The hardest thing to figure out is when you’re in a healthy relationship with a kind person, but you’re thinking of ending it because you might not be compatible enough. Update: We did break up last year but I’m doing well now. It was for the best
@@Patience23 we did end up breaking up. I think if it’s one of your major values that neither would be able to compromise on like wanting marriage or kids when they don’t, then it’s not going to work.
@@C0smicun1vers3 in a relationship it means how well two people go together. For example, if it’s very important for you to have children but your boyfriend never wants kids, you would not be compatible.
I was in this position before. The best advice I was ever given was “just because they aren’t treating you badly or doing the wrong things doesn’t mean they’re giving you what you need or doing the right things” - often it’s a compatibility issue. Dont just let a relationship drag on out of guilt or just because they’re good people. Being a good person doesn’t mean being good for you or being the right person.
I needed to read that right now. My partner is an amazing person but so many things have come up living together during the pandemic (not with each other just in general) and we started to grew apart, we have spoke about it so much but it seems the gap is too big to fix. I love him but I am not happy anymore and haven't been for a while and neither does he.
@@ivonnegallegos58 I’m glad you found it helpful. Honestly most of the time things don’t just get better and staying with someone out of guilt or because you don’t want to hurt them does neither of you any favours. Almost preventing eachother from ultimate happiness. Remember being a good person and treating you well should be a basic requirement. If you’re even questioning, consider leaving because this will only lead to resentment. Your decision to stay with someone should be 100% not 90%, not 95% - but 100%. You holding onto something that doesn’t give you absolute happiness is dragging out a dead relationship. If you don’t expect more for yourself, you’ll end up sacrificing everything for someone who would never do the same for you. The only person that loses in that situation will be you. How will you meet the right one if you keep wasting your time with the wrong one? Your choice in this determines whether you settle or whether you find happiness.
Yeah but often times people are unhappy because of themselves. We expect to always be happy to some extent, to not have bad things happen. Often you trade one for another and you end up unhappy again. Often the issue is just time, it's much easier to be happy in a newer relationship. The longer you're with someone the less forgiving you are towards them, hell often we make up situations to cause issues. People notoriously get bored of others. I still think monogamy is the best system, but it won't keep us from getting bored. It's a constant fight to stay. Whoever said that love is easy, well they may be right.... But what's not easy is staying in love and together. Unless people are willing to work it out, maybe we should all just publicly accept that our relationships should have written expiration dates to protect us from the pain of betrayal and abandonment. Now we just stand around, wondering when our partner will cheat on us because they don't want to handle the problems and stick it out, but they don't want to lose their security blanket until they have someone else. It's a complicated and messed up situation. Unless the person you're dating is a sociopath then most likely every relationship that ends is both parties fault.
@@VortexThePrime if you’re constantly fighting to stay, you’re in the wrong relationship. I know plenty of people who are genuinely happy and have an awesome relationship going on 10 years, the issue was never amongst themselves and they say it should be effortless to wanna stay but other factors outside of eachother may cause a break up but the issue shouldn’t be your actual dynamic…you just sound like you’ve experienced incompatibility issues. I’ve had amazing long term relationships spanning 5 years plus and it was wonderful, rarely any issues and was the easiest thing in the world until we had changed our end goals and grew apart but it was never difficult or a battle for the most part very happy and easy to be together.
Those feelings are right though Cause nothing indicate your next partners are gonna be better then the current disapointing one 😂 Maybe next partner would be a cheater. The next one toxic. The next one too lazy and unstrustworthy. Next one not physicaly attractive enough. Next boring and annoying to be with So its important to be realistic that your next partners probably will also have random bad point and analyze if your current one is really catastrophic
At the end of the day it's better to be alone than to settle (because that will hurt both of you) and instead find fulfillment in other ways that speak to your soul this will also remove the insecurity of being scared to end up alone (which isn't even a bad thing I don't understand why it's so demonised) which in turn will help your future romantic relationships because you won't stay out of fear or obligation and if they are the one you will be happy/content and if they aren't, your happiness/content will still be there.
All couples don’t necessarily fight, but there are naturally going to be disagreements. The way you handle these disagreements are crucial to the health of the relationship.
EXACTLY. my relationship was full of love and laughter, and i was happy. but every time we had a disagreement, it would turn out very toxic very fast. no good communication, no sincere apologies, it wasn't healthy. you may love a person, but a long lasting relationship needs good communication.
It’s hard to tell if you should leave or not if you were emotionally neglected in childhood and this is the first time your experiences consistent, non-judgemental love from somebody.
I've recently read this, and hope it helps someone out there: "It is not about making a nice couple, but about making a tremendous team.". That hit me truly hard.
My parents were such a great team that they ended up forgetting about the couple stuff of the relationship. I grew up feeling like they where co-workers or friends rather than partners. Don't ever forget about the affection, the fisical touch and the genuine interest because it's what tells apart a friendship and a couple.
When you compromise your boundaries over and over again...it just hurts. You're left bleeding out and the worst part is that the partner doesn't even understand. The sad part is I saw it objectively at the beginning but bc of my own childhood baggage, I hoped things would get better. I'm learning to forgive myself and break up.
Thank you for this comment, I feel like I am going through something similar and that I’m holding out this unhealthy hope for the other person when in reality I need to have more faith in myself and recognize that yes, because of my own past traumas I did some unhealthy things as well in the relationship that were not ok. At the same time that doesn’t justify emotional abuse being thrown towards me or gaslighting. I hope things work out on your end though!
how do you stop hoping things will get better?…. i have a really hard time accepting that things won’t get better bc i feel like if i do better then things will get better.
1: How did you meet? 2: How long did the honeymoon phase last? 3: What issues arose after the honeymoon phase ended? 4: What mistakes have you made in the relationship? 5: How do your arguments look? 6: Do your issues get resolved? 7: Have you ever reached the level of dealbreaker? 8: Deep down, do you think you were settling?
Hey girl, I just finally left my emotionally abusive relationship after 11 months. The entire time I thought it was my fault and I was crazy. But in the end it was hurting so much that I had to leave. He was instantly so angry and ghosted me. I've since learned he was lying to his friends and telling them we weren't official so his ex wouldn't find out---he was stringing her along too. That being said, we can have compassion and know that these are broken people, but we must set our boundaries and give ourselves space and love by leaving. I know he is probably wonderful on the good days, but if you feel confused and in a dark place...hear me...it's not right. I learned this the hard way. There will be someone else out there who is kind, loving, compassionate, and makes you feel safe. Please trust me...please prioritize yourself. I know it's hard.
@@elevenpoisons2484 For me, I have noticed that it usually takes about half of the time of the relationship to fully move on. It gets easier before that mark but by the time Im over it and back to my normal self, its about that much. This varies a lot from person to person though
Most people get together of circumstances And mistake it for being in love . That’s why it’s good to work on yourself have self love have self worth and not settle based on your circumstances or based off he /she loves me and I don’t wanna be alone I don’t think I’ll find anyone that will love me like she/he would etc.
THIS! I Before Corona I sometimes watched other couples on the tables around me in a restaurant. People are often so wrapped up in their circumstanceship but from the outside you can clearly see that they spend time with each other out of habit and not out of a deep inner desire to be with excactly that person. They don't even realize.
Still feel so lost and so unsure, I am the villain in my relationship and am doing the constant leaving and showing my partner that I’m unsure. My partner is so wonderful and is such an amazing human being but I just for some reason have a level of uncertainty and I don’t know why. Thank you for this video
@@nehajaiswal5075 I don't think it's possible to jinx a relationship. I mean, if you're at the level of literally knowing what the other person is thinking and communicating without words, there aren't many things that can go wrong. There, if a relationship jinx exist, it's coming for me. If my relationship ever ends, I'll let you know 😅 So far we're over 3.5 years in and going strong ❤
7:48 "Couples that have broken up multiple times rarely ever make it in the long run." So now we know what the fate is for Ross and Rachel's relationship....
Hah my ex started watching friends (I've never watched it) before we broke up and he said they remind him of us😆, we've broken up so many times and I came to conclusion that I'm tired and broke up, the best decision of my life
@@rubyiskira8939 I have been for two years and unfortunately because of current circumstances, I may have to wait another whole year until I get to fully be with my SO. why do you say so?
I really needed this advice today. My three year relationship still feels like it’s in the honeymoon faze. Everything was perfect to me until a few weeks ago when I learned that a huge boundary of mine had been crossed and I had been lied to about behavior my boyfriend has been engaging in - behavior that does not display loyalty or respect for me. I feel like I’m putting all the emotional labor and effort into repairing the damage and he just wants to forget. The relationship felt so perfect and learning what he did seems like it’s impossible for my boyfriend to have done those things, which makes me feel like I’ve been manipulated. I have been turning my reflections more to myself and less to him and realizing what red flags I missed and what behaviors I rationalized early on. It’s a hard and sobering journey.
Went through a very similar situation last year. Ultimately I decided to walk away and now I’m so grateful I had the mental clarity to do that. I wish you all the luck!
I was in a similar situation 2 years ago, but that particular mistake of him was very early in our relationship. I felt so betrayed but made a decision to forgive him and our relationship carried on. Believe me, it was rocky and painfullll but still happy in some parts. We are now breaking up, its a very toxic relationship. But I was the toxic one in the relationship, what he did to me made me toxic. How I wish I had the courage to put an end to it when he crossed that boundary. I hope you dont make the same mistake as I did, believe me, its a very emotionally tiring two years of my life.....
Riza Evangelista I can definitely feel toxic trait manifesting in myself as a result of the trauma and pain he has caused me. It’s a terrible feeling. I hope you’re doing better now that you’re out of that situation.
This is pure gold. I also agree into fights are unacceptable but also I know that some people are afraid of arguing as well, and i think that's a red flag because I think arguing is essential to overcome disagreements in any relationship. They may not see a difference
100% agree. You cannot pretend to agree with your partner for the sake of keeping the peace. It is a sign of a bigger problem of not being able to communicate. And I think communication, ownership and willingness to change also influence whether a fight can become heated or not.
I've been in "all of the relationships". I've had a partner who never SAID anything and couldn't accept me telling him his noodles were a tad overcooked, let alone REAL issues I was having with the relationship or him. It died a slow death. I've had the arguing type who later told me, when we fought screaming at each other he finally felt that spark for me lit up again. Excuse me?! The "relationship" went up in flames as you can imagine. My current partner and I never fight. Fighting is not a thing you do with people you love and respect and want to be happy, imo. When we have a issue we calmly talk about it and it's never happened that one person couldn't understand or emphasize with the other. We know each other for three years now. The "girlfriend-boyfriend" label is not someting we like to apply since we feel we are each our own person. But we kinda resorted to it because people tend to not understand "us" if we don't present them a label. *eye roll*
Yesssss. Many people justify a toxic relationship by believing that “all couples fight”. Wrong. Healthy relationships don’t include slamming doors, yelling, name calling, violence, etc.
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I completely understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar experience when my 10 year relationship ended. I couldn't imagine my life without her, so I tried everything to rekindle our love. I eventually found guidance from a spiritual counselor, and their support helped me bring her back into my life.
If you're open to it, seeking help from a spiritual counselor might make a difference. How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?
I’m here because I have anxiety and it makes me be very scared of breakups. So my brain numbs the pain by making me feel like I don’t care that much about my boyfriend, even sometimes I feel like I’m not satisfied. But watching this video has helped me calm down because it has made me see that I have a really great relationship, and that even though I have to work on myself and in my relationship sometimes, I have tons of things to be grateful for everyday. If you are feeling bad in an objectively good relationship think about this: if you are constantly doubting and judging the way you feel and you don’t feel able to love the way you would like to, maybe, deep down, you feel like you don’t deserve to be loved. Anxiety is so damn annoying >:(
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks..
After watching this and looking at my own relationship objectively, I realize that I have been self sabotaging, I'm the one that came into our relationship already w trust issues, and our relationship is actually really strong. It's making me cry bc I think for me it's really hard to see past the emotion but when I look at only the facts, omg it's like I've made up arguments all on my own. I'm the root cause or something. Lol how frustrating that must be for my counselor 😂 but this video was eye opening.
I literally feel the same way as you. I went into the relationship with trust issues and low self-esteem to the point that I'm self-sabotaging the relationship. From fearing and indirectly accusing him of cheating, to my insecurities when something sexual/nudity comes up on the tv, I just seem to be making stuff up my mind in fear that he wants more/I'm not enough. Logically I know what I'm doing and want to stop so badly but can't seem to do it. I don't know what to do ):
@@sia3415 I've been doing couples therapy. It also really helps when I communicate my comfort level with certain things, coming to a compromise so I don't come off as controlling and he doesn't feel like I'm attacking him, and giving each other support in our love languages. That's the best way I can shorten it lol
My girlfriend did this. I think it's because she just really finds me attractive. I'm here because recently it's just been abundantly clear we would both would be happier with someone else. We just are not compatible and she is disrespectful to me. Honestly I would rather be alone. It sucks because she is not a bad person.
I wrote down everything I couldn't stand about my partner (incompatibilities) and then I just imagine living with them for 5-10 years and it helped me A LOT to end the date. He is ok with the way he lives so I respect his free will and also used mine to walk away.
It's the most painful thing to know that you were the one to ruin the relationship. I picked up so many toxic traits from my dad and treated my partner this way. When she would try to talk to me I would have emotional outbursts and deflect/defend myself. I didn't give her the space to be emotionally vulnerable. And I hate myself for it. I hate that I hurt her and that I couldn't give her the kind of love and vulnerability she gave me. I will always love her, she is the closest I've ever felt to a person. I will endeavour to work on myself before I think about getting into another relationship. I'm just sad it had to end with her. She is everything I could love in a person.
Similar situation here. I did shit I never thought I would do and didn’t realize just how much toxic traits I picked up from my dad. Let alone the help I needed. I ended the relationship thinking she was the toxic one. Only to find out down the road I was the one that gave up on her and didn’t keep a level head and talk with her like she did me. I should have supported her. At least we are still friends.
I agree that a healthy couple should not fight aggressively and with the intention to hurt the other person. In every healthy and lasting relationship I’ve witnessed, partners have some annoyances with each other but they are always discussed maturely with both partners feeling respected and heard.
I think some couples are just gonna fight sometimes and they can still have a good relationship. What irks me is when people think you HAVE to fight if you're really passionate about each other.
This year has made me realize that it's better to be alone than with someone who isn't right for me. I'm starting to ask myself why I sought out relationships if I don't want children and can't handle the responsibilities that come with them. Being alone is nice, in the beginning of the relationship you don't notice the red flags if they are reserved and polite, but I'm starting to see that it's better for me in the long run to be single i like my own company.
me too. found out he did a lotttt of fucked up shit and everything was a red flag. and a lie. but we’re trying to move forward and be healthy it sucks but hopefully it’s worth it
me too. found out he did a lotttt of fucked up shit and everything was a red flag. and a lie. but we’re trying to move forward and be healthy it sucks but hopefully it’s worth it
It’s so important to know when someone truly values you as the person you really are vs. values the idea they have of you. For example, how you’re suppose to act, feel, and communicate look a certain way to them but the truth is that every single person they date will not act, feel and/or communicate in the way that they will always want. We are all different. I agree with a lot of people in the comments about the most important thing to look at is respect for who you are and that starts with asking the right questions and allowing each other to be vulnerable in telling their stories. Also understand that for some it might take time for them to feel safe enough to open up. Remember it’s not all about you when you are in a relationship you are a team. It’s you and the other person.
I’ve been married for 5 months now. I am feeling so overwhelmed that I made the wrong choice. I’m used to relationships ending because of a specific reason like cheating.. but this time is more of me realizing I sacrifice a lot of my needs to either keep the peace or because I talk myself out of thinking it’s important. My partner is smoking weed all hours, at 930 am on a work day, sleeping on the couch, leaving candles lit while he sleeps (I work night shift), no physical touch unless he wants sex, makes promises and doesn’t follow through, spent almost half our savings.. We have two dogs and a house together & my parents just spent $35k on a wedding. Im just living in a state of limbo right now. I don’t know what is going to happen for a choice to be made. Anytime I mention my issues he gas lights me. This video is helpful, thank you.
it sucks because divorce is such big process, but you should definitely speak your mind and most likely end things BEFORE you two have a kid together, that would make the situation a much bigger issue
By what you said its very unlike that it will work out or you will be happy on the long run if things dont change drasticaly. I would firstly talk to a terapist, it helps alot to open up with a profesional. And I would also have in mind that when talking about your life you must do whatever is necesary to find peace and happiness, dont settle for a life of unhappiness, you deserve the best!
Been in a “Ross and Rachel” situation for 15 years. Now going through a divorce, so it’s true- explosive fights and needing breaks is not normal. Nothing ever got resolved.
Cheating in a relationship is an unforgivable betrayal of trust that can not be remedied, at least for me. There is no excuse for it and, again for me, marks your character as a person as flawed beyond redemption, in the regards to a relationship; thanks to allmod genius for saving me from that bloody cheater..
She just said one MAJOR key point here; “upbringing.” If you and your partner have a completely different upbringing (which is most likely) then that could very well compromise the relationship in totality. Because depending how they were treated, could very much affect you. Regardless how attracted they may be towards you. If the communication is way off then obviously it’s a red flag. But these tools come with experience and a solid wisdom to understanding yourself as well and how you view yourself, people and the world.
How sad when you are the one that totally destroyed the relationship with someone who could’ve/should’ve been the one. It’s such a never ending feeling of guilt, shame, helpless regret. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over how dreadfully I uprooted and ruined that relationship. No excuses I can find will ever soothe the hurt I caused myself and him
I watched this hoping it would help comfort me that breaking up was the right decision. I’m sure it was but when you know you’re the “toxic” one, it’s awful
😞 idk your story, idk his story, but if there was any genuine love, even if broken, like we all are... if there was indeed love and you think about him, he likely thinks about you too. And if he is angry with you should you approach him, it might in part be proportional to the love he felt for you n the relationship which he’s had to burry alive, and also in part a reflection of his childhood emotional imprint. We can’t expect ourselves to be perfect. Allow yourself to be like a child who sometimes makes well intentioned oppsies. Wish you the best whoever you are. -The guy on the other side of your story
@@youtoobe556 thank you so much leo, your words are comforting. I have the ability to forgive people’s human mistakes, but not my own. It’s kind of you to send such a lovely reply to me. Thank you
Yes, my decision to not leave is mostly based on fear. It's a fear of letting go too soon, too easily, and letting go out of fear of not ending up like my mother. Also I have done my share of mistakes, and I have issues from the past about relationships, but I believe his are bigger and repeating more. I don't know what I'll do in the long run, but I do know I will not lose myself, I will not stop doing all the things that are important to me just because I'm arguing with my boyfriend. He's loyal and not abusing, but he is immature. For now I'm staying because he keeps saying he wants us to work through the problems. But it is so so complicated. We give so much of ourselves to a relationship. I wish I could care less. But I will care more about myself and my wellbeing. I know that will help no matter where the relationship is going. At least of this I'm sure, and I'll act on the things I'm sure of.
Hey 😇Which issues did you have from your past relationship? This makes me scared to even go into a relationship or do you pick maybe always difficult people? And what do you mean with ending up like your mother? I am curious
@@Daniela3969 hey. Well a year later, the situation has not changed and I've lost a lot. I said I will still do the things that are important to me, but I could barely manage to stay sane and healthy, and I lost a job, money, and recently had to postpone an important exam. I basically wasted my time by not walking away from this weird relationship. The confusion, his constant demands and complaints (coming from his insecurity issues) and the frequent fights have taken a toll on me, and many times was unable to take care of myself and my work properly, and he never understood.
@@Daniela3969going through this too. :( we need a zoom group 😢 ive been 2 years into the relationship; i actually Revisited thai video aftwr the first time i wanted to break up. :(
@@TheWilDOn31The constant complaints is something I'm going through too. I know his complaints come from insecurity and home life and I feel bad for being annoyed by them. It's come to the point where i feel like we can't even have a conversation without it becoming a complaint about something. I don't know what to do because for the majority we have a healthy relationship and good communication, but that spark just isn't there anymore and I've tried for months to get it back.
Thank you for this video. I made the decision to leave a healthy relationship because I felt like I was settling. It’s hard for me to take ownership of those feelings bc I feel like I left a good relationship. But deep down I did feel like something was missing.
I think a fight can be differentiated from a disagreement when there is a level of defensiveness and close-mindedness on either side. A healthy relationship's issues should always be approached from a mindset of love, potential growth, and curiosity about the other perspective.
It’s been a few years since my last relationship, but I felt this video. In my last relationship, my gf was constantly not putting in any effort once the “honeymoon phase” ended. Anytime we texted, I always had to initiate. The arguments always felt like I was picking up where she was slacking in the relationship. It hurt, but I was able to get myself to break up with her. It took me a while to do it because I didn’t think I deserved better. I ultimately decided to break up and be single instead of settling for a girl who clearly couldn’t care less about our relationship. The advice of not settling needs to be given to more guys. Anyways, if you’re considering breaking up then you most likely should. A good relationship should never make you feel overly conflicted about whether or not to leave
I was sceptical of entering into this relationship which has been continuing since past 4 yrs now. I was of the belief that relationships are not meant for me, I would get deeply involved and end-up causing a lot of pain to myself. 4 yrs have passed, the honeymoon phase passed, I over invested, that raised my expectations, my issues are not being listened to, I feel complete abuse of power from my partner’s end, still I cant end this, fear of loneliness, missing the person a lot while she is secretly talking to new people and on an exploration spree. I want this to end and not go through the pain and trauma that Im scared about. If this is over and I survive I’ll go back to my belief that relationships are not meant for me and this time around actually follow what I believe. How did you handle the post breakup trauma if you felt any?
@@anantsingh5995 I'm coming off a recent breakup and let me tell you that if a person disregards you or breaks up with you, like in my case, they don't care for you, they're a nobody, ultimately. I too have overinvested and developed oneitis. You just need to get that abundance mindset, there are literally millions of options, and while it may seem like you may never find another one like that, you most certainly will. Take time to recuperate, it's okay to grieve and feel sad about the breakup. After that, get busy, do whatever you feel like doing and what you need to be doing. Life goes on.
Lol . This was rlly funny... But I think you could post it on ur status if u have an IG or whatsapp and say sumt like "wow this video is very interesting"
Like I’m in a confused state because I feel so I’m love with him, but when I go home and we talk about our values and future we don’t see eye to eye. I think he’s the best guy I’ve ever been with but I feel like it’s not what I TRUELY want. Like my “perfect boyfriend” who listens and shares my values in life and loves me affectionately.
YES, thank you for that response to "every couple fights"... I have always said the same thing. We have disagreements, yes... but FIGHTS? No. And I don't think it's a good thing for "fighting" to be so normalized in our culture.
This helped me feel more confident in deciding to keep going with my partner. We lived together and were friends for a year before going out. The honeymoon phase lasted probably 8-9 months. We don't have arguments or serious issues, and we've both shown that we're willing to communicate better which has been the only real issue that's made me unhappy. The lowest points (lack of time together) feel especially hard for me since I have anxiety which also affects my work life, which is something I'm now in treatment for. He's a lovely man and I want to stay with him, I think we will be okay!
a fight in my eyes is when we have an emotionally charged conversation. usually i will cry or he will get a serious tone when we fight, but there is never any getting in each others faces, yelling, slamming doors, storming out, etc.
I completely agree with you about fights. My father fought A LOT with my mother and even more with his new wife, and he is miserable. My ex had a lovely calm disposition but he would occasionally get very angry and berate me and raise his voice. I thought I was irrationally scared of conflict, because of my childhood, but honestly my ex crossed an unacceptable line. My new partner has a much more fiery temperament than my ex, and we do disagree sometimes, but he never crosses the line of raising his voice or berating me, because I told him that I cannot handle it. Therefore, we never fight. I’m so glad to hear someone else say that fighting is unacceptable in relationships, and I’m so glad that I never will accept them as an inevitable part of a relationship again.
I agree, left after 38 years of pure hell, he picked a fight almost daily to get his way on things. Now I no longer talk to siblings either because thats where it all started...getting tired of this world
I am here. Wondering if this is verbal abuse after nearly two years, a baby, and now another on the way. I cannot handle being yelled at, his words feel like a slap in the face or even punches, and I don’t feel I deserve them. I don’t want my daughter to see this and think this is healthy or normal conflict, she should not have to see her mother cower while her father berates her.
This brought so much clarity to me. Thank you for taking the time to make this. Sometimes we get so caught up in the idea of who we want the person to be we loose the capacity to see them for who they are. Introspection and retrospection can bring significant clarity to those who’ve lost the ability to trust their own judgment. Thanks again 💜
My partner recently broke up with me. It's the first relationship I don't end myself. During the early stages of the relationship I sensed some red flags and I rationalized them. I kept a very dysfunctional relationship going because I was afraid of heartbreak, but I experienced the relationship feeling heartbroken. Always listen to your gut. I know it's dificult to do so when you're in love, but if you feel anxious, uneasy, hurt and just uncomfortable at the very early stages of the relationship; if you feel like you can't tell your partner what hurts you 'cause they don't listen, or they try to listen but you can tell it's really unnatural for them, or no responsability is taken, let them go. It's the best for both of you.
Ive been seeing this guy for the past 8 months and we never, once, had a fight. Yet I know 100% that he and I are not compatible. Our honeymoon phase ended in the middle of month 3 and that’s the last time it was good. We didn’t fight, but there was a lot of sadness, confusion and extreme miscommunication. So if you fight or don’t fight, the relationship may or may not work due to so many reasons...
same but we're on our fourth month... never been on a date and he's never done anything for me, and he wants SEX, NUDES, and I'm breaking up w him bfore the month ends
Great video! Unfortunately, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, and I still love him deeply. I can't stop thinking about him. I've done everything I can to get him back, but nothing has worked. I'm frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my best efforts, I can't get him out of my mind. I really miss him.
It's incredibly hard to let go of someone you love. I was in a similar situation when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't let him go, so I did everything I could to get him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who assisted me in reuniting with him.
I had to leave my last relationship because he would talk down on me and never apologized after an argument. Besides that, the relationship was really good but I just came to terms with myself that it wasnt going to workout because of that.
Wow, this whole morning I’ve been crying and filled with anger and anxiety because of relationship. The thought of leaving crossed my mind earlier, the thought of being able to be free and not worry about infidelity just wow. I scroll through my feed and I find you and this video. You know, I haven’t even started the video yet because I am so scared. Im scared becauseI don’t know if this is a sign or not I just really hope I find some guidance soon
I had met her since middle school and we feel in love about junior year high school. We lasted two years until i broke up with her recently and she was an amazing person. I really don’t think on the outside much is wrong, but with me i always felt something was off. In my free time i felt weightless and i could get more work done, but she always wanted to spend time together that i couldn’t give without feeling like i was sacrificing myself. I miss her so much, i feel so guilty and lonely. I know going back and forward is not the best idea so i am going to really evaluate this for about 3-5 weeks. I hope you all find peace.
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i just went through a breakup and my feelings are constantly making me wonder if it was the right thing to do. this was really helpful to put all these thoughts in place! Thank you so much!
Can't help but wonder....how do you feel after a year?hope you're doing great.
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@@maddemardari8176 wow! it’s nice to come back after a while and realize that it actually was the right thing to do and I feel great about it now hahahaha loved it.
I personally define healthy fighting in relationships as disagreements which play a significance to how the relationship functions - conflict that arises as intimacy grows and the individual behaviours and needs of the partners don't always match up. This is healthy as long as the couple both proactively engage in talking it through and trying to understand/creatively resolve these conflicts - I think some heatedness is acceptable if the issue is serious enough (might risk the loss of the relationship due to differences) as long as it never rises to the level of attacking/threatening/abandoning the other, I guess like raised voices is okay but yelling or slamming doors isn't. I'd deem unhealthy fighting as unrestrained and disrespectful arguing, so finger pointing, refusing to listen to each other, jumping to conclusions without hearing the other side, refusing to acknowledge your own role in a conflict, shouting, threatening, walking out on a fight without there being an agreement to go cool off and then return, ultimatums etc. To me, a fight is conflict. Conflict is inevitable in all couples, what's important is how you both approach that fight. Some can do it more calmly than others but I strongly value honest expression hence my tolerance of heatedness that never bubbles over into aggression or compromises the desire to understand or respect the other.
Yah. My partner calls disagreement "shouting", even when the volume isn't raised. It's infuriating. Shouting is shouting. Disagreement is just that. 🤦 wow I need help.
I wish I had seen this earlier. It would have saved both other people and me lots of pain. I had been in a dysfunctional relationship for seven long years, which has affected both my and my ex-partner's mental health and overall happiness. Still, thank you for sharing all this with the world, Ana. You're doing some great work with these videos. I am very thankful I found your channel.
I’m in a relationship that at first seemed great. We had a natural connection, nothing felt forced. He was easy to be around and it was fun. Early on I had a conversation with him about my boundaries and my foundational beliefs. He seemed to understand but quickly tested those boundaries and I gave in.. we have had good open conversations about how we messed up and trying to get “back on track”. But now it’s to the point where more emotions are involved and I personally feel I have pushed my boundaries to the side to be with him. I don’t feel good about this, the more I’m alone with my thoughts I cry and just feel disgusted with myself. I’m not putting the blame all on him, I know well I have a part in this. I just think I need to leave now or I won’t. This is so unhealthy and I know it. 😔😪 I don’t want to hurt him, but if I keep staying I’m going to go to a dark place. Maybe this is why I’m struggling to leave, because I feel like I’m choosing to help myself and not him..💔
Ana you are intuitive beyond measure. The person that is blessed to find you as a partner, will realize immediately they have found a diamond in the rough. #HighVibrationalWomen
I decided to leave a very confusing one year "relationship" if you could even call it that because I realized very late that we weren't looking for the same thing. I was ready to put myself in a serious relationship that would last a lifetime while he was looking for a pretty girl to date. It hurt a lot because all his signs showed me he deeply cared for me and I guess he did but I KNOW that I don't want to waste my time dating around.
I am in this story as the one who only wanted someone to date. It hurts because I really do care about her but in no way do I feel like a lifetime together is what I want. I ended the relationship once but then went back to her when life gets hard and I felt like maybe our relationship could work. I should really just cut it and stop wasting our time :(
@@azukib2230 wait so genuine question, how can you love her/care about her but not see her lifelong? do you guys not have similar goals or values etc etc?
I grew up with parents fighting. Like the slamming doors, calling names, breaking things, all that kind of stuff. I grew up thinking it happened with everyone and thought people that said it didn’t were lying. I grew up and realized that how my parents are ISNT normal and that what I learned I had to unlearn. I see my parents in myself when me and my S/O argue sometimes and I hate it. It’s all i know tho.. “slam a door now they’ll listen to me”. Is basically my thought process I grew up learning. How do I unlearn this and stop? After I do it, I regret it, but how do I prevent it in the first place?
Idk what the answer will be for you. But for myself, as I did some inner child work, going back to my traumas and healing the bits and pieces I could, I noticed that my normal triggers and reactions would change once I truly heal the associated wound. How to heal? I wish I knew exactly. For me its been messy & I’m not 100% sure what is helping. But I know certain elements are present when healing occurs. True understanding of how the situation unfolded. Knowing what could have driven the elements of abuse leading to trauma. Finally, understanding how if I had been that person who perpetuated the abuse, id have done the same as them. Once that’s done, I then make a conscious choice to step in for my innerchild in a protective manner and ask him what he would like to experience instead. Most of the time, my innerchild tells me exactly what it wants, the only tricky part is for the adult you to justify the reasoning for their wants. Most of us were raised believing we don’t deserve to be love for who we are deep inside. Your job now is to be the parent you wish you had. GL P.S. I speak in 3rd person alot but its not necessarily telling you or anyone what do to. Just how I speak, even about myself sometimes lol.
I listened to this and went through the questions out of curiosity to compare my previous relationship with my current one. It is very apparent there were solid reasons why I ended the previous relationship and it was the best thing I did. I am now in a great relationship with a fabulous human being, whom I love so dearly and it is definitely a story that will have a happy ending 😊 💕
This video is literally spot on. I showed this to my sister who is struggling with a toxic relationship that's been dragging on for 2 years; and every scenario or "red flag" you bring up applies to her-- it's uncanny LOL
Thank you so much for this - I know that I have intimacy issues from the way I grew up during my childhood, self-sabotaging tendencies as well as grass is greener syndrome combined (imagine trying to get through any relationship with those 2 combined 💀) and for some reason kept doubting my relationship even though my logical and objective side knew there was nothing wrong with the relationship. My partner and I aren’t a perfect match and we have very different love languages and interests, which is why the doubt was there but we somehow managed being in a long distance relationship for 2 years. it’s reassuring to know that the problems I’m dealing with seem big as a result of my skewed mindset, rather than the relationship actually having any issues. Objectively, it’s perfectly healthy, and I couldn’t ask for more.
treasure it :))) ask for help meeting their needs and make sure you communicate honestly when you can't, communicate your flaws and doubts and ask for help. be open about it
I’m in a relationship of 10 months with someone I very much care about. We were solid in the beginning with no real red flags or concerns. Maybe little things here and there but it seemed so outweighed by the positive. A couple months ago when the honeymoon phase noticeably faded I really started noticing more problems but compromised since it seemed like something we could work through. I moved out for college only about a 45 minute drive away but yet the distance became very noticeable. We went from seeing eachother 3-4 times a week to maybe weekly when I wasn’t swamped with schoolwork. This plus the huge communication change breeded issues that have festered over the last couple months. I’m at a point where I don’t know if I should commit to her cause I truly believe this can be something we ultimately work out. But, I can’t shake the feeling that this won’t work, that it is time to end things. It’s really hard for me to accept this because of how much I truly care about her, but I’m in far more stress than pleasure being with her. I’m scared how badly it’s going to impact her, I’m scared I might be thinking impulsively but my friends have assured me I’ve been dealing with all of this for a while now and it seems to be in good conscious of mine to let her know I don’t think we’re going to work out. But I’m so worried. Obviously I’m no perfect person either but I’m scared that me bringing up all the problems I have is gonna crush her because I really have worked very hard to make us work with very little received or shown. I’m so lost. I’m purely writing this comment to make my mind feel less polluted cause it easily gets toxic up there. But, if there’s any random person out there reading this that has any say, I’d love to hear and don’t worry I take everything with a grain of salt so don’t worry about giving me bad advice I’m simply just throwing this to the universe hoping for clear answers. But I think I just need to take a leap of faith. If you’ve made it here thank you, comforting to know some living breathing human going through similar troubles (cause we’re both here lmao) could read someone else’s story. If you have, I hope it brought you something, whatever it may be. Cheers.
I hope you are OK. I broke up with my partner 4 days ago bc I felt he wasn't caring about my feelings and thoughts, and didn't text he was going to be late to meet me. When he got there, he was surprised i was so upset. He said what is the big deal? I was so shocked he spoke to me in the manner. I have been upset and worried about how he treated me. We've been together 6 months. We are so compatible and enjoy so many things together. We were inseparable. But I feel I needed a break, so I broke it off. I am clearing my head and thinking things through. He sends me random friend zone texts, no questions about how I am doing. I am not answering him bc these texts are just breadcrumbs. I deserve a meal. Take care of yourself so you can understand your partner needs. Maybe a trial separation. Best of luck.
@@aaylaroseeyes we did, and although it still hurt I’m glad we did! I’d just make sure before deciding, I spent a while picking pros and cons with all sides and when it feels like it should end, you should follow through
@@pansyd137yes I did. I don’t wanna repeat the exact same thing as the last person. So I’ll add, sometimes it’s so so hard to decide and know if you made the right decision. Even now, I sometimes wonder. BUT, I remind myself how toxic it was and even though there was a connection that some people are supposed to meet, but not stay together forever if that makes sense.
Wow. This was very hard to hear but I needed to hear it. When you were telling the listener to think back to the early stages of the relationship over who the *real* pursuer was, that seriously resonated with me. I have such anxiety over the idea of breaking someone's heart but lately I've been feeling like I'm getting left without a choice. I just don't know how to go about it and I have such trouble initiating difficult conversation
I've been in my relationship for 2 years, I feel like we're very much still in the honey moon phase. We have disagreements a lot, but we solve them very quickly usually the same day. We communicate when something seems wrong or anything we dont like, and most of the time we fix it. I hope it stays this way. I'm very cautious now because of past relationships, but because I love him I dont want to seem blind. This video helps a lot and I will be coming back to it :)
Hi Ana. I am a big fan of your videos and I watch them very consistently. I've been recently getting therapy for some of my past traumas and you've definitely influenced me to get help. Just wanted to say thank you. Also, I was wondering if you've considered starting a podcast with your content. I feel like podcast listeners would really enjoy hearing your thoughts on real life situations and how to understand them in a psychological POV. I could literally spend a couple hours hearing you talk! Keep up the great and amazing work. Stay safe!
I don’t have a partner and thus wouldn’t be considering leaving, but I love that you made a thoughtful video about it and reflect on it!! ❤️ I’ve heard about too many relationships ending based on a spur of the moment decision
A good fight is when both partners take their controllers, choose their destiny and fatality each other until they're good. A bad fight is when they do the same without controllers.
I really needed this advice as well, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and we have moments here and there but we always work through them. I’d say we’re still in the honeymoon stage but in a different way, we still are crazy about each other but we have grown a lot from when we first started dating. We have gone through a lot these past 7 months because he decided to join the army and it’s been really tough but we’ve been working through it. Recently though, we’ve just had arguments over silly things and we both recognize that. At the end of the day though, we came to the conclusion that we just really miss each other and it’s harder being separated. I believe we can work through it all and come out stronger from all the rough patches we have been having. It’s also difficult communicating when we’re both so far away from each other and both being stubborn in our own ways. Watching this video helped me reflect and understand my relationship a bit more and i appreciate that. I think we’ll have that happy ending, right now we’re just in season where it’s harder.
Great video. Came here to say that sometimes things don't start off perfect, ESPECIALLY when you're single and trying to date in your 30's, when you both are full of emotional baggage from past relationships. But if both partners are willing to be open and honest about their needs and truly showing compassion by hearing each other out you can end up learning and growing together! My relationship started off weird and long distance but now 5 years later we are in the honeymoon phase lol. And now we are married! I guess we worked towards it together. As long as there is kindness and understanding and LOVE you can make it work. Healthy boundaries too. If at any point a person repetitively violates your boundaries no matter how many times you stood up for yourself-LEAVE. I stayed with my partner because he always listened when I was upset about something and took great care to not repeat the thing that makes me upset, which is something I was NOT used to from past partners. If you have to fight to feel heard they ain't the one fam! And I agree about fighting versus argument- it should be a discussion not a toxic berating session. Never name calling or god forbid getting physical NEVER!!
Fighting is normal. Even getting mad as long as there is no abuse. The big problem in relationships is if there isnt any resolution or compromise. Like you have big fights and never ever see eye to eye in the end.
I totally agree - I think fights are unacceptable as it's violence and we shouldn't be violent no matter what happens. It's hard to differentiate emotional domestic abuse from a partner just having a hot temper when you're the victim of those actions. It's never okay to call each other names, throw things, slam doors, break glasses, and stuff, it's not far for this type of behavior to escalate to physical abuse when you accept early stages like the thing I just described.
Thank you for this video. I typed in "How to deal with ending a long term relationship" and you showed up. I didnt realize it but I'm surprisingly objective. If I were to write a Pros & Cons list there would be more cons... That's my red flag.. Ive been with this person 10 years.. and its not easy. Also YES about the fighting, I was taught that every couple fights and accepted his anger as justified. Never should I have been called names or have been yelled at. Ugh I am healing.
I've been watching a lot of these types of videos to try and understand what happened to my relationship We met when we were 13 years old and stuck together for almost 8 years Everything was great, we loved each other fully, trusted each other, promised each other we would be together forever, and never had any real fights But a month ago, she just told me that she didn't "feel it" anymore I let her have her space, and I've been grieving a lot ever since She wasn't only my partner, but my best friend aswell In the near future I may try to get back together with her, but if it doesn't work, I think I will never understand why She was my everything, and I still love her with all my hearth, but I can't and won't force her to be with me. I just want to understand what happened
Dang. I feel like the girl in this scenario. I wasn’t feeling it…things felt off…I wanted to be closer because we were doing long distance, but rather than expressing my wants and needs in an unconditional and genuine way, I would make threats at the idea of going on a break, wanting him to chase after me. We did go in a break and did break up but I loved him the whole time and still do and still only wanted him. Any other guy I met seemed gross. I don’t know if he will come back. I hope so. I try to remind myself if the uncomfortable feelings I had and that although I did want to be closer I also did want certain differences. I am trying to listen to those parts of me that broke up with him and felt that I was settling…. Ughhhhhh why are relationships so painful !!!
@@TALIACORNELIUS depending on how much time has passed, you could either try to fix things with them, especially if they didn't want the breakup, or just stick to your guns an let them go. If you have an issue with your partner, you should bring it up to them. Give them a chance to directly try and fix whatever is bothering you, instead of just expecting them to fix it on their own. Holding your partner accountable is not a bad thing. If they are worth it, they will listen to you and try to fix things, but that depends on many factors. Good luck in the near future, and I hope you manage to find someone worth it, be it in your ex or in someone else
If the math is correct, you're only 21?! How can you expect to stay together when you're barely even grown up yet? You will both be different people in 5 years and again in another 5 years. You either grow together or you grow apart
@@Madamchief I'm in a situation kind of like this (girl that feels like she's growing away from her partner, we met when we were 14 and now I'm 21, and he's 20) it is so hard because we are growing up. People change a lot (or are supposed to) and it's really hard to know whether this person will continue to go in a positive direction. There is so much future ahead, so much time to change that it feels really scary to let go of something that could develop to be really great or stay and it ends up really bad. The age adds another level of insecurity due to the uncertainty factor. Especially if one of the concerns in the relationship is maturity (which develops from time & experiences).
@@Blue_Ink_Crochet it sounds like you are self aware enough to develop your own personality; you're ahead of the game. As far as a partner goes, as a self-aware individual, you will need to find one who is one your level of awareness or you will be perpetually lonely. It's difficult because it doesn't usually develop until mid 20s and even then, not everyone has it. On my experience, different kinds of people have provided me different kinds of relationships throughout my development and they were all worthwhile relationships because they taught me more about who I am and what I require from a partner. As a result of all the growth, I don't really believe in "forever" relationships. As humans, we're super complex and it makes sense that we need more than one forever person to fully develop the full Self
My definition of a fight is the second I lose my cool. I'm very level-headed in 99% of situations, so if I lose my cool and am no longer behaving in a way that I approve of, but am also unable to put a stop to it, then it is a fight for me.
I listened to some songs that might be an indicator 😄 James Bay - Let it go Dua Lipa - Scared to be lonely James Morrison - Broken strings Linkin Park - Waiting for the end
Yes your phone is listening to you. There have been too many instances where I've spoken something but never searched anything online. Yet, I'll get an ad, recommend video, or suggested article from youtube/google.
So I was in a decade long relationship that ended about a year ago (divorce) prior to it ending I thought all couples fought, and while I remained respectful initially she did not and it eventually wore me down, after it ended I came to the realization that disrespect cannot be allowed in a romantic relationship (it slowly degrades the love). If your partner cannot handle being a mature adult in a disagreement and be open to the possibility that they could be wrong or hurting you... then they aren't mature enough for a relationship at all and it's your responsibility to hold them accountable... sometimes that means walking away after a very long time. I would encourage people to spend time evaluating themselves as well as their relationship and partner... If it's not a happy healthy relationship you either figure out why in a hurry or end it. Sometimes that's needed in order for us all to grow... and who knows maybe after some growth it could work out. But I assure you, if you try and force something that's not ready, it will end badly.
Dr John can get your ex back with you for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore my 3 year broken relationship by bringing my ex back. Also, Dr. John always keep up with his words. I highly recommend that you seek help from him .
You pointed out a very important point that I'm in this relationship just because I don't wanna feel alone. I'm a type of person who usually likes to runaway from problems although I'm trying to change this thing in me. I have less patience and I can't beg while I apologise. Yes I do apologise but in a certain way, maintaining my honor. All he does is he never understands what I'm trying to tell and is always in hurry to make things look different when I can clearly see the truth. He tries to say negative things about everything I wanna do and makes me very demotivated.
just broke up w them two days ago. this video really helped me with thinking through it, because i'm still processing this breakup. this was really comforting and something i needed to hear right now, thank you
I study psychology, (getting masters) and based on what ive studied, seen and experienced. There are "fights" where people are very passionate about what they are saying and not feeling like their partner is being receptive or empathetic to what they are trying to express; that's when the yelling storming out of rooms happen. Not necessarily bad people (none of them probably intended to disrespect their partner by cussing, putting them down, ect nevertheless in these examples they have.) they just dont know how to properly hear out their partner and then use an appropriate response which in turn enrages the other person. So what I am getting at here is they just are not educated on how to respond and navigate through disagreements, or incidents or whatever the person may be upset out. I can say, they are not many people who are able to calmly respect, resolve and just talk things through in a manner where there's no real volatile expression. Maybe you can do a video-- or perhaps i missed it about how you navigate challenges in relationships and advice you would give to couples that experience really bad fights where they can't control raising their voices or crying, leaving the situation, slamming doors and unhealthy things of that nature. But props to you and your partner for being able to handle disagreements in a healthy and appropriate manner. most people would find that very difficult unfortunately.
Have yelled a lot at my partner and it’s just because he’s so unresponsive whenever I voice concerns. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at me. I raised my voice because I didn’t feel heard at all and hoped this would trigger some kind of reaction from him. U are so right!
Hi Ana, this was a great video and it hit on some really important points that have helped me in the process of deciding whether to break up with my current partner. I would love for you to do a video about deciding whether to end a healthy relationship where cheating/bad behaviour isn’t involved because those are the hardest to end if you ask me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with the incompatibilities of me and my partners lives and not being able to see a future side by side, without a lot of indication that my partner will change anytime soon while also still having a lot of love and attachment mixed up in this person. I’d love your perspective on this and anyone else going through this!
Your love and attachment date from way back. Your mind tells you to hang on because you need it. Your gut feeling is to leave because your situation will not improve. Nothing more to be said I think.
The bird's eye perspective really helped me realize how messed up my relationship of four years has been. Checked off all the red flags. Thanks for opening my eyes 👀
I just broke up with my boyfriend and it was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since I’m such a people pleaser and wait till they end it but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t going to last so I just had to do it and this video honestly was a godsend. Was sobbing into my pillow until I just opened UA-cam and looked up something to help me through what I did and it just made me feel a million times better
I was also crying my heart out silently in my room when I decided to search for solutions. I’m still working up the courage to end my relationship because I’m very clearly being taken for granted. There’s never a right time to do these things I just have to rip the bandaid off.
@@robiwerema1815 I’m proud of you!! It’s definitely hard to do but as soon as it’s been done and you’ve had time away from the situation you’ll feel a million times better X
@@flocooke2559 im in the exact position right now, i love him so much but feel like he doesn’t respect me or tries to change his attitudes for a while and then does the same thing over again, it’s so hard to take a decision when both parties still love each other but you feel you aren’t well loved as you were anymore
hey, ana. I'm not a huge fan of commenting on people's videos. But yeah I'm in the middle of figuring out about relationship with a person who I truly love. We are somewhat of in break. He asked me for a space and I didn't have any clue what is actually going on. I couldn't go to sleep, I couldn't eat well, I couldn't function myself well. I watched your video from nowhere and I actually get to right down about what you were asking and it made me realize what I should really do for the relationship. Before watching your video, I was blaming him for putting me on a break but I figured that I have to actually change myself slowly to respect my partner. I had goosebumps after finishing your video and finishing writing down the reality of the relationship. Thank you so much. I will use this thought, a better idea to communicate with my partner to love him back. Thank you so so much
Yea I'm definitely leaving. I never should have gotten into it especially under the circumstances that it started in. Its been nothing but a let down over and over again and I am incredibly stressed out and super unhappy due to keeping myself in it because I have been afraid of losing him completely, but the facts are we never should have been more than friends. We're not compatible romantically (though he did everything to try and convince me otherwise) and I still am not really open to the responsibility and time aspects of a relationship at this point in my life, I just have way too much going on. After 5/6 weeks into it I left the honeymoon state because I was faced with the reality that everything, literally every single negative self sabotaging bad habit he had or deal breaking behavior that led to me leaving him 4 years ago is still very much a problem though he's been hiding it for years to try and get me back. Like I just stopped being interested after that and then I got a new job that eats up all my time and is very taxing on me so that I'm not interested in seeing others much id rather just recharge by myself and focus on my work. I've been feeling bad about having to neglect the relationship on top of no longer feeling interested at all because I don't see a real future here.. so like I really think leaving is the absolute best thing to do for both of us.
“The initial stages of a healthy romantic relationship do involve some level of idolization” Such a great line that I think many people need to hear to relieve concerns of narcissism or bpd
I’m so glad you included your take on fighting. My ex yelled & didn’t listen to my point of view. I thought it was such a clear red flag, but my family kept insisting it was something we could work out. I’m sure it’s cause my parents met in an arranged marriage and never truly resolved major issues, that they think this is ok.
the ups are when we cuddle, when we go on dates, i struggle to think of much else. the downs are his anger issues, alcohol issues, repressed trauma, shoving me when he gets mad or stressed, talking down to me, emotionally manipulating me, guilt tripping, being overly defensive, etc. but i want to stay because i know he loves me, and he’s aware of his issues, and he says he’ll change, and i can’t bare to add onto the pile of shit he’s already been through in life. i want to keep giving him a chance. but i know deep down he’s not the one. i just can’t bring myself to hurt him, despite everything
You can’t bring yourself to hurt him? Know your worth He doesn’t care about abusing you. Think about it. Healthy love shouldn’t be you only thinking about how to avoid his anger and disrespect talking down to u.
So this girl I met in anatomy class kind of started liking me almost immediately. I was somewhat fond of her but saw early on that there were small things I likely wouldn’t want to deal with long term, with her, so I always put in effort to maintain distance (no dating, sex, regularly talking on the phone etc). This was 2019. Fast forward to 2021, I go through a tough break up, and my mom passes away three weeks into that tough break up. This friend decided she will be there and “we will get through this together, that’s what friends do.” That led to us hanging out to get me out the house and eventually “chilling” with her at her home watching movies (nothing more initially). But she took the opportunity to become more sensual with me until over the course of a couple of months I eventually developed feelings for her and we became sexually involved. She dug and dug until I eventually admitted having feelings for her. All of this happen despite the fact that throughout the process I advised her periodically I was not ready for the responsibilities and expectations that come with a relationship (still recovering from break up, mom’s death, finishing school etc) and she insisted she understood but only wanted to know how I felt about her at least. Naturally upon revealing having feelings she’s pulled harder and I convinced myself maybe I’m just not giving her a chance. So I decided to give in and it hasn’t been two months and I already feel like no, I can’t do long term with her and also still have this feeling of wanting to be free and have a break from emotion attachments, establish myself in the new career (I graduate in three weeks) etc. Meanwhile, she’s already visualizing trips, family events, possible marriage etc. And it hit… I’m about to have to potentially do what I’ve always been trying to avoid… hurt her. 😓😞😒
The hardest thing to figure out is when you’re in a healthy relationship with a kind person, but you’re thinking of ending it because you might not be compatible enough.
Update: We did break up last year but I’m doing well now. It was for the best
so true
Can someone give me advice on this
@@Patience23 we did end up breaking up. I think if it’s one of your major values that neither would be able to compromise on like wanting marriage or kids when they don’t, then it’s not going to work.
What’s compatibility?
@@C0smicun1vers3 in a relationship it means how well two people go together. For example, if it’s very important for you to have children but your boyfriend never wants kids, you would not be compatible.
I was in this position before. The best advice I was ever given was “just because they aren’t treating you badly or doing the wrong things doesn’t mean they’re giving you what you need or doing the right things” - often it’s a compatibility issue. Dont just let a relationship drag on out of guilt or just because they’re good people. Being a good person doesn’t mean being good for you or being the right person.
I needed to read that right now. My partner is an amazing person but so many things have come up living together during the pandemic (not with each other just in general) and we started to grew apart, we have spoke about it so much but it seems the gap is too big to fix. I love him but I am not happy anymore and haven't been for a while and neither does he.
@@ivonnegallegos58 I’m glad you found it helpful. Honestly most of the time things don’t just get better and staying with someone out of guilt or because you don’t want to hurt them does neither of you any favours. Almost preventing eachother from ultimate happiness. Remember being a good person and treating you well should be a basic requirement. If you’re even questioning, consider leaving because this will only lead to resentment. Your decision to stay with someone should be 100% not 90%, not 95% - but 100%. You holding onto something that doesn’t give you absolute happiness is dragging out a dead relationship. If you don’t expect more for yourself, you’ll end up sacrificing everything for someone who would never do the same for you. The only person that loses in that situation will be you. How will you meet the right one if you keep wasting your time with the wrong one? Your choice in this determines whether you settle or whether you find happiness.
Yeah but often times people are unhappy because of themselves. We expect to always be happy to some extent, to not have bad things happen. Often you trade one for another and you end up unhappy again. Often the issue is just time, it's much easier to be happy in a newer relationship.
The longer you're with someone the less forgiving you are towards them, hell often we make up situations to cause issues. People notoriously get bored of others. I still think monogamy is the best system, but it won't keep us from getting bored. It's a constant fight to stay. Whoever said that love is easy, well they may be right.... But what's not easy is staying in love and together. Unless people are willing to work it out, maybe we should all just publicly accept that our relationships should have written expiration dates to protect us from the pain of betrayal and abandonment.
Now we just stand around, wondering when our partner will cheat on us because they don't want to handle the problems and stick it out, but they don't want to lose their security blanket until they have someone else. It's a complicated and messed up situation. Unless the person you're dating is a sociopath then most likely every relationship that ends is both parties fault.
@@VortexThePrime if you’re constantly fighting to stay, you’re in the wrong relationship. I know plenty of people who are genuinely happy and have an awesome relationship going on 10 years, the issue was never amongst themselves and they say it should be effortless to wanna stay but other factors outside of eachother may cause a break up but the issue shouldn’t be your actual dynamic…you just sound like you’ve experienced incompatibility issues. I’ve had amazing long term relationships spanning 5 years plus and it was wonderful, rarely any issues and was the easiest thing in the world until we had changed our end goals and grew apart but it was never difficult or a battle for the most part very happy and easy to be together.
Really appreciate the passed advice, thank you
Knowing you are settling feels like shit. Especially when it’s followed by feelings of fear of being alone and “never finding someone”
What?!?!?
Exactly how I feel
Those feelings are right though
Cause nothing indicate your next partners are gonna be better then the current disapointing one 😂
Maybe next partner would be a cheater. The next one toxic. The next one too lazy and unstrustworthy. Next one not physicaly attractive enough. Next boring and annoying to be with
So its important to be realistic that your next partners probably will also have random bad point and analyze if your current one is really catastrophic
At the end of the day it's better to be alone than to settle (because that will hurt both of you) and instead find fulfillment in other ways that speak to your soul this will also remove the insecurity of being scared to end up alone (which isn't even a bad thing I don't understand why it's so demonised) which in turn will help your future romantic relationships because you won't stay out of fear or obligation and if they are the one you will be happy/content and if they aren't, your happiness/content will still be there.
@@mathewvanostin7118crazy how males mention
“not attractive enough”
dis gustingggggg
All couples don’t necessarily fight, but there are naturally going to be disagreements. The way you handle these disagreements are crucial to the health of the relationship.
it alway how reasonable each other are...
EXACTLY. my relationship was full of love and laughter, and i was happy. but every time we had a disagreement, it would turn out very toxic very fast. no good communication, no sincere apologies, it wasn't healthy. you may love a person, but a long lasting relationship needs good communication.
i really shouldbt but everytime i argue with him i pretend like i agree because we are so different yet i like him and he likes him
This is something I'm not very good with.
I’ve always preached this
It’s hard to tell if you should leave or not if you were emotionally neglected in childhood and this is the first time your experiences consistent, non-judgemental love from somebody.
Damn you describe it so well
Absolutely. This right here..
hell yea.....
This right here
This just perfectly explained my dilemma.
I've recently read this, and hope it helps someone out there: "It is not about making a nice couple, but about making a tremendous team.". That hit me truly hard.
My parents were such a great team that they ended up forgetting about the couple stuff of the relationship. I grew up feeling like they where co-workers or friends rather than partners. Don't ever forget about the affection, the fisical touch and the genuine interest because it's what tells apart a friendship and a couple.
@@abrilcorominajavier9150 thats my dilemma. We're an amazing team but I'm not feeling affection/attraction.
When you compromise your boundaries over and over again...it just hurts. You're left bleeding out and the worst part is that the partner doesn't even understand. The sad part is I saw it objectively at the beginning but bc of my own childhood baggage, I hoped things would get better. I'm learning to forgive myself and break up.
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
Thank you for this comment, I feel like I am going through something similar and that I’m holding out this unhealthy hope for the other person when in reality I need to have more faith in myself and recognize that yes, because of my own past traumas I did some unhealthy things as well in the relationship that were not ok. At the same time that doesn’t justify emotional abuse being thrown towards me or gaslighting. I hope things work out on your end though!
why do you think your partner doesn't understand? have you communicated your feeling to them?
same
how do you stop hoping things will get better?…. i have a really hard time accepting that things won’t get better bc i feel like if i do better then things will get better.
we fought about sex. for 38 years. he cheated since day one. I never did. I'm free now, so happy I cry.
mmommo1 1111,You deserve better,my dearest 🌹🌷🌺🙏🙏🙏.
Wow you're so strong amazing
What. Fight about
Good for you! You deserve better
You didn’t give him sex ? Why wouldn’t you?
1: How did you meet?
2: How long did the honeymoon phase last?
3: What issues arose after the honeymoon phase ended?
4: What mistakes have you made in the relationship?
5: How do your arguments look?
6: Do your issues get resolved?
7: Have you ever reached the level of dealbreaker?
8: Deep down, do you think you were settling?
Ty
8: yes I settled for less. I'm a guy
@@TheSockbottom 😂
Ty
❤️
I am in such a dark place and I'm having a really bad time with my relationship. Thank you for this video.
Girl with this pandemic and global trauma, you don’t need the extra stress ❤️
@@metaverseplayer Thank you for your kind words.
I wish you the best, this will pass and you'll be happier with or without your partner 💜
Fiery Rose for real
Hey girl, I just finally left my emotionally abusive relationship after 11 months. The entire time I thought it was my fault and I was crazy. But in the end it was hurting so much that I had to leave. He was instantly so angry and ghosted me. I've since learned he was lying to his friends and telling them we weren't official so his ex wouldn't find out---he was stringing her along too.
That being said, we can have compassion and know that these are broken people, but we must set our boundaries and give ourselves space and love by leaving. I know he is probably wonderful on the good days, but if you feel confused and in a dark place...hear me...it's not right. I learned this the hard way.
There will be someone else out there who is kind, loving, compassionate, and makes you feel safe. Please trust me...please prioritize yourself. I know it's hard.
Leaving your partner is a daunting task. I am here to tell you that it will be ok and you will get through it. I recently did.
How did you know when was the right time and did you feel guilty? Like neglecting the person?
How long did it take?
@@elevenpoisons2484 For me, I have noticed that it usually takes about half of the time of the relationship to fully move on. It gets easier before that mark but by the time Im over it and back to my normal self, its about that much. This varies a lot from person to person though
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 11 months and it was pretty much a good call but I miss him so much
lol stop encouraging people to be single. you guys are pitiful
My favorite breakup line - “you’re great, I’m great, but I don’t know if we’re great together long term.”
That's actually (indeed) a very wise position for a person to arrive at.
It’s healthy and wise
I am single, but I'm gonna watch this anyway because it's Ana.
@@darthvader1793 yup
I.Dont.Matter nah thanks.
@@darthvader1793 k
Most people get together of circumstances
And mistake it for being in love . That’s why it’s good to work on yourself have self love have self worth and not settle based on your circumstances or based off he /she loves me and I don’t wanna be alone I don’t think I’ll find anyone that will love me like she/he would etc.
THIS 👏🏼👏🏼
Holy shit, I needed to hear this. Thank you
First sentence hits me so hard. Thank you....
THIS! I Before Corona I sometimes watched other couples on the tables around me in a restaurant. People are often so wrapped up in their circumstanceship but from the outside you can clearly see that they spend time with each other out of habit and not out of a deep inner desire to be with excactly that person. They don't even realize.
I have a question about this: Each love does come via a circumstance, but not every circumstance is love, right? English isn't my mother tongue.
Still feel so lost and so unsure, I am the villain in my relationship and am doing the constant leaving and showing my partner that I’m unsure. My partner is so wonderful and is such an amazing human being but I just for some reason have a level of uncertainty and I don’t know why. Thank you for this video
I would suggest looking into the four different “attachment styles.” You might be a fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant
I feel this way too. and its so hard..
Omg yes this is honestly so hard
Research relationship ocd. It killed my love life for years before I figured out what it was.
do you think you will break up with them? do you think it’s beyond fixing?
Wow my relationship is actually healthy and stable.
Sana all
MashAllah
Dont jinx it
@@nehajaiswal5075 I don't think it's possible to jinx a relationship. I mean, if you're at the level of literally knowing what the other person is thinking and communicating without words, there aren't many things that can go wrong.
There, if a relationship jinx exist, it's coming for me. If my relationship ever ends, I'll let you know 😅 So far we're over 3.5 years in and going strong ❤
I'm really happy for you
7:48 "Couples that have broken up multiple times rarely ever make it in the long run."
So now we know what the fate is for Ross and Rachel's relationship....
"We were on a break!!"
Hah my ex started watching friends (I've never watched it) before we broke up and he said they remind him of us😆, we've broken up so many times and I came to conclusion that I'm tired and broke up, the best decision of my life
Don't do long distance relationship for longer than 1 year, I sincerely advise you
@@rubyiskira8939 I have been for two years and unfortunately because of current circumstances, I may have to wait another whole year until I get to fully be with my SO. why do you say so?
@@kanishqamogh4205 but you have met with them already? I didn't make myself clear, don't do it for longer than 1 year if you can't meet
I really needed this advice today. My three year relationship still feels like it’s in the honeymoon faze. Everything was perfect to me until a few weeks ago when I learned that a huge boundary of mine had been crossed and I had been lied to about behavior my boyfriend has been engaging in - behavior that does not display loyalty or respect for me.
I feel like I’m putting all the emotional labor and effort into repairing the damage and he just wants to forget. The relationship felt so perfect and learning what he did seems like it’s impossible for my boyfriend to have done those things, which makes me feel like I’ve been manipulated. I have been turning my reflections more to myself and less to him and realizing what red flags I missed and what behaviors I rationalized early on. It’s a hard and sobering journey.
Went through a very similar situation last year. Ultimately I decided to walk away and now I’m so grateful I had the mental clarity to do that. I wish you all the luck!
Taylor u should both read men are from Mars and women are from Venus
I was in a similar situation 2 years ago, but that particular mistake of him was very early in our relationship. I felt so betrayed but made a decision to forgive him and our relationship carried on. Believe me, it was rocky and painfullll but still happy in some parts. We are now breaking up, its a very toxic relationship. But I was the toxic one in the relationship, what he did to me made me toxic. How I wish I had the courage to put an end to it when he crossed that boundary. I hope you dont make the same mistake as I did, believe me, its a very emotionally tiring two years of my life.....
Letícia wishing you well. Problems like this feel all consuming, but we’ll get through it. Hang in there.
Riza Evangelista I can definitely feel toxic trait manifesting in myself as a result of the trauma and pain he has caused me. It’s a terrible feeling. I hope you’re doing better now that you’re out of that situation.
This is pure gold. I also agree into fights are unacceptable but also I know that some people are afraid of arguing as well, and i think that's a red flag because I think arguing is essential to overcome disagreements in any relationship. They may not see a difference
100% agree. You cannot pretend to agree with your partner for the sake of keeping the peace. It is a sign of a bigger problem of not being able to communicate. And I think communication, ownership and willingness to change also influence whether a fight can become heated or not.
I've been in "all of the relationships". I've had a partner who never SAID anything and couldn't accept me telling him his noodles were a tad overcooked, let alone REAL issues I was having with the relationship or him. It died a slow death.
I've had the arguing type who later told me, when we fought screaming at each other he finally felt that spark for me lit up again. Excuse me?! The "relationship" went up in flames as you can imagine.
My current partner and I never fight. Fighting is not a thing you do with people you love and respect and want to be happy, imo. When we have a issue we calmly talk about it and it's never happened that one person couldn't understand or emphasize with the other. We know each other for three years now. The "girlfriend-boyfriend" label is not someting we like to apply since we feel we are each our own person. But we kinda resorted to it because people tend to not understand "us" if we don't present them a label. *eye roll*
What if your partner Always thinks like you? Will you get along ?
@@otiliaiolanda8364 needs to be a difference
Yesssss. Many people justify a toxic relationship by believing that “all couples fight”. Wrong. Healthy relationships don’t include slamming doors, yelling, name calling, violence, etc.
Me: crying because I’ve finally met someone that is healthy and open and has helped me heal and love myself more than I ever have in my whole life
Same. Watching this vid made me realize how healthy our relationship is.
You already know that but thats a keeper, same here. Grateful doesn't begin to describe what it feels like.
🥰
Same ❤❤❤ although we're currently apart because of covid travel ban and the spreading it's so bad here in my country :(
Wish I have the same...
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
I completely understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar experience when my 10 year relationship ended. I couldn't imagine my life without her, so I tried everything to rekindle our love. I eventually found guidance from a spiritual counselor, and their support helped me bring her back into my life.
If you're open to it, seeking help from a spiritual counselor might make a difference. How did you find your spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with them?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he's an incredible spiritual counselor known for helping restore relationships.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I'm genuinely impressed.
I’m here because I have anxiety and it makes me be very scared of breakups. So my brain numbs the pain by making me feel like I don’t care that much about my boyfriend, even sometimes I feel like I’m not satisfied. But watching this video has helped me calm down because it has made me see that I have a really great relationship, and that even though I have to work on myself and in my relationship sometimes, I have tons of things to be grateful for everyday. If you are feeling bad in an objectively good relationship think about this: if you are constantly doubting and judging the way you feel and you don’t feel able to love the way you would like to, maybe, deep down, you feel like you don’t deserve to be loved. Anxiety is so damn annoying >:(
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks..
Message him through Whatsapp
Ġo
After watching this and looking at my own relationship objectively, I realize that I have been self sabotaging, I'm the one that came into our relationship already w trust issues, and our relationship is actually really strong. It's making me cry bc I think for me it's really hard to see past the emotion but when I look at only the facts, omg it's like I've made up arguments all on my own. I'm the root cause or something. Lol how frustrating that must be for my counselor 😂 but this video was eye opening.
I literally feel the same way as you. I went into the relationship with trust issues and low self-esteem to the point that I'm self-sabotaging the relationship. From fearing and indirectly accusing him of cheating, to my insecurities when something sexual/nudity comes up on the tv, I just seem to be making stuff up my mind in fear that he wants more/I'm not enough. Logically I know what I'm doing and want to stop so badly but can't seem to do it. I don't know what to do ):
How have you been working on this? Since this is really the biggest problem for me.
@@sia3415 I've been doing couples therapy. It also really helps when I communicate my comfort level with certain things, coming to a compromise so I don't come off as controlling and he doesn't feel like I'm attacking him, and giving each other support in our love languages. That's the best way I can shorten it lol
Omg your comment is literally facts😩 thought I was crazy but I am definitely to blame for a loooooot of arguments
My girlfriend did this. I think it's because she just really finds me attractive. I'm here because recently it's just been abundantly clear we would both would be happier with someone else. We just are not compatible and she is disrespectful to me. Honestly I would rather be alone. It sucks because she is not a bad person.
I wrote down everything I couldn't stand about my partner (incompatibilities) and then I just imagine living with them for 5-10 years and it helped me A LOT to end the date. He is ok with the way he lives so I respect his free will and also used mine to walk away.
Thank you great advice.
I think I needed to hear this. Thanks for the advice
It's the most painful thing to know that you were the one to ruin the relationship. I picked up so many toxic traits from my dad and treated my partner this way. When she would try to talk to me I would have emotional outbursts and deflect/defend myself. I didn't give her the space to be emotionally vulnerable. And I hate myself for it. I hate that I hurt her and that I couldn't give her the kind of love and vulnerability she gave me. I will always love her, she is the closest I've ever felt to a person. I will endeavour to work on myself before I think about getting into another relationship. I'm just sad it had to end with her. She is everything I could love in a person.
This is my situation too and it hurts.
this was so honest, it´s moving
this is what my boyfriend has done to me for the past 7 years I just hit my breaking point and ended things
Similar situation here. I did shit I never thought I would do and didn’t realize just how much toxic traits I picked up from my dad. Let alone the help I needed. I ended the relationship thinking she was the toxic one. Only to find out down the road I was the one that gave up on her and didn’t keep a level head and talk with her like she did me. I should have supported her. At least we are still friends.
Boy did this resonate.
Such a pleasure seeing a professional kind young woman serving psychology, so empowering. And I love ur content
Lmao empowering how? She has absolutely nothing to do with you.
I agree that a healthy couple should not fight aggressively and with the intention to hurt the other person. In every healthy and lasting relationship I’ve witnessed, partners have some annoyances with each other but they are always discussed maturely with both partners feeling respected and heard.
I think some couples are just gonna fight sometimes and they can still have a good relationship. What irks me is when people think you HAVE to fight if you're really passionate about each other.
This year has made me realize that it's better to be alone than with someone who isn't right for me. I'm starting to ask myself why I sought out relationships if I don't want children and can't handle the responsibilities that come with them. Being alone is nice, in the beginning of the relationship you don't notice the red flags if they are reserved and polite, but I'm starting to see that it's better for me in the long run to be single i like my own company.
don’t chase a relationship but also don’t completely shut off the possibility for one either, it’ll come naturally.
The whole beginning of my relationship is a red flag, yet I'm still wishing for a happy ending.
me too. found out he did a lotttt of fucked up shit and everything was a red flag. and a lie. but we’re trying to move forward and be healthy it sucks but hopefully it’s worth it
me too. found out he did a lotttt of fucked up shit and everything was a red flag. and a lie. but we’re trying to move forward and be healthy it sucks but hopefully it’s worth it
Nahhhh girl run away
trust me it's doesn't worth it
Im 9 years in and I now realize the red flags were there from the start. Get out now.
literally me too. its the worst
It’s so important to know when someone truly values you as the person you really are vs. values the idea they have of you. For example, how you’re suppose to act, feel, and communicate look a certain way to them but the truth is that every single person they date will not act, feel and/or communicate in the way that they will always want. We are all different. I agree with a lot of people in the comments about the most important thing to look at is respect for who you are and that starts with asking the right questions and allowing each other to be vulnerable in telling their stories. Also understand that for some it might take time for them to feel safe enough to open up. Remember it’s not all about you when you are in a relationship you are a team. It’s you and the other person.
I’ve been married for 5 months now. I am feeling so overwhelmed that I made the wrong choice. I’m used to relationships ending because of a specific reason like cheating.. but this time is more of me realizing I sacrifice a lot of my needs to either keep the peace or because I talk myself out of thinking it’s important. My partner is smoking weed all hours, at 930 am on a work day, sleeping on the couch, leaving candles lit while he sleeps (I work night shift), no physical touch unless he wants sex, makes promises and doesn’t follow through, spent almost half our savings.. We have two dogs and a house together & my parents just spent $35k on a wedding. Im just living in a state of limbo right now. I don’t know what is going to happen for a choice to be made. Anytime I mention my issues he gas lights me. This video is helpful, thank you.
wishing you luck
I'm wishing you luck too. Listen to your gut. Take care of yourself first. You deserve what feels right for you.
it sucks because divorce is such big process, but you should definitely speak your mind and most likely end things BEFORE you two have a kid together, that would make the situation a much bigger issue
By what you said its very unlike that it will work out or you will be happy on the long run if things dont change drasticaly. I would firstly talk to a terapist, it helps alot to open up with a profesional. And I would also have in mind that when talking about your life you must do whatever is necesary to find peace and happiness, dont settle for a life of unhappiness, you deserve the best!
L.E.A.V.E
Been in a “Ross and Rachel” situation for 15 years. Now going through a divorce, so it’s true- explosive fights and needing breaks is not normal. Nothing ever got resolved.
Thanks for sharing, hope you’re doing well ❤️
Any advice please
Worst thing is that they manipulate you in a kind way. I didn’t even realize what I’ve been through, I really want to end my relationship with him.
You know you deserve better and you know better is out there. Do it!
Love and respect yourself.
Cheating in a relationship is an unforgivable betrayal of trust that can not be remedied, at least for me.
There is no excuse for it and, again for me, marks your character as a person as flawed beyond redemption, in the regards to a relationship; thanks to allmod genius for saving me from that bloody cheater..
can i see their infos pls, i'll like to see my partner's phone too
almods cyber
genius, see them on line
okay thank you for the detals
@@johnandy217 tell him from ressa for fast answer
She just said one MAJOR key point here; “upbringing.” If you and your partner have a completely different upbringing (which is most likely) then that could very well compromise the relationship in totality. Because depending how they were treated, could very much affect you. Regardless how attracted they may be towards you. If the communication is way off then obviously it’s a red flag. But these tools come with experience and a solid wisdom to understanding yourself as well and how you view yourself, people and the world.
Yes. This is fact.
Upbringing might one of the most important things
How sad when you are the one that totally destroyed the relationship with someone who could’ve/should’ve been the one. It’s such a never ending feeling of guilt, shame, helpless regret. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over how dreadfully I uprooted and ruined that relationship. No excuses I can find will ever soothe the hurt I caused myself and him
I watched this hoping it would help comfort me that breaking up was the right decision. I’m sure it was but when you know you’re the “toxic” one, it’s awful
😞 idk your story, idk his story, but if there was any genuine love, even if broken, like we all are... if there was indeed love and you think about him, he likely thinks about you too.
And if he is angry with you should you approach him, it might in part be proportional to the love he felt for you n the relationship which he’s had to burry alive, and also in part a reflection of his childhood emotional imprint.
We can’t expect ourselves to be perfect. Allow yourself to be like a child who sometimes makes well intentioned oppsies.
Wish you the best whoever you are.
-The guy on the other side of your story
@@youtoobe556 thank you so much leo, your words are comforting. I have the ability to forgive people’s human mistakes, but not my own. It’s kind of you to send such a lovely reply to me. Thank you
I feel you on that... something I too struggle with at my core.
In that case I wish us both good luck on our journeys 🍀
I feel u bro
Yes, my decision to not leave is mostly based on fear. It's a fear of letting go too soon, too easily, and letting go out of fear of not ending up like my mother.
Also I have done my share of mistakes, and I have issues from the past about relationships, but I believe his are bigger and repeating more.
I don't know what I'll do in the long run, but I do know I will not lose myself, I will not stop doing all the things that are important to me just because I'm arguing with my boyfriend.
He's loyal and not abusing, but he is immature.
For now I'm staying because he keeps saying he wants us to work through the problems. But it is so so complicated. We give so much of ourselves to a relationship. I wish I could care less. But I will care more about myself and my wellbeing. I know that will help no matter where the relationship is going. At least of this I'm sure, and I'll act on the things I'm sure of.
Hey, this sounds exactly like what I am going through, how are you doing now?
Hey 😇Which issues did you have from your past relationship? This makes me scared to even go into a relationship or do you pick maybe always difficult people? And what do you mean with ending up like your mother? I am curious
@@Daniela3969 hey. Well a year later, the situation has not changed and I've lost a lot. I said I will still do the things that are important to me, but I could barely manage to stay sane and healthy, and I lost a job, money, and recently had to postpone an important exam. I basically wasted my time by not walking away from this weird relationship. The confusion, his constant demands and complaints (coming from his insecurity issues) and the frequent fights have taken a toll on me, and many times was unable to take care of myself and my work properly, and he never understood.
@@Daniela3969going through this too. :( we need a zoom group 😢 ive been 2 years into the relationship; i actually
Revisited thai video aftwr the first time i wanted to break up. :(
@@TheWilDOn31The constant complaints is something I'm going through too. I know his complaints come from insecurity and home life and I feel bad for being annoyed by them. It's come to the point where i feel like we can't even have a conversation without it becoming a complaint about something. I don't know what to do because for the majority we have a healthy relationship and good communication, but that spark just isn't there anymore and I've tried for months to get it back.
Thank you for this video. I made the decision to leave a healthy relationship because I felt like I was settling. It’s hard for me to take ownership of those feelings bc I feel like I left a good relationship. But deep down I did feel like something was missing.
I would love to talk about this with you because I feel like I'm in the same boat and it makes me feel so guilty.
@@shelbear24 same :/
Me too
Same :(
This is exactly how I felt. How are you making out?
I think a fight can be differentiated from a disagreement when there is a level of defensiveness and close-mindedness on either side. A healthy relationship's issues should always be approached from a mindset of love, potential growth, and curiosity about the other perspective.
Emma Haukom,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
That was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing it just that way.
It’s been a few years since my last relationship, but I felt this video. In my last relationship, my gf was constantly not putting in any effort once the “honeymoon phase” ended. Anytime we texted, I always had to initiate. The arguments always felt like I was picking up where she was slacking in the relationship. It hurt, but I was able to get myself to break up with her. It took me a while to do it because I didn’t think I deserved better. I ultimately decided to break up and be single instead of settling for a girl who clearly couldn’t care less about our relationship. The advice of not settling needs to be given to more guys.
Anyways, if you’re considering breaking up then you most likely should. A good relationship should never make you feel overly conflicted about whether or not to leave
I was sceptical of entering into this relationship which has been continuing since past 4 yrs now. I was of the belief that relationships are not meant for me, I would get deeply involved and end-up causing a lot of pain to myself. 4 yrs have passed, the honeymoon phase passed, I over invested, that raised my expectations, my issues are not being listened to, I feel complete abuse of power from my partner’s end, still I cant end this, fear of loneliness, missing the person a lot while she is secretly talking to new people and on an exploration spree.
I want this to end and not go through the pain and trauma that Im scared about. If this is over and I survive I’ll go back to my belief that relationships are not meant for me and this time around actually follow what I believe.
How did you handle the post breakup trauma if you felt any?
@@anantsingh5995hmm i can understand
@@anantsingh5995 I'm coming off a recent breakup and let me tell you that if a person disregards you or breaks up with you, like in my case, they don't care for you, they're a nobody, ultimately.
I too have overinvested and developed oneitis. You just need to get that abundance mindset, there are literally millions of options, and while it may seem like you may never find another one like that, you most certainly will.
Take time to recuperate, it's okay to grieve and feel sad about the breakup. After that, get busy, do whatever you feel like doing and what you need to be doing. Life goes on.
how do i send this to him without sending this to him
Lol . This was rlly funny... But I think you could post it on ur status if u have an IG or whatsapp and say sumt like "wow this video is very interesting"
😂😂
Just be upfront and break up with him?
You should be able to feel free to send this video to him. My partner wouldn’t mind if I sent this to him.
Or have a mutual friend send to him
Like I’m in a confused state because I feel so I’m love with him, but when I go home and we talk about our values and future we don’t see eye to eye. I think he’s the best guy I’ve ever been with but I feel like it’s not what I TRUELY want. Like my “perfect boyfriend” who listens and shares my values in life and loves me affectionately.
maybe you're just in love with the idea of being in love so much you're settling bc you feel it with him... bc same here.
I'm in the same position.
I'm in pretty much the same boat and I have no idea what to do.
YES, thank you for that response to "every couple fights"... I have always said the same thing. We have disagreements, yes... but FIGHTS? No. And I don't think it's a good thing for "fighting" to be so normalized in our culture.
Seems too good to be true when all you've ever experienced is toxic relationships... Happy for you tho🥺❤
@@ashley_brown6106 My gf cheated on me did she say in the video to forgive her? I don't wanna get gaslighted
@@ashley_brown6106 i swear its so insane for me to even imagine a relationship without huge dramatic fights :(
I've always felt the same way and I hated how fighting was romanticized in the movie The Notebook.
How do you defuse upset feelings? What do you do if your partner has a temper?
She already left... but it's gave me a deeper connection with self so I appreciate her for it. ❤️
then you are Warm
Thank god my relationship is healthy and worthy. Prayers to everyone going through a rough time in relationships!
This helped me feel more confident in deciding to keep going with my partner. We lived together and were friends for a year before going out. The honeymoon phase lasted probably 8-9 months. We don't have arguments or serious issues, and we've both shown that we're willing to communicate better which has been the only real issue that's made me unhappy. The lowest points (lack of time together) feel especially hard for me since I have anxiety which also affects my work life, which is something I'm now in treatment for. He's a lovely man and I want to stay with him, I think we will be okay!
Did you guys breakup ?
a fight in my eyes is when we have an emotionally charged conversation. usually i will cry or he will get a serious tone when we fight, but there is never any getting in each others faces, yelling, slamming doors, storming out, etc.
I completely agree with you about fights. My father fought A LOT with my mother and even more with his new wife, and he is miserable. My ex had a lovely calm disposition but he would occasionally get very angry and berate me and raise his voice. I thought I was irrationally scared of conflict, because of my childhood, but honestly my ex crossed an unacceptable line. My new partner has a much more fiery temperament than my ex, and we do disagree sometimes, but he never crosses the line of raising his voice or berating me, because I told him that I cannot handle it. Therefore, we never fight. I’m so glad to hear someone else say that fighting is unacceptable in relationships, and I’m so glad that I never will accept them as an inevitable part of a relationship again.
I agree, left after 38 years of pure hell, he picked a fight almost daily to get his way on things. Now I no longer talk to siblings either because thats where it all started...getting tired of this world
I am here. Wondering if this is verbal abuse after nearly two years, a baby, and now another on the way. I cannot handle being yelled at, his words feel like a slap in the face or even punches, and I don’t feel I deserve them. I don’t want my daughter to see this and think this is healthy or normal conflict, she should not have to see her mother cower while her father berates her.
This brought so much clarity to me. Thank you for taking the time to make this. Sometimes we get so caught up in the idea of who we want the person to be we loose the capacity to see them for who they are. Introspection and retrospection can bring significant clarity to those who’ve lost the ability to trust their own judgment. Thanks again 💜
My partner recently broke up with me. It's the first relationship I don't end myself. During the early stages of the relationship I sensed some red flags and I rationalized them. I kept a very dysfunctional relationship going because I was afraid of heartbreak, but I experienced the relationship feeling heartbroken. Always listen to your gut. I know it's dificult to do so when you're in love, but if you feel anxious, uneasy, hurt and just uncomfortable at the very early stages of the relationship; if you feel like you can't tell your partner what hurts you 'cause they don't listen, or they try to listen but you can tell it's really unnatural for them, or no responsability is taken, let them go. It's the best for both of you.
Ive been seeing this guy for the past 8 months and we never, once, had a fight. Yet I know 100% that he and I are not compatible. Our honeymoon phase ended in the middle of month 3 and that’s the last time it was good. We didn’t fight, but there was a lot of sadness, confusion and extreme miscommunication. So if you fight or don’t fight, the relationship may or may not work due to so many reasons...
same but we're on our fourth month... never been on a date and he's never done anything for me, and he wants SEX, NUDES, and I'm breaking up w him bfore the month ends
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
Great video! Unfortunately, my two-year relationship ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, and I still love him deeply. I can't stop thinking about him. I've done everything I can to get him back, but nothing has worked. I'm frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my best efforts, I can't get him out of my mind. I really miss him.
It's incredibly hard to let go of someone you love. I was in a similar situation when my twelve-year relationship ended. I couldn't let him go, so I did everything I could to get him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, who assisted me in reuniting with him.
That's amazing! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I reach him?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can help bring your ex back.
Thank you for this valuable information! I just looked him up online, and he seems impressive.
I had to leave my last relationship because he would talk down on me and never apologized after an argument. Besides that, the relationship was really good but I just came to terms with myself that it wasnt going to workout because of that.
@John Rencheck?
Maybe he was a narcissist,my bf does that too.. provoke fights,searching 😂😂
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
Wow, this whole morning I’ve been crying and filled with anger and anxiety because of relationship. The thought of leaving crossed my mind earlier, the thought of being able to be free and not worry about infidelity just wow. I scroll through my feed and I find you and this video. You know, I haven’t even started the video yet because I am so scared. Im scared becauseI don’t know if this is a sign or not I just really hope I find some guidance soon
I had met her since middle school and we feel in love about junior year high school. We lasted two years until i broke up with her recently and she was an amazing person. I really don’t think on the outside much is wrong, but with me i always felt something was off. In my free time i felt weightless and i could get more work done, but she always wanted to spend time together that i couldn’t give without feeling like i was sacrificing myself. I miss her so much, i feel so guilty and lonely. I know going back and forward is not the best idea so i am going to really evaluate this for about 3-5 weeks. I hope you all find peace.
i just went through a breakup and my feelings are constantly making me wonder if it was the right thing to do. this was really helpful to put all these thoughts in place! Thank you so much!
Can't help but wonder... how do you feel after 2 months? Hope you are well! I always cheer for strangers to be happy lol It's my thing 😂
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
Can't help but wonder....how do you feel after a year?hope you're doing great.
@@maddemardari8176 wow! it’s nice to come back after a while and realize that it actually was the right thing to do and I feel great about it now hahahaha loved it.
I personally define healthy fighting in relationships as disagreements which play a significance to how the relationship functions - conflict that arises as intimacy grows and the individual behaviours and needs of the partners don't always match up. This is healthy as long as the couple both proactively engage in talking it through and trying to understand/creatively resolve these conflicts - I think some heatedness is acceptable if the issue is serious enough (might risk the loss of the relationship due to differences) as long as it never rises to the level of attacking/threatening/abandoning the other, I guess like raised voices is okay but yelling or slamming doors isn't.
I'd deem unhealthy fighting as unrestrained and disrespectful arguing, so finger pointing, refusing to listen to each other, jumping to conclusions without hearing the other side, refusing to acknowledge your own role in a conflict, shouting, threatening, walking out on a fight without there being an agreement to go cool off and then return, ultimatums etc.
To me, a fight is conflict. Conflict is inevitable in all couples, what's important is how you both approach that fight. Some can do it more calmly than others but I strongly value honest expression hence my tolerance of heatedness that never bubbles over into aggression or compromises the desire to understand or respect the other.
Yah. My partner calls disagreement "shouting", even when the volume isn't raised. It's infuriating. Shouting is shouting. Disagreement is just that. 🤦 wow I need help.
I wish I had seen this earlier. It would have saved both other people and me lots of pain. I had been in a dysfunctional relationship for seven long years, which has affected both my and my ex-partner's mental health and overall happiness.
Still, thank you for sharing all this with the world, Ana. You're doing some great work with these videos. I am very thankful I found your channel.
I’m in a relationship that at first seemed great. We had a natural connection, nothing felt forced. He was easy to be around and it was fun. Early on I had a conversation with him about my boundaries and my foundational beliefs. He seemed to understand but quickly tested those boundaries and I gave in.. we have had good open conversations about how we messed up and trying to get “back on track”. But now it’s to the point where more emotions are involved and I personally feel I have pushed my boundaries to the side to be with him. I don’t feel good about this, the more I’m alone with my thoughts I cry and just feel disgusted with myself. I’m not putting the blame all on him, I know well I have a part in this. I just think I need to leave now or I won’t. This is so unhealthy and I know it. 😔😪 I don’t want to hurt him, but if I keep staying I’m going to go to a dark place. Maybe this is why I’m struggling to leave, because I feel like I’m choosing to help myself and not him..💔
l,,,,,know,,,,who,,,,, help,,,,, you w,,h,,a,,,t,,z,,,z,,,a,,,p,,,p 1,,2,,0,,4,,5,,0,,0,,1,,6,,6,,2,,
get your ex back
I can relate to this
Always choose yourself first, you cant make someone happy if you not happy yourself
How did it work out for you ?
Ana you are intuitive beyond measure. The person that is blessed to find you as a partner, will realize immediately they have found a diamond in the rough. #HighVibrationalWomen
Truth
I love that you have the introspective attitude to realize it is hard or almost impossible to see these issues within the relationship.
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, I got help from a great man who brought us back together.
Message his line for hlp👇.
I decided to leave a very confusing one year "relationship" if you could even call it that because I realized very late that we weren't looking for the same thing. I was ready to put myself in a serious relationship that would last a lifetime while he was looking for a pretty girl to date. It hurt a lot because all his signs showed me he deeply cared for me and I guess he did but I KNOW that I don't want to waste my time dating around.
Wow I’m literally in this same position
I am in this story as the one who only wanted someone to date. It hurts because I really do care about her but in no way do I feel like a lifetime together is what I want. I ended the relationship once but then went back to her when life gets hard and I felt like maybe our relationship could work. I should really just cut it and stop wasting our time :(
@@azukib2230 wait so genuine question, how can you love her/care about her but not see her lifelong? do you guys not have similar goals or values etc etc?
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
I grew up with parents fighting. Like the slamming doors, calling names, breaking things, all that kind of stuff. I grew up thinking it happened with everyone and thought people that said it didn’t were lying. I grew up and realized that how my parents are ISNT normal and that what I learned I had to unlearn. I see my parents in myself when me and my S/O argue sometimes and I hate it. It’s all i know tho.. “slam a door now they’ll listen to me”. Is basically my thought process I grew up learning. How do I unlearn this and stop? After I do it, I regret it, but how do I prevent it in the first place?
I don't have any answers but I know you're on the right track. I feel like you have a very caring nature.
Same here
Idk what the answer will be for you.
But for myself, as I did some inner child work, going back to my traumas and healing the bits and pieces I could, I noticed that my normal triggers and reactions would change once I truly heal the associated wound.
How to heal?
I wish I knew exactly.
For me its been messy & I’m not 100% sure what is helping.
But I know certain elements are present when healing occurs.
True understanding of how the situation unfolded. Knowing what could have driven the elements of abuse leading to trauma.
Finally, understanding how if I had been that person who perpetuated the abuse, id have done the same as them.
Once that’s done, I then make a conscious choice to step in for my innerchild in a protective manner and ask him what he would like to experience instead.
Most of the time, my innerchild tells me exactly what it wants, the only tricky part is for the adult you to justify the reasoning for their wants.
Most of us were raised believing we don’t deserve to be love for who we are deep inside.
Your job now is to be the parent you wish you had.
GL
P.S. I speak in 3rd person alot but its not necessarily telling you or anyone what do to. Just how I speak, even about myself sometimes lol.
Read “Atomic Habits” and you will have your answer
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
I listened to this and went through the questions out of curiosity to compare my previous relationship with my current one.
It is very apparent there were solid reasons why I ended the previous relationship and it was the best thing I did.
I am now in a great relationship with a fabulous human being, whom I love so dearly and it is definitely a story that will have a happy ending 😊 💕
This video is literally spot on. I showed this to my sister who is struggling with a toxic relationship that's been dragging on for 2 years; and every scenario or "red flag" you bring up applies to her-- it's uncanny LOL
Thank you so much for this - I know that I have intimacy issues from the way I grew up during my childhood, self-sabotaging tendencies as well as grass is greener syndrome combined (imagine trying to get through any relationship with those 2 combined 💀) and for some reason kept doubting my relationship even though my logical and objective side knew there was nothing wrong with the relationship. My partner and I aren’t a perfect match and we have very different love languages and interests, which is why the doubt was there but we somehow managed being in a long distance relationship for 2 years. it’s reassuring to know that the problems I’m dealing with seem big as a result of my skewed mindset, rather than the relationship actually having any issues. Objectively, it’s perfectly healthy, and I couldn’t ask for more.
treasure it :))) ask for help meeting their needs and make sure you communicate honestly when you can't, communicate your flaws and doubts and ask for help. be open about it
I’m in a relationship of 10 months with someone I very much care about. We were solid in the beginning with no real red flags or concerns. Maybe little things here and there but it seemed so outweighed by the positive. A couple months ago when the honeymoon phase noticeably faded I really started noticing more problems but compromised since it seemed like something we could work through. I moved out for college only about a 45 minute drive away but yet the distance became very noticeable. We went from seeing eachother 3-4 times a week to maybe weekly when I wasn’t swamped with schoolwork. This plus the huge communication change breeded issues that have festered over the last couple months. I’m at a point where I don’t know if I should commit to her cause I truly believe this can be something we ultimately work out. But, I can’t shake the feeling that this won’t work, that it is time to end things. It’s really hard for me to accept this because of how much I truly care about her, but I’m in far more stress than pleasure being with her. I’m scared how badly it’s going to impact her, I’m scared I might be thinking impulsively but my friends have assured me I’ve been dealing with all of this for a while now and it seems to be in good conscious of mine to let her know I don’t think we’re going to work out. But I’m so worried. Obviously I’m no perfect person either but I’m scared that me bringing up all the problems I have is gonna crush her because I really have worked very hard to make us work with very little received or shown. I’m so lost. I’m purely writing this comment to make my mind feel less polluted cause it easily gets toxic up there. But, if there’s any random person out there reading this that has any say, I’d love to hear and don’t worry I take everything with a grain of salt so don’t worry about giving me bad advice I’m simply just throwing this to the universe hoping for clear answers. But I think I just need to take a leap of faith. If you’ve made it here thank you, comforting to know some living breathing human going through similar troubles (cause we’re both here lmao) could read someone else’s story. If you have, I hope it brought you something, whatever it may be. Cheers.
I hope you are OK. I broke up with my partner 4 days ago bc I felt he wasn't caring about my feelings and thoughts, and didn't text he was going to be late to meet me. When he got there, he was surprised i was so upset. He said what is the big deal? I was so shocked he spoke to me in the manner. I have been upset and worried about how he treated me. We've been together 6 months. We are so compatible and enjoy so many things together. We were inseparable. But I feel I needed a break, so I broke it off. I am clearing my head and thinking things through. He sends me random friend zone texts, no questions about how I am doing. I am not answering him bc these texts are just breadcrumbs. I deserve a meal. Take care of yourself so you can understand your partner needs. Maybe a trial separation. Best of luck.
did you break up
Did you decide to break up with her in the end?
@@aaylaroseeyes we did, and although it still hurt I’m glad we did! I’d just make sure before deciding, I spent a while picking pros and cons with all sides and when it feels like it should end, you should follow through
@@pansyd137yes I did. I don’t wanna repeat the exact same thing as the last person. So I’ll add, sometimes it’s so so hard to decide and know if you made the right decision. Even now, I sometimes wonder. BUT, I remind myself how toxic it was and even though there was a connection that some people are supposed to meet, but not stay together forever if that makes sense.
Wow. This was very hard to hear but I needed to hear it. When you were telling the listener to think back to the early stages of the relationship over who the *real* pursuer was, that seriously resonated with me. I have such anxiety over the idea of breaking someone's heart but lately I've been feeling like I'm getting left without a choice. I just don't know how to go about it and I have such trouble initiating difficult conversation
I've been in my relationship for 2 years, I feel like we're very much still in the honey moon phase. We have disagreements a lot, but we solve them very quickly usually the same day. We communicate when something seems wrong or anything we dont like, and most of the time we fix it. I hope it stays this way. I'm very cautious now because of past relationships, but because I love him I dont want to seem blind. This video helps a lot and I will be coming back to it :)
Very lucky you that you both resolve it soon.
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
How often do you have girls night out?
My last ex and I were honeymoon for 2 years
Hi Ana. I am a big fan of your videos and I watch them very consistently. I've been recently getting therapy for some of my past traumas and you've definitely influenced me to get help. Just wanted to say thank you.
Also, I was wondering if you've considered starting a podcast with your content. I feel like podcast listeners would really enjoy hearing your thoughts on real life situations and how to understand them in a psychological POV. I could literally spend a couple hours hearing you talk!
Keep up the great and amazing work. Stay safe!
I second a podcast that would be super interesting
@@MarioLopez-eu4sq Yesss! Ana plsplspls
That’s so wonderful to hear! Unfortunately I have zero time to add an additional podcast into the mix, but I’d love to later down the line :)
Ana Psychology 😆 I understand. Nevertheless, keep up the amazing work. You are da best!! 💪
I don’t have a partner and thus wouldn’t be considering leaving, but I love that you made a thoughtful video about it and reflect on it!! ❤️ I’ve heard about too many relationships ending based on a spur of the moment decision
A good fight is when both partners take their controllers, choose their destiny and fatality each other until they're good.
A bad fight is when they do the same without controllers.
Fights, defined strictly, are unacceptable. Totally agree with that. They fundamentally cross the line into disrespect.
Yes!
I really needed this advice as well, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and we have moments here and there but we always work through them. I’d say we’re still in the honeymoon stage but in a different way, we still are crazy about each other but we have grown a lot from when we first started dating. We have gone through a lot these past 7 months because he decided to join the army and it’s been really tough but we’ve been working through it. Recently though, we’ve just had arguments over silly things and we both recognize that. At the end of the day though, we came to the conclusion that we just really miss each other and it’s harder being separated.
I believe we can work through it all and come out stronger from all the rough patches we have been having. It’s also difficult communicating when we’re both so far away from each other and both being stubborn in our own ways. Watching this video helped me reflect and understand my relationship a bit more and i appreciate that. I think we’ll have that happy ending, right now we’re just in season where it’s harder.
Great video. Came here to say that sometimes things don't start off perfect, ESPECIALLY when you're single and trying to date in your 30's, when you both are full of emotional baggage from past relationships. But if both partners are willing to be open and honest about their needs and truly showing compassion by hearing each other out you can end up learning and growing together! My relationship started off weird and long distance but now 5 years later we are in the honeymoon phase lol. And now we are married! I guess we worked towards it together. As long as there is kindness and understanding and LOVE you can make it work. Healthy boundaries too. If at any point a person repetitively violates your boundaries no matter how many times you stood up for yourself-LEAVE. I stayed with my partner because he always listened when I was upset about something and took great care to not repeat the thing that makes me upset, which is something I was NOT used to from past partners. If you have to fight to feel heard they ain't the one fam!
And I agree about fighting versus argument- it should be a discussion not a toxic berating session. Never name calling or god forbid getting physical NEVER!!
Fighting is normal. Even getting mad as long as there is no abuse. The big problem in relationships is if there isnt any resolution or compromise. Like you have big fights and never ever see eye to eye in the end.
I’m in a relationship turned into a situationship and I honestly just want to be alone now 💀
Same
Lolll
same, duno what to do
𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑳𝑶𝒀𝑨𝑳𝑻𝒀? 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑰 𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒗𝒊𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓.𝒄𝒐𝒎 ...
I concur
I totally agree - I think fights are unacceptable as it's violence and we shouldn't be violent no matter what happens. It's hard to differentiate emotional domestic abuse from a partner just having a hot temper when you're the victim of those actions. It's never okay to call each other names, throw things, slam doors, break glasses, and stuff, it's not far for this type of behavior to escalate to physical abuse when you accept early stages like the thing I just described.
Thank you for this video. I typed in "How to deal with ending a long term relationship" and you showed up. I didnt realize it but I'm surprisingly objective. If I were to write a Pros & Cons list there would be more cons... That's my red flag.. Ive been with this person 10 years.. and its not easy. Also YES about the fighting, I was taught that every couple fights and accepted his anger as justified. Never should I have been called names or have been yelled at. Ugh I am healing.
Did you break up and how do you feel know?
I’m curious as well , im in a similar boat
I've been watching a lot of these types of videos to try and understand what happened to my relationship
We met when we were 13 years old and stuck together for almost 8 years
Everything was great, we loved each other fully, trusted each other, promised each other we would be together forever, and never had any real fights
But a month ago, she just told me that she didn't "feel it" anymore
I let her have her space, and I've been grieving a lot ever since
She wasn't only my partner, but my best friend aswell
In the near future I may try to get back together with her, but if it doesn't work, I think I will never understand why
She was my everything, and I still love her with all my hearth, but I can't and won't force her to be with me. I just want to understand what happened
Dang. I feel like the girl in this scenario. I wasn’t feeling it…things felt off…I wanted to be closer because we were doing long distance, but rather than expressing my wants and needs in an unconditional and genuine way, I would make threats at the idea of going on a break, wanting him to chase after me. We did go in a break and did break up but I loved him the whole time and still do and still only wanted him. Any other guy I met seemed gross. I don’t know if he will come back. I hope so. I try to remind myself if the uncomfortable feelings I had and that although I did want to be closer I also did want certain differences. I am trying to listen to those parts of me that broke up with him and felt that I was settling…. Ughhhhhh why are relationships so painful !!!
@@TALIACORNELIUS depending on how much time has passed, you could either try to fix things with them, especially if they didn't want the breakup, or just stick to your guns an let them go. If you have an issue with your partner, you should bring it up to them. Give them a chance to directly try and fix whatever is bothering you, instead of just expecting them to fix it on their own. Holding your partner accountable is not a bad thing. If they are worth it, they will listen to you and try to fix things, but that depends on many factors. Good luck in the near future, and I hope you manage to find someone worth it, be it in your ex or in someone else
If the math is correct, you're only 21?! How can you expect to stay together when you're barely even grown up yet? You will both be different people in 5 years and again in another 5 years. You either grow together or you grow apart
@@Madamchief I'm in a situation kind of like this (girl that feels like she's growing away from her partner, we met when we were 14 and now I'm 21, and he's 20) it is so hard because we are growing up. People change a lot (or are supposed to) and it's really hard to know whether this person will continue to go in a positive direction. There is so much future ahead, so much time to change that it feels really scary to let go of something that could develop to be really great or stay and it ends up really bad. The age adds another level of insecurity due to the uncertainty factor. Especially if one of the concerns in the relationship is maturity (which develops from time & experiences).
@@Blue_Ink_Crochet it sounds like you are self aware enough to develop your own personality; you're ahead of the game.
As far as a partner goes, as a self-aware individual, you will need to find one who is one your level of awareness or you will be perpetually lonely. It's difficult because it doesn't usually develop until mid 20s and even then, not everyone has it. On my experience, different kinds of people have provided me different kinds of relationships throughout my development and they were all worthwhile relationships because they taught me more about who I am and what I require from a partner. As a result of all the growth, I don't really believe in "forever" relationships. As humans, we're super complex and it makes sense that we need more than one forever person to fully develop the full Self
My definition of a fight is the second I lose my cool. I'm very level-headed in 99% of situations, so if I lose my cool and am no longer behaving in a way that I approve of, but am also unable to put a stop to it, then it is a fight for me.
i have sabotaged all my realtionships/situationships causing pain to myself. Because of negative thoughts and believing that it will not work out
Mee too wtf how do we stop
Same here.
same
i need help
@@nio731 you need to be open about the negative thoughts. ask for help and patience. if your feelings and love for them are true, it will be okay
Is my phone listening to me? Why and how did this pop up??
I listened to some songs that might be an indicator 😄
James Bay - Let it go
Dua Lipa - Scared to be lonely
James Morrison - Broken strings
Linkin Park - Waiting for the end
Yes your phone is listening to you. There have been too many instances where I've spoken something but never searched anything online. Yet, I'll get an ad, recommend video, or suggested article from youtube/google.
I really suggest you to watch 'the social dilemma' on netflix.
Damn. We are being watched and heard.
Google is always secretly listening
angels guide you, also put you an 111th like ;)
So I was in a decade long relationship that ended about a year ago (divorce) prior to it ending I thought all couples fought, and while I remained respectful initially she did not and it eventually wore me down, after it ended I came to the realization that disrespect cannot be allowed in a romantic relationship (it slowly degrades the love). If your partner cannot handle being a mature adult in a disagreement and be open to the possibility that they could be wrong or hurting you... then they aren't mature enough for a relationship at all and it's your responsibility to hold them accountable... sometimes that means walking away after a very long time. I would encourage people to spend time evaluating themselves as well as their relationship and partner... If it's not a happy healthy relationship you either figure out why in a hurry or end it. Sometimes that's needed in order for us all to grow... and who knows maybe after some growth it could work out. But I assure you, if you try and force something that's not ready, it will end badly.
Dr John can get your ex back with you for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore my 3 year broken relationship by bringing my ex back. Also, Dr. John always keep up with his words. I highly recommend that you seek help from him .
+2349037866839
W h a t s A p p h i m
This Suggestion makes me think someone is listening to me Without my knowing
bruh...same
It’s the phones, the technology, it knows
I know me too. I'm thinking of breaking up and this came on my feed. I'm pretty sure that can tap into our texts.
You pointed out a very important point that I'm in this relationship just because I don't wanna feel alone. I'm a type of person who usually likes to runaway from problems although I'm trying to change this thing in me. I have less patience and I can't beg while I apologise. Yes I do apologise but in a certain way, maintaining my honor.
All he does is he never understands what I'm trying to tell and is always in hurry to make things look different when I can clearly see the truth. He tries to say negative things about everything I wanna do and makes me very demotivated.
just broke up w them two days ago. this video really helped me with thinking through it, because i'm still processing this breakup. this was really comforting and something i needed to hear right now, thank you
I study psychology, (getting masters) and based on what ive studied, seen and experienced. There are "fights" where people are very passionate about what they are saying and not feeling like their partner is being receptive or empathetic to what they are trying to express; that's when the yelling storming out of rooms happen. Not necessarily bad people (none of them probably intended to disrespect their partner by cussing, putting them down, ect nevertheless in these examples they have.) they just dont know how to properly hear out their partner and then use an appropriate response which in turn enrages the other person. So what I am getting at here is they just are not educated on how to respond and navigate through disagreements, or incidents or whatever the person may be upset out. I can say, they are not many people who are able to calmly respect, resolve and just talk things through in a manner where there's no real volatile expression. Maybe you can do a video-- or perhaps i missed it about how you navigate challenges in relationships and advice you would give to couples that experience really bad fights where they can't control raising their voices or crying, leaving the situation, slamming doors and unhealthy things of that nature. But props to you and your partner for being able to handle disagreements in a healthy and appropriate manner. most people would find that very difficult unfortunately.
Have yelled a lot at my partner and it’s just because he’s so unresponsive whenever I voice concerns. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at me. I raised my voice because I didn’t feel heard at all and hoped this would trigger some kind of reaction from him. U are so right!
@@jimin6813 ikr , same here
pov: you're nodding your head and agreeing with everything she says while being single and having practically no dating experience
Be prepared for failed relationships, a lot goes into it when you meet someone. Sooner or later it is going to happen. Unless you don't want to date
Hi Ana, this was a great video and it hit on some really important points that have helped me in the process of deciding whether to break up with my current partner. I would love for you to do a video about deciding whether to end a healthy relationship where cheating/bad behaviour isn’t involved because those are the hardest to end if you ask me. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with the incompatibilities of me and my partners lives and not being able to see a future side by side, without a lot of indication that my partner will change anytime soon while also still having a lot of love and attachment mixed up in this person. I’d love your perspective on this and anyone else going through this!
Your love and attachment date from way back. Your mind tells you to hang on because you need it. Your gut feeling is to leave because your situation will not improve. Nothing more to be said I think.
The bird's eye perspective really helped me realize how messed up my relationship of four years has been. Checked off all the red flags. Thanks for opening my eyes 👀
I just broke up with my boyfriend and it was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since I’m such a people pleaser and wait till they end it but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t going to last so I just had to do it and this video honestly was a godsend. Was sobbing into my pillow until I just opened UA-cam and looked up something to help me through what I did and it just made me feel a million times better
I was also crying my heart out silently in my room when I decided to search for solutions. I’m still working up the courage to end my relationship because I’m very clearly being taken for granted. There’s never a right time to do these things I just have to rip the bandaid off.
@@robiwerema1815 I’m proud of you!! It’s definitely hard to do but as soon as it’s been done and you’ve had time away from the situation you’ll feel a million times better X
in in that exact situation :( how do i get the courage do to that, im so scared im making the wrong choice
@@flocooke2559 im in the exact position right now, i love him so much but feel like he doesn’t respect me or tries to change his attitudes for a while and then does the same thing over again, it’s so hard to take a decision when both parties still love each other but you feel you aren’t well loved as you were anymore
@@flocooke2559 go through the questions she mentioned and answer them honestly. That will help with your certainty
I would love a video about how to know if i should start a relationship with somebody, fear of commitment, etc.
Love your videos❤
hey, ana. I'm not a huge fan of commenting on people's videos. But yeah I'm in the middle of figuring out about relationship with a person who I truly love. We are somewhat of in break. He asked me for a space and I didn't have any clue what is actually going on. I couldn't go to sleep, I couldn't eat well, I couldn't function myself well. I watched your video from nowhere and I actually get to right down about what you were asking and it made me realize what I should really do for the relationship. Before watching your video, I was blaming him for putting me on a break but I figured that I have to actually change myself slowly to respect my partner. I had goosebumps after finishing your video and finishing writing down the reality of the relationship. Thank you so much. I will use this thought, a better idea to communicate with my partner to love him back. Thank you so so much
Yea I'm definitely leaving. I never should have gotten into it especially under the circumstances that it started in. Its been nothing but a let down over and over again and I am incredibly stressed out and super unhappy due to keeping myself in it because I have been afraid of losing him completely, but the facts are we never should have been more than friends. We're not compatible romantically (though he did everything to try and convince me otherwise) and I still am not really open to the responsibility and time aspects of a relationship at this point in my life, I just have way too much going on. After 5/6 weeks into it I left the honeymoon state because I was faced with the reality that everything, literally every single negative self sabotaging bad habit he had or deal breaking behavior that led to me leaving him 4 years ago is still very much a problem though he's been hiding it for years to try and get me back. Like I just stopped being interested after that and then I got a new job that eats up all my time and is very taxing on me so that I'm not interested in seeing others much id rather just recharge by myself and focus on my work. I've been feeling bad about having to neglect the relationship on top of no longer feeling interested at all because I don't see a real future here.. so like I really think leaving is the absolute best thing to do for both of us.
“The initial stages of a healthy romantic relationship do involve some level of idolization”
Such a great line that I think many people need to hear to relieve concerns of narcissism or bpd
I’m so glad you included your take on fighting.
My ex yelled & didn’t listen to my point of view. I thought it was such a clear red flag, but my family kept insisting it was something we could work out. I’m sure it’s cause my parents met in an arranged marriage and never truly resolved major issues, that they think this is ok.
the ups are when we cuddle, when we go on dates, i struggle to think of much else. the downs are his anger issues, alcohol issues, repressed trauma, shoving me when he gets mad or stressed, talking down to me, emotionally manipulating me, guilt tripping, being overly defensive, etc. but i want to stay because i know he loves me, and he’s aware of his issues, and he says he’ll change, and i can’t bare to add onto the pile of shit he’s already been through in life. i want to keep giving him a chance. but i know deep down he’s not the one. i just can’t bring myself to hurt him, despite everything
Run!!
You can’t bring yourself to hurt him? Know your worth
He doesn’t care about abusing you. Think about it. Healthy love shouldn’t be you only thinking about how to avoid his anger and disrespect talking down to u.
So this girl I met in anatomy class kind of started liking me almost immediately. I was somewhat fond of her but saw early on that there were small things I likely wouldn’t want to deal with long term, with her, so I always put in effort to maintain distance (no dating, sex, regularly talking on the phone etc). This was 2019.
Fast forward to 2021, I go through a tough break up, and my mom passes away three weeks into that tough break up. This friend decided she will be there and “we will get through this together, that’s what friends do.” That led to us hanging out to get me out the house and eventually “chilling” with her at her home watching movies (nothing more initially). But she took the opportunity to become more sensual with me until over the course of a couple of months I eventually developed feelings for her and we became sexually involved. She dug and dug until I eventually admitted having feelings for her.
All of this happen despite the fact that throughout the process I advised her periodically I was not ready for the responsibilities and expectations that come with a relationship (still recovering from break up, mom’s death, finishing school etc) and she insisted she understood but only wanted to know how I felt about her at least. Naturally upon revealing having feelings she’s pulled harder and I convinced myself maybe I’m just not giving her a chance. So I decided to give in and it hasn’t been two months and I already feel like no, I can’t do long term with her and also still have this feeling of wanting to be free and have a break from emotion attachments, establish myself in the new career (I graduate in three weeks) etc. Meanwhile, she’s already visualizing trips, family events, possible marriage etc. And it hit… I’m about to have to potentially do what I’ve always been trying to avoid… hurt her. 😓😞😒
I can absolutely understand your dilemma. In the end it's not only her that you are hurting, but yourself too since you've become attached to her.
if you heard this story from a 3rd person perspective, you would advise them to honour the wishes of yourself and your partner by cutting it off