After 2 years with a malignant narcissist I was a shell of myself. In such a deep hole that it took me 2 years to dig my way out. They are wholly evil, it's like they feed off you. 'Energy vampires' my therapist calls them.
My sister completely lost herself to her narc husband. She's a depressed shell of her former self. He likes to say about her, "We are one", which is very creepy when you know what malignant/grandiose narcissist he is. He's also has said multiple times, that if she ever decides to leave him, "she will disappear" ... followed by his narc smirk.
Energy vampires - totally - not only do they suck the life out of you leaving you drained/exhausted, they can't see their own reflection in the mirror - they have zero insight/empathy - they don't have the capacity to be introspective. Now, I pay attention to how I feel around people - if I leave their company feeling drained, they aren't for me. If I leave feeling happy, energized - I'm just fine.
My ex had an evil smirk. He knew. He fooled me for years but like you said it gets worse and worse and worse and I left. I had to leave or emotionally die. Much love and light to all you good spirits❤️
Thank you and congratulations to you! Yes, I know how the evil smirk looks like. I have seen it when he told me after 45 years of marriage: "There is no way am I going to make a commitment to a woman. This is why I am not wearing my wedding ring." Yes, he lost the ring I gave him on our wedding day many years ago. He said it to me when I turn to him for conversation, in the moment t of neediness for support...I was shocked, not only by the words, but also by hostile, cold tone. This was painful. It was hard to believe I heard this. I made a note to myself, date included. I made at least one attempt to return to his "revelation" as if I wanted him to own it and heal it. Silly me. The result: "I didn't say it. Meant for other woman, not you." Aha, this what gaslighting looks like....😢
@@gorunsko31 You know what you heard, and good for you for standing within yourself and staying with the light. You deserve way better than a narcissist and I am sending you much love and light, hang in there and follow your intuition❤️
Kudos for your use of language. Narcissists are not predators, not clever, and not to be respected in any way. They are pathetic, amoral, desperate, and manipulative. Sadly, their targets are gentle, empathic, good and decent people in their lives, that they have exploit. If they had power, or anything of value to offer... they would get along with each other. Growing up, there was a jingle "I know you are but what am I?" Narcissists never got beyond that grade school intellectual level.
Yes. They're both predators AND parasites. My narc ex wouldn't be able to function on her own and she is 100 % dependent upon the primary partner to look after her, bring in an income which is funny because she sees herself as a 'strong independent woman'. She had some really bad social anxiety also. So glad she discarded me ... I feel sorry for her current husband and their children ... they'll all see it eventually if they haven't by now.
same I had to endure for nearly 20 years.. and just left her. I still have guilt feelings but my therapist told me it was clear and apparent I totally forgot about myself and neglected my own life to a point where only her existed- mental!
Lol You're trippin, sounds like she's happy with a real man. No offense but I'm wondering if you're the one not seeing it. From what you've said about her, she sounds normal. And maybe the partner she has now supported her through anxiety.
Myth#5 "Their behaviour is not personal". Is probably one of the most important mental health preservation messages that I've heard which will help people in the midst of dealing with narcissistic people. It seems like we, as empaths are like sponges & we generally have a tendency to absorb every negative thing narcissist's send our way. I worry that even the most robust & stoic empath personality can succumb to narcissistic toxicity eventually if we don't mindfully get into the habit of not taking narcissistic abuse too personally. It seems like many empaths become so broken & disempowered because they've taken the narcissistic abuse to heart, that they then can't stealthily & safely implement their escape plan from their parasitic narcissist. Thanks for another brilliant video.It's both wonderfully educational & empowering.
This is so very true. I have discovered that when the narrative we construct to give meaning to our experiences is constructed from the perspective of “I am not good enough”, the suffering experienced is intense and unending. It drives many good people, who cannot comprehend the evil of the world, to end their lives. However, when we cultivate and develop the skill of releasing “self absorption in the narrative” in favour of “seeing the world the way it actually is”, then the majority of this suffering is ended forever, and a new found inner peace is experienced. The Buddha called “self absorption in the narrative” sakkāya diṭṭhi. It is the 1st of 10 fetters to be released on the path to nibbana. In my experience, this fetter is released by cultivating courage (viriya) rooted in the opening of the heart (mettā) more fully to the suffering of the world and resolving to work towards its ending. This creates the conditions for the arising of the insight which makes it possible to fully release attachments to the judgments of others.
For most of my 46 years of living with covert narc, I have been taking his hurtful behavior personally. Today, finally I am able to see what is behind the unjust accusation and not react to it. This morning I experienced the accusation of "focusing on controlling" him when I asked him if he could postpone his fitness routine until I return form the dentist. We were hosting our grandkids (8 & 14) and I am usually the one making meals for them. Today I asked him to make himself available for breakfast time (I already put out cold cereal for them, because they were still asleep). My appointment was over in an hour, could he do his sit ups and push ups after my return? This is when the accusation popped up. Was I disappointed ? Yes. Hurt too, but not exhausted. I chose not to "prove my innocence." Just focused on getting ready for an appointment. It was a big deal for me. Knowledge is power. THank you for your videos. 🙏❤ Best wishes for fellow travelers on this rocky road of liberating yourself from the grip of blame and shame.
5 months into marriage and arguing over her having guy friends. Came close to divorce. She said oh my god i wasted time with you i would have had all this time and had so many opportunities with some one better then you. How on earth this was not suppose to be taken personal specifically when i didn't knew anything about this disorder and it was told to me by my spouse.
Just found your videos. Bless you for being so direct about narcissism. The hardest thing for me to accept about my narcissistic wife was that I was fooled for so long about who she really was. I felt stupid for trusting her. Her latest put down of me was that she couldn’t have intimate relations with me unless she had at least two drinks. Narcissists are just pure evil!
Engaged to a parasitic narcissist for 3 years and we had a child early on unfortunately. I agree with what this lady is saying - especially the lack of planning and only seeking help when they crash and burn to serve themselves. But also important to recognise people can be with damaging narcissists because they are STILL making things better and right in-between hurtful, parasitic and damaging behaviours.
2 days ago I had tried to give my wife advice and she ended up telling me I need to ask her first if it’s ok to give her advice. That turned into a 4 hour conversation of all my wrong doing and the need to understand everything from the last 8 years. After I felt fatigued and drained . Funny she was all happy the next morning. Trying to currently love bomb me for the last 24hrs
I think timing is super important - if they're in repose it's vital that they aren't disturbed because it's the only window they seem to have within which to organise their thoughts. On top of that, it's very difficult to give them advice - I used to do it in the abstract first, like a fairytale, and then let my partner join the dots without becoming off balance. This is only possible in a limited number of situations but in our case it worked extremely well with no friction! It's time consuming but very rewarding and encouraging.
@@prestons9305 even if youre not on a power trip it can seem that way to a cluster b person - i just frame everything from their perspective and good to go.
I grew up under a Narcissist father. I always (even as a kid) couldn't understand his wierd "competiveness" with even my small brother and I. Or just cold "indifference". He's 94years this year, and I wasted 60yrs trying to "please" him too his satisfaction. Turned grey-rock to him on my 60th birthday. But I'll still chat about the weather and absorb whatever the daily insult. I finally realized he's not qualified to have an unselfish opinion.
absorb the daily insult? why? I would immediately say : I will not tolerate insults from you. when you want to talk decently to me, I will listen. today we are done. then get up and leave the room, or hang up the phone or whatever else to remove yourself IMMEDIATELY from his presence.
Yep I understand my mother was exactly the same .She was the ultimate manipulator ,I moved away years ago she was furious .I had to cut narcissistic supply she decided to alienate me from the whole family
Very similar childhood. It wasn't until recently I became aware of the covert narcissist. Over two years ago for my dad's 90th birthday I found an old family reunion video I had made for family. Almost all in the video were deceased. Instead of being touched by all the smiles and laughter, he said "They sure are Fat". I immediately said to look at those smiles and the happy eyes. He then said, I guess we were all fat. That was the final staw. He was Bully who enjoyed making fun of us as children and get the others to join in. Not me. I was cordial to my dad for his last 2 years and kept praying he would find humility. He died a few days ago and I did not attend his funeral because he had it all scripted with his military salute. I still Love him because I chose to I am healing am enjoying life in way I did not think was every possibe. I had to Socially Transition and let go of my Family. Thank you Dr for your insight to help so many who tried so very very hard to make a narcissist happy. Free yourself.
Once again, you’ve saved me sooo much mental anguish. I was thinking about my exGF and starting to wonder if NPD applied to her because she has been in therapy for a while, so I questioned if maybe she had more self awareness than I gave her credit for, but then you mentioned how covert narcissists will go to therapy to discuss work or personal problems, that is EXACTLY why she goes! It’s an hour long pity party with her therapist and how she can cope with all the stress that OTHERS put on HER, but never about what she’s doing to others! Thank you Lisa, so much!
My ex was getting close to this point. I was heart-wrenched when I initiated the break up instead, because I couldn't take losing my sense of self. It was devastating to me because I invested so hard, and it was a day before my birthday that I initiated the break up. He seemed so careless about the entire thing. I've only progressively been feeling better and better to be out of there after long, grueling months of strong depression and feeling defeated, worthless, unable to do anything. I didn't even want to admit there was a problem... it took my closest friends for me to even have the courage to even consider breaking it off before it got the best of me. I've been with a couple narcissists in the past, though this by far was the hardest relationship for me.
I agree...been married for 35 years and finding my way out...learning to show no emotions and silence is an awesome tool...love the parasite and host analogy...my silent plan is working...i am studying and observing my husband
@@nathansnyders6617make him bored of you and he will leave. He thinks he's the winner but you win because you het rid of him. Give nothing emotionally. Just withdraw. Do it as a process though.
Thanks for the empowerment. Knowledge is power, and I really appreciate you taking the time to map out these narcissistic behavioural protocols so simply for me to follow. I have been the target of two narcissistic women in my life, my ex-wife (not yet divorced) and also a woman at my church who is trying to get a little too close to me too soon on false pretenses (I see now). Thanks again.
I love your videos. It is becoming more and more clear that I am married to someone with narcissistic tendencies. It sucks because I really love her and wanted us to work, but she filed for a divorce a little over 3 weeks ago. I am currently going to therapy trying to fix myself. I hope one day she can look back and see that she also needs help and maybe we can be a family again. Thanks for the videos. I feel they are helping with my healing.
This is very clear and a balanced perspective. My father most likely has been a narcissist since I remember, now in old age he has not really mellowed out. His narcissism has been expressed through anger, manipulation, violence, control. But he targeted different individuals in different ways, so I am not sure about not taking it personally, if some in our family took the brunt of his excesses, while others were exempt. Also that could be applied to people who worked under him. Certain individuals and personalities seem to trigger his anger and control more than others. It was not easy at all growing up with him.
Are you a father? Is this a case of the narc wanting to ruin your birthday/wedding/dinner party ect? - but in this case, father's Day. See it as a positive. Narcissists DO blame-shift and will accuse you of doing everything they're actually doing. They cannot take responsibility and do this blame-shifting thing almost unconsciously it seems. They can also be so wounded by small things, because of their narcissism and fragility ... like simple disagreements and arguments, that they can actually see it as abuse when it's really not. Their mind games, manipulations, cheating and blaming can cause one to become very out-of-sorts and behave out of character and in a sense bring out the worst in their partner, and one can feel alot of guilt and shame about this. Their narcissism does this deliberately albeit somewhat unconsciously. They just keep pressing your buttons to get reactions and also to get you to react badly ... so they can blame you. It's such a huge blame game with a narcissist. The trick is to get wise to this behaviour and not react. - To steel yourself, maintain your integrity, speak minimally but truthfully and don't let them provoke you. The narcissist in them wants to unhinge you.
Kenneth, me too. Been going thru hell. 23 yrs then 1.5 yrs Divorce. The very fact you thought you were the Narc is proof enough. I truly lost my self. No energy/depression like no other. Hardest part is accepting they cannot change, cannot be helped. Yes, you will go thru the "I've been a fool stage" ... You are NOT. Doesn't matter how strong/weak. Hard to accept what can only be described as evil. The reason you were chosen is the great amount of goodness you have. 6'4" very strong grounded man and I was absolutely stripped over the years . Good luck man.... It does get better ...many many low times , so just hunker down and accept it.
My ex threatened to move out several times just to upset me. The last time she threatened I didn't get upset I got used to the threat. And then about 6 years later unexpectedly she shows up to the house with two cops and a moving crew. I immediately filed for divorce. 4 months later the very day the divorce was final. She tries to come back. I did not allow that. It took me nine more months to completely get rid of her. No contact is the only way. I hope you don't have children with her. You're going to need some help either way. Keep yourself respect and do not follow her lead. Do not let your guard down. It's unbelievable what these people are capable of.
@@hardywatkins7737 Perfectly said! Personally, I took the high ground until several months before the discard. She had grandiose and out of touch ideas but still needed me to help her with rent every couple of months. When I dared to criticize her ideas, she said I'm doing what her narcissistic parents did to her. When I explained her some facts of life, she got angry at me and asked me "Why does it have to be that way?" (that happened plenty of times) She never said that it isn't the way I said it. What was bothering her is that what I said conflicted with her fantasy world. Because of all that she presented me to herself as a narcissist, so that she has an excuse to dump me when I don't comply with her wishes. So she did. Months ago she future faked me, then a week before she dumped me gaslit me about the thing she future faked me, which triggered me (I was so triggered that I fell into a fight or flight state - I just couldn't believe she would do that, especially that late into the relationship) so I became confrontational, and then she finally dumped me because I don't value her principles (she was talking about the same principle she future faked me and later gaslit me!). And all she had to do was to be honest and transparent, and I would be more accepting of that one of her principle. Instead she waited till the last moment, and I felt deceived, manipulated. It was like she really can't comprehend how her actions affect other people. It was such a strange, alien experience. Almost like I don't exist there.
@@ronstallings3156 same here and thank you for your words. I totally neglected myself and only she seemed to exist. I couldn't take it anymore and ended this 20 year relationship.. devastating, but still when I talk to her about the separation (it all happened two months ago), it is still all my fault and she switches to the passive-aggressive behaviour I have endured for so long; only now I understand it. "We are only talking, you are the one fighting".. that's what I always hear from her.
Vette Vegas's comment has reminded me how competitive narcissists can be. This is a fairly easy red flag to spot in my opinion because this competitiveness can happen early and intuitively I think is easy to feel when someone is being competetive with you.
I've gone no contact with my narcissistic mother in the past few weeks. It's hard because as I have these intrusive images of her damaged hurt inner child that keep entering my mind, but I have to keep reminding myself of the lifelong abuse that's wreaked havoc on my life and pathological malignant behavior that has almost cost me my life on several occasions.
Your Mother will use your kind heart as a further way to abuse you. Trust me on this. I have walked away from mine at 62 years old..she is 82...it feels awful but she will spit venom and hate till the bitter end...do not waver..you are lovable.
People talk about the book, "The body keeps score" not my favorite as it is "from outside looking in" perspective of C-PTSD/PTSD people. Narcissists are weak will prey and find people with weaknesses and buttons and use those as a form to control. As folks who didn't didn't have good emotional regulation from guardians or parents. In the book he states, "society plays the game of, the person who gets hurt or mad loses and is made out to be unstable". The narcissist will keep tightening the screws to beat you down into submission and suck the life out of you to be one of their minions. They are empty inside and it will never fail, they will get their fix from some where and chose the path of least resistence.
You suggested that I stop researching on narcissism because I already know that I’m dealing with one but I say to you sis that I find the subject very interesting and keep watching the videos and other channels as well on this subject. Thank you .😉
Just be careful you don't get obsessed and don't move on yourself properly as the videos can become an obsession too. You need to focus on you and living in the present which is. yielding your new life but I do understand as I do a lot too but gradually become less and less. namaste ❤
Lise leblanc I want to say thank you for all you do here you have helped me and my children recover and move on you are an angel of mercy and wisdom !!!
I am 76 and am real lucky to have mental and physical health so far. My narcissist is my first GF from 55 years ago, calls me out of the blue two years ago, but does not want to get together or will not invite me to her house for some BS reason or another. Our time is only on the phone which she regulates, busy, watching movies,s, etc and she wants me to figure out how to get a few hundred thou to help her buy a house. I am saying to much here, why did she call and say,"oh Danny I love you and thought about you for 5 decades in the beginning, Bliss although as you pointed out, there were red flags that I no doubt ignored or denied. She is nice one day and terrible the next, always telling me, I need to be more of a man, etc etc. I hope I can break away and get some semblance of a life back. Finding your site has at least given me the hope that maybe I am human. I ll continue to listen to your youtube sessions, Thanks D
You are saving my life. My fiancee has been using our two kids against me the past 3 years by running to her parents with the push pull method. The past year she has resorted to being angry and sometimes getting physical with me. And the past year has been threatening me with jail. I would not have the awareness as I'm co-dependent and blinded by working for a good future for my kids. God bless you
This is really interesting. Thank you for addressing the myths surrounding NPD and educating us so we have the information we need to deal with the narcissist in our lives.
They are evil geniuses (planners) and opportunistic evildoers (improvisers) at the same time. They do evil whether or not it is planned. Another way to think of it would be that it’s all prearranged, since an actually plan can take shape in a nanosecond. Just because a scheme can take just an instant to conceptualize doesn’t mean it isn’t premeditated.
Lise Leblanc you are a life saver. Thank you for giving me a hand to get away from this "hell" i have been living in with my girlfriend. I have touched the bottom, but now finaly at the top getting air and seeing whats what.
Hi Lise 👋 I really appreciate the videos you make.. 🙏 I'm healing from round 2 with the same individual, and I know I can't go back. This channel has really helped along the way.. thank you for the continued content. God Bless 🙏
It is exacly like she says. My girlfriend she wheeled me in , but not this time. They do NOT think like us, and they cant be reasoned with. My way out is cuting of feelings and tought on her and live my life, be me and seek away to friends and family... She is gone, even if still there...
Excellent as usual Lise. I sympathize with any therapist who gets one of these nut jobs as a client. It could turn them into an alcoholic, lmao! Keep up the outstanding work to help us victims learn to deal with the craziness, pain and sadness.
Wow again thank you so much for opening my eyes to myself. I messaged my boyfriend and apologized for all the emotional distress I have put him through and let him know that I am working on myself. I also have come to understand through your videos he has traits of the quiet BPD and my covert narcissistic nature has been the only thing that has been keeping me from succumbing to the intense neediness. Now that I recognize this parasitic nature in myself I will be eliminating it while at the same time setting healthy boundaries so that is BPD doesn't take me through the ringer. If possible can you do a video about how to handle a relationship when you (f) are a covert narcissist and the man is BPD?
Lise, in my experience some people can be more parasitic and focused on your resources and others are angry inside and resent you bc of their own issues. They need to bring you down. That guy targeted me to entice me away from his best friend - and I accept my role in this - but once he had me he resented and disliked me. It was about getting one over on his best friend.
Thanks for putting your expertise and experience based insights out here for us all. One of my children informed me that her mother had accused me of narcissism after I ended a thirty-five year marriage so I have been trying to learn about the condition. I do find a few commonalities in my behaviours but then I also see some things that apply to certain loving long term friends that I know have best intentions at heart. I suppose we all tend to see ourselves as better people than we really are and find it easier to apply a label like narcissism to a person rather than take responsibility for our own part in relationship failure. I am struggling to figure out who I actually am after 55 years of not being good enough but it is good to feel like I don’t have to prove my worthiness of existence anymore so I will get there gradually.
I love your videos. Just discovering them and understanding my years of narcissistic abuse from a parent. I'd like to add to the idea of parasite vs predator. Something where the consumer is larger and more powerful than the host. Maybe a pimp and a prostitute. The pimp occasionally gives enough to keep the victim going, but makes the victim feel totally beholden to them. I know it's a little harsh to compare the two, but I think the headspace a prostitute is closer to the headspace of a victim of narcissistic abuse. I'm talking specifically of overt malignant narcissism. I would agree that many forms of covert and benign narcissism would lend more to the parasitic example.
I understand your point. The description of the relationship between a pimp (parasite narc) and a prostitute (codependent, powerless and sacrificing host, especially if she is a pregnant immigrant) is chilling. Thank you. Appreciate your comment.
Thank you Lise for helping me understand that ALL NPD's are NOT the malignant type and aren't predators but operate more as parasites. It's very helpful to know.
I know a female covert narcissist who calls law enforcement on her significant other almost every time they have a seemingly ordinary disagreement. She becomes enraged that he would dare to disagree with her. I am aware that once the police lectured her for “bothering” them with such baseless complaints, which appear to have prevented her from continuing to call them each time the guy disagrees with her. So, this would be a rare example of a narcissist changing their behavior - but only one of thousands of such weapons they use against their hosts.
Your comment reminds me of my sister. When I'm in the passenger seat while she's driving the car she'll drive dangerously or do something incredibly unsafe & I'll tactfully disagree with her driving behaviour in order to avoid her killing us & then she'll squeal at me like a boiling tea kettle. It's like she has the attitude of "How dare you not calmly greet death just because of my inability to drive properly!" It's got so bad that I have to suit up like Lisa Nowak just to go for a 5 minute drive to the store for groceries.
@@carpathianken Hard to believe there are people out there who just don't care about folks like us at all. Your situation sounds very, very dangerous. Could you find another way to get to the store for groceries? I'm sorry you have to depend on her for something so important. Interesting you chose Lisa Nowak, of all people, to emulate. An astronaut who gets all suited up in protective gear, I get that, but she did some other stuff, too.
@@jolly7728 As well as being an astronaut & wearing a spacesuit Lisa Nowak is also pretty famous for wearing an adult diaper for when she goes on road trips in the car.
Crazy that you say that, I had to claw my way out of a narc relationship with a woman who would do the same thing. "I'm calling the police" was her favorite slogan. She also used to love loudly professing her hatred for the police in general. These people are a complete mess.
I would caution phrasing biological correlations to being causes. The irregularities begin seen could very well be developmental damage resulting from early non-physical trauma...
Thank you very much for another really interesting and helpful video and I didn't come across your ones until fairly recently. I'm really glad I did though! I could write a lot on nearly every video I watch, yet need to curb it, because I do tend to overshare and neglect other things, such as my housework. Lol. I want to mention that I felt relieved about your point on choice, as other narcissism counsellors and followers say that it's a conscious decision. They also believe that they know exactly what they're doing, which I don't agree with in all cases, hence why they can choose differently. They base this on the people who abuse their "partners" behind closed doors, then act differently in public. I've found that cracks often show in their behaviour in public though and there are different types. I grew up with narcissistic parents and many other adults in New Zealand in the 60s and 70s during a time when physical and sexual abuse were rife, not to mention psychological abuse and neglect, so have experienced the effects of narcissism for over 62 years now. I've ended up way too far along the other end of the spectrum, which isn't healthy either. I'm not implying that I've been a perfect angel all my life though, especially when I was young. It seems to me like it's mainly a self-defense mechanism that they learnt as a way to survive as children. I want to stress that it's an explanation for the behaviour, not an excuse. I'm also glad you mentioned that some CAN do their healing work, as I like to call it, then gradually change their toxic behaviour. As you know, it's best not to keep living in hope though, because the years go by so fast, then people literally waste their lives waiting for something that will probably never happen. ❤
Hi Lise You read every comment? - Here’s mine: Thank you so much for your invaluable help. I have been doing my research and have watched a ton of your videos. Often, there’s advice to turn to a therapist, but these seem very scarce around where I live. So your professional advice is enormously reassuring. My “friend”/friend has recently cancelled the friendship, accompanied by comments of the most hurtful kind, which shocked me to the core, you get the picture. Confusingly, I still like her and feel for her, even though it was her who wreaked havoc on me.
Sometimes it is not about our relationships but the environment we are in. If you thought paying more for rent would eliminate exposure to parasitic behavior, then do it! Living too cheap can have it's set backs, and being challenged this way, every day, will eventually take it's toll, so consider what it means to be temporary, and what a more permanent living situation is. It shouldn't have the same parasitic exposure. Thank you, Lise again for your added insight.
It's not personal. They are not as cunning as we contribute to them... but they are parasitic and are NOT perceiving reality the same as other people. The persons I have been dealing with is a work environment... and the true target is the owner, but I ended up being threatening and inconvenient bc I inadvertently expose dysfunctional practices that exist for the parasites exploitation. I'm learning and using everything I learn about the various antisocial personality disorders as a mirror, 1st and foremost. Also as grooming/bathing tools to better improve my own social life... including keeping my distance from confusion/controversy especially in my work life. I've cleaned house years ago personally, and I use NPD repellent regularly (insightful discussions) bc the ones I have identified and encountered DETEST "deep" thinking out in the open. Peace and patience.... I'm very grateful for this channel
My ex npd GF used to boast that she was a chameleon and can adapt to any relationship. I had no idea what I was dealing with. Until I was forced to exit
Cat & Mouse: 🐭 I watched the cat & mouse react with one another & then years later I find out I’m in the midst of a parasitic relationship & as a result, seem to be surrounded by parasitic narcissists.
I love the comparison with the tick in the tree 😆 however, hard to accept the fact that it was not meant personally, especially if it´s your mother (only child, father dead) that hurts you.
How to navigate life when there soooo many people with those traits? Now that i started recognizing it - it's scary how prevalent this is. Feels like living in a zombie land
Yeah it’s epidemic specially females narcissistic or Twitter onlyfans tictok degenerated gold digging hoes.I did small research by my experiences that this days out of 10 man 1or2 will some kind successful relationships rest will encounter as I mention above with means it’s almost not worth the risk of any involvement of any kind!
My situation is so messed up, after months of going over all this stuff I still cant figure out if shes the narc, or am I?!!? She did the discarding, the judging, the demanding and the threatening. I did the wtf is actually happening right now, and just tried to make things better, primarily by trying to accept as much responsibility as possible WITHOUT giving up on one single detail.. that she accused me of gaslighting her, over a delayed phone connection in which she did not hear transmitted the word "hello". Naturally, she thinks shes a victim because of this, and I her abuser, a very offensive inference. But, rather than listen to reason, she clutched her pearls and maintains victimhood and has treated every word and action from me since as validation of that claim. Been a real mindfark. Like literally, had a couple of brain malfunctions. Dont know how to describe. It like, everything in the world broke, including my ability to think. Couldnt make sense of anything. Getting better now. She discarded me, and for the dozenth time, left me hanging and holding bag of "your a shite person". It hurts. She was my friend. I dont understand what happened.
if you are reflecting and trying to understand what happen, very probably you are NOT a narcissist. They do not do this they are always right. It looks like the person used some projection on you, and also when we are with narcissist we are taking for a while some of their behavior.
thankyou lise you have been very clear.........lastly i had to do with a woman, that i have help, but at the same time i pushed she for go to job......anytime she founded an excuses for dont do it,at the end i have cut with she,,,,,,at the begin of the relationship she jobbed hbut, after have talk with another woman, she became crazy for require moneis doing nothing,before i have talk with she but she never changed.at last i have cut...is like when we was kids.they putted us in the water for learn to swim without any experience,,,,,,,i have too do expressly for cut for make she move.after years that i told to she to learn how hurry up
I have a playlist on healing, but here is one you may find helpful: 10 Steps To Break The Trauma-Bond With A Narcissist: ua-cam.com/video/lXt7ry7zyaI/v-deo.html
I’m married to this - to extricate will happen but legally takes time. Like a hawk in a cage I slap against the wire fence waiting for that time when I will dart out of there to freedom. May God have mercy on me- soooon
I notice you haven't touched on the Malignant Narcissist at all. I looked thru your vid list. Btw Great vids on what subject matters you have presented
NPD is both biological and learned. Just because there are structural differences in the brain does not make it biological. Learned behaviors and patterns of behavior change the brain as well.
There is hope for a Cretan too, but it requires strict rules, boundaries, & limitations. Titus 1:12-14 (GNB) It was a Cretan himself, one of their own prophets, who spoke the truth when he said, "Cretans are always liars, wicked beasts, and lazy gluttons." For this reason you must rebuke them sharply, so that they may have a healthy faith and no longer hold on to Jewish legends and to human commandments which come from people who have rejected the truth.
I don't understand. Why do this? What do they get from it? I'm 9 days into being ghosted for the 4th time. My brain is just a mess right now. Thanks for the upload ❤️
Run away as fast as you can and never look back! 🏃🏻♀️🏃
🤦♀️
Narcissists DON'T change. Don't fall for that bs. They are entrenched in an unchangeable illness. There is no hope of them changing!!!
After 2 years with a malignant narcissist I was a shell of myself. In such a deep hole that it took me 2 years to dig my way out. They are wholly evil, it's like they feed off you. 'Energy vampires' my therapist calls them.
My sister completely lost herself to her narc husband. She's a depressed shell of her former self. He likes to say about her, "We are one", which is very creepy when you know what malignant/grandiose narcissist he is. He's also has said multiple times, that if she ever decides to leave him, "she will disappear" ... followed by his narc smirk.
Energy vampires - totally - not only do they suck the life out of you leaving you drained/exhausted, they can't see their own reflection in the mirror - they have zero insight/empathy - they don't have the capacity to be introspective. Now, I pay attention to how I feel around people - if I leave their company feeling drained, they aren't for me. If I leave feeling happy, energized - I'm just fine.
@@Yppengasse28 why is the romance novel industry lucrative if women hate narcissist men?
1 year w a Malignant Narc or perhaps full blown PHYCOPATH.
I was a plump and vibrant person, left drained and withered. Like a withered raisin.
Same. Lost soooo much weight. Look like total shit
From what I've seen, narcissists rarely change. We can't afford to wait around and see, it's too dangerous.
My ex had an evil smirk. He knew. He fooled me for years but like you said it gets worse and worse and worse and I left. I had to leave or emotionally die. Much love and light to all you good spirits❤️
Thank you and congratulations to you! Yes, I know how the evil smirk looks like. I have seen it when he told me after 45 years of marriage: "There is no way am I going to make a commitment to a woman. This is why I am not wearing my wedding ring." Yes, he lost the ring I gave him on our wedding day many years ago. He said it to me when I turn to him for conversation, in the moment t of neediness for support...I was shocked, not only by the words, but also by hostile, cold tone. This was painful. It was hard to believe I heard this. I made a note to myself, date included. I made at least one attempt to return to his "revelation" as if I wanted him to own it and heal it. Silly me. The result: "I didn't say it. Meant for other woman, not you." Aha, this what gaslighting looks like....😢
@@gorunsko31 You know what you heard, and good for you for standing within yourself and staying with the light. You deserve way better than a narcissist and I am sending you much love and light, hang in there and follow your intuition❤️
@@mynewlife1911 Thank you. ❤🙏
sounds like billigates
You where lucky you did left before you got children and got emotional drained.
Kudos for your use of language. Narcissists are not predators, not clever, and not to be respected in any way. They are pathetic, amoral, desperate, and manipulative. Sadly, their targets are gentle, empathic, good and decent people in their lives, that they have exploit. If they had power, or anything of value to offer... they would get along with each other.
Growing up, there was a jingle "I know you are but what am I?" Narcissists never got beyond that grade school intellectual level.
Well said , we need more people like you to make this comments .Thankyou .
👏💯
and I would also add that everyone has a choice. People just need to start to understand how their psyche works.
Some may be intellectually smart, but all are emotionally immature.
they will only do that if you have contact with them. AVOID THEM! block them on your phone; move away, get a job, do what you have to do.
Yes. They're both predators AND parasites. My narc ex wouldn't be able to function on her own and she is 100 % dependent upon the primary partner to look after her, bring in an income which is funny because she sees herself as a 'strong independent woman'. She had some really bad social anxiety also. So glad she discarded me ... I feel sorry for her current husband and their children ... they'll all see it eventually if they haven't by now.
same I had to endure for nearly 20 years.. and just left her. I still have guilt feelings but my therapist told me it was clear and apparent I totally forgot about myself and neglected my own life to a point where only her existed- mental!
@@al6377 Yes, i have experienced this 'loss of self' also. It's a terrible thing to happen to someone.
Absolutely,true I don't understand how they are able to talk as if they are so wonderful when their actions indicate the exact opposite.
I think maybe it is because I grew up being blamed for a lot of stuff. Today as an adult I tend to take things personally.
Lol You're trippin, sounds like she's happy with a real man. No offense but I'm wondering if you're the one not seeing it. From what you've said about her, she sounds normal. And maybe the partner she has now supported her through anxiety.
Myth#5
"Their behaviour is not personal".
Is probably one of the most important mental health preservation messages that I've heard which will help people in the midst of dealing with narcissistic people.
It seems like we, as empaths are like sponges & we generally have a tendency to absorb every negative thing narcissist's send our way.
I worry that even the most robust & stoic empath personality can succumb to narcissistic toxicity eventually if we don't mindfully get into the habit of not taking narcissistic abuse too personally.
It seems like many empaths become so broken & disempowered because they've taken the narcissistic abuse to heart, that they then can't stealthily & safely implement their escape plan from their parasitic narcissist.
Thanks for another brilliant video.It's both wonderfully educational & empowering.
Very nicely explained... tqvm.. much appreciated 🙏🏽
This is so very true.
I have discovered that
when the narrative we construct to give meaning to our experiences
is constructed from the perspective of “I am not good enough”,
the suffering experienced is intense and unending.
It drives many good people, who cannot comprehend the evil of the world, to end their lives.
However, when we cultivate and develop the skill of
releasing “self absorption in the narrative”
in favour of “seeing the world the way it actually is”,
then the majority of this suffering is ended forever,
and a new found inner peace is experienced.
The Buddha called “self absorption in the narrative” sakkāya diṭṭhi.
It is the 1st of 10 fetters to be released on the path to nibbana.
In my experience, this fetter is released by
cultivating courage (viriya) rooted in the opening of the heart (mettā) more fully to the suffering of the world and resolving to work towards its ending. This creates the conditions for the arising of the insight which makes it possible to fully release attachments to the judgments of others.
For most of my 46 years of living with covert narc, I have been taking his hurtful behavior personally. Today, finally I am able to see what is behind the unjust accusation and not react to it. This morning I experienced the accusation of "focusing on controlling" him when I asked him if he could postpone his fitness routine until I return form the dentist. We were hosting our grandkids (8 & 14) and I am usually the one making meals for them. Today I asked him to make himself available for breakfast time (I already put out cold cereal for them, because they were still asleep). My appointment was over in an hour, could he do his sit ups and push ups after my return? This is when the accusation popped up. Was I disappointed ? Yes. Hurt too, but not exhausted. I chose not to "prove my innocence." Just focused on getting ready for an appointment. It was a big deal for me. Knowledge is power. THank you for your videos. 🙏❤ Best wishes for fellow travelers on this rocky road of liberating yourself from the grip of blame and shame.
Hello ,Lisa my name is Bill do you no anything about a religious 51 year old narcissist
5 months into marriage and arguing over her having guy friends. Came close to divorce. She said oh my god i wasted time with you i would have had all this time and had so many opportunities with some one better then you.
How on earth this was not suppose to be taken personal specifically when i didn't knew anything about this disorder and it was told to me by my spouse.
Just found your videos. Bless you for being so direct about narcissism. The hardest thing for me to accept about my narcissistic wife was that I was fooled for so long about who she really was. I felt stupid for trusting her. Her latest put down of me was that she couldn’t have intimate relations with me unless she had at least two drinks. Narcissists are just pure evil!
Dont take it personally bro keep ya head up
Dear Mike
I understand you fully. God bless man.
It's probably true she's narcissistic but loss of sexual attraction towards a partner is not related to narcissism specifically.
I’m said she wouldn’t do it all no matter what
Engaged to a parasitic narcissist for 3 years and we had a child early on unfortunately. I agree with what this lady is saying - especially the lack of planning and only seeking help when they crash and burn to serve themselves. But also important to recognise people can be with damaging narcissists because they are STILL making things better and right in-between hurtful, parasitic and damaging behaviours.
2 days ago I had tried to give my wife advice and she ended up telling me I need to ask her first if it’s ok to give her advice. That turned into a 4 hour conversation of all my wrong doing and the need to understand everything from the last 8 years. After I felt fatigued and drained . Funny she was all happy the next morning. Trying to currently love bomb me for the last 24hrs
Dear Sir
I think your wife and mine are related. LOL. Good heavens the madhouse we live in. I wish you luck and peace.
I think timing is super important - if they're in repose it's vital that they aren't disturbed because it's the only window they seem to have within which to organise their thoughts. On top of that, it's very difficult to give them advice - I used to do it in the abstract first, like a fairytale, and then let my partner join the dots without becoming off balance. This is only possible in a limited number of situations but in our case it worked extremely well with no friction! It's time consuming but very rewarding and encouraging.
@@prestons9305 even if youre not on a power trip it can seem that way to a cluster b person - i just frame everything from their perspective and good to go.
I grew up under a Narcissist father. I always (even as a kid) couldn't understand his wierd "competiveness" with even my small brother and I. Or just cold "indifference". He's 94years this year, and I wasted 60yrs trying to "please" him too his satisfaction. Turned grey-rock to him on my 60th birthday. But I'll still chat about the weather and absorb whatever the daily insult. I finally realized he's not qualified to have an unselfish opinion.
You did the right thing. You're a really strong person of morals, a rare species nowadays.
absorb the daily insult? why? I would immediately say : I will not tolerate insults from you. when you want to talk decently to me, I will listen. today we are done. then get up and leave the room, or hang up the phone or whatever else to remove yourself IMMEDIATELY from his presence.
Yep I understand my mother was exactly the same .She was the ultimate manipulator ,I moved away years ago she was furious .I had to cut narcissistic supply she decided to alienate me from the whole family
Don't even show up to his death bed or funeral.
Very similar childhood. It wasn't until recently I became aware of the covert narcissist.
Over two years ago for my dad's 90th birthday I found an old family reunion video I had made for family. Almost all in the video were deceased. Instead of being touched by all the smiles and laughter, he said "They sure are Fat". I immediately said to look at those smiles and the happy eyes. He then said, I guess we were all fat.
That was the final staw. He was Bully who enjoyed making fun of us as children and get the others to join in. Not me.
I was cordial to my dad for his last 2 years and kept praying he would find humility. He died a few days ago and I did not attend his funeral because he had it all scripted with his military salute. I still Love him because I chose to
I am healing am enjoying life in way I did not think was every possibe. I had to Socially Transition and let go of my Family.
Thank you Dr for your insight to help so many who tried so very very hard to make a narcissist happy.
Free yourself.
My biggest issue is that I tend to forget the true nature of that person. I let my guard down too easily to that person.
Once again, you’ve saved me sooo much mental anguish.
I was thinking about my exGF and starting to wonder if NPD applied to her because she has been in therapy for a while, so I questioned if maybe she had more self awareness than I gave her credit for, but then you mentioned how covert narcissists will go to therapy to discuss work or personal problems, that is EXACTLY why she goes! It’s an hour long pity party with her therapist and how she can cope with all the stress that OTHERS put on HER, but never about what she’s doing to others!
Thank you Lisa, so much!
My ex was getting close to this point. I was heart-wrenched when I initiated the break up instead, because I couldn't take losing my sense of self. It was devastating to me because I invested so hard, and it was a day before my birthday that I initiated the break up. He seemed so careless about the entire thing. I've only progressively been feeling better and better to be out of there after long, grueling months of strong depression and feeling defeated, worthless, unable to do anything. I didn't even want to admit there was a problem... it took my closest friends for me to even have the courage to even consider breaking it off before it got the best of me. I've been with a couple narcissists in the past, though this by far was the hardest relationship for me.
the Jezebel spirit is what we call narcissist in these times.
right on!
I call my X Narc Demonic !! 💯 PURE Malevolence
I agree...been married for 35 years and finding my way out...learning to show no emotions and silence is an awesome tool...love the parasite and host analogy...my silent plan is working...i am studying and observing my husband
Silent plan? I will have to have a look into this ive been trying to stay silent but its so hard.
@@nathansnyders6617make him bored of you and he will leave. He thinks he's the winner but you win because you het rid of him. Give nothing emotionally. Just withdraw. Do it as a process though.
it seems they lack a deep moral framework and play hide and seek when challenged.
Thanks for the empowerment. Knowledge is power, and I really appreciate you taking the time to map out these narcissistic behavioural protocols so simply for me to follow. I have been the target of two narcissistic women in my life, my ex-wife (not yet divorced) and also a woman at my church who is trying to get a little too close to me too soon on false pretenses (I see now). Thanks again.
I love your videos. It is becoming more and more clear that I am married to someone with narcissistic tendencies. It sucks because I really love her and wanted us to work, but she filed for a divorce a little over 3 weeks ago. I am currently going to therapy trying to fix myself. I hope one day she can look back and see that she also needs help and maybe we can be a family again. Thanks for the videos. I feel they are helping with my healing.
Unfortunately, you must force yourself to move on.
Right there with you brother. Still don't want to believe this is happening
This is very clear and a balanced perspective. My father most likely has been a narcissist since I remember, now in old age he has not really mellowed out. His narcissism has been expressed through anger, manipulation, violence, control. But he targeted different individuals in different ways, so I am not sure about not taking it personally, if some in our family took the brunt of his excesses, while others were exempt. Also that could be applied to people who worked under him. Certain individuals and personalities seem to trigger his anger and control more than others. It was not easy at all growing up with him.
My wife is moving out on Father’s Day…. She has me feeling like I’m a narcissist…. Which led me here..
Are you a father? Is this a case of the narc wanting to ruin your birthday/wedding/dinner party ect? - but in this case, father's Day. See it as a positive.
Narcissists DO blame-shift and will accuse you of doing everything they're actually doing. They cannot take responsibility and do this blame-shifting thing almost unconsciously it seems. They can also be so wounded by small things, because of their narcissism and fragility ... like simple disagreements and arguments, that they can actually see it as abuse when it's really not. Their mind games, manipulations, cheating and blaming can cause one to become very out-of-sorts and behave out of character and in a sense bring out the worst in their partner, and one can feel alot of guilt and shame about this. Their narcissism does this deliberately albeit somewhat unconsciously. They just keep pressing your buttons to get reactions and also to get you to react badly ... so they can blame you. It's such a huge blame game with a narcissist. The trick is to get wise to this behaviour and not react. - To steel yourself, maintain your integrity, speak minimally but truthfully and don't let them provoke you. The narcissist in them wants to unhinge you.
Kenneth, me too. Been going thru hell. 23 yrs then 1.5 yrs Divorce. The very fact you thought you were the Narc is proof enough. I truly lost my self. No energy/depression like no other. Hardest part is accepting they cannot change, cannot be helped. Yes, you will go thru the "I've been a fool stage" ... You are NOT. Doesn't matter how strong/weak. Hard to accept what can only be described as evil. The reason you were chosen is the great amount of goodness you have.
6'4" very strong grounded man and I was absolutely stripped over the years . Good luck man.... It does get better ...many many low times , so just hunker down and accept it.
My ex threatened to move out several times just to upset me. The last time she threatened I didn't get upset I got used to the threat. And then about 6 years later unexpectedly she shows up to the house with two cops and a moving crew. I immediately filed for divorce. 4 months later the very day the divorce was final. She tries to come back. I did not allow that. It took me nine more months to completely get rid of her. No contact is the only way. I hope you don't have children with her. You're going to need some help either way. Keep yourself respect and do not follow her lead. Do not let your guard down. It's unbelievable what these people are capable of.
@@hardywatkins7737 Perfectly said! Personally, I took the high ground until several months before the discard. She had grandiose and out of touch ideas but still needed me to help her with rent every couple of months. When I dared to criticize her ideas, she said I'm doing what her narcissistic parents did to her. When I explained her some facts of life, she got angry at me and asked me "Why does it have to be that way?" (that happened plenty of times) She never said that it isn't the way I said it. What was bothering her is that what I said conflicted with her fantasy world.
Because of all that she presented me to herself as a narcissist, so that she has an excuse to dump me when I don't comply with her wishes. So she did. Months ago she future faked me, then a week before she dumped me gaslit me about the thing she future faked me, which triggered me (I was so triggered that I fell into a fight or flight state - I just couldn't believe she would do that, especially that late into the relationship) so I became confrontational, and then she finally dumped me because I don't value her principles (she was talking about the same principle she future faked me and later gaslit me!).
And all she had to do was to be honest and transparent, and I would be more accepting of that one of her principle. Instead she waited till the last moment, and I felt deceived, manipulated. It was like she really can't comprehend how her actions affect other people. It was such a strange, alien experience. Almost like I don't exist there.
@@ronstallings3156 same here and thank you for your words. I totally neglected myself and only she seemed to exist. I couldn't take it anymore and ended this 20 year relationship.. devastating, but still when I talk to her about the separation (it all happened two months ago), it is still all my fault and she switches to the passive-aggressive behaviour I have endured for so long; only now I understand it. "We are only talking, you are the one fighting".. that's what I always hear from her.
Vette Vegas's comment has reminded me how competitive narcissists can be. This is a fairly easy red flag to spot in my opinion because this competitiveness can happen early and intuitively I think is easy to feel when someone is being competetive with you.
I've gone no contact with my narcissistic mother in the past few weeks. It's hard because as I have these intrusive images of her damaged hurt inner child that keep entering my mind, but I have to keep reminding myself of the lifelong abuse that's wreaked havoc on my life and pathological malignant behavior that has almost cost me my life on several occasions.
Your Mother will use your kind heart as a further way to abuse you. Trust me on this. I have walked away from mine at 62 years old..she is 82...it feels awful but she will spit venom and hate till the bitter end...do not waver..you are lovable.
People talk about the book, "The body keeps score" not my favorite as it is "from outside looking in" perspective of C-PTSD/PTSD people. Narcissists are weak will prey and find people with weaknesses and buttons and use those as a form to control. As folks who didn't didn't have good emotional regulation from guardians or parents. In the book he states, "society plays the game of, the person who gets hurt or mad loses and is made out to be unstable". The narcissist will keep tightening the screws to beat you down into submission and suck the life out of you to be one of their minions. They are empty inside and it will never fail, they will get their fix from some where and chose the path of least resistence.
I so value your videos and your simple straight forward approach. God Bless You Ms. Leblanc.
You suggested that I stop researching on narcissism because I already know that I’m dealing with one but I say to you sis that I find the subject very interesting and keep watching the videos and other channels as well on this subject. Thank you .😉
Just be careful you don't get obsessed and don't move on yourself properly as the videos can become an obsession too. You need to focus on you and living in the present which is. yielding your new life but I do understand as I do a lot too but gradually become less and less. namaste ❤
Lise leblanc I want to say thank you for all you do here you have helped me and my children recover and move on you are an angel of mercy and wisdom !!!
Fantastic video, so useful and clear to understand . Very grateful to you
I am 76 and am real lucky to have mental and physical health so far. My narcissist is my first GF from 55 years ago, calls me out of the blue two years ago, but does not want to get together or will not invite me to her house for some BS reason or another. Our time is only on the phone which she regulates, busy, watching movies,s, etc and she wants me to figure out how to get a few hundred thou to help her buy a house. I am saying to much here, why did she call and say,"oh Danny I love you and thought about you for 5 decades in the beginning, Bliss although as you pointed out, there were red flags that I no doubt ignored or denied. She is nice one day and terrible the next, always telling me, I need to be more of a man, etc etc. I hope I can break away and get some semblance of a life back. Finding your site has at least given me the hope that maybe I am human. I ll continue to listen to your youtube sessions, Thanks D
Once a leech always a leech. Happy hosting!
I hope you were able to change your phone number
Steer clear Daniel.
Suddenly, in seeking a romantic partner, he altered what he looked for.... He dropped looks, for sanity :)
😂💪
You are saving my life. My fiancee has been using our two kids against me the past 3 years by running to her parents with the push pull method. The past year she has resorted to being angry and sometimes getting physical with me. And the past year has been threatening me with jail. I would not have the awareness as I'm co-dependent and blinded by working for a good future for my kids. God bless you
This is really interesting. Thank you for addressing the myths surrounding NPD and educating us so we have the information we need to deal with the narcissist in our lives.
They are evil geniuses (planners) and opportunistic evildoers (improvisers) at the same time. They do evil whether or not it is planned. Another way to think of it would be that it’s all prearranged, since an actually plan can take shape in a nanosecond. Just because a scheme can take just an instant to conceptualize doesn’t mean it isn’t premeditated.
Hey hey
Lise Leblanc you are a life saver.
Thank you for giving me a hand to get away from this "hell" i have been living in with my girlfriend.
I have touched the bottom, but now finaly at the top getting air and seeing whats what.
Hi Lise 👋 I really appreciate the videos you make.. 🙏 I'm healing from round 2 with the same individual, and I know I can't go back. This channel has really helped along the way.. thank you for the continued content. God Bless 🙏
Everything you’ve said is all completely on point. Thank you
You explain things very well. The predator vs parasite analogy is a good one, good video!
This narc stuff is serious business
You got that right!
More serious than most people realise.
Yes, it most certainly is!
It really is
True
It's a no-win situation where there's no compromise, no support and no real love just use then discard. My definition of a narcissist: aka remora!
Believe me....this video is so true.
Lise, once again you went deeper than everything else I listen. Your approach is as wise, with knowledge. All this is new and clarifying. 🙏🏻
This video is very important.
It is exacly like she says. My girlfriend she wheeled me in , but not this time. They do NOT think like us, and they cant be reasoned with. My way out is cuting of feelings and tought on her and live my life, be me and seek away to friends and family... She is gone, even if still there...
Excellent as usual Lise. I sympathize with any therapist who gets one of these nut jobs as a client. It could turn them into an alcoholic, lmao! Keep up the outstanding work to help us victims learn to deal with the craziness, pain and sadness.
Thank you so very much for taking the effort to make these videos that are life saving...
Much love & respect 🙏🏽 God bless
Wow again thank you so much for opening my eyes to myself. I messaged my boyfriend and apologized for all the emotional distress I have put him through and let him know that I am working on myself. I also have come to understand through your videos he has traits of the quiet BPD and my covert narcissistic nature has been the only thing that has been keeping me from succumbing to the intense neediness. Now that I recognize this parasitic nature in myself I will be eliminating it while at the same time setting healthy boundaries so that is BPD doesn't take me through the ringer. If possible can you do a video about how to handle a relationship when you (f) are a covert narcissist and the man is BPD?
Lise, in my experience some people can be more parasitic and focused on your resources and others are angry inside and resent you bc of their own issues. They need to bring you down. That guy targeted me to entice me away from his best friend - and I accept my role in this - but once he had me he resented and disliked me. It was about getting one over on his best friend.
Thanks for putting your expertise and experience based insights out here for us all. One of my children informed me that her mother had accused me of narcissism after I ended a thirty-five year marriage so I have been trying to learn about the condition. I do find a few commonalities in my behaviours but then I also see some things that apply to certain loving long term friends that I know have best intentions at heart. I suppose we all tend to see ourselves as better people than we really are and find it easier to apply a label like narcissism to a person rather than take responsibility for our own part in relationship failure. I am struggling to figure out who I actually am after 55 years of not being good enough but it is good to feel like I don’t have to prove my worthiness of existence anymore so I will get there gradually.
Your videos have been a huge success for myself. Your precise interpretation has helped in many ways. Thank you for your dedication.
Best regards
Like the random tic analogy.
I like that round frame behind, it makes the impression of a halo.
Thank you for what you are doing.
I love your videos. Just discovering them and understanding my years of narcissistic abuse from a parent. I'd like to add to the idea of parasite vs predator. Something where the consumer is larger and more powerful than the host. Maybe a pimp and a prostitute. The pimp occasionally gives enough to keep the victim going, but makes the victim feel totally beholden to them. I know it's a little harsh to compare the two, but I think the headspace a prostitute is closer to the headspace of a victim of narcissistic abuse. I'm talking specifically of overt malignant narcissism. I would agree that many forms of covert and benign narcissism would lend more to the parasitic example.
I understand your point. The description of the relationship between a pimp (parasite narc) and a prostitute (codependent, powerless and sacrificing host, especially if she is a pregnant immigrant) is chilling. Thank you. Appreciate your comment.
Thank you Lise for helping me understand that ALL NPD's are NOT the malignant type and aren't predators but operate more as parasites. It's very helpful to know.
I know a female covert narcissist who calls law enforcement on her significant other almost every time they have a seemingly ordinary disagreement. She becomes enraged that he would dare to disagree with her. I am aware that once the police lectured her for “bothering” them with such baseless complaints, which appear to have prevented her from continuing to call them each time the guy disagrees with her. So, this would be a rare example of a narcissist changing their behavior - but only one of thousands of such weapons they use against their hosts.
Your comment reminds me of my sister.
When I'm in the passenger seat while she's driving the car she'll drive dangerously or do something incredibly unsafe & I'll tactfully disagree with her driving behaviour in order to avoid her killing us & then she'll squeal at me like a boiling tea kettle.
It's like she has the attitude of "How dare you not calmly greet death just because of my inability to drive properly!"
It's got so bad that I have to suit up like Lisa Nowak just to go for a 5 minute drive to the store for groceries.
@@carpathianken Hard to believe there are people out there who just don't care about folks like us at all. Your situation sounds very, very dangerous. Could you find another way to get to the store for groceries? I'm sorry you have to depend on her for something so important. Interesting you chose Lisa Nowak, of all people, to emulate. An astronaut who gets all suited up in protective gear, I get that, but she did some other stuff, too.
@@jolly7728 As well as being an astronaut & wearing a spacesuit Lisa Nowak is also pretty famous for wearing an adult diaper for when she goes on road trips in the car.
@@carpathianken 🙂
Crazy that you say that, I had to claw my way out of a narc relationship with a woman who would do the same thing. "I'm calling the police" was her favorite slogan. She also used to love loudly professing her hatred for the police in general. These people are a complete mess.
I would caution phrasing biological correlations to being causes. The irregularities begin seen could very well be developmental damage resulting from early non-physical trauma...
Thank you very much for another really interesting and helpful video and I didn't come across your ones until fairly recently. I'm really glad I did though!
I could write a lot on nearly every video I watch, yet need to curb it, because I do tend to overshare and neglect other things, such as my housework. Lol.
I want to mention that I felt relieved about your point on choice, as other narcissism counsellors and followers say that it's a conscious decision. They also believe that they know exactly what they're doing, which I don't agree with in all cases, hence why they can choose differently.
They base this on the people who abuse their "partners" behind closed doors, then act differently in public. I've found that cracks often show in their behaviour in public though and there are different types.
I grew up with narcissistic parents and many other adults in New Zealand in the 60s and 70s during a time when physical and sexual abuse were rife, not to mention psychological abuse and neglect, so have experienced the effects of narcissism for over 62 years now.
I've ended up way too far along the other end of the spectrum, which isn't healthy either. I'm not implying that I've been a perfect angel all my life though, especially when I was young.
It seems to me like it's mainly a self-defense mechanism that they learnt as a way to survive as children. I want to stress that it's an explanation for the behaviour, not an excuse.
I'm also glad you mentioned that some CAN do their healing work, as I like to call it, then gradually change their toxic behaviour.
As you know, it's best not to keep living in hope though, because the years go by so fast, then people literally waste their lives waiting for something that will probably never happen. ❤
I needed to hear all that 🙏
Hi Lise
You read every comment? - Here’s mine: Thank you so much for your invaluable help. I have been doing my research and have watched a ton of your videos. Often, there’s advice to turn to a therapist, but these seem very scarce around where I live. So your professional advice is enormously reassuring. My “friend”/friend has recently cancelled the friendship, accompanied by comments of the most hurtful kind, which shocked me to the core, you get the picture. Confusingly, I still like her and feel for her, even though it was her who wreaked havoc on me.
Thank you so much for your help. I pay very close attention to your words. Best wishes to you from a very rainy England. 💗
Sometimes it is not about our relationships but the environment we are in. If you thought paying more for rent would eliminate exposure to parasitic behavior, then do it!
Living too cheap can have it's set backs, and being challenged this way, every day, will eventually take it's toll, so consider what it means to be temporary, and what a more permanent living situation is. It shouldn't have the same parasitic exposure.
Thank you, Lise again for your added insight.
I called out calling "them" parasites along, long, ve-ry long time ago.
Actually the trending phrase should be "parasites by the dashboard light". Should I copyright this or should someone else ?
I'd like for you to do one on the narcissist addict.
It's not personal. They are not as cunning as we contribute to them... but they are parasitic and are NOT perceiving reality the same as other people.
The persons I have been dealing with is a work environment... and the true target is the owner, but I ended up being threatening and inconvenient bc I inadvertently expose dysfunctional practices that exist for the parasites exploitation.
I'm learning and using everything I learn about the various antisocial personality disorders as a mirror, 1st and foremost. Also as grooming/bathing tools to better improve my own social life... including keeping my distance from confusion/controversy especially in my work life.
I've cleaned house years ago personally, and I use NPD repellent regularly (insightful discussions) bc the ones I have identified and encountered DETEST "deep" thinking out in the open.
Peace and patience.... I'm very grateful for this channel
My ex npd GF used to boast that she was a chameleon and can adapt to any relationship. I had no idea what I was dealing with. Until I was forced to exit
Cat & Mouse: 🐭 I watched the cat & mouse react with one another & then years later I find out I’m in the midst of a parasitic relationship & as a result, seem to be surrounded by parasitic narcissists.
I love the comparison with the tick in the tree 😆 however, hard to accept the fact that it was not meant personally, especially if it´s your mother (only child, father dead) that hurts you.
we can only see beauty as beauty because there is ugliness, Thank you so much amazing soul...
Mine felt like a wounded emaciated wolf. He thought he was so smart, he really couldn’t fathom when i said “i see you”
You are good and caring- thanks
The narcissist craves fuel and supply
How to navigate life when there soooo many people with those traits? Now that i started recognizing it - it's scary how prevalent this is. Feels like living in a zombie land
Yeah it’s epidemic specially females narcissistic or Twitter onlyfans tictok degenerated gold digging hoes.I did small research by my experiences that this days out of 10 man 1or2 will some kind successful relationships rest will encounter as I mention above with means it’s almost not worth the risk of any involvement of any kind!
Such accurate analysis 👍
Bingo. It's not personal.
Thank you
👍
Spot on💯
Right my mother and ex husband they are babies. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏
wants is the key. me and the kids got her to go for consuling ,he called the cops on her
Fantastic job.
Excellent info!
Thank you.
My situation is so messed up, after months of going over all this stuff I still cant figure out if shes the narc, or am I?!!?
She did the discarding, the judging, the demanding and the threatening.
I did the wtf is actually happening right now, and just tried to make things better, primarily by trying to accept as much responsibility as possible WITHOUT giving up on one single detail.. that she accused me of gaslighting her, over a delayed phone connection in which she did not hear transmitted the word "hello". Naturally, she thinks shes a victim because of this, and I her abuser, a very offensive inference. But, rather than listen to reason, she clutched her pearls and maintains victimhood and has treated every word and action from me since as validation of that claim.
Been a real mindfark. Like literally, had a couple of brain malfunctions. Dont know how to describe. It like, everything in the world broke, including my ability to think.
Couldnt make sense of anything.
Getting better now. She discarded me, and for the dozenth time, left me hanging and holding bag of "your a shite person". It hurts. She was my friend. I dont understand what happened.
if you are reflecting and trying to understand what happen, very probably you are NOT a narcissist. They do not do this they are always right. It looks like the person used some projection on you, and also when we are with narcissist we are taking for a while some of their behavior.
They believe their own delusion. It is a shame, really. A waste of a person.
thankyou lise you have been very clear.........lastly i had to do with a woman, that i have help, but at the same time i pushed she for go to job......anytime she founded an excuses for dont do it,at the end i have cut with she,,,,,,at the begin of the relationship she jobbed hbut, after have talk with another woman, she became crazy for require moneis doing nothing,before i have talk with she but she never changed.at last i have cut...is like when we was kids.they putted us in the water for learn to swim without any experience,,,,,,,i have too do expressly for cut for make she move.after years that i told to she to learn how hurry up
Thanks Doc
Your spot on, but help me move forward
I have a playlist on healing, but here is one you may find helpful:
10 Steps To Break The Trauma-Bond With A Narcissist:
ua-cam.com/video/lXt7ry7zyaI/v-deo.html
Excellent.
again, very good. 😉 thxs.
Mine found her excuse to chuck me at the two month mark. Blocked her on everything digital and will leave her to her life.
Def a one Sided Relationship with them always getting the benefit and the partner. Nothing.
thank u.ur good
I’m married to this - to extricate will happen but legally takes time. Like a hawk in a cage I slap against the wire fence waiting for that time when I will dart out of there to freedom. May God have mercy on me- soooon
I notice you haven't touched on the Malignant Narcissist at all. I looked thru your vid list. Btw Great vids on what subject matters you have presented
NPD is both biological and learned. Just because there are structural differences in the brain does not make it biological. Learned behaviors and patterns of behavior change the brain as well.
Exactly... undervalue comment 👏
They can change and manage their symptoms but the ism will always be there
Just Run!!!!
There is hope for a Cretan too, but it requires strict rules, boundaries, & limitations.
Titus 1:12-14 (GNB) It was a Cretan himself, one of their own prophets, who spoke the truth when he said, "Cretans are always liars, wicked beasts, and lazy gluttons." For this reason you must rebuke them sharply, so that they may have a healthy faith and no longer hold on to Jewish legends and to human commandments which come from people who have rejected the truth.
Strictly business! Thats it! All about the kids
I don't understand. Why do this? What do they get from it? I'm 9 days into being ghosted for the 4th time. My brain is just a mess right now. Thanks for the upload ❤️