I don't know...
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- Опубліковано 18 кві 2024
- I don't know...
#grief #mentalhealth
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Another perspective, and of course Pip is much older and more fragile, but a friend of mine rescued a chiweenie for her mom a year ago. His first owner passed away when he was 4. The pooch was very attached to my friend's mom, who sadly got cancer and passed away after a year. My friend loved him and planned to keep him but her two big dogs just refused. Nothing worked...Zeus loved them but they were intolerant. She made the difficult decision to try to find him a new home and I took him. We always had big dogs, I haven't had a little male dog....but he has filled my heart to the brim and I am sooo thankful for him! He has become more independent and seems so happy. It is not unusual for older dogs to get bladder infections, which causes strange behaviors, and she is grieving, too. Also, sadly, there is such a thing as doggie dementia because my previous sweet girl developed it at 15. Ask the music teacher if she can use crowns, etc. for programs...ask the high school drama department, too. Just remember, your mom would not want you to be stressed or worried...things are just things. You have a lifetime of wonderful memories. I heard advice given once about saving things and the guidelines are...If a photo, or item, is not a memory TO YOU, and you don't know who it would be a memory for, it goes to bless someone down the line. Hugs to you...I lost my mom 7 years ago and I hear her voice in my head all the time.
Have a wonderful day blessings sis 😊❤😊❤😊❤
My heartfelt sympathies on the passing of your mom.
I took in an unwanted doxie 1 yr old male, when my female doxie was 11. One thing I would do is sit with one on each side of me and baby talk and love on them both. I would hold them both and talk to them. Praise them using their names to each other. Give them treats at the same time, and teach them the word wait, they will learn it, and learn to be secure that you care for them both equally. They realized pretty quickly that they were both loved and taken care of, and became best friends. Simon was very patient with Gidget as she got older and slower. My 11 yr old female Gidget passed away a yr ago at the age of 17, and Simon is now 7. When Gidget became incontinent I used washable diapers from Amazon. They make belly bands for males, or full diapers. I hope some of this helps.
Good luck and God bless as you go through this process of grieving, taking care of your new furbaby, taking care of yourself, and your mom's belongings. Go slow and try to stay at peace, and find joy in the little things. Hugs.
Poor Fin. I sure hope he does not get sick because it will stress him. Fin is adorable. Pip is a beautiful doggy but you have to give them both the same amount of time because they do get jealous. Separation anxiety is not good, but you may have to take her to the vet. Maybe they can prescribe her something. You have to take care of yourself. SHE IS A SENIOR and maybe the Vet can help you with that. It's alot of work for you. I hope you can get the help needed so that it can be less stressful for you all.❤ We love you all here in Brooklyn NY ♥️
From what I’ve learned about dogs, it’ll take 3 weeks for her to figure out your routine, and 3 months to figure out how she’ll fit into it.
Little by little is how to get your mom’s house done. Go through what you can as you can.
Alot of great comments & suggestions already...so, I'm sending you lots of gentle hugs as you work your way thru this!! 🤗🩷🤗🩷🤗 Your Vet is a good source for advice/solutions for the pups, & let your therapist/psychiatrist know of the increasing struggles you're experiencing!!!
When my Mom died ..I didn't think I said goodbye to her..for months I dreamt of going to everyplace we lived..places we went and couldn't find here..finally I saw a brightly lit home by a lake,, I went inside and she was sitting there doing her word search books and I talked to her and she told me that the people there take care of her and she's very happy and that it was time to start taking care of myself and my family...I never dreamt that again..yes I still think of her every day but I know she is happy. Maybe vet çan subscribe something for your Mom's dog.
For sure pick a certain amount of things that you must keep… ex : 20 things…put them aside for taking home with you. That will help you keep those things under control. The books, puzzles, games etc… would all be awesome choices for the Llama Library at school or in your neighborhood or any nursing facility for elders that are near you!!! It would be something that would honor your mother… we can’t think for everything ourselves, that’s why we have others to help us think of them… please don’t be soooo hard on yourself!!!! Think of it as something to honor your mother!!! Household things, bath, kitchen, linen items would be a great thing to distribute to someone just starting out or someone who needs to set up housekeeping again… people who are in need. Personal items, clothing, accessories, shoes, purses etc could be given to people in need for a hand up like a domestic violence center for women!! Furniture to Habitat for Humanity to help them furnish and heir own spaces … yard equipment again to Habitat… so very many places to help people out!! These places dead would all be ideal for honoring your mother and give you a feeling of progress and a purpose that would honor your mother!!! I myself am a “keeper” and have a tremendously hard time letting things go!! I sure hope this has helped you rehome some of your mom’s things, then it won’t be so overwhelming!!!
Maybe talk to your vet about both dogs behaviors… I’m sure they are issues the vet can help you out with. There have been lots of great ideas people have given you to try that may help the situation!!!
Please take care of yourself, we love you and I’m sure you are in many of our prayers!!!
Take pictures of the items you want to keep but can not. The memories are in your heart not in the items. I’ve been through this with my mom and my sister. I kept stuff I felt I had to, but after time I was able to let go. Since you’re crafty maybe make a memory book with the pictures of the items with a little note about it. ❤❤❤
I’m sorry about your mother’s passing and the grief you’re going through. Unless there is a reason where you absolutely have to do things by a certain date, I’d say to allow yourself time to adjust to the loss before trying to conquer getting rid of everything. It’s an emotionally draining process of letting go of loved one’s possessions because of the memories attached. Declutterring can be done in stages, like getting rid of the things that are easy to let go and putting other things into a “later” pile where you can get back to those things at a later time and might feel more ready to let go of those things by then. Your whole life has changed with this loss so don’t keep high expectations of trying to “fix” all the changes all at once. Take it one step at a time and give yourself permission to feel every emotion because if you try to stuff them away you’re only going to complicate your grief. With time the dogs will learn to tolerate each other and may even become best buds. It’s a difficult time for everyone involved including the pups so just continue loving on them. My prayers are with you and your family.
Pip is 11 starting a whole new routine itll take time to get the hang of things just know we all love and support you bc were all struggling in different ways ...there is only one person who cant struggle which is god ...❤❤❤one thing that helps me is to pray or do hail marys around the rosary ...lol im catholic...but anyways we are here to support you in any way shape or form! Just know you are blessed with a lot of followers who love you ❤
A vet may be able to prescribe incontinence meds for your dog. That really helped my dog when she got older. As for the sleeping arrangements, maybe you could keep her in a crate at night, in your room. That way she won't feel abandoned and she'll be close by and able to hear and smell you. The dogs may eventually become friends but it's still early. It may take some time. It's such a hard time for all of you, have patience with yourself. Prayers for you and your family. 🌷
Hi, just found your channel. Sounds like you are handling a lot of stuff right now. My daughter adopted an older female corgi (Tiana) for emotional support. Tiana is so goodand was far more trained/well behaved than my two chihuahua mix dogs. I didn't think they would ever get along. One of my dogs is as older as her and grouchy. Give them some adjustment time I believe they'll become like siblings. My condolences for the loss of your mother.
Sleeping situation: I would try getting her a little doggy bed and putting it in your bedroom on the floor near your side of the bed and see if that works to help her sleep through the night. I think she'll feel more connected than being downstairs alone. The potty training situation: I am wondering if she has a doggy door to the yard she uses on her own or does she have to be let outside by you? I've always found doggy doors very helpful with potty training. Cleaning out your mom's home situation: I know you have sisters and I would not hesitate to ask for help from them with this huge project/undertaking. You should not have to do this alone. As for what to save and what to donate: While everything may feel precious at the moment...and it is...you don't want to add to your clutter. That will not be helpful in any way with your mental health situation. If it were me, I would choose a couple items of each category of her belongings to keep...your favorites...and I would donate the rest. From what I could tell about her, your mother would not want to burden you with her belongings and she would be very happy to know her things are being donated so that they can reach those to whom whey will bring joy. The same joy you feel when your mother's books are being enjoyed by others...that you have been able to observe...you know in your heart that all her other belongings that get passed onto others that you don't actually get to observe...will also bring that same joy to those who will be receiving them. My mom passed a year ago in Jan. and I have many things around my home from her that bring me joy but that didn't add to my clutter. Everything else that was let go is now in the hands of those who will appreciate them and get joy from having/using them. That knowledge is enough for me to feel satisfaction and justifies my having let them go. You have my sympathies with this process, which I am aware feels unsurmountable at the moment. You will get through it.
Consider having an estate sale. The estate sale company comes in, they go through everything, they hold the sale, and get a percentage of the sale. You also need to have someone with you to look through everything and help make decisions.
Agree on the estate sale. Maybe with your sister
I had a sweet older rescue doggie that had bladder problems. She liked to pee on the carpet in hidden areas. Turned out to be partly due to medical issues. So one thing is make sure Pip doesn’t have a UTI. We had all smaller dogs and they sometimes cannot hold it as long as big doggies, the 4am sad cry might be a I gotta pee again cry. If you can afford even one session with a dog behaviorist it might be so worth it! I would suggest crate training for both dogs so they can both sleep safely in your room if you feel they need to be in there. Do some research on Pip being protective, in general those of us who love our little friends tend to treat them in a way that encourages unwanted behaviors because we aren’t “speaking” dog the way we think we are …if that makes sense. I know your circumstances are very delicate and it won’t be easy but I am sure you will figure it out. 🧡🖤🧡
God is with you and I am praying! 🙏
Im so sorry in due time u will do better u need time 😊
Donate the books to a nursing home or a retirement home. Same if your mom had any puzzles, they love to receive them. As far as things that are hard to declutter, maybe your sisters need to step up and do most of the decluttering? Your Mom wouldn't want you to stress over her items. About the dog, are you taking him for long walks? That would help you too. Hugs xoxo
Have you thought of a crate for sleeping putting a piece of clothing with your Mom and your scent or maybe a playpen,like when you bring a new puppy home but maybe a vet visit will have more ideas Fin and Pip are both adorable and both need your love and time. Love the idea you have with Lama library. It takes time to go through all the memories and articles your Mom had if you are having trouble deciding take a picture of items you struggle letting go of ,with your sister and hubby you can do this when it gets to much walk away and come back to it later. Your strong take your time hugs😊
Hi - Poor Fin, and I'm sure it's just as hard for Pip. I can tell you from my experience when my 15 y/o Cock-a-poo she was peeing all over the place, didn't understand what was going on. Well, she was having incontinence issues, after a couple of different meds, she is no longer having accidents. As for her anxiety she is now on Prozac and doing a lot better.
Your Mum was obviously a beautiful Mum ❤ you could expand the llama library concept to your community by selling things that you can’t decide what to do with and use those funds to buy more books to donate in an ongoing way.
One thing that helped my mum was to let everyone important to your mum take what was most special to them, or reminded them most and then she made 3 different rooms in my grandmothers house for different things, a keep room, donate & sell room. It took weeks but eventually they got it sorted, mum said she set a timer for sorting and stopped and went and did some that brought her peace after each sorting process.
You lost your Mum, there’s no time limit on how you process that…..you are doing the best you can xxxx❤❤❤
Try talking to your vet.
Maybe she has a uti.
Maybe she needs some meds to calm her down a notch.
Good luck.
Do you have a time limit on when you have to empty your mom's house? If not, just do a little at a time. See if anyone else in your family might want an item or 2 to remember your mom. Keep heirlooms and memory keepsakes. Donate clothes to a nursing home or clothing shelter. Donating books to the school is a great idea. You want to keep items that remind you of your mom, but impossible to keep everything. ❤ Just take it 1 day at a time sweetie.
A suggestion for the sleeping situation... I started playing audiobooks for my separation anxiety pups. The silence at night would make my foster pup cry and howl but having the voices from audiobooks playing really helped him relax after a while. I still do it anytime i leave the house for my senior Lab who hates being alone.
For decluttering, I would have someone help you. I only say this after watching my mom struggle to know what to let go of when her parents passed away and watching her house fill up. My grandparents had a 3 bedroom house and garage packed full of over 50 years of their lives. Its a lot to sort and make decisions on alone.
We had something very similar happen. When my mother in law passed we took in her dogs we already had one dog of our own. Maybe try swapping blankets back and forth between Finn and Pip. That way they can eventually find comfort in each other’s scents. I also agree with another commenter crate sleeping might be best for accidents at night. If Pip continues with the accidents consult your local vet. I’m sure that the dogs are also experiencing lots of anxiety due to recent events might be contributing to accidents. A vet could determine whether medication would be needed in this case. ❤❤❤
As far as cleaning out the house. Lots of grace to yourself is needed. It’s an overwhelming process for anyone! Getting more people involved cleaning out the house has its plus and minus’s. Take your time. Donate to places that you feel good about. And what you keep now may be different in the future. Things we kept early on we eventually were able to part with when the emotions weren’t as raw. ❤❤❤
Could you put a crate in your bedroom? Maybe she would like it better if she’s closer to you and your pup would still feel safe.
Time. Give it lots of time.
When going through your mom's stuff, if there are no memories attached to it, let it go. Think how others can benefit from it. If you feel an attachment to the trophies and crowns, take yours and tell your sisters to take theirs, that way you don't have all of it to store. Did Pip always have the potty problem? It might be due to stress. Have you tried putting him in doggy diapers? Is there any one that could help you clean out your mom's house? Support and decision making would so helpful with another person with you. Hugs to you and I hope you feel better...
Your mom would want you to enjoy the things that were hers. She would not want you to struggle with every little thing. Donate anything you can to shelters to help others in need and know that you mom would like that. I know what you are going through I lost my mom, my cousin, my dad, and my father-in-law in a 5 year span. It was so hard but you just push on and do your best.
Btw can you crate Pip and put him in the room with you that way he can feel you are with him and not all alone?
I’m like you I’ve lost my mom and I’m just going through a lot of things. The problem with me is that my mom was sort of a pack rat. So right now I’m separating it into keep , trash and donate . over the years you look at things that remind you of good times and of your mother. I talked to someone and they told me if I had an emotional feeling about something then to keep it. She said she went through the same issues, the rest of it, she hired someone that does estate sales. They’ll come in and set things up on site to sell it in the house. She also told me that it took her about three years to decide on the the things that she kept. She says just live with the items for a while and then you’ll decide what you need to get rid of. She said she paired it down to about 30% and that’s what she’s going to keep. I know it’s an emotional time right now, and as you’re going through things if you get stressed, just walk away for a while. Trust me, you will get through this. Also you might want to take others advice and take the dog to the vet if you haven’t already. There should be someone that can help you and the pup on the emotional issues that you’re both are going through. Pip is a living breathing thing and she’s probably grieving as much as you are. Remember she’s lost her mama too. Good luck and you will get through this.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. I lost my Mom at 28 years old. You know - just when I was getting to know her as an adult. But what I want you to know is that those items are just things. The memories of her are what is important! She wouldn't want you to stress or struggle over any of it. Plus it's not doing any good just sitting somewhere not being used. Maybe there is a family in your town that is struggling because of a job loss, health issues, house fire, etc. that you could donate a lot of it to. That would make you feel good and the memory of your Mom even better to know that her things were put to good use. I would think the school district that you are in could help you find someone. Good luck with it all! I know that it's not easy! I'm hoping for the best for you!
My brother died in September and we inherited his older dog as well. We baby sit our daughters dog every day when she is at work and have since he was 8 weeks old and he feels like this is his home. My brothers dog started to get territorial as well peeing in the house as well. His dog also has super bad breath and anal gland issues. I know exactly the issues you are experiencing. We don’t let my brothers dog sleep with us and with the peeing we crate him. He has taken well to it.
We don’t have any dogs of our own but have two every day and all the things that come with it.
There are doggie diapers that are cloth and just insert that absorbent part in also this is hard as I am 68 I would not want my daughters to feel this sad and deal with everything I have I said take everything they want and open door saying free contents but you could try to sell the things you get rid of that you are having difficulty take a pic and make you can write what it means to you in a scrapbook take the most important thing and sell if don't need the money donate it to cancer society or some that is important to you.or buy hymn books for her church in her name when I open the book it reminds me of that person...take some of the money and buy a social jewlery that would be from your mom. Where I live there is a place one can donate and people get what they want for free your mom would enjoy
Going through your mom’s things can be challenging. I still am going through it…it’s been 10 years!
I understand your feelings totally.
Go there. Give yourself maybe a 1/2 hour and do what you can.
Then do it another day…
It will be slow progress but at least it will be progress.
Hi sis ❤😊😊❤😊❤
Have you tried putting her bed next to yours? Or maybe get a cot so her bed is higher and she can see you from her bed. I understand about your feelings in cleaning out your Mom's house. I had the same problem cleaning out my best friend's house when she passed suddenly. A lot of things I wanted to keep just because they were hers. I did take her dog and luckily my dog did accept him and we had no problems. I knew I couldn't keep everything because it just didn't make sense. My own house was completely full. Another friend started to help me and she knew so many organizations that needed things, that she was able to take things to them and it wasn't so hard for me. Your sisters can't help you with cleaning out the house? I know how hard it is but if you think how your mom's stuff can help other people it may be easier for you to donate and not just get rid of stuff. You'll know it's going to help someone and that would make your mom happy she is helping others and she would be so proud of you, not that she wasn't already. But I think you know what I mean. Don't worry about crying in your videos. If it is helping you, it doesn't matter what others think. They don't have to watch, but I always will. I love you! ❤
I think you need to see a vet first because of the relieving herself in the house. She may have a urinal infection you need to rule out. Sometimes neutered dogs become incontinent when they get older this may also be the issue.
As for the agression against fin. Do you go on walks together? This may help in the bonding. When she starts being agressive put her down of your lap let her know you don't accept that behavior. Make sure you give them both equal attention.
For the housesmells, clean with vinegar and then go over with a cleaning product if you like it smelling nice. The vinegar should eliminate the smell.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through for the dog your mom’s dog they have. Pet Naturals Busybutter Calming Peanut Butter for Dogs, Stress and Anxiety Support, 1.5 oz. I do have a five year old Poms key that sometimes is very attached to me and won’t let me sleep at night so I know what you go through is very frustrating and I do the same thing and I end up going downstairs and sleeping with her, but I do see that when I give her, these peanut butter it does help. I don’t do it all the time either cause I don’t want her to get used to it but like on a Friday night where I’m not gonna to work on Saturday then I’ll give it to her And I have a 13 year old Pomeranian and I give it to him too and is very affordable from Walmart you could get it from anywhere else, but I feel like Walmart has it cheaper and for your mom’s photos I’ll keep the photos, and if none of your siblings, want there trophies or crowns then donate them and keep pieces that mean the most to you and the rest of her things fine a good home and yes, I do think that if you go with someone to clean your mom’s house out it will help you a lot I’ll keep you in my prayers❤️
Fin is one of my dogs name ❤
Awwww poor thing have u tryed a crates for her in ur room ? 😊
I don't have dogs so I can't really advise you as to what to do about Pip. I do feel sorry for Fin though. You don't want him to get so stressed out that he gets sick. I would donate your mom's clothes to a women's shelter or somewhere that has to do with charity. I'm sure you can find a charity thrift store to donate the books and anything in her home that you all don't want to keep. I'm sorry for all of the stress you're going through too. Losing your mom has been hard for you and now you have a lot on your plate. I'll continue to keep you in my prayers and ask God to give you the strength and help that you need to get through all of this.🙏
This is just about new habits. She was getting used to sleeping on the couch and now you are changing the habit. She will adjust. She may be more comfortable in a kennel. Kennels are not a punishment. They are a safe space for a dog. Our dog LOVES her kennel. It's her retreat, her safe space.
Everything is still so raw for you at the moment. Giving your mams things to a good home (when you are able to) will give give you some sort of comfort, but you need to feel comfortable in yourself doing this. Dont be too hard on yourself, you will get through this it just takes time. Dont do it on your own, get some help. This whole situation is new for the puppy. Its a whole new big change. Again, it will take time for you all to adjust but have faith, it will get better given time. You have gone through so much lately but you will come out of this a stronger person. You wont see that at this moment in time. Ispeak from experience x
Bring her in to the bed with the rest of you so the dogs can get along, get her female doggie diapers for when she is in the house.
Never feel like you HAVE to make a video if you're not feeling up to it. I appreciate your videos where you are talking about your struggles and being real. As I have mentioned before, I struggle with similar mental health, and I find comfort in knowing I am not alone. With regards to Pip and Fin, I just worry that one day Fin (who does have teeth) will get fed up one day and turn on Pip for coming after him. I have seen the sweetest best temper dogs turn when picked at, and it is not pretty. Is there anyway a dog behaviorist could help? With the sleeping situation, could you have Fin in your room have a baby gate blocking your doorway and have Pip on the other side blocked in the hallway? I don't know if that makes sense... or they do have dog baby pens. Could you put this in your room with Pip in it and let Fin roam? With your Moms belongings , could your Sisters step in and help? Could they also go over and take items so then you know it's going to them so you don't have to make the choice over the item? Are there other relatives that may want any of the items so that you can take comfort in knowing they are going to a good place? Possibly, instead of just donating the items to a thrift store looking into good causes like daycares, schools, retirement home, etc. to give the items too? Lastly, one decluttering tip I was given years ago was if you just keep all the items they are not serving the purpose they were created for, i.e., books sitting in a box not being read are not serving the purpose of a book. I'm not sure if that helps. Anyways my heart goes out to you with these struggles. You are such a kind and thoughtful person ❤ Take care sweetie!
I know like the crowns you can take pictures
Are y’all selling the house? Could it just sit for a while? Let everything get less raw and then finish dealing with it. Possibly rent a storeage room.