@@anonymous-cx7ng hi. i love early birdies.....too. i was dreamming of semi intimate dmh reunions. passst stufff i lovedand still do. celebrating is the farmers organic milk,still. YYUMM
@@anonymous-cx7ng im an enfp. sloppy cellphone and sunny day. at my non profit shelter stay. i need to takemy meds and go clean cubicle. sorry for the odd messy conversation. bye. have a nice day anyway .. . good fuzzzk. geez gotta go. want to keep my. stay. im happy somehow . food food food. fatbhappy gal. from now on.
I think I'm living with an INFP. He will ask me how he can do something better. I'm an INTJ/INFJ and i will tell him what i think, but then he will tell me every reason why he can do something the way i suggested. I even tell him better ways to communicate with me and he will tell me why he shouldn't communicate in the way i suggest he communicate with me. It's frustrating
@@kjgarvin That doesn't sound like an INFP to me. That doesn't sound like any personality type out of all 16 of them to me. He just sounds like a jerk. If someone told me that x is the best way communicate with thwm, I would do thay to the best of my ability. I cannot and will not tell someone who has come to me with a solution to improve our ability to communicate that my way is better. A person making themselves vulnerable by opening up to me to say "it would be really helpful for me if you do x instead of y when we talk," then I am 100% here for it. I don't think this is a personality issue. I think it's an issue of respect, perhaps black & white thinking... and maybe some emotional abuse by asking how to make things better, acting like they want to improve, but when you answer, the person shoots back "no my way is better" is not actually someone who has any interest in changing their behavior to improve communication. Person 1: Hey, please, when you want to communicate with me, x would be the best way for me. Person 2: no. (Inside brain: I ask how I can do better to make KG think I'm interested in improving our relationship, but really, I just say that because I can't be bothered with changing.) I'm sorry your housemate treats you this way. In my mind, this person is being cruel to you.
As an INFP I may listen patiently and politely to what you have to say. If what you are saying is at all critical I am probably fighting back tears and getting angry, but I will listen, nod, and agree. I will then go and do exactly what I planned to do in the first place.
Fellow INFP, I enjoy hearing what others have to say, but I literally hide in the bathroom when someone questions my convictions because I don't want to cry in front of them. And it is so embarrassing if the person starts being critical and I start feeling like I'm going to cry. Hearing other INFPs having a similar experience is so relieving.
@Carissa Hill The beauty of nodding during conversations is that it can either mean agreeing or just listening attentively… so you make them THINK that you agree but you’ve never actually said that, so you can do whatever you want! So no, it’s not lying. lol
@@katelovegood7961 Personally I still consider it lying in my book. And when miscommunication happens, it doesn't help any relationship and just causes more issues. Even though I am an Fi user, I still am all about idealistic world of peace and that means accepting someone's criticsm of me as authentic and deserving attention. I might tell them how they are dead wrong in the end, but I don't come off as a liar and build extremely strong relationships by doing so.
@@carissahill3414 I did not mean ignoring criticisms of myself; it *is* important to listen to them, since we can never get to know ourselves fully or improve ourselves without listening to what others have to say about us. The conversation I had in mind when writing my comment was more of a difference of opinion - like when you want to paint the walls in your room yellow, but suddenly someone comes in and says that they don’t like yellow and it’s ugly. I in that case would just nod so they would just leave me alone, but not change the color of walls because I like it
F- moral And social value T- logic and practice ST- hard facts and data NF - harmony, identity and peace SF- ethic, and relationships (what's right, right now) NT- logical systems (theories and long term plan) TJ- need to work as intended(quick) TP- solve problems(don't matter how - but in the best way) Fj- fairness and harmony (fair emotionally) FP- values (u understand and respect them) fit in, autonomy
"Decisions lead to conflict" ~FJ 2022 Thank you for explaining why I like to throw the hot potato of making a decision to other people, even if I don't like their decision. Conflicts are just way too draining.
@@Ralinos only when polar opposing camps go to war with one another is that true. In those times it pays to pick a side otherwise you'll be destroyed by both. In all other situations, only striving with others causes blame. So if you do not strive then you cannot be blamed.
Absolutely. Leave us alone, and we wont start any conflict. But if someone attacks us, we'll defend ourselves as if our life depends on it. I really hate it, when someone starts trouble with me, just because they want me to do something or be like something and when this ends in a conflict, they blame you for being responsible for all the trouble.
INFP here, the moment I get frustrated I lose any and all abilities to verbally communicate. I physically lose the ability to talk and then get even more frustrated because I can't express how I feel so I often just isolate, keep an open mind when it comes to others, or act passive when someone is upset to appease the other person (even if they're wrong and dumb) in order to avoid conflicts.
Another INFP here, same! That’s why I always hates debates; I KNOW they’re in the wrong, I just can’t think of any arguments to convince them! So I always give up… and then all of a sudden I have ideas around 100 arguments while showering. Hate having inferior Te
@@katelovegood7961 It’s even worse when you have spent dozens of hours looking into the topic, and know that their argument is completely unsupported and they refuse to even rationalize their position. It’s fun when we can get to the root of the issue and figure out where our worldviews actually differ, but more often than not, they can’t support any of their claims, and ignore any evidence of opposing views.
Me three. When my (ISTJ) hubs refuses to acknowledge my viewpoints merits, I (INFP) don't argue much. I say "You could be right" then retreat to my cheerful,library, garden or anywhere he isn't. Knowing what I know. lol We often have disagreements that end with "We are saying the same thing. Just using different words." 😳
INTP here: I am surprised whenever someone finds my thinking overwhelming because I can always see how it can be improved, it never feels complete. I'm not usually aware of Fe but when I am, it's mortifying to realise I have hurt someone. It bothers me for ages afterwards. I feel sorry for those with Fe higher up, having that awareness most of the time must be intense.
Same here . Being an intp I rarely realise the thing that I am hurting someone and I don't even know how to express my feelings. it feels so weird :,-)
My son is an INTP and has always tended to hurt his ENFJ aunt's feelings because he thinks he is just stating things factually. But the things he says are not personal and he is actually a very tender-hearted guy.
This bothers me, the fact that it doesn't seem like INTPs actually are sorry, and I would really like to know in order to appreciate Ti doms better (I'm Fi dom and very easily hurt). Are you really sorry for the actual thing you said, or just sorry that you didn't see the Fe implications enough before hand and you feel stupid for it? Because the way I understand it is that you guys are still very sensitive to other peoples emotions and are good at reading other people. And that makes it very complicated when I end up hurt by an INTP and didn't see it coming. (Naturally my example could just as easily not been type related (just your basic jerk), but if you relate to what I'm saying I would like to hear an explanation). And FJ had some good ideas on how to deal with us FPs better in conflict!
My sister is INTJ and I am an INFJ. You'd think with the I, the N, and the J, we would find common ground, but we find each other unbearable. That T-F difference is huge. Each of us has issues with the universal design that created the other and deep objections to the other's right to even exist.
I agree. I am an INTJ and my sister is an INFJ too. The T-F difference is really great. Once when I and my sister were both talking about weakness I straightforwardly and a bit too bluntly told her what she needed to fix. It really doesn't end well.
I'm the oldest of my siblings and a feeler. Both of my brothers prefer the T [thinking]; one is an INTJ and the youngest, an INTP. It was harder for me to get along with them when we were younger because I took a lot of things to heart and the things they say can sometimes be very hurtful even if they don't mean to. To be fair, I'm sensitive to what people say but it was a lot worse when I was younger. As an adult, I still take a few things personally and other times I deal with it differently.
Actually, both of you have different judging cognitive functions. It's same like me and my friends (infp and intp). We just had same perceiving cognitive functions wich is always makes us have great conversation. But when we decide something or face the problems, it's totally different, sometimes chaos.
I keep laughing because I (an INFP) had a huge argument with my sister (an ISTP) just because she kept trying to tell me how to organise my desk. And she was right, I did recognise her way made a lot of sense. But it did upset me anyway because I just didn't like for things to be arranged like that, for no actual reason, I just didn't like it, and I cried a lot over it because she just kept asking me why I didn't like it and I couldn't convey it in a way she understood, I basically just shouted "those are not the desk's things!" Which in retrospect is the dumbest argument anyone has ever had
So true. I don’t know why some people need to impose their view on things that really shouldn’t matter to them. Why do you care if MY desk is like this? I shouldn’t have to explain why I like it this way. Worry about your own!
@@jcharlie6466 I get it, but once the person expresses that they like it the way it is that should be the end of it if it’s not affecting anyone else. If you keep pushing it looks more like you’re trying to take over and being patronizing than caring about the person’s needs.
Sounds like she's ISTJ. an ISTP wouldn't advise you on organising your own desk. Or not maybe I'm wrong but personality tests results are wrong half of the time, but gives 3 letters correct 90% of the time according to FJ Just saying because I'm IxTP, and I almost never advise. Sometimes I do the opposite when someone advise me on how to live my own life or something
Honestly as an INFJ, I just feel like I kind of know which strings to pull (and which not to pull) depending on who is involved in the conflict... It's kinda weird because I feel like I'm being manipulative, but all's well that ends well I guess haha
As an INFP, morality and ethics is one of my biggests talking points. I may not agree with your morals, but I will at the very least, hear you out and ask you to defend your stance.
This is one of the reason i love INFPs bcoz i don't have any problem if people have different opinion than me regarding something, but i hate it when they are not even interested to know why i have a particular stance or try to force their opinion on me. INFPs seems to be good listeners. (INFJ)
Great content, as always! MBTI is such a great tool for understanding others. If I had learned these perspectives earlier in my life I could have saved a lot of time...
Oh my god .... the cat analogy lol Also, this isn't just a personality type channel anymore ... FJ's giving real solutions to everyday problems. Thanks for all the effort and fun you bring into your videos FJ. Happy for your success! :)
Haha! YES! As an ISTP, I tell people all the time, "If I come across as mean, PLEASE tell me, cuz I am honestly not meaning it that way!" It's like my disclaimer, at this point. xD I need a shirt.
My dad is an ISTP and I'm ENFP... So, he constantly hurts me without noticing. But, he has improve though. (More because he doesn't want me to be emotional than because he really is sorry about) but, has worked out
So many relatable points in this video. Your examples for perceiving vs sensing starting at 1:19 hit home. My husband and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary the other day. I'm INFP; he's ESTJ. It would have been easier if we had known about MBTI earlier,. Over the years, we have learned how to work things out and how to speak to each other to either avoid (or cause) conflict. For instance, instead of saying, "Where are you going to get the money?", my husband will now say: "Yeah, sounds good. Where are you going to get the money?"
Ugh. The money part. I loathe money. And watching my family argue about money since I was a toddler and still to this day they continue to argue over inherited money--obviously this has not helped me have a good "relationship" with money.
As a fellow INFP, I understand you!! Just a small initial sentence that sounds positive support makes a world of difference.... E.g. saw my mum the other week and told her i'm starting a new job. soon. She said: how is this job different from your other job? No "congratulations/ yay/ how nice!/ oh wow!/" - no. Straight into a question, with a straight face. 😅 Hurts!! Haha
I'm an INFP and my husband is an ISTP. We have both learned we can be unreasonably stubborn during conflict and, thankfully, are at a place where we can call each other out on it and help each other work through it. I don't know how many times he's suggested something perfectly logical and I just say, "Ugh, that makes sense but I hate it! Stop giving me solutions." Living with him has definitely helped me develop my Te- and the joke's on him because my Te then points out the flaws in his Ti! 😈 But really, we get along famously. And why did I just write all this out, nobody will care... 😅 Classic INFP over share. Have a good day, people.
What a coincidence. Just last week I gave an INTP some feedback about his reply being a bit 'harsh'. It was quite cute to see how he then, with me, proceded to logically analyze how to avoid in the future coming across as harsh. :p So I told him not to worry, I would just give him an update if it happened again, so he could shift his tone on the spot.
As an INTP, I appreciate the gesture and I wish more people would do that because usually how that goes with me is they don't say a word about being hurt, I am not aware, and eventually they either shout at me one day because I've been rude all along or ghost me 🤷🏻♀️ Being honest in the moment, or even later, just saying it like you did, would make such a huge difference.
That was very open of him. I feel like if an INTP is comfortable with you, they would have come back and instead stated that their comment was just factual and perhaps you were just being sensitive.
I am an ENTP and I used to love debating, and sometimes even trolling, but lately I have been pretty avoidant and just want to enjoy myself, doing my own thing.
I am out of uni, but other things are causing me stress. However, even before, when my stress was minimal, I started avoiding debates because I realized most people had fixed mindsets and it wasn't enjoyable exchanging ideas anymore. I still like discussing things, however (I am also a teacher by profession and every day there is something new for me to teach but also learn from my students and see their perspectives too). Maybe I am becoming more introverted, but I am not so sure. I like being around people (but I can't stand crowded areas). My idea of a fun time is doing outdoor activities.
@@carpediemsrce yeah, I get that its still fun to be debate things and have silly arguments. but like it won't change their views so proving all the ways they're wrong feels empty somehow - another entp
INTJ here. I feel this. I love a good debate but people are generally so low IQ that they don’t have brain nor eyes to see Truth. I’ve given up on them.
I am in a very difficult situation with my parents (ISFJ and ENTJ, I am an ENFP), and the conflict is nonstop! Watching this showed me why this has been so difficult (I am not being reassured of love and trust and I am NOT being allowed autonomy! Even tho I'm 26 lol) and this video has given me a ton of tools to work with to mend our relationship. Thank you so much FJ! You da best!
Similar situation, My mom is an INFP and my dad is an ENTJ. I'm.. an E/I-NFP. 50/50 Split for extrovert/introvert, but I guess I'll call myself an ENFP. We get in a lot of conflict but my mom will tend to take my side, but both my mom and dad are fairly critical of me constantly.
INTPs When we have a conflict We wont just point out the unlimited possibilities and elements u are ignoring but we'll also point out what we just ignored a second ago Fighting with an intp is useless And yes As FJ said If someone said that I (INTP) am hurting their feelings, i will actually back off and apologise UNLESS I really dont care about that person
Awesome topic, awesome content -- hugely believe that "code-switching" is important in conflict management. It’s also important when bringing people together to plan and execute a common goal. When brilliant yet unlike-minded individuals lack either perceptual flexibility or a “translator” type to help bridge their differences, it can really hold back the team’s creativity, momentum, and results. It’s videos with insights into individual level functionalities like these that can help open the door to the next scale of problem solving our world needs right now.
This. Plus I mean let's just be honest: how frustrating is it to watch two ppl perpetually misunderstand eachother over & over to the detriment of a worthwhile shared goal or principle...and at the cost of harmony & progress. There's enough fundamental in that scenario to ruffle almost all of the types (except the ones who are almost entirely fueled by conflict-as-cognition, ofc, but even that can be awesome in the right light).
I totally agree on Frank's points on "Last but not lease", thus Fi. You can give me all the sound reasoning to an issue but if you're forcing it to me you will face resistance, or more likely, ignorance. Instead, if you disagree with my point of view, conveying your opinion in a respectful manner, not persisting that I adopt it immediately, may leave me thinking, and there is at least a possibility that I might eventually come to the same conclusion. Not guaranteed, though. / INFP
I also agree with this. Very often I might tell someone that I disagree with them, but that I do understand their opinion and that it DOES makes a lot of sense, I just don't personally like it and therefore don't view it the same way. I actually tend to enjoy listening to other people's opinions and views, when they aren't try to make me feel the same way. Sometimes people are chill with that, but I've noticed a lot of people don't seem to understand it and either try to force me to agree with their opinions, or think that I am trying to force _my_ opinions on them (which is not at all what I want to do, so I usually try to make that clear, but some people _still_ don't understand, which gets really frustrating sometimes)
INFP married to an ISTP here. We both feel very deeply and very strongly about our position in an argument in very different ways. Its nice because I feel like we balance each other out but it can also get ugly when we are in a stubborn mood😅
FJ, a fellow INFJ here. Been watching your videos since 2018 and have always loved and related to your content. Admittedly, although I am so happy your channel has succeeded and you've married and started a family, I am still getting used to the higher energy, more upbeat version of you. It's great! Just different from where you started and from what I related to back in the beginning. Sincerely, though, congratulations! I also want to make a point to thank you for keeping the channel utterly clean. Not even foul language. Sooo much appreciated! Congratulations from a loyal fellow INFJ!
"I am still getting used to the higher energy, more upbeat version of you." I think the former version was more... I don't know... genuine. Self-genuine is what I mean.
Actually, he sometimes says "crap" in his video. Maybe it's much more prevalent in those from a couple years ago though. When I hear that word, I give the video a thumb down, and go on watching, and enjoying, it.
I love the cat part! It's important to make others understand you're using different thinking modes. Actually when you modify your functions a little when communicating, it's not that hard. Plus try not to deny them too abruptly in the beginning.
This video is spot on. I am a female infp and I (unknowingly) married an istp. Omg, all I can say is, it has been the hardest relationship I've ever known (impossible) and we are now getting divorced. We are operate on completely different levels, there is no common ground or understanding. Your analysis of how to approach conflict based on these types is earily true! His judgements, criticisms, harshness, and complete misunderstanding of me has been devastating. I wish I had known about these personality types before I married him and had two children with him 😔 Thankfully, my kids are ENFJ and ESFP so we get each other very well. Wish me luck coparenting. Thanks again, and I hope more people pay attention to these before they make such life decisions!
This makes sense (no pun intended). I liked the cat analogy. I think you're right about INFJs going either way. It depends on who/what the sitch is, as to whether I'll try to keep the peace or push back. I'm trying not to slam doors nowadays, unless the person was really mean. Haha 😹 Thanks, Frank.☺️
Thank you, James, for showing the two versions of an FJ dealing with conflict!! I always explain it as if there are dominant people in the group, I'll only help, but if no one's stepping up, I'll be in charge of those timid freaks and GET THINGS DONE!
Me, too! As an ESFJ, I don't take charge over stronger personalities, but I often find myself being a leader in small groups because after 5 minutes nothing is being accomplished. I'm bad at delegating though and prefer working alone.
I don’t know about other INFJs out there, but my doorslam is not related to emotional hurt. It is an Ni Se thing (and I have seen it being used by INTJs, ISFPs, ENTJs). I have to move on and fulfill whatsoever plan I have in mind. Think of it this way: the past is in the past. I will not drag it, or allow it to interfere with my ambition. I care for people deeply, but I will not allow anyone to tell me who I am and what I want in life. I get to decide that for myself. Not others. I start by respecting people equally, but once they reveal their true colors, it is a permanent adios that they will be getting. I don’t have time to lose. My goal is societal change which can be addressed in different ways than just activism and protest. It can be through art, music, science,…. One can reform and improve the world with new discoveries in different areas. Contrary to whatsoever popular belief is spread on the internet, INFJs are way more direct, blunt, confrontational, and above all - rebellious and actually the most skeptical ones. If I don’t reach a conclusion on my own, I will not believe what I am told. Also, the internet overplays sensitivity as a trait associated to ‘feeling’ types. I have an INFP mom and INTP brother at home and the one who is way more sensitive is my brother. The difference is that he doesn’t always openly show it. He cares way more about how his words may impact others and how he is perceived by those around him. If someone were to say something to me, I would snap back because I do not let others think they get to direct my life. And even if I were not to say it, I would show it through my actions.
Yeah same here¡¡ Thou I'm much like your brother because I don't that much & careful about my words and the way others see me ....thou in many times I don't care that much let loose the guard a bit ≈≈≈`♠INFj♠
Thank you “Doctor” Frank. When are you going to write a book? You have a lot of knowledge that you share very effectively here on UA-cam. I appreciate your content and I still feel like I’d have to study this stuff on my own to keep up, but you help me understand a lot through these videos. Never would have guessed you would’ve taken this direction when I was watching you in the earlier days on UA-cam. I’m impressed. You are performing a service in the world, really.
i’m an ENFJ and my sister is an ISTP. it’s uh, interesting-and sometimes really difficult for us to agree or get along, but i think learning more about how she sees things and makes decisions helps me get along with her better. i think things’ll get better :)
I think as an FJ it’s important to remember ALL decisions have the potential to lead to conflict and to be okay with it, bc I waste a lot of energy trying to strong arm my options into being perfect solutions even when they’re not
I'd say there is no way to get out of a confrontation with an ISTP. Agreeing with them will appear patronizing and disagreeing with them will make them double down.
The thing isn't with agreeing or disagreeing. It's with dismissing the other. Try to hear them out in the conflict and expose your points calmly, letting the ISTP validate it. If you just dismiss it with agreement, I'll get annoyed. If you dismiss it with disagreement, I'll double down. ISTPs have this problem of sounding mean even when they don't want to, and not explaining why you're reacting the way you are is the thing that gets the most on their nerves. ~ ISTP.
People say that fighting with me is a loose battle, they feel like they'll never win, maybe they'll leave me thinking later on but they'll loose when the argument is occurring.
ESFJ with ESTJ dad. I always just answer to his anger moments in a calm way and just do the thing, calmly. My brother is an INTP and makes things worst in a way, more with my sister ENTJ on his side
As an INTJ I will do anything in my power to make you seem like the crazy person in the situation. I will make sure the outcome is that I am the smart one, therefore I am winning the argument. That makes me sound crazy but it’s the truth.
Ur not the only one I do the samething even if the whole time I was wrong, and than sometimes the person I debated with would still think Im right after the fact that I was wrong lmao
A lot of great information to unpack. I like to tell the ST types that they are getting really emotional right now, and maybe we can pick the conversation back up once they have calmed down themselves. Accusing someone who is rationally angry at you of being overly emotional is always a win.
@@benjaminharmon6541 So, what happens next? I’ve never been here before. Usually there’s a lot more complaining and name calling. Should I send you a card for your birthday? God, I don’t even know when your birthday is! I am a terrible friend!
Intj I’ve said it on a different video, but: Prove me wrong with actual facts and feelings do not count as fact! Make it efficient,logical, and factual and I will throw out my system and use yours because it is better.
ESFJ I really have a problem with this Ben Shapiro type attitude that facts are the only thing that matters in an argument. Humans are social animals. We have feelings and I believe we should embrace that. I’m not saying you should let emotions cloud your judgment but you shouldn’t completely deny them either.
@@TittyMonster64 Ben Shapiro is not an intj nor does he actually follow this thought pattern/method. He doesn’t allow others to argue their positions thoroughly. He interrupts and attacks incomplete thoughts without caring for the context. He also uses his feelings as a defense against actual facts and logic. A lot of people who claim to be intj or use intj methods aren’t and they don’t use them correctly because their true typing always shows, making others view intj types negatively due to the experience.
What is a fact....we all possess emotions. To a certain extent we are all powerless to their effects on our psyche. To discount them in any debate, or exchange of ideas, is to limit your capacity for wisdom and skills at getting your point across. Because ANYTHING can be rationalized. ~INTP
Feelings are very "factual" based. All humans share at least 7 completely different feelings that are universal and can be universally seen on the face as the SAME expression. Even Data in Star Trek realized the importance of emotions and how he was lacking in "facts" without them.
I am INTJ, my partner is ISTP. We rarely argue, but when we are it's mostly because I need to have things done and I have a perfect way to do them and he makes coments about my perfect way instead of just trusting my plan. He tells that my way isn't what he thinks is logical, and i am getting quite annoyed because he is wasting my time. We always find a way to compromise, because stuff has to be done, but yeah, this is how Te vs Ti fight looks like.
As an NT type (INTP), I have found logical justification for stuff related to feeling and empathy and emotion, etc, because of the idea that a happier worker is a more effective worker, and things in similar veins to that
THIS! I'm an INFP and I cannot work in an environment that isn't happy and harmonious. Every decision made in the company that doesn't take into consideration people's emotions is bound to have repercussions in the work and inner dynamics of the company. There's nothing worse than working in an environment where there are constant spoken/unspoken conflicts. In the long run workers become resentful and unproductive. It's just human nature. Logic is necessary, yes, but feelings are crucial, despite the fact that they don't seem like it.
My ENTJ aunt is a great sounding board. She helps me find loopholes quickly AND she helps me fight problems logically. She creates a safe environment for me to be wrong about things and helps me find solutions at my own pace. She doesn’t react emotionally or negatively, she just calmly starts asking questions to make me think. As an ENFP 9w1, I really appreciate this TeNi approach ❤️❤️❤️
Wow! I totally agree with the idea that FJ's are in two groups. I think it can also be based on their situation that they are in. I am an ISFJ and I am usually a harmony-seeking person at work. I love working with others, as a team, to get the job done and feel successful about it. However, when I feel that there are certain things that I cannot go along with, I will definitely push back against those ideas and will rock the boat. Over the past couple of years, I have been doing this more, because I feel that my opinion has become less valued for the mere fact that I started speaking out against those things I am opposed to. And, for me, this has diminished the sense of team work that we used to have in my workplace. It has definitely caused me to become more stressed at work because of the decline in relationships. ISFJs also consider their co-workers their closest friends. So, with the decline of working relationships, comes the decline of friendships also. It is hard to deal with.
I don’t like conflict or drama. I stresses me out a lot. When ever someone I know is having drama I will probably cry. I will get anxiety. I’m a Infp. Is anyone else like this. I’m just curious.
I am an infp, I tend to like conflict or drama but only when I'm not involved in it. I like trying to figure out why person A thinks In a "bad way" or anything along those lines. Although, this does not mean that I don't feel for the person, I just don't feel that level of sadness(so much that you can cry) for conflict or drama. If the persons are going through something that is really really painful, then yes I will 100% cry
Thanks for this video Frank. I really feel like it's important for people to understand each other and be able to communicate effectively so that conflict can be avoided. Next time I talk to a feeler I'll be able to acknowledge their feelings, but communicate with them in a way that lets them understand the other side to things.
This is solid advice! I'll admit, I "rewrap" fairly often. While it could be considered a form of manipulation, I think making an effort to understand how others operate mentally and act accordingly based on that understanding smooths a lot of unnecessary issues/problems out. Course that being said, I totally get why some folks actually enjoy rocking the boat just to see others explode😏. It can be fun, but, it truly serves no purpose. Plus energy (good or bad), has a way of returning back to the sender.
ENFP/J here. I really appreciate all of your videos; learning about this sort of thing and watching your skits has always improved my day :D Fe is definitely something that eats away at me all the time, and this helps me recognise it better
If you have Fe as a strong function rather than Fi, you're likely an ENFJ instead of an ENFP. Either that, or your Fi causes you to deeply hold onto your morals, which may involve trying to make others feel important and special, in which case, you're likely an ENFP. Fe and Fi don't have that clear of a boundary. There's some haze.
I see the big difference between Fe and Fi as viewed as Objective/subjective. Objective feelings are to me what people "should" feel or what the whole group is feeling as a whole. It is like a standard "normal" of feelings and Fe users can easily spot those that are not feeling the "normal" of the group and that makes them feel uneasy as they need to know Why so that everyone can be on the same page. I see Fe users highly aware of the juging aspect to feelings. To me as an Fi user, ENFP, I don't respond to the judging aspect. I don't feel like I have a choice over HOW I feel in the moment though I can change the environment, my mental thoughts or other outside circumstances so I feel different in a later moment. The notion of I "should" feel this or that because everyone else is feeling this or that is like hitting a brick wall and I mean even metaphorically for myself. If I think, I "Should" feel this way.... this is no method for me to feel that way just because I "should" feel it. I either do or I don't. I don't question my feelings as much as I see Fe users questioning theirs in the sense of everyone else. I question my feelings in the sense of myself. When I think, "Why am I feeling this way?" I am searching myself for the reasons mostly and need to go inward and the rest of the world kinda vanishes even if I am still physically present in the room. it appears that Fe users are searching others for the reasons. idk. There are times where I know that I am feeling a certain way and that those feelings are NOT mine. And then I can look out to see where they come from, but for the most part, my experience of my feelings are my own to process and not picking up others. And when I am processing those feelings, I need time alone. For the majority, the actions I take are based on how "I" feel and not others even though I can be aware of how others feel and have a high degree of empathy for others which can get mixed into my feelings. It like they mix in with MINE not Mine mixing in with theirs. People can reason with me to feel one way or another but in the moment actions I am taking are based off MY feelings and not the entire groups feelings... But I don't think we act completley in a void as Lane said, it seems to mix a little. If you find yourself laughing at something and everyone looking at you wondering what you are laughing at and you can't stop laughing even though it is causing an awkward situation.... You are an ENFP. If you have experienced the other side where you have no clue why they can't just stop laughing and get "with the program" then you would be an ENFJ. my take on it.
@@user-pk5pl7ox1e Based on percentages alone, it's slightly more likely for you to be classified as an ENFP. ENFJ has the function stack Fe-Ni-Se-Ti, whereas ENFP has the function stack Ne-Fi-Te-Si. This suggests you use intuition and feeling as your main two functions, and your dominant function seems to be an extroverted one. Take stock of whether you're more likely to use N or F at any random typical moment, and think about whether it's directed more at your inner world or the outer world.
@@Chigger thanks for clarity. I've never understood the introverted and extroverted of each as I just so the F function as feelingsey and thats it because clearly I've not that much in depth knowledge. I think quote deeply these days. I internalise it. Before pandemic it was different story. Also with the P/J. Sometimes I feel the J come out. Not all time though. I try not to judge too much and try keep open minded about what could have happened inna situation that assuming something happened. Sooooo many possibilities in terms or reaosn behind things. Hmm...interesting tho
I have just begun watching yet this is so relevant.. it is so painful to realize conflicts might not be about anything other than incompatible personality types.. ouch. Doing a whole series on conflict would be helpful.
I hate conflict so much, I’m definitely a peacekeeping FJ type. I’m so concerned about leaving this world better than I found it that I’ve let people step all over me. Then when I finally break and a conflict arises, I show little to no mercy... then cry about it after because I feel so guilty but also so hurt. I think this is where the doorslam comes from, cause now I don’t let tensions get to that point I just straight up get out of the situation. Although I have found learning about the 16 personalities and cognitive functions makes it so I don’t get into conflicts as easily. For example in my physics class I work with an ISTP, ESTJ and ENTJ. When we were going through quantum physics, the ESTJ was getting very frustrated because he couldn’t comprehend how it mattered or could be useful. Working together with the ISTP and ENTJ, we were able to show him how quantum physics is actually important... though he still wasn’t happy it existed 😂
Yay for physics!!! Maybe point out all the techinological advances because of quantum physics! MRI scanners and transistors, electron microscopes, The atomic clock! Solar energy! And of course lots coming up! The idea can be unsettling but the practical applications are unlimited with the new quantum materials we are making like graphene. Pretty amazing what has happened in my lifetime.
@@nostalgicdays661 The Fe function is essentially the peacekeeping function. They may be mistaken for something else though with the complexity of the other functions, but Fe is THE peacekeeping cognitive function in which all FJs share.
My mother ESFP and I INFP, we are quite different. It is the person in my family I am most often fighting with. I think our yesterday conversation shows it very well. We had our neighbors and my twin sisters friend there. I have worked for 7 hours and drove then to a friend to look at her car I am with soon in my vacation. So it was a short time, when our guests arrived. I laughed at the table with my neighbors and joked with them and should then help filling the table with salads and bred and meat. I were coming helping but my mother wanted everything perfekt, so it was not enough to take the salads with a spoon to the table. Even the inside of the bowl should be perfektly clean. My mother Was also very angry about me, when I did not came straight back into the kitchen, because I Was laughing and talking to our good known neighbors. I were rolling my eyes and my mother threatened me with abonding me from the table, after giving a sarcastic saying. The whole evening she resented me for not appreciating her work and I Was annoyed, that she is staying all day in the kitchen instead of enjoying the company and is beeing totally stressed. I were seeing the bigger picture of what is beeing important for a great evening like time and joy, then focussing on unimportant details and she felt her self not appreciated on her present efforts, so she is acting aggressive. Before she really is going to be angry I went upstairs. I was not angry, but more annoyed that she does not understand that the person itself is much more worthy for a great evening than perfection.I think the difference between sensing and Intuition is great in our family. For her is most important, that no one is saying something bad about her housekeeper qualities, were we prefer (my sister and I) that no one is saying something wrong about the atmosphere and the words which has been said. Were as my sister and I (INFP ans ENFJ ) would never Start a fight, my mother is it always. But my sister is trying to communicate and find a soulution for both of us, even when she has to change her opinion at some point, where as I am staying by my opinion. It ends always with, that my father is coming upstairs told by my mother to change myself and he is only begging me to apologize and I am doing it not for my mother then for the rest of my family.
Mh would say this is not typical for esfp who actually always just want to have a good time. I'd say its more a mom and a cultural thing (I know that from my mother, too. Love her til death, but it's a different, more strict generation and culture).
it was super interesting hearing abt the two types of FJs, cuz I am an ENFJ but I think I fit into the second category and sometimes people ask me if I'm sure I'm not an ENTJ because of it, which I am lol extra elaboration: I think being bullied pretty much through out my whole school experience lead to me being more comfortable with conflict than another FJ would be... like I knew that at times there was no point in trying so hard to maintain harmony cuz no one was gonna like me anyway, so I would stand up for what I thought, (and had to develope more of my own opinions separate from others) which ig might have lead to me being more assertive and individualistic... which is not to say I'm not a people pleaser at all lol, I still struggle wth seprating my own emotions from others sometimes, but this is one of the few things that I think were positive from getting bullied, u at least want to get out of it with *something* lol
@12:14 I totally agree Frank !!100%!! That’s what I look for in people as an Fi type.Also@12:24 this actually happened to me more than just once, and once I start to feel strongly or passionately about something I try to introspect and think whether it’s wrong to feel that way and if it isn’t, then how to defend it casually without coming off as defensive and triggered. I spend my whole time and energy in it. Once anyone tries to dictate right or wrong to me, I’m traumatised and I try to see where I went wrong, I also imagine conversations in my head where I try to apologise to that person.
Thank you. This is where the benefits of MBTI shine. Person A is not an insensitive know-it-all, just an ISTP, someone who is glad to help and doesn't take things personally. Once I learned this, it became much easier to handle situations. I may not ever be able to persuade someone that my feelings make sense (even though they do), but I can come up with a logical reason for doing what aligns with my feelings.
My boss is ESFJ and I'm an INTJ. We're having a hard time with each other. We can agree on things that need to be more organized. But she won't see the bigger picture and she's not interested in the bigger picture. She feels I'm always bringing up something new, or always unhappy, which I'm not. Because she doesn't see the bigger picture I have to give her ten different details and she will feel those are ten different things, but they aren't.
i think too, for most fj's we can be a bit of both: we have certain things, certain *values* where we feel its important enough and probably neglected by society enough that we see that it needs to be adressed and therefore, raise issue to improve society in the long run. but other things that seem less volitale or less urgernt, where we see that raising issue with that will actually bring more problems than less, and we thus favor harmony. its like we have a scale, that matches our vlue system; (at least thats how it is for me). I favor harmony and depth and peace 70+ percent of the time. but theres the 30ish other percent where i just. I want to break the pattern, we need to break certain patterns to improve humanity. it probably does come down to how assertive we each are. **very good video frank, def. a good and necessary source*
The ISTP stuff was, as ever, lvl funny & accurate imo. Sincerely, An INFP in a multi-decade relationship with an ISTP, who you have directly quoted multiple times, unbeknownst to you...& extremely amusing(...ly? Amusingly? Idfk) to me.
One of the reasons why the MBTI blew my mind when I first discovered it was because it explains so well why I couldn't communicate with my INTJ brother in times of conflict. And this video just put exactly the words on why. He tries to explain to me what is right or wrong, I'm an ENFP. It doesn't work that way for me XD And I, on the other hand, need time to explain to him that his logic has no power here (so basically he doesn't even listen to me because he's so impatient and thinks that logic wins all the time anyway). Fun stuff! Great video, FJ! I learned and laughed ♥
Haha I just subscribed. Haha I saw the "Maybe I should check some emails....ding ding ding ding... maybe not today" Hahaha That is so Gold! If I have to check my emails, I have to do it all day long so I actually do it... otherwise "Today" never comes... which is mostly where I am right now with my emails.... People who know me have to send me a text or call saying to look at my email.
I've found rather than trying to probr wrong, focus on explaining your side only which is YOUR perception of situation and hopefully you'll see a better more healthier outcome. Let me know how it goes
FJ, my man, you have given me, an INFP, the words to explain to my INTJ partner why I get so upset that I go hide in the bathroom to prevent myself from starting the waterworks when he or our friend start an inquiry directed at me with, "Just to play devil's advocate.." Even though I know they just want to debate, to see if we all can learn from each other. But I still feel attacked and I know my feels are absolutely ridiculous, so I make a bee line for the bathroom to hide and calm down. I absolutely love when people tell me their thoughts and feelings and informed political opinions. In fact, if someone tells me their thoughts, I am inclined to "re-feel" my own opinions taking theirs into consideration. I also don't mind sharing my own opinions with others. But I had no idea how to explain why I get so upset when my values are questioned. But, ya know, no advocacy (or sympathy) for the devil today, Satan! (Disclaimer: I don't actually believe Satan exists but it's fun to mix 3 sayings together.)
As an INFP, I'm often confronted by a.. wonderful.. friend of mine over a variety of things. They will drag me into a group of three other people they blabbed to and continue to joke and pummel me with what they think. Of course, I'm forced to retaliate, and I don't get angry from their fooling around and joking like I'm a stupid four year old. Instead, I point out the obvious that they have completely missed, and every time they bring up something else, it's immediately shot down by facts and feelings that are relevant and overpowering to their point. However, a hivemind that constantly feeds into one another and amplifying their feelings and making the situation worse, it's incredibly difficult when they just say, "Idk if i believe that bro". Based on your first explanation of the types' approaches to situations, (NF, etc..) I find it interesting that NF types such as myself are usually more feeling-centred, while I would say I'm about an equal combination of both. Although, that may just be from my own personal experiences, and not completely subjective to the NF types, or more specifically, INFP.
Thanks FJ for making this video. Now I know what the right reason for my Fi user comic character did the thing that no makes sense to others. Because they simply "feel" it personally and no one will understand why. And thats where the conflict arise
I'm an INFP and it confuses me when I don't get along with someone because I value harmony and tend to get along with most people... I guess yeah conflict can happen if someone acts controlling or doesn't respect my morals and values.
ISTP here, I will generally not specifically try to be hurtful but it's hard not to because the truth is and will always be more important and has to come out rather sooner than later because people need to know the truth at all costs I however do try to improve hurtful ways of saying things but often it's not taken into consideration simply because Fact>feelings. I think lies are immoral unless it saves someone so just tell me the truth not your feelings or things to ''make me feel better'' if you want to make people feel better let them know that you would tell them the truth by telling them the truth.
I enjoy the functionality of this video. Going beyond caricature of the types and providing thoughts on how we might actually start to communicate with one another by flexing to their style is worth a subscription to your channel. I will recommend you to my boss as well.
2:11 With me the right thing and the logical thing are always the same. For me it's moral to be logical and it's logical to be moral. I'm moral from a logical perspective and logical from a moral perspective. Does anyone have this too? . . . (I'm an INFP if you were wondering...)
yup same here... and ironically INFP too. I think it has to do with how we see our own values. I mean, if you recognize that something doesnt make sense logically to be a value, why should it be so? And since we dwell so much on our values, we understand them, we understand why they make sense, and that makes them logical to have. And at the same time, since we need to resonate to our values on our own, and we need to be able to like them, they often are tied to how we understand things. And for some of us, that means using logic to choose the values we want to reflect ourselves in. Ironically, i consider myself, that our Fi values are going beyond logic, since we dont limit ourselves by what is rational. For example, it might be rational to do A, because A leads to B, B leads to C and C is a pretty good outcome. However, often it can make sense to not do A, but do, idk, Z instead. Z might affect Y and X in a certain way, and this outcome is basically "hidden" when you look for logical connections. For example, it might be better to avoid conflict, even if it solves a problem short term, if it ends up worsening a relationship and, accumulativel, end in a very unfavorable long-term outcome. And that's exactly where our values come in. They're a very complex tool that we know, if we just follow it, it will help us find the connection from A to Z, even if we cant see it. And by refining those principles long-term, we can achieve great results, without understanding all the details. For example, i often get annoyed when my mom (INFJ) does something like crossing a red light (as a pedestrian) to save time, while i believe things like this just affect your mindset in a way like "not training patience" or "making decisions that dont hurt anyone, but are in the end, selfish and potentially harmful to either you or others". This one thing might just be a tiny droplet, but if you consistently dont care about such things over and over again, you're just training yourself to accept bad habits if the direct consequence is good, but at teh cost of indirect consequences that you're not aware of. So basically, we can build up a codex that works even beyond logic to avoid oversights due to focusing too much on one single logical aspect. And in a way, this makes our values to be logical to ourselves, while being knitted out of a logical cloth that we might not even understand ourselves, but we know those logical threads exist no matter what you percieve or dont. And being aware of this fact makes our values/morals both be logical and make it logical to us to have them.
@@andreas_rr Wow... Yes, I think I understand and I agree. To us the word "logic" has a deeper meaning I guess. Bigger picture and difficult concepts are kind of our thing. Like, it's logical to include emotion in your decision making. But sometimes others don't associate emotion with logic. And I also have an INFJ mom, haha!
I'm totally the rock the boat FJ and then the short-term dysfunctional harmony drives me crazy but stick with it as I have the long term goal in mind. It's why I usually burn out in corporations. The pot-stirring does make those minor to major improvements over time but I am just so drained that I end up bailing to not have to keep worrying about it. I'll find out later that the seeds I planted in a company are making waves to create changes for the better. I wish I had more endurance to deal with the short-term discomfort before I door slam companies as easily as people.
INFP here and accurate, although I tend to take on people's opinions for change, keeping my mind open for personal improvements. In intense conflict, I do really need feelings validated and understood - had problems with this with my ex, who was a T type and didn't understand when I asked for reassurance 😂
I would start smirking when thinking about/imagining trying to be emotionless, then get attacked, ("what's so funny!?", I've got that a few times), for it while not being able to explain it :)
I know you've said that you often can't come up with ENTJ/ESTJ types' reactions to things, that it's pretty much always the same for each video, but I think you got it in this video. As an ENTJ, I really do hate when things are not working as well as they could be, or as quickly as it could be, because I have worked it all out to be as EFFICIENT as possible--all the details have been considered, all the possibilities forseen, and then people go and mess it up.....arrgghhh! Wastes everybody's time, particularly mine. It's one thing to waste time when you don't have a plan worked out, but when you do have a plan, this should not happen.
I wonder why people are messing it up. As an P type, who doesn't work with much of a plan... I still don't like "wasting time" but I have a suspicion that what I don't consider "wasting time" you might. So I wonder why are people messing up your plans? AND "this should not happen" signals to me a question of "When it does happen, how easily can you bounce back to your plan? " and if you can't bounce back to your plan easily then maybe not "all details have been considered"
@@coloraturaElise yes, one of my best friends is an ENTJ. She is like a sister to me. I also know another person who tested as an ENTJ but not sure she really is one but she probably is as I can't see her in another type but I don't know her that well.
Honestly I want to avoid debate with high Ti and high Fe users. Maybe because our judging cognitive functions are overlap to each other, sometimes their arguments didn't makes sense to me, and so do mine to them. -infp
the estj/istj will value solid family function as paramount to society & structure. as well as social obligations. so attending a mid-day T-Ball game; put it from that aspect as well and you are gaurenteed! infact (speaking as an istj supervisor) WE will remind you of your responsibility in the morning and will have our alarm on the phone set 30 minutes ahead. just to ensure you are early for your arrival time. can’t chance being late!
I really needed this video years ago😂 I'm impressed about how correct you are about how the different personalities behave in a conflict. I know persons from all of the different types and they act EXACTLY like you described them😂👏👏
After watching this I think I stepped a landmine… recently my sister just got upset at me. I’m an INTP and she’s an INFP or ISFP (her Fi function is obviously dominant). She asked me my honest opinion on how do I FEEL about a relationship of 20yr age gap. I initially said “no idea” but she was persistent and kept digging me to answer so I answered a more logical approach (uh kind of harsh) but she got angry. I wasn’t really against her but she took it badly and think I don’t care about anyone. I kind of just stopped there because I kind of know continuing will just make things worse. It’s Ti vs Fi, the most individualistic types against each other.
Whoa. Honestly, i'm intp and i got into something similar a while ago. I told my friend off for asking my opinion and then judging me based on my answer when she was the one who asked, for my opinion, which i think should be a free territory because it was *opinion*. What i got out of it is probably when it's about life principles, don't discuss it too long with a Fi-dom because we'll very unlikely change our views on it 😅. Say your piece, don't debate, and move on lol...
7:45 I’m an intp and I always knew these facts, but never wanted to acknowledge them Sometimes someone will be talking about something really important to them, and I just wont get it at the time so I’ll say something insensitive that I didn’t really think was insensitive and end up hurting them It was never my intention but as a result everyone ends up hurt including myself, after I learn what I did wrong The best thing I can think to do is just to not voice my opinion unless I’m asked to, but while it should be easy it isn’t always It’s a bad habit
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Watch last week's related video "When Each of the 16 Personalities will CONFRONT You" here 👉ua-cam.com/video/iyVM9uQkOTg/v-deo.html
Hi I’m early
@@anonymous-cx7ng hes too cool, isnt he.....???Thanks infj
This is so true
@@anonymous-cx7ng hi. i love early birdies.....too. i was dreamming of semi intimate dmh reunions. passst stufff i lovedand still do. celebrating is the farmers organic milk,still. YYUMM
@@anonymous-cx7ng im an enfp. sloppy cellphone and sunny day. at my non profit shelter stay. i need to takemy meds and go clean cubicle. sorry for the odd messy conversation. bye. have a nice day anyway .. . good fuzzzk. geez gotta go. want to keep my. stay. im happy somehow . food food food. fatbhappy gal. from now on.
INFPs be like: You make a very good point, I get it. But I don’t like this point. So I’m going to do everything my way anyway
I can say as an INFP that this is completely true
@@desiree8329 true that
I think I'm living with an INFP. He will ask me how he can do something better. I'm an INTJ/INFJ and i will tell him what i think, but then he will tell me every reason why he can do something the way i suggested. I even tell him better ways to communicate with me and he will tell me why he shouldn't communicate in the way i suggest he communicate with me. It's frustrating
Thats my sister
@@kjgarvin That doesn't sound like an INFP to me. That doesn't sound like any personality type out of all 16 of them to me. He just sounds like a jerk. If someone told me that x is the best way communicate with thwm, I would do thay to the best of my ability. I cannot and will not tell someone who has come to me with a solution to improve our ability to communicate that my way is better. A person making themselves vulnerable by opening up to me to say "it would be really helpful for me if you do x instead of y when we talk," then I am 100% here for it.
I don't think this is a personality issue.
I think it's an issue of respect, perhaps black & white thinking...
and maybe some emotional abuse by asking how to make things better, acting like they want to improve, but when you answer, the person shoots back "no my way is better" is not actually someone who has any interest in changing their behavior to improve communication.
Person 1: Hey, please, when you want to communicate with me, x would be the best way for me.
Person 2: no.
(Inside brain: I ask how I can do better to make KG think I'm interested in improving our relationship, but really, I just say that because I can't be bothered with changing.)
I'm sorry your housemate treats you this way. In my mind, this person is being cruel to you.
As an INFP I may listen patiently and politely to what you have to say. If what you are saying is at all critical I am probably fighting back tears and getting angry, but I will listen, nod, and agree. I will then go and do exactly what I planned to do in the first place.
Question: Is you agreeing while you listening lying if you don't really agree?
Fellow INFP, I enjoy hearing what others have to say, but I literally hide in the bathroom when someone questions my convictions because I don't want to cry in front of them. And it is so embarrassing if the person starts being critical and I start feeling like I'm going to cry. Hearing other INFPs having a similar experience is so relieving.
@Carissa Hill The beauty of nodding during conversations is that it can either mean agreeing or just listening attentively… so you make them THINK that you agree but you’ve never actually said that, so you can do whatever you want!
So no, it’s not lying. lol
@@katelovegood7961 Personally I still consider it lying in my book. And when miscommunication happens, it doesn't help any relationship and just causes more issues. Even though I am an Fi user, I still am all about idealistic world of peace and that means accepting someone's criticsm of me as authentic and deserving attention. I might tell them how they are dead wrong in the end, but I don't come off as a liar and build extremely strong relationships by doing so.
@@carissahill3414 I did not mean ignoring criticisms of myself; it *is* important to listen to them, since we can never get to know ourselves fully or improve ourselves without listening to what others have to say about us. The conversation I had in mind when writing my comment was more of a difference of opinion - like when you want to paint the walls in your room yellow, but suddenly someone comes in and says that they don’t like yellow and it’s ugly. I in that case would just nod so they would just leave me alone, but not change the color of walls because I like it
F- moral And social value
T- logic and practice
ST- hard facts and data
NF - harmony, identity and peace
SF- ethic, and relationships (what's right, right now)
NT- logical systems (theories and long term plan)
TJ- need to work as intended(quick)
TP- solve problems(don't matter how - but in the best way)
Fj- fairness and harmony (fair emotionally)
FP- values (u understand and respect them) fit in, autonomy
thanks
This really helps!
"Decisions lead to conflict"
~FJ 2022
Thank you for explaining why I like to throw the hot potato of making a decision to other people, even if I don't like their decision. Conflicts are just way too draining.
Forcing others to decide so you can avoid conflict, just draws conflict upon you through their resentment of your indecisiveness. 😁
@@Ralinos only when polar opposing camps go to war with one another is that true. In those times it pays to pick a side otherwise you'll be destroyed by both. In all other situations, only striving with others causes blame. So if you do not strive then you cannot be blamed.
Do I sense a fellow Enneagram Type 9? Maybe?
@@Shiri_Yam He/she most surely is a high-Fe user. My bet is INFJ.
How rude of everyone I interact with in my life not to announce their types, honestly
INFP motto: "Listen fellas, I don't want any trouble."
Absolutely. Leave us alone, and we wont start any conflict. But if someone attacks us, we'll defend ourselves as if our life depends on it.
I really hate it, when someone starts trouble with me, just because they want me to do something or be like something and when this ends in a conflict, they blame you for being responsible for all the trouble.
9w1's be like
INFP here, the moment I get frustrated I lose any and all abilities to verbally communicate. I physically lose the ability to talk and then get even more frustrated because I can't express how I feel so I often just isolate, keep an open mind when it comes to others, or act passive when someone is upset to appease the other person (even if they're wrong and dumb) in order to avoid conflicts.
Another INFP here, same! That’s why I always hates debates; I KNOW they’re in the wrong, I just can’t think of any arguments to convince them! So I always give up… and then all of a sudden I have ideas around 100 arguments while showering. Hate having inferior Te
INFP here too and i also cant talk when i get upset so I use the same methods you described
me too.....
@@katelovegood7961 It’s even worse when you have spent dozens of hours looking into the topic, and know that their argument is completely unsupported and they refuse to even rationalize their position. It’s fun when we can get to the root of the issue and figure out where our worldviews actually differ, but more often than not, they can’t support any of their claims, and ignore any evidence of opposing views.
Me three. When my (ISTJ) hubs refuses to acknowledge my viewpoints merits, I (INFP) don't argue much. I say "You could be right" then retreat to my cheerful,library, garden or anywhere he isn't. Knowing what I know. lol
We often have disagreements that end with "We are saying the same thing. Just using different words." 😳
INTP here: I am surprised whenever someone finds my thinking overwhelming because I can always see how it can be improved, it never feels complete. I'm not usually aware of Fe but when I am, it's mortifying to realise I have hurt someone. It bothers me for ages afterwards. I feel sorry for those with Fe higher up, having that awareness most of the time must be intense.
Thanks. I'm still kicking myself for a slight frown I made a couple weeks ago.
Same here . Being an intp I rarely realise the thing that I am hurting someone and I don't even know how to express my feelings. it feels so weird :,-)
My son is an INTP and has always tended to hurt his ENFJ aunt's feelings because he thinks he is just stating things factually. But the things he says are not personal and he is actually a very tender-hearted guy.
This bothers me, the fact that it doesn't seem like INTPs actually are sorry, and I would really like to know in order to appreciate Ti doms better (I'm Fi dom and very easily hurt). Are you really sorry for the actual thing you said, or just sorry that you didn't see the Fe implications enough before hand and you feel stupid for it? Because the way I understand it is that you guys are still very sensitive to other peoples emotions and are good at reading other people. And that makes it very complicated when I end up hurt by an INTP and didn't see it coming. (Naturally my example could just as easily not been type related (just your basic jerk), but if you relate to what I'm saying I would like to hear an explanation). And FJ had some good ideas on how to deal with us FPs better in conflict!
True
My sister is INTJ and I am an INFJ. You'd think with the I, the N, and the J, we would find common ground, but we find each other unbearable. That T-F difference is huge. Each of us has issues with the universal design that created the other and deep objections to the other's right to even exist.
I agree. I am an INTJ and my sister is an INFJ too. The T-F difference is really great. Once when I and my sister were both talking about weakness I straightforwardly and a bit too bluntly told her what she needed to fix. It really doesn't end well.
As do I.
Maybe it's more like the Te-Fe difference ? Because my older brother is an INTP and I am an INFP and we rarely have problems finding common ground 🤔
I'm the oldest of my siblings and a feeler. Both of my brothers prefer the T [thinking]; one is an INTJ and the youngest, an INTP. It was harder for me to get along with them when we were younger because I took a lot of things to heart and the things they say can sometimes be very hurtful even if they don't mean to. To be fair, I'm sensitive to what people say but it was a lot worse when I was younger. As an adult, I still take a few things personally and other times I deal with it differently.
Actually, both of you have different judging cognitive functions. It's same like me and my friends (infp and intp). We just had same perceiving cognitive functions wich is always makes us have great conversation. But when we decide something or face the problems, it's totally different, sometimes chaos.
I keep laughing because I (an INFP) had a huge argument with my sister (an ISTP) just because she kept trying to tell me how to organise my desk. And she was right, I did recognise her way made a lot of sense. But it did upset me anyway because I just didn't like for things to be arranged like that, for no actual reason, I just didn't like it, and I cried a lot over it because she just kept asking me why I didn't like it and I couldn't convey it in a way she understood, I basically just shouted "those are not the desk's things!"
Which in retrospect is the dumbest argument anyone has ever had
I ( an enfp) had arguments over the year for the same reason with my intj brother
So true. I don’t know why some people need to impose their view on things that really shouldn’t matter to them. Why do you care if MY desk is like this? I shouldn’t have to explain why I like it this way. Worry about your own!
@@linmonPIE It is their way to show they care about you
- INTJ
@@jcharlie6466 I get it, but once the person expresses that they like it the way it is that should be the end of it if it’s not affecting anyone else. If you keep pushing it looks more like you’re trying to take over and being patronizing than caring about the person’s needs.
Sounds like she's ISTJ. an ISTP wouldn't advise you on organising your own desk. Or not maybe I'm wrong but personality tests results are wrong half of the time, but gives 3 letters correct 90% of the time according to FJ
Just saying because I'm IxTP, and I almost never advise. Sometimes I do the opposite when someone advise me on how to live my own life or something
2:31 st types
2:40 NF types
2:46 sf types
2:56 nt types
Thanks a lot💖
Found it,thank you
Honestly as an INFJ, I just feel like I kind of know which strings to pull (and which not to pull) depending on who is involved in the conflict... It's kinda weird because I feel like I'm being manipulative, but all's well that ends well I guess haha
I don't care if someone's being manipulative if it means solving a social problem within a group of people. (ENTP)
Who says manipulation is inherently a bad thing?! You must use your powers for good! Not evil. ~INTP
yea! - enfp 😂
Yes! (ENTP)
Same
As an INFP, morality and ethics is one of my biggests talking points. I may not agree with your morals, but I will at the very least, hear you out and ask you to defend your stance.
Same
That's a very positive view. Usually having Fi makes me only a massive procrastinator and pretty uncomfy in social situations.
Yes
I'm with you until asking them to defend their stance. If they turn the tables on me, my highly sensitive INFP arse is going to hide in the bathroom.
This is one of the reason i love INFPs bcoz i don't have any problem if people have different opinion than me regarding something, but i hate it when they are not even interested to know why i have a particular stance or try to force their opinion on me. INFPs seems to be good listeners. (INFJ)
Great content, as always! MBTI is such a great tool for understanding others. If I had learned these perspectives earlier in my life I could have saved a lot of time...
With the Analysts personality types (INTJ, INTP, ENTJ, ENTP) it's always good to argue in a logical and rational way.
You’re wrong and I’m not going to give a reason why
@@thederp9309 😂😂
@@thederp9309 why must you hurt me in this way
@@thederp9309 Yeah, man. Sometimes you have to be WRONG on purpose. It's funnier that way.
@@LuckyRare sounds like a skill issue
Oh my god .... the cat analogy lol
Also, this isn't just a personality type channel anymore ... FJ's giving real solutions to everyday problems. Thanks for all the effort and fun you bring into your videos FJ. Happy for your success! :)
Haha! YES! As an ISTP, I tell people all the time, "If I come across as mean, PLEASE tell me, cuz I am honestly not meaning it that way!" It's like my disclaimer, at this point. xD I need a shirt.
Dude I say this all the time.
My dad is an ISTP and I'm ENFP... So, he constantly hurts me without noticing. But, he has improve though. (More because he doesn't want me to be emotional than because he really is sorry about) but, has worked out
So many relatable points in this video. Your examples for perceiving vs sensing starting at 1:19 hit home. My husband and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary the other day. I'm INFP; he's ESTJ. It would have been easier if we had known about MBTI earlier,. Over the years, we have learned how to work things out and how to speak to each other to either avoid (or cause) conflict. For instance, instead of saying, "Where are you going to get the money?", my husband will now say: "Yeah, sounds good. Where are you going to get the money?"
Ugh. The money part. I loathe money. And watching my family argue about money since I was a toddler and still to this day they continue to argue over inherited money--obviously this has not helped me have a good "relationship" with money.
As a fellow INFP, I understand you!! Just a small initial sentence that sounds positive support makes a world of difference.... E.g. saw my mum the other week and told her i'm starting a new job. soon. She said: how is this job different from your other job? No "congratulations/ yay/ how nice!/ oh wow!/" - no. Straight into a question, with a straight face. 😅 Hurts!! Haha
@@wintertontoday Congratulations on the new job!😃
@@wintertontoday oouuuff. Yeah. I feel that.
I'm an INFP and my husband is an ISTP. We have both learned we can be unreasonably stubborn during conflict and, thankfully, are at a place where we can call each other out on it and help each other work through it. I don't know how many times he's suggested something perfectly logical and I just say, "Ugh, that makes sense but I hate it! Stop giving me solutions." Living with him has definitely helped me develop my Te- and the joke's on him because my Te then points out the flaws in his Ti! 😈 But really, we get along famously. And why did I just write all this out, nobody will care... 😅 Classic INFP over share. Have a good day, people.
I do care though
us fellow INFP's care lol
I agree as an infp with my istp bf
What a coincidence. Just last week I gave an INTP some feedback about his reply being a bit 'harsh'. It was quite cute to see how he then, with me, proceded to logically analyze how to avoid in the future coming across as harsh. :p So I told him not to worry, I would just give him an update if it happened again, so he could shift his tone on the spot.
As an INTP, that sounds helpful!
As an INTP, I appreciate the gesture and I wish more people would do that because usually how that goes with me is they don't say a word about being hurt, I am not aware, and eventually they either shout at me one day because I've been rude all along or ghost me 🤷🏻♀️ Being honest in the moment, or even later, just saying it like you did, would make such a huge difference.
That was very open of him. I feel like if an INTP is comfortable with you, they would have come back and instead stated that their comment was just factual and perhaps you were just being sensitive.
as an infp, i think you two should get married
@@djayt1215 :) That's what I spontaneously thought too.
I am an ENTP and I used to love debating, and sometimes even trolling, but lately I have been pretty avoidant and just want to enjoy myself, doing my own thing.
same Maybe developing of Fe but it is exam season so maybe just stress
'how an ENTP became an INTP'
I am out of uni, but other things are causing me stress. However, even before, when my stress was minimal, I started avoiding debates because I realized most people had fixed mindsets and it wasn't enjoyable exchanging ideas anymore.
I still like discussing things, however (I am also a teacher by profession and every day there is something new for me to teach but also learn from my students and see their perspectives too).
Maybe I am becoming more introverted, but I am not so sure. I like being around people (but I can't stand crowded areas). My idea of a fun time is doing outdoor activities.
@@carpediemsrce yeah, I get that its still fun to be debate things and have silly arguments. but like it won't change their views so proving all the ways they're wrong feels empty somehow - another entp
INTJ here. I feel this. I love a good debate but people are generally so low IQ that they don’t have brain nor eyes to see Truth. I’ve given up on them.
I am in a very difficult situation with my parents (ISFJ and ENTJ, I am an ENFP), and the conflict is nonstop! Watching this showed me why this has been so difficult (I am not being reassured of love and trust and I am NOT being allowed autonomy! Even tho I'm 26 lol) and this video has given me a ton of tools to work with to mend our relationship. Thank you so much FJ! You da best!
Similar situation, My mom is an INFP and my dad is an ENTJ. I'm.. an E/I-NFP. 50/50 Split for extrovert/introvert, but I guess I'll call myself an ENFP. We get in a lot of conflict but my mom will tend to take my side, but both my mom and dad are fairly critical of me constantly.
Thanks Frank..I needed this so much . I tend to avoid being silent. But then keep on overthinking- INFJ
INTPs
When we have a conflict
We wont just point out the unlimited possibilities and elements u are ignoring but we'll also point out what we just ignored a second ago
Fighting with an intp is useless
And yes
As FJ said
If someone said that I (INTP) am hurting their feelings, i will actually back off and apologise
UNLESS
I really dont care about that person
Awesome topic, awesome content -- hugely believe that "code-switching" is important in conflict management. It’s also important when bringing people together to plan and execute a common goal. When brilliant yet unlike-minded individuals lack either perceptual flexibility or a “translator” type to help bridge their differences, it can really hold back the team’s creativity, momentum, and results. It’s videos with insights into individual level functionalities like these that can help open the door to the next scale of problem solving our world needs right now.
This. Plus I mean let's just be honest: how frustrating is it to watch two ppl perpetually misunderstand eachother over & over to the detriment of a worthwhile shared goal or principle...and at the cost of harmony & progress. There's enough fundamental in that scenario to ruffle almost all of the types (except the ones who are almost entirely fueled by conflict-as-cognition, ofc, but even that can be awesome in the right light).
Thanks!
thanks!
I totally agree on Frank's points on "Last but not lease", thus Fi. You can give me all the sound reasoning to an issue but if you're forcing it to me you will face resistance, or more likely, ignorance. Instead, if you disagree with my point of view, conveying your opinion in a respectful manner, not persisting that I adopt it immediately, may leave me thinking, and there is at least a possibility that I might eventually come to the same conclusion. Not guaranteed, though. / INFP
I also agree with this.
Very often I might tell someone that I disagree with them, but that I do understand their opinion and that it DOES makes a lot of sense, I just don't personally like it and therefore don't view it the same way. I actually tend to enjoy listening to other people's opinions and views, when they aren't try to make me feel the same way. Sometimes people are chill with that, but I've noticed a lot of people don't seem to understand it and either try to force me to agree with their opinions, or think that I am trying to force _my_ opinions on them (which is not at all what I want to do, so I usually try to make that clear, but some people _still_ don't understand, which gets really frustrating sometimes)
4:09 is textbook definition of an INFJ trying to explain something
(been there, done that 😅)
INFP married to an ISTP here. We both feel very deeply and very strongly about our position in an argument in very different ways. Its nice because I feel like we balance each other out but it can also get ugly when we are in a stubborn mood😅
FJ, a fellow INFJ here. Been watching your videos since 2018 and have always loved and related to your content. Admittedly, although I am so happy your channel has succeeded and you've married and started a family, I am still getting used to the higher energy, more upbeat version of you. It's great! Just different from where you started and from what I related to back in the beginning. Sincerely, though, congratulations!
I also want to make a point to thank you for keeping the channel utterly clean. Not even foul language. Sooo much appreciated!
Congratulations from a loyal fellow INFJ!
"I am still getting used to the higher energy, more upbeat version of you."
I think the former version was more... I don't know... genuine. Self-genuine is what I mean.
Actually, he sometimes says "crap" in his video. Maybe it's much more prevalent in those from a couple years ago though.
When I hear that word, I give the video a thumb down, and go on watching, and enjoying, it.
I love the cat part! It's important to make others understand you're using different thinking modes. Actually when you modify your functions a little when communicating, it's not that hard. Plus try not to deny them too abruptly in the beginning.
Agree!😏
I love this style of video and it's really informative! I think about this all the time as an INTJ.
This video is spot on. I am a female infp and I (unknowingly) married an istp. Omg, all I can say is, it has been the hardest relationship I've ever known (impossible) and we are now getting divorced. We are operate on completely different levels, there is no common ground or understanding. Your analysis of how to approach conflict based on these types is earily true! His judgements, criticisms, harshness, and complete misunderstanding of me has been devastating. I wish I had known about these personality types before I married him and had two children with him 😔 Thankfully, my kids are ENFJ and ESFP so we get each other very well. Wish me luck coparenting. Thanks again, and I hope more people pay attention to these before they make such life decisions!
This makes sense (no pun intended). I liked the cat analogy. I think you're right about INFJs going either way. It depends on who/what the sitch is, as to whether I'll try to keep the peace or push back. I'm trying not to slam doors nowadays, unless the person was really mean. Haha 😹 Thanks, Frank.☺️
Thank you, James, for showing the two versions of an FJ dealing with conflict!! I always explain it as if there are dominant people in the group, I'll only help, but if no one's stepping up, I'll be in charge of those timid freaks and GET THINGS DONE!
Me, too! As an ESFJ, I don't take charge over stronger personalities, but I often find myself being a leader in small groups because after 5 minutes nothing is being accomplished. I'm bad at delegating though and prefer working alone.
I don’t know about other INFJs out there, but my doorslam is not related to emotional hurt. It is an Ni Se thing (and I have seen it being used by INTJs, ISFPs, ENTJs). I have to move on and fulfill whatsoever plan I have in mind. Think of it this way: the past is in the past. I will not drag it, or allow it to interfere with my ambition. I care for people deeply, but I will not allow anyone to tell me who I am and what I want in life. I get to decide that for myself. Not others. I start by respecting people equally, but once they reveal their true colors, it is a permanent adios that they will be getting. I don’t have time to lose. My goal is societal change which can be addressed in different ways than just activism and protest. It can be through art, music, science,…. One can reform and improve the world with new discoveries in different areas. Contrary to whatsoever popular belief is spread on the internet, INFJs are way more direct, blunt, confrontational, and above all - rebellious and actually the most skeptical ones. If I don’t reach a conclusion on my own, I will not believe what I am told. Also, the internet overplays sensitivity as a trait associated to ‘feeling’ types. I have an INFP mom and INTP brother at home and the one who is way more sensitive is my brother. The difference is that he doesn’t always openly show it. He cares way more about how his words may impact others and how he is perceived by those around him. If someone were to say something to me, I would snap back because I do not let others think they get to direct my life. And even if I were not to say it, I would show it through my actions.
Yeah same here¡¡
Thou I'm much like your brother because I don't that much & careful about my words and the way others see me ....thou in many times I don't care that much let loose the guard a bit
≈≈≈`♠INFj♠
This what put so beautifully I might write this down one day.
Thank you “Doctor” Frank. When are you going to write a book? You have a lot of knowledge that you share very effectively here on UA-cam. I appreciate your content and I still feel like I’d have to study this stuff on my own to keep up, but you help me understand a lot through these videos. Never would have guessed you would’ve taken this direction when I was watching you in the earlier days on UA-cam. I’m impressed. You are performing a service in the world, really.
FJ, as an INFP -- what you said is spot on. 100%. A+! Yes...!
i’m an ENFJ and my sister is an ISTP. it’s uh, interesting-and sometimes really difficult for us to agree or get along, but i think learning more about how she sees things and makes decisions helps me get along with her better. i think things’ll get better :)
Same here. I actually learn a lot from my ESFJ sister POV so I could explore and get used to my inferior function. -INTP
@@kikioliveer hell yeah!
I think as an FJ it’s important to remember ALL decisions have the potential to lead to conflict and to be okay with it, bc I waste a lot of energy trying to strong arm my options into being perfect solutions even when they’re not
omg just thought about this now but I am INFP
I'd say there is no way to get out of a confrontation with an ISTP. Agreeing with them will appear patronizing and disagreeing with them will make them double down.
The thing isn't with agreeing or disagreeing. It's with dismissing the other. Try to hear them out in the conflict and expose your points calmly, letting the ISTP validate it.
If you just dismiss it with agreement, I'll get annoyed. If you dismiss it with disagreement, I'll double down.
ISTPs have this problem of sounding mean even when they don't want to, and not explaining why you're reacting the way you are is the thing that gets the most on their nerves.
~ ISTP.
People say that fighting with me is a loose battle, they feel like they'll never win, maybe they'll leave me thinking later on but they'll loose when the argument is occurring.
so you're saying as an entp we might get on like a house on fire? where can i find these istps? can I buy one on amazon prime?
ESFJ with ESTJ dad. I always just answer to his anger moments in a calm way and just do the thing, calmly.
My brother is an INTP and makes things worst in a way, more with my sister ENTJ on his side
As an INTP, I am calm in general, but when ENTJ walks into the room BOOM, can't stand them at all.
As an INTJ I will do anything in my power to make you seem like the crazy person in the situation. I will make sure the outcome is that I am the smart one, therefore I am winning the argument. That makes me sound crazy but it’s the truth.
Ur not the only one I do the samething even if the whole time I was wrong, and than sometimes the person I debated with would still think Im right after the fact that I was wrong lmao
A lot of great information to unpack.
I like to tell the ST types that they are getting really emotional right now, and maybe we can pick the conversation back up once they have calmed down themselves.
Accusing someone who is rationally angry at you of being overly emotional is always a win.
You like to play with fire, I respect that
@@benjaminharmon6541 you and I could be great friends.
@@douggodsoe friendship offer accepted
@@benjaminharmon6541 So, what happens next? I’ve never been here before. Usually there’s a lot more complaining and name calling. Should I send you a card for your birthday? God, I don’t even know when your birthday is! I am a terrible friend!
@@douggodsoe My birthday is 1/10. Send me thoughts and prayers on that day, that's all I require.
Intj
I’ve said it on a different video, but: Prove me wrong with actual facts and feelings do not count as fact! Make it efficient,logical, and factual and I will throw out my system and use yours because it is better.
Agreed!
ESFJ
I really have a problem with this Ben Shapiro type attitude that facts are the only thing that matters in an argument. Humans are social animals. We have feelings and I believe we should embrace that. I’m not saying you should let emotions cloud your judgment but you shouldn’t completely deny them either.
@@TittyMonster64 Ben Shapiro is not an intj nor does he actually follow this thought pattern/method. He doesn’t allow others to argue their positions thoroughly. He interrupts and attacks incomplete thoughts without caring for the context. He also uses his feelings as a defense against actual facts and logic. A lot of people who claim to be intj or use intj methods aren’t and they don’t use them correctly because their true typing always shows, making others view intj types negatively due to the experience.
What is a fact....we all possess emotions. To a certain extent we are all powerless to their effects on our psyche. To discount them in any debate, or exchange of ideas, is to limit your capacity for wisdom and skills at getting your point across. Because ANYTHING can be rationalized. ~INTP
Feelings are very "factual" based. All humans share at least 7 completely different feelings that are universal and can be universally seen on the face as the SAME expression. Even Data in Star Trek realized the importance of emotions and how he was lacking in "facts" without them.
Wow, this is, like, the best video of the All about 16 personalities playlist))
I am INTJ, my partner is ISTP. We rarely argue, but when we are it's mostly because I need to have things done and I have a perfect way to do them and he makes coments about my perfect way instead of just trusting my plan. He tells that my way isn't what he thinks is logical, and i am getting quite annoyed because he is wasting my time. We always find a way to compromise, because stuff has to be done, but yeah, this is how Te vs Ti fight looks like.
The plan! When they can't see the plan and you have to wait for others to catch up or to understand the plan . . . This can be agony!
Classic Te vs Ti XD
Ti is subjective, while Te goes with what was planned!
I have been following this channel for the last 2 years, thank you Frank for your videos
As an NT type (INTP), I have found logical justification for stuff related to feeling and empathy and emotion, etc, because of the idea that a happier worker is a more effective worker, and things in similar veins to that
THIS! I'm an INFP and I cannot work in an environment that isn't happy and harmonious. Every decision made in the company that doesn't take into consideration people's emotions is bound to have repercussions in the work and inner dynamics of the company. There's nothing worse than working in an environment where there are constant spoken/unspoken conflicts. In the long run workers become resentful and unproductive. It's just human nature. Logic is necessary, yes, but feelings are crucial, despite the fact that they don't seem like it.
You just hit at the crux of all my disagreements with my husband in one little sentence! Sometimes the right thing isn’t the logical thing.
My ENTJ aunt is a great sounding board. She helps me find loopholes quickly AND she helps me fight problems logically. She creates a safe environment for me to be wrong about things and helps me find solutions at my own pace. She doesn’t react emotionally or negatively, she just calmly starts asking questions to make me think. As an ENFP 9w1, I really appreciate this TeNi approach ❤️❤️❤️
Wow! I totally agree with the idea that FJ's are in two groups. I think it can also be based on their situation that they are in.
I am an ISFJ and I am usually a harmony-seeking person at work. I love working with others, as a team, to get the job done and feel successful about it. However, when I feel that there are certain things that I cannot go along with, I will definitely push back against those ideas and will rock the boat.
Over the past couple of years, I have been doing this more, because I feel that my opinion has become less valued for the mere fact that I started speaking out against those things I am opposed to. And, for me, this has diminished the sense of team work that we used to have in my workplace. It has definitely caused me to become more stressed at work because of the decline in relationships.
ISFJs also consider their co-workers their closest friends. So, with the decline of working relationships, comes the decline of friendships also. It is hard to deal with.
"believe it or not these people want to fit in socially but they can't help saying things that upset others"
yes, just yes.
I don’t like conflict or drama. I stresses me out a lot. When ever someone I know is having drama I will probably cry. I will get anxiety. I’m a Infp. Is anyone else like this. I’m just curious.
I don't like conflict too, but not really often to the point of crying (it's okay to cry though!). I'm an ISTJ
Same feelings on conflict or heated arguments. ISFP....I think.
I am an infp, I tend to like conflict or drama but only when I'm not involved in it. I like trying to figure out why person A thinks In a "bad way" or anything along those lines.
Although, this does not mean that I don't feel for the person, I just don't feel that level of sadness(so much that you can cry) for conflict or drama.
If the persons are going through something that is really really painful, then yes I will 100% cry
Yes same.
I’m an ISFJ and I also feel this way. I work from home mainly because I can’t handle the work drama
Thanks for this video Frank. I really feel like it's important for people to understand each other and be able to communicate effectively so that conflict can be avoided. Next time I talk to a feeler I'll be able to acknowledge their feelings, but communicate with them in a way that lets them understand the other side to things.
This is solid advice! I'll admit, I "rewrap" fairly often. While it could be considered a form of manipulation, I think making an effort to understand how others operate mentally and act accordingly based on that understanding smooths a lot of unnecessary issues/problems out. Course that being said, I totally get why some folks actually enjoy rocking the boat just to see others explode😏. It can be fun, but, it truly serves no purpose. Plus energy (good or bad), has a way of returning back to the sender.
Lol are you an entj by chance?
I love these types of videos in which you explain cognitive functions. Please make more of these. :)
ENFP/J here. I really appreciate all of your videos; learning about this sort of thing and watching your skits has always improved my day :D Fe is definitely something that eats away at me all the time, and this helps me recognise it better
If you have Fe as a strong function rather than Fi, you're likely an ENFJ instead of an ENFP. Either that, or your Fi causes you to deeply hold onto your morals, which may involve trying to make others feel important and special, in which case, you're likely an ENFP.
Fe and Fi don't have that clear of a boundary. There's some haze.
@@Chigger please explain more as I was 51/49 on ENFP/ENFJ. Hmm...
I see the big difference between Fe and Fi as viewed as Objective/subjective. Objective feelings are to me what people "should" feel or what the whole group is feeling as a whole. It is like a standard "normal" of feelings and Fe users can easily spot those that are not feeling the "normal" of the group and that makes them feel uneasy as they need to know Why so that everyone can be on the same page. I see Fe users highly aware of the juging aspect to feelings. To me as an Fi user, ENFP, I don't respond to the judging aspect. I don't feel like I have a choice over HOW I feel in the moment though I can change the environment, my mental thoughts or other outside circumstances so I feel different in a later moment. The notion of I "should" feel this or that because everyone else is feeling this or that is like hitting a brick wall and I mean even metaphorically for myself. If I think, I "Should" feel this way.... this is no method for me to feel that way just because I "should" feel it. I either do or I don't. I don't question my feelings as much as I see Fe users questioning theirs in the sense of everyone else. I question my feelings in the sense of myself. When I think, "Why am I feeling this way?" I am searching myself for the reasons mostly and need to go inward and the rest of the world kinda vanishes even if I am still physically present in the room. it appears that Fe users are searching others for the reasons. idk. There are times where I know that I am feeling a certain way and that those feelings are NOT mine. And then I can look out to see where they come from, but for the most part, my experience of my feelings are my own to process and not picking up others. And when I am processing those feelings, I need time alone. For the majority, the actions I take are based on how "I" feel and not others even though I can be aware of how others feel and have a high degree of empathy for others which can get mixed into my feelings. It like they mix in with MINE not Mine mixing in with theirs. People can reason with me to feel one way or another but in the moment actions I am taking are based off MY feelings and not the entire groups feelings... But I don't think we act completley in a void as Lane said, it seems to mix a little. If you find yourself laughing at something and everyone looking at you wondering what you are laughing at and you can't stop laughing even though it is causing an awkward situation.... You are an ENFP. If you have experienced the other side where you have no clue why they can't just stop laughing and get "with the program" then you would be an ENFJ. my take on it.
@@user-pk5pl7ox1e Based on percentages alone, it's slightly more likely for you to be classified as an ENFP. ENFJ has the function stack Fe-Ni-Se-Ti, whereas ENFP has the function stack Ne-Fi-Te-Si. This suggests you use intuition and feeling as your main two functions, and your dominant function seems to be an extroverted one.
Take stock of whether you're more likely to use N or F at any random typical moment, and think about whether it's directed more at your inner world or the outer world.
@@Chigger thanks for clarity. I've never understood the introverted and extroverted of each as I just so the F function as feelingsey and thats it because clearly I've not that much in depth knowledge. I think quote deeply these days. I internalise it. Before pandemic it was different story. Also with the P/J. Sometimes I feel the J come out. Not all time though. I try not to judge too much and try keep open minded about what could have happened inna situation that assuming something happened. Sooooo many possibilities in terms or reaosn behind things. Hmm...interesting tho
I have just begun watching yet this is so relevant.. it is so painful to realize conflicts might not be about anything other than incompatible personality types.. ouch. Doing a whole series on conflict would be helpful.
I hate conflict so much, I’m definitely a peacekeeping FJ type. I’m so concerned about leaving this world better than I found it that I’ve let people step all over me. Then when I finally break and a conflict arises, I show little to no mercy... then cry about it after because I feel so guilty but also so hurt. I think this is where the doorslam comes from, cause now I don’t let tensions get to that point I just straight up get out of the situation. Although I have found learning about the 16 personalities and cognitive functions makes it so I don’t get into conflicts as easily. For example in my physics class I work with an ISTP, ESTJ and ENTJ. When we were going through quantum physics, the ESTJ was getting very frustrated because he couldn’t comprehend how it mattered or could be useful. Working together with the ISTP and ENTJ, we were able to show him how quantum physics is actually important... though he still wasn’t happy it existed 😂
Yay for physics!!! Maybe point out all the techinological advances because of quantum physics! MRI scanners and transistors, electron microscopes, The atomic clock! Solar energy! And of course lots coming up! The idea can be unsettling but the practical applications are unlimited with the new quantum materials we are making like graphene. Pretty amazing what has happened in my lifetime.
You could be EXTP too, these types care a lot about people but have a different way of showing it
@@nostalgicdays661 The Fe function is essentially the peacekeeping function. They may be mistaken for something else though with the complexity of the other functions, but Fe is THE peacekeeping cognitive function in which all FJs share.
My mother ESFP and I INFP, we are quite different. It is the person in my family I am most often fighting with. I think our yesterday conversation shows it very well. We had our neighbors and my twin sisters friend there. I have worked for 7 hours and drove then to a friend to look at her car I am with soon in my vacation. So it was a short time, when our guests arrived. I laughed at the table with my neighbors and joked with them and should then help filling the table with salads and bred and meat. I were coming helping but my mother wanted everything perfekt, so it was not enough to take the salads with a spoon to the table. Even the inside of the bowl should be perfektly clean. My mother Was also very angry about me, when I did not came straight back into the kitchen, because I Was laughing and talking to our good known neighbors. I were rolling my eyes and my mother threatened me with abonding me from the table, after giving a sarcastic saying. The whole evening she resented me for not appreciating her work and I Was annoyed, that she is staying all day in the kitchen instead of enjoying the company and is beeing totally stressed. I were seeing the bigger picture of what is beeing important for a great evening like time and joy, then focussing on unimportant details and she felt her self not appreciated on her present efforts, so she is acting aggressive. Before she really is going to be angry I went upstairs. I was not angry, but more annoyed that she does not understand that the person itself is much more worthy for a great evening than perfection.I think the difference between sensing and Intuition is great in our family. For her is most important, that no one is saying something bad about her housekeeper qualities, were we prefer (my sister and I) that no one is saying something wrong about the atmosphere and the words which has been said. Were as my sister and I (INFP ans ENFJ ) would never Start a fight, my mother is it always. But my sister is trying to communicate and find a soulution for both of us, even when she has to change her opinion at some point, where as I am staying by my opinion. It ends always with, that my father is coming upstairs told by my mother to change myself and he is only begging me to apologize and I am doing it not for my mother then for the rest of my family.
Mh would say this is not typical for esfp who actually always just want to have a good time. I'd say its more a mom and a cultural thing (I know that from my mother, too. Love her til death, but it's a different, more strict generation and culture).
it was super interesting hearing abt the two types of FJs, cuz I am an ENFJ but I think I fit into the second category and sometimes people ask me if I'm sure I'm not an ENTJ because of it, which I am lol
extra elaboration: I think being bullied pretty much through out my whole school experience lead to me being more comfortable with conflict than another FJ would be... like I knew that at times there was no point in trying so hard to maintain harmony cuz no one was gonna like me anyway, so I would stand up for what I thought, (and had to develope more of my own opinions separate from others) which ig might have lead to me being more assertive and individualistic... which is not to say I'm not a people pleaser at all lol, I still struggle wth seprating my own emotions from others sometimes, but this is one of the few things that I think were positive from getting bullied, u at least want to get out of it with *something* lol
@12:14 I totally agree Frank !!100%!! That’s what I look for in people as an Fi type.Also@12:24 this actually happened to me more than just once, and once I start to feel strongly or passionately about something I try to introspect and think whether it’s wrong to feel that way and if it isn’t, then how to defend it casually without coming off as defensive and triggered. I spend my whole time and energy in it. Once anyone tries to dictate right or wrong to me, I’m traumatised and I try to see where I went wrong, I also imagine conversations in my head where I try to apologise to that person.
"FPs want to be left alone" is probably one of the most relatable things I've ever heard HAHAHAHHAHAAHHA
Thank you. This is where the benefits of MBTI shine. Person A is not an insensitive know-it-all, just an ISTP, someone who is glad to help and doesn't take things personally. Once I learned this, it became much easier to handle situations. I may not ever be able to persuade someone that my feelings make sense (even though they do), but I can come up with a logical reason for doing what aligns with my feelings.
"They might think you're dumb and say it to your face, but they don't want you to feel bad about it." Absolutely hilarious but also accurate.
You’re brilliant as well as creatively funny as hell.
…love your off beat play
ISFP here and I get you!!
My boss is ESFJ and I'm an INTJ. We're having a hard time with each other. We can agree on things that need to be more organized. But she won't see the bigger picture and she's not interested in the bigger picture. She feels I'm always bringing up something new, or always unhappy, which I'm not. Because she doesn't see the bigger picture I have to give her ten different details and she will feel those are ten different things, but they aren't.
i think too, for most fj's we can be a bit of both: we have certain things, certain *values* where we feel its important enough and probably neglected by society enough that we see that it needs to be adressed and therefore, raise issue to improve society in the long run. but other things that seem less volitale or less urgernt, where we see that raising issue with that will actually bring more problems than less, and we thus favor harmony. its like we have a scale, that matches our vlue system; (at least thats how it is for me). I favor harmony and depth and peace 70+ percent of the time. but theres the 30ish other percent where i just. I want to break the pattern, we need to break certain patterns to improve humanity. it probably does come down to how assertive we each are. **very good video frank, def. a good and necessary source*
Your videos are helpful and amazing!
The ISTP stuff was, as ever, lvl funny & accurate imo.
Sincerely,
An INFP in a multi-decade relationship with an ISTP, who you have directly quoted multiple times, unbeknownst to you...& extremely amusing(...ly? Amusingly? Idfk) to me.
One of the reasons why the MBTI blew my mind when I first discovered it was because it explains so well why I couldn't communicate with my INTJ brother in times of conflict. And this video just put exactly the words on why. He tries to explain to me what is right or wrong, I'm an ENFP. It doesn't work that way for me XD And I, on the other hand, need time to explain to him that his logic has no power here (so basically he doesn't even listen to me because he's so impatient and thinks that logic wins all the time anyway). Fun stuff! Great video, FJ! I learned and laughed ♥
Haha I just subscribed. Haha I saw the "Maybe I should check some emails....ding ding ding ding... maybe not today" Hahaha That is so Gold! If I have to check my emails, I have to do it all day long so I actually do it... otherwise "Today" never comes... which is mostly where I am right now with my emails.... People who know me have to send me a text or call saying to look at my email.
I've found rather than trying to probr wrong, focus on explaining your side only which is YOUR perception of situation and hopefully you'll see a better more healthier outcome. Let me know how it goes
ESTP- for me will work honesty.
it doesn't matter if you talk to me emotionally or rationally, it only matters to tell me what's really going on.
FJ, my man, you have given me, an INFP, the words to explain to my INTJ partner why I get so upset that I go hide in the bathroom to prevent myself from starting the waterworks when he or our friend start an inquiry directed at me with, "Just to play devil's advocate.." Even though I know they just want to debate, to see if we all can learn from each other. But I still feel attacked and I know my feels are absolutely ridiculous, so I make a bee line for the bathroom to hide and calm down.
I absolutely love when people tell me their thoughts and feelings and informed political opinions. In fact, if someone tells me their thoughts, I am inclined to "re-feel" my own opinions taking theirs into consideration. I also don't mind sharing my own opinions with others. But I had no idea how to explain why I get so upset when my values are questioned.
But, ya know, no advocacy (or sympathy) for the devil today, Satan!
(Disclaimer: I don't actually believe Satan exists but it's fun to mix 3 sayings together.)
I think this was your best video ever. Lots of very thought through insights. Thank you.
As an INFP, I'm often confronted by a.. wonderful.. friend of mine over a variety of things. They will drag me into a group of three other people they blabbed to and continue to joke and pummel me with what they think. Of course, I'm forced to retaliate, and I don't get angry from their fooling around and joking like I'm a stupid four year old. Instead, I point out the obvious that they have completely missed, and every time they bring up something else, it's immediately shot down by facts and feelings that are relevant and overpowering to their point. However, a hivemind that constantly feeds into one another and amplifying their feelings and making the situation worse, it's incredibly difficult when they just say, "Idk if i believe that bro".
Based on your first explanation of the types' approaches to situations, (NF, etc..) I find it interesting that NF types such as myself are usually more feeling-centred, while I would say I'm about an equal combination of both. Although, that may just be from my own personal experiences, and not completely subjective to the NF types, or more specifically, INFP.
Thanks FJ for making this video. Now I know what the right reason for my Fi user comic character did the thing that no makes sense to others. Because they simply "feel" it personally and no one will understand why. And thats where the conflict arise
I'm an INFP and it confuses me when I don't get along with someone because I value harmony and tend to get along with most people... I guess yeah conflict can happen if someone acts controlling or doesn't respect my morals and values.
True
ISTP here, I will generally not specifically try to be hurtful but it's hard not to because the truth is and will always be more important and has to come out rather sooner than later because people need to know the truth at all costs I however do try to improve hurtful ways of saying things but often it's not taken into consideration simply because Fact>feelings.
I think lies are immoral unless it saves someone so just tell me the truth not your feelings or things to ''make me feel better'' if you want to make people feel better let them know that you would tell them the truth by telling them the truth.
I loved the wrapping analogy! And also the animation! 🌲⛄🎄🎁
This video is gold!
As an ENFP, I hate conflict because the waters get muddied so quickly so I always crack a joke and try to steer the subject in another direction
same 🦾
I enjoy the functionality of this video. Going beyond caricature of the types and providing thoughts on how we might actually start to communicate with one another by flexing to their style is worth a subscription to your channel. I will recommend you to my boss as well.
Frank...the T....the tea...oh my god 😂😂😂😂
Your Fi description is so accurate! It explains why my FJ parents think I’m so stubborn lol
I swear if this is yet another joke about INFPs crying I'm going to ... cry.
2:11 With me the right thing and the logical thing are always the same. For me it's moral to be logical and it's logical to be moral. I'm moral from a logical perspective and logical from a moral perspective.
Does anyone have this too?
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(I'm an INFP if you were wondering...)
yup same here... and ironically INFP too. I think it has to do with how we see our own values. I mean, if you recognize that something doesnt make sense logically to be a value, why should it be so? And since we dwell so much on our values, we understand them, we understand why they make sense, and that makes them logical to have.
And at the same time, since we need to resonate to our values on our own, and we need to be able to like them, they often are tied to how we understand things. And for some of us, that means using logic to choose the values we want to reflect ourselves in.
Ironically, i consider myself, that our Fi values are going beyond logic, since we dont limit ourselves by what is rational. For example, it might be rational to do A, because A leads to B, B leads to C and C is a pretty good outcome. However, often it can make sense to not do A, but do, idk, Z instead. Z might affect Y and X in a certain way, and this outcome is basically "hidden" when you look for logical connections. For example, it might be better to avoid conflict, even if it solves a problem short term, if it ends up worsening a relationship and, accumulativel, end in a very unfavorable long-term outcome.
And that's exactly where our values come in. They're a very complex tool that we know, if we just follow it, it will help us find the connection from A to Z, even if we cant see it. And by refining those principles long-term, we can achieve great results, without understanding all the details. For example, i often get annoyed when my mom (INFJ) does something like crossing a red light (as a pedestrian) to save time, while i believe things like this just affect your mindset in a way like "not training patience" or "making decisions that dont hurt anyone, but are in the end, selfish and potentially harmful to either you or others". This one thing might just be a tiny droplet, but if you consistently dont care about such things over and over again, you're just training yourself to accept bad habits if the direct consequence is good, but at teh cost of indirect consequences that you're not aware of.
So basically, we can build up a codex that works even beyond logic to avoid oversights due to focusing too much on one single logical aspect. And in a way, this makes our values to be logical to ourselves, while being knitted out of a logical cloth that we might not even understand ourselves, but we know those logical threads exist no matter what you percieve or dont. And being aware of this fact makes our values/morals both be logical and make it logical to us to have them.
@@andreas_rr Wow... Yes, I think I understand and I agree.
To us the word "logic" has a deeper meaning I guess. Bigger picture and difficult concepts are kind of our thing. Like, it's logical to include emotion in your decision making. But sometimes others don't associate emotion with logic.
And I also have an INFJ mom, haha!
"If I'm not feeling it, it doesn't matter."
Yep. That's it. 😅
I'm totally the rock the boat FJ and then the short-term dysfunctional harmony drives me crazy but stick with it as I have the long term goal in mind. It's why I usually burn out in corporations. The pot-stirring does make those minor to major improvements over time but I am just so drained that I end up bailing to not have to keep worrying about it. I'll find out later that the seeds I planted in a company are making waves to create changes for the better. I wish I had more endurance to deal with the short-term discomfort before I door slam companies as easily as people.
How just how do you know the exact video I need? I had a conflict with an INFP friend I really needed advice. Thank you.
INFP here and accurate, although I tend to take on people's opinions for change, keeping my mind open for personal improvements. In intense conflict, I do really need feelings validated and understood - had problems with this with my ex, who was a T type and didn't understand when I asked for reassurance 😂
“Do not cry, do not laugh, do not make a smirk”
That is impossible.
I would start smirking when thinking about/imagining trying to be emotionless, then get attacked, ("what's so funny!?", I've got that a few times), for it while not being able to explain it :)
I know you've said that you often can't come up with ENTJ/ESTJ types' reactions to things, that it's pretty much always the same for each video, but I think you got it in this video. As an ENTJ, I really do hate when things are not working as well as they could be, or as quickly as it could be, because I have worked it all out to be as EFFICIENT as possible--all the details have been considered, all the possibilities forseen, and then people go and mess it up.....arrgghhh! Wastes everybody's time, particularly mine. It's one thing to waste time when you don't have a plan worked out, but when you do have a plan, this should not happen.
I wonder why people are messing it up. As an P type, who doesn't work with much of a plan... I still don't like "wasting time" but I have a suspicion that what I don't consider "wasting time" you might. So I wonder why are people messing up your plans? AND "this should not happen" signals to me a question of "When it does happen, how easily can you bounce back to your plan? " and if you can't bounce back to your plan easily then maybe not "all details have been considered"
@@carissahill3414 Do you personally know any ENTJs?
@@coloraturaElise yes, one of my best friends is an ENTJ. She is like a sister to me. I also know another person who tested as an ENTJ but not sure she really is one but she probably is as I can't see her in another type but I don't know her that well.
@@carissahill3414 Do they fit the description you just suggested to me, of not being thorough in their planning?
@@coloraturaElise Yes they also are thrown off their plans by others.
Honestly I want to avoid debate with high Ti and high Fe users. Maybe because our judging cognitive functions are overlap to each other, sometimes their arguments didn't makes sense to me, and so do mine to them.
-infp
the estj/istj will value solid family function as paramount to society & structure. as well as social obligations.
so attending a mid-day T-Ball game; put it from that aspect as well and you are gaurenteed!
infact (speaking as an istj supervisor) WE will remind you of your responsibility in the morning and will have our alarm on the phone set 30 minutes ahead. just to ensure you are early for your arrival time. can’t chance being late!
Tip for talking to the ISTP when they are angry
Don't/j
You are right ✨
Tip for talking to the ISTP in general
Don't
-ISTP
Spot on!
I really needed this video years ago😂 I'm impressed about how correct you are about how the different personalities behave in a conflict. I know persons from all of the different types and they act EXACTLY like you described them😂👏👏
After watching this I think I stepped a landmine… recently my sister just got upset at me. I’m an INTP and she’s an INFP or ISFP (her Fi function is obviously dominant). She asked me my honest opinion on how do I FEEL about a relationship of 20yr age gap. I initially said “no idea” but she was persistent and kept digging me to answer so I answered a more logical approach (uh kind of harsh) but she got angry. I wasn’t really against her but she took it badly and think I don’t care about anyone. I kind of just stopped there because I kind of know continuing will just make things worse. It’s Ti vs Fi, the most individualistic types against each other.
Whoa. Honestly, i'm intp and i got into something similar a while ago. I told my friend off for asking my opinion and then judging me based on my answer when she was the one who asked, for my opinion, which i think should be a free territory because it was *opinion*. What i got out of it is probably when it's about life principles, don't discuss it too long with a Fi-dom because we'll very unlikely change our views on it 😅. Say your piece, don't debate, and move on lol...
7:45
I’m an intp and I always knew these facts, but never wanted to acknowledge them
Sometimes someone will be talking about something really important to them, and I just wont get it at the time so I’ll say something insensitive that I didn’t really think was insensitive and end up hurting them
It was never my intention but as a result everyone ends up hurt including myself, after I learn what I did wrong
The best thing I can think to do is just to not voice my opinion unless I’m asked to, but while it should be easy it isn’t always
It’s a bad habit