Stop Trying So Hard For People Who Don't Care
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- Опубліковано 3 чер 2024
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ABOUT JULIA:
Julia Kristina, MA, is a speaker, teacher, master therapist and mental wealth coach who helps smart, highly sensitive, heart centred humans get past anxiety, stress, and self-doubt so they can have better: Better relationships, a better life and feel better about themselves.
Through her membership program, The Shift Society, she helps people identify their deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that are keeping them stuck and struggling, and then teaches them how to take charge of their minds and emotions so they can thrive in all areas of their lives.
Julia’s expertise has been featured in Inc magazine, Psych Central, Mind Body Green and numerous other publications, podcasts and television outlets. She has also given talks in front of audiences of hundreds on stages across North America. Videos on her UA-cam channel have been watched more than 15 million times and she has built a community of over 375,000 people across social media platforms. When she’s not helping her clients and students increase their emotional intelligence and mental strength, she’s out on some kind of adventure with her three children in Vancouver, Canada.
Visit Julia Kristina's website: juliakristina.com/
Don’t cross oceans for those that won’t jump a puddle for you
Thats very good, thankyou. Thats a good way to think😊
Well put 😊
If you genuinely apologize to someone and they still can't forgive you, unless you've done or said something to them that's so heinous, it says a lot more about them than it does you.
Yes- but this doesn’t apply in case you have physically or mentally berated them. Then, you can ask for forgiveness. But cannot demand that they accept it and make you feel better.
Yes I’ve daughter in law unfortunately like that. I said something about six years ago and it wasn’t even so bad and she just will always be mean to me no matter how kind I am she just cannot stand to be around me so absolutely it’s her, but it affects me more because unfortunately, she’s married to my son
I’ll continue to be kind as I am
and forgiving for the way, she treats 😢😢😢😢
me I keep smiling and trying to kill them with kindness. I will never give up even
though I know she’s the one who’s holding a grudge forever. (Which is sinful ). Do not bear a grudge against your fellow man…….
And you apologized as well? If you didn’t and are treating her with kindness, but never acknowledged her hurt, that might be why. I was in a situation where my mother in law hurt me deeply, over and over again. Then she just switched and started being kind. The fact that she never acknowledged what she did made me totally distrust her potentially good intentions afterwards.
Been like this all my life. Now in my mid-50s I seem to get it.
Hi Julia! Senior Shifter Chris here!
Stop Trying So Hard for People Who Don’t Care.
This is an area that I used to struggle a lot with and am still working on because I do tend to overthink because I am an overthinker. I do stress about what I do or say. I also look back and think, “Gosh. Why did I say or ask that? I knew better. “And I stress and may feel embarrassed afterwards in fact, I had that moment after our session yesterday...something that I said in the chat yesterday. But oh well. I haven’t been feeling good and my brain hasn’t been working the best lately. I am imperfect. 😊
Here are my notes:
*Stop trying so hard to be so nice, to get everything right, to never make a mistake or say or do the wrong thin or accidentally upsetting anyone…etc.
*This can cause anxiety and take away peace and joy from your life.
*If you are an overthinker, you may replay everything you said to a friend or a group of friends, " Why did I say that? What if someone took something the wrong way? Maybe I wasn't clear about something What if they are thinking about this about me…etc.."
*You may go through it, rehearse it and stress over it and beat yourself up for it.
*"I'm not perfect. You're not perfect…and that is just perfect. "
*If we do make a mistake or say something that may have offended or hurt someone, we can genuinely show remorse and apologize.
*Get better at those times when you find yourself stressing and obsessing, worrying and thinking about what you maybe, might or could have said that maybe, might or could have upset or offended someone. Get better at letting yourself be an imperfect human.
*"I made a mistake. NOT…I AM a mistake."
* We are not going around and judging everything that everyone else is saying, so don’t' stress that others are doing that either.
Stop trying to be perfect, it isn't possible, and it is way too much pressure.
What is most hard is that some people (family in particular) are not so forgiving and will keep rehashing it over and over again no matter what you say. They can't move on from it. I had to distance myself from them but I still run in my head that I have to be careful what I say and do around them. I hate Christmas and I hate seeing them.
😂 same here ....can totally relate to what you say. I dread being around judgemental family
It's unfortunate when the people refusing to grow and work on themselves are members of your family.
dodging family this Xmas, it's something I choose more and more to just stay on my own to avoid stress and drama
You can choose not to see them next Christmas. Your peace of mind is important, and the best part is you don't have to explain why.
Navigating Family is SO hard! I can't please my sister no matter what I do. I set her off without even realizing what I do. It is her issues not mine and I'm trying not to internalize that.
I am hearing this repeatedly to change this pattern of hyper vigilance , a wrong concept rooted in me. Thank you for making such messages.❤👌
I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter... :/
I definitely needed to hear this. I’m in the process of healing my fawning / codependency. Thank you!
I needed this. 💯 All I do is acquiesce, re think, and explain in every area of my life.
Gonna add this to the morning routine ❤️❤️😇
I am so happy I found you
Thank you Julia. I can be too apologetic sometimes for no reason. But I try to say to myself don't keep apologizing to people. I don't realize that I'm making a comment to someone. It gets hard sometimes when I don't think before I say anything.
Delighted to have discovered your excellent channel! Best wishes!
🇨🇦🌞😊🇨🇦
Thank you, Julia. This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. My gf’s parents are blaming me for something I didn’t do last week, when I told them (and they know too) that it was my gf’s fault. I did what I could to rectify the situation, but still no avail.
Just what I needed to hear. Thank you!
I've been preaching this type of stuff to myself the last few weeks, and i believe its paying dividends :)
If I could have found and accepted this advice at 24 my life may have been a lot better. That being said, I'm still a person that replays my tactless moments. Is it actually possible to change?
I had a professor in psychology, who advised to be “B Level”. We all are so perfectionistic, and we require A Level Honor Roll or higher, of ourselves. Aim for B Level, it will be still A Level, for our overachieving, perfectionist expectations. Aim for B, and truly do your best, and let happiness and self love in!
I would question what kind of subjects to get an A or B honour roll in. I got many A and B honour rolls but it was due to people pleasing, not a genuine learning experience. It was also because I thought that was what success looked like, but not anymore. What is the point in getting an A or B in math if math is not relevant after graduation, for example.
THANK YOU! You have no idea how much these counseling videos have helped me become a stronger person. Please keep helping us 🙂
Need to hear this today. Great timing
This literally speaks to me on so many levels. Thank you for voicing my concerns.
Give yourself the grace you'd give others...it's okay...
Sometimes it’s not about being willing to apologize for oops.
It’s about being blame shifted upon for someone else’s oops or a boundary that you didn’t realize was needed until people blame you for not catering enough to their opinions.
Chasing people opinions trying please their idea that changes regardless of how it’s accomplished doesn’t end well 3:50
Absolutely amazing 💯 on the spot vid ^_^ your message was really accurate Julia! It made my day ;)
Lol, i'm a teacher. It's literally my job to try so hard for people who don't care.
Apologizing for someone else’s mistake or difficulty or problems only perpetuate the problems.
We are not a sponge for, bitterness, anger, frustration, attitudes etc.
But, “If” we came across those ways just mentioned, of course apologized.
But the problem is when we didn’t. But the attitude personality is barking orders about the attitude they have blaming everybody else for how they feel about themselves and don’t like it and want sponges to soak it the toxicity 5:50
Thank you
thanks, it's a pretty ingrained pattern in me, classic parentification etc... this helped
Thank you, Julia! I haven't always been able to add a comment to your videos as it seemed the action wasn't allowed (possibly a little glitch)... so I am taking advantage of the opportunity now! 😊 I am finding your videos and talks so helpful, I really feel heard and understood here, especially for what concerns boundaries, the difficulties of saying no, guilt and shame... I have even realised that I'm not doing too bad overall, though! I have shared with a few friends and families. Again, thank you ❤🎉
I'm trying so hard to please my husband...I don't argue now I'm a mom of two my six weeks postpartum is gonna end soon I had second c section....my mental health is very disturb... I'm always anxious and frustrated but I never ever pour my frustration on him I always smile and talk to him nicely ...I can't even share properly how I'm feeling.. I feel like there's a wall between us ....I care a lot about him but when he said to me that you don't care about me... I give up.... I'm so upset... sometimes he doesn't care and say harsh things to me and I don't even get mad at him .....but I'm so tired now ....
Apologize for the right reasons and let ourselves be imperfect. And if you made a mistake and apologize but someone still does not forgive you, it is best to have a conversation with them or find other people to be with. If we did our part and they don't, that is 100% on them.
I try always to be kind to people. 'Nice' is not a good word for me because I associate 'niceness' as something people do and act to fit in. It is phony.
Kindness is not phony. Kindness is from the heart and not a means to an end. It is not manipulative.
I am pretty tolerant because a lot of things in life I find are relatively minor and not worth stressing. But if you cross the line, i.e., when people do not respect and take advantage of my kindness, I will definitely let you know in a very firm manner, and I'll make sure you get the message. I know when to put my foot down when I need to. Never let yourself be a doormat.
Thank you for a great video Julia!
I love you so much. Thank you
So helpful ❤
Thank you so much for this great advice and absoltion from that for awhile 😊
Wonderful video , Julia! 🙂
I recently swore at my friend as she telling my partner lies about something I'm supposed to have said, I did message and leave a message but she still lied that the tip of the iceburg, what sort of friend tells lies or says really insensitive things x
Right.👏🏽On.👏🏽Time!👏🏽
Sounds just like my university education, except I was never that hard on myself. Noo, rather I felt others were, and so the challenge was on to try and keep my sanity. I wonder how I did in the end. These things have a habit of revealing themselves only in hindsight.
Thank you Exacly what i do let people critize me and dont know in the moment what i clod do get parlize and people pleasing after i feel am so triggerd because i relize how i did anwer and let people disrespect me .ruminating because i dont know my right to bouneris i dont know how to set them .
😂I am not going to try for people I don't care, I better be alone then with people I don't care about, I stay with people I choose I love and if for some reason they don't want me I prefere to be alone then to be with those who accept me and who I don't care about at all.
I am human, yes
HI, Im new here.
It’s like you know me 😅
"Do I look like I'm going on vacation sir?"
i think i just found my counsellor.
What if people use being offended as currency?
So clicking on this video, now all my recommendations assume I'm dealing with a narcissist. Have to be careful clicking on these self-help gurus.
Marry me😍😍😍
Not loving the little clips popping in and out, very distracting. What I love about your videos, besides the excellent content, is that they are less stimulating (in a good way) in this
world of overstimulation. I'm Autistic and on most days even watching a YT video can be a challenge. Yours, while the content takes some processing they are presented in black and white and usually with only you on the screen, making it easier to focus on and process the actual content (message). This change makes your videos less accessible for me personally, big thumbs down 👎
i needed this video. this “i did something wrong” feeling has taken over my life and i want to know what it’s like to live without feeling that way 🩷
First of all, thank you for this video! Do you have tips about approaching someone to tell them that they hurt you or can you make a video about it? I’m always scared to tell someone that they hurt me and then I act to them as if nothing is wrong/as if everything is okay while I might be seriously hurt.. 🤍
It might sound silly but I actually made a rule for myself where I simply say it, like don't even think I just say it because I know later if I don't that will cause me much more stress. So it's like giving into an impulse, or letting go of a balloon, once you let go there is no return and it's done.
Also that the truth on the inside should equal the truth on the outside, so if that is my inside truth then there is no choice but to make it the outside truth, because you can't change the truth.
Thank you