Healing Your Attachment Trauma: Reparenting Yourself Creates Self-Love.
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- Опубліковано 20 сер 2024
- This is an edited excerpt from an interview by James Warda (info below). In Ross explains how his "Codependency Cure" or otherwise known as "The Self-Love Recovery Program," heals and resolves one's Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency). More specifically, focus on how such healing is best explained by a process known as "The Reparenting."
As it is explained in Ross's Human Magnet Syndrome books, SLD's (codependents) suffered from childhood "attachment trauma." As a way to cope, the trauma manifests unconsciously - far way from one's awareness or memory.
As it is explained in detail in the "Healing the Inner Trauma Child/HITCH" 6-hour seminar video, this repressed or dissociated trauma manifests as a "frozen in time" "inner trauma child," who never emotionally progressed. The video can be purchased here: bit.do/HITCH-Video
By healing, integrating, and ultimately resolving one's attachment trauma, this inner-child gets to be validated, protected and cared for. In other words, through the Codependency Cure treatment process, Ross's SLD clients "re-parent" their inner child in a way that their own parents did not or could not do. This opens up the possibility for acquiring "Self-Love Abundance," which is the Codependency Cure.
ABOUT JAMES WARDA
A keynote speaker, conference presenter, workshop facilitator, professional musician, and author of Where Are We Going So Fast? He also blogs for the Chicago Tribune Media Group and has written for the Chicago Tribune, Pioneer Press, and Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises. James is also an adjunct professor for the School of Communications at Loyola University Chicago where he sits on their Communication Advisory Board and has been a guest speaker for DePaul University.
Phone: 847-204-2555 | Email: james@jameswarda.com | Website:jameswarda.com/
ABOUT ROSS
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminars, workshops, and other services can be found at his Self-Love Recovery Institute company, www.selflovere...
Ross is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author and is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment. His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 120,000 copies and is translated into ten languages. Ross’s UA-cam channel has amassed over 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
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#InnerChild #therapy #selflove #rossrosenberg #codependency #healing #mentalhealth
I was neglected growing up and have suffered with PTSD for most of my life. Two years ago I started healing my childhood trauma and I finally gave my inner child what it needed growing up. Life is no longer painful. When we’re ready, we can heal. If you’re reading this and need encouragement I can tell you that self-love is possible!
What steps did you take?
Ofcourse is possible !!! That's what im going trough right now !!!!
What tips u used?
Help us what we’re you doing? Daily meditations?
Thanku soo much🙏
A passing Aussie 🙂
Shout out to the 72 year old client for doing for her what was never done. So inspiring!!
I've started writing letters to my younger self in my journal and the more I do it the more I feel so warm, content, and relaxed inside. I can see my younger self begins to smile for every nice words I tell her and it makes me happy too.
I’ve done ✅ the same thing.
While daily journal 📔 writing ✍️…
Sometimes write positively directly to my inner child.. it helps me heal wounds
“Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”
Benjamin Franklin
“Youth is wasted on the young”
- George Bernard Shaw
... and many kids now don't have the soothing & support from extended family, friends, community..
I loved this message. This is exactly what happens. Healing from Self Love Deficiency is worth every pain and struggle because being on the side of Self Love Abundance even for one day feels like your life has been worth living and it has had its meaning. Thank you Ross. God bless you❤
How crazy, all the pics from being young & in my 20’s I can see the sadness behind my smile. Wow
So helpful. I was always hurt how my mother treated my father. It takes 2 for tango, but it is me who now dancing alone. But I am on a right way now! Yes!
Amazingly true, what a remarkable journey of self discovery, growth and transformation it’s been. Thank you Ross for your guidance and wisdom.
Although I may falter may I never fall back. It is better to walk alone in the wilderness than with fools, beauty and goodness will simultaneously arise. To peace. 🙏
Thanks so much for sharing Kathryn. Glad this is helpful.
Yes- Reparenting is innate. I am learning to know me.
What he says about negative emotions sounds so realistic. And what he says about potential for growth is so inspiring.
Thanks for watching.
Everyone around me tells me “it’s too late” for me.. I have a hunch that I’m surrounded by malignant narcissists..
I’m a senior, and it’s not too late for me. Dr Ramani, today, has a good video on finding value and “ healing good enough”. These two videos are very timely. Might be time to quit asking “everyone around us.” You are enough. 💪
@@vicbaker8367 Thank you very much for that
It's never too late to become what you might have been or should have been !!! I'm looking 10 years younger now cptsd almost ruined my life ...im so elated that i have found myself for real. ...Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!!!!
@@elhadjdiallo633 how did you find the energy to uproot your whole life. Happy for you, btw.
As long as you still breathe, it is not too late
Grew up with a BPD or narcissistic PS mother. Still figuring out my dad (likely SLDD). My sister is untreated BPD. My aunt who recently passed was BPD.
I’ve struggled with C-PTSD and codependency . That being said, I committed to breaking the cycle as a young adult 20 yrs ago. You prove my theory that most personality disorders are at their core developmental delays. My parents did the best they could, but were also damaged from those before them. Generational cycles are a real pickle. Still working my way up the ladder to full healing, but I have come a very, very long way.
Recently found your channel and hearing others helps me place more of my own experiences to heal. Attempting to find a partner when I know I have attachment trauma has made me terrified to even try. I will keep loving on that little girl left to fend for herself, who parented both parents, who filled the partial role of wife and husband respectively, who broke up the BPD drama tantrums, who learned and then unlearned manipulations as a method to get her needs met, who was gaslit be family and friends well into adulthood.
Life is a gift. Love is our birthright. Love is who we are. I am here to be the person I needed so badly growing up, but never had. For others who are struggling, you aren’t alone and healing is possible. There are also silver linings from these dark nights of the soul as we heal. May we shine so brightly and break the chains of these cycles so we may have life to the fullest and that generations to come never experience such lack.
Peace and blessings to all. ❤️🙏🏻🌎🙏🏻❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. 🙏
Beautiful and inspirational. Thank you for sharing.
What did you do to heal dark night soul?
Really important point he made; a child that gets all the [psychological] nutrients they need grows up to be a healthy adult with problems. / A child who doesn’t grows up with those problems exacerbated.
Then they self medicate
Ross, you're saving lives. You're such an inspiration. You're right about saying, "you can't go back" 7:40 your authentic self overrides the old programming. You can't bring yourself to do it. I'm at this place, still growing- many miles to go.
This guy sums it up perfectly. I’m in the process of retraining my amygdala and healing inner child through self compassion…the safer I feel in my body the more my body freaks out telling me it’s not safe to feel safe. But I can feel my brain start to deeply relax like never before. This stuff seriously works.
I can't wait to read your book! A catalyst experience and connection propelled me to help myself and empower myself.
I don't blame my parents but i can see how codependent and dysfunctional their connection was and how they themselves had unconscious parents and how that played out in their form of parenting which left me wounded. For me personally, my imprints arent just childhood related but past life, which has come up on my path to acknowledge and heal. Some of the stuff we carry too are related to ancestral karma that we can break free from.
Thank you, Dr. Ross. Your videos have made so much sense. I wish the mental health community all subscribed to your ideas and processes. I've paid a lot for "band aids" over the years. I've found more healing from applying what you teach in your videos than from EMDR and from making "positive declarations" over myself. Again, thank you, sir.
Thanks for sharing Clint. So glad this is helpful.
You know no matter my situation as soon as i feel triggered i watch your videos you have saved me more times than you can ever know. I Have grown strong and set boundaries because i learned how the mind works due to trauma i can go on but want to thank you again👍🤗❤
Glad I could help. Keep up the good work!
Great information. Just coming to terms with a lot of things I’ve buried and constantly surface. Appreciate all you do. Blessings to you and everyone who reads this.
This modality is v.effective for patients with BPD & Chronic Depressive illness. Thanks Dr. Rosenberg for your affect stimulating videos 😊
Man only if I could work with Ross, my life would be so different. I got his book, gonna read it
I revisit your channel ever so often. Always helpful
Glad to hear that. Thanks for watching.
This approach is something I'd like to incorporate into my life and into my family's life as well. There is no way I can afford $125, but will become as familiar as I can with this approach. Thank you for sharing.
Glad this can be helpful. Also, you may be interested in being added to Ross's mailing list. He is sending his weekly reflections via email and they are positively impacting his community. Lastly, there are some discounts that can apply for his seminars. Please send an email to help@selfloverecovery.com and/or visit www.selfloverecovery.com/
I received plenty of "Vitamin L" from my family but I met alot of people who didn't and I recommend to seek help to live a happy life again. Thanks for your in put.
Vitamin L?
@@NubianGirl Vitamin L = Love
This is so true. The work is hard but so dang rewarding. Great video.
Thanks for watching Kathy. 🙏
Thanks so much Sir. God bless you. You've helped me change a whole lot. More blessings to you
You are very welcome Sabina. 🙏
This is fabulous! Thank you for your work.
You're very welcome Marcia!
I can't wait to start recovering !
Thank you 🙏.
You are welcome. Thanks for watching.
This is so informative, helpful and empowering.❤️❤️❤️
Glad it was helpful!
Nice, yes knowledge-based recovery and the application of the material studied. It's truly the only way off, the roller-coaster. Yet it is sad, but being hung up on the application. It's part of the learned false narrative, stop the record player from skipping. Please don't stop lifting yourself up, it is part the inside work. I digging the book, your perspective and solution, do help, with a complete reset.. Peace
Thanks so much for sharing.
Thank you, Ross!
For me reparenting is the best best way to enhace self esteem
Ross you Rock the look. It suits you very much, sir. Thank you for this beautiful content ❤️
When I was six years old My father prevented me from expressing my feelings, and I sat behind the door and I felt terribly loneliness , shameful and inferior 😔 I was in terrible pain .
Bravo xxx thank you Ross
You are welcome! Thanks for watching.
Love the upbeat music at the end.
Thank you,i love the way you say vitamin L...😇😇😇
You are welcome Cathy.
How does one resolve what one does not remember as a child?
I bought a book by Patrick Carnes called The Betrayal Bond. It makes you do homework. Log events you remember and how they repeated. I was shocked to see how much I remembered and what it really meant. I think that was the moment I started caring about me. Good luck in your journey.
@@vicbaker8367 You don't need to remember what happened in order to resolve it. Also, the forgetting what happened is a defense mechanism as well.
Whatever happened left a a program in you. For example, depending on if you had a Neglectful parent, narcissistic parent, permissive parent, Or an authoritarian parent, there are a resulting 16 typical behavioral patterns that you can expect to result, based off of the parenting style you were subjected to. You just have to reprogram the software. If I list all of the behaviors, you will pick the one that you most identify with and that'll tell me what type of parent you had. Once I know what type of parent you had, I can see what type of Probably you suffered.
There are predictable core wounds that type of trauma. For example people with neglectful/uninvolved parents can grow up to be hyper vigilant. In the subconscious reprogramming exercises, you have to identify your core wounds. For example, you may feel defective, unloved, Broken, stupid, or whatever. There are tons of things.
You focus on picking one and reprogramming yourself. There are series of exercises that you engage in to do so. You learn new behaviors. You learn new skills. You heal and move forward. Weeks to months. Not years.
Ross, u the best, cant wait to come off the waiting list, I'll wait forever ...
However long it takes
Hi! Thanks so much for your interest in Ross's work. Please send an email to help@selfloverecovery.com to be added to his waiting list. Cheers!
@@RossRosenberg thank you for your reply, I'm in constant contact with Carolina, I joined the list in February, my real name is Pretty Newman, hopefully soon!
Awesome insights
Thanks for watching.
Thank You So Very Much For Sharing.I Listen To All Of Ur Videos On Narcissistic Abuse.As A Child I Grew Up With A Narcisstic Mother....I Was Recently In A Toxic Narcissistic Relationship...I Recently Ordered Ur Book Thank You For Ur Videos .....
Can You Please Do A Video On Why The Narcissists Treat You Like You Don't Exist...I Struggled With This For So Many Years...
Rosenberg gives good insight on issues. Drs, Carter, Ramani, and Vaknin ( If you go back a year two) explain the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and why it’s important to them that you become a non-person. They drain your power, feed off you, like a movie vampire. The message, seriously over simplified, they are a non-person= emotionally they don’t exist. They feed off you. And if they don’t exist ( emotionally) they have no concept how you can. When you quit giving them emotions to feed off (gray rock, or non-contact) they will find someone else to drain.
@@vicbaker8367
Thank You So Very
Much You Are Absolutely
Right...
You are so welcome. Glad this is helping.
@@RossRosenberg
Thank You Ur Videos
And Ur Book Has Helped
Me Tremendously
@@vicbaker8367 they do not exist?? Is there a reference? They are a non-person??? Can you explain??? Seems too complicated.
Your 72 yo client is good news to my ears. Thanks for sharing that. From your 73 yo client.
I always go back to the little girl to heal.....
I just received your book I'm on chapter 1💕.
Wonderful! Hope you like it.
It’s really hard to hear about what I experienced is abuse & im so scared for my children .
I want to be a healed mom for my boys ❤️
I had saved some other videos on this kind of thing but this one when i found it has been very helpful for me. As it has described exactly what I have been going through the last 2 years since my relationship breakup happened in a traumatic and unexpected way. I did not know there was different stages you can go through during this time. And described my life what is says on the cigarettes description of sldd recovery. I had neglect growing up and some PTSD as a result the last few years but im coming out of it now. The thing i wonder from this video is if you have had some conflict and heartbreak going on from some different life situations throughout this, as a result of being in the process of recovering from SLDD. should these situations that have been brought on during this time ever subside or does it have no effect on them? even if you have recovered mostly from self love deficit from having codependant mother.
If anyone knows or the author. thankyou
I so need this r treatment!
Thank you. Very helpful.
Glad it was helpful.
Thank you for making it clear that it s all mammels...
I sometimes think, animals have far less mental health problems than we do... 😂
-If you don't have fear anymore.. how can you know how to protect yourself?
I used to have anxiety for not feeling anxiety..
Thank You
You're welcome Joyce. So glad these videos are helpful.
I am going through Hypnotherapy to reprogram my subconscious mind. I will succeed
Lets keep up the good work!
Emotional regulation looking forward to a real smile
Is there or will there be a Codependency Cure book 📚 by Ross Rosenberg? Thx ☺️
Love 💕 Ross Rosenberg & his Human Magnet 🧲 Syndrome book 📚 has helped me immensely in ref to healing ❤️🩹 , evolving psychologically.☺️ 💕
You want to know doctor Rosenberg what strike me most? I want to be honest, fully transparent with you (honesty deserve honesty in return). I got on my own a kind of "curse" boosted by some years of studying this topic plus education. A little digression is needed: I grown up with a single parent (a mom) with some issues unsolved on her own ( a combination of covert narcissism and workalcholism, but on her side, she actually is a good person and she done her best to rise me up for a single person alone). But what she done most with me was the silence treatment, no words, no answers about important topics of life so I always have to guess what on her mind every single time, all my life. And I use to done it through body language reading on her. During the college years I get interested in the study of tells of players in poker, cynesic, body language, micro-expressions. And I keep studying it for a while combinated with my form of co-dependency and people pleasing and a huge form of hot empathy, so for me was almost natural reading the feelings of people, a kind of natural defence in the first place get stronger by education. Now I quit doing it honestly becouse was freaking my out on an emotional level after a while and, with C-PTSD, I really need to calm and chill my emotions and be grounded not to speculate about the emotions hidden behind the words of people is one of the first step to do, most problematic issue of this subject is that in this "reading trick" there are too many "false positives"(you can misinterpreter the emotions, so could be very dangerous to do). I quit now but I still have this little ability to get these little things on people. And here the point I want to tell you: when I saw in your incipit "It's actually possibile to repair yourself becouse you're actually not a parent") what I saw was a little involunter gesture you done that struck me up in a way, I felt an emotion. You lifted your finger to your left eye scratching under it while you were telling that specific sentence. So I saw this "tell" ( named indicator) and I follow your channel for know how to get out of the pit of self love deficit: I perceived a form of being touchness by (or maybe is a projection of mine, a memory of yours or just you being so touched by), but I want to assume I'm right and Here my hypotesis about that I want to share: you know very well that it could be fixed the self love deficit disorder, we could fix ourselves in the better way possibile using some strategies and tattics and a good combination of will and the education on this topic. Little by little. But under this conscious veil of possibility there is an annoying little pebble down into our subconscious mind, and on a conscious level too, that we will not be able to, it's normal. The Germans have the word "Fernweh" (the nostalgia for elsewhere we were never being), mutuated on this field "The obsessive idea What...if.. the nostalgia for what could happened.. if only..". And this pebble of doubt or, viceversa, the opposite field of possibilities of recovery is what, in my humble opinion, was making me or you touched for ( that indicator mean "touched by" as emotion, indicate that someone is touched) and reading it while you were speaking making me resonate a lot and touched by as well 'couse I got the very same pebble of doubt mashed with the excitement of the infinite possibilities ..if only .. I can start to love myself in a better way. Almost was a form of regret about this situation we are dealing with (start loving yourself as you never done in your life). We know the path, and we both know it's possible but this little "pebble of uncertainty" that will be not totally free from this condition it's what, in the deep of our souls, make a little bit sad and joyful knowing could be possible at the same time. Surely being touched for. We know it's possibile, your work and books prove it to me. Human feelings are something really complex. I know could be bitter sometimes, I'm sad sometimes, but thank to you and some other wonderful people like you I think that the sadness must have to disappear focusing on the idea that even if we be not fully able to repair ourselves, as all this never happen to us in the first place, we could consider that the child inside ourselves, the wounded inner child we are trying to reparenting and connect with and make feel good today projected and embodied on our adult form of us that it's actually, today, doing stunning great things to others that are way more positive and wonderful to ourselves and to anybody around us if we allow him/her too.
Yeah maybe I'll be not completly fixed in the end but at least I will learn how to do it. I'm sure that my little humble mr. nobody contribution to this, together with your and some other greater contributions on this topic will help many and we must consider it about everyday, we could not change our past but we can make a better future for us and for others, and this little other pebble of positivity must and have to counterbalance the pebble of doubt. Building up a brand new emotional equilibrium.
Quoting Dante and his Commedy when he reach the top of the heaven that he was not able to describe in words he close his work with this last sentence of his book (I'm italian so "pardon my french"): "E ' l'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle." (translation: "It's the Love that moves the Sun and the other stars"). You, me, all these followers, and so many people all around the world is a pure form of love for ourselves and humanity all and, according to Dante's Commedy, this feeling will be really able to move the Sun and the other stars if we embrace it, so it's really priceless!
Priceless and most important stronger that any kind of sadness, love saves.
I'm just so sorry for being this long on my comment.
Thank you for your's video. Seriously, for being so inspiring to me and help me out so much.
A great hug for you from Torino, where the peeks of the Alps that I saw everyday resemble to me, and symbolical iconic way, the highness of our potential love. We could climb on these top to the peaks (ie. heal and loving ourselves). Yeah it's an hard task climb to the top but is not impossible to be done with the right tools, some courage and the right inspiration like your videos provided to me.
So Thank you. ^_^
“Do anything, but let it produce joy.” (Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass)
Very helpful thank you
Glad it was helpful Karin.
♥️
Vitamin L (love). Hahah i loved it💗
So glad!
I am stunned! This describes me!! I need help to heal...where do I even start??
Hi Janina! Please consider exploring Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/. Thanks for listening.
Wow🙏🙏
i had trauma i didn’t even allow myself to remember.
Hi Ross
Do you do online therapy sessions?
Yes i do. Have a waiting list. To get on it send an email to SelfLoveRecovery.com
this time, from 11:00 I can't get the point.
How do we do self love recovery? Where can I go for this ?
Hi Marsha. Please visit Ross's website for his resources: www.selfloverecovery.com/. Thank you.
I did look at it-but wouldn’t counseling be needed to recover?
💚💚💚♒️♐️♐️
Vitamin L 😂😂😂
I didn’t get vitamin L, that’s why I am here. To get in and find it.