Jordan Peterson on Raising His Son
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- Опубліковано 29 сер 2024
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Jordan B Peterson (born June 12, 1962) is a Canadian clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Toronto.
This is part of his 2017 Maps of Meaning Series. The clip talks about how Jordan Peterson raised his son. Full video quoted under fair use: • 2017 Maps of Meaning 0...
You can support Dr. Peterson at his Patreon: / jordanbpeterson
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Jordan Peterson should write a book on raising children
He wrote many books about raising children already... Maps of meaning, 12 Rules for life are just a few. Do you research.
@@altruex true, but there's only sections where he talks about raising correct? He should have a book solely dedicated to helping with raising children.
@@altruex Looking at Wikipedia, those two you mentioned are the ONLY two books he has written. Do your research before you tell other people to do their research?
@@altruex Why are you so rude? Where are you hiding all that resentment?
@@tysongreenan4053 It's there, thats what Peterson talks about everyone lives with some sort of resentment, honestly dont even remember my state of mind when i posted this tbh. But yeah, I was probably having a shitty day. :)
I once sent my three-year-old son to his room to "think about what you did." It was quiet for a couple of minutes, then a stubborn little voice called out, "I'm not thinking about anything but toys!" (You can control my body, but you can't control my mind.)
You're the idiot who sent your child to their room as punishment. You TAKE WAY their toys, moron. That's how it works.
Keith Ode Ironic. You calling him the moron.
How is that ironic? Why don't you go look up 'irony' in a dictionary and then come back and explain how it applies to what I said. I was half joking, by the way, but it is pretty moronic to punish your kid by sending them to their room full of toys, games and pleasure. But thanks to your ad-hominem platitude, we can now clearly see who the moron is.
You don't have children, do you?
Dana Campbell that's amazing :P
Actually I think its great for a child to know that his mind can't be controlled, so it is ironic.
Great guy, everything he says is thought provoking. ''The 2 year old is probably smarter than you, but they're not civilised''. That one made me think.
Sounds deep, doesn't it?
Personally I see newborns as geniuses who can speak all languages, who all are potential Albert Einsteins and Da Vincis, all of them. Then they get to grow with various amounts of luck in what they will keep and what they will be deprived of.
akseli9 I've never thought of it that way before
Young children are literally a clean slate with an overwhelming ability to observe, learn and understand. No teenager or adult can learn at the rate of a child which is why languages can take an adult a long time to learn but no time at all to your baby. Im not sure if he literally meant "smarter" as i believe that relates to the quantity of information retained but they are by far the most brilliant learners.
I actually thought he was not serious when he said that one, but after reading your comment I think that he actually did mean it, which would indeed be quite deep.
"You don't have the willpower of a two year old"
I told my son at age 11 all about pot, and alcohol and drugs. Basically I told him everything I saw in my youth and how stupid and foolish his friends and classmates would act. When he got his college degree he thanked me for the most important thing he ever learned. He said he watched everything I said come true.
They actually act like that anyway and we were smoking those joints in silent enjoyment
About “pot”
Jordan Peterson could use some of your anti drug talk!!!
My five cents: I had similar issues with my son when he was little. Tantrums could get violent and that's dangerous for everyone, but we always reiterated to him that he needed time to settle and that it wasn't a punishment and eventually he would either regain his composure or just exhaust himself into submission in the rare worst-case-scenario situations. Now, he's about to turn ten in a week and he's exceedingly mature for his age and very intelligent and I think a big part of this is that at every opportunity we encouraged his self-agency and inquisitiveness while making the boundaries for what was acceptable behaviour very clear. Parenting doesn't need to be tyrannical imposition of regulations but you do need to be consistent in teaching them appropriate behaviour and boundaries and, most importantly, self-control from an early age. Never let your kids go "free range" because it will end poorly.
Excellent advice. Sounds like you have done a good job in bringing up your child.
Loved it when you said "it wasn't a punishment"
Children sometimes have tantrums because they can’t verbalize well. Especially boys I noticed through the years they why use your words are important when learning how to speak
This guy reminds me of my dad. Both of them are some of my biggest rolemodels.
Berend de Liagre Bohl lol thats a SAD childhood you had sorry to hear.
jordan is a narcissist ... he really thinks he's incredible smart, yet he believes morality comes from god ... meaning; he's in fact extremely stupid
Berend de Liagre Bohl nice thing to say ☺️
Michiel Van Kets listen to him a bit more
Socks in Sandals
I feel like Jordan Peterson is the paternal figure for the modern civilized world
he is like a lifeboat for a sinking ship :)
Yeah. A great influence. A real force for good.
@Pablo Escargot alright Mr Escargot Snail Man, you do you 💅
@Pablo Escargot Show the court where on the doll Dr. Peterson touched you
@Pablo Escargot lol someone needs to take your meth away
When i heard Peterson say "so dont think you're a good person, because you're not" it only solidifies the fact that he really is trying to be a Christian and better himself, I love this man, God bless.
I remember, years ago when I was about 10, I was at a friends house and one of the younger ones, about 2, took a temper tantrum. It was a large family, 7 or 8 kids all quite boisterous. Anyway, the mother just ignored him, so the little guy started holding his breath and he eventually he turned a deep, deep blue. It was quite something. The mother never said a word. She went to the sink, filled a glass with cold water, and threw the water into the kids face. The shock of it caused the kid to spit and sputter amidst the laughter of his siblings and the mother, still not saying a word, went back to what she was doing. The kid sat there wiping his face and sobbing a bit for around 10 minutes and then started playing again and a few minutes latter it was as if nothing had happened.
I'm not making any judgements on what she did or what happened. It's just something I'll always remember.
thanks for sharing! interesting story
Jack Haveman
She brought him back to reality. Very wise!
She a BOSS!
For a mother to have that kind of patience is priceless, fact that she said nothing , bless her 8 kids is not easy
wow that woman could probably lead people into battle of something
Wish he was my dad... sounds like he helped his son gain self control. Wish someone had helped me learn that b4 I became an adult where acting out comes with real world consequences. Great vid!
Miika Kainuharju - Maybe his dad wasn't good enough. Lots of dads aren't.
anal beads are the solution
Abigail Sockeye Forever and always
Idid are you a serial killer now?
Idid did you make it in life?
I knew a priest that once told me that “the path to hell isn’t paved by good intentions, but by permissive parents.” Now that I’m a father, I know that affirming my children and making excuses for their shortcomings isn’t being loving, but lazy. To the contrary, it can easily be the opposite of love. It’s sort of like a nice teacher that gives no work and just gives you A’s, but never preparing you for the standardized tests that will get you into college
drizzle did your priest also fuck you?
angus roe You know that much more kids have been touched by school teachers than priests by a large margin, right? Are you gonna attack schools now?
the goose _ fuck you
@@dislike_button33
Where’s the fun in acknowledging that a child is AT LEAST twice as likely to be molested in a public school than a church?
They are not as concerned/serious about the issue as they pretend to be.
This
Great advice. I can't stand watching parents who allow their kids to control & dominate them.
Yes, agreed. I saw one today in fact. The little mutant (5 or so), was in the shopping cart barking instructions to his parents. Demanding whatever crossed his mind, while the parents complied in hopes of gaining his approval. Yet another criminal in the making.
So what you are saying, is you don't like watching parents today.
C Dub same I see it in my math teacher her son is 9 and she thinks he's an angel but he just controls her with his little finger
really? a criminal in the making? that's a stretch
@@vvdik If they don't respect authority it's not a stretch.
Love the recording here, looks like a netflix production
Netflix would never allow this to be showed to the world
Hinotori I also appreciate how well it tracks him as well as it being a single take
Were it a Nrtflix production, Peterson would ba an overweight TransWoman
Teaching someone to master their emotions at a young age is such a powerful thing. Most people don’t have control over themselves and act very primal and animalistic even as they mature into adults. Kids especially have little fits bc they aren’t civilized yet and are very animalistic in a sense, that’s why they are hyper emotional.
Finding someone who has master their primal and animalistic nature is a strong and rare person. If you teach someone at a young age to control and understand their outbursts and emotions in a healthy way, then you have done parenting right and society a favor.
Imagine being lucky enough to be one of those people in his lecture, it must be so interesting to get his insights on a daily basis
It be cool to have a dad like Jordan Peterson. So wise and such a great role model.
I never had to father growing up...he was apart of my life, but at same time wasn't. Too busy gone most of the day gambling or out with his buddies, and back at night when I was asleep. Having an absent father sucks :/
Jordan Peterson says he works 14 hours a day
Sonia - that may be true, yet it is clearly evident even with his demanding work schedule he manages to be an awesome role model/dad for his children.
Learn from his mistakes and become everything he isnt. My father was like a man child that Jordan describes in other lectures. My father didnt take responsibility with the family finance or anything important. My mum did everything. He was utterly useless. Fun dad but not a good one. He never taught me how to fix anything like a man should and my mom hated him for it. Im trying to be the very opposite of him, so in a way he's taught be valuable lesson by showing me what not to be.
How young was he when he had you?
I had an absent father too. Much older when he married and therefore when children came along. He'd be gone working. Starting early morning and then when he arrived back he'd be too tired for us once dinner was done. I yearned for his love and attention and to emotionally rescue me. But no. He just didn't have a clue I don't think.
I think that regardless of why they're absent it doesn't make a difference as to what effect that has on us. When growing up and then having to deal with own relationships often being disastrous. Certainly was for me. Then we have to learn the hard way. It sucks I know.
After watching JP for quite some time, I found a new appreciation for my parents. I used to think they were such hard asses, but when I think about all dumb things I did when I was younger, and how it affected them, I get upset. They really put up with a lot of shit, thanks for helping me see that JP.
I’m impressed that Jordan’s son stayed on the steps while he tried to calm down
Wow I really liked how he explained calming down after a tantrum as a victory of getting yourself under control. I think this applies equally to adults, when we can properly manage our emotions and act in accordance to or values we should feel good about ourselves.
Watching JP is just fun. He can articulate things in such an enjoyable, easy to understand way.
I have 6 children. .from 4 to 16. I love my children because I have disciplined them. Had they had no home training, had I ignored them and set a selfish example, I would hate them too. The adults hating their children are selfish ignorant individuals who did not master their own self discipline nor are they investing in those little people. The most faithful loving people on this earth is our own children when we set the pattern of giving, sacrificing, thankfulness, and self control.
I was a disagreeable little girl, and my parents did something similar with what Peterson said = ignore and timed-out me. I though it is a mystery how my parents overcame my bad, egoistic behavior and turn me to a proper human without resorting to violence (most of my peers/age cohort in my country usually beaten by sandal or bamboo stick regularly by their parents). Now Peterson explained it, it is sound clear and logic. Totally will do this when I own child in the future.
"own"??
Time outs are actually outdated. The research suggest otherwise. But it’s still better than beating your child up of course.
Rosemary Elmore I was beaten up as a child and of course it doesn’t „work“ the way your abusers hope it will. Using pain and fear against children, might keep them from engaging in what is - by their caretakers - seen as unfavorable behavior, but they will never acknowledge the underlying reason (if there is one) behind it for the unreasonable and sinister thing hat happened to them. The word sin itself originates from the Greek language and doesn’t just translate to: „bad / evil“ but rather to „failure / missed target“. And that’s exactly what violent behavior towards children is: a failed parent. Someone who missed the opportunity to let this child comprehend, reflect and judge the origin, motive and consequences of their own behavior and therefore develop their own moral compass, which is automatically impacted by it‘s environment. Instead you spanked, yelled, isolated or did even worse things to keep the mind from making its own conclusions because a) you have not done any research on brain development b) (therefore) have no trust in your child and c) are too (pre-)occupied with your own discomfort, ideas and suffering.
Rosemary Elmore Where did I accuse you? You said you were spanked and it didn’t „work“ on you. So to my understanding YOU were the one being abused. I wasn’t addressing you directly, I was talking about violence against children in general.
And the fact that you said „it didn’t work on me“ and are commenting on a JBP lecture makes me confident that you would never use violence against your own children - if you decide to habe some, which is of course up to you.
Rosemary Elmore But thank you for your reply so I could address this misunderstanding. ;)
I absolutely love him. What an intelligent mind passing wisdom onto the next generation
He is passing on a lot of ignorance and bigotry too. His pathetic tweet last week really showed his true colours
@@deseydoc The tweet he made was 100% accurate. I suppose it just depends on which side your on. Free speech is just as important for the right side as it is for the left.
@@jamiekeel2017 difference between free speech and harassment, why is JP obsessing on Twitter about other peoples breasts , very creepy. Also accusing Elliot’s doctor of criminal activity when there was no crime. Why doesn’t JP just live his own life and stop trying to moralise at others? If people want to be happy and proud of who they are let them I think. JP just needs to live his own life and stop attacking people like Elliot page who have done nothing to him
@@deseydoc Why are you watching a Jordan Peterson video and scrolling the comments looking for someone who supports him to start a conflict? Look I think it’s great that you have an opinion, I do not support the trans community and that’s my opinion. Have a nice day.
So many parents create their own little monsters. They create, reinforce and even reward bad behaviour. They don't require anything from their kids. They don't demand their kid take responsibility and by doing so, they take power from them.
So many boats dump trash in the sea. Little monsters all over the world dumping tons of trash into the sea.
I swear it would have been such an honour to be at even one of his lessons, lucky people out there
I used to hold my breath too,, until I passed out. I grew up in a home that wasn't equipped to deal with my emotional needs. I was an expert at self regulation, I was a well trained monkey too, but it caused me to disassociate in many ways and live inauthentically, rebelling in completely self destructive behaviours in early adulthood. As an adult I came to understand this was a form of abuse and set me up for failure.
Only now in my forties I am a fully integrated whole and happy person. So by all means carry on doing that to your child, I lived it breathed it until I could run to the opposite side of the planet to escape it. But a cautionary tale, i was almost destroyed and wasted many years ignoring ,self medicating , maskjng, or analysing before I could finally shelve, forgive and move on in confidence.. I'm formidable now.
I'm sure there are far less destructive ways to attain the same aim. I am raising a son and I want him to self regulate but I am also very mindful of when he needs to know he is safe loved and can be soothed by me when that is what he needs. I consider particularly for men, that they need to be taught emotional skills for when they hit a wall later in life. Being self reliant is all well and dandy but if you don't know how to feel safe being vulnerable and ask for help when the shit hits the fan, you are statistically in a far higher bracket for suicide and violence.
Therefor I don't reward bad behaviour, but I am always emotionally available to help him process..And I don't devalue him whilst he is learning. Children are acutely aware of disrespect long before they understand its meaning and relevance to them. It's a fine line to walk, I am ever thankful I waited until I was older to know better how to navigate my child's personality and the nuisance of each individual moment. I don't always get it right, but I get it much more right than my parents and grandparents did.
How many lroblems out of such silly little thing... I am not sure you are rsising your child in a right way at all.
This is a trick I've learned with my young, high needs daughter. She understands herself quite well. She knows when she needs some quiet time, or when she needs to cry, or if she doesn't want to say hello. I have always encouraged that. I don't encourage selfish meltdowns that are rooted in unreasonable demands.
When she is behaving inappropriately, I tell her "You can cry as long as you need to, and when you're ready, we'll do XYZ activity." Then I reinforce, because she's very in her feelings "When you're all done with crying, then we will do XYZ"
Usually that's motivation enough for her to clear up her feelings. Frankly, she wants whatever I'm suggesting we do MORE than she wants to tantrum. But I still give her the room she needs to have those feelings and deal with them.
This is just normal parenting from the perspective of a Mexican like me. I never understood the philosophy of "respecting" the child at SUCH a young age. Obviously as he develops you give them more and more responsibility. HOWEVER; if you teach the kid he is above you, then when you set him into the real world he will struggle A LOT.
Mexican has nothing to do with it. I have seen more terrible Mexican parents than ‘good’ ones.
I think JP respects his kid very much by teaching him to respect himself through getting his shit together. Respecting our kids doesn't mean allowing everything, but quite the opposite: it means setting and teaching boundaries so that the kid later can respect themselves and others. If this makes sense😅
Well, it's nice to still remember that a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum is still a 2 year old, not a violent monster or a sociopath
100% agree
Nobody called the 2 year old a sociopath. A violent monster, maybe lol
Most importantly he didn't shame his kid for it. That's what most parents do. "Go in your room and think of what you did". This is basically isolation, the kid will learn anger=beeing left alone.
So thankful we get to watch this man on youtube....lifesaver
indeed
Before I had a two year old, I saw them throwing tantrums and thought "those parents should control their children." hahahahah
The best thing I did was allow my wife to be home with them 24/7. That’s what she wanted. I didn’t want it because I’m a lazy bastard. But the difference it’s made to them is amazing. She home schools as well. They just seem so much calmer than many children I meet. I’m not bragging because I don’t feel it’s my praise. The fact is today in Auckland it’s friggin hard financially for both parents not to have paid work.
"Allow"!!!???
@@sfamily2630 argh here we go 🙄
@@sfamily2630 would you shut up
@@sfamily2630 yes he allowed it sweetie!
otherwise his wife would have to work a job and pay someone else to raise her kids.
either your daft or a feminist or both..... some women want strong families with a man that will provide enough to ALLOW her to stay home and look after the kids.
I am really quite happy to get this information before I ever have children. I know that so few things about it comes with a manual, so what the few things which you can gain like this makes a lot of difference I believe.
But first of all parents themselves get their own emotional syndromes fixed before raising kids, as ill parents will result in ill kids.
Everybody's like "Peterson is such a bad father!", but I'm willing to be he knows a hell of a lot more about psychology than you do...
jordan is a narcissist ... he really thinks he's incredible smart, yet he believes morality comes from god ... meaning; he's in fact extremely stupid
Michiel Van Kets you obviously haven't listened to enough of his material to have a valid opinion if you think that. Or you're just a puppet repeating what you read on blogs.
Actually, he thinks morality is more useful if it comes from religion (I'm a non-believer, if that helps). His premise starts from the well-researched assertion that consistent morality is necessary for strong group cohesion and morality is most useful for nation-sized cultural groups. So if we value a cohesive national identity based on common values, what's the best way to get there? And even if you and I and Jordan all understand the big moral drives come from our genetics, we still need a social mechanism for agreeing on the moral virtues that we share as a culture.
Currently, religions do a better job of obtaining similar moral beliefs than any other mechanism. Personally, I'd love to hear a suggestion for a non-religious means of propagating moral norms that did a better job. I'm currently stuck with a lot of people who can be convinced by a moron in a pulpit that a woman with a fetus in her can't be trusted with her personhood and basic human rights.
"everybody" is 3 sockpuppet accounts, including you.
I didn't read many comments and I'm glad I didn't.
I parented similar to what he's saying but I never had any real trouble with my kids. I never made demands on them that I couldn't back up with logic and reason. Never once did I say "because i told you so".
One of them started lying and that was an easy fix. I did too and the day I lied about something he really wanted and he didn't get because "I lied" was the last day he lied....well, to a point. And of course I explained what I did and why as soon as possible.
The way he interacts with seemingly everyone in the class is unparalleled. Love the bit at 4:50 :D
Lol! It's definitely not a class you could zone out in. He might actually engage you, so you have to pay attention!
I find it fascinating when he compares the father-son relationship behavior of our closest relative, the chimpanzee, with us. Chimpanzees shares most behavior with our earliest ancestors and the social structure is one of them. He is correct, the male chimpanzees will challange their elders once they become sexually mature, much like it happen in our society. However, the elder chimps are generally strong enough to keep them in line. The really interesting part is that in absence of elder males (killed by poachers mostly) the young males go on rampage and engage in what we would call psycho behavior: they brutally attack, rape and kill the other chimps of the group to assert dominance and take what they want when they want with brutality. Such "gangster" chimps are also a threat to humans as they are reported to attack people, even hunting and eating children which is abnormal for chimps since they usually fear us. This is what happen when a strong male role model is absent for the boys.
I found this interesting, do you have any links or similar to this that I can read up on?
@@86Akos just look at a documentary of detroit or chicago
How I wish I could be one among the lucky ones sitting there...though, I feel I'm blessed to be getting access to his lectures...,
This 7-minute JBP stream-of-consciousness about PARENTING has more actionable wisdom than an entire 300 page popular book or an entire weekend course! :) Sort yourself out, parents... teach your kids how to behave in the Real World as adults, or your kids will be unlikeable brats at 12 years old, 20 years old, and way beyond (unless something major happens to them).
I just hug my kids when they have tantrum...their anger would just melt right away, and we could easily tell them reasonings and what to do next time.
Jordan Peterson is really ahead of his time. Even his camera already had "Center Stage" back then. 🙃
Totally disagree. You need to regulate the emotions of the kids and don't let them alone with there anger. The message is: you are angry, I don't love you. Be normal then I love you again.
Young Children need help with there strong emotions by guidance, love, calm voices and sometimes close body contact. Never let a child alone as long as it doesn't want to be alone.
Exactly
Exactly
Your child will take advantage of you that way
I had postpartum depression with both of my kids, and sometimes I needed to put my screaming infant in their crib and walk away. Why? Because I was no longer a safe place for them. It was an act of love, and the best effort I could make towards ensuring their safety.
Sometimes, "time out" is the same. If I have a violent impulse, I need to enforce self control and be the adult, and get the kid somewhere safe away from me. That's on really bad days, it's pretty rare I feel that way now.
Finally, I will tell my kids "You can cry as long as you need to. When you're done, we can do XYZ" Frankly, usually they want to do XYZ more than they actually want to tantrum lol.
How are you going to regulate someone else's emotions? You can't. You have to teach them how to regulate their own emotions. Plus, he's talking about outbursts of temper tantrums when kids don't listen to what you're saying.
This came at the right time on my recommendations . My toddler is starting tantrums and starting to control me . I’ve been setting boundaries and starting to be strict . But a part of me felt guilt thinking he feels not loved . But this video allowed me to not feel guilty and let me know I’m doing something right
Oh I feel you! I do "time out" with my kids for short intervals (1 minute for every year old they are). But I think my best trick I came up with myself *pats back*
I tell my daughter, who is pretty high needs, "You can cry as long as you need to. Then when you're done crying, we can do XYZ". Usually, she wants to do XYZ more than she wants to cry! Clears things up pretty quickly, but she still has room to validate her feelings and deal with them.
fantastic lecture. i mean even his gesticulation, real-present contact with viewers, unbelievable perfect stand-up comedy, his ability to emotonally focus only on what he is saying...doctor of psychiatry 👏👏
As a 17-year-old, I definitely agree that this is how you should treat your child at a young age.
When the son grows up and watch this video, he's gonna cry.
>Be me
>Watch video
>Holds breath until I turn blue
>Fail
Ben Weissman did you fail to hold your breath or turning blue
This is great advice. I have used it to my son though since he was 2.5 but most of the time it does not work. What I find is that most of his tendrums are a result of 3 things.
1. He is tired.
2. He is hungry
3. He needs to piss
No matter what if he doesn't get relief for his problem he does not stop
But well done you for figuring out what is triggering his behaviour. Other children tantrum cos they can't get their own way which is a whole other ball game.
Different children have different temperaments. I was always told I was quite a happy young child, really, and I suppose I was. I of course wasn't without my moments, but on the whole I was (and continue to be) pretty 'agreeable' in a Big Five sense. I don't remember that much about my toddler years (apart from dreams, books, games etc) but I know as an older child that my parents would do something similar. They would always treat me as an individual and as an "almost-equal", but it was still clear they were the parents. Most often when I was crying or lost control of my emotions, they would send me upstairs and told me only to come down once I'd calmed down. There was only one occasion I remember feeling they were being unfair, I understood for the most part.
From what I remember they didn't have to be too forceful because I valued their respect too much. I didn't want to hurt them or for them to look down on me so I would always try to live up to those standards, and I knew they always did what they thought was best even if I didn't always agree. The way Peterson is describing it here really makes clear to me how drastically those differences in temperament can manifest themselves even in such young children. I can understand why some parents struggle more than others, and why everyones' experiences are different - of course I knew this intuitively, but he explains the concept very clearly.
Thinking about it, I'm glad he's a parent, and that his family is still together. I really am. Because I see so many parents and families who either fail to discipline and mistake this for love, or who are so overbearing and emotionally neglectful that their children grow up with little respect and little empathy. I can't help but feel as though some of the commenters here are seriously missing the forest for the trees.
I wish I had a fraction of what you had growing up
This is exactly what my mother did to me, I love her for it
I wish I had this 4 years ago when my son was 2!
I've watched to many Peterson videos. Whenever I am reading something, I hear Dr Peterson' voice narrating the text
If anyone has anything to say about the whole, “hey! Act like us!!” Theme of his parenting. Realize what group he’s talking about when he means, “Us”. He’s talking about humanity. You want your kid to be a good human. Or whatever name you associate with what WE are. Be a good that. So you teach them!!! How to be a good human!!! That’s all he’s doing. That’s it.
Be safe out there ❤️
Researching more on how Jordan Peterson raised his kids has made me resentful of how my parents raised me
I think this comment section accurately illustrates how hard it is for some people to accept new ideas that challenge their current way of thinking. What I like even more is that some call him a traditionalist, and then accuse him of white knighting or being a JW for "defending a woman's child abuse". The hypocrisy is amazing, and it also goes to show how easy it is for people to misinterpret things. It's intriguing because it's almost like looking at a layer of sediments, where you can see every confusion the person made and how it built up to a self contradicting conclusion.
Haha you aptly said what I've seen in a lot of these related videos from JP.
I thought JP was spot on with his advice. I used very similar techniques when dealing with my Goddaughter's temper tantrums.
101 parenting..if your little one throws tantrum, make sure you are able not only to control yourself (your response), but actually handle him/her in a firm yet compassionate (wise) way..boundary to behavior, while affirming..your behavior is unacceptable, yet I still care about and love YOU❤..after all whom are our kids after (we cannot "beat" the genes with a stick, we can role model and correct their behavior by setting boundaries and back them up by calm and wise action)😊, right?
Ironically my parents did the exact opposite of this. When I was a teenager and I had fits of rage I purposely separated myself from others as an attempt to mask it but my parents beat me cause according to them it was disrespectful or even sometimes mock me if I visibly felt a lot of anger but did not reacted on it.
Really good advice in dealing with temper tantrums. I used a similar method when looking after my Goddaughters. I'd also tell them "I love you very much but I'm not liking this behaviour ". I was also a toddler who would hold my breath until I almost passed out. Scared the living daylights out of my Mum.
"No you're not a good person..." Nervous laughter as if they're not sure if it's a joke.
they must have really set the ground work for him to recognize he wasn't in control of his anger though. I think that say something about the words they have spoken to him about emotions more so than the act of time out. i think we view time out as a punishment inherently but time outs can simply be getting control of your emotions, self regulating and coping and coming back clear headed. it's also the most important aspect that Jordan speaks on is coming back to "liking" our kids. It's enough that they are out of control with their emotions but to come BACK to the family with a grudge and holding it over their head isn't really great. especially to kids who are learning bonds and relationship dynamics. however, teaching them coping and welcoming them back so to speak with open arms and praise is ultimately teaching them that it's okay to feel your big feelings, however you wont disrupt the rest of the house in doing so, but once you are done you are welcome back to join us. none of this is instinctual though this is NOT at all how a 2 year olds brain works. it requires a training of sorts and considering his son could recognize he wasn't done feeling his feelings, says a lot about the ground work they put in tbh.
The hardest part is when they're literally losing all shit over the shape of their toast or the colour of their cracker and you have to be the calm one XD I have to breathe and count to 10, then address the ridiculousness unfolding before me. But when they're that little, those emotions are so big and nasty, it's really hard to cope with. I use brief timeouts as a way to show the child they need to collect themselves before rejoining the game or the group, but I sit and tell them WHY they're there and what it is they have to do to rejoin us. I explain to them the emotional path back to joining us because they do need a little assistance in figuring out how to compute those big emotions, but otherwise, it is something they need to work on and do internally. Responding cool and collected to their outbursts is also what creates the baseline for how they will react once they've learned. The more ridiculous stuff I struggle to be so calm, but I can usually work around it lol.
Jordan has never had issues hitting the maximum words! Love it
I have a 2 year old who is my whole heart and oh my goodness there are times I don’t like him. I think I’m a “good person” and I NEVER ever thought in my wildest dreams I would dislike my child but...
But you love him. My mother would say to me when I was being badly behaved as a child " I love you very much but I don't like this behaviour ".
@@donna-marie9100 yes I love him of course. Was a phase… he is a daddies boy now
So my son is 2 year old at the moment. I can tell you it truly requires all the possible calm and patience on Earth to not hate him when he screams and punch and kick and cry, 30 times a day, every day. Especially when you're stressed out at work and exhausted because of the sleep deprivation. This video will help me find a bit more patience.
Remember "This too will pass". I had to succumb to the fact that yes I was tired yes I wish that they behaved differently but however, that the way I treated them now, despite how I was feeling, would pay dividends when they were older. It was worth it. Tiredness sucks. But don't let it be the thing to come between you and your child. It sucks for them too trying to navigate this strange world they're in. All the best
Yes, this is such a challenging season of life. I believe parenthood carves us into people we NEVER would have become if left on our own. There's a different strength to it.
Don't waver. Deal with his behavior EVERY SINGLE TIME. Because he's counting on you to get tired and let him act out. You have to be consistent, and it will pay off. It's a gift you give yourself AND him. He will know he can trust you.
I tell my daughter, who is pretty high needs, "You can cry as long as you need to. Then when you're done crying, we can do XYZ". Usually, she wants to do XYZ more than she wants to cry! Clears things up pretty quickly, but she still has room to validate her feelings and deal with them. May God bless your family.
@@sitcomchristian6886 thanks, mate
Way too much random bait in this comment section. Attention is a great motivator, apparently.
This is very deep stuff. It looks like we should pay attention to this.
Would not want to get in debate with this Father.. Honestly. Man’s a intellectual warrior.
My parents did the sammeee exact thing with us. They would put us in our stairway with walls on each side and a door in front of us so we had to sit with ourselves in silence. Orrrr if we fought with our siblings they would put one kid at the top of the steps and the other at the bottom and after a while we would start playing with each other again. But by our own choice. Cool to see he did it too
Is there a longer or a complete version of this video? This was really interesting lecture. Thanks!
I could listen to this guy all day!
Ah, Jordan Peterson. You either love him or hate him. He's perfect for the internet.
his description of 2 years old is spot on my daughter had a tantrum she was so enraged she went board stiff and fell over...two year old's are no joke
There is a way of raising children that doesn't need power struggle and trying to control the kid. When you breaking the kids spirit in order that they obey you , you are destroying the part of their psyche and sacrify part of their sanity in order to fit the society. We need new psychology that deeply understands that process, because that's the root of all our problems
He is right. My 4yr old is an ass. Sometime I just look at her shake my head and roll on.
why are you guys so negative? children will be children, they can be assholes why must we sugarcoat their behavior
Emma W No way, kids push boundaries! The higher their independence, the more they are willing to push for dominance. 4 is a tough age... most 4 year olds I've seen will "act like an ass" from time to time, regardless of parenting techniques, because they've acquired a fairly wide skill set at this age and have a pretty high amount of confidence in their abilities.
Sometimes you do just have to grit though it, reinforce your position on things, and dissociate the child from their actions a little, otherwise you WILL end up slightly resenting them for it.
It's all a part of the learning process, and doesn't necessarily dictate a bad parent.
Those students are so fortunate to be in his class.
I know hes speaking about a 2 year old child but this is amazong advice also for adults. Give your emotions time to subside before you act and you can “rejoin the family” so to speak. Might not be a temper tantrum as an adult but acting on your emotions could be more quiet like addictions, drugs, distractions, overeating, self destructive behaviour.
Doesn't this tactic compromise the principle of unconditional love that a parent should give? What's left in a child's brain is: "'If you comply, I like you. If you don't, then I don't like/love you.'' I am biased - check out Dr. Gabor Mate on attachment, conscious parenting, and self-regulation in his book "Hold On To Your Kids". And basically, in all his books
I love Peterson ❤❤
What a great dad
Thank you so much. I raised both of my kids as a single parent and it was hard, but we survived. Thanks again. It's nice that someone noticed.
My son was so stubborn at 2. He was wild. Terrible 2's lasted to 5 years old. I was a weekend dad. He turned out to be gentle and kind for the most part. He just got out of the Marines, he was a recon Marine. We don't communicate much. I know he is having tough time from his service and transition from military. He text that he loved me last week. First time he communicated in around two years. I've been sending text everyday. I told him I'm gonna bug him everyday until we speak. Don't know what to do.
1:20 Ya BPD sucks. I had it, but have recovered for the most part.
I still have flashes of rage but God is calming me down lol.
From the research I can gather - time outs are pretty outdated. But of course: if you can’t handle the anger of a toddler - PLEASE - chose a time out (for either you or the kid) instead of violence!
And you might as well ask yourself why YOU as an adult cannot react appropriately towards an emotional toddler - but that’s a whole different story.
snj prl
Research. Psh. Time outs work for certain temperament, not all.
As a family therapist, I must say, you made me laugh. Certainly time outs are not a panacea, just a tool that mature people use to help immature people take a longer term perspective, or for most of us most of the time, a tool we use to help ourselves.... BTW, an "outdated" rule of thumb is to limit the break to about a minute per year of age, and of course, it's not an out of sight break, but a supervised break. If the immature person you supervise can't manage themselves in your presence, why would you want them to be alone? Part of the rationale is that people get stressed out when they are overwhelmed and are no longer thinking clearly. Lowering stimulation is one calming strategy. There are of course many others. Self calming is a key skill for survival under stress, as most of us slowly learn.... Good parents coach children on how to learn these things we need to know in developmentally appropriate ways. In summary, a good time out is not that different from "take a deep breath and count to ten." When we're emoting intensely, we aren't reflecting, and both are important components of a good life.
*1.* Reminder, if you see someone spamming (copy-pasting) something in the comment section; you can report that. Obviously, don't report people just because they _are_ wrong. Being wrong (or stupid) is neither a crime nor against YT's guidelines.
*2.* If you don't have children yourself, be very careful in how you approach the situation. You can _still_ say your piece but never, at any moment, forget that you are the literal definition of ignorant. You can take what amounts to a shot in the dark and be correct about something (chance are you'll get a hit if you're not stupid) but don't be so sure.
_"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..."_ Roy Batty might have been a father as well as a Replicant.
*3.* Even if you are a parent, don't forget that Peterson's kids are his and are likely adults by now anyway. Furthermore, I don't think any of them killed anyone so I'd argue that, empirically speaking, his way of raising children is _at the very least_ viable.
*4.* You *HAVE* to treat your children like you own them. You very much do own their person until they can think-you-out sideway. It's not free-ownership, of course. Like, you can't just carve them up if you're hungry and they have some legal tending to their person but you have the moral responsibility to raise them to be as strong as possible in a chaotic world. To that end, you *cannot* let yourself become their slave. The alternative is being their tyrant, which shouldn't be an absolute thing either.
*5.* Kids are _wrong_ in a statistically significant manner, in all things. Not only do you have to be harsh to them, you have to do it in a way that will probably earn you some enmity. Your _job_ as a parent is not to befriend your children (although that's a most common collateral). Your job as a parent is to make full-fledged adults out of them somewhere down the line. Hopefully, you (as a parent) aren't so screwed up emotionally and intellectually to completely miss the mark on this. It's a juggling act, all right.
*6.* This one is more personal and probably the only surefire advice I have. Try to be the parent your children can respect. Love will follow.
What an incredible waste of time.
Of course you own your kids. They aren't society's children. Yours. Doesn't mean you can do what you like with them, but they're yours for better or worse.
This is phenomenal.
Brilliant thanks for this!
This commentsection has more trolls than I can comprehent
HOW BOUT U COMPRE*HENT* _THIS_ MY FUCKIN BITCH
jensibowable
yes they're just acting out, throwing a childish tantrum, because to them up is down, black is white & when they hear truth it makes their ears bleed and heads spin. They are sad tortured souls... all I can suggest is pray for them.
This is actually terrifying! Teaching ur child to get his ego to suppress any emotions that are overwhelming, rather than teach them to recognise what emotion they are feeling and why they are feeling it. From personal experience, that leads to BPD, severe dissociation and PTSD as you are denying their true self and implanting a new identity
I miss my boys more, watching this and listening. The point of innocence is so short lived. Watch your kids more, every detail before they become adults
My mother : it's 10 AM you should wake up
Me : 5:22
Years ago, I had a 5 year old in my class. Her mother told me that her daughter would hold her breath during a tantrum until SHE PASSED OUT! Thankfully, she never did it while with me.
JBP speaks the truth!
I love how "Professors" do not allow recording of their lectures, meanwhile Peterson records his on video and posts them on UA-cam. Nothing to hide.
Great job
Provocative is a good description... I have three very provocative little brothers I’ve taken out of foster care. Im relieved to hear what I’m doing day to day with them is acknowledged. And how I deal with things to teach them that what they do isn’t ok is ok. Trauma has intensified their need to control and yes dominate me. Yet you can’t be punitive with them. So it’s a lot of go to your room until you calm down.
You sound like you're exactly what they needed!
thank you
When I was a baby I would scream until there was no air left in my lungs, then try to continue screaming instead of pausing to inhale, until I passed out. I haven't passed out since I was a baby, though. Your story of your son turning blue reminded me of that.
To experience this i think I should have a father first but i don't so i don't know what a father love is and his presence over a son.
His lectures are always so interesting that that almost envy his students 😂
This reminds of Gabor mate talk about raising kids, how unhealthy it’s to leave a child so young to cry himself to sleep, it creates trust issues in the kid, not finding his care taker at time most needed, and feel unloved. I’m not sure what to think of what he said.
Same here, probably like anything in life you need hard and soft hand
My son who's six asked if all of the people who collect money to fix the roads actually just keep it. Kids are way smarter then you think . My daughter who's 3 and I said hold your horses to replied I have no horses lol