Are YOU Being Dog Whistled? 5 Types Of Narcissistic Dog Whistling

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

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  • @CommonEgo
    @CommonEgo  6 місяців тому +21

    Free download: Suspect someone you know might be a narcissist? This free guide breaks down the phases of abuse to see if you recognize them from your experience: www.commonego.com/checklist

  • @Sheisme120
    @Sheisme120 6 місяців тому +258

    They try to cause you distress on purpose because they get pleasure out of it. Absolutely sickening!

    • @someoneyoudontknow7705
      @someoneyoudontknow7705 6 місяців тому +8

      Yup! My neighbor asked to come over to see the kittens a cat I was caring for had. Never mentioned her 5yr old stepdaughter coming. Didn't want to let the kid in but I did. We're in there and the kid is just grabbing at the kittens, letting them hang from her shirt (she put her arm out and they were hanging by their claws), tries to grab them and pick them up/hold them all at once. etc. Normally I can hear this neighbor yelling at her kids all the time...she did basically nothing here. I'd have to say stop doing this or that and the neighbor would respond all calmly "Yes, you can't hold all 4 kittens at once, only 2." Um, what? And when the kid first came in and started grabbing I went to stop her and the neighbor was like "Oh, it's okay, she's held kittens before." Um, it's not ok WITH ME, wtf? I have a seizure disorder and was kinda out of it when they were here and she was stressing me to the max. So, a little later the neighbor has a couple who is interested in the kittens and arranged for them to stop by. Apparently she text me when my phone was off and charging, asking if her kids (there are 4 of them) can stop by and see the kittens at the same time. Again, what? The purpose of this visit is for the couple to decide if they want a cat...or two. Who would even think bringing your 4 kids over would be a good idea? Especially when 2 are autistic and I forget was the two young girls are but supposedly they are diagnosed with something as well. They definitely don't listen. When I turned my phone on I saw she text a couple times with the second saying "You can say no, I won't be mad." I said my phone was off, I don't think that's a good idea. The girl (said her name) stressed me out last time. She said she could tell I was stressed last time. Um, okay, so 1) why didn't do you anything when she was acting like that and 2) why would you suggest it again, with ALL the kids? She then sends another text that maybe they can see the kittens sometime before I find homes for them. Why do they have to see them at all? And why would you put that idea in their heads? I just don't get it but yes, she was stressing me out ON PURPOSE!!!

    • @heaven-is-real
      @heaven-is-real 6 місяців тому

      bingo thanks for helping me figure this out

    • @1ReikiFloW
      @1ReikiFloW 6 місяців тому

      words only hurt us when a part of us agrees and one doesn't so i look at them as if they were kids having tantrums and just like a kid wouldn't hurt me neither can they. Eft techiques work great when stuck having to listen to their BS as they calm us down, boost our immune system for serval hours with just 5 minutes of continous tapping and we don't get agitated hence not giving the "babies" what they want. EFT Techniques can be learned and practiced for free and they are easy to learn. Proven by real science, not new age fake scienc aka pharma and super useful because anything bad in our life can be turned into a positive as we shed the negative emotions and make space for good ones while we find solutions and calm ourselves down and boost our immune system. Narcs are just very hurt people so why give them more importance than they truly have? If people brought it back to themselves and took their power back they would have already being all healed by default because once they get no energy supply they will either change or cease to be. Just what I have learned so far and put in practice~
      Much Love

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому

      @@someoneyoudontknow7705 🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +4

      ​@@someoneyoudontknow7705do not allow her an "in"- she's weird, and obviously doesn't give a care about how negative it is for you.

  • @amathenderson7318
    @amathenderson7318 6 місяців тому +141

    Dog whistle...perfect!!!
    Only the targeted victim of the narcissist's abuse hears it !!

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +1

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

  • @Pooky-usf
    @Pooky-usf 6 місяців тому +288

    They usually act totally different in public!!

    • @smorgasbroad1132
      @smorgasbroad1132 6 місяців тому +11

      Always, I would say.

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  6 місяців тому +8

      Indeed 💯

    • @rlic9206
      @rlic9206 6 місяців тому +22

      They act like a split personality.
      How they treat you and people in public.

    • @GloriaScottCrossland-jj5hi
      @GloriaScottCrossland-jj5hi 6 місяців тому +3

      Yep 👍🏻

    • @Auldreekie967
      @Auldreekie967 6 місяців тому +17

      They’re street angels and house devils as the Germans would say.

  • @Redacted24-r2h
    @Redacted24-r2h 6 місяців тому +119

    Narcs are the reason it's difficult for me to get too close to people nowadays. I am terrified of getting involved with yet another narcissist.

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +4

      I get what you wrote here.

    • @Lion-rf8xi
      @Lion-rf8xi 6 місяців тому +3

      Dido

    • @anitaespinosa6146
      @anitaespinosa6146 6 місяців тому +4

      I’m on my own journey, figuring out what I’m predisposed to and why. Keep digging and doing the internal work. Not only will you benefit but all those you care about will benefit from your perseverance.

    • @Lion-rf8xi
      @Lion-rf8xi 6 місяців тому +3

      @@anitaespinosa6146 Wow it's like you wrote that for me to read right now at this moment.
      Thanks distant stranger.❤️

    • @kellygreen2856
      @kellygreen2856 5 місяців тому +1

      Yes

  • @HeartFeltGesture
    @HeartFeltGesture 6 місяців тому +86

    To add to the egg story, before going to an event, the narcissist will always create drama and get you emotionally on edge and destabilized, so that you go to the event deflated and low.

    • @kellyjones1483
      @kellyjones1483 5 місяців тому +4

      Yes, deflated, low, on edge. My partner would argue while I would be trying to get ready and juggling the kids so I wouldn't have enough time to make myself look my best, so I'd look dishevelled and be full of anxiety

    • @Limonaid
      @Limonaid 5 місяців тому +2

      Oh…my…lord… I didn’t realize that part. Thank you for the insight!

    • @wendykarle3114
      @wendykarle3114 5 місяців тому +2

      Yes! It's insane.

    • @emilycorey6252
      @emilycorey6252 5 місяців тому +1

      So true

    • @cookiesandscream832
      @cookiesandscream832 5 місяців тому +3

      Yes just happened to me before an interview. I was just honest that something bad had happened and apologised for being flat, got the job anyway!

  • @marziyak
    @marziyak 5 місяців тому +30

    Needling comments
    The veiled threat
    The hidden guilt trip
    Innocent comparison
    The subtle mocking jab

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 5 місяців тому +1

      Oh yes, the veiled threats. The put- downs, the criticism because one doesn't agree with their opinions, their views - and the way they expect one to kowtow to them.
      Makes me wonder why they were ever even "around", and sensing that- is what can wake one up to not being around nor with them going forward.
      Negativity from this type is a No this type faces themselves as a No going forward, with any" target".
      It is No, and Not, and a vapor that is no more.

  • @N1co777
    @N1co777 6 місяців тому +58

    I dig how you talk about male and female toxic people.

    • @NatzTalk
      @NatzTalk 6 місяців тому +3

      Same!!!! I noticed this too!💛

  • @wendykarle3114
    @wendykarle3114 6 місяців тому +14

    Absolutely.The "joke" that's not actually a joke... And you know that you can't react or you are told you are too sensitive or you can't take a joke blah blah blah. Maddening!!

  • @vaidap1911
    @vaidap1911 6 місяців тому +71

    And like the dog whistle no one else hears it… do not doubt yourself, you know what you heard and how it was said, it is not in your head

    • @wendykarle3114
      @wendykarle3114 6 місяців тому

      We had a marriage therapist and He even gaslighted her into thinking I was the problem because he was only telling little jokes, right? I absolutely looked like a fragile whiner. It was awful because I knew he was gas lighting our therapist too!

    • @PhilLesh69
      @PhilLesh69 5 місяців тому

      If you're focused on reassuring yourself that you know what you heard, they've got you right where they want you. Frustrated and possibly acting out.
      The best cure for this is to stop hearing the dog whistles, or caring when you do.
      I've had people try this on me, in hindsight, but since it didn't resonate with me and I did not react, they stopped trying. Other people can hit every high note that resonates with me. And every time I react they can refine that song and fine tune me to really play me like a fiddle, bad pun intended.

  • @kiwiconnection3580
    @kiwiconnection3580 6 місяців тому +40

    A wee story that might uplift a few of you. Observe don't react, and call out bad behaviour. My "Sister A" came to see us, as we were talking about various family affairs she tried to dog whistle. Saying "oh he [me] was silly and got sucked into going up a street we all knew not to go up, as kids, because of the creepy old man. I guess that's what wrong with him" him being me. The dog whistle here was I've never been abused but the other people at the table had all been abused. Needless to say this caused everyone to have a melt down at once. I quickly saw the dog whistle and asked, "Are you dog whistling? Really, are you that insecure you have to try to get an upper hand by triggering people's traumas?" This call out instantly caused her to have a meltdown of her own and she ran off crying. People, a dog whistle is one of the sharpest tools of the weakest people. Treat it as such and call it out. You will instantly gain the upper hand.

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +7

      Freaking Love your comment.

    • @RM-qq5rj
      @RM-qq5rj 5 місяців тому +3

      Good for you

    • @drebugsita
      @drebugsita 5 місяців тому +5

      wow, very on your toes. I haven't heard the term "dog whistle" that often but I think your explanation - "trying to trigger other people's trauma" is very clear and powerful.

    • @stellap7624
      @stellap7624 5 місяців тому

      Most of the experts say don't call a Narcissist out and that it can be dangerous to do so. But here you're saying the opposite. Can you explain why?

    • @kiwiconnection3580
      @kiwiconnection3580 5 місяців тому +4

      @stellap7624 that's a very good question. This person and others have (allegedly) already destroyed my health wealth and businesses. So nothing left to lose. Also... they are well above your average narc. Very clever... it took me 20 years to unravel all the lies, ties, and alibis.i did this to say "I know what you're up to". I do recommend doing it once you're strong enough... but do expect a reaction. There's also multiple other factors here but I would have to do a series of videos... I'm not sure I have the courage to go that far into it.

  • @seeing1111
    @seeing1111 6 місяців тому +26

    Oh a new word for " baiting"

  • @TheBrierose
    @TheBrierose 6 місяців тому +40

    I often hear a casual conversation about how I'm not very good at cleaning the house, when we're out with anybody. It sounds like a playful joke, but actually he's trying to get me to stay home and clean better.
    I have actually had him whistle me to come, just like a dog, in public.

    • @pipers-lildogadventures5360
      @pipers-lildogadventures5360 6 місяців тому +5

      My ex narc triangulated me with a cleaner. She scratched the protective coating off the wood stove. 😂😂😂❤🎉😂

  • @Liz-wz8dh
    @Liz-wz8dh 6 місяців тому +48

    I've had this with so many narcs and toxic people.

    • @MadMax-gc2vj
      @MadMax-gc2vj 6 місяців тому

      tell them to f*ck off.

    • @oougn613
      @oougn613 6 місяців тому

      Watching these videos lets me feel understood for once- what a shame I’m in my 20’s.. at least I can use this awareness in the future to avoid copies of the same person doing this exact same stuff.

    • @oougn613
      @oougn613 6 місяців тому

      Like, dude it’s so typical and there’s so many of them- we can survive it though :| we’re tough

    • @stellap7624
      @stellap7624 5 місяців тому

      Me too, unfortunately. Toxic Family, toxic Teachers, toxic Husbands, toxic Children etc.... I'm hoping and praying for better in future. My part in this is educating myself so I can spot these toxic people and not get close to them.

  • @tylerscott2116
    @tylerscott2116 6 місяців тому +78

    The ultimate tactic against the narc and their respective flying monkeys: grey rock, protect your peace, don't engage, play boring and play dumb. Act genuine and authentic and only interact with them assuming that everything they say has no dog whistling nature to it, act as if you're dealing with a happy, healthy and authentic person that doesn't spiritual warfare. But only do so minimalistically as needed without any deliberate unveiling to what you're doing.
    I have heard of these terms and processed them into my conscience, but on top of that had been separated from the narc and flying monkeys and had been happy outside of their influence, as well as being really busy on other things on my mind beyond social interaction.
    So when I eventually saw them again my genuine happiness bypassed their attempted dog whistling. It literally didn't even cross my mind until after socializing was over that dogwhistling was happening. I was also scatterbrained from having to address other people in the social event to fully pay attention to them.
    Only interact with narcs with a gameplan
    1. Gray Rock
    2. Play Dumb
    3. Authentic Joy
    4. Perform scatterbrained state to displace your attention from them and displace their distraction to you.
    5. If you're in a situation where they have your back against the wall and locked in direct communication one on one, go telemarketer mode and behave as if you are handling a disgruntled customer over the phone and are adhering to generalized protocol to handle provocative behavior.

    • @childrenoftheuniverse4348
      @childrenoftheuniverse4348 6 місяців тому

    • @dakotamabry1645
      @dakotamabry1645 6 місяців тому +6

      I planned on gentle parenting, it condcending , and like you said use your customer service voice and / or treat them like a child . My mom never caught on , my husband treated like her child

    • @maryoconnor2596
      @maryoconnor2596 6 місяців тому +16

      I would say when dealing with a narc, act casual and relaxed, they can't stand it.

    • @forbiddensilhouette5824
      @forbiddensilhouette5824 6 місяців тому +6

      I would say "goodbye!"
      Job's done.

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +2

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

  • @greendrake2938
    @greendrake2938 6 місяців тому +36

    They do that with me alot they love rubbing stuff in y9ur face when no one else knows what it means ......

    • @massimodanzelmo4607
      @massimodanzelmo4607 6 місяців тому +3

      I have also experienced this putting things on my face

    • @cassiebennet4262
      @cassiebennet4262 6 місяців тому +7

      Passive aggression.

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +1

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +2

      And covert narcs are cowards

    • @Jeff-ng5ig
      @Jeff-ng5ig 5 місяців тому

      So right on!

  • @squadwipesyt3639
    @squadwipesyt3639 6 місяців тому +23

    My wife tried to dog whistle me during custody mediation of our kids during the divorce trying to say I have no connection with my kids, trying to say their emotional state changes when they get dropped off with me, and they don't feel safe. All this in front of the mediator being said to me to try to get me to react. Even though the mediator made it clear not to talk to each other, but to her and answer her questions. My wife kept trying to trigger me to overreact in front of the mediator to make me look unhinged. The worst part of it, the mediator just sat and watched her do it and did nothing to stop her. When I tried pointing out these narcissistic traits and abusive tactics, my concerns were just disregarded as if it wasn't happening right in front of their eyes. Good thing I kept my composure 😮‍💨

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +5

      I'm glad you kept your composure. You did good.

    • @camellia8625
      @camellia8625 6 місяців тому +7

      I think mediators should be made to learn about narcissism as part of their training.

    • @othmane-mezian
      @othmane-mezian 3 місяці тому +1

      may be be they are too female narcissists

  • @Smeegheed1963
    @Smeegheed1963 6 місяців тому +9

    It can be so 'hidden'. My narc ex wife constantly texts me with requests but never puts a ? after the, 'Can you' or 'Will you' text. This may seem like a petty complaint by me but I know she does it to show that I am not valuable enough to even deserve a ? after a request, never mind 'please'. It's not a request, it's an instruction. Being fed up with it after 7 years of crazy abuse I recently told her that if she wants something from me, she should use proper manners. The rage that caused! I used to be terrified of it 😂

  • @annaburns2865
    @annaburns2865 6 місяців тому +24

    People pretend that they don’t know what the narcissist is doing, but they totally do. When you are at church waiting for what should be 30 minutes for your husband and he shows up like 90 minutes later, you confront him, and someone is quick to defend him and say that maybe traffic was bad or something.
    It’s crazy to me. I know damn that 90 minutes is no where near 30. Even if traffic made him 15 minutes later, there is no way it’s going to make him a full hour later. When people defend or pretend not to understand, they are clearly enabling. Once they undermine how worn out you were from work which was made worse by waiting for your spouse, you know they are a narcissist. They will talk about how worn out they were yesterday.
    You see, narcissists will always cover for other narcissists.
    You are not allowed to say anything without them making it about themselves.

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +2

      Your comment is so right on.

    • @emilysnyder4857
      @emilysnyder4857 5 місяців тому

      You may want to find a church that doesn't cover narcissists tardiness and enables disrespect and wearing out the wife who has to work. Those are the kind of churches who pressure women to submit to repeated abuse, neglect and even grape by their husbands. They will collect your tithe while they are actively failing women and children caught in abuse. They care more about keeping institutions alive and intact. Life with a narc will test your faith because you will wonder if otherwise spiritual leaders are actually spiritually blind that they can't perceive the abuse dynamic... Or do they, but fail to confront it?

    • @bonnie1097
      @bonnie1097 5 місяців тому

      Stop caring about his actions. Only control your own. No longer care if or when he comes to church. Do your thing. Take it notch up and find more enjoyable things to do alone. Let him either pout or find renewed interest in your relationship or whatever. Let the chips fall where they may. Just do you. Otherwise, it's more like a codependent situation with a selfish person.

  • @pierrebroccoli.9396
    @pierrebroccoli.9396 6 місяців тому +27

    The hard thing is not to get triggered by these things. Rise above it.❤

    • @keithwittman4741
      @keithwittman4741 6 місяців тому

      I am over 2 years studying npd,(covert wife) and just now hearing about needle/dog whistle abuse . I'm glad to understand how she made me so mad on Christmas eve. 2022.
      After thinking she couldn't gaslight me anymore because I learned about npd.
      What set me off??
      Knowledge is power.

  • @caryn9561
    @caryn9561 6 місяців тому +14

    My daughters so called boyfriend did this to her.What a mind game.She doesn't even realized it.

  • @bels4116
    @bels4116 6 місяців тому +19

    my fried egg moments , from the first date my ex narc knew I was allergic to seafood. But everytime we would be in company of others and the subject of dinner came, especially if it was something from a fish n chip place, He'd say to me", I know what you want". ( because indeed he did, I'd always have potato cakes, pineapple and banana fritters )
    So he would come back and give me fish n chips. I'd say why did you get me fish.
    He'd say infront of everyone,
    " because you like fish"
    I'd say no you know I'm allergic "
    He'd say " oh you eat fish all the time"
    and for 25yrs this went on, to the point that friends would say that I was always looking for an argument. Because he was such a good liar!
    So He'd suggest to new friends to go out for fish n chips and I cringed everytime. Its sick how they find delight in your hurt and humiliation

    • @bgff1555
      @bgff1555 5 місяців тому +2

      I read this and you are heard. We all love you. And it is horrible what you went through. It sounds dumb, but someone once told me "you are enough" and I was so low I stopped and thought about that. And you are enough. I hope you have separated from them and we all understand you are not free. But you are enough and we can all be brave and strong. Because we already are. We are all so strong. I wish you much love and eternal happiness 😊

    • @bonnie1097
      @bonnie1097 5 місяців тому

      He did it because you allowed it. The second time should have been the last time. You didn't realize that you could be fine alone or do better than him. That's your part in it. Own it. Yes, he was a total ass for that. Women need to be taught that the man is not the goal. Love is.

    • @Jeff-ng5ig
      @Jeff-ng5ig 5 місяців тому +2

      Those are the worst types of people. I hope you're out of that situation.

  • @63susan
    @63susan 6 місяців тому +8

    My fried egg moment is Biscuits. Same Story but with biscuits.

  • @dorritsmedsgard5900
    @dorritsmedsgard5900 6 місяців тому +18

    I could write a whole book about Dog Whistling. And another about Gas Lighting. And a third about Flying Monkeys. A triology of Manipulation.

  • @laurieg673
    @laurieg673 6 місяців тому +25

    I grew up in an alcoholic, abusive, chaotic house with a narc mother. It was crazy making alcoholic environment which led to raging fights.
    My 3 brothers grew up to be alcoholic sex deviants.
    I had virtually no contact with them but they partied together every weekend which usually ended up in fighting when drunk.
    My narc mother can not stand that I won't buy her delusional picture of a loving family.
    The other day she wanted to annoy me in front of my dad's nurse so she said..
    "We had so much fun every weekend at camp having drinks, laughing/joking and enjoying being at camp".
    I spontaneously laughed out loud at the picture she painted and when I did she lost it.
    She accused me of laughing to annoy her. She was actually trying to annoy me painting a picture that was a lie.
    I simply said " I laughed because that's not the family life I grew up in".
    She was so mad I called her out in front of the nurse. All she could say was "you think you're better than everyone else", to which I replied "yes, I do think I am better than bitter, alcoholic, sex deviants"... lol.
    The poor nurse was speechless but she did privately reassure me that she sees my mother has "issues". It felt absolutely exhilarating to have someone see her hate and seething anger towards her only daughter.
    I am 61, mother is 86. She has yet to learn she better be careful what she tries to poke the bear with. I am brutal at comebacks to her digs.
    She's been looking for a way to pay me back for exposing family behavior. She's hovering in the flying monkeys now...lol.

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +3

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому

      May those flying monkeys flail and fail, and frustrate and shut down the narc

    • @life-rethought
      @life-rethought 5 місяців тому +2

      I was so very grateful for the caregivers for my mother that were around me for the last 6 years of mom.
      they were GODSENDS OF CONFIRMATION AND SANITY. WHO SAVED MY ASS.
      they would quietly smile and say... " don't you need to walk your dog? "

    • @beepboop7041
      @beepboop7041 5 місяців тому +2

      I love hearing stories like this! It takes and gives me courage to start to do the same. As someone with autism, ptsd and ADHD I struggle not to cave into the whistle. I get so reactive and emotional and I hate it.

    • @bonnie1097
      @bonnie1097 5 місяців тому +1

      You are not obligated to be around her.

  • @someoneyoudontknow7705
    @someoneyoudontknow7705 6 місяців тому +11

    I’ve been trying to deal with my neighbor to just keep things peaceful but I can’t any longer. I have felt like I HAD to because I am alone here, on the other side of the country as my family. My neighbor has (had…I got it back shortly after this) a key to my place “for emergencies.” I recently had to run one of my dogs all around to find out what was wrong and have her get surgery to remove a huge mass and part of her spleen. I was also taking care of a stray cat and her kittens (about 4-5 weeks old. Took momma in about 3wks before she gave birth). Neighbor had someone who was interested in one or two of the kittens and was wanting to know if they were male or female. She was supposed to come over that night but I told her what was going on and that I am not home but she could go check if she wanted (I was honestly overwhelmed with the cat and kittens and needed to have homes lined up for when they were ready). I had previously intended to keep the momma cat but had told the neighbor a day or two prior that I will not be keeping momma and need to find her a home as well, that I was only going to do it initially because she seemed friendly (and she chose me, came to my house, snuck in, all this) but she would STILL randomly and viciously attack me when I would grab her EMPTY food dish (there was another there always filled with hard food, this one was soft food) or even simply moving her water dish. There was literally no telling when it would happen or why and my body couldn’t take it anymore…I am a disabled combat veteran with many medical issues, I can barely take care of myself and my two dogs, I wasn’t keeping a cat who wasn’t even kind to me when my dogs are hunters and my boy isn’t good with cats (kept them in a separate area, they never interacted in my house). Anyway, when she’s at my house she’s texting me INCESSANTLY, stupid things like “You’ll never believe it!! She let me pick her up!!” I replied that I believe it, she loves attention. She only attacks when you touch her food or water bowls. So then she responds “Do you want me to feed them?” I said go for it. She responds back saying she picked up and put the water dish down just fine. She never said anything about the food dish though. But again, the attacks from the cat weren’t every single time I’d grab a dish, they were really random. So no reason why she’d attack my neighbor the first time she’s doing this. She called at some point and I was trying to get her off the phone because the doctor came in. She asks me to call her when I get a chance. BTW, I hardly ever hear from this woman who I’ve lived next door to for 5yrs now. Her calling and incessantly texting about nothing when she knew I was busy seemed so odd to me. And her texts about how the cat let her do this and that were so annoying….to me, a “normal” person would just be like “I fed her, there was no problem” but the fact that she kept having to update me on every little thing was like she was trying to insinuate that the cat likes her better or something. I actually text her after one of the texts saying “Good, you can be her new momma then” lol. But to top it all off when I called her later, like she asked me to, the VERY FIRST thing she says is “OMG!!! She is just the SWEETEST CAT EVER!!” and just went on and on about this. Oh, and she never asked how my dog is or how I was doing. Others who I’ve told about what was going on sent texts asking how I was doing. I didn’t expect her to do that but you’d think she’d ask how my dog was. There’s plenty more but as you can tell I am a writer and need to stop it here. But this and a few other things that have happened recently made me realize I just can’t deal with her anymore. I took my key back from her and haven’t responding to her prodding questions where she’ll add “just wondering” at the end. Obviously, you’re just wondering, why else would you ask? I’m making it a point to tell her as little as possible and have as little interaction as possible with her from now on.

    • @bonnie1097
      @bonnie1097 5 місяців тому

      Change the lock. That's what I did.

  • @dinab7852
    @dinab7852 6 місяців тому +5

    Please release 1 video/day. I can't get enough of your content & extremely soothing voice.

  • @graceb3934
    @graceb3934 6 місяців тому +5

    My ex-bestfriend did the needling thing ALL the time. One was to say - in a very flippant way - that i should wear more colour... this went on for years, in fact decades. And when i finally rsponded to say i didnt appreciate it she, and all her flying monekys, acted like i was overreacting. I could give endless examples of how that abuse played out over the decades...I have now cut her and all the other 'friends' out of my life. I was gaslit, manipulated, and horribly abused for 4 decades, and when I blocked her she stalked me online...be aware - abusive friends can be just as damaging as abusive partners

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +1

      @graceb3934 yes, yes, and yes. You said it for me

  • @reettaelina
    @reettaelina 6 місяців тому +11

    only when I was firm social workers started to believe me but it was so difficult to show like I had everything together

  • @gretgirl6750
    @gretgirl6750 6 місяців тому +12

    I'm pretty knowledgeable about narcissism by now thanks to podcasts like yours, yet this is still a new concept for me. Thank you for explaining it so clearly and giving such explicit examples. This information is invaluable.

  • @lulococo9700
    @lulococo9700 5 місяців тому +1

    I'm certain i could have answered the needling egg comment question ten years ago, but I've been no contact and in therapy for a decade now. I'm very happy to say that I've moved past a lot of these painful memories and triggers. I want to reassure others that while it may feel like you will never recover or move forward, I promise you its possible to heal. You're worth the time it takes to go no contact and heal.

  • @deanfromromania
    @deanfromromania 6 місяців тому +8

    This video is exactly what I endured in the marriage - classic covert narcississt tactics.

  • @palouuk
    @palouuk 6 місяців тому +41

    I found this video to be too close to the knuckle and triggering. I remember most of the times I've been a victim of this kind of thing. It's hard to keep one's composure to the point of having a panic attack

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  6 місяців тому +6

      I’ve been there too and I think I know what you mean. There’s a stuckness to it that intensifies everything

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +1

      @@CommonEgo 🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @life-rethought
      @life-rethought 5 місяців тому

      yes my gut twisted too. but I'm so much better. healing through the pain and grief.

  • @lauriejordan2716
    @lauriejordan2716 6 місяців тому +40

    This may be long, but it explains everything in a nutshell. my ex would out of nowhere say something like, any guy who buys a girl a drink at the bar is trying to sleep with her. I would then say something like, well what if they’re just friends. he would adamantly swear that under no circumstance does a guy buy a girl a drink unless he wants to sleep with her friend or not. We would dango out a couple hours later and he would buy a girl a drink. I would then say something like, so what do you want to sleep with her? He would then scream out loud, so everyone could hear him. Do you see what I have to live with. All I did was buy my friend’s wife a drink, and this lunatic is accusing me of wanting to sleep with her. I would then try to explain, you’re the one who said a guy doesn’t buy a girl a drink unless he wants to sleep with her. Then he’d scream, did any of you hear me say that? What is that what the voices in your head are saying to you? Then everyone would laugh at me and call me crazy. I would feel so embarrassed and alone. On top of that, everyone would act like I’m the crazy one and he is the sweet, bullied, guy who is stuck being harassed by me.

    • @reesedaniel5835
      @reesedaniel5835 6 місяців тому +17

      He clearly set a trap for you intentionally.

    • @lauriejordan2716
      @lauriejordan2716 6 місяців тому

      @@reesedaniel5835 oh absolutely!!! He sadly found enjoyment out of humiliating me and making me look stupid and crazy. I’m embarrassed to admit I didn’t know anything about narcissist at the time. I didn’t know a person was capable of thinking and acting that way. It took 2 court ordered psychiatrist diagnosing him for me to look it up and realizing what was going on. My entire world collapsed. He couldn’t have fit the description more accurately.

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +5

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @AmberExista
      @AmberExista 6 місяців тому +4

      Wow, this is insane. If that would happen to me I'd just shake my head and walk away and never speak to that person again. It's crazy how their minds work, like most of this manipulation shit is so out of reach for my imagination, I think even if I took classes to act that way I couldn't pull it up.

    • @jamesrutter4100
      @jamesrutter4100 5 місяців тому

      Your fault if it happened repeatedly and you Didn't record it to play to the audience that he was gaslighting. ONCE is all it takes to expose. If your concerned about violence at home later. Make damn sure you record it right away. You might get attacked but it's only going to happen untill you put him in handcuffs.

  • @alimccreery755
    @alimccreery755 6 місяців тому +30

    I’ve had every single one. Very sneaky 😈

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  6 місяців тому +7

      And infuriating 😞

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +1

      @@CommonEgo 🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

  • @christinemccoy4471
    @christinemccoy4471 6 місяців тому +374

    Once you've learned about 1 narc, you're cured of the rest.

    • @MoreFunInTheNewWorld
      @MoreFunInTheNewWorld 6 місяців тому +2

      @@flashbeasteryou don’t have to watch anymore if you’re all healed up and moved on . The thing is there is no shortage of folks who have been affected by cluster b individuals in all stages of healing .

    • @smorgasbroad1132
      @smorgasbroad1132 6 місяців тому +93

      Yes, but stay vigilant. Narcissism is much more common than you think. Don't get a false sense of protection from them, they're everywhere. ☹️

    • @LaDonnaShielded-kc7zm
      @LaDonnaShielded-kc7zm 6 місяців тому +70

      Nah they come in all disguises.

    • @jessluck6583
      @jessluck6583 6 місяців тому +51

      Yes, many behave similarly. But covert/vulnerable was a whole different experience for me than overt.

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  6 місяців тому +65

      You’re definitely better equipped to spot some of the red flags 🚩 but yeah they can be tricky. Healing and self love are the best defenses 🙏❤️

  • @mirandajsummers
    @mirandajsummers 6 місяців тому +10

    I have a 2nd career as a freelance editor to boost my income. At a family gathering, my sibling loudly announced that she could never do my job. Sounds like the start of a lovely compliment, right? Then she follows up with why. Is it because it requires knowledge and skill and a degree of sharp-mindedness and intelligence? No. She has all those things, naturally. The reason is, she'd FALL ASLEEP. So while everyone laughs at her 'joke', I know she's really saying, "Know that your job would be a walkover for someone as smart as me, but I'd never stoop to doing it because it's sooo boring, but good enough for the little people like you."
    And I know this, as you say, because of all the behind-closed-doors stuff that's gone on that no one else sees.

  • @indridcold8433
    @indridcold8433 6 місяців тому +39

    I refuse to interact with any narcissist. As soon a narcissist is detected, all communications cease with the parasite. There have been times I leave mid sentence, from the narcissist, as soon as I detect what I am interacting with is a narcissist and not an actual human. There is no need to interact with a narcissist at all.

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +2

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +1

      @indridcold8433- your comment is so good, and helpful too .

    • @thelaziestbee
      @thelaziestbee 6 місяців тому +2

      I doubt this can be detected mid sentence... what would be the sentence?

    • @bobbyscalchi4013
      @bobbyscalchi4013 5 місяців тому

      Can you kindly give some working actual examples? I'm sure many of us would greatly benefit from some of your insights or experiences.

    • @bonnie1097
      @bonnie1097 5 місяців тому +2

      Absolutely. The only way. Unless you are a child or a hostage. Leave at all costs.

  • @cyberspacechase
    @cyberspacechase 3 місяці тому

    Thank you I feel relieved now knowing what has been happening. It gets confusing sometimes, you know somethings wrong but cant seem to understand every single little game and mind trick they pull on you

  • @ashleymarshall5502
    @ashleymarshall5502 6 місяців тому +3

    So much to learn... Thank you for sharing your wisdom

  • @vampireslayer1989
    @vampireslayer1989 6 місяців тому +3

    Christine, Glad to see that your subscriber base is growing. Excellent content and well presented. Keep up the good work!

  • @annettedillon7751
    @annettedillon7751 6 місяців тому +13

    A dangerous ex- squatter in my house makes a point of saying hello to me in Public.
    He destroyed my home and life and stole about $30,000 crippling me forever in many ways.
    I try to be positive and move on, but he makes a point of stalking me just to pop up and say Hi all friendly.
    No, the police do nothing. It’s a threat but the people with him don’t know that. He stalks many people he has destroyed and is a murderer.

    • @hopeinHim5160
      @hopeinHim5160 5 місяців тому +4

      🤯💔🌹l am so sorry. May God bless you in Jesus name.🙏

    • @life-rethought
      @life-rethought 5 місяців тому +1

      yes they are sadistic and dangerous... and they love it. God protect you
      and me.

  • @rlic9206
    @rlic9206 6 місяців тому +8

    They have to find anything against you.
    Inside they know how low they are.
    Things so simple like. You didn't rinse off your plate in the sink while hers are laying there coverd in shit. Ha ha ha.
    When you know what they are, they can be amusing.
    You can't listen to what they say. You need to know who you are inside.

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +1

      And one must get away from, and not be around nor emmeshed with them.

  • @burt2800
    @burt2800 2 місяці тому

    My ex hated it when I talked confidently about something I supposedly didn't know enough about, i.e. not my field of expertise. I got berated often for this and when I stood my ground, she was just the victim. "it triggered me because my dad used to talk like that", but no apology. When we were having a drink with friends and I said something like that she said to the group "well, he likes to boast with facts he only learned two days ago", and laughed. When I brought it up later she said she was only teasing me I shouldn't take it personally. Great stuff.

  • @francophiledawg9059
    @francophiledawg9059 6 місяців тому

    So glad to see this tactic covered!! Thank you!!
    I dropped a narc as a friend over a decade ago. She’s now back in my orbit via a guy she’s dating (a friend of ours).
    She has had HIM deliver a very generous gift to me because she heard I liked this particular brand. No note, no phone call from HER - and there was no birthday or other special occasion.
    When I didn’t respond to her, she had boyfriend invite hubby and I out to dinner. We were out of town.
    Obviously, she was trying to get a response.
    She still has not ONCE contacted me directly. All dog whistles.

    • @laurieg673
      @laurieg673 6 місяців тому +2

      She's trying to hoover you back in. The gift was to see if you were open to that.
      If she is in your orbit again and she views you as a threat because of your past interactions, she will try to hoover you back in or smear you.
      If you don't fall for the hovering back in to a friendship than she is going to smear you. You are a threat to talk about her and she is trying to control that narrative.
      Step lightly.

  • @olekobethepinheadedboy
    @olekobethepinheadedboy 6 місяців тому +24

    Only child of a covert narc mother here. Finally a term for what I've been experiencing with her for decades. She's the grand champion at #4 & 5. Marie Barone comes to mind. If I call her out on it or dish it right back, then it's silent treatment time. I'm contemplating moving far away.

    • @Boobookittyfluff
      @Boobookittyfluff 6 місяців тому +4

      Run away! Far, far awayyyyyy.....it was the best thing I ever did. Later I came back. Coming back was a big mistake, HUGE mistake.

    • @Dawn_Starrr
      @Dawn_Starrr 6 місяців тому

      Can you move away again?​@@Boobookittyfluff

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому +1

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +1

      It's beyond contemplating. Move Far Away.

    • @Whatisright
      @Whatisright 6 місяців тому

      Silent treatment is a gift.

  • @jacobcooney8325
    @jacobcooney8325 6 місяців тому +3

    The last needling comment my mother made to me was one of the last conversations I ever had with her. I spend a lot of my free time playing video games (keep in mind I’m a personal trainer and love working out so it’s not like I’m a slob) but I became one of the top ranks in a very hard and popular game that I played. I got a lot of respect from friends and I held this as a very high achievement in my life. My mother always started arguments about video games because she knows it triggers me. She found out about this achievement and completely minimized it knowing how important it was for me. I got angry at her and she called me abusive. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My own mother didn’t want “someone who’s abusive living with her.” I realized then what kind of person my mother was and decided she wasn’t good for my mental health. This was also around the time I was going through a very hard time”break up” and my mom said “you know girls don’t like guys who are emotional right?” When I called her upset and needing her support. I’ve forgiven my mom but I will NEVER forget that last thing she said to me.

    • @dakotamabry1645
      @dakotamabry1645 6 місяців тому +1

      I feel that my mother kept pushing the envelope, the last thing , went on for the past weak, she said cps was gonna get called because yall abuse your child and accused me of stealing jewelry that was missing a year ago before I moved in and I also love video games .. I'd find games and cartoons to share with my child and she said I was in a fantasy world and don't know how to real world works .. I was out of my parents house for close to 8 years and hit hard times when I had my son and asked for help 6 months ahead of time with every intention of leaving within 3 months . They charged me so high caused me so much stress I was sick and lost my job and my husband couldn't put back anything without my mother demanding more then we could give our money and time . She'd throw a fit every time I'd relax and then purposely leave out chemicals so my child can hurt himself.

    • @mrs.messenger
      @mrs.messenger 6 місяців тому

      Oh my goodness

  • @TheWayofFairness
    @TheWayofFairness 6 місяців тому +56

    Narcissistic brain damage is a thing. Let's sue for the physical brain damage

    • @Missliz2307
      @Missliz2307 6 місяців тому +2

      Yup. My mother died from brain cancer due to my father’s narcissism.

    • @A7LTEGugle
      @A7LTEGugle 6 місяців тому +2

      Wow. That's awful, so sad & I completely believe it. 😢

    • @nellythenarcissist
      @nellythenarcissist 6 місяців тому +8

      Yes I realise post narcissist just how hyper reactive I am to the slightest moments where people are disrespectful to me. I realise WOW that relationship has really damaged me - there needs time for a lot of therapy and healing space after that. It changes you for life. I literally liken it to coming out of a war zone - the C-PTSD is the same and although that could be triggering to say for the general public, victims of narcissistic abuse will know what I mean!

    • @Wiseman501
      @Wiseman501 6 місяців тому +6

      @@nellythenarcissist Had a narc dad and also went to war. Honestly preferred war because you have friends around that can understand what you're going through. Narcs try to keep everyone away and torture you in silence. Pathetic little monsters. If only I knew back then how to deal with them... The psychological damage is permanent and a constant recovery effort. Loud car backfires and weird objects while on the freeway are next. lol

    • @nellythenarcissist
      @nellythenarcissist 6 місяців тому +6

      @@Wiseman501 I totally understand you! At least at war, number one - who you’re fighting is clear and then also people understand around you what you’ve been through. Someone said to me recently (when I explained about these evil demons that want to destroy good people - narcissists, especially coverts) he said to me that there were bigger things to worry about like wars. My gut feeling is that, that totally isn’t true! At war you go to war and you prepare yourself. What about when the person that you let in, that’s meant to be ‘love’ in your house, is your enemy? But is a hidden assassin and then nobody believes what’s happening to you, because they seem so sweet to everyone else. That’s a real danger!! And they are going under the radar.

  • @birdlady2725
    @birdlady2725 6 місяців тому +10

    Behind closed doors, is pure evil. Yet, they seem to be 'the best' to friends, as they are unaware of the psycho behavior. They get turned into flying monkeys.
    The only way to deal with them, and keep your sanity, is to run. Far. Away.😢

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому

      And those flying monkeys get too close to "the sun" ( the narc ) and the wax melts, their wings fail, and SLAM! The ground is very hard. The narc's "win"? is for Losing.

    • @life-rethought
      @life-rethought 5 місяців тому

      their own delusion and pride does eventually bite them in the ass. they are more lazy and dumb than they think.
      and many see through them long before. they can smell their inner meanness even if the outsiders don't say anything or chose to avoid it.
      I didn't wait around .... I ran.
      I'm only now hearing outsider observations and experiences 9 months after I had the Narc removed.m. like any bad divorce.
      the outsiders speak up later when THEY FEEL SAFE. and I am grateful for the confirmation.
      the narc does their best to mind fuck you and everyone else. no better way to say it. its evil. its cruel.

  • @ericcassidy6916
    @ericcassidy6916 5 місяців тому

    I wish i had this information before i went through it. This video is very therapeutic.

  • @lisaa8437
    @lisaa8437 6 місяців тому +4

    My mother!! All of them!

  • @FreeSpirit47
    @FreeSpirit47 5 місяців тому

    Been there, experienced that, so happy to be free of him.

  • @looweegee252
    @looweegee252 5 місяців тому

    This is why we must all become what's called imperturbable or incapable of being bothered involuntarily

  • @GyanAddict
    @GyanAddict 6 місяців тому +7

    When I'd offer her to go to a cafe or restaurant personally, she'd call the place cheap and low class, "it suits your class, not me". Be reminded these are expensive aesthetic places where even some filmstars go to. She'll go with me though but criticize it. But then another day she'd visit actual low class cheap places and call me up or even invite me with her family and ask "how do you like our choice? isn't this better?". At first I had to control the urge of saying "wow you're this cheap?". Slowly I learned to tell her in personal settings "hey, let's drop my choice. Today we'll go to the place your mother finds rich. Shall we? It's okay I can manage". In the process I became a narcissist as well.

  • @BluegrassBarn
    @BluegrassBarn 6 місяців тому

    This is superb, and would be a good tool for someone trying to explain to an empathetic close friend or family member why they so affected.

  • @andrewyoung-n8ary
    @andrewyoung-n8ary 6 місяців тому +9

    I have more than one outburst that made me look like an a-hole in front of others due to offhanded comments made by an ex wife and an ex GF.
    The ex wife thought 6 beers a WEEK was excessive, so she constantly made me out to be an alcoholic to everyone else. I was wearing sandals and caught one on a stair when entering an event and she looked at me and said, “have another one, you drunk.” I yelled at her to quit picking on me.
    The GF later was always making comments about my weight. At the time, I was 5’9 and about 190 lbs. At family events, she would make oinking sounds if I spent any time snacking on the chips and salsa. I snapped on her once for that as well.

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +1

      So glad they are out of the rearview mirror

  • @michelleday5045
    @michelleday5045 6 місяців тому +6

    Been there and done that...

  • @jessicapotter4648
    @jessicapotter4648 5 місяців тому +1

    lol they do it all the time they use to get me by commenting on a topic that I’m very well versed in to someone and give total nonsense and back it up with that’s what such and such would do etc etc knowing in the past we have argued and I’ve proving this wrong and the people she would speak about agree that they never did that either lol.
    They would turn it around that I’m digging her out so now I know that’s why they do it I just don’t say anything unless the person asks me and I pretend I wasn’t listening and ask to speak somewhere else far enough away no one else such as the narcissist and there minions can’t here…
    They hate that !

  • @tmrb7600
    @tmrb7600 6 місяців тому

    Awesome video! Thank you so much for making these things clear and more easy to recognize

  • @Maddie-5
    @Maddie-5 6 місяців тому +1

    I downloaded your free guide. My husband of 18 years has relied on me ( since hes 78 and doesn't read nor write) way too much for way too many years. He had s chance to learn but dropped it. We cannot sleep together ( for 5 years now) due to his violent nightmares. He's become like an emotional vampire as well. He accuses me of talking about him only because his ears ring . They ring every dam day!
    Ive had fits and he says I'm embarrassing and neighbors can hear. But im the one shaking and he is calm 😢. When I told him i want out out out, things only escalated to guilt tripping and accusations

  • @life-rethought
    @life-rethought 5 місяців тому

    the keys to my healing....... identifying dog whistling....... and the reactive abuse I was manipulated into........ in my childhood and young adult years.
    and then labeled the PROBLEM, of the family... shamed , blamed. gut wrenching betrayal by all.

  • @drebugsita
    @drebugsita 5 місяців тому +1

    I can think of times where my mom. has tried to get me to play along with her games - "liking" family photos in a group chat from a relative she knows I don't speak to (because she triangulated her into bullying me) - saying "why haven't you liked any of their vacation photos? you know, you've complained about not being included in things..." implying that if I don't play along I won't be invited to things that matter to me. Oh, and she did this knowing that I was seriously ill at the time.

  • @pcky6646
    @pcky6646 6 місяців тому +1

    Thank you, my dear.
    Hope you doing good.

  • @dakotamabry1645
    @dakotamabry1645 6 місяців тому +3

    I never heard of this , but I know this , my mother did this to me , UT actually has a name and it definitely explains how I'd instantly get triggered and my husband would literally wonder why I'd be on the defensive when my mother didn't say anything wrong ? I would tell him you don't understand but I couldn't explain it

    • @laurieg673
      @laurieg673 6 місяців тому +1

      My husband used to innocently poke fun of me with my mother who would trigger you through jokes about your personality, quirks, etc...Those hidden insults in the form of teasing/joking around.
      She got such a kick out of thinking he was her flying monkey she could use to trigger me. My husband loves and adores me and she thought she could use him to hurt my feelings and our relationship.
      Thankfully, he understands now and jumps to immediate praising of me whenever she tries to trigger me. He talks about how lucky he is to have such a wonderful wife. Lol.

    • @dakotamabry1645
      @dakotamabry1645 6 місяців тому

      @laurieg673 My husband talks to my mother like a child and she still hasn't picked up on it , even does subtle insults back to her . Well when we lived with her , I'm limit to no contact with my whole family. I can't take the abuse anymore , I have and always will be the scape goat. I honestly deserve better and it's not something I want my child to be looped into .. either think I'm so kinda fool and seeing his own mother being bullied is normalized

  • @gilbertcruz4761
    @gilbertcruz4761 6 місяців тому +13

    We had argued a lot about her basically identifying as an agent of chaos. I explained that I didn’t need that in my life. On another occasion we were having a disagreement and she dropped the argument and texts me the statement” I AM chaos!” Trying to provoke an emotional response where her friends could hear. She didn’t want be heard saying it, but wanted my reaction. On this occasion I didn’t take the bait. It was our last argument.

    • @TerraAventurineStudios
      @TerraAventurineStudios 6 місяців тому

      I’m chaotic because I have ADHD. I’m not sure how that means she’s a narcissist. There’s a fine line between being baited into an argument and reading too much into what people say.

    • @carolinegichia1687
      @carolinegichia1687 6 місяців тому +2

      ​@@TerraAventurineStudios Trust me people can recognise the difference between you and someone who intentionally is abusing them.

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому +1

      I'm glad to read it was your last argument with her. To me it means that was the end of the relationship that wasn't a good one to even call a relationship.

  • @thelovely961
    @thelovely961 5 місяців тому

    they do it when you're alone too. It's like their typing in a code and waiting for you to go off. so they can be like wow you're so crazy and going off, wow you're so into me that I could have you going crazy like that. or wow you're insane, look at you.. to try to make them feel better so that they don't have to face their insanity. even if you heal and don't go off and explode it will put you off because you will see it clearly that they were trying to provoke pain in you. it definitely made me wake up and think why would I want to be with someone like that.

  • @sunset9729
    @sunset9729 6 місяців тому +6

    Come to think of it this behavior is what started me on the journey I'm on now or a start to my current destiny.
    It starts out mild and intensifies over time.
    At first I seen it as just playing around.
    then one discovers it's not a joke.
    Watching for patterns I discovered that the whistle would begin about 1/2 hour before a social gathering and would continue until the arrival to the destination.
    Then it was what I would call the flip flop.
    She would put on the "super nice mask" while I was triggered to the max.
    While I was super triggered she would treat me like a king at the gathering.
    Oh but wait,the party is over on the way home or has it just begun????
    Off with the nice mask on with the other one.
    For you folks that are going through this . Don't take it personal. It's not your fault.
    This is a demonic possession.

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому

      But don't stick around either.

  • @kerryannegarnick1846
    @kerryannegarnick1846 6 місяців тому +2

    I haven't really had the same kind of "fried egg" moment with a partner. But my mom is a narcissist I often will tell her things explicitly in a way to avoid her freaking out at me, but today she spent two hours belittling my cousin in front of me and then later that day when I mention that I was in pain because I couldn't get my medicine on time she said, "it's like the situation with Emily" knowing it would make me feel belittled and angry.

  • @zodjenkins2595
    @zodjenkins2595 6 місяців тому

    Thanks for explaining this, it was very well laid out and I could easily understand. I think we want to believe that people work rather than the work itself, that can really make one stagger if they find out what their safe people, or 'friendships' have actually been diligently working on and makes us aware of the transience of relationships, perhaps to an uncomfortable degree. You can only wake up to the mess and accept the struggle that is your life in my experience. Thanks for the catharsis 🙂

  • @nancyP7448
    @nancyP7448 6 місяців тому +1

    Love the title of your video. Good one.

  • @TheHeavensAndEarth
    @TheHeavensAndEarth 6 місяців тому +1

    I experienced this once, bit didn't realize what was going on til I reflected on it a couple of years later. I was home for Christmas one year, and in the living room with the whole family present, my dad said out loud to all my siblings that they should be thankful they have such a good older brother as a good example for them. I thought in the moment my dad was actually praising me and validating me. But then after watch npd videos for awhile, I recalled that he didn't make eye contact with me at all in this moment, and my sister shot me a look af profound shock at what had been said. After learning more I realized my dad was rubbing in my face the smear campaign he had maintained behind my back for years. I've since learned now why all my siblings treat me like I'm dead. It's sad. But it is what it is. I've moved on now. One example of dog whistling.

  • @Denise-y2c
    @Denise-y2c 5 місяців тому

    First time watching one if your videos. Very informative & insightful.
    Thank you.

  • @nettiwinter3309
    @nettiwinter3309 6 місяців тому

    Thank you for this video. I was thinking I was a bit confused. Basically I found a lot of them with my sister. Making jabs, calling me names, and needling about me (my behaviour, an tastes or situation a while back) and our family at family partys. Then guilttrip me and them by saying when I didn't aggree with her "objective" (her words) oppinion, that she is the Black sheep of the family. She even did it with her husband.

  • @gabrielnadia1085
    @gabrielnadia1085 6 місяців тому

    It is a real understanding of this pathology here.

  • @Magick_in_the_middle
    @Magick_in_the_middle 6 місяців тому +7

    Love your videos

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  6 місяців тому

      Thank you ❤️🙏

  • @bencraft6123
    @bencraft6123 6 місяців тому +32

    I thought this was going to be about the way they expect you to drop everything, and instantly do as you ask, like someone whistling to a dog.

    • @AbstractM0use
      @AbstractM0use 6 місяців тому +1

      I believe that's called being whipped 😉

    • @mirandajsummers
      @mirandajsummers 6 місяців тому +4

      I did too, but this is still a good label - for those barbs that only the victim can 'hear'.
      What could the 'drop everything and do something for the narcissist' be called?

    • @bencraft6123
      @bencraft6123 6 місяців тому

      @@mirandajsummers Yeah your right, I wasn't saying it wasn't. I don't know. Slave driving perhaps.

    • @guyincognito7211
      @guyincognito7211 6 місяців тому

      This is a common English idiom. Read a book.
      When they expect you to drop everything and serve them, it is due to their gross sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy makes them unable to see you as an autonomous human being.

    • @mirandajsummers
      @mirandajsummers 6 місяців тому +3

      @@guyincognito7211 "Read a book"? Wow

  • @falling4mE
    @falling4mE 5 місяців тому +1

    Its true!! Its true! My mom was right about you!

  • @Babygirldagoat
    @Babygirldagoat 6 місяців тому

    I thought this was called induced conversation. Very informative video.

  • @Demo-je8jm
    @Demo-je8jm 5 місяців тому

    Love your work mate, cheers

  • @falling4mE
    @falling4mE 5 місяців тому +1

    P38. He called me a p38 (thats a can opener) after the cement holding my crown in place came loose. Causing my crown to come out. My front tooth. Called me a p38! A**hole

  • @okaycola2
    @okaycola2 6 місяців тому +6

    Jokes are very informative

  • @EricThompson-k9v
    @EricThompson-k9v 6 місяців тому

    omg. the needling from toxic co-workers is so hard to ignore, trying not to react and feed the narcissistic person.

  • @Jeff-ng5ig
    @Jeff-ng5ig 5 місяців тому

    My ex constantly insinuated hurtful things about me very deviously in front of others. I wouldn't be 'physically present', but she knew I was within hearing range. Things I didn't know were a problem or didn't know about at all. Instant disorientation and anger. She knew what she was doing every time.

  • @Samaritan38
    @Samaritan38 6 місяців тому +2

    💯 resonates everything.

  • @valeriewhitcomb10
    @valeriewhitcomb10 6 місяців тому +4

    Thank you for this content. Yes. Now, when members of the death cult do [fill in the blank] I just pat what I want them to kiss. God is faithful when I turn to Him. A counselor said to re-frame it to something positive. It works and they just anchor another trigger. When I think of Jesus and His word, it helps. My goal is not to eliminate reaction but to lessen it, use a thoughtful/self-soothing response. Yes, they have stolen my life in ways. As Mr. Roger says, "Look for the helpers." The famous Mel Robbins has found peace with "Let them." Plus, control what you can control; their mental illness is not under my control.

  • @girlyghoul
    @girlyghoul 5 місяців тому

    My Narc dad had a classic electric guitar in his collection. As a young adult, I dated a guy (also a Narc naturally) who became obsessed with my dad's guitar when I showed it to him. He'd always want me to bring it out whenever he came over which put me in a stressful bind of not wanting to disappoint my boyfriend, but also not piss off my dad by touching his things. Eventually, this boy dumped me- but during our breakup threw in at the last second that he'd still like to come over sometimes and see my dad's guitar. I had at least enough sense of dignity to say "No!" and that was that for the boyfriend's part of it.
    The dog whistling part is that my DAD whenever he showed that guitar to anyone LOVED to tell the tale of how one of my first boyfriend's loved that guitar more than me! That became his favorite stories around that damn guitar. I tried to tell him how humiliating it was for me for him to bring that up, and of course, being the Narc he is, he deflected and minimized it. But it obviously was a source of pride for him (my feelings be damned) that someone loved his precious guitar more than his daughter. It sucks knowing this object meant more to two people I cared for than I did. Luckily I'm now at a good place in my life emotionally where I can recognize that really it's my dad (and my ex-boyfriend) who sucked for caring more about an object than a person. But that's narcissism for ya!

  • @goodenoughgirl8102
    @goodenoughgirl8102 6 місяців тому +3

    I guess by now I’m at the point to where I know what they’re doing but one or two important key people in my life really don’t get it. I’m trying to let it go and not care if they get it or not but it still bothers me that they maybe get some things but aren’t really seeing all of it as it really is. They’re sort of acknowledging that some things aren’t quite right with said narc, but they still minimize it.

  • @gothicyid
    @gothicyid 5 місяців тому +1

    My boyfriend said he doesnt find me attractive physically but is in love with my personality and enjoys physical intimacy. I dont know if he said it to be honest or if he is manipulating me to feel bad about myself.

  • @nancyP7448
    @nancyP7448 6 місяців тому

    Great information 👍 Took notes.

  • @michaelking4578
    @michaelking4578 6 місяців тому +3

    Try this on a religious narc when they are drunk: "Wine is a mocker; strong drink is raging." That will set them off. Narcissistic injury.
    Better yet get away from them forever.

  • @user-hn1sw4cf7x
    @user-hn1sw4cf7x 6 місяців тому

    Very good run down! 🎉

  • @falling4mE
    @falling4mE 5 місяців тому

    I can do anything. I just has to be something i want. It just has to be worth it.

  • @jeffdysert5549
    @jeffdysert5549 6 місяців тому +3

    I've got 19 years of fried egg moments, to many to mention here 😂 Thankfully that's all long behind me. She's somebody else problem now. Poor guy

  • @tabithab33
    @tabithab33 6 місяців тому +1

    Like she said… this will go on for “months “ in reality; years even… anIt truly is a slow horse, tumultuous, hard as hell to see with the human eyes. Be careful, watchful ( hyper vigilant is just a label)… ptsd is NOT the issue. It is on going and needs discernment.

    • @ateam3268
      @ateam3268 6 місяців тому

      🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 YES, remember your fried egg moment, they will bombard you with their MIND GAMES!! SUBBED!!

    • @sv-yh3mq
      @sv-yh3mq 6 місяців тому

      And has to end beyond stop and drop

  • @heatherphillips3826
    @heatherphillips3826 5 місяців тому +1

    Im miserable. He mocks me under his breath daily. I can't function anymore 😢

  • @willieknows2708
    @willieknows2708 6 місяців тому

    Free 5 Yrs & Blessed.

  • @jodimo
    @jodimo 6 місяців тому +2

    My ex narc would hum the wicked witch of the west song when i would sweep the floor. He never hums, sings, or enjoys music.! Rubbed me raw. Called him out. He told me im crazy.

  • @stellap7624
    @stellap7624 5 місяців тому +1

    The first one, the needling criticism. My former Husband John is an expert at that. No matter how much I try, no matter what I do, he will pick his moment to criticize me. And I can't explain how much it has got to me over the years. I'm a lot tougher now, but I really need it to stop. And that means him gone, which I'm working towards. It's too complicated to explain why I can't just walk away, but I am untangling myself from being associated with him. At the moment he's sectioned, so it's given me a break from him and his toxic ways. I also recognize the other dog whistles from other people in the past, like my Mother for e.g. One thing that I learned from another Narcissist expert on UA-cam, is when he's criticizing me, I stop him by saying; "I'm happy with the way I do me". I didn't think this would work, but it has every time. He quickly shuts up, and drops the tirade of criticism that was coming my way. Then he just changes the subject completely. Which amply illustrates that all his criticism was made up bull. He has been in my life for a very long time because I was financially dependant on him. Not many talk about that reason for putting up with a Narcissist. He loved having that over me.

  • @liz.scully
    @liz.scully 5 місяців тому

    Ive been battling this for the last 4 days from my parents

  • @TheGrmany69
    @TheGrmany69 5 місяців тому

    Tes, they have a whole arsenal of those.