The Simple Trick to Stop Caring What People Think
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
- Why do we care so much about what people think?
Everyone wishes we could stick it to the haters and not give a f*ck about what those assholes think. But then someone says that one little thing and our insecurity spirals out of control and next thing we know we're curled up in the fetal position again.
The good news is, we care about what people think because we aren't complete monsters. If we didn't care about others, we would be an even more terrible species than we already are. So instead of asking how to stop caring about what people think, we should ask: how do I better manage my response to what people think?
Now that's a real f*cking question.
In this video, I've got a short answer, a long answer and an answer that will probably surprise you.
Be sure to like the video and subscribe to the channel. Because remember, I don't care what you think.
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I am Mark Manson, 3x #1 NY Times bestselling author of:
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Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope - mrk.mn/2RNxVAD
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Thanks for watching.
“When you're 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you're 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you're 60 you realise no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”
- Churchill
golden fucking words !
Now that is profound
Exactafuckinlutely
Churchill never said that but it's a cool citation nonetheless.
I'm 38 now so 2 more years to go....and I'm excited about this ! I think it's the biggest freedom one can experience ! ! have a great day everyone and stay safe!!
My psychologist asked me, "Do you want everyone to like you?" I replied, "YES!" He replied, "No wonder you're messed up."
Wow that's cool
Happens to me too and I am studying psychology.......
Best advice I've ever heard!
@@haiqal5333 Hmm, if you were a physicists you could still fall down the stairs 😁
No matter how good you understand certain stuff, we're still people
I had a therapist tell me something similar about wanting everybody to like me.
A friend of mine told me once: People who dislike you will find reasons to do so.
I have also heard that most people don't like the person upon meeting them already.
@@peaceonearth351I don't believe that it's that they don't like them. How can you like or dislike someone that you didn't know existed 30 seconds ago. It's more that people don't like meeting people. It's stressful much of the time.
Yes. People get a feeling to dislike you and then they justify it by finding reasons to attach to the feeling. So when people don’t like me, I know there’s not much I can do about it because it’s an emotion and not a logical thing.
Maybe you gave them that reason. The germane question is should you care?
I would like to add something that I observed in myself: the more I think about others the more I tend to believe they think about me all the time, too. This is usually the case when I am feeling low. When I‘m in a good mood I don‘t think about others that much, instead I Start focusing on me and the things I like.
Nah people are REALLY NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU!! They are too busy with their own problems or life!!
She's saying "she tends to believe they think about her", not that they actually do lol I agree with this
It’s actually the opposite for me. When I think about others, I tend to think they’re not thinking about me or that they don’t care about me, which leads me having low self esteem. But same again when I’m happy I don’t really think about others or care if they think about me.
Interesting. I'm the opposite, when I'm feeling low, I think only about myself and kinda isolate. Often I watch TV and ignore calls. When I'm feeling happy, I think about others and their birthdays or nice things I can do for them.
This guy just summarised the whole point of why we think people think about us all the time. And also an eye opener comment for me
"You will stop caring what other people think about you when you have something in your life that's more important than what other people think." Deep
I’m making that my Facebook bio
That is what worked for me at a time in my life. It changed everything.
Yep, worked for me. I started making a manga recently and people would usually think that I am a loser nerd for doing so or something. But no, I don't care what they think, completing this manga is more important to me than them
100%
The fact that I believe my videogames are more important than my colleagues' gossips and believes made me realize my colleagues are just tiny whiny simple minded brats, I actually started to feel sorry for them.
Honestly you are the only person on the internet at this point who makes sense to me.
Indeed brathar
True
Yuval is good too I’m sure mark agrees
@@CM-mz3qy i think so. Mark once recommendes sapiens by yuval if I don't mistake
Yeah, because he speaks reality not shittty ideals
So true. I used to be embarrassed by my writing and my attempts at playing music. As I got older and enjoyed playing and writing, I wasn’t gonna give that up regardless what anyone’s opinions were. Now I have written 3 novels, multiple screenplays I’m shopping, and made some new friends with similar interest who legitimately care and support what I love to do. Almost all my friends have come from writing or playing music at this point. And it’s amazing.
Awesome bro 😎 🔥🎵
Top work, mate. Genuinely inspiring.
I used to write poetry...never had the attention span to write a book. That sounds like a lot of dedication man. Thumbs
Here's the overarching problem with Mark Manson's take on things: he sees things through an absolutist, black and white lens.
It is this quote, however, that is a dealbreaker for me:
“You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice-well, then you’re going to get fucked.”
Let's start with the assertion than we're all going to be dead soon. What is the definition of "soon". It's relative. The Mayfly lives for 24 hours. That's "soon". If you're a human of 20, 30, having another 50 years hardly is dying "soon".
Second, how many f-cks do we have to give. Manson claims "very few". A "few" generally means less than five in colloquial English. By my count, I give a f--K about the well being of two brothers, my health, the wellbeing and safety of several pets. That already puts me perilously close to hitting the wall of the f--ks I have to give.
Third, who do you know that G.A.F. about "everyone and everything". Do you G.A.F about the stranger you pass on the street? I doubt it.
"The Subtle Art... ." is Manson's testament to his cynicism with an admittedly clever title that resonates with people living lives of quiet desperation.
Let's make music
The last one is so true. When I cared the most about finding friends, I had only few pretty shitty folks around me. When I finally found out my purpose in life (I want to become a literature & arts proffesor at the local university), I had started thinking more about this, reading more, going to art events more. Now a lot of great people whant to be my friend, but now i don't actually have enough time for all of them, so i have to choose people very carefully to not f*ck up my spare time. As a result i don't even have to care about what they think about me, I know I have their love and respect as much as they have mine.
From rags to riches . To bad that popularity leads down to the path of selective compassion.
I feel like “self love” and “self acceptance” plays a role in it too. I was at a restaurant and a guy dropped a glass, everyone went “oooOOOOOOOO” and instead of the guy getting embarrassed and looking down...he embraced it, stood up and bowed. It was cool to see.
That’s awesome ha
In real life you just don't have time to be embarrassed over little things
@Maria Victoria Agao nah in the UK, for instance, it's a cultural thing. Whenever someone breaks a glass or plate by dropping it, everyone has to cheer. It's acc funny when it happens coz it goes from normal restaurant noise to just everyone joining in unison.
I've literally done this at school on drugs
@@StreetfighterU thats a greek thing ooopaaaa
Truth. This is the shortcut I use:
1. Know myself (this makes it easier to boldly act with integrity).
2. Accept the fear. Turn it into excitement if you can.
3. Do it anyway. Say the scary thing, do the scary thing, be the scary thing, whatever. Even if your body and voice are shaking, and you feel like you're going to pee yourself. Be faithful to yourself first and just do it.
4. Accept the consequences. Let people filter themselves out of your life if necessary. The trash takes itself out.
5. Repeat as often as necessary, and allow yourself to take guilt-free breaks from the process. It does get emotionally taxing, and we all need rest. Just stay self-aware, and be honest with yourself about what you're doing and why.
6. Enjoy the way life magically comes together, and notice how things seem to easily fall into place when you're living in integrity.
The problem with carrying yourself with honor and integrity in this day-n-age, is that if you're not rich, it's ultimately seen as vigilantism. The powers that control the globe are far more superior than morality and common law. No good deed goes unpunished, and it's never been more true in today's society. I've found situations (in the U.S.) where I have to dis-involve my morality, lest I be financially responsible for a situation I was merely trying to assist in. It's a fucked up world of lawyers and law, and it's raping those who wish to truly do good in the world.
"The trash takes itself out". Wow, this is powerful for me. I have tended to obsess over friendships/relationships that 'failed.'
This gives me a brand-new perspective.
Thank you for this wonderful insight.
Carrie Fisher had a similar iidea when she said, “Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
@@paradoxical_taco the saying is fake it till you make it
Great list. Sounds a lot like exposure therapy.
'You will always crave social validation but you can change who you seek that validation from': Mark Manson
This is sooooo deep but it helps me realize why teaching was the bill I chose to die on. Our students need better educators, in my opinion, the fate of the world depends on it. And though I’m mocked and ridiculed and misunderstood, I come to work daily to be with my students because I want them to know that someone cares about them having a quality education and achieving their dreams. I pray that their future selves will thank me.
I’ve been addicted to learning on UA-cam for 12 years . This channel by far has had the best impact on my life. Thank you Mark for being a hero !
Dude, your channel is so fuckin' old!!!
SAME SAME😁
UA-cam is the best teacher
What's the biggest thing you have accomplished or something you are proud of in the 12 years of learning on UA-cam?
Damn. 12 years of cat vids and memes. Scholar status
You will stop caring about what other people think about you when you have something more important to care about.
what is that something
@@dexter-ib9ec For some people it might be a spouse or a kid, for others it might be a religion and an afterlife destination they truly believe in. Honestly these are the most two examples I see in people that can fit to be "that something". There might be other things too.
@@ameeralsebaie116 Military Contractors
Preach
@@dexter-ib9echaving any purpose will make you care less about other peoples opinions
1. We must care what people think to some degree to function in society (we aren't psychopaths).
2. Social rejection is associated with dying
3. We need to decide who is important enough to us that we would seek their validation (choose your friends wisely).
4. You will stop caring what other people think about you when you have something in your life that's more important than what other people think.
2. Because not long ago in our evolution, social rejection meant a high probability of death and/or not procreating. It took tremendous collaboration and cooperation between a tribe for group and individual survival. To be outcast was most certainly a death sentence.
After choosing one friend and being friends for years but now thinking about that i realised that i was adjusting with him for many years, i cant be myself when i talk to him and gets irritating so many times.what to do now and whats your opinion
@@lucid.6610 I was in that position. Eventually, I began being myself. That was too much for him--and in two cases a "her". The guy
simply faded out of my life and the woman didn't have much choice: I told her I was done.
My suspicion is that if you've been "walking on eggshells" around this person for "many years", you have not had a friendship in the true sense of the word. Be yourself and see what happens. When the angels depart, the archangels arrive. There will be better friends.
Thanks for the summary
I'm becoming one of those people that find being alone more fun and relaxing than being with other people.
Idk if that's good or bad, but as long as I have food, home, a job and my technology, I'm fine.
Its all relative. For 25 years, the only opinion i cared about was my wifes. Then she left and took my boys. Gave up friends and coworkers and relatives in order to take care of 4 ither oeople. Now I look around and, instead if a family of 5 people in a house, I am a single person alone, no family and no friends and can go months without hearing from anyone if I don't call them first. No car, no job, getting evicted.
my boyfriend told me I need to realize that a roof above my head, food to eat and being relatively healthy are the only things I really need. I am still struggling with that. And I can also relate to what Mark said about finding a thing you care about that's bigger than yourself. But still then I'm struggling with finding peace in myself and really caring for something bigger. I have a child, but sometimes I feel as if she is not even the most important. I still care more about what others think, still don't think I am enough.
Awe! ❤ Mary, the Mother of God, said, "If the whole world discards you it will be of no consequence." ❤
Hang in there! ❤
You are correct and I completely agree because I've been that way since forever! I really like myself and my own company, I trust myself when I can't trust another person. I fell in love with good books that entertain me when I need a good laugh or a good cry. I was married once, and had 2 kids that ended up being a carbon of their idiot father. I picked the wrong kind of man to marry and that's not their fault, but the way they are living their life today is. They've only come back to me when they wanted money. I say NO everyime they ask.
Simplicity 🙏🏽
I can't express enough how much I love this guy. Wise, intelligent, educated, funny. Grandiose!
Very true, my kids asked me "mom why don't you care if people don't like you?" My answer "because I'm responsible for you, for loving you and keeping you safe, that's what I care about, and those who dislike me for it, well I'll just send a prayer their way". Yeah my kids changed my whole life for the better 🤗
mine too
Ah, that's true. I know there have been times in my life, pre-kids and while parenting, and my answer to that question was "because mostly, they do."... I'm not so sure, anymore that they do. But, there still is something more important (now that kids are grown and independent), and i have found my tribe...so I'm not sure why this has started to trouble me.
Sweetest thing I’ve seen today ❤️
Great 👍
God bless you and your kids
I stopped caring when I realized they have no power over me
Your philosophy is like a shower. Refreshes, energises, releasing stress and rise up the mood. Thanks Mark 🤝 You rock man😃
There are many reasons why someone may care too much about outside perception. Trauma, childhood neglect, attachment issues in early life. It can be healed. But you have to find out and work it.
Yea agreed
Childhood neglect, totally agree
Yes. Some of the petty, shitty people we encounter are inside our house.
I'm 66 and have worked at this my whole life. I started out not caring very much what others thought. When I was a small child I got in trouble and blamed others and my Dad said "If everyone jumped off a cliff would you too?" Standard Dad saying but it stuck.
In my early 30's I went to nice restaurants by myself bringing no distractions like something to read (pre-smartphones). All the wait staff would ask over and over "Are you waiting for someone?" I just sit there waiting for food and self-consciousness maxed out. Slowly I got it into my subconscious that people around me really don't care about most of my life. I'm not the center of the universe.
If you want to do anything you need to test the results. If you just "think" or "feel" results you'll BS yourself. It's what brains do. One of my tests was the "death test". If I died right now what would my relatives or others find in my home? How do I feel about that? Would I be embarrassed? Cognitively I know I'd be dead and the dead don't get embarrassed. But it's the subconscious that matters because that will control cognition function. It took years but slowly I was able to get to...yeah, don't care.
IMO an easy test is if you're on social media...you care a lot what others think. Way, way more than most people did 50 years ago. Social media is addictive creating a harmful feedback loop of caring way too much what others think. Absolutely we should care what others think but only at a healthy level. Very basic level. You don't want neighbors to hate you and not call police or the fire department if our house is compromised. But it sure isn't important that neighbors think you're the great human being to ever walk the Earth either. Keep to yourself, keep your property up, don't make a lot of noise and you're good.
And yeah I get posting a comment on UA-cam is social media. This is how I journal. Typing helps me organize and think about my thoughts. UA-cam works for me because I can turn off notifications so I don't see responses. When I click away the comment fades away. I assume almost no one reads comments, especially long comments. But, yeah, posting in a public space does still push up my desire to appear articulate and not a complete Mo-Mo. It seems healthy, but I'm not sure. Definitely uses up too much time so even journaling is addictive.
Well said. There's definitely a balance to it. If someone truly didn't care what people thought, they'd run naked on the streets and do a bunch of looting lol
I enjoyed reading your thoughts and wished (for a fleeting moment) that UA-cam was a little more interactive.
@@discardmyfriends yes! Noone wants people to think they are a psychopath. I don't care what people think about me: what sticks in my craw is when people think negatively about me and share those thoughts (gossip) without ever giving me a chance to present my side of the story. That's denying me natural justice. It's happened over and over to me in the workplace. Sorry! You didn't ask for this. But your comment made me LOL, then i got carried away.
Right on. One can behave in a kind and respectful way towards others without giving a solitary shit about any of them.
I’ve found myself having terrible social media anxiety, but don’t want to ditch Facebook because so many years of people I care about are there and I’d never be able to keep in touch otherwise. Realistically and logically I know I shouldn’t care what they or any of the people reading this comment think about me, but I still do.
You're very introspective and eloquent. Thank you for sharing your wisdom
I’ve only recently (2022) realized how much I cared about the opinions from people that don’t give af about my goals & success. My mind shift took a hard right turn & now I’m in a business mentorship program,, surrounded by likeminded entrepreneurs 🙌🏾
Reading books has really skyrocket the way I think about investing. Indeed, no one has ever got rich by saving money. If you want to become financially free, You need to Invest. I've come to realize that the key to amassing wealth lies in making sound investments.
I’m trying to get onto the investing ladder at 40. I wish at 55 I will be testifying to huge success!
Whichever firm you select, make sure you get your insurance from a reputable financial adviser, such as *Jenny Pamogas Canaya,* who has dedicated her career to financial planning. Because they will assist you in escalating, navigating better, and completing the task in a safer manner|
I've come across several positive endorsements of Jenny Pamogas Canaya on various platforms, including UA-cam channels, seminars, and more--
But does that have to do something with this video?
It's like a bot thread for stupid advertising, so don't expect it to have any link to the video topic
Damn that analogy about the burning building hit me hard.. you've given me a lot to think about
All you have to do is get older. The older I get, the less I care about what people think of me.
But why wait untill then? 🤷♂️
@@giftaugustine9343 maybe we're not "waiting" till then consciously? Perhaps that happens naturally for some people as they grow older. i really don't know. Do share what you furthur think about this
I heard a saying: When you're 20, you worry what people think about you. When you're 40 you stop caring what they think. When you're 60 you realize they were never thinking about you at all.
"There is nothing worse than trying ti be validated by someone who is supremely selfish"
This.
best advice I ever read....and now live by...."Its none of our business what other people think about us" !!!!
“You wouldn’t worry what other people think of you if you knew how seldom they do.” A smart man wrote that
I found that when I really started accepting responsibility for everything that happens to me, it helped in this area as well. When you control your life, a lot of those insecurities slip away.
Ty i needed that perspective.
you don't really ever control your life, now do you?
Totally the opposite. Most insecurities disappear when you understand and accept that you are not actually in control of anything. Otherwise you will always carry that unnecessary burden on your back.
@@alesto3779 based
@@alesto3779 We need both problem solving and acceptance for things we cannot control. In reality there are things that we have or somewhat control over and things we have absolutely no control over. Thinking that all things are out of our control will lead us to leave everything up to the universe. The universe does not care about what you want. It's up to you to get what you want. Act to change what you can or accept the things you cannot. Act OR accept. Not act to change everything or accept everything. But it's also important to let go of self insults as they hold no value and practice constructive self criticisms instead
6:25 This is actually brilliant.
So the conviction deep in you of what you are doing as being right shields you from caring about what people think. You don't care about the applause and you don't care about the insults.
The way you integrate and verbalize concepts and theory is fircken fantastic. As a licensed therapist for 20+ years I salute you.
This guy always has what I need to hear.
Sometimes I wish I was a psychopath some parts of life would be easier.
Yup psychopaths are usually super talented and intelligent and successful. I would say that I am one most likely.
maybe you are a psychopath to yourself ? I'm a psychopath to myself 😅
All people are fucking psycho ...some just choose to be more or some choose to be less ..
@@tamzinyimwhen did you find out you’re one
I am willing to be laughed at when i say I am a Cuddle Therapist. As i value what I do more than I value others opinions. Also I'm accepting and allowing that people are entitled to their opinions. I've also noticed more people supporting me and encouraging me than I first expected. 🌻
That's so awesome though, I would pay for a cuddle
Jfc that's cringe. So is this simp above me.
Awesome! I have only 3 words concerning your occupation. TELL ME MORE! PLEASE. Ok, 4 words.
@@aiiiia9971 i hear you 😊. It's been harder for me since the kids left home. Virtual hugs, friend.
@@thatswhatisaid8908 awwh thanks 🫂
Basically, focus on stuff that is worth being embarrassed and losing friends for as long as it's something good, and get along with the people you actually want to get along with
No quite 60 years ago, when I was in my teens, my mother told me nobody was thinking about me when I wanted to fit in by wearing clothes and make-up I saw others wearing and I should get over it. Fast forward to my late 30s and I finally internalized the lesson after attending an EST weekend. EST was mostly bunk, giving people permission to be total assholes, and totally selfish. I quickly rejected most of it. The one thing I took with me was the idea that people are so busy thinking about what YOU think of them, they are NOT thinking about you. It was freeing to understand that people, including me, are more concerned about how they appear to others and they don’t actually think what you think they are thinking about you. With that I pretty much quit caring what others thought of my looks, and a few years later I totally quit wearing make-up. It’s fucking expensive and I never learned how to apply it properly (my mother never wore much more than lipstick because she wore thick glasses so no eye make-up), and I never felt comfortable, always thinking I had on too much or not enough. I had finally, fully realized no one but me truly cared how I looked. Now I feel and live with the thought that if you don’t like the way I look without it, well, then you don’t have to look at me. That feeling spills over into other parts of my life as well. I am easier speaking in public without the worry of being judged by the people I’m speaking to. I stand up for myself and others now, when before I would have hidden in the back and tried to pretend I wasn’t there. Part of the transformation was simply getting older, but a huge part of it was realizing people are inherently selfish so I could be myself without worrying about what others thought. Truly freeing.
people are so busy thinking about what YOU think of them, they are NOT thinking about you.
*you dont get invited to the prom*
"Now i know how my grandma felt when she got cancer "
😂😂😂😂😂
L
When I was young I usually found people swearing funny but it all changed because everyone started using it negatively and/or with less humor. You brought it back, absolutely hilarious! You deserve a diamond medal.
I spent the first 40 years of my life worrying about what people thought about me and stressing continually about how can I change myself to suit their needs so that I won't be left alone. Then one day I woke up and realised that I already WAS alone and the only reason I had spent so much time and energy trying to please everyone was to ensure my safety. I noticed that throughout all of this I had become completely self sufficient and I honestly did not need anyone. I could be, and in many was I was, that individual you had been pushed out of the tribe and left for dead. But I did something NONE of them could do and that was survive. And I didn't even have to be a bad person or a-hole to do it. I just did what was needed to keep on going to make it to the next day. don't get me wrong here, I would LIKE it if people all liked me and wanted me around, but I know that's not going to happen and so I assume it won't but enjoy it when it does. I can say with absolute certainty that there are only FOUR people on this entire planet that truly matter to me. Three of them are my children and I'm not counting myself. These are the only people whose opinions of me matter to me.
The downside to learning this about myself is that I found out that I honestly do not care about people or society. I've been living on the outside for so long that it has become very comfortable for me and I actually prefer it. Sure, it's good to come in from the cold now and then and warm up beside some kind-hearted people but once I've had my fill I'm heading back out again. In doing this I learned another important lesson: I do not have to seek out anyone. They will come to me. One of my friends calls me "The sage on the mountain" in that I have something others want and if they are willing to put in the effort to seek me out and show me that they are worth my investment they will gain a LOT out of it. But until they do I'll sit there happy in my cave in quiet contemplation and keep all my secrets to myself.
Is it helpful to let wisdom go unheard intentionally?
@@lexconor8498 Absolutely. Wisdom and knowledge, while a wonderful gift to be freely given, are NOT owed unconditionally. Wisdom forced on someone is often ignored but wisdom sought out will have meaning to the seeker beyond what information is actually learned.
@@kogepanm Here's the thing that you clearly do not understand, and it's the same thing that most people do not understand, you do NOT matter to me. I hope you matter to someone but you do not matter to me in the least. that is not to say you aren't a wonderful, caring and valuable person but I do not know you at all and so there is zero benefit to me to care about you. If I care about you then you are the only one who benefits. This is how life actually is. There are literally billions of strangers out there that you will never meet in any manner. It makes no sense to care about them. This does not mean that you are free to just be completely self absorbed and do whatever you want because in doing so you may actually cause them hard without even knowing it. But there is no sense in actively doing anything with them in mind. Something as simple as not littering for example. It does not matter to me in any way that you might be affected if I litter but it does matter to me that if I litter it makes my community less clean and since my children live in my community they are likely to be affected by it. So you get the benefit of me caring about my kids without me even having to consider your existence. People have been brainwashed into believing that they have to care about everyone. I get that you cannot, or will not, see things from my perspective and that is perfectly fine. Can you guess why?
@@Enjoymentboy Why would I guess why? Why would I care to your reasoning to your own life? I can't (and won't) try to make you care, because I couldn't care less why... but the message is still valid and self-validating not only for the person who can truly follow it and believe it, but also of itself. A self fulfilling verification of known truths that can only be understood by those who truly did care at one point.. which ironically is what made its first notice the hardest... that realization of lost longing, of having been there so much for others that you gave it your all to the point of almost giving yourself away with it. Losing all sense of self value because the only value was that which was presented and accepted from others... while never recieving anything like it back form anyone else... There is always an echo for those that are welcome back in because that is the chamber of love lost.... but its not gone, no it isnt gone. It is condensed.. a small pond within the chamber, smaller than the ocean it was before but all the same power is still contained there.. its beauty compressed and shared with those deserving of it now...
@@Tidusjames I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through that has brought you into this mindset. I do hope the kool-aid was worth it.
I'm Brazilian and I can perfectly understand your English, but it doesnt happen with other UA-camrs. Thanks 4 sharing all this precious knowledge. You go straight 2 the point and what u say is NOT all that usual bull shit we find out there. Tks. 🇧🇷💙
Inclusive acho que ele é casado com uma brasileira.
Good writers have clear thoughts.
@@Geeer7253 Poor guy....
I always loved the saying 'when you're in your twenties, you care what people think, when you're in your forties you stop caring what people think, when you're in your sixties, you realise they weren't thinking about you anyway'.
This is incredible. Thank you. Especially for the harsh part at the end. Helped me double-down and focus on what matters most to me.
Good message. I’m struggling at work with how I’m perceived, so this feels timely to me. To everyone out there that feels isolated at work, or left out from an adult clique-there are people you work with every day who appreciate very much what you do, or who benefit from what you do. From the depths of UA-cam, in this age of weirdness, here’s some love to you guys. Mark, thanks and 🥰
I could give you a hug if I could, I know exactly what this feels like. At work people act like it’s high school all over again…gossip, cliques, etc… It’s all bullshit. Everyone’s work is constantly being compared to somebody else, everyone is talking about everyone else behind their back and then being friends with them. One day you’re in the clique, the next day they’re saying shit about you…it’s a roller coaster. When I was in the military this stuff was even worse.
One thing I’ve learned though is to always voice your opinion and don’t be shy about it. If something sounds stupid, let that person know. Focus on WORK, not personal lives and gossip. Put in a good work effort, and people will respect you, whether you’re “cool” or not.
What a wonderful message, Mary. Thank you so much for this.
Thanks fellow Murray, good luck to you
Right back at you ❤❤
Though that "tribe" is actually closer to the survival thing via income than most others
I started writing songs at the age of 61, started voice lessons at 64 and started recording my songs at 66. I released my first album this year. If you like my music, great. If you don't, you don't. My joy in being able to express myself in music is more important to me than anyone's opinion.
You missed the Churchill "Quote"
@@goodoldschool898 iiiiii
Woah that's great what's your album's name
@@tejas4567 "Opening"
@@tejas4567 The album is titled "Opening". Individual songs are available on UA-cam (sorry, no video).
I recently had this sense of self awareness that what I'm most seeking (socially) right now is a person that understands my thoughts. I was wondering why, and I got the answer when you said just find better people.
While it may not be possible to not care at all what other people think about us, it is very possible to care less and less as we get older.
I absolutely love your down to earth no bs attitude and your sense of humour
this guy really knows what he is talking about so that's why he can be so spontaneous all the time!👍
I think it's very hard to completely stop caring about what others think about you. The idea instead is to identify your purpose and values in life that are important to you. Live your life according to those values. So even if people disapprove of you, it doesn't affect you so much. Because values and sense of purpose are more important than the opinions of others.
Correct.
I would agree, it's probably not realistic to stop caring entirely what others think of you, if indeed that was even a good idea (at least for most of us); we're extremely social creatures and we probably can't completely override the resulting parts of our psychology no matter how hard we try. But, I think we can get pretty close.
Exactly. Very True. Purpose over the opinion of others. If you slavishly and zombie-like follow the herd, you will lose yourself quickly and you will die on the inside for sure. But of course, being social, even as an introvert is to some extent important. The best way to live life is to live privately with a close inner circle.
I'm sixty and I will explain the caring what other people think problem. It has everything to do with how much you care for them. If people you love have an issue with something you are thinking or doing, you care. If a stranger does, you most likely don't care but here's is the thing. If people you love disagree enough then the only solution is to dial back how much you care about them. It's kind of a dilemma. I have had this happen to me. Years ago someone I looked up to very much seemed to disagree with me on quite a few things. The only remedy was to quit looking up to them. I didn't really want to but it did solve my problem with them. This is how life works.
Moral of the story.. find your purpose in life and work on it so intensely. Then, people will start respecting and loving you.
You have a true gift for delivering philosophy while making people laugh at the same time. Your point about prioritizing what you care about is infallible.
First of all thank you for your work, I enjoy your books and your UA-cam channel. I am right now reading "Everything is f@#ked". The anecdotes on starting your own religion and Newton's laws of emotions are extremely comedic and filled with wisdom at the same time. I just have to ask, are you kidding or are you serious? If you're serious please let me know because I will check it out. Either way I appreciate that you responded. Your work is definitely in a class by itself as far as I'm concerned, well done.
An Impression you have to pay for it that is the career
I'm an engineer who is working my side career of eventually becoming a full-time working actor. Many married people thought I should just settle down with a wife and kids because it's what normal people do. Meanwhile I'm making new friends and new projects while enjoying the process of doing something new so much I didn't know they cared if I followed their expectations. Their loss!
Exactlyyyy 👏👏👏
Many married people with kids live in resentful, caustic marriages or have their lives and savings obliterated by divorce court. There's no path in life without a list of significant potential cons running parallel with it. Honestly, in today's social and economic climate, your path choice probably has the better chance of being more fruitful overall, unless you think you may really want kids in the future (which, it doesn't sound like). Engineering and performance skills combined should widen your opportunities to pivot in the future if needed.
Marriage & having children is just stupid programming, but most people buy into it.
A real salute to you Mark. Not pretending. Thank you.
Going through my spiritual awakening and adopting all of these spiritual practices have made me the oddball to my old friends and family, but to my new friends (my chosen tribe), my journey is inspiring and hopeful. So yeah, I care so much about my healing journey and bettering myself that I'm not afraid to look like the weirdo or a fool. I know my journey is helping me heal and grow and thankfully along the way, I'm finding those better people who get me and appreciate me.
Thank you for the great advice! Even though I'm finally living this way, it's helpful to hear it and reenforce the lesson. Love & light to all! ❤
the most important thing in my opinion is valuing the act of being who you are. listening to your internal voice rather than that of others is opposite in nature to seeking social validation, and caring about being genuine helps you to manage with other people not liking you.
True but you don’t want to take that too far. Balance loving yourself with self improvement
My only form of transportation is a scooter for past six months, but I just bought a vacant lot in woods a half hour from beach in Florida. I am very solid in my choices. My millennial daughter cares about what others might think of me, and hasn't talked to me since scooter purchase...Thanks Mark!
scooter...luxury
Dude, so cool, do you live in southwest FL? I live in Lehigh
Panhandle now! Always on the move.
Sad she cares more about what others think than what you do. Kids are funny like that, but it's usually just a stage. One day, she'll be high-fiving you, just like I am now! ✋
😢
Thanks man keep up spreading this type of good news we need people like you in the world today
People who have a genuine and noble sense of purpose to their lives will care about the opinions of very few people, and those will be the ones who have exemplified their goals and values. Also, this sensitivity fades with age. Caring becomes less about feelings and more about doing. Cheers and thanks for the great video!
I give a sh!t everytime Mark uploads a video! 🙌
😮😮😮
I hit 30 and I literally stopped giving a fuck about what anyone thought about me. I had a rough time of it in my 20's and even though I always tried to do "the right thing" I still got slammed for it. Roll on my 30th birthday and I made a pact with myself that each day I would try to care a little less about people's opinions. Baby steps. Do my best and if my best wasn't good enough then fuck em. Well seven years into it now and life is so much better. I am my authentic self and to my surprise I have friends (and good solid ones at that). People that really like me for who I am. Not the fake-ass ones that I put on a pedestal throughout my twenties. So if you do one thing for yourself (and don't wait until you are on your deathbed)...tell someone you can't stand to fuck off today. You won't regret it.
This is epically simple and wonderfully digestible info that literally could change the world if this message was integrated by more people. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart thank you.
I'm sharing this with my teenagers who have such and incredibly difficult overlay on top of the already manic circumstances of growing up and becoming individuals, while living the insane algorithmically driven alternative universe that is internet. I feel so empathetic to what they must be going through without any of the context, experience or self confidence to navigate this existential crisis we call life.
Didn't knew that you've got a channel. You're books are awesome! Helped me a lot
The main takeway for me is that in order to not care about what other people think of you, have something more to care about and live your life in accordance with that thing, not by seeking validation, or experiencing embarrassement and letting that take over you.
I don’t know why but when he said “cheetahs can run fast as fuck” I lost it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. This video was a mood lifter!! Love it!!
Me too!
Great stuff here Mark. Clearly the product of far too many pensive moments and deep analyses of one’s self.
Most of us are far too frightened at the thought of what we may find behind the veil of our outward facing lives to examine what’s behind/beneath it.
Kind of like that quote: “The truth is not for everyone, only those who choose to look for it. “
You choose to look 👀. So hey 👋; not that you should care, but I think that’s a good thing and novel quality.
Cheers !🥂
I don't care what people think, but I care very much about the interaction we have with one another
"Intead of not caring what people think, just find better people." Mark Manson
The thing in my life I could be ridiculed for (and have been), is my music. The stuff I write and record. Laugh. Hate me. Go ahead. I'm doing the best I can and it can only get better!
Great video. Great advice. Thanks Mark!
This comment made me curoius about your music so I went and watched one of your videos
Nothing to laugh about, quite cool actually!
@@alelecci Wow Alessandro, thank you! I didn't say that to fish for compliments, it's honestly how I feel But thank you for taking the time to go listen. I appreciate that you can spend 3-4 minutes doing anything, and you chose to watch my video. :) Thank you again!
Nice , I write songs play guitar, play alone in a room, Daily for 33 years now. Don’t give a damn I just do it cause it’s fun, makes me feel good! Kudos!
@@stephanripianzi4004 More power to ya, mate! Doing it for the sake of it is what it’s all about :)
This is so true! Caring what others thinks is such a big energy sap. This resonates so much with what I found when I was making a video on the topic too
For me it’s the tension to truth and progress and finding the real interest in all that truly connect with you
I love how Mark Manson just swears with so much class and grace, like Samuel L Jackson! :D
"What is so important in your life that you're willing to be ridiculed for it?" -helping other people probably. Very much like that burning building example.
mark's videos changed my perspective.i started watching them because i bought the subtle art and wanted to know the writer before reading it. Worth it.
I appreciate you and your meaningful words. It's clear that you speak from the heart.
I have a hard time not letting people's words and judgements towards me affect me. It bothers me all of the time when strangers say things and when so called loved ones and family members say things... The weird part is I like how you said to be around better people. I've really been realizing lately that that's the solution to my problems.
"Just find better people" ---"If you believe in something so strong that you're willing to be ridiculed for it" Mos definitely Mark. My art would be the answer and lately I've been working with getting over writer's block that I had since fifteen years ago.
Great point!
I've always had the point of view about what other people think about me is that "it's mind over matter."
I don't mind because what they think of me doesn't matter.
The smartest and the most valuable video about this topic ever seen! Congrats!
05:50 mins:
That bit with the kid and the guitar...
🤣🤣🤣
I wish I could give more than one like! I especially like the point you made at the end about prioritizing what is most important to us over other things, like “what other people think about me”. My wife and I have been married over 22 years. We are a mixed race couple. I fell in love with the person that she is. We have dealt with people that were against our relationship, but it doesn’t matter to me. I have a beautiful, intelligent, faithful woman in my life. She has borne and raised our children with me. She has pushed me to be my best. I don’t care what other people think about our relationship.
Omg this is exactly what I needed. Thank you!
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending...”
―C. S. Lewis
love from a small channel 💙
Your content is always on point and from an unexpected angle too.
Making sense.
Really appreciate it. Thank u
"You care too much about what other people think, is probably because you don't have something more important to care." Strongly agreed with you. While it's true that having a sense of purpose or passion can help a person focus on what truly matters.😁😄😆😆
I love how you communicate, straight to the point which for someone like me who is incredibly sensitive as the effect of toughening me up lol
also give a raise to the editor, I always laugh watching your videos :)
7:29 this made me realize that the important thing is me. I'm more important to care. I'm worth caring so much that I wouldn't mind being ridiculed over. I've sacrifice my mental heath for people all my 16 years of my life. I've made so many different personalities that go with different people that I don't even know who I am any more. I don't have a personality outside being around people. When I'm alone, it's scary because it feels so weird, not having my own personality. Just being a mixture of other people's personalities. But that's stops here. I've cared too much fr now. People are always gonna judge me. I just gotta learn to accept that and realize, their opinions shouldn't even matter. If it's not going to better me, then why should I care, right? Thanks Mark. I needed that❤
It is one thing not caring what people think about you but another caring what people do to you.
What an exceptional post. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head!!! I regret that I am seeing this two years after the fact. But, I do have two of your books!!!
The only feedback you get from others drives our fear, motivates us, or hinders our progress. It is such a dogmatic practice, we don't even question it.
Great introspection about our human coping mechanisms.
Bro… you hit the spot so hard 😅 the reason I wanted to watch your video is literally because I RAN INTO A BURNING BUILDING TO SAVE LIFE but it turned out there was nobody inside the brining room luckily so I put my life in danger. I did that inexperienced and risked my life. Went to the hospital and all is well with me thank God. As I was in the hospital I realised my mistake and lack of knowledge and training but I will educate myself next year on the topic. I posted my silly experience on Facebook to raise awareness because probably not only me is unfamiliar with fire situations and some people accused me for being stupid and narcissistic for some reason. That made me insecure a bit but honestly all I was trying to do is help someone. Learned my lesson and will improve.
It's crazy people put a label on this selfless act as narcissism! Sending hearts your way for having the good intention and hopefully you'll save more lives while having a good one in the future
I feel like I'm becoming mentally healthier watching these videos realising the mistakes I made and that they are not my fault.
Wonderful man, this is what one can call collection of wisdom ,intelligence and humanity 👏. Imagine our world full of people like you. It would be much better place.
You’re adorable. As an old hay guy, I’ve never paid any attention to whatever anyone has said about me. I’m a high school teacher and spend a lot of time telling students no one is better than anyone else, when someone looks down on you is just their insecurities, just ignore them and focus on the good people in your life.
*5 ways to raise your vibration:*
*1. Smile and laugh*
*2. Do what makes you happy*
*3. Eat a healthy diet*
*4. Workout*
*5. Meditation*
Love from a small channel💙
u forgot abt watching mark manson, listening to mark manson, reading mark mansons shit, fucking breathing mark manson. pay respect to your god 🔪👁
Those are just good things to do lol. How is that related to moving back and forth at high frequencies?
Thank you but I'm not a cellphone.
what does vibration mean
what a fucking points ... lol
... inner growth is most important of them all
Mate, you're one of the few people who genuinely make me laugh. Love what you're doing.
The real challenge on this topic is when family is that group of people who are the source of the rejection. Finding better people is hard when the tough ones are family. The family angle is a complicated one and just ditching family is not as easy as said.
I took a 180 career switch at age 28 from kinesiology to 3D animation. I would catch myself getting self-conscious about people's reactions to this decision at first. However, I have fallen so in love with the wins and the struggles of this avenue that I am now the closest I have ever been to not giving a shit what people think about it.
Your videos, posts, books, and various interviews you've done with others have gotten me through quite a few low points for years but particularly this past one. I don't have the adequate words to express a proper thank you so for now I'll just say thank you.
I also have a BA in kinesiology, but I still struggle to find my calling. I work in IT for some years, but I still don't feel like I am doing the right thing.
You could help me as your work too me sounds like bliss,, i write and enjoy trees,,, done an conquered every 12 step programme,, if that helps??
Hey Mark, I love your transition to UA-cam! You're doing a great job and giving us all a lot of value.
I really liked your older style of videos where you talk about ideas and concepts like "The four stages of life" and "Why you will never be completely happy", and I would absolutely love to see you post more videos like these.
I've recently learned that we shouldn't count our number of followers as a measure of success, we should count our number of haters.
What a great take! I love how you articulate your thoughts, very effective.