I remember noticing this in my early 50’s. But now at 65 I relish it. The last year has been a relief as I finally am at peace with being older. It’s good not to look in the mirror and hate myself for aging. I moisturize my skin like crazy for skin comfort , I keep my legs etc well shaven because it is clean feeling , I use whitening toothpaste on my teeth so I can smile at children and others . I eat right and eliminate sugar so I feel better , I walk everyday so I have energy and good mental health . It’s a good place to be.
Thank you for acknowledging "feeling invisible". I recall my mother saying she sometimes felt invisible in her 60's and 70's and as a result of that I purposefully started engaging with ladies that were a bit older and a lot wiser than I. My mom had an wonderful personality, lit up a room when she entered it and was beautiful inside and out. Now that I am that older woman, I appreciate your advise and echo the importance of continuing to show up and contribute. My mother was a gatherer. She loved people and as a result gathered friends for lunch, for coffee, for a daily phone call, to play cards, etc. The year after my dad died, she decided to start a Valentine's Day dinner for some of the widowed and single ladies she knew. This gave her and her friends something to look forward to rather than to dread. She was intentional about creating her own happiness, she made the first move to be joyous rather than waiting on joy, she went out and found it. She chose humor rather than tears, saying it is better to laugh than to cry. There is nothing wrong with crying and she did but more often than that, she smiled. I can only hope that I emulate just a little bit of her in my life. She was all good things wrapped in a beautiful package.
Well put Kay. This resonates with me. A friend once said: ‘How does that lady do it? How is she so easy in a room full of mere acquaintances?’ I observed the woman for awhile. What I saw was a lady who put aside her own probable discomfort to extend comfort to others. She seemed to assume others felt as she did. And who better than her to get the ball rolling ….. mmmm. I think when we see others as different we become self focused. When we look for common ground we see ourselves in their eyes. We see God in their eyes too.
I am 67 and I love this season in my life. At first I would have moments thinking “boy, I wish I knew that when I was young…Now I’m retired, and it’s like I get to start all over again. I can put my energies into becoming the person I want to be! My first year after retirement my goals were to become spiritually and physically fit. This meant time with God and his word each morning. Plus a half hour of senior exercise with a UA-cam and eating healthy. Love this season in life😊
Oh Kay, I am that final woman. This is not to brag, but I was so well trained by a deeply empathetic Christian mother (only had her my first 15 years) that my natural inclination in to reach out in kindness. Mother modeled that daily to me. She gave of herself. And sadly to a fault. She gave herself away. So I caution us “Empaths” to reach out in kindness but protect and preserve something for ourselves. Great topic.
Your point around 24:00 is so true. Anything that makes you seem like you have a screw loose is going to make people ignore you, avoid you. That includes clothes that don't fit, hair that's not under control or looks wild, and outfits that look like you got dressed in the dark. It's human nature and you can't fight it. Hygiene and grooming are especially important. Btw, I've seen many women say that won't make an effort because they don't think it's worthwhile when they're fat! Most of them say they don't want to spend money for nice clothes until they lose weight. I'm here to say that it's MORE important to be well put together when you're overweight because there's so much judgment that people heap on an overweight person. If you interact with the world at all, you need to present yourself in the best way possible in order to counteract that judgmental attitude. Believe me, I've been trying to lose weight for 30 years, and I've seen all the reactions to my size, including from people who knew me back when I was a size 3! Quality clothes, pretty clothes, and a well-put-together image is especially important for us.
@edennis8578…you are so correct. One of my longest and dearest friends is overweight yet is always stylishly dressed in clothes that fit her shape so well. I love her confidence and thankful to be her friend.
Not being seen does happen occasionally. I'm 68 and on my way to 69 in early December. I just try my best to engage with others if I'm in a situation of not feeling seen. Staying calm, gracious and polite is essential.
I think I first felt invisible in my 30s. I am glad we are talking about it now because when it started happening to me I had never heard anyone talk about it. I think it’s worse because we live in a youth obsessed culture, when it really should be the opposite. Only with age can true wisdom show itself. Thank you for all the tips and reminding us that God ALWAYS sees us and cares. I hope you and anyone who sees this comment has a great Thanksgiving!
I get that. I think I felt a little invisible in other seasons of my life as well. I do think some of that has to do with our own self concept, too. I hope you have a blessed and beautiful Thanksgiving as well.
I'm soon to turn 65, but I noticed many years ago elderly women in my church who were once vibrant participators become less capable over the years and couldn't contribute on the same level they once did. I have tried to acknowledge them, sit by them at ladies' functions, etc. Regardless of our age, we can do a little more to really “see” everyone, young and old, men and women, to help everyone feel valued.
I wanted to be seen at 40. Had the cash to buy a new car. Walked an entire car lot and not one salesman (yes, salesMAN) even saw me. I came back with my husband and HE was seen the moment we stepped onto the lot. Told them why we would not be buying a car from their dealership.
I appreciate your last comment the most. The more we pay attention to others and help them feel seen, the more we will enjoy genuine connections and be love and light in the world. 🙏
I believe that grocery store cashiers are generally unnoticed by most people. I always make it a point to ask “how are you today?” They always answer with a smile. I’ll ask a simple question maybe about the weather and at least they’re talking as they work. Before I go I sometimes say “nice talking to you”. They always say it back to me. Working in a retail store can be a thankless job. So I always try to at least smile and say “thank you.
I find the young cashiers, either at the grocery store or in a retail store, have no interest in chit chatting with me, as an older person. I'm always polite and friendly towards them and I try to engage them but, they could care less. And, don't even get me started about being ignored when you enter a retail store! When I am not acknowledged by the store employee, usually because they are too busy scrolling on their phone, I will turn around and walk out!
Such a wonderful and helpful video. Giving a compliment is always a good conversation starter. It important I think that it’s genuine and not over the top years ago while still working, a young man came over to me and said hello and then proceeded to say, I bet you were a heart breaker when you were young. Well you still look good I mean. I laughed and said thank you I think. He laughed too. Good topic I’m 85 and still spend time getting ready each day and dressing well. I love your videos
As well as age, being a little overweight also makes us invisible. The "meno-pot" is real. So then wearing looser clothing to hide it, and looking very matronly. And you're right on the mark regarding the younger people not engaging with us over 50 women. It's difficult. But I remember doing the same thing when I was young!
Wonderful video Kay! I have read that when people get older they don’t become someone else, but they do become the person they have always been but could not show. I’m 63 and about to be 64 and honestly my life has never been better. Retired now and I have made myself my own job. Exercise regularly, eating well and simply, sleeping well, getting social and getting out to do new things with new people. Making it a priority to seek joy, laughter and fun and to eliminate people from my life who drain me of energy. (I can see who they are now.) Life is great and I think the next 10-20 years will be my best!
Oh, I completely agree. Life is good for me, too. And I'm very happy with who I am. But that doesn't mean others always see me for who I am. It's a quandary, but that's okay. I'm pretty comfortable without the approval or even acknowledgement of others. Sounds like you are, too.
That is so completely awesome to hear! I’m 60 and feel the same way. I’m very blessed to be in this place emotionally… blessings to you and a blessed Thanksgiving to everyone!
I first notice this phenomenon when i was in my early 50's. When I shopped at Sephora and ULTA, the young employees were very attentive to younger customers, but it was literally like I was not there. It was difficult to get their attention at all and when I did, their 'helpfulness' was limited to short, curt answers. This situation happened over and over again. I finally just stopped shopping in those stores.
I definitely agree that older people are not seen. I often get interrupted and that person goes on talking as if I'm not even there. I also noticed that older people don't want to do anything. They just want to stay home. They would rather watch tv or go on social media. When I ask friends to meet for lunch or or go for a walk or even just stay in contact there are always excuses and last minute cancellations. I've had to let many friends go. I've finally decided to just be my own friend. I'm lucky I like spending time with myself!
Lovely message Kay. At age 74 I can certainly relate. I have been retired a while but still make an effort to shower, put on makeup and dress presentable every day whether I go anywhere or not. The young influencers seem so self absorbed but maybe that is just part of youth. Have. Happy Thanksgiving!
This was great…especially the reminder of Who actually sees us and loves us! I am the pastor‘s/missionary’s wife (68 yrs old) and have very often felt unseen and unheard, but this helped me today.
Yes, Ishmael, Hagar's son's name, means God hears, too! So we have a reference to being seen and heard by God in that story. Pretty cool. Understanding some of the ancient Hebrew can add so much to getting the full message of a passage. 😊
Absolutely your best video. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for remembering our Creator. He’s the bottom line. You’re a lovely lady. I have been feeling invisible for years.
I love that you brought this up. I’m a younger viewer at 39, so I hadn’t thought much about this. I do often struggle to know what to ask people in different stages of life (especially those I haven’t experienced). I feel awkward. I need to get over myself as another commenter said and think about the other lady’s comfort level. ❤ from Iowa
I wear clothes that make me look and feel amazing. I embrace my age and the aging process. I take care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I read, go for long walks and meditate. I don't follow social media, fashion "rules" and trends. I don't think about how other people view me.. I think ageism needs to be addressed - in the media, in the workplace, in the fashion and beauty industry to name 3.Let's respect each other instead of making judgment calls.
I have to say something to you. For many years I have said "I am invisible". People never noticed my work, my contribution, my existence. I never said it out loud yet one Sunday in church, a stranger came to me and asked to pray for me. She said, "God wants you to know He sees you. You are not 'invisible'." God is always on time. He knew I felt alone and insignificant and He made sure to get the point across to me in a very direct manner. Your video today has done the same. Thank you for sharing the gift of fashion and including His mercy.
I am one who wants to be heard. As a young girl, I was shy. I still tend to be the quietest in my friend circle. I still think about times I couldn’t state my thoughts and ideas in a work meeting, and the time a friend just looked away when I began to make a comment on something she was telling me. I do my best to be seen by dressing my best. I’ve learned a lot from you, Kay. But my friends are strong women that I love and respect. I seem to fall into the background in a large group of them.
Thank you so much for this frank and honest conversation. So many truths here. I became a widow one year ago at the age of 73. I am thankful for the growth that the Lord has put before me. He has opened many doors, shut a few, but has given me encouragement to move forward. This Thanksgiving has so much meaning for me. A Blessed Thanksgiving to All…
Lovely ! Perhaps it's not as much wanting to be seen , but simply acknowledged . Our lives seem so isolated . When we are kind to one person , it can have a " snowball effect " as is passed along . Simply , be kind . 🥰
Well, at least for me, I think that's what I mean by "be seen." I want to be acknowledged. I definitely have no need for anyone to admire me are stare at me. But I just do like to be acknowledged when I walk into a room. But I'm just making a point to do that to others. Thanks so much for sharing.
This video was excellent! I spoke directly to my current challenges at work and life. You could not have said anything better! Now I will watch it again and reflect-as acceptance of this new stage of life and still showing up seems to be the key! Your words are very significant to us all!
Agree with this comment. Everyone on my team at work is under 35 … maybe under 30. I’m very aware that how I perceive myself and my good intentions may not be perceived by others in the same way. The tenets in this video are a great re-grounding. Thank you! And Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you so much, Kay. I haven’t been bothering to get dressed in the morning if I have nowhere to go that day and it really is a terrible habit!! It makes me feel lazy and unmotivated. And certainly no one sees me if I’m hiding in my house in PJs all the time. 😅
Such a great topic. I do feel invisible at times and it’s sometimes difficult to understand how people can “talk around” you. Great points and tips Kay. I see you and appreciate your wisdom.
I got divorced in my early 40s and dated a lot, then menopause, and mostly, the men were gone. It was almost as if they sensed since I wasn’t fertile anymore, I didn’t have a purpose to them. I felt relieved that I didn’t need to worry anymore and it took me a while to figure out what had changed.
I love all of your tips Kay, especially the one to remind us that we can take comfort in the knowledge that God does not ever overlook us. I have been thinking about your story about feeling ignored by the 30 something gals at your table. In a social setting where people don’t know each other, I think there may be a tendency to gravitate towards those that are close to us in age because we assume that we will share experiences common to our generation and conversation will be easier. I have certainly been guilty of talking only with people that fall within my comfort zone, but as I have gotten older I have realized that I have acted rudely and am trying to become less self centered and a better conversationalist.
“30 something” women can be a challenge-including my 3 daughters! Sometimes I just long for a question and an interest in my response, and when I get that, I feel SO happy! I have really worked hard on reminding myself that it is “the age” and trying to not take it personal. Instead, I try to see what I can learn from them to stay current on things like fashion and books and social media and foods, and whatever. All that I can gain, I can use either for myself, or when speaking to other “30 something’s” as topic for conversation, or for understanding their perspectives. Not east to do, but a good growing opportunity for this 65 yr old. Thanks Kay for the video. Good suggestions!
What a perfectly timed video Kay!❤ I have so many thoughts but others have said them well. What I do wish to comment on is your experience at the table with much younger women. You may not have realized it and the others may not have yet either. But you taught them a valuable lesson in engaging with others, especially those you don’t know well. As a younger woman I was very shy, but now in my late 60’s feel very comfortable acknowledging others I don’t know in similar situations, introducing myself, asking questions and showing interest. Years ago I watched an acquaintance do the same thing and I learned from her. I feel at this point in my life I still have much to learn but also much to offer. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!❤️
What a good topic to discuss! Lots of reflection to do. I noticed when I stopped coloring my hair and the silver came in, that's when I noticed I became more invisible. Thanks for tackling the topic, Kay!
Hmm. Interesting. That may indeed be a factor. It’s a conundrum for sure, but hopefully we can navigate this with a little success. Thanks so much for watching and sharing. 💕
Thinking about some memorable senior women in my church - one (late 70s-early 80s) rocked black leather pants, and the other was always stylishly put together as her hair was always done nicely and she styled her scarves to match her tops.
I've got longish wavy silver hair and I think it's one of my best attributes. I just make sure to do my eyebrows, wear stylish cats-eye tortoiseshell glasses, and red lipstick! I never go unnoticed. ❤ A colorful scarf also helps to draw attention to my face. 😊
I believe the phones and internet has changed the younger generation and with that the need to be famous and make lots of money. They are only interested in people who can help them achieve those goals. You can do all those tips to help you feel better but nothing you do will change others’ desires for themselves.
Good points. I find if i force myself to spend a whole 10 minutes on hair, and a whole 5 minutes on makeup (compared to virtually 0 time) i am much less invisible.
I’m new to your channel and so appreciate your content. I’m 58 and surrounded by others who are younger or not on the same journey. Thank you for putting forward things that are meaningful and truly resonate.
There was a time when society at large honored age and experience more than today. I dont see that so much. I'm 65. Many women younger than I seem to not need or want advice. They seem very self-sufficient. I still teach high school and find that age group to still be very impressionable and they do see me.
I am so thankful you mentioned the precious truth of being seen by our Father. I find much comfort and fulfillment in knowing He sees me, knows me, and deeply cares for me. It is enough. And because of it, I am truly blessed.
Great video - lots to think about. I often feel "discounted" . That my comments, opinions or ideas aren't relevant because I'm older. Your videos have helped me tremendously in "getting dressed for my day" and really giving some thought to how I present my physical self. Thank you for that. Have a blessed Thanksgiving with your family.
Excellent post. Your post really resionated with me because the same reasoning lead me into a career of teaching upper classmen. So many students come from dysfunctional homes and they often just need a hand extended. I worked with them, helped them get into higher education, and hopefully, they have a good life. I had access to a wonderful grandmother that talked to me constantly as I was growing up that helped me find my own strength.
This is so very important. I have also noticed that very few young people today have the conversational skills that we usually possess. This is an opportunity to speak to them and draw them out as well.
Many adults , too , are very " into themselves " - on their phones , no eye contact , lack of manners , etc. Signs of our times ? Look people in the eye , smile & be kind ! 🥰
Excellent video. I have felt invisible a lot throughout my life. Some of my loved ones have big personalities and tend to speak louder and interrupt. So I guess I got used to it. Also I’m an introvert and a writer, and I’m not comfortable speaking in a group, I would rather express myself in writing. That said, I do follow your style tips A LOT lol and it has boosted my confidence. I loved the tips, especially #1, 9 & 10. So true. Thanks Kay, you remain an inspiration to me. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving 😊
What a provocative topic! Love it. I do think it’s “real”. I agree that showing up looking our best and put together readies us to interact with others. I studied journalism and asking questions usually helps me connect with people. Thanks Kay!!!!!
Tip 10 made me think that when we're young, a woman may be seen, but not heard. So as an older woman, asking those questions offers some younger women an opportunity to share. We may not know if she's self absorbed or lacking self esteem, but that shouldn't matter. I can recall from many years ago some of the older women who let me speak or participate. Not exactly the scene you describe, but I think it's a valid possibility.
Wonderful! Thank you, Kay! Another thing that I really want to keep in the forefront as I grow older is to be a mentor to younger women. Instead of craving attention, who can I attend to? How can I pour into another life with all the years of experiencing God’s faithfulness!
What a great video, Kay! And you look stunning in the dark blue top and gorgeous jewelry. One thing that is so obvious to me that no one has mentioned is that we live in an ageist society. It affects men as well as women, but women are much more impacted. I just finished reading "This Chair Rocks--A Manifesto Against Ageism," by Ashton Applewhite. It doesn't address the aesthetic side like you do, but it's a wonderful book for anyone over 50. I'm 78, wouldn't think of going anywhere without hair/makeup/great clothing, and everyone tells me I don't look 78. But according to Applewhite the phrase "You look really good for your age" isn't really a compliment, is it? I love your emphasis on looking "modern" rather than "younger." And of course all the internal shifts--becoming less self-absorbed, really listening to others, reaching out to others--are what grows our souls. Thank you for all you do.
I had a similar experience as yours at the conference you attended attended here in Dallas. It was at a women’s Christmas program at our church several years ago where I was seated at a table with some ladies I really wanted to get to know. They were a few years younger, but only by about ten years. It seemed they all knew each other and were talking and enjoying themselves but they had no time for me. I did try by asking questions but it did no good. I sat there smiling trying not to look obvious for the fact that I was not engaged! I really felt very uncomfortable! You have offered very good advice here. We do need to put the right foot forward and do our best. These things will definitely help. But I do think there are simply going to be times we will find ourselves to be that invisible person no matter what we do, and in that instance we need to just realize it’s ok to sometimes be alone in a group. Thank you for a very good and timely video! I hope you and your family have a wonderfully Happy and Safe Thanksgiving! ❤️🙏🏻
This was excellent. I just turned 60 two days ago and I am still working in a job I love and feel valued in. My age and experience are respected and sought after so I am in a good place. But I know that in other forums it is not the case. Keep showing up for ourselves and for others!!❤
Thank you for this really thoughtful and intelligent video. Your words resonated and provided some great advice. Best wishes for your holiday weekend 🤗
Love the 1st tip. I agree it starts with accepting Jesus' forgiveness and realizing He is our creator and has always kept His eyes on us. I'm forever grateful He showed me this at 25. Now, at 72, I enjoy life abundantly.
Thank you so much Kay. That was just lovely. You gave us so many good things to think about. I completely agree with your first and most important point, and that is to embrace the truth that we "matter" to God- that he "sees" us, even if no one else does. The other point I especially appreciated was your last point. I think as ladies over 50 we can afford to be the ones who "notice" others and help them feel seen. You've inspired me to step up my game on that front. Thank you again and Happy Thanksgiving (as we Canadians begin to prepare for Christmas:)
Kay, I liked all of these things that you went over. The most important thing, as you said, is knowing that God sees me! Sometimes I am in awe of that! Hope your Thanksgiving Day will be wonderful!
I just turned 69 and I'm more seen than ever because I make it a point to see others -- to encourage them, to volunteer to help, to invite people to my home. There is nothing more annoying than the person who enters a room and sends the message, "here I am - notice me". That is so insincere and doesn't appeal to anyone. I've realized that this person is compensating for some sort of insecurity. I try to support them until they can feel more secure. Thanks for bringing this forward, Kay.
I enjoyed listening to this and especially reading the comments below. I'm almost 60 and an introvert, so usually I am fine with being invisible, but I also see the other side. I'm currently working as a teacher. Being around kids all day, I'm definitely not invisible yet. I think a lot of this feeling comes from not thinking about others that may be different from us. I know I didn't at a younger age. Now some of my closest friends are older and retired. I try to make a point of connecting with them when I can. I also have a younger friend who does the same with me. Regardless of age, there are so many ways we can connect with others and I think it's something that we have to make a conscious effort to do. Just a few minutes of meaningful conversation can do so much to lift the spirits.
I adopted your suggestion to keep a smile on my face while going about my day, it was transformational! I have my husband doing it too. I will challenge myself with number 10, acknowledging others. Thank you for your reminders that we need to develop our inner beauty as well.
This is the first time I’ve seen your channel and I am an older fashion girl but your content was so lovely and warm! I just subscribed and will be going back for your previous videos. Because of my retail background I have trained myself to greet people with a smile and it has become second nature but I need to grow by not interrupting. You gave me a much needed reminder. Thanks! Keep it up
Simply the best video I've seen in a long time. Your message is so so uplifting and of interest to us over 60. I hear what you are saying and I see how cute this new styling of your hair looks- so cute! Have a restful and wonderful Thanksgiving. God bless you!
Wow came upon your channel, and listened and did a double take (in a good way) when you talked about God, And THEN you actually talked about the Bible! I immediately liked and subscribed. Loved this video. Thanks for reminding me that He sees me and loves me!
This was my first vid of yours. Really enjoyed it. I almost never feel unseen. I don’t really pay attention to being seen or not. I have noticed the few times it has happened it was because of me. I decided to sit and not reach out. Or maybe a room full of people I didn’t know, who all knew each other. I’m outgoing and could have made an effort, but just wasn’t feeling it. The reason I almost never feel unseen is because of your first tip. I know I am seen by the One Who matters. My confidence is in Him. I actually dress much simpler and wear a lot less jewelry and makeup than I ever have. I really don’t want to be seen for those things. Not that they are wrong. I just see so many women trying to be seen by using those things. Especially at my age (60) I do think we need to examine ( like you mentioned) why we feel the need to be seen in the first place. For me it is like the Lord asks me why I let the world determine what is beautiful. Why do we feel the need to cover our nails, our greys, our eyes, our skin( faces with makeup) Why is how He made us not enough? Why care if the world notices us? I totally agree with your point to serve, and not with the motive to be seen serving, but to genuinely serve as unto the Lord. No thank you’s necessary. I overheard someone at church saying they weren’t as outgoing as me. This person sits to the side. Doesn’t engage with those she doesn’t know. Its all just a difference in choices. I chose a long time ago to make others feel important and seen. It’s not easy for anyone but the less we think about ourselves the happier and freer we feel!🥰
Wow - You hit it out of the park today Kay!! I so agree with your opening statement - these should be taken together and #2-9 are all equally important. Thank you for the way you serve this community!!
Thank you for putting this together in such an organized way. Your wisdom is appreciated. You make great points in regard to pitfalls. That, too, is a great teaching tool. And, yes, the first tip is the most important!!!
Such a good video Kay!!! I am 58 almost 59 and these tips resonate with me. I feel that serving others always brings me so much Joy!! Working on getting dressed for my day EVERDAY!!❤
I am EXTREMELY thankful for YOU! Once again, I got SO MUCH out of this video. All of the things you intended (I think), and something else, too. I’m going to try very hard to stop interrupting my husband and make sure he knows I’m LISTENING. He rarely comments on my appearance. I will ask “Can I wear the same thing that I wore when we went to _?” And he’ll answer, “I can’t remember what you wore, but you looked great that day.” And that’s the first time I’ll know that outfit was okay. BUT this is a husband who never complains if he comes home and I’m still in my robe because I started something and never bothered to get dressed, or he hasn’t seen the top of the dining room table all week (and I’m NOT a crafter!). So, while I want to make an effort to get OUT of my robe and getting makeup on my face (I’m mostly succeeding at that), I realize that instead of regretting my invisibility, on balance, it might be another thing I’m grateful for! I can’t expect my husband to really notice me only when I want him to. Anyway, thank you!!!!
Hello Kay I loved your last tip. I was brought up to always make people feel at home and to be made to feel welcome and I do this all the time. Sometimes I get annoyed when those people don't ask me anything about myself, but that's life!
Thanks Kay. I have been dealing with feeling invisible in recent weeks. I appreciate you talking about this and pointing to me to God first and foremost. I do need to watch your videos for the clothing tips. Thanks again for speaking to this issue.
Thank you Kay, for reminding us we are all seen by God,no matter what. Great video, as usual. You have a very calming voice. As someone who is approaching 70, I appreciate your tips. I had a lot of attention when I was young, but let’s face it, it wasn’t all roses getting constantly sexually harassed at work and catcalled on the street! I have actually changed my mindset about being seen and heard by men - I no longer expect it, 😂. When it happens , it’s a pleasant surprise. Life is still wonderful in my personal life in spite of the world going mad.
We are so lucky to enjoy videos and have a roof over our heads. There are so many women who are homeless and are worried and fighting situations we cannot fathom. Let’s contribute to those who are insecure in terms of food insecurity, no roof over their heads, etc.
Sometimes I want to be seen, but other times I want to be heard. As a retired Speech-Language Pathologist it is difficult for me in situations where people frequently interrupt me or others. I married into a family like that. It is equally difficult when one person dominates the conversation. My mother was like that in her old age. Speaking and listening is a discipline on our part and a gift to others. Hey, I’m speaking to myself.🥴
Growing up as the middle child, I always felt that I was "unheard" by my family. I understand that this is common. I got over that because I feel I have strong self-esteem. My careers in marketing and advertising, and later in life my career as a teacher, helped me be heard more. However, when I reached the age of about 56, I felt that in our team meetings during my teaching career, I was being "unheard." It was as though my contributions and ideas didn't matter any longer. I felt I was becoming obsolete. The tips that you provided today are so important. When I started watching UA-cam influencers about three years ago, I was inspired to take a deep look into how I was dressing. I practically changed my whole wardrobe, but for the right reasons. I started dressing appropriately for my retired lifestyle. I have always loved fashion and I am now dressing for my day thanks to you, Kay. I love being 66 and I am embracing it every day. I am not fishing for compliments, but I was in one of my favorite shoe stores two days ago, and a young gentleman who worked there (probably in his 30's) commented on my outfit and told me I was such a "fashionista." I was being noticed and heard. I think both are important. Thanks for this inspirational video. Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of the lovely people that are apart of this community.
Thank you, Kay, for this insightful and encouraging video. Your first tip was the most important one and I am so grateful that you shared it with all your viewers. God bless you! Pray you will enjoy a blessed Thanksgiving with your family.
Kay, such a meaningful topic. I feel very related to. I am in 40's, still work full time and have enough interaction with people for work. But I also feel how isolated we are in general in this society. People spent way more time on social media than interacting with real people. Younger people don't know how to talk to real people. But like you, I never give up and always keep engaging them into conversations by asking them questions. Most often, other people will notice my effort and start talking and then it leads to a good conversation. For me, being seen or heard is important, but more important, I want to connect with other people. That is your last point, treat other people the way I want to be treated.
Great video, Kay! So many things to think about and actions to take. After I fully retired I think I felt somewhat invisible and at sea. But then I found a sport I enjoy and new people who played that sport and have so enjoyed getting to know them and vice versa. I am getting dressed and made up for my day when I am out of the house. A friend from my working life and I are now enjoying having lunch together once a month and catching up. She is my daughter’s age. A woman who went to the same small university back in the 60s that I connected with at our 50th reunion contacted me to do a kitchen design consultation this last summer. We have so many things in common and are continuing to engage with each other. Both of us were from the Midwest and now live in Northern California about 40 miles apart. After have two hip replacements recently I am more than ready to engage with others and am taking my first trip to Europe with Road Scholar to Portugal and Spain. By the way I just turned 77 earlier this month. It’s never too late!
Thank you so much for sharing this today. I'm trying to remember who Christ says I am and how he sees me Psalm 139 is my favorite Psalm and a reminder God knows me and put my body together and has a plan and purpose for me .Thank you for being so open to share you faith on your program❤❤❤❤❤ God bless you
Hello Kay! I SEE YOU and you look especially pretty today! Thank you for this video…it means more to me than you know. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones…Safe travels!🦃🥧🍂
I really appreciate your channel so much. You present everything with love and grace. I feel encouraged and 'heard' and 'seen' with this video. Please make more of these kinds of videos. Which is not to say that I want you to stop making your other kinds of videos about getting dressed for my day. I have learned a lot from you. I now do make it a priority to get 'dressed for my day'. Thank you again and God bless you and your family with a blessed Thanksgiving.
Thank you for your videos. I so appreciated your first tip today. Number 1 priority is our relationship with God and knowing He sees us always. The other tips were very helpful.
Good advice Kay. I don't think I have ever felt unseen. I always get dressed for my day. I wear makeup and do my hair every day, even if I am staying at home. I like people and always engage in conversation at my gym or when I shop. I have a laugh with strangers sometimes and try to smile wherever I go. I dress up for my Friday date nights with my husband even if I have jeans on but a nice top and jacket on. I always want my husband to be proud to be with me. I am 69 years old and even when I am cleaning the house, I will carefully choose a nice leisure outfit to wear. Lately, I have not shown up. My husband has been awfully sick this last one and a half years and me too. Thanksgiving will be the first time we both will be out with a crowd we haven't seen for a few years. I can hardly wait to see everyone. If that goes well, I intend to "message" a friend who has been anxiously waiting for my husband to feel like going out on a double date. And then maybe a vacation soon. You are always informative and helpful, Kay. I look forward to your videos. BTW, sometimes in the business world I felt unheard, especially as a woman. I hated that.
I remember noticing this in my early 50’s. But now at 65 I relish it. The last year has been a relief as I finally am at peace with being older. It’s good not to look in the mirror and hate myself for aging. I moisturize my skin like crazy for skin comfort , I keep my legs etc well shaven because it is clean feeling , I use whitening toothpaste on my teeth so I can smile at children and others . I eat right and eliminate sugar so I feel better , I walk everyday so I have energy and good mental health . It’s a good place to be.
Love it🎉
You go!
Interesting perspective. I like that!
Very nice!
Agreed!
Thank you for acknowledging "feeling invisible". I recall my mother saying she sometimes felt invisible in her 60's and 70's and as a result of that I purposefully started engaging with ladies that were a bit older and a lot wiser than I. My mom had an wonderful personality, lit up a room when she entered it and was beautiful inside and out. Now that I am that older woman, I appreciate your advise and echo the importance of continuing to show up and contribute. My mother was a gatherer. She loved people and as a result gathered friends for lunch, for coffee, for a daily phone call, to play cards, etc. The year after my dad died, she decided to start a Valentine's Day dinner for some of the widowed and single ladies she knew. This gave her and her friends something to look forward to rather than to dread. She was intentional about creating her own happiness, she made the first move to be joyous rather than waiting on joy, she went out and found it. She chose humor rather than tears, saying it is better to laugh than to cry. There is nothing wrong with crying and she did but more often than that, she smiled. I can only hope that I emulate just a little bit of her in my life. She was all good things wrapped in a beautiful package.
Oh wow. Your mother sounds like such an inspiration. I love that she did the Valentines party for widows and friends. Just lovely.
Well put Kay. This resonates with me.
A friend once said: ‘How does that lady do it? How is she so easy in a room full of mere acquaintances?’ I observed the woman for awhile. What I saw was a lady who put aside her own probable discomfort to extend comfort to others. She seemed to assume others felt as she did. And who better than her to get the ball rolling ….. mmmm.
I think when we see others as different we become self focused. When we look for common ground we see ourselves in their eyes. We see God in their eyes too.
I am 67 and I love this season in my life. At first I would have moments thinking “boy, I wish I knew that when I was young…Now I’m retired, and it’s like I get to start all over again. I can put my energies into becoming the person I want to be! My first year after retirement my goals were to become spiritually and physically fit. This meant time with God and his word each morning. Plus a half hour of senior exercise with a UA-cam and eating healthy.
Love this season in life😊
Love this❤
Oh Kay, I am that final woman. This is not to brag, but I was so well trained by a deeply empathetic Christian mother (only had her my first 15 years) that my natural inclination in to reach out in kindness. Mother modeled that daily to me. She gave of herself. And sadly to a fault. She gave herself away. So I caution
us “Empaths” to reach out in kindness but protect and preserve something for ourselves. Great topic.
Your point around 24:00 is so true. Anything that makes you seem like you have a screw loose is going to make people ignore you, avoid you. That includes clothes that don't fit, hair that's not under control or looks wild, and outfits that look like you got dressed in the dark. It's human nature and you can't fight it. Hygiene and grooming are especially important. Btw, I've seen many women say that won't make an effort because they don't think it's worthwhile when they're fat! Most of them say they don't want to spend money for nice clothes until they lose weight. I'm here to say that it's MORE important to be well put together when you're overweight because there's so much judgment that people heap on an overweight person. If you interact with the world at all, you need to present yourself in the best way possible in order to counteract that judgmental attitude. Believe me, I've been trying to lose weight for 30 years, and I've seen all the reactions to my size, including from people who knew me back when I was a size 3! Quality clothes, pretty clothes, and a well-put-together image is especially important for us.
Good point. Thanks so much for sharing.
@edennis8578…you are so correct. One of my longest and dearest friends is overweight yet is always stylishly dressed in clothes that fit her shape so well. I love her confidence and thankful to be her friend.
Not being seen does happen occasionally. I'm 68 and on my way to 69 in early December. I just try my best to engage with others if I'm in a situation of not feeling seen. Staying calm, gracious and polite is essential.
I think I first felt invisible in my 30s. I am glad we are talking about it now because when it started happening to me I had never heard anyone talk about it. I think it’s worse because we live in a youth obsessed culture, when it really should be the opposite. Only with age can true wisdom show itself. Thank you for all the tips and reminding us that God ALWAYS sees us and cares. I hope you and anyone who sees this comment has a great Thanksgiving!
I get that. I think I felt a little invisible in other seasons of my life as well. I do think some of that has to do with our own self concept, too. I hope you have a blessed and beautiful Thanksgiving as well.
I'm soon to turn 65, but I noticed many years ago elderly women in my church who were once vibrant participators become less capable over the years and couldn't contribute on the same level they once did. I have tried to acknowledge them, sit by them at ladies' functions, etc. Regardless of our age, we can do a little more to really “see” everyone, young and old, men and women, to help everyone feel valued.
That’s lovely of you. Thanks for sharing. 🥰
I wanted to be seen at 40. Had the cash to buy a new car. Walked an entire car lot and not one salesman (yes, salesMAN) even saw me. I came back with my husband and HE was seen the moment we stepped onto the lot. Told them why we would not be buying a car from their dealership.
I agree. This has happened to me often so now I bring my son with me because he gets instantly seen.
I appreciate your last comment the most. The more we pay attention to others and help them feel seen, the more we will enjoy genuine connections and be love and light in the world. 🙏
I believe that grocery store cashiers are generally unnoticed by most people. I always make it a point to ask “how are you today?” They always answer with a smile. I’ll ask a simple question maybe about the weather and at least they’re talking as they work. Before I go I sometimes say “nice talking to you”. They always say it back to me. Working in a retail store can be a thankless job. So I always try to at least smile and say “thank you.
I find the young cashiers, either at the grocery store or in a retail store, have no interest in chit chatting with me, as an older person. I'm always polite and friendly towards them and I try to engage them but, they could care less. And, don't even get me started about being ignored when you enter a retail store! When I am not acknowledged by the store employee, usually because they are too busy scrolling on their phone, I will turn around and walk out!
Such a wonderful and helpful video. Giving a compliment is always a good conversation starter. It important I think that it’s genuine and not over the top years ago while still working, a young man came over to me and said hello and then proceeded to say, I bet you were a heart breaker when you were young. Well you still look good I mean. I laughed and said thank you I think. He laughed too. Good topic I’m 85 and still spend time getting ready each day and dressing well. I love your videos
"What is my motive for wanting to be seen?" Spot-on best point here. Everyone should ask themselves this, at every age.
Thanks so much for sharing. 💕
As well as age, being a little overweight also makes us invisible. The "meno-pot" is real. So then wearing looser clothing to hide it, and looking very matronly. And you're right on the mark regarding the younger people not engaging with us over 50 women. It's difficult. But I remember doing the same thing when I was young!
Wonderful video Kay! I have read that when people get older they don’t become someone else, but they do become the person they have always been but could not show. I’m 63 and about to be 64 and honestly my life has never been better. Retired now and I have made myself my own job. Exercise regularly, eating well and simply, sleeping well, getting social and getting out to do new things with new people. Making it a priority to seek joy, laughter and fun and to eliminate people from my life who drain me of energy. (I can see who they are now.) Life is great and I think the next 10-20 years will be my best!
Oh, I completely agree. Life is good for me, too. And I'm very happy with who I am. But that doesn't mean others always see me for who I am. It's a quandary, but that's okay. I'm pretty comfortable without the approval or even acknowledgement of others. Sounds like you are, too.
That is so completely awesome to hear! I’m 60 and feel the same way. I’m very blessed to be in this place emotionally… blessings to you and a blessed Thanksgiving to everyone!
I love this idea to make yourself your job! It's a wonderful mindset. Thank you
Yeah! Couldn’t agree more. I finally have time to see who I am. And to care much less about what others see or don’t see.
I first notice this phenomenon when i was in my early 50's. When I shopped at Sephora and ULTA, the young employees were very attentive to younger customers, but it was literally like I was not there. It was difficult to get their attention at all and when I did, their 'helpfulness' was limited to short, curt answers. This situation happened over and over again. I finally just stopped shopping in those stores.
Thank you for going there, Kay! Faith and humility grow more and more important, especially in this culture.
I definitely agree that older people are not seen. I often get interrupted and that person goes on talking as if I'm not even there.
I also noticed that older people don't want to do anything. They just want to stay home. They would rather watch tv or go on social media. When I ask friends to meet for lunch or or go for a walk or even just stay in contact there are always excuses and last minute cancellations. I've had to let many friends go. I've finally decided to just be my own friend. I'm lucky I like spending time with myself!
Lovely message Kay. At age 74 I can certainly relate. I have been retired a while but still make an effort to shower, put on makeup and dress presentable every day whether I go anywhere or not. The young influencers seem so self absorbed but maybe that is just part of youth. Have. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you for sharing your faith and your discipline with this. It shows in everything you do! This is so important with people's mindset today! ❤
You're so welcome!
This was great…especially the reminder of Who actually sees us and loves us! I am the pastor‘s/missionary’s wife (68 yrs old) and have very often felt unseen and unheard, but this helped me today.
Yes, Ishmael, Hagar's son's name, means God hears, too! So we have a reference to being seen and heard by God in that story. Pretty cool. Understanding some of the ancient Hebrew can add so much to getting the full message of a passage. 😊
Absolutely your best video. Thank you. You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for remembering our Creator. He’s the bottom line. You’re a lovely lady. I have been feeling invisible for years.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for letting me know. 💕
I love that you brought this up. I’m a younger viewer at 39, so I hadn’t thought much about this. I do often struggle to know what to ask people in different stages of life (especially those I haven’t experienced). I feel awkward. I need to get over myself as another commenter said and think about the other lady’s comfort level.
❤ from Iowa
I wear clothes that make me look and feel amazing. I embrace my age and the aging process. I take care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I read, go for long walks and meditate. I don't follow social media, fashion "rules" and trends. I don't think about how other people view me.. I think ageism needs to be addressed - in the media, in the workplace, in the fashion and beauty industry to name 3.Let's respect each other instead of making judgment calls.
I have to say something to you. For many years I have said "I am invisible". People never noticed my work, my contribution, my existence. I never said it out loud yet one Sunday in church, a stranger came to me and asked to pray for me. She said, "God wants you to know He sees you. You are not 'invisible'." God is always on time. He knew I felt alone and insignificant and He made sure to get the point across to me in a very direct manner. Your video today has done the same. Thank you for sharing the gift of fashion and including His mercy.
I am one who wants to be heard. As a young girl, I was shy. I still tend to be the quietest in my friend circle. I still think about times I couldn’t state my thoughts and ideas in a work meeting, and the time a friend just looked away when I began to make a comment on something she was telling me. I do my best to be seen by dressing my best. I’ve learned a lot from you, Kay. But my friends are strong women that I love and respect. I seem to fall into the background in a large group of them.
Thank you so much for this frank and honest conversation. So many truths here. I became a widow one year ago at the age of 73. I am thankful for the growth that the Lord has put before me. He has opened many doors, shut a few, but has given me encouragement to move forward. This Thanksgiving has so much meaning for me. A Blessed Thanksgiving to All…
I can't imagine you not being seen. You are so well groomed and current. You teach us to be women of grace. :)
Kay, this was spot on! And so appropriate for this Thanksgiving season. Thank you for these words of encouragement for women ❤️ 🙏
Lovely ! Perhaps it's not as much wanting to be seen , but simply acknowledged . Our lives seem so isolated . When we are kind to one person , it can have a " snowball effect " as is passed along . Simply , be kind . 🥰
Well, at least for me, I think that's what I mean by "be seen." I want to be acknowledged. I definitely have no need for anyone to admire me are stare at me. But I just do like to be acknowledged when I walk into a room. But I'm just making a point to do that to others. Thanks so much for sharing.
This video was excellent! I spoke directly to my current challenges at work and life. You could not have said anything better! Now I will watch it again and reflect-as acceptance of this new stage of life and still showing up seems to be the key! Your words are very significant to us all!
I'm so glad it met a need. Bless you!
Agree with this comment. Everyone on my team at work is under 35 … maybe under 30. I’m very aware that how I perceive myself and my good intentions may not be perceived by others in the same way. The tenets in this video are a great re-grounding. Thank you! And Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you so much, Kay. I haven’t been bothering to get dressed in the morning if I have nowhere to go that day and it really is a terrible habit!! It makes me feel lazy and unmotivated. And certainly no one sees me if I’m hiding in my house in PJs all the time. 😅
Such a great topic. I do feel invisible at times and it’s sometimes difficult to understand how people can “talk around” you. Great points and tips Kay. I see you and appreciate your wisdom.
Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts. Have a great week!
I got divorced in my early 40s and dated a lot, then menopause, and mostly, the men were gone. It was almost as if they sensed since I wasn’t fertile anymore, I didn’t have a purpose to them. I felt relieved that I didn’t need to worry anymore and it took me a while to figure out what had changed.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing. 😊
I love all of your tips Kay, especially the one to remind us that we can take comfort in the knowledge that God does not ever overlook us. I have been thinking about your story about feeling ignored by the 30 something gals at your table. In a social setting where people don’t know each other, I think there may be a tendency to gravitate towards those that are close to us in age because we assume that we will share experiences common to our generation and conversation will be easier. I have certainly been guilty of talking only with people that fall within my comfort zone, but as I have gotten older I have realized that I have acted rudely and am trying to become less self centered and a better conversationalist.
“30 something” women can be a challenge-including my 3 daughters! Sometimes I just long for a question and an interest in my response, and when I get that, I feel SO happy! I have really worked hard on reminding myself that it is “the age” and trying to not take it personal. Instead, I try to see what I can learn from them to stay current on things like fashion and books and social media and foods, and whatever. All that I can gain, I can use either for myself, or when speaking to other “30 something’s” as topic for conversation, or for understanding their perspectives. Not east to do, but a good growing opportunity for this 65 yr old. Thanks Kay for the video. Good suggestions!
What a perfectly timed video Kay!❤ I have so many thoughts but others have said them well. What I do wish to comment on is your experience at the table with much younger women. You may not have realized it and the others may not have yet either. But you taught them a valuable lesson in engaging with others, especially those you don’t know well. As a younger woman I was very shy, but now in my late 60’s feel very comfortable acknowledging others I don’t know in similar situations, introducing myself, asking questions and showing interest. Years ago I watched an acquaintance do the same thing and I learned from her. I feel at this point in my life I still have much to learn but also much to offer. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!❤️
Absolutely. Thanks for sharing. 😊
What a good topic to discuss! Lots of reflection to do. I noticed when I stopped coloring my hair and the silver came in, that's when I noticed I became more invisible. Thanks for tackling the topic, Kay!
Hmm. Interesting. That may indeed be a factor. It’s a conundrum for sure, but hopefully we can navigate this with a little success. Thanks so much for watching and sharing. 💕
It’s kind of a relief to me.
Thinking about some memorable senior women in my church - one (late 70s-early 80s) rocked black leather pants, and the other was always stylishly put together as her hair was always done nicely and she styled her scarves to match her tops.
I've got longish wavy silver hair and I think it's one of my best attributes. I just make sure to do my eyebrows, wear stylish cats-eye tortoiseshell glasses, and red lipstick! I never go unnoticed. ❤ A colorful scarf also helps to draw attention to my face. 😊
I believe the phones and internet has changed the younger generation and with that the need to be famous and make lots of money. They are only interested in people who can help them achieve those goals. You can do all those tips to help you feel better but nothing you do will change others’ desires for themselves.
Good points. I find if i force myself to spend a whole 10 minutes on hair, and a whole 5 minutes on makeup (compared to virtually 0 time) i am much less invisible.
Absolutely! Thanks for sharing.
I’m new to your channel and so appreciate your content. I’m 58 and surrounded by others who are younger or not on the same journey. Thank you for putting forward things that are meaningful and truly resonate.
What a wonderful, uplifting message! I listened to every word, and I plan to apply all of it in my daily life! ❤
Wonderful! 💕
There was a time when society at large honored age and experience more than today. I dont see that so much. I'm 65. Many women younger than I seem to not need or want advice. They seem very self-sufficient. I still teach high school and find that age group to still be very impressionable and they do see me.
Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts. 💕
I am so thankful you mentioned the precious truth of being seen by our Father. I find much comfort and fulfillment in knowing He sees me, knows me, and deeply cares for me. It is enough. And because of it, I am truly blessed.
I completely agree. Thank you for watching. 💕
Great video - lots to think about. I often feel "discounted" . That my comments, opinions or ideas aren't relevant because I'm older. Your videos have helped me tremendously in "getting dressed for my day" and really giving some thought to how I present my physical self. Thank you for that. Have a blessed Thanksgiving with your family.
I'm so glad this was helpful for you. Your comments are definitely valued here!
Excellent post. Your post really resionated with me because the same reasoning lead me into a career of teaching upper classmen. So many students come from dysfunctional homes and they often just need a hand extended. I worked with them, helped them get into higher education, and hopefully, they have a good life. I had access to a wonderful grandmother that talked to me constantly as I was growing up that helped me find my own strength.
This is so very important. I have also noticed that very few young people today have the conversational skills that we usually possess. This is an opportunity to speak to them and draw them out as well.
Many adults , too , are very " into themselves " - on their phones , no eye contact , lack of manners , etc. Signs of our times ? Look people in the eye , smile & be kind ! 🥰
Unfortunately, I think you're right. But we can be an example. Thanks so much for sharing, Pat.
Excellent video. I have felt invisible a lot throughout my life. Some of my loved ones have big personalities and tend to speak louder and interrupt. So I guess I got used to it. Also I’m an introvert and a writer, and I’m not comfortable speaking in a group, I would rather express myself in writing. That said, I do follow your style tips A LOT lol and it has boosted my confidence. I loved the tips, especially #1, 9 & 10. So true. Thanks Kay, you remain an inspiration to me. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving 😊
What a provocative topic! Love it. I do think it’s “real”. I agree that showing up looking our best and put together readies us to interact with others. I studied journalism and asking questions usually helps me connect with people. Thanks Kay!!!!!
What wise and beautiful advice, Kay! Especially the part about paying attention to and serving others! Thank you!
Tip 10 made me think that when we're young, a woman may be seen, but not heard. So as an older woman, asking those questions offers some younger women an opportunity to share. We may not know if she's self absorbed or lacking self esteem, but that shouldn't matter. I can recall from many years ago some of the older women who let me speak or participate. Not exactly the scene you describe, but I think it's a valid possibility.
Great tips because we’ve all been there. It was an excellent suggestion to reach out to others and volunteer. Gracious women are always remembered.
You're so right. "Gracious women are always remembered." love that!
Wonderful! Thank you, Kay! Another thing that I really want to keep in the forefront as I grow older is to be a mentor to younger women. Instead of craving attention, who can I attend to? How can I pour into another life with all the years of experiencing God’s faithfulness!
Absolutely. I completely agree. Pouring into younger women is so vital. And it is such a blessing. 💕
Try being 4’10” and a senior
Good point. I've experienced many years of God's faithfulness and hopefully I can encourage a younger woman.
What a great video, Kay! And you look stunning in the dark blue top and gorgeous jewelry. One thing that is so obvious to me that no one has mentioned is that we live in an ageist society. It affects men as well as women, but women are much more impacted. I just finished reading "This Chair Rocks--A Manifesto Against Ageism," by Ashton Applewhite. It doesn't address the aesthetic side like you do, but it's a wonderful book for anyone over 50. I'm 78, wouldn't think of going anywhere without hair/makeup/great clothing, and everyone tells me I don't look 78. But according to Applewhite the phrase "You look really good for your age" isn't really a compliment, is it? I love your emphasis on looking "modern" rather than "younger." And of course all the internal shifts--becoming less self-absorbed, really listening to others, reaching out to others--are what grows our souls. Thank you for all you do.
I had a similar experience as yours at the conference you attended attended here in Dallas. It was at a women’s Christmas program at our church several years ago where I was seated at a table with some ladies I really wanted to get to know. They were a few years younger, but only by about ten years. It seemed they all knew each other and were talking and enjoying themselves but they had no time for me. I did try by asking questions but it did no good. I sat there smiling trying not to look obvious for the fact that I was not engaged! I really felt very uncomfortable!
You have offered very good advice here. We do need to put the right foot forward and do our best. These things will definitely help. But I do think there are simply going to be times we will find ourselves to be that invisible person no matter what we do, and in that instance we need to just realize it’s ok to sometimes be alone in a group.
Thank you for a very good and timely video! I hope you and your family have a wonderfully Happy and Safe Thanksgiving! ❤️🙏🏻
I am so sorry that happened. The "church" at large could really stand to emphasize Titus II ministry.
I love the idea to remember to acknowledge other people first. Who knows? Maybe they are lonely and need to know they haven't been forgotten.
This was excellent. I just turned 60 two days ago and I am still working in a job I love and feel valued in. My age and experience are respected and sought after so I am in a good place. But I know that in other forums it is not the case. Keep showing up for ourselves and for others!!❤
Wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing. I think that's part of the key: continuing to show up and work and do something. I appreciate you watching.
Ever since I turned 49 I noticed. No one looks at me anymore. At least my husband does. He's always looking at me.
Thank you for this really thoughtful and intelligent video. Your words resonated and provided some great advice. Best wishes for your holiday weekend 🤗
Love the 1st tip. I agree it starts with accepting Jesus' forgiveness and realizing He is our creator and has always kept His eyes on us. I'm forever grateful He showed me this at 25. Now, at 72, I enjoy life abundantly.
Thank you so much Kay. That was just lovely. You gave us so many good things to think about. I completely agree with your first and most important point, and that is to embrace the truth that we "matter" to God- that he "sees" us, even if no one else does.
The other point I especially appreciated was your last point. I think as ladies over 50 we can afford to be the ones who "notice" others and help them feel seen. You've inspired me to step up my game on that front.
Thank you again and Happy Thanksgiving (as we Canadians begin to prepare for Christmas:)
Kay, I liked all of these things that you went over. The most important thing, as you said, is knowing that God sees me! Sometimes I am in awe of that! Hope your Thanksgiving Day will be wonderful!
I just turned 69 and I'm more seen than ever because I make it a point to see others -- to encourage them, to volunteer to help, to invite people to my home. There is nothing more annoying than the person who enters a room and sends the message, "here I am - notice me". That is so insincere and doesn't appeal to anyone. I've realized that this person is compensating for some sort of insecurity. I try to support them until they can feel more secure. Thanks for bringing this forward, Kay.
Great Video! Loved and agreed with all you said. I am 81 . These tips when incorporated into your life will Actually make you feel Young!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and vulnerability too, on this subject and reminding us that we are NOT invisible to our maker 😀
I enjoyed listening to this and especially reading the comments below. I'm almost 60 and an introvert, so usually I am fine with being invisible, but I also see the other side. I'm currently working as a teacher. Being around kids all day, I'm definitely not invisible yet. I think a lot of this feeling comes from not thinking about others that may be different from us. I know I didn't at a younger age. Now some of my closest friends are older and retired. I try to make a point of connecting with them when I can. I also have a younger friend who does the same with me. Regardless of age, there are so many ways we can connect with others and I think it's something that we have to make a conscious effort to do. Just a few minutes of meaningful conversation can do so much to lift the spirits.
Thanks so much for sharing. 💕
I adopted your suggestion to keep a smile on my face while going about my day, it was transformational! I have my husband doing it too. I will challenge myself with number 10, acknowledging others. Thank you for your reminders that we need to develop our inner beauty as well.
This is the first time I’ve seen your channel and I am an older fashion girl but your content was so lovely and warm! I just subscribed and will be going back for your previous videos. Because of my retail background I have trained myself to greet people with a smile and it has become second nature but I need to grow by not interrupting. You gave me a much needed reminder. Thanks! Keep it up
Lovely. Thank you so much for subscribing. I’m really glad you enjoyed the video. 🥰
Simply the best video I've seen in a long time. Your message is so so uplifting and of interest to us over 60. I hear what you are saying and I see how cute this new styling of your hair looks- so cute! Have a restful and wonderful Thanksgiving. God bless you!
What a beautiful video. Happy Thanksgiving, Kay!
Wow came upon your channel, and listened and did a double take (in a good way) when you talked about God, And THEN you actually talked about the Bible! I immediately liked and subscribed. Loved this video. Thanks for reminding me that He sees me and loves me!
Lovely. Thank you so much for subscribing. 🥰
This was my first vid of yours. Really enjoyed it.
I almost never feel unseen. I don’t really pay attention to being seen or not.
I have noticed the few times it has happened it was because of me. I decided to sit and not reach out. Or maybe a room full of people I didn’t know, who all knew each other. I’m outgoing and could have made an effort, but just wasn’t feeling it.
The reason I almost never feel unseen is because of your first tip. I know I am seen by the One Who matters. My confidence is in Him. I actually dress much simpler and wear a lot less jewelry and makeup than I ever have. I really don’t want to be seen for those things. Not that they are wrong. I just see so many women trying to be seen by using those things. Especially at my age (60)
I do think we need to examine ( like you mentioned) why we feel the need to be seen in the first place. For me it is like the Lord asks me why I let the world determine what is beautiful. Why do we feel the need to cover our nails, our greys, our eyes, our skin( faces with makeup)
Why is how He made us not enough? Why care if the world notices us?
I totally agree with your point to serve, and not with the motive to be seen serving, but to genuinely serve as unto the Lord. No thank you’s necessary.
I overheard someone at church saying they weren’t as outgoing as me. This person sits to the side. Doesn’t engage with those she doesn’t know. Its all just a difference in choices. I chose a long time ago to make others feel important and seen.
It’s not easy for anyone but the less we think about ourselves the happier and freer we feel!🥰
Thanks for watching. And I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. ❤️
Wow - You hit it out of the park today Kay!! I so agree with your opening statement - these should be taken together and #2-9 are all equally important. Thank you for the way you serve this community!!
Thank you for putting this together in such an organized way. Your wisdom is appreciated. You make great points in regard to pitfalls. That, too, is a great teaching tool.
And, yes, the first tip is the most important!!!
Such a good video Kay!!! I am 58 almost 59 and these tips resonate with me. I feel that serving others always brings me so much Joy!! Working on getting dressed for my day EVERDAY!!❤
Absolutely! Thanks so much for watching and taking a moment to comment.
I am EXTREMELY thankful for YOU! Once again, I got SO MUCH out of this video. All of the things you intended (I think), and something else, too. I’m going to try very hard to stop interrupting my husband and make sure he knows I’m LISTENING. He rarely comments on my appearance. I will ask “Can I wear the same thing that I wore when we went to _?” And he’ll answer, “I can’t remember what you wore, but you looked great that day.” And that’s the first time I’ll know that outfit was okay. BUT this is a husband who never complains if he comes home and I’m still in my robe because I started something and never bothered to get dressed, or he hasn’t seen the top of the dining room table all week (and I’m NOT a crafter!). So, while I want to make an effort to get OUT of my robe and getting makeup on my face (I’m mostly succeeding at that), I realize that instead of regretting my invisibility, on balance, it might be another thing I’m grateful for! I can’t expect my husband to really notice me only when I want him to. Anyway, thank you!!!!
Hello Kay I loved your last tip. I was brought up to always make people feel at home and to be made to feel welcome and I do this all the time. Sometimes I get annoyed when those people don't ask me anything about myself, but that's life!
Thanks Kay. I have been dealing with feeling invisible in recent weeks. I appreciate you talking about this and pointing to me to God first and foremost. I do need to watch your videos for the clothing tips. Thanks again for speaking to this issue.
Thank you Kay, for reminding us we are all seen by God,no matter what. Great video, as usual. You have a very calming voice. As someone who is approaching 70, I appreciate your tips. I had a lot of attention when I was young, but let’s face it, it wasn’t all roses getting constantly sexually harassed at work and catcalled on the street!
I have actually changed my mindset about being seen and heard by men - I no longer expect it, 😂. When it happens , it’s a pleasant surprise. Life is still wonderful in my personal life in spite of the world going mad.
You’re so right. Thanks for sharing. ❤️
We are so lucky to enjoy videos and have a roof over our heads. There are so many women who are homeless and are worried and fighting situations we cannot fathom. Let’s contribute to those who are insecure in terms of food insecurity, no roof over their heads, etc.
I LOVE everything you said today!!! Very good tips and thoughts❤️❤️
Sometimes I want to be seen, but other times I want to be heard. As a retired Speech-Language Pathologist it is difficult for me in situations where people frequently interrupt me or others. I married into a family like that. It is equally difficult when one person dominates the conversation. My mother was like that in her old age. Speaking and listening is a discipline on our part and a gift to others. Hey, I’m speaking to myself.🥴
Yes, a discipline is a good way to put it. Thanks so much for contributing. 💕
Growing up as the middle child, I always felt that I was "unheard" by my family. I understand that this is common. I got over that because I feel I have strong self-esteem. My careers in marketing and advertising, and later in life my career as a teacher, helped me be heard more. However, when I reached the age of about 56, I felt that in our team meetings during my teaching career, I was being "unheard." It was as though my contributions and ideas didn't matter any longer. I felt I was becoming obsolete. The tips that you provided today are so important. When I started watching UA-cam influencers about three years ago, I was inspired to take a deep look into how I was dressing. I practically changed my whole wardrobe, but for the right reasons. I started dressing appropriately for my retired lifestyle. I have always loved fashion and I am now dressing for my day thanks to you, Kay. I love being 66 and I am embracing it every day. I am not fishing for compliments, but I was in one of my favorite shoe stores two days ago, and a young gentleman who worked there (probably in his 30's) commented on my outfit and told me I was such a "fashionista." I was being noticed and heard. I think both are important. Thanks for this inspirational video. Happy Thanksgiving to you and all of the lovely people that are apart of this community.
Thank you, Kay, for this insightful and encouraging video. Your first tip was the most important one and I am so grateful that you shared it with all your viewers. God bless you! Pray you will enjoy a blessed Thanksgiving with your family.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, too!
Kay, such a meaningful topic. I feel very related to. I am in 40's, still work full time and have enough interaction with people for work. But I also feel how isolated we are in general in this society. People spent way more time on social media than interacting with real people. Younger people don't know how to talk to real people. But like you, I never give up and always keep engaging them into conversations by asking them questions. Most often, other people will notice my effort and start talking and then it leads to a good conversation. For me, being seen or heard is important, but more important, I want to connect with other people. That is your last point, treat other people the way I want to be treated.
Absolutely. I think instead of complaining about the problem we have to instigate the solutions. Have a great day!
I was just reading that Genisis account today. :) I have more of a need to be heard at the moment. Yes, I did want to be seen. Both are important!
Great message today! Thanks so much Kay. You are an inspiration. God bless and have a great Thanksgiving.
Great video, Kay! So many things to think about and actions to take. After I fully retired I think I felt somewhat invisible and at sea. But then I found a sport I enjoy and new people who played that sport and have so enjoyed getting to know them and vice versa. I am getting dressed and made up for my day when I am out of the house. A friend from my working life and I are now enjoying having lunch together once a month and catching up. She is my daughter’s age. A woman who went to the same small university back in the 60s that I connected with at our 50th reunion contacted me to do a kitchen design consultation this last summer. We have so many things in common and are continuing to engage with each other. Both of us were from the Midwest and now live in Northern California about 40 miles apart. After have two hip replacements recently I am more than ready to engage with others and am taking my first trip to Europe with Road Scholar to Portugal and Spain. By the way I just turned 77 earlier this month. It’s never too late!
Sounds like you’re tackling this head-on. Way to go! 🙌🏻 Thank you so much for sharing. What an inspiration.
Thank you so much for sharing this today. I'm trying to remember who Christ says I am and how he sees me Psalm 139 is my favorite Psalm and a reminder God knows me and put my body together and has a plan and purpose for me .Thank you for being so open to share you faith on your program❤❤❤❤❤ God bless you
Wow! So good! Thank you Kay for speaking Truth in love. Blessings to you and your family❤
Hello Kay! I SEE YOU and you look especially pretty today! Thank you for this video…it means more to me than you know. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones…Safe travels!🦃🥧🍂
I enjoyed this video, your comments are so relevant to where I am in life.
After a major back surgery I feel invisible.
God bless you!
Great insight and suggestions and very thought provoking. Thanks for your hard work in all of your presentations.
You bet! Thanks for watching.
This was a wonderful video! I watch every week and this is one of my favorites. I agree with everything you said! Happy Thanksgiving!
I really appreciate your channel so much. You present everything with love and grace. I feel encouraged and 'heard' and 'seen' with this video. Please make more of these kinds of videos. Which is not to say that I want you to stop making your other kinds of videos about getting dressed for my day. I have learned a lot from you. I now do make it a priority to get 'dressed for my day'. Thank you again and God bless you and your family with a blessed Thanksgiving.
You are so welcome. Have a lovely Thanksgiving! 🍁❤️🍁
#10 is a great idea as we approach holiday get togethers. Be that person who includes others.👍
Really like your haircut. Very flattering. I see you and I really enjoy your videos.
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the video.
The "too much" segment made me immediately want to shout out my fashion pet peeves: the logo heavy people!!!! Please just stop! Lol
Thank you for your videos. I so appreciated your first tip today. Number 1 priority is our relationship with God and knowing He sees us always. The other tips were very helpful.
Good advice Kay. I don't think I have ever felt unseen. I always get dressed for my day. I wear makeup and do my hair every day, even if I am staying at home. I like people and always engage in conversation at my gym or when I shop. I have a laugh with strangers sometimes and try to smile wherever I go. I dress up for my Friday date nights with my husband even if I have jeans on but a nice top and jacket on. I always want my husband to be proud to be with me. I am 69 years old and even when I am cleaning the house, I will carefully choose a nice leisure outfit to wear. Lately, I have not shown up. My husband has been awfully sick this last one and a half years and me too. Thanksgiving will be the first time we both will be out with a crowd we haven't seen for a few years. I can hardly wait to see everyone. If that goes well, I intend to "message" a friend who has been anxiously waiting for my husband to feel like going out on a double date. And then maybe a vacation soon. You are always informative and helpful, Kay. I look forward to your videos. BTW, sometimes in the business world I felt unheard, especially as a woman. I hated that.