Baiscly did the same joke to a freind :D Bought skirt, painting fingernails, not sure of gender. "So yeah, ive now been fem presenting for the last 10 years, 8 of which in HRT, still not sure if im realy okay with it or just trying things out" (i think im going with enby for now :shrug:)
@@King-of-Corvids it's so crazy, if I look in the mirror for like a minute I'll start to think "who the hell is that guy" and then I remember my outside still doesn't match my inside and then I cry
"Too busy having a bad childhood" is something I've thought about a lot recently. I feel like I spent the first 24 years of my life just trying to survive, there was no space or time to think about who I was.
That hits home... I was 32 when I finally admitted it to myself. I knew I wasn't a boy already in early childhood, but I also knew it wasn't safe to be myself, so I did my best to hide and deny it.
It is how I skipped on knowing I had tism all the time for 39 years, because having tism was not easy. I can imagine being trans might be harder even, as you can get massive dysphoria too :(
Yes! The first 24 years is programming, and then you have to deprogram, which can be years in denial about what you like and who you really are. Raised in strict religion can make it all take longer. Once you break free and embrace your true self that is when life begins, in my opinion. Peace! 🙏 🌈
I feel you 100 percent, I had to create a entire person essentially just because I was to worried about other people's opinions. And repressing all that Def manifested in other, less healthy ways
OH MY GOD ICKY. "If I stare at my face too long I disassociate. I recognize I'm the voice in my head but my reflection is not me." You put into words I feeling I've never been able to describe. That's it!
Honestly thought that was a normal thing, like how if you say a word too many times in a row it no longer sounds like a word and loses its meaning. so that's neat.
About the female characters one, i used to be the exact opposite. outright refused to play one and i kid you not my thought process was "im not allowed to be a girl no matter how much i want to". Until i tried it once and now i rarely play a male character in games and d&d somehow it took me 19 years to realise i was trans
I'd like to say that i'm cis, but to be completley honest, I've had an extremley simmilar thought process to this when picking video game characters all my life. As someone who grew up playing a lot of pokemon, i'd always like the look of the female trainers and be tempted to pick them because they're pretty, but I was so incredibly scared of what my friends at school would think about me if they ever found out, so I never would. That kind of thinking has stuck with me most of my life, and i'm only now as a senior in hs really starting to question what any of those experiences really meant to me. It's been a slow process so far of kind of kicking and screaming getting myself to this needed soul-searching like this because I really wish I that could be comfortable and happy living as a cis guy rn like evreyone else and just be "normal", but I sometimes feel like I just can't because something's wrong with me that I just don't fully know yet.
@@Chezmaster Hey, it's okay. You're fine and there's nothing wrong with you. It's okay to like the pretty characters, it doesn't mean anything. It's also okay to question things. I'm not here to tell you one way or another what you are, only you can determine that. What I will suggest is that you do some exploring, on your own, in private and see how it makes you Feel. Maybe do a little creative writing, again, in private, and see where the story takes you. Self discovery is ongoing. People are constantly finding out new things about themselves, and that's alright. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Show yourself some Grace. We're not meant to know everything by our Senior year, Goddess knows I didn't.
I have another sign I personally identify super hard with: If you hate going clothes shopping, are uncomfortable being in your AGAB clothes section and are unable or feel uncomfortable trying to buy and try clothes on from said section, you might be trans. I have felt this _my entire life_ until I started going shopping by myself and started buying clothes from the girls section. Now 95% of my clothes are technically girls clothes, the 5% being gifts from other people as I’m not out yet.
Definitely experienced this one, and even when I had to buy guy clothes they'd be like skinny jeans and plain colored v-neck tshirts every single time. And oh god the big hoodies, so many big hoodies
I always wore "safe" tops based on what I was told was "proper" things to wear, but I definitely kept the skinny jeans since the first time I tried them. And ofc always hated clothes shopping in my AGAB section, but now it's a fun and enjoyable experience where I'll go window-shopping just to try stuff on having no intention of actually buying anything
Yep. For basically my whole childhood, whenever my mom took us clothes shopping, I wanted to get out of the mall as quickly as physically possible and told her to just buy the most generic block color T-shirts possible
I would stare at women with interesting clothing forever and always felt like they would think I was creeping on them when I enjoyed their outfits more than their bodies.
Similar experience here, but I had a very perceptive friend, who realised that I am not staring at her, but her clothes. That resulted in her giving me a “girl makeover” and completely disintegrating my egg in the process 🤭
Oh god, the whole experience of saying something a bit too psychologically revealing to someone and then they respond with something like: "Are you transgender? It seems like you are." That's exactly what cracked my egg. It's funny looking back.
I was talking about trans people with my roommate one night, and they were like "well, so are you?" And I stared blankly. "Am I what?" "Trans?" I was not expecting that lmao so I said "......... I mean, probably? 🥺"
I wished someone had asked me that when I was literally wearing female clothing and choosing a female name. I really was like "It's just for fun because I enjoy it and all my friends are queer, including that trans guy whose success we just celebrated - I'm still cis tho" - Such a f1nn moment I guess
When I was younger, people kept asking me if I was gay instead, or calling me "girly" or "sissy", because being trans wasn't really a thing people thought about 20-30 years ago...
Yeah I quite literally had womens clothes hidden in my room as a teenager and would constantly fantasise about waking up a girl but it took my now girlfriend to directly tell me for me to actually even consider it.
I would want that just out of curiosity. I'm comfortable in my male body and being a guy. But if I woke up tomorrow with a female body. I'd probably just try to switch my behaviour to be more girly. Edit* I'd be comfortable with that too
I'm genuinely tweaking, since I've done the exact opposite 💀 Like I genuinely just posted my face everywhere. I don't even know, it's not even that I like my face, I just get the urge to mess with somebody or just do weird random things. Now I don't know what to do, since I'm not even photo shy now either. Pluh 😭
I started to hate being touched sometime during puberty, especially hugs from my mom (I was never abused by anyone, so it was not an aversion from something like that). I only became comfortable being hugged after I had come out.
I'm kind of an egg in denial rn, But I remember that when my puberty started I just wanted to be a cute adroginistic boy. Didn't happened so now I have to make the hardest decision of my life :D
First, you two are absolutely adorable. Next, I’ve been transitioning for 2 years starting at 46, and the mirror thing…holy shit I feel that so hard. I wouldn’t necessarily dissociate, but it just would get uglier the longer I looked at it. 8 months into HRT and a year with most of my facial hair removed, and I can actually look at myself and see a face that’s mine.
@@stevel7310 the most noticeable change I had early on was my nipples swelling being really sore, but that early in the process most of the changes were emotional.
I did this in imaginary games as a child too, I would ALWAYS be a boy in the imaginary world. My friends thought it was weird... I'm out as nonbinary rn but maybe that's only bc I'm 5'2"
i would always choose the most androgynous character because playing as a feminine girl made me uncomfortable and i was scared of how people would react if i played as a masculine guy
I mean isnt there plenty of room to say you make a character a girl to not have to look at a guy on ur screen the whole time, cuz being just straight guy looking at a guy in a game for hours at a time is kinda meh, but seeing FEMALE is like yeh that gets my brain going. I never relate to my character as me though so thats probably why where other people are like. IT HAS TO BE ME, which i cant relate to that.
guys... I think I might be trans, I keep taking hrt and i think... it might be a subtle sign that I am trans, though i am not 100% sure just based on this very subtle sign alone :3
@@commander-fox-q7573We’re all waiting on the cyberpunk future where we can just swap out our body parts from a rack. Looking forward to the back half of the century, it’ll be neat - though my main goal is to eventually swap out all of my parts for cyber dragon parts. Why be a human man or woman when you can be a dragon?
I used to think the exact same. For about a year I identified as genderfluid. Now I identify as a trans women. I'm finding it hard to explain why I thought that and now I don't but the best way I can explain it looking back is it was an intermediary step I felt I needed to test the waters and see how things felt. I few months ago I started soley presenting as a girl and I just don't really want to go back. This caused me a lot of struggle with figuring out my identity because a lot of trans people talk about despising their assigned gender but it wasn't until I heard a trans man say "I didn't hate girlhood, it just wasn't for me". That I allowed myself to consider maybe I am trans full time. Since transistioning I feel so much better about how I express myself, I enjoy the way I look and feel and present in a way I just thought I never would. I didn't hate being a guy and as an incredibly competitive person I loved the masculine parts of sports. But so much of my life was just not there. Picking outfits or hair styles was so stressful for me and I hated it, in hindsight masculinity really bounded me not allowed me to express myself. I just wanted plain clothes and to cut all my hair off, be a blank slate and not percieved but now I enjoy it all. I didn't realise this at the time I just thought fashion wasn't something I would ever be into or that I just wasn't that attractive of a person so of course I wouldn't think I'm hot. All rubbish I now realise
Funnily enough, it was the original Baldur's Gate from 1998 that started me on the whole only playing female characters journey. Just wish something like this video was around back then to point out the obvious to me.
Me listening to this video and unintentionally wearing all women's clothing: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Edit: def felt that question "if I could be born a woman/magically change to woman and have it be like that was always the timeline, I might"
I had the thought "if I could press a button and become a girl while nothing else changes in my life I'd press it instantly" like at least once per month for many years. I even said "if I was Gen Z I would probably not be Cis" to someone. I also reached the top 0,7% of League of Legends players in Western Europe playing basically nothing but Morgana, Janna and Sona. I'm currently rocking the hottest female Tiefling-Druid you'll ever see in BG3. I first tried on my moms bra when I was 7 and stole a girls top in summer camp when I was 13 - not to do anything nasty with it but to try it on. I was still pushing a baby doll through the town when I was 4. i even share the "to poor to care when I was young" with Ashley. Great video, maybe it helps some eggs out there to realize the obvious a little earlier than at age 29 like me. 👏
@@skrilp5477 Nope, one of my posts was pretty high last week on me_irlgbt, but that had a different topic. But hey, good to know that there are similar people out there 🤷♀️😊
If I was Gen Z, I would probably not be cis” as a Gen Z, it is eerie how much I relate to this statement. I have thought on multiple occasions “well, if I’d been born to more liberal parents I’d probably not be cis” on more than a few occasions, but I’m still not sure if I am not sure if I’m cis or not
I am as cis male as someone can probably be... My literal hobbies are working on cars, AND i do that for a living. (I even have a UA-cam channel about it!)I'm happily married to a beautiful woman, and I have never questioned my "male-ness". That said, I have some friends that are trans, and I really wanted to understand their experience better, so I can be a better friend to them. Watching you guys has helped me SO MUCH! You're such a cute couple, and watching you has really helped me shed the close-minded nature society has instilled in me since childhood. I do not want to be a bully, and I want to be as open to other people's experiences as I can be, and immersing myself in videos like this really helps beat back years of indoctrination. Keep it up, I love you guys! You are doing important work, as silly as that may seem!!!
Almost everything Ashley said this video about her experiences is something I have either exactly said or thought before lol. Like quite literally said exactly that. It's very affirming. I once tried playing as the male pokemon character because "it was wrong of me to play the girl since I'm not a girl" and got an hour in before deleting the save and playing as the girl character like I always did.
I went back and played some of my old saves where I selected the male characters and it feels wrong now. I made too much progress in Platinum to restart but I might restart White since I barely made it past Route 1
I picked up Borderlands 2 recently, and I picked Zer0 because I like snipers. I played for about an hour before the grunting every time I jumped drove me to the brink and I restarted as Gaige. "Fuck it, I'll make Anarchy work!"
Doubting yourself "am I really trans? / am I trans enough to have nice things... like transition?" is totally normal. Keep questioning though, you got this!
it's funny thinking about my eggy moments from before I realized I was trans. the most obvious eggy moment was how there was a couple times when as I was lying in my bed at night I'd randomly start imagining getting reincarnated as a girl. the funniest though is when I was playing dark souls 2 and found the gender change coffin instead of just thinking "oh that's neat I guess" for some reason this discovery fascinated me so much that I went out of my way to go make a post about it in a trans meme subreddit like "hey I'm cis but this thing looks really cool"
The moment she brought up “waking up as an other gender” I immediately thought of that coffin too. I thought the ability to change gender that quickly fascinating. Made me realize a few things about myself.
Oh my god I did that! I grew my hair out until it was past shoulder length, then I was like "lol Buddha says let go of attachments" and I shaved it all off. Two months later I was awake all night for about three nights and at the end of it I was like "fuck I am a girl"
I’ve done this several times… it’s like I’m always trying to build up an “easier” baby trans phase. I’m trying to have my waders on before going into the deep water, but then I start to feel goofy with these waders on while I’m on dry land and I throw them in the bin and then I’m like “fuck… I guess I won’t think about hormones for another 6-8 months then”
I had long hair from about 16-24 because I was a metal head and I cut it short because I was having trouble finding jobs (it was 2008 and nobody was hiring and food service was still very sexist about hair). always regretted it. I can't really grow it out long now it'll look terrible cus my hair is thinning. I'd probably grow it out again if it wasn't.
Dissociation has been a huge thing for me throughout my entire life, both depersonalization and derealization. I haven't really made the connection that it might have been a trans thing all along. I used to have very strong episodes of feeling like I'm experiencing life in third person, from behind a veil, or watching a movie and nothing being real, and sometimes not recognizing myself in the mirror as well. I still feel this way, but it's been getting better. I hope dissociation eventually goes away completely now that I'm transitioning. I'm still not 100% sure what to make of it since it seems to get worse with being tired/in crowded and overstimulating spaces. I have always assumed it's undiagnosed autism or something, but then it also makes sense in a trans context. Maybe it's both to be honest. Edit: and to add to the "feeling out of place around older men" thing, I kind of had that but as a young kid with other boys my own age I spent time with, especially my cousin. I always felt weirdly "inferior" to them, like I couldn't fit in, and very alien. I also literally and seriously believed I was a robot at some point, and was imagining a HUD overlaid on top of my vision at all times. Needles to say I ended up being the weird quiet kid in class with no friends later on when I went to school.
i've always felt weird around masculine men and felt more comfortable around awkward nerdy guys or femenine gay guys or girls. I was just really awkward around girls I had crushes on so I thought I was terrible with women for awhile, then realized the platonic female friends I made later on I felt much more comfortable with.
Wait, what the actual- This makes me remember that time when I was young and made my life seem like a TV show to entertain an "invisible" audience. Looking back at it, I did it just to distance myself from my mind? Or something. Like, I just did it to appease a part of myself, the "audience". I purposefully made myself do wacky things (like falling down the stairs) to cue a laugh track in my mind. I have no idea if this has anything to do with being trans (as of now I'm only questioning), but this is definitely something to note.
Well, autism is many times more common in the transgender population than in the general population and vice versa, so it could well be both. Although for the others, note that both conditions are uncommon enough that most autistic people are still not going to be transgender and most trans people aren't autistic, so you shouldn't label others as one of those based on just the other.
i'm a tall, trad masc, cis, straight man and like myself this way, but also if i had a choice i'd 100% switch to trad fem woman. "oh just try drag/crossdress" i have, i look terrible lol. I guess appreciating my gf's cool outfits will have to suffice for this life :)
ive got super broad shoulders and a massive head. I'd look terrible as a woman. If I could look as cute as Ashley? yeah maybe I would. Not worth the trouble for me though.
@@Zectifin As a gender-nonconforming/queer man, I'd say to everybody don't let that stop you (as long as it's safe where you are of course). I'm not trans, at least not in the "classical" binary sense, I don't have disphoria, but I'm feeling so much better since I've started wearing feminine/androgynous clothing and makeup. Social conventions can be changed, we just gotta start somewhere
I'm a black trans man and growing up I always felt different. I'm pretty big and butch, strong with a deepish voice and always hated wearing make-up and dresses, which is inherently feminine. I wish other black women were more comfortable coming out as Trans because I see constantly see the same type of women like me, big and butch manly black women, who are probably men and would probably feel better if they realised they were men. Like I always see White trans men being criticised etc by these ignorant people, because I think people find it easier to tell the difference. Whereas I've noticed with black trans men, people find it way harder to tell that we were originally born as women and it's way easier for people to believe black trans men are men. I really hope the LGBTQ community gets more acceptance within the Black community, and African community, considering what they do to us over there.
Im black too and I agree. Our community needa chill and be more open to our people who also identify with the LGBTQ community. Im not trans but I respect people who are bc at the end of the day they are people just like the rest of us and as long as they aint done nothing to disrespect you you should do the same. I will say the new generation should have a better mindset most of my young cousins who are old enough to think for themselves identify as non-hetero so theres hope.
@@mxnstvr people don't really talk about the toxic masculinity that goes around with a lot of black men. But I think racism is a cause of this because a lot of black men maybe haven't been taken seriously by society etc, so a lot of black men cling to their masculinity, thinking it's the only thing they have, which is why you see some black men afraid to embrace their nerdy/geeky side and if they do, people including other black people, say they are "acting white", which is just messed up. That's why I love RDCWORLD who make nerdy anime meme videos and are black dudes embracing their nerdy side
@BrutalCarnage dude that's prolly the realest shit I've read in awhile. A bit ago I stopped caring about whether ppl viewed me as masculine myself and just started doing what tf I wanted. Grew out some dreads, dyed them red, I wear black nail polish and eyeliner and dress kinda goth (but not too try hard lol) and Immediately all the older white men at my job immediately started calling me gay and "weird for a black guy" which I think, kinda exposes the perception of us from that generation. You're exactly right. Alot of us black men do probably cling to our masculinity in attempt to be respected by people like them. But me personally, I would much rather be happy when I look at myself in the mirror then liked. I have people in my life who love me for me and I'm grateful as hell for that. I think those ppl are the only ones whose opinions should matter bc they will support you no matter what. I too enjoy RDCworld and love seeing us embrace things that are "nerdy" and "different" too bc we aren't all the same. And once again. Haha huge respect to those of us and just everyone in general in the LGBTQ community who aren't afraid to express themselves.
I've always wondered if I had sisters, I'd know sooner. On a sort of related note, I'm going to have a nephew, and my Bro/Sis said that the only way we'll have a girl in the family is if someone else has a child or we adopt, and I might come out to them like "Maybe there's a secret third option....and there's been a girl in the family this whole time!"
have a sister, didn't help: I was playing with the girly toys, _when I was playing with her_ so it was both the aversion to girly things, and wanting to do girly things at the same time...
so like, I don't feel trans but I just started transitioning (got my girl pills today!). it's kinda hard to explain but while if I had a choice I choose to be a girl, it's weird because to me it just feels like I'm just switching shirts and I prefer the more feminine one. While I'd like to be a girl, I love dressing up in cute clothes and stuff, I don't feel trans. I don't feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body, while I hate how broad my shoulders are, I've learned how to dress to minimize them. To me, my body is mine, and it's something I can modify and change to fit who I am on the inside. I hate the masculine parts of me but I love my lower half, I got lucky with genetics on my hips and thighs. Because I love parts of me, because I'm not suffering through horrible gender dysphoria, I don't feel like I deserve to be considered trans. I'm just really confused about my feelings about everything and it doesn't help that I keep confusing myself. I'm not overjoyed with finally starting my transition, to me it just feels like getting new cloths. Because I'm so indifferent, not totally overjoyed, I feel like I'm faking it. I could live as a boy, I wouldn't be as happy but I could still live a life that i could find joy and satisfaction in. Because of that I feel like a fake trans person. Idk maybe this feeling will go away but for now I'll settle for screaming into the void about my dumb feelings.
Sometimes, i feel similar things but on the opposite side of the spectrum (ftm). In my opinion, all of these things seem like a very normal, and no question valid trans experience. Being trans isn't all about debilitating gender dysphoria, though many do experience it. It's also about loving the parts of yourself that you feel are aligned with who you really are. Confusion is normal, and it's true that we could be able to find a level of happiness in our lives without transitioning, because our gender is only a part of who we are. Knowing that transitioning improves your life is all you need. Of course, I don't know you and I can't tell you for certain who you are. But take some time to be kind to yourself! Our journeys are all different, and ultimately it will lead you to a place where you feel comfortable and confident. :]
@mormyrustapirus6979 Thank you! Talking with some of my trans friends and just time to process my emotions has helped me out a bit. I was and still am a bit overwhelmed despite not much going on. Idk, but your words really helped clear my head of a few anxieties, so thanks again! (Now that I'm thinking about it, almost all of my friends are trans. If they're not, then they're very feminine and gay, even my boyfriend is pan and ace and like to cross-dress... I think the people I feel safe and happy around says a lot about me. No wonder they teased me by calling me an egg they could definitely see the signs.... Thinking about it further, I dont have any straight cis friends. The closest are my co-workers... huh, I've never thought about this before...)
Let's see how I score. 1. I only play girl characters in video games. 2. I also love everything feminine (fashion, perfumes, flowing physical motion, etc.) but hide it in public. 3. My partners have told me I talk, move, and act like a girl over the past 50 years. 4. I wear the clothing too but not in public. 5. I want to have long hair but the closest I got was a mullet as boys in my circle don't have long hair, ever. 6. I've often thought about being born as a girl and consider it a default better option. I feel like I'd need Star Trek tech to do that now. 7. I've always hated being around older men ESPECIALLY in the bathroom. Their socializing is gross. 8. Playing with my sisters toys, clothes, makeup, and pokey things... So I scored an 8/8. But I wish I was a girl so there's that... I'll add a 9. You have always had low testosterone due to a pituitary issue so you naturally have lower bone density, a higher pitched voice, and your brain doesn't work like other boys. If only I was born now instead of during the first moon landing.
It is never too late to transition. If you wish you were a girl, you can be! As a trans girl myself, that's something I never heard someone say to me but I wish they did. Wishing you were a girl is enough to be one.
When I was around 5-10 years old my favorite color was yellow with the only reason being that it was gender neutral. Don't really liked the color, but it wasn't a boy color nor a girl color and that was good enough for me. Didn't really question it and then as an adult I figured out I was non binary. What a shocker xD
If I ever figured out for sure that I'm trans then I'm definitely not surviving in this situation called "having a transphobic family" :// honestly it sucks this world and society just goes along stupid rules they made up centuries ago and then murder you for not following the "majority", I think I'll just sayori myself or smth I'm happy s many people are able to do what they love without anything holding them down or controlling them
Cis male here, just commenting about the end of the video. I'm not sure how this got recommended to me, but I found it to be an interesting watch. You both are pretty funny and entertaining and I got some good insight on the average transgender person's mindset. This was a solid video, overall. I have no trans inclinations, but I am fascinated by that part of society and am always looking to understand more of it. I imagine it's a hard road to go down, but seeing people go down it and still have a healthy attitude about it, is pretty cool to see.
So, ive been in transition now for almost 2 years. And THIS video has helped snap me out of that “imposter syndrome” mind set i’ve been battling with the last few months. Thank you for being so open and forthcoming with trans tips. And thank you for the very least for coming into F1NN’s life because had you not done that i dont know that i would have found you and been able to get out of the rut i’ve been stuck in 🥺
I cross a lot, but I'm missing the whole clothing and mirror thing, because I was actually avoiding everything about my image: avoiding looking in mirrors, avoiding being in pictures, choosing the most neutral/unremarkable possible clothing. That can be a variant of those signs too 😄
Jokes aside, i feel like im getting to know myself so much better the past few months. It all started out with painting my nails and doing skin care/ shaving legs. Im also wearing skirts, thigh highs and feminine cosplays in my room when im at home. All the signs listed in the video hit me so hard too. I still dont know if im a Femboy, Trans or maybe Genderfluid. I can only say everything ive changed was positive, every feminine expression made me feel so happy and comfortable. I hope i can soon find out whats going on and who I am. Your videos help me a lot, keep up the great work
@@KonjikiNoYami666 my best advice is try. don't worry about "what am i", that just eats at you. try to see, don't feel pressured into anything, see if being a girl works for you, if it feels like finally finding a missing piece. if not, then you can look elsewhere.
9/10 times, in games, I make my first character a guy and base him on me as much as possible. On subsequent playthroughs, 9/10 times I make varying girl characters 😅 they're usually big strong muscle mommies. My two genders; default cis het scruffy white dude, and BUFF MUSCLE MOMMY! Still cis tho.
I did a LOT of text RP online in various fandoms growing up and whenever I'd be a male character I'd always feel like the character was boring, but as soon as I started playing girls I immediately felt more "in character" and was having way more fun. And I REFUSED to unpack that for nearly a decade lol
i hate (love/hate) learning things from youngsters ... but this video is the most concise/accurate list i've seen yet ... by the time i figured it out (transitioned at 50) i spent very little time thinking (too much) about the signs i missed ... however this hit 100% ... well change the RPG Video Game reference to Table Top RPG (which we called ... RPGs) ... the discussion was awesome i related to everything you both said ... Finster maybe needs to rewatch this a couple more times ... just in case :) love you guys
Hey that first point about the aversion to feminine finally explains a memory of when I was like 6 and was asked to wear lipstick to kiss a father's day card and I had a really tough time with it even though something like 10 years later I knew I was trans. And I'm finally doing something about it nearly 20 years later. 😅
This explains so much of my life, and the more vids you make the more I understand my childhood better ❤ I'm so glad I have someone like you and a few others to walk this journey with as guides. You help a lot.
It took me entirely too long to accept myself, the copium I subjected myself to over the years. I had an epiphany looking at my middle school ID & having a deep conversation with a gender dysphoric friend of mine out of the country who had started hrt somewhat recently at the time. I've been leaving myself subtle hints for years & everything just clicked at that moment. I thought it was all just surgery, had only I known of hrt sooner. It's nice to put some internal struggle to rest with a clearer path on how to proceed in my future.
Oh my god the energy you two have together is amazing, this video made me laugh so freaking hard- I NEED to go back and watch some of your earlier videos, I need more of this in my life
There’s so many signs there for me! I play as and mainly buy female characters, I have long hair, I started off wearing my mum’s clothes when I was like 2 or 3, the disassociate thing with the mirror, wishing I could’ve been born female. …guess I’m gonna go to my local priest 😂 but seriously, I wish my parents would be accepting so I could come out to them 😔
Like Finn, i also got asked something along the lines of "what would you do if you woke up as a girl tomorrow," and while my out loud answer was something about trying to figure out whether I'd been Freaky Fridayed with someone else, internally my brain went "oh...finally relax." Anyway I proceeded to not do anything with that for more than a decade
So on point. Having cracked just over 6 months ago (and that was a very emotional week!), I can enjoy the banter as you go through your list. But it's all true. We have a joke in the trans-specific Discord I'm in - "There Were No Signs" when of course there were dozens - hundreds. When I accepted I am trans, I knew that I'd quickly lose count of all the signs. They go back all the way into childhood...
The bit with Finn talking about hitting all the signs of autism is peak pre-diagnosis talk hahaha (I had similar thoughts and conversations before my ADHD diagnosis)
1:06 - didn't play girl characters in games but in my one and only D&D game I did 2:07 - while I was in denial I was doing a more gender neutral thing 3:05 - I didn't realy have accses to womens clothing but my sister did dress me up in a dress once and I didn't object 5:14 - yes 6:14 - also yes 7:18 - I've seen people write about dissisoiation like this but only now with how it was described I realise that I have done this 8:10 - I feel akward around most people and I'm not around old men apart from my grandads 8:43 - never had girl toys to play with or the means to get them So I guess in conclusion I'm not trans enougth and the ones I do relate with are flukes. (not realy)
The disassociation thing isn’t normal? I assumed that was just some uncanny valley type thing where the brain struggles to process that you’re looking at yourself, like a dog barking at a reflection
most of these don't apply to me, funnily enough. However, for me the biggest one in hindsight is that starting at around 5, I would always be super uncomfortable taking my shirt off unless I was completely alone.
I really enjoyed hearing bits and pieces about your experiences figuring out that you're trans and the signs that should've clued you in! I think speak for many of us, when I say that if you feel comfortable, we would love to hear more about your experience figuring yourself out and your identity! I think it would help many EGGs who still feel some level of "ickyness" towards those experiences, to know that there is nothing wrong with them, and I think it would help many hatched trans women as well, cause personally as a fully figured out trans woman, sometimes I still feel like I was a weirdo or that there was something wrong with me for feeling like this or doing some of these things like crossdressing, and I know consciously that there is nothing wrong with it, but subconciously my brain still likes to trigger me, and the one thing that alleviates that, is hearing people that I look up to, having gone through the same thing!
I've just started questioning my gender and appearance, and these videos have been so comforting. Makes me think it wasn't *just* Icky's amazing personality that I liked when watching her videos in the past. I aspire to look as good as a girl as Icky (and even F1nn) does.
WTF THESE ARE LITERALLY ALL THINGS I'VE EXPERIENCED? THIS IS ALL ME??? And yeah ofc all my fantasy RP characters in any medium tend to be a girl (with spiky ears, if avilable) carrying a giant sword or axe. I know why!
Finally hatched at possibly the sum of your two ages combined. Yeah, I said yes to everything. How did I not know? 😂 I love watching you both. You're the absolute best 💕
It's so good to see and hear you kids so comfortable with fully letting this out like this. I think it is great that you young celebrities are able to show positive sides to this kid of thing..and aren't pushing it on people, like too many others. You're making informed decisions about potentially permanently life altering things, as informed adults..if young NOT CHILDREN'S AGE OR UNDER AGE TEENS..with no clue.. and not being harassed into this. You safely informing younger people, of important things to consider carefully, at length, before their first making possible mistakes..that can't be undone.
I was always a very rational little boy, I don't remember when exactly but before 8y I was watching Amazing Spies and had the thought "I hate men's clothes, they don't have any good options, wish I could wear girl's clothes they have a lot cute ones" and in the exact moment of this thought I KNEW I couldn't tell anyone this because then people would make fun of my parents. This understanding unconsciously followed me my entire life, thought a "girl's" toy was fun? Never asked for it because people would make bad comments to my parents. I like drawing dresses? I will stop and never tell someone about it. I like jewelries? Never gonna mention it again even when my parents told me my older cousin could teach me how to do fake ones. And it goes and goes and goes, I always thought about people mocking my parents so I never did anything because I didn't want to see my parents being picked on by others because of me. I wasn't a kid, I was what wouldn't make others mock my parents.
I definitely relate to the "I was busy having a bad childhood" thing. I was very preoccupied with the mental well-being of a loved one for most of my adolescence, and a few months after they got better I started having thoughts about my gender and realized I was not, in fact, a woman
I also had all the same experiences as Ashley and recently received the "I knew you were about to say that" when I started coming out to friends. I know you're not supposed to tell a person directly but damn! Lol
So there I was scrolling UA-cam when i saw the thumbnail for this video, and was like "she's cute" then i was like "why does she look familiar? Is this a UA-camr that i forgot i was subscribed to?" So I clicked the video, saw the room and was like "that room looks familiar..." then you dragged F1nn into the frame, and i was like "now I know why she looks so familiar! I've seen her in F1nn's videos!" Anywho... I'm a probably straight guy who just subscribed to see more awesomeness. :-)
I’m not trans, but I do know people who are! Watching your videos helps me to in some way empathize with them, even if I can’t understand how they feel or what they are going through. Thank you for what you do!
Oh wow, i relate to so many of these. I'm in my thirties, and i can't help wonder where I'd be if i saw this twenty years ago. You are so awesome for sharing! Also you and f1nn are so funny together!
I am starting to suspect I might be trans, I've been on hormones for 7 years now... I think it might be a sign!
🧐🤔
idk maybe it's just a phase...
Lol😂😂😂❤
Baiscly did the same joke to a freind :D
Bought skirt, painting fingernails, not sure of gender. "So yeah, ive now been fem presenting for the last 10 years, 8 of which in HRT, still not sure if im realy okay with it or just trying things out" (i think im going with enby for now :shrug:)
I dunno.. i'd think it over some more. It's a big step you know
"if you have any of these symptoms go to your local priest" made me choke on air 😭
Edgy Icky best Icky 💙
I ask from chatGPT, how different religions react to transgenderism. It was really interesting chat
My big lol moment almost made me miss that bit (BUY THIGH HIGHS!).
Your local priest is probably trans too 🫡
I'm sure it was just 'air'😂
Icky going "I don't have that now" with a big smile on her face after talking about not recognizing herself in the mirror is peak.
until I heard her say it I never knew you could not disassociate staring at yourself in the mirror... xD
@@mochapyand my trans ass thought it was a normal experience
@@GJR44 Ikr!
@@King-of-Corvids it's so crazy, if I look in the mirror for like a minute I'll start to think "who the hell is that guy" and then I remember my outside still doesn't match my inside and then I cry
@@GJR44 yeah, I thought that was normal
"Too busy having a bad childhood" is something I've thought about a lot recently. I feel like I spent the first 24 years of my life just trying to survive, there was no space or time to think about who I was.
That hits home... I was 32 when I finally admitted it to myself. I knew I wasn't a boy already in early childhood, but I also knew it wasn't safe to be myself, so I did my best to hide and deny it.
It's never too late.
It is how I skipped on knowing I had tism all the time for 39 years, because having tism was not easy. I can imagine being trans might be harder even, as you can get massive dysphoria too :(
Yes! The first 24 years is programming, and then you have to deprogram, which can be years in denial about what you like and who you really are. Raised in strict religion can make it all take longer. Once you break free and embrace your true self that is when life begins, in my opinion. Peace! 🙏 🌈
I feel you 100 percent, I had to create a entire person essentially just because I was to worried about other people's opinions. And repressing all that Def manifested in other, less healthy ways
OH MY GOD ICKY.
"If I stare at my face too long I disassociate. I recognize I'm the voice in my head but my reflection is not me."
You put into words I feeling I've never been able to describe. That's it!
SAME! I had no idea this was a thing but thinking about it that makes so much sense
💯
I get that too sometimes. Don’t know if that’s just for being trans though
real
Honestly thought that was a normal thing, like how if you say a word too many times in a row it no longer sounds like a word and loses its meaning. so that's neat.
About the female characters one, i used to be the exact opposite. outright refused to play one and i kid you not my thought process was "im not allowed to be a girl no matter how much i want to". Until i tried it once and now i rarely play a male character in games and d&d
somehow it took me 19 years to realise i was trans
Lmao, same, for me, it was Half Life: Alyx that cracked my egg and now I rarely play games as a dude if I can help it
I'd like to say that i'm cis, but to be completley honest, I've had an extremley simmilar thought process to this when picking video game characters all my life. As someone who grew up playing a lot of pokemon, i'd always like the look of the female trainers and be tempted to pick them because they're pretty, but I was so incredibly scared of what my friends at school would think about me if they ever found out, so I never would. That kind of thinking has stuck with me most of my life, and i'm only now as a senior in hs really starting to question what any of those experiences really meant to me. It's been a slow process so far of kind of kicking and screaming getting myself to this needed soul-searching like this because I really wish I that could be comfortable and happy living as a cis guy rn like evreyone else and just be "normal", but I sometimes feel like I just can't because something's wrong with me that I just don't fully know yet.
@@Chezmaster you have big 🥚 energy
I was exactly the same
@@Chezmaster Hey, it's okay. You're fine and there's nothing wrong with you. It's okay to like the pretty characters, it doesn't mean anything. It's also okay to question things. I'm not here to tell you one way or another what you are, only you can determine that. What I will suggest is that you do some exploring, on your own, in private and see how it makes you Feel. Maybe do a little creative writing, again, in private, and see where the story takes you. Self discovery is ongoing. People are constantly finding out new things about themselves, and that's alright. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Show yourself some Grace. We're not meant to know everything by our Senior year, Goddess knows I didn't.
I have another sign I personally identify super hard with: If you hate going clothes shopping, are uncomfortable being in your AGAB clothes section and are unable or feel uncomfortable trying to buy and try clothes on from said section, you might be trans. I have felt this _my entire life_ until I started going shopping by myself and started buying clothes from the girls section. Now 95% of my clothes are technically girls clothes, the 5% being gifts from other people as I’m not out yet.
Definitely experienced this one, and even when I had to buy guy clothes they'd be like skinny jeans and plain colored v-neck tshirts every single time. And oh god the big hoodies, so many big hoodies
I always wore "safe" tops based on what I was told was "proper" things to wear, but I definitely kept the skinny jeans since the first time I tried them. And ofc always hated clothes shopping in my AGAB section, but now it's a fun and enjoyable experience where I'll go window-shopping just to try stuff on having no intention of actually buying anything
Parents got so mad I never wore anything but one outfit every day
I love clothes shopping nowww that I'm on the right side of the aisle lol
Yep. For basically my whole childhood, whenever my mom took us clothes shopping, I wanted to get out of the mall as quickly as physically possible and told her to just buy the most generic block color T-shirts possible
I would stare at women with interesting clothing forever and always felt like they would think I was creeping on them when I enjoyed their outfits more than their bodies.
Similar experience here, but I had a very perceptive friend, who realised that I am not staring at her, but her clothes. That resulted in her giving me a “girl makeover” and completely disintegrating my egg in the process 🤭
Same tbh Idk about my gender but women seem to have much better fashion than men imo
I do the exact same thing
real
Women's fashion is also just so 🤌🤌
Oh god, the whole experience of saying something a bit too psychologically revealing to someone and then they respond with something like: "Are you transgender? It seems like you are." That's exactly what cracked my egg. It's funny looking back.
I was talking about trans people with my roommate one night, and they were like "well, so are you?" And I stared blankly. "Am I what?" "Trans?" I was not expecting that lmao so I said "......... I mean, probably? 🥺"
While I was still in denial, I had my facial hair lasered off. So many people had a suspicion that I was trans
I wished someone had asked me that when I was literally wearing female clothing and choosing a female name. I really was like "It's just for fun because I enjoy it and all my friends are queer, including that trans guy whose success we just celebrated - I'm still cis tho" - Such a f1nn moment I guess
When I was younger, people kept asking me if I was gay instead, or calling me "girly" or "sissy", because being trans wasn't really a thing people thought about 20-30 years ago...
Yeah I quite literally had womens clothes hidden in my room as a teenager and would constantly fantasise about waking up a girl but it took my now girlfriend to directly tell me for me to actually even consider it.
"well when i die, if i can start another life, i hope im born a girl" my dumbass brain when i was 14 and still didn't realize i was trans
I would want that just out of curiosity.
I'm comfortable in my male body and being a guy.
But if I woke up tomorrow with a female body. I'd probably just try to switch my behaviour to be more girly. Edit* I'd be comfortable with that too
Had exactly the same thoughts when I was a teenager laying awake in bed at night. Took me till my thirties to finally figure it out.
@@popdogfoolyou might want to actually reflect a bit more about yourself, because that's definitely not a 100% cis thing
@@GJR44 Yeah, i imagine it would be in the realm of gender fluid? But like the description of my gender flipping isnt accurate either.
@@popdogfool maybe you're just enby? like absolute true neutral, either one is fine for you
When puberty hit I suddenly came super photo shy and looking back that feels like a sign
I'm genuinely tweaking, since I've done the exact opposite 💀 Like I genuinely just posted my face everywhere. I don't even know, it's not even that I like my face, I just get the urge to mess with somebody or just do weird random things. Now I don't know what to do, since I'm not even photo shy now either. Pluh 😭
I started to hate being touched sometime during puberty, especially hugs from my mom (I was never abused by anyone, so it was not an aversion from something like that). I only became comfortable being hugged after I had come out.
I'm kind of an egg in denial rn, But I remember that when my puberty started I just wanted to be a cute adroginistic boy. Didn't happened so now I have to make the hardest decision of my life :D
First, you two are absolutely adorable.
Next, I’ve been transitioning for 2 years starting at 46, and the mirror thing…holy shit I feel that so hard.
I wouldn’t necessarily dissociate, but it just would get uglier the longer I looked at it.
8 months into HRT and a year with most of my facial hair removed, and I can actually look at myself and see a face that’s mine.
Happy for you🎉 life's better as yourself
Beautiful ☺️
I'm starting laser hair removal in a months time. On hormones for just two months now. What physical changes did you notice first?
@@stevel7310 your budding breasts are gonna be a bit painful, don't smash them on anything!
@@stevel7310 the most noticeable change I had early on was my nipples swelling being really sore, but that early in the process most of the changes were emotional.
making your character in video games the opposite gender is trans necessity
Does choosing a robot in a kart racing game count
@@coderamen666that and choosing shyguy means your probably some kind of nonbinary
I did this in imaginary games as a child too, I would ALWAYS be a boy in the imaginary world. My friends thought it was weird... I'm out as nonbinary rn but maybe that's only bc I'm 5'2"
i would always choose the most androgynous character because playing as a feminine girl made me uncomfortable and i was scared of how people would react if i played as a masculine guy
I mean isnt there plenty of room to say you make a character a girl to not have to look at a guy on ur screen the whole time, cuz being just straight guy looking at a guy in a game for hours at a time is kinda meh, but seeing FEMALE is like yeh that gets my brain going. I never relate to my character as me though so thats probably why where other people are like. IT HAS TO BE ME, which i cant relate to that.
guys... I think I might be trans, I keep taking hrt and i think... it might be a subtle sign that I am trans, though i am not 100% sure just based on this very subtle sign alone :3
still cis tho :3
Seeing this after F1nn5ter's coming out video is great. 😂
The "Wake as a girl thing" is something I sometimes think about, but I would absolutely love it to change back and forth.
You might be gender fluid then (having a gender identity that frequently changes)
Agreed, it would just be interesting to get to live through new experiences while not getting locked in forever
@@commander-fox-q7573We’re all waiting on the cyberpunk future where we can just swap out our body parts from a rack. Looking forward to the back half of the century, it’ll be neat - though my main goal is to eventually swap out all of my parts for cyber dragon parts. Why be a human man or woman when you can be a dragon?
This was me as a teenager.
...by which I mean, um, "there were no signs!"
I used to think the exact same. For about a year I identified as genderfluid. Now I identify as a trans women.
I'm finding it hard to explain why I thought that and now I don't but the best way I can explain it looking back is it was an intermediary step I felt I needed to test the waters and see how things felt. I few months ago I started soley presenting as a girl and I just don't really want to go back.
This caused me a lot of struggle with figuring out my identity because a lot of trans people talk about despising their assigned gender but it wasn't until I heard a trans man say "I didn't hate girlhood, it just wasn't for me". That I allowed myself to consider maybe I am trans full time.
Since transistioning I feel so much better about how I express myself, I enjoy the way I look and feel and present in a way I just thought I never would. I didn't hate being a guy and as an incredibly competitive person I loved the masculine parts of sports. But so much of my life was just not there.
Picking outfits or hair styles was so stressful for me and I hated it, in hindsight masculinity really bounded me not allowed me to express myself. I just wanted plain clothes and to cut all my hair off, be a blank slate and not percieved but now I enjoy it all.
I didn't realise this at the time I just thought fashion wasn't something I would ever be into or that I just wasn't that attractive of a person so of course I wouldn't think I'm hot. All rubbish I now realise
I’ll alternate between the girl and boy characters - Baldur’s Gate is a GNC persons dream because you can make the ultimate enbies 😎
amen!
Made a transfemme Tav and I swear you could hear shell cracking sounds
@@joshuawaldrop4117 it was totally normal to feel euphoria from making a female character with a penis
I made a Transwoman in Saints Row 2 & 3.
Funnily enough, it was the original Baldur's Gate from 1998 that started me on the whole only playing female characters journey. Just wish something like this video was around back then to point out the obvious to me.
Me listening to this video and unintentionally wearing all women's clothing: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Edit: def felt that question "if I could be born a woman/magically change to woman and have it be like that was always the timeline, I might"
Nice bro
Unintentionally? How do you unintentionally wear CLOTHES ? Like, did they fall on you and magically clad to your body or what ?
Oh my god i wanted to comment this the second i've seen the title.
*comes home, in women's clothing*
*sees video*
*mhhh, yeah maybe i am, not sure*
@@pekvanc5354 complicated isn't it
All of this
I had the thought "if I could press a button and become a girl while nothing else changes in my life I'd press it instantly" like at least once per month for many years. I even said "if I was Gen Z I would probably not be Cis" to someone. I also reached the top 0,7% of League of Legends players in Western Europe playing basically nothing but Morgana, Janna and Sona. I'm currently rocking the hottest female Tiefling-Druid you'll ever see in BG3. I first tried on my moms bra when I was 7 and stole a girls top in summer camp when I was 13 - not to do anything nasty with it but to try it on. I was still pushing a baby doll through the town when I was 4. i even share the "to poor to care when I was young" with Ashley.
Great video, maybe it helps some eggs out there to realize the obvious a little earlier than at age 29 like me. 👏
I swear I remember a reddit post like this, don't remember but I think it was summoner school not too long ago was that you?
@@skrilp5477 Nope, one of my posts was pretty high last week on me_irlgbt, but that had a different topic. But hey, good to know that there are similar people out there 🤷♀️😊
@@skrilp5477 No, that wasn't me. I had a pretty popular post on me_irlgbt the other day but that had a different topic. 🤷♀️
I just turned 28 yesterday and I’m thinking I might be. So younger than you! 😂
If I was Gen Z, I would probably not be cis” as a Gen Z, it is eerie how much I relate to this statement. I have thought on multiple occasions “well, if I’d been born to more liberal parents I’d probably not be cis” on more than a few occasions, but I’m still not sure if I am not sure if I’m cis or not
I am as cis male as someone can probably be... My literal hobbies are working on cars, AND i do that for a living. (I even have a UA-cam channel about it!)I'm happily married to a beautiful woman, and I have never questioned my "male-ness". That said, I have some friends that are trans, and I really wanted to understand their experience better, so I can be a better friend to them. Watching you guys has helped me SO MUCH! You're such a cute couple, and watching you has really helped me shed the close-minded nature society has instilled in me since childhood. I do not want to be a bully, and I want to be as open to other people's experiences as I can be, and immersing myself in videos like this really helps beat back years of indoctrination. Keep it up, I love you guys! You are doing important work, as silly as that may seem!!!
You do realise that a *lot* of trans women are lesbians? It is far more common than straight trans women.
Sure ya are bud. Me too. Big strong manly men over here
@@dillonwalshpvd what's with the hostility?
@@VintageandVoltage oh, I was just kidding around. No hostility intended at all I promise :)
@@dillonwalshpvd gotta love text... Without inflection, you never know what people intend! I appreciate the clarification. ✌️
Almost everything Ashley said this video about her experiences is something I have either exactly said or thought before lol. Like quite literally said exactly that. It's very affirming.
I once tried playing as the male pokemon character because "it was wrong of me to play the girl since I'm not a girl" and got an hour in before deleting the save and playing as the girl character like I always did.
I went back and played some of my old saves where I selected the male characters and it feels wrong now. I made too much progress in Platinum to restart but I might restart White since I barely made it past Route 1
I think this is the bigger tell, not "you like playing the female characters" but "you feel uncomfortable playing the male characters"
I picked up Borderlands 2 recently, and I picked Zer0 because I like snipers.
I played for about an hour before the grunting every time I jumped drove me to the brink and I restarted as Gaige. "Fuck it, I'll make Anarchy work!"
This video really helped me stop doubting myself.
I'm sure I'll doubt myself again tomorrow though.
Just watch again tomorrow :)
I feel this so hard.
I've just started to admit it to myself yesterday and today Ashley gifts us with a video that absolutely comes for my throat!
Just keep doubting for years until your life makes it impossible
Doubting yourself "am I really trans? / am I trans enough to have nice things... like transition?" is totally normal. Keep questioning though, you got this!
You'll figure yourself out, you have so much more control over your life than you realize
it's funny thinking about my eggy moments from before I realized I was trans. the most obvious eggy moment was how there was a couple times when as I was lying in my bed at night I'd randomly start imagining getting reincarnated as a girl. the funniest though is when I was playing dark souls 2 and found the gender change coffin instead of just thinking "oh that's neat I guess" for some reason this discovery fascinated me so much that I went out of my way to go make a post about it in a trans meme subreddit like "hey I'm cis but this thing looks really cool"
The moment she brought up “waking up as an other gender” I immediately thought of that coffin too. I thought the ability to change gender that quickly fascinating. Made me realize a few things about myself.
Oh! Another one! If someone asks you what superpower you would choose if you could have any power and you immediately choose shapeshifting.
But Shapeshifting is obviously the best and most versatile single super power.
I mean. Um. Uhh...
Shit. You got me
Oh my god I did that! I grew my hair out until it was past shoulder length, then I was like "lol Buddha says let go of attachments" and I shaved it all off. Two months later I was awake all night for about three nights and at the end of it I was like "fuck I am a girl"
Same XD Had long hair, then cut it, then a month later I'm doomscrolling reddit and suddenly I'm like _FUCK_
I’ve done this several times… it’s like I’m always trying to build up an “easier” baby trans phase. I’m trying to have my waders on before going into the deep water, but then I start to feel goofy with these waders on while I’m on dry land and I throw them in the bin and then I’m like “fuck… I guess I won’t think about hormones for another 6-8 months then”
I had long hair from about 16-24 because I was a metal head and I cut it short because I was having trouble finding jobs (it was 2008 and nobody was hiring and food service was still very sexist about hair). always regretted it. I can't really grow it out long now it'll look terrible cus my hair is thinning. I'd probably grow it out again if it wasn't.
Same, it's still not reached back the lenght it was now 4 years later 😢
@@Zectifin finasteride oraly + minoxidil topicaly !
save your scalp asap !
and sulfate free shampoo ;)
i am on hrt. is this a subtle sign i could be trans??? help??
Don't worry everyone wishes they could be the opposite gender, that has nothing to do with being trans.
Dissociation has been a huge thing for me throughout my entire life, both depersonalization and derealization. I haven't really made the connection that it might have been a trans thing all along. I used to have very strong episodes of feeling like I'm experiencing life in third person, from behind a veil, or watching a movie and nothing being real, and sometimes not recognizing myself in the mirror as well. I still feel this way, but it's been getting better. I hope dissociation eventually goes away completely now that I'm transitioning. I'm still not 100% sure what to make of it since it seems to get worse with being tired/in crowded and overstimulating spaces. I have always assumed it's undiagnosed autism or something, but then it also makes sense in a trans context. Maybe it's both to be honest.
Edit: and to add to the "feeling out of place around older men" thing, I kind of had that but as a young kid with other boys my own age I spent time with, especially my cousin. I always felt weirdly "inferior" to them, like I couldn't fit in, and very alien. I also literally and seriously believed I was a robot at some point, and was imagining a HUD overlaid on top of my vision at all times. Needles to say I ended up being the weird quiet kid in class with no friends later on when I went to school.
i've always felt weird around masculine men and felt more comfortable around awkward nerdy guys or femenine gay guys or girls. I was just really awkward around girls I had crushes on so I thought I was terrible with women for awhile, then realized the platonic female friends I made later on I felt much more comfortable with.
Wait, what the actual-
This makes me remember that time when I was young and made my life seem like a TV show to entertain an "invisible" audience. Looking back at it, I did it just to distance myself from my mind? Or something. Like, I just did it to appease a part of myself, the "audience". I purposefully made myself do wacky things (like falling down the stairs) to cue a laugh track in my mind. I have no idea if this has anything to do with being trans (as of now I'm only questioning), but this is definitely something to note.
Well, autism is many times more common in the transgender population than in the general population and vice versa, so it could well be both. Although for the others, note that both conditions are uncommon enough that most autistic people are still not going to be transgender and most trans people aren't autistic, so you shouldn't label others as one of those based on just the other.
i'm a tall, trad masc, cis, straight man and like myself this way, but also if i had a choice i'd 100% switch to trad fem woman. "oh just try drag/crossdress" i have, i look terrible lol. I guess appreciating my gf's cool outfits will have to suffice for this life :)
ive got super broad shoulders and a massive head. I'd look terrible as a woman. If I could look as cute as Ashley? yeah maybe I would. Not worth the trouble for me though.
@@Zectifin i feel you, fellow big headed broad shouldered non-cute brother
@@Zectifinwho says you have to have small shoulders to be a cute girl? You can have larger shoulders and still be very cute
relateable as hell
Estrogen can fix that
4:24 That is total me - girls/females have so much fun with clothing - I 100% agree with you Icky and I always play the girl in games!
And yes if I could start all again I come back as a girl
yeah guys don't get cool things like thigh highs.
@@Zectifin As a gender-nonconforming/queer man, I'd say to everybody don't let that stop you (as long as it's safe where you are of course). I'm not trans, at least not in the "classical" binary sense, I don't have disphoria, but I'm feeling so much better since I've started wearing feminine/androgynous clothing and makeup. Social conventions can be changed, we just gotta start somewhere
Lmao I know Im trans, I just like hearing from yall 💅🏾 good luck on your journeys sisterrrss
I also play as the girl since beginning video games lol
Don't forget the brothers. Me and my husband are both trans ❤ (side note, flips transphobic lids when they find out we made a kid ourselves lol)
@@tomsawyer7138 Aye brother! Congratulations!!!! 🎊
Eww you're gross hate your community it ain't right just because you want to be happy
My wife is MTF trans, and I’m a cis girl. We both enjoy your videos, especially the hilarious edits! 🏳️🌈
Watching this after fin's video yesterday is different experience 😃
What happened in this video? I just bought thigh highs and I don't know why?
Knowing Finn is transitioning now, yeah is he just being honest and then saying “haha I’m just being sarcastic!!!!!!!!!”
I'm a black trans man and growing up I always felt different. I'm pretty big and butch, strong with a deepish voice and always hated wearing make-up and dresses, which is inherently feminine. I wish other black women were more comfortable coming out as Trans because I see constantly see the same type of women like me, big and butch manly black women, who are probably men and would probably feel better if they realised they were men.
Like I always see White trans men being criticised etc by these ignorant people, because I think people find it easier to tell the difference. Whereas I've noticed with black trans men, people find it way harder to tell that we were originally born as women and it's way easier for people to believe black trans men are men.
I really hope the LGBTQ community gets more acceptance within the Black community, and African community, considering what they do to us over there.
Im black too and I agree. Our community needa chill and be more open to our people who also identify with the LGBTQ community. Im not trans but I respect people who are bc at the end of the day they are people just like the rest of us and as long as they aint done nothing to disrespect you you should do the same. I will say the new generation should have a better mindset most of my young cousins who are old enough to think for themselves identify as non-hetero so theres hope.
@@mxnstvr people don't really talk about the toxic masculinity that goes around with a lot of black men. But I think racism is a cause of this because a lot of black men maybe haven't been taken seriously by society etc, so a lot of black men cling to their masculinity, thinking it's the only thing they have, which is why you see some black men afraid to embrace their nerdy/geeky side and if they do, people including other black people, say they are "acting white", which is just messed up.
That's why I love RDCWORLD who make nerdy anime meme videos and are black dudes embracing their nerdy side
@BrutalCarnage dude that's prolly the realest shit I've read in awhile. A bit ago I stopped caring about whether ppl viewed me as masculine myself and just started doing what tf I wanted. Grew out some dreads, dyed them red, I wear black nail polish and eyeliner and dress kinda goth (but not too try hard lol) and Immediately all the older white men at my job immediately started calling me gay and "weird for a black guy" which I think, kinda exposes the perception of us from that generation. You're exactly right. Alot of us black men do probably cling to our masculinity in attempt to be respected by people like them. But me personally, I would much rather be happy when I look at myself in the mirror then liked. I have people in my life who love me for me and I'm grateful as hell for that. I think those ppl are the only ones whose opinions should matter bc they will support you no matter what. I too enjoy RDCworld and love seeing us embrace things that are "nerdy" and "different" too bc we aren't all the same. And once again. Haha huge respect to those of us and just everyone in general in the LGBTQ community who aren't afraid to express themselves.
I've always wondered if I had sisters, I'd know sooner.
On a sort of related note, I'm going to have a nephew, and my Bro/Sis said that the only way we'll have a girl in the family is if someone else has a child or we adopt, and I might come out to them like "Maybe there's a secret third option....and there's been a girl in the family this whole time!"
have a sister, didn't help: I was playing with the girly toys, _when I was playing with her_ so it was both the aversion to girly things, and wanting to do girly things at the same time...
so like, I don't feel trans but I just started transitioning (got my girl pills today!). it's kinda hard to explain but while if I had a choice I choose to be a girl, it's weird because to me it just feels like I'm just switching shirts and I prefer the more feminine one. While I'd like to be a girl, I love dressing up in cute clothes and stuff, I don't feel trans.
I don't feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body, while I hate how broad my shoulders are, I've learned how to dress to minimize them. To me, my body is mine, and it's something I can modify and change to fit who I am on the inside. I hate the masculine parts of me but I love my lower half, I got lucky with genetics on my hips and thighs.
Because I love parts of me, because I'm not suffering through horrible gender dysphoria, I don't feel like I deserve to be considered trans. I'm just really confused about my feelings about everything and it doesn't help that I keep confusing myself.
I'm not overjoyed with finally starting my transition, to me it just feels like getting new cloths. Because I'm so indifferent, not totally overjoyed, I feel like I'm faking it. I could live as a boy, I wouldn't be as happy but I could still live a life that i could find joy and satisfaction in. Because of that I feel like a fake trans person.
Idk maybe this feeling will go away but for now I'll settle for screaming into the void about my dumb feelings.
Sometimes, i feel similar things but on the opposite side of the spectrum (ftm). In my opinion, all of these things seem like a very normal, and no question valid trans experience. Being trans isn't all about debilitating gender dysphoria, though many do experience it. It's also about loving the parts of yourself that you feel are aligned with who you really are. Confusion is normal, and it's true that we could be able to find a level of happiness in our lives without transitioning, because our gender is only a part of who we are. Knowing that transitioning improves your life is all you need.
Of course, I don't know you and I can't tell you for certain who you are. But take some time to be kind to yourself! Our journeys are all different, and ultimately it will lead you to a place where you feel comfortable and confident. :]
@mormyrustapirus6979 Thank you! Talking with some of my trans friends and just time to process my emotions has helped me out a bit. I was and still am a bit overwhelmed despite not much going on.
Idk, but your words really helped clear my head of a few anxieties, so thanks again!
(Now that I'm thinking about it, almost all of my friends are trans. If they're not, then they're very feminine and gay, even my boyfriend is pan and ace and like to cross-dress... I think the people I feel safe and happy around says a lot about me. No wonder they teased me by calling me an egg they could definitely see the signs....
Thinking about it further, I dont have any straight cis friends. The closest are my co-workers... huh, I've never thought about this before...)
Let's see how I score.
1. I only play girl characters in video games.
2. I also love everything feminine (fashion, perfumes, flowing physical motion, etc.) but hide it in public.
3. My partners have told me I talk, move, and act like a girl over the past 50 years.
4. I wear the clothing too but not in public.
5. I want to have long hair but the closest I got was a mullet as boys in my circle don't have long hair, ever.
6. I've often thought about being born as a girl and consider it a default better option. I feel like I'd need Star Trek tech to do that now.
7. I've always hated being around older men ESPECIALLY in the bathroom. Their socializing is gross.
8. Playing with my sisters toys, clothes, makeup, and pokey things...
So I scored an 8/8. But I wish I was a girl so there's that... I'll add a
9. You have always had low testosterone due to a pituitary issue so you naturally have lower bone density, a higher pitched voice, and your brain doesn't work like other boys. If only I was born now instead of during the first moon landing.
flowing physical motion...
i do karate because i felt weird chosing ballet x'D
It is never too late to transition. If you wish you were a girl, you can be! As a trans girl myself, that's something I never heard someone say to me but I wish they did. Wishing you were a girl is enough to be one.
When I was around 5-10 years old my favorite color was yellow with the only reason being that it was gender neutral. Don't really liked the color, but it wasn't a boy color nor a girl color and that was good enough for me. Didn't really question it and then as an adult I figured out I was non binary. What a shocker xD
Too busy having a bad childhood to figure out being trans?... I feel that... I feel that HARD
I accepted I was trans a year ago, but I STILL feel called out by this vid, lol! Seriously I love this videos so much!
"Buy thigh highs" 😅 ohhhh I gotta go shopping again 😊 x
If I ever figured out for sure that I'm trans then I'm definitely not surviving in this situation called "having a transphobic family" :// honestly it sucks this world and society just goes along stupid rules they made up centuries ago and then murder you for not following the "majority", I think I'll just sayori myself or smth
I'm happy s many people are able to do what they love without anything holding them down or controlling them
Cis male here, just commenting about the end of the video. I'm not sure how this got recommended to me, but I found it to be an interesting watch. You both are pretty funny and entertaining and I got some good insight on the average transgender person's mindset. This was a solid video, overall. I have no trans inclinations, but I am fascinated by that part of society and am always looking to understand more of it. I imagine it's a hard road to go down, but seeing people go down it and still have a healthy attitude about it, is pretty cool to see.
🥚🥚🥚
It's a hard road to go down, but trust us, it's the only road we can go and not lose ourselves.
So, ive been in transition now for almost 2 years. And THIS video has helped snap me out of that “imposter syndrome” mind set i’ve been battling with the last few months. Thank you for being so open and forthcoming with trans tips. And thank you for the very least for coming into F1NN’s life because had you not done that i dont know that i would have found you and been able to get out of the rut i’ve been stuck in 🥺
Yea
5:47 I DID THIS EXACT SAME THING. Shaved my head as a goof and it instantly opened up Pandora’s box of dysphoria oops
Well, you gotta learn to walk before you can run, or something like that...
I cross a lot, but I'm missing the whole clothing and mirror thing, because I was actually avoiding everything about my image: avoiding looking in mirrors, avoiding being in pictures, choosing the most neutral/unremarkable possible clothing. That can be a variant of those signs too 😄
Jokes aside, i feel like im getting to know myself so much better the past few months. It all started out with painting my nails and doing skin care/ shaving legs. Im also wearing skirts, thigh highs and feminine cosplays in my room when im at home. All the signs listed in the video hit me so hard too. I still dont know if im a Femboy, Trans or maybe Genderfluid. I can only say everything ive changed was positive, every feminine expression made me feel so happy and comfortable. I hope i can soon find out whats going on and who I am. Your videos help me a lot, keep up the great work
Same. Who will tell me what am i? 😢
@@KonjikiNoYami666 thats the thing, i dont think anyone can tell you, you gotta find out on ur own🫡
@@KonjikiNoYami666 my best advice is try. don't worry about "what am i", that just eats at you.
try to see, don't feel pressured into anything, see if being a girl works for you, if it feels like finally finding a missing piece. if not, then you can look elsewhere.
9/10 times, in games, I make my first character a guy and base him on me as much as possible. On subsequent playthroughs, 9/10 times I make varying girl characters 😅 they're usually big strong muscle mommies.
My two genders; default cis het scruffy white dude, and BUFF MUSCLE MOMMY!
Still cis tho.
Watching This after finn comes out
I did a LOT of text RP online in various fandoms growing up and whenever I'd be a male character I'd always feel like the character was boring, but as soon as I started playing girls I immediately felt more "in character" and was having way more fun.
And I REFUSED to unpack that for nearly a decade lol
"Busy having a bad childhood" took me out because same
i hate (love/hate) learning things from youngsters ... but this video is the most concise/accurate list i've seen yet ... by the time i figured it out (transitioned at 50) i spent very little time thinking (too much) about the signs i missed ... however this hit 100% ... well change the RPG Video Game reference to Table Top RPG (which we called ... RPGs) ... the discussion was awesome i related to everything you both said ... Finster maybe needs to rewatch this a couple more times ... just in case :) love you guys
Hey that first point about the aversion to feminine finally explains a memory of when I was like 6 and was asked to wear lipstick to kiss a father's day card and I had a really tough time with it even though something like 10 years later I knew I was trans.
And I'm finally doing something about it nearly 20 years later. 😅
This explains so much of my life, and the more vids you make the more I understand my childhood better ❤ I'm so glad I have someone like you and a few others to walk this journey with as guides. You help a lot.
It took me entirely too long to accept myself, the copium I subjected myself to over the years. I had an epiphany looking at my middle school ID & having a deep conversation with a gender dysphoric friend of mine out of the country who had started hrt somewhat recently at the time. I've been leaving myself subtle hints for years & everything just clicked at that moment. I thought it was all just surgery, had only I known of hrt sooner. It's nice to put some internal struggle to rest with a clearer path on how to proceed in my future.
Yea
Back here after the big reveal... It's so funny
RIGHT?
Finn is just so comfortable in his masculinity, it's inspiring really.
Oh my god the energy you two have together is amazing, this video made me laugh so freaking hard-
I NEED to go back and watch some of your earlier videos, I need more of this in my life
There’s so many signs there for me!
I play as and mainly buy female characters, I have long hair, I started off wearing my mum’s clothes when I was like 2 or 3, the disassociate thing with the mirror, wishing I could’ve been born female.
…guess I’m gonna go to my local priest 😂 but seriously, I wish my parents would be accepting so I could come out to them 😔
Like Finn, i also got asked something along the lines of "what would you do if you woke up as a girl tomorrow," and while my out loud answer was something about trying to figure out whether I'd been Freaky Fridayed with someone else, internally my brain went "oh...finally relax." Anyway I proceeded to not do anything with that for more than a decade
Buy thigh highs!?
Literally one of the first things I did when I moved out of my mum's place 😂
I absolutely love the editing on these videos, huge props to asher!!!
AAAHH 9:10 is HIGHLY reletable and general aversion tooooo!!! ty for making this video ashley its made me actually feel valid lol
"growing your hair out but also not growing your hair out", whelp looks like we all trans today
why did I buy thigh highs after this video?
So on point. Having cracked just over 6 months ago (and that was a very emotional week!), I can enjoy the banter as you go through your list. But it's all true. We have a joke in the trans-specific Discord I'm in - "There Were No Signs" when of course there were dozens - hundreds. When I accepted I am trans, I knew that I'd quickly lose count of all the signs. They go back all the way into childhood...
The bit with Finn talking about hitting all the signs of autism is peak pre-diagnosis talk hahaha (I had similar thoughts and conversations before my ADHD diagnosis)
Coming to this video after Finn coming out
My Girlfriend showed me this video to try and convince me that I'm trans. Help please
1:06 - didn't play girl characters in games but in my one and only D&D game I did
2:07 - while I was in denial I was doing a more gender neutral thing
3:05 - I didn't realy have accses to womens clothing but my sister did dress me up in a dress once and I didn't object
5:14 - yes
6:14 - also yes
7:18 - I've seen people write about dissisoiation like this but only now with how it was described I realise that I have done this
8:10 - I feel akward around most people and I'm not around old men apart from my grandads
8:43 - never had girl toys to play with or the means to get them
So I guess in conclusion I'm not trans enougth and the ones I do relate with are flukes. (not realy)
You can just be a girl sometimes if you want. Bigender is a thing
(Although trying it made me realise that I didn't care for the man part at all)
The disassociation thing isn’t normal? I assumed that was just some uncanny valley type thing where the brain struggles to process that you’re looking at yourself, like a dog barking at a reflection
Man I want to wear girl clothes but then I live in an all male household 😭 (gay dads are still cool tho 😁😁)
30 seconds in im already being called out
most of these don't apply to me, funnily enough. However, for me the biggest one in hindsight is that starting at around 5, I would always be super uncomfortable taking my shirt off unless I was completely alone.
I really enjoyed hearing bits and pieces about your experiences figuring out that you're trans and the signs that should've clued you in! I think speak for many of us, when I say that if you feel comfortable, we would love to hear more about your experience figuring yourself out and your identity!
I think it would help many EGGs who still feel some level of "ickyness" towards those experiences, to know that there is nothing wrong with them, and I think it would help many hatched trans women as well, cause personally as a fully figured out trans woman, sometimes I still feel like I was a weirdo or that there was something wrong with me for feeling like this or doing some of these things like crossdressing, and I know consciously that there is nothing wrong with it, but subconciously my brain still likes to trigger me, and the one thing that alleviates that, is hearing people that I look up to, having gone through the same thing!
This video was so fun, by the way! I love the little conversations between the questions, pls make more content like this!
I've just started questioning my gender and appearance, and these videos have been so comforting. Makes me think it wasn't *just* Icky's amazing personality that I liked when watching her videos in the past. I aspire to look as good as a girl as Icky (and even F1nn) does.
my goodness i love your videos, thank you so much for posting things.. you're literally the cutest person
WTF THESE ARE LITERALLY ALL THINGS I'VE EXPERIENCED? THIS IS ALL ME???
And yeah ofc all my fantasy RP characters in any medium tend to be a girl (with spiky ears, if avilable) carrying a giant sword or axe. I know why!
oh god i should have known so long ago…. you’re just listing off all my behaviours i had convinced myself were just “haha that’s quirky” nothings
Finally hatched at possibly the sum of your two ages combined. Yeah, I said yes to everything. How did I not know? 😂 I love watching you both. You're the absolute best 💕
It's so good to see and hear you kids so comfortable with fully letting this out like this. I think it is great that you young celebrities are able to show positive sides to this kid of thing..and aren't pushing it on people, like too many others. You're making informed decisions about potentially permanently life altering things, as informed adults..if young NOT CHILDREN'S AGE OR UNDER AGE TEENS..with no clue.. and not being harassed into this. You safely informing younger people, of important things to consider carefully, at length, before their first making possible mistakes..that can't be undone.
I was always a very rational little boy, I don't remember when exactly but before 8y I was watching Amazing Spies and had the thought "I hate men's clothes, they don't have any good options, wish I could wear girl's clothes they have a lot cute ones" and in the exact moment of this thought I KNEW I couldn't tell anyone this because then people would make fun of my parents.
This understanding unconsciously followed me my entire life, thought a "girl's" toy was fun? Never asked for it because people would make bad comments to my parents. I like drawing dresses? I will stop and never tell someone about it. I like jewelries? Never gonna mention it again even when my parents told me my older cousin could teach me how to do fake ones.
And it goes and goes and goes, I always thought about people mocking my parents so I never did anything because I didn't want to see my parents being picked on by others because of me.
I wasn't a kid, I was what wouldn't make others mock my parents.
All of these.. literally all of these...
Great Vid again. Love you both.
The editing is always so damned good
Being scared shitless in my stint in the Army during the "don't ask, don't tell" era of being found out was a definite sign.
LOVE U ICKY!!!
I definitely relate to the "I was busy having a bad childhood" thing. I was very preoccupied with the mental well-being of a loved one for most of my adolescence, and a few months after they got better I started having thoughts about my gender and realized I was not, in fact, a woman
Anyone else randomly end up with thigh highs after watching this video or is it just me
THE WAY I TICK EVERY BOX AND STILL SIT HERE LIKE “yeahhhhh but what if i’m not????”
The joke Asher put in fuckin' killed me! 🤣
I also had all the same experiences as Ashley and recently received the "I knew you were about to say that" when I started coming out to friends.
I know you're not supposed to tell a person directly but damn! Lol
Jokes on you, editor! They're in my wishlist already!
So there I was scrolling UA-cam when i saw the thumbnail for this video, and was like "she's cute" then i was like "why does she look familiar? Is this a UA-camr that i forgot i was subscribed to?" So I clicked the video, saw the room and was like "that room looks familiar..." then you dragged F1nn into the frame, and i was like "now I know why she looks so familiar! I've seen her in F1nn's videos!" Anywho... I'm a probably straight guy who just subscribed to see more awesomeness. :-)
I’m not trans, but I do know people who are! Watching your videos helps me to in some way empathize with them, even if I can’t understand how they feel or what they are going through. Thank you for what you do!
Oh wow, i relate to so many of these. I'm in my thirties, and i can't help wonder where I'd be if i saw this twenty years ago. You are so awesome for sharing! Also you and f1nn are so funny together!
The editor is incredible
YAY ICKY POST JUST AS I GET OUT OF CLASS LETS GOOOOO
If I look into a mirror too long, it upsets me and makes me wanna break it