Story #1 has me all fired up. The husband is an a**hole. ASCON 1 in my opinion. First, the wife got into dire financial straits because the husband is making her pay 50/50. Also, if roles were reversed, I can guarantee the hubby would complain about it not being "fair" to pay for half, blah, blah, blah. Also, the wife asked for help! That can be hard to do and he told her no and to figure it out herself. What if down the line the wife gets into a bad situation, and because this "man" wouldn't help her before, shes not going to reach out to the husband for help. IMO, bills should be split in a way that's proportionate to the amount of money each makes. Additionally, this guy said he's always made more money and probably voluntold the wife she is to pay 50/50, and since she doesn't make as much, she agreed. Lastly, he talks about saving "his" money for a house and whatnot. That's very selfish and not what a functioning marriage looks like.
For Mr. 50-50: are the chores split equally? Since his job pays significantly more, I'm thinking he might require pricier clothes - is she responsible for half of his wardrobe? Are all medical bills 50-50 regardless of who sees the doc? What about feminine hygiene products, is that part of the shared grocery bill? Who pays for birth control? Do you each agree to the luxury items and use them equally? When's the last time she said no to a luxe purchase?
He knows how much she makes, and what the bills are; but didn't realize they were living above her means? Or has something changed to price her out, like rent or a "luxury" car?
Story 4 - I didn't even think about it when I was listening to this story the first time, but all those foods the daughter doesn't like (garlic, tomatoes, onions, peppers) are either members of the nightshade family or have high levels of FODMAPs meaning they can cause digestive issues. It's very possible that she has a stronger reaction than most people do to the toxins in them that aren't necessarily an allergy, but are not a pleasant feeling. especially knowing the daughter could tell there was garlic in some butter that was used for a grilled cheese sandwich makes me think it's not just a dislike but an actual physical response that she doesn't know how to vocalize. poor kid.
Story 1: My husband and I have separate bank accounts but when it comes to anything money wise, we both understand that his money is my money and vice versa. We may have separate accounts but definitely not separate viewpoints on house bills, fun money, etc. Sometimes he pays for stuff, sometimes I do, sometimes it depends on who reaches for our wallet first lol. He makes more than I do by $5 but we both always have plenty of fun money left over after bills. It sounds like they’re not on the same page about anyyyyything regarding this issue and the fact that she *told* him that she was struggling and he was basically dismissive about it says a lot about how he views her contributions. He has the I make more than you mentality and his wife can’t keep up. He didn’t say she was budgeting wrong, going out all the time to lavish meals partying or anything like that and he’s still like eh, good luck 🥴 tf
OP re food, is a great dad. Last post explains all the questions I had and has changed my mind on several previous posts. Keeping your daughter safe if OPs job and new wife is not a good person because she is not doing things in the best interest of the daughter.
I never understood the your money my money when married made sense. Anytime I hear it this is the issue that always comes up. The person who suggested it in the first place was the one who makes more. The issues that always seem to come up is one person goes out and gets the groceries or spends money to make the house look nice. What happens when you have kids? Or inflation making things cost more and the other person making less is maxing out quicker. She was ashamed to ask for help, and given his response I can see why.
In regards to the picky eater, my daughter has always had an EXTREMELY sensitive palate. I always thought she was a little dramatic, but we have found a way to make it work...she is 37 years old and we just found out she is on the spectrum. It turns out the whole family is. One of the traits is a complicated relationship with food, i.e., taste, texture, color, etc. This not something they are in control of. It sound like this may be the case.
Is the first story a write in? If it is, If she won the lottery of a 100, million dollar, is that all of her money? Or is he all the sudden, we married, it’s both of our money. Or is he going to congratulate her and continue going 50-50! If he says it’s different! He’s a pos! And is using his wife money, to live more comfortably! He’s making a lot more money, and still saying, it’s 50/50 says a lot about him! If she came up with a lot more money then him, I bet it will be a different tune.
I don’t know if anyone has noticed but the evil step mom who cooks what her step daughter doesn’t like to eat Doesn’t call his daughter our daughter but he calls her son our son 🤦♀️ instant 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He is reaping all the rewards. He is going to be set for life and the poor wife is going to be working the rest of her life and struggling. Why she ever agreed to this is baffling. Why?
Sometimes when you work hard to work with, and keep a good relationship with the ex, for the sake of the children, can be hard for the new person or wife to understand. It is really important to have a full and genuine conversation with the new person explaining how you are doing things to make sure there is no confusion as to what your aim is so the new person doesn't think you are hoping to get back with the ex.
I completely agree, I grew up in a blended family so it is very difficult for me to see it from the stepmother’s perspective. My parents did a very good job of always putting us kids first. We never called each other half siblings or step siblings. I’m glad her dad stuck up for his daughter.
50:23 OP needs to contact DCS this is malicious abuse. She literally confessed that it wasn’t just being stubborn but being flat out evil. And I’m terrified what she’d do to her son once he leaves her
My daughter and I both have ARFID, at 33 I have been able to find ways to prepare foods that used to be a solid no go, but for my daughter she’s still much worse off than I am with it. If someone who was supposed to care for her couldn’t be bothered to make her a bowl of buttered protein noodles and a side of fruit as an alternative to a meal she can’t eat - that person would not be allowed to care for my child. Period. With ARFID we WILL starve before we will eat someone that isn’t a safe food. In a house full of groceries I’ve gone 5-6 days without eating because there wasn’t anything I could physically eat.
Also** ARFID isn’t always a lack of being introduced to foods or given the option not to eat something when they’re little. My daughter ate anything I ever put in-front of her until she was 2, by 3 she was extremely limited. At 11 she’s gained some of it back through support and a lot of patience.
Story one is crazy my husband and I do separate accounts but he like the story makes more than me we both work 40 hrs plus a week I pay for what I can afford which obviously is less but in turn I do a majority, not all, of the house work . If for any reason I was short he would never let me go in to debt. My point is the separate accounts can work as long as you are both putting in equal effort and remember you love each other and are a team and have the same future goals which would not include one of us flourishing and one of us struggling.
When I was married, I made more money so that reason (along with other reasons), I paid the rent. My ex husband paid the light, gas & cable bills. Our personal bills (credit cards & cell phones) were paid by us individually. This is what worked for us & I didn’t feel a way about it nor did I treat him differently because of the financial dynamics.
Every married couple I know and even some of the ones that have been long-term dating have 3 accounts 1 joint and the other 2 are individual for each partner. I have an aversion to spice I also have a lot of foods I won't eat if they are mixed my mother never understood this and my dad was pressured into making me eat it, I have a highly sensitive pallet so I can tell if something is too spicey normally by smell but sometimes I touch the food to the very tip of my tounge I explained this to my dad a couple years ago and he cried because he'd forced me to eat it for so many years because of my mother (they divorced when I was about 15)
She offered but the wife wouldn't buy her grocery list the daughter even offered to go buy and cook it all herself and the wife said no I'll handle it she was abusing that girl I feel like in more ways then not feeding her
First story. That is not a marriage, it's an arrangement. OP is not good husband material and definitely not father material. OPs wife needs to get out now.
Story 3 op nta because his brother stole his ringand since the brothers gf posted the ring so ops gf seen the made it bad if op wouldve proposed to his gf with that ring
Sorry but kids come first if a new partner is an ah to them. Kids come first. He needs to stand up for his daughter. No mom would want her child to be treated like that.
With story 3, Even if the brother's girlfriend said No, that would cause MAJOR problems with everyone anyways because She Would Recognize that Ring as the ring she rejected and it would cause problems with OP and OP's Family since the brother "used it first", it would (in the family's eyes) make OP look like a dick who took advantage of their brother's misfortune 😬
Story 1. If she has bad credit, it will impact their ability to get a mortgage so why would he not help her. He is earning more, so do it on a percentage. If not, she needs to start charging for cooking, cleaning, and laundry, because I'm sure with his attitude, he doesn't do his full share of that 😏
“it’s more than a lot of husband do” What a selfish human. she is stressing so as not to impose on him! That’s disgusting. She’s not his wife, she’s his room mate he sleeps with.
The first story seems like he doesn't really care about the comfort and happiness of his life partner. It also sounds like the picky eater may be on the spectrum
OP needs to go no contact with brother. That is such terrible behaviour from his brother. I would tell girlfriend so she knows what she's getting into. 😳
This kid has ARFID for sure, I am 35 and have had the same thing since I was 2, it is a horrible condition that has limited a lot of experiences, it is very embarrassing for me and has led to a lot of shame, I understand the step mother's frustration, as my dad did the same thing, i.e "if she's hungry enough, she'll eat it", but I know I'd rather starve than eat any of my "unsafe" foods, I will gag and vomit and choke and it is all involuntary. I feel for this kid, and her dad.
For the first story, personally I feel that as a married couple house expenses that are shared should be taken care of in a way that no one should be going into debt if you both together can afford it. Now that said, I'm confused, so the wife agreed to this arrangements as well as knowing her finances and helping to pick the place to live. Was she hoping that OP would just pick.up the extra cost? Why didn't she negotiate that they reevaluate every six months or when someone makes more so they can adjust the split?? Seems financially irresponsible to agree to something you know will put you in a hole without giving yourself a way out. In this current time couples are so set to prepare themselves in case of a divorce or to not be dependent on others they are not willing to help the person you say you love not drown in debt. Sad just sad .
First story is this he totally gaslighting her. He’s not doing what most husbands do!! He’s doing that to scare her, to stay with him! So he can use her income to cover the bills, while he gets his, save his double the income! No he’s a ah!
Nicole is a nasty person and Ascon 1. Pity the man who gets tangled up with her. As for Sarah, she just needs to let go, move on, and learn self-respect.
I was raised to eat whatever I was given. As a child you don't know what you like until you are made to eat it. I can now eat anything except tripe and onions. We are too precarious about catering to children's likes and dislikes. We need to broaden children's taste buds. Once it is obvious that something is definitely not going to work on a child, then as long as they have given everything a chance, you can take it back off the menu.
The picky eater needs to grow up and learn to eat what's placed in front of her or prepare her own meals. The stepmom has the right to cook what she pleases because she's the one cooking. Dad needs to stop coddling her
Story #1 has me all fired up. The husband is an a**hole. ASCON 1 in my opinion. First, the wife got into dire financial straits because the husband is making her pay 50/50. Also, if roles were reversed, I can guarantee the hubby would complain about it not being "fair" to pay for half, blah, blah, blah. Also, the wife asked for help! That can be hard to do and he told her no and to figure it out herself. What if down the line the wife gets into a bad situation, and because this "man" wouldn't help her before, shes not going to reach out to the husband for help. IMO, bills should be split in a way that's proportionate to the amount of money each makes. Additionally, this guy said he's always made more money and probably voluntold the wife she is to pay 50/50, and since she doesn't make as much, she agreed. Lastly, he talks about saving "his" money for a house and whatnot. That's very selfish and not what a functioning marriage looks like.
Wife’s “fair share” would NOT be 50%.
For Mr. 50-50: are the chores split equally? Since his job pays significantly more, I'm thinking he might require pricier clothes - is she responsible for half of his wardrobe? Are all medical bills 50-50 regardless of who sees the doc? What about feminine hygiene products, is that part of the shared grocery bill? Who pays for birth control? Do you each agree to the luxury items and use them equally? When's the last time she said no to a luxe purchase?
I never got the whole concept of "going dutch" in a marriage with separate finances.
I'd say the husband in story 1 is an ASCON 1. 😂
This is putting it mildly.. that’s not a husband mentality! He is financially abusive and beyond!
He knows how much she makes, and what the bills are; but didn't realize they were living above her means? Or has something changed to price her out, like rent or a "luxury" car?
Story 4 - I didn't even think about it when I was listening to this story the first time, but all those foods the daughter doesn't like (garlic, tomatoes, onions, peppers) are either members of the nightshade family or have high levels of FODMAPs meaning they can cause digestive issues. It's very possible that she has a stronger reaction than most people do to the toxins in them that aren't necessarily an allergy, but are not a pleasant feeling. especially knowing the daughter could tell there was garlic in some butter that was used for a grilled cheese sandwich makes me think it's not just a dislike but an actual physical response that she doesn't know how to vocalize. poor kid.
Story 1: My husband and I have separate bank accounts but when it comes to anything money wise, we both understand that his money is my money and vice versa. We may have separate accounts but definitely not separate viewpoints on house bills, fun money, etc. Sometimes he pays for stuff, sometimes I do, sometimes it depends on who reaches for our wallet first lol. He makes more than I do by $5 but we both always have plenty of fun money left over after bills. It sounds like they’re not on the same page about anyyyyything regarding this issue and the fact that she *told* him that she was struggling and he was basically dismissive about it says a lot about how he views her contributions. He has the I make more than you mentality and his wife can’t keep up. He didn’t say she was budgeting wrong, going out all the time to lavish meals partying or anything like that and he’s still like eh, good luck 🥴 tf
OP re food, is a great dad. Last post explains all the questions I had and has changed my mind on several previous posts. Keeping your daughter safe if OPs job and new wife is not a good person because she is not doing things in the best interest of the daughter.
I never understood the your money my money when married made sense. Anytime I hear it this is the issue that always comes up. The person who suggested it in the first place was the one who makes more.
The issues that always seem to come up is one person goes out and gets the groceries or spends money to make the house look nice. What happens when you have kids? Or inflation making things cost more and the other person making less is maxing out quicker. She was ashamed to ask for help, and given his response I can see why.
In regards to the picky eater, my daughter has always had an EXTREMELY sensitive palate. I always thought she was a little dramatic, but we have found a way to make it work...she is 37 years old and we just found out she is on the spectrum. It turns out the whole family is. One of the traits is a complicated relationship with food, i.e., taste, texture, color, etc. This not something they are in control of. It sound like this may be the case.
Is the first story a write in? If it is, If she won the lottery of a 100, million dollar, is that all of her money? Or is he all the sudden, we married, it’s both of our money. Or is he going to congratulate her and continue going 50-50! If he says it’s different! He’s a pos! And is using his wife money, to live more comfortably! He’s making a lot more money, and still saying, it’s 50/50 says a lot about him! If she came up with a lot more money then him, I bet it will be a different tune.
Story #3: He posted an update after proposing! 🥰
I don’t know if anyone has noticed but the evil step mom who cooks what her step daughter doesn’t like to eat
Doesn’t call his daughter our daughter but he calls her son our son 🤦♀️ instant 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Story 4: my dad's egg donor hated him because he looks so much like his dad. And that was his biological mom, his stepmom was more of a mother.
It is so hard to get over your first and only love. Good for OP choosing herself over him. OP now knows how strong she is.
He is reaping all the rewards. He is going to be set for life and the poor wife is going to be working the rest of her life and struggling. Why she ever agreed to this is baffling. Why?
My opinion on story 1 is the OP is the AH my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 7years and we share finances we even share a bank account
Story 3: Does the brother not know you can RETURN rings? Like if she said no, just go back to the story, dummy.
A lot of the time you cannot return engagement rings.
Sometimes when you work hard to work with, and keep a good relationship with the ex, for the sake of the children, can be hard for the new person or wife to understand. It is really important to have a full and genuine conversation with the new person explaining how you are doing things to make sure there is no confusion as to what your aim is so the new person doesn't think you are hoping to get back with the ex.
I completely agree, I grew up in a blended family so it is very difficult for me to see it from the stepmother’s perspective. My parents did a very good job of always putting us kids first. We never called each other half siblings or step siblings. I’m glad her dad stuck up for his daughter.
50:23 OP needs to contact DCS this is malicious abuse. She literally confessed that it wasn’t just being stubborn but being flat out evil. And I’m terrified what she’d do to her son once he leaves her
If you can't be bothered to see your dad, you shouldn't be surprised that you are excluded from the Will
My daughter and I both have ARFID, at 33 I have been able to find ways to prepare foods that used to be a solid no go, but for my daughter she’s still much worse off than I am with it. If someone who was supposed to care for her couldn’t be bothered to make her a bowl of buttered protein noodles and a side of fruit as an alternative to a meal she can’t eat - that person would not be allowed to care for my child. Period. With ARFID we WILL starve before we will eat someone that isn’t a safe food. In a house full of groceries I’ve gone 5-6 days without eating because there wasn’t anything I could physically eat.
Also** ARFID isn’t always a lack of being introduced to foods or given the option not to eat something when they’re little. My daughter ate anything I ever put in-front of her until she was 2, by 3 she was extremely limited. At 11 she’s gained some of it back through support and a lot of patience.
Story one is crazy my husband and I do separate accounts but he like the story makes more than me we both work 40 hrs plus a week I pay for what I can afford which obviously is less but in turn I do a majority, not all, of the house work . If for any reason I was short he would never let me go in to debt. My point is the separate accounts can work as long as you are both putting in equal effort and remember you love each other and are a team and have the same future goals which would not include one of us flourishing and one of us struggling.
When I was married, I made more money so that reason (along with other reasons), I paid the rent. My ex husband paid the light, gas & cable bills. Our personal bills (credit cards & cell phones) were paid by us individually. This is what worked for us & I didn’t feel a way about it nor did I treat him differently because of the financial dynamics.
Every married couple I know and even some of the ones that have been long-term dating have 3 accounts 1 joint and the other 2 are individual for each partner. I have an aversion to spice I also have a lot of foods I won't eat if they are mixed my mother never understood this and my dad was pressured into making me eat it, I have a highly sensitive pallet so I can tell if something is too spicey normally by smell but sometimes I touch the food to the very tip of my tounge I explained this to my dad a couple years ago and he cried because he'd forced me to eat it for so many years because of my mother (they divorced when I was about 15)
If the daughter is old enough, she should start cooking her own food.
She offered but the wife wouldn't buy her grocery list the daughter even offered to go buy and cook it all herself and the wife said no I'll handle it she was abusing that girl I feel like in more ways then not feeding her
First story. That is not a marriage, it's an arrangement. OP is not good husband material and definitely not father material. OPs wife needs to get out now.
I wonder if they really agreed to 50-50 or if he just decided that and she tried to go along with it
Story 3 op nta because his brother stole his ringand since the brothers gf posted the ring so ops gf seen the made it bad if op wouldve proposed to his gf with that ring
💜💙
Sorry but kids come first if a new partner is an ah to them. Kids come first. He needs to stand up for his daughter. No mom would want her child to be treated like that.
With story 3, Even if the brother's girlfriend said No, that would cause MAJOR problems with everyone anyways because She Would Recognize that Ring as the ring she rejected and it would cause problems with OP and OP's Family since the brother "used it first", it would (in the family's eyes) make OP look like a dick who took advantage of their brother's misfortune 😬
Story 1. If she has bad credit, it will impact their ability to get a mortgage so why would he not help her. He is earning more, so do it on a percentage. If not, she needs to start charging for cooking, cleaning, and laundry, because I'm sure with his attitude, he doesn't do his full share of that 😏
I'm not making several meals for a picky eater. Allergies, yes. A picky brat? Nah.
I have to say, when my husband and I but gaming consoles, is definitely a “we” purchase.
“it’s more than a lot of husband do”
What a selfish human. she is stressing so as not to impose on him! That’s disgusting. She’s not his wife, she’s his room mate he sleeps with.
The first story seems like he doesn't really care about the comfort and happiness of his life partner. It also sounds like the picky eater may be on the spectrum
It should be split proportionally to their salaries. He pays 2/3 since he makes double what she does.
I make double my spouse, he pays for his car and the mortgage I pay everything else and have fun with his check.
Im gonna guess the dad had a great co parenting relationship with his daughters mom and the soon the ex wife is jelous of that friendly co parenting
OP needs to go no contact with brother. That is such terrible behaviour from his brother. I would tell girlfriend so she knows what she's getting into. 😳
Meanwhile I'm a stay at home mom fir 7 years and my husband would never we jsut talk about what we can afford at the time
Story 1 - that "husband" is a total ascon 1.
This kid has ARFID for sure, I am 35 and have had the same thing since I was 2, it is a horrible condition that has limited a lot of experiences, it is very embarrassing for me and has led to a lot of shame, I understand the step mother's frustration, as my dad did the same thing, i.e "if she's hungry enough, she'll eat it", but I know I'd rather starve than eat any of my "unsafe" foods, I will gag and vomit and choke and it is all involuntary. I feel for this kid, and her dad.
For the first story, personally I feel that as a married couple house expenses that are shared should be taken care of in a way that no one should be going into debt if you both together can afford it. Now that said, I'm confused, so the wife agreed to this arrangements as well as knowing her finances and helping to pick the place to live. Was she hoping that OP would just pick.up the extra cost? Why didn't she negotiate that they reevaluate every six months or when someone makes more so they can adjust the split?? Seems financially irresponsible to agree to something you know will put you in a hole without giving yourself a way out.
In this current time couples are so set to prepare themselves in case of a divorce or to not be dependent on others they are not willing to help the person you say you love not drown in debt. Sad just sad .
First story is this he totally gaslighting her. He’s not doing what most husbands do!! He’s doing that to scare her, to stay with him! So he can use her income to cover the bills, while he gets his, save his double the income! No he’s a ah!
Nicole is a nasty person and Ascon 1. Pity the man who gets tangled up with her. As for Sarah, she just needs to let go, move on, and learn self-respect.
Story 2. Bad way to start a marriage. Time to call it quits before you put anymore time in this
Boy ...she should divorce you and get her real "fair share" ... youre married not roomates
I was raised to eat whatever I was given. As a child you don't know what you like until you are made to eat it. I can now eat anything except tripe and onions. We are too precarious about catering to children's likes and dislikes. We need to broaden children's taste buds. Once it is obvious that something is definitely not going to work on a child, then as long as they have given everything a chance, you can take it back off the menu.
Yea I agree… I make my kids take a bite before committing to their “I don’t like it”
That mom needs to stop that neutral bullshit. Her son pulled a dick move… not ok!
The picky eater needs to grow up and learn to eat what's placed in front of her or prepare her own meals. The stepmom has the right to cook what she pleases because she's the one cooking. Dad needs to stop coddling her
Story 3. If you don't know if she's gonna say "yes," maybe don't propose... and maybe talk about the future first?