I think you know what she meant. She's obviously just positively bragging on her son's abilities to remember things. It wasn't meant to offend your brain.
Except for the part where he says to honor a delusion. This is as bad as giving an obese person a 2 liter soda. This kid needs help. He needs people to be honest with him.
John, I'm a family doctor in the USAF. I have learned a ton from listening to you on how to objectively approach patients, and help with motivational interviewing. You are an awesome example, and I appreciate all you do. Thanks for crushing it!
If this mother wanted to love her child, none of this would be an issue for her. Your child’s identity isn’t a reflection of your “values”. It’s objectifying af to even view people through that lens.
@@meggie11102 i don't entirely blame the mother either and im LGBT myself. Religion can do some brain washing, I wouldn't consider religious parents to be cognitively at fault for anything that has been programmed into their minds by priests and preachers.
I am the grandmother of a transgender young man. This was a very long process for my grandson and from day one, his four aunts, his father, his grandfather, and close friends were by his side. By his side, showering him with love and support. I am so proud of my grandson for being so brave for being and thankful for my family for showing what unconditional love should look like. "You're my kid and I love you and we're going to hug for a while"❤ Thank you, Dr. John.
My cousin is an extremely happy, well-adjusted woman who tried for decades to be a content man, as her biological dna is xy. I don’t understand it - at all - but I don’t need to. She is happy now. That is all I need to know.
He *says* he's happy now, because his identity is completely bound up with *believing* that he's happier now. But his happiness is entirely dependent on believing a lie. There's a cost that comes with that.
we had a long time friend who came out as Trans staying with us last week and it's amazing what a non issue all of this is when you're just talking with someone face to face. Much like politics and religion, media profits from dividing us and making people think that anyone who believes or lives differently than us is a problem. When you're just talking to another human kindly in person, all this hateful noise melts away. Just respect people and whatever path they choose to pursue happiness. It's really that simple
@@Curtis3604 what? it's way past Fox news. just look at school curriculums in liberal states. children can now get in trouble for not following these new identity crisis words of their peers and teachers.
Even jf the path is destructive @APB.... You would allow the person to explore the delusion and indulge in it... You are probably the type of person who is afraid to tell the truth and hides behind political correctness..... Utter foolishness
I mean... some parents just never loved their children as anything more than dolls 🎎 to just do whatever they want without their own will, in the first place. 🤷
Massive respect to John for cutting through the noise. It's very easy to get wrapped up in the guilt, so much so that although the admission and reflection might feel cathartic, it can create further distance and prevent you from 'seeing' and 'connecting'. You have today, there is no better time to start.
I know this video is old, but I came to the comment section full expecting there to be hate. And it brought tears to my eyes to see all the love. My daughter is transgender and this gives me SO SO much hope for her!! Thank you all for being so amazing!!
@First-bt6rq it’s funny how you don’t even know my kid but try and diagnose them! My child IS transgender! And started showing signs when she was 18 months old! We “tough loved” her for 8 straight years and the led her go ALMOST taking her life! We had her generically tested and she has a genetic abnormality which causes gender dysohoria! Yes! My child IS TRANSGENDER! And no, she is not confused!
@@kelseyhaag6427 Gender is not a "diagnosis." It's a the most plain and obvious thing that manages to occupy a popular debate in society. It's stunning in part because it's so obvious, but also because of this desperate attempt to make that plain observation a source of bigotry.
This is one of my favorite episodes. I love your advice here. It almost brought tears to my eyes. I make it a point to tell my children how much I love them and how fortunate I am to be their mother.
It’s not hard call her by what she says she wants to be called. The reason theirs elevated risk is because parents don’t even try and understand why they are doing what they are doing.
I always told my children at a young age, that no matter who you choose to walk through in life with that I will love you no matter what. I love this mom's understanding of her child.
Demonic influence is unimaginably strong, particularly in the west. So many have been pumped full of chemicals, destroying their biochemistry and causing horrible confusion throughout their life. This poor woman's son is going through severe mental illness. And those that claim to help the most (healthcare professionals) are completely brainwashed and inept at actually helping.
I like how he approached this. Instead of inserting his personal views like many of us would. He broke it down that she needs to have an open conversation with her son and then decide if they will continue a relationship with him or decide not to. Really difficult stuff to go through. I cannot imagine.
Seems like he did insert his personal views what if that lady can't eat if she just takes off from work or loses her job? He days it's a convenience issues when it could be more.
@@elizabetha8565 I felt he just meant it was a question of priorities. I think he suspected she was scared of the conversation (in fact he did say that later, and she agreed)
I’m not gonna lie, after seeing a bunch of your other videos and absolutely loving everything about you, I was terrified to hear you talk about trans people. I know you’re a Christian, and I was fully preparing myself to hear my new hero say some really disappointing, possibly even heartbreaking things about the people I love. I should’ve known you wouldn’t let me down. ❤
Same here! I grew up Christian but no longer attend/believe but I find his advice really comforting and a reminder of positive folks I miss in my life. I'm glad he has such a real and honest POV and practice advice.
Same here!!! I was so so scared that I would have to unsubscribe to yet another person I admire! Thankfully he showed up for the Trans community. As an ex-Christian I really respect his ability to put love above all else rather than rules and indoctrinations
I'll be real, if you draw the line at calling your child by the name they asked to be called you'll never be close to your child. I can tell her to tone it won't go well. You're entitled to your views but your child is also entitled to hold you at arms length. If you want a better relationship you'll have to at least compromise on pronouns/name but if you decide not to be prepared to forfeit your relationship with them. It's absolutely your decision
I'm not compromising with a kid I take care of. I'm the adult, so I make the decisions. Stop walking around on eggshells around yall kids. That's insane.
@@TheJamekabrown the "kid" here is a grown adult. And also with that attitude, the lack of respect for other people, I doubt you modeled good respectful behavior or setting healthy boundaries.
@@TheJamekabrown The issue is thats its shown that accepting them decreases rates of suicide. If drawing this line is possibly worth your child's life I find that quite sad.
I think what a lot of parents do is insert their values above their actual child. They want their children to be exactly like them and if not, they get upset. Which is almost narcissistic. So, I love the way John put this. Be there for your child. That’s your baby. “This is where I’m at, do you love me?” And you should answer to your child, “yes. No matter what, I will love you”. And there should be no “but..I’m worried, but I’m..” this or that. You should say, “I love you no matter what and I’m here for you.”
Wrong. It is not because parents want their children to be just like them. They have their own talents but as a parent I would NOT ever feed a child's delustions that he is a she when he is not and never will be. That is CRUEL to PRETEND that he's a female. The facts do not care about his feelings. That doesn't mean you don't love him it means that you LOVE him enough as to NOT pretend. It's wrong and beyond "CRUEL".
@@Jaisee14 how is it cruel if it makes her happier to be called a her? How is it cruel if she is happier “pretending” to be a woman? How does simply not being a man hurt her? Is this “delusion” causing anyone else pain? How does you calling someone what they prefer hurt you? Please, explain this to me.
@@thetruebadevil you don't automatically accept everything because you love them. If their child abusers... spouse abusers.... adultrious... addicts... ect
Having a child is to risk having a child you’re disappointed with. You just have to ask yourself what type of disappointments you’re willing to handle and support… being identity confused/conflicted is different than being an addict which is different than being a murderer… all of those test our bonds as family.
@@DojoofGain Sure, some may be due to those things, however those cases generally are ones that are short term. The reason that it is becoming accepted in society is because it is shown that accepting them decreases suicide as well as increasing happiness. Especially considering for anything permanent or even temporary you need to go through years of therapy before you get there. Lastly, being trans is a very real thing that is backed by every single pediatric and psychological board. So maybe change hurts your brain, but when all of the scientists who study this disagree with you and have evidence to back it up, you might want to rethink what youre saying.
@@pancakes_35the data on reducing suicidal ideation is extremely flawed and has been refuted. I would be very careful when believing everything you hear on the health of cross sex hormones and surgeries. There is actually very very little information on what this does long term and it is not widely accepted by psychological and medical organizations in many nation. The United States and Canada have moved far too swiftly on these matters. It is actually dangerous to those who are suffering.
@@rachelr9352 didn’t mentioned surgeries or hormones. This is mainly in the example of accepting therapy and family acceptance. This usually comes along with letting them dress how they want. Everything else may be slightly more complicated and needs research, but the vast majority of people who say they don’t want surgeries or hormones simply don’t want to accept them at all. The arguments against that just allow them to object to everything without sounding like a terrible person.
They don't have a daughter. They didn't conceive and she didn't carry a girl to term: she gave birth to their son who's since developed such a warped relation to his own body and to reality as such that he thinks he can turn himself into a woman, a daughter.
I have a trans son, and there is definitely a grieving period. But it's grieving for the life I had envisioned for him. I'd much prefer to grieve that would-be life, than grieve the literal death of my child. Get over yourself, mom. She's still the same person.
People try to stop their loved ones from going down this road because there is a very high suicide rate, and it's downright disgraceful to be a transgender person. It is being promoted so heavily by Hollywood, the media, and school teachers... All havens for degeneres to operate in. Young people do anything for attention and this is a really screwed up, unhealthy way of getting attention.
Not true. Values vs children are not a comparison or ranked affair. Values are a person's core and guiding principle in life. If you child is about to wreck havoc on all sorts of people, you can love the child, but Values inform you to stop the child before harm is done and not let the child just be happy because some how serial killing makes him happy. Funny thing is that if a child has the disorder where he or she doesn't identify with a limb and will be demands amputation, we won't be arguing that limbs should be amputated because you should allow it since your child is the most important over principles of reality. I also watched a video about the guy that identifies as a reptile, so if that's one's child we should accept a human identifying as a reptile and allow that person to butcher themselves and add all sorts of monstrous attachments to their bodies because that is love or child above Values or reality? I don't know about that, it just looks like people have too much first world problems and maybe need a massive reality check.
@@STak-ju7gx Obviously there are limits, but as long as they aren’t harming anybody, I think you should love the child that you decided to conceive even if they don’t follow your values and plan for them. Being LGBT-whatever, which is what we are talking about here, is very different than being a serial killer or a reptile.
@Johnny-ci8mw being a reptile is pretty much similar. It's still personality/ Identity confusion . You make the mistake of also thinking that to love is only kumbaya and feel good feelings. Because even in your characterization, it's as if once a kid doesn't fit your values or expectations. If you have any other opinion, or don't bow down to them and forget your entire self and values, then you hate them or something. I cannot even imagine hating or not loving my kid who turns out to be a serial killer, but my values will insists that whatever is wrong is wrong and hopefully the child gets it and of course harm to others means serious by all means intervention. Another point is that, there is this idea that the only valid basis for values or disagreements on issues, is harm to others, which is not exactly correct. If I follow your logic, I'll sing kumbaya and provide zero concern or counseling because a child wants a horn transplant since they identify as a unicorn, or the reptile guy, or the growing community of people who identify as dogs, or they can identify as a drug addict and I'll just accept that. What about if what makes the child happy is to lock themselves up all day in their rooms playing video games and doing nothing else? Love means accept with no questions or concerns or alternate opinions? Shall I also allow my skinny child or even chubby one to starve themselves because they identify as fat regardless of the reality in the mirror? That's love? Shoukd my child also be able to identify as a prostitute and i should dunb all reality and values and say nothing else i hate the child? To abandon values and reality, to accept any and all things unless not harming anyone else? That's what love is now? So realize that I know an adult is going to make their decision, I also have enough brain capacity to respectfully disagree and present my concerns and beliefs without ceasing to love. Because it's funny what this idea of equating disagreement or different values as not loving the person.
A love of a parent should be unconditional. I would never care if my child was trans, gay, straight or any of those things. They are my beautiful child who I selfishly brought in this world.
You people who don't have trans/gay kids are ALWAYS patting yourselves on the back and lecturing the parents of these kids about how great YOU'D BE at IF ONLY it happened to you.... It's disgraceful watching you patting yourself on the back. You're just swell, why don't you get yourself a big medal to pin it on your chest to let everyone know how wonderful you are! Typical CLUELESS white middle aged American--Always has an opinion about situations they know NOTHING about and always can do it better than anyone else.
I feel like one thing this mom needs to hear is that her child is now an ADULT. At this point, no matter WHAT she's doing with her life, it's not something for the parents to try to approve of or try to punish. They need to accept that they've done their best in raising her to communicate their values, and the question now becomes "How are we going to relate to an adult we love who doesn't share our values?" Well, how did Jesus treat the prostitute and tax collector? I'm not implying this is not a really hard and deeply emotional thing to go through for these parents....more that they don't have to struggle with the conflict of feeling like they're "violating their beliefs" by treating another adult human being with love and compassion. You can have your own beliefs and also love and support someone who doesn't share those beliefs.
This episode has me crying because I suspect a similar conversation must be had with a friend's child. I suggested he get on an airplane and just go tell her he loves her while she's trying to figure this thing out. The posted pictures make it obvious to me that she is on the LGBTQ continuum, but he can't see it. Currently they text once or twice a year. 😢
Thank you for educating the public that relationships with our children are more important than our mindsets and moral ideals. God bless you and your family as you use this program to teach us how to be kind when engaging with those who have challenges we’ve never encountered. This subject has recently become part of our family dynamic and I am so thankful that my love and acknowledgment of the pain our grandchild has endured for half of his young life were priority over my pain in learning of his life decisions. I am thankful that our family embraces love and grace before ridicule and fear that could cause us to create a barrier between us and our suffering loved one. Our whole family is transitioning in our beliefs and acceptance of others’ life choices as we move forward accepting the new person our grandchild is becoming. Much love to you, your family and your listeners from a loving, grieving grandmother
And that is what I wonder about. If it is so painful, how can one be so sure it is the right choice? Seems like if it was a good fit, it would spark joy? If you are doing what fits you, you don't care what others say.
@@markthefilmmaker2613 Well if he's trans he's going to likely commit sewer slide. So ideally you'd get your son help before he realizes he's just autistic and got manipulated
Not everyone knows this, but when someone you know transitions to the opposite gender, it's a process for everyone. To the person transitioning, it's becoming their authentic self, but to everyone else, it could be perceived as the death of someone they have known and grown up with. It's not right to compromise your beliefs and shut each other off just to be "right." It is, instead, being happy and content with each other while asserting each others' beliefs and convictions, though not infringing on one another's beliefs and convictions.
@@indigo500robberI'm well aware our transitions don't make sense to outside people. We're not asking you to go through the mental gymnastics of fully understanding our feelings. That itself is a PhD worthy topic. We only ask that you do what this mom did: love and accept your loved ones for who they are, not for who you wish they were or who you think they ought to be.
It doesn't take a doctor to understand why someone wants to transition but it does take a doctor to heal that state of mind. However, as long as it's an adult transitioning I have no objections! @@jovazquez6102
@jovazquez6102 you don’t need a PHD to understand why someone wants to be trans lol… you do most likely need a PhD to heal the trauma which causes people to transition in adulthood (most kids grow out of it) . As long as you are an adult however, I don’t care how you cope with your trauma as long as it doesn’t harm others & you are respectful of women’s spaces.
Do you have any statistics on most children growing out of it? I cant even find any meaningful detransition rates above a few percentage points, with the vast majority of detransitioning occurring due to social pressure. It does definitely happen that some children believe themselves to be trans and change their mind, but its such a small percentage of people. The rates of detransitioning are higher in terms of those who only socially and didnt medically transition(still very rare, just less so than those who medically transition), but in terms of people who medically transition the detransition rate is very low.@@indigo500robber
The Mom dropped the ball and she now realizes and ways to reconnect with her children. At least she wants to do better now but will have to do the work. Good luck to her!
it’s not easy at all when the person you raised dies. when you want to ‘change’ your “gender”, change your name, change your behavior… it’s hard as hell to cope with as a parent. “well she dropped the ball! now she needs to fix it good luck!” it’s not that simple. it’s a grieving experience for the parent and I’m sick of people acting like your adult child choosing to pretend to be the opposite sex is silly and simple
It's not a grieving process for all parents you know. It was a great time for me to see my kid shed the depression and start flourishing and being their real self. It also wasn't a real change, they stayed the same person, just became more confident and happier.
Are you a damn parent???? Where did she drop the ball, its never too late and she obviously loves her kid. There is no ball to drop, she's human too. What is wrong with you people
Yeah ultimately this shouldn't even be a political issue. Just like the earth being a globe isn't political. The science, the studies, all of it is clear on gender dysphoria. Its not some new idea either. Trans people have been around since ancient times. Understanding them and accepting them is no different than understanding and accepting any other person.
@@commiecomrade2644 I gotta say... I don't think anyone wanted this to turn into a political issue, _except the young progressive American left_. Nobody wanted to empower people to self-diagnose, invent new identities and ignore the medical reality of gender dysphoria, except the American left. Nobody wanted to label discussions about it "hate speech", except the American left. Nobody wanted to muddle trans-identity with an additional 75 genders, except the American left. There are human rights that need to be secured for all LGBTQ+ individuals, but that's clearly not at the core of the dogmatic critical-gender-and-race-ideology in the US.
how old are you? I'm old enough to remember many republican law-makers speaking out against gay marriage. Let alone trans people. @@NorthernRealmJackal
I guess I just don't understand why this is so difficult for some parents. If the worst thing I could say about my child was that they're transgender, I'd feel like the most blessed parent in the world. lol
Kuddos to Leslie! I can only imagine what a challenging situation this must be for her. I'm gay, and I'm in my mid-50s. I can out as gay at 25. I do not understand "transgendered or transitioning individuals." I've met a few transgendered people. I'm respectful, kind, and thoughtful, but I can't fathom desiring to become a different gender. I don't get it, but then again, I don't have to get it. I just need to accept it. Everyone has the right to be comfortable in their own skin. Leslie, you are a strong and loving parent. Your son will see that some day. Thank you for your story. 😊
Please if u desire to be respectful and kind to trans people, u can start by using correct pronouns and terminology. “Transgendered” is not a word and considered offensive, also she made it clear her pronouns are she/her and she is their daughter.
@trapper4265 thank you for saying this. I do believe we need to be respectful to all. I am a mom of a son who just announced he is a girl. He is 30 and we all thought he was gay. We were way off. I wish he were gay. He is still my child and love him.
Dont encourage his self destructive behavior. He is a 30 year old man. Not a girl, not a woman. And i mean this in the nicest way, if you feed into this with positivity and he ever desires to detransition (which huge numbers do but that is covered up by the community) it will be harder to do so because of the sunk cost fallacy (i.e 'now what will what will my family think after I've put them through this acceptance journey. I best stay this way, etc.) Love him as your child and as his mother, but it's best to show an indifference to the 'identity,' as this will make it easier to come out of the cult. Act as if it makes no difference to you either way. Reacting both negativity or positively can push a person deeper into the ideology through rebellion or percieved social gains. This ideology preys on vulnerable gays, lesbians, and neurodivergent people (coming from someone who has a degree in soc&psy i have studied gender ideology at length and have personal experience with people who have transed and detransed). In all likelihood he probably is just gay and doesnt want to live as a gay man for whatever reason, likely internalized homophobia from society he may not even realize himself. Do not encourage medical transition either because that is a train hard stopped once aboard and full of complications..worst one being death. Best of luck to you and your family going through this. @@lisahall1899
was so worried that john would give a hateful answer, but this is very solid. i would also say that this kid is going to be facing a lot of oppression and potentially violence and that’s going to be so so painful for her. she will need support through that. also, don’t think of it as losing a son. that grief is okay for a while, but eventually you will have to celebrate the fact that you have a daughter now. in fact she has always been there. celebrate that, embrace that, and go have a mother-daughter brunch. take her to buy dresses and give her advice. do all the things you didn’t do because you both thought you had a son.
@@marial3609 personally never been the biggest ramsey fan. that put me off a bit. but john seems pretty nice. also, being trans, you're kinda always on high alert with the current climate out there
Your new book just arrived and I can’t wait to dive in! Very heavy and hard topic being discussed. You handled this with care and professionalism as always.
This episode made me emotional. I'm pan, my brother is bi and two more brothers are trans and we have cut off a lot of relatives because they chose their values over our relationship. Coming out is a hard thing to do and I really appreciate him acknowledging that
Jesus Christ the sobs, lady can u respect that u didn’t have the emotional delicacy to know who she was to begin with, she was always like this and couldn’t tell her mom because she would’ve rejected who she was
@@beatrizojeda9733 I'm fine. My kid is still them. They've always been different. It only becomes horrible if they get involved with the Marxist aspects of the LGBTQ separatist movement.
John is only partially correct here sadly. You need to love your child but act indifferent to the 'identity.' This is what will avoid pushing them deeper into the cult ideology and allow them freedom to leave if they ever chose to do so. Encouraging or reacting negatively can both push one deeper into it.
The grief is fine and justified but eventually she's going to have to understand this issue inside and out to have an educated opinion on the matter, which will then formulate her values around it. Because it's unwise to have beliefs and values on something that arent founded on a place of understanding first. Btw John this was the best call I've ever heard you handle. Tremendous job!
Values are only yours and nobody else’s. You cannot force others to conform because they have the right to abandon the relationship as much as you have the right to hold on to your values. Having values is not about bringing them up constantly to judge and constrict others, it’s about you living according to them. If you cannot live without telling others how to conduct themselves constantly, you’re not fit to build and maintain relationships and community.
My SO has a friend whose child (teenager) wanted to transition. The parents wrote a letter to all of their relatives (many of them in the Bible Belt). Simply saying the new name, the new pronoun and that’s the way it is. No arguments, no condemning. The child got accepted at an out of town prestigious school, is doing well and has won some awards.
That child should be in psycotherapy. It sounds like the parents could use therapy as well. People who believe they are the opposite sex are suffering from a mental disorder. Mainstreaming mental illness at the expense of our children is simply wrong. No arguments, no condemning
Well since I’ve never experienced anything close to that experience, I don’t feel I can condemn. I don’t understand therapy nor does anyone in my family, but we do know that other people do.
Good for them. I hope and trust they’d have just as much solidarity, too, should their teen ever roll back their decision! I started my own transition as an adult, and took a similar approach with my Bible Belt/Southern Baptist missionary extended family: “hey all, here’s some neutral news about me.” I also made sure they all knew that it was ok with me if they internally/personally did not agree with my decision to transition - that I didn’t think they were a bad person, and felt secure enough in my decision to agree to disagree. I told them they didn’t have to call me their nephew, but that logistically it’d be confusing to other people at this point to call a bearded, deep voiced dude their niece lol. I was so nervous about telling them all, and was sooo so heartened and heartwarmed by their responses. Most of them seamlessly picked up with “my nephew, Danny..” 💖
@@cl5193agreed. trans people aren’t even trans because it means to become something else, but you’re not. you’re just like stuck in between what you are and what you want to be. mutilating the body to match the brain is one of the most sick treatments doctors have come up with, and the only reason gender dysphoria is being treated that way is due to money for big pharma. a trans person wants hormones, for years upon years. they want surgeries that will likely come with lifelong issues. they want to change their voices, remove bones, get cosmetic surgeries, fake breast, removing their penises, balls, uteruses, breasts…. they also are usually depressed and have other mental issues so they need extra therapy. so, hormones, surgeries, complications from surgeries, plastic surgeries, therapy, for life? or, some meds and psychotherapy that will take some years? you could see which “treatment” would bring in more revenue, and sadly they chose mutilation over actual treatment due to corporate greed. mutilating the body to match the brain in this way… anyone who believes it’s the right treatment, is insane and has way too much truest in big pharma. I hope people wake up before more people are mutilated.
@@cl5193lol it isn’t a mental disorder and even if it was, it doesn’t harm anyone and thus doesn’t need to be treated. And there is NO treatment for transgender people. It is impossible for someone who is trans to just not be trans anymore through any form of therapy. You are living in a fantasy land. Just show people respect, even if they are different from you
Thank you for being unbiased with this. At the end of the day, all that people want is love. A person coming out to their parents is revealing their true self so that they can be loved for who they really are. No matter how someone identifies, they are still your child, and it is still your responsibility as a parent to be there for them. Transgender people are already hurting from how harshly society treats them, and often also from internal struggles over how parents (or loved ones in general) will react. Please, anyone who is facing something like this, just love your child. No matter what.
I just wish we'd stop repeating this "true self" nonsense. If your "real" identity is something you need to deny your own biological sex for, the Nature-given reality of all mammals including ourselves, and need to undergo extensive hormonal and surgical interventions to achieve the appearance of, referring to the end result of that series of interventions as a "true" or authentic self is the height of either confusion or cynicism.
Simple answer: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV) "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
I agree with the message, but I can’t help knowing that there are individual Bible verses that can be used to make pretty much any point. I think it’s best to use logic and sense to decide what actions to take.
@@andrebyman8744 - I'm an atheist and I still believe there is wisdom in the bible. This woman seems to be struggling with a "moral" objection to her child's decision. Maybe she just needs to know that the bible endorses choosing love.
This one made me emotional. My mom always kind of stonewalled my siblings and I. She has said to us plainly that she doesnt want to know about our lives.... She just wants everything to be perfect and hunky dory and its killing all of us ... She soesnt want to parent us anymore. But she never wanted to.
Someone please explain to me what “value” is she having to give up? Is it, “we don’t Believe in trans gender? I thought values were thing like honesty, integrity, fidelity.
Yep, exactly. It's a joke. It's literally saying "I don't believe transgender people exist" when your own child is one. Bending over backwards to justify her own internalized bigotry.
Right? As someone not native to the US that’s always jarring to me. It seems like a really unreflected way to get out of thinking through what one’s actual problem with something is. To say your “values”are being compromised in this situation seems like a blatant misuse of the word, it’s a cliched euphemism you’re just repeating.
"You are the parent. Good communication starts with you." Damn... As a mom of young ones and a daughter with an unhealthy and passive relationship with my own (self-centred) mother.. that boosts up my determination to do well and makes me feel better about my poor relationship with my parents and family, like it wasn't all my fault.
I don't think it has to be a choice between your values or your relationship with your children. You can still hold to your values and reach out to your children, expressing your love for them and your desire to build stronger relationships with them. However, your children may say that you don't love them or care about them if you don't approve of their lifestyles, and they may choose to cut you off. So, while you can simultaneously hold to your values and pursue relationships with your kids, your kids can choose to cut you off if they insist that you give up your values to be in relationship with them. This doesn't just apply to transitioning, but to any choices children make that disappoint their parents.
That's not how it's going to go though. If you decide to not meet your ADULT child's boundaries, they won't have a relationship with you. You can pursue a relationship all you want, but if you don't accept them for who they are, you will not have a relationship with them. Like John said, very simply, no hidden meaning, you need to choose between your values that you have once established for yourself, or your child. That's it. If you decide to hold strong, it's one or the other. There is no in between with love. It's all in or all out.
Boundaries are not for just one person in a relationship. Both people have boundaries. What John suggested - that the parents have to discard their boundaries and obey their sons boundaries - is not a relationship and is not boundaries. It's control. Respect has to be a two way street. Because if it's not, it again is control and is not respect or a relationship.
I'm sorry, but you can't simultaneously claim to love someone while at the same time rejecting who that person says they are. If your kid comes to you and says "mom, I know in my heart that I'm a girl and you need to accept me as a girl" and you say "sorry, can't do that" that's incompatible with love. Love REQUIRES giving the other person the space and freedom to define themselves as they choose and respecting and accepting their identity whole heartedly. You don't have to accept everything your kid chooses to do with their lives but in order to live your kid you do have to accept their chosen identity
my heart is breaking for this woman's daughter and for all the transgender kids with parents like this or like some of the bigoted people in these comments. nobody wants to have bad relationship with their parents. nobody wishes for that. stop forcing your values onto your adult children. either change your values or double down on the relationship with your child. disrespecting and misgendering is not going to take you anywhere. the pain you feel for "losing a son" is only a fraction of what she felt coming to terms with herself. i'm sending all of my love and support to the transgender community 🩵🩷🤍
@@lowmax4431 The entire transition process is a series of losses. First, the refusal of biological reality. Then cut off, reconstruct, or cover any presentation that does not fit the mental ideal. It's nothing but loss; for the family members that lose their previous life, or the individual who feels denied their illusion and who chases after the dream they can never attain. There are joys and wins along the path, but the goal is ultimately not achievable. Why deny people their grief? Experiences can be both necessary, full of happiness and grief simultaneously.
“Things going on” she had to lie to her mom to feel safe, it’s disgusting that she couldn’t be herself, her family are so sad that they couldn’t just respect her
Dear parents, you don’t own your children and they aren’t your pets. They are full humans as you are. I sometimes see this as jealousy more than “confusion” or unfamiliarity. People change all the time. Be grateful that you get an opportunity to meet the truest version of your child.
@@pesce6988 Legal guardianship is different than owning someone. We all understand that owning humans is wrong, which is why we cannot sell them. You have responsibility, not ownership
@@pesce6988 So, I guess you think you can wrap a cord around your child's neck without consequences. Owning someone mean's litterly that they aren't humans in that regard, they aren't effectively living beings, but just objects.
@@josephmath1 wtf does murder have to do with owning your kids meaning you tell them where they can and can't go and are responsible for their wellbeing... lmao
Your child is your child and you should love them regardless of how they dress or what genitals they have. After all is said and done it’s what is in their heart that really matters. 💕
As a bisexual woman - I am just so sad that parents would put their kids out of their hearts. Please sit down and talk to them. You can have any belief you want but those kids are gifts given to you for a reason.
@@TheMariemarie16 yeah I did I heard a woman making herself the victim and refuse to do the bare minimum of calling their child by their new name. She's entitled to her beliefs but her child isn't obligated to be around them. Every LGBTQ person can recognise a parent who is difficult to be around and she is definitely that
@@farhana6913 Well that's your POV and you are entitled to it. IMO a parent shouldn't be shamed or looked down on for wanting to call you whatever they named you. That's their respect as a parent who birthed you and cared for you. They are literally the only ones who deserve to continue to call you whatever they named you. Also believe it or not, it is nearly impossible for some parents to see you as a new gender because they had you from newborn, and they knew every inch of you and who you are. If they do not believe in changing gender then it's really impossible for them. This woman is not making herself a victim but she is expressing her feelings and not doing it to her child. You are just being critical because you don't agree with her beliefs.
I like to imagine that most Christians would accept and love their trans kid even if they didn't necessarily understand or agree with it. This woman sounds like she could and props to her for having the courage to call about this issue. I hope she chooses her daughter.
@@mark.daniel most hate/rejection towards the trans community comes from Christians or religious people. That is very obvious, heck I'm queer and my religious family, friends, and church would not accept me if I came out to them talk less of coming out as trans, if I was. There are supportive parents and Christians out there, but unfortunately, not a lot.
I was raised in a Christian house and my parents would probably never talk to me again if I came out as trans(I’m not). Christians are very prejudiced against trans and gay people without even realizing or maybe they do. I’m thankful I’ve gotten to meet and work with some incredible trans people which has really helped my perspective. I still don’t think it’s the right thing to do but I can look past that and love the person
True Christians are rejected by the world for what they believe. Homosexuals, trans people, etc., reject Christians when Christians refuse to justify sin.
It’s so refreshing to hear a Christian perspective that isn’t hateful and transphobic. Just good practical advice. I have trans and gay friends and it’s so hard for me sometimes as a Christian to reconcile how I feel. But I’ve really done some work to get over my prejudices I was raised with and love them for who they are. And I go out of my way to be kind to them and make sure they know I am a Christ follower because unfortunately not everyone does. Incredible video I enjoyed this!
It's not hateful or "transphobic" to acknowledge objective biological realities. the fact that Jesus loves a man who thinks that he is a woman just as much as he loves you or I does not make that man a woman.
@@sullivanbiddle9979Human beings are much more than just their physical bodies. I would say that the human mind is much more important to our sense of self than our physical characteristics. To me, gender is just not that big of a deal. It’s just one aspect of living in this world. It just doesn’t have to matter so much. People get so hung up on defining other humans and putting them in roles and categories. What’s the point. Let people be what they want to be. Who cares?
Your “child” is an adult. Whatever he chooses to do in his life is only up to him. All you can do is decide what you want to do (love him, ignore him) It’s not rocket science. Yes it sucks for you. Life sucks sometimes.
@@Whatorwellsaid21 they are because you’re here in your comment being transphobic misgendering her. jesus christ is it that hard to just call her rachel and her? i’m confused bozo
He started calling the child ‘her’ and she continued calling the child ‘him’ through the entire episode. This woman made her decision before she even called.
@@HawkDonut128 Everything in life is based on perspective. The right thing to you is based on values you had growing up. The right thing to others may differ from your “right thing”. Every villain is a hero in their eyes. I’m glad John opened the door to “it’s up to you, here’s the consequences of each choice”. Loved this episode. Good advice, John.
Her son is delusional. If you play along with the delusion you aren’t helping that person. Just like if a person with anorexia asks you to call them fat you wouldn’t. You would tell them to get help.
@@smcb2202 I’m not saying what I believe is right or wrong, because I’m not the parent, so what I say or think doesn’t matter. *I’m* saying that whatever the caller’s action is- will have a consequence *regardless* of what she chooses to do. My initial comment suggests that she likely chose her decision before she even called based off of her choice of speech. I’m very indifferent. I do not care what you think about the subject, and she shouldn’t care either. She is the sole factor in deciding what she does. Your input on it with your beliefs doesn’t matter.
you obviously care if you wouldn’t have commented. You would have just moved on. I do care. Not just about how this lady responds but how the western world responds. Playing into a delusional world is not a good idea. For our society, for this lady or for her son. I don’t think she should be cruel or unloving but when people need help coming back to reality we need to actually HELP them.
I love the way you answered this, very compassionate to both sides. It can’t be easy for child or parent to have to go through this. I hope this family can build and strengthen their relationship
You keep saying he and him and your son. Why would she want to talk you? You values are your values. You can choose your values but every time you do you hurt your daughter. If you feel like you can live with that then that’s where you’re at
You're a weirdo, I guess you just accept that body dysphoria is normal and everyone should seek medical intervention in order to feel comfortable in their own skin huh? Let people that believe they're supposed to be amputees cut their arms off, let anorexic people starve themselves because they think they're too skinny despite the fact it's unhealthy lol ever heard of de transitioners?!??? Lmao you're a clown
you respond as a parent who loves their child unconditionally would; with love, acceptance, grace and SUPPORT. You put aside your feelings of how you we're taught or what you agree with and you SUPPORT your child. You don't care who your child loves; you just hope they are loved back and you support your child PERIOD! I wish her and other families struggling with this luck. I am an adult woman with an adopted 14 year old sister who identifies as transgender and my mother is NOT supportive in any way, shape or form and I just can't make it make sense in my head why it's such a big deal for a parent to accept their child...it's totally alien to me
No offense but until it happens to you, don't lecture other parents on how easy it all should be, you have NO FREAKEN CLUE. I've fully embraced my TRANS child and It's of the utmost important to treat them with love, acceptance and dignity. It's hard and challenging, there are tremendous mood swings, gender dysphoria is a painful mental illness. It's NOT EASY, it's easy to love the person but the day in day out of reality - is challenging. You sound young and overly impressed yourself you're so busy patting yourself on the back you don't realize you sound like an arrogant know it all. Your sister is at the beginning of her process...14 years old, no offense but you know bupkas. Stay in your lane.
That’s not really where this relationship sounds like it is right now. There needs to be a better understanding before corrections or advice can be given.
@@tinahochstetler2189This is not true. There are Many “passing” trans people that you likely have Never noticed just existing. Not to mention- surgery results improve by miles every year with advancements in the field.
Why is it hard. He has made a choice, and you just respect who he has decided he wanted to be. Why do people have kids and not commit to relate to them on the deepest level possible, Don 't have kids if you have not come to terms about what that means period, sorry.
My adult son ,(,ftm) is trans came out over 10 yrs ago so we are all supportive.hes on T now .. I couldn't be happier fur him..at 15 he tried hanging himself In school.. I couldn't imagine any parent not being supportive . Unconditional. He has always lived him me , no religion in our family so ,not an issue. I knew before he did.i was a clinical psyy so i already was clued up
@@exnecross3141you know absolutely nothing, the medical and psychological consensus on transgender people is that transitioning, and support from community, is what lowers their suicide risk
I don't agree with if this mom adheres to her values she's putting her son second. Not a fair spot, they are going through something as well and need love too. Parents don't get to have any grace in this matter. It's sad. It's all about makes the child feel better and justified...that may not be considered love in some ways.
The child is an adult - nearing 30. She knows who she is, just has to deal with the Christian mythology that has screwed up humanity for far too long and be who she really is.
Is gender really a value :P Even jesus in Mathew talks about eunuchs being born that way. Being anti trans is not a christian value!!! It's unbiblical to be anti trans. I'm glad that pope francis is pushing that. There's very little evidence in the Bible of anti queerness. Instead there is an abundance of things that Jesus says about money and capitalism.
@autumn asbridge abusive parent, really? It's baby steps you can't force change overnight it takes time. The fact that she acknowledged her mistake and wanting to change is what's important
This was actually a surprising wholesome conversation. I appreciate the presenter as a cis man helping to bridge the gap between trans people and their families that aren't supportive. It's very hard for us to talk to people that aren't supportive because they often just don't show us any unconditional love. All humans deserve love of some kind regardless of who they are.
@@vaska1999 Correct... Humans are mammals we we all have sex chromosomes that produce primary and secondary sex characteristics. Gender, is assigned at birth.
I mean if you don’t want to call your kid her or Rachel and they’re saying that this will jeopardize your relationship it looks like you’ve made the decision that your belief system is more important to you then your relationship with said kid.
Wonderful advice that doesn't get wrapped up in the spokes of the BS culture war. As a parent, your kid is going to grow up and end up going places in life and revealing things about their lives which upset you but which you just no longer have control over. You could be a religious parent who's adult kid comes out as trans or you could be an atheist who's adult kid starts going to church. In those situations you really have two choices: lose your relationship by insisting they conform to the image of them you had in your own head, or accept their life choices and still have a presence in their life (this, of course, changes if there is criminality in their life).
Thank God she still has a living child! So many trans kids suicide early in their lives. Her daughter is still transitioning and figuring things out. Practice saying “she.” It will be a process. Be grateful they you still have a child and mourn the loss of your son. Hopefully, mum can celebrate her daughter one day.
They commit suicide because they are suffering not because they think they are different gender. I bet these children were never listened and changing gender is a cry for help.
Hey parents of children who are questioning their gender: gonna go out on a limb here and say do some research on body dysmorphia. Talk to your kid about what that dysmorphia looks like for them, why are they not happy? Are they not happy because they feel more comfortable dressing/acting in a way that breaks societal norms of the gender they were born with? I think that when a child starts having these feelings it's worth allowing them to express themselves in a way they feel comfortable with, while also finding positive affirmations to build confidence in their body. Teenagers are figuring things out. I'm gonna give a long personal anecdote here and hopefully it kinda makes sense? When I was a teen, I would always say "if I was a guy I'd be gay." I was very tomboyish back then, wanted to be seen as "one of the boys," played video games, and always wanted to do whatever the guys were doing around me since I was a small child. And to be honest, when I had a gay F->M roommate in college, I was like "You can do that?" I was 20 at the time. I feel like if I was in highschool with things were how they are today, I would have thought I was transgender who just so happened to still like men. It made me question for a moment if I was when I met him, but by that point in time, I also started to really appreciate being a woman. I will be more gruff and tough some days, and others I will get my prettiest flowery sundress on and enjoy putting in the effort to look beautiful. I'm not nonbinary, I am just a woman with a bit of a tomboy streak and love being able to express myself, and I'm glad I was born the way I am. So parents, help your children to alleviate the pressures that lifestyle preferences =/= gender. But also be prepared for if their body dysmorphia reaches much deeper, and let them be who they truly are.
Our stories pretty much match right up until you started to appreciate being a woman. I never had that sense of appreciation. People would say over and over that women are brilliant and can do anything that men can do, as if I didn't already know and believe that. Of course women are brilliant - great for them! - I' just not a woman. I transitioned, and I've never been happier. Just to offer the other side of the coin as well!
Man, Dr John is so great. This mom just seems to make it all about herself. She seems to want to make excuses. Lady, this is your CHILD. Jesus. Do you want your child to be absolutely miserable and hating themselves and their life? The suicide rate is so high amongst trans people. It is not your job to understand, it is YOUR JOB TO LOVE YOUR CHILD. Good Lord.
I think why no one is giving hate is the fact everyone here is whiling to talk and listen even if they don’t agree but still open to have a discussion. As long as the comments don’t get banned by UA-cam lol 😂 But I honestly think if you’re a legal adult and live in this great country you can do what ever you think is best for you. I personally think it’s a mental health issue going on from talking to people who have detrans and other people who were on the autism spectrum who thought they were but just turns out they didn’t have a support system or guidance
@@astrea79 what should she call who? If the mother wants it maintain a relationship with her child, then she respects the grown adult’s stated boundaries. Either the mother now has a daughter named Rachel that she will become acquainted with or she has one less child.
@@trexxy9628 she will always have a child. a male child. a child with XY chromosomes. never will he ever be female. it's his illusion he wants her to believe in.
There are parents who are not guilty of "not seeing" and there are children who grow up into toxic people and see transition as another way to rebel. There are children who struggle with identity throughout and there are people who, as adults, choose this transition out of dysfunctional motives.
You don't have to agree with it. I say stick around and continue to be a positive and loving influence. I have found that a lot of LGBTQ people get involved in unsafe and unhealthy activities because they are rejected by family. If you have no family, you have nothing to loose. Stick by your child. Make sure they always have a safe space to turn back too when they need it.
"He's super smart, he can tell you just about any line in the Narnia series." My autism alarm is going off
The problem is, parents often think their kids are smarter than they are. He might have also picked a major that seemed good until he got into it.
And trains. He lovessssss em trains !
I think you know what she meant. She's obviously just positively bragging on her son's abilities to remember things. It wasn't meant to offend your brain.
@@KManwarren lol who's offended?
@@InnocuousRemark good
"I love you and youre my kid and we're just going to hug for awhile" I got a little teary when dr john said that. dang he's so good.
Yes at any age!
Same here ❤️
@@SaystheTruth3rr😅
"don't overcomplicate things" basically. He followed up with that exact line. Good advice. The strongest communication isn't just with words.
Except for the part where he says to honor a delusion. This is as bad as giving an obese person a 2 liter soda. This kid needs help. He needs people to be honest with him.
John, I'm a family doctor in the USAF. I have learned a ton from listening to you on how to objectively approach patients, and help with motivational interviewing. You are an awesome example, and I appreciate all you do. Thanks for crushing it!
I’m learning so much as well. John is just brilliant
Thank you for your service, not just in the AF but also in service to the general population as a medical professional.
“Good communication is a choice “ Dr. John you are good 💖
John is so empathetic and I’m grateful to the caller for just wanting to love her child. This is the way it should be, always.
If this mother wanted to love her child, none of this would be an issue for her. Your child’s identity isn’t a reflection of your “values”. It’s objectifying af to even view people through that lens.
@@meggie11102 i don't entirely blame the mother either and im LGBT myself. Religion can do some brain washing, I wouldn't consider religious parents to be cognitively at fault for anything that has been programmed into their minds by priests and preachers.
I am the grandmother of a transgender young man. This was a very long process for my grandson and from day one, his four aunts, his father, his grandfather, and close friends were by his side. By his side, showering him with love and support. I am so proud of my grandson for being so brave for being and thankful for my family for showing what unconditional love should look like.
"You're my kid and I love you and we're going to hug for a while"❤ Thank you, Dr. John.
@sleepyzoomerdo you wanna know the cure to gender dysmorphia? Its called transitioning lmao. Use your brain
I just cried! Thank you for supporting the whole process. Everyone is special
georginwood YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT THE CHILD COUNSELING. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT THE CHILD TO ACCEPT THE WAY GOD MADE THE CHILD.
My cousin is an extremely happy, well-adjusted woman who tried for decades to be a content man, as her biological dna is xy.
I don’t understand it - at all - but I don’t need to. She is happy now. That is all I need to know.
Your cousin is a HE!
He *says* he's happy now, because his identity is completely bound up with *believing* that he's happier now.
But his happiness is entirely dependent on believing a lie. There's a cost that comes with that.
What is a woman?
yeah he's a guy
@@berenonehand I mean, an atheist could say that about any devoted Christian.
we had a long time friend who came out as Trans staying with us last week and it's amazing what a non issue all of this is when you're just talking with someone face to face. Much like politics and religion, media profits from dividing us and making people think that anyone who believes or lives differently than us is a problem. When you're just talking to another human kindly in person, all this hateful noise melts away. Just respect people and whatever path they choose to pursue happiness. It's really that simple
until your children get reprimanded at school for calling another child the wrong pronoun. Then what?
@@ayakaaaaaa did that happen to you or did you hear about it on Fox?
@@Curtis3604 what? it's way past Fox news. just look at school curriculums in liberal states. children can now get in trouble for not following these new identity crisis words of their peers and teachers.
I hope that you realize that this transitioning craze is extremely hurtful to children.
Even jf the path is destructive @APB.... You would allow the person to explore the delusion and indulge in it... You are probably the type of person who is afraid to tell the truth and hides behind political correctness..... Utter foolishness
How do people raise children that they don't talk to? That is so messed up.
@@saddeeds What does your response have to do with the fact that people should talk to their kids?
Some parents are just not capable and expecting more of them is like waiting for a ship that'll never come in.
Amen at almost 42....no truer words
@@saddeedsnice virtue signalling.
I mean... some parents just never loved their children as anything more than dolls 🎎 to just do whatever they want without their own will, in the first place. 🤷
This was so nice 😭. Just starting with "I love you, I will always love you, you're my kid always first and foremost".
Massive respect to John for cutting through the noise. It's very easy to get wrapped up in the guilt, so much so that although the admission and reflection might feel cathartic, it can create further distance and prevent you from 'seeing' and 'connecting'. You have today, there is no better time to start.
Very intelligent comment 🙏🏾✨👏🏽🌷
I know this video is old, but I came to the comment section full expecting there to be hate. And it brought tears to my eyes to see all the love. My daughter is transgender and this gives me SO SO much hope for her!! Thank you all for being so amazing!!
@First-bt6rq it’s funny how you don’t even know my kid but try and diagnose them! My child IS transgender! And started showing signs when she was 18 months old! We “tough loved” her for 8 straight years and the led her go ALMOST taking her life! We had her generically tested and she has a genetic abnormality which causes gender dysohoria! Yes! My child IS TRANSGENDER! And no, she is not confused!
@@kelseyhaag6427 Gender is not a "diagnosis." It's a the most plain and obvious thing that manages to occupy a popular debate in society. It's stunning in part because it's so obvious, but also because of this desperate attempt to make that plain observation a source of bigotry.
Right below your comment was someone calling this guy autistic for knowing every line of the Narnia series 😂 I just thought that was funny
@@jasminehouston-burns1691 what’s interesting is That this is YOUR opinion! You will never understand what you don’t know!
@@kelseyhaag6427 Gender is not an opinion.
This is one of my favorite episodes. I love your advice here. It almost brought tears to my eyes. I make it a point to tell my children how much I love them and how fortunate I am to be their mother.
It’s not hard call her by what she says she wants to be called. The reason theirs elevated risk is because parents don’t even try and understand why they are doing what they are doing.
The absolute best response I have ever heard to this situation. ❤️
I always told my children at a young age, that no matter who you choose to walk through in life with that I will love you no matter what. I love this mom's understanding of her child.
I love that you’re supportive of genital mutilation and lifelong confusion and depression for your kids
@@pdxshadow9819It sounds like the OP is referring to sexual orientation.
Demonic influence is unimaginably strong, particularly in the west. So many have been pumped full of chemicals, destroying their biochemistry and causing horrible confusion throughout their life. This poor woman's son is going through severe mental illness. And those that claim to help the most (healthcare professionals) are completely brainwashed and inept at actually helping.
dum dum alert
@@wnm8888 same delusion
I like how he approached this. Instead of inserting his personal views like many of us would. He broke it down that she needs to have an open conversation with her son and then decide if they will continue a relationship with him or decide not to.
Really difficult stuff to go through. I cannot imagine.
Only difficult if you're Christian, I guess...
So, if you're atheist, this is really easy? I would care to wager there are atheists who want grandkids to continue to propagate their selfish gene.
Seems like he did insert his personal views what if that lady can't eat if she just takes off from work or loses her job? He days it's a convenience issues when it could be more.
@@nicolab2075 you be surprise how many non chirstians don't support transgender
@@elizabetha8565 I felt he just meant it was a question of priorities. I think he suspected she was scared of the conversation (in fact he did say that later, and she agreed)
I’m not gonna lie, after seeing a bunch of your other videos and absolutely loving everything about you, I was terrified to hear you talk about trans people. I know you’re a Christian, and I was fully preparing myself to hear my new hero say some really disappointing, possibly even heartbreaking things about the people I love. I should’ve known you wouldn’t let me down. ❤
Same here! I grew up Christian but no longer attend/believe but I find his advice really comforting and a reminder of positive folks I miss in my life. I'm glad he has such a real and honest POV and practice advice.
He does not let his religion. Interfere with his job and helping people. I admire that. It's why i listen to him
i was in the same exaaaaact same boat 😭😭 im insanely grateful
@@songriver1232I wish more people were like him. Putting personal beliefs aside to help
Same here!!! I was so so scared that I would have to unsubscribe to yet another person I admire! Thankfully he showed up for the Trans community. As an ex-Christian I really respect his ability to put love above all else rather than rules and indoctrinations
I'll be real, if you draw the line at calling your child by the name they asked to be called you'll never be close to your child. I can tell her to tone it won't go well. You're entitled to your views but your child is also entitled to hold you at arms length. If you want a better relationship you'll have to at least compromise on pronouns/name but if you decide not to be prepared to forfeit your relationship with them. It's absolutely your decision
Right. As soon as she said I don't have an agenda I was like.... yes you do. Lol
Exactly. Goodbye. I'll remember you as you were. Don't call me, it will just hurt more.
I'm not compromising with a kid I take care of. I'm the adult, so I make the decisions. Stop walking around on eggshells around yall kids. That's insane.
@@TheJamekabrown the "kid" here is a grown adult. And also with that attitude, the lack of respect for other people, I doubt you modeled good respectful behavior or setting healthy boundaries.
@@TheJamekabrown The issue is thats its shown that accepting them decreases rates of suicide. If drawing this line is possibly worth your child's life I find that quite sad.
I think what a lot of parents do is insert their values above their actual child.
They want their children to be exactly like them and if not, they get upset. Which is almost narcissistic. So, I love the way John put this. Be there for your child. That’s your baby. “This is where I’m at, do you love me?” And you should answer to your child, “yes. No matter what, I will love you”. And there should be no “but..I’m worried, but I’m..” this or that. You should say, “I love you no matter what and I’m here for you.”
Wrong. It is not because parents want their children to be just like them. They have their own talents but as a parent I would NOT ever feed a child's delustions that he is a she when he is not and never will be. That is CRUEL to PRETEND that he's a female. The facts do not care about his feelings. That doesn't mean you don't love him it means that you LOVE him enough as to NOT pretend. It's wrong and beyond "CRUEL".
@@Jaisee14 how is it cruel if it makes her happier to be called a her? How is it cruel if she is happier “pretending” to be a woman? How does simply not being a man hurt her? Is this “delusion” causing anyone else pain? How does you calling someone what they prefer hurt you? Please, explain this to me.
@@thetruebadevil you don't automatically accept everything because you love them. If their child abusers... spouse abusers.... adultrious... addicts... ect
@@Jaisee14 How is the original comment "wrong"? Your reply is literally demonstrating the exact point of the OP.
Having a child is to risk having a child you’re disappointed with. You just have to ask yourself what type of disappointments you’re willing to handle and support… being identity confused/conflicted is different than being an addict which is different than being a murderer… all of those test our bonds as family.
Her daughter sensed she was going to be rejected. That’s why she chose to not open up to her parents when she realised she was trans.
its confusion being trans isn't real it has a lot to do with society and the media, and or truama.
@@DojoofGain Sure, some may be due to those things, however those cases generally are ones that are short term. The reason that it is becoming accepted in society is because it is shown that accepting them decreases suicide as well as increasing happiness. Especially considering for anything permanent or even temporary you need to go through years of therapy before you get there. Lastly, being trans is a very real thing that is backed by every single pediatric and psychological board. So maybe change hurts your brain, but when all of the scientists who study this disagree with you and have evidence to back it up, you might want to rethink what youre saying.
@@pancakes_35the data on reducing suicidal ideation is extremely flawed and has been refuted. I would be very careful when believing everything you hear on the health of cross sex hormones and surgeries. There is actually very very little information on what this does long term and it is not widely accepted by psychological and medical organizations in many nation. The United States and Canada have moved far too swiftly on these matters. It is actually dangerous to those who are suffering.
@@rachelr9352 didn’t mentioned surgeries or hormones. This is mainly in the example of accepting therapy and family acceptance. This usually comes along with letting them dress how they want. Everything else may be slightly more complicated and needs research, but the vast majority of people who say they don’t want surgeries or hormones simply don’t want to accept them at all. The arguments against that just allow them to object to everything without sounding like a terrible person.
They don't have a daughter. They didn't conceive and she didn't carry a girl to term: she gave birth to their son who's since developed such a warped relation to his own body and to reality as such that he thinks he can turn himself into a woman, a daughter.
I have a trans son, and there is definitely a grieving period. But it's grieving for the life I had envisioned for him. I'd much prefer to grieve that would-be life, than grieve the literal death of my child.
Get over yourself, mom. She's still the same person.
He’s a man. Always will be.
The deep love you have for your child is so beautiful
People try to stop their loved ones from going down this road because there is a very high suicide rate, and it's downright disgraceful to be a transgender person.
It is being promoted so heavily by Hollywood, the media, and school teachers... All havens for degeneres to operate in.
Young people do anything for attention and this is a really screwed up, unhealthy way of getting attention.
When you become a parent, the most important thing in the world is your child. They are more important than your values.
F'ing duh
Not true. Values vs children are not a comparison or ranked affair. Values are a person's core and guiding principle in life. If you child is about to wreck havoc on all sorts of people, you can love the child, but Values inform you to stop the child before harm is done and not let the child just be happy because some how serial killing makes him happy.
Funny thing is that if a child has the disorder where he or she doesn't identify with a limb and will be demands amputation, we won't be arguing that limbs should be amputated because you should allow it since your child is the most important over principles of reality.
I also watched a video about the guy that identifies as a reptile, so if that's one's child we should accept a human identifying as a reptile and allow that person to butcher themselves and add all sorts of monstrous attachments to their bodies because that is love or child above Values or reality?
I don't know about that, it just looks like people have too much first world problems and maybe need a massive reality check.
@@STak-ju7gx Obviously there are limits, but as long as they aren’t harming anybody, I think you should love the child that you decided to conceive even if they don’t follow your values and plan for them. Being LGBT-whatever, which is what we are talking about here, is very different than being a serial killer or a reptile.
@Johnny-ci8mw being a reptile is pretty much similar. It's still personality/ Identity confusion .
You make the mistake of also thinking that to love is only kumbaya and feel good feelings. Because even in your characterization, it's as if once a kid doesn't fit your values or expectations. If you have any other opinion, or don't bow down to them and forget your entire self and values, then you hate them or something. I cannot even imagine hating or not loving my kid who turns out to be a serial killer, but my values will insists that whatever is wrong is wrong and hopefully the child gets it and of course harm to others means serious by all means intervention.
Another point is that, there is this idea that the only valid basis for values or disagreements on issues, is harm to others, which is not exactly correct. If I follow your logic, I'll sing kumbaya and provide zero concern or counseling because a child wants a horn transplant since they identify as a unicorn, or the reptile guy, or the growing community of people who identify as dogs, or they can identify as a drug addict and I'll just accept that. What about if what makes the child happy is to lock themselves up all day in their rooms playing video games and doing nothing else? Love means accept with no questions or concerns or alternate opinions? Shall I also allow my skinny child or even chubby one to starve themselves because they identify as fat regardless of the reality in the mirror? That's love? Shoukd my child also be able to identify as a prostitute and i should dunb all reality and values and say nothing else i hate the child? To abandon values and reality, to accept any and all things unless not harming anyone else? That's what love is now?
So realize that I know an adult is going to make their decision, I also have enough brain capacity to respectfully disagree and present my concerns and beliefs without ceasing to love. Because it's funny what this idea of equating disagreement or different values as not loving the person.
@@STak-ju7gx I would hope you would love and support your child if they had eating disorders or drug addiction. And no being a reptile isn’t LGBT.
A love of a parent should be unconditional.
I would never care if my child was trans, gay, straight or any of those things.
They are my beautiful child who I selfishly brought in this world.
Loving your kid unconditionally doesn't mean you accept their mental illness as normal and healthy for them.
You people who don't have trans/gay kids are ALWAYS patting yourselves on the back and lecturing the parents of these kids about how great YOU'D BE at IF ONLY it happened to you....
It's disgraceful watching you patting yourself on the back. You're just swell, why don't you get yourself a big medal to pin it on your chest to let everyone know how wonderful you are!
Typical CLUELESS white middle aged American--Always has an opinion about situations they know NOTHING about and always can do it better than anyone else.
Being delusional hurts your child.
Its no longer considered a mental illness. Ur born in the wrong body. The same way a child can be born missing a leg. @@sullivanbiddle9979
@@victorygarden556pushing your child away hurts your child, it’s so funny seeing people like you comment this.
I feel like one thing this mom needs to hear is that her child is now an ADULT. At this point, no matter WHAT she's doing with her life, it's not something for the parents to try to approve of or try to punish. They need to accept that they've done their best in raising her to communicate their values, and the question now becomes "How are we going to relate to an adult we love who doesn't share our values?" Well, how did Jesus treat the prostitute and tax collector? I'm not implying this is not a really hard and deeply emotional thing to go through for these parents....more that they don't have to struggle with the conflict of feeling like they're "violating their beliefs" by treating another adult human being with love and compassion. You can have your own beliefs and also love and support someone who doesn't share those beliefs.
This episode has me crying because I suspect a similar conversation must be had with a friend's child. I suggested he get on an airplane and just go tell her he loves her while she's trying to figure this thing out. The posted pictures make it obvious to me that she is on the LGBTQ continuum, but he can't see it. Currently they text once or twice a year. 😢
Thank you for educating the public that relationships with our children are more important than our mindsets and moral ideals. God bless you and your family as you use this program to teach us how to be kind when engaging with those who have challenges we’ve never encountered. This subject has recently become part of our family dynamic and I am so thankful that my love and acknowledgment of the pain our grandchild has endured for half of his young life were priority over my pain in learning of his life decisions. I am thankful that our family embraces love and grace before ridicule and fear that could cause us to create a barrier between us and our suffering loved one. Our whole family is transitioning in our beliefs and acceptance of others’ life choices as we move forward accepting the new person our grandchild is becoming. Much love to you, your family and your listeners from a loving, grieving grandmother
I appreciate how he slowly got her there. He was very gentle.
she seems more concerned about her son being trans than she does about him being obviously going through something very serious and hurting.
The two are inextricable.
There's no difference
@@coldfate1”are you okay” vs “please don’t be trans”
And that is what I wonder about.
If it is so painful, how can one be so sure it is the right choice?
Seems like if it was a good fit, it would spark joy? If you are doing what fits you, you don't care what others say.
@@markthefilmmaker2613
Well if he's trans he's going to likely commit sewer slide. So ideally you'd get your son help before he realizes he's just autistic and got manipulated
Not everyone knows this, but when someone you know transitions to the opposite gender, it's a process for everyone. To the person transitioning, it's becoming their authentic self, but to everyone else, it could be perceived as the death of someone they have known and grown up with. It's not right to compromise your beliefs and shut each other off just to be "right." It is, instead, being happy and content with each other while asserting each others' beliefs and convictions, though not infringing on one another's beliefs and convictions.
You’re born authentic, you don’t transition into it
@@indigo500robberI'm well aware our transitions don't make sense to outside people. We're not asking you to go through the mental gymnastics of fully understanding our feelings. That itself is a PhD worthy topic. We only ask that you do what this mom did: love and accept your loved ones for who they are, not for who you wish they were or who you think they ought to be.
It doesn't take a doctor to understand why someone wants to transition but it does take a doctor to heal that state of mind. However, as long as it's an adult transitioning I have no objections! @@jovazquez6102
@jovazquez6102 you don’t need a PHD to understand why someone wants to be trans lol… you do most likely need a PhD to heal the trauma which causes people to transition in adulthood (most kids grow out of it) . As long as you are an adult however, I don’t care how you cope with your trauma as long as it doesn’t harm others & you are respectful of women’s spaces.
Do you have any statistics on most children growing out of it? I cant even find any meaningful detransition rates above a few percentage points, with the vast majority of detransitioning occurring due to social pressure. It does definitely happen that some children believe themselves to be trans and change their mind, but its such a small percentage of people. The rates of detransitioning are higher in terms of those who only socially and didnt medically transition(still very rare, just less so than those who medically transition), but in terms of people who medically transition the detransition rate is very low.@@indigo500robber
The Mom dropped the ball and she now realizes and ways to reconnect with her children. At least she wants to do better now but will have to do the work. Good luck to her!
it’s not easy at all when the person you raised dies. when you want to ‘change’ your “gender”, change your name, change your behavior… it’s hard as hell to cope with as a parent.
“well she dropped the ball! now she needs to fix it good luck!” it’s not that simple. it’s a grieving experience for the parent and I’m sick of people acting like your adult child choosing to pretend to be the opposite sex is silly and simple
It's not a grieving process for all parents you know.
It was a great time for me to see my kid shed the depression and start flourishing and being their real self.
It also wasn't a real change, they stayed the same person, just became more confident and happier.
You need to have empathy
@@ihateallyallthe problem is not the kid being trans.... it's parents like you being totally unsupportive.
Are you a damn parent???? Where did she drop the ball, its never too late and she obviously loves her kid. There is no ball to drop, she's human too. What is wrong with you people
Thank you John for not making this political. As a hard-core conservative I can listen and not feel preached at. Just informed.
Yeah ultimately this shouldn't even be a political issue. Just like the earth being a globe isn't political. The science, the studies, all of it is clear on gender dysphoria. Its not some new idea either. Trans people have been around since ancient times. Understanding them and accepting them is no different than understanding and accepting any other person.
@@commiecomrade2644yeah, yet politicians want to legislate rights away.
@@commiecomrade2644 I gotta say... I don't think anyone wanted this to turn into a political issue, _except the young progressive American left_. Nobody wanted to empower people to self-diagnose, invent new identities and ignore the medical reality of gender dysphoria, except the American left. Nobody wanted to label discussions about it "hate speech", except the American left. Nobody wanted to muddle trans-identity with an additional 75 genders, except the American left.
There are human rights that need to be secured for all LGBTQ+ individuals, but that's clearly not at the core of the dogmatic critical-gender-and-race-ideology in the US.
how old are you? I'm old enough to remember many republican law-makers speaking out against gay marriage. Let alone trans people. @@NorthernRealmJackal
Hate ur comment
I guess I just don't understand why this is so difficult for some parents. If the worst thing I could say about my child was that they're transgender, I'd feel like the most blessed parent in the world. lol
They equate it to sin/being gay/ etc. Conservative christianity is very hostile to trans people
Maybe embarrassed
same, my mom breaks down like this and i don’t understand it either.
Kuddos to Leslie! I can only imagine what a challenging situation this must be for her. I'm gay, and I'm in my mid-50s. I can out as gay at 25. I do not understand "transgendered or transitioning individuals." I've met a few transgendered people. I'm respectful, kind, and thoughtful, but I can't fathom desiring to become a different gender. I don't get it, but then again, I don't have to get it. I just need to accept it. Everyone has the right to be comfortable in their own skin. Leslie, you are a strong and loving parent. Your son will see that some day. Thank you for your story. 😊
Please if u desire to be respectful and kind to trans people, u can start by using correct pronouns and terminology. “Transgendered” is not a word and considered offensive, also she made it clear her pronouns are she/her and she is their daughter.
@@kathyhallock2163 🤮🤮🤮
@trapper4265 thank you for saying this. I do believe we need to be respectful to all. I am a mom of a son who just announced he is a girl. He is 30 and we all thought he was gay. We were way off. I wish he were gay. He is still my child and love him.
@@kathyhallock2163wow!
Dont encourage his self destructive behavior. He is a 30 year old man. Not a girl, not a woman. And i mean this in the nicest way, if you feed into this with positivity and he ever desires to detransition (which huge numbers do but that is covered up by the community) it will be harder to do so because of the sunk cost fallacy (i.e 'now what will what will my family think after I've put them through this acceptance journey. I best stay this way, etc.) Love him as your child and as his mother, but it's best to show an indifference to the 'identity,' as this will make it easier to come out of the cult. Act as if it makes no difference to you either way. Reacting both negativity or positively can push a person deeper into the ideology through rebellion or percieved social gains. This ideology preys on vulnerable gays, lesbians, and neurodivergent people (coming from someone who has a degree in soc&psy i have studied gender ideology at length and have personal experience with people who have transed and detransed). In all likelihood he probably is just gay and doesnt want to live as a gay man for whatever reason, likely internalized homophobia from society he may not even realize himself. Do not encourage medical transition either because that is a train hard stopped once aboard and full of complications..worst one being death. Best of luck to you and your family going through this. @@lisahall1899
I appreciate this mom trying to learn and understand her own thought process for the sake of loving her child.
I was afraid she was not going to be open minded but she was .. Hope this call helps other parents out there
She needs to run away as fast as possible from the freak her son has become.
was so worried that john would give a hateful answer, but this is very solid. i would also say that this kid is going to be facing a lot of oppression and potentially violence and that’s going to be so so painful for her. she will need support through that. also, don’t think of it as losing a son. that grief is okay for a while, but eventually you will have to celebrate the fact that you have a daughter now. in fact she has always been there. celebrate that, embrace that, and go have a mother-daughter brunch. take her to buy dresses and give her advice. do all the things you didn’t do because you both thought you had a son.
He never gave a hateful answer before.. why would you think that?
@@marial3609 personally never been the biggest ramsey fan. that put me off a bit. but john seems pretty nice. also, being trans, you're kinda always on high alert with the current climate out there
Your new book just arrived and I can’t wait to dive in! Very heavy and hard topic being discussed. You handled this with care and professionalism as always.
What is the book about ?
This episode made me emotional. I'm pan, my brother is bi and two more brothers are trans and we have cut off a lot of relatives because they chose their values over our relationship. Coming out is a hard thing to do and I really appreciate him acknowledging that
The boomers watching this sadly don’t care that we exist
What at the odds!? Sounds like the whole family was groomed into troon nonsense.
Jesus Christ the sobs, lady can u respect that u didn’t have the emotional delicacy to know who she was to begin with, she was always like this and couldn’t tell her mom because she would’ve rejected who she was
I’m in the exact situation. This video was exactly what I needed. Thank you.
Hello! How are you doing now?
I hope it’s gone well.
@@beatrizojeda9733 I'm fine. My kid is still them. They've always been different. It only becomes horrible if they get involved with the Marxist aspects of the LGBTQ separatist movement.
Me too
John is only partially correct here sadly. You need to love your child but act indifferent to the 'identity.' This is what will avoid pushing them deeper into the cult ideology and allow them freedom to leave if they ever chose to do so. Encouraging or reacting negatively can both push one deeper into it.
The grief is fine and justified but eventually she's going to have to understand this issue inside and out to have an educated opinion on the matter, which will then formulate her values around it. Because it's unwise to have beliefs and values on something that arent founded on a place of understanding first.
Btw John this was the best call I've ever heard you handle. Tremendous job!
Values are only yours and nobody else’s. You cannot force others to conform because they have the right to abandon the relationship as much as you have the right to hold on to your values. Having values is not about bringing them up constantly to judge and constrict others, it’s about you living according to them. If you cannot live without telling others how to conduct themselves constantly, you’re not fit to build and maintain relationships and community.
My SO has a friend whose child (teenager) wanted to transition. The parents wrote a letter to all of their relatives (many of them in the Bible Belt). Simply saying the new name, the new pronoun and that’s the way it is. No arguments, no condemning. The child got accepted at an out of town prestigious school, is doing well and has won some awards.
That child should be in psycotherapy. It sounds like the parents could use therapy as well. People who believe they are the opposite sex are suffering from a mental disorder. Mainstreaming mental illness at the expense of our children is simply wrong. No arguments, no condemning
Well since I’ve never experienced anything close to that experience, I don’t feel I can condemn. I don’t understand therapy nor does anyone in my family, but we do know that other people do.
Good for them. I hope and trust they’d have just as much solidarity, too, should their teen ever roll back their decision!
I started my own transition as an adult, and took a similar approach with my Bible Belt/Southern Baptist missionary extended family: “hey all, here’s some neutral news about me.”
I also made sure they all knew that it was ok with me if they internally/personally did not agree with my decision to transition - that I didn’t think they were a bad person, and felt secure enough in my decision to agree to disagree.
I told them they didn’t have to call me their nephew, but that logistically it’d be confusing to other people at this point to call a bearded, deep voiced dude their niece lol.
I was so nervous about telling them all, and was sooo so heartened and heartwarmed by their responses. Most of them seamlessly picked up with “my nephew, Danny..” 💖
@@cl5193agreed. trans people aren’t even trans because it means to become something else, but you’re not. you’re just like stuck in between what you are and what you want to be.
mutilating the body to match the brain is one of the most sick treatments doctors have come up with, and the only reason gender dysphoria is being treated that way is due to money for big pharma.
a trans person wants hormones, for years upon years. they want surgeries that will likely come with lifelong issues. they want to change their voices, remove bones, get cosmetic surgeries, fake breast, removing their penises, balls, uteruses, breasts…. they also are usually depressed and have other mental issues so they need extra therapy.
so, hormones, surgeries, complications from surgeries, plastic surgeries, therapy, for life? or, some meds and psychotherapy that will take some years?
you could see which “treatment” would bring in more revenue, and sadly they chose mutilation over actual treatment due to corporate greed.
mutilating the body to match the brain in this way… anyone who believes it’s the right treatment, is insane and has way too much truest in big pharma. I hope people wake up before more people are mutilated.
@@cl5193lol it isn’t a mental disorder and even if it was, it doesn’t harm anyone and thus doesn’t need to be treated. And there is NO treatment for transgender people. It is impossible for someone who is trans to just not be trans anymore through any form of therapy. You are living in a fantasy land. Just show people respect, even if they are different from you
Thank you for being unbiased with this. At the end of the day, all that people want is love. A person coming out to their parents is revealing their true self so that they can be loved for who they really are. No matter how someone identifies, they are still your child, and it is still your responsibility as a parent to be there for them. Transgender people are already hurting from how harshly society treats them, and often also from internal struggles over how parents (or loved ones in general) will react. Please, anyone who is facing something like this, just love your child. No matter what.
I just wish we'd stop repeating this "true self" nonsense. If your "real" identity is something you need to deny your own biological sex for, the Nature-given reality of all mammals including ourselves, and need to undergo extensive hormonal and surgical interventions to achieve the appearance of, referring to the end result of that series of interventions as a "true" or authentic self is the height of either confusion or cynicism.
Simple answer:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV) "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
I agree with the message, but I can’t help knowing that there are individual Bible verses that can be used to make pretty much any point. I think it’s best to use logic and sense to decide what actions to take.
@@andrebyman8744 - I'm an atheist and I still believe there is wisdom in the bible.
This woman seems to be struggling with a "moral" objection to her child's decision. Maybe she just needs to know that the bible endorses choosing love.
It doesn't rejoice in wrongdoing. It rejoices in truth. That means we promote morality and truth, with a capital T.
@@DanielCurrier - Love is truth. Isn't that what the bible teaches?
@@primabellas6856 it teaches Love rejoices in Truth. It doesn't rejoice in delusion and lies
This one made me emotional. My mom always kind of stonewalled my siblings and I. She has said to us plainly that she doesnt want to know about our lives.... She just wants everything to be perfect and hunky dory and its killing all of us ... She soesnt want to parent us anymore. But she never wanted to.
Someone please explain to me what “value” is she having to give up? Is it, “we don’t Believe in trans gender? I thought values were thing like honesty, integrity, fidelity.
Yep, exactly. It's a joke. It's literally saying "I don't believe transgender people exist" when your own child is one. Bending over backwards to justify her own internalized bigotry.
Right? As someone not native to the US that’s always jarring to me. It seems like a really unreflected way to get out of thinking through what one’s actual problem with something is. To say your “values”are being compromised in this situation seems like a blatant misuse of the word, it’s a cliched euphemism you’re just repeating.
Go into this with complete acceptance, and keep your family💕
Thank you John 🫶🏼🙏excellent work. I appreciate your excellent support for this topic.
"You are the parent. Good communication starts with you." Damn... As a mom of young ones and a daughter with an unhealthy and passive relationship with my own (self-centred) mother.. that boosts up my determination to do well and makes me feel better about my poor relationship with my parents and family, like it wasn't all my fault.
I don't think it has to be a choice between your values or your relationship with your children. You can still hold to your values and reach out to your children, expressing your love for them and your desire to build stronger relationships with them. However, your children may say that you don't love them or care about them if you don't approve of their lifestyles, and they may choose to cut you off. So, while you can simultaneously hold to your values and pursue relationships with your kids, your kids can choose to cut you off if they insist that you give up your values to be in relationship with them. This doesn't just apply to transitioning, but to any choices children make that disappoint their parents.
That's not how it's going to go though. If you decide to not meet your ADULT child's boundaries, they won't have a relationship with you. You can pursue a relationship all you want, but if you don't accept them for who they are, you will not have a relationship with them. Like John said, very simply, no hidden meaning, you need to choose between your values that you have once established for yourself, or your child. That's it. If you decide to hold strong, it's one or the other. There is no in between with love. It's all in or all out.
Boundaries are not for just one person in a relationship. Both people have boundaries. What John suggested - that the parents have to discard their boundaries and obey their sons boundaries - is not a relationship and is not boundaries. It's control.
Respect has to be a two way street. Because if it's not, it again is control and is not respect or a relationship.
@@FerociousPancake888that's... What OP said...
I'm sorry, but you can't simultaneously claim to love someone while at the same time rejecting who that person says they are. If your kid comes to you and says "mom, I know in my heart that I'm a girl and you need to accept me as a girl" and you say "sorry, can't do that" that's incompatible with love. Love REQUIRES giving the other person the space and freedom to define themselves as they choose and respecting and accepting their identity whole heartedly. You don't have to accept everything your kid chooses to do with their lives but in order to live your kid you do have to accept their chosen identity
Science fiction is not real. And neither is any other kind of fiction.
It’s simple. You just love them or you let them go.
It's not simple at all. You may love them and still have to let them go.
@@vaska1999you’re disabled
Or she could love her daughter?
my heart is breaking for this woman's daughter and for all the transgender kids with parents like this or like some of the bigoted people in these comments. nobody wants to have bad relationship with their parents. nobody wishes for that. stop forcing your values onto your adult children. either change your values or double down on the relationship with your child. disrespecting and misgendering is not going to take you anywhere. the pain you feel for "losing a son" is only a fraction of what she felt coming to terms with herself. i'm sending all of my love and support to the transgender community 🩵🩷🤍
Groomer.
@@GamerNRetroyou're a disgusting ped0
Comment section confirms that “There is no hate like Christian Love”
I just followed this channel today and I think it is great. Very interesting and valuable.
Beautiful Jon. Thank you
Thank you for also saying she has a right to grieve 💔❤
No point in greiving someone becoming the person they want to be. If anything it should be a cause for celebration.
@lowmax Wrong!
@@lowmax4431 The entire transition process is a series of losses. First, the refusal of biological reality. Then cut off, reconstruct, or cover any presentation that does not fit the mental ideal. It's nothing but loss; for the family members that lose their previous life, or the individual who feels denied their illusion and who chases after the dream they can never attain. There are joys and wins along the path, but the goal is ultimately not achievable. Why deny people their grief? Experiences can be both necessary, full of happiness and grief simultaneously.
Loss is healthy to transition and normal AND it’s fine. Lots of things involve grief including all forms of love
“Things going on” she had to lie to her mom to feel safe, it’s disgusting that she couldn’t be herself, her family are so sad that they couldn’t just respect her
Misgendering her isn't a great way to start. That child needs to feed ol' girl with a long-handled spoon.
agreed
This is such a difficult, delicate topic. Thank you so much for this conversation! It will help so many people out there.
👀
Dear parents, you don’t own your children and they aren’t your pets. They are full humans as you are. I sometimes see this as jealousy more than “confusion” or unfamiliarity. People change all the time. Be grateful that you get an opportunity to meet the truest version of your child.
Actually until they are 18 you quiet literally own them
@@pesce6988 you don’t though. You brought a human into the world and you are responsible for their well being. They are not property.
@@pesce6988 Legal guardianship is different than owning someone. We all understand that owning humans is wrong, which is why we cannot sell them. You have responsibility, not ownership
@@pesce6988 So, I guess you think you can wrap a cord around your child's neck without consequences. Owning someone mean's litterly that they aren't humans in that regard, they aren't effectively living beings, but just objects.
@@josephmath1 wtf does murder have to do with owning your kids meaning you tell them where they can and can't go and are responsible for their wellbeing... lmao
Your child is your child and you should love them regardless of how they dress or what genitals they have. After all is said and done it’s what is in their heart that really matters. 💕
F@ck that. If my boy grows up and suddenly wants to invade girls and women’s spaces, I’m going to have some major issues
I'm also a 26 yo transgender woman an my family Is in the exacto same situation... Just please know your Child Love's you so much
Nah F that BS
Dude
❤
@@cooliipieWow, dude. Chill
As a bisexual woman - I am just so sad that parents would put their kids out of their hearts. Please sit down and talk to them. You can have any belief you want but those kids are gifts given to you for a reason.
Did you even listen to the call?
But this parent did nothing of the sort. It is ok that she admits that her son's transition is against her beliefs. She is trying very hard.
@@TheMariemarie16is she though?
@@TheMariemarie16 yeah I did I heard a woman making herself the victim and refuse to do the bare minimum of calling their child by their new name. She's entitled to her beliefs but her child isn't obligated to be around them. Every LGBTQ person can recognise a parent who is difficult to be around and she is definitely that
@@farhana6913 Well that's your POV and you are entitled to it. IMO a parent shouldn't be shamed or looked down on for wanting to call you whatever they named you. That's their respect as a parent who birthed you and cared for you. They are literally the only ones who deserve to continue to call you whatever they named you.
Also believe it or not, it is nearly impossible for some parents to see you as a new gender because they had you from newborn, and they knew every inch of you and who you are.
If they do not believe in changing gender then it's really impossible for them. This woman is not making herself a victim but she is expressing her feelings and not doing it to her child. You are just being critical because you don't agree with her beliefs.
14:11 bro is always speaking facts i have so much respect for him
I like to imagine that most Christians would accept and love their trans kid even if they didn't necessarily understand or agree with it. This woman sounds like she could and props to her for having the courage to call about this issue. I hope she chooses her daughter.
A few to some Christians. Most will shame their kids or reject them.
@@baristaz8834 How do you know this?
@@mark.daniel most hate/rejection towards the trans community comes from Christians or religious people. That is very obvious, heck I'm queer and my religious family, friends, and church would not accept me if I came out to them talk less of coming out as trans, if I was.
There are supportive parents and Christians out there, but unfortunately, not a lot.
I was raised in a Christian house and my parents would probably never talk to me again if I came out as trans(I’m not). Christians are very prejudiced against trans and gay people without even realizing or maybe they do. I’m thankful I’ve gotten to meet and work with some incredible trans people which has really helped my perspective. I still don’t think it’s the right thing to do but I can look past that and love the person
True Christians are rejected by the world for what they believe. Homosexuals, trans people, etc., reject Christians when Christians refuse to justify sin.
It’s so refreshing to hear a Christian perspective that isn’t hateful and transphobic. Just good practical advice. I have trans and gay friends and it’s so hard for me sometimes as a Christian to reconcile how I feel. But I’ve really done some work to get over my prejudices I was raised with and love them for who they are. And I go out of my way to be kind to them and make sure they know I am a Christ follower because unfortunately not everyone does. Incredible video I enjoyed this!
It's not hateful or "transphobic" to acknowledge objective biological realities. the fact that Jesus loves a man who thinks that he is a woman just as much as he loves you or I does not make that man a woman.
@@sullivanbiddle9979Human beings are much more than just their physical bodies. I would say that the human mind is much more important to our sense of self than our physical characteristics. To me, gender is just not that big of a deal. It’s just one aspect of living in this world. It just doesn’t have to matter so much. People get so hung up on defining other humans and putting them in roles and categories. What’s the point. Let people be what they want to be. Who cares?
@@Michellesvintagelibrary material reality matters
@@sullivanbiddle9979 “material reality” do you believe in god? because you sound like an atheist 😭
Your “child” is an adult. Whatever he chooses to do in his life is only up to him. All you can do is decide what you want to do (love him, ignore him) It’s not rocket science. Yes it sucks for you. Life sucks sometimes.
she*
@@winnytheeangel pronouns are not the issue here.
@@Whatorwellsaid21 they are because you’re here in your comment being transphobic misgendering her. jesus christ is it that hard to just call her rachel and her? i’m confused bozo
@@winnytheeangel he
@@winnytheeangel We are talking about a male. People should not be compelled to utter things they know to be untrue.
He started calling the child ‘her’ and she continued calling the child ‘him’ through the entire episode. This woman made her decision before she even called.
Yeah because a good parent wouldn’t put up with that she’s doing the right thing
@@HawkDonut128 Everything in life is based on perspective. The right thing to you is based on values you had growing up. The right thing to others may differ from your “right thing”. Every villain is a hero in their eyes. I’m glad John opened the door to “it’s up to you, here’s the consequences of each choice”. Loved this episode. Good advice, John.
Her son is delusional. If you play along with the delusion you aren’t helping that person. Just like if a person with anorexia asks you to call them fat you wouldn’t. You would tell them to get help.
@@smcb2202 I’m not saying what I believe is right or wrong, because I’m not the parent, so what I say or think doesn’t matter. *I’m* saying that whatever the caller’s action is- will have a consequence *regardless* of what she chooses to do. My initial comment suggests that she likely chose her decision before she even called based off of her choice of speech. I’m very indifferent. I do not care what you think about the subject, and she shouldn’t care either. She is the sole factor in deciding what she does. Your input on it with your beliefs doesn’t matter.
you obviously care if you wouldn’t have commented. You would have just moved on. I do care. Not just about how this lady responds but how the western world responds. Playing into a delusional world is not a good idea. For our society, for this lady or for her son. I don’t think she should be cruel or unloving but when people need help coming back to reality we need to actually HELP them.
If your values ever cause you to not show the utmost love for your child, maybe it’s okay to compromise on them.
I feel for this mother. I can’t imagine facing this and how I would cope 😢
She has experienced in "counselling" but cant communicate well with her child??? Whatever.
I love the way you answered this, very compassionate to both sides. It can’t be easy for child or parent to have to go through this. I hope this family can build and strengthen their relationship
She's a good mom. I know as time goes on, she'll be there for her child and she's wise to realize how much our expectations effect our children
You keep saying he and him and your son. Why would she want to talk you? You values are your values. You can choose your values but every time you do you hurt your daughter. If you feel like you can live with that then that’s where you’re at
You're a weirdo, I guess you just accept that body dysphoria is normal and everyone should seek medical intervention in order to feel comfortable in their own skin huh? Let people that believe they're supposed to be amputees cut their arms off, let anorexic people starve themselves because they think they're too skinny despite the fact it's unhealthy lol ever heard of de transitioners?!??? Lmao you're a clown
Anyone else cry for the kid every time mom called her child “he/him”?
No because I’m normal.
All I was thinking was that is exactly why the contact is minimal! Obviously normal but the effort to change wasn’t there either
Nope
Nope, because we are normal
If your values interfere with your ability to love your child, your values need to go.
Period. This lady misgendering her daughter since the first second of this interview tells me all I need to know.
@@wesman422misgendering lmao you are insane
@@exnecross3141what else do you call it when a woman is being spoken about as if they were a man
@@owen3628 false equivalence much? We are talking about the make-believe game people play to pretend they are the other gender.
you respond as a parent who loves their child unconditionally would; with love, acceptance, grace and SUPPORT. You put aside your feelings of how you we're taught or what you agree with and you SUPPORT your child. You don't care who your child loves; you just hope they are loved back and you support your child PERIOD! I wish her and other families struggling with this luck. I am an adult woman with an adopted 14 year old sister who identifies as transgender and my mother is NOT supportive in any way, shape or form and I just can't make it make sense in my head why it's such a big deal for a parent to accept their child...it's totally alien to me
No offense but until it happens to you, don't lecture other parents on how easy it all should be, you have NO FREAKEN CLUE.
I've fully embraced my TRANS child and It's of the utmost important to treat them with love, acceptance and dignity. It's hard and challenging, there are tremendous mood swings, gender dysphoria is a painful mental illness. It's NOT EASY, it's easy to love the person but the day in day out of reality - is challenging.
You sound young and overly impressed yourself you're so busy patting yourself on the back you don't realize you sound like an arrogant know it all.
Your sister is at the beginning of her process...14 years old, no offense but you know bupkas. Stay in your lane.
I hope this family is still speaking and in each other's lives.
Before he does something permanent to his body tell him to look up cases of detransitioners. I think he needs to do his research before he decides.
Excellent advice!
Yesssss most transgender people can never orgasm again, let alone the lasting physical effects on their bodies.
That’s not really where this relationship sounds like it is right now. There needs to be a better understanding before corrections or advice can be given.
And also look up transitioners that did not get the results they had hoped for. Because nobody's se* ever really changes. And very few actually pass.
@@tinahochstetler2189This is not true. There are Many “passing” trans people that you likely have Never noticed just existing. Not to mention- surgery results improve by miles every year with advancements in the field.
Why is it hard. He has made a choice, and you just respect who he has decided he wanted to be. Why do people have kids and not commit to relate to them on the deepest level possible, Don 't have kids if you have not come to terms about what that means period, sorry.
I’m so glad I’m not evangelical. My values don’t require me to judge other people to be good with God.
My adult son ,(,ftm) is trans came out over 10 yrs ago so we are all supportive.hes on T now .. I couldn't be happier fur him..at 15 he tried hanging himself In school.. I couldn't imagine any parent not being supportive . Unconditional. He has always lived him me , no religion in our family so ,not an issue. I knew before he did.i was a clinical psyy so i already was clued up
I'm so sorry for you. Please don't indulge her illness any further.
@@exnecross3141 his*
@@exnecross3141you know absolutely nothing, the medical and psychological consensus on transgender people is that transitioning, and support from community, is what lowers their suicide risk
I don't agree with if this mom adheres to her values she's putting her son second. Not a fair spot, they are going through something as well and need love too. Parents don't get to have any grace in this matter. It's sad. It's all about makes the child feel better and justified...that may not be considered love in some ways.
The child is an adult - nearing 30. She knows who she is, just has to deal with the Christian mythology that has screwed up humanity for far too long and be who she really is.
@@chrysiarose wait you're saying the liberal agenda isn't screwing up our younger generation telling boys they are girls and girls they are boys?
I think John gave this mom a lot of grace!
Is gender really a value :P Even jesus in Mathew talks about eunuchs being born that way. Being anti trans is not a christian value!!! It's unbiblical to be anti trans. I'm glad that pope francis is pushing that. There's very little evidence in the Bible of anti queerness. Instead there is an abundance of things that Jesus says about money and capitalism.
yea it’s kinda selfish
I really hope this family succeeds
@autumn asbridge abusive parent, really? It's baby steps you can't force change overnight it takes time. The fact that she acknowledged her mistake and wanting to change is what's important
It should not be hard if you LOVE unconditionally .
This was actually a surprising wholesome conversation. I appreciate the presenter as a cis man helping to bridge the gap between trans people and their families that aren't supportive. It's very hard for us to talk to people that aren't supportive because they often just don't show us any unconditional love. All humans deserve love of some kind regardless of who they are.
john is just a man - stop calling real men and women cis. they didn't change so they don't need a qualifier.
@@megsley huh
@@fourthpanda What @megsley said. Sex is not "assigned" at birth but recognized, acknowledged. We're mammals, you see.
@@vaska1999 Correct... Humans are mammals we we all have sex chromosomes that produce primary and secondary sex characteristics. Gender, is assigned at birth.
@@fourthpanda You're confusing sex with gender. Our sex is no more assigned to us at birth than it is to puppies and foals, leopard cubs and kids.
John handled this like a pro. Thanks GOD he is not a transphobic loser.
I mean if you don’t want to call your kid her or Rachel and they’re saying that this will jeopardize your relationship it looks like you’ve made the decision that your belief system is more important to you then your relationship with said kid.
One of the great things about this country is you are free to create yourself. It's good to live in one of the freest countries on earth.
i keep watching you more and more you make so much sense
Wonderful advice that doesn't get wrapped up in the spokes of the BS culture war. As a parent, your kid is going to grow up and end up going places in life and revealing things about their lives which upset you but which you just no longer have control over. You could be a religious parent who's adult kid comes out as trans or you could be an atheist who's adult kid starts going to church. In those situations you really have two choices: lose your relationship by insisting they conform to the image of them you had in your own head, or accept their life choices and still have a presence in their life (this, of course, changes if there is criminality in their life).
Thank God she still has a living child! So many trans kids suicide early in their lives. Her daughter is still transitioning and figuring things out.
Practice saying “she.” It will be a process.
Be grateful they you still have a child and mourn the loss of your son.
Hopefully, mum can celebrate her daughter one day.
There is no actual evidence that kids delete themselves.
They commit suicide because they are suffering not because they think they are different gender. I bet these children were never listened and changing gender is a cry for help.
Hey parents of children who are questioning their gender: gonna go out on a limb here and say do some research on body dysmorphia. Talk to your kid about what that dysmorphia looks like for them, why are they not happy? Are they not happy because they feel more comfortable dressing/acting in a way that breaks societal norms of the gender they were born with? I think that when a child starts having these feelings it's worth allowing them to express themselves in a way they feel comfortable with, while also finding positive affirmations to build confidence in their body. Teenagers are figuring things out. I'm gonna give a long personal anecdote here and hopefully it kinda makes sense? When I was a teen, I would always say "if I was a guy I'd be gay." I was very tomboyish back then, wanted to be seen as "one of the boys," played video games, and always wanted to do whatever the guys were doing around me since I was a small child. And to be honest, when I had a gay F->M roommate in college, I was like "You can do that?" I was 20 at the time. I feel like if I was in highschool with things were how they are today, I would have thought I was transgender who just so happened to still like men. It made me question for a moment if I was when I met him, but by that point in time, I also started to really appreciate being a woman. I will be more gruff and tough some days, and others I will get my prettiest flowery sundress on and enjoy putting in the effort to look beautiful. I'm not nonbinary, I am just a woman with a bit of a tomboy streak and love being able to express myself, and I'm glad I was born the way I am. So parents, help your children to alleviate the pressures that lifestyle preferences =/= gender. But also be prepared for if their body dysmorphia reaches much deeper, and let them be who they truly are.
Our stories pretty much match right up until you started to appreciate being a woman. I never had that sense of appreciation. People would say over and over that women are brilliant and can do anything that men can do, as if I didn't already know and believe that. Of course women are brilliant - great for them! - I' just not a woman. I transitioned, and I've never been happier. Just to offer the other side of the coin as well!
Man, Dr John is so great.
This mom just seems to make it all about herself. She seems to want to make excuses. Lady, this is your CHILD. Jesus. Do you want your child to be absolutely miserable and hating themselves and their life? The suicide rate is so high amongst trans people. It is not your job to understand, it is YOUR JOB TO LOVE YOUR CHILD. Good Lord.
Any line in the narnia series lol
autism 😅
I think why no one is giving hate is the fact everyone here is whiling to talk and listen even if they don’t agree but still open to have a discussion. As long as the comments don’t get banned by UA-cam lol 😂
But I honestly think if you’re a legal adult and live in this great country you can do what ever you think is best for you. I personally think it’s a mental health issue going on from talking to people who have detrans and other people who were on the autism spectrum who thought they were but just turns out they didn’t have a support system or guidance
“Adult child” is the root of most of our issues. Let them grow up.
True but what would she call her instead?
@@astrea79 what should she call who? If the mother wants it maintain a relationship with her child, then she respects the grown adult’s stated boundaries. Either the mother now has a daughter named Rachel that she will become acquainted with or she has one less child.
@@trexxy9628 she will always have a child. a male child. a child with XY chromosomes. never will he ever be female. it's his illusion he wants her to believe in.
@@ayakaaaaaa ok.
Adult offspring! 😆
There are parents who are not guilty of "not seeing" and there are children who grow up into toxic people and see transition as another way to rebel. There are children who struggle with identity throughout and there are people who, as adults, choose this transition out of dysfunctional motives.
Support her.
Both the mother and the son need support, separately.
Him
@@gtothereal Her.
You don't have to agree with it. I say stick around and continue to be a positive and loving influence. I have found that a lot of LGBTQ people get involved in unsafe and unhealthy activities because they are rejected by family. If you have no family, you have nothing to loose. Stick by your child. Make sure they always have a safe space to turn back too when they need it.
Great point.