When i was a kid, i remember a couple who lived close to us. My mom said she thought the man was abused. She said she'd hear the woman shouting about him hurting her but when she saw them outside, he had all the black eyes and bruises. This was in the 70s. You never heard of men being abused in those days.
It's not that women can't change, it's that change requires recognizing what you are doing is wrong. This is where women can't acknowledge the wrong doing because they are so damaged.
there were so many hurtful things my ex said to me, and whenever I would bring them up she would say this .. not once did she say sorry, I even told her "think about how it makes me feel to hear these things?", still no "sorry". I completely agree with this statement, if you are telling them something hurt you or offend you, the only acceptable response is "I'm sorry"
My partner of 30 years , would not touch me , and felt like everything she did was to destroy me . Punched me a few times and screamed so often I hated her so much I never want to see her again .I left , and I miss my abuser , but working on myself. I have PTSD .
@@amansinghgod9733 I talked to the police several times , Yes maybe legal action and , putting them in jail may have helped,that person change , but there is no perfect answer, to these situations, I felt legal action would only escalate things and make things worse, maybe I was right maybe not ? I talked to a few men my age that their wife isn’t much different they just got use to it . We all have choices. You live with disrespect or you don’t. I got my revenge,I am a mechanic by trade , I fixed the cars the house , the yard . I did everything. Now she can keep up everything all by herself.
PTSD is terrible, like dying in life. The good news is it is possible to heal 100%, even becoming better than before, because the emotional tooling you need to get out of it will become part of who you are and help you navigate relationships for the rest of your life.
There is no nobility in tolerating relational abuse, this will only lead to deserting your principles and adopting toxic behaviors. Do not stay in that. You are deluding yourself. Go zero tolerance. It is the best thing you can do for all concerned.
Been dealing with the raging wife for almost 20 years. Finally filed and moving forward with my life. Thanks for this. Please do more of these for men.
@TJ-015 Thanks. I watched my father, a kind, decent looking, loyal man, for some incomprehensible reason stay married to my mother who turned him into a breadcrumb-starved, shut-down, doormat. Completely baffling since he was also a good provider and I have to believe could easily have found other women. When he died, I cleaned out his closets. He acted calm aka shut down most of the time. but he had this habit when stressed with my mom's endless stream of criticism and contemptuous behaviour - he would sort of scratch a part on his chest like a self soothing thing. He had dozens of button down shirts. every. single. one. had these ingrained claw-marks on them. Kills me to think about it. And no she never changed. 25 years after his death she's even more miserable and toxic than before.
Labels like borderline are useful in that they describe dead-real, pervasive patterns of behaviour. Though it's also good not to hyper-fixate on labels. The bigger point is the behaviour and what it does to others.
@@justsomeguy1671 I’m the only daughter of 5 children. She alienated us from dad, or tried her hardest. And his family. Of course for us, I’m glad he never left. But for me, and with internet and learning about dysfunction/toxicity/evil that does exist, I wish I could’ve helped him to leave her. She had him feeling worthless and basically he stayed in his room, until he passed at age 81. I’m still hurt I never went to his family things. She’d tell us they were all bad and that we did not have to or need to go. Even their funerals. The guilt I’ve come to have. Anyway, yes, I’d want him to leave and take me with him.
@CC-ue5up There's a lot you can do! Get him help and get him out of there! If he resists, at least call her out for what she's doing to him! The only way these people get away with this behavior is when the rest of us say and do nothing. Tell all the family friends what she's doing to him if nothing else. Exposing her behavior for what it is will be one of the best things you can ever do for your father.
I lived with two verbally abusive women a great deal of my life. My mom and grandmother both gaslit me for a long time and wouldn't allow me to individuate, especially after I graduated from high school. I still have scars from years of such abuse.
I think this happened to me. I had ‘too many mental health issues.’ When I brought up emotions it was called ‘psychobabble.’ I was ‘full of sh*t.’ She called me terrible names during mediation so that she could try to get more child custody. So now I only communicate with her using a coparenting app. I changed my phone number and she doesn’t have it. I appreciate the reminder that this happens.
This is too real. My long time friend has always love opportunistic and toxic women. I helped him get into therapy. He's going twice per week. I'm thankful that he's getting the help that he needs. He's a good man but he's addicted to the toxic.
The legal system favors women. The Duluth model is institutionalized top down in a form of blatant bias against men nationwide. Men have been fighting to advocate for themselves and their children for decades and been getting laughed at and derided. That doesn't mean that all men are innocent or that all women are abusing the system. BUT for the many women violators who are abusing men there is almost ZERO recompense against them. Women instigate a large percentage of domestic violence incidents but even if they are the clear aggressors the police will most likely take the man into custody. Lesbians have the highest rate of domestic violence of any demographic.
While it’s true that the legal system favors women, what it all amounts to is that MEN favor women, cause absolutely none of your examples would be possible if there was an actual men vs women competition in society. Women cannot out compete men in ANYTHING without a so called (inside job) with men working for the other side
I’ve changed. I went to a therapist for anger management. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting him. Eventhough my aggressiveness was rooted and some deep resentment. I do get tired of being blamed for ever single thing and I’m learning how not to react. But I’m much happier and getting better at being more present. But he doesn’t want to see it. He just lives in the past. It doesn’t matter how much I change or improve myself he just will not live life with me as a new person. And I am learning to be more feminine. He just doesn’t want to look at himself or how he has contributed. He has called me horrible names and been verbally abusive as well but we can only talk about what I’ve done. He’s allowed and doesn’t have to recognize it but I have to.
I hate what you do so much, why don't you attack other women? Why do you lash on guys? You choose your victims carefully don't you? You see the guy won't do anything then you tear his eyes out. Girls like you are so far from human... you can't be called a person, you're a lion or a creature like a crocodile, that's what we should learn to see.
There is no nobility in tolerating relational abuse, this will only lead to deserting your principles and adopting toxic behaviors. Do not stay in that.
I can just say, from my own experience with a woman who said much of the same thing. She didn’t let me experience and express the emotions I needed to, to fully move on. She’d punish me every time, making my frustration with her worse. Being better also means being open and understanding. I did that for her every time I knew I was in the wrong. I let her express her emotions and signalled to her very clearly on an emotional level that I regretted whatever I might’ve done to upset her, I showed understanding for why she felt that way, I listened to her. My ex couldn’t do that for me. She’d berate me and tell me I hadn’t moved on ‘unlike me’, from the abuse she had put me through. She wasn’t apparently allowed to be a better person. All I wanted was for her us to have one lighthearted moment where we could look back and laugh at what happened, and she’d be understanding and supportive, not shame me, and make me even more frustrated. I dare say, she hadn’t grown as much as she thought in the end
Put all the blame on him. Way to waste money on that therapist. The mortgage people love it when therapists have people like you as a client. I hope he leaves you as the worthless, broken little victim that you are.
I am a woman that is healing and working through this. Age 33. I believe that women are unable to resolve this because they are living in unsafety and fear. This was the case for me. I was blessed with a husband that loved me unconditionally and put up with things that he shouldn’t have. I felt dead inside, and I am starting to heal in the context of love and safety. I’ve been able to acknowledge my abusive behavior and address the root cause over the course of the past decade. Continuing work. Very difficult to rewire fear. I would love to talk to you.
I dont know what my ex had. But she would have these sudden major mood swings and degrade me, and shout at me in public, then be really lovely to me again. This started early, like a month into the relationship. She gaslighted me on many occasions and would always twist things when i confronted her about her behaviour and make it all my fault. She broke up with me and had a new guy immediately after and posted it everywhere. Shes a totally different person in public than in private and shes good friends with some of my friends which i hate because they dont know her like i do. Weve been 1 year no contact now and im working on myself a tonne
From what you describe, it sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder of the 'rage' 'petulant' 'queen bee' variety. I know breakups are hard. But I promise you lucked out 'losing' her. Absorb this video, especially the part about how FANTASTICALLY unlikely she will ever change. Only get worse once you're married or really 'stuck.'
The double standards are wild. We have the trophe of the nagging wife however if we role reversed that then the same trophe would be an abusive husband.
The man I love is very tender hearted and sometimes cries. It breaks my heart because I know how bad he must feel to have all his early training at unemotional responses fail. Everything stops when my man cries. I just hold him knowing things have pushed him over the edge. Do not let this continue. You deserve loving care.
So why is everyone putting 100% of the blame on men. How is it that no one is advocating for men. Men act out YES. Women micro agress & because they don't act out physically they believe their abuse is less harmful. When will this be explained, 🤔
Thanks for this information, Unfortunately I'm going through this. The only difference is that I live with her and I have no other place to go. I'm pretty much on my own, I used to live in my car and I felt free but very sad at the same time. I moved in with a friend and I met her, she has been married twice and she asked me to move in. Everything was great till she started slowly making me feel bad. Whatever I would do is not enough for her. She will be happy and then find something new to complain about. I even got a second job but I started drinking a lot more just to feel "Happier" I do love her but I don't she loves her self. Thanks again, wish me luck.
Best to use ur money to get ur own apt far enough from her that she cant knock on ur door every second in case she runs out of her other NARCISSISTIC suppliers. She will run out... u don't have to live with her to love her. A NARCISSISTIC person can't change over night nor do they ever change cause they don't feel broken or a need to change to even keep a person they love. It's easy for us empaths like me to b the victim of many NARCISSISTIC people. They look for people who care a lot for others more than themselves. Ck out how to become a sigma empath. I have a female narsc n my room I share in a homeless shelter. She doesn't like me talk n or add n n any of my thoughts on her verbal same ol blah, blah & BLAH from time she wakes up to just b 4 my nite time meds kick in. I just lay there as if I'm past out. I made the mistake of ask n her what is the thing under her feet . Instead of answer me she yelled & said,"ITS NOT AN IT ITS A THAT!". I asked her what she was talk n about & she reaffirmed I was use n imprpopper English! I had enough & told her,"WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT I CALL IT OR THAT CAUSE WE DONT LIVE IN A FANCY HOTEL & U R NOT THE PRESIDENT & IM NOT WRITING A PAPER FOR A SCHOOL OR A JOB SO IT DOESN'T MATTER"! Than she released more outrageous narsc rage at me with fingers pointing at me & her face turn n red as fire very pist off at me for point n out the way I talk n here does not need to b corrected & that she's not my teacher nor my former professor in the college I attended so stop just stop overly correcting everything I say or do!" Result was she yelled out more till more people came run n inside our room ask n what's wrong to her. She kept tell n everyone how I don't speak proper English! She has not corrected me since. I barely say anything to her anymore. Life is sure a lot easier on me without her narcs b.s. she's been throw n at whomever her empathic victims are
The fantasy thing is so pertinent to me -- my current gf has this idea of me that's just not the reality, and when anything happens to challenge her idea or fantasy, she attacks me verbally, snaps at me, gets angry, screams and so on. My problem, I think, is that I have too much empathy and see her as troubled and damaged -- and so I put up with it and forgive her. 😔
I love your calmness. You're referring to my own little human behaviour project called the fantasy/ideal concept. Many researchers have definitely some idea of what is going on. 🤔 in my own research, we study this deeply and peel back the onion. People are internal beings. Anything outside of our flesh is external or extrinsic objects/materials. People who abuse usually live externally, so to speak. They create what I call a fantasy of who their partner should be. In my research, this is something that happens when a caregiver doesn't bond with their infant within the first 8 months. So what happens is that when the person becomes committed to their partner, if their fantasy partner doesn't match with the real partner (internal person), then this causes chronic ambivalence in the psyche. I refer to this as inappropriate and delusional pain. Depending on the person's understanding of internal and external worlds, they then start to become angry, upset, irritated, and extremely disappointed. Disappointment is the key factor in the fantasy not matching up with the real partner. So what does one do when they don't get what they want? They'll behave in all sorts of ways as a means to punnish their partner for not matching up to their delusional fantasy. Many mental health issues/conditions can cause an unhealthy fantasy. Porn in general, no parental nurturing and the inability to understand that people are whole individual human beings with their own feelings, bodies, minds, and emotions. I've taken a bit of whole object relations and some fantasy bonding theories to mesh my own research. Abuse is the part in the middle of the two circles. How can we train the brain to learn how to let go of this invisible measuring tape that some people hold? Teaching people about compassion and that love is not lust. In my research, we imagine that a person is 2 circles. The smaller circle inside the larger circle is the real person or the internal being. This is compassionate, empathy, understanding, love, kindness, and all their emotions and feelings. The outer circle is the flesh. The superficial part of life. When we can learn to bond and connect with the real person, the internal circle, we can learn to accept the person for they are and not who we want them to be. Humans are like onions, peeling back each layer to see the truth, and that's where unconditional love lives. Some call that the self.
My wife has 3 more weeks of nursing school. Shes from NJ im from TN. 1. Abuse and Disrespect all throughout this past year, major fight 2. I get stressed trying to get her to take accountability. 3. She finally see's her wrongdoing after a day or two of us not effectively talking. 4. Halfway apologize if that 5. Then repeat after another week or so. And then she complains as to why I dont cherish her or treat her like I Really love her. I do, but she is definitely abusive and talks to me any kind of way. We have a 3 year old and she just recently found out she is weeks pregnant. I want to stay for the kids until they are 18 and then leave.. Is this a bad idea?
Tell her she is a abuser. And you want a good life not just for the kids but her and yourself. Tell her you need help. She can be a boss at work but needs to come home to CARE for the family, not BREAK the family. Society tells women to be Strong (UN feminine) and Independent (not needing or respecting you) Therapy for abuse and trauma is necessary and it may not even help. Tell her your true expectations of her as a wife, as a mother If she can’t agree to those it will get worse
Been there…instead of apologizing and changing my wife pushed for divorce. We have three kids. She rather just go to something “new” who doesn’t know her past and haven’t experienced it. She doesn’t think she is or was verbally abusive. I personally believe things are spiritual and it’s a spirit women deal with that they need to be delivered from. My wife grew up in a family and broken home but her mom would say anything no matter what or how. They are also from NY and I’m from GA so it’s the northern personality I think too compared to being from the south. Northerners tend to be a bit more rude….I know stereotypes but there’s some truth in stereotypes. She had an issue only seeing negative in anyone as well always assumed someone was against her smh. I do see her making changes but we’re divorced now so it is what it is. Instead of apologizing and allowing us to speak on it without interjecting her feelings again she rather go be elsewhere. In my opinion your family is worth fighting for…we have three young children someone has to want to stop the cycle of broken families
@@Dennis-dg7oj that’s your belief. Do you. That’s the selfish mentality that has the world as it is now. For me it’s not about me…I live for my lineage and bloodline. Yes my children mother has her issues but I’m not in denial to think I’m perfect and handled everything right myself. No matter how thin you slice anything it’s two sides to everything. Do you that’s fine but as someone who work with children for a living it’s way to many and have become way too normal for children to not experience their biological parents together in one home. I never said do it and stay miserable but families are worth fighting for. Meaning do the work to grow on both sides to become better people. Why you think divorce is higher the second time? Because being selfish and just running isn’t the answer. The answer is reflecting (both parties) and be mature enough to get help and grow.
Sounds like my mother and grandmother. I've been in therapy for more than 7 years, I think they truly have lost their soul. I used to say to my therapist that my mother and grandmother are possessed and that I feel like I am on the receiving end of something malevolent.
I understand. Men are abused. this is true. one thing I want to make clear is this...women can change. I did. I changed for my own well being. Because I hated how I felt while being abusive. I hated being abusive most of all because it was so painful. It was like my skin was turned inside out. everything and everyone hurt me. even looking at me hurt. At the same time, I felt all the pain I caused everyone around me. It was triple quadruple pain. I can't live like that. The pain I cause others hurts me. so much. That pain on top of the pain I started with...It's just not sustainable. I changed So it is possible for a woman to change.
I greatly appreciate this video and agree, but I don’t think anyone should sympathize with the abusive woman, based on the idea that she may have had an abusive or painful childhood. Many of us women have had painful childhoods or an emotionally unavailable father, YET we did not become abusing in any way to our partners. I did find myself in relationships with verbally abusive men, but I’ve healed and done the work to see where I allowed mistreatment due to my fathers womanizing ways. Men do not get the validation on this topic enough and I applaud you for making this content to support them and present the opportunity for them to escape the abuse and have a chance at TRUE RECIPROCAL AND RESPECTFUL love and partnership.
I am happy for you that you did the work and you're right people need to have emotional control. In my experience in my previous relationships is that a woman who is verbally or physically abusive will not change.
@@whyc2094 I think the point she was making was more that she had an abusive father and abusive boyfriends, but didn’t let herself become an abuser. Instead she broke the cycle of abuse.
I was abused by my ex girlfriend. She was my first love. I felt like I couldn’t say anything to her because I was afraid that she’ll flip out on me. She threatened to take out of context messages to ruin my professional and personal life because she was upset at me. She refused to go to therapy for her mental issues because she was afraid of being called an abuser. She never changed or tried to be better. I’m still afraid of telling a woman anything now because I’m afraid it will lead to a blow out argument where she somehow gaslights me into being the bad guy. We tried being friends but she’d always do the same.
@@MCKevin289 don’t shut out every woman based on that very painful experience with your ex. Strengthen and heal the parts of you that made you accept her toxic communication behaviors, but then keep a positive outlook that there are good and loving women out there. There are healthy people who are capable of genuine love, communication and a respectfully reciprocated relationship. Be encouraged and take the lessons from that experience and move forward as a more knowledgeable and well-rounded potential partner for whoever is meant for you.
The worst thing that we can do is allow people to say "its because they were so abused." We are not powerless. Men are abused too. Yet they change. We get to choose.
Wow this has helped so much After 12 years of coparenting I went to the sheriff after her last attack on me. She was going down the tubes, drugging and getting more violent. Ugh, good riddance. I understand my son and I will probably need to talk to some professionals about this at some point. My son's mother was stupid crazy, so glad she is out of my life.
My experience is women have become so verbally abusive they will curse you out and then they get away with it. They are absolutely terrible. If I did what women did in the workplace I would be fired.
I have a coworker that literally secretly records every private interaction taking place between him and female workers or bosses. He’s so convinced he will in some way be discriminated against by one or the other, that he is determined to have the last laugh when it all hits the fan
@frankdees507 when he goes under investigation, they will somehow spin it against him. Women always are victims. In my case, a recording of audio wouldn't have done anything. He needs a body cam. They just allow bad behavior from women in the name of vagina. If I told them what this certain woman did, i would just have more uncomfortable moments around her.
@@jesusisdead Facts. Only in his case, when and if he’s discriminated against, his litigation isn’t against the woman, but against the company that allows it to happen on their watch, as he is very familiar with the labor laws and their requirement to provide a safe and comfortable work atmosphere. They would definitely have to settle with him to make the accusation go away, as it’s no way to spin surveillance once in the hands of an attorney specializing in civil rights abuse. None of the rest of us even consider recording all interactions for future legal defense. It’s what he’s learned over a career in corporate America
Man or woman...if anyone ever wishes you dead or pretends to stab or hurt you, or really tries to hurt you, just leave. Theres something wrong with that person..that's not love.
Does this count as "verbal abuse"? My boss was upset I had signed up for a one-person shift. I'll admit, I am much better with a helping hand and guide, but come on, that's no excuse for being insensitive. One of our student leader's responsibilities is organizing who works which shifts on the schedule, and my boss scolded him for not noticing I had signed up for a one-person shift. When she asked him if she thought I could do the shift, I answered for him with a firm "yes," because I felt belittled by her. She said she didn't think so, was all "I've told you not to sign up for shifts by yourself, I've been very clear about that, I don't know how much clearer I can get for you to listen" (something like, that, so I'm not perfectly quoting her), and she told me I need someone there to give me instructions and guide me. I'm mad at myself for not standing up to her. She intimidates me when she's in a bad mood, but still, at the very least, I should've told her "my family always taught me to be self-confident and believe in my abilities," to challenge her to coldly disagree with that. Can't believe she would condescend me like that.
Thabks. My 85 year old dad has been a victim of my mom for decades. She abused us too, of course. Wow. My mim and my sister are straight out sociopaths .
Narcissist Wife doesnt appreciate any thing at all everything i do ive changed in many ways all for her but she see no wrong in herself. I get called narcissistic but its actually her
I think I’m being abused, I’m not really sure I’m so confused. I know I make mistakes, and I’m not the perfect guy in the world, I’m sorry I take awful pictures, or cooked the chicken a little to long in the oven and it dried out. I feel so insecure over such small things, I was never like this, I was always the chilled down to earth person, but lately I realize I stress and worry over it. That I can’t relax, if I don’t please this perfectionist I live with, I know I will be called stupid, or called a child, or told I can’t do anything by myself. Whenever I speak up and tell her it hurts my feelings how I’m constantly belittled for my mistakes, she mocks me and says I’m over dramatic. I straight up told her I sometimes didn’t like her, and she laughed and said I was being dramatic. Because of this sometimes I question the validity of how I feel. I used to feel so confident and capable, but I can’t even eat something out of the fridge because I’m worried she will get mad at me for not saving it for her, so I don’t even touch it, and will later be called wasteful for not eating it. I have to try and plan the things I do around her and how she will respond, I don’t get joy anymore, I don’t do things for her out of joy and love, I simply do it because I’m worried she will get mad and yell at me and call me selfish. I work from home. Because of this she doesn’t seem to take my job or my responsibilities seriously, she always criticizes why I don’t clean or cook if I’m home all day, but it’s because I’m working and am busy. I have things I have to do as well….but because I don’t leave the house and work on my feet, she sorta acts as if I’m not working really hard.
I can relate to much of what you wrote...I feel so bad for you. To me it sounds like she isn't going to change...it's time for a change...probably best to leave the toxic relationship.
Man, you just described my last 9 years. At this point, I'm just waiting for her to get a job and I'm likely serving her with divorce papers; individual therapy has helped me get to this point. And once that's done, I'm finished with relationships. My picker is broken, and I'm completely done with trying to make anything work for anyone but myself at this point. Talk to someone; get help. First suggestion I have is to read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy", by Dr. Robert Glover. It will start you down the path back to who you used to be. It's not an easy read at all, and you may feel personally attacked in some places, but it's critical to reclaiming your self worth to acknowledge what's being said in the book.
Not true. My wife ( not sure that’s the correct description) is a narcissist, verbal abuser. She withhold physical affection. She wasn’t abused during childhood but was overly spoilt by her parents. She’s the Queen in her family since young. Lacked discipline and proper upbringing.
I think I might be dealing with this myself currently… I’m not perfect and had a drug relapse when she all but forced me to stop taking my medication that kept me sober… I thought I could do it… but anyway this behavior started years prior to my two month relapse… it’s difficult to take the pain from the woman you gave your life to and vowed to love for eternity… marriage counseling didn’t work for us (she wanted to try and report the female Councelor to the state board of social workers for telling my wife that she needed to do some work on her side that she didn’t agree with) I’m out of ideas and she’s more than ready for a divorce… she’s already moving back to Long Island with our two babies to live at her parents house… she claims she wants to buy another house on Long Island with me after we sell in Pennsylvania but I feel the situation is rather sketchy… HELP
I think 90 - 99% of counselors are ladies. So that means she'll always side with wife. You work 10 hour days then met at the door with ungrateful anger daily. But it's never her. You try going out to get space only to be followed getting screamed it.
@@angelablackthorne3026 Being hurt is as often a choice as it is an imposition. Facetiousness is a rhetorical device used to communicate an idea. Intention is the key,, and both parties must operate in good faith.
My wife and I have been married for 12 years, separated for 2 and so much of this video resonates with me. "Please stop calling me that." "Please stop saying that". "That's not true!". If I brought up a current issue (her being passive aggressive or hypocritical) 20 minutes later she'd be trying to get me to realize that I should apologize to her for something that happened years ago instead and my bringing up this issue became seen as another attack on her that I should be sorry for. Meanwhile, I was expected to accept her complaints as valid, even when she couldn't give examples of recent offenses. Lastly, there is still a pervasive expectation that she be forgiven for anything that happened before last week, but anything I did over the last 14 years even though I did it once and improved afterward, (besides getting angry) has historically remained on the table to be brought up as a countermeasure when I wanted her to stop the abuse. It is helpful to know that the probability of her changing for the long term is unlikely, but what is becoming more important to me is the possibility that my resilient hope is actually evidence of my own great flaw. Why after countless opportunities to do the opposite, would one give their abuser any consideration toward reconciliation?
Hello I'm sitting in my car I left the house my wife is always verbally abusing me alot and your story sounds exactly the same as mine if I try to tell her it's not ok to say that to me she said I deserve it because of something years ago and I deserve it because she said I do yesterday she called me shit and today she's calling me ugly ugly all morning other day she told me to go die in my sleep I'm feeling pretty low and I never solve anything I go back but nothing gets solved because she thinks I deserve to be talked to like this
@@a.g.hustlegarland4197 Hey bro sorry to hear you're going through that. Nobody deserves to be disrespected like that. You didn't ask for advice but if it's consistent like that you gotta look out for you and get outta there IMO. My issue was made more complicated because we had kids and she was fantastic some days. It'd stay that way long enough to hope it was behind us, then for no reason it would start up again. But yeah we have to put ourselves first sometimes. Love ourselves more than we love her. It's even better for the kids long term sometimes if you split. But hey whatever you choose, know that it is your choice and I wish you luck.
Men are more Honest than women, emotionally and psychologically and will seek help if they think it will make them a better man. I've never met a woman yet or heard of a woman who doesn't feel superior to men, especially emotionally and many of them will make sure that men know that. So many women think they are 'the finished article', and they're not, but many men let them carry on like that because the men want sex.
True. And men have yet to realize sex in itself is the absolutely easiest part of a woman to get. You want something difficult, try getting her support thru hard times, or getting her to meet you 50/50 on sacrifices made
I've been trapped, she told me "it's my sarcasm". My guts told me "go away" but i made mistake to learn more about her + feelings. And now After 7years of mariage chaotic, now we divorce . I will be ruined by her! Now let's start the reborn for me!!
I live in a country where one must show the other person has done something wrong (100% fault basis) in order to get a divorce :( So it's literary impossible to get a divorce proving something like domestic abuse especially as a man. I'm not a person who gets angry (rather the opposite) , she knows that and uses it. I get beaten up with basically all the objects that she gets her hands on, verbal abuse, you name it. I earn 10 times more than her and its very clear to me she was after my money from the beginning. In fact she is telling that to my face ! On top of everything I'm expected to do all the household chores and basically pretty much all her personal work as well. For an example she enrolled with a MBA and I have to do all her assignments including the research thesis. I really don't see a way out :/
I spent 13 yrs in a toxic relationship with a twisted alcoholic bringer drinker woman . I wanted to escape for years from the abuse from her and children ( who abuse has well ) . Now I'm free healing and finding a new path in life . Past to be single and happy .
The part where they feel that everything feels like an attack for feeling different from her is so goddamn accurate! If i said what i really felt about her she would get pissed af and blame me. It hurt so goddamn bad because i really loved her. After 1 year i left. When you get out of it, you get yourself back. Thank you for this video 👍
I lol because what he was called is nothing. Weak? Brat. Huh. That’s not much to leave. I can’t. I’m on fixed income. And she demands my monthly check. Btw she’s a Christian.
I think I disagree with you here. What you're describing isn't to be attributed to 'women'. It's a narcissist thing. And male narcissists fit the same description.
I can appreciate that you want to protect women. This post is based on the science around women who abuse man. Don’t confuse that to mean that I’m condoning Mens poor behavior or somehow men don’t do these things… I made it very clear in the introduction that this is a post to help men so please don’t project the poor treatment you’ve received from men onto this post. It’s not valid and it’s not warranted and it could be seen as a form of control and verbal abuse because that’s what a verbally abusive woman does. She can’t except the truth and she gaslights and blames the man. Again, this is a post that is based on evidence of female abusive women it is meant to help men who are too ashamed to seek help. Please don’t rob them of the opportunity to get help. We have done an amazing job as a society to re-educate men and stop the abuse of women. We now need to afford that same courtesy towards men because it happens on both sides so please allow that process to happen
@@kennyweiss Hey, sorry it took a while to respond but I've been away for a bit. I think we're getting our wires crossed a little in communication. I'm not attempting to put the focus on male abuse of women. I'm attempting to say that even if you're a straight man, the things described in your video that can be done to a man by a woman can also be done by other men to a man, even if not romantically involved. The book you read from describes an untreatability that's also been attributed to men of a specific abuser type, and the cost described in the book of what the abuser would need to sacrifice also applies to both genders. The book, in my experience, draws too clear and rigid a line between the feminine and the male in terms of what type of damage leads to the behaviors exhibited, or how profound it would be for the one who incurred that damage. So just because it's a male platonic friend doing it doesn't mean it ain't abuse, or that one should expect improvement. And just because the abuser is a man doesn't mean their damage is any less profound than if they are a woman. In short, I'm not saying one is a problem and the other is not, they both are. And for men the danger of this can come from any gender or type of relation. The threat you mention is real, and extremely serious. But make sure you don't have people only look for that danger in one part of the population. Other than that bit, everything else rings true to me, and is unquestionably important. There IS a culture in which it seems easier for women to gasslight men as though they are the abuser, rather than the abused. And that's an extremely important part of this. Where a lot of abusive men are slowly running out of other options than to 'pay the piper', abusive women seem to be gaining major advantages from the very culture established to end abuse. So long as such pathways stay open, it seems to me that we can expect fewer women to seek treatment. This type of abuser has a tendecy to pick whatever they consider easiest, and admitting wrongdoing ranks extremely low on the 'easy' list. Blaming the abused, on the other hand... seems much easier to them. And our culture lets them do it.
@@AynenMakinojust let us men have one thing. Classical woman as he is just talking about that is aggressive and “gaslighting” where we can’t have one video about a man talking to a man. Somehow a woman finds its way in and sees a problem with that ..maybe you’re the problem..
When i was a kid, i remember a couple who lived close to us. My mom said she thought the man was abused. She said she'd hear the woman shouting about him hurting her but when she saw them outside, he had all the black eyes and bruises. This was in the 70s. You never heard of men being abused in those days.
‘Sarcasm is veiled anger. It’s abusive’. This is SO true. I have always said this.
Verbally abusive women don't change.
They can though. I did.
It's not that women can't change, it's that change requires recognizing what you are doing is wrong. This is where women can't acknowledge the wrong doing because they are so damaged.
"I was only kidding"
If you ever hear this phrase out of a woman or a man, run
I didn’t realize that if they say that my husband would say that all the time after saying something about me 😢
Also "look what you made me do". Abusers of any gender use both of these lame excuses.
there were so many hurtful things my ex said to me, and whenever I would bring them up she would say this .. not once did she say sorry, I even told her "think about how it makes me feel to hear these things?", still no "sorry". I completely agree with this statement, if you are telling them something hurt you or offend you, the only acceptable response is "I'm sorry"
My partner of 30 years , would not touch me , and felt like everything she did was to destroy me . Punched me a few times and screamed so often I hated her so much I never want to see her again .I left , and I miss my abuser , but working on myself. I have PTSD .
so sorry to hear this brother go and talk to police department for this matter you are being physically abused file a case on her
God bless u Fred. You are not alone brother
@@amansinghgod9733 I talked to the police several times , Yes maybe legal action and , putting them in jail may have helped,that person change , but there is no perfect answer, to these situations, I felt legal action would only escalate things and make things worse, maybe I was right maybe not ? I talked to a few men my age that their wife isn’t much different they just got use to it . We all have choices. You live with disrespect or you don’t. I got my revenge,I am a mechanic by trade , I fixed the cars the house , the yard . I did everything. Now she can keep up everything all by herself.
PTSD is terrible, like dying in life. The good news is it is possible to heal 100%, even becoming better than before, because the emotional tooling you need to get out of it will become part of who you are and help you navigate relationships for the rest of your life.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that
Yelling, backbiting, controlling, gossiping, and belittling are some of the symptoms. The problem is internal. The woman needs to change herself.
There is no nobility in tolerating relational abuse, this will only lead to deserting your principles and adopting toxic behaviors. Do not stay in that. You are deluding yourself. Go zero tolerance. It is the best thing you can do for all concerned.
Been dealing with the raging wife for almost 20 years. Finally filed and moving forward with my life. Thanks for this. Please do more of these for men.
Glad you got out. I watched my dad walk on eggshells around my raging, unsatisfiable,
contempt-filled mom for 24 years until he suddenly died.
@@bluecoffee8414 MAN…that was my biggest fear. To stroke out before 45 because of the madness. Sorry to hear man.
@TJ-015 Thanks. I watched my father, a kind, decent looking, loyal man, for some incomprehensible reason stay married to my mother who turned him into a breadcrumb-starved, shut-down, doormat. Completely baffling since he was also a good provider and I have to believe could easily have found other women.
When he died, I cleaned out his closets. He acted calm aka shut down most of the time. but he had this habit when stressed with my mom's endless stream of criticism and contemptuous behaviour - he would sort of scratch a part on his chest like a self soothing thing. He had dozens of button down shirts. every. single. one. had these ingrained claw-marks on them. Kills me to think about it. And no she never changed. 25 years after his death she's even more miserable and toxic than before.
Why do people complicate easy things? You know you are being verbally abused because you feel it. Simple as that.
I didn’t realize it until I was already out of a relationship with a borderline woman. I hate to label but it is what it is
Yup. BPD women are the worst with this
I've read All ladies are narcissistic
Same here but she has cptsd. Its crazy isnt it? When you get out of it you feel like you have been "reborn" its so clear of how fucking crazy it was.
Labels like borderline are useful in that they describe dead-real, pervasive patterns of behaviour. Though it's also good not to hyper-fixate on labels. The bigger point is the behaviour and what it does to others.
My mother, so evil. My father never left, and he watched her abuses towards us.
Leave.
I’m really sad to hear that your experience for all of that. That’s just devastating
Wait you think he should have left?
Are you a woman?
I always wondered if leaving was a better option
@@justsomeguy1671 I’m the only daughter of 5 children.
She alienated us from dad, or tried her hardest. And his family.
Of course for us, I’m glad he never left. But for me, and with internet and learning about dysfunction/toxicity/evil that does exist, I wish I could’ve helped him to leave her.
She had him feeling worthless and basically he stayed in his room, until he passed at age 81.
I’m still hurt I never went to his family things. She’d tell us they were all bad and that we did not have to or need to go. Even their funerals.
The guilt I’ve come to have.
Anyway, yes, I’d want him to leave and take me with him.
My father is experiencing this and i feel helpless now
@CC-ue5up There's a lot you can do! Get him help and get him out of there! If he resists, at least call her out for what she's doing to him! The only way these people get away with this behavior is when the rest of us say and do nothing. Tell all the family friends what she's doing to him if nothing else. Exposing her behavior for what it is will be one of the best things you can ever do for your father.
I lived with two verbally abusive women a great deal of my life. My mom and grandmother both gaslit me for a long time and wouldn't allow me to individuate, especially after I graduated from high school. I still have scars from years of such abuse.
I think this happened to me. I had ‘too many mental health issues.’ When I brought up emotions it was called ‘psychobabble.’ I was ‘full of sh*t.’ She called me terrible names during mediation so that she could try to get more child custody. So now I only communicate with her using a coparenting app. I changed my phone number and she doesn’t have it. I appreciate the reminder that this happens.
What whores say to you is not you, those are words without context, no reality. You were bullshitted.
And they robbed your kids, that's kidnapping.
I’m so sorry you experienced that.
Women can be total abusers.
How brutal
So sorry man. My brother is going through the same chaos. She is vile. Prayers & good luck 👍🏼
Some women give their men the silent treatment, which is really stressful.
My mom never had any feminine nurturing - ever.
She shows love with money. I juts realized thats a masculine trait
Yep. Yet another nail in the coffin for my marriage. Give me strength to leave. Best wishes to you too, viewer
This is too real. My long time friend has always love opportunistic and toxic women. I helped him get into therapy. He's going twice per week. I'm thankful that he's getting the help that he needs. He's a good man but he's addicted to the toxic.
The legal system favors women. The Duluth model is institutionalized top down in a form of blatant bias against men nationwide. Men have been fighting to advocate for themselves and their children for decades and been getting laughed at and derided. That doesn't mean that all men are innocent or that all women are abusing the system. BUT for the many women violators who are abusing men there is almost ZERO recompense against them.
Women instigate a large percentage of domestic violence incidents but even if they are the clear aggressors the police will most likely take the man into custody.
Lesbians have the highest rate of domestic violence of any demographic.
Everything you said is true
@@kennyweiss you are not alone. There is a whole corner of the internet dedicated to this topic. Many of them could use your insight quite honestly.
Not like they used too
While it’s true that the legal system favors women, what it all amounts to is that MEN favor women, cause absolutely none of your examples would be possible if there was an actual men vs women competition in society. Women cannot out compete men in ANYTHING without a so called (inside job) with men working for the other side
You're a woman too aren't you Vivian? I guess that includes you.
I’m going through this right now and am afraid to even leave. She has accused me of things that are not true. It’s horrible. Help
pls tell your problem to person whom you are mostly attached…believe me nothing will go wrong
Do whatever you have to do to get yourself free. If you need to see a therapist to help you get out, do that!
I’ve changed. I went to a therapist for anger management. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting him. Eventhough my aggressiveness was rooted and some deep resentment. I do get tired of being blamed for ever single thing and I’m learning how not to react. But I’m much happier and getting better at being more present. But he doesn’t want to see it. He just lives in the past. It doesn’t matter how much I change or improve myself he just will not live life with me as a new person. And I am learning to be more feminine. He just doesn’t want to look at himself or how he has contributed. He has called me horrible names and been verbally abusive as well but we can only talk about what I’ve done. He’s allowed and doesn’t have to recognize it but I have to.
I hate what you do so much, why don't you attack other women? Why do you lash on guys? You choose your victims carefully don't you? You see the guy won't do anything then you tear his eyes out. Girls like you are so far from human... you can't be called a person, you're a lion or a creature like a crocodile, that's what we should learn to see.
There is no nobility in tolerating relational abuse, this will only lead to deserting your principles and adopting toxic behaviors. Do not stay in that.
Proud of you for doing the work
I can just say, from my own experience with a woman who said much of the same thing. She didn’t let me experience and express the emotions I needed to, to fully move on. She’d punish me every time, making my frustration with her worse. Being better also means being open and understanding. I did that for her every time I knew I was in the wrong. I let her express her emotions and signalled to her very clearly on an emotional level that I regretted whatever I might’ve done to upset her, I showed understanding for why she felt that way, I listened to her. My ex couldn’t do that for me. She’d berate me and tell me I hadn’t moved on ‘unlike me’, from the abuse she had put me through. She wasn’t apparently allowed to be a better person. All I wanted was for her us to have one lighthearted moment where we could look back and laugh at what happened, and she’d be understanding and supportive, not shame me, and make me even more frustrated. I dare say, she hadn’t grown as much as she thought in the end
Put all the blame on him.
Way to waste money on that therapist. The mortgage people love it when therapists have people like you as a client.
I hope he leaves you as the worthless, broken little victim that you are.
I am a woman that is healing and working through this. Age 33. I believe that women are unable to resolve this because they are living in unsafety and fear. This was the case for me. I was blessed with a husband that loved me unconditionally and put up with things that he shouldn’t have. I felt dead inside, and I am starting to heal in the context of love and safety. I’ve been able to acknowledge my abusive behavior and address the root cause over the course of the past decade. Continuing work. Very difficult to rewire fear. I would love to talk to you.
I watched my mom do the same to My dad until he suddenly dropped dead after 30 years.
I dont know what my ex had. But she would have these sudden major mood swings and degrade me, and shout at me in public, then be really lovely to me again. This started early, like a month into the relationship. She gaslighted me on many occasions and would always twist things when i confronted her about her behaviour and make it all my fault. She broke up with me and had a new guy immediately after and posted it everywhere. Shes a totally different person in public than in private and shes good friends with some of my friends which i hate because they dont know her like i do. Weve been 1 year no contact now and im working on myself a tonne
From what you describe, it sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder of the 'rage' 'petulant' 'queen bee' variety. I know breakups are hard. But I promise you lucked out 'losing' her. Absorb this video, especially the part about how FANTASTICALLY unlikely she will ever change. Only get worse once you're married or really 'stuck.'
God I wish resources like you were around when my dad was going through this. He died before the internet.
My heart goes out to you for your loss
@@kennyweiss Thank you. You are doing great work.
The double standards are wild. We have the trophe of the nagging wife however if we role reversed that then the same trophe would be an abusive husband.
We’ve allowed them to determine the standards so long that the only thing that matters in a man’s life are women’s opinions of him
Trophe
You are the first and only counselor to hit the nail on the head. You are 100% right on and make it to the point. Such a great insight. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
my girlfirend calls me a bitch when i tell her about my feelings or that im complicated, i cried so many times !
Leave her. Do this for yourself.
Wow! She ITA!
Get out! Seriously.
If you can't bring yourself to leave see a trained psychologist. Insurance covers therapy
The man I love is very tender hearted and sometimes cries. It breaks my heart because I know how bad he must feel to have all his early training at unemotional responses fail.
Everything stops when my man cries. I just hold him knowing things have pushed him over the edge. Do not let this continue. You deserve loving care.
So why is everyone putting 100% of the blame on men. How is it that no one is advocating for men. Men act out YES. Women micro agress & because they don't act out physically they believe their abuse is less harmful. When will this be explained, 🤔
Who said woman don't act out physically there 50 percent physically abusive ffs.
@@razbest So when did the me. Start saying women are bad people, like women say men are bad people
Thanks for this information, Unfortunately I'm going through this. The only difference is that I live with her and I have no other place to go. I'm pretty much on my own, I used to live in my car and I felt free but very sad at the same time. I moved in with a friend and I met her, she has been married twice and she asked me to move in. Everything was great till she started slowly making me feel bad. Whatever I would do is not enough for her. She will be happy and then find something new to complain about. I even got a second job but I started drinking a lot more just to feel "Happier" I do love her but I don't she loves her self. Thanks again, wish me luck.
Best to use ur money to get ur own apt far enough from her that she cant knock on ur door every second in case she runs out of her other NARCISSISTIC suppliers. She will run out... u don't have to live with her to love her. A NARCISSISTIC person can't change over night nor do they ever change cause they don't feel broken or a need to change to even keep a person they love. It's easy for us empaths like me to b the victim of many NARCISSISTIC people. They look for people who care a lot for others more than themselves. Ck out how to become a sigma empath. I have a female narsc n my room I share in a homeless shelter. She doesn't like me talk n or add n n any of my thoughts on her verbal same ol blah, blah & BLAH from time she wakes up to just b 4 my nite time meds kick in. I just lay there as if I'm past out. I made the mistake of ask n her what is the thing under her feet . Instead of answer me she yelled & said,"ITS NOT AN IT ITS A THAT!".
I asked her what she was talk n about & she reaffirmed I was use n imprpopper English!
I had enough & told her,"WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT I CALL IT OR THAT CAUSE WE DONT LIVE IN A FANCY HOTEL & U R NOT THE PRESIDENT & IM NOT WRITING A PAPER FOR A SCHOOL OR A JOB SO IT DOESN'T MATTER"!
Than she released more outrageous narsc rage at me with fingers pointing at me & her face turn n red as fire very pist off at me for point n out the way I talk n here does not need to b corrected & that she's not my teacher nor my former professor in the college I attended so stop just stop overly correcting everything I say or do!"
Result was she yelled out more till more people came run n inside our room ask n what's wrong to her. She kept tell n everyone how I don't speak proper English!
She has not corrected me since. I barely say anything to her anymore. Life is sure a lot easier on me without her narcs b.s. she's been throw n at whomever her empathic victims are
The fantasy thing is so pertinent to me -- my current gf has this idea of me that's just not the reality, and when anything happens to challenge her idea or fantasy, she attacks me verbally, snaps at me, gets angry, screams and so on.
My problem, I think, is that I have too much empathy and see her as troubled and damaged -- and so I put up with it and forgive her. 😔
Your empathy can trap you. Be careful brother.
Get out. You deserve better.
Just get out. Life is ahort. Dont waste it with angry people
She is only using your kindness agist you. That’s how she strings u along .
Run
She's talking! Enough said!
It can be very subtle so after the interaction you might feel very low but be unable to pinpoint why.
I love your calmness. You're referring to my own little human behaviour project called the fantasy/ideal concept. Many researchers have definitely some idea of what is going on. 🤔 in my own research, we study this deeply and peel back the onion. People are internal beings. Anything outside of our flesh is external or extrinsic objects/materials. People who abuse usually live externally, so to speak. They create what I call a fantasy of who their partner should be. In my research, this is something that happens when a caregiver doesn't bond with their infant within the first 8 months. So what happens is that when the person becomes committed to their partner, if their fantasy partner doesn't match with the real partner (internal person), then this causes chronic ambivalence in the psyche. I refer to this as inappropriate and delusional pain. Depending on the person's understanding of internal and external worlds, they then start to become angry, upset, irritated, and extremely disappointed. Disappointment is the key factor in the fantasy not matching up with the real partner. So what does one do when they don't get what they want? They'll behave in all sorts of ways as a means to punnish their partner for not matching up to their delusional fantasy. Many mental health issues/conditions can cause an unhealthy fantasy. Porn in general, no parental nurturing and the inability to understand that people are whole individual human beings with their own feelings, bodies, minds, and emotions. I've taken a bit of whole object relations and some fantasy bonding theories to mesh my own research. Abuse is the part in the middle of the two circles. How can we train the brain to learn how to let go of this invisible measuring tape that some people hold? Teaching people about compassion and that love is not lust. In my research, we imagine that a person is 2 circles. The smaller circle inside the larger circle is the real person or the internal being. This is compassionate, empathy, understanding, love, kindness, and all their emotions and feelings. The outer circle is the flesh. The superficial part of life. When we can learn to bond and connect with the real person, the internal circle, we can learn to accept the person for they are and not who we want them to be.
Humans are like onions, peeling back each layer to see the truth, and that's where unconditional love lives. Some call that the self.
My wife has 3 more weeks of nursing school. Shes from NJ im from TN.
1. Abuse and Disrespect all throughout this past year, major fight
2. I get stressed trying to get her to take accountability.
3. She finally see's her wrongdoing after a day or two of us not effectively talking.
4. Halfway apologize if that
5. Then repeat after another week or so.
And then she complains as to why I dont cherish her or treat her like I Really love her. I do, but she is definitely abusive and talks to me any kind of way. We have a 3 year old and she just recently found out she is weeks pregnant. I want to stay for the kids until they are 18 and then leave.. Is this a bad idea?
Tell her she is a abuser. And you want a good life not just for the kids but her and yourself. Tell her you need help.
She can be a boss at work but needs to come home to CARE for the family, not BREAK the family.
Society tells women to be Strong (UN feminine) and Independent (not needing or respecting you)
Therapy for abuse and trauma is necessary and it may not even help.
Tell her your true expectations of her as a wife, as a mother
If she can’t agree to those it will get worse
Bruh I’ma do the same thing don’t worry
Been there…instead of apologizing and changing my wife pushed for divorce. We have three kids. She rather just go to something “new” who doesn’t know her past and haven’t experienced it. She doesn’t think she is or was verbally abusive. I personally believe things are spiritual and it’s a spirit women deal with that they need to be delivered from. My wife grew up in a family and broken home but her mom would say anything no matter what or how. They are also from NY and I’m from GA so it’s the northern personality I think too compared to being from the south. Northerners tend to be a bit more rude….I know stereotypes but there’s some truth in stereotypes. She had an issue only seeing negative in anyone as well always assumed someone was against her smh. I do see her making changes but we’re divorced now so it is what it is. Instead of apologizing and allowing us to speak on it without interjecting her feelings again she rather go be elsewhere. In my opinion your family is worth fighting for…we have three young children someone has to want to stop the cycle of broken families
No. Run now. The kids are better off not witnessing this behavior. Staying together for the kids is an outdated idea. Run away to be safe and happy.
@@Dennis-dg7oj that’s your belief. Do you. That’s the selfish mentality that has the world as it is now. For me it’s not about me…I live for my lineage and bloodline. Yes my children mother has her issues but I’m not in denial to think I’m perfect and handled everything right myself. No matter how thin you slice anything it’s two sides to everything. Do you that’s fine but as someone who work with children for a living it’s way to many and have become way too normal for children to not experience their biological parents together in one home. I never said do it and stay miserable but families are worth fighting for. Meaning do the work to grow on both sides to become better people. Why you think divorce is higher the second time? Because being selfish and just running isn’t the answer. The answer is reflecting (both parties) and be mature enough to get help and grow.
My son just had a horrendous experience freshman year in college! She completely abused his love for her! Help! He totally abandoned himself.
Send him to a therapist
Don't make breaking up with her a condition on anything just send him to a trained psychologist
Sounds like my mother and grandmother. I've been in therapy for more than 7 years, I think they truly have lost their soul. I used to say to my therapist that my mother and grandmother are possessed and that I feel like I am on the receiving end of something malevolent.
My mom is like the devil. But shes so fun and sweet at times that I forget
@@NFTeve for me it's like she is 90% kinda evil and 10% soft and sweet. I certainly empathize with you, I also forget sometimes.
I understand. Men are abused. this is true.
one thing I want to make clear is this...women can change. I did.
I changed for my own well being. Because I hated how I felt while being abusive. I hated being abusive most of all because it was so painful. It was like my skin was turned inside out. everything and everyone hurt me. even looking at me hurt. At the same time, I felt all the pain I caused everyone around me. It was triple quadruple pain. I can't live like that. The pain I cause others hurts me. so much. That pain on top of the pain I started with...It's just not sustainable.
I changed
So it is possible for a woman to change.
I greatly appreciate this video and agree, but I don’t think anyone should sympathize with the abusive woman, based on the idea that she may have had an abusive or painful childhood. Many of us women have had painful childhoods or an emotionally unavailable father, YET we did not become abusing in any way to our partners. I did find myself in relationships with verbally abusive men, but I’ve healed and done the work to see where I allowed mistreatment due to my fathers womanizing ways.
Men do not get the validation on this topic enough and I applaud you for making this content to support them and present the opportunity for them to escape the abuse and have a chance at TRUE RECIPROCAL AND RESPECTFUL love and partnership.
Thank you for your kind words Susanne, you make some really great points. :)
I am happy for you that you did the work and you're right people need to have emotional control. In my experience in my previous relationships is that a woman who is verbally or physically abusive will not change.
@@whyc2094
I think the point she was making was more that she had an abusive father and abusive boyfriends, but didn’t let herself become an abuser. Instead she broke the cycle of abuse.
I was abused by my ex girlfriend. She was my first love. I felt like I couldn’t say anything to her because I was afraid that she’ll flip out on me. She threatened to take out of context messages to ruin my professional and personal life because she was upset at me. She refused to go to therapy for her mental issues because she was afraid of being called an abuser. She never changed or tried to be better. I’m still afraid of telling a woman anything now because I’m afraid it will lead to a blow out argument where she somehow gaslights me into being the bad guy. We tried being friends but she’d always do the same.
@@MCKevin289 don’t shut out every woman based on that very painful experience with your ex. Strengthen and heal the parts of you that made you accept her toxic communication behaviors, but then keep a positive outlook that there are good and loving women out there. There are healthy people who are capable of genuine love, communication and a respectfully reciprocated relationship. Be encouraged and take the lessons from that experience and move forward as a more knowledgeable and well-rounded potential partner for whoever is meant for you.
The worst thing that we can do is allow people to say "its because they were so abused." We are not powerless. Men are abused too. Yet they change. We get to choose.
Wow this has helped so much After 12 years of coparenting I went to the sheriff after her last attack on me. She was going down the tubes, drugging and getting more violent. Ugh, good riddance. I understand my son and I will probably need to talk to some professionals about this at some point. My son's mother was stupid crazy, so glad she is out of my life.
Does "I hope your plane crashes while at the airport waiting to take off to see her " is that abuse?
Absolutely
Do you REALLY have to ask????
My experience is women have become so verbally abusive they will curse you out and then they get away with it. They are absolutely terrible. If I did what women did in the workplace I would be fired.
I have a coworker that literally secretly records every private interaction taking place between him and female workers or bosses. He’s so convinced he will in some way be discriminated against by one or the other, that he is determined to have the last laugh when it all hits the fan
@frankdees507 when he goes under investigation, they will somehow spin it against him. Women always are victims. In my case, a recording of audio wouldn't have done anything. He needs a body cam. They just allow bad behavior from women in the name of vagina. If I told them what this certain woman did, i would just have more uncomfortable moments around her.
@@jesusisdead Facts. Only in his case, when and if he’s discriminated against, his litigation isn’t against the woman, but against the company that allows it to happen on their watch, as he is very familiar with the labor laws and their requirement to provide a safe and comfortable work atmosphere. They would definitely have to settle with him to make the accusation go away, as it’s no way to spin surveillance once in the hands of an attorney specializing in civil rights abuse. None of the rest of us even consider recording all interactions for future legal defense. It’s what he’s learned over a career in corporate America
@frankdees507 yeah let me know what happens.
A very nice video! 💯 Spoke on my life. Completely wowed me. We definitely need more guys like you.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Man or woman...if anyone ever wishes you dead or pretends to stab or hurt you, or really tries to hurt you, just leave. Theres something wrong with that person..that's not love.
Does this count as "verbal abuse"? My boss was upset I had signed up for a one-person shift. I'll admit, I am much better with a helping hand and guide, but come on, that's no excuse for being insensitive. One of our student leader's responsibilities is organizing who works which shifts on the schedule, and my boss scolded him for not noticing I had signed up for a one-person shift. When she asked him if she thought I could do the shift, I answered for him with a firm "yes," because I felt belittled by her. She said she didn't think so, was all "I've told you not to sign up for shifts by yourself, I've been very clear about that, I don't know how much clearer I can get for you to listen" (something like, that, so I'm not perfectly quoting her), and she told me I need someone there to give me instructions and guide me. I'm mad at myself for not standing up to her. She intimidates me when she's in a bad mood, but still, at the very least, I should've told her "my family always taught me to be self-confident and believe in my abilities," to challenge her to coldly disagree with that. Can't believe she would condescend me like that.
Thank you so much for your advice.
You are so very welcome :)
Thabks. My 85 year old dad has been a victim of my mom for decades.
She abused us too, of course.
Wow. My mim and my sister are straight out sociopaths .
Narcissist Wife doesnt appreciate any thing at all everything i do ive changed in many ways all for her but she see no wrong in herself. I get called narcissistic but its actually her
I think I’m being abused, I’m not really sure I’m so confused. I know I make mistakes, and I’m not the perfect guy in the world, I’m sorry I take awful pictures, or cooked the chicken a little to long in the oven and it dried out. I feel so insecure over such small things, I was never like this, I was always the chilled down to earth person, but lately I realize I stress and worry over it. That I can’t relax, if I don’t please this perfectionist I live with, I know I will be called stupid, or called a child, or told I can’t do anything by myself. Whenever I speak up and tell her it hurts my feelings how I’m constantly belittled for my mistakes, she mocks me and says I’m over dramatic. I straight up told her I sometimes didn’t like her, and she laughed and said I was being dramatic. Because of this sometimes I question the validity of how I feel. I used to feel so confident and capable, but I can’t even eat something out of the fridge because I’m worried she will get mad at me for not saving it for her, so I don’t even touch it, and will later be called wasteful for not eating it. I have to try and plan the things I do around her and how she will respond, I don’t get joy anymore, I don’t do things for her out of joy and love, I simply do it because I’m worried she will get mad and yell at me and call me selfish. I work from home. Because of this she doesn’t seem to take my job or my responsibilities seriously, she always criticizes why I don’t clean or cook if I’m home all day, but it’s because I’m working and am busy. I have things I have to do as well….but because I don’t leave the house and work on my feet, she sorta acts as if I’m not working really hard.
Get rid dear boy, get rid. Trust your gut.
Get another rented room. Go there and take back your autonomy when you bloody well feel like it. Stand up to this shit.
I can relate to much of what you wrote...I feel so bad for you. To me it sounds like she isn't going to change...it's time for a change...probably best to leave the toxic relationship.
Man, you just described my last 9 years. At this point, I'm just waiting for her to get a job and I'm likely serving her with divorce papers; individual therapy has helped me get to this point. And once that's done, I'm finished with relationships. My picker is broken, and I'm completely done with trying to make anything work for anyone but myself at this point.
Talk to someone; get help. First suggestion I have is to read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy", by Dr. Robert Glover. It will start you down the path back to who you used to be. It's not an easy read at all, and you may feel personally attacked in some places, but it's critical to reclaiming your self worth to acknowledge what's being said in the book.
Sounds like a narcissist. Get away fast.
Not true. My wife ( not sure that’s the correct description) is a narcissist, verbal abuser. She withhold physical affection. She wasn’t abused during childhood but was overly spoilt by her parents. She’s the Queen in her family since young. Lacked discipline and proper upbringing.
I think I might be dealing with this myself currently… I’m not perfect and had a drug relapse when she all but forced me to stop taking my medication that kept me sober… I thought I could do it… but anyway this behavior started years prior to my two month relapse… it’s difficult to take the pain from the woman you gave your life to and vowed to love for eternity… marriage counseling didn’t work for us (she wanted to try and report the female Councelor to the state board of social workers for telling my wife that she needed to do some work on her side that she didn’t agree with) I’m out of ideas and she’s more than ready for a divorce… she’s already moving back to Long Island with our two babies to live at her parents house… she claims she wants to buy another house on Long Island with me after we sell in Pennsylvania but I feel the situation is rather sketchy… HELP
I think 90 - 99% of counselors are ladies. So that means she'll always side with wife. You work 10 hour days then met at the door with ungrateful anger daily. But it's never her. You try going out to get space only to be followed getting screamed it.
People call me sarcastic but I'm not, I'm facetious. There is a BIG difference between those two things but they get labeled the same.
If your jokes are hurting people that's wrong whatever verbal technique you're using.
@@angelablackthorne3026 Being hurt is as often a choice as it is an imposition. Facetiousness is a rhetorical device used to communicate an idea. Intention is the key,, and both parties must operate in good faith.
The cop told me just try to get along after dad choked and punched me imbthe throat on the side of the highway
Comedians use sarcasm to make a point to an audience and society to open their eyes.
My wife and I have been married for 12 years, separated for 2 and so much of this video resonates with me. "Please stop calling me that." "Please stop saying that". "That's not true!". If I brought up a current issue (her being passive aggressive or hypocritical) 20 minutes later she'd be trying to get me to realize that I should apologize to her for something that happened years ago instead and my bringing up this issue became seen as another attack on her that I should be sorry for. Meanwhile, I was expected to accept her complaints as valid, even when she couldn't give examples of recent offenses. Lastly, there is still a pervasive expectation that she be forgiven for anything that happened before last week, but anything I did over the last 14 years even though I did it once and improved afterward, (besides getting angry) has historically remained on the table to be brought up as a countermeasure when I wanted her to stop the abuse.
It is helpful to know that the probability of her changing for the long term is unlikely, but what is becoming more important to me is the possibility that my resilient hope is actually evidence of my own great flaw. Why after countless opportunities to do the opposite, would one give their abuser any consideration toward reconciliation?
Hello I'm sitting in my car I left the house my wife is always verbally abusing me alot and your story sounds exactly the same as mine if I try to tell her it's not ok to say that to me she said I deserve it because of something years ago and I deserve it because she said I do yesterday she called me shit and today she's calling me ugly ugly all morning other day she told me to go die in my sleep I'm feeling pretty low and I never solve anything I go back but nothing gets solved because she thinks I deserve to be talked to like this
@@a.g.hustlegarland4197 Hey bro sorry to hear you're going through that. Nobody deserves to be disrespected like that. You didn't ask for advice but if it's consistent like that you gotta look out for you and get outta there IMO. My issue was made more complicated because we had kids and she was fantastic some days. It'd stay that way long enough to hope it was behind us, then for no reason it would start up again. But yeah we have to put ourselves first sometimes. Love ourselves more than we love her. It's even better for the kids long term sometimes if you split. But hey whatever you choose, know that it is your choice and I wish you luck.
Men are more Honest than women, emotionally and psychologically and will seek help if they think it will make them a better man. I've never met a woman yet or heard of a woman who doesn't feel superior to men, especially emotionally and many of them will make sure that men know that. So many women think they are 'the finished article', and they're not, but many men let them carry on like that because the men want sex.
Spot on jimbob
Exactly!
Yep!!!
Yup… through out history,
There was never a saying, “I’m a woman of my word”
Kevin Samuels - accountability is a women’s kryptonite.
True. And men have yet to realize sex in itself is the absolutely easiest part of a woman to get. You want something difficult, try getting her support thru hard times, or getting her to meet you 50/50 on sacrifices made
I've been trapped, she told me "it's my sarcasm". My guts told me "go away" but i made mistake to learn more about her + feelings. And now After 7years of mariage chaotic, now we divorce . I will be ruined by her! Now let's start the reborn for me!!
I live in a country where one must show the other person has done something wrong (100% fault basis) in order to get a divorce :( So it's literary impossible to get a divorce proving something like domestic abuse especially as a man. I'm not a person who gets angry (rather the opposite) , she knows that and uses it. I get beaten up with basically all the objects that she gets her hands on, verbal abuse, you name it. I earn 10 times more than her and its very clear to me she was after my money from the beginning. In fact she is telling that to my face ! On top of everything I'm expected to do all the household chores and basically pretty much all her personal work as well. For an example she enrolled with a MBA and I have to do all her assignments including the research thesis. I really don't see a way out :/
Get a few hidden cameras around and record all her abusive behaviors .
I hope you figured out a way brother 😢
Leave her. You don't have to be divorced to be safe. I hope you're ok.
I spent 13 yrs in a toxic relationship with a twisted alcoholic bringer drinker woman . I wanted to escape for years from the abuse from her and children ( who abuse has well ) . Now I'm free healing and finding a new path in life . Past to be single and happy .
I’d the kids were abused why didn’t you step in for them? They arnt free you may be but they are stuck
You need to do something for those kids
The part where they feel that everything feels like an attack for feeling different from her is so goddamn accurate!
If i said what i really felt about her she would get pissed af and blame me. It hurt so goddamn bad because i really loved her. After 1 year i left. When you get out of it, you get yourself back.
Thank you for this video 👍
I'm happy to hear you found it helpful!
This blew my mind!
This was very helpful
I'm glad :)
Gosh, this really hit home
Thank you. This was empowering
Brilliantly put 👏
Took me awhile to get to this video.
Sounds too familiar. My mothers perm was more natural than she was.
Wow I had a very similar experience.
Sorry to hear that
I agree and thx for bring it up and explaining these almost hidden dinamics :)
Mine use to randomly walk up to me every few weeks and yell “ YOU’RE A PIECE OF S !”
Fun way to pull you out of good mood reading 😂
Thank you brother
You're welcome :)
Is she talking?
Sounds like BPD partner
Oh believe me there r NARCISSISTIC women too
🙏🏻Thank you Amen
Lol must wife calls me a useless parasite. I’m disabled.
I lol because what he was called is nothing. Weak? Brat. Huh. That’s not much to leave. I can’t. I’m on fixed income. And she demands my monthly check. Btw she’s a Christian.
Wow💯Wow💯Wow💯
I think I disagree with you here. What you're describing isn't to be attributed to 'women'. It's a narcissist thing. And male narcissists fit the same description.
I can appreciate that you want to protect women. This post is based on the science around women who abuse man. Don’t confuse that to mean that I’m condoning Mens poor behavior or somehow men don’t do these things… I made it very clear in the introduction that this is a post to help men so please don’t project the poor treatment you’ve received from men onto this post. It’s not valid and it’s not warranted and it could be seen as a form of control and verbal abuse because that’s what a verbally abusive woman does. She can’t except the truth and she gaslights and blames the man. Again, this is a post that is based on evidence of female abusive women it is meant to help men who are too ashamed to seek help. Please don’t rob them of the opportunity to get help. We have done an amazing job as a society to re-educate men and stop the abuse of women. We now need to afford that same courtesy towards men because it happens on both sides so please allow that process to happen
@@kennyweiss Hey, sorry it took a while to respond but I've been away for a bit. I think we're getting our wires crossed a little in communication. I'm not attempting to put the focus on male abuse of women. I'm attempting to say that even if you're a straight man, the things described in your video that can be done to a man by a woman can also be done by other men to a man, even if not romantically involved. The book you read from describes an untreatability that's also been attributed to men of a specific abuser type, and the cost described in the book of what the abuser would need to sacrifice also applies to both genders. The book, in my experience, draws too clear and rigid a line between the feminine and the male in terms of what type of damage leads to the behaviors exhibited, or how profound it would be for the one who incurred that damage. So just because it's a male platonic friend doing it doesn't mean it ain't abuse, or that one should expect improvement. And just because the abuser is a man doesn't mean their damage is any less profound than if they are a woman.
In short, I'm not saying one is a problem and the other is not, they both are. And for men the danger of this can come from any gender or type of relation.
The threat you mention is real, and extremely serious. But make sure you don't have people only look for that danger in one part of the population. Other than that bit, everything else rings true to me, and is unquestionably important. There IS a culture in which it seems easier for women to gasslight men as though they are the abuser, rather than the abused. And that's an extremely important part of this. Where a lot of abusive men are slowly running out of other options than to 'pay the piper', abusive women seem to be gaining major advantages from the very culture established to end abuse. So long as such pathways stay open, it seems to me that we can expect fewer women to seek treatment. This type of abuser has a tendecy to pick whatever they consider easiest, and admitting wrongdoing ranks extremely low on the 'easy' list. Blaming the abused, on the other hand... seems much easier to them. And our culture lets them do it.
@@AynenMakino Thank you so much for the clarification. Yes you’re exactly right. Ultimately we are on the same page
Wow we aren't allowed male specific videos only bad husband ones
@@AynenMakinojust let us men have one thing. Classical woman as he is just talking about that is aggressive and “gaslighting” where we can’t have one video about a man talking to a man. Somehow a woman finds its way in and sees a problem with that
..maybe you’re the problem..
...sarcasm is pretty funny