Dysphoria & Style - How I Started Exploring Gender Identity
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- Опубліковано 19 бер 2023
- Another day, another video tackling queer issues! Today we talk about dysphoria both before and after coming out as trans and how I used clothing to make it easier throughout most of it.
My Twitter Dump! ► / scribblyhoots
Outro music provided by the lovely talented Nihilore! www.nihilore.com/
Now I know this is a very weird video for me to make (like a gaming channel making a video about CLOTHING are you kidding me?). But I know that a lot of people watching my channel are queer, trans or maybe simply exploring what it means to feel more like themselves. So I wanted to give a few tips and maybe a little encouragement along the way, as someone who's been doing this whole identity exploration thing for well over a couple of years now. Hope you like it ^^
Mhm,im technically straight so idk what its like being trans,etc
@@Portal2Fan1234 as long as you are supportive, then that is ok.
NO SHOT OMG ITS ACTUALLY YOU BRO UR MY CHILDHOOD I LOVED WATCHING YOU PLAY JSAB AND THAT OTHER GAME I THINK PROJECT ARYTHMIA AND MINECRAFT TOO THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A COOL GUY!!!!
@@Portal2Fan1234 Maybe you meant cis? Because you can be straight and trans
Clothing was a start. Mannerisms were also another. I naturally had feminine mannerisms before. My worst face was gender dysphoria before as it crippled me and me dead and I didn't understand it was causing it though I always was a trans even as a little girl. Plenty of people actually laugh at me and they notice - I have boobs. They also give faces like they farted. I've had death threats also. Cis people may be stupid but they'll know your trans even if you wear pants and a top that is feminine but only mimorly so. Reality as trans women id we're visible as fuck even at the minimum.
Really sucks that mannerisms are a big part of passing as a trans guy... I'm someone who is very comfortable in how I act (which is quite feminine) but it annoys me how I could look so much like a guy but no one thinks I am cause of how I act. I don't want to change who I am just to pass for other people 😭
Kind of agreed. I get it especially with my voice - every time I try to make it more masculine, I end up not being able to express my thoughts properly because the way I naturally speak is how I communicate best. It sucks how you have to choose between passing/dysphoria (if you're dysphoric about said thing) and acting like yourself.
I always go for just acting like yourself instead of how most other guys are doing it though, because ultimately if other guys act in a way I don't... then I'm simply not like other guys in that way. To me the whole point of transitioning is to be as comfortable and authentic to myself as possible, so there's little point in just continuing to be inauthentic in a different way
I know. I really wish I knew more, or had better advice to offer friend..
I hope you keep in mind, that this is not actually a video about "how to be a man/woman". But just a very general guide on how to "pass", or fit into the traditional, unfair and unflexible ideas of masculinity or femininity that people in society tend to have.
However, just like aany other guy, then you are no less of a man just because you're comfortable with more lively and energetic mannerisms
Same back here, as an Autistic trans man who's pretty comfortable with his "feminine mannerisms" and I barely mask at all unless i really need to,
Not to say I fully pass all the way yet, but I know damn well if i looked completely like a cis man i would 100% be made fun of and called girly, gay (in a derogatory way) or just a girl in general.
It saddens me that's a huge part of passing, I refuse to completely change my mannerisms for those around me, so what if i flail my hands a bit and stand funny? It shouldn't matter.
I have resigned myself to the pretty cool fate of just being a really fruity dude.
I dont know what advice can help for you passing but i know that being yourself and loving yourself makes finding these things out much easier. Dont change yourself for others and remember you're still a guy even if you're a feminine trans guy ❤
so, lets say, for the sake of the argument, that im a quirked up trans girl. and, let's also say, hypothetically, that i'm busting it down, queer style…
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😹😹😹
but, pray tell, are you goated with the sauce?
@@Eni.Starfall ah, good point
4:07
My mom: I'm happy my son is so secure in his masculinity!
Me almost a year on E, wearing ripped baggy jeans, tight crop top hugging my boobs, winged eyeliner, painted nails, and jewelry: 😐
"my son's so comfortable in masculinity, he's a woman! crazy isn't it" /j
@@riv3rw4ter I don't think you have to specify that that's a joke
@@wigglypfff always helps, I myself often have trouble telling if somethings a joke or not so I might as well make it easier for people with the same problem
@@riv3rw4ter As a fellow member of the "I can't detect humor social cues" community, thank you
@@mykittenisaferociousnugget :]
Oh I AM in the nightmare phase, ok, weirdly validating!
LOL i felt the same, glad that it's well recognized that it's the worst part 😅
Yup. Only gets better from there, thankfully! Life always has good days and bad days, but once you get out of the nightmare phase, the highs will be higher and the lows will be milder and less common.
You can do this, and your future is bright.
After about a month of dressing like an idiot after I transitioned I decided to just buy a renfaire looking top and get a witch hat. Now my aesthetic is witch.
But this is Portland, so I've run into actual Wiccans and have no context with which to discuss the Solstice with them.
Ah wicca is just one contemporary sect of witchcraft. Considering the long history between paganism, gender, and the inherent divinity of transitioning, you fit right in with the rest of us, regardless of your specific religious beliefs.
LMAO as a witch/pagan person thing this is hilarious
😭
Also, I was horrendously physically & mentally bullied from age 8-18 through school for being “gay” when I have 0 attraction to men. It put me deep into denial & the closet until I was in my latter 20s. I never was able to be my true self until I met my wife - and even then it took another 6 years to come out. I had to do mine restricted 😞
I'm so sorry you had to go through such a long time of pain.. Denial and internalized transphobia, is absolutely brutal and shouldn't be underestimated..
But I'm really happy that you're here with us now, and that the toughest of your times seem to be behind you
As a trans guy the tip about mannerism is very true. Usually for me it's the way I stand and talk that isn't "masculine" so I've been trying to work on that. Also good luck to all the trans peeps watching this vid, hope you have a lovely night/day
Edit: typo
My friend who isn't trans told me that I don't need to change my mannerisms to pass but she really really doesn't understand how much of a difference it makes 😭 I've also been trying to change my mannerisms to be more masculine and when I do I feel so much more myself yk? Like people see me for who I really am
Anyway, I wish you luck in your transition!
"Acting like you used to is surprisingly hard" Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Like I can still drop my voice but I don't sound like I used to, I sound like a woman doing an impression of a guy
As a trans women I can agree with wearing underwear underneath my clothing as a form of relief, even when I can't fully present in public it makes me feel happy and like I am myself. And watching your videos helps me to feel better about myself, like I can be myself despite what others say about me.
Aww that makes me genuinely so happy to hear! I truly hope you reach a time soon where you feel you can safely embrace being yourself fully
Yeah wearing a bra is awesome. Terrified of it printing through my shit though
What-...the fuck?😀
@@SaberSin-mu4kt Seems pretty self explanatory. Being able to feel like yourself in any regard is nice.
@@KageKatze Is this a fetish?
My clothing phases. Egg hoodie, scarf boy?, vest androgyny, Christian girl autumn/dresses, and now crop top and shorts witchy lesbian.
For more transmasc spectrum people I recommend getting period underwear, especially if you still have parents buying stuff for you. Period Underwear can look similar to a pair of tighter boxers (plus they are a lifesaver for my clothing on my actual period.)
as an early transition trans woman, i love your videos about this process! i'm trying to start presenting more "unrestrictedly" feminine but my hair is soooooo short rn 😭
Women shave their hair all the time, its basically like growing out a buzzcut (femininely)
I'm not quite trans, but also I'm not quite cis. I don't know what i am, what i do know is that i like being masculine AND feminine. In BOTH aspects. Clothes and mannerisms. I can dress androgynously, even _like_ the other side, and have confused faceapp _multiple_ times (not sure if people irl. Two people called me by the "opposite" pronouns once but that may be because they were thinking of someone else - that happens. The first was a stranger as I passed by, the second was someone i used to do volunteer work for; both switched gears after that), but i also _like_ playing around with the clothes assigned to my agab (before I thought i may be trans and after i realized it doesnt have to be so cut and dry). There's things i will never touch, though, and other things that i can only feel comfortable in if i pull it in the opposite direction somehow.
My mannerisms, it's funny. When i talk in my own language, my voice is a certain way, my normal voice, but when i switch languages (even just CODE switching), I immediately change pitches to appear more androgynous.
Ever since i was little, my favorite characters were gnc ones from my agab. I loved _all_ toys marketed for boys, and also all toys for girls. I liked traditionally feminine _and_ masculine stuff, while rejecting certain aspects entirely.
I'm comfortable in my own skin now, no longer feeling any form of dysphoria after i talked things through with my sister (who told me i didn't _have_ to be binary trans), but even then, my dysphoria before that point was temporary (if only i could _temporarily_ remove this aspect of myself and then reattach it whenever i pleased).
I'm a bit less visibly queer than i was last year or the year before (the ex of a friend's father asked my friend if i was queer immediately after meeting me for the first time), but i hope I'm visible enough to anyone in the know.
But either way, all that complicates things when i think about transness and how it applies to me, or how transitioning applies to me or if i even should. I know i used to sigh, wanting to look like specific trans people, but now it's like. Sometimes i wish I'd started from the _opposite_ direction and transitioned to my current self, which sounds illogical. I just wish i could share the joy of those trans people i currently follow, but the idea of acting _more_ like my agab is bothersome too. So yk, it's just a mess all around. Think I'm better off keeping my gender: queer. Not genderqueer, just queer. Ghnnnhgh. It's all so complicated.
I understand all you talk about and I personally ID as Nonbinary. I have grown to like this term above all specifically because it's an umbrella term, unspecific by choice - simply meaning "Not Exclusively X", but whether that is "partially liking my birth sex", "liking some aspects of the other sex", both, neither, fluctuating (not for me but if it fluctuates a lot thats also a thing in gender fluidity) but like
the specific don't matter
To me gendered things are a buffet that I pick from that I please. Mix and match into my personal favorite combination.
And I also feel the "I wish I had transitioned to where I am now from the other side." I think for me it's kind of the fact that especially trans women always receive such a glow-up. It's that "coming into yourself" that I admire.
I could not live without the mix. If I was born as the other gender, I'd want to break out of that box as well. In video games I either play as a short haired buff woman or as a long haired effeminate man.
I have reached a point where I like myself, achieving my goals within the realm of what's physically possible, and it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but me.
This taught me more about transfeminine perspectives, thanks :-) I will keep in mind the struggle about clothes with my transfem friends. I think I had it easier because I was already dressing masculine as a perceived woman before I came out as trans. I hope we get to a point where people perceived as male can dress in full fem without getting looks or speculation about their identity soon.
Trans enban here! Specifically agender. That thing about underwear? I didn’t start wearing differently underwear around the time I properly came out to myself, I stopped wearing it altogether. Going commando, if one wills it. Which perfectly fits, given your model. And to think I thunk I knew it all…
Grateful for all my women friends who gave me clothes to experiment with and figure out my styles I feel comfortable with.
oh dear god you live in my head rent free talking about the way you transitioned and i am literally doing the exact same thing that you said you did right now with the waiting for hrt to have more effect and just being as androgynous as possible i have been given an epiphany and i am so shOOK right now
although a cool thing a few weeks ago when i had a haircut and my parents and i walked into the place and the lady at the front desk was asking specifics about i think hair style i dont remember exactly but she like looked at me for a moment in which felt like ten whole minutes and then REFERRED TO ME WITH SHE AND I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT ALL I HAVE IS A COOL PURPLE JACKET AND MY HAIR IN A PONYTAIL BECAUSE IT GETS ALL OVER THE PLACE BUT LIKE WOW THAT WAS SO SURPRISING AND I HONESTLY WAS JUST SMILING UNDER MY FACE MASK DURING THE ENTIRE HAIRCUT it was so epic and awesome this is now a new core memory
I’m learning very quickly the “andro to male fail” route just suckssssss but I’m also very closeted to my family and I’m definitely going about my transition in private
I had this kind of dysphoria since i was about 8, it took me 21 years of dealing with depression and dysphoria to realize that i was trans
You've brought me back to the pride mentality by making this video! For quite a while, I was in the classic "screw everything" shame mindset, but something about your video changed that in me. Definitely not complaining. 😅
Just wantet to say Scribbs, you look really pretty in that dress on the picture you showed! 🥰
Also, maybe this will help someone, maybe it's obvious, but one of the ways I found and continue to find my style and the way I want to present is through life sim video games, where you can customize your character!
Unfortunately, most of those games only have male and female gender, but you can still experiment with those. For example, I feel more comfortable playing as male characters while dressing them "femininely" "androgynously" and just as something I'd like to wear. It really helps me understand what I'd like to look like irl. And as soon as I removed the pressure off of myself to play as female characters, I felt so much better and more free! 10 out of 10 would recomend (exploring your gender), lmao 😄
for the nightmare phase or other:
as a non-binary afab I want to recommend sport bras if you can't yet bind but want too, it's the closest thing that's wildly available :D
I heard that if you got a bigger size it might help to wear a second one backwards ontop of it!
perhaps it might work for amab people too but they might've not realised it's an option so I hope this recommendation can help!
As an afab enby the whole less gender restrictions thing os a blessing and a curse. My body always gives me away. Ive been on testosterone for 5 years now and have never gone past .5 ml a week because I prefer to microdose. I have always been aiming more for androgyny than anything. That being said, the fact that my transition has been pretty subtle has made many people (my mom especially) think that Im not committed to transitioning. I often avoid being more outright feminine because of it. I stopped wearing makeup almost completely because of this kind of nonsense. I am frequently told by my mother that she doesnt see me as anything more than a girl, and doesnt see me as a boy or a man, which goes to show that she continues to miss the point entirely. Now she has backed off on those kinds of comments, credit where credit is due. But the idea on our society that women are allowed to be more butch and men arent allowed to be more femme, makes this very hard to discuss with people like her. It doenst help that me being married to a cis bi man who totally loves and supports me, makes people believe dumb shit like my transition is ending, hes going to fix me, he wont love me if I keep transitioning, were somehow a straight couple, or that Im a closeted lesbian. I'd just like to be me without someone somewhere assuming they know whats going on in my life more than I do.
Thank you for this
As a fellow semi-closeted trans women this helps a lot :>
Aww you're very very welcome, thank you so much for tuning in and being part of the community :3
This video made feel validated in a way no video has before. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I’m really happy this is being discussed. Even before coming out as nonbinary I wasn’t sure exactly if there was a right way for someone to transition I moreso went off of how friends went about it. What I find unfortunate is even though I identify how I do and have explored my fashion more freely I still keep being referred to as my birth sex. Friends and family know what I am but I’ve noticed customer service like cashiers or waiters are incredibly reliant on gendered language (particularly the older crowd). Right now I feel there’s no point in correcting them since I never see them again after it but it’s still frustrating
I think these kind of videos are really interesting and insightful to watch. Not many people talk about these kind of details of the transioioning process and putting your personal journey out there will surely help some people in their own.
Also, I love your calm voice. It is always a pleasure to hear :)
The problem with the transfem transition tips is if you live in the UK. HRT can't be relied on because of how long it takes to get it... :(
I know the UK is such a mess with HRT right now.. and I'm so sorry that it is so needlessly difficult to just get to feel more like yourself.
I hope you know though, that transitioning is also very much also a social and mental process, and that even though you can't start medically transitioning right away, then you can still do a surprising amount of things to feel more at home in your own body through other means.
@@ScribblyHoots indeed. I'm trying all I can, but I 25 next month and am not allowed to explore my gender because my parents are ableist and believe I could have been influenced by my trans friends and that me socially transitioning could influence my brothers and that social transition is difficult to revert if you decide it's not right for you... But I'm trying all I can to find those moments of acceptance and joy with my friends. Happy pride month!
I'm in an interesting place with closing as a trans femboy and in an interesting place in general being a trans femboy. It's a strange experience made even stranger from the fact that there's pretty much no representation for it.
I'm not trans(maybe), so I have no idea about how dysphoria and this stuff works. Tysm for explaining
Honestly, I love the varied content. As a trans woman who is still somewhat early in transition (and indefinite boy-moder until further notice) this helps, a lot. That dress pic was so cute lmfao
i say this lovingly and celebratory:
*gay*
gay
Love these kind of personal experience talk videos. Always nice to see how far you've actually come in your journey :3
Thank you so much Tem
god thank you for talking about the “nightmare phase.” i’m a trans man, so obv i can’t relate to a lot of your experiences, but it’s so validating to know that this is common AND will pass. it’s like i’m in limbo-realized i was actually a man about a year or so ago, and more or less have been battling the world + myself since. thanks for this video.
I've been figuring out lately that I'm non-binary, and clothes are a very stressful thing to figure out. Also doesn't help that I'm a pretty unusual size and shape.
As a trans man I personally look like a 12 yr old boy when I’m actually afab 16 yr old 😭 sometimes they even confuse me and my brother as twins 👯😭
This was sooooooooooo helpful!!!!! I was feeling like I had no choice but to run It down with unrestricted, but hearing you talk about how long it took you to move from one to another really let me feel like maybe I don't have to rush it so much!
It completely depends on what you're comfortable with! It is a learning curve, but its one you can choose to approach in any way you want. I promise you there is no universal "speed" that someone should socially transition
I've been spending the past like, 2 months exploring myself more, cus I've really been putting my own gender into question, I don't feel like I'm supposed to be a guy, I've always felt like I have more similar interests to women, I have a lot more female friends than male friends. Atm I have a couple of friends who knows about this, aswell as my mom, who is being extremely supportive, one of my friends usually gets me a bunch of female avatars when we run around in VRChat together, because she knows that those are what I prefer. Overall, I've slowly been working on figuring out who I really wanna be, probably still gonna be a while before anything truly comes of it, but I've at least started to explore more feminine stuff, hell, my mom lent me one of her tops, and she's also willing to let me try her bras.
You're one of my favorite content creators in recent years, started watching you back when you were playing JSAB, before you started using a web camera, and seeing this journey you've been on is really encouraging, you're such an inspiration for people like me who are still at the start of a journey like this, and I can't thank you enough for the stuff you make and these types of videos where you dive more into gender identity stuff, makes me not feel so alone in this
I knew I was trans when I was very young. Fast forward 30 ish years later & 5 years into transition, this timeline & experience feels very close to what I went through, albeit on & off from age 16-30. Happily living full time as a woman since 2019 ❤
Thank you very much for opening up on this topic and helping us trans people. Not just clothes but everything. It helps a lot very much
Long comment, but a lot of good in it!
Just discovered your channel, and it's great! I've actually wanted to support more LGBTQIA+ content creators, so this is a golden opportunity, with great advice to boot! In regards to the actual video itself (awesome one, acting on your advice on trying out more new stuff soon!), as a cisgender man, I think the recognition varies. I can say for myself, however, that it's more of a "they're trans? Okay, so what? Still a person, transgender or not." It's important normalization, but that doesn't take away how strong, inspiring, and beautiful trans people are. It takes a massive strength of character to accept something life altering like a different gender, and then face the onslaught of abuse to embrace who you truly are.
Although not the same, I had a similar experience when I deconstructed my previous beliefs in Christianity (don't become a Christian, I beg of you, you don't deserve one ounce of its torment). It was hard accepting the evidence that god doesn't exist was incredibly painful and life changing. I still had to work on my critical thinking skills and break a lot of the habits instilled in me from a young age. I can reasonably imagine that discovering your real gender in a culture that seeks to shackle you to false and damaging beliefs while suppressing reality is a similar experience, if not connected (I'm glad to help destroy patriarchy, you all deserve the best lives possible). Given the similarities of experience, I think I might be able to offer some advice. Whether or not it's good or applicable, that's where you come in and assess it. Think for yourself, after all, and don't let people tell you to believe anything without evidence. Here's the advice that may apply to the person reading this:
Embrace reality, even when it's hard. If you're trans, then you're trans. Your brain looks like your gender as opposed to your body's biological sex, and that's 100% natural. It doesn't matter what your community around you thinks, reality doesn't conform to anyone biases, including your own. I'm not saying this to deny your identity, I'm saying this to affirm your gender identity. Just because you have a different gender doesn't make you a monster or a twisted vile creature, it just means you're different, and guess what? Biodiversity and other forms of diversity keeps entire species and cultures alive and healthy. It's not just good for you to accept and embrace your true gender, but good for everyone else too! Don't let lies crush your inner beauty, and don't hesitate to question everything.
Same applies if you're attracted to the same gender or sex as your own, that's great! Don't deny it, don't waste your time denying yourself the happiness you deserve. I spent too much time myself denying myself happiness and I don't want you to do the same mistake. You're still capable of having beautiful, loving relationships regardless of who you are or who you're attracted to. It makes you more beautiful and someone to respect and look up to.
Change is difficult, but it'll get easier the more you conform to your true self and reality itself. Don't expect this necessary road, however it looks for you, to be walked through over night. Just make sure you have good reason to believe it is the right road to walk. We've faced enough damaging lies as is.
Whatever the reality is, it's what we do with the reality we face together that counts. If you see any flaws with what I'm saying, poke as many holes as you want! Let's find the truth together and stop harmful misinformation in its tracks for a better tomorrow.
Oh and I adore your art style! 👾
2:30 My alleviation technique in the nightmare phase was knee-high socks aka programmer socks.
10:30 and yeah, I did go through a pretty unrestricted style; like, after going to work in boymode, I changed in the basement of work and then I went to technical meetups or other after work events in girlmode (pre-covid). It worked out pretty well, although since I've settled into my butch style, I still have a lot of leftover futch clothing.
I'll just shy of a year into my (femme) transition, and so far I've been doing it the same way you described your journey, starting with basically just the underwear and makeup at home only. Over the last 1-2 months I've experimented with wearing sleeveless T-shirts that show the side of my bra on my ribs and are also tight enough to make my growing breasts somewhat obvious, as well as wearing mascara, eyeliner, and eyebrow makeup. This was a terrifying but also liberating experience 🖤
Just yesterday I ordered my first dress and skirt online with some other accessories, and I'm absolutely vibrating with anticipation thinking of the first time I'll get to wear them out 😭
I've been living 18 years and I just recently realized how I look, I've always ignored my looks to an extreme level and hated going shopping because girls have soooooo much variety in clothing but men's clothes are soooooooooo uniform. Still cis tho (not really haha)
Gasp! You egg! *she (???) stabs them*
I’m a confident cis man but yeah we really aren’t allowed to dress in anything interesting
As an autistic transmasc person I feel like all the time I spent masking is definitely making things harder for me. I spent so much time forcing and training myself to talk and move more “normally” which also meant more femininely, to talk more melodically, to sit femininely, to come across less awkward and graceless, to copy the mannerisms that were expected /that more popular and “normal” teenage girls had and stuff, to always act that way and not ever slip up, at this point they’ve become these hard to break habits or perhaps more of a survival skill that I use without noticing when I’m socially anxious or worried about what people think. And I have a hard time observing and copying body language, it was hard to me the first time and it’s hard to me now. And I don’t want a different mask, I want to unmask, but I don’t really know how to go about that when it comes to habits. I actually kind of like my voice when I’m relaxed and feel like I can be myself. I still feel like I want a deeper voice, but I don’t feel that dysphoric about it like that. Then as soon as I’m in a situation where I feel more pressure to mask, or when I’m using phrases that I’ve basically said over and over again and copied entirely from other people, like when talking to cashiers, I use this fake speech melody and talk in a much more high-pitched and “feminine” way and it makes me feel intensely dysphoric. I also feel dysphoric about the way I walk but I feel like if I change anything about it I’m going to look like I’m attempting some kind of parody silly walk, and I feel like when I sit I often feel too anxious to take up more space (isn’t it interesting and fucked up how the main difference between so much of “feminine” and “masculine” body language especially when it comes to things like sitting is how much space you take up). Idk, it’s all these habits I fall back into, making myself small, not taking up too much space, not drawing too much attention to myself, ect.
i just wanted to pop by and say that the thumbnail & drawings made for this video are adorable. :>
Thank you so much! This is the exact video I was looking for, I’m trying to look more androgynous but I’m also just trying to find my style in general and for me personally I find that just being comfortable is my number one than I can add style and such.
Saving this in case my cousins or siblings come out to me as trans.
2:27 You expect me to keep a STRAIGHT face? I'm sorry, but that's pretty impossible
(She/they)
One clothing-tip for whenever the topic comes up:
Shop thrift.
For all my masc-mates, fellow fem-friends, andro-acolytes, and gender-gaggles out there, lemme tell you: my entire pre-transition, cis-het-man closet consisted of homogenous pairs of jeans, random Target t-shirts, some button-up shirts, and a few jackets. Every day, all my life, I plucked my daily garments out at random, completely careless to presentation, because the thought of liking how I looked was literally incomprehensible to me. This had the end result of me blending in with all the other cis-het-men. If you want to 'pass' as *equivalent* to a cis-man, that is the criteria: to look as typical as possible in the generic-drobes of Target's male-aisles.
Which comes to my next tip. I recommend not aiming for cis-equivalent passing. If your conception of being trans is to not look trans, that is, in my mind, a pretty negative-conception.
For one, it places the trans experience as one you want to escape from, which shouldn't be necessary. I understand not wanting to be discriminated against; violence of all types is something we want to avoid. In our world, there are real threats to being targeted for being trans. Blending in can award safety, in that respect. But seeing 'not-blending-in' as an *inherently* negative thing? That's lame.
Secondly, it conceptualizes gender as existing within, or belonging to, a cis-reality. But our existence isn't validated by similarity to cis people, y'know? Thinking otherwise is more transphobia, and more nb-phobia. Us nbs' are valid too.
Thirdly, being trans is cool! If you think otherwise, that is some more internalized transphobia you should probably work on. 'Passing' as a whole perpetuates the idea that people should be able to assume and profile other people's gender and identity, often through a hetero-normative gender-binary lens. But not everyone can, or even wants to pass: What about us? Should we just be contented with the 'passing' system, and be satisfied as the special-exceptions of this screwed-up game? NO!
Which brings me to my final tip: Instead of aiming for cis-equivalent passing, aim for queerness. Aim for pride, aim for yourself! If you get out there proud of who you are, not ONLY are you fighting for yourself, but you are fighting for the community of queer people around you. Rather than avoiding the current conception of trans people as 'radical', we should be owning it! Taking ownership in our 'radical' existence is what will actualize the 'RadiCaL' ideal-world that we want.
Some fashion advice for accomplishing queerness: Wear whatever you want and walk like everyone around you recognizes you, and in their eyes, says, "Your highness, my friend!" And if anyone asks you where you bought your clothes, say "The thrift-store." And whether or not your style/dress is any different, what matters is that YOU are *being* YOURSELF: "you *ARE*", rather than "you are RECOGNIZED". YOU ARE YOU! PROFILES ARE ASSUMPTIONS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRAINED TO MAKE! Profiling is always mistaken logic, even if the conclusion is correct! Which is why passing doesn't make sense, to me, to aim for. Passing is what created problems for us in the first place! It isn't the solution! For when you desire a practical solution to being recognized as queer, wanting queer-visibility: we LITERALLY have FLAGS. Use them! Pronouns? We've got'em!
But if you think its strange or awkward to wear clothes you want to? In public? "Is it okay? Do they think I'm weird?" I want you to imagine yourself doing that, while also doing the following: clicking your mouth, stumbling over your own feet repetitively while walking through a grocery-aisle, making random sounds with your voice, and being a generally chaotic creature. Imagine walking around school, and seeing no-one give a dodge. I have Tourette's, this sometimes happens to me.
Living in California, I'll let you know: NO-ONE CARES! Maybe three people have even ASKED me about it for the past 2 years since I've gotten Tourettes (which I got simultaneous with my transition). But when they do? It's pretty simple to answer. More people might have said something if I lived in, say, Texas. But there would be nothing I could do about it: I'm just my silly self! I can't help it! I see my trans existence as the exact same. It's a necessary part of who I am.
We've got to do some work on society in order to make it more accepting of everyone. For trans people, that work starts with trans pride, and ends when cis-het people cope from their fear-mongering after realizing how precious we all are :3
Transfemme here, the underwear thing is so true. I still keep the first piece of woman underwear I bought as a souvenir of those times.
I was not out to anyone, not even to myself. I did it because it felt right, the same way I kept my hair long since a very young age (was always a fight with my mother and I even used rock and metal aesthetic as a way of justifying why I wanted to have long hair or painted nails when I was a teenager).
It took me until being 30 to finally come out publicly but all my 20s were filled with these kind of little "practices" of secret gender performance.
And the self sabotaging thought of "maybe its just a fetish" is a really hard one to navigate, specially if you are also attracted to women.
Obsessed with your art style. Super cute.
This is really nice. After years of transition and doing my thing in a restrictive career, this is really cute and just wholesome.
Such a good video!
My in-the-closet wife showed it to me because it made her happy ❤ So thanks!
Aww that's incredible! So glad I contributed to her happiness a little bit
Style is difficult. Now that I had my top surgery I can finally start to properly think about what styles I like and what I don't like. Before, all my clothes had to do was hide my breasts. Now I have multiple pullovers that I liked previously because they did the job well.. but which I don't really like anymore because... pastel colors?!! I don't even like pastel!! Why did I buy those?! (I mean.. I know why... they where the baggiest pullovers I could find in the woman's section. As I wasn't comfortable going into the men's section back then)
But yeah.. style is hard. Especially when you're an enby who like to be tomboyish/femboyish... how am I even going to do that?! T_T
Style is difficult, and I understand your frustrations
@@ScribblyHoots Yeah, I agree. The style you like to wear and what lables you like to use for yourself are definitelly two different kind of things =)
Both of them can be useful though ^^
UA-cam has been quite insistent I watch this video, and I'm glad it did. Great stuff.
I went full unrestricted, and I do not regret it. The day I moved into my apartment, I never boymoded ever again. Except for one time when I had to go see a doctor in my old part of town. But that's literally it. Also, I really liked the video. Subbed.
I’m genderqueer and afab but I found this video really awesome and cool!! Lately it’s been SUCH a struggle, I go back and forth and back and forth in my closet and drawers looking for clothes it’s hard finding a consistent style when everyday I want to dress like so many things!!! I feel like I have to dress one way to get anyone to believe me, which sucks so I’m working on finding good roundabouts to work with what I have currently so people will see me as more androgynous, I had a friend who make me kandi with my pronouns on it and I wear them every time I go out, whenever I meet someone new and give them a handshake or high five they might notice it and refer to me as what I want and I find that to be a very useful and subtle accessory to have since I’m too scared to tell anyone, pins you can put on your vests and bags work as well :3c
Currently in nightmare mode. I have no frickin clue how I'm supposed to buy clothes. Like, i don't even know my size, i feel like I'm being watched when I'm looking at cute clothes. Scary stuff.
Dang... Tbh i'm doing the same rn
I'm still boy moding the whole time because I didn't start hrt yet
Mannerisms and posture are a huge part of passing.
I once saw it explained like "Men behave like they own the place, women like they are just passing through".
Your video is so helpful and educational Thank you
4:24 Yes, they are so dense fr fr they dont understand the art of slaying ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
I indentify myself as nonbinary, and the biggest difference I felt with the biggest gender euphoria was when I started doing makeup regularly. Right now, I'm also trying to change my wardrobe to match my clothes more to my gender, but its so expensive🥲
I love this kind of videos :>
4:07 I’m using this quote
I started wearing women's clothing since day 1 when I became trans, I never saw it as a fetishistic thing. And I became trans like, 3 and a half years before I started hormones. I was, and still am, very confident in myself. I passed well before I started HRT. Started growing my hair out n' stuff. I may be really hecking tall, but I still think I did, and do, pass good.
My clothing timeline so far:
Egg teen: stylish?? Trendy??
Post closet: Man (tm) straight up copying my cis male classmates and following all the rules. I legit thought I could get my friends to forget I was ever a girl.
After quitting T and realizing I'm agender: basement dweller
Maybe some day my Pinterest board of pastel kawaii and cybergoth nonsense will see some use...
People say I act or talk like a guy. It’s interesting how women how a certain way of speaking
The trans agency of transylvania approves this message!
My trial by fire phase is rather than everything all at once: I haven't worn feminine clothing outside, but will do makeup and nail polish. The nail polish especially nobody really cares about, but I've down makeup hidden by glasses longer than even that. I wear glasses so eye makeup in particular is my go to because most people don't even notice I have the makeup on, especially in the sun as my glasses tint. Only thing I'd like to change is getting glasses frames that're more feminine as that would probably help with a more feminine face.
Aside from that I feel like I need to get more clothes that aren't dresses and skirts, but just tops with pants that women would wear more often, but someone wouldn't question a man in, so I'm being more androgenous, but also occasionally passing at the same time.
Mannerisms for me too are very difficult as I have an amalgamation of masc and fem mannerisms. I have my "with da boizzzz" moments, then morph into my "shopping with the girls talkin' about clothes" moments. There's plenty of things friends pointed out like how I walk, certain things I do, and talking like in the last sentence about the boiz and shopping.
nope, no one even notices i'm in drag except the marker mustache, but now all my sleeves and pants legs aren't inches too short
You're amazing and awesome! ty for this video!!!
I dress in a very androgynous way as a gay man, i usually wear like a t shirt and shorts but then I wear like rings, crazy patterns, fun socks, bracelets, earrings, necklaces, and bracelets and kinda give off a non binary look that makes people second guess what i go by. But it is a cohesive style that i like and i think it's fitting for my personality.
3:10 - yep, me too
YOU LOOK SO CUTE IN THE DRESS :O
i think this might be the perfect video for me to find right now
Excellent video
You are valid❤
thank you ❤
I really appreciate this video, it's always so insightful to see other's experiences with transitiong
this sort of made me realize how much terminology and shorthand i’ve picked up from 4chan you had to use a lot of words to describe what i call “boymoding”
I remember the exact day where I went from ghost trans to openly transfem. It was the day after my mom told me she didn't belief I'm trans and thatshe wouldn’t support me. And my god, did things progress quickly after I let myself experiment out of pure spite
I am nightmare phase, and I am doing small bits here and there. Somr slight amount of makeup, slightly feminine mannerism (hard to unlearn 3 decades of indoctrination), and the like. I also have gotten the bravery to wear thighigh socks in public. I already naturally did hit the halfway point with a lot in life, my mannerism, my speech patters, etc, so for me getting deeper into the sauce is where it is at. Though I got a 4 year wait period for HRT... Oh joy!
thank you so much for this, i hope the algorithm connects more trans ppl!
being a trans guy (2 weeks on T!) and also fem, shit's weird out here. i just want to be seen as a dude with long hair, like a metal head 😅. i also really like the look of feminine clothing, but wearing it and getting misgendered sucks. i get that i look like a girl, but oh well. so many men's clothes is just really boring. idk, it just sucks that (from a cishetro perspective) men aren't given the same freedom in clothing that women are.
I'm transmasc enby and same, I love having long hair like a shaggy metal guy would lmao, and I like skirts and pastel colours... I want to be seen as a cool skater sort of guy but my personality and other tastes betrays that
2:15 i really like to call this phase the egg crack phase. same reasons, it's messy, confusing, and hard.
as a trans girl andro -> male fail is the actual worst but im too terrified to just be myself..
at least I can wear my fem clothes when im alonee which kinda helps!
Part of why my closet was so invisible/obvious most of my life was being somewhat blind to how people perceive gestures and posture. Once I felt comfortable in a situation it’s like a switch flipped and my body language outed me as femme. Ironically, now that i am out and dress femme, there are always some who try to gaslight me for not trying enough. But that bind of always trying too much/little for some is unfortunately something that women generally contend with, cis included.
It took me a couple of years before I felt like I found my "style", so I do agree - make mistakes. Go thrifting at Good Will or other stores! You don't have to invest so much money into it, you might find that you don't like that dress you bought at first after 1 year.
I'm currently more or less in nightmare mode because I dont fully trust some people in my family. Which means i have the anxiety of hoping they dont find out, plus the dysphoria.
i honestly feel very alone because i have an extremely poor social life (inside my room a lot). i know i didnt say much, but i'm sorry if that was too much sharing.
Okay, thanks for the tips on mannerisms, but maybe its just cuz I'm autistic, but people see me being masculine as threatening. Idk why, but ive been laughing and joking with friends and someone else will come up to me and say im disturbing them, like scaring them. Idk what im doing wrong, i just want to learn how to human right.
kept trying to wipe away that smudge under the exclamation point... well played
7:50 yea
As a trans man, I went from wearing super feminine clothes (trying to deny to myself and everyone around me that I'm trans) to wearing super fancy masculine clothes (because I didn't really pick up on a masculine style i liked yet so i went with button up shirts and dress pants every day lol) to wearing very subtle masculine clothing (picture cargo shorts / loose jeans and a boys tshirt) lmao funny how one's perseption of gender through clothes changes, right?
i feel like i got lucky because i was AMAB but i have a very feminine frame. so i did slightly better at the all-in approach.
Ngl having done it myself for like a year, that whole going all in on presenting as a woman thing is rough even in more exciting places. I lucked out on getting tits from first puberty but over the last year has been a lot of learning and relearning shit. Part of that was regularly wrestling with autistic burnout for trying to mask too much in the process, so over the last idk few months I've been having to figure out being demigirl and how that effects things, wish I could gove more helpful advice but this way of transition is basically just a lot of sometimes painful trail and error but idk I can recommend any other way.
Is it weird that I'm feeling more dysphoric hearing about stuff that other trans women do than the way I look/behave compared to other women?
Like I'm not overly bothered about the fact that I wear boxer briefs because they're comfortable and serve as safety shorts in a way, but when other trans women start talking about the panties they're wearing I start getting self-conscious over it.
Do you have any specific clothing recommendations? I'm non binary, and recently started passing as male and female as more of a 50/50 thing (which has changed since shaving my hair but I might be just focusing too much on the pronouns that bother me more), so I started getting feminine dysphoria, but because I wear masculine clothes so frequently due to how easy it is to find comfortable masculine clothing I cannot for the life of me figure out how to woman. Not that I want to a lot of the time anyway, but still. And trans women always have the best fashion senses, I'm not sure why but it's true trust /pos /hj