead now unfortunately, because along with ADHD, she refused to treat her cancer, and she died never apologizing for all the things she did to my sister and I, because she wouldn't believe it if we told her. I now treat my ADHD and my life is significantly better for it.
I’m also 54 and late in life realize that I very likely have ADHD. Every situation discussed in the video has applied to me. I still have to get an official diagnosis. But ADHD makes sense for the way I think and act. And it explains the depression and anxiety I have learned to manage. So from one 54 year old to another, I wish you success in your journey. I don’t know you. But I’m going to preemptively say…you got this, bro’
Sounds like we have the same family...
The part about being as smart as everyone else but getting crappy grades almost made me cry. I’ve always felt that way. I’ve always felt stupid and definitely have a complex about it. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 25 and then started taking medications at 38. Working on building habits as I go into middle age. Thanks!
I only learnt I have ADHD 3 years ago, so I never had that "I can't do it, I'm different" thing. I tried as hard as possible and achieved A LOT, I built habits over and over and over again, and never stopped trying. I'll tell you this: it never became easier. Years and years later I still struggled and failed my habits, I was still behind neurotypicals and constantly falling and getting back up.
Anyways now I have an ADHD channel (Antonia's Universe), I'm an ADHD coach, and I have my own business. I take medication and learn about ADHD daily. So here's what really, truly made a difference in my life:
I DID give up. I gave up on doing things the way that neurotypicals do them. I gave myself every possible accomodation and every day I try to design my environment and my lifestyle in a way that works FOR ME. That way, there's always something to catch me if I fall. That way, I always have a plan B.
Meds help enormously. ADHD isn't something you can overcome by praciticing habits. It's something you HAVE to work with and adjust to.
It never gets easier, but it can get DIFFERENT..
Do things differently.
13 mins is too long for ADHD patients
💀
@@johncarpenter3597 Everyone is different, it can range from low you high.
Lol
x 1.5
speak for yourself XD
Wow, as a professional chess player with ADHD I find this quite remarkable. I've noticed that I thrive in complex, original and even chaotic positions. I've even made the experiment, playing on purpose inferior moves just for fun and to make the game mess and surprisingly my results are not that bad.
This is so cool!
@@JadenGoter It's been an interesting ride
Hi. I wouldn't call myself pro
professional, but I play chess (and try to teach kids) too. I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, but recently I've heard about it and I feel like symptomps really fit to me, maybe more in just ADD form. Last game we had a little bet with friends that we will randomly pick the first move and have to play. I was white and my move was 1.f3 and in 18th move I agreed to a draw, but I was +2 against 2000 elo player. I played that move just as a joke but funnily I would say it was better decision then play some long ass theory which he would most probably know much better.
I remember when I was just starting out riding a bike I was so afraid of crashing. It was so consuming eventually I decided to intentionally crash to get it over with. I turned hard into the curb and ate shit, but I got through it. After that I wasn't afraid of crashing anymore and was able to ride carefree
Summed up my entire life in 13 mins. I've always wondered how I tend to make a lot of progress while under extreme pressure but struggled to get things done on normal days. Thanks Dr K, your channel is a gem.
This single video explains all my issues way better than any other doctor or video I've ever seen.
I recommend Dr. Charles Barkley on UA-cam. Very helpful stuff.
I was a top 500 genji player in Overwatch before starting ADHD meds. After taking stimulants my cognitive ability to adapt rapidly in chaotics suddenly diminished and affected my ability in many ways. On meds, I was better at macro awareness and focusing on others' actions in non-egotistical fashion which is something that you really need when trying to play with others that are just as good as you or better, but I suddenly couldn't get into flow like before and take command of my entire team and tell them what to do in a motivated and excited fashion. In fact, my intrinsic motivation to play diminished, but my ability to do other things outside of gaming increased of course. I also saw a need to lower my DPI/cursor sensitivity on my meds which I only assume is related to this as I still see it happen today. There is more of an existential question when it comes to embracing that part of your ADHD vs taking meds and losing that intrinsic drive to innovate, even if you are reinventing the wheel. I know there isn't enough research to link ADHD to higher creativity, but I think a tendency between divergent thinking off my meds vs convergent thinking while on stimulants is a contrast I could clearly notice. How far the cognitive differences between these two states really are is something I haven't done much research on but would like to know.
I would love to see a video on creativity or divergent thinking (or other similar research terms) in people with ADHD and what the research actually shows so far.
EDIT: Probably macro awareness was not the right wording to explain what I meant. I meant that before meds I many times expected others to do what I told them and would execute on my plans regardless (solo q). On meds, I tended to rely more on other people's playstyle and unwillingness to participate in my shotcalling, which in turn ironically created a less productive outcome as I started focusing too much on what my teammates did and not what I could do to win. I would say my macro awareness differed in terms of where my attention went, not in my ability to know the correct strategy, although perhaps in how quickly I came up with one as a consequence. Of course, if I were to play in a professional team and wasn't the shotcaller, the inability to be aware of my teammates' circumstances or communications would greatly hinder my performance, which is something others with ADHD perhaps can relate to when trying to reach the highest levels of competitive teamplay. Also, if you know how genji plays, it's such an ADHD hero lol. I've always wondered if there are studies that link cognitive dispositions and/or personalities to specific roles in gaming. There are assessments that gauge what career would best fit you, and I wonder If professional team or coaches/talent scouts do or could use this at some point.
This may help you find more sources. I've read quite a few books and things that show that dyslexics (fellow nurodivergents) are well known for tending towards creativity as well as autistics. There's a good bit of overlap between all the divergencies, so maybe checking those out can help.
I don't know anything about Overwatch classes because I can't stand pvp, but I do know that personality definitely relates to what classes a person chooses and works well with, in any kind of game with different classes/loadouts. For example, I started truely gaming in Everquest and found I loved the Ranger class the best. I went on to other games (Lord of the Rings Online, World of Warcraft, The Division, etc.) and found I did best with similar classes or loadouts (range classes basically, that can also melee in a pinch, like hunters, rangers, snipers, etc.). It's very much linked to my personality, so I'd say it's a definite that you need to find the class/loadout that works for you if you want to enjoy what you're doing. If you want to really challenge yourself go with something the complete opposite. The different personalities of players are the reason why different classes are in games and different playstyles offered.
Actually I'm a gamer. Not a pro gamer in any ways. But when I started meds this happened to me. What I noticed in games was a better planning and better restriction of my impulses. Like i wouldn't do certain quests because they were boring as hell but after meds I would do. And driving was a new experience as well. It's like I finally had glasses.
Dude! Me too! I dont play competitive that much though, but I have recently and I'm gonna see where I go with it. I'm 100% a bastian main. The way I see how he relates to my adhd, which I was diagnosed when I was 6, is how I'm forced to be creative with him because it is super easy to be out of place. I love that all I have to do I be extremely aware of enemy placement and tunnel vision on them. Turret mode just scratches my brain in all the right ways, instant dopamine! I get so hype for no reason when we team wipe 🤣. I do have a bad habit of not peeling for my team when im unfocused, which i am getting better with. And its much easier for me when everyone have mics. I love macromanaging all the info thrown at me! Being under pressure is totally my strength. I really appreciate and love how easy bastian is to counter. It makes me want to do better and better. I'm not on any pharmaceuticals, and I dont think I will take any of those. Ive had a bad experience with them. Everything I love about myself just disappears, like you said, your brain functions differently when on them. I mainly just take herbal supplements and vitamins. I can totally see how genji relates to adhd as well, and Ive always been curious to how each class relates to brain chemistry! Sometimes I do feel like bad for hyperfocusing on adhd, because other people seem to think badly of it. But screw them!!!! They just have a different brain, there is no way for them to understand. But yeah as a fellow adhd OW player, I relate 💯
I absolutely love my neurodivergent thinking, and how it makes allows me so succeed in areas NT people tend to struggle with.
@@PaulPickle I feel this so much, as a ADHD brain Bastion main. Teammate tells you to switch because "Bastion is bad" or "he has a big hitbox," then when you go hyperfocus mode and hard carry, they get quiet lol. My favorite is when the enemy DPS salty switches to my main, only to find out they're not that guy hahaha
@ABadGamble Hahahha I know right, that's always funny to see! I'm like, nope, nice try! I seriously dont get why people flame others for playing what they're good at. Ive been maining lifeweaver on support, and been doing pretty amazing! But I'm sure you know what kind of insults I get here and there. Its mainly from the "ow2 sucks" crowd. God they whine so much. One guy was in literal tears on mic because I grabbed him when he was overextended and at 1 hp with no team around. He also started throwing on purpose lmao. But yeah, Bastian is totally awesome! Keep on mowing em down! 💪
It's weird, but I think not being diagnosed with ADHD earlier on might be a blessing for me. Instead of thinking that I'm screwed because of a condition I can't control, I just thought that I had a hard time concentrating and staying focused. And I think that made it so much easier for me to start fixing those problems in my life because there wasn't this intimidating diagnosis in the way - I had problems concentrating, so I just needed to work on concentrating.
This ADHD if you didn't have it when you were younger you don't have it as a grown up. ADHD something you were born with not something you get when you get older cuz when you get your test when you go to school they would have found out you had ADHD. This guy is milk all the fake people
I turn 25 in a few days and I’m just now realizing I have severe adhd or add (undiagnosed). It definitely is a lot harder to find ways to deal with it and break bad habits that I’ve built over years
I found out I hammered out those strategies he mentions- habits, habits, habits. Keys always in the same place, phone and wallet gets checked multiple times. I pavlov conditioned myself into at least some study (not enough, but hey, better than nothing!), and did it so thoroughly that my report writing routine got triggered when I was high on shrooms XD.
That helped convince my boyfriend I was really trying super hard- that my instinct on cue even when _high as a kite_ was to go grab my laptop, launch up a report, and try to write.
I thought this way but when I got older I realized that ADHD had an impact on a lot more than just concentration
@@dawsonborne1309 I have ADHD and ADD so what makes you think you have both?
ADHD is a gift and a curse in my experience. It's as if the mind is an impossibly expansive highway with hundreds or thousands of lanes each with traffic going numerous directions, and in many of those lanes traffic intersects and ends up jumping lanes; it's all simultaneous, light speed, and never seems to slow down. The cars are thoughts, emotions, memories, ideas, language, information, internal and external variations of all of these, and much more.
On one hand, it's all incredibly overwhelming, utterly exhausting mentally and physically. It's the primary source/cause of anxiety, stress, depression, even frustration or anger for me.
On the other hand, it provides huge advantages processing numerous avenues of information from the tiniest details to intricate and complex ideas, critical thinking capacity and problem solving, elevated levels of creativity, quick thinking and decision making abilities (this particular component can be easily interchangeable with impulsivity lol).
Then pair ADHD with OCD and the contradictory nightmare of attempting to organize overwhelming, endless light speed chaos and latching onto individual and specific things while also drinking from a fire hose.
Insomnia and sleep deprivation make things orders of magnitudes worse. I've discovered microdosing, meditation, and nature helps me TREMENDOUSLY. My sleep now has some degree of consistency and there's a chance for developing a predictable pace in my mind. I feel I more often have the resources to maintain that pace and allocate those resources more efficiently to where they need to go.
It's a constant battle that never lulls. However, this battle can be fought with relative success if the logistical arm can provide the resources needed to carry on the fight.
It's a helluva fight, but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.
You are like my number 1 spokesman on my behalf...like always. You're really good at your profession. Thank you for enlightening the people.
This might be the single handed best ADHD video on the internet: it explains the main issues with adhd and how it causes all the emotion, self esteem issues and other things that prevent people from living their lives fully. If you know these mechanism, you can find ways to make it work the way you want, in a long term sense and now you have power over your adhd instead of vice versa.
My issue with risks is a bit different in that I've actually gotten the long end of the stick in terms of early development, everything i did always succeeded, i was so successful from childhood up until university. But then my ADHD caught up with me and i failed miserably at university, ended up dropping out and nearly had a mental breakdown, I'm now too scared to even fail because I don't know what to do if i fail. Well, i technically do know what to do if i fail, but I'm way too scared to face it, so i procrastinate, I can't tell you, in the nearly 3 years since i dropped out, how many work and study opportunities i missed out on because i was too scared to try anything ever again.
I made it to university too and then immediatly failed. I'm now actually learning how to study and dealt with other mental illnesses I was suffering from.
This happened to me too. I couldn’t handle it, so i left. I just got my degree but i was a dropout for 2-3 years between the two year long stints at school A and school B
Please try getting a diagnosis and treatment if at all possible! I was just like you and recently got put on meds for ADHD at 42 and the overwhelming shame, self doubt and fear is gone. I still need to learn how to focus or increase the dose but I am no longer crippled with anxiety and racing thoughts.
Yep I skated right through school until university and almost failed out freshman year. Managed to redefine my / my parents expectations and competed in what I was actually good at. Worked out OK but ofc has its downsides.
SAME. i was good at many things and overall succeeded up till university; then university hit me like a freight train and has fucked me repeatedly every semester. i just got diagnosed with adhd a few months ago and im starting my fifth year
Your school project story reminded me of a time I forgot to put together a presentation for my college class. I showed up to class with nothing, but while everyone else was giving their presentationd, I started brainstorming. Once it was my turn to present, I managed to give an entire presentation the basics of computer programming and how it relates to thought processing. I'm by no sretch of the imagination a programer, but I understood enough to pull this 15 minute presentation out of no where and got a B on the assignment.
This was me for a long time as a kid. I got diganosed early. Was on ritalin, changes to all the other popular forms of medication until my mom ultimately pulled me off and gave me fish oil pills.
Ive struggled a long time with trying not to be scatter brained. Trying to focus myself so i can perform. I realized later in life (im only 32) that i have to compartmentalize what i need to do into a habit, and make sure i remind myself constantly. Its organized chaos in my head, but im slowly finding better ways to compartmentalize and manage my thoughts and ve more productive with myself. One thing i deff struggle with is if i dont do it at that exact moment, i forget about it. Ill completely forget if i dont somehow remind myself and make a habit of reminding myself so i dont forget. I have this really wierd aversion to notes (which im getting better with) so my notes are all mental.
Its helped a lot with my self esteem and helped me feel less useless when i forget something. I always beat myself up really bad internally when i forget something. Sometimes its incredibly stressful, but i make it work for me.
i just want to find my path and stick to it. i just want to go to bed every night satisfied with myself and not dissappointed. i want to wake up with a sense of purpose, not a sense of hopelessness. but honestly, to even be alive is a blessing. so i will take my current circumstances and do my best with what i have. i could definitely have it much, MUCH worse. i really need to work on counting my blessings rather than my shortcomings.
This hits so hard. So right about the need for chaos. When I was working as a manager at the company I worked at previously I was thriving. Now that I'm freelance I have such a hard time cleaning and doing stuff around the house.
The "delay failure" tactic reminds me of advice for getting better in competitive games (like Dota or Overwatch), which is: practice staying alive as long as possible. The simple act of staying in the game, instead of waiting on a respawn timer, teaches you important habits and sets you up for success in the long-term.
In general life, this means practicing making progress on your goals without worrying about actually achieving them. If the goal is to pass a test, practice studying for it--the studying becomes the goal, not the test. Even if you fail _this_ test, you're leveling up the skills you'll need to pass the _next_ test, and that's what it's all about.
Every single word of this is so accurate that it’s extremely validating. And, to hear that doctors are finally beginning to perfectly understand how ADHD impacts lives for better and worse gives me hope for others with paths to redemption or success. However, it’s still painful because there is SO MUCH learned self-hatred that eventually can come into play in very regrettable self-destructive ways during the most important developmental years. 😮💨😪
It's been such a game changer watching your lectures on ADHD and getting started on your guide. There's been so many more light bulb moments going off in my head since finding your channel. Finally having a better understanding of the "why" I do certain things as a result of my ADHD has significantly improved my overall mental health.
If you're looking for a sign, this is it. Taking that first step towards loving yourself and getting the help you need goes such a long way.
Thanks Dr. K ❤
Dr. K, you have no idea how much this helps.
I'm in medical school, and I've been struggling for a while, but your videos have helped me understand myself a whole lot more.
This is really nice.
As a person who’s been diagnosed ADHD I feel you come across a little strong on the “I’m going to fail” points. I have become a very successful entrepreneur and without the hyper focus of being ADHD I would never have had the brain power to do what I do. I feel we excel in our ability once we find and focus on that particular thing we enjoy. A standard A grade student who became an engineer will typically stick to his/hers 50k salary but a ADHD engineer will likely discover a new way or system to better improve that skill and likely become a manager or business partner. So this idea that ADHD is a problem is kind of derogative as a lot of the world’s greatest minds are ADHD or have traits. We can focus our brains 10x more on something we enjoy, boredom is just something we don’t like. I don’t think when I look back I ever thought “ah i want high grades but I can’t” I was quite the opposite, I was more “This is boring I want to start programming and creating video games”. Maybe some people feel because they have ADHD they feel different and that’s what puts the doubt and pressure in our minds to fit in which makes our brains fluster when we do exams etc.. but if you have ADHD and reading this just focus on what you love and trust me you will excel beyond the average A grade student 😎
I am someone that grew up with an inkling that I might have adhd but never spoke up out of shame. I struggled but masked and succeeded by most conventional measures graduated hs, 3.0 gpa associates degree now in retail management and bought a house. I got diagnosed with adhd at the age of 33 but only sought help because of struggles at work, leading to crushing depression. I am 35 now and I am stuck with an almost resentment of people around me and unable to be empathetic in the moment. This leads to rage and inability to control my emotions. Your content has helped me have an introspective look trying to make a change.
I never could resolve this contradiction: As a teen, I could play scales on the flute, over and over again, screwing up every time, yet still having fun. However with everything else, I had the internal monologue Dr. K mentioned of “if I’m gonna screw up anyway why bother?”
It was my ability to adapt! I’d have fun, it would be chaotic, but I would adapt and update my technique and muscle memory. Only time I truly felt joy as a teenager was the one exercise I was allowed to perform freely screwing up.
I don’t think I have ADHD but this gave me a lot to reflect on when it comes to how I view failure/mistakes and being drawn chaos in general. Super helpful thank you!
Same,I think it’s still useful even though you don’t have an ADHD
Thank you so much Dr.K, you're really a lifeline for a lot of us struggling souls. I get very emotional listening to you describe these problems but the hope you offer is what we need sometimes to keep going
The habit discussion was great, I’ve always wondered why on earth I can’t form consistent habits. Chaos is a great explanation of how I operate.
"Delaying Failure" basically becomes fight and fight and fight and fight for every little mondane thing into all the life-or-death tasks (that you forget as well despite being so vital fml) and it becomes soooo tiring especially as you grow into late adulthood... It's just so tiring that I've ended giving up on so many things I've lost track
I was diagnosed in my mid thirties and was so ashamed to have more than depression and anxiety that I refused treatment. At 58 I started treatment because I couldnt manage my job any longer. Vyvanse has been helpful for adhd and binge eating disorder.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 🧠 *Understanding the Core Challenge of ADHD*
- Understanding the underlying challenge of ADHD beyond mere attention issues,
- ADHD individuals adapt to their environment due to fear of failing, leading to reduced focus,
- Focusing on avoiding mistakes ironically increases the likelihood of making mistakes.
02:17 🚀 *ADHD as a Competitive Advantage in Chaos*
- Individuals with ADHD excel in chaotic environments due to their ability to adapt,
- They often find themselves performing better under last-minute pressure,
- The capacity to thrive in chaos can be seen as a competitive advantage.
04:22 🧭 *Habit Circuitry and Its Implications*
- The importance of the habit circuitry in managing ADHD symptoms effectively,
- Habits provide a structured approach to counteract impulsivity and inattention,
- Without fostering habits, ADHD individuals struggle with consistency and organization.
07:09 🔄 *Cognitive Reframing for Success*
- Leveraging intact analytical capabilities in individuals with ADHD for cognitive reframing,
- The significance of recognizing one's intelligence and potential despite academic or functional challenges,
- Introducing a reframing strategy to shift focus from inevitable failure to delaying it.
09:58 🎮 *Practical Strategy: Delaying Inevitable Failure*
- Drawing parallels from the realm of professional gaming to exemplify delaying inevitable outcomes,
- Emphasizing the benefit of delaying failure to allow time for habit formation,
- Encouraging a shift in perspective from immediate chaos to longer-term stability through habit-building.
12:42 🧩 *Overcoming the Real Curse of ADHD*
- Recognizing the potential disablement of beneficial brain parts due to adaptive behaviors in ADHD,
- The importance of fostering habits and cognitive reframing to address challenges effectively,
- Highlighting the significance of understanding and addressing the core issues rather than merely managing symptoms.
Made with HARPA AI
I’m 19 and I’m starting to consider if I have ADHD. I’ve always been an incredibly intelligent kid, bilingual, counting, alphabet. And payed attention in school a fair bit, and I was smart enough to listen a bit and remember. I never studied. High school was pretty easy, until I took hard classes I didn’t really like. I did not study, and only learned the info because my teacher assigned math homework. I always did it last minute. Now I’m in college and I have no homework to make me understand info, I have to study to pass tests. And it’s so hard. I can’t get myself to study. I get distracted and procrastinate. The last part hit me and it’s such a good message. Delay failure and try to hang on. I rely on last minute due dates to do things, I have to make an attempt consistently even if I barely get anything done..
One interesting thing I've noticed self treating my adhd is that almost everyone is super disorganized. The process has led me to be one of the single most organized people I know and its paid massive dividends.
for me it has been very hard to make habits or even to stay in habit. i have met with different psychologist and all they could tell me is "make habit!" as if I haven't been trying to do it for years.
(i haven't officially diagnosed if i have ADHD but many of the symptoms checks)
Alright, i've managed to shade some tears after understanding that i am as normal as anyone else, we're just all differents.
Thanks a lot for making me reflect on myself and the world
You Dr.K, are a lifesavour. Trully.
Especially when it comes to explaining the condition. My whole life, I have left things last minute. I have thrived in last minute studying, projects and the self-made pseudo-stress. Always considered it a super-power and people stating I am a prodigy for finnishing in such short order. I considered it a normal state of producing for me. However, its reached into bad tendencies and created non-functional habits of work. It became more and more difficult to meet deadlines (in an already negligent, hectic or chaotic environment) cause by other employees' negligence or themselves not reaching deadlines. Which... litterally started to weight upon my shoulders.
As more and more responsibility was layed upon my shoulders as a senior. As they (did not know, or understand / neither did I frankly). That my work habits were not compatible with this state of being. I would suffer bouts of burnout throughout the year. Where I needed to take sick days, or small (long weekend) vacations. Where I didn't really chill. I just angrilly cought up on work.
I'm seeing a therapist-FINALLY. To both get help on the boundary-setting in my workplace, forming better habits (despite that I might have ADHD) and eventually perhaps getting a diagnosis as an adult and help for this.
Damage control can be useful but it can also screw up your mental health with chronic anxiety, stress, difficult relationships and low self esteem. One may end up (like me) with the single life goal to retire from society and do the bare minimum to survive in order to reduce stress and anxiety as much as possible along with stress-relief type of addiction like online gaming (and all of the above end up making everything worse, ironically).
P.s. Especially true if you don't have any family or friends or government support and you're on your own trying to survive
ADD and GAD. Everything i do i fail at and i have 0 belief in the future. Medication (Elvanse) is the only thing thats ever helped in some way, but it cant live up to a normal person in terms of productivity and such. Always feeling down and out, its like you almost wished you had a fysical handicap instead.
This makes so much sense, as soon as i fuck up, even if its an incredibly small fuck up, i feel the disapointment of complete failure which kills my fear of fucking up again cause i have already gone through the emotional distress
So many times I've identified in myself that I "rise to the occasion" and never once had it occurred to me that I may be using disaster as a coping mechanism. You've given me a lot to think about. Thanks for the vid.
Ayo, I'm early to this.
Also, I think your analysis of ADHD and the thought processes of the people who suffer from it is stellar. As someone who has witnessed it's effects from the inside I can say you are spot on.
0:56 This is how I self-sabotaged studying for the California Bar the first time I took it. The stress of feeling like I needed to perfect, plus the fear of my peers “finding out I’m a fraud/failure” triggered a daily decline into a complete breakdown of my brain. After watching this video, I realized the reason I passed with flying colors the second time around was because I stumbled into reframing very similarly to how Dr. K suggests here: because I had talked openly on social media about my failure the first time around (I figured my peers would find out eventually, so I might as well rip the bandaid off myself), I realized it couldn’t get any worse than that, and that with each module, and each quiz, and each practice test, I could try to make it just a little bit farther than before. The second time I took the exam, I knew I had passed because when I walked out of there, I thought to myself, “Damn, that was fun. I’m kinda sad I won’t playing that game again.”
the opening statement describes the human condition. thowing a blanket onto the whole population to confirm their biases to keep them engaged. great video
I have ADHD and spent my entire childhood thinking I was stupid. When I got to college for premed I finally tried adderall and went from almost failing to being a C student. Now at 29 I own 2 sales businesses and am better off than most. I thrive in chaos and when learned to accept my weirdness as a gift rather than seeing it as a curse life got A LOT better
ADHD and autism is just playing life in nightmare difficulty mode 😔
You just helped me understand my ADHD better than anyone has before in less than 15 minutes. Thank you 🙏
Right now I’m trying to focus on you talking while having a conversation with myself in my head
One thing that helped me a lot in terms of the screwing up situation is realizing that the universe doesn't know a "no". When i stopped thinking to myself "don't screw up" but rather think "i got this!" was when i stopped failing so much. The core of the "no thought" still is the thing that you want to avoid. So you visualize exactly that. It's like when someone tells you not to think of red roses yet your first impulse is thinking of red roses.
This hurt to watch. Lots of memories from school struggling. For anyone still going through that, it does get better.
This hit hard, especially about the part about knowing I’m not stupid. Like i am CLEARLY smart in common sense and areas like logic/technology. But struggling to apply myself to be consistent, Being disorganized thought wise, and my impulsiveness makes life extremely difficult. I did meds for 10 days and i felt like a new man, until they got weak. Waiting for the 20th to up my dosage. But the meds gave me an eye opener, and kinda put me in a more depressed state.
Because this is all i needed. Meds and a good routine/habits to be on par with my peers. Smh
I get so nervous entertaining guests. So I choose certain "fool proof" dishes because they always come out ok (for our little family anyways) but for some reason whenever I make something for someone else.. ALWAYS a disaster!!! No matter how simple the meal, dessert, or whatever it is. THEN.. it's "damage control" 5 mins before I need to have things ready and it works.. somehow, I make it come together and it works.
This video is such a relief and comfort. It gives me the why to the chaos, that for a lifetime, not just in entertaining guests, but in many other areas of my life as well, has caused me so much frustration.
I’ve never felt so validated by a UA-cam video. Thank you, Dr. K.
literally went trough high school never opening my books at home to study for a test cause i knew i would fuck things up anyway, always did my homework last minute, always took everything form every class with me cause otherwise i knew i would forget something. somehow was able to make it trough but got stuck in college cause i never learned how to study. got a couple of jobs but kept forgetting or messing things up so i got fired. Always feels overwhelmed, sucks at keeping relationships. Now at home whit no job, no friends, no girlfriend or any direction to go to in life.
i have been trying to turn my life around lately by forcing myself to socialize, finding my passion and have monthly therapy sessions. Life is hard but i don't plan to give up i will try to keep moving forward even if its just a little bit. I don't know if this comment will be useful to anyone or if anyone will relate but if it did i just wanted to say that u are not alone in this and i hope that everyone finds happiness and contentment in life.
It is such a treat to hear you pour out your knowledge, insight and understanding for us. You make it integrative, hands on, doable. Thank you very much
I laughed so hard, so much throughout this whole video because this is so on point for me and how I do things!! I self-learned most of this from fifth grade on and the biggest thing that I noticed during my school years was that my "fidgeting" habits were actually coping mechanisms that I would start doing without even thinking about them whenever I put my HYPERfocus into hyperFOCUS. Instead of bouncing off the walls or around the classroom with twenty different topics at one time, I would zero in on the thing that needed to be done first and the rest of the classroom and everything else would kind of just disappear.
I love calling myself "pure chaos/purely chaotic" because that really is what I do best. To be able to focus on one task, like when I'm working on sorting through e-mails or writing on my laptop, I do a lot better at finishing what I set out to do when I have more than 5 tabs open in one browser at any given point. But I don't *just* have ADHD. Like what was stated in this video, I have depression as well, but (I think) even worse off is having OCD and anxiety added into the mix, all of which are in equal parts (most of the time).
I'm currently 33 and I am still very much working on "improving" myself, trying to find a balance if you would, in "piecing my life together" and it's really not easy, but definitely a worthwhile challenge!~
🖤💜🖤💜🖤
Not amount of meds help me not be this neurotic. I base my entire life on psychology and introspection and I don’t even try to sometimes. I just wish I could just exist and do. People make it look so easy and I don’t know if everyone experiences this inner turmoil of constant but it’s not fun. Yes, I can handle chaos and in a residential facility I worked as a mental health tech where it was so much chaos and empathy and support and making people feel safe was my thing. But why can I not just be that for myself. Any job that’s fast pace I can do also. But I always ended up burnt out and empty like drained after so long so I change. It’s just so hard to find something where I feel peace and stimulation at the same time.