Gender Therapist Q&A: “My Gender Identity…How Can I Learn to Trust the Way I Feel?”
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- Опубліковано 12 чер 2024
- Gender Therapist Q&A: “My Gender Identity…How Can I Learn to Trust the Way I Feel?”
Today’s question comes from a viewer wanting to know how they can learn to trust their feelings and perception about their gender identity, as well as how to be able to tell if it’s just their mind playing games with them.
In this video I walk you through a chapter of my book (You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery) and show you step-by-step how you can address the multitude of questions that can make gender identity discovery so confusing and complicated.
Mentioned in the video:
You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery by Dara Hoffman-Fox, LPC
“Am I Really Trans? Or Is It Something Else?”
darahoffmanfox.com/reader-qa-a...
Subscribe to Conversations With a Gender Therapist on UA-cam:
/ darahoffmanfox
Connect With Dara:
Website: darahoffmanfox.com/
Facebook: / darahoffmanfoxlpc
Twitter: @darahoffmanfox
Instagram: @darahoffmanfox
I am trans but my biggest fear is it’s just a phase
Edit, 3 years on: basically i got outed a few weeks after concluding i was trans and so was forced back into being cis. Im still questioning things after revisiting them again and im pretty sure i fall on the trans spectrum somewhere. So no, not a phase :)
Be careful of it. Be careful of yourself.
It is very difficult, to understand, what is really happened with yourself.
It is difficult, to learn about it.
At first look for a psychologic therapist, who is experienced about transgender.
I think he/she can help you, to find the right way.
Because maybe the person think something, but its wrong, because of a misunderstanding yourself. Because the reason, why he/she feels, is maybe an other reason, as he/she thinks.
If it`s too painfull to be a woman, try a middle way to be more androgynous, and less feminity. And check yourself, how does you feel in this way.
That can be a first aid, to reduce pain. It must not be a final step.
All the specialists checks out: What can we do, to reduce the pain ?
We = The specialists AND the treated person.
Like a doctor and ill people.
The choices, what to do, can be totaly different.
It depends, what really helps, and what is the right "medicine" ?
I've felt like I should have been female my entire life.. but still can't totally trust myself that it isn't "just a phase" or "just trying to run from something"
"The Transition Channel" so=called 'expert' named Alexis says in her video entitled "Doubt and Denial" that it is like the ebb and flow of the tides...they come in, they go out...it is NOT a phase.
Same
@@roberthunt236 i saw that video also and she touches on some key points, key questions that a lot of us tell ourselves to try and convince ourselves not to do anything about how we feel. It's a very good video to add to anyone's 'I need advice ' list
"Do you maybe just really not want to be trans?" was honestly a heavier thought to have than I expected
Well who would want that... No one
What if you think you know you are or might be nonbinary/trans but afraid of the idea that you might be cishet instead?
@@raven8430 ik... that feeling
Nothing upsets me more than when people say it's a fetish and I should get my life together. Been on this journey since 1983.
Lost all my family because they just don't want to understand.
I hope things are going better for you now
I hope you're doing better now. remember that your identity is completely valid!!
I was super impressionable as a kid, so my parents think that I just think that I'm trans because I've immersed myself into the community. Their doubts have gotten me worried that I'm really just obsessing over something that I'm not.
Maxon Messer I have the same concern. On top of that, I think I'm agender but I've also heard people say that "not really feeling the whole gender thing" Lea a your cis
Maxon Messer everyone is super impressionable and not just as kids. Adults change who they are, depending who they're around, WAAAY more than they'll admit even to themselves. I've always felt like part of finding your friends is finding the people around whom you like yourself. But also, I think those of us trans tend to be even more adaptable as we feel that our native inherent selfs are invalid thus we often try to change ourselves into someone else who will be more accepted/acceptable. But also without extreme circumstances there are limits to how much you're going to change. no matter how much I'm into david bowie, I can only get you to listen to so much bowie music before you're going to move on... unless it turns out you too are really into bowie. I worried I got radicalized by all the trans internets and maybe i'd just obsessed about it too much and got my head turned around. i still worry that. but also, there must've been a pretty large part of me that reallly wanted to be converted and get my head all turned around. if the internet turned me trans its because i was trans and sought out the parts of the internet that would educate me again and again and again. and it's not like there's slick computer graphics and plot and bowie music for background - some of it is pretty damn boring, yet there i was all the same.
Wow thank you for writing this, it really spoke to me.
@@rebeccakeller4666 This literally was the most validating thing for me to read--as someone who always felt that I was just WRONG, I was always trying to become something or someone else and I didn't know why. I thought I was a boy when I was younger, used to bind, was shamed by parents and friends and teachers and swung hardcore femme for a long time because I felt like I was doing what was expected of me. It was miserable, and terrifying, and so confusing. But this all is starting to make sense.
@@elliotjamesrattner1216 Imagine something I wrote a year ago helping someone today. And a year on, I can say that this change is not easy but it is so worth it, so much better moving towards something that feels correct instead of trying to constantly find something to fix. You are valid as you are Izzy, and it sounds like you're starting to listen to the voice inside you that knows better than all those external voices what to do. There's a lot of support out there and in time you'll learn to trust yourself more than all those negative voices that told you you had to be ashamed of who you are. You're amazing and you're beginning to realize that. I'm happy for you
I'm afraid that I'm pushing myself to be trans because I don't feel fully feminine but I'm afraid of falling somewhere outside the binary. I could be bigender, but I have no idea how that would work and I want so badly to pick something easier to define.
Lily Brodatt man... I feel masculine and I'm a 14 year old boy, but these doubts about my gender just keep popping up.
me too. Logically, I know that im non binary but i rEALLY dont want to be because itd mean i cant transition...
I feel ya fr
@@moosboeke2554
Nononono don't think that way!! I hope you'll keep watching these videos, because nonbinary transition IS a totally valid thing.
The concept of nonbinary may emphasize that there is no clear dividing line between male and female, but rather, in the middle there is a broad feminine/masculine grey area (or perhaps “purple area” :) ). However, that concept of a gender spectrum is still compatible with the idea of a hormonal “sweet spot” that suits your identity.
I am not trying to tell you who you are or what to think... except, that is, to encourage you not to throw out your feelings just because they don't fit an image that other people concocted.
There once was a time, not long ago, when nonbinary wasn't even considered “a thing” at all. And before that, there was a time when transgender wasn't recognized as “a thing” either.
I'm here telling you that your nonbinary gender is “a thing.” Please feel validated in your own identity and trust your instincts. :) Professionals like Dara will tell you the same, and can hopefully help you figure out how to do it!
Hang in there and be kind to yourself!!
I had this same conversation with my bf she helps a lot as much as she cab
For me it's not really about not wanting to be trans but more about wanting to not be wrong. What really gets me is the not-knowing. I need the assurance rather I'm actually trans or not...
What helped me a lot was writing all of my reflections down (and noting the date) whenever I doubted my gender and whenever I found a reason to feel more sure of my gender. Later I could go back and see how I felt at a specific time, and I could see how my doubts were unjustified and I realized that I had to trust how I was feeling, because I saw that I had never had a reason not to.
Good idea!
I did the exact same thing. Then I got two huge aha moments and noted those too. It really helps.
It's scary how accurate this is. I will buy that book.
Omge this video was meant for me. I've been having extreme anxiety getting out of bed and functioning some days because of my gender dysforia..
😭
This. How's your journey gone?
I've known since 2015 that I wasn't cis. My labels have switched a lot, but basically, I know I'm nonbinary. I've had a feeling since at least last year that I've wanted a more masculine body. I've lately come to a realization that, though sometimes I think my body looks nice, it doesn't really seem like me. It's been on my mind a lot lately, and I've already come out quite a few times before (as lesbian/bi [when I was discovering my sexuality], then nonbinary, then bigender [leaning towards male]), and it hasn't always had the greatest reactions. I just found your channel and it helps a lot!
"If it turns out that this is true... It's okay. We're gonna figure out a way to get through this. And when I say 'we,' I say the collective we because it's not only going to be people- hopefully, at least a few people in your close life- but people on the internet. People like myself. These are the kind of things that we are here for your for, and to help you with."
Hearing this spoken out loud gave me such a sense of relief and calm. Maybe this questioning is just a phase. And that's okay. I'm just glad that until I figure it out, there's so many resources out there to help me figure it out. I hate when people deride the internet as if it's a kids and young adults get these "crazy outlandish ideas." It's an amazing place to find support and information for so many specific issues.
Thank you for your video. I may actually buy your book for myself as well as for a few trans friends I have who have expressed having these insecurities even years into their transitions.
I've been struggling with my gender identity for five years now, I feel like I'm just avoiding the inevitable "I'm transgender" but I still feel like I'm rushing it so eh
It's 5 a.m. I haven't slept a second and I'm having a crisis :)
legit this is so relatable for me. i have crises like that all the time and it's been 3 years but I feel I can't come out because I'm unsure if I should transition or identify differently. there's this constant fear of it all being a phase, but 3 years doesn't seem like enough for me to truly decide.
Ocean Manolph OMG S A M E, I FEEL JUST LIKE THAT. It's honestly super tiring to think you know what you are and then kind of analyze it and question yourself every tIME
Hella Joe yeah it's just so fcking annoying!!!! Also because I'm a teenager it makes me feel like I'm more susceptible to it all being a phase "because that's what teenagers do". But I don't want puberty to continue at all so it's just a total paradox!?! Are you almost certain you're trans then or just really unsure?
Ocean Manolph YESYESYESYES EXACTLY omg I've never thought that someone might actually feel like this hahahah
And yeah, I'll turn 18 next month, so I'm not a teenager anymore, but as I said I've been feeling this way since I was around 13 years old
Hella Joe ohh my god this is crazy! I'm 17 rn so even more similar??? I know I don't want to get older as the gender I present as now but I still feel like I shouldn't come out yet? Sounds really stupid when I write that down but that's how it feels.
I know I'm trans and maybe that's an overstep to some people, but it is what it is. For two or so years now, ever since I wrapped my head around the terms trans and gay and just the LGBT community, I've know that firstly I wasn't completely straight and secondly I was a guy. The latter took quite a lot of "what if you're just *insert thing here*". It's been two years and after trying to be happy with being a girl I was just like "yeah...I really hate this." When I came out to my mom a few days ago, she didn't hate me or anything thank god, but she did question my feeling considering I didn't act super male as a kid. I wasn't a fan of sports and I liked Barbies and toys like that. I wasn't super uncomfortable wearing dresses or anything either, though up until I was trying to accept being a girl a year back I didn't tend to wear dresses or skirts. Not saying I wasn't nerdy and attached to video games as a child but I wasn't like the poster boy tomboy either. I'm just scared that based off the fact that I wasn't a male stereotype as a child and didn't hate dresses and didn't constantly think I was a boy that I can't be real about being trans to some people (to be fair I didn't know what trans was until I hit like 12 or so to be able to know it was a thing I could achieve and I also was bullied a lot already so I tried to fit in a lot but idk).
Here's an article I wrote that might help!
darahoffmanfox.com/pitfalls-alternatives-real-men-and-real-women/
Don't get caught up with those stereotypes. I know a lot of people still focus on that, but you don't have to. We are moving past that and seeing that those do not determine your gender identity. Follow your gut on this!
@@darahoffmanfox finally a good therapist Jesus... In my area all the gender therapists are so conservative themselves!
I'm not really sure how I should act around my parents, I've KNOWN that I'm trans for about 3-4 years and I've always had those feelings since I was in middleschool. I came out to them 2 years ago and my mom thinks it's a phase (she thinks that I've never had any signs of being trans as a kid, but I've always hid it from my family) and my dad thinks that transitioning isn't going to fix anything; that I need to learn to live with what I have.
I'm 20 years old and unfortunately I'm still very dependent on my family, so until I become independent I don't know how to be around them. Whenever I bring it up it usually makes them upset and I just have to bottle things up and I hate it.
I wish I had something profound to say. I'm truly sorry you're stuck in a situation like that. I do want you to know your feelings are valid and more importantly your identity is valid.
Well said Natalie! Rei, here is a video I made recently where I talk a bit about what you are going through:
ua-cam.com/video/sEdCql88vmQ/v-deo.html
This is actually one of the reason why I'm afraid of coming out to my parent, I just know they'll say "But you've never acted or behaved "girly" (for a lack of a better term). Well I was in the same boat, I hid it from everyone. I'm sad and ashamed to say that, but I used to reject and hate every little thing about me I deemed too feminine. Oh dear, was I wrong. Classic over compensating am I right ? Anyway, point is I'm as confused as you on how to behave around family.
I'm afraid I haven't much else to say to comfort you. I'm sorry wish I could help more. You're not alone, many people are going through the same stuff, What you're feeling, heck, what *we're* feeling is valid. Having questions or being confused doesn't invalidate it at all.
I can relate but im going to transition for me I hhave the same situation with my parents i think they still want me to be their daughter they may not agree ( especially my mother ) but I'm me and I am who I am and if they don't accept me they don't have a son.
Rei Senpai
I question myself about this issue everyday and I struggle with it and I think I'm just trying to talk myself out off my issues and there just not going away!
I just gave in to my feelings because I was always made fun of for being too feminine. I then did research and came across transgender and you channel. Did even more research and now I'm transitioning
Lady of the Lake I hope everything is going well for you! Lots of love❤❤
I used to be feminine, but was trying to fight it. I hated being made fun of for being girly for years. Eventually, I discovered I have all of the symptoms of Klinefelter Syndrome which means I was born with female chromosomes making me both male and female in gender. Now, I feel more comfortable knowing why I was always girly for a guy.
Hey, do you have an update? Much appreciated
hows it going?
I always went back and forth. male, then female. and I always put alot of pressure on myself to be what I saw other people doing. or pressure to be a "stereotype". I couldn't help by judge myself. but now I just am. and I am a girl. but most of all. gender aside. I am ME. myself.
im terrified to go outside and be perceived as a female its horrible..
you mean woman...
i rlly got like this too. especially after graduating highschool. i was so relived to graduate and finally get to hide from the world. i've been hiding for 3 years now. it's rlly bad, i know... but i've finally found a therapist and i'm going to look into starting T to see if i'll feel better.
@@Ezra-gx2oq been 2 years, I hope you've found yourself.
@@SB-me7ym Hey, thanks for commenting. Well, I did see a therapist and got diagnosed with gender dysphoria and other things. I decided against transition but I've acknowledged my trans identity. Maybe in the future...
ME TOOOO
Thanks dara
Ive been asking the "this or that" ? For sometime now , i kmow im a transwoman but as a mid career male and father the weight of my realization is frightenting . For now i live a private life as daniela with my very understanding wife . Still not sure where my journey takes me but i long for the freedom to be me .
Sending love your way
A late comment but I'm wishing the very best for you, Daniela
I really cant focus on anything in school. I’m distracted and on the verge of crying all the time. I love you and this channel
Honestly, I heavily felt the 'Am I just a lesbian?' question, even if I truly know I'm NOT a lesbian, I'm a bisexual guy and when it comes to relationships, I'm mostly interested in people with the same gender as me, and when I think about having a relationship with a woman I imagine myself as a dude, I just think I want so hard to not be trans (I always wished I was a cisgender boy) that I want to force myself into thinking it is just something else because definitely, life is easier as a cis person, but I'm just... not a girl, and I can't live lying to myself saying I'm just a tomboy.
I have been knowing I was transgender since last year, my name's 'Eric' and I also got a nickname which is 'Johnny' and I feel so comfortable this way, the problem is that sometimes I will just think 'Maybe, if I get back in the closet I will grow out of it', even if I know I want a masculine body, the biggest problem with this is that I don't really want to be the manliest guy out there, I want to be pretty androgenous but still be seen as a dude, which made me question myself with questions like 'Am I really just non binary?', luckily, I found out you can express yourself however you want without needing to identify as x, because I really don't view myself as someone outside the gender spectrum, anyway, thank you a lot for this video, I really needed it.
Lots of gratitude your way, a light house in the middle of a desperation sea. Only those of us who are actually going through all of this would understand the joy of having found someone like you on the internet.
Thank you so very much for your work! Lots of love your way 😘😃
I have autism and ADHD. I've spent days thinking about a single doctor who episode, and then abruptly forgot about it when something new came along. I don't think amount of time spent questioning will mean much in my case because if I get stuck on the topic I'll question until the executive dysfunction makes me forget about it.
Woah. I've asked myself most of these questions. It's been hard.
But i feel i've been progressing a lot sice i reached out for help.
I'm slowly learning to trust myself, and not just in my gender identity.
I think i got to the same conclutions as you, but i had to do it by myself and it was frustrating. I feel this book would've saved me tons of headaches and breakdowns and self loathing. But who knows, maybe i needed to do it by myself or i wasn't going to listen because i'm stuborn like that.
I feel the pieces are slowly starting to fall in their place tough. It's the first time in my life i've been feeling like this.
My doubt comes in the form of the question "is this just a reaction to my partner's transition?"
Ah, I need to add that one to the list for sure...
That would be amazing because I have no idea how to answer it.
Well, the fact that you question it already means you're not entirely satisfied with your current state of being. So the next step would be to figure out exactly what you're not comfortable with, followed up by finding out what will make you feel better.
I am currently feeling more masculine than feminine most of the time and when i dress like a ‘boy’ I feel super confident then there’s are days I think I’m a girl and shouldn’t be doing this but I’m super confused if I’m trans or not currently I identify as gender fluid because that is the closest to what matches what I feel
sometimes i just feel like im cis, that im just faking it. maybe i am cis, i still dont know and its a constant struggle, maybe ill update once i figure it out :)
This video was very helpful! Thank you for sharing this and making it more normalized to go through questions like these.
I'm finding it difficult to trust my own feelings even though my transition is near because I have family members who are putting doubts in my head; even after I was so certain before. Its a great tool to look within and really see where a lot of the doubts are coming from.
in 5th grade i started puberty and i remember telling my crush i wanted to be a boy. i was so uncomfortable in my body that i covered myself up all the time and i wanted to cut my hair short but my mom wouldn’t let me and i went into this angry and depressed downward spiral and i cut my hair myself. in 6th grade my depression got worse and i was struggling with suicidal thoughts and self harming i was eventually sent to a psychiatric hospital. around this time i experimented with the name julio whenever i signed my artwork. i was dressing masculine and then i found out i was trans and i told my therapist. my original plan was to start T my freshman year of high school so i wouldn’t rush things and i was sure of what i was doing. my 7th grade year i told all my teachers to call me jace and it was going good. 8th grade i moved to a new school and i went stealth and started binding. the school administration knew and they made sure no one harrassed me, everything went well. my freshman year i didn’t start hormones, but i joined a boys’ sports team for two years and i changed and showered with them. i ended up quitting the sport because of an injury that was going to take a year to recover. my junior year i became more in touch with my feminine side and started dressing even more androgynous. now im in my senior year and im finally starting hornones but now im having doubts that ill regret this and it isn’t for me and im not actually trans. ive been identifying as a boy for so long and ive been binding for 4 years now, the social worker at my trans care clinic said if ive been binding for that long then it probably isn’t a phase. im so scared because my dysphoria isn’t so bad i dont like my chest or voice or hips but my genitals i couldn’t care less what i have. i learned to love myself and be kinder to myself so in a way im scared that i don’t hate myself enough to be trans. its more discontent with my feminine characteristics that absolute hatred.
Thank you so very much for these videos, Dara. You essentially voice everything on my mind and what I go through and it's so strengthening to have this sort of support and encouragement via video. Keep up the good work
The un-becoming part is where I am at and the more un-becoming I do, the more real me surfaces and I didn't start out questioning my gender, I just started out by working on un-becoming conditioned things from my childhood. But what surfaced underneath was a completely new me, that does make a lot of sense. So I am for the first time in my life looking forward to the future and exploring the new me. And I am gonna try to find a copy of your book here in Sweden.
I hope this isn’t an escape from “ not being pretty enough as a girl” I’m so confused
I hope for myself the same thing!
As weird as it sounds, I honestly thought I was the only one who kept thinking that, over and over..
But, I still am quite confused-
Can you give me an update? Going through the same thing
Just wanted to say that this is still relevant, even if it's old content. Was good to see you post something new, too
I really needed this. I'm so scared and confused right now and this has really calmed me down. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for your videos! These videos have been invaluable for helping me process my gender identity whilst I don't feel confident or ready to see a gender therapist yet.
I've been struggling with my gender identity, and this has been very helpful! Thank you so much!
Honestly I'm just really angry, I dont want to be trans I just want to feel normal I dont want to have to deal with the loss of my family and the discomfort in my skin this fucking blows and I'm furious! I think I have alot of internalized transphobia and I've been trying to conceive myself for the past 6 years that I'm cis but honestly im getting pretty sick of it. I came out as a trans man 9 months ago and sometimes wish I just put it back down because the doubt and stress and dysphoria has been worse since I've started addressing it and actually understanding what it is
But it is what it is and I'm kinda glad to finally be exploring my gender and having freinds to support me
I was so sure for a while, but now that I'm getting closer to actually starting HRT I've just been having a lot of doubts. This was extremely helpful.
As a child I believed myself to be a boy and never said anything. I always felt like a boy but suffocated some of the feelings because I was physically female and couldn’t deal with anything else. My body has always felt foreign and about 10 months ago I told people I’m trans. Now I actually do have very severe OCD so I’m trapped in the terror of what if? I don’t know if I want to medically transition but at the same time I do want to do it. It’ll destroy my entire life, including my marriage, but the thought of growing old as a woman is upsetting. I don’t want to be a woman but I want to be comfortable in the idea of being a man. I’m not bigender or fluid and I don’t really think non-binary is right either, although I don’t mind he-him or they/them pronouns. I’m so confused and worried and can’t get therapy.
I've been doing this questionnaire in my head for over 50 years now and made the decision to go forward.
Great topic choice. Thanks for the video! :)
Thanks...that's helpful to ponder over...recognize these questions.
Thank you for the video!!! It's really interesting !
Dara, this is very useful. Thank you.
Also, congratulations on getting a publisher! I am looking for one myself and it can be tough. cheers! \o/
Thank you, this helps tremendously
I've been struggling for over half a year now. I'm scared that this is just a phase and what would happen if it wasnt. I've been depressed and don't want it to get worse. I was more happy before I started realizing what was going on. I feel like I am trans ftm. Is it too early to know? Am I coming at this too fast? I hate myself in this body, but I don't want to tell anyone. When I ask myself these questions it makes me really emotional and I start crying. What do I do?
Be careful of it. Be careful of yourself.
It is very difficult, to understand, what is really happened with yourself.
It is difficult, to learn about it.
At first look for a psychologic therapist, who is experienced about transgender.
I think he/she can help you, to find the right way.
Because maybe the person think something, but its wrong, because of a misunderstanding yourself. Because the reason, why he/she feels, is maybe an other reason, as he/she thinks.
If it`s too painfull to be a woman, try a middle way to be more androgynous, and less feminity. And check yourself, how does you feel in this way.
That can be a first aid, to reduce pain. It must not be a final step.
All the specialists checks out: What can we do, to reduce the pain ?
We = The specialists AND the treated person.
Like a doctor and ill people.
The choices, what to do, can be totaly different.
It depends, what really helps, and what is the right "medicine" ?
Why would you trust "How you feel"? When feelings are the things about us that change the most often?
I lean into reality, truth, God, not my feelings. Why? Because my feelings are in constant flux.
I can tell you it's a good book. I have a copy sitting in my desk at home and it is getting a lot of good use!
Also, I wish there were a good test. Unfortunately, humans are stochastic.
Stochastic - amazing word!
Please help me I am suffer ing from gender dysfora all my life in secret , I was born male but I feel like a female inside, now I'm married have kids and I have not told my family and wife about what I'm wrestling with. I just struggling with myself and I feel so sad and depressed cuz I believe it's cause them allot of confusion once I come out,
I really needed this video
"If you're watching this before September 2017 then..."
Me watching in 2021: ✍book✍taken✍off✍shelves✍for✍six✍months✍
It’s Sabrina back for a second viewing. I can relate to some of the “or that’s” particularly fetish and kinks. Nearly 8 months in, and the feeling remains. I am in a holding pattern because of living arrangements. Still, this video was encouraging.
The whole idea of the autogynephilia/autoandrophilia/fetish thing: What people don't realise is that gender dysphoria causes you to not be able to express your sexual energy, it doesn't flow properly. SO the moment you can see yourself the way you need to be, the sexual energy flow may be more powerful than you think. But that does not mean it's just a fetish. You are an adult, this is gender we are talking about. It's natural for your gender and sexuality to be linked.
Thank ! The alternative of tinking makes me on peace for a while, why so many questions ?! Because our brain try to figure out the logical thought. And yeah that's mess !! So difficult to live as simple and much more when thoses questions appear...
It's possible to buy you book now ? I want to buy it, I live in Switzerland
I've asked myself about a third of those questions, especially the kink/fetish ones. And I am surprised to see that last one as I have had that thought but never expected anyone had.
I've never asked myself the first question as I have no trauma that would connect to this (my trauma mostly comes from bulling unrelated to my gender and after any transgender based thoughts started to appear in my head at any regular interval). And the second one I have asked, but in a different way: I've asked if I am a lesbian instead of a straight man as I have never doubted my sexuality and attraction to women.
i want to give u a big hug thank u for this video
My internalized transphobia was so bad that I literally had almost no clues I was trans until ~26 years old. I always knew I was a feminine guy, but didn't realize how much dysphoria being masculine caused me. Once I actually took the time to consider it, I knew it was true. I don't want to live as a man anymore. You don't need any special reason to be trans beyond that, an innate desire to present differently than you do now, no matter what that presentation is.
Hi, is your book available on audible?
I have no doubt that my body is male, and I have no doubt my true persona is female. I've been that way for 78 years. I have no guilt or shame internally about this. In fact it pleases me. I know that I once had a male persona and I performed that mask for the external women in the world. Now I am internally oriented as a female. to my male body for the future. There is no need for SRS or HRT. Gender dysphoria was the horse I rode in on.
For the past 13 months I've been having extreme anxiety, depression and mood swings (I'm in high school) and since we went out on summer break, those have went down a bit but I still had some problems. During the summer I had my old thoughts that I was really into girls again or that I need to be with some other guy or that I'm actually am a boy. It kept popping up over and over. Those thoughts kept getting inbetween me, my boyfriend and mental health. I used to really hoped to be a boy but I tried in middle school to start use "male" pronouns but got immediately bullied for it. And that's including I got made fun for my weight and people and myself to question my gender and made it worse. Throughout high school I still had thoughts of being a boy once in a while but out of fear I just buried it inside. Boyfriend at the time said it was gross and made me depressed. Now with my head constantly switching my thoughts around (even if answering the truth) that I'm trans or lesbian or straight. It's making it very hard to understand myself now....
I've been having issues with this for years but transition is not easy for me because of my finances I hate my male genitalia but I can't do anything about it it's right now I live a androgynous lifestyle I feel more like myself when I'm wearing dresses and skirts and wearing female jeans and slacks but I do not know how to get the funds to fully transition do the female I feel like I am in side my family doesn't see it they do not understand how I feel everyday of my life I've been struggling with this feeling since I was around 5 years old then Junior High it hit me more in my life I started cross-dressing in high school by borrowed from my cousins wardrobe she didn't know I thought about transitioning in college but didn't have the money to do so now I'm in my thirties I consider myself a transgender lesbian I feel like I'll never have opportunity to transition and have the surgery I really need the fix the male genitalia and turn it into the female genitalia that I feel like I need to be me help will be wonderful on how I can achieve this goal in my life
I have OCD and ALOT of childhood trama.
Honestly, this channel just makes me more scared and confused. I don’t really know what I am, but watching trans youtubers makes me feel comfortable. These videos make me question everything and make me feel like I’m not actually transgender non binary. What’s wrong with me?
Your not alone, this is how I feel too.
Objective truth is different than personal, subjective prefferences...
i think one of the reasons i havent come to terms with me being trans yet is the influences ive had growing up, ive grown up in a space where ive been taught that being a man is bad, my own ad and friends expressed this (fair enough tbh, living as a woman in a mans world sucks and ive experienced that first hand) i'm scared that i'm going to become one of the groups of people / person that my friends and family hate.
What's ocd have to do with being trans because I have ocd?
I've identified as trans for five years, but doubt has been a lot more frequent recently. I think because I'm trying to decide of physically transitioning is right for me and because my family are transphobic and always tries to convince me that I'm not trans and that it's something else. One of my biggest fears is that they're right and that I'll regret it. I'm also scared that I'm fetishizing gay men when I don't have the typical gay man experience. But I know deep down that I am trans and that I'm just trying to find an excuse not to transition. It's a lot of untangling my internalized transphobia.
I need a bit of help. I, like many others out there, experience doubt of me being trans (specifically non binary), but the thing is, my new school starts tomorrow and I feel like it would be a fresh start where basically no one knows my birth name. I don’t know if I’m ready to use my new name because I still have some doubt, but I really don’t want those people to know my deadname. Any thoughts?
I just wanted to tell someone, somewhere that I'm going to go to our school psychologist as soon as I can and ask her how I can start to transition.
I've been wondering for a long time whether or not I'm actually trans, but I never felt like I was a woman. I thought of myself as nonbinary ever since I hit puberty. I hoped at some point, it's just flip a switch and I'd feel right about it, but that never happened and now I'm 17, finally got rid of my transphobic dad and accepting of my own pansexuality. I tried to fit the role that was handed to me, but felt extremely wrong about it, but I didn't want to admit it, and now I'm in huge trouble, because i did a good job hiding it and my mom doesn't believe me.
It's time to take matters into my own hands.
I really struggle with my gender. Sometime I look at myself and go “I want to be a guy” and I always have seen myself as “one of the guys”. Even when I was a kid I was always the man. Always a dude even when I dream I’m always male. But then I like makeup and skirts etc. I’ve always been seen as not feminine enough. And I don’t want to be confused anymore. But I also know I don’t like switching between my “gender” like I don’t want to be seen as both genders.
Femboy!
How do you tell the difference between not liking your genitals because of CSA versus dysphoria?
Good question, I will add it to my list!
When I was a kid (I’m ftm) I never got accepted by girls, I always tried to be girly to be one of them, but I was so shy and insecure at that moment. Then I started to doubt about my gender and then I had depression. After that, when I was happier, I started to doubt about my gender again. Idk if I’m felling this bc I never got accepted by the girl or I’m really trans.
You will always be a female. People are waking up to the harms of trans for children and young people, but transgender ideology is still marching into schools disguised as LGBT acceptance. Kids with perfectly normal unease or confusion about bodies and gender are getting dragged onto the transgender conveyor belt of affirmation, blockers, cross hormones, and surgery. LGB kids are passé. Transactivism is a form of bullying: if you’re not porn-culture straight, a proper ‘boy’s boy’ or ‘girly girl’, you must be defective, in need of fixing, by reclassification, drugs or a scalpel. My head is full of questions about why we are allowing this to happen. Is the explosion in the number of transgender-identifying young people a symptom of a society leaving little room for kids to be themselves outside of increasingly restrictive gender roles? How can we keep the conversation going to keep kids safe?
The goal of the transgender activists is to try and get their numbers up in order to normalize their agenda. They care nothing about seeing people reach a healthy view of their biology and not needing to take drugs and have their genitals and breasts mutilated. Impressionable teens make easy targets. They are even unethically influencing autistic children to change genders. Activists would have the public believe that anyone who expresses a wish to be the other gender should be allowed and encouraged to do so. To date, however, there is no evidence that there is such a thing as a “true” trans, just as there is no marker that would identify a “false” trans. To accept the thinking and wishes of those with ASD at face value, without understanding why they feel the way they do, is not a kindness, and may in fact be extremely damaging.
anyone else been secretly feminising themselves and then flipping because of others and their now about 30?
Ahhhhhhh don't scare me lololol ahhhhh I don't know what to do anymore...... I ate a quarter of mushrooms and it made it super obvious I could be living a totally different and happier life presenting as a female rather than a male and now that I'm back im back to talking myself out of going through with anything.
I gave myself 4 years. I always knew I'm not female, but back then I started with androgyny, then agender but liked to be taken as male or genderless (I didn't know these terms, neither the trans term I just described it) then I realized I'm just a scared trans male... Scared of transphobes harrassing me, but leaving that place helped me clear my mind. Honestly, that area is one of the most deadly places for lgbtq people, I can tell you. I'll never go back there in the close future for sure.
Thank You!!!!!! this is very much me everything you brought up that's pretty much me what I'm wondering what I'm going through thank you!!I'm feeling lost lately =(
My biggest concern is I'm just doing this for attention. I've always identified as genderfluid until recently and started thinking I might a trans male.
My problem stems from the fact that I'm very feminine and dont have gender dysphoria (except for chest dysphoria sometimes)(I like my body now but feel as if I'd like to have a penis) and I like the thought of being trans (which isn't bad but I have many doubts that I'm actually trans and just want attention)
I also don't know if I like any pronouns even they/them feels wrong but I have chosen a name and it feels weird. Someone please help
Found my way back here. Heh. Fun.
My mom said there was something wrong with me. It causes me to question my identity
Hello! I'm 18 years old, FtM and pre-T. Do you have any tips on safe vocal exercises to lower (or raise, for other people) my voice? There's a wide range of how trans people's voices change and I'm sure it has to do with just how your vocal chords change on their own and also on if you force your voice until you basically start destroying it. I'm really scared of my voice dying once I go on T. Also! Would you happen to know of anything I could do to be taller? I'm 5ft 2in. I'm starting to do stretching exercises and am aware that genetics comes into if you'll be able to grow after 18, but have you heard of anything else I could do? Thanks so much!!
I'll be sure to add your questions to the list :)
Dara Hoffman-Fox thank you so much!!
You can get shoe lifts to add up to 3-4 inches. You would probably have to put them in boots or some high-topped type of shoe
i really wish i could just make excuses to doubt myself until i'm 18. ive never had trauma, anxiety, depression or anything like that. which means any question i ask, i can shoot it down almost immediately. my good christian parents have given me a good life and i know they'll try to deny my identity if i come out as trans. i hate having to mentally prepare myself to get disowned, but at least i have a place to stay if i do.
@@jaymarie2592 Nobody explicitly told me I'd be disowned. It's just that it's definitely a possibility (doesn't mean I should've worried about it so much) if you come out as anything other than straight or cisgender. I've stopped worrying about being disowned since then, because I doubt that it's more likely than my parents simply denying my identity. It's also pointless to worry about something that's not going to be happening anytime soon.
The place I would be staying is with my brother and his husband. His husband is actually the one who told me it's unlikely for my parents to disown me. So it's not they want me to come stay with them, it's just if I need a place to stay.
I do mean I want to medically transition if I come out as trans. My parents already let me dress and cut my hair the way I want for the most part. They dislike it when I call myself a boy or a man, even if I'm doing it as a joke. But if my parents are willing to help me, then I will help them too. I've stopped watching far left and far right political videos that would hurt my perception of myself or make me worry about dumb things (ex: someone calling trans people abominations and then me applying that to myself).
Lastly, being trans is a disconnect between someone's experienced gender and their biological sex. The gender dysphoria I experience is what makes me aware of that disconnect. I realized that the way I perceive my gender and the way others perceive my gender is and has been very different. Even if there weren't any major signs, I can still look back and find some smaller signs that I think would apply to me being trans.
@@jaymarie2592 I listen to detransition stories all the time and I don't find myself relating to them in any way. Even so, I plan on going through lots of therapy with a gender therapist before I do anything like take hormones. Just like you, I don't want to be wrong about this and make the wrong decisions.
@@jaymarie2592 I will! Thank you :)
I believe the dysphoria springs from the buried Anima. Suppressed by the mortal male and false ego. That male ego is the "unreal' part which has dissociated itself from its object of desire. It is not a fetish it is a necessary and real part of a human male.
Ive thought it was a phrase but witn me i hate my male body when im dressed female im happy and i know im female gender and gay
I'm questioning if I might be non-binary but am arguing with myself. I did read the thing she linked and it was not helpful.
I know know that I'm a man and I was born a male. But I did struggle a bit when I found out about the increase acceptance of trans issues and now an ever increasing acceptance of being non binary. Now after a lot of self questioning, I identify as a male with a few feminine mannerisms. But my biggest pride and label is that I'm a child of God! Thank you
I think that's why it's important for everyone to go through the questioning, because it helps us see the fullness of expression in all of us
this video looks like way too much work for me to handle
one more victory for depression ^^
Can you prescribe hormones ???
Tommy Vance no you need an endo most likely
i need answers about me i have very low male hormones is 65 to 72 and it is surpose to be 700 tom 300 and i have everything on low t plus i have had seats and boobs has started growing and i want to know where i' at on becomeing a female plus my brain thinks like a female and male things quit about 2007 and has never has worked sense.
Trying to figure out if i'm trans I also have autism I'm male but don't want to be male want be female but when I have dreams about chance to be female they always play out forcing me to try to escape from it rathere then embracing it I have no control over the dream and it often pretrays the dream of being able to change as a monster to fear but when I wake I want be female even more I hate my body but I feel stuck been like this for years and years so its not a phase. But I don't know what to do and there no one to help from all places iv looked at times is horrible the unhappiness so bad I want to end it and my depression only getting worse as time gose on.
A high proportion of people who suffer from gender identity disorder also suffer from other mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, personality disorders and autism (see also here and here). In many of them these problems do not resolve with gender reassignment. In fact hormones and surgery deal only very superficially with what is often a very deep psychosocial problem that doesn’t lend itself to quick technological fixes.
The goal of the transgender activists is to try and get their numbers up in order to normalize their agenda. They care nothing about seeing people reach a healthy view of their biology and not needing to take drugs and have their genitals and breasts mutilated. Impressionable teens make easy targets. They are even unethically influencing autistic children to change genders. Activists would have the public believe that anyone who expresses a wish to be the other gender should be allowed and encouraged to do so. To date, however, there is no evidence that there is such a thing as a “true” trans, just as there is no marker that would identify a “false” trans. To accept the thinking and wishes of those with ASD at face value, without understanding why they feel the way they do, is not a kindness, and may in fact be extremely damaging.
Ive been questioning for 3 years! Im 13 and i am male, and i cant decide what i am. I dont think im non binary, and sometimes i want to be a girl. Other times i dont care. Any tips?
Take the time to have experiences...
Seek professional help immediately and beg your parents for it; even when Pops says "How's my boy?". They owe you a chance at a happy life, and IT GETS BETTER. Let them know you want this, and get busy with make up and exercise videos. Get your cute on! good luck lil one
Just experiment as much as you can with your appearance. Grow out your hair, try on makeup of you want. You don't have to tell anyone if it doesn't seem safe. You are allowed to experiment and your not obligated to tell anyone if you don't want too. If your into anime or stuff like that cross-playing (dressing up as a character of the opposite gender) is pretty common in that community. When I was your age I learned how to do drag makeup (king and queen) so I could visualize it without any permanent changes.
I got alot of issues but I know one thing that I love to ware women clothing and I feel good in it. I told my mom at age about 10-13 somewhere in there that I wanted to be a girl and she told me hell no!!!!!! Your a boy so act like on you think it easy being a women after that day my mom told her boyfriend and from that day on I was molested beat up choke to death turn it down the steps broke my back an so on I told my mom about it and she said he would not do that o so stop living about him. I was scared for my life I went to drinking just so I don't remember to much. When I was about 19-21 my brother and I Forest him out then the feelings where coming back I would ware women clothing at my home only but at 44 years old the feeling so strong that I now know what I was meant to be. I'm so disgusted over my private parts I ware women clothing at work everyday but now I'm afraid again because I don't want to lose everything that I worked for and my wife and she knows and she don't like it. So what should I do? The song you don't know what you got until it's gone buy Cinderella keeps coming to my head should I ignore it. I just don't know what to do. I'm seeing a counselor. I'm scared of transition at the same time excited. This girl has alot of problems. Thank you
Your so strong and you don't deserve to deal with people who don't respect you! Summer is gearing up, backdoorjobs.com and coolworks.com have national parks and beautiful places hiring and most include room and board. Make money in a beautiful place and live as your authentic self. Please, I don't know you but im rooting for you! You deserve all the love in the world
This is why I think so many people fall into transmedicalism ("truscum"). It's very uncomfortable for many people to realize that, wait a second, there is no way to determine with absolute certainty whether someone is trans or not. It's very easy and comforting to believe that it is all genetic, that it is a purely medical disorder. The truth is that even things that are definitely "purely medical disorders" can even have emotional causes. The medical is not separate from the emotional/psychological realm at all. The world is not only made up of people who are definitely cis and people who are definitely trans. Just as there's something between male and female, there's also something between cis and trans. Airtight, absolute categories are only convenient theoretical devices, aka fictions.
Is anyone else wondering if they're non binary or if its internalised misogyny? All my life I've heard just little things let me know I'm worse because I'm female. E.g. if someone drives badly, I heard "oh of course it's a woman" or if a woman got mad, some men would act like she's entirely unhinged or make the period comment. All my life I've felt extremely uncomfortable with my body and I gag whenever someone calls me a woman. I know I'm not ftm trans because I have no desire to transition and "man" feels entirely wrong. But that's the thing. I don't feel disgusted if someone calls me a man. It's just a funny wrong. Now is that because I was assigned female at birth and I'm referred to as such far more often so I'm sick of it, or is it this internalised thought that I would be worse if I was that? I'm going to try and get therapy but in the mean time if anyone has any experiemce with this sort of thing I'd highly appreciate to hear from you....
Going through the same and I actually am leaning towards the internalized misogyny
Is there any chance i can talk to you on Skype?
I think im trans but I may just be nonbianry one other thing is ive been depressed for 2 and a half years and im worried im just trying to find a way out of the darkness. I had a mental breakdown and cut my hair I then came out and my parents said there was no way I was trans but supported me if I was. they said I liked dresses and girly colours and such but I hate dresses now and fem colours dont make me any less of a man or whatever.
I was or am still confused about about my gender. I was born a male but at a young age I had an experience that I was upset about not able to little girl shoes I was about 5 years old. When my mom and dad split that's when things really got strange with myself. I got rapped by an coward of a man for three or four months he made me ware my mom's lingerie and that when I started to question myself I eventually told my mother and then it stop and then we moved to another place but I was
Joe Truitt that's terrible oh my god
I'm so sorry
you have this beautiful kitty Kat - so you must be OK.
Background is a cat... nice
Contemporary counselling is solidly affirming of Trans identification by hooking into gender role stereotypes. Well meaning but tragically blaming the victim. Giving into the idea that individuals must change to fit societal gender morays....whilst seeming to be accepting. How about recognising that society is at fault for constructive stereotypical gender roles.
I'm afraid that I just want myself to be trans to be quirky lmao
I’m 12 and I’m so much happier being a boy than a girl. (Short hair, brothers clothes, all male friends, being perceived as a guy.)I don’t want to be trans at all but that means I have to be a girl and that’s just what I’m not. I’m scared to go on this diet and exercise plan bcuz I don’t want my chests to become more noticeable. I can’t get a binder obviously and I don’t want to buy more sports bras with my mom cuz I don’t want her to think I want to be a girl but I don’t want to tell her im ftm yet and this is all just a mess I’m sorry.
Maybe you are a tomboy. Not every girl is "girly"...