Jordan Peterson - Growing Up in a Fatherless Home
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- Опубліковано 6 чер 2017
- original source: • Lecture: Biblical Seri...
Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson underlines the importance of the image of a father figure which is fragmented throughout society in friends, books, movies, sports and education. It is tough to grow up without an actual father and all families are certainly not equal.
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You not only need a father figure, you need a GOOD father figure.
Eye-8-Ass Yup. And in the case of one parent being much worse at it than the other, a single parent home is better than being forced to live with that person. In my case for example my father is an abusive alcoholic and he left when I was 8. I do agree that it would have been ideal for me to have two good parents but I only had one so.
Even an aloof and distant father is better than no father. But yes, a good father is important.
Now comes the circus trick; How exactly do you _make_ a *good* father figure? Lots of people hit that wall square on and break.
I think a father figure implies a good father figure
It's a shame, i would've loved to be a dad and have a family but the divorce rate is 50% and no one likes me.
I had patients crying about beeing unabel to breastfeed just like the mum. I told them, there is a urgend need for that kid having a father ' as the baby allready got a mum. Does not need two of them, one wearing a beard... Other female Patients confessed their thoughts of throuing the baby out of the window. I was the only one to listen without remorse. I am glad I listend with understanding. But it is hard to re awake their clear understanding whilst all their emotions get in a state of " running amok because of having a kid"
i'm not sure if Jordan Peterson is aware that he is the father figure for so many young men
He absolutely is not
He sort of is, embodying the benevolent father as an example for the younger misdirected kids.
i agree
Damn right - he tells the internet to clean their damn room and millions do it... !
Yes, he is a benevolent father figure similar to Tom Leykis www.blowmeuptom.com
"once you have kids it is NOT about you". Much agreement.
kids change you
I will not say that I disagree with that, I will only say the following: parents are like the roots of a tree and children are its branches; You have to take care of the roots so that the branches of the tree grow properly. What I'm tring to say with this is: it's about you more than you think. If you do not give enough care to yourself then you will give a bad example to your children, which can lead with high probability to your children not growing in the best way possible.
In addition to that, if you act like its all about them, then, you are sending the message that the world revolves around them, which is so far from the truth and implies a lot of problems in the future when they (your grown up son or daughter ) have to face the realitiy of the world.
There is a lot you can say about this, not only :"once you have kids it is NOT about you".
That it's not about you is a concept I told my wife when our daughter was born and she argued against it, but I didn't give in. She came to understand it after our daughter was around ten years old. Took her a while but she finally understood.
I don't know I think I saw some research to say that children from broken homes, as in parents stay together for the sake of the kids, are worse off than those who separate.
So sort your relationship out before you have children?
I'm from a broken home and I can confirm that it absolutely creates issues that a child of married/together parents might not have. That's not to say they're without their trials and tribulations as well, but when you're basically raised in two separate places by people who you had prior been raised to expect to remain in one, and even more especially when you don't know why they're NOT together, it gives you a lot of uncertainty and a lot of worry.
It could be said that in a person's life there are two people they should absolutely be able to trust and rely on. Those people are their parents.
In a broken home, or even in an unbroken one, if you don't feel like you matter, are wanted, or are a priority, you're going to develop problems.
When you have children, it isn't about you for this reason. From their perspective, you prioritizing your needs over theirs, or being perceived as doing so, is you saying "you aren't important, you don't matter".
My father told me that the greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love and be faithful to their mother.
I agree.
Applause
👏👏👏
to many men get married when theyre not mature enough.
@sanitman1 You cannot control other's actions. The message here is to try to do your best nonetheless.
Dr. Peterson: "It's not good for society when single parenthood becomes anything approximating the norm." AMEN.
Come on, Norman Bates was raised by his mom and he turned all right.
@@mikitz hahahaha they had a GREAT relationship XD
wife this is such bullshit.
Especially coming from single, childless Peterson.
@@jaymiddleton1782 Peterson is neither single nor childless lol
Dean Cutler that’s correct since making that post I’ve learned he is a father. Also that his daughter eats nothing but meat, which seems very dangerous.
Dads are super important in kids' life. the way my 18-month-old boy's behavior changes when he sees his father just brings tears to my eyes. I can see how much he loves him and respects him at the same time. My husband's very presence instills a certain discipline in him. He doesn't have to scold him or give a command twice. My son is just more than happy to do what his dad commands him to do.... He looks at him as an example, a source of protection and power, and of course a source of love and affection. I really cannot even imagine my kids' life without their father. God bless all fathers, especially the good ones.
ProudlyLebanese23 - I am a new father and I am experiencing the same thing. Magical stuff.
Wow that's awesome. Never had a father so it's really interesting to read about the effects of a father. Wishing your relationship all the best for the sake of your child, just like Jordan Peterson says here.
And God bless the women who can identify these qualities in a man and appreciate them. My daughter's mother has never had a deep thought in her life and her biggest life goal for self improvement is "having a large family", above education and hard work. Which is why she has 4 kids from 4 different men(our daughter was first, from a drunken one night stand when I was 16) and is currently on every available gov resource.
I've already seen the effects of her moms values rubbing off on our daughter...at 7 years old she became infatuated with becoming pregnant and getting married...it was all she would talk about and make believe. The tipping point for me was getting her for spring break and finding out her new favorite show was Maury.....
Ain't shit I can do about it either...as she doesn't live with me full time. Her mom and I share joint custody.
Player Name that's heart breaking man... just try to be a hood example and deflect all personal attacks baby momma might throw at you. Hopefully when your daughter is older she will understand
Well said.
"Marriage is....for the children." Isn't that the truth.
Daniel Pickens And so what is gay marriage?
yidiandianpang Exactly
@Mr Özyıldırım So you need more experience in the world huh? Got it. I've met a lot of people, i'm friends with people who doesn't feel lust towards women, and i'm friends with people who turn into homosexuality because their life is miserable (they need to be noticed, it's an escape from shitty house, they was shunned by opposite gender, only opposite gender understands them). But yeah sure, you clearly don't have an open mind and just want to win against me, i'm just going to stop there.
@Mr Özyıldırım 1. You are a human, you can judge for yourself and hold your opinion as you're doing right now.
2. Pyschologist and psychiatrist are not perfect and know-it-all, they're humans with skills, you're putting people on a pedestal. Sure you can just doubt my judgement and when you have the opportunity later you can ask them about this and prove what i said. I only said what i see and understand.
3. Straight men turning gay is exactly what i meant by what disgusted people and a mental ilness. And you said that's impossible?
The similarity between those points is that you haven't got out of your room and experience real life much.
At least when people tell you something take it with an open mind instead of being condecending and bitter about life. But sure, if you don't see anything wrong with yourself then what can i say wacko.
@Mr Özyıldırım Alright, you seem to misunderstood me. If you read my first comment i accepted that there're people with genuine homosexuality from birth. But there're also people with "ilness" homosexuality which is straight people turning gay, and what i and people see as disgusting, because their life is indeed dysfunctional in someways to themselves or people around them.
Alright fair enough you don't believe me and you see them as bi. And maybe that is factually true, they just see themselves as "homosexual" when they were actually born straight but then conditioned to be "bi" because they're don't mind it. The point is that there are people like this because their life is so shit that maybe you can't imagine it yet. But sure if you still won't believe me, in the end i only met 1 person like that in real life so it's arguably not that common and not brought up often.
I don't know what to say to this lol, it's YOUR world and you're free to see truth and falsehood as absolutes.
I grew up fatherless. He is right.
And i bet you blame your mom?
xoxXOXO l I grew up in a fatherless home and I blame both of my parents. There's no way I can forgive my father for being absent in my life. My mother was a nonsensical basket case who could have made better choices. I no longer have a relationship with neither.
welll not all single mothers are basket cases. some children appreciate their single mothers. FYI. I don't care what you say. I'm sorry you talk to neither.
Solomon Grundy hey, this is exactly what happened to me and my siblings. we have the psychological problems. sibling is an addict. but, we lived with both parents. father was abusive
Same here
Never met my father. Never had a father figure in the home. Peterson is at the top of people who are giving me vital wisdom to help me sort out my life. Much respect.
(And for the record, I just cleaned my room. Roughly speaking)
me too man. know how it feels. wish you the best.
Same here bros, hold me. I'm fucked up and trying to sort myself out. Trying to implement structure and self discipline in my life. Peterson is helping LOTS.
Ace of Goats ha started cleaning my room as well.First move in the right direction..
I was the same for years. Met my father. Meh. He should have been there when I was a kid, that's when I needed him. I didn't keep talking to him.
Jordan Peterson is a more effective father figure than my father ever was.
The best fatherless people I know made a father figure out of a friend's father.
ChannelMath I can honestly say that I look to all the men in my life as father figures. I try to take the best traits about that person and apply it to my own life. Is it the same as having a father? no, but in this search I feel I am forever growing. sidenote: I often wonder if I would've recognized and adopted these traits had he been around. I like to think the "alternate reality me" became a philandering deadbeat lol
I had my grandfather. probably the most moral man I've ever known. he dropped out of high school and became a CEO. he only bothered to get a GED when he could trust that his 12+ employees could handle the day to day work without him.
and a family friend who shared a passion for shooting sports, and Motorsports. (if it had an engine he tried to kill himself riding it).
having a father is important. but a couple good men can do the job for him.
Fuck, I have no friends though.
Or out of God
ChannelMath grew up on welfare, never had a dad, all my friends who had dads, had sheet ones
My dad didn't really know how to raise a son cuz his parents were very distant when he was one, so I found Jordan
Ive noticed the same pattern, that bad, inexistent or inadequate parents create poor parents.
bad parents, let recreate the same pattern....
Phanes The one downvote is from a feminist single mom who don't need no man!
nah ye nah ye nah, obviously.
My father lost a battle with cancer and passed away when I was just 9. I can confirm that sports, school, education, employment, and friends became some of the major occupations that (sort of) filled that father "gap". Still struggling today, but then again I don't know any different really. It's people like Peterson that inspire those of us who have suffered great loss.
Tough break, dude. Best wishes to you
Thank you man. Same to you.
aBoughtLemon indeed he is.
Here here, man. Cheers.
Man same exact story for me. I also lost my dad to lung cancer when I was 9 (he was actually born a few months before Jordan) and my mom became a bad alcoholic afterward several years. I'm 17 now and it's still very tough :(
I grew up in a fatherless household. I grew up with a fairly typical oedipal mother; overprotective, over affectionate etc... I am a completely dysfunctional human being. I'm not stupid, and my mom taught me a lot of things, but I am not proud of where I am today. There is definitely a correlation, although bad decision making and lack of planning on my part is largely to blame. I wish I could figure out how to get a life, but as old as I am now I feel like that ship has sailed.
No ones ever too old to get their life on track (I'm nearly 30 and only just worked out my ideals and goals for the future).
Just sit down with a pen and paper and work out what you want. Aslong as they're realistic goals you'll make it.
SanguineUltima i go to vollege with 45 year old men in the same program as me. dont worry about age. find something you enjoy and do it
Growing up without either parent is crippling in many ways, big things, small ones, and everything in between. And when life looks like a dead end, you're supposed to shoulder the responsibility of your actions as well. Not easy..
I don't share the voluntaristic optimism of the previous commenters. There is such a thing as impossible or too late. What is one supposed to do? Make sense of the chaos, change their character, get a hobby? I really find that people these days are a bit naive, in thinking their life is like a movie they're both directing, and starring in. And they can make anything out of it. Anyone can be an astronaut or president. I foresee some disappointment in their future..
Same here. Father left when I was 3 months old. Stepfather died when I was 3. Typical oedipal mother... yeah. She threathened to kill herself a few times as well, which was fun to hear for a 4-yr old only child.
Motivation is a major issue. Daily life is hard for me because I don't care. I've proven to be tough in situations I couldn't escape from, but these were rare. I have some friends from stable two parent households and the difference is shocking. Life seems to be so much easier for them.
It's been ups and downs for the last 40 years and although slightly improving, I guess the next 40 years won't be that much different. Fortunately, I don't have a wife or children, so I won't fuck up the next generation.
I remember JP said: "What are you going to do when you're 40-45 and you don't have a family?" Good question. I should ask him during his next Patreon Q & A.
teaCupkk this is part of the "sorting out" imo. Not everyone can be an astronaut or surgeon. We have to be objective with ourselves and judge our abilities as if we were looking down at ourselves from a birds eye view. Am I capable of studying for hours on end? If not, don't go studying something like medicine. You can't be a sprinter if your legs aren't the same size. You can't be a model looking like sloth from the goonies. Of course there are issues with this for example if you have low self worth you may underestimate yourself.
If you are without a father figure and seeking one beware. There are predators out there. My friend learned that to his great cost.
If your dad is not in your life it leaves a hole that you cannot help but try to fill, someone will always take advantage of this.
Didn't know men took advantage of men.
the hell does that even mean? predators prey on the vulnerable, what's not to know?
@@Thobza_Mhlongo Well there are many things to take advantage of.
@Lucifer Defier lol don't project sweetie.
It's both reassuring and alarming that so many young men here see Jordan Peterson as a father figure. Reassuring because he presents as the best kind of dad one could hope for, and alarming because there is obviously a huge void in society of good male role models.
Hopefully they'll stop being angry litte mgtows and incels living in their mother's basements because of this.
A HUGE void.
And a serious problem.
Not to sound political, but i think this is where the overwhelmingly angry folks in BLM and other social justice folk have come from. Broken homes that screwed up their childhood.
And if that's true, then i can't say i blame them for being the way they are.
@@Thobza_Mhlongo You have no idea what you're talking about. Go clean a floor or dust or something.
@Hello Jon Goldney, How are you doing?
@@goldigit I'm doing good, I live in michigan and I'm in door now, Nice meeting you, I love making new friend , Can you please suggest a way we can talk off here and with time and patience we will get to know each other as well dear And if possible you can email me it this lydiaanderson6060@gmail.com please!.
My father works abroad 90% of the year, so i dont really have a father. I have to thank deeply to jordan peterson, joe rogan, elliot hulse, jocko willink and some others, because those guys were my fathers. I feel more masculine than most of my friends and I think i'm a pretty "complete" person because of that. Thank you, seriously.
joe rogan, lol, he's more like an annoying older brother.
A wise and funny older brother then
+1
Joe Rogan is a great facilitator for discussions of important issues of our time. He's doing good for humanity, really.
Funny, I also have to thank those four same people.
I’m a single mom to a boy and I listen to JP and look for guidance in raising my son.
the boy is lucky to have a strong mom like you to support him
i feel for your boy ma'm because that is a recipe for disaster. i grew up without a father and now only as an adult i see how unhealthy it really is for a boy to grow up without his father, to say that it took a toll on me would be a massive understatement. I just simply do not see how a mother can raise her son without his father being present without some serious consequences. It literally makes the boy 50% to 70% weaker in absolutely every measurement.
@@specialK312 yeah no shit. Wtf is this even supposed to mean? Go talk to my sons dad about him not being around.... he’s an addict and has horrible anger issues. Yeah my son will definitely be affected by not having his dad in his life regularly but he’s me more damaged seeing his mother be abused mentally and physically.
@@opossum632 Na u doin good
@@lailahk2518 you’re preaching to the choir babe
A fatherless home could be one where father is there physically, but of no support emotionally.
Elizabeth K father’s aren’t there to be “emotional support”(not in the sense I feel you mean-in that emotional support is “I will cry with you”. That’s the mothers role. She is the love, the father is the strength. Little girls run to daddy, not mommy, because they need the tree that stays the same, not the leaf that changes colors.
Clarkstowns Finest I strongly disagree!
you: "father’s aren’t there to be “emotional support” ... the father is the strength."
....Which is emotionally supportive....how do you have a high enough iq to breathe? lololol
Night Pasta I have 2 masters degrees and a 130 IQ. Judging from your scratchings responding to my personal opinion, I'd say yours are in the double digits.
Being there physically is sufficient to provide a role model.
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes - 5 times the average. (US Dept. Of Health/Census)
90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes - 32 times the average.
85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes - 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes - 14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes - 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
espada9 absolute bullshit
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@@SB-xl9yn lol just calling something bullshit doesn't make it so
Thank you for the refs. People Will still argue and say you're wrong. Lol
Sorry, single Moms don’t give a faq about this!
I have worked with at risk youth for twenty plus years. The problem with minority males is they are over feminized. They learn to react to life by watching females, but are filled with male aggressive hormones. It's a deadly combination.
I’ve been reading all these comments and finally starting to see why certain aspects of my life haven’t been clicking like other guys around me... it all makes sense.
Kinda fucked up, but nothing I can really do about it but learn everything myself. 18 and I’m just beginning to learn certain things I should’ve learned years ago... :/
I'm a lot older and still learning.
Consider how men and women react when they become mad or angry; Women vent and men internalize. So growing up as a young man watching only how a women deals with her emotions teaches boys to act against their biology. Now we have multiple generations of kids growing up in households minus gender specific role models. Its causing big problem in our youth
If you want a crash course in growing up and man stuff consider joining the military for a few years. Especially in combat arms. Nothing will grow up like that first four years.
Skykiller as a person who grew up fatherless ( left my mom when I was 6 ) I do feel like I lacked manliness I'll rather be cleaning and do my chores help around the house then play outside when I was younger I was just trying to become a grown-up faster then my peers trying to help her and be better then my father ever was that it cuase me to lack a childhood and also since I had no father figure I was never interested in sports I had no to teach me ,play with ,and watch with since I only watched cartoons or whatever my mom had on I had no reason to learn about sports. I love my mom but still wish I had someone to teach me things only a father knows. You know some father and son bonding. I needed a balance of both feminine and masculine not one more than the other.
@@TinyLordCthulhu you can still learn and grow and work on yourself. read some self help books. take some risks. practice semen retention. work out. when you exercise you build masculine energy. when you retain your seed you harness that masculine energy and it gives you drive. read "way of the superior man. " by david deida. read it 10-15 times it will help you bbecome the man you are on the inside
@@ciiss5285 Dude I can relate too, 18 yrs old and lost af.
"Marriage isn't for the people who are married
it's for the children obviously and like if you
can't handle that grow the hell up!
Seriously. No, I mean seriously. Seriously." (4:19)
i've been waiting for someone to say that for a while.
I like how it almost looks like your quoting the bible by putting time stamp at the end.
I wish my gf's mom woulda wised up on this. Then maybe her daughter wouldnt be so fucked up.
o really stupid point of view, not even remotely true.
Incidentally, that is the root of why the catholic church can't agree to gay marriage, because marriage has a purpose - it is oriented towards children. It has nothing to do with being homophobic, it is because gay marriage denies the very meaning and purpose of the marriage bond. Stable marriages are vital for a healthy society.
Also, a father can be physically there everyday---- but he can also be highly abusive and unpredictable---- and it's often the same feeling as not having a father there at all.
Now you're just being picky
Or being there but not doing anything
R N joke right?
My dad said he could no longer teach me anything when I turned 18.
I think having narcissist parents are just as bad as not having a parent there
Even worst
I think a combination of both can be a disaster for the children
@@CBUCK1994've been through same. I've been neglected throughout my life, my parents still don't understand anything about me and I'm 21 already and I don't even know why I chose to study to become a doctor and it's already final year for me. I have mixed feelings about my parents.
There were lot of times where I wished I or they didn't exist to suffer this life. I had hate and other disturbing thoughts towards them too. But I'll be my best self and I'm done compromising myself for other people and my circumstances.
When I started teaching 40 years ago only 4 students in my class came from broken homes. By the time I retired only 4 students in my class had both parents in the home.
Camera rolling into the classrom: 4 chairs and 4 tables.
"Tilted towards mercy" Peterson is such an eloquent speaker. He can encapsulate so much serious scholarship into a simple phrase like that so that you grasp the big picture instantly. He's a genius at communicating, and watching his lectures is like attending great theater.
Grew up fatherless. I had to teach myself how to be a man. My mom did allow me to gain independence, and I think that helped me early on. But even though I’m a grown man, I still look for a father figure. For guidance. For love. For one to say “I’m proud of you son.” Or “That’s my boy!”
You have done what many of us have had to do: become one's own mother and father.
Independence isn't given it's earned. Had to learn that the hard way my mom in no way wanted me to be independent she wanted her little boy forever even if it turned her sons into husks with no purpose in life, as long as she wasn't lonely our dreams were irrelevant.
My dad left when I was nine, and I barely ever saw him after that. It really destroyed my self confidence, etc!
Me too
As someone from a fatherless home, he speaks the truth. I realized what I was doing in my late teens, I watched a movie where they made reference to a character collecting father figures because he didn't have one. I realized I was doing the same and got kind of creeper out. It's good to hear someone as intelligent as he articulate this, and to read the comments and realize I really am not alone in the way I felt.
Milliam Woody what movie?
You aren't alone
Hell I spent a good year of my life watching Elliott Hulse when I was 18
I guess the movie was Kill Bill Vol. 2?
What was the movie please?
I have to say my mother did a great job with me. My father was useless and left when I was a child and I lost my mother in 2008 to cancer, maybe it took a while for her lessons to sink in but she is a great example. She did a good job with me
Yes, some fathers are useless. And people without fathers are not broken at all. 💖
Considering that you're bragging about 'how well' your mom did with you on youtube, she must have not done that well of a job lmao.
@@Newbport849 Triggered.
@@kidsmoked you dont think its weird someone is bragging 'how well' their mom did with them on youtube?
@@Newbport849 it means he is grateful.
A few nights ago, I had a dream that Jordan Peterson came to my town to speak, and I attended the lecture. When it was over, everyone was leaving the building and I was looking for him to thank him, I found him on his own among the crowd, holding a baby boy, no more than a year old. He was playing with the boy, caring for him, making him laugh, and just loving him.
I woke up then, and thought about the dream for a moment. Suddenly I realized that I was the baby, and I cried and cried. More specifically, it was the baby I am deep inside myself that has never known such love and encouragement from anyone, never known his father, and grown up mostly alone. I'm crying even now, as I type this on my lunch break.
Thank you so much, Jordan, for going through all the trials of your life that have made you who you are. Thank you for believing in who I could be. You can add my life to the long list of all the lives you have saved. If all I can do to honor you is to keep my proverbial room clean, always tell the truth, and aim for the highest good, then I will stake my life on it.
I've binged watched so many of these clips that when folks ask, "who's your daddy?" I proudly reply...Jordan B. Peterson.
Many people asked you that yet?
Who is your daddy and what does he do?
I had a bad father figure. Sometimes I wish I didnt have a father at all. I really think having a good father figure in life is a bless.
What a good father gives you is more than knowledge -- it's a FEELING. It's a stable sense of self. You can't learn that, can't read it in a book. If you have a good father, you get a FEELING that carries you through your life, and is a huge advantage to you.
You put it so well.
Yep. Lack of a father is much of why people with Borderline Personality Disorder lack a stable identity. They feel empty inside and don't have a sense of who they are. It is psychologically catastrophic. 75% of BPD patients attempt suicide, and 10% succeed.
I didn't have one then. I'm already 21 and I feel like it would have been better for me and others if I had never existed. I don't have an objective sense of self that can coexist with this harsh reality.
I grew up in a home with two father figures: Goku and Vegeta
Best comment. made me day.
batman and superman :)
Lol
Lmao!!!
Yup...feel u 100%
The sins of a father typically affects at least 3 generations. We all have to play with the cards we've been given. We all have to navigate through the mistakes made by our father and mother.
True
How did you calculate the 3 generations? If you are aware enough and work diligently towards a wholesome life, the sins of your father won't even affect one generation.
@@smaanan my take is the first is obiviously gone, the second goes in blind and the third is able to learn from his father achievements and mistakes
Ezekiel 18:19
Verse Concepts
“Yet you say, ‘Why should the son not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity?’ When the son has practiced justice and righteousness and has observed all My statutes and done them, he shall surely live.
My child is growing without his father. His father was abusive and brought only chaos into our home. If I should stayed married with him, I believe he would have cause more damage in our child than growing up in a fatherless home. Sometimes there is no other options than to get separated.
Maybe the point is, before you even get married, be 100 % sure about the other person. And be brutally honest to yourself.
@Jason It is still worse if she stayed with the abusive, bad man. For so many reasons. He would have ruined her and her off-spring overtime.
Who married that abusive man in the first place knowing he wouldn't change? the mother. The mother is equally responsible for her failed marriage. There might have been decent good men asking the mother for marriage, but she decided to be with the abusive man. Thus, single mother, fatherless child.
@@Tes-qe1jc You got to be kidding. Abusive men never show their true colors before it is too late. My ex started to abuse me immeadiately when I got pregnant. Narcissistic people are masters to play games and show their true colors when they know their victim can't escape.
@@lostintranslation3367 You did the right thing. Now you can explain to your child that you needed to make a safe everyday for you and the child. Do not be too restricted in telleing the truth. You see how Peterson doesn't shy away from straight forward speaking. This is what a mother with a fatherless child could do: Try to tell that there were lovable traits in the biological father but the relationship turned toxic. Read Astrid Lindgrens books with your child - the age of the protagonist is a hint of what age of the reader is ideal.
Be mindful of showing, enjoying and sharing great fatherhood-experiences where-ever you find it. Granddads and uncles and cousins can be of great value. Be sure to show your child that you appreciate wonderful men, both on screen and in real life. Then you will not fall victim of people accusing you of man-hating, which is not good for anyone, as isn't hate towards women or any category of people.
Try to move towards the middle-ground between male and female interests in the world as much as you can and discuss the roles and difficulties with your child, age-appropriately of course. Like cross-country skiing, hiking, car-repair, house-building, swimming, ball-sports, looking for good coaching in books, videos and real life - but also teach survival skills like cooking, cleaning, maintenance, household budgeting and assure your child this makes an ideal grown-up partner and parent. Learn about the Nordic countries as much as possible. Many things that Peterson rebells against in the USA are problems that have been better handled in one of or many of the Nordic countries.
Point out good male&female examples, provide a rich array of experiences and try to find a virtual "village of good people", whom your child can get to know and like, and learn from. The future will be more than OK for your child like this! Very important is that the child doesn't start to hate the genes and inheritance from the father's side - and with a nuanced parental approach the child will grow up balanced and open-eyed, and a loving and confident and honest person!
@@Tes-qe1jc i seriously doubt he beat her on their first date and she stuck around lol
I'm 37 and very glad Jordan can't see the state of my room.
Clean it up.
I’m 67 and to clean up my house it would require an excavator, a crew and several dumpsters. I’m beyond hope.
A father figure cannot be replaced. As hard as a mom can try to do both, it can’t be done. Both parental figures are needed
My father lost his father when he was 7 years old. I lost my father when I was 15. I’m 66 years old and only now beginning to understand what kind of an affect that had on us.
Listen, not having a dad is hard. Growing up with a single mother, and only child... with a mother that isn’t there and was always gone working.
Been physically and sexually abused at a young age, and emotionally locking yourself up.
Thinking of my dad breaks me, because it shows me what I want the most... what I need the most. At the same time, I don’t want him back. He chose to leave, he chose to not be there... to not give a damn about me nor anything.
I’ve never told my mother about anything, not will I see a therapist. I’m too locked out, too closed off on this... I’m fine with saying it here, as it’s open... and I feel faceless and free.
I wish I had a dad, or even a parental figure to be there... for a boy to have his dad, is a man on man relationship. It’s a father son, and it’s priceless.
If you say people are fine without their fathers, sure... but I’m here vouching otherwise.
I’m emotionally shut out, and I refuse to show my emotions and won’t cry. I feel weak, and one day... I don’t want to be famous for fame, or rich for riches. I want to be known for doing something fantastic; so that day, my dad can see... and realize his mistakes and what he’s done to me. By not being there for me at all... but simply not doing anything, but leaving.
I just want him to see, what he missed out on. For once, to want me... to regret his choices; and I was a marriage baby and was planned... so it’s not like he didn’t want me to begin with.
I’m shut out, and don’t need help... don’t be me; go get yourself help:
*1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Hotline*
*1-800-656-4673 National Sexual Abuse Hotline*
*If you’re going through anything, seek help and don’t do it alone. This is from my own experience and it’s crushing and will ruin you... just talk to somebody! I had a teacher of mine that I was blessed with... who was my out, who was my therapist, and cared. They care, we care... I care.*
Hey man good luck and we will all make it through on way or the other. I hope you never stop fighting the hard battle and always stay strong.
😪😭i feel like this is how my husband feel. The emotional damage it yas cause has mostly put a strain on my marriage. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a boxing ring or on a battlefield with him. I just wish he could get counseling with his dad. I probably need it to since mine was absent due to drugs and jail
I hope he will see one day, and will be very sorry.
I wouldn't hold my breath, you know your worth mate, don't look for approval from a stranger. Never had a dad, my friends who had fathers had crap ones so maybe you would and could always have been worse off.
Take care bro.
You should let it all out. It will set you free and break the shell you had to build to survive/overcome the abuse. Have no shame because you were the victim. I felt your comment. Take good care of yourself. Hope you are in an even better place now
My father left me, my sister and my mom when I was just 3 years old. He has never even TRIED to contact any of us and he has done NOTHING for us. But my life has been good and happy anyway. The most important thing is not the one who helped bred you, the important thing is that you have made it well in life!
It's a symbiosis, I feel. Parents have to work on themselves right through so they can give the best they can to their kids. In that respect, it's still about the kids. But it's absolutely vital they don't abandon themselves and just live vicariously through their kids.
Yes, it’s seriously screwed up when you see a parent - usually a mother - trying to be her child’s peer and run her child’s social life. I saw a woman and her teen daughter at the mall. The girl was about 16 and the mother about mid-30s and they were strolling around dressed exactly alike, with their hair styled exactly alike. It was creepy and weird. The mother is not letting the daughter grow into her own person and gain independence, which any good parent would recognize as normal and necessary.
If the parents job is to be a role model, to lead their children to live a virtuous life, they can’t be living through their children.
My son was in a gang called the Boyscouts! Lol My sons dad died when he was 8. He had been in boyscouts a year at that time but he stayed in and now at 17 is working on his Eagle. He wanted to quit when he was in grade 7 but I told him he had to give it another year and I made him go- offering to take him to McDs after every meeting- which we normally never go to. After about 6 months he liked it again and has thanked me repeatedly for keeping him around a bunch of great men that have provided wonderful role models for him. Also when he was a teen and started going astray a bit the older scouts talked to him and told him to cut it out. At this age it means a lot coming from peers.
I really appreciate the tip. ^-^
Revolting Swan I read that and thought too it was the weirdest Segway 😂
He said, "Once you have kids it isn't about you at all, period! " He contradicts himself by then going on to say, "Now that isn't to say it isn't about you at all." In my opinion, the reality is that a mother & father provide the foundation of the family & without a loving, strong cooperative foundation between the mother & father a family will become dysfunctional. Parent's needs, health & wellbeing do matter inorder to rear well adjusted children, period!
I think he meant, that it doesn’t mean you don’t count anymore, just that you aren’t the center of attention anymore. Oh and he never said “at all” after the first part
I met my dad once, when I was in a foster home. I was probably 4 or 5 years old and my foster mom brought me to a protected facility to play board games with him and such while they were able to watch us through a two-way mirror. That's my one memory of him, and thankfully it's a fond one, because he was really kind to me in that situation. But I've heard countless stories about how he was an addict, alcoholic, abuser, and I still check his arrest records every few months to see if he's doing any better. But he gets arrested every year somehow, usually for indecent exposure, driving without a license while intoxicated, resisting arrest, possession of drugs, and sometimes even assault. I don't understand how he isn't just permanently in prison, to be honest.
But I grew up with just my mom, who was working minimum wage at Macy's for years, as well as a few grocery stores before that. We would always rent out just one bedroom in someone's apartment because that's all we could afford, and we had to move every year because we couldn't keep up with rent. I eventually gave up on making friends since I lost them so frequently, and I decided I was happier at home than at school where I didn't know anybody. I sat in my room for hours and hours on end, ditching school to play video games, way back in 3rd grade. My mom had the exact problem Peterson explains in this video; she was too merciful. All she could ever bring herself to do was work and make sure my needs were taken care of, she never pushed me to do anything. I ended up rapidly gaining weight until I was 240 pounds by 5th grade.
Finally, my mom moved in with a new boyfriend. I now had a father figure, but I was still pretty far gone. I remember crying the first time he told me to take out the trash, because I had never done chores before. He was always pushing me to do sports, join the boy scouts, learn how to ride a bike, go on a long walk every day with the dog, all of that stuff. I didn't want to do any of it. Luckily he forced me to earn a bike through volunteering and forced me to learn how to ride it, and that was the beginning of my life finally turning itself around. I actually started to lose some weight, and I enjoyed biking to school. I took my health more seriously once I realized I could do better, and I lost around 20 pounds in the first couple years. Unfortunately, my mom's boyfriend was a recovering addict, and after two years of living with him and slowly getting better, he got addicted to crack again. At this point, he was no longer a father figure to me. I stopped taking his advice, I started acting like he wasn't there when he was home, and he eventually stopped being home. He sold his car, gave up on his private basketball team that he coached for a living, and rented a car to become an Uber driver. Every day he spent out with other people, spending all of our savings on drugs and prostitutes, probably. But we had nowhere else to move to, so my mom and I put up with this for two whole years, until we had no savings left.
Once we had finally moved out, my head cleared. I realized that, even if he went down the wrong path, he was still right. I actually decided to join the football team when I got into high school, pretty much on a whim. And since then, I've always been happier, more confident, and have done more with my life. Even if it's only for a short amount of time, a father figure will change your life.
My struggle to find a father figure has cost me a lot in life. Friends who take advantage, jobs that peter out because no one is really looking to take on that role from the other side. It has cost me more than I could possible even say. People who do not know the power of a father figure either have not experienced it or have not witnessed it enough to understand. Women raise children, men raise adults.
That last sentence is 100% true. Powerfully truthful.
Thanks for being there and doing your best.
I grew up without a father. My single Mother was highly educated & did a terrific job. I've found that I seem to be as successful as my friends who had fathers--they seem to have no advantages. Single parenthood is not ideal, but you can achieve your goals, be happy & fulfilled.
@@shrisub881 yea
Had to scroll this far down to find a comment like this, shocking. Anyway I agree with you.
Your response gives me hope. This morning I just received via txt msg my husband is abandoning me and our unborn baby (due in a few weeks). I hope I can do a terrific job like your mom I’m raising my son. Please let me know what you think your mom had done that’s right. While I’m devastated, I have to persevere for my baby.
The good thing is that you are a female, IMO you only needed a mother figure.
No because your interactions with your father plays in the way you interact with men. I hope my daughter will not ask for validation or devotes her life to a man. I cannot tell... I am trying my best but there are unpredictable flaws stemming from mother single-parenting.
Jordan Peterson is a father figure to me. My Dad was present in my home physically but he was unable to protect me from my abusive maother and that only added to my hopelessness, despair and isolation. Thank you.
"Marriage is for the children"
I’m so thankful for present fathers - those of the past, those of the present, and those who will be in the future, especially those who overcame their fatherlessness.
Thank you Jordan Peterson, i´m 45, grew without father and i still learn from this, you are some sort of father figure even to me... I never thought about these things until quite recently, we only miss what we once had right, i never had and have a great mother so it was blocked out of my brain... Thank you.
"Wisdom is Power" " With Great Power comes The Great Responsibility" Mr.Peterson knows it. RESPECT.
I grew up without my father being a presence. It was troublesome but I found role models in historical figures.. Really payed off for who I am today.
awesome. same i look at good role models through reading, researching , watching, . it does pay off. could you name a few that helped you along the way?
@@grandoldsoul4691 John D Rockefeller
@Hello Kris Hammond, How are you doing?
@@grandoldsoul4691 sorry for 2-3 year late reply. I can't say the person as a whole but certain aspects of them , like Alexander the great , Ceasar , Napoleon , only particular traits, right now honestly watching Naruto is super wholesome and there's so much stuff to learn of the characters within
@@lydiaanderson3312 very good thankyou. Forgot I commented this haha
I grew up fatherless and am thinking that maybe this is a factor that makes me uncomfortable around other men.
I feel though that it takes a village to raise a child. I think if I grew up around more people or an extended family I will probably have less mental issues.
Have you gathered your preferred "village" by now? I do hope so!
DNA350ppm No, I don’t mean literal village. I mean a community of people.
I meant rather a virtual village, instead of a tangible one, but a sort of spiritual kinship, maybe members from all over the world, and in films and books. All the best to you forever!
beautiful
No father figure in my life. God bless my mother. RIP
I found myself shouting out loud YES, the profound message I've always believed that selfish adults destroy children.
"So self evident"
Exactly this!
My dad had always been in our lives but not much of a man. He never disciplined us, allowed our mom to be verbally abusive,was unemployed but would still cheat on my mom and he allowed people to take advantage of our family since he was such a people pleaser. My mom still made us do everything for him such as his laundry and prepare his meals.. It honestly felt like having a grown child in the house
I grew up without my father and I without knowing I did look towards education and heroes for some sort masculine role models but when I dropped out of college I was all on my own and got lost. I became more angry with the world, dark, mysognystic, and constantly making bad decisions that I would regret. I would constantly feel dissonant because I knew that if I had a father they wouldn't let me do theses things that were bad for me and the people around me but I'd do them anyway because I had zero discipline. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and had a a series of traumatic experiences that made me aware of where I was heading. Thankfully I encountered the work of Dr. Peterson and many other well educated people online. I even found a friend group of other struggling guys on their 20s who like me had broken families.
My parent got divorced when i was 10, so I can relate and understand the fact that it was necessary a father figure for me at that time, and it took a longer time for me to grow up and actually be a disciplined man, because of the absence of father, my mother noneles was a caring and loving figure who didn't knew how to encourage and discipline us, it's hard to have that kind of life, but I guess like a lot of people like me, that in jordan peterson I'm finding that lost figure that I desperately needed
my dad left me when i was child but mum never told me that .i use to cry a lot when i see other kids playing with theire dad , i spent so many years praying to God to see my dad just once .i dreamd just to hug him or hold his hand .i missed him a lot at every happy moment or sad moment.but when i grow up i found out that dad left me by his own choice then i felt how poor im as i wast my tears .now im suffering of depression because of that and couldn't finish my university couldn't work .my relationship fail every time i try to find right man as i couldn't express my feeling .
Daddy
Go clean your room, bucko
MrKmas508 do as you mother says
The worst part of being a fatherless child is having a fucked up mother that intentionally poisons your masculinity. She basically brainwashed me into being a doormat because she thought i was gonna turn out like my dad which is so incredibly evil i feel nauseous thinking about it
statistically, (there are always exceptions so don't bring up red herrings), children of single parents have a horrible future in general. You can say whatever you like but the idea of family is becoming a real issue in America. Kids hate their parents and their parents hate their kids while the parents even hate each other. People are starting to care less and less about Family and the consequences will lead to the destruction of America if left unchecked.
notice how I said "in general". please don't list your anecdotal experiences or random examples because facts don't lie and you can't deny that having a mother and father by default is an advantage. Does that mean that single mothers can't be awesome? no. Can children of single mothers be awesome? yes. can both parents be the spawn of satan? yes. But in general those who place a strong value of family stick together and the concept of family, sacrifice, and love is being lost in this generation. Although "love" is being advocated by lgbt as well as tolerance this nation is running out of love. Although democrats preach love and tolerance, this nation is devoid of love. It's all just a political game, and the real concept of family meaning sticking together when things get tough, sacrificing for one another, and loving one another is being truly lost among the political white noise.
20% single parent hood ratios decades ago now 60% on avg. although slavery and segregation existed all races valued family much more than today. abolishing slavery and seg we take 5 steps forward but the death to family ideals in america is taking 20 steps backwards.
I Love your statistics are bullshit. the evidence does show that a child who had a father who left may have behavioural problems. but a child who never knew their father in the first place will not have these issues. on top of that, what's WORSE for a child is for a new man to arrive on the scene.
you associate the "family" with some political ideologies, it seems. just because you feel like single parent children grow up to horrible futures doesn't make it so, and you definitely can't say "statistically" because I've just downloaded the PDFs of several studies that don't bear up to your statistics.
these reports also indicate there's differences between fatherless children of various races. family isn't a real issue in America, what you're saying is you have an issue with other people's families.
hey, do you believe in God?
You can find studies to prove anything if you look hard enough and suitably bastardise the information. Are you seriously trying to argue that children aren't better off in a stable two parent home over a single parent one? Ok, lol. And yes, family is clearly an issue in America. The family structure is breaking down in most of the western world.
honestly right now there are 8 billion people, stop making children. you aren't living in a tribe anymore, save the fucking planet by not overpopulating the world that's more important than dysfunctional families
This man is literally pulling me through the worst time of my life one video at a time ❤️
Growing up with a father who was a good father but crushes You, You automatically seek for an ideal father figure which in my case was my oncle who was extremely positive thinking who encouraged me also gave me good advise...only later I realized that my parents really sacrified a lot for us but also used us as tools for the pressure they had running a demanding business, their frustrations were directed as us. Yes Jordan Peterson is an ideal father figure because he encourages and demands self- discipline in a positive way.
My situation seems to be more uncommon. I'm 1 in 13 children, growing up in Canada(In my teenage years right now) and I've had a really overwhelming feeling of being mentally
"lost" as a child due to not having guidance. In more ways than I can count, I'm better now because of people like Jordan Peterson.
He didn’t really answer he question about how girls without fathers are specifically effected
I’m really grateful that my mom tried to play both sides of the equation to what she knows. Still so much I had to learn outside of her, but I’m gonna make her proud
I really like your lectures Mr. Peterson. They make so much sense.
Being scarred by your personal experience, coming from a family that was not quite heaven, learning that arguing, infidelity, abuse, lack of love, and ultimately complete absence from your father or mother or both are the definition of what a family is in the real world, the question of “why even get involved with someone, let alone get married?” will have a very strong reasoning behind it.
If you come from a family where you were exposed to infidelity, abuse and divorce, your attitude about relationships and marriage is less likely to be positive, and if you get married, the chances that your marriage will end up in ruins are higher considering the patterns that you have learned at home.
You have a choice and I dare you to make that choice right and decide in your lifetime to change the entire course of your lineage. Everything that was passed onto you, intentionally or not, was never your choice. You did not pick your parents, you did not ask for your parents to abuse you, mistreat you, ignore you or cast you to the side.
Will you collapse under your fears, will you hide in your insecurities, or will you fight for a change and write your own story?
The choice is yours to make, reader!
All the best to you!
I grew up fatherless, and thank goodness that I find Jorden Peterson's lecture by the time I was 19.
Whenever i find Jordan's logic perfectly Aligned w mine i KNOW i am on the right track. This man has confimed AND corrected SO many of my "assumptions" you might say i feel i walk in a fairly aware state and that brings me comfort. I KNEW I WASN'T CRAZY!😂Blessings to all of you other amateur Sociologists.❤
I'm 45 now and grew up without a father. I still struggle with that in so many areas. Especially with relationships.
My dad was a verbally abusive, narcissistic, bipolar alcoholic. I'm 21 now and am struggling a lot because he wasn't there in my adolescents as a father (even though I lived with him). I'm now trying to pick up the pieces myself because I am the only one who can help me now. I feel I have a stunted mental growth of about 5 years from being so anxious about everything and not believing in myself and going out into the world. People like Jordan really help.
Keep up that good struggle for a good life and a peaceful mind and great goals, man! Kudos, Vito, for learning and being constructive, and when you've learned what you need, then you know what you need to know, and that's absolutely good enough! Plus that you've learned what it takes to put things right and to repair what's gone wrong. Share that skill with less fortunate people, if possible! You are going to work this out, I'm sure of this, because of your clear view of things in your life! Allow yourself to be the best version of you - and that's very good and that's huge!
Exact same here man. Don’t worry, god is shaping your character to be even stronger and wiser. Look for the best father there is, Jesus Christ, he will teach you all the lessons you need.
is there any lecture that he talks about the necessity of leaving the parental home and the psychology of living with the parents after a certain age? (25-35ish)
I have a few clips that are relevant to what you are looking for, especially the first one I think. There is no lecture that only talks about that topic, but it is a reoccurring theme of his lectures. There are a lot more than just these, you could also count the ones that talk about rescuing your father from the underworld and the archetype of the exploratory hero.
ua-cam.com/video/kXi9bwI6cY8/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/JA5iEKvHNxk/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/50FbeazFkgs/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/QHBDILfbiag/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/QctT0Oc_uQQ/v-deo.html
Thank you
Try searching for "Failure to launch" that's the term psychologists use.
Jordan Peterson - Becoming Independent From Your Parents
Degenerate Scumbag, failure to launch is exactly me.God someone help me get my shit together.
Thank you
I'm 17 and also grew up in a fatherless home. Dad got kicked out from house when I was around 7 or 8. I just realized how tough handling my mother complex was so I'm more than fortunate to know Dr. Jordan Peterson before I go to college. I can't voice it out but mom seemed only teaching me to be dependent on her and told me not to go away farther from her but the course I wanted to take isn't available here in province (BS Psy) and considering taking one at the capital city of our country. I'm determined to learn the necessary survival skills and live independently as much as possible.
I can't imagine a father not wanting to teach his son everything he knows, even though he knows he can only teach so much.
I hope that Dr. Peterson publishes his next book on this topic. It's been destroying Western Societies for far too many decades...
Dr. Peterson is so damn smart. I love listening/watching all of his lectures
I think that I did really well taking over the "dad" role bc discipline and play are so important to me. My mom kind of took on the more "motherly" role, being much more nurturing and merciful than me, but also enjoying her role as grandma! lol.
I had to be more strict and disciplinary to balance all that out, lol.
I never had a father at all, I have been searching for father figures my entire life. I still look to this day, and I am now a father myself.
I’m glad there are people like Jordan to help fill some of the gaps so that I can be the father that I never had.
" it's degeneration of societies when single parents become the norm ", this man is genius.
Great message.
so tough... had to go through it... unlearning all the bad habits now
I was my own father. I sought ideals. Visually morally and physically. Which was built upon as I aged. To this day and I'm now 42 I hold the same morals and stick to them. I've tested myself extensively through both physically and mentally. I know who I am what I'm capable of and how to control myself and any situation. The finger must always be pointed at yourself not others was my key tactic
Grew up with no dad. Just mum. Gotta say that changed my point of view in life. Now that I’m married and have my boy I’m loving him showing him affection and giving him time till death takes me away.
Any father that does not want to be with their child is a bitch in my opinion. Harsh..but genuine.
Absolutely agree. You have the chance to change the pattern in your family. All the best to you!
💯👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Im 25 and need every bit of this
Don't give up. All the best to you!
so glad someone just said this.
Father's play a very important role in kids' lives and not just as some guy whose genetic material is part of you, that guy who gets you food and meets your material needs and keeps you safe. Every daughter knows that dad is her first and sometimes only true love she will ever know. Even if others judge him to be a bad dad eg drinks, Gamble's, is too popular with other women than mum etc.He is what gives daughters confidence as women and can advise them on how to handle men. I recall my own father, who was far from perfect giving me a valuable piece of female advice that stood me in good stead in life and prevented me becoming the usual victim type many modern eg abused etc. It was simple: Look after a good man and he'll look after you. O asked him how to get a good man. He gave a few points on what the hallmarks of a good man are, which mum disagreed with, and then said "You will have to find him yourself, if you reject the ones I find for you..." (My ethnic group still had arranged marriages, with agreement with their kids). For boys, father's are a role model. I recall meeting a very sad son of a single mum who had just got out of jail. He chatted about his life and how he ended up in trouble from a young age. He said "Mum was very beautiful. She was the best. I adored her. If she wasn't my mum, I'd marry her...But she was poor. I had no dad. I knew we needed money, 'cos we had none. But I couldn't get a job...I just didn't know what to do to get money she needed. So I did it and got caught...That's how it all happened..." Of course, there is no guarantee that having a dad would have kept him out of jail. He might have been, probably would have been a bad male role model. So, not only does a boy need a father to base his own development on. Be needs a good male model to watch and learn how to be a man from.But, modern millennial feminists believe fathers are superfluous, other than as providers of
Child Support money.Some keep pet men as househusbands, to do unpaid child care and housekeeping drudgery work women have traditionally hated doing.They don't even want fathers of their kids around for sex because nowadays, their younger gen feminist morality (or should that be immorality???) actually gives them permission to have several men at once, despite being married to just one, typically father of their kids or one of the many fathers of their multiple kids.
Jordan didn't really answer the question, ultimately. How can you compensate for a lack of a father figure, and how can you do so effectively?
And what can mothers like widows do to help raise their children to be fine adults?
I grew up without a father and I couldn’t be happier, never got along with him! I was so happy when my parents separated and he was no longer going to be a big part of my life!!
Great words.
While I agree in general with his points, I am divorced from my ex wife because being with her was destroying me as a person (due to physical abuse and other factors). So I had to get out or else my children wouldn't have a father they could respect. Unfortunately the family courts don't view violence perpetrated by women as serious, even when it resulted in me getting bruises, and my ex wife got about 65% custody of my children. So...I think Jordans ideas here are ideal but not always applicable.
That sucks man. There is that male privilege they talk about.
Children always respect their fathers, deserved or not.
My father didn’t want to be a part of my life from the time I was in utero. My stepfather walked into my life when I was 2 but I didn’t get the deep father love I craved. I have spent my life dating older men, which I believe subconsciously, is my way of getting the fatherly connection. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s just how it manifested for me in my life.
Women date older men in general
Once human life is seen as an accident of the sexual act instead of what sex is ordered towards, expect to see a lot of fatherless children, rejected (by both parents) before existing in utero.
Perhaps when we start acknowledging that sex, like marriage, has something to do with children well expect more commitment from our partner out of love and respect for the possible human life that might result.
@@panokostouros7609 : It depends on what you mean by “older.” A few years older is fine. When there’s a significant age difference it seems kind of weird. And then those situations where some rich old man in his 60s, 70s or 80s has kids with a 20-something gold digger (Larry King, for example), and nobody says that is wrong because he’s not going to be around while the kids grow up, it further shows that society doesn’t value fatherhood. If a 70 y/o woman took some medical treatment and had a baby, she would be criticized because she won’t be around to raise the child, but if a 70 y/o man does the same nobody sees a problem, because the fact that he won’t be around to raise the child, society doesn’t see that as so important.
I agree with much of what he said. As a boy I grew up without a father - he was mostly physically absent and completely emotionally absent. My childhood effectively ended at age 9 when they split up. What was worse was being left to be raised by a very unhappy, angry and emotionally unstable mother. I suffered through years of verbal, psychological, and lesser forms of sexual abuse by my mother. In addition to that, I also had way too many adult responsibilities pushed on me which was noticed by other adults who tried to tell that to my mother, but she would reject their observation as nonsense, and often ended up dropping them as a friend. I was too young at the time to understand what was going on but she was trying to make me a substitute spouse from a emotional and companionship point of view. All I knew was that it made me uncomfortable and rejected it, which only made her more abusive towards me. The lack of a father can be made up for to a certain extent if there is a man who can be a father figure, but there was no such person in our extended family or friends of the family. There is a excellent book for men called 'Absent Fathers, Lost Sons' by Guy Comeau. He covers not only the important role a father plays to a son, but also the damaging emotional and psychological effects of growing up without one.
4:37 Hits the nail on the head.