I have never heard my father apologise for anything. Once I found out about narcissism, it all made sense. I am not surprised I became sick and emotionally unwell. Both my parents fed me on a diet of manipulation, gaslighting, happiness sabotaging, put downs, guilt tripping, shaming, lies and control. Now it's been 3 years of no contact and I'm doing really well.
Hey There. I am a woman with a 10 month old baby. I have recently learned that my hubby is a narcissist. I desperately want to know. If your Mom had run away and you were poor. Would that have been better than the 4 bedroom house, motorcycles and nice vacations?
what broke the man???Fred! and children are only men?, and Well for me it was seventy years of fked up people in my life, a damn war, bitches and bastards that imposed themselves on me that thought they roomed with Jesus. Fred your saying sucks. Building the strong AND protecting that investment. The reason I came home from war I saw the bullies in the faces of the people I killed and I was willing to kill. true edit....then you MFers spit on me when I came home FUCK YOUR TY for your service shit I dont want it. GOFO and die!
I heard that we learn most basic things in the age 3-5(body balancing and such...), and our personality also formed in the childhood stage. I can totally see the effect on my narc H knowing both of his parents are demons from hell (narcs). He raised by narcs, attracted to narcs, hence surrounded by narc.... hope one day I can be free.
Oh yes. Take heart, there are many of us who know that very well. If you were to tell me that your dad was a mask-wearer, I'd believe you because I had one too.
Everyone praised my father for his artistic talent which fed his insatiable ego. He constantly needed attention and approval so much that his stories were laced with lies in order to embellish his appearance. When I was younger I believed his stories, however over time I discovered that he had been lying to my mother and me. I felt angry that he lied but empathetic that he felt the need to lie. I realized before his death that he was a sad, depressed individual who tried all his life to create a different image. He wad kind, sensitive and very creative and I feel sorry that he must have been too ashamed or embarrassed to present his true self. How sad that a person has to hide who they really are to feel accepted and loved. I loved my father but I didn't like him. He had to be the center of attention most of the time and sought out people who he thought by association would make him look good. I now understand that he was extremely insecure. I have stopped feeling angry and embarrassed because he is gone and I don't have to witness his behavior any more. When I choose to replay humiliating moments it only brings me down. He could not help who he was and I can only choose to be different. I feel sad that he never really knew me or showed much interest in getting to know me. I wish my dad could have loved himself for who he really was instead of pretending.
@@vickikitahara9277 Was there a time that you remember him being very charming with others? Would he humiliate his employer or someone of authority? Did he know how to turn on his bad behavior, then turn it off? I had a father like this too, so I know how you feel to some degree. It hurts when you see someone you love walk through life this way, but, he had options like we all do. You can still love your father, but see his behavior for what it really was. I like that you are working through this! Keep it up :D
If you succeed, you are no longer under their control. Same reason all my friends had their parents help them learn how to drive while my father made sure he was the only one who could drive. That gave him massive control over us and meant it was hard for you to leave a lot of situations because you had to rely on him to drive home.
Exactly. Dad couldn’t stand me being successful at anything. Mom did. Fortunately Grandpa did. I went to film school and did a short film called “Grandfather Daddy.” Got really great reviews. My dad clammed up and acted like it didn’t exist.
Hey J. T. I'd like for you to give to me, $1,000,000,000. Pause. Time. Thought. Oh, you say you can't give it me a Million. I ask, AND WHY NOT. YOU SAY, I DONT HAVE A MILLION. I SAY, OH I SEE. YOU CANT GIVE LOVE, OR AN EXPLAINATION, OR A HEALTHY, STABLE, LOVING RELATIONSHIP. WELL I GUESS, YOU CANT GIVE WHAT YOU DONT HAVE OR SEE WHAT YOU NEED TO GIVE.
Thank you for this! "Narcissistic rage" is a perfect term for what my narcissistic father did to me. The last time I saw him was in 2015. I was so excited to show off this beautiful house I was renting and had furnished. It was a symbol of my newfound career success. But to him, it was a symbol of him losing leverage against me. At the time I thought he'd be happy for me. Instead, he flew into a rage and got so close to me he was spitting in my face. He asked for every penny back he had ever spent on me (which is hilarious because my mom confided with me that he never paid child support). He did this all in front of his wife, further humiliating me. He left the door wide open, and my cat ran out in fear. I, too, was shaken and suffer PTSD and flashbacks. I have gone no contact with him. Oh, and after the event he forwarded embarrassing emails I wrote to him when I was young trying to connect with him, and he told me to change my last name. He's a sick, disturbed, terrible person and I don't consider him my dad. Going no contact was painful because I had to break the conditioning of adoring him and looking up to him. Now, I'm so happy I did. It's such a relief to not have that monster in my life.
We bought a beautiful house and oh my husband brought me beautiful cars I mean beautiful cars, Mercedes et cetera, and my dad was jealous of everything. I thought he should be happy for me and then I would get punched in the gut when he would go off on me With his jealous rage. You would think he would have enough sense to try to hide his jealousy but he wasn't that introspectional.
same thing happened to me when I bought my first house in 2016 all by myself the rage the things he said I wont even repeat - this should have been something I took pride in but he had to stomped all over it and tell me how it will kill me and that my dog will die if I buy the house and run into the street and be killed and he said he knows the day, month and year it will wrap around my neck... I'll never forget those words - talk about putting the fear of God in you... Glad to find out I am not the only person with a father like this most of my life I thought I was as I never would tell any one about this.
I was the scapegoat for my dad. Raised by him and my grandmother. I felt worthless and wound up marrying a narcissist. I was 47 when I finally figured out what they are. Better late then never.
My mom didn't have the courage to leave my narcissistic dad but I refuse to be like that...after finding these videos I realized why my childhood was hell and why I married a man just like my dad. My children deserve better and I have already planned my escape.
I'm so happy for you... My mom was just like yours, she didn't leave him and I also had a relationship with a man just like my dad. How are you doing now? Did you manage to get out of the relationship? Wish you all the best ❤️
Follow up: It took more courage and strength then I thought it would...But I have filed for divorce and as per court date in November my children and I will finally be free!! 🙌 it took me a year of learning, planning and battling within myself but it has been done and I was able to "convince" the narcissist to sign a waiver for uncontested divorce. Not an easy task but I made it like he was getting what he wanted when I actually was, I get custody and he doesn't pay child support that's a win for me because I know he wouldn't pay anyway(already has 1 child he refuses to pay court ordered support on). If he did he would just use it as another way to have control over our lives and I promised my children never again, they deserve better and I will make sure thats what they get!!
Even after realising my father was a narcissist and doing the work to heal, the damage is STILL lifelong. He robbed me of a loving father/daughter relationship, controlled me for far too long, made sure I had no confidence in myself. I will never know who I could have been, had he nurtured my abilities and talents, instead of squashing any efforts I made to pursue them as a kid and young adult.
@middlechild2592 • OMG, you have written near enough verbatim what i say to myself most days. Dont get me wrong, i did ok with the cards i was dealt...just to say up yours to him but he made it a hard slog for me... but saying that statement makes me worse cos my mind is now in overdrive dwelling with 'if you did reasonably ok with those cards, just think how well you may have done without that narcissistic father'. I know his father was a narcissistic pig too but instead of feeling pity for my father, im more in the the mindset of 'I swore i would never allow any children i have to ever feel or be treated the way i was' ...so why the hell didnt he think like that. He will die eventually & then I'll be free. I shall cry, but I'll be crying for the father i should of had but couldn't. Take care. x
My father is a text book case. It's only recently that I realized that's what he is and always has been. He destroyed my life, my family and basically failed me in every way. I really appreciate learning about this. Helps me realize that everything wasn't my fault.
Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.
Oh my goodness, I’m 70 years old and listening to you I had to pause with tears running down my cheeks. Couldn’t understand why I married a narcissistic man and let myself be abused for so many years. I was married for 29 years. . He’s been gone 22 years and I’m still reeling from the abuse. You spoke so clearly but I needed to hear this. I’m praying I can find peace. Thank you
Omg. I'm so sorry! I was married to one for 20 yrs. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, sometimes he got physical. Then i realized my mother was a narcissist too, compared him to my mom.
Rita, I'm so sorry you went through this, I didn't know anything about narcissism for 63 of my 65 years, I knew my father was different and difficult, I knew that his behavior was not normal and I knew that most of my relationships whether my marriage or other long term relationships were not normal and difficult. I saw my father in all my relationships with men but I never knew why. It was a huge shock to find out that this behavior was a personality disorder. Also Rita, It takes time to heal and it is sad that we found out so late in life but thank God we did. I wish you peace and I hope you are able to find joy in your life now that you understand how you got here.
At 53 I put over 600 miles between myself and my narcissist father. I worked for him for years, living below the poverty line. He destroyed our family. So grateful to God to be away.
on august 24th 2020 a little past midnight God spoke to us and told us to listen for the trumpet call home. i still live with my mom and dad my dad is a narcissist.
I can understand,it is never too late and you are the good person and stronger than them. I gave up my job for my parents only to have my narc sister destroy mum and me, and steal to boot ,move on as narcs will pay when faced with their mortality. Go no contact they are poison and smoothly evil.
@I Sanchez that just broke my heart when I read those words 💔 I'm a Reiki Master energy healer and your 50 now that's just so awesome! Why don't you finally pack up all your fathers bullshit in a great big bag as BIG as it needs to be and let's take it to a beautiful cliff somewhere and throw it off and let it go..... because it doesn't belong to you! Look at your 50 year old beautiful self. Haven't you suffered enough for that horrible person? Just do it, let go and enjoy you. It's really okay I promise and I know because I did it and I'm sending this incredible video to my daughter so she can too. Let go of that darkness so you can fill the emptiness with nothing but sunshine, love and laughter 💖
What beautiful words so well said. Just close the your eyes and release from each and every cell with each and every breath with the intention of letting go of all negative energy that's come from your father....breath in light and positive energy....breath out toxic negative pain....let it go. ...it takes time but you will be free ❤ you are not your fathers ugliness you are a beautiful soul who survived that trauma ♥
@I Sanchez Don't even get my started on the church. These people who treat their children this way and hide behind the Bible.... God is watching and I have met God while delivering my youngest child. I have spoken to God and I can promise you God is watching this mistreatment and this pathetic way those people use God's name. God will NOT answer their prayers because they go unheard as those souls will be shunned for the way they have treated you and God. God has not failed you precious soul those people have. I'm praying for you to be blessed with the most amazing miracle you'll ever know and somehow take you away from that situation so you can break those chains and be free to fly. Your such a beautiful and strong person surviving this for this long 💛 Sending you love, light and so much healing energy it might knock you down so I hope your sitting. Xoxoxo
@I Sanchez I've survived 2 narcissistic parents and had children with 2 narcissistic men. One I was married to for 20 miserable years and I'm still trying to help my oldest daughter heal from his molesting her the moment we separated. He was the last person on earth I thought I needed to worry about because he'd never changed a diaper, fed them, given baths or even gotten off his lazy ass to teach them to swim or ride a bicycle. I knew I had to worry about his mind games but never did I think he'd do to our child what he knew had been done to me and called me a liar looking for attention. He also did to her what I wouldn't let him do to me...My precious baby girl buried that trauma deep inside her mind just like I did for 20 years because sometimes it's the only way a child can deal with something so painful. She recently just told me. It was a devastating blow, here I thought I was dealing with trying to heal my adult children from narcissistic father abuse and that was already so difficult to undo after years of being treated that way. Now my heart is shattered and I'm picking up the pieces to put them back together ❤ I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT MONSTER TO DESTROY OUR BEAUTIFUL HEARTS. HE HAS ALREADY DAMAGED THEM ENOUGH 💔 They trap us and make us believe we cannot live without them. We cannot take care of ourselves without their help. We CAN thought and when we do we get this incredible energy because we no longer have that negative bullshit chain dragging us back to their way of thinking we can't! YOU CAN MY DEAR AND YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!! If you can't put your faith in God right now I completely understand because the God you might think you know is a completely different God than the one I've met. God is not to be feared and doesn't think your a sinner. God knows the survivor you are and even if you've said fk you God because of your situation.. No worries. BUT IF YOU STILL can't find it in your heart to have faith in God then can I please ask you to have faith in YOURSELF? Forget what anyone has told you about yourself not being this or that and just know YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOUR SO WORTHY OF SUCH BEAUTIFUL THINGS! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Look at those awful people yelling toxic words at their own child. Do you think God approves of that? Absolutely NOT and especially when Bible verses are being used to support their toxic words. Shameful...So yes, I know it so well and thought I'd done so well in protecting my children from going through what I'd been through only to find out 20 years later I was a fool. We can heal and WE WILL HEAL. WE CANNOT ALLOW EVIL TO WIN. You are loved by a complete stranger and I send you a sincere warm long hug to nourish your sweet heart ❤ My prayers will continue for you to find a way out and I've got this crazy connection with that Big Guy upstairs after meeting that glorious light so don't give up just yet! Xoxoxo
@I Sanchez I'm sure I'll get my ass ripped apart for this but I could care less right now because the only thing that matters right now is YOU. Anyone else with a religious opinion can stick up their Bible. I've had more judgment and been more mistreated by so called Christians and other religious people than anyone else I've ever met in my entire life! I've been down that miserable road before and it's absolutely disgusting I couldn't agree more! I'm absolutely NOT asking you to go to any church when I say have faith! OH NOOOOO! God is not found in a book or a building or fake people PRETENDING to be something they aren't and will never even try to be. It's pathetic the way they act. I was feeding a homeless man and moving his carts out of the rain as a church across this busy street was just getting out and some of these people actually honked at me! Are you kidding me? What would Jesus do folks? You JUST heard HIS WORD AND YOUR HONKING at me while I help this helpless old man? They call themselves good people? Enough about them. My God doesn't require you to surround yourself with fake people like that ever! God is in your heart and is your 🧭 compass. If you listen it will lead you in the right direction. Always follow good over evil and have faith in yourself. Don't worry about others judging you as long as you know in your heart that your the best person you can be and your kind to others. Treat them like you want to be treated (the rest of the world not the ones your in prison with...or maybe them too! ) Your positive attitude will bring positive things your way and your faith in yourself will grow and grow until you are so strong in who you are you'll be free!
I’m 64 and it’s taken all these years for me to realise I’m not a bad person like I was told I was. Right from a young age, pre teens, I got blamed for all the mistakes my siblings made. He never showed affection or love, nothing was ever good enough. I was told “you’re a born loser”, “you’ll never amount to anything”. It screwed me up, I felt worthless, of no value to anyone. It manifested in one night stands, alcohol abuse, drug abuse and a suicide attempt. I swore I would never parent my kids like he treated me. Thank goodness I’m alive. A few years ago he passed away, and it was me who looked after him. I did my best and am proud of that. But He made it hell, was abusive and controlling from his sick bed. When he died there were no tears, just relief he wasn’t around anymore.
I've heard that narcissists love dogs because of the unconditional love and adoration they give. In fact the narcissist I knew had a dog she was obsessed with, while hating and neglecting her own children.
This is so true,like my narc husband and in laws.He is so envious of his children's achievements.He always tried to destroy me by making my kids his flying !monkeys but destroying them and compare them with other kids.HE IS EVIL!
My father refuses to talk about any subject that is not related to him. He is a text book narcisist. He never knew anything about me (my interests, friends...) The rejection hurts a lot. Fortunately I married a very different man.
I think schools should teach psychology as a requirement so kids can learn about narcissism. This is a good way to cut some of the abuse early on. The best thing you can do for a child with 1 or more narcissistic parents is to teach them about it. Learning about narcissism is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It set me on a healing path. I know how to handle my dad. It's to the point where I'm the only one my father can't get to. I also know how to spot narcissistic men from a mile away, which has helped me to dodge narcissistic men in dating. I consider myself the lost child. I realized earlier on that my father was messed up, thanks to my mom. She was co-dependant, but she knew it wasn't right. She sat me down starting at age 8/9 and talked to me about how my dad treated her. She explained that she didn't want me to make the mistake of marrying a man like my dad. Before this, I was switching from the golden child to the scapegoat. As soon as I realized how wrong my father was I decided to have an open conversation with him. I assumed I could talk to him like i could talk to my empathic mother. My father hated me for challenging his behavior. I forgot what happened, but something in me clicked and I realized that he will never change. From then on, I basically lived in my room. I went to school, came home, and went into my room. I avoided my father so much that I wouldn't see him for days at a time despite living in the same home as him. I wasn't allowed to have friends, so I was very lonely, but it was better than being with my dad. Then I learned what a narcissist was. I remember that day so clearly. I was on Facebook and a friend of mine shared a post that listed the traits of a narcissist. I read it and it clicked. EVERYTHING described my father to a T. I then became obsessed with learning about the narcissist. This set me on a journey to heal from my abuse. I still have ways to go (I need professional therapy, not just self-healing), but I've come so far.
I’ve never thought about that but you’re right- at some point, maybe middle school (?) kids should get some sort of curriculum dedicated to learning some basic topics like this. It would help them understand what they could be dealing with in their own families. It would help them to identify and psychologically separate themselves from toxic behavior happening around them. To know that they aren’t to blame for things or need to carry the burden of other people’s dysfunction. That could really make a difference in a person’s life.
I don’t know that professional therapists are trained to help people with this as most don’t know what it is. God is helping me heal. These videos I have been watching for the past 4 weeks have been incredibly helpful to get over 2 former “friends.”
@@tanyatanya891 This is what they study and they learn how to explain stuff like this. Nothing wrong with getting professional help along with spiritual and self-healing.
You are very bright ! My son is in your position, except for the fact that he has friends and loves to go out with them. It's one of the best things that happened to him, I helped, too, by teaching him. He decided that he has to have his own life, one in wich his father is not included. And, again ,I stood by his side. Soon he will be 17 yo. He can't wait to move out, I have an apartment for him. For me, I will see.. Have a nice healing journey, it' s not easy but it is possible !
I am so damaged by my parents. They are now 87 and 85 years old and still do it to me daily. And yes I am the scapegoat. My sister became a narcissist so got here hate also. I am working so hard to raise out of their abuse. Took me so long to see the truth.
My parents are in their 80’s and have two older sisters . They are the worst and of course cause I speak the truth I’m the scapegoat. My father treated everyone like shit but my sisters kiss his ass now
Both of my mother and father were spoiled during their childhood. This occurred during the Great Depression of the 1930s. When they married they fought horribly with one another and stayed married all their lives. I was the scapegoat for both of them. I was trained as a young child by nuns who said that I must suffer for Jesus Christ and that I must have done something wrong, which I didn’t. I suffered torture that I cannot bring myself to write here. It’s just too, too much, too painful to remember. I do remember planing my escape, which I did. Of course I was labeled as BAD for doing so. It took a lot of guts to leave because I had no food, money or shelter to survive on. I never sold my body or my soul to corrupt people and places. I fought for my sanity and I did survive. I created for myself a fully satisfying lifestyle. Yeah, I was beaten about the head and I’m deaf because of it, but I still managed to educate and graduate from a prestigious university. This irked a lot of jealous people in my first and secondary relations. They were always happy label me as having no common sense. Guess what I did. I dumped them all. I’m a free and intelligent human being.
Good for you, I am proud of you for what you did. I had a simulair situation back home, my mom tend to treat me as the golden son, but at the point she tried to sexual abuse me I fled. I turned my back to all of the family cause the toxic spread out to all of them.. I am married for 25 years to my lovely wife and have 2 great and awesome sons.. never ever do I run this toxic behavior on any one.. I stept out and been diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, but af manny manny year of docters help I can literily say I am healed. Thank you all and God bless you.
Oh my goodness that is so true that’s the father of my children both his children are scapegoats🙄 I work very hard to always reverse his damage and destruction...
I went no contact 10 years ago. It was like my narc ex-father died then, and now I’m free. It was sad at first, but the best thing I ever did, I’m 54. Narcs NEVER change.
not sure, but I think they can have minor changes... very slowly. I believe the only way I found to have any respect from my father is to constantly threaten him to hurt him psychologically. I know he barely deserves any respect from anyone, because he has, in the end, not very much going for him, and he knows that I know that, that I've seen right through him. So now, HE is more and more the one who walks on eggshells.. It's so sad that the only way that works with him is to threaten... But I think that a lot of things work that way in life, sadly
Me too. I am 71 years old and just now coming to terms with the damage my parents (both narcs) did to me and my brother. I am sad thinking about the years I've wasted trying to be good enough for them but also glad to finally come to an understanding of what happened to us children in that house.
i asked my dying father why he never gave me any praise only criticism. he said he didn't know and that he praised me with others. his legacy has been a lifetime plagued by visceral disappointment. never being good enough. this has been deeply crippling and utterly self-destructive fulfilling the sense i got from my father - that self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. i know why now but i am left with a ruined life i cannot ever recover from. narcissism leaves a generational trail of destruction amongst those that should have been better loved and nurtured. affirmed. it is long past time this horrendous loss of 'life' was knowledgeably exposed and curbed. keep up the good work jill. 👍
As a girl grew up with a narcissist father, a scapegoat, being mentally and physically abused all the time, I hated all men when I was in early 20’s. Then I left my family, came to the US, my heart was gradually warmed up, but I sworn I was not going to have a husband anywhere remotely similar to my father. I was longing for a warm man and finally found him.
I'm an only child. I was the scapegoat. My father either ignored or raged at me. He was jealous of the attention I got from my mom. I was an inconvenience. I'm divorcing a narcissistic man now. I'm breaking free by learning about narcissism.
I have a narcissistic father and have had at least 3 romantic relationships & one marriage with narcissistic men. Each one worse than the last. I suspect the 2nd to last has sociopathic traits and the last one may be a full on sociopath/psychopath. My dad physically abused at least two of his wives, my mother while she was 8 months pregnant with me. While growing up my dad emotionally/verbally, physically and sexually abused me. The entire family & extended family protects this man and have shunned me. I was tossed out of family when I confronted my dad’s bully of a wife (his 3rd) for her abuse and mistreatment of me as well. I am the family scapegoat. The only positive to any of this is that I am finally free of this family cult.
And by the context of your story, way stronger as a person than all of them combined. The last sentence gave me some sort of relief chills, not being alone in this. thanks for sharing.
It's like, join the club - There are 3 things I've never heard my father say, & probably never will: "I love you, I'm proud of you, & I'm sorry". It took me 42 years to finally realize, that I didn't need his validation to live a full happy life. I freed myself, really hard work, but it can be done.
You are correct. I never heard my dad say, “I’m sorry, I love you or I’m proud of you”. He’s had 57 years to say it to me, yet never has. I don’t expect ever. Disappointing.
@M Im sorry... yeah, maybe in his next life things will be better for him... My biggest problem with my father has always been hating that it was me & my brother - and our mother who had to pay & suffer for his mistakes, his problems...And he didnt seem to care. My father thinks that men who asks for help, are weak! And avoid psychiatrists, they're all crazy. Everyone has problems - but its how we fix them, that are important!
Oh, wow....I'm a Lost Child...didn't know that...thank you! I felt invisible and unloved my whole childhood. I plotted to escape my awful parents for years and was finally able to get a job and move out and get my own apartment at 17 and could finally thrive now that the toxicity was gone.
“The daughter of a narcissistic father has such low standards for what a relationship has to be…” 🙏🙈 so it is. But work as yours helps them to realize and change 💛
Both of my sisters married narcissistic husbands. It took them years to live. We are in our late-30s and early-40s now and just now figuring this out. It’s going to be a process.
Please! Please! leave this malignant destructively behaved man. I was gifted and I allowed my Dads jealousy to block my gifts. I chose to shelve my gifts as a young toddler and grew up a whiny depressed victim. Had I of read, I would through cognitive empathy, been able to see his jealousy and as reading fiction teaches wisdom I would have got the intuition to warn my mother of his dangerous violence. INSTEAD we all had Stockholm syndrome, and I got bitter and finally told my dad I was moving away to get away from him at 34 years of age, far too late, I have not made a successs of my new start in life. I am now a drug addict. I cant blame him, had I of followed my passion for early reading self taught, and listened to my mum encouraging and validating me, we could all have escaped this toxicity. Life may not have been easy for me but I would have succeeded instead of failing. Please ask yourself why you are still with this man, your child comes first, nurture his talents and leave the toxicity. PLEASE!!! you don't want a child who failed to reach his potential, you don't want a drug addict adult as a son.
@@kr1221E its worse today, my son has now moved in with his father to be close to his job, im terrified because his dad will destroy him AGAIN . The scapegoat child with narc is so scary.
Oh baby ive been divorced from this sick narc for almost 4 yrs but i wished id done it 30 yrs ago ! My son has had problems with drugs just as his dad does but dad thinks dad is the holy one .. But hes just batshit crazy.. Good luck sweetie
I cried the entire time I watched this because I have never felt so seen and recognized. It’s hard to explain how much my father affected me because I can’t pinpoint specific events or things he’s said (partly bc I forgot most of my childhood) but for once someone is understanding me.
My husband was the scapegoat, he's in counseling, hes suffering. His father was very physically abusive, this man is lucky to be alive. Is he a narcissist..yep. Im planning on leaving. This is just too hard.
I’m the golden child and was definitely spoiled and entitled as a kid. I feel terrible for my invisible sister who’s literally perfect and excels to get his attention but she’s just not the golden one unless I defy or upset him. Because I spoke up for myself as I grew older and realized how irrational his behavior was, I’ve stepped into more of a scapegoat role but it’s incredibly easy for me to step back into the golden child role because Ive been that the majority of the time. Im genuinely surprised I didn’t become entitled as an adult. Truly, by any means, I should still be a brat, but thank God Im empathic, I realized never to feel entitled to anything, and care a lot about others struggles because Ive definitely had my fair share of yelling, gaslighting, accusations, neglect, etc. Its still a terrible thing and Im so sorry to all the children of narc parents
Trey Lovely I dont understand your comment. Im simply stating my experience. There are probably guys who replied in this comment section too, so you can read their comments if you want to understand from a guys point of view. I never forced you to read my comment only
Kanwadyo Pinho Yeah, it was definitely my reasoning that did it. I was met with hostility and emotional abuse during my teenage years when I didn’t do or perform how he wanted despite generally being a “good kid” that stayed out of trouble, got good grades, didn’t cause trouble, etc. so I started questioning it. When I was young I didn’t question because I didn’t know any better. I thought it was just anger issues, but I realized more behaviors from growing up were not normal as I got older. I just found out that narcissism was a thing this year, and it made my whole life make sense
@Sonja Walker Yeah, that can definitely be a possibility. Please stay strong and know those are total lies. Also, confide in friends/ a therapist you really trust when things get bad
My upbringing via a violent, evil narcissist father and a neglectful mother cost me my 20s, 30s and most of my 40s. I spent those years unlearning the b.s. they perpetrated and learning how to love, guide and care for myself. I had a bout with alcoholism but AA helped me process the traumas I survived. Today I am a nurse and that pain I endured has been transformed to compassion and understanding for the hurt people I encounter. I am big on boundaries and loving my life.
Spot on and amazing! I had a sudden awakening at 26 that it was my successful and well known dad who was the problem not me and my life has been on the up and up ever since.
I am almost 50 and still trying to make sense of the abuse and neglect I suffered. Cut all ties with my father 5 years ago when I realized what had been going on for all these years. Lots of therapy has helped me reshape my beliefs and life, still very hard though, I often feel broken and empty. Pure madness. Thank you for this video. Edit: Sending love to all those that replied here, you are all wonderful. My father passed away in April 2021, one of the overwhelming feelings is one of relief, the crazy thing is that I feel guilty for feeling that way. I do however feel I can get on with my life now, one step at a time.
Mine was a husband,I’m 69 and still the big question is why I stuck with him so long.But I’m in a good place now and-know who I am .The mind is the battlefield work on that and you’ll heal.You are unique and precious in the eyes of your creator.Blessings
I am 55 that is the only difference , I totally understand the emptiness that you feel, suddenly you understand that your parents gave you life and robbed it at the same time! It takes time to find yourself but worth every single step, with lots of obstacles on the way. The most important is learning about the toxic codependency created and break the pattern, hard work but necessary to find yourself! and ... stop looking outside, on other people or things, all the answers are in us, pay attention to your intuition and healing happens day by day, little steps,.. and believe ALWAYS in yourself! and NEVER EVER GIVE UP!💛🙏🌞
As an only child, which child I was (golden or scapegoat) depended on how much I was pleasing or displeasing my parents. At 54, have finally gone No Contact and dealing with a whole host of emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, loss of hope. Thank you for your channel. Peace, everyone..
For so long I avoided relationships with Men & Intimacy, because of my Father's abuse of my Mom and me. I would lash out at boys/ men if I thought they were trying to dominate & control me, some were bad but many were good, it was just my "Daddy" issues...I'm getting better now, thanks to Jesus and posts like this :)
Its the first time I've ever heard about The Lost Child and perfectly describes me. My father had absolutely no empathy so there was no glimmers of care or love shown ever. This vlog is really helpful.
I was the golden child. I’m not a narcissist. It took me 37 years to wake up. I’m so grateful I did. Thank you for your content. My daughters dad is a narcissist but she understands the disease.
I am the scapegoat child & my brother the golden child from both of my narcissistic parents & my brother is an extremely volatile & abusive narcissist. I had to sever ties to escape their abuse. So spot on for narcissistic fathers & also mothers. Thank you.
Rachael I’m in the exact same position. Except I have an aggressive sister (i.e their golden child). I cannot even begin to tell how much damage they’ve caused me so far. God bless you.
Growing up with a narcissistic father taught me (along with many "lessons") that I had no boundaries. To this day I struggle with setting boundaries and recognizing my own autonomy. Looking back I can now see this mind frame placed me in situations where I was taken advantage because it was a normal mode of operation.
I feel the same way. I’ve gone through a lot - due to not having any boundaries (nor knowing how to actually set any). It feels like you just continually pay for the way you were raised. It’s very depressing. I’ve seen several therapists - but - I don’t think any of it has helped me. Therapist # 14 …
@@kellymacneill7348 same here. My dad changed later because he discovered the spiritual path and has 70% improved also I live far away now so things are better but I still have memories of being disrespected and treated like I had no boundaries. I never got to have boundaries so basically yeah same don't know how to set them now. I watch in awe as others set their boundaries and respect their selves.
@@kellymacneill7348 I found life coaches that have a background in criminology were better than therapists because they understand these dark personalities that are basically criminals.
You are describing exactly what I am going through! My father has 6 kids and we are all grown. He goes from one kid to the next and whoever can feed his narcissistic ego he will treat them like gold. I am the scape goat and always have been. I am 43 years old and he is trying to destroy my life. I have gotten two master degrees and I am a professional. But he continues to gossip, ridicule, and tear me apart by telling anyone he can how horrible I am. He recently allowed me to move into his home rent free so my family can save some money. Well we move sand my daughter changed school districts. I now have a new job out where we moved. I was looking for a home to buy in the area when I saw my fathers house that I am living in is up for auction. I hit scared and screen shot the photo to him. He said don’t bother me! Go cry to someone else! Move out! I am just devastated. Then he starts the abusive cycle all over. Then I find out later that he wants me to move out once he got the house out of auction. I am just overwhelmed at how he is treating me and my family. He is ignoring me won’t take a phone call and just wants to see me fail. I am not taking his shit anymore! I have a good job and I have a good savings. I am going to find another place to live and be done with him once and for all. He is an absolute monster! There are so many things he has done to me I just can’t go into. But I am looking to heal from this. I hope I can get out of his house literally and metaphorically soon.
Narcissistic parents really suck the soul out of their children, I know from experience. I love being an adult because I’m free to do what I want, don’t have to walk on eggshells or be miserable anymore.
A narcissistic father and mother want their child to stay children because it serves them. They resent any,”outsider” or spouse, children or in laws they might acquire through normal growth and life. Everyone who their child loves is a threat the the narcissistic parent. They won’t stop until they ruin that child’s marriage, relationship with their children and even reputation. They will even encourage and facilitate an affair for their child as long as they are left needing their Mommy and Daddy their entire lives. Sad. Truly sad.
Children of narcissist fathers usually think it is all their fault and end up blaming themselves unless they get help. They have to realize it is not about them it is about their narcissistic parent.
I appreciate your down to earth style. I was the scapegoat child of a very cruel narcissistic father from day one. I wish the internet had existed when I was growing up. Great channel - subscribed!
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!!!! I'm over 70 years old and FINALLY know why I've been on antidepressants all my adult life. And my dad has been dead for 6 years!!! I still hurt, and I still hate him. I don't know if I'll ever be "fixed", but now I know why I feel so "broken".
I turn 60 this year and am still living with the pain of an abusive family. I walked away from them in 2015 but am still haunted daily. I wish there was a way to find peace.
Wow.. I work in chemical and behavioral health and I have never listened to someone who is so in tune and accurate in my entire life!. Thank you so much for your channel! ❤️
I’m 33 and continuing to heal from my childhood. Once i realized my father is a narcissist I’ve been able to find more specific ways to heal. I’m sorry for anyone else dealing with the negative and devastating affects of being raised by a narcissist.
I have two narcissic parents and I recognize toxic people very fast and don't except the behavior and I stand up for myself and cut the person off because I know my worth and I'm sick of being treated like less. I took therapy for 3 years as well and 1 year was a therapist who specializes in trauma. Its helped open my eyes and mind so much. There is hope for us who went through narcissistic abuse. Remember fixing people is not your responsibility and it will drain you if you try to help people instead of yourself. Also remember to make sure your relationships put fairly equal effort and if not address it to them and if nothing changes leave because you will find better.
Ive been living with my hoarding mother, I snapped and demanded she cleared space just so I can have a bed. Wrong decision, now she hates me beyond words.
They only likes children when they're successful & give them bragging rights. Otherwise they don't give a sheet. Golden children gets switched up, if you don't feed them their supply. The golden child can carry a heavy burden, they know they're treated differently & don't know what to do about it. My brother was golden child, but he's really a great person. It's interesting to see that his relationship with my mom has never changed. He's very accommodating & patient with her. Thankfully, we have been able to sort through why I maintain very minimal contact. I remember when I began to see my mom differently, such a heartbreak to discover. I worshipped her until I realized what was happening. I still love my mom very much. I just have to protect myself, especially now. My mom, I'm realizing now, passed me off to my husband. At my wedding she announced to everyone, "she's your problem now, no take backs!" To roaring laughter. Nevermind that I left home $ was taking care of myself, while other siblings were still living at home. I conquered so much in my early life, much to be proud of. I wasn't a problem to her in any way. I laughed it off then, but I grieved it recently. I feel she empowered my much older husband over me. My marriage was so rocky from get go. I had to shut down to survive. I had reservations about him, but my mom convinced me I'd never find better. Since I worshipped her, I believed that. I was struggling with depression and had no business dating. Any person who wants you romantically in a broken state throws up red flags. They're either unhealthy empaths or narcissistic. I've seen this played out with my daughter. Thankfully she recognized it and dumped. Narcissist often cloak themselves as Christians. Surround yourself with who you want to be! Dont waste time with toxic people, if they're narcissistic, you cannot help them. They're vampires who suck life right out of you. But I'm a survivor not a victim. I will take my experience and grow.
@@miamatejik7633 Thank you! Your comfort blesses me. I'm okay, I have my faith in Yeshua (Jesus). Every single thing I've endured has purpose. I just pray I can step into that bravely and help others.
I’m 53. And all these years I just thought my father was a drunk/alcoholic. I now know he is a Narcissist. Wow! My eyes feel like they have been opened up for the first time.
This hits hard. My father is narcissistic but definitely not to the point of being physically abusive. My father is more on the side of of a phycological abuse. I feel as if I may have been the scapegoat and the lost child mixed together-I may have gotten some of he golden child treatment some too, but not enough for me to say that I was a golden child. I never wanted to really run away, but I’ve known that something wasn’t right with my dad from an early age. My dad would be more harsh and critical of me as a whole, unless it was in a sense, a special occasion or that my dad was in a good mood. My talents were never seen or recognized. I was constantly told I’d be a failure and that I’d never make it in the real world. -then again, my dad hardly ever put in the effort to teach me anything that’d be useful for the real world- Then he’d turn around and act as if all that was a joke. Like it shouldn’t even be taken seriously. But the problem was my dad would do this constantly to the point where there is practically no way to truly tell if this is a “joke” or not. So I thought he more or less had an eccentric personality and my mom had health issues that made it hard for me to spend more time with my mom. But by the time I got into high school I started getting tired of it and that created a divide between us that I tried hard not to show I had. I ended up getting into an unofficial relationship with someone through the majority of my high school life. This person was absolutely amazing at first-throughout the first two years-but then he started acting as if we’d never really met and that I wasn’t there for the last two years. At that point I knew something was 100% wrong and cut myself off from him after high school to protect myself. It took me a full year to come to terms with this. Then I started looking up who I was and now I can spend more time with my mom because I don’t have to go to school or anything now. Since then my mom has basically been my saving grace. I’m forever great full for my mom’s support and understanding. Now I’ve been pulling myself up from that dark pit with the help of my mother. I’m determined to do something with my talents and to succeed regardless what my father told me all my life. But this is the basics of my experience with a narcissistic father.
So sorry for you Dan. So devastating and detrimental to your life. The only way is to be far away, where you can control the amount of contact, or not have contact all. I recommend to listen Deborrah Cooper WTF Tuesday on youtube. Lots of people sends her their problems and ask for advice. I am the scapegoat child, and I always wanted to move far away. Mostly because there was a lot of rage and other available people to be the scapegoats. When it was good it was good, but when it was bad it was insane. Thanks God I listened to my intuition and my inner voice. I moved far, far away. It took me many years to get rid of the fear of my father. Now I don't feel much anymore and I am very thankful for that. Best of luck to you.
You are a lucky one to see the truth and know how to reach out for support. You are never alone. Double up on your self care. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to you. A true warrior is not the loud angry one. A true warrior knows the truth and finds strength within to let the truth remain. Trust your gut everytime. Peace.
I grew up with both of my parents being narcissistic. I ended up being the golden child to my father and the scapegoat to my mother. What is the result of that dynamic? Life has been utter hell, to say the least. I have always felt that I have so much to offer the world with no ability to achieve it, simultaneously grandiose and deeply insecure.
My father is sociopathic he lies and manipulates as much as any narcissist does . He thinks the world revolves around him and he's scapegoated me ever since I was a child . He never will take responsibility for his actions yes he put both my sister and I against one another for his own selfish agenda .
Mine so rarely owns up to anything, and if he does it takes months, usually under pressure from spouse (so only does it to have a comfortable life again with them) or finds another way to restore things that doesn't involve saying sorry and doesn't involve doing anything to change their behaviour; eg. a gift that they mislead you to think they would have given you anyway, given specially/early that makes you think its supposed to be a make-up gift but will never say as much.
With years of therapy, and prayer, I have learned to forgive, and to love myself too. It has taught me to have a great deal of compassion and empathy for those who suffer.
I'm pretty sure I was raised by 2 narcissists. My Mom used me as her scapegoat child and my brother as the golden child. I was repeatedly blamed for ruining her life and blamed for everything and anything. No emotional support for anything. My Father is also very narcissistic only enjoying my company when people thought I was his young attractive girlfriend and criticizing and questioning my choices otherwise. I went no contact with him recently. My Mother is dead and that finally ends the sad chapter with her. I find myself with tremendous rage over this and with lots of abandonment issues. It's such a long road to recovery.
Eww disgusting, I’m glad you are out of that mess. All the best for you, love your life darling and don’t let those Narcs to live in your head rent free.
This has been my first Father’s Day where I _finally_ followed my gut and didn’t cave and reach out to him. I find it now so impossible to fake my feelings/thoughts about him or any of them anymore that I just can’t do it anymore. I’m all ‘people pleased’ out. And your videos are reminding me why. Thank you, kind new friend ☺️🤗💐
I am one of these children. I was scapegoated most of my life. I am now 57 years old. It’s taken me a lifetime of one tragic event after another to figure it out. It’s been a year now that I stopped talking to my whole family. My parents, children, grandchildren, everyone.
Growing up I thought I always knew my Father... as strange as that sounds but me and him had an amazingly strong bond when I was a little girl. I was always good in school and always managed to have good grades and do anything I could to make my father happy. I’m 20 now and everything makes so much sense. That is not a healthy relationship! A parents love for their child is supposed to be unconditional but his was just conditional... when I was a teenager I started to notice his hatred for me turning into a grown women. I started disagreeing w him on certain topics and having my own thoughts, my own friends, my own life outside of him... he hated it. It’s truly insane how much of narcissist he is. My father is constantly competing against my little brother,, anytime he tries to show my father something he loves or enjoys he completely shuts him down. My brother tries so hard to impress him. My sister the golden child got everything she ever wanted while I practically hade to work for it at age of 15. I was diagnosed w severe anxiety this year. Everyday I wake up not being able to breathe normal because of him fearing he’ll make up a random story just so he can yell at me when he’s upset with something in his life.
Im 32 and I can relate to your story. I wake up everyday with a lump in my throat. You tube sleeping channels on "reprogramming your brain from childhood trauma" I feel like are helping. Best of luck!
I 100% relate to your story. These pandemic times really opened my eyes a month ago. I am 23 years old and so happy that we figured this out soon enough ❤️ Sending you love and strength ❤️ Hope we can work through this and get away from it asap!
Everytime I go to sleep, I have to lock every entrance to the room, because I have a panic inside of me that people will blast into the room yelling and attacking me out of no·where for no reason. But the thing is, I cannot lock the room, because the following thought is: if they try to open the door and notice that it's locked, their rage will skyscrapper into Neptune, they'll destroy the door or the wall or the window to come in and they're gonna be a quintillion times angrier.
I am 71. I finally got help at 40 but I still hear his voice in my head. The abuse doesn’t stop when your an adult. I had to go low contact. My mom was also a narcissist mom. So I was scapegoated by both. I finally went no contact with my mom she is now 95. Best thing I could of done for me. My journey of healing started when I read the books”Toxic Parents”. It opened my eyes. It took years for to understand that my brother was also abused in an different way. He could do no wrong and I could do no right. Mom kept him at her side by convincing him that he couldn’t survive without her. He died believing that. I couldn’t convince him otherwise. I had to let them figure it because I wouldn’t let myself drown in their drama.
I listened to this again, particularly when you talked about the jealousy/envy of a narc dad. Funny, I didn’t have any brothers but my narc dad showed so many signs of being jealous of my husband’s successes and would gaslight my husband behind my back, leaving me to believe my husband was not being a good son-in-law or husband. It took awhile for me to figure out what was going on. We had been married 23 years when my dad pretty much demanded that I have my husband sign a post-nuptial agreement for an inheritance that I had already received “just in case.” This caused so much stress in my family. My dad was out to destroy our marriage and smear my husband. He was Jekyll and Hyde. He acted one way around me and behind my back treated my husband like crap, cussed at him and it became worse the more successful my husband was in his career. Before long, I became the scapegoat, (actually my family) and have no contact with my dad and birth family, my siblings (who are his minions/flying monkeys). They are waiting for what’s left in his bank account as he dangles that carrot in front of them. He’s the narc who uses money to control.
My mother was jealous that my boobs are bigger than hers. When I was in my early 30's she had a petulant conversation with her mother (in front of me) about how did I get them and she didn't. It was insane!
@@katiehunt3083 , oh boy. Having to deal with narcs kinda turned me into a smart ass. It didn't bode well. I didn't keep my mouth shut. You can guess who the scapegoat was! 🤣
My dad is known to be a very kind and wonderful person, to me he is a very angry man. It's very confusing. I always thought he hated me, I guess the relationships that I have ended up in have been a reflection of this. I still love my dad very much, it's so confusing and very damaging.
Same with me. Everyone loves my dad and thinks he's a great guy, and I'm just a fuckup. No one sees hows he's treated me, and how that treatment made me the fuckup that I am.
I know many that love their parents still after knowing the truth but keep distance to keep their sanity! You can’t always do grey rock and stay away or you have that hope like one of my kids. Sadly one day she will see and we can’t make anyone see that it’s rare for these men and sometime women are (narcs sociopaths or psychopath or mach (the word for ladder climbers) and they don’t change…rarely if ever because they know what they do! If they didn’t know what they were doing why do I hide it from police and family members and they do it behind closed doors only in certain places is that some weird mental disorder where this little click goes on every time they go through a door because it’s some kind of magnetic switch no they know damn well what they’re doing!!!!
I removed myself from the narcissistic parental inputter during pregnancy. Despite me being at the rough end of this sick man, my child has been completely protected 💜 This video reminds me I did the absolute right thing
The damage is so severe that I honestly could never bring myself to actually watching this. Thank you for making this video and I hope that it can help someone somewhere.
I feel like you were looking through the windows of my childhood home. I am the scapegoat and my older brother is the golden child. However, he saw our father's level of dysfunction early and he is the polar opposite of him. Thank God! My brother has helped me tremendously with navigating through all of the dysfunction we endured as kids. After 55 years of dealing with my dad's narcissistic behavior, I gave it all back to him to carry in May 2021. My life has been so much better since I made the decision to no longer carry the pain and suffering of my Dad's traumatic childhood. I still check in weekly and love and care for him, but I do it from afar to maintain my mental stability. Thank you for this video.
I am a scapegoat child because for years my dad would be mean and force me to do everything for him and if i dont he yells at me and sometimes that makes me sad and im only 11. T~T
I'm sorry you have to be subjected to him too. This makes me sad too. My hope is for you to come out of this and know you are precious in the eyes of God who made you. He did not make you to have to go through this. He is mad at your dad for treating you like this. It makes Him cry too. But He does not make people be robots so He lets people choose to do bad things. I pray you will have victory because God loves you. Remember, you are so precious to Him.
@@theenlightenedtarget My father at the age of nine he was 30 I guess and during a friendly game of Throwing the football back-and-forth he proceeded to jump on top of me m push me to the ground , straddle me , strangle me while pounding the back of my head into the ground screaming at me for God knows how long. X then after he stood up I stayed there getting up at the sky and I could just feel the innocence exiting my body in the evil is around me came into my body like “we got this we are we got this you’re OK now we got this” And that was in 1979 and now 50 and it’s still fresh wound always will be the main impact the last 40 years was walking on eggshells
So spot on. My ex narc has 3 kids from 3 different women. His son is a golden child and is spoiled beyond belief, his daughter is usually a scapegoat but is sometimes a golden child, and our daughter is the lost child. He completely abandoned our child and I have taken her to therapy to understand that this is his issues not her. I’m honest with her and remind her how much she is worthy of love.
I was the scapegoat and I did marry a Narcissist. Took 13 years to see it and left him. Then dated a man JUST LIKE HIM. Healing the pattern is tough. But at least I know now and am working on it.
What you say about fathers and sons is right on. My father reveled in my successes-as long as he could take credit for them when I was a child. But he never wanted me to succeed as an adult or exceed his accomplishments. He did everything he could to constantly sabotage me through my college years academically and he tried to hold me back from career success. Anything I was good at was criticized and belittled. It was like he was terrified to think that I might succeed at something and make more money than him. But at the same time he would brag to his friends that I graduated with honors, as if that was his honor.
I have been all 3 throughout my life as well as my sister, my brother definitely the lost child. Depending on what the relationship was with my dad at the time. Explain s a lot. Thank you.
I was raised by a narcisstic mother then later on in life, I married a narcisstic person and four beautiful children by him. I alway protected my children from any kind of abuse. My spirit always told me when something was not right about a person and i didnt want to believe it about my husband. He put me and my children threw all types of abuse. When i learn about narcisstic people. I taught it to my children and how to deal with these kind of people. Unfortunately they notices it in there father when they grew up and now they distance themself from him. Now he is playing victim and me or my children are not falling for his bait. It use to be nerve wrecking, now its so funny to watch him perform. I often tell him he in the wrong business, he should be in acting. I bet he could win a Oscar.
Nothing is funny that you went through but my dad also a narcissist went to LA to be an Actor and he couldn't act his way out of a paper bag so your last line just made me laugh out loud here on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. thank you think you think you for that laughter and may you be blessed with more laughter and joy and inner peace.
I was both the golden child and the scapegoat at different periods in my life. Raised by an alcoholic narcissistic father and having a narcissistic alcoholic brother and sister-in-law and being adopted I have been shamed the majority of my adult life. I am the lost adopted child and moved away after college to survive. The abuse in the household growing up was beyond comprehension. Therapy for years and being an empath has been a journey. First husband was a narcissist/psychopath. Second husband a covert narcissistic. Third relationship after many years of therapy I found respect and love. YesI loved my father. He passed away and so has my abusive brother whom I loved as well. New chapter and free to be me and more healing is still needed. Thank you for your video and reminder that my work will never be done.
I’m glad to hear talk about narcissistic fathers. I only hear about narcissistic mothers and partners. My ex husband is a narcissist and unfortunately my oldest son has also developed narcissistic tendencies. My middle child sees his dad for what he is and won’t allow himself to be controlled by his dad anymore. My middle child was neglected by his dad mostly and criticized because my son is tender hearted ( a sign of weakness to his dad). My youngest is only 7 and I’m teaching her to be able to stand up to her dad and not be afraid of him. I’m helping her see that the way he behaves isn’t ok. She is being treated as the new golden child. I didn’t know my husband was a narcissist until he divorced me. I didn’t know there was such a thing. I just always made excuses for his behaviors
*"I renounce and break all curses and all generational curses of Narcissism, being a victim of a narcissistic parent, being the golden child/scapegoat/or lost child of a narcissistic parent. And I command you satan and all evil spirits to leave me, my family, my soul ties, my children, and future generations... in the name of Jesus!"*
I’ve watched a few of your episodes already, and I’m so glad I found you. This video in particular was extremely poignant for me; I cried and had to take a few breaks to get through it, but now I get why you have called your channel The Enlightened Target. I was the scapegoat child. I’ve been trying to find a counselor in my area covered by my insurance for a few years now. It always triggers a meltdown, and then I can’t continue on with my search because it brings things up which make me extremely physically ill. At least there are some truly great resources out here for me and I am able to make some progress on my own (well not actually on my own, thanks to people like you.) I’m taking many small baby steps, as I can tolerate it. Thank you so much for what you do. And I’m just so impressed by not only your content and knowledge, but by HOW you seem to just effortlessly communicate it with compassion, grace and poise. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Listening to this video thinking I know my father was a narcissist, but I wasn't any of those kids - until you got to the escapee. That was totally me and I got out at 17. Life wasn't easy but I got out and never looked back.
Amazing content in a short 15 minute video! My husband was a narcissist and he did this to both of my children-a son and a daughter. They are adults now, and working through it all.
After years and years of researching this subject I can say this is the most succinct explanation of exactly what happened in my family of origin. Thank you so much.
Another wonderful video. Thank you so much for all that you do. I'll share this with you. My mother died when I was 8 years old. My father became an alcoholic for about the next 6 years after that. During this time and even after I was constantly told that he wished he had drowned me in the bathtub when I was a baby. I was called a moron, made fun of (to the Sensei of the karate school) when I asked to take karate lessons because I was being bullied, and he couldn't even bother attending my college graduation (I was the only person in my family to ever go to and graduate from college). As an adult he said I was a failure since I decided to stop performing in shows. I struggle with my self-esteem and have had suicidal thoughts for decades due to his voice in my head.
Quick thinker, you deserve to live. Being aware that this horrible abuse injured you, you can find a counselor, watch these videos, find an online support group, join a loving church. There are people here who want to help you!
My dad was the golden child and he became a narcissist too. I was the lost (middle) child. My younger sister was the golden child. She definitely has narcissist tendencies. My older sister was the scapegoat, has zero self-confidence, but then she was the one who took care of him in his final years. She also married a narcissist at 19, who also messed up their kids. Such a messed up family dynamic that just keeps cycling through generations. :(
another great video you are spot on with your analysis of narc fathers...i was the scapegoat child who was blessed with many talents and skills and my father was jealous of me so much i wanted to make him proud of me and he would cut me down for it...it really hurt as a child to feel your father hates you and when everyone else is praising your accomplishments your own father is berating you for them and beating you down...it really is hurtful...and to compound it i had a narc older brother who was and still is totally jealous of me ...theyre both out of my life for good and i am just now healing after almost a whole life of abuse insults and humiliation
I was the "golden child"...at least in the eyes of most, especially my siblings that resented me for it from when we were very young. In their view, I had an easier life. What I did get was a constant need to be perfect, without any help or guidance. Even my accomplishments were met with a "what's the big deal" attitude, to the point where even I thought of them like that, like nothing. I was isolated really. And yes, my relationships were all the same. I really wish I knew this when I was younger but I am so grateful to know it now. I can see the patterns in the father of my kids and at least I know how to counter it now. Thank you so much for the message and the guidance!
Thank you so much for this video. This explains all those families with a golden child and a scape goat child where most people just assume the scapegoat is the trouble maker and the golden child is the good, obedient one. But this isn't the case and the child is completely blameless. I must also add to your very detailed analysis, that narcissistic parents also emasculate the scapegoat son in various ways.
As much as I hate to admit this but I exhibit some of these tendencies. What resources can I utilize to change the pattern of behavior? My wife nor my children deserve the garbage and mess.
Good for you for being open for making personal improvements and keeping an open mind some problems may lie with you. That and the fact that you want better for your wife and kids lead me to believe you’re not in bad shape, but I’m not an expert. Good luck on your road to recovery.
Try micro dosing with mushrooms or DMT. This hallucinagenic lows yourmind to be flooded with such empathy and forgiveness that you badically let go of all the emotional baggage, conditioning that you carry ftom your father. You forgive and then start to heal. Like shedding a skin. Trust me. I know. You will be fine. Well done on wanting to break the cycle. Sending you love and peace and happiness. Xxxxx
If you can afford it the best option is therapy. If you can't afford that, then you're gunna have to rely on self awareness to tell you when you're going too far. You will probably make mistakes, but as long as you can catch yourself, take responsibility for your actions and apologize, I believe you can change for the better. Good luck!
I was the scapegoat. I am hyper aware of how easy it is for me to be manipulated (I'm also on the Autism Spectrum, which makes it even more difficult to tell in the moment). I'm so aware of it that I have avoided relationships with men all together, because it's easier for me to be alone and sad than to be manipulated and hurt again. I cut off contact with my dad just a couple of months ago, with the hope that I will be able to grow passed my pain. But it's still hard living every day with his face and voice speaking to me in the back of my mind.
I was the escape goat child and was constantly put down and physically abused by my father and my mother just not as bad as my father. I'm 66 and have struggled my whole life. My father has passed and never said anything to me that was uplifting or positive. I have serious anger issues and went to a therapist for some anger management. I realized that I was in a powerful survival mode and suffer from low self esteem and debilitating anxiety. My Mother use to say YOUR JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER and that affected me so I would sabotage my relationships because I didn't want to ever treat a child like I was treated. It has been hard mentally for me but I have to thank GOD that I never turned into a drug addict or alcoholic. Thanks for sharing it does help a little to understand what happened to me and my siblings.
My brother (the golden child) ran headlong into the narcissist role laid out for him by my parents. He is unashamedly narcissistic and shames anyone who "can't handle" what he believes are the only right ways to think or be -- just like dad. My sister is the spoiled child and enabler of the family while I'm the double-roled scapegoat/lost child. You mentioned the jealousy of the father towards sons like me and the lengths they'll go to -- you couldn't be more accurate. After a childhood of being shamed and name-called, his abuse continued towards me in adulthood. Now, although I've cut him off completely, he has been poisoning my 20-year old daughter whose respect for me has tanked since her mother took her away 13 years ago. We had a perfect father-daughter relationship and yet now she just thinks I'm dumping on my family while being the "bad" parent to her. I love my daughter so much and it pains me to deal with this BS. However, if she can't make the effort to show me the respect and love I deserve -- the same I extend to her and others in my life -- then I can't accept her. I just can't take anymore abuse.
As I'm listening to this I'm, nodding. I was the scapegoat, EVERYTHING was my fault, I was told I wasn't smart enough/good enough for any of the jobs I said I wanted to do from as early as 5 years old. I never liked my father, I became rebellious and resented my father and my sister who was the "golden" child. My sister is exactly as you said, entitled, cruel, vindictive. She is a mirror image of my father, only FAR more cruel than he ever was/is. A miserable life is that of the scapegoat child, I haven't gotten help until very recently and I'm in my 40's.
At age 50 I finally figured out why my father behaves the way he does. I’ve never felt enough. Growing up I didn’t have good enough skin and would make fun of me in front of others, I didn’t stand up straight enough and would poke me in the back just to remind me. He would belittle me in front of others and definitely to this day plays his children off against each other. Then as an adult my children weren’t worthy of talking to and yet my sister’s were - I was the scapegoat child. I studied for a psychology degree late in life which I loved only to be told you’ve studied the wrong degree. I have a mother, younger brother and younger sister who continually enable his behaviour and will side with him because it’s easier and have always done that throughout my life. I have been very unwell for the last five months with a mystery illness and believe it may be the effects of this ongoing cycle of not knowing whether I’m coming or going. After my 50th birthday was ruined yesterday with constant criticism and a father who never visits on birthdays even though they live three miles down the road maybe it’s finally time to cut the ties for my own sanity. I don’t need somebody f’ing at me down the phone blaming me for things which are not my fault it’s upsetting and soul destroying and even when parents like that know they are hurting you they still continue to do it. I don’t know how they sleep at night knowing how much hurt they cause - I could never do that to my children who I absolutely adore!
@Debbie Jackson - this is a hurt that is very hard to get through. What you need to do for yourself, and your sanity, is learn to understand he is truly mentally ill. Malignant narcissism is extremely dangerous to deal with. Learn how to not spend as much, or any time at all around him. Do not give him any clues as to how you live. Keep your trusted friends well informed of his behavior, so that they can understand just how manipulative he really is. Give yourself permission to breathe when you are by yourself and he is nowhere around. You desperately need to learn not to react to his demands/accusations/foolishness, and get as far away from him as possible, and very soon. I speak from experience (in my case, my life did become extremely dangerous, and I almost lost it, because of his actions). By all means, make certain in no way, shape or form, that he ever get access to your funds. (I was almost killed in a car wreck he construed because I refused to live where he lived - take stock in any very close friends you have that he knows nothing about, and let them know that you will give them medical power of attorney over you, so that if that time comes, you are going to be well taken care of. Definitely alert them to his ways, so that you are protected. And for goodness sake, please make certain you remove yourself from his picture as soon as you can, and make certain it is very far away.) In answer to your question as to whether they know they are hurting you - their nature doesn't allow for any other behavior of theirs to occur as decent. Because of his actions, I am permanently disabled, and have days where I cannot function outside of my apartment. Please seek help where you can and tell him nothing of your plans. I know this from experience (it was so bad I refused to raise my daughter around him, and he is still angry about that (she is now 32). She lives 4 states away from him, and she is at peace - he is at the point he cannot drive long distances any longer, so that helps.
Anitra Moore - that only helps for a small amount of time though 😞 I know this from experience. Getting as far away as you can truly helps you more - especially if you get in touch with law enforcement who specialize in domestic violence for the survivors
One of the things I am most grateful for 😊in my life is having healed from the narcissistic abuse of my father and learning the meaning of unconditional love. Narcissistic behaviours can be discovered and people engaging in them can be healed. It is the way to discovering a Joy that otherwise would have never have even been known possible to exist.
Thank you. As a divorced mother of two young men. Their father is diagnosed NPD. I’m so grateful I left over his abuse. The hardest part was local therapists did not have the experience with NPD abuse. Videos like this has been a HUGE HELP IN RAISING MY children. You have no clue how much these videos have ensured my boys are a team. We have only been able to do this thru help ive gotten thru people like you. EVERY WORD except the “scapegoat child” has been spot on. Def have chosen golden child depending on time in life …. The baseball player is the golden child now. But my ex knows BETTER then to abuse my other child. Yes neglect but will NEVER AGAIN abuse my children. I LEFT years ago but only because we divorced my kids have a chance in life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.
Curious, you said diagnosed. I'm extremely surprised that a narcissist would sit through the necessary sessions required for achieving actual diagnosis. From what ice heard, it fan be time consuming to arrive at the diagnosis.
I have never heard my father apologise for anything. Once I found out about narcissism, it all made sense. I am not surprised I became sick and emotionally unwell. Both my parents fed me on a diet of manipulation, gaslighting, happiness sabotaging, put downs, guilt tripping, shaming, lies and control. Now it's been 3 years of no contact and I'm doing really well.
🌟
I'm so happy for you. I hope to be as brave as you are!
Hey There. I am a woman with a 10 month old baby. I have recently learned that my hubby is a narcissist. I desperately want to know. If your Mom had run away and you were poor. Would that have been better than the 4 bedroom house, motorcycles and nice vacations?
@Gemma Dann yeah, you right.
@@magieldutoit6922 yes.
"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men"
(Frederick Douglass)
Absolutely!
Bonheur Looy. An awesome wise quote ..not heard of it before , but thank you for sharing
Blessings
what broke the man???Fred! and children are only men?, and
Well for me it was seventy years of fked up people in my life, a damn war, bitches and bastards that imposed themselves on me that thought they roomed with Jesus. Fred your saying sucks. Building the strong AND protecting that investment. The reason I came home from war I saw the bullies in the faces of the people I killed and I was willing to kill. true
edit....then you MFers spit on me when I came home FUCK YOUR TY for your service shit I dont want it. GOFO and die!
Unfortunately, our society and institutions are built on narcissim, greed, etc.
Psychologists, police ,courts, would be out of a job.
I heard that we learn most basic things in the age 3-5(body balancing and such...), and our personality also formed in the childhood stage. I can totally see the effect on my narc H knowing both of his parents are demons from hell (narcs). He raised by narcs, attracted to narcs, hence surrounded by narc.... hope one day I can be free.
Had a father that everyone loved....they couldn’t see him as the family knew him.
Oh yes. Take heart, there are many of us who know that very well. If you were to tell me that your dad was a mask-wearer, I'd believe you because I had one too.
Society usually loves evil men...
Relatable. My dad is this good fun guy everyone knows and they tell me I'm lucky to have him as my dad but when he comes home he is totally different.
Everyone praised my father for his artistic talent which fed his insatiable ego. He constantly needed attention and approval so much that his stories were laced with lies in order to embellish his appearance. When I was younger I believed his stories, however over time I discovered that he had been lying to my mother and me. I felt angry that he lied but empathetic that he felt the need to lie. I realized before his death that he was a sad, depressed individual who tried all his life to create a different image. He wad kind, sensitive and very creative and I feel sorry that he must have been too ashamed or embarrassed to present his true self. How sad that a person has to hide who they really are to feel accepted and loved. I loved my father but I didn't like him. He had to be the center of attention most of the time and sought out people who he thought by association would make him look good. I now understand that he was extremely insecure. I have stopped feeling angry and embarrassed because he is gone and I don't have to witness his behavior any more. When I choose to replay humiliating moments it only brings me down. He could not help who he was and I can only choose to be different. I feel sad that he never really knew me or showed much interest in getting to know me. I wish my dad could have loved himself for who he really was instead of pretending.
@@vickikitahara9277 Was there a time that you remember him being very charming with others? Would he humiliate his employer or someone of authority? Did he know how to turn on his bad behavior, then turn it off?
I had a father like this too, so I know how you feel to some degree. It hurts when you see someone you love walk through life this way, but, he had options like we all do. You can still love your father, but see his behavior for what it really was. I like that you are working through this! Keep it up :D
I can't understand why my parents wanted me to fail in life so badly, while my friends parents worked so hard for their children to succeed
Ditto
If you succeed, you are no longer under their control. Same reason all my friends had their parents help them learn how to drive while my father made sure he was the only one who could drive. That gave him massive control over us and meant it was hard for you to leave a lot of situations because you had to rely on him to drive home.
they're cowards with low self esteem, simply pathetic! my narc father is a disgrace to the human race!!💯💯🎯🗣
Exactly. Dad couldn’t stand me being successful at anything. Mom did. Fortunately Grandpa did. I went to film school and did a short film called “Grandfather Daddy.” Got really great reviews. My dad clammed up and acted like it didn’t exist.
Hey J. T. I'd like for you to give to me, $1,000,000,000.
Pause. Time. Thought.
Oh, you say you can't give it me a Million.
I ask, AND WHY NOT.
YOU SAY, I DONT HAVE A MILLION.
I SAY, OH I SEE. YOU CANT GIVE LOVE, OR AN EXPLAINATION, OR A HEALTHY, STABLE, LOVING RELATIONSHIP.
WELL I GUESS, YOU CANT GIVE WHAT YOU DONT HAVE OR SEE WHAT YOU NEED TO GIVE.
Thank you for this! "Narcissistic rage" is a perfect term for what my narcissistic father did to me. The last time I saw him was in 2015. I was so excited to show off this beautiful house I was renting and had furnished. It was a symbol of my newfound career success. But to him, it was a symbol of him losing leverage against me. At the time I thought he'd be happy for me. Instead, he flew into a rage and got so close to me he was spitting in my face. He asked for every penny back he had ever spent on me (which is hilarious because my mom confided with me that he never paid child support). He did this all in front of his wife, further humiliating me. He left the door wide open, and my cat ran out in fear. I, too, was shaken and suffer PTSD and flashbacks. I have gone no contact with him. Oh, and after the event he forwarded embarrassing emails I wrote to him when I was young trying to connect with him, and he told me to change my last name. He's a sick, disturbed, terrible person and I don't consider him my dad. Going no contact was painful because I had to break the conditioning of adoring him and looking up to him. Now, I'm so happy I did. It's such a relief to not have that monster in my life.
Bless you
Fuck the sperm donor, you're better of without him, but is your cat ok, has he came back home?
We bought a beautiful house and oh my husband brought me beautiful cars I mean beautiful cars, Mercedes et cetera, and my dad was jealous of everything. I thought he should be happy for me and then I would get punched in the gut when he would go off on me With his jealous rage. You would think he would have enough sense to try to hide his jealousy but he wasn't that introspectional.
same thing happened to me when I bought my first house in 2016 all by myself the rage the things he said I wont even repeat - this should have been something I took pride in but he had to stomped all over it and tell me how it will kill me and that my dog will die if I buy the house and run into the street and be killed and he said he knows the day, month and year it will wrap around my neck... I'll never forget those words - talk about putting the fear of God in you... Glad to find out I am not the only person with a father like this most of my life I thought I was as I never would tell any one about this.
Sounds like a miserable monster, glad you are healing and successful.
I was the scapegoat for my dad. Raised by him and my grandmother. I felt worthless and wound up marrying a narcissist. I was 47 when I finally figured out what they are. Better late then never.
same exact story for me. I'm turning 50 and realizing this.
You're definitely not alone in this. ......
Isn't it crazy to figure it out. Now you can change your life.
Jim Farmer don’t feel dumb about that one either, we are all in the same boat 59 year old me. Have a blessed day in your new found freedom. 😀
So sad. I was the lost child and had a very similar experience!
My heart breaks 💔 for all the children on lockdown with a narcissistic parent during the corona virus.
Personally I can say that it has been a living hell! I’m only 15 and he is working from home now and I have school virtually now.
It's torture. He doesn't believe I'm doing schoolwork and expects me to help him out 24/7
@@artsyandria7992 I will pray for you
@@LanaKaneSocks thank you so much!! god bless
I hope you are all doing better right now, I send positive vibes and blessings to you all!
My mom didn't have the courage to leave my narcissistic dad but I refuse to be like that...after finding these videos I realized why my childhood was hell and why I married a man just like my dad. My children deserve better and I have already planned my escape.
I'm so happy for you... My mom was just like yours, she didn't leave him and I also had a relationship with a man just like my dad. How are you doing now? Did you manage to get out of the relationship? Wish you all the best ❤️
I can totally relate to you sisstar!
Hiya Hun glad to hear your breaking the cycle of abuse and planned your escape children do deserve better
How did that escape go? Can you do a follow up?
Follow up: It took more courage and strength then I thought it would...But I have filed for divorce and as per court date in November my children and I will finally be free!! 🙌 it took me a year of learning, planning and battling within myself but it has been done and I was able to "convince" the narcissist to sign a waiver for uncontested divorce. Not an easy task but I made it like he was getting what he wanted when I actually was, I get custody and he doesn't pay child support that's a win for me because I know he wouldn't pay anyway(already has 1 child he refuses to pay court ordered support on). If he did he would just use it as another way to have control over our lives and I promised my children never again, they deserve better and I will make sure thats what they get!!
Even after realising my father was a narcissist and doing the work to heal, the damage is STILL lifelong. He robbed me of a loving father/daughter relationship, controlled me for far too long, made sure I had no confidence in myself. I will never know who I could have been, had he nurtured my abilities and talents, instead of squashing any efforts I made to pursue them as a kid and young adult.
@middlechild2592 • OMG, you have written near enough verbatim what i say to myself most days. Dont get me wrong, i did ok with the cards i was dealt...just to say up yours to him but he made it a hard slog for me... but saying that statement makes me worse cos my mind is now in overdrive dwelling with 'if you did reasonably ok with those cards, just think how well you may have done without that narcissistic father'. I know his father was a narcissistic pig too but instead of feeling pity for my father, im more in the the mindset of 'I swore i would never allow any children i have to ever feel or be treated the way i was' ...so why the hell didnt he think like that. He will die eventually & then I'll be free. I shall cry, but I'll be crying for the father i should of had but couldn't. Take care. x
I feel you
So sorry..I get it.
they're cowards and they'll pay dearly, they'll be no escape either!💯💯🎯🗣
Took the words right out of my mouth ❤
My father is a text book case. It's only recently that I realized that's what he is and always has been. He destroyed my life, my family and basically failed me in every way. I really appreciate learning about this. Helps me realize that everything wasn't my fault.
I'm just figuring that out at 53 years old. Glad you're feeling better.
Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.
Oh my goodness, I’m 70 years old and listening to you I had to pause with tears running down my cheeks. Couldn’t understand why I married a narcissistic man and let myself be abused for so many years. I was married for 29 years. . He’s been gone 22 years and I’m still reeling from the abuse. You spoke so clearly but I needed to hear this. I’m praying I can find peace. Thank you
Omg. I'm so sorry! I was married to one for 20 yrs. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, sometimes he got physical. Then i realized my mother was a narcissist too, compared him to my mom.
Praying that you find peace, Rita!🙏🏻
Bless you 💜 You’re a survivor and it is always the right time to begin healing!
Rita, I'm so sorry you went through this, I didn't know anything about narcissism for 63 of my 65 years, I knew my father was different and difficult, I knew that his behavior was not normal and I knew that most of my relationships whether my marriage or other long term relationships were not normal and difficult. I saw my father in all my relationships with men but I never knew why. It was a huge shock to find out that this behavior was a personality disorder. Also Rita, It takes time to heal and it is sad that we found out so late in life but thank God we did. I wish you peace and I hope you are able to find joy in your life now that you understand how you got here.
Warrior Empaths Healing from Narcissistic Abuse thank you!
At 53 I put over 600 miles between myself and my narcissist father. I worked for him for years, living below the poverty line. He destroyed our family. So grateful to God to be away.
on august 24th 2020 a little past midnight God spoke to us and told us to listen for the trumpet call home. i still live with my mom and dad my dad is a narcissist.
This is exactly me too!
Im glad you escaped
better to be far away from them than to be on the six o'clock news because of them.
I can understand,it is never too late and you are the good person and stronger than them. I gave up my job for my parents only to have my narc sister destroy mum and me, and steal to boot ,move on as narcs will pay when faced with their mortality. Go no contact they are poison and smoothly evil.
"Hard to let go of something that wont let go of you."
@I Sanchez that just broke my heart when I read those words 💔 I'm a Reiki Master energy healer and your 50 now that's just so awesome! Why don't you finally pack up all your fathers bullshit in a great big bag as BIG as it needs to be and let's take it to a beautiful cliff somewhere and throw it off and let it go..... because it doesn't belong to you! Look at your 50 year old beautiful self. Haven't you suffered enough for that horrible person? Just do it, let go and enjoy you. It's really okay I promise and I know because I did it and I'm sending this incredible video to my daughter so she can too. Let go of that darkness so you can fill the emptiness with nothing but sunshine, love and laughter 💖
What beautiful words so well said.
Just close the your eyes and release from each and every cell with each and every breath with the intention of letting go of all negative energy that's come from your father....breath in light and positive energy....breath out toxic negative pain....let it go. ...it takes time but you will be free ❤ you are not your fathers ugliness you are a beautiful soul who survived that trauma ♥
@I Sanchez Don't even get my started on the church. These people who treat their children this way and hide behind the Bible.... God is watching and I have met God while delivering my youngest child. I have spoken to God and I can promise you God is watching this mistreatment and this pathetic way those people use God's name. God will NOT answer their prayers because they go unheard as those souls will be shunned for the way they have treated you and God. God has not failed you precious soul those people have. I'm praying for you to be blessed with the most amazing miracle you'll ever know and somehow take you away from that situation so you can break those chains and be free to fly. Your such a beautiful and strong person surviving this for this long 💛 Sending you love, light and so much healing energy it might knock you down so I hope your sitting. Xoxoxo
@I Sanchez I've survived 2 narcissistic parents and had children with 2 narcissistic men. One I was married to for 20 miserable years and I'm still trying to help my oldest daughter heal from his molesting her the moment we separated. He was the last person on earth I thought I needed to worry about because he'd never changed a diaper, fed them, given baths or even gotten off his lazy ass to teach them to swim or ride a bicycle. I knew I had to worry about his mind games but never did I think he'd do to our child what he knew had been done to me and called me a liar looking for attention. He also did to her what I wouldn't let him do to me...My precious baby girl buried that trauma deep inside her mind just like I did for 20 years because sometimes it's the only way a child can deal with something so painful. She recently just told me. It was a devastating blow, here I thought I was dealing with trying to heal my adult children from narcissistic father abuse and that was already so difficult to undo after years of being treated that way. Now my heart is shattered and I'm picking up the pieces to put them back together ❤ I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT MONSTER TO DESTROY OUR BEAUTIFUL HEARTS. HE HAS ALREADY DAMAGED THEM ENOUGH 💔 They trap us and make us believe we cannot live without them. We cannot take care of ourselves without their help. We CAN thought and when we do we get this incredible energy because we no longer have that negative bullshit chain dragging us back to their way of thinking we can't! YOU CAN MY DEAR AND YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!! If you can't put your faith in God right now I completely understand because the God you might think you know is a completely different God than the one I've met. God is not to be feared and doesn't think your a sinner. God knows the survivor you are and even if you've said fk you God because of your situation.. No worries. BUT IF YOU STILL can't find it in your heart to have faith in God then can I please ask you to have faith in YOURSELF? Forget what anyone has told you about yourself not being this or that and just know YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOUR SO WORTHY OF SUCH BEAUTIFUL THINGS! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Look at those awful people yelling toxic words at their own child. Do you think God approves of that? Absolutely NOT and especially when Bible verses are being used to support their toxic words. Shameful...So yes, I know it so well and thought I'd done so well in protecting my children from going through what I'd been through only to find out 20 years later I was a fool. We can heal and WE WILL HEAL. WE CANNOT ALLOW EVIL TO WIN.
You are loved by a complete stranger and I send you a sincere warm long hug to nourish your sweet heart ❤ My prayers will continue for you to find a way out and I've got this crazy connection with that Big Guy upstairs after meeting that glorious light so don't give up just yet! Xoxoxo
@I Sanchez I'm sure I'll get my ass ripped apart for this but I could care less right now because the only thing that matters right now is YOU. Anyone else with a religious opinion can stick up their Bible. I've had more judgment and been more mistreated by so called Christians and other religious people than anyone else I've ever met in my entire life! I've been down that miserable road before and it's absolutely disgusting I couldn't agree more! I'm absolutely NOT asking you to go to any church when I say have faith! OH NOOOOO! God is not found in a book or a building or fake people PRETENDING to be something they aren't and will never even try to be. It's pathetic the way they act. I was feeding a homeless man and moving his carts out of the rain as a church across this busy street was just getting out and some of these people actually honked at me! Are you kidding me? What would Jesus do folks? You JUST heard HIS WORD AND YOUR HONKING at me while I help this helpless old man? They call themselves good people? Enough about them. My God doesn't require you to surround yourself with fake people like that ever! God is in your heart and is your 🧭 compass. If you listen it will lead you in the right direction. Always follow good over evil and have faith in yourself. Don't worry about others judging you as long as you know in your heart that your the best person you can be and your kind to others. Treat them like you want to be treated (the rest of the world not the ones your in prison with...or maybe them too! ) Your positive attitude will bring positive things your way and your faith in yourself will grow and grow until you are so strong in who you are you'll be free!
The scapegoat suffers throughout life.
This talk was so RIGHT ON!
I’m 64 and it’s taken all these years for me to realise I’m not a bad person like I was told I was. Right from a young age, pre teens, I got blamed for all the mistakes my siblings made. He never showed affection or love, nothing was ever good enough. I was told “you’re a born loser”, “you’ll never amount to anything”. It screwed me up, I felt worthless, of no value to anyone. It manifested in one night stands, alcohol abuse, drug abuse and a suicide attempt. I swore I would never parent my kids like he treated me. Thank goodness I’m alive. A few years ago he passed away, and it was me who looked after him. I did my best and am proud of that. But He made it hell, was abusive and controlling from his sick bed. When he died there were no tears, just relief he wasn’t around anymore.
I right there with you . Wish I had found third when I was 20
I'm so sorry. People can either make or break us.
As someone who learned how to overeat, oversleep and overspend at an early age to cope, I empathize with you.
a narc parent can love ie a dog more than his own child
I've heard that narcissists love dogs because of the unconditional love and adoration they give. In fact the narcissist I knew had a dog she was obsessed with, while hating and neglecting her own children.
Or the bottle
not even this. they kept on saying me I should sell my cat
This is so true,like my narc husband and in laws.He is so envious of his children's achievements.He always tried to destroy me by making my kids his flying !monkeys but destroying them and compare them with other kids.HE IS EVIL!
Narc’s certainly don’t like cats.
My father refuses to talk about any subject that is not related to him. He is a text book narcisist. He never knew anything about me (my interests, friends...) The rejection hurts a lot. Fortunately I married a very different man.
Yeah I am an only son. I had surgery on my hip when I was 13 and til this day he never asked me about my hip. I am 42 now. HahhaHhHHh
Jesus loves you, he knows everything about you and your interests. you are loved
I think schools should teach psychology as a requirement so kids can learn about narcissism. This is a good way to cut some of the abuse early on. The best thing you can do for a child with 1 or more narcissistic parents is to teach them about it. Learning about narcissism is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. It set me on a healing path. I know how to handle my dad. It's to the point where I'm the only one my father can't get to. I also know how to spot narcissistic men from a mile away, which has helped me to dodge narcissistic men in dating.
I consider myself the lost child. I realized earlier on that my father was messed up, thanks to my mom. She was co-dependant, but she knew it wasn't right. She sat me down starting at age 8/9 and talked to me about how my dad treated her. She explained that she didn't want me to make the mistake of marrying a man like my dad. Before this, I was switching from the golden child to the scapegoat. As soon as I realized how wrong my father was I decided to have an open conversation with him. I assumed I could talk to him like i could talk to my empathic mother. My father hated me for challenging his behavior. I forgot what happened, but something in me clicked and I realized that he will never change. From then on, I basically lived in my room. I went to school, came home, and went into my room. I avoided my father so much that I wouldn't see him for days at a time despite living in the same home as him. I wasn't allowed to have friends, so I was very lonely, but it was better than being with my dad.
Then I learned what a narcissist was. I remember that day so clearly. I was on Facebook and a friend of mine shared a post that listed the traits of a narcissist. I read it and it clicked. EVERYTHING described my father to a T. I then became obsessed with learning about the narcissist. This set me on a journey to heal from my abuse. I still have ways to go (I need professional therapy, not just self-healing), but I've come so far.
Fuck...... I have a ways to go also 😢😭
I’ve never thought about that but you’re right- at some point, maybe middle school (?) kids should get some sort of curriculum dedicated to learning some basic topics like this. It would help them understand what they could be dealing with in their own families. It would help them to identify and psychologically separate themselves from toxic behavior happening around them. To know that they aren’t to blame for things or need to carry the burden of other people’s dysfunction. That could really make a difference in a person’s life.
I don’t know that professional therapists are trained to help people with this as most don’t know what it is. God is helping me heal. These videos I have been watching for the past 4 weeks have been incredibly helpful to get over 2 former “friends.”
@@tanyatanya891 This is what they study and they learn how to explain stuff like this. Nothing wrong with getting professional help along with spiritual and self-healing.
You are very bright !
My son is in your position, except for the fact that he has friends and loves to go out with them. It's one of the best things that happened to him, I helped, too, by teaching him. He decided that he has to have his own life, one in wich his father is not included. And, again ,I stood by his side. Soon he will be 17 yo. He can't wait to move out, I have an apartment for him.
For me, I will see..
Have a nice healing journey, it' s not easy but it is possible !
I am so damaged by my parents. They are now 87 and 85 years old and still do it to me daily. And yes I am the scapegoat. My sister became a narcissist so got here hate also. I am working so hard to raise out of their abuse. Took me so long to see the truth.
Please leave them! Life is too short for that.
Please think about your options.
Go no contact or yellow rock, 💛
Put yourself 1st.
Because no1 is thinking about you 1st.
Good luck.
My parents are in their 80’s and have two older sisters . They are the worst and of course cause I speak the truth I’m the scapegoat. My father treated everyone like shit but my sisters kiss his ass now
If you have not gone no contact already, please consider it. You deserve to heal.
Both of my mother and father were spoiled during their childhood. This occurred during the Great Depression of the 1930s. When they married they fought horribly with one another and stayed married all their lives. I was the scapegoat for both of them. I was trained as a young child by nuns who said that I must suffer for Jesus Christ and that I must have done something wrong, which I didn’t. I suffered torture that I cannot bring myself to write here. It’s just too, too much, too painful to remember. I do remember planing my escape, which I did. Of course I was labeled as BAD for doing so. It took a lot of guts to leave because I had no food, money or shelter to survive on. I never sold my body or my soul to corrupt people and places. I fought for my sanity and I did survive. I created for myself a fully satisfying lifestyle. Yeah, I was beaten about the head and I’m deaf because of it, but I still managed to educate and graduate from a prestigious university. This irked a lot of jealous people in my first and secondary relations. They were always happy label me as having no common sense.
Guess what I did. I dumped them all. I’m a free and intelligent human being.
Yes 🙌 that’s amazing , Good job!!
I'm happy for you, so glad you saved yourself
Ahhh FREEDOM🎉!!
U still need Jesus.
Good for you, I am proud of you for what you did. I had a simulair situation back home, my mom tend to treat me as the golden son, but at the point she tried to sexual abuse me I fled. I turned my back to all of the family cause the toxic spread out to all of them.. I am married for 25 years to my lovely wife and have 2 great and awesome sons.. never ever do I run this toxic behavior on any one.. I stept out and been diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, but af manny manny year of docters help I can literily say I am healed. Thank you all and God bless you.
In my family, for my dad there was never a golden child. He thinks he’s the golden child lol
Oh my goodness that is so true that’s the father of my children both his children are scapegoats🙄 I work very hard to always reverse his damage and destruction...
OMG
sameee
Well said.
Same, I was a only child and turned into a scapegoat.
I went no contact 10 years ago. It was like my narc ex-father died then, and now I’m free. It was sad at first, but the best thing I ever did, I’m 54. Narcs NEVER change.
They can change only if they have a moment of humility and seek help.
not sure, but I think they can have minor changes... very slowly. I believe the only way I found to have any respect from my father is to constantly threaten him to hurt him psychologically. I know he barely deserves any respect from anyone, because he has, in the end, not very much going for him, and he knows that I know that, that I've seen right through him. So now, HE is more and more the one who walks on eggshells.. It's so sad that the only way that works with him is to threaten... But I think that a lot of things work that way in life, sadly
They change for the worse
My Narc Father made me feel like I am never good enough. Very hard to overcome this feeling.
It helps when you finally realize that all the shit he accused you of has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!! NOTHING!! IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM.
Same here same here 😢
Me too. I am 71 years old and just now coming to terms with the damage my parents (both narcs) did to me and my brother. I am sad thinking about the years I've wasted trying to be good enough for them but also glad to finally come to an understanding of what happened to us children in that house.
i asked my dying father why he never gave me any praise only criticism. he said he didn't know and that he praised me with others. his legacy has been a lifetime plagued by visceral disappointment. never being good enough. this has been deeply crippling and utterly self-destructive fulfilling the sense i got from my father - that self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. i know why now but i am left with a ruined life i cannot ever recover from. narcissism leaves a generational trail of destruction amongst those that should have been better loved and nurtured. affirmed. it is long past time this horrendous loss of 'life' was knowledgeably exposed and curbed. keep up the good work jill. 👍
As a girl grew up with a narcissist father, a scapegoat, being mentally and physically abused all the time, I hated all men when I was in early 20’s. Then I left my family, came to the US, my heart was gradually warmed up, but I sworn I was not going to have a husband anywhere remotely similar to my father. I was longing for a warm man and finally found him.
I didn't. I'm almost 35 and will probably d1e alone.
I'm an only child. I was the scapegoat. My father either ignored or raged at me. He was jealous of the attention I got from my mom. I was an inconvenience.
I'm divorcing a narcissistic man now.
I'm breaking free by learning about narcissism.
More power to you.
Keep going, and I hope all is going well. ❤
I have a narcissistic father and have had at least 3 romantic relationships & one marriage with narcissistic men. Each one worse than the last. I suspect the 2nd to last has sociopathic traits and the last one may be a full on sociopath/psychopath. My dad physically abused at least two of his wives, my mother while she was 8 months pregnant with me. While growing up my dad emotionally/verbally, physically and sexually abused me. The entire family & extended family protects this man and have shunned me. I was tossed out of family when I confronted my dad’s bully of a wife (his 3rd) for her abuse and mistreatment of me as well. I am the family scapegoat. The only positive to any of this is that I am finally free of this family cult.
And by the context of your story, way stronger as a person than all of them combined. The last sentence gave me some sort of relief chills, not being alone in this. thanks for sharing.
It was their problem not yours.hope your doing well🧡
Sexual abuse...?! They wont to make love with their children....?!😢😢😢😵😵😵 oh my God...!! They are monsters....
May God bless you on your path to healing ❤️
@astral bubble horrible
It's like, join the club - There are 3 things I've never heard my father say, & probably never will: "I love you, I'm proud of you, & I'm sorry". It took me 42 years to finally realize, that I didn't need his validation to live a full happy life. I freed myself, really hard work, but it can be done.
I can relate to you word per word.
This gives me hope, thank you
You are correct. I never heard my dad say, “I’m sorry, I love you or I’m proud of you”.
He’s had 57 years to say it to me, yet never has. I don’t expect ever. Disappointing.
Imagine someone telling you that and doing the opposite.
@M Im sorry... yeah, maybe in his next life things will be better for him... My biggest problem with my father has always been hating that it was me & my brother - and our mother who had to pay & suffer for his mistakes, his problems...And he didnt seem to care. My father thinks that men who asks for help, are weak! And avoid psychiatrists, they're all crazy. Everyone has problems - but its how we fix them, that are important!
Oh, wow....I'm a Lost Child...didn't know that...thank you! I felt invisible and unloved my whole childhood. I plotted to escape my awful parents for years and was finally able to get a job and move out and get my own apartment at 17 and could finally thrive now that the toxicity was gone.
“The daughter of a narcissistic father has such low standards for what a relationship has to be…” 🙏🙈 so it is. But work as yours helps them to realize and change 💛
Is that the truth! 😮
Yes. Oh yes ☹️
Both of my sisters married narcissistic husbands. It took them years to live. We are in our late-30s and early-40s now and just now figuring this out. It’s going to be a process.
My son is very musically talented, born so gifted and his father is extremely jealous. Its so sad.
Please! Please! leave this malignant destructively behaved man. I was gifted and I allowed my Dads jealousy to block my gifts. I chose to shelve my gifts as a young toddler and grew up a whiny depressed victim. Had I of read, I would through cognitive empathy, been able to see his jealousy and as reading fiction teaches wisdom I would have got the intuition to warn my mother of his dangerous violence. INSTEAD we all had Stockholm syndrome, and I got bitter and finally told my dad I was moving away to get away from him at 34 years of age, far too late, I have not made a successs of my new start in life. I am now a drug addict. I cant blame him, had I of followed my passion for early reading self taught, and listened to my mum encouraging and validating me, we could all have escaped this toxicity. Life may not have been easy for me but I would have succeeded instead of failing. Please ask yourself why you are still with this man, your child comes first, nurture his talents and leave the toxicity. PLEASE!!! you don't want a child who failed to reach his potential, you don't want a drug addict adult as a son.
@@kr1221E its worse today, my son has now moved in with his father to be close to his job, im terrified because his dad will destroy him AGAIN . The scapegoat child with narc is so scary.
Oh baby ive been divorced from this sick narc for almost 4 yrs but i wished id done it 30 yrs ago ! My son has had problems with drugs just as his dad does but dad thinks dad is the holy one .. But hes just batshit crazy.. Good luck sweetie
@@bethrenfro7144 did you teach your son about narcisstic abuse?
Why would his own father get jealous of him why what a dangerous world !!!! That's the reason why I don't trust anyone in this universe !!!!!!
I cried the entire time I watched this because I have never felt so seen and recognized. It’s hard to explain how much my father affected me because I can’t pinpoint specific events or things he’s said (partly bc I forgot most of my childhood) but for once someone is understanding me.
Yes. Reply or message if you need to
♥️
Check out Crappy Childhood Fairy, Aaron Doughty, and Narcdaily
My husband was the scapegoat, he's in counseling, hes suffering. His father was very physically abusive, this man is lucky to be alive. Is he a narcissist..yep. Im planning on leaving. This is just too hard.
@@amazingjane2703 tysm for the recommendations. they were really helpful!
I’m the golden child and was definitely spoiled and entitled as a kid. I feel terrible for my invisible sister who’s literally perfect and excels to get his attention but she’s just not the golden one unless I defy or upset him. Because I spoke up for myself as I grew older and realized how irrational his behavior was, I’ve stepped into more of a scapegoat role but it’s incredibly easy for me to step back into the golden child role because Ive been that the majority of the time. Im genuinely surprised I didn’t become entitled as an adult. Truly, by any means, I should still be a brat, but thank God Im empathic, I realized never to feel entitled to anything, and care a lot about others struggles because Ive definitely had my fair share of yelling, gaslighting, accusations, neglect, etc. Its still a terrible thing and Im so sorry to all the children of narc parents
Trey Lovely I dont understand your comment. Im simply stating my experience. There are probably guys who replied in this comment section too, so you can read their comments if you want to understand from a guys point of view. I never forced you to read my comment only
@Trey Lovely Thank you for understanding!
You're reasoning or genetic may have overrided the narcissistic nurturing.
Kanwadyo Pinho Yeah, it was definitely my reasoning that did it. I was met with hostility and emotional abuse during my teenage years when I didn’t do or perform how he wanted despite generally being a “good kid” that stayed out of trouble, got good grades, didn’t cause trouble, etc. so I started questioning it. When I was young I didn’t question because I didn’t know any better. I thought it was just anger issues, but I realized more behaviors from growing up were not normal as I got older. I just found out that narcissism was a thing this year, and it made my whole life make sense
@Sonja Walker Yeah, that can definitely be a possibility. Please stay strong and know those are total lies. Also, confide in friends/ a therapist you really trust when things get bad
My upbringing via a violent, evil narcissist father and a neglectful mother cost me my 20s, 30s and most of my 40s. I spent those years unlearning the b.s. they perpetrated and learning how to love, guide and care for myself. I had a bout with alcoholism but AA helped me process the traumas I survived. Today I am a nurse and that pain I endured has been transformed to compassion and understanding for the hurt people I encounter. I am big on boundaries and loving my life.
Spot on and amazing!
I had a sudden awakening at 26 that it was my successful and well known dad who was the problem not me and my life has been on the up and up ever since.
I am almost 50 and still trying to make sense of the abuse and neglect I suffered. Cut all ties with my father 5 years ago when I realized what had been going on for all these years. Lots of therapy has helped me reshape my beliefs and life, still very hard though, I often feel broken and empty. Pure madness. Thank you for this video.
Edit: Sending love to all those that replied here, you are all wonderful. My father passed away in April 2021, one of the overwhelming feelings is one of relief, the crazy thing is that I feel guilty for feeling that way. I do however feel I can get on with my life now, one step at a time.
I am 52 that is our only difference in what you have written
Mine was a husband,I’m 69 and still the big question is why I stuck with him so long.But I’m in a good place now and-know who I am .The mind is the battlefield work on that and you’ll heal.You are unique and precious in the eyes of your creator.Blessings
I am 55 that is the only difference , I totally understand the emptiness that you feel, suddenly you understand that your parents gave you life and robbed it at the same time! It takes time to find yourself but worth every single step, with lots of obstacles on the way. The most important is learning about the toxic codependency created and break the pattern, hard work but necessary to find yourself! and ... stop looking outside, on other people or things, all the answers are in us, pay attention to your intuition and healing happens day by day, little steps,.. and believe ALWAYS in yourself! and NEVER EVER GIVE UP!💛🙏🌞
As an only child, which child I was (golden or scapegoat) depended on how much I was pleasing or displeasing my parents. At 54, have finally gone No Contact and dealing with a whole host of emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, loss of hope. Thank you for your channel. Peace, everyone..
Dell, you're one of the lucky few. My X Narc's 32 year old daughter is a colossal mess. I doubt she'll ever be freed. Be blessed!
For so long I avoided relationships with Men & Intimacy, because of my Father's abuse of my Mom and me. I would lash out at boys/ men if I thought they were trying to dominate & control me, some were bad but many were good, it was just my "Daddy" issues...I'm getting better now, thanks to Jesus and posts like this :)
same lol Still healing..
I had no idea I'd relate until i read this i hope u get better u deserve healing and peace and ik u dont know me but i love u💘
same for me
Jesus is really the ohne who is Healing us without him…
I am 32 and finally breaking away from my narcissist father. It is very hard. Thank you so much for this video ❤️
Its the first time I've ever heard about The Lost Child and perfectly describes me. My father had absolutely no empathy so there was no glimmers of care or love shown ever. This vlog is really helpful.
My parents are both narcissists and do not love me. I have to remind myself of this sometimes. thank you.
I was the golden child. I’m not a narcissist. It took me 37 years to wake up. I’m so grateful I did. Thank you for your content. My daughters dad is a narcissist but she understands the disease.
From what age and how much contact did your daughter understand?
same.
I am the scapegoat child & my brother the golden child from both of my narcissistic parents & my brother is an extremely volatile & abusive narcissist. I had to sever ties to escape their abuse. So spot on for narcissistic fathers & also mothers. Thank you.
I was too. I walked about 20 years ago. I've never regretted it for a second.
Rachael
I’m in the exact same position.
Except I have an aggressive sister (i.e their golden child).
I cannot even begin to tell how much damage they’ve caused me so far.
God bless you.
matrix vodafone, my story is like yours. So much damage & heartache.
Rachael, your brother sounds so much like my half sister.
Wow! Anyone interested in phone or skype contact? Could use a support group.
Growing up with a narcissistic father taught me (along with many "lessons") that I had no boundaries. To this day I struggle with setting boundaries and recognizing my own autonomy.
Looking back I can now see this mind frame placed me in situations where I was taken advantage because it was a normal mode of operation.
I feel the same way. I’ve gone through a lot - due to not having any boundaries (nor knowing how to actually set any).
It feels like you just continually pay for the way you were raised. It’s very depressing. I’ve seen several therapists - but - I don’t think any of it has helped me.
Therapist # 14 …
@@kellymacneill7348 same here. My dad changed later because he discovered the spiritual path and has 70% improved also I live far away now so things are better but I still have memories of being disrespected and treated like I had no boundaries. I never got to have boundaries so basically yeah same don't know how to set them now. I watch in awe as others set their boundaries and respect their selves.
@@kellymacneill7348 I found life coaches that have a background in criminology were better than therapists because they understand these dark personalities that are basically criminals.
You are describing exactly what I am going through! My father has 6 kids and we are all grown. He goes from one kid to the next and whoever can feed his narcissistic ego he will treat them like gold. I am the scape goat and always have been. I am 43 years old and he is trying to destroy my life. I have gotten two master degrees and I am a professional. But he continues to gossip, ridicule, and tear me apart by telling anyone he can how horrible I am. He recently allowed me to move into his home rent free so my family can save some money. Well we move sand my daughter changed school districts. I now have a new job out where we moved. I was looking for a home to buy in the area when I saw my fathers house that I am living in is up for auction. I hit scared and screen shot the photo to him. He said don’t bother me! Go cry to someone else! Move out! I am just devastated. Then he starts the abusive cycle all over. Then I find out later that he wants me to move out once he got the house out of auction. I am just overwhelmed at how he is treating me and my family. He is ignoring me won’t take a phone call and just wants to see me fail. I am not taking his shit anymore! I have a good job and I have a good savings. I am going to find another place to live and be done with him once and for all. He is an absolute monster! There are so many things he has done to me I just can’t go into. But I am looking to heal from this. I hope I can get out of his house literally and metaphorically soon.
he's a coward with low self esteem, mine too! there's a special place at the end of the road 4 them🔥🔥🔥🎯
Get going and do it fast or u will never move forward don't allow him to destroy u move on and be happy
Narcissistic parents really suck the soul out of their children, I know from experience. I love being an adult because I’m free to do what I want, don’t have to walk on eggshells or be miserable anymore.
A narcissistic father and mother want their child to stay children because it serves them. They resent any,”outsider” or spouse, children or in laws they might acquire through normal growth and life. Everyone who their child loves is a threat the the narcissistic parent. They won’t stop until they ruin that child’s marriage, relationship with their children and even reputation. They will even encourage and facilitate an affair for their child as long as they are left needing their Mommy and Daddy their entire lives. Sad. Truly sad.
BOTH my parents were that way.
seriously... my father is just this.my mother has these tendencies but not to a high extent.
They like to pass you off to other narcissists, in my case my mother to my husband.
@@sbf777 Omg. This is exactly same. I could not written this any differently.
Spot on feels good to know I’m not crazy
Children of narcissist fathers usually think it is all their fault and end up blaming themselves unless they get help. They have to realize it is not about them it is about their narcissistic parent.
How very true
I appreciate your down to earth style. I was the scapegoat child of a very cruel narcissistic father from day one. I wish the internet had existed when I was growing up. Great channel - subscribed!
@Charity An overused cliche for sure...but better late than never
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!!!! I'm over 70 years old and FINALLY know why I've been on antidepressants all my adult life. And my dad has been dead for 6 years!!! I still hurt, and I still hate him. I don't know if I'll ever be "fixed", but now I know why I feel so "broken".
I turn 60 this year and am still living with the pain of an abusive family. I walked away from them in 2015 but am still haunted daily. I wish there was a way to find peace.
Sorry you didn't have a "Dad" just a father.
Jesus can make you whole again & deliver you from this trauma
Wow.. I work in chemical and behavioral health and I have never listened to someone who is so in tune and accurate in my entire life!. Thank you so much for your channel! ❤️
I’m 33 and continuing to heal from my childhood. Once i realized my father is a narcissist I’ve been able to find more specific ways to heal. I’m sorry for anyone else dealing with the negative and devastating affects of being raised by a narcissist.
I have two narcissic parents and I recognize toxic people very fast and don't except the behavior and I stand up for myself and cut the person off because I know my worth and I'm sick of being treated like less. I took therapy for 3 years as well and 1 year was a therapist who specializes in trauma. Its helped open my eyes and mind so much. There is hope for us who went through narcissistic abuse. Remember fixing people is not your responsibility and it will drain you if you try to help people instead of yourself. Also remember to make sure your relationships put fairly equal effort and if not address it to them and if nothing changes leave because you will find better.
Ive been living with my hoarding mother, I snapped and demanded she cleared space just so I can have a bed. Wrong decision, now she hates me beyond words.
They only likes children when they're successful & give them bragging rights. Otherwise they don't give a sheet. Golden children gets switched up, if you don't feed them their supply. The golden child can carry a heavy burden, they know they're treated differently & don't know what to do about it. My brother was golden child, but he's really a great person. It's interesting to see that his relationship with my mom has never changed. He's very accommodating & patient with her. Thankfully, we have been able to sort through why I maintain very minimal contact. I remember when I began to see my mom differently, such a heartbreak to discover. I worshipped her until I realized what was happening. I still love my mom very much. I just have to protect myself, especially now. My mom, I'm realizing now, passed me off to my husband. At my wedding she announced to everyone, "she's your problem now, no take backs!" To roaring laughter. Nevermind that I left home $ was taking care of myself, while other siblings were still living at home. I conquered so much in my early life, much to be proud of. I wasn't a problem to her in any way. I laughed it off then, but I grieved it recently. I feel she empowered my much older husband over me. My marriage was so rocky from get go. I had to shut down to survive. I had reservations about him, but my mom convinced me I'd never find better. Since I worshipped her, I believed that. I was struggling with depression and had no business dating. Any person who wants you romantically in a broken state throws up red flags. They're either unhealthy empaths or narcissistic. I've seen this played out with my daughter. Thankfully she recognized it and dumped. Narcissist often cloak themselves as Christians. Surround yourself with who you want to be! Dont waste time with toxic people, if they're narcissistic, you cannot help them. They're vampires who suck life right out of you. But I'm a survivor not a victim. I will take my experience and grow.
You are incredible. I am impressed with your strength and wisdom
Thank you for your brave story. You sound like you've learned a lot through your pain. I'm sorry that your mom humiliated you at your own wedding.
@@miamatejik7633 Thank you! Your comfort blesses me. I'm okay, I have my faith in Yeshua (Jesus). Every single thing I've endured has purpose. I just pray I can step into that bravely and help others.
@@iknowwhatsup2880 Shalom sister!
@@miamatejik7633 shalom!
I’m 53. And all these years I just thought my father was a drunk/alcoholic. I now know he is a Narcissist. Wow! My eyes feel like they have been opened up for the first time.
This hits hard.
My father is narcissistic but definitely not to the point of being physically abusive.
My father is more on the side of of a phycological abuse.
I feel as if I may have been the scapegoat and the lost child mixed together-I may have gotten some of he golden child treatment some too, but not enough for me to say that I was a golden child.
I never wanted to really run away, but I’ve known that something wasn’t right with my dad from an early age.
My dad would be more harsh and critical of me as a whole, unless it was in a sense, a special occasion or that my dad was in a good mood.
My talents were never seen or recognized.
I was constantly told I’d be a failure and that I’d never make it in the real world.
-then again, my dad hardly ever put in the effort to teach me anything that’d be useful for the real world-
Then he’d turn around and act as if all that was a joke.
Like it shouldn’t even be taken seriously.
But the problem was my dad would do this constantly to the point where there is practically no way to truly tell if this is a “joke” or not.
So I thought he more or less had an eccentric personality and my mom had health issues that made it hard for me to spend more time with my mom.
But by the time I got into high school I started getting tired of it and that created a divide between us that I tried hard not to show I had.
I ended up getting into an unofficial relationship with someone through the majority of my high school life.
This person was absolutely amazing at first-throughout the first two years-but then he started acting as if we’d never really met and that I wasn’t there for the last two years.
At that point I knew something was 100% wrong and cut myself off from him after high school to protect myself.
It took me a full year to come to terms with this.
Then I started looking up who I was and now I can spend more time with my mom because I don’t have to go to school or anything now.
Since then my mom has basically been my saving grace.
I’m forever great full for my mom’s support and understanding.
Now I’ve been pulling myself up from that dark pit with the help of my mother.
I’m determined to do something with my talents and to succeed regardless what my father told me all my life.
But this is the basics of my experience with a narcissistic father.
I have a nars dad & still have to live with him unfortunately, its so mentally draining. Im an only child & im definitely a scapegoat child.
So sorry for you Dan. So devastating and detrimental to your life. The only way is to be far away, where you can control the amount of contact, or not have contact all. I recommend to listen Deborrah Cooper WTF Tuesday on youtube. Lots of people sends her their problems and ask for advice. I am the scapegoat child, and I always wanted to move far away. Mostly because there was a lot of rage and other available people to be the scapegoats. When it was good it was good, but when it was bad it was insane. Thanks God I listened to my intuition and my inner voice. I moved far, far away. It took me many years to get rid of the fear of my father. Now I don't feel much anymore and I am very thankful for that. Best of luck to you.
Brother same story ... whatsapp me on +923335158555 ..... I have to discuss the solution... Regards.
You are a lucky one to see the truth and know how to reach out for support. You are never alone. Double up on your self care. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to you.
A true warrior is not the loud angry one. A true warrior knows the truth and finds strength within to let the truth remain. Trust your gut everytime. Peace.
Dan Cundey : I know it not always that easy, but move out. That’s the only step I’d say to take to reach full recovery.
Praying for provision for your exit
I grew up with both of my parents being narcissistic. I ended up being the golden child to my father and the scapegoat to my mother. What is the result of that dynamic? Life has been utter hell, to say the least. I have always felt that I have so much to offer the world with no ability to achieve it, simultaneously grandiose and deeply insecure.
My father is sociopathic he lies and manipulates as much as any narcissist does . He thinks the world revolves around him and he's scapegoated me ever since I was a child . He never will take responsibility for his actions yes he put both my sister and I against one another for his own selfish agenda .
Awful people!
@@scotnick59 Yes they are
Mike oh gosh ! Same here.
Mine so rarely owns up to anything, and if he does it takes months, usually under pressure from spouse (so only does it to have a comfortable life again with them) or finds another way to restore things that doesn't involve saying sorry and doesn't involve doing anything to change their behaviour; eg. a gift that they mislead you to think they would have given you anyway, given specially/early that makes you think its supposed to be a make-up gift but will never say as much.
They don’t say they are sorry. They aren’t. I know all too well.
With years of therapy, and prayer, I have learned to forgive, and to love myself too. It has taught me to have a great deal of compassion and empathy for those who suffer.
I'm pretty sure I was raised by 2 narcissists. My Mom used me as her scapegoat child and my brother as the golden child. I was repeatedly blamed for ruining her life and blamed for everything and anything. No emotional support for anything. My Father is also very narcissistic only enjoying my company when people thought I was his young attractive girlfriend and criticizing and questioning my choices otherwise. I went no contact with him recently. My Mother is dead and that finally ends the sad chapter with her. I find myself with tremendous rage over this and with lots of abandonment issues. It's such a long road to recovery.
😢yes it is. I’m sending you love 💕
Eww disgusting, I’m glad you are out of that mess.
All the best for you, love your life darling and don’t let those Narcs to live in your head rent free.
This has been my first Father’s Day where I _finally_ followed my gut and didn’t cave and reach out to him.
I find it now so impossible to fake my feelings/thoughts about him or any of them anymore that I just can’t do it anymore. I’m all ‘people pleased’ out.
And your videos are reminding me why.
Thank you, kind new friend ☺️🤗💐
😍 Be free my friend!
@@Freespiritedqueen thank you!!! and best wishes to you, my friend!! 🤗
I'm there too!!
I know what it's like to be all "people pleased" out. It's very freeing!!
I am one of these children. I was scapegoated most of my life. I am now 57 years old. It’s taken me a lifetime of one tragic event after another to figure it out. It’s been a year now that I stopped talking to my whole family. My parents, children, grandchildren, everyone.
Wow. I’m sorry
My prayer is that you have great friends who can help you get through your loss of family. Anything is better than abuse and I understand that.
And......
Good for you
Ditto @ 59 yo
Growing up I thought I always knew my Father... as strange as that sounds but me and him had an amazingly strong bond when I was a little girl. I was always good in school and always managed to have good grades and do anything I could to make my father happy. I’m 20 now and everything makes so much sense. That is not a healthy relationship! A parents love for their child is supposed to be unconditional but his was just conditional... when I was a teenager I started to notice his hatred for me turning into a grown women. I started disagreeing w him on certain topics and having my own thoughts, my own friends, my own life outside of him... he hated it. It’s truly insane how much of narcissist he is. My father is constantly competing against my little brother,, anytime he tries to show my father something he loves or enjoys he completely shuts him down. My brother tries so hard to impress him. My sister the golden child got everything she ever wanted while I practically hade to work for it at age of 15. I was diagnosed w severe anxiety this year. Everyday I wake up not being able to breathe normal because of him fearing he’ll make up a random story just so he can yell at me when he’s upset with something in his life.
Im 32 and I can relate to your story. I wake up everyday with a lump in my throat. You tube sleeping channels on "reprogramming your brain from childhood trauma" I feel like are helping. Best of luck!
I 100% relate to your story. These pandemic times really opened my eyes a month ago. I am 23 years old and so happy that we figured this out soon enough ❤️ Sending you love and strength ❤️ Hope we can work through this and get away from it asap!
Everytime I go to sleep, I have to lock every entrance to the room, because I have a panic inside of me that people will blast into the room yelling and attacking me out of no·where for no reason.
But the thing is, I cannot lock the room, because the following thought is: if they try to open the door and notice that it's locked, their rage will skyscrapper into Neptune, they'll destroy the door or the wall or the window to come in and they're gonna be a quintillion times angrier.
Blueprint of what I went through. Please try micro dosing with magic mushrooms. It helps with recovering ftom PTSD. Peace. X
Oh my goodness this was my daughter and the relationship is damaged now!
I am 71. I finally got help at 40 but I still hear his voice in my head. The abuse doesn’t stop when your an adult. I had to go low contact. My mom was also a narcissist mom. So I was scapegoated by both. I finally went no contact with my mom she is now 95. Best thing I could of done for me. My journey of healing started when I read the books”Toxic Parents”. It opened my eyes. It took years for to understand that my brother was also abused in an different way. He could do no wrong and I could do no right. Mom kept him at her side by convincing him that he couldn’t survive without her. He died believing that. I couldn’t convince him otherwise. I had to let them figure it because I wouldn’t let myself drown in their drama.
I listened to this again, particularly when you talked about the jealousy/envy of a narc dad. Funny, I didn’t have any brothers but my narc dad showed so many signs of being jealous of my husband’s successes and would gaslight my husband behind my back, leaving me to believe my husband was not being a good son-in-law or husband. It took awhile for me to figure out what was going on. We had been married 23 years when my dad pretty much demanded that I have my husband sign a post-nuptial agreement for an inheritance that I had already received “just in case.” This caused so much stress in my family. My dad was out to destroy our marriage and smear my husband. He was Jekyll and Hyde. He acted one way around me and behind my back treated my husband like crap, cussed at him and it became worse the more successful my husband was in his career. Before long, I became the scapegoat, (actually my family) and have no contact with my dad and birth family, my siblings (who are his minions/flying monkeys). They are waiting for what’s left in his bank account as he dangles that carrot in front of them. He’s the narc who uses money to control.
my father is the same. a complete coward with low self esteem. don't worry, every dog has its day!💯🎯🗣
My husband even got jealous when our son was taller than him
OMG!
My mother was jealous that my boobs are bigger than hers. When I was in my early 30's she had a petulant conversation with her mother (in front of me) about how did I get them and she didn't. It was insane!
@@katiehunt3083 , that would be funny if it wasn't so weird.
@@nancylpr it was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to ask her if she was 13 years old.
@@katiehunt3083 , oh boy. Having to deal with narcs kinda turned me into a smart ass. It didn't bode well. I didn't keep my mouth shut. You can guess who the scapegoat was! 🤣
My dad is known to be a very kind and wonderful person, to me he is a very angry man. It's very confusing. I always thought he hated me, I guess the relationships that I have ended up in have been a reflection of this. I still love my dad very much, it's so confusing and very damaging.
Same with me. Everyone loves my dad and thinks he's a great guy, and I'm just a fuckup.
No one sees hows he's treated me, and how that treatment made me the fuckup that I am.
@@joelhassig6099 same facts
I know many that love their parents still after knowing the truth but keep distance to keep their sanity! You can’t always do grey rock and stay away or you have that hope like one of my kids. Sadly one day she will see and we can’t make anyone see that it’s rare for these men and sometime women are (narcs sociopaths or psychopath or mach (the word for ladder climbers) and they don’t change…rarely if ever because they know what they do! If they didn’t know what they were doing why do I hide it from police and family members and they do it behind closed doors only in certain places is that some weird mental disorder where this little click goes on every time they go through a door because it’s some kind of magnetic switch no they know damn well what they’re doing!!!!
@@Portia620 Sending love and hugs to you and hope u r ok and stay strong ❤
I removed myself from the narcissistic parental inputter during pregnancy. Despite me being at the rough end of this sick man, my child has been completely protected 💜 This video reminds me I did the absolute right thing
The damage is so severe that I honestly could never bring myself to actually watching this. Thank you for making this video and I hope that it can help someone somewhere.
I feel like you were looking through the windows of my childhood home. I am the scapegoat and my older brother is the golden child. However, he saw our father's level of dysfunction early and he is the polar opposite of him. Thank God! My brother has helped me tremendously with navigating through all of the dysfunction we endured as kids. After 55 years of dealing with my dad's narcissistic behavior, I gave it all back to him to carry in May 2021. My life has been so much better since I made the decision to no longer carry the pain and suffering of my Dad's traumatic childhood. I still check in weekly and love and care for him, but I do it from afar to maintain my mental stability. Thank you for this video.
I am a scapegoat child because for years my dad would be mean and force me to do everything for him and if i dont he yells at me and sometimes that makes me sad and im only 11. T~T
I’m so sorry. Thank God you know what your father is at such a young age. I hope you are able to protect yourself from him. This breaks my heart.
I'm sorry you have to be subjected to him too. This makes me sad too. My hope is for you to come out of this and know you are precious in the eyes of God who made you. He did not make you to have to go through this. He is mad at your dad for treating you like this. It makes Him cry too. But He does not make people be robots so He lets people choose to do bad things. I pray you will have victory because God loves you. Remember, you are so precious to Him.
Not your fault. Great resilience finding this channel. I’m rooting for you!
@@theenlightenedtarget My father at the age of nine he was 30 I guess and during a friendly game of Throwing the football back-and-forth he proceeded to jump on top of me m push me to the ground , straddle me , strangle me while pounding the back of my head into the ground screaming at me for God knows how long. X then after he stood up I stayed there getting up at the sky and I could just feel the innocence exiting my body in the evil is around me came into my body like “we got this we are we got this you’re OK now we got this” And that was in 1979 and now 50 and it’s still fresh wound always will be the main impact the last 40 years was walking on eggshells
Get out as much as you can ... school events.... friend's homes be busy until you can leave. It helps
So spot on. My ex narc has 3 kids from 3 different women. His son is a golden child and is spoiled beyond belief, his daughter is usually a scapegoat but is sometimes a golden child, and our daughter is the lost child. He completely abandoned our child and I have taken her to therapy to understand that this is his issues not her. I’m honest with her and remind her how much she is worthy of love.
I was the scapegoat and I did marry a Narcissist. Took 13 years to see it and left him. Then dated a man JUST LIKE HIM. Healing the pattern is tough. But at least I know now and am working on it.
Did u break the pattern? I had a narcissistic ex boyfriend but i cut him off in less than a year however I couldn’t fall in love after 10 years now
What you say about fathers and sons is right on. My father reveled in my successes-as long as he could take credit for them when I was a child. But he never wanted me to succeed as an adult or exceed his accomplishments. He did everything he could to constantly sabotage me through my college years academically and he tried to hold me back from career success. Anything I was good at was criticized and belittled. It was like he was terrified to think that I might succeed at something and make more money than him. But at the same time he would brag to his friends that I graduated with honors, as if that was his honor.
I have been all 3 throughout my life as well as my sister, my brother definitely the lost child. Depending on what the relationship was with my dad at the time. Explain s a lot. Thank you.
I was raised by a narcisstic mother then later on in life, I married a narcisstic person and four beautiful children by him. I alway protected my children from any kind of abuse. My spirit always told me when something was not right about a person and i didnt want to believe it about my husband. He put me and my children threw all types of abuse. When i learn about narcisstic people. I taught it to my children and how to deal with these kind of people. Unfortunately they notices it in there father when they grew up and now they distance themself from him. Now he is playing victim and me or my children are not falling for his bait. It use to be nerve wrecking, now its so funny to watch him perform. I often tell him he in the wrong business, he should be in acting. I bet he could win a Oscar.
Good for you...I’m teaching my kids too...imo it helps them not to be destroyed🌺
Nothing is funny that you went through but my dad also a narcissist went to LA to be an Actor and he couldn't act his way out of a paper bag so your last line just made me laugh out loud here on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. thank you think you think you for that laughter and may you be blessed with more laughter and joy and inner peace.
"You son of a narcissist" sounds like a swear word... 😁
That just cracked me up. I said it out loud 🤣 it really is a good insult that one 😆😆
😂👍😂
It's more like a curse. It's the same as saying: may you live in interesting times.
I was both the golden child and the scapegoat at different periods in my life. Raised by an alcoholic narcissistic father and having a narcissistic alcoholic brother and sister-in-law and being adopted I have been shamed the majority of my adult life. I am the lost adopted child and moved away after college to survive. The abuse in the household growing up was beyond comprehension. Therapy for years and being an empath has been a journey. First husband was a narcissist/psychopath. Second husband a covert narcissistic. Third relationship after many years of therapy I found respect and love. YesI loved my father. He passed away and so has my abusive brother whom I loved as well. New chapter and free to be me and more healing is still needed. Thank you for your video and reminder that my work will never be done.
Similar to me.
I am speechless, it's as if you wrote the story of my life. Thank you for making this, you are an angel.
I’m glad to hear talk about narcissistic fathers. I only hear about narcissistic mothers and partners. My ex husband is a narcissist and unfortunately my oldest son has also developed narcissistic tendencies. My middle child sees his dad for what he is and won’t allow himself to be controlled by his dad anymore. My middle child was neglected by his dad mostly and criticized because my son is tender hearted ( a sign of weakness to his dad). My youngest is only 7 and I’m teaching her to be able to stand up to her dad and not be afraid of him. I’m helping her see that the way he behaves isn’t ok. She is being treated as the new golden child. I didn’t know my husband was a narcissist until he divorced me. I didn’t know there was such a thing. I just always made excuses for his behaviors
*"I renounce and break all curses and all generational curses of Narcissism, being a victim of a narcissistic parent, being the golden child/scapegoat/or lost child of a narcissistic parent. And I command you satan and all evil spirits to leave me, my family, my soul ties, my children, and future generations... in the name of Jesus!"*
TRUTH!
Amen!!
Amen!!!
Amen!
Amen!
I’ve watched a few of your episodes already, and I’m so glad I found you. This video in particular was extremely poignant for me; I cried and had to take a few breaks to get through it, but now I get why you have called your channel The Enlightened Target. I was the scapegoat child. I’ve been trying to find a counselor in my area covered by my insurance for a few years now. It always triggers a meltdown, and then I can’t continue on with my search because it brings things up which make me extremely physically ill. At least there are some truly great resources out here for me and I am able to make some progress on my own (well not actually on my own, thanks to people like you.) I’m taking many small baby steps, as I can tolerate it. Thank you so much for what you do. And I’m just so impressed by not only your content and knowledge, but by HOW you seem to just effortlessly communicate it with compassion, grace and poise. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Listening to this video thinking I know my father was a narcissist, but I wasn't any of those kids - until you got to the escapee. That was totally me and I got out at 17. Life wasn't easy but I got out and never looked back.
oh my god, how?
how do you get financial independance with 17?
Me too! Best decision I ever made
Narc father kicked me out at 17.
Amazing content in a short 15 minute video! My husband was a narcissist and he did this to both of my children-a son and a daughter. They are adults now, and working through it all.
It took me my entire adult life…at least until now to recognize my father was a narcissist. Amazing how much has changed.
After years and years of researching this subject I can say this is the most succinct explanation of exactly what happened in my family of origin. Thank you so much.
Another wonderful video. Thank you so much for all that you do.
I'll share this with you. My mother died when I was 8 years old. My father became an alcoholic for about the next 6 years after that. During this time and even after I was constantly told that he wished he had drowned me in the bathtub when I was a baby. I was called a moron, made fun of (to the Sensei of the karate school) when I asked to take karate lessons because I was being bullied, and he couldn't even bother attending my college graduation (I was the only person in my family to ever go to and graduate from college). As an adult he said I was a failure since I decided to stop performing in shows. I struggle with my self-esteem and have had suicidal thoughts for decades due to his voice in my head.
Pls seek help, particularly with any suicidal thoughts you may be having.
Quick thinker, you deserve to live. Being aware that this horrible abuse injured you, you can find a counselor, watch these videos, find an online support group, join a loving church. There are people here who want to help you!
My dad was the golden child and he became a narcissist too. I was the lost (middle) child. My younger sister was the golden child. She definitely has narcissist tendencies. My older sister was the scapegoat, has zero self-confidence, but then she was the one who took care of him in his final years. She also married a narcissist at 19, who also messed up their kids. Such a messed up family dynamic that just keeps cycling through generations. :(
another great video you are spot on with your analysis of narc fathers...i was the scapegoat child who was blessed with many talents and skills and my father was jealous of me so much i wanted to make him proud of me and he would cut me down for it...it really hurt as a child to feel your father hates you and when everyone else is praising your accomplishments your own father is berating you for them and beating you down...it really is hurtful...and to compound it i had a narc older brother who was and still is totally jealous of me ...theyre both out of my life for good and i am just now healing after almost a whole life of abuse insults and humiliation
I was the "golden child"...at least in the eyes of most, especially my siblings that resented me for it from when we were very young. In their view, I had an easier life. What I did get was a constant need to be perfect, without any help or guidance. Even my accomplishments were met with a "what's the big deal" attitude, to the point where even I thought of them like that, like nothing. I was isolated really. And yes, my relationships were all the same. I really wish I knew this when I was younger but I am so grateful to know it now. I can see the patterns in the father of my kids and at least I know how to counter it now. Thank you so much for the message and the guidance!
Thank you so much for this video. This explains all those families with a golden child and a scape goat child where most people just assume the scapegoat is the trouble maker and the golden child is the good, obedient one. But this isn't the case and the child is completely blameless.
I must also add to your very detailed analysis, that narcissistic parents also emasculate the scapegoat son in various ways.
As much as I hate to admit this but I exhibit some of these tendencies. What resources can I utilize to change the pattern of behavior? My wife nor my children deserve the garbage and mess.
Bless your heart for recognizing and wanting to change. I hope you find the strength and resources to change.
Good for you for being open for making personal improvements and keeping an open mind some problems may lie with you. That and the fact that you want better for your wife and kids lead me to believe you’re not in bad shape, but I’m not an expert. Good luck on your road to recovery.
💜👍🏻
Try micro dosing with mushrooms or DMT. This hallucinagenic lows yourmind to be flooded with such empathy and forgiveness that you badically let go of all the emotional baggage, conditioning that you carry ftom your father. You forgive and then start to heal. Like shedding a skin. Trust me. I know. You will be fine. Well done on wanting to break the cycle. Sending you love and peace and happiness. Xxxxx
If you can afford it the best option is therapy. If you can't afford that, then you're gunna have to rely on self awareness to tell you when you're going too far.
You will probably make mistakes, but as long as you can catch yourself, take responsibility for your actions and apologize, I believe you can change for the better.
Good luck!
I was the scapegoat. I am hyper aware of how easy it is for me to be manipulated (I'm also on the Autism Spectrum, which makes it even more difficult to tell in the moment). I'm so aware of it that I have avoided relationships with men all together, because it's easier for me to be alone and sad than to be manipulated and hurt again.
I cut off contact with my dad just a couple of months ago, with the hope that I will be able to grow passed my pain. But it's still hard living every day with his face and voice speaking to me in the back of my mind.
I was the escape goat child and was constantly put down and physically abused by my father and my mother just not as bad as my father. I'm 66 and have struggled my whole life. My father has passed and never said anything to me that was uplifting or positive. I have serious anger issues and went to a therapist for some anger management. I realized that I was in a powerful survival mode and suffer from low self esteem and debilitating anxiety. My Mother use to say YOUR JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER and that affected me so I would sabotage my relationships because I didn't want to ever treat a child like I was treated. It has been hard mentally for me but I have to thank GOD that I never turned into a drug addict or alcoholic. Thanks for sharing it does help a little to understand what happened to me and my siblings.
My brother (the golden child) ran headlong into the narcissist role laid out for him by my parents. He is unashamedly narcissistic and shames anyone who "can't handle" what he believes are the only right ways to think or be -- just like dad. My sister is the spoiled child and enabler of the family while I'm the double-roled scapegoat/lost child. You mentioned the jealousy of the father towards sons like me and the lengths they'll go to -- you couldn't be more accurate. After a childhood of being shamed and name-called, his abuse continued towards me in adulthood. Now, although I've cut him off completely, he has been poisoning my 20-year old daughter whose respect for me has tanked since her mother took her away 13 years ago. We had a perfect father-daughter relationship and yet now she just thinks I'm dumping on my family while being the "bad" parent to her.
I love my daughter so much and it pains me to deal with this BS. However, if she can't make the effort to show me the respect and love I deserve -- the same I extend to her and others in my life -- then I can't accept her. I just can't take anymore abuse.
Thanks for this video!
From a "lost child". 🙏
As I'm listening to this I'm, nodding. I was the scapegoat, EVERYTHING was my fault, I was told I wasn't smart enough/good enough for any of the jobs I said I wanted to do from as early as 5 years old. I never liked my father, I became rebellious and resented my father and my sister who was the "golden" child. My sister is exactly as you said, entitled, cruel, vindictive. She is a mirror image of my father, only FAR more cruel than he ever was/is. A miserable life is that of the scapegoat child, I haven't gotten help until very recently and I'm in my 40's.
At age 50 I finally figured out why my father behaves the way he does. I’ve never felt enough. Growing up I didn’t have good enough skin and would make fun of me in front of others, I didn’t stand up straight enough and would poke me in the back just to remind me. He would belittle me in front of others and definitely to this day plays his children off against each other. Then as an adult my children weren’t worthy of talking to and yet my sister’s were - I was the scapegoat child. I studied for a psychology degree late in life which I loved only to be told you’ve studied the wrong degree. I have a mother, younger brother and younger sister who continually enable his behaviour and will side with him because it’s easier and have always done that throughout my life. I have been very unwell for the last five months with a mystery illness and believe it may be the effects of this ongoing cycle of not knowing whether I’m coming or going. After my 50th birthday was ruined yesterday with constant criticism and a father who never visits on birthdays even though they live three miles down the road maybe it’s finally time to cut the ties for my own sanity. I don’t need somebody f’ing at me down the phone blaming me for things which are not my fault it’s upsetting and soul destroying and even when parents like that know they are hurting you they still continue to do it. I don’t know how they sleep at night knowing how much hurt they cause - I could never do that to my children who I absolutely adore!
@Debbie Jackson - this is a hurt that is very hard to get through. What you need to do for yourself, and your sanity, is learn to understand he is truly mentally ill. Malignant narcissism is extremely dangerous to deal with. Learn how to not spend as much, or any time at all around him. Do not give him any clues as to how you live. Keep your trusted friends well informed of his behavior, so that they can understand just how manipulative he really is. Give yourself permission to breathe when you are by yourself and he is nowhere around. You desperately need to learn not to react to his demands/accusations/foolishness, and get as far away from him as possible, and very soon. I speak from experience (in my case, my life did become extremely dangerous, and I almost lost it, because of his actions). By all means, make certain in no way, shape or form, that he ever get access to your funds. (I was almost killed in a car wreck he construed because I refused to live where he lived - take stock in any very close friends you have that he knows nothing about, and let them know that you will give them medical power of attorney over you, so that if that time comes, you are going to be well taken care of. Definitely alert them to his ways, so that you are protected. And for goodness sake, please make certain you remove yourself from his picture as soon as you can, and make certain it is very far away.) In answer to your question as to whether they know they are hurting you - their nature doesn't allow for any other behavior of theirs to occur as decent. Because of his actions, I am permanently disabled, and have days where I cannot function outside of my apartment. Please seek help where you can and tell him nothing of your plans. I know this from experience (it was so bad I refused to raise my daughter around him, and he is still angry about that (she is now 32). She lives 4 states away from him, and she is at peace - he is at the point he cannot drive long distances any longer, so that helps.
Cutting ties not answering the phone making excuses when you do talk to him is the best thing you can do for your sanity
Anitra Moore - that only helps for a small amount of time though 😞 I know this from experience. Getting as far away as you can truly helps you more - especially if you get in touch with law enforcement who specialize in domestic violence for the survivors
One of the things I am most grateful for 😊in my life is having healed from the narcissistic abuse of my father and learning the meaning of unconditional love. Narcissistic behaviours can be discovered and people engaging in them can be healed. It is the way to discovering a Joy that otherwise would have never have even been known possible to exist.
Thank you. As a divorced mother of two young men. Their father is diagnosed NPD. I’m so grateful I left over his abuse. The hardest part was local therapists did not have the experience with NPD abuse. Videos like this has been a HUGE HELP IN RAISING MY children. You have no clue how much these videos have ensured my boys are a team. We have only been able to do this thru help ive gotten thru people like you. EVERY WORD except the “scapegoat child” has been spot on. Def have chosen golden child depending on time in life …. The baseball player is the golden child now. But my ex knows BETTER then to abuse my other child. Yes neglect but will NEVER AGAIN abuse my children. I LEFT years ago but only because we divorced my kids have a chance in life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.
Curious, you said diagnosed. I'm extremely surprised that a narcissist would sit through the necessary sessions required for achieving actual diagnosis. From what ice heard, it fan be time consuming to arrive at the diagnosis.