How Do I Know If I'm Transgender?
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2024
- darahoffmanfox.com "How do I know if I'm transgender" is one of the most frequent questions I get! See what some of my ideas are to help you get to your answer.
Please note, I won't be to offer personalized individual help in the comments area below.
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I am terrified of transitioning at 60, but don't see any other way to happiness; have I left it too long
good luck!!
Go for it 😊😊
No way!! Your still gonna live as the gender you’ve always meant to be❤️
be true to you
In this case age is just a number. Go for it, it's your life.
Hi, I'm Leo. I told my mom I don't feel like a girl and that I am a boy. She said I'm just being brainwashed by the media or something like that... She always says to me, almost every day, that I'm not a boy, and that I can never be a real boy. I want to be called a he and be called my new name so badly... but my mom always ends up bringing up the fact that I was born female and I can't be anything else. I feel like I can't tell my step dad, biological dad, or brother because I know they will react the same... I've asked all of my friends to call me my new name and pronouns, but nobody has, I guess they're trying though. Anyway, I just really needed to say all of this, so I posted it here where I hopefully will be accepted. Thank you for reading all of this.
I forgot to say I'm pansexual, haha.
Hey just Keep strong I saw a link in another one of the comments callhimhunter.wordpress.com/ally-moms/ I haven't visited it but from what i read it's a good place for support and advice. Good luck Bud :D
+Tobias Todd Thank you so much :) I'll definitely check that out right now!!
Awesome I hope all goes well for you. :D
fite me irlTM same my mom says I'm girl and just bashes me with it everyday by saying "hey baby GIRL" just like that
I can't explain how I feel, honestly. Being female (I'm lesbian, by the way. I hate being female but I love girls) I feel..trapped. I feel trapped in my body. Like I wish I could change something. Like, I want to change my entire experience. I wish I was male. But I'm scared. And I feel dirty and weird whenever someone uses female pronouns on me. Whenever I see males, I'm overcome with a strong jealously. I'm jealous of males because I wish I was one.
me too with the jealousy, and I have so much envy of it that it's damaging me more than ever.
That's exactly how I feel, (but I guess the other way around)
A dance party thing where I saw a bunch of girls in dresses and being jealous kinda made me half realize it.
I feel this toward men, as well! I'm so jealous of how they get to interact in relationships, how they are treated in professions, at the gym (they can get as big/strong as they want, and no one bats an eye.) I've always just pushed this down because I felt like there was nothing I can do about it.
Ryans editz he/him lesbians are totally valid!
You can ask yourself do i want to bang her or do i want to be her? (Take it with humor)
I want to be a boy but I'm just wondering if this is a phase...
Morgan Kon how old are you?
If like 13
I think you should take your time for a month or so and see if it's keeps
It was a phase for me. But then again, I'm a guy so no longer wanting to be a boy might be not be normal for me.
I’m wondering the same thing but if I want to be a female
This comes pretty late, but I thought I could give you some advice. It might be a phase, and it might not. But either way doesn't make what you feel any less valid, and I hope you are able to explore what you're feeling and how you express yourself. And in the end, only time will tell if how you feel will change.
I thought it might be a phase since I first started realizing it (I wasn't familiar with the term though but I was able to describe it, I lived in an extremely anti lgbtq area) so I just went with the flow for years and... In the end I didn't grow it out, it's the opposite, I grew in it and I felt the greatest gender euphoria admitting that I'm male.
I got addressed as Ma'am on social media yesterday and it made my heart skip a beat and made me incredibly happy.
I got called a bitch and that made me happy lol
Ok ma'am
I was at a reptile thing and I was holding a tarantula (no one is allowed to judge they are cute) and this women came up to me and says to her son "Look at that boy! He's holding a tarantula!" I felt so happy. Sadly it was probably because I was wearing a tie and my face was painted (I am a vampire for Halloween)
@@april_showers15 I've had a similar experience only a week ago where someone called me a girl and I had this deep visceral reaction to it of it feeling right and really great.
And then a lot of memories in my life came flashing back where I was like "Ohhh god damn this all makes so much more sense now".
I've been confused as to how such a little thing can trigger such a huge revelation and now I'm working through it and looking at stuff online to see how other people are going about it, but I'm really happy about it because it just feels right now I just have to sort through all the confusing bits that come with that but that's cool. ^^
A guy on Discord thought I was a girl one night and used feminine pronouns on me, I felt incredibly happy that night, and seriously considered the idea of being trans because I felt so comfortable with that label
I'm questioning my gender and have been for about a year now but when I was little I was the most girly girl possible and loved dresses, now I hate them. I'm so confused... I kinda want to be a guy but I'm not sure if I'm trans. I do experience some body dysphoria... I don't know what to do
That's just how I feel now.
oh my god me too
Don't worry about what you liked as a child, or even what you like now. You can like 'girls things' or 'boys things', and still be trans. Most say it is either a feeling of discomfort/hatred with your own body, or with how you are treated socially.
That's how I feel omfg
QT munchkin Same
I am nearly 50 and I always wanted to be female. I don’t identify as a male. I don’t like being male, and felt all my life I have I have been disconnected.
I am married to a beautiful woman, and don’t want to break her heart and tell her I feel more female. Life is certainly interesting.
But you are not female. The best thing that you can do, is to get I to talk therapy with a regular therepist. (Not a gender person. All they do is push you down the road of medicalazation) to find out if this delusion that a person can cha get gender is based in autism, or one the the B cluster personality disorders, sexual gratification in thinking of yourself as a female, or trauma. Look into the detrans stories. Insights are there
That's a tough situation, but I applaud you for considering your family's feelings especially given that far too many today pursue their own path to happiness even when that path causes pain to those close to them. And I hope your life becomes less interesting.
I feel that if her love is true she would support you no matter what, but I’m also like fucking 14 so probably don’t listen to me
I can totally relate to you, however sadly I broke my wife's heart. Things happened and one of those was a strengthening feeling odf being more female. I meet a guy at a gay bar and the minute I saw him I knew he was going to be the love of my life! I when for 0 to 100 in my life changes because of him and his supporting me being a woman. I tried to prove manhood to peers by going with women but once I had fallen in love with David I could not get aroused by the women. Today I live as a woman and love it. My name is Kristine
I'm 12 (born female) and I have actually tried crossdressing. The second I looked at my face, and I felt male, I smiled almost impulsively. I love baggy clothes baseball caps and I hate makeup and skirts. I write a lot of stories and almost all the main characters are male. Whenever people call me "she" I mentally correct it to "he". I've started crossdressing so much, that I have memorized how to tie a tie. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, it felt weird that my moments matched with my boy self. Am I going through a phase or am I truly trans? Help!
TheComedyClownfish hey i doubt you still use this account, but i've had a really similar experience to you and i was wondering if you ever found out if you were trans or not?
TheComedyClownfish
That’s been happening to me too, I’m afraid if it’s a phase, I’m 12 too, most of my characters are not girls, so idk
luccino sorry for the late reply, I totally forgot about this comment until the last person who replied. But, yes I actually am trans! I’m 2 years on testosterone as of this past February :)
Melany Mellow :3 well, I can’t give you any definitives, but I can tell you that I did end up being trans. I’m now 17 and have been on testosterone for just over 2 years :) my best advice would be to try out different methods of self-expression and see what you feel most comfortable with. There really is no rush to put a label on yourself if you aren’t sure. If you have a supportive parent, friend, or other person in your life you can talk to about this kind of stuff, I would bring it up to them. If not, I’ve been there and it’s a really tough feeling. What I did was go out biking in an area of my town where no one really knew me and presented as male just to see how it felt to have others regard me as such. Best of luck! I’m here to help if you have any questions about other trans related topics :)
Andre Nickell Rhys Howard very true, lots of girls like baggy clothes, too. But, as you’ll notice, this comment is several years old and I did turn out to be trans. It wasn’t the baggy clothes, of course, but the reason why I liked them (dysphoria).
When I was 11 I went through a “phase” of wanting to be a boy. Seeing how it upset my mum I told her it was just a phase. It’s come back (I’m 15 now) I never enjoyed being a girl, I felt comfortable with Male friends and talking like a boy. I’m loud and confident when I feel very masculine and I feel like if look so much better as a boy and I’d feel so much happier but I’m worried that it’s just a phase again :(
Edit: hi! It's been 2 and a half nearly 3 years or so since I made this comment which is crazy, I forgot about this until I got a notification on a commenter. A little update about how I'm doing: shortly after I made this comment I came out to my friends and family as a trans man and decided to make that terrifying huge step to coming out publically. I've now been identifying as a man, dressing as a man, using a binder, men hair cut and legal name change. Its been nearly 3 years being out as a trans man and I have not regretted a single thing. It's been a massive journey and I'm nowhere near finished with many surgeries coming up and exciting testosterone shots. I can't wait to be closest to my real self as possibly.
Also mens bathrooms stink of piss, come on boys, aim a little better (joking sort of)
Della Sheri maybe it’s not a phrase it probably came back because you might be
@@Ur_dreambfMatt yeah, the same here, it's likely that the phase is you trying to be "normal" and force yourself to forget all those stuff you feel and think, sticking to show yourself its a crazy idea and trying to be cool with being your fake gender, but every some amount of time the feeling and the thinking come back! I ignored myself lot of times since i was 8 till now I'm 23, but not anymore.
Question: How exactly do you think boys talk, because I don't think there's a gender to anything other than body. There is just as many styles of talking as personalities, for example I, as a man, have a very old fashioned way of talking, but just because I read a lot and was born in a country with lots of fairytales and myths as part of it's culture, gender plays no role here.
Long story short, I think it's not really that you're trans, but are just not a traditionally femminine girl.
@@lucad9667 I've been out as trans for nearly 3 years, dressing as a man, only being called male Pronouns and only going by my new legal name, Mason. I haven't onced doubted myself and I am a thousand times happier now then I was before, which many people have also noticed and commented on. I have always been a man but it took some time to accept that about myself. I am excited for starting testosterone this year and excited to one day be A Dad and a Husband
I found out was transgender mtf and am starting hrt and I'm very happy because I am becoming the person I was always ment to be
Awesome hope everything works out for you!!!!
I’m so ready to start.. I just don’t know where to.
Can I replace my therapist with you? You're so much more simple and less complicated lol.
Aw that's sweet of you to say. :) Are you in Colorado???
Welcome ^^ and Unfortunately I am not anywhere close. I'm all the way in Arkansas.
Ah bummer!
Aren't there Doctors that consult patients over the internet via apps like Skype? Might be hard to invoice insurance companies hence a personal expenditure but it could be a new market. Of course, a willingness to face personal expenditure would be another mark of dedication and it seems to me part of the question is how much you want the changes in your life.
@@darahoffmanfox what part from Colorado?? I’m from here too! And I so need a therapist about this...
Heyo,
I'm 14 years old (male) and have for the past few months almost a year, thoroughly ripping my mind apart on who am I and why I was born the gender I am... In the past I have had major short flashes of emotional experience about wanting to be a woman, even crying about it and dreaming about it (sleep). My community and "friends" would be extremely reject I've to the thought of me or anyone wanting to be female/male opposite to who they are.
I don't usually tell people just in case I decide not to go through with anything. Lots of times in my life I go through phases and I've found this "war" in my head not to be one. I thought it would go away and I was sad at the thought but it keeps coming back like a fiery storm. I look around and see other girls and want to be them, like them, start my own story. Every morning, even now, I wake up and usually almost instantly start thinking about the thought of being female.
Though my brain has split into two very specific and different minds.
One the female side, the other my current male. They argue all of the time on what should happen and I just watch... I usually try not to think about it much but every two minutes my opinion switches. I did a lot of research during this time and found out a lot of positive things for me.
So now they fight but mostly the female side is winning and I'm now in the stages of worrying if I classify as a transsexual (specific transgender, I want to have the SRS). It'll take a while as I have 4 years and I always look to my future worrying on what will happen but I now have hope. I also want to make a decision soon. Very soon.
This April 14th 2015 (12 days away >~
I feel exactly the same 😳😢
Same. I'm a girl wanting to be a guy. There are some nights where I steal my brothers cloths. I put them on and put my hair up with a hat then the rest the night I feel comfortable.
You are 17 now
I was really girly from as far back as I can remember. My mom raised me feminine. I felt like I was supposed to be a girl but I didn't know anything about that because I was so young. I was always getting my sister's panties and wearing them and I got caught but my mom didn't say anything about it. From then on I wore panties and a half tshirt around the house and it didn't matter who was there. I guess I was her other girl. Well where I'm from transgendered people were heavily criticized. All of a sudden my life was ruined. The life I should've been living. I had to be a boy. I've always had really small parts and I was embarrassed by them and wanted to have what I was meant to have. I've come to terms with myself and I'm pretty sure I will be the woman I am supposed to be. As far as parts. Those are still very small and seem to be shrinking and I have not taken any form of medication for that purpose. Well anyway I wish I could have lived the way my heart yearned to. Good luck
Absolutely fantastic post, which resonates with my own daily and continual feelings. I just know I am truly female, but as you very eloquently put across, fear that it could be a very very longstanding psychological split personality type thing. The feeling is just so strong, and mannerisms, movements, posture and personality so incredibly feminine, that I just feel totally aligned to being a woman, and just know that is my true self. I felt such a parallel with much of your post that I felt compelled to comment.
I just turned 29, and I've been pushing thoughts like this away since I was 14. I don't know if I can anymore. I don't even know if I'm trans, like, there's so much confusion. Woman doesn't feel right though, and it hasn't since puberty. :(
Hey, you posted this a year ago. Have things gotten any clearer for you now?
How are you doing now?
In my honest opinion, I'm inclined to say that consciously "pushing thoughts away" and bottling them up is a pretty decent sign that you should look into the matter further. Also, this comment was from 3 years ago, how are you doing now?
I really confuse myself sometimes because I don't feel like a girl and whenever someone says something to do with my being a girl I always feel an urge to say "Yeah, but I'm not a girl". However sometimes there's a moment where I say "I'm a girl" and it feels so unnatural and wrong, despite me saying it almost automatically. Its almost like I say it because I feel like I'm expected to say it rather than because I believe it. However I don't really consider myself to be a boy either, despite feeling more on the masculine side. I think I'm Genderfluid or something but its really confusing. >_< I just know I'm not a girl.
It doesn't really help that my family claim to be open-minded, but don't really act that way when it comes to myself. They find it weird that I don't want to be feminine and put it down to me being a 'tomboy' or making the excuse that I'm a teenager so my hormone are going everywhere and it kind of hurts. I'm not exactly 'out', but all things considering I really don't feel comfortable telling them. All my plans for transitioning in some way or starting to dress more like I want to are set in place for my adulthood, when I hopefully wont be living with them anymore and thus wont have to suffer under their scrutiny or try to explain myself. I just feel so self-conscious around them and thus don't want to make any sudden changes while under the same roof. I'm trying to sort of ease into it slowly, for example insisting on wearing a suit to prom and expressing an interest in the clothes in the mens section in the hopes that they will either take the hint or will be less surprised when I eventually come out.
Sorry for rambling. >_
Keelan C I feel like that too!!
Pro tip: see a psychologyst to help you out.
Keelan C on every detail I am the exact same, except I thought I was androgynous than gender fluid, but literally everything else was a thought and experience I have had and felt
Gender faun? It's basically gender fluid but without ever feeling feminine. Or demi-boy or something? Idk. Hope this helps!
your video more helpful than them tests find out if your transgender or not, no one should try them tests they just confuses you.
imnxtc2001 mmm no
imnxtc2001 sex and gender are different though
I figured out I'm trans even not knowing the term and that something like this exists lol (I lived in an isolated extremely anti lgbtq area). Then I found the term years after it and I was just like... Okay, I found a word describing my situation so I won't need describing it anymore, it's simpler now.
@@2001imnxtc But biological sex are different. And if Someone already transitioned[FTM] they do count as a guy then?
@@2001imnxtc But I don't believe you could tell the difference between a FtM and a man.
when I try to explain what it feels like to be trans its like ur a snake shedding their skin. u expect it to come off, but it won't and ur trapped inside.
figuring out my gender has been the most confusing and tough thing i've ever tried. for four years i've been trying to figure it out. no cis woman would constantly stress over people referring to her with feminine pronouns and titles, right? but then again, sometimes it doesn't bother me as bad. i've come to think i am genderfluid, just mainly masc genders. the thing is, once i realize this, i back away because of how scary it is to figure out what to do next. whether i want to tell people and risk them hating me, whether i want to change my appearance to fit my gender more comfortably. i am so so so terrified of change
I'm ftm. I came out not too long ago, and honestly it sucks. Only because my family didn't react well at all, but at the same time I feel good because my friends are trying. I don't have too much dysphoria with being misgendered or my family using my name because I lived with it a long time. Anytime I get misgendered it feels awkward. I kinda get this side look on my face like I'm confused. I get really happy and flattered when someone calls me he/him or handsome. Yet I'm also scared. I do love feminine things sometimes. Like makeup or fashion, but ever since I accepted how I feel, I despise all things feminine. It makes my stomach drop and I get nauseous sometimes. Or my parents make it their mission to enunciate on the she/her/hers. Also they make me feel stupid or invalid as if I'm just confused and it'll be fixed, but idk. I'm so scared, angry, confused, etc..
Ugh and my grandma will purposely ask me if I started the week...and it makes me feel un-masculine and makes me want to cry sometimes..
Why would someone want to purposely hurt another human being like this?
Just a little tip for everybody, things that are assigned to genders are not genders themselves. You can be a trans man and wear dresses or a trans woman and wear a suit and tie etc. a gender role is different than gender itself, though there is much sociological overlap. We have to think about how nuanced cis gendered people are. Those same nuances exist within transgender people and they are perhaps even more complex. Just be what makes YOU feel MOST content. ✌️😊
Thank you I needed this
I'm still questioning and have been for the past 10 years. I've always seen my body as a vessel (like a space ship or something haha) and my brain as the pilot. I dont hate my body anymore, most of my intense dysphoric-like feelings happened through puberty. I actually have come to think its a really nice body and I can appreciate it aesthetically being an artist and pansexual. But I still dont really feel it's MY body. I mostly experience dysphoric-like feelings these days when it comes to being touched intimately and I have a tendency to shut down. That plus my history of depression and suicidal thoughts has me back to questioning. Being referred to with female pronouns isn't really upsetting but I do feel delighted when someone calls me by male ones. I do find some peace in acknowledging that I could be a man, but its also distressing thinking about the road ahead if that is the case.
I no and r just like that but win I'm all dresst and a man payatenion to me that's it I'm ready to have sex like that's all I think about and that's seems why I dress nowdays everday I dress sexy to get a man boy anyman to pay attention to me they can have me allday everday r u like that.
Thank you for your work. You're amazing and you're making the world a better place for everyone.
My pleasure sweetie!
@@David-vt9hr Chill, what is your problem?
@@David-vt9hr my non existent Lord. Why do you care so much? This video obviously.isnt for someone like you but you still felt the need to comment this garbage. This video is for people like me, who are unsure or don't know how we can tell. And it's not like we are necessarily trying to teach this to really young people.
@@ryanmckee3036 wait what did the person say? I cant seee
I AM TRANSGENDER!!! I KNEW IT😊😀😀😀😊
@@LuchoPiastri You just read it
If you aren’t happy with who you are...because
....being normal is loving yourself.
Don’t worry about other people’s expectations. Love yourself first.
i wanted to be a guy. i accidentally told my great grandma. i was living with my great grandparents, who are very strong christians. when my great grandma found out, she was not happy at all. my great grandpa called me a dyke.
then i went to live with my great grandparents, who im living with now. i thought theyd be more accepting, theyre christians but theyre a lot more laidback and dont yell at me for everything like my great grandma did. my grandpa accepted me my entire life, no matter the issue, always helping me, but when he found out about how i felt he told me "what you want cant be done" and things like that. a LGBT ad came on tv and he frowned and went "ugh"
my grandma said that "girls turn into boys to have sex with girls" she wouldnt listen and when i told her what it actually meant she said "you dont know what it means. i have transgender friends so i know what it means" but with her definition im pretty sure she just has lesbian friends.
now my nickname is "girl" "lady" and "girly girly" and "babe"
ive tried to tell someone i dont like my name but they keep calling me my birth name
im trying to stay a girl, but i hate it. i hate my body, my voice, my nicknames, all of it
i dont know who i am anymore.
i think maybe im nonbinary? i dont know anymore. i just dont want to be a girl
I know exactly how u feel I hate it sm ☹️
You aren't a girl no matter what your grandmas and grandpas say. Don't let them decide your gender for you. They can decide theirs, not yours. Hopefully they can learn to accept it and not be as hateful. It will all get better I promise
I've been questioning for years and always doubt it because I'm scared that if I transition I'll realize that I'm not trans and have to detransition..
Same
I can't imagine myself as a woman when I'm older. I imagine myself and a man. I hate my body. I hate my birthname. I have always knew I never was normal. Whenever I play a game when you make yourself I make myself a guy with blonde spiky hair and have loving blue eyes, not a girl with a dress on. I always dream about myself as a guy and it makes me feel depressed. I also suffer depression and suicidal thoughts because I'm in the wrong body. I wish it was easy to change. I don't wanna be a 13 year old girl anymore, I wanna be the guy I am in my mind.
I'm not. I'm not changing at all. I'm just making everyone see me as who I really am. :p
The Governor you can change your sex and gender if you wanted to
Same
Hey there - there isn't a "reply" link on your comment on UA-cam. I'm hoping this reaches you through this way. :)
It is super overwhelming for anyone to transition, at any age, and especially when you are a teen! If there is any way your parents would be willing to help, that would be ideal. If there's any way you can visit a counselor, with them, who can help explain to them what is going on and why it is so important that you begin to discuss the option of transitioning, that could maybe get the ball rolling.
Getting others to understand how serious this is can be hard, but if they care about you they will eventually come around. Keep asking your friends and others to try using your correct pronoun and name, even if you have to bug them repeatedly about it.
Oh, and playing with dolls is a stereotypical female thing to do and doesn't mean anything really. :)
Good luck, keep me posted!
Dara
I can relate to you Jacob (I'm on the autism spectrum too), except on the part that i havent told anyone about it yet. The feeling that inside im a girl and really want to be a girl has only 3 weeks popped up so intensely, but I can remember days from a few years ago were i was really sad and depressed because I wanted to be a girl and could think of nothing else. At that time i knew nothing about gender dysphoria or transgender at all, so I just thought that it was normal and thought to myself: "i'm not a girl, so i've just got to live my life and make the best out of it". Only now a week before my 18th birthday this feeling has become so strong (especially at the first days I got this feeling, which would let me lie sleepless till midnight because of stomachaches and sickness, and the desire to be a girl) that i really think I have gender dysphoria. I also have some memories about not being certain about my gender as a child, but I haven't really played with girly things when i was young (although I secretly liked My Little Pony dolls and films very much, I never got the courage to tell my parents I liked them, thinking I would be weird in their eyes and they would just laugh saying thats girlstuff, or that my brother would find out, which would have been even worse).
Because of my autism I was very introvert, and had such a hard time to show my feelings to anyone, even myself lol. I dont know very much about my childhood anymore but I really feel like my autism has kept me from realizing that I wanted to be a girl. Because I didn't really had the persistent feeling of being a girl when i was young im kinda questioning myself too since in every documentary or video i see about transgender people they say that they knew that they were transgender from the first memories or 5-6 years old, which certainty I don't have.
Are there other people who are questioning their gender dysphoria because of no certainty that they already had this at their childhood, and is it possible to get the realization and feeling that you're transgender later on in life (I just turned 18)?
I am only 12 years old, and I am questioning myself and my gender. I'm female but I don't want to be addressed as she. You know? I am not certain, so I don't want to tell my parents. So, no gender therapist for me, but I also feel attracted to girls only, which means that I'm probably lesbian. I hope that you reply to this because I just told my friend today that I might be transgender and we are going to talk. So, please reply
Claud Chanks Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. I always love hearing from my UA-cam viewers.
Because of the high volume of messages I receive I unfortunately I don’t have the chance to give in-depth answers to all of the messages I receive.
I want to be sure you are aware of a resource called Ally Moms. This is a group of moms from across the world who all have transgender children, and they are available to offer love and understanding, to answer questions, or to just have a friendly conversation. They are here for you, so be sure to reach out!
callhimhunter.wordpress.com/ally-moms/
Hi I'm ten I am not sure I'm trans gender case sometimes I like for example to wear make up sometimes I don't like to wear skirts and sometimes not (examples) may be I'm just a tommy cat or just not FtM I never really let this come up with my mom or dad
Ya I just think I'm a tommy nvm
I always wanted to be a boy. I used to get jelly when my twin was called handsome, not because I wanted a compliment but because I wanted what he had. I’m confused because at the same time I’m pretty fem but masculine at the same time,, it’s so confusing-
How do you know if your cis or transgender??
Hi, my name is Jordan and I’m 18 years old. I started questioning my gender around the beginning of 7th grade. I got my period the month before I was supposed to start 7th grade. Getting my period threw me off and made me really uncomfortable. I never could put my finger exactly on why I felt so weird but the way that people were treating me and the way my body was changing, I hated it to say the least. I remember finding out was transgender meant in like the 10th grade but I didn’t really think much of it. It wasn’t until I turned 17 and was a junior in high school that I really began to ask myself if I was transgender female to male or not. I began to wear more guy clothes and wanted a haircut. I went to therapy and concluded that I just liked to wear men’s clothes because they were more comfortable. Then, in my senior year of highschool my gender spun out of control. By the time I was to graduate high school, I had no idea who the heck I was. My mind was always all over the place. I had mental breakdowns a lot and sometimes for no apparent reason. I started to feel really insecure and wanted to get back into therapy since it has previously helped me before. So there I was, back in therapy after I graduated high school. I told my therapist exactly how I had been feeling and we had come to the conclusion that I was probably transgender female to male. For the next six months I identified as transgender female to male. It was hard sometimes and I had a lot of doubt but I pushed through it. However, now my thoughts on my self are very different. I no longer feel like a man or want to be one. The thought of growing facial hair makes me want to literally cry and I actually can appreciate my breasts and love them because they make me feel feminine and make me feel like a woman. I couldn’t imagine transitioning into a man, mainly because I would miss my current body and feel quite out of my element in that type of body. But it’s like now I am so dang confused! Was the whole feeling like a transgender man just a phase?? How do you know if you are cis gender?? How does one tell if they are transgender?? I actually want to be my assigned gender at birth and have so much self love for myself that I never had before. I really do feel like a girl, inside and out. Does this mean that I’m really a cis gender female?? Please leave me your thoughts and advice below, any and every comment of advice is very much appreciated trust me!🥰❤️💓
Finding your true self is a very tricky and complicated road. And sometimes we need more time to figure out our gender and sexuality. If you really feel comfortable and are happy with how you are right now then there is no reason to change it. You were probably just figuring yourself out and its normal to get confused about your gender when growing up. Some people grow up being extremely masculine hating feminine things and later on become very feminine and are totally happy about it and comfortable being like that. So I would say if you are happy the way you are then dont worry about being transgender because you probably arent and you were just confused growing up.
the confusion
What confusion?
What I'd you e only recently started feeling the discomfort?
I was always put in dresses from I was very little, I used to love make-up, but it all feels wrong now. I started feeling like this a year or so ago, but the more I think about it the more I realise it's always felt wrong. There's always been something out of place.
Well when your younger you don't have really a feminine body, I mean it's there, but not as prominent. So when you went through puberty, you probably noticed more that you don't like it. It's okay
Hi, I'm 12 years old (female) and I'm really confused. Ever since I was 3 years old, I've ALWAYS felt like a boy. NEVER a girl.. Around ages 4-9 I always pretended to like girly things, even though I hated them. And when i was 10, i pretty much went full boy. I wore ONLY boys things to school, and I felt HAPPY. I felt in the right position. My parents wouldn't let me cut my hair or wear suits and stuff like that. They would always just say "You're a GIRL. Not a boy." And they still do. Now, I wear mostly gender neutral clothes, and people call me a tomboy and a lesbian. It's so annoying. My voice is also REALLY deep, like REEEEALLY deep. Even people at school said it.. My voice sounds just like my 14 year old brother's voice. I'm also cutting my hair really short in 6 or 7 days, and I'm a bit scared about it. I don't wanna get judged, but I think I'm gonna have to deal with it. I've never told anyone that I feel like a boy.. No one really asks. So what am I? Someone help! Does anyone feel the same??
Your comment is now a few month old but I'm gonna answer anyway.
The only person who can answer the question "what am I?" is you. People can help bit in the end it's always you and just you who can answer this. I would definitely recommend talking to someone you trust and feel safe with if you feel ready. And always remember that it's okay to be confused about your gender, sexuality or whatever.
For me it sounds a lot like you don't feel comfortable being considered a girl. But I'm not you and I don't know you so I can't really tell you if you are transgender non-binary or whatever.
just because you like things some boys like doesn't make you a boy. I'm a girl and I'm just like you.
it's ryan i feel the same but im scared
Yes but vise versa for me boy to girl
I'm a little overwhelmed and still questioning the fact that I might be transgender.
I'll admit that despite being a female, I was raised more like a son. I was never into playing tea party or dressing out. I never realized that a lot of the other girls found me "weird" because I was never girly. I've really questioned it in the past couple years, but I tried to ignore it due to the fact I'm almost 15 now and I genuinely thought that it was just going to be another teenager phase. I always told myself to not be ridiculous and that maybe I just didn't like the same things girls do.
Now I am really questioning it. I'm sort of fine with being referred to as a she but deep down inside I find myself wishing I was different. I don't have a problem with the name thing due to the fact my nickname is Zacharie which is a masculine name anyways.
Someone recently pointed it out to me and now I really just noticed that I actually do these things. I don't wear makeup at all, not even a little foundation in the mornings. I *loathe* hair dryers and curling irons, can't stand the bloody things! I don't like skirts, heels, not even shorts! I like having brush-and-go hair and would go for a pair of trainers over UGG boots any day. I do dress nicely but I prefer having blouses under sweaters or button ups with a tie.
The thing is, we had dress up day at school and "genderbent" was our theme, and I actually enjoyed it. I felt comfortable, and kind of liked it when I had people say that I actually looked like a boy.(good thing for having an androgynous face) I find myself actually being unintentionally biased and hanging around with males. I get along with them a whole lot better. I wouldn't really go to the point of wrapping up my chest but I really do feel like a boy in a girl's body sometimes. I actually question some of the "feminine habits" too. Like, I've said things that has offended ladies that I would just kind of shrug and ask why they got offended.
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. I've actually wanted my parents to call me by Zacharie just like my friends do but I don't know how they would feel about it. I don't know how to talk to them about being transgender. Right now I'm trying to pinpoint everything. I've done tons of research and all has led me to being extremely tomboyish or transgender. Sorry for the lengthy comment. I'm just needing some help.
Me to
Thank you so much for writing that! I'm turning 15 too and I have pretty much the same problem. I've been questioning my gender for a while now, but it hit me pretty hard today when I washed off my make up in the bathroom and strapped down my chest with a scarf, I rolled up my sleeves and I've got a pixie cut so my hair is already short. I looked like a boy. And after feeling so down and anxious about my gender identity, I looked at myself in the mirror and I got this surge of happiness, like I was MEANT to be a boy. But the thing is I don't mind being a bit girly sometimes...Not often but...I'm still questioning, this is really confusing.
Sorry for the long comment! XD
I hope you figure out who you are soon
+Alyssa Mackenzie you can be who ever you want good luck c: in trans too. but I can't apear as a man yet due to people in my school bieng transphobic and some of my family too.
I hope you can be who you are soon! :3
Thank you, Dara. Your videos (especially this one) and your wonderful book have helped me to understand that I am Transgender. Being in my 40s and just now figuring that out is not easy. You have been one of my main sources for education and support.
Kovu sent me here:)
Same!
Mhmm same!
Same
Same
I know I'm trans because I've transitioned but I'm going to say my reasons for transitioning to help others who may be going through gender dysphoria or questioning their gender identity. So I'm a biological male but I transitioned to female. I prefer female clothes over male and find female clothes more comfortable. I would rather be female than male. Whenever I would see a beautiful female I would get so jealous because I wanted to be like them. In a relationship I would rather be the woman. I hated my old male body. I prefer long hair over short (this one doesn't really mean your trans because there are males with long hair and females with short). Basically I would rather be a girl than a boy, that's the main question you need to ask yourself "which gender would I be more happier being". Thanks for reading 😁❤️
Edit: if your wondering if it's a phase then inbrace the opposite gender by doing what makes you comfortable. Just do what makes you happy (I mean like changing your hair style, wearing or not wearing makeup and changing what u wear, don't do any surgerys until you know it's NOT a phase) and if it's a phase then just go back to your other gender and enjoy life😁. If it's not a phase and you have been having gender dysphoria for a while then transition and enjoy life😁
3:55 "Does it feel like your physical body matches the gender you are?"
I feel like this is a loaded question ( "Have you stopped beating your wife?" ) because it implies you have or know you have a (typically binary) gender and doesn't give an out for all other possibilities. Gender is such a poorly defined mental/social construct. I have a body. That body houses me. I want to make that body more accurately represent the features and characteristics that I find comfortable and fulfilling and that inspire in others the kinds of thoughts and impressions that make relating to me on how I feel about myself easier. Because right now, as much as it makes me happy to dress and present as feminine as I do now even in public, I recognize that at the end of the day all people see is a guy wearing women's clothing and it's depressing to look in the mirror and realize they're right.
No, I don't feel like a woman and I can't because I never grew up looking like one. I haven't "since as long as I can remember" (which seems to be everyone's go to phrase) and I probably never will. But I also don't feel like a man. I resent the idea that for the rest of my life people will only ever see me as a man, because I see myself as graceful/beautiful/feminine and I identify with the emotions and aesthetics that are inspired when I see a confident woman. Like a child emulating their hero. "When I grow up, I'm going to be just like them". But I am grow up, and it's painful to realize that I'm not or to think I will never be like them. But unless I utter the words "I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body" or similar, it's not legitimized. I left my therapist because I won't commit that kind of intellectual dishonesty to myself (also they sucked, can't afford it, and I get tired of hearing "wow, you're really self-aware" as I'm in the middle of explaining I don't understand myself haha).
Sorry to rant. It's just that many of the introspective questions for "Am I trans?" reinforce binary tropes and bar people/therapists from understanding that non-binary people are unhappy with how their body presents too. We all have to be "clinically trans" though to be legitimized -.-
+robertwalters ,I'd love to chat with you about this if you are keen. Im working ion a project defending gendernon-conforming people against pathologisation and against reductive identity foreclosure practices like this therapists engages with (even if she gives a patronising nod to diversity it is all about "alignment"). we should be free to express ourselves how we like and relate to gender identity how we like without dissociating from our bodies. No body is wrong, nor does any gender expression innately go with any particular biological sex. We need to defend diversity!
+robertwalters - Also feminine people who live in male bodies are wonderful - whether you use a transgender identity label/strategy (whatever the pronoun) or describe yourself as a feminine or gender nonconforming male it is a legitimate and beautiful way to be.
+Georgina Whitby sure, you can message me through UA-cam here and then we can transfer to a more convenient platform. I'm interested in hearing about this project of yours and discussing how non-trans gender-nonconforming narratives are silenced by the community when it comes to discussion of body image and social identity expression.
*YES* I was looking for this , thank you
I was born a girl and the second you said "what if someone sees you as a he and calls you a he?" I started crying because the thought of being called a he just feels so right. Thank you so much for this video. I needed this.
Thank you so much for creating this channel and being a compassionate and helpful medical professional. I really appreciate your work.
Thank you so much for your precious work. It's important to go back to the basis when speaking about this argument, because each one of us is different and has their questions and worries
I’m 15, I’ve felt like a girl my whole life but my family keeps saying kNoW fOr sUrE. I don’t even need hormones I just want to wear a dress :/
Did someone in family mess with u win u were little cuz my family all used me and that all I new thier were many adults passed me around and I thought I loved it
Thanks For Help You Don't have Any Idea How Much This Video Helps Me 😊
You're such a good person. Thank you for helping our community.
I love you so much! Watching your videos always makes me feel better.
Hi, I'm Wren. Lately I've been having problems with anxiety due to gender--because I've been thinking about it a lot because I'm wondering if I'm trans. I have looked up dysphoria and other attributes but I feel like I'm not quite fitting and I don't really know what to do. Ever since I was really young, I loved (And love) acting, playing roles, stepping into a character, improvising or reading from a script, and I would always be male. I love deepening my voice and taking a male name--or sometimes a female name because I have played a transgender MtF before, but always, always I play a male body, imagine myself physically male, and when I dream and I remember--I am male biologically in my dreams, too. However, I don't have the dysphoria I have heard comes with being trans--I would like to have a flat chest, but I like my hips and the few curves I do have, though the other female attributes I possess I'm not so fond of, I don't feel....wrong, or something, when I get my period. When I am not acting male, I don't feel....fake, exactly. I want facial hair, and I've considered that I might be bigender--but if I am, is it a bad idea to try to transition to being as biologically male as possible? I've always wanted to look like a guy, and I know that if I AM transgender, then I'm still attracted to guys, and that also caused some confusion for me until I realized that doesn't mean I'm cisgender, I could be FtM and homosexual. But if you have any advice or something for my situation, or clarification on if you think I'm trans, that would be really amazing because I honestly have no idea what to do and I've been kind of freaking out lately.
From what you shared, my brain thinks ur trans (ftm) who is genderfluid in ur masculine identity. (And attracted to men)
Thank you so much! Haha it's been a while, I forgot I'd posted that. It's really nice to hear some confirmation from an outsider as I can't really afford gender counseling haha--though I want to say, I've actually come out mostly and I can say with complete confidence I'm a guy, just maybe a slightly femme guy.
I do love my body, and I am grateful for it. But I still take acne medication and eczema ointment. There are some things that need to change, even in an overall healthy body. Whether I get surgery, or take HRT is my decision, and if I feel that I need either to live my life as I identify, if I need those to help with depression or dysphoria, I will do so.
I have a friend who presents as a nonbinary trans guy. What that means for him is that most days (80-90%) he prefers to be called he/him, but there are some days where he'll tell us to please use they and them. He likes to wear mostly boy's clothes but he will also wear "feminine" accessories to balance it out on the neutral days. He has worked very hard to make his voice androgynous-sounding, and he is currently letting his hair grow a tad long. Maybe this might work for you. I hope this helps.
I was born female but I'm questioning my gender. I also thought I was a lesbian but now my attraction towards boys has grown a lot and sometimes it's difficult to seperate wanting to be with a boy and wanting to be one. But I'm kind of afraid to admit that to anyone because I'm worried that if I am Male, they will doubt my transition
Thank you for this video. It has really helped me get started figuring out my gender.
Dara, it has been about 8 months since I first watched this video,although I already knew I was trans ,still this video gave me inspiration and in fact I have pinned it as a welcome video in a top trans support group on FB ,,,a few people have came to me in secret after viewing and it helped them discover something about themselves,,,I refer them to the rest of your vids and they all enjoy them ,,you are too cool my friend ,,,
love you top, and the banners in the background. I've kinda done the opposite most my life. Trying to act male. When I decided to be me I was relieved . thanks for sharing..
Me too. I've always tried to act hyperfeminine to hide the fact that I didn't feel like a girl at all. Now I'm starting to embrace the masculinity I tried to suppress for so many years, and I'm pretty happy. Of course sometimes it feels awkward because I'm afraid people won't take me seriously and only call me the right pronouns to be patronising.. but I think I just need to get used to it because I know presenting as a guy would make me feel so much better in the long run.
Hey! Great video. It wasn't until I was ready to admit to myself that I was trans at 31 years old that I really became uncomfortable with my body, and with being called "he" and by my old name, etc. I never "always felt" I was trans, except for the nagging feeling that one day... eventually... I would be able to do it.
These videos of how families stick by child NO MATTER what along w/how child is not at such an early age the child has felt stuck in wrong body has helped my son express himself SO MUCH! It helps him feel he's not alone, a freak & puts the conversation started with questions into words he can express properly. Thank you for helping him put his feelings into words he couldn't or didn't know how to express how was feeling inside.
Kudos to you as well for supporting your son! We're working together to make this a better world for everyone to be able to express themselves. Glad to hear the video helped. :)
That last little addendum made me feel a little better because I hate feeling uncertain and that’s all I have been feeling about myself and it’s what kept me from realizing the truth about myself for so long.
Some times I feel not like a girl and I always feel different then others and I always felt uncomfortable with my self
When I was a little girl I was the most girly girly girl u could meet and I loved dresses but now I hate to wear them and now I don't know what to do?
Don't worry. This sort of thing happens to a lot of girls.
Just BE.
Embrace your womanhood, embrace all the parts of yourself.
It's great to be a woman.
Don't ask yourself too many questions. Don't waste your time, your energy, your ĺife.
Think of your goals, your dreams.
Think of your talents, develop them.
Pursue meaning, not happiness.
Do breathing exercises. Stay in your body.
It does not matter if you don't always fit in.
It doesn't matter if there are male facets in you too. Embrace them as well.
Reconcile with all your fragments.
Don't binge watch videos about transgenderism. Otherwise it will influence you, like hypnotism.
Try to heal from your childhood traumas.
Maybe some of your emotional needs have been unmet.
Maybe you have been abused emotionally or physically.
Think of your dreams beyond your gender. Don't question your gender, you don't have to.
Don't repress your reason.
Listen to your heart and to your conscience.
Face your fears and try to take a practical step to achieve a dreams.
I am so confused, because I love wearing skirts and dresses, I fit nearly every female stereotype, but I hate the body I'm trapped in. It is especially confusing because I am asexual, so I don't know if I just hate my parts because their existence leaves me vulnerable, not because I might be ftm or aggender. I also realize that I might just like skirts because the way I wear them hides my curves. But then there are also times when I feel happy and comfortable with boobs and stuff, and I act like a little lady and love it. Whereas other times, I see a guy and just want to be one. I don't know what to do, because my mom just gets awkward about stuff like this, and if I were to come out as non-cis, I would be the fifth or sixth person at my school of less than 400, and I don't know if people would believe me.
I really liked your point of acting your assigned gender, I reached a point where I am TIRED with the uphill battle of being the role others have put on me!
Thank you for your information and the discussion with details to take my next step… Kellyjohn
I've been saying that I'm Non-binary since june 2019 but I don't just use they/them pronouns I also use he/him so I think I'm a demiboy but I also feel like I should just use he/him pronouns and say I'm trans ftm but Idk if it's just a phase or not..
The video stated while you realize these things they change like a flow in teens. I’ve seen he/him pronouns and they/them pronouns in non binary’s. It just usually depends on how you identify.
This is exactly how I feel. I thought I was non binary but that didn't feel quite right, I'm either demi boy or trans now. I just call myself trans so people call me a boy.
I still don't know if i'm trans , i kinda like girly things , the reason why i'm considering this it's because 1 year ago my bff dressed me as a guy just to hang out ( idk why) and i just feel i don't know how to explain it , since that day i've been dreesing as a dude but just in my room and taking photos , that's the only time where i can feel good about me.
I feel bad bc of my family , 2 years ago i came out as bisexual and they accepted me but i think being trans it's something that will change my life and also theirs.
Oh my god sameee
This helped a lot. Last year around this time I was questioning my gender identity. Biologically, I am female. However, at that time, I didn't feel that I was female but, I didn't feel exactly male either. However, I did prefer male physical features over female. And, scouts honor, I did try this. I went to CVS and bought make up, and did my make up to look male. (Played with shadowing and gave myself a beard) I preferred this look over my biological female features but, I wasn't completely satisfied. I gave it thought as to maybe, that was the first time I've ever done any sort of make up on myself and it just didn't look good or, I just wasn't feeling the male look as much as I thought I would. I never really minded people calling me she but, in relationships (I am a lesbian) I also really preferred the dominant rule. I also didn't mind my name. But one thing that still bugs me even today is my body. It's way too feminine for my liking. But, it's not enough to give me extreme dysmorphia. But from time to time, I'll catch myself looking in mirror and saying, "Well, this really sucks." But anyway, thanks for the help!
This is the same with me I like my name and being called she or her but I hate my breasts and I like male attributes my mum and dad are very understanding but I'm only 12 and I've not hit puberty yet so I think i might wait until I hit puberty then if I still feel the same I'll proceed from there
As a kid i had a lot of acess to internet and i used to pretend to be a boy on games such as animal jam or club penguin just for fun. Then, growing up, i got my period at the age of 11 and i didn't care at all, but as soon as my family started calling me a lady i got angry and couldn't understand why.
After that, i started pretending i was a boy again on the internet, but this time on social media. It made me feel more comfortable and happier overall. I soon realized that i could just... You know? Ask for my friends to refer to me on other ways, so i asked them to use masculine pronouns on me and i've never stopped ever since!
Sometimes i doubt myself, so it's good to have somewhere to talk about it even if nobody listens to it. It makes me feel more valid.
My heart breaks into to two. People keep on telling me I will go to hell if I get transgender
They're idiots blinded by a fantasy that need to except and embrace reality you just do you :)
I understand that and it hurts but it'll be okay 💙
Dont listen to them I know it is hard to not do that BUT they are leaving in a ilusion. If u believe in heaven and hell I can tell you that u wont go to hell for trying to be happy... U are not hurting anyone by doing it so dont worry 😊😊 I truly hope that u find your happiness
This happens to me too, but dont worry their are a ton of people that are trans and you can talk to another trans person and ask them about what they did to not be bothered by this
I was wondering if I am trans. I am born a female but I feel really uncomfortable wearing skirts, dresses, short shorts and other girly clothes even though I go to an all girls school so we're forced to wear skirts. In my spare time, I wear my hand me down from my older brother and recently cut my hair short. Many strangers call me a boy or male and I feel really happy. I don't feel so nice when people call my female or girl. When I was younger, like 3 to 6, I always wanted to be Prince Charming or the boy roles but I dressed up like princesses because that's what I was told that girls are only allowed to be princesses and girls can never be boys. Am I trans?
Yes you are
I don't think anybody has the right to tell you if you are or not. It is your life.
Yet let me share what it spontaneously makes me think of.
You wrote that from 3 to 6 you wanted to be a little boy.
A lot of little girls don't remember but in fact it is the case of all little girls. The psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud said that from 3 to 6, just before the age of reason, all the little girls feel penis envy and would like to be a boy.
It is at this age they can compare themselves to the others and they notice they do not have a penis unlike little boys. They imagine they have nothing because their sexual organs are not visible.
The little girls sometimes feel that they have nothing, no penis, (not even breasts like their mums) and are nothing.
At the same age little boys don't feel penis envy at all since they have one, they feel castration anxiety because they imagine that girls had had a penis but it was cut off. It is also the Oedipal stage.
The little boy is attracted to his mum the opposite sex and would like "to kill" his dad to keep his mummy to himself but he is afraid of castration. Once he starts identifying with his dad his fear of castration alleviates. The dad separates the little boy from his mum a little and introduces him to the outside world.
It is the role of the father to separate the child from their mum.
Little girls' first object of love is their mother like boys. Yet from the age of 3 to the age of 6 their father becomes their second object of love, they love their daddy and feel jealousy towards their mother.
They can sometimes also feel jealousy towards their father because if they had had a penis they could have been their mother's lover. When they realise that they have the same sex as their mum and can identify with her they can move on.
The Oedipal complex (the Electra Complex for the girl) is a major one for the construction of identity.
When the Oedipal complex is not resolved puberty is more violent, more disturbing because it comes back to the surface.
Sometimes a few external events and internal reactions have prevented the child from resolving this complex. For instance if the dad was absent or physically present but emotionally absent, or narcissistic or tyrannical or abusive (emotionally or physically ), if there was sexual abuse.
Maybe the mother was too close to her child. She protected her infant but she kept overprotecting her child as if it were still an infant later on and smothered her child (maybe in some cases to protect the child from a malignant narcissist.)
When there are traumas the child can't go through the stages smoothly.
If the child lives in an unstable home it is difficult, if the child lives in an apparently perfect family but with stressed parents or parents who are too busy or with parents who have not healed themselves from their childhood traumas, the child's needs will not be met and he will have wounds and suffer from a deep shame and a fear of abandonnent, rejection.
Maybe you are suffering from CPTSD (=Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) without knowing it.
Please don't jump to conclusions.
Remember that medical transitioning is very very unnatural and can be detrimental to your physical health and even in the long run to your mental health.
Whether you are trans or not I believe that your body is your body.
Embrace your brain and your body.
Embrace all the parts of yourself.
Maybe someone made you believe that you were less than and made you lose your confidence and your self-esteem.
In fact there is nothing wrong with you.
I know it is easier said than done sometimes but try to just BE.
If you really can't maybe you need to heal from childhood traumas.
Transitioning doesn't heal.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
I absolutely love your hair here Dara 💕
Wow, this vid popped up in my recommended after 7 years from watching it the first time and being reassured I was trans. Thanks, doc.
I genuinely don't mean to belittle trans people and this is something I am genuinely trying to understand.
Since nobody really knows how it 'feels' to be male vs female (we only have our own experience to draw from and nothing to compare it to). I have no issue with man wanting to adopt what they deem to be a feminine image or lifestyle (or vice versa) but the effort to "become" someone else seems instinctively unhealthy. It also seems that many people put far too much emphasis on how others see them, instead of learning to nurture and love themselves as they are.
If it's the gender 'norms' that people feel uncomfortable with, shouldn't we work on smashing those rather than expecting people to change their identities to fit?
They aren't changing them to fit in, though. They're becoming what they've always felt they are. Like yeah, I was born female and I associate my personality as pretty feminine, but I still would like for my body to match what my mind tells me it should be. It's more of a "do it for your happiness" kinda thing. That's like dieting. Fat people who want to become skinny aren't always doing it for everyone else, they're most likely doing it for their own health or happiness.
Well this is my point. How could you possibly know what it is to 'feel' male or female, since every one of us only gets to experience our own minds. For me I feel like my gender is completely separate from my personality, I just happen to be female. If I had been born into a man's body I feel like I would still be 'me', I'd just be gay and not very sporty.
hi maybe i can help. the idea of "feeling male" or "feeling female" is a very personal thing. for many people, it is something they can't put words to. they just know. it's kind of like love. you can't see it or pin down one universal definition but people still feel it. although gender is a social construct that does not mean it isn't real. basically everything is a social construct but we live in the real physical world in which these constructs have real life effects and functions. so for trans people like me, we experience something called dysphoria which can be extremely uncomfortable and distressful. our physical being does not match up to how we feel on the inside. although you said you don't think you would feel any different if you were suddenly in a male body, many people would. study's have found that there is evidence of an internal gender identity in the brain. whether or not you believe these studies does not matter. sure, it's nice to say that society should change and not trans people but that is unrealistic and discouraging to hear when you are struggling with disphoria NOW. a genderless world would be very freeing but until we reach that point, trans people will need to transition for their own, well being, identity, and safety :)
It's interesting - other than the fact that I'm heterosexual and am attracted to men, I really wouldn't have a clue/strong feeling about what gender I was unless I had been told/raised that way. I don't 'feel' like a woman at all, but I don't 'feel' like a man either. I am just 'me'. If I grew a penis tomorrow I would like to think I could adjust to life as a gay man without changing 'who' I am, if you get my drift. But then that's probably easy for me to say.
+Christina Lake thank you, I was thinking the Same thing. Just get rid of gender roles.
"How do you know if you're transgender?"
How do you know you're not just imagining it all?
Before we were fighting gender-stereotypes. Now we are fighting our own body in order to meet the stereotypes. Bravo!
Thank you so very much for doing these videos. You are a sweetheart..
It's my pleasure, am glad you are finding them to be of use :)
Dara, why do assume that someone who is uncomfortable with their gender is in some way "unaligned " with their biological sex??? (they may be "unaligned" with the cultural load/ expectations imposed on their body). The idea you push (and yes I realise yours is the culturally dominant idea right now) of bodies needing to be "aligned" with identities in a particular way is oppressive, and rejects much of the healthy and happy diversity in the ways the bodies, expressions and identities meet. Secondly, why do you claim that transgender narratives/ identities are the only way to express friction / discomfort with gender? ??A lot of people are gender critical - that is they challenge the rules imposed on our bodies and on our behaviours...
Of course gender "frames" (makes rules about and tries to define) some things that are natural and important to ourselves, and we can feel unfortable if the rules say our ways of feeling belong with different bodies or social roles - but freedom is in challenging the rules that say these parts of ourselves have to "match" our bodies or "match" a bunch of cultural expectations in a particular way. Yes, there are some people who experience extreme and persistent body dysphoria (feel their body is wrong for them) and get some comfort from interventions which create something closer to the sex they would prefer to be (which also helps in appearing gender conforming, making body appearance atch gender if that is what they feel more comfortable with) -but most people either shifting gender (which is your social postition not your body) or challenging gender , grow to be happy in their bodies, regardless of their gender identity journey or gender strategies.
Gender nonconformity is something to be celebrated , not resolved or cured. It isn't helpful to coach gender nonconforming and gender challenging people into a transsex "allignment" narrative (ie repeatedly pushing the idea of things needing to "match" as you have here). Of course we need treatment and compassion for people who are body dysphoric - but imposing body dysphoria ideas on gender non-conformity is oppressive. If people are questioning gender - great. If they are doubting the conformity solution you are offering - great too. Keep doubting people.. You don't need to become yourselves - you already are. You just might need to fight to be more free in expressing your diverse self - and to be free to keep changing and growing over a lifetime (that is what people who are free do). You will continue to be as you change and grow continuously over a lifetime, regardless of what identities strategies or boxes you chose. . "Identity" is a life-long dynamic story which develops over our lifetimes - not something we should be asked to "resolve" or stop questioning.
Georgina Whitby just found this and your position is awesome! Thank you😎
for example.. My body is either leaning towards feminine and healthy (im a guy) or moremasculine and Its not as healthy becaus ei lock a lot of mental pain in (this is the physical) then theres clothes. Have you seen clothing? Guys clothes suck and then for me I'm bisexual still but getting laid is only going to work as well if you shapeshift towards the binary, body mind and lets face it, clothing/identity, so being choosy, different of opposite is not going to be 'ok' for waaay too many people still for many to choose to do so. But what if we are born not as opposite slices of pie but roaming free on the whole pie? I think there are all types of brainwashed people, trans, gay, straight, truckdrivers.. and then there are authentic people in all the same categories. hope this makes sense its late on full moon and my childhood memories are flooding back about my suppression of aspects of my own sexuality and gender mixup. This is huge stuff and chances are, it may not be gender for everyone but we all have something weve supressed about our true nature because most of our parents going back a few generations either did not beleive we had a soul, or that it belonged to some ideaology or religion or deity or something and so they naturally and rightly so, did their best to raise us whith what they know. Now a lot of the old generation are getting a second wind on their deepest needs as a soul spark too
Thank you so much for posting this.
:)
Thanks, for the past 6 months I have been wondering If I was trans or not. I have been all alone and just dealing it with it myself,which as you said drove me nuts. I'am now seeking a therapist in Canada, and hopefully getting my answers :)
That's really great! Best of luck to you - I know you'll get your answers :)
Hi.. great video :) I'm a little further down the line, had a gender therapist for a few years now working it out. I've always known I was transgender because I cross-dressed in private for a long time (20+ years), but always had a feeling that I might actually be fully transsexual. The feeling of knowing who I am at last is so joyous it brings me to tears, and I haven't even started hormones!
Your suggestion about books and research is really good. Since you have to self-identify, it's good to validate your thoughts against different sources, hence why I'm visiting this video even now.
Good luck anyone who's unsure... don't sit there working yourself into a depressed anxious frenzy... go find a therapist like Dara and work it out.. it's worth it! :)
Thanks so much for your comment. :) I'm happy to hear you have found joy at last, and appreciate the encouraging advice you have offered to others. Take care!
Thank you so much! This really helps
I love this video thanks so much for this x
You are amazing
Going to reshare this
Thank you for this video
Thanks Dara very important to me 💕
Thank you Dara! You have made some good points! I do feel fake and not myself when I am expected to do the female role...its just not me!...
I'm sorry if this sounds weird, but after using this video to receive some useful information regarding gender, I have begun listening to it to help me drift off to sleep. You have a very soothing voice, I think you'd make a wonderful ASMR artist, but I'm sure you're probably too busy to be doing all of that. Anyway, off topic now...thanks very much for posting this :)
Wow, that is so kind of you to say! I actually have a friend who asked me to make a recording of me reading anything to help him sleep lol. I have heard about ASMR and find it fascinating. Perhaps I will look into it at some point. :) Take care...
Totally agree with what you are saying.
I think the bothers me is self acceptance. Like I know I’m a girl but I’m just scared of what others would think/act. I’m biologically a boy btw.
In my country, a "written in stone" requirement is that it has to be persistent since the age of 3.
How messed up is that.
Also, to go to a gender specialist, you're required to have a parent present. AS AN ADULT, you need a parent present. This breaches patient confidentiality laws and I'm not ready for my parents to know again. I told them before, but they didn't take it well. So I put myself back in the closet. That was 5-6 years ago when I was still a teen. And now that these feelings have come back stronger than ever as an adult, I need to address them.
Can't believe it took me this long to watch this one, Dara. Wonderful and informative :) What is your advice for those of us who would really like to seek therapy to discover where we're going, but find it prohibitively expensive?
Hello to you over on this side of the cyber world! :)
Some ideas to find less expensive counseling would be to:
- See if any therapists in your area have interns who charge either nothing or near to nothing for counseling (I have an intern and this works really well!).
- Contact your nearest Pride Center and see if they have counseling or if they know of counselors who offer sliding scale counseling.
- Ask any counselor if they are willing to do sliding scale - you may be surprised, especially if you meet with them face to face and ask.
- Although they aren't licensed as counselors there are also life coaches out there who could be helpful, and who aren't charging as much.
- See if you can find out if there is an agency in your area that offers low cost counseling.
Hope that helps!
Hi Dara, are there different types of "body dysphoria"? I dont have the typical " i dont like my birth gender and i feel trapped".my male body is ok, but I feel a desire to change it. I enjoy and feel liberated by dressing and making myself feminine, do i start a quest in this? Or do i not fit the mold? Just being honest, and seeking honesty. Thank you
This is helping me a lot! ( i'm from Holland) Thanks!
Glad to hear that :)
Nicely said!
Thank you ma'am :)
Great video 💜
Thank you...
So much.
Thank you
I am a 31 autistic closeted MTF, been questioning for 8 years and been seeing a therapist about it for 2 years. I constantly keep going in and out of the closet, thinking it's a phase and am just 'attention starved' but I try forcing myself to forget it and am unable. The Autism makes me even more confused about it. I have an extremely loving and supportive partner I am happily engaged to who's questioning FTM. However, my whole family and my lifelong best friend are not supportive or understanding of it at all, and are extremely talented at making themselves look 100% innocent by aggressively gaslighting me when I accuse them of transphobia. Im tired of the confusion and im tired of still not knowing yet. I wish this can just all go away but I cannot get rid of it. I don't unbearably despise being a man but I also am not sure about being heavily oppressed and harassed daily, while everyone in my life (excluding fiance) relentlessly manipulates me to detransition, and say they 'miss the old (deadname)'
Looove your background!
I've always been fascinated by the idea of being female instead of male and i also "pretended" to be female on the internet for a long time and recently I've been noticing that i am much happier being called by female pronouns and overall feel very uncomfortable in my male body and I'm pretty sure I am a girl now
I'm planning on coming out as trans to my parents this week
oh my God thank You so much!!! You are so wholesome
hey! im cameron. im ftm. lately ive been having a lot of anxiety about my gender because im overthinking it so much. i look feminine and being 15 its hard to accept that im not a girl. i grew up calling myself a girl and hearing others call me a girl and it feels so weird and unnatural. i often wear hoodies and jeans and occasionally a little makeup to cover acne and my undereye circles. that makes me feel better but it doesnt get rid of the dysphoria and i don't have the confidence to cut my hair or whatever. i cant come out to my family. i have great parents but they are transphobic and the only people who really accepts me is my friends. on amino i made an acc under the name Cameron and i feel so much more confident under that name. i made friends easier than my original acc with my birthname. i have a lot of friends irl and online and they make it all easier
+Reygan Kiewiet Since your parents are being supportive so far of you being pansexual that gives me hope that they will be opening to listening to what you'd like to share about possibly being FtM. You know them best - would it be best to sit them down and talk to them in person? Start with an email? Also think about if you should have any information with you to share that can help answer their questions. Plan on it involving lots of conversations over a long period of time - just get the first part about, let them know you are wanting to explore this, and that you are taking it one step at a time. Good luck!
the site tranifesto is unavaible. im new to your channel. are there are other ones you could recommend for someone new?
Personally I've never had issues about my pronouns and my name (Erika) for some reason never felt feminine to me. I didn't think it was masculine but I always saw it as more gender neutral for some reason, and in my country there are barely any gender neutral names so I find it interesting how I thought that. I've read some of this woman's book on this exact issue, figuring out one's gender identity, and I STRONGLY recommend it to anyone
How to know if your trans.
If you answer all of these questions
1. I feel uncomfortable being seen as my birth sex
2. I think about my gender pretty much every day
3. Dysphoria is always slowing me down in life
4. I've felt uncomfortable with my gender since puberty or haves know something felt off
5. I don't picture myself as my birth sex in dreams or when I see my self in the future
I trust you I wish I could pick you
Who I want to sleep WITH is less important than who I want to go to sleep AS.
I was assigned female at birth and never felt that was who/what I was, though I couldn't verbalize those feelings that way. I grew up during the 60s and 70s; being transgender was never discussed or even known widely. The first time I ever even heard about such was Rene Richards and that was presented almost as if related to being transexual, which as societally presented as cross-dressing gone to a medical result.
Mine was a long development as I learned over decades without the internet or wide public (news) discussions as to what was possible.
I wanted to be a boy since I was 3-4 and made my wishes known (that I didn't want girl toys, clothes or activities), but (again) not in that way. I always looked boyish, despite gaining weight once I started school. I always thought that I gained the weight due to wearing glasses at 6, but now think it may have been that I was REQUIRED to be in a girl role in school: wearing DRESSES or SKIRTS, girlish activities, etc.
Anyway, now, later in life, I gladly accept that I am a transgender man. Due to life issues, I've only been able to even start T just over a year ago, at 61. Long road.
Read, research and realize.