Having been, BEEN, a person that believes a person is not their past, I no longer believe that. Every single person I’ve dated with a “wild” past has eventually let the shit show out. Just don’t even bother.
I have dated and married women with a wild past for ten years total. 11/10 would NOT recommend. Find someone kind, loyal, and intelligent. Wild sex gets old and getting lied to and cheated on sucks.
Depends on how you look at it. The teachings of the Bhudda and Jesus tell us to forgive those who have learned from their mistakes. So if she understands the mistakes and has turned from those ways, then you should forgive them. If you do not, you will also harbor your own mistakes until you learn this lesson.
In regard to dating someone with a wild past: - If you are tortured in your mind regarding that Person’s past, then don’t have a relationship with that person. It won’t work. I have been in that position many years ago. I dated someone who had a past and I could not get their former partners out of my mind. I was tortured. It made me very depressed. Once I ended the relationship, then the torture and depression left and freedom of mind set in. I wish someone told me back then what I am now writing. It could have saved me a lot of unhappiness.
That’s why I guess men talk about pair bonding for women and not so much for men… but then again there are stories of men still not coming to grips with there last break up, So isn’t that pair bonding too?
If a woman is reluctant to call you her boyfriend after 3-4 months of dating, she isn’t in to you. She is just using you a a place holder until someone she actually likes, turns up. I know its hard realize this in the moment, when you desperately want this girl to be “the girl”. Its best you come to this realization before you really get hurt. If you have feelings for her and she isn’t reciprocating those feelings in return after 4 months of dating, she don’t like you bro. Save your heart from further damage and move on.
I mostly agree with you but don't think someone needs to wait four months. More like two weeks. It's been my experience that if a woman is interested in you, it will be very obvious from the get go.
Whether she's doing this deliberately or not she's being incredibly selfish. Would you invest time into a platonic friend that NEVER returned favors or never wanted to hang out?
From personal experience. Do not date someone with more experience then you. My ex wife had a wild past & partied too much when we were dating. I wasn’t prepared for what I would go through. People never change. Her past & actions came back to haunt our marriage. So please meet someone at your level, grow & explore together. In my marriage I gained so much weight. I was a S then went to an XL. My ex had gained alot of weight but blamed it because of the pregnancy. I started working on myself and dropped to a Medium. I tried to bring her along with me but she made so many excuses and it was a turn off. I felt so empty inside being the weight I was and I felt alive and attractive again. Men & woman please do not let yourself go during a relationship. You have to keep yourself healthy for yourself & be attractive to your partner. Also if he or she isn’t going above and beyond how you are. Just end it. I’m sure he or she went above and beyond for someone and their not giving the best of themselves. Don’t waist your time. Coming from experience
Hey friend, saying people never change is a limiting belief that might hold you back in life or may even be in the way of manifesting the relationship you want. People do change and more often for the better than not; from my personal experience. I've dated girls that had questionable pasts and they turned out great after a form of awakening or a shift in consciousness in how they show up in life. People also go through phases in life. A better litmus test (and not an absolute) is to see what her relationship with her father looks like. Invertly, a man's relationship to a woman can be summarized quickly with his relationship with his mom. Again, not absolute but a good litmus test to guage at first. Good luck.
@@williamlee7782 I can agree with you. But change comes within yourself. If you can’t see or accept your faults & think its okay then there’s a huge issue. People are hard wired to act and be the way they are. They tend to change for a limited of time to get what they want. As soon as whatever is holding them back they go back.
What do men and women look for? Women tend to emphasize on: We want a man that has a future (ambition, potential, competency, etc.) Men tend to emphasize on: We want a woman that doesn't have a past (low body count, low baggage, not having a child, etc.)
@Task Force Bloomer Not to mention, Doesn't it usually take about 2 incomes to be able to provide for a household. A lot of those girls don't ever expect to have a job. I grew up watching both of my parents work in pay bills so I've always expected to have a job.
So my experience kinda has similarities to some of the questions asked... When I first met my ex wife things got kinda wild rather quickly. I later found out that she had, on possibly more than one instance, cheated on her first husband. I kinda ignored that red flag and hoped for the best. After she had cheated on me, I found her less attractive even as we tried to work past what happened. The decrease in attraction led to a decrease in affection on my behalf and eventually resulted in her cheating a second time, which ultimately led to a divorce. Hindsight being 20/20, I should have seen that red flag and listen to my gut and got out before a sunken cost fallacy prolonged the inevitable....
Definitely a hard lesson to learn. My first long term girlfriend had kind of a wild past, used to sleep around and did end up cheating on me at some point in the relationship. She wanted to work it out but I definitely lost interest and we split soon after. Since then, when I discover that the woman I dated had a wild past or even admitted on cheating on their boyfriend, it's a hard pass. Rather be single than deal with that kind of bullshit.
I cant stand this idea that the past doesn't matter, If someone murders someone in their 20's they are a murderer for life period. people who say the past doesn't matter lack accountability. major red flag.
Yes there's some doors that people open in life that are too easy to open again. But it doesn't mean it has to define them. A mistake is a choice that you make that in hindsight you see was wrong and you have regret for it.
@@androssteague the choices you make, the things you do, the things you say... all define who you are. I'm not quite sure what your point is... we all make mistakes, just because you apologize/ learn from them does not mean you didn't make them.
@@ademafc Growing and learning from choices doesn't exempt us from the bad ones we've made yes I agree, but that is exactly my point. We've all made the wrong choices in life. What you do in the aftermath of that choice is what defines you. You can grow and learn from that bad choice or you can keep repeating that bad choice.
@@ademafc my point to you is the NOW always trumps the THEN and the LATER. Who you are now will determine who you'll be later. The THEN is a basic trajectory of who you are now but that can always change.
My wife was like a model when I met her, absolutely gorgeous! We got married 32 years ago and then she ballooned up to 300 pounds, but we stayed together, and I still loved her. She then lost all of that excess weight 10 years ago and is like a model again. Relationships have ups and downs and I never married her because she's gorgeous, I married her because I love her personality and her way.
I would say yes & no. The whole reason you approached her was because she looked like a model. Men are visual so looks are generally what draw us in & personality is what keeps us. You’re one of the lucky few because 9/10 most women either won’t ever lose the weight cause she feels you should “love me for me” or she loses the weight & leaves you because she feels she can do better due to all the new attention she’s been getting. Physical attraction isn’t everything but it’s definitely more important than people (usually women when they let themselves go) wanna admit. I’m really glad you guys seem to still be going strong though, here’s to many more years!
Great vídeo!! And is correct! A woman whit a wild past. Show how stability she had, and show many things, lets say is not the woman for a stable relationship.
Only take girls serious who actually respond well to you when you give them positive stimulation. It shows she values/respects herself, likes to be treated well and doesn't do the game playing. She's the type who is a good gf/wife, with or without a man in her life. Her body count won't be too high either if she carries herself this way. Avoid girls who play games and respond to negative stimuli. She only talks to you when you ignore her hides phone lacks respect high body count etc.
I have heard that if she jumps your bones on the first night, then she doesn't see you as boyfriend material because she isn't trying to impress you with her character, but if she makes you wait without telling you to wait, then she is trying to make a good impression
@@drip369 hmm not sure on how she views the guy, but I usually don't hold the first night sex thing against a girl unless for some odd reason let's it happen when there is really no connection or even chemistry. I would have to let time tell what happens before committing. Depends on if we have socialized before even going on a date and kind of know each other and groundwork has been laid.
@@josuevazquez5889 yeah most likely during the talking/dating phase. She will most likely be giving side chick vibes or no interest. Women who want to be wives/gf give wife/gf energy. You can tell when a girl is a side chick bc her behaviors show it.
I had a long term relationship with a girl who had a past. A lot of her actions stemmed from issues from some apparent trauma from her childhood, and rebelling against her dad. She came from a bit of a strict Christian family, so in college, she began acting out, dropped out of school, only to get involved with some real dirtbags and petty criminals much older than her, who used and abused her. It left her with horrific trust issues. I also found her lying a lot, so there were a lot of holes in her stories. You couldn’t have a conversation or talk with her about these things because it would get turned around on you. The level of drama and games that were brought to the table were just constant…it really prevented me from giving the love I truly wanted to give her, and cultivate myself as well as a man, lover, and friend. Unfortunately, it was one step forward, two steps back. If there was no chaos or drama, she had to instigate a problem. It got to the point where I did not want to take her out socially anymore, because she would end up driving wedges between my friends and I. She would start her own friendships with my people just to rub it in my face…only to get information through them about me, like I had something to hide. I eventually ceased talking to these people who were once longtime friends, because they didn’t have my best interest in mind. The straw that broke the camels back was during a family ski trip which she came on. She had taken a ski lesson, and I left her with the instructor and went out onto the mountain with my sister. My sister and I were on the chairlift, and we happened to be above her and the instructor who were stopped on the slope beneath us. We both watched her exchanging phone numbers with the ski instructor. We both looked at each other in disbelief, and my sister knew I was pissed. She said to keep cool, and she’ll find out what was up with that. When my sister confronted her about it, she made up some excuse why it was justified. Needless to say, the rest of the weekend was awkward. I have lifelong female friends who are basically family, but she wouldn’t get off my back about them, accusing me of being attracted to them, but she could have as many male orbiters as she wanted, because they were “friends”.And she was exchanging numbers with another dude? That was it. Yet, she would always come crawling back. Every time I kicked her to the curb. Just with all of these manipulative ways of finding her way back in. She was a master of getting sympathy. I noticed it wasn’t only our relationship at odds. She was at odds with her family constantly, with her co workers and bosses…but it was never her fault. The few of the female friends she did have, she saw them once a year or so. I remember she told me she didn’t speak to her family for five years at one point of her life. Just a person of absolute dysfunction. She had a great job, she had some incredible qualities that I was deeply drawn to, and thats what I cherished about her. If those qualities were on full tilt, I would have married her. But the dark side reared its head more so than not. The communication was just not there, because I just didn’t want the trouble. I would just gloss over it, which was my fatal flaw. We couldn’t let two weeks go by without some type of conflict. Eventually, things just went south, and my efforts to constantly right the ship got me nowhere. She said she couldn’t be in a relationship with anyone anymore because she had to deal with the loss of a family member, so I stepped away. Not even a month later I found out some loser got her pregnant, and he wants nothing to do with the kid. She tried reaching out to me a bunch of times, but thats where I had to draw the line. I lost all respect. So, it is critical to know of your significant others past. Take it from me. These examples are what come with the package of a damaged person with a past. I spent over three years in a whirlwind of chaos, experiencing every form of manipulation and head games. Then you have to factor in the fallout. It takes a long time to get someone like this out of your system. Im an unofficial psychoanalyst after this one. This goes for men and women. Someone with a screwed up past really isn’t worth it. Especially if you are the empathetic/caring/accommodating type. These kind of people will suck the life out of you.
My wife of 18yrs: Do I look fat in these jeans? Me: Don't blame the jeans. She been dieting and doing Body Pump, Body Combat, and Palates 4 days a week for a month so far. I'm so proud of her.
@@solimine1007 I do and always will. She looks great anyway. My comment was a way of telling her what she already knew while being a smart ass. She was fishing for a confirmation that it's time to get right. She's 5'2" and will be around 120lbs in the winter then trim down for bikini/summer time to 105-110lbs.
I understand that just because a girl is a virgin doesn't necessarily mean that she won't cheat or go wild. But we have to operate on probabilities and not on possibilities. A girl who is a virgin has the lowest likelihood of divorcing their husband. A girl having multiple sexual partners will have a far greater likelihood of divorcing their husband than a virgin.
Most virgin girls eventually get FOMO and leave to experience more of life. They realize they don't don't want to go through life having sex with only one man.
A person is their past. When a person shows you who they are, believe them right away. It can be salvageable, if she's gone to a lot of therapy and is honest and accountable....but that is rare.
Also explained to her it's not just a looks thing. When you're overweight it increases your chances of having cardiovascular problems, A blood pressure, And diabetes. It's an actual health thing. I was being kind of lazy over the last couple of months and eating like crap And when I stepped on the scale it has shocked me back into tracking everything that I eat and going to the gym at least 4 times a week.
If a guy loses the ability to lead and provide, the girl will lose attraction to him. This is a fact. A woman getting fat and turning into a slob is the opposite of that. THAT SAID. The key to both situations is communication. You HAVE to express your displeasure to the other person so that they can do something about it. If you do that and they ignore it, then you can end the relationship with your head high.
I think a "wild past" disqualifies a girl for a relationship regardless of beauty. I live in Las Vegas, the home of "wild past" but it doesn't mean they're disqualified from situationships, hook-ups or friendships and in many ways, they make cool friends - as to letting yourself go? That's a personal decision that reaps what you sow - so each person is on their own journey, I don't think a Man should police a woman's habits or vice versa, but each can decide to leave if they're no longer attracted,..nobody is "required" to be with a partner, being single is just as good - whatevers clever depending upon the persons season.
For #1, I think it comes down to how important health and fitness is to each of them. It is also could be helpful for him to find fun active things to do together. It may motivate her to want to get in better shape. When I was in a rut last winter my husband found some good winter hikes (knowing I enjoy this in warmer weather)...I really enjoyed it and it gave me motivation. The other thing he did that winter was find a sprint triathlon in the spring and asked if I wanted to try it with him knowing I used to like swimming and was bored with just running. That worked for me because I value being fit enough to do active things...I just needed a little push. Aside from being active, eating healthy and alignment there is important.
Yes. Also he can also introduce her to some healthy foods that she might enjoy. Help her make better choices and found some healthy snacks that will help with cravings. Losing weight is not an easy task and everyone struggles in their own ways. But you can do anything of you put your mind to it!
If you and become complacent let yourself go, it shows you don’t respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, how do you expect your partner to respect you?
I have a good number of friends and relatives who met someone in their early 20s, got married in their mid 20s and never experienced anything like what is described in this video and remain married for over 40 years and longer..... they had LUCK......GOOD LUCK and a lot of it !
I think it's normal to get comfortable in relationships where you feel like you can "let your hair down" and not always need to look your best and be on your A game every time you're around the person you like; relationship weight is normal. That being said this shouldn't devolve into utter complacency and for you to stop putting effort into the relationship. if you love the person you're with and the relationship you're in, you will want to be the best version of yourself. I would also say that people don't gain 40+ pounds overnight, it would be best to try to mitigate the underlying reasons for your partner's weight gain before addressing it to them. If you truly love your partner, you shouldn't simply be concerned about the fact that you're not as attracted to them, you should be concerned about their overall wellbeing.
I'm glad you always say "be authentic" over "jUst bE yOUrSeLf 😬🥴"... I've sent DMs praising you for that but I'll comment here too so more people see it :) I first came across this "Authentic" tip from "Charisma on Command" UA-cam Channel which you happen to have done a review of. You also mentioned "Integrity" in this video and it's one of the most important aspects to a partner in my opinion along with their character. So many people go for "Sense of Humour" as the top priority no matter what but it's not that important to me because as soon as you spent enough time with someone you start to figure out their funny bone and have little inside jokes that can only be funny between the two of you --- it's rather beautiful 🤣❤️
If I remember that study correctly, it found the women who were most likely to cheat were those who were virgins, or who had had 3-4 or more sexual partners in the past. The 1-2 range were the least likely to cheat. So that validates everything you were saying about that particular question, Courtney.
The past thing is absolutely fascinating. I was a gambling addict. I was a smoker. I was a big drinker. I was a party animal (3-4 a week!). As I approach 35 I am none of those things anymore. Literally the complete opposite. Am I still any of those things? No. Am I likely to go off the rails and do it again? I hope not. Its a difficult one. Harsh to judge a woman when I too had a mad past myself.
You would be a match for a wild women. People date the type they will marry. As not that type, I cannot date that type as I dated women who respected men and vice versa. People with a history need to date/marry people with a history.
Too many disclaimers Courtney. If someone gains 60lbs and you are unattracted afterwards, that is a normal feeling. Both sides of the fence gender wise. That's beyond a normal fluctuation and I'm sure there is a reason behind it, which is the guy's job to discuss with his partner. More importantly try to assist them in choosing a healthier lifestyle. Also, this notion of "beauty fades" is too generic and too overused by younger people. That happens later in life (long down the road). If this woman doesn't wish to change and isn't making her appearance a priority than he should consider whether that is a deal breaker. But I don't care who you are, man or woman, if either gains 60lbs and you were attracted to how they initially looked, looks do matter. Attraction matters and personality alone will not get the job done. It's not shallow to like physical traits. Let's get over this finally.
i work a physical job 50 hrs a week and i still hit the gym regularly. theres no excuses besides medical to be ballooning up. shed be long gone before she got obese. if a guy is busting his ass to pay for a mortgage, food ect for his family imo he gets a pass if he puts on some weight. party girls are good for one thing. dont ever think shes going to change for you.
Never...never settle down with someone with a wild past. Period. I chose "forgiveness" with my first wife. Huge mistake. If they lived that way then they have completely destroyed their ability to pair bond or even see you as an individual. She will see you as the placeholder in her ATROCIOUS "man department". Think of a person's personality and mind as a house. Well...there's a room in that house for her relationships. Do you really want to live in that room after what she's done? After it being completely trashed and booby trapped?
For younger folks, it is pretty amazing how unattractive (overweight, dressed like bums) for folks under 25 it seems. It's surely not universal but it's definitely 1000x worse than it was when I was that age 20 years ago.
That's because their mothers teach them that girls will value them for who they are instead of teaching them that they need to bring value in order to be valued
Average weight of a wimen in the US is 170 lbs. That's just unacceptable. Yet none of these wimen care, they're not really focused on attracting the opposite gender anyway. The focus is... "career, empowerment, independence, boss girl, etc."
I hear ya - Dad Teaches… Great tips by Courtney! I agree, a lot of people don’t understand that there are phases, or stages to a relationship, each one requires a special type of care… Some of them see marriage as the “end game” - I got her/him now, I don’t have to do anything anymore in order to keep her/him - quite the contrary, the game has just begun! Any man can get a woman - keeping her, that’s a whole ‘nother story! Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Dating a girl with a wild past is a suckers bet. As soon as you say something or do something she don't like, she's running around on you behind your back to "get even" with you. She might do stuff like that on you without you even giving her a reason. Women like that cannot be trusted. They have no real loyalty. They are okay to fool around with for a while but do yourself a favor and don't ever get serious with one.
3:12 personally for me I have no problem if my love the wife or a girlfriend gains weight because Women are beautiful in their own way in the eyes of different people but if it’s unhealthy then that’s different and what I mean by unhealthy is that she’s not actually trying to take care of herself better.
The worst advice I ever received was the idea that physical attraction won't matter in the long run. I have been married for over 15 years and I can honestly say the fact that I find my wife attractive is certainly one of the things I appreciate most about our relationship. It is absolutely 100% okay for you to end a relationship with someone you are no longer physically attracted to. Also, honesty is the best policy. If you leave because you have lost attraction, be kind but absolutely honest.
Friday night 21 January 2022. The guy who's female friend doesn't see them as boyfriend/girlfriend after this amount of time, he needs to walk. RESULTS matter. Thanks for what you do, Courtney. Take care and all the best.
Regarding the first topic, I dated a girl who started to gain weight a lot more while we are dating. I led by the example like going to the gym, asked her to go to the gym with me, tried to eat healthy together, and did it for one solid year. Nothing changed. She didn't want to go to the gym together with me, eating habit didn't change, and I run out of patience and attraction for her. So, we broke up. To this day, I still go to the gym and eating healthy. I don't know what she is doing.
Been trying to change my wife for way too long. It does not work. You can only change yourself. Tried every idea and trick, every hard conversation, shown much love and respect.. I can handle the extra weight And lack of motivation to do anything . But what I can’t handle is her being crippled inside and 10 years of head games about how everything is fine. The drinking and pills has been the nail in the coffin. So as the paperwork winds it’s way through the courts and we divide everything I am here getting tips for getting back out into the world and I can’t wait. The future looks bright!!!
If she's been with 117 guys do you think she'll stop at 118? and you'll be unfavorably compared to all of them and any other guy she thinks she can get- pass.
1. No, he's not an asshole. He said that she didn't take care of herself and gained 60 lbs. That's not just natural beauty fading or sickness. Getting into a relationship based ONLY on looks is foolish, but looks being important is fine. If you're in a relationship, you are somewhat obligated to maintain your appearance so that you look as similar as possible to, if not better than how you looked when you entered the relationship. 2. Generally, avoid it. People with higher numbers of sexual partners are more likely to have cheat on their spouses. No, it's not "100% accurate", but the odds are what they are, for a reason. There's an increased risk of raising a child that isn't actually yours, and you're also more likely to catch an STI. 3. Stop acting like a boyfriend if you aren't getting treated like one. Stop paying for dates. You're likely in the "ATM zone" which is even worse than being in the Friendzone. Boyfriends get special treatment, and friends split bills, so make sure you are being treated accordingly. 4. Don't bother. Nobody cares to hear you talk about yourself, no matter how interesting you think you are. Most people rather talk about the scrambled egg that THEY finally managed to cook perfectly that morning, than hear you talk about the Nobel peace prize that YOU'RE about to receive.
I've read same comment so many times. What about doing both? If you are disciplined I don't see why you have to choose. I've being dating dozens of women in 35 years and still had the time to go for a master and a PsyD.
If a man himself has a wild past, then why not? If he doesn't, then definitely no. Let someone else take the risk of attempting to tame the wildness out of her.
The main problem I had with two women I dated who were "pretty wild" was they got bored easily and cannot seem to want to be in a stable, regular relationship. Many of them are over 40 now and never been married. They also tend to be the ones that are super into looks and superficial things too. The women I dated like this all said they wanted "nice guys", but they really did not. I had nothing but problems with them wanting constant vacations, "going out", getting drunk and cheating.
I'm totally on board with "looks are not everything". But if the significant other is out of shape because of conscious lifestyle decisions, there's a deep seated incompatibility on another level than just physical attraction. Either work it out or end it there.
Hi Courtney and all. Personally if I felt bad about a woman having a wild past it wouldn't be out of disgust or disapproval, but out of envy. I would quite like to have a range of wild sexual experiences myself - if I got into a relationship while still inexperienced and she had a wild past then I feel the relationship would be infused with a degree of resentment and jealousy. I wouldn't judge her wrong for having those experiences - I know if I were in her position I would behave how she had. So it wouldn't be objectively anything wrong with her, but a subjective sense of missing out on my part. There wouldn't really be any point to getting angry with her - I'd just have to explain in my case I wouldn't be convinced that the relationship will ultimately prove satisfying for either of us. While I think you can be principally against sexual debauchery/indulgence and some of the posters on these videos would be, quite a lot of the posters who go on about the scourge of women and their sexual pasts are secretly envious. Men who deep down wish they could sleep around a lot, but cannot realise even a moderate/small amount of casual sex. Whether they'd admit to it or not. (Note: in my case, if the hypothetical women in question was willing to have a non-monogamous type of relationship (i.e. swinging/group sex then I wouldn't be as bothered in that case - I wouldn't feel like I'm missing out in the same way). I don't know if you have anything to say to this Courtney
There are psychological studies for those interested in the topic, but it is pretty well established that a 'wild' sexual past destroys a woman's ability to pair bond (pair bonding is what allows for emotional long term commitment to a romantic partner)
You explained in another video I watched a few minutes ago, that if a girl sees a guy with other beautiful women, that makes him seem more attractive to her, and that's why mediocre looking men seem to have one pretty girlfriend after another. If that's true, then isn't it a reason for a guy to go out with a good looking girl solely because of her looks? She could be his foot in the door, so to speak, so there's still an advantage to going out with her even if her looks are all she has going for her.
Kudos to you for having the guts to admit that looks ARE important and that it's disrespectful to your partner to let themselves go. I'm a lifelong fitness freak, so this is always a fear of mine with relationships. My last serious girlfriend was always on the verge of getting noticeably fat snapped at me one day, when she was talking about her walking "workouts," and all I said was that if she wants to really get a lot out of taking a walk that she should incorporate hills on her walks. That led her to say, "Would it be the worst thing in the world if I got fat?" She was only 33 at the time, and I wanted to reply, "Would it be the worst thing in the world if I decided to only work 60 hours a week and earn significantly less income?" I did say, "Well, if it's a medical reason for your weight gain, that's one thing, but if it's simply due to you letting yourself go, then, yes, it's a bad thing and not fair to me."
@Nas abubakar 😂😂😂😂😂 If the "Law" of Attraction and "Manifestation" actually worked, no one would ever lose a sporting event or a talent show or not land an audition for a TV or movie role. Spare me the New Age bullshit. Oh, and I guess that people starving in third world countries would no longer be starving if they simply manifested having a prosperous life.
I think notch count applies both to men and women. If you're looking for a more stable and long term relationship look for how many LTR'S they had instead.
Whilst in my opinion body count is important (more so for women as it affects pair bonding activity) the number of LTR isn't a better indicator as they tend to leave a strong emotional footprint which can be diffult to override and create difficulty bonding with your significant other.
@@randomdude79404 well you compare that to the short term flings, ONS, FWB's or any situation where a relationship was never established so they never figured out what it meant to be in a caring and loving relationship beyond sex. Complicated times really.
There is something so romantic in the true connection and outlet to express your real nature and self, to explore your own limits with that someone who understands you, cares for you, and can read it in the essence of that special friendship, union, partnership. That synergy as such a good team, the feeling that emanates is so clear to perceive. Maybe that’s why it all starts in the mind. Sometimes people get together with who doesn’t get to know their true self. Maybe the stability, covers a part of the needs, yet lack something to be complete. And they go wild. Searching for something they might or might not ever find out. Sometimes the wild gets tamed. And the beast doesn’t ever become a prince but it’s clear that he belongs there. But still a wild ride. that feeling of seeing the excitement to discover and learn in someone’s eyes, something they didn’t know they wanted but at the same tame it’s essence always has searched for. Like the moon influencing the movement of the seas, that attraction. And at the same time so far away. I would love to know what time you where born, to know where the planets where placed in that instant. I know the birthdate but not the exact time of the day.
Always felt the same exact way, letting yourself go is totally disrespectful to your partner especially if he or she is putting in the effort to keep themselves up. I remember this young woman bragging that now that she's married who cares about keeping yourself up? I can get as fat as I want now. I was like "don't be surprised if your husband cheats on you"
to all the guys who want to date girls with "wild past" - do it only short turn. DO NOT MERRY these women ad do not plan kids together. For women who had more than 4-5 partners in the past is hard to pair-bond with a man, and that is a fact. And they ussually do not have strong impulse control. Pair-bonding is really imprtant for making a family.
Both are indicative of personality, compatibility and for long term success (for the relationship). Men and women should not practice casual sex. We’ve been sold a lie.
I can’t speak for all men, but I have discussed this with many guy friends. It’s not the weight gain that causes relationship problems - we love our women for all their beauty inside and out. But when a woman starts to feel bad about herself, it can start to poison the relationship. You’ need to be ok with yourself to have a healthy relationship, but please don’t blame that on the man who continues to love you through thick and thin. Respectfully submitted.
Right that letting yourself go is disrespectful. So is cheating but I didn't think of General Petraeus, for his affair, in the years-go national scandal, as harshly, when I saw a photo of him and his wife that looked more like his mother!
Hey Courtney, curious question, do you know or are you friends with someone in your life who has that mindset of needing to play games or treating anything like a competition? Maybe we can get a better insight on what her motives can be like.
The guys who asked those questions have not done their homework. They haven't watched all your videos. I kept rolling my eyes and whispering "tsk, dude! she's talked about this. you're not listening, guy." You know how sometimes customers will refuse to look at the manual, and then proceed to make all of the mistakes the manual warns them about, and then they complain, and you wanna yell "IT'S IN THE MANUAL!" that's the level of frustration I felt.
4:51 This is why the world won't get any better. That if you use logic and FACTS to tell her something she won't like it unless it makes her feel good. They dislike cold hard truths to the point where you can't challenge them or the ideals if you so you're "not cool" I KNOW ALL WOMEN ARENT LIKE THIS BUTT...
For the second issue I think its not only about finding someone who aligns with your beliefs but also find someone who is willing to change their social group to one that is conducive to marriage. If she keeps all her single and drama filled friends she is likely to repeat her past. If she's will to join social groups of married women who do church and community based activities she'll probably be less likely to cheat because her new found friends will look down on and ostracize her for her behavior. So if she isn't willing to make the change then don't bother. The big thing is to see how they view or characterize their past. Do they look at their past as an agent or a victim? Do they own their actions or make excuses for them? Do they call good bad and bad good?
That is totally true because I have come across several girls that doring all of the vetting that have asked me if it is a problem that they don't exercise at all or really care about what they eat and I told them that I want somebody that will make it all the way down to the finished line with me and not leave me (deceased) in heartache. Men, stand up for yourself and your values! It will be ok!
You know, all these videos make it seem like it’s really easy to just go on dates with women when in reality, it really isn’t. The only women that know I even exist is my ex wife and my family members. All other women don’t even acknowledge me.
I ran into this situation in graduate school decades ago. I was at a major state university where I often played basketball at the rec center. At the time, I had gotten rejected by a woman that I thought was a great match. We had both graduated from a major Catholic university and came from that religious background. But she married someone else. I felt like the character played by "Gary" in the classic teen rejection film "The Last American Virgin" at the end. Heartbroken, I turned to basketball to find positive physical and mental health. It worked. It helped me get into shape with a lot of running and camraderie among the guys I played with. I must have been at the gym almost daily. As the months went by, a young woman became very interested in me which was surprising. She was "hot" and always wore an exercise bra and tight-fitting exercise pants. Her demeanor was very revealing and sexual. The woman's exercise routine was obviously rigorous with a huge amount of cardio exercise done to maintain her figure. A lot of guys "drooled" over her. She had a lengthy dating history with different guys. I saw her many times with the guys who looked like "players" on the dating scene trying to sexually conquer as many women as possible in that college gym. One of them even "felt her up" right in the stairway in full view of the exercise bikes while she blushed. But as the months went by, she became obsessed with me and was clearly trying to "spark" a relationship. Meanwhile, a varsity basketball player from the local NCAA championship team had his eye on her and pursued relentlessly. It was bizarre. I had gotten rejected by the nice Catholic woman I had wanted but gained the hyper-focus and obsession of a "hot college gym girl" who was being pursued by a future NBA star about to make millions. To be fair, at least the "hot gym girl" didn't care about the NBA prospect's money. She wanted me. The multiple triangles in this scenario were just absurd. I ultimately just stopped going to that gym. At the time, I studied biochemistry in the medical school library and knew all about the lysogenic cycle and icosahedral symmetry of the herpes virus. I saw that "hot gym girl" as someone who was at high risk for an STD. We were a gross mismatch without her awareness. I couldn't handle her aggressive behavior when I wasn't interested at all. I had the impression she wasn't used to being ignored. I had already lost the nice Catholic woman I had wanted and didn't care to date anyone else at the time. The "hot gym girl" was clearly very sexually experienced and had gone through the merry-go-round of multiple men in that gym. For some reason, she developed an obsession with me when I didn reciprocate. Most construction workers would have jumped at the chance. But I really did prefer the nice Catholic woman who dressed modestly. In summary, I lost the nice Catholic woman but somehow won the heart of a very sexually experienced woman who dressed provacatively for sex. It reminded me of the classic rock song "Love Stinks" by the J. Geils Band. The lyrics discuss the multiple rejections and love triangles that can happen in a typical scenario. Years later, I did meet a nice woman at the gym I was a better match with at Florida State U thousands of miles away - a blonde southern belle.
Its not that she's wild past is a bad thing I just had hoped I would spend my youth with someone who was there with me instead I get a forty year old woman who too tired or too hurt to want to do anything outside the house.
I'd have to disagree. If you keep yourself in shape and your partner let themselves go, then it's up to them to loose what they gained. And if telling them how you feel about them gaining weight makes them start a war then bring the artillery 😂
It's the destination that's important not how you got there. It doesn't matter what kind of past history you or someone else may have had.. it matters whether you can learn and grow from those experiences to become the best version of yourself whatever that may be. This is what separates the greats from the everyday fluff just floating through life.
I don't think you're in position giving relationship advice. Everything you said is just wrong on so many levels. Guys, this is why you don't listen dating advice from women. She's giving most cliche, politically correct answers to all problems. "it depends on your value system" "I know 1 case didn't work" "I agree but everyone is different" "it depends on person" like give me a break. You're not giving people advice. You're saying what makes you look good on these videos. That's what your answers sounds like. promiscuous past affect men and women differently. Women's promiscuous past increases your chance of divorce "dramatically" but men's promiscuous past does not. There are studies on this. So you're wrong. It's not "PEOPLE". It's only women's promiscuous past puts your marriage in danger. Men's promiscuous past actually works in opposite way. women want guys other women want. So men's promiscuous past proves you have good values. That's why fuck boys keeps getting laid. Vast majority of women prefer a guy has promiscuous past over a virgin guy. (yeh there were some polls in Asian counties) If she got fat and don't even try to lose weight, leave her. Courtney, you keep mentioning values but most of Women's value come from your beauty and everything follows after. No other good traits beat your ugliness. That's how important being beautiful to girls. If you lose that, you lose your value big time. Do you think we keep our girls because we can have deep talk about life and meanings and families at 2 AM? That's just a small bonus. Your pretty face and body are the major reason we have interest in you. IF you have other nice qualities on top of that? We give you relationship and commitment. Only beautiful look? we smash and dash. Ugly? we work together and build true friendship. That's how world works. Mens' appearance is important but not as much as Women's look. Men's value comes from socio-economic status, physic, confidence. That's why successful ugly guys can have options. Beautiful young girl works at McDonalds have much more options to date successful men than ugly, 40 year old millionaire female entrepreneur Stop giving people these vague, confusing, misleading answers. You're hurting people Jesus
Everybody has done ... something bad in the past. The question is if we are through it/done with it. If we are (and it ibrings no weird hidden surprises) fine.
@@drip369 She got tired of being one of those hypergamy trollops attempted to be a housewife but couldn't hold her breathe that long she than spiraled out of control like a bat out of hell.
You’d be surprised, based on the reasoning Courtney gave it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility. I’ve known a few women who have only had one partner say that they would be worried about “missing out” if they got married.
They all have wild pasts and high body counts. She ain’t yours it’s just your turn. Do your thing. Have fun. But don’t even take about 90% of the women out there seriously. It’s a shitshow out here all you can do is go for the ride
As stated before, Courtney, what I learned in my Master's Degree in Leykis 101 indicates precisely that. You get married or not, and they have a baby, and then they have you, and they pork out. Before I graduated and learned this, my wife did exactly that. Before we were married, she was a knockout. She took great care of herself. We married, and she inflated after her first child and more after the second. She got so big I divorced her not entirely for that reason; there was a lot more behind it; I provided her with not one, not two, but three homes in Southern California where we had our retirement sewed up, and she didn't have to work. After watching you, Courtney, having a Master's Degree and wisdom, I will know if it is going anywhere after the first several dates. Regards
guys, she isnt yours. maybe just tell her you want it to be casual like her other situationships so you dont get hurt when she cheats on you multiple times and blames it on you and tries to make you the bad guy. or leave because she might say shes done with that garbage but actions speak louder than words and her actions definitely show enough. she also will lie to you about how many dudes shes been with, and by you believing her shell lose more respect of you.
I had a kid with a gal with a wild past.It was a rollercoaster 2 years together...we separated.16 years later she is a different person...I am a different person..we get along great and share joint custody of our daughter though we will never be together again.
I’m going to disagree with many in the comments. I don’t mind if She had a ”wild past”. Your history does shape you…..and if that is who i like, then it is. I fall for the whole individual. I also see no lack of self respect in having had many sexual partners. The way i see it, anything i can do, others can do, including her. That is, i don’t put her to some ”standard” i don’t put myself to.
6:45 - the case you mention of one of your 'friends of friends' getting married as a virgin, and then going on a promiscuous sex-binge, stinks an awful lot of narcissism potentially even psychopathy. That's my hunch, though I know almost no details of course. A narcissist's confidence is directly dependent on the other people in their lives. How they enact their narcissism in practice depends a little on the gender. But in her case, it sounded like her 'confidence' was highly contingent on successfully entering a marriage -> that is *typical* of many women in our cultures in particular, as women are more often raised this way than men are, to think that their value is determined by their a) virginity, 2) relationship status. This is a large part of the reason so many women (even perfectly good ones) are so insecure about being single and resort to monkey-branching. It is so bad, that if you set yourself a dating deal-breaker of "no monkey-branching", you'd probably have to rule out maybe 80% of women, or perhaps even more. Once she felt she had secured the guy in marriage, and gotten a little intimate validation from him, she started feeling more confident, more outwardly, and her repressed sexual past of being a virgin and her desire to 'explore her options' burst out of containment. Of course, her narcissism prohibited her from exercising any self-restraint, which a normal person would have. The more guys she hooked up with, likely the more exponentially addicted she became to the validation she was receiving (narcissism), and likely too the adrenaline rush of her transgressions (the psychopathic element). It's predictable & pathetic. Hence why I'm also rather bold in making all these assumptions, because this crap so often works like clockwork. The behaviors that manifest on the surface can vary a lot, but the underlying principles of what makes these people tick, does not. They are driven by their instincts and desires, most often pursuing short-term gratification (such as drug use) even at the expense of their own well-being, and certainly at the expense of other peoples' well-being... unless you come across a high-functioning specimen of theirs, which are actually dangerous, and far from being _"predictable and pathetic"._ It's the difference between trying to win a chess match against someone who thinks 1 or 2 moves ahead, versus someone who thinks 10 moves ahead. You likely won't even think that they are a player, because their first impressions don't betray it.
Let's normalize NOT letting ourselves go just because we get comfy in a relationship. Let's normalize continuing to better ourselves at all stages of our relationships. I want to be with my husband and children for as long as humanly possible. Let your spouse know you are scared of losing them because they aren't caring for themselves as much as you do. BE encouraging and do it together.
I can't wait for matching algorithms to get so advanced that I don't need to browse pictures or profiles anymore. That I can have found an excellent match within the first 5 algorithmically selected matches.
About that first request, I lived through that situation with my last wife, who is now an ex. She was "Twiggy thin" and very cute when I met her (she was 34), but as soon as she had our only child, she let herself go to the tune of being 70 lbs. over her usual weight of 105. It's kind of difficult to get aroused when you are coupled to Jabba the Hut. Courtney is absolutely correct when she says it is disrespectful to let yourself go merely because you've locked your spouse or LTR down, but more importantly, she is disrespecting herself. If she has no respect for her own body, she is likely to not have respect for you too.
You can have the same morals, ethics, goals and values as someone, but that doesn't mean you're going to date them. If you don't find them physically attractive, there will not be a romantic relationship.
Need help guys. I met this woman online, we vibed really good. At the end of the first date she kissed me and we made out… She would call or text me everyday , telling me how much we connected and that we were meant to be .. 2nd date went good too, we had sex.. Then she ghost me. Why would she ghost me? 👻
Who could say? Were you bad in bed? Did she feel she rushed into things? Morning after regrets? Sounds like she might have some issues but there's no way to know that for sure. Just a hunch but I'd suggest you go no contact. Women who are interested make it known. If she's interested in more than hooking up once she will make herself known.
@@garmisra7841 Thank you, I will do just that and don’t contact her unless she makes any effort. I’ve had woman in the past, just never been in a situation like this one. Caught me off guard
She is unhappy that is why she is compulsively started gulping food as a substitute for what she wants. It is usually sweets, carb-loading, and alcohol; these are addictive substances. Going to the gym ain't going to fix this, the carb/insulin/dopamine-reward rollercoaster is learned behavior that becomes a physical addiction. Cold turkey is never the solution that an addict wants to hear as a solution. Narcissism is always at the root of self-destructive behavior it is the prerequisite for addiction. People know what makes them fat, it is not love of themselves or others.
Mostly, The important things in life are documented. Unfortunately not in dating and relationships (bar marriage). It keeps all people accountable. If people argue their past should not matter it’s because they have behaved poorly. It’s classic cope and justification. The whole concept of justice is based on past behaviour It’s victims who want the past recognised but never the perpetrators. Remember that.
Having been, BEEN, a person that believes a person is not their past, I no longer believe that. Every single person I’ve dated with a “wild” past has eventually let the shit show out. Just don’t even bother.
Yup Either end up a doormat for life , or it al crumbles down.
100000%%
Same. I didn't think it mattered. I'm more disciplined now, the more conservative women are for long term, the "fun" ones are short term only.
The common denominator is always the same. No going around it.
Thats like asking "would you date a guy with no future?" lmao
I have dated and married women with a wild past for ten years total. 11/10 would NOT recommend. Find someone kind, loyal, and intelligent. Wild sex gets old and getting lied to and cheated on sucks.
A women with a wild past doesn’t respect herself. If she doesn’t respect herself why would she ever respect you?
Easiest way to understand this. 👏 👏 👏
And why even on god's earth respect her ?
Exactly
Depends on how you look at it. The teachings of the Bhudda and Jesus tell us to forgive those who have learned from their mistakes. So if she understands the mistakes and has turned from those ways, then you should forgive them. If you do not, you will also harbor your own mistakes until you learn this lesson.
@@btark91 9x outta 10 she hasn’t learned
In regard to dating someone with a wild past: -
If you are tortured in your mind regarding that Person’s past, then don’t have a relationship with that person. It won’t work.
I have been in that position many years ago. I dated someone who had a past and I could not get their former partners out of my mind. I was tortured. It made me very depressed. Once I ended the relationship, then the torture and depression left and freedom of mind set in.
I wish someone told me back then what I am now writing. It could have saved me a lot of unhappiness.
There's a reason men have always valued, pursued and taught "virtue" to and from women.
Thats like asking "would you date a guy with no future?" lmao
That’s why I guess men talk about pair bonding for women and not so much for men… but then again there are stories of men still not coming to grips with there last break up, So isn’t that pair bonding too?
If a woman is reluctant to call you her boyfriend after 3-4 months of dating, she isn’t in to you. She is just using you a a place holder until someone she actually likes, turns up. I know its hard realize this in the moment, when you desperately want this girl to be “the girl”. Its best you come to this realization before you really get hurt. If you have feelings for her and she isn’t reciprocating those feelings in return after 4 months of dating, she don’t like you bro.
Save your heart from further damage and move on.
I mostly agree with you but don't think someone needs to wait four months. More like two weeks. It's been my experience that if a woman is interested in you, it will be very obvious from the get go.
100%
I think that is a great sitution .. if she is sleeping with you but doesn't want the label ... ride that pony as long as you can
@@moleahy6880 100% - if she's not trying for intimacy and to lock you down after 3-5 dates at most - she's not that into you.
Whether she's doing this deliberately or not she's being incredibly selfish. Would you invest time into a platonic friend that NEVER returned favors or never wanted to hang out?
From personal experience.
Do not date someone with more experience then you.
My ex wife had a wild past & partied too much when we were dating.
I wasn’t prepared for what I would go through.
People never change. Her past & actions came back to haunt our marriage.
So please meet someone at your level, grow & explore together.
In my marriage I gained so much weight. I was a S then went to an XL. My ex had gained alot of weight but blamed it because of the pregnancy. I started working on myself and dropped to a Medium. I tried to bring her along with me but she made so many excuses and it was a turn off.
I felt so empty inside being the weight I was and I felt alive and attractive again.
Men & woman please do not let yourself go during a relationship. You have to keep yourself healthy for yourself & be attractive to your partner.
Also if he or she isn’t going above and beyond how you are. Just end it.
I’m sure he or she went above and beyond for someone and their not giving the best of themselves. Don’t waist your time. Coming from experience
Hey friend, saying people never change is a limiting belief that might hold you back in life or may even be in the way of manifesting the relationship you want. People do change and more often for the better than not; from my personal experience. I've dated girls that had questionable pasts and they turned out great after a form of awakening or a shift in consciousness in how they show up in life. People also go through phases in life.
A better litmus test (and not an absolute) is to see what her relationship with her father looks like. Invertly, a man's relationship to a woman can be summarized quickly with his relationship with his mom. Again, not absolute but a good litmus test to guage at first. Good luck.
@@williamlee7782 I can agree with you. But change comes within yourself. If you can’t see or accept your faults & think its okay then there’s a huge issue. People are hard wired to act and be the way they are. They tend to change for a limited of time to get what they want.
As soon as whatever is holding them back they go back.
Thats like asking "would you date a guy with no future?" lmao
@@BobbylightRCE Even if a women changed If her past was wild or whatever I still wouldn’t be with her.
@@moonknight4053 love can have us blind..
After couple of heart breaks I have decided not to date chicks with messed up pasts. Current events form future trends.
What do men and women look for?
Women tend to emphasize on: We want a man that has a future (ambition, potential, competency, etc.)
Men tend to emphasize on: We want a woman that doesn't have a past (low body count, low baggage, not having a child, etc.)
I would ask a woman that she must bring as much to the table and not trying to spend "my"money if she spent her money, too fast, all of it for herself
@Task Force Bloomer Not to mention, Doesn't it usually take about 2 incomes to be able to provide for a household. A lot of those girls don't ever expect to have a job. I grew up watching both of my parents work in pay bills so I've always expected to have a job.
Thats like asking "would you date a guy with no future?" lmao
I've never thought about those things in a woman.
So my experience kinda has similarities to some of the questions asked... When I first met my ex wife things got kinda wild rather quickly. I later found out that she had, on possibly more than one instance, cheated on her first husband. I kinda ignored that red flag and hoped for the best. After she had cheated on me, I found her less attractive even as we tried to work past what happened. The decrease in attraction led to a decrease in affection on my behalf and eventually resulted in her cheating a second time, which ultimately led to a divorce. Hindsight being 20/20, I should have seen that red flag and listen to my gut and got out before a sunken cost fallacy prolonged the inevitable....
Definitely a hard lesson to learn. My first long term girlfriend had kind of a wild past, used to sleep around and did end up cheating on me at some point in the relationship. She wanted to work it out but I definitely lost interest and we split soon after.
Since then, when I discover that the woman I dated had a wild past or even admitted on cheating on their boyfriend, it's a hard pass. Rather be single than deal with that kind of bullshit.
Sounds similar to my story. A big waste of years of my life.
vThats like asking "would you date a guy with no future?" lmao
I cant stand this idea that the past doesn't matter, If someone murders someone in their 20's they are a murderer for life period. people who say the past doesn't matter lack accountability. major red flag.
Yes there's some doors that people open in life that are too easy to open again. But it doesn't mean it has to define them. A mistake is a choice that you make that in hindsight you see was wrong and you have regret for it.
@@androssteague the choices you make, the things you do, the things you say... all define who you are. I'm not quite sure what your point is... we all make mistakes, just because you apologize/ learn from them does not mean you didn't make them.
@@ademafc Growing and learning from choices doesn't exempt us from the bad ones we've made yes I agree, but that is exactly my point. We've all made the wrong choices in life. What you do in the aftermath of that choice is what defines you. You can grow and learn from that bad choice or you can keep repeating that bad choice.
@@ademafc my point to you is the NOW always trumps the THEN and the LATER. Who you are now will determine who you'll be later. The THEN is a basic trajectory of who you are now but that can always change.
@@androssteague i disagree with you and that's ok
My wife was like a model when I met her, absolutely gorgeous! We got married 32 years ago and then she ballooned up to 300 pounds, but we stayed together, and I still loved her. She then lost all of that excess weight 10 years ago and is like a model again. Relationships have ups and downs and I never married her because she's gorgeous, I married her because I love her personality and her way.
I would say yes & no. The whole reason you approached her was because she looked like a model. Men are visual so looks are generally what draw us in & personality is what keeps us. You’re one of the lucky few because 9/10 most women either won’t ever lose the weight cause she feels you should “love me for me” or she loses the weight & leaves you because she feels she can do better due to all the new attention she’s been getting. Physical attraction isn’t everything but it’s definitely more important than people (usually women when they let themselves go) wanna admit. I’m really glad you guys seem to still be going strong though, here’s to many more years!
Thats like asking "would you date a guy with no future?" lmao
You deserve every happiness and so does she. God bless.
@@megauxvasse6797 ~ Why thank you Meg!
@@satoshinakamoto7253 ~ What?
Great vídeo!! And is correct! A woman whit a wild past. Show how stability she had, and show many things, lets say is not the woman for a stable relationship.
Only take girls serious who actually respond well to you when you give them positive stimulation. It shows she values/respects herself, likes to be treated well and doesn't do the game playing. She's the type who is a good gf/wife, with or without a man in her life. Her body count won't be too high either if she carries herself this way. Avoid girls who play games and respond to negative stimuli. She only talks to you when you ignore her hides phone lacks respect high body count etc.
I have heard that if she jumps your bones on the first night, then she doesn't see you as boyfriend material because she isn't trying to impress you with her character, but if she makes you wait without telling you to wait, then she is trying to make a good impression
@@drip369 makes you wait for something other guys got right away hahaha. Can’t date girls that have been w other guys anymore, not for me fam
If she hides her phone then it means she's definitely considering other guys
@@drip369 hmm not sure on how she views the guy, but I usually don't hold the first night sex thing against a girl unless for some odd reason let's it happen when there is really no connection or even chemistry. I would have to let time tell what happens before committing. Depends on if we have socialized before even going on a date and kind of know each other and groundwork has been laid.
@@josuevazquez5889 yeah most likely during the talking/dating phase. She will most likely be giving side chick vibes or no interest. Women who want to be wives/gf give wife/gf energy. You can tell when a girl is a side chick bc her behaviors show it.
I had a long term relationship with a girl who had a past. A lot of her actions stemmed from issues from some apparent trauma from her childhood, and rebelling against her dad. She came from a bit of a strict Christian family, so in college, she began acting out, dropped out of school, only to get involved with some real dirtbags and petty criminals much older than her, who used and abused her. It left her with horrific trust issues. I also found her lying a lot, so there were a lot of holes in her stories. You couldn’t have a conversation or talk with her about these things because it would get turned around on you. The level of drama and games that were brought to the table were just constant…it really prevented me from giving the love I truly wanted to give her, and cultivate myself as well as a man, lover, and friend.
Unfortunately, it was one step forward, two steps back. If there was no chaos or drama, she had to instigate a problem. It got to the point where I did not want to take her out socially anymore, because she would end up driving wedges between my friends and I. She would start her own friendships with my people just to rub it in my face…only to get information through them about me, like I had something to hide. I eventually ceased talking to these people who were once longtime friends, because they didn’t have my best interest in mind. The straw that broke the camels back was during a family ski trip which she came on. She had taken a ski lesson, and I left her with the instructor and went out onto the mountain with my sister. My sister and I were on the chairlift, and we happened to be above her and the instructor who were stopped on the slope beneath us. We both watched her exchanging phone numbers with the ski instructor. We both looked at each other in disbelief, and my sister knew I was pissed. She said to keep cool, and she’ll find out what was up with that. When my sister confronted her about it, she made up some excuse why it was justified. Needless to say, the rest of the weekend was awkward. I have lifelong female friends who are basically family, but she wouldn’t get off my back about them, accusing me of being attracted to them, but she could have as many male orbiters as she wanted, because they were “friends”.And she was exchanging numbers with another dude? That was it.
Yet, she would always come crawling back. Every time I kicked her to the curb. Just with all of these manipulative ways of finding her way back in. She was a master of getting sympathy.
I noticed it wasn’t only our relationship at odds. She was at odds with her family constantly, with her co workers and bosses…but it was never her fault. The few of the female friends she did have, she saw them once a year or so. I remember she told me she didn’t speak to her family for five years at one point of her life. Just a person of absolute dysfunction. She had a great job, she had some incredible qualities that I was deeply drawn to, and thats what I cherished about her. If those qualities were on full tilt, I would have married her. But the dark side reared its head more so than not. The communication was just not there, because I just didn’t want the trouble. I would just gloss over it, which was my fatal flaw. We couldn’t let two weeks go by without some type of conflict.
Eventually, things just went south, and my efforts to constantly right the ship got me nowhere. She said she couldn’t be in a relationship with anyone anymore because she had to deal with the loss of a family member, so I stepped away. Not even a month later I found out some loser got her pregnant, and he wants nothing to do with the kid. She tried reaching out to me a bunch of times, but thats where I had to draw the line. I lost all respect.
So, it is critical to know of your significant others past. Take it from me. These examples are what come with the package of a damaged person with a past. I spent over three years in a whirlwind of chaos, experiencing every form of manipulation and head games. Then you have to factor in the fallout. It takes a long time to get someone like this out of your system. Im an unofficial psychoanalyst after this one.
This goes for men and women. Someone with a screwed up past really isn’t worth it. Especially if you are the empathetic/caring/accommodating type. These kind of people will suck the life out of you.
I Hope you for the best..thanks for the advice.
wish I read this 5 months earlier bruh
My wife of 18yrs: Do I look fat in these jeans?
Me: Don't blame the jeans.
She been dieting and doing Body Pump, Body Combat, and Palates 4 days a week for a month so far. I'm so proud of her.
sigma mindset.
Luckyyyyyyyy 👏👏
Please tell me you encourage her process. I bet that makes all the difference.
@@solimine1007 I do and always will. She looks great anyway. My comment was a way of telling her what she already knew while being a smart ass. She was fishing for a confirmation that it's time to get right. She's 5'2" and will be around 120lbs in the winter then trim down for bikini/summer time to 105-110lbs.
@@Shreadington 120 lbs. Damn. Wish I could be that small. But I'm 5'10 so thats not in my deck of cards lol.
I understand that just because a girl is a virgin doesn't necessarily mean that she won't cheat or go wild. But we have to operate on probabilities and not on possibilities. A girl who is a virgin has the lowest likelihood of divorcing their husband. A girl having multiple sexual partners will have a far greater likelihood of divorcing their husband than a virgin.
In girls, the british comedy about modern women, the nerdy virgin girl went wild immediately and dumped her first love who cared about her
Most virgin girls eventually get FOMO and leave to experience more of life. They realize they don't don't want to go through life having sex with only one man.
no, potentialities are reality, probablities are abstract statistics
behavioral psychology
That was why I disappeared from a college gym like the wind when I unexpectedly became the hyper-focus of a woman like that.
From my experience a wild women to date, is like dating the ememy it self
She belong to da streez
A person is their past. When a person shows you who they are, believe them right away.
It can be salvageable, if she's gone to a lot of therapy and is honest and accountable....but that is rare.
Also explained to her it's not just a looks thing. When you're overweight it increases your chances of having cardiovascular problems, A blood pressure, And diabetes. It's an actual health thing. I was being kind of lazy over the last couple of months and eating like crap And when I stepped on the scale it has shocked me back into tracking everything that I eat and going to the gym at least 4 times a week.
If a guy loses the ability to lead and provide, the girl will lose attraction to him. This is a fact. A woman getting fat and turning into a slob is the opposite of that.
THAT SAID.
The key to both situations is communication. You HAVE to express your displeasure to the other person so that they can do something about it. If you do that and they ignore it, then you can end the relationship with your head high.
I think a "wild past" disqualifies a girl for a relationship regardless of beauty. I live in Las Vegas, the home of "wild past" but it doesn't mean they're disqualified from situationships, hook-ups or friendships and in many ways, they make cool friends - as to letting yourself go? That's a personal decision that reaps what you sow - so each person is on their own journey, I don't think a Man should police a woman's habits or vice versa, but each can decide to leave if they're no longer attracted,..nobody is "required" to be with a partner, being single is just as good - whatevers clever depending upon the persons season.
For #1, I think it comes down to how important health and fitness is to each of them. It is also could be helpful for him to find fun active things to do together. It may motivate her to want to get in better shape. When I was in a rut last winter my husband found some good winter hikes (knowing I enjoy this in warmer weather)...I really enjoyed it and it gave me motivation. The other thing he did that winter was find a sprint triathlon in the spring and asked if I wanted to try it with him knowing I used to like swimming and was bored with just running. That worked for me because I value being fit enough to do active things...I just needed a little push. Aside from being active, eating healthy and alignment there is important.
Yes. Also he can also introduce her to some healthy foods that she might enjoy. Help her make better choices and found some healthy snacks that will help with cravings. Losing weight is not an easy task and everyone struggles in their own ways. But you can do anything of you put your mind to it!
No way in hell does that work
If she/he doesn’t want to be better, they won’t, no matter how many “little encouragements” they need.
@@jambajoby32 Well it doesn't hurt to try though
@@BigPapaSam96 agreed. Again though, if they don’t want to, they’re not going to.. it’s a double edge sword trap
@@jambajoby32 So true. Just because you give them the tools, doesn't mean they are going to build a shed. I learned that the hard way
If you and become complacent let yourself go, it shows you don’t respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, how do you expect your partner to respect you?
I have a good number of friends and relatives who met someone in their early 20s, got married in their mid 20s and never experienced anything
like what is described in this video and remain married for over 40 years and longer..... they had LUCK......GOOD LUCK and a lot of it !
I think it's normal to get comfortable in relationships where you feel like you can "let your hair down" and not always need to look your best and be on your A game every time you're around the person you like; relationship weight is normal. That being said this shouldn't devolve into utter complacency and for you to stop putting effort into the relationship. if you love the person you're with and the relationship you're in, you will want to be the best version of yourself. I would also say that people don't gain 40+ pounds overnight, it would be best to try to mitigate the underlying reasons for your partner's weight gain before addressing it to them. If you truly love your partner, you shouldn't simply be concerned about the fact that you're not as attracted to them, you should be concerned about their overall wellbeing.
I agree. I also think we need to be patient with our partners and understand that no one is perfect
@Task Force Bloomer I try to be my best 24\7 but I need a break every now and then.
Thats like asking "would you date a guy with no future?" lmao
Q
I'm glad you always say "be authentic" over "jUst bE yOUrSeLf 😬🥴"... I've sent DMs praising you for that but I'll comment here too so more people see it :) I first came across this "Authentic" tip from "Charisma on Command" UA-cam Channel which you happen to have done a review of. You also mentioned "Integrity" in this video and it's one of the most important aspects to a partner in my opinion along with their character. So many people go for "Sense of Humour" as the top priority no matter what but it's not that important to me because as soon as you spent enough time with someone you start to figure out their funny bone and have little inside jokes that can only be funny between the two of you --- it's rather beautiful 🤣❤️
If I remember that study correctly, it found the women who were most likely to cheat were those who were virgins, or who had had 3-4 or more sexual partners in the past. The 1-2 range were the least likely to cheat. So that validates everything you were saying about that particular question, Courtney.
The past thing is absolutely fascinating. I was a gambling addict. I was a smoker. I was a big drinker. I was a party animal (3-4 a week!). As I approach 35 I am none of those things anymore. Literally the complete opposite. Am I still any of those things? No. Am I likely to go off the rails and do it again? I hope not. Its a difficult one. Harsh to judge a woman when I too had a mad past myself.
You would be a match for a wild women. People date the type they will marry. As not that type, I cannot date that type as I dated women who respected men and vice versa. People with a history need to date/marry people with a history.
you deserve an ex ho e
Too many disclaimers Courtney. If someone gains 60lbs and you are unattracted afterwards, that is a normal feeling. Both sides of the fence gender wise. That's beyond a normal fluctuation and I'm sure there is a reason behind it, which is the guy's job to discuss with his partner. More importantly try to assist them in choosing a healthier lifestyle. Also, this notion of "beauty fades" is too generic and too overused by younger people. That happens later in life (long down the road). If this woman doesn't wish to change and isn't making her appearance a priority than he should consider whether that is a deal breaker. But I don't care who you are, man or woman, if either gains 60lbs and you were attracted to how they initially looked, looks do matter. Attraction matters and personality alone will not get the job done. It's not shallow to like physical traits. Let's get over this finally.
i work a physical job 50 hrs a week and i still hit the gym regularly. theres no excuses besides medical to be ballooning up. shed be long gone before she got obese. if a guy is busting his ass to pay for a mortgage, food ect for his family imo he gets a pass if he puts on some weight. party girls are good for one thing. dont ever think shes going to change for you.
Never...never settle down with someone with a wild past. Period. I chose "forgiveness" with my first wife. Huge mistake. If they lived that way then they have completely destroyed their ability to pair bond or even see you as an individual. She will see you as the placeholder in her ATROCIOUS "man department". Think of a person's personality and mind as a house. Well...there's a room in that house for her relationships. Do you really want to live in that room after what she's done? After it being completely trashed and booby trapped?
For younger folks, it is pretty amazing how unattractive (overweight, dressed like bums) for folks under 25 it seems. It's surely not universal but it's definitely 1000x worse than it was when I was that age 20 years ago.
That's because their mothers teach them that girls will value them for who they are instead of teaching them that they need to bring value in order to be valued
@@drip369 Who they are? screen staring people that can't name common objects?
@@dadteaches "they" I'm referring to younger men.
Average weight of a wimen in the US is 170 lbs. That's just unacceptable. Yet none of these wimen care, they're not really focused on attracting the opposite gender anyway. The focus is... "career, empowerment, independence, boss girl, etc."
I hear ya - Dad Teaches…
Great tips by Courtney! I agree, a lot of people don’t understand that there are phases, or stages to a relationship, each one requires a special type of care…
Some of them see marriage as the “end game” - I got her/him now, I don’t have to do anything anymore in order to keep her/him - quite the contrary, the game has just begun!
Any man can get a woman - keeping her, that’s a whole ‘nother story!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Loving yourself is endless increasing effort. Lots of people give up on themselves.
Dating a girl with a wild past is a suckers bet. As soon as you say something or do something she don't like, she's running around on you behind your back to "get even" with you. She might do stuff like that on you without you even giving her a reason. Women like that cannot be trusted. They have no real loyalty. They are okay to fool around with for a while but do yourself a favor and don't ever get serious with one.
3:12 personally for me I have no problem if my love the wife or a girlfriend gains weight because Women are beautiful in their own way in the eyes of different people but if it’s unhealthy then that’s different and what I mean by unhealthy is that she’s not actually trying to take care of herself better.
The worst advice I ever received was the idea that physical attraction won't matter in the long run. I have been married for over 15 years and I can honestly say the fact that I find my wife attractive is certainly one of the things I appreciate most about our relationship. It is absolutely 100% okay for you to end a relationship with someone you are no longer physically attracted to. Also, honesty is the best policy. If you leave because you have lost attraction, be kind but absolutely honest.
I don't mind weight gain, but 60lbs without the excuse of post pregnancy is A LOT. You need an intervention for her health more than anything.
Friday night 21 January 2022. The guy who's female friend doesn't see them as boyfriend/girlfriend after this amount of time, he needs to walk. RESULTS matter. Thanks for what you do, Courtney. Take care and all the best.
Regarding the first topic, I dated a girl who started to gain weight a lot more while we are dating. I led by the example like going to the gym, asked her to go to the gym with me, tried to eat healthy together, and did it for one solid year. Nothing changed. She didn't want to go to the gym together with me, eating habit didn't change, and I run out of patience and attraction for her. So, we broke up. To this day, I still go to the gym and eating healthy. I don't know what she is doing.
Been trying to change my wife for way too long. It does not work. You can only change yourself.
Tried every idea and trick, every hard conversation, shown much love and respect.. I can handle the extra weight And lack of motivation to do anything . But what I can’t handle is her being crippled inside and 10 years of head games about how everything is fine. The drinking and pills has been the nail in the coffin. So as the paperwork winds it’s way through the courts and we divide everything I am here getting tips for getting back out into the world and I can’t wait. The future looks bright!!!
If she's been with 117 guys do you think she'll stop at 118? and you'll be unfavorably compared to all of them and any other guy she thinks she can get- pass.
1. No, he's not an asshole. He said that she didn't take care of herself and gained 60 lbs. That's not just natural beauty fading or sickness. Getting into a relationship based ONLY on looks is foolish, but looks being important is fine. If you're in a relationship, you are somewhat obligated to maintain your appearance so that you look as similar as possible to, if not better than how you looked when you entered the relationship.
2. Generally, avoid it. People with higher numbers of sexual partners are more likely to have cheat on their spouses. No, it's not "100% accurate", but the odds are what they are, for a reason. There's an increased risk of raising a child that isn't actually yours, and you're also more likely to catch an STI.
3. Stop acting like a boyfriend if you aren't getting treated like one. Stop paying for dates. You're likely in the "ATM zone" which is even worse than being in the Friendzone. Boyfriends get special treatment, and friends split bills, so make sure you are being treated accordingly.
4. Don't bother. Nobody cares to hear you talk about yourself, no matter how interesting you think you are. Most people rather talk about the scrambled egg that THEY finally managed to cook perfectly that morning, than hear you talk about the Nobel peace prize that YOU'RE about to receive.
Once you distance yourself from women and focus on your goals, everything becomes so much easy and stress free. It's an amazing free feeling!
You are absolutely correct. Especially when in the places like the Bahamas alone and blissfully happy. 😁👍
Headache and Heartbreak......that's all they good for anymore lol
I've read same comment so many times. What about doing both? If you are disciplined I don't see why you have to choose. I've being dating dozens of women in 35 years and still had the time to go for a master and a PsyD.
@@josesantana770 pssst buddy.....
WE is not YOU.....
Thought they taught you that in school? 😂
@@Macheako sadly they were not that advanced.
If a man himself has a wild past, then why not? If he doesn't, then definitely no. Let someone else take the risk of attempting to tame the wildness out of her.
Men can change....women can't
The main problem I had with two women I dated who were "pretty wild" was they got bored easily and cannot seem to want to be in a stable, regular relationship. Many of them are over 40 now and never been married. They also tend to be the ones that are super into looks and superficial things too. The women I dated like this all said they wanted "nice guys", but they really did not. I had nothing but problems with them wanting constant vacations, "going out", getting drunk and cheating.
Once a 304 always a 304
I'm totally on board with "looks are not everything". But if the significant other is out of shape because of conscious lifestyle decisions, there's a deep seated incompatibility on another level than just physical attraction. Either work it out or end it there.
Hi Courtney and all.
Personally if I felt bad about a woman having a wild past it wouldn't be out of disgust or disapproval, but out of envy. I would quite like to have a range of wild sexual experiences myself - if I got into a relationship while still inexperienced and she had a wild past then I feel the relationship would be infused with a degree of resentment and jealousy.
I wouldn't judge her wrong for having those experiences - I know if I were in her position I would behave how she had. So it wouldn't be objectively anything wrong with her, but a subjective sense of missing out on my part. There wouldn't really be any point to getting angry with her - I'd just have to explain in my case I wouldn't be convinced that the relationship will ultimately prove satisfying for either of us.
While I think you can be principally against sexual debauchery/indulgence and some of the posters on these videos would be, quite a lot of the posters who go on about the scourge of women and their sexual pasts are secretly envious. Men who deep down wish they could sleep around a lot, but cannot realise even a moderate/small amount of casual sex. Whether they'd admit to it or not.
(Note: in my case, if the hypothetical women in question was willing to have a non-monogamous type of relationship (i.e. swinging/group sex then I wouldn't be as bothered in that case - I wouldn't feel like I'm missing out in the same way).
I don't know if you have anything to say to this Courtney
Yep this is the truth
the past absolutely matters, not just for sex, but for everything. Also, men care more about a woman's past, while a woman cares about a man's future.
There are psychological studies for those interested in the topic, but it is pretty well established that a 'wild' sexual past destroys a woman's ability to pair bond (pair bonding is what allows for emotional long term commitment to a romantic partner)
You explained in another video I watched a few minutes ago, that if a girl sees a guy with other beautiful women, that makes him seem more attractive to her, and that's why mediocre looking men seem to have one pretty girlfriend after another. If that's true, then isn't it a reason for a guy to go out with a good looking girl solely because of her looks? She could be his foot in the door, so to speak, so there's still an advantage to going out with her even if her looks are all she has going for her.
Kudos to you for having the guts to admit that looks ARE important and that it's disrespectful to your partner to let themselves go. I'm a lifelong fitness freak, so this is always a fear of mine with relationships. My last serious girlfriend was always on the verge of getting noticeably fat snapped at me one day, when she was talking about her walking "workouts," and all I said was that if she wants to really get a lot out of taking a walk that she should incorporate hills on her walks. That led her to say, "Would it be the worst thing in the world if I got fat?" She was only 33 at the time, and I wanted to reply, "Would it be the worst thing in the world if I decided to only work 60 hours a week and earn significantly less income?" I did say, "Well, if it's a medical reason for your weight gain, that's one thing, but if it's simply due to you letting yourself go, then, yes, it's a bad thing and not fair to me."
@Nas abubakar 😂😂😂😂😂 If the "Law" of Attraction and "Manifestation" actually worked, no one would ever lose a sporting event or a talent show or not land an audition for a TV or movie role. Spare me the New Age bullshit. Oh, and I guess that people starving in third world countries would no longer be starving if they simply manifested having a prosperous life.
I think notch count applies both to men and women. If you're looking for a more stable and long term relationship look for how many LTR'S they had instead.
Whilst in my opinion body count is important (more so for women as it affects pair bonding activity) the number of LTR isn't a better indicator as they tend to leave a strong emotional footprint which can be diffult to override and create difficulty bonding with your significant other.
@@randomdude79404 well you compare that to the short term flings, ONS, FWB's or any situation where a relationship was never established so they never figured out what it meant to be in a caring and loving relationship beyond sex. Complicated times really.
@@devnotes00 catch 22 situation 😂
There is something so romantic in the true connection and outlet to express your real nature and self, to explore your own limits with that someone who understands you, cares for you, and can read it in the essence of that special friendship, union, partnership. That synergy as such a good team, the feeling that emanates is so clear to perceive. Maybe that’s why it all starts in the mind. Sometimes people get together with who doesn’t get to know their true self. Maybe the stability, covers a part of the needs, yet lack something to be complete. And they go wild. Searching for something they might or might not ever find out. Sometimes the wild gets tamed. And the beast doesn’t ever become a prince but it’s clear that he belongs there. But still a wild ride. that feeling of seeing the excitement to discover and learn in someone’s eyes, something they didn’t know they wanted but at the same tame it’s essence always has searched for. Like the moon influencing the movement of the seas, that attraction. And at the same time so far away.
I would love to know what time you where born, to know where the planets where placed in that instant.
I know the birthdate but not the exact time of the day.
Always felt the same exact way, letting yourself go is totally disrespectful to your partner especially if he or she is putting in the effort to keep themselves up. I remember this young woman bragging that now that she's married who cares about keeping yourself up? I can get as fat as I want now. I was like "don't be surprised if your husband cheats on you"
how would you know she has a wild past? Most women don't brag about their sexual encounters
Just dump the chick. She can’t erase her past and thus, this will continue to bother you. Find you a different chick.
to all the guys who want to date girls with "wild past" - do it only short turn. DO NOT MERRY these women ad do not plan kids together. For women who had more than 4-5 partners in the past is hard to pair-bond with a man, and that is a fact. And they ussually do not have strong impulse control. Pair-bonding is really imprtant for making a family.
Girls don't quite care about notch count as much as they do behavior and guys definitely care about notch count and should also care about behavior
they should tho lol
Both are indicative of personality, compatibility and for long term success (for the relationship). Men and women should not practice casual sex. We’ve been sold a lie.
I can’t speak for all men, but I have discussed this with many guy friends. It’s not the weight gain that causes relationship problems - we love our women for all their beauty inside and out. But when a woman starts to feel bad about herself, it can start to poison the relationship. You’ need to be ok with yourself to have a healthy relationship, but please don’t blame that on the man who continues to love you through thick and thin. Respectfully submitted.
Right that letting yourself go is disrespectful.
So is cheating but I didn't think of General Petraeus, for his affair, in the years-go national scandal, as harshly, when I saw a photo of him and his wife that looked more like his mother!
Remember, Mark I don’t know if you keep a journal, that helped me in the past, even though it was hard for me to walk away.
Hey Courtney, curious question, do you know or are you friends with someone in your life who has that mindset of needing to play games or treating anything like a competition? Maybe we can get a better insight on what her motives can be like.
The guys who asked those questions have not done their homework.
They haven't watched all your videos.
I kept rolling my eyes and whispering "tsk, dude! she's talked about this. you're not listening, guy."
You know how sometimes customers will refuse to look at the manual, and then proceed to make all of the mistakes the manual warns them about, and then they complain, and you wanna yell "IT'S IN THE MANUAL!"
that's the level of frustration I felt.
Would you buy a used car with a long carfax report?
“The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior”
4:51 This is why the world won't get any better. That if you use logic and FACTS to tell her something she won't like it unless it makes her feel good. They dislike cold hard truths to the point where you can't challenge them or the ideals if you so you're "not cool" I KNOW ALL WOMEN ARENT LIKE THIS BUTT...
For the second issue I think its not only about finding someone who aligns with your beliefs but also find someone who is willing to change their social group to one that is conducive to marriage. If she keeps all her single and drama filled friends she is likely to repeat her past. If she's will to join social groups of married women who do church and community based activities she'll probably be less likely to cheat because her new found friends will look down on and ostracize her for her behavior. So if she isn't willing to make the change then don't bother.
The big thing is to see how they view or characterize their past. Do they look at their past as an agent or a victim? Do they own their actions or make excuses for them? Do they call good bad and bad good?
That is totally true because I have come across several girls that doring all of the vetting that have asked me if it is a problem that they don't exercise at all or really care about what they eat and I told them that I want somebody that will make it all the way down to the finished line with me and not leave me (deceased) in heartache. Men, stand up for yourself and your values! It will be ok!
9:10 lmaooo she went "this b*tch"
It doesn't matter wild or not depends on the person at that moment of what they're like very helpful video Courtney Ryan
You know, all these videos make it seem like it’s really easy to just go on dates with women when in reality, it really isn’t. The only women that know I even exist is my ex wife and my family members. All other women don’t even acknowledge me.
Your soft, feminine energy is very attractive. You’re also physically beautiful.
I ran into this situation in graduate school decades ago. I was at a major state university where I often played basketball at the rec center. At the time, I had gotten rejected by a woman that I thought was a great match. We had both graduated from a major Catholic university and came from that religious background. But she married someone else. I felt like the character played by "Gary" in the classic teen rejection film "The Last American Virgin" at the end. Heartbroken, I turned to basketball to find positive physical and mental health. It worked. It helped me get into shape with a lot of running and camraderie among the guys I played with. I must have been at the gym almost daily. As the months went by, a young woman became very interested in me which was surprising. She was "hot" and always wore an exercise bra and tight-fitting exercise pants. Her demeanor was very revealing and sexual. The woman's exercise routine was obviously rigorous with a huge amount of cardio exercise done to maintain her figure. A lot of guys "drooled" over her. She had a lengthy dating history with different guys. I saw her many times with the guys who looked like "players" on the dating scene trying to sexually conquer as many women as possible in that college gym. One of them even "felt her up" right in the stairway in full view of the exercise bikes while she blushed. But as the months went by, she became obsessed with me and was clearly trying to "spark" a relationship. Meanwhile, a varsity basketball player from the local NCAA championship team had his eye on her and pursued relentlessly. It was bizarre. I had gotten rejected by the nice Catholic woman I had wanted but gained the hyper-focus and obsession of a "hot college gym girl" who was being pursued by a future NBA star about to make millions. To be fair, at least the "hot gym girl" didn't care about the NBA prospect's money. She wanted me. The multiple triangles in this scenario were just absurd. I ultimately just stopped going to that gym. At the time, I studied biochemistry in the medical school library and knew all about the lysogenic cycle and icosahedral symmetry of the herpes virus. I saw that "hot gym girl" as someone who was at high risk for an STD. We were a gross mismatch without her awareness. I couldn't handle her aggressive behavior when I wasn't interested at all. I had the impression she wasn't used to being ignored. I had already lost the nice Catholic woman I had wanted and didn't care to date anyone else at the time. The "hot gym girl" was clearly very sexually experienced and had gone through the merry-go-round of multiple men in that gym. For some reason, she developed an obsession with me when I didn reciprocate. Most construction workers would have jumped at the chance. But I really did prefer the nice Catholic woman who dressed modestly. In summary, I lost the nice Catholic woman but somehow won the heart of a very sexually experienced woman who dressed provacatively for sex. It reminded me of the classic rock song "Love Stinks" by the J. Geils Band. The lyrics discuss the multiple rejections and love triangles that can happen in a typical scenario. Years later, I did meet a nice woman at the gym I was a better match with at Florida State U thousands of miles away - a blonde southern belle.
You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run. RUN!
If you want a fun wild relationship. Go for it, it may be like riding a roller coaster, but the experiences may be mind blowing.
Its not that she's wild past is a bad thing I just had hoped I would spend my youth with someone who was there with me instead I get a forty year old woman who too tired or too hurt to want to do anything outside the house.
Maybe she is stress eating? If you don’t like the way she looks then talk about it with her or invite her to the gym to work out with you.
I'd have to disagree. If you keep yourself in shape and your partner let themselves go, then it's up to them to loose what they gained. And if telling them how you feel about them gaining weight makes them start a war then bring the artillery 😂
Wow you can really draw wisdom from many unexpected places….this is so valuable
It's the destination that's important not how you got there.
It doesn't matter what kind of past history you or someone else may have had.. it matters whether you can learn and grow from those experiences to become the best version of yourself whatever that may be.
This is what separates the greats from the everyday fluff just floating through life.
I don't think you're in position giving relationship advice. Everything you said is just wrong on so many levels. Guys, this is why you don't listen dating advice from women. She's giving most cliche, politically correct answers to all problems. "it depends on your value system" "I know 1 case didn't work" "I agree but everyone is different" "it depends on person" like give me a break. You're not giving people advice. You're saying what makes you look good on these videos. That's what your answers sounds like.
promiscuous past affect men and women differently. Women's promiscuous past increases your chance of divorce "dramatically" but men's promiscuous past does not. There are studies on this.
So you're wrong. It's not "PEOPLE". It's only women's promiscuous past puts your marriage in danger.
Men's promiscuous past actually works in opposite way. women want guys other women want. So men's promiscuous past proves you have good values. That's why fuck boys keeps getting laid. Vast majority of women prefer a guy has promiscuous past over a virgin guy. (yeh there were some polls in Asian counties)
If she got fat and don't even try to lose weight, leave her.
Courtney, you keep mentioning values but most of Women's value come from your beauty and everything follows after. No other good traits beat your ugliness. That's how important being beautiful to girls. If you lose that, you lose your value big time. Do you think we keep our girls because we can have deep talk about life and meanings and families at 2 AM? That's just a small bonus. Your pretty face and body are the major reason we have interest in you. IF you have other nice qualities on top of that? We give you relationship and commitment. Only beautiful look? we smash and dash. Ugly? we work together and build true friendship. That's how world works.
Mens' appearance is important but not as much as Women's look. Men's value comes from socio-economic status, physic, confidence. That's why successful ugly guys can have options.
Beautiful young girl works at McDonalds have much more options to date successful men than ugly, 40 year old millionaire female entrepreneur
Stop giving people these vague, confusing, misleading answers. You're hurting people
Jesus
Everybody has done ... something bad in the past. The question is if we are through it/done with it. If we are (and it ibrings no weird hidden surprises) fine.
If she was caught cheating after they got married with multiple men it's really hard to believe she was even virgin to begin with.
You would know if she was a virgin after the first lay
@@drip369 She got tired of being one of those hypergamy trollops attempted to be a housewife but couldn't hold her breathe that long she than spiraled out of control like a bat out of hell.
You’d be surprised, based on the reasoning Courtney gave it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility. I’ve known a few women who have only had one partner say that they would be worried about “missing out” if they got married.
@Charlotte Rogers I wouldn't say it's an unfair dichotomy I hypothesize his Y chromosomes were polarized post marriage. Edit: poor guy
They all have wild pasts and high body counts. She ain’t yours it’s just your turn. Do your thing. Have fun. But don’t even take about 90% of the women out there seriously. It’s a shitshow out here all you can do is go for the ride
Excellent advice, as always, and very eloquently stated! I like these kinds of open-letter answers to real emails that people have sent.
As stated before, Courtney, what I learned in my Master's Degree in Leykis 101 indicates precisely that. You get married or not, and they have a baby, and then they have you, and they pork out. Before I graduated and learned this, my wife did exactly that. Before we were married, she was a knockout. She took great care of herself. We married, and she inflated after her first child and more after the second. She got so big I divorced her not entirely for that reason; there was a lot more behind it; I provided her with not one, not two, but three homes in Southern California where we had our retirement sewed up, and she didn't have to work.
After watching you, Courtney, having a Master's Degree and wisdom, I will know if it is going anywhere after the first several dates.
Regards
guys, she isnt yours. maybe just tell her you want it to be casual like her other situationships so you dont get hurt when she cheats on you multiple times and blames it on you and tries to make you the bad guy. or leave because she might say shes done with that garbage but actions speak louder than words and her actions definitely show enough. she also will lie to you about how many dudes shes been with, and by you believing her shell lose more respect of you.
I had a kid with a gal with a wild past.It was a rollercoaster 2 years together...we separated.16 years later she is a different person...I am a different person..we get along great and share joint custody of our daughter though we will never be together again.
Women want a man with a bright future, men want a woman with a clean past.
I’m going to disagree with many in the comments.
I don’t mind if She had a ”wild past”.
Your history does shape you…..and if that is who i like, then it is.
I fall for the whole individual.
I also see no lack of self respect in having had many sexual partners.
The way i see it, anything i can do, others can do, including her.
That is, i don’t put her to some ”standard” i don’t put myself to.
6:45 - the case you mention of one of your 'friends of friends' getting married as a virgin, and then going on a promiscuous sex-binge, stinks an awful lot of narcissism potentially even psychopathy. That's my hunch, though I know almost no details of course.
A narcissist's confidence is directly dependent on the other people in their lives. How they enact their narcissism in practice depends a little on the gender. But in her case, it sounded like her 'confidence' was highly contingent on successfully entering a marriage -> that is *typical* of many women in our cultures in particular, as women are more often raised this way than men are, to think that their value is determined by their a) virginity, 2) relationship status. This is a large part of the reason so many women (even perfectly good ones) are so insecure about being single and resort to monkey-branching. It is so bad, that if you set yourself a dating deal-breaker of "no monkey-branching", you'd probably have to rule out maybe 80% of women, or perhaps even more.
Once she felt she had secured the guy in marriage, and gotten a little intimate validation from him, she started feeling more confident, more outwardly, and her repressed sexual past of being a virgin and her desire to 'explore her options' burst out of containment. Of course, her narcissism prohibited her from exercising any self-restraint, which a normal person would have.
The more guys she hooked up with, likely the more exponentially addicted she became to the validation she was receiving (narcissism), and likely too the adrenaline rush of her transgressions (the psychopathic element). It's predictable & pathetic. Hence why I'm also rather bold in making all these assumptions, because this crap so often works like clockwork.
The behaviors that manifest on the surface can vary a lot, but the underlying principles of what makes these people tick, does not. They are driven by their instincts and desires, most often pursuing short-term gratification (such as drug use) even at the expense of their own well-being, and certainly at the expense of other peoples' well-being... unless you come across a high-functioning specimen of theirs, which are actually dangerous, and far from being _"predictable and pathetic"._ It's the difference between trying to win a chess match against someone who thinks 1 or 2 moves ahead, versus someone who thinks 10 moves ahead. You likely won't even think that they are a player, because their first impressions don't betray it.
Let's normalize NOT letting ourselves go just because we get comfy in a relationship. Let's normalize continuing to better ourselves at all stages of our relationships. I want to be with my husband and children for as long as humanly possible. Let your spouse know you are scared of losing them because they aren't caring for themselves as much as you do. BE encouraging and do it together.
I can't wait for matching algorithms to get so advanced that I don't need to browse pictures or profiles anymore. That I can have found an excellent match within the first 5 algorithmically selected matches.
If a person gains 60 lbs in a relationship then something changed on the inside and is being reflected on the outside.
About that first request, I lived through that situation with my last wife, who is now an ex. She was "Twiggy thin" and very cute when I met her (she was 34), but as soon as she had our only child, she let herself go to the tune of being 70 lbs. over her usual weight of 105. It's kind of difficult to get aroused when you are coupled to Jabba the Hut. Courtney is absolutely correct when she says it is disrespectful to let yourself go merely because you've locked your spouse or LTR down, but more importantly, she is disrespecting herself. If she has no respect for her own body, she is likely to not have respect for you too.
@Kabiru Bello Screw that! I don't want her back.
You can have the same morals, ethics, goals and values as someone, but that doesn't mean you're going to date them. If you don't find them physically attractive, there will not be a romantic relationship.
Need help guys. I met this woman online, we vibed really good. At the end of the first date she kissed me and we made out… She would call or text me everyday , telling me how much we connected and that we were meant to be .. 2nd date went good too, we had sex.. Then she ghost me. Why would she ghost me? 👻
Who could say? Were you bad in bed? Did she feel she rushed into things? Morning after regrets?
Sounds like she might have some issues but there's no way to know that for sure.
Just a hunch but I'd suggest you go no contact. Women who are interested make it known. If she's interested in more than hooking up once she will make herself known.
There are a number of reasons why she did that. We can only assume. She could have just wanted to hook up only but, didn't want to be direct about it.
Why would you assume she would want to see you again?
Maybe she thought you only wanted her for sex
@@garmisra7841 Thank you, I will do just that and don’t contact her unless she makes any effort. I’ve had woman in the past, just never been in a situation like this one. Caught me off guard
@@geekiepooh I just wish she’d be honest about it. She told me from the very first date she’s not into hookups and looking for a serious relationship…
She is unhappy that is why she is compulsively started gulping food as a substitute for what she wants. It is usually sweets, carb-loading, and alcohol; these are addictive substances. Going to the gym ain't going to fix this, the carb/insulin/dopamine-reward rollercoaster is learned behavior that becomes a physical addiction. Cold turkey is never the solution that an addict wants to hear as a solution. Narcissism is always at the root of self-destructive behavior it is the prerequisite for addiction. People know what makes them fat, it is not love of themselves or others.
Mostly, The important things in life are documented. Unfortunately not in dating and relationships (bar marriage). It keeps all people accountable.
If people argue their past should not matter it’s because they have behaved poorly. It’s classic cope and justification. The whole concept of justice is based on past behaviour
It’s victims who want the past recognised but never the perpetrators.
Remember that.