Advice for Strong Relationships from Jordan Peterson
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
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Jordan B Peterson (born June 12, 1962) is a Canadian clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. In this clip he talks about steps to form strong relationships.
Full talk, quoted under fair use: • H3 Podcast #37 - Jorda...
You can support Dr. Peterson at his Patreon: / jordanbpeterson
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There's a book called Casanova Playbook of Magnetism, and it talks from body language and conversaton starters to dark mind tricks and flirting through texts, it's the real deal
damn my boy Peterson rocking that clean fade
ahhahahahhaah
OH YEAH! I LIKE THIS STYLE IT LOOKS GOOD ON MOST MALES.
This is the main problem with relationships: people want more than what they are willing to put in. YOU have to be everything you would want in a partner.
A lot of people give more than they'll ever accept too though.
@Tommy Ealey id say the same, or at least the first half of what you said, applies to women too. Im not taking offence because i know it doesnt apply to me, but i think we should be fair and accurate.
Totally agree Jordan. I was dating a guy that treated me so well I realized that is how I should be treating a partner. I deliberately stopped dating for quite a while, then met my now husband. We both treat each other really well and as a result will be married 26 yrs in June 2022. We are very happy.
@Tommy Ealey I wouldn't generalise and say "most guys". I think the people you describe are just corrupt to the bone - toxic people.
@Tommy Ealey it’s funny u say most guys. I have only met one man in my entire life who wanted that
"You'll drift in the direction of your biggest weakness!"
James Tompkins love this. He has changed my view on marriage.
i had to pause and think for few seconds after he said that !
Amazing
Can you guys explain what this means to you?
ChrisMisc1 self-shame/blame and pornography
"We outsource most of our sanity" OMG, this is so true.
what does it mean?
@@dude2410 the source of our sanity comes from the outside, for instance, when you are surrounded by good people who want the best for you, you feel secure, if you're parents, friends/partners are toxic/ abusive you are tormented psychologically
@@bellimea Interesting, thnx , perhaps you are right.
Anyone else care to share a different opinion? (if there is one)
@@dude2410 Yes, being around others helps us observe ourselves and if we are acting normal (“sane”) by picking up on social queues and learning if our behavior is appropriate/respectful.
This is true !!! My husband and I have been together for 12 yrs now we not 30 yet and every day is like a new day because we always take time for us. After kids are asleep we talk about our day, politics, religion and we have different views in politics and religion btw. We go out twice a week sometimes but we always try and we are happy it doesn't feel like I've been with the same person for 12 yrs.
It's easy to get comfortable in a relationship and go on auto-pilot but with a little time and effort it can be so much better for both of you :)..coming up on 17 years this month.
A relationship can work when both try. Life is hard and there are a lot of problems to deal with but when both try that relationship has a bigger possibility to work
Your story is so inspiring. I have met a girl with whom i have very different viewpoints on religion politics, morality. We can debate in a civilised way but i'm afraid that on the long-run things won't work out. Btw, despite the differences we are to each other very much. What should i do? I have met other girls with whom i share the same view on life but i don't feel the same attraction. How is that possible?
@@mirgengjimi9377 the fighting can be healthy. it just depends on how she and you respond to the disagreements. if either one of you draw tribal lines, you're right to feel the relationship is doomed. if you fight like cats n dogs about many things, but hold fundamental core values together (like respecting eachother's humanity) than it's perfectly healthy. if anything, you could balance each other out. my best friend and me are opposites. we each have something to contribute the other lacks. romantic relationships, i assume, could be the same way.
@Chicana_MIA you are an inspiration. I was starting to think that lifestyle wasn't real. I will use your advice one day.
If youre alone all the time youll drift in the direction of youre biggest weakness. That is spot on!
I don't disagree with him. But... He's basically saying people need to be mature, committed, and disciplined. That's EXTREMELY rare to find in people, specially all 3 at the same time.
You don't find those rare qualities in "people". There are only Persons. Are you mature, committed and disciplined? If not, you do not merit a person who is.
What's important is that we find people who hold those values in high regard and want to genuinely better themselves, cause nobody is born perfect.
I think individuals can become those things through time together. Someone isn't going to be committed to you the first week or even the first month of you meeting them, and as a result of lack of investment, won't bother being disciplined. It's when they have a vested interest in you and are 3-6 months into a proper romantic relationship (after the crazy-all-over-you part of the relationship) that these things pop up.
Maturity is the only one you can objectively see without investment.
Anyone can commit at any time. It's a choice, literally a commitment. You could maybe argue it's not common, or "normal", for people to commit soon or easily. But, commitments in the first week or month aren't impossible.
Ysonoko they're not impossible, but to me, anyone who commits within the first week of meeting me has flashing red bells going off all around them. This is mainly because I've had a couple experiences with stalkers (like proper, following you home, trying to figure out what plans I have in the future, never letting their eyes off you when you are in a situation where you have no choice but to be around them in work settings, writing obscenely romantic poetry followed by threats when it was obvious things weren't working out), and ALL of them were committed at first glance.
My point was that people need a reason to commit to any kind of relationship, and perfect strangers don't have that reason because they don't know what your value is, they don't know your personality, what you have to offer, and because you're not really part of their lives at that point. Commitment IS a choice, but you need to have a reason to commit, that can't be found at first sight.
Jordan Peterson has truly changed my life. I am so grateful to have access to his wisdom and ideas, and that he is willing to do the hard work of figuring out how to communicate those thoughts and ideas to us. That is no small task. He is a brilliant and very brave soldier.
HIS wisdom and ideas? The dude just steals from old philosophers! Haha...His ideas hahahaha...now go clean your room!
Communication and family always get involved
@@marinobrajdo6488 what about how he lets most young adults buy into his lifelong plan, not even to mention he is a psychologist not a historian or philosopher.. enjoy his bias "wisdom" lmao
Same here brotha
you should check out Wayne dyer!
It's true. My relationship was falling growing weaker and weaker. We had a talk, and commit to a date night at least once a week. Things are on a big upswing, and we're much busier than before.
I hope it’s all going well 👊🏻
congratulations 💙
Looks like I'm well on my way to insanity.
I've been alone for a very long time and am still very sane. Would you like for me to give you advice?
If you want to be sane, you have to have channels of communication coming in and going out. Have some friends. If you can't, then have some people who you don't feel bad talking with. But talk with people. If you go out to places like at restaurants or wherever, make small-talk with whomever you can. I personally can't stand small-talk, but I get why it exists. You may not particularly have impact on someone with small-talk, sure, so it may seem insignificant in that way. But what you are doing is at least alleviating that social interaction that you physiologically need (and probably for the other person as well).
So that's the most important: real-life human interaction. Friends, family, strangers, whoever... talk to people.
Additional things can include:
- reading books out loud
- talking to a camera
- writing essays
- gaining sensible knowledge via the internet, perhaps by direct communication with others, or by watching sensible people such as Jordan Peterson
These things will definitely help to retain whatever social abilities and competence you have left. If you want to go even further beyond, then exercise, meditate, and have a healthy diet. Being physically and mentally healthy also undoubtedly sustains mental sanity. And if you're advanced enough, you'll be even more sane than those fat Americans who don't exercise and eat fast food all the time.
Good Luck.
medviation ah, who cares
T'was an old username and I'll change it soon. I agree with what you said about talk to people even if only small talk. There was a study done saying people are happier after talking to strangers (www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/talking-to-strangers-makes-you-happy/). I've noticed is a nice little pep up when I joke with a cashier or have a little conversation with someone I don't know or that well. Ok obviously I don't mean an awkward conversation about the weather but an opportunity to connect with someone even if just for one minute.
lozinja I can't access it through the link. :/ Could it be that you're subscribed to the services of the site and people who aren't can't view?
essennagerry
Sorry the bracket got included in the hyperlink. Should work now.
www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/talking-to-strangers-makes-you-happy/
What's happened is people are expecting too much out of relationships and are not willing to put the work in. It's to easy just run off with someone else and screw having to put in any time or effort into a relationship .Was dating more girls than I want to admit too when I realized that I had met the person I Wanted to spend the rest of my life With .So I tried to change and I did, we've been together for 35 yrs. I can't imagine not being with her, I would probably not last very long .
Your post is pathetic because if you think you can't live without another person, that is tragic.
Susan Nunes You probably think it's needy huh? Well it's what love is. 35 fucking years.
Doc Tyler What does it mean 'yo put in the work' in a relationship?
Give us actual practices..
(the word "work"+relationship- just sounds weird to me. Is it all just office work? Examples plz...)
well the Problems you overcome in a relationship will develope in strengh
so I would say if you want to train somethin then Let it be:
speaking the truth to yourself and to your Partner and visible Communication
why put the work to a relationship. put effort in improving several people lives, first yours.
He’s so right, when you’re around people you aren’t offered much time to drift and still be part of the group. If you’re a loner, and a lot of your thoughts are only directed at yourself, it’s no wonder you start to look at things in a less than ideal way.
Ive spent a majority of my own life in isolation unless it’s looking for a party, I don’t eat lunch with people at work, I do it by myself, I don’t follow people to do things around town, I do it all myself. And it’s no wonder I get more weird as a result, but I just don’t act well in most social settings.
in that, i am still looking for someone to be alone with, if that is possible
Roddy Dykes I resonate with your statement and condition a 100%. Although I have found someone I can make a bright future with, I have been there brother. You'll be alright. Keep working on yourself.
Exactly. This is why I force myself to go out and mix with people - solitude is not a lifestyle best suited to humans.
The pro of being a social butterfly is that you will be like by many people because you speak their language.
The con is that if the society as a whole is backward crazy, you too will be backward crazy in your views and opinions.
i agree with you on a spiritual level
I love that he acknowledges the short “time frame” that women have to get their life together. You have to have a career, find a partner, have kids etc.. ALL in your youth. People seem to think that this is a pressure women WANT or that we put on ourselves. But it’s influenced by society and it’s unrealistic expectations.
This hurts me deeply even though I have acceptance of the whole this is how the world works thing but it’s still unjust.
It is even worse for women who spent their early life in regressive systems or their prime years around abusive people.
This is how women are trapped and enslaved in our society.. and all of them end up getting either directly or indirectly hurt within these systems.
JBP is respectable, but I still believe he should shed light on not only what is but how it should be, especially in this context.
Also biology. We just have less time to have children. It's sad.
@@truthh8597 how do you believe things should be?
@@bluejay73 I think in an ideal world each person would be guaranteed proper medical and mental health care; a minimum basic income; equal access to education. And women would be given full autonomy on when they bear children and men should be equally responsible for raising and caring for their children or else be properly prevented from making more.🤔Yeah, something like that. 👍
@@nicolemarquez8585 might as well just say no one is starving and all diseases are cured and everyone is immortal cuz none of that is based in reality
the 2 dates a week and 90mins of non-romantic talking per week is no joke. Keys to successful relationship/marriage.
I heard 19 minutes!? Am I the only one?
@@aliciarodriguez5573 yes (lol)
Communication
Understanding
it made so much sense. I realize my relationships started to drift towards its end when the talking and communication starts to lessen. what a painful thing to only realize in hindsight
While watching this an ad for Lobsterfest popped up. Now....that’s funny.
ha.
Like seriously
Nothing says personal growth like Lobster fest
I'm on my way to realizing I am very unhappy being alone. Hope I'll mend myself eventually, JP continues to help me a lot.
I hope u find one.. If ur trying and want to be in a rltn, then u deserve it.
Any progress? Wishing you the best.
Same for me brother, i hope you met someone in this years since you posted
Be careful what you wish for
Hope you made it my friend
For me I was assuming my views and wants were obvious, and I tended to assume my partner generally wanted the same kind of things, just because it made so much sense to want those things. I've learned I needed to communicate everything and for that I played questions games like Lovify with him. And, it did help sharing my expectations and needs easily. Also, actively listening to my partner and actually putting effort into understanding, made the relationship way more enjoyable 💗💗
Most people are not lone wolves by nature. At times in my life, i've shied away from people not because I had this great need for solitude, but more often because of distrusting or feeling betrayed by others.
John Atria I feel you, not only betrayal and mistrust but now I'm also in the situation where my constant will to self improve led to outshining most people I know by far. It's the constant hunger of finding someone who is on a similar or higher level than me and also keeps improving, it feels like the people arround me just suddenly stand still, not willing to learn and exercise and become better persons.
This was my only disagreement with this clip and you articulated what my response would have been well, thank you.
John Atria...do you trust yourself? Do you betray yourself (keep your own promises and remain the best version of yourself)? We all have bruises, some worn, some covered, exposed or simply hidden. These are the betrayals, however, if you are not willing to give what you expect, you will never fully experience the suffering, pain that ultimately develops the strength and gratitude to appreciate the Wolf in you. The real statement I see is that you have quit and allowed
fear to win.
John Atria that's exactly why I prefer being alone now. It's safer and more predictable.
B.E.St. omg...so how so feel. What a sea of loneliness..
Jordan Peterson is my new guru. He’s beyond intelligent. He’s agreeable and human.
What creates a strong relationship is creating a foundation built around beliefs and values that stem from the highest level of emotions a human can create.
[Rape] the poem is over - Beowulf
“If it’s going to be sustainable it has to be realistic”
"Love... It's not necessarily as fleeting as people say it is"
Aww, this made me so happy! I've been married for 10 years and I love my husband so much more than when I first married him (emotionally and definitely physically!) Made me so happy to hear my experience represented in this talk! (I keep my marriage shiny with The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle ❤️)
The dead bodies [on both sides] - Beowulf
I want a marriage like that 😢. I'm 29, just got out of my first serious relationship and tbh one of the reasons why I'm still holding on 3 wks post breakup is because I'm worried I wont meet someone as great as my ex.
@@yestrech Oh, I hear you! This is such a hard time for you right now! You are not alone! Sending lots of hugs and if you are interested in some unconventional skills for love, I invite you to read The Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle. And then, when it fits for you to look for your special someone you will have the tools to find your person! 🤗 And thank you for your compliment about my marriage. Made me so happy! I did not think that it would actually get better, and it wasn't until I read The Empowered Wive and started experimenting with some of the skills she talks about that I finally found my marriage improving! She has a really inspiring podcast, too called The Empowered Wife Podcast. ❤
@@Mary-yl1bxI am impressed by you looking after a random person in the internet, it made my day 😊
Fear not, he'll show up as soon as you go out and do fun activities you enjoy! Look for someone who can be your Best Friend!
Be your best. FUN, self! 😉
I've created a measuring unit for Jordan Peterson. It's mbs. Mind Blowings per Second. This guy just blows my mind every time.
Lmao
as someone with borderline personality disorder, i’ve only had intense short relationships and friendships my whole life. i always knew for a fact that i was going to live alone - there was no question about it for 21 years.
and now there is.
this man has made me rethink everything.
that’s his power.
As long as you constantly work on yourself there is hope.
My heart goes out to you💛
BPD is the toughest illness to survive
You had the power, and maybe he made you see you beyond your diagnose.
Being diagnosed is what made you think you cannot have long term relationships, self fulfilling prophecy.
I see you're struggling with BPD.. it's not exactly the same but.you could learn a lot from Thais Gibson's material on fearful avoidant attachment style. This is my girlfriend's cross to bear, so I've looked into it a lot. I will pray for you.
My wife is BPD, I’m pray that the Holy Spirit and Jesus will get right to the Center, be the basis of our relationship, our relationship with Christ affects the way we treat each other.., we told her we go into this together we can’t do it alone… so someone had to go first and the other had to follow I love my wife, however Jesus is the way I will show that love and vice versa
He’s so right that women have like 15 years to cram a career, kids, etc. My career plateaued about 5 years ago lol but it took me a while to get find someone who wants what I want in a relationship. 🤞🏻 Personally, I think it’s difficult to parent too young when you have no life experience and maturity. But then, you run the risk of losing fertility. There is a sweet spot that trades off career and fertility, but no one knows how their careers will pan out or when their fertility declines. It’s a best guess at best
This hurts me deeply even though I have acceptance of the whole this is how the world works thing but it’s still unjust.
It is even worse for women who spent their early life in regressive systems or their prime years around abusive people.
This is how women are trapped and enslaved in our society.. and all of them end up getting either directly or indirectly hurt within these systems.
JBP is respectable, but I still believe he should shed light on not only what is but how it should be, especially in this context.
Life passes by way too fast & is full of so many uncertainties. If you decide to have kids you’re basically putting your life on pause for 18 years & adding more uncertainties. It’s a huge sacrifice & risk so I have a lot of respect for anyone who decides to become a parent.
Why do some people hate Jordan Peterson? He provides so much value.
I think relationships can leave you blind and weak. Being able to live alone and live alone contently is far better than needing to be with someone for unhealthy reasons. You have to find your strengths on your own, challenge yourself, force yourself into seeing your own demons, do it yourself. Then find someone else who can also stand on their own, then come together. You’re then together for unselfish - needy reasons, but rather mutual desire, admiration and respect.
I think trust in a relationship is overrated. When my husband started getting frequent night calls , i would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant. At a time i could take no more of his lies, I decided i deserve to know what was going on. A friend of mine referred me to this great ethical hacking team( Cyberhackingsage@gmail ) who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch the device. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location , WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages (both deleted and incoming ones) with a remote link to a programmed App on my phone. I’m here in Florida and able to access my husband’s phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. If you need help or that little bit of closure, i advice you get in touch with them Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) or WhatsApp them on +15713758467.........thank me later.
Bit of a fantasy
Thats actually a place of the highest realization. Con you
But yea
Good luck
As someone who came out of a long term relationship and foolishly attempted to cope out with the loss through casual ones, I can anecdotally attest that they reach their tipping point; aka they're feeble. Isolation as well as avoiding legitimate bonding, as the social creatures we are, backfires on a level I thought it was utterly unfathomable. Drifting shatters your ego, but if you realize your mistakes it enlightens you to the point where you understand how paramount it is to reach compromise. Long term relationships take quite a bit of work. Luckily, for us, men in our 20s, we have the somewhat unfair advantage to better ourselves more thoroughly before our 30s since we aren't fighting against father Chronos as starkly as women do.
Despite how cumbersome this may seem to be, to me the upshot is to basically get your shit together. Learn the importance and value of being a responsible adult, find a partner with some akin traits who also makes up for some weaknesses you may hold, and above all else understand that most kinship smooth out this rocky road we call life.
Zappandy profoundly said. very beautiful way of laying out the truth.
Loved your comment
Never think that you need a girl for a happy life, look for a girl that make it happier if not than make your life up first
real madrid easier said than done
I agree too, for me it's a man who makes life brighter. I know it's about self love and being content on your own. Companionship is what we crave as a species. It's a bonus to find someone who brings light into your life. And vice versa, giving light into theirs. There's times were it's not perfect yet this person wants to resolve as much as you, which now leads into 1 of JP's talk on resolving conflict.
I love Jordan because he speaks logical common sense and is getting out to the masses. Re-educating those who are willing to listen. Technology has only been a miniscule of human life and he re-literates this, we've been here a very long time and need to realise that it's our attitudes that count.
i have just watched a video about natural aphrodisiacs. actually I used Spanish fly Pro for me and my partner and we both loved it. It felt amazing and it really got us going. We will definitely use it again.
i have never heard of these drops, it sounds kinda well. actually i'm really considering buying it for my girl as she's soooo bad in bed!
I love the way Dr. Peterson talks about why its better to have somebody.
I've been on a huge jordan peterson kick lately after breaking up with my ex. Thank you for being a light in these dark times. I'm working on being a better man than I was so I can have that life long lasting relationship instead of the fragmented ones
Great video! Good advice Dr. Peterson! I'm a widow and at 77 find it very difficult to meet men who are about the same age and interested in getting to know each other. Although I'm an introvert by nature I know that I learn much more about myself when I'm in a relationship. And without continuing to learn about myself and another the journey seems less exciting!
Marilyn Barker thanks for your input. Don’t be afraid to just put yourself out there freely and then learn lessons after!
I learn so much more about myself when I'm single... odd.
An incredible insight and everyone who still feels a relationship is a worthwhile endeavour should see this
I never knew this b4 I always thought you had to find a partner just like you so you didn't have to fight so much but if you have someone who challenges you in different ways you grow as a person & learn about yourself & vice versa hopefully... incredible 👏👏👏
Just got out of a 3.5 year relationship lived together 1 year and although its over I learnt more about myself in that time and my weaknesses then i ever would have.
Similar to me, we haven't broken up yet , but I feel it's it on its last strings
@@jezah8142 keep your head up and if it doesn't work out u know jp is there for us
@@niktoo6668 thank you. She demoted our relationship just a few weeks ago to friends with benefits only
@@jezah8142 hey, i dont know you but i hope you doing well with that situation. I went trough the same as you both. But friends with benefits with my ex ?never!!!! I am with a new partner now, for 7 months… i feel the first time of my life what love is… maybe there is someone out their better for you… don’t get stuck in relationships with toxic people… it cost me 10 whole years and i had to go to a therapy after all …
I'm thinking about moving in after 1 year how the hell does one wait 2.5 years ??
I've tried to make relationships work, and I'm always the selfless one. I can be a jerk too, but there's too many people who aren't willing to take responsibility for the choices they make that affect other people. Too many grown up kids stuck on Facebook, and in a high school mentality.
I still believe that I'll find something that works, but it sure ain't easy. I'd like to imagine that technology has made it harder, but let's be real: If someone is selfish, they should be alone. You can't force someone to love and accept you. Don't stay with someone who does not deserve your efforts. Commitment and compromise are key. Without these, you're better off rubbing one out.
It's really difficult to be the only one engaging in the teamwork, and then you realize you're the only one who cares to improve and make the big steps in life, and that you've been doing it alone all that time in the relationship to have the other become a ball and chain to you in order not to leave because they've become comfortable with you working around them and for them... this may not be relatable to you, but your comment just exploded this disappointment and resentment out of me.
Your filter is off , that’s the reason. You need to correct the over giving ( it will be hard but it can be done ) and you’ll attract the right people
@@babysab8013 yep completely agree. When I read this comment, my instant thought was “well, you are the one attracting these kinds of people so there’s still work that you need to do on yourself”
If you are attracting the same kinds of unhealthy relationships over and over again, it’s time to take a look in the mirror and shine the flashlight on what it is in YOU that is attracting people who constantly treat you in a way that makes you feel taken advantage of and used
AGREED!
There are so many people making this same comment, almost like they should find each other 🤷♀️
He is so calm, wise and very attentive, i love Jordan Peterson
What I have learned about relationships. 1. Not fighting at all is a red flag. 2. When she walks in, always be holding a broom.
5:23 Really resonated with me. The idea that "Happily Ever After" is literally a fairytale. Life is better with someone differently minded. That's wonderful.
seeing jordan and ethan talk and especially get along is a major fantasy of mine. these two men in entirely different domains get along so well and i just love it
I don’t care for his political views, but his knowledge on psychology and demonstration of critical thinking makes me look wayyy beyond all of that. His general advice like this is why I’m watching this video. At the end of the day, I’m thankful that he exists.
Jordan has helped me understand more about myself and the people around me. It is a very enlightening feeling. Thank you!
I think people also have a hard time with relationships because making real connections with real people is so fleeting. People are more worried about how many likes they get on a photo versus connecting with people and making great relationships. Social media is the downfall of our society.
Not social media's fault. Its just technology. Its the fault of the people who are too insecure and seek too much validation from the outside, not to mention the chase for instant gratification without putting in work time and effort
10000%
@@JoeMama-sd2kl wow I thought I was alone thinking like this. It’s so unfortunate and I know I’m an old soul but it sucks living in this generation having one. That in itself makes you feel isolated especially when you can’t find others who might feel the same and you feel alone in this world wanting to go back in time when people would have to write each other letters and actually meet in person not avoid communicating by blocking each other or being emotionally immature. People were able to actually communicate in itself now all you may get if that is emojis. And so many people that are supposed to be my generation on their phones don’t even enjoy anything anymore but complain that they are so miserable when they don’t give anything else a chance and continue the same pattern. Not willing to actually put in the effort and have better results but rather settle for what this generation and society gives now and complain.
@@amarandrade5664 you are not alone my friend.
I am a fan of Dr. Peterson because i am a fan of people who are brutally honest.
I get told this is bad all the time about me....that I'm too brutally honest...or not tactful 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ I don't ever understand how that is bad. I'm a nice man and have good morals and yet people say I'm the problem because I don't lie or be honest. I just say things how I see them...then people don't like what I say. I don't try to be horrid or anything like that... ever??
I always say... The problem always says you are the problem when you highlight the problem.
In my life atm everything has gone bad I'm losing everything right now as I type this. 😢😢😢😭😭😭I'm so sorry for everything. I wish I could fix things. 😞😞😞
My great aunt wanted to be single her whole life and she was. She was a pleasant, delightful woman with amazing health and humor. She had an amazingly sharp memory. She was a school teacher. She died of old age (101 years) and was healthy and strong until a boy who had the flu attended her church. Who knows how much longer she would've lived if that hadn't happened. She was perfectly sane and happy. She never had children. She never had a relationship at all, other than friends and family. I was inspired by her life. I'm not afraid of the concept of being single forever. I'm currently living alone with my cat in her house - on the corner of two dirt roads in the country. The stars are amazing out here. It's just so peaceful. My neighbors across the dirt road have horses. I have blue birds living in the bird houses in my back yard. There's a tree swing and a water well. I'm not really in "need" of anything or anyone.
KTnarnia that does sound lovely, but there is still some semblance of interpersonal relationships right? With family, and friends or even a pet. That's the larger essence of this, that shunning of social ties usually leads to some sort of deterioration, and it sounds like your aunt also found that through her teaching which in itself allows for a connection to the community of individuals. Romantic relationships are just an extension of the same, and shouldn't be yearned for but also shouldn't be disregarded as a weakness, because they aren't. When done right, they are a great source of happiness and fulfillment, which only adds to the other relationships on one's life. That being said, in a world starting to move towards the individual's ambition, strength stemming from the ability to be without such a support network is vital, if only to prevent loneliness. By support network I speak not only of romantic relationships, but other varying forms of social interactions with those you truly care about.
I miss living in the country so much. The milky way rising at night, bonfires, the wide open ambience of fields and the "inside" feeling of the woods... sigh. Can I come visit?
This is absolutely lovely and I'm happy for you and for your great aunt, truly. Respectfully, I ask this question on behalf of the lonely people that live in big smoggy cities (which could be what JP was thinking about when referring to a lack of a LTR being a "pathway to insanity"): Wouldn't it be fair to say, based on your claims about living in the beauty of nature that you DO "need" nature?
If Nature consists of company such as cats, birds, peaceful scenic views, and robust trees, then Nature IS in it's own ways everything and everyone.
JP says "one person" is necessary, but "two" is better, and Since nature can be considered as an addition to "one"-self,
wouldn't it be more truthful and accurate to claim that while a person can live a deep life of self-love and actualization without another human, they still usually rely the existence of nature as an additional "one" ("partner"). As a result, while they do live a life alone, the justification that they lived within nature is used as a basis to argue for why you don't need a partner, when in reality Nature is functioning as our most fundamental partner that loves us, hurts us, and challenges us to do better. Therefore, it follows that living TRULY alone (such as being stuck in a big grey city) is still a path to insanity, because you justified a person living alone with the idea that Nature soothes that loneliness and makes it worthwhile, EXACTLY like a human partner. While nature is observed individually, the existence of it has always been mankind crutch to supplement what nature has already made, a partner that you can love, play, and grow with.
Sorry for the long comment, as a philosophy major, this is just an epiphany I had.
It is good that you found a mode of living that works for you.
From the sound of it, your statement gives the impression that you are enjoying life without hurting anyone or limiting anybody's rights. Nothing wrong with that.
Everyone should find that mode of living which leads to the greatest enjoyment of their lives without limiting the people arround them.
@DivaMom true!
And being deeply committed to make the marriage a success and preserving its existence ....
I compromised and sacrificed for 35 years with a very detached emotionally partner. Man....that was not fun. But now it’s over and I’m so grateful.
Wow...reading your comment, reminded me of an old fling. He was distant and always with one foot outside. I gave myself entirely, thinking it's going to change the situation. Absolutely exhausting.
You still got what you needed because you stayed 35 years.
Yea I'm going into our 16th year ... I'm realising too much too quick like a giant wake up call from the universe but I still don't want to see it.
@@GuidedbyCrows you mean lessons in pain and detatching ?
@@GuidedbyCrows in a sense because I was so detached from my own feelings. I had 3 young sons. But God is good. I was set free. And he was too. I know so much more now.
The way you speak feels so familiar to my own. You are a genius, with genius meaning having the natural tendency and ability to see many different perspectives on one seemingly simple subject. Also, to me you seem to process all these perspectives in a matter of seconds.
Thank you Mr. Peterson through your teachings I have met someone wonderful and we are simultaneously attempting to achieve the goal of happiness by coinciding. Each moment with her is magical but I'm preparing for those that will differ.
Weird to go back and see Ethan before his descent into madness.
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate🥰🥰
Whatsaap him"**
At 6:37. Guy in the hat. You are spot on. It IS difficult to meet people and form some sort of relationship bond. You can be doing many right things, have many right things in your life, even have people interested in you. However, if there is no chemistry or physical spark, if you would, it is very difficult.
When guy in the hat says, “I wouldn’t want to be dating right now.” He is right. I say survey and number of people on the most popular sites and you will find real dissatisfaction from both men and women. I have a reasonably good and safe life, a lot of the bells and whistles most women want, and still I can’t land a relationship for the life of me.
Lets take a minute to appreciate how there is no overly dramatic music in this video of Jordan. 😊
I would say that not only does a relationship offer strength of two brains instead of one, but the familial and social strength and connections of each person offers even more strength in times of weakness, overall.
If they have any that actually care about
It's the Womans Brain that controls Everything !!! As a Man you don't need a Brain, you just do as you are told, and you will become a Vegetable, just like all my married Male Friends !!!!
best relationship advice I ever found was reading 'the rational male'
Take that book at face value.
I don't think there is any book that has such profoundly life-changing potential for most men. Anytime a guy I know decides he's sick of his pathetic romantic life, the first thing I do is tell them to read it. That said, I think it has to be read in conjunction with "Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida. The Rational Male explains it in a biological/evolutionary sense, and WOTSM provides the spiritual/emotional context. Much like the masculine and the feminine, yin and yang, those two books are two complementary halves of the whole.
The manipulated man by Esther Vilar is also a great red pill content book. Written by woman, so maybe more credible for blue pill thinkers.
Spin those plates
Like Jordan kinda explains here, if see life through books like that you're on your way to insanity.
The best advice I can think of that I wish i'd thought of when young is to take an accredited basic psychology course. It will help you to understand yourself and what YOU need first, and also help you pick out those who are putting on an act - which most men and women do at first, and some can keep it up until after marriage a couple of years along the line. Still, there will be tells and a basic psychology course will help you spot important things you might otherwise not notice or may dismiss.
Came here looking for shitty internet advise for my own relationship and found gold. Thanks J!
Removing Tinder from my phone is the best thing that I committed to in 2020. Time to get outdoors, express and play.
Awesome advice, Mr. Peterson. I very much enjoy listening to you talk and learn something new each day that makes me wiser and stronger as an individual. Thanks!
Same
Yes he has a point how are you by the way you look handsome
I am extremely grateful that I let go of all the bad relationships I had in my life and for all the good ones I have now. I thought I deserved how I was treated being insulted and disrespected and that they were just helping to build me up. I realized from the people who truly love and care about me that I am not a bad person and I am good and have good qualities they showed me so I deserved respect. You'll find good people in your life who love you, care about you, respect you, help and support you to live a good life wherever you go and those you deserve and you can give them all your goodness too.
The Man Jordan Perterson is a genius.
Youl drift in the direction of your greatest strength. To your true self, who you really are. Thats why monks and yogis go off in seclusion. Away from outside influences and distractions.
i love the way he thinks!
Jessie Jane his book is out
“Tender is a revolution. Two ropes (vines). Makes you stronger to have someone along on the voyage which deep in the experience”
Hi
I was married but she left me for another man 7 years ago I have not seen or heard anything about her but I live with my daughter😞😒😔😔🙁
I am going through a breakup and is killing me. I am so hurt and heartbroken and lost. I dont seek help from anyone. I've always suffered alone !! And it's hard to talk to someone who doesn't pay attention to you while you just wanna pour your heart out 😢
My absolute favorite part is towards the end when the cohost of the show starts throwing out empty buzzwords (work, effort, compromise) and JP kindly agrees with the buzzwords but then goes on to explain very concretely what they actually mean in implementable terms.
Cameron Luther Seeing as it's a guest driven podcast, I think they are trying to start a discussion by bringing up a vague concept and allowing Peterson to go into depth. If the hosts were to go into as much depth as Peterson when bringing up the subject/discussion point, Peterson would have to unpack whatever was said, either agree or disagree, and then go on to making his assessment. Because of the way the question was asked, the response was streamlined and the entire discussion was more easily understood. So I don't think it's fair to imply that the hosts aren't intellectually capable
Logan M I very much agree with you.
I also think that buzzwords are a bit over-hated. I personally don't go deep into thought about every idea that crosses my mind and the detested buzzwords are sometimes all I can use to express my oppinion.
I'm guessing many people are the same way and they would benefit from a streamlined conversation as you explained.
(But of course also for the other reason you mentioned, if I understood correctlly, that if the host would _also_ go in depth with their statements and questions then the discussion might often derail to clarify details and that could be distracting.)
Don't say anything to hila.
I do the things she appreciates, but I also learned to love her in my ways where she can still see it , for example I read to her before bed at times as a father would to a kid to fall asleep because my care for her is so sincere
A society based on instant gratification cannot and will not maintain it's long term commitments. Therefore, as technology advances, society will, on a fundamental level, collapse; most specifically, the family unit will erode and this will lead to many other societal ills.
Life is a long voyage
No point settle for some shallow tinder
Keep looking for the one you would get on one knee, see your daughter grown up to be, because she will be like her mother. I would hate for my daughter to have to resort to Tinder for love.
Exactly
Damn this girls energy is off the charts!!!!
Lol.....is she awake yet?)))
😂😂😂😂😂😂
"When you're alone you will drift in the direction of your biggest weakness."
Some people don't look for a mate. they expect her to appear. Those sorts of people have an idea of what they want and they know when it's not there in the other person.
You should really watch the whole video. But the most practical advice is at 9:00 till the end of the video.
“When you’re alone your drift into the drakeness of your biggest weekness” 🤯 wow that really spoke volumes to me and honestly is really is true for atleast myself after this break up
I really drift into the darkness of my biggest weakness of my overthinking self analysis that really isn’t the best all my brain does is over think and just latch onto all the negatives in life despite all the positives … today I wanted to like someone’s story because I thought it was cool …. Oh they’re too cool for me I can’t be liking this persons story they’re too big for me I can’t do it because they’ll think I’m wired and then I end up just not liking it. We’ll now I’m just suppressing emotions and feeling and my own self by not liking this story so that feels wired and off to me. I end up going back and liking the story, well now I’m just thinking well I should’ve just clicked in the post they were reposting to their story and liked that one … man this overthinking and all this decision making is just tremendous and has just over consumed me socially or even not in a a social context and jus on my own (well I guess social media is social) and it’s honestly horrific.
Cheers to Jordan to figuring this stuff out through his 61 years of living but man as a 23 year old male who’s just starting relatively starting to scratch the surface it seems like this stuff can get really over complicated and frustrating within my brain. I crave this knowledge and am really into this psychoanalytical approach Jordan has ti things in terms of finding out solutions and why we do certain things in order to catch them and reverse them per day or for lack of a better word but man this stuff consumes me everyday although I’m doing it right but most likely within my thoughts on this comment.
Man the world we live in .. complex and crazy … sorry guys for all this rant just wanted to get me thoughts and emotions out relatively to this video and what originally came to my mind / was on my mind … sounds like I need to get a journal?
1:43 RIP to all the Low Extroversion Low Agreeableness fuper troopers
thats me, and i tell you that its not really bad at all (at least for me). I never get bored, and i cannot remember ever feeling lonely or by my self (my extroverted friends always look perplexed when i say that). Point is, there are very positive aspects to it, aswell as many negative.
I am low extroversion/agreeableness female and my partner of 12 yrs is high extroversion/agreeableness. Sometimes opposites attract and help each other
Money doesn't buy love but love is awful expensive. Money is the rebar in the concrete, which is the foundation.
Then the happy feel good fluff that everyone talks about is on top, the love, companionship and trust.
Pull out the rebar, which is the money and it all comes crumbling down.
How the turntables have…
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate🥰🥰
Whatsaap him"**
I like that the host asks the right, mind-tickling questions.
Hi there my name is Ernest I'm 40, single and looking for a serious relationship and commitment ❤
You have to look for love first in a relationship, without love is almost impossible to live with someone, so again is very heart to find the right partner because your heart doesn;'t feel it, doesn't connect so at the end the heart decides the rest, but with love you become very tolerant.
Yes you said the best, absolutely great honestly,
How are you doing hope you're great?
Love his breakdown here, great evidenced based research given to his audience.
Thank Peterson for giving us a formula to make relationships sustainable.
I like social media because when people express themselves in writing you more or less can tell the education level and communication skills to see if you are going to have a meaningful conversation for the other hand you find a lot of married man and Fake people using ID and pics not belonging to them but at the end i like it much better because the way they express thenselves is very important to me, because when you meet a person in real life you like them but when you talk they can not carry a conversation and it takes you longer to get to know them. Thanks
That’s so true....Would you mind for a chat so we can get to know ourselves more better and stay as friends because this place is public?
This is good stuff, thanks.
Not rocket science really, but like a lot of his talks it validates what we already know and feel.
First become lovers, then become friends. For 33 years I have balanced this loving freindship and built a nest. I could die any day and know that we did our best.
"You want someone to contend with". If you re not growing as a human being while being with someone trust me you are not living life right no matter what you acheive. That being said it should'nt be so uncomfortable you start questioning everything you do around them. Balance. ☻
BALANCE!👏
You wanna tangle your life together with someone. This is so beautiful ❤️
This has been sent to me at the right time, thank you Lord
"...that's your minimal commitment level if you don't want things to deteriorate." Great. That's all I needed.
I read his first book when I was single. The more time I'm into my marriage, the more I realized how true his words are.
Which book is that?
Everything that comes out Jordans mouth is SO Damn Right On...hes a mega computer of knowledge.
There is a saying. It is better to be alone then with bad company.
Glad this clip has survived. ❤️This was a great podcast.
I was happy alone because i know god is with me . And now i am happy with my twinflame. Because i learned how to love my self ! Never settle for less just to be with someone. If you are meant to be for someone it will come. I thought i would be single forever. God works in mysterious ways
I’m learning that most ppl dont want to do the inner work to grow. They wander through life injured wounded and dysfunctional from one generation to another.
I still say being single is easier. But maybe some are not looking for easy. I am single by choice and I love it. I travel, make money, interact with social groups, have great family and friends. No stress, no one saying that I shouldn't buy those expensive shoes, etc. But I am an introvert and prefer to spend most of my time alone. But different people have different needs. Your life can be fulfilling on its own. It's dangerous to think that your life is in complete without that special someone.
Hello pretty
The last two minutes were so impactful. That was great advice
As Bob Dylan once sang, “I tried to get you to love me but I won’t repeat that mistake”