In Complex Trauma, a Child May Not Have Anyone Safe to Run to
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- Опубліковано 29 чер 2024
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Children who grow up in a home where there is no consistently safe person to turn to for protection must learn to regulate their emotions and cope some other way, like anger or social isolation. Later as teenagers or adults these unhealthy ways of coping will prevent them from ever building healthy connection. It might feel like things will never get better - but healthy coping tools can be learned with the support of safe people and community.
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This is so important. It can take a lot of therapy to even realise that this is a need of you, I cant emphasise this enough. Depending on circumstances it can take a long time to change the coping mechanisms you used to get you through those times. For me, recognising I am stressed has literally taken years for me, but bringing awareness to your current (unhealthy) coping mechanisms is a great place to start, because detecting stress is difficult since it's likely at home as a child your base level of stress is already high.
I hope for anyone out there who is struggling and feeling shameful about the fact you keep returning to those self soothing patterns, to try to be kind and understanding to yourself when you notice you find yourself self soothing. You NEEDED to find a way to cope, what would you have done without it?
I'm grateful for Tim's lectures and I hope he reaches more and more of us
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. Tim’s channel has been the missing key 🔑 for me.
I have been in 12 step programs, and therapy. But Tim’s work has helped me understand and put everything together. I more clearly understand my struggles and challenges in life now.
I have tried to tell everyone about his channel here on UA-cam; but a lot of times they take my comments down when I share his information on other channels about mental health.
It's me. A thumbsucker, mom forced me to stop but never had a replacement for me to self-soothe. I'm working on it
@@sunshinesunflowerz1647
I took up smoking at 4
Me except I'm grown now... I'm living completely isolated and it's not good for us to live this way.
I want to do better. However, the idea of establishing new friendships/connections feels difficult to me.
Same. But I am having a hard time finding truly genuine people to connect with. I refuse to settle for “good enough” people.
My stuffed animals were my best friends. I never felt that people were safe...ever...still ...
Yes I can really identify with you. My kitty was my best friend because humans were never trustworthy or safe or understanding.
Thank you for this comment
Why not? To me this seems to happen all the time - especially so as people with complex trauma is feeling danger ALL the time - so they run to people they think are safe, but whom turn out to be just as bad as their parents or abusers (bc there is that wishful thinking again).
This hits hard😭
I remember as a young child wanting to run away but there was nowhere to go. But I imagined a way to escape. My whole life I'm still running away and imagining how to escape. I've always felt most comfortable and safe when I'm alone.
Yes, I still feel the need to run and find psychological safety at times. I never had the safe person or place as a child... or an adult.
Facts
Scared Sick: The Role of Childhood Trauma in Adult Disease
Book by Meredith S. Wiley and Robin Karr-Morse
For anyone who might need to read up on it 💝
Extreme attachments to friends and their families too...lucky enough to have great friends but I'm very quickly comfortable and at home with their people.
So I make friends for potential protection and not just because they are nice people I want to be friends with. Sad. I've never made connections for the right reason 😮
just a great orator in this work.
I’ve always wondered why I always looked for a safe place to run when I’m troubled…now I know why.
But how do you learn how to trust again and find a safe place to go when you’ve never learned how to do that?
What are the implications of this for adulthood?
Thank you so much for the enlightenment
Nobody safe hurts I have a therapist who does not reply now however was my rock to me all the best now I try to get it through myself I hate how this exists it really hurts it really hurts so badly cheers I hope I get the safety I deserve cheers all the best.
Wonder what happens to the children who are being farmed for a.d.r.e.n.o.c.h.r.o.m.e.???
They turn their brains into a computer!