The Fear of Ending a Relationship
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- Some of us live in such dread of ending a relationship, we'd rather sacrifice our chances of long-term happiness rather than endure a tricky few hours. But the discomfort of endings can be overcome once we understand that ending a relationship doesn't have to mean ruining things for a partner, it can actually mean saving their lives.
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“Let us imagine that we know what we want - to leave a relationship - but that we are suffering from a problem which inhibits us from acting on our wishes: we can’t bear to cause another person pain, especially another person towards whom we feel a sense of loyalty, who has been kind to us, who looks up to us for their safety and their future, who has expectations of us and with whom we might have been planning a trip to another continent in a few months. Perhaps we have come near to telling them on a dozen occasions, but always pulled back at the last moment. We tell ourselves that we’ll get around to it ‘after the holidays’, ‘once their birthday party is over’, ‘next year’, ‘in the morning’, and yet the deadlines roll by and we are still here…”
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I'm surprised you didn't mention the fear of being alone...I think ALOT of people stay in unhappy relationships because they are scared of being on their own
Return 2 innocence - I was thinking exactly the same thing.
@@trey-frey3963 I wil do that TraFra I am in the process of research for a video on my own channel to help women in this situation. Thanks for the info
Agree.
Your name is my favourite song.
If only people knew how great it feels to be alone
I ended a 2 year relationship a week ago that I knew for a long time I wanted to end, but I was crippled by fear. Fear of hurting him, fear of the unknown, fear of regretting it, fear of not finding anyone better. I turned myself inside out trying to make this decision, and when I finally did it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But even though I'm sad to say goodbye, the relief I feel now is unbelieveable. To anyone going through this, trust yourself and trust your instincts. You know what you need to do.
Thanks hun
I appreciate that message, I'm really in the same situation, will be 3 years in july, however my girlfriend is very insecure, I trust her 100%, however it's almost the feeling she doesnt trust me when she says she does. I am 100% loyal and doesnt ever cross my mind however her past has made it hard for her. I've lost a lot of confidence, dont talk to many people as I'm questioned all the time, I love her ridiculously but no it isn't right. I've tried to tell her and she knows but doesnt get any help. I myself have therapy as I have anxiety like her. It almost feels way past the help as I cant live a happy life, and an being controlled, even towards my family. Which is really sad. I'm trying to find the best way to move on without hurting her but the thought of it kills me inside.
I was in the same situation as you. Fear of being alone and hurting him controlled me, made me depressed so much.
but when i got out of that relationship, it was such a relief, i can truly love and orientate myself now.
we still get along as friends or in other words, we have been gradually parting and accepting the truth.
I hope y'all find your way and loneliness is not that scary, you can make it.
@@parallelparker2045 Eventually you're going to have to realize that no matter how you do it, she is going to be hurt. The only thing you can do is be as compassionate as possible in the manner in which you end things and accept that what happens next, whether she freaks out or goes into a downward spiral, it's outside your control. What also helped me was realizing that I'm not doing something wrong by ending a relationship that doesn't make me happy. It's okay to put your happiness first. Good luck xx
@@PhuongLe-ri7tq Exactly! I'm still only a month out but I forgot how happy and full my life could be. I feel amazing now.
The only thing I'm really proud of is, taking breakups so gracefully, and I had so many guys breaking up with me, whatever I feel in that moment, I don't share a tear in front them, and I say " it's ok, I wish you good luck, and you always will have special place in my heart" and go, if I meet them in future I'll say Hi and be polite, not because I'm nice person, my ego wouldn't let me to look weak , now I start to learn to put in my mind that anytime that person might decide to leave, and it's thier right, I don't own them, I start to appreciate the time I did spend with them, and the things I learned for them, letting go for my own peace of mind.
I like to tell myself that, but I don't feel that way
@@Janosevic80 the same thing, I was divested inside every time, just wouldn't show it.
@@Meryamtin At least you can walk away with pride then.
The point of relationships is to feel and to want the person near you. You dont need to be ultradependent but also not like 'they may leave at any moment'
@@paloma4444 what I mean we should love ourselves more, not to relying our happiness to onthers, anyone can leave us, death happened, we should live in the present yes, but we shouldn't be divested when someone leaves .
Why does telling the truth sometimes feel like you're committing a crime?
because both can cause unpleasent consequences
Because humans are emotional creatures.Though we know the need of truth to be unfold, we aee afraid of how the other person would take it. In short we feel responsible for telling the truth as well as the reaction of other person towards the same😊
because truth hurts, that's why and our consciousness is telling us to not do it because we would feel guilty of hurting the other person. If you really love someone, their pain will also pain you. What most people don't understand is that being unhappy in a relationship and continue on with it, it's 10 times worse. It destroys not only your partner but yourself too. When you stop loving someone, you will start showing it unwillingly and they will see it, they will notice so they will also start behaving like that. If you find yourself in a relationship you don't want anymore, don't wait, free both of you.
Because honestly “We can’t handle the Truth” when we hear truth it no longer has that pure sense that this is right and good. Our World Hates the truth and does want to outlaw the truth. If the Truth could be told?
@@PATAMA12345 "The truth shall set you free" comes from the bible. Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father (GOD) except through me," (John 14:6) "and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32). 🕊
Yes, it is
- the fear of hurting them
- the fear of making a mistake or eventually regretting breaking up
- the fear of never finding anyone good again
- the fear that since what I am doing (breaking up with someone who loves me) is bad and ungrateful, then I am going to get some type of hecked-up karma and next time I will be in love and get dumped :/ even though I know keeping them is not doing a favor to both of us, if I get resentful and we're unhappy.
I also think the way mainstream media or pop culture portrays the dumpers, basically all over the world is very unfairly and unhealthily villifying.
This right here! So much truth! My last 6-7 months were spent on overcoming these fears.
This is exactly how I feel
The dumper is the villain if that person did not try to put in the work to change things in the relationship.
also add: the deep shame of knowing to not really be true to oneself. Sometimes it's unbareable
What have you done?
Bold... They dropped this vid just before Valentine's 😂
maitrish jain frrrr haha
Perhaps their experience as psychologists has taught them that means people will often choose that day to pull one of their many stunts, maltrish jain.
Savage 🤣
@Matt Ludwig It seems possible. There are a million crazy stories. Perhaps the same person had said after the prior Valentine's day "You tricked me into being your Valentine," which could easily inspire jokes?
😂😂. This video is low key confirmation
I wanna ungently end my relationship with student debt
Kana Koketso Kenney Kana big mood
The debt will never leave you. It’s clingy and needy like that.
Bernie!
beetdiggingcougar NO.
@kana koketso Kenny kana
Waaaa You chose debt in exchange for education. Bad choice? Still your problem. Are you going to cry after every big purchase? Grow up.
I told my partner at least 3 times about having doubts, hard feelings and thoughts of breaking up, and all times he got upset and tried to bargain with me asking what he could do for me to make me happy and save our relationships, and I couldn’t fight it back and remained together. He has empathy problems so he doesn’t realise I feel unhappy with him, yet loves me emotionally like a child. I’m gathering up my courage to tell my decision one last time and confidently, took therapy even. This video is helpful.
Omg this feels similar to my situation. I expressed my doubts and even told him I want to be single, but we kinda avoided talking about it since then and went back to old habits. (This was 4 months ago). And we're also long distance right now. We've been together since then. I know that in order to leave this relationship I must gather the courage to say I'm serious, this is it.
Did you manage to do it?
Did you guys do it???
He loves you emotionally and you still consider the break up decision saying that youre unhappy. Yes, book the theraphy very soon and ask the psychologist wether its you, or him who lacks empathy. Feminists mental illness piece of shit
Please please trust the red flags and do what you know so right as soon as you realize it. I stayed in a very toxic relationship for far too long because of fear of hurting someone and sacrificing the sort of comfort and structure being in a relationship had brought my life. The break up was very very messy and even included some very serious life or death issues as mentioned in the video. That being said, I would do it again a million times, I am so much happier and can be myself again, she didn’t deserve the person I would have become had I continued to live in that toxic relationship. This is what is best for both of us and I hope someday she can learn to see that and not resent me. I have since moved on to a loving and healthy relationship and the difference is amazing. If you’re reading this stop being afraid and holding yourself back from the future you deserve.
Experiencing exactly the same as yours now, I don't want leave him until this time because I truly love him but too much hurt and difficulties I faced alone. I need to choose my self and my sanity.
Good comment. What toxic red flags did you choose to not ignore?
@@sailing7777 the biggest one was the verbal and emotional struggles. She would tell me how great I was and how well I treated her and then literal moments later yell and scream telling me I was awful and didn’t deserve her. She would often times hang up on me and ignore me for hours when ever she was in one of her hating me phases. I got so hung up on trying to do whatever I could to bring out the side of her that treated me kindly that I would fall into very very down states when she would snap on me. She would then tell me I had no right to be upset over it and tell me I was wrong for being sad when she had decided to move past her anger. It was very emotionally abusive. After the breakup was even worse, she was give me long texts about how she loved me and wanted to be better for me, then when I told her it was best we were apart she would blow up my phone tearing me down telling me I never deserved her and I was a terrible person and wouldn’t be happy because I could never find anyone like her. The mood flips like this continued for over a month, all the while I tried to be kind respectful and helpful because she had threatened serious self harm to me and even made and attempt. If I had seen and acknowledged the emotionally abusive issues early on I would’ve saved myself a lot of pain and heartbreak and likely would have avoided some of her issues because she wouldn’t have become as attached and obsessive.
@@nathandeller5796I'm so sorry you went through this! You deserve so much more!
This is personal, and you don't have to answer, of course. Did she, by chance, have BPD?
This I love you/I hate you thing is a splitting coping mechanism.
You're perfect one moment and the enemy the next.
The phrase 'I hate you, don't leave me.' is often how family members and partners of people with BPD refer to it.
If BPD or something like it is in play here, you may want to do some research on google and find so many helpful resources. To help you understand why it happened and to heal the trauma of it all, etc.
I hope the future is better and you find everything you want and need in a healthy relationship with an absolutely amazing person.
Keyword- the person i’d have become
This shook me to the core. It is something I'm trying to overcome. Not because I'd wanted to break up with my partner, but because I just recently discovered just how full of fear I am. To the point I'm not able to do simple tasks, because I'm scared. And it's so stupid. It sounds stupid even to me, when I'm not able to pick up a phone and call someone, when I'm not able to write into a diary because I'm afraid I'll mess up the notebook and make a mistake, I'm afraid to wear make-up, to draw and often even afraid to excersice or dance or talk, all I can see is me doing it wrong and others dragging me through mud because of it.
It's really fascinating how child's mind can interpret and comprehend its parents actions completely differently than the parent originally meant.
For long time I though I was depressed but really I'm just so scared. And I don't know what to do with the fact I can trace origins of this fear to my parents actions.
They weren't abusive or cruel, I know they didn't want to hurt me in any way, it just happened.
Sorry for the long comment, it just poured out of me.
Hope you all are doing great today 🌼
Update 05/2020 - The last few months has been very kind to me. I have learned a lot from book You can heal your life by Louise L. Hay. I decided this year I will do everything I always feared to do, even though quarantine has changed this plan a lot. But I still managed to bleach and color my hair, which made me very happy, I asked for a raise in my job, (because I found out I was ridiculously underpaid from my colleague) and got it. I send an application for University to get my degree.
But most important is: I decided I will not lie to myself anymore. My life is my responsibility, not anyone elses and I can't blame anyone for feeling unhappy, scared or caged. The victim mentality wasn't helping me at all.
I reconnected with my best friend after a falling out we had this time last year and realized I'm truly not as alone as I feel I am. There are people I just have to reach out to them, because no one can read my mind.
I had to relearn lots of pretty much basic truths about life. I was in a state where I didn't control my mind, my mind was controlling me. Which is completely backwards. There is so much more I want to say, but I don't want to come across as preachy or be overbearing.
Thank you so much everyone who took their time to read or respond to this comment thread, who shared their stories and troubles. I'm still taken aback by how many people can relate to me and to what I'm going through. I haven't expected it would gain this attention and this huge amount of kindness. I'm very grateful and wish everyone love and peace especially in these times. I hope everyone is safe and well.
It will get better. We have every tool, every requirement, every experience we need to turn our lives around and be happier. We can do it, we just have to get out of our heads into the real world and change the thought into action.
My mom has always told me life is pain and we are born to suffer, but that is not true at all.
Lots of love everyone, life is joy.🌼
Hope you find a peaceful solution soon. I'd like to say that the solution starts from accepting and acknowledging the problem first, and that you've done, now you just have to know your triggers and be mindful and calmly and patiently try to overcome this. Wishing you good luck 👍
@@munira8874 thank you so much ♥️ you're completely right. It's been really helpfull to finally know why I'm so irritated and tired all the time. I didn't even know what I was experiencing for years.
Thank you for taking time replying to my comment, it cheered me up!
You’re problem is more common than you might realize. We are all broken in some way from our childhood. It’s not your fault. Please find someone who is a professional to work through this with. That can be challenging in its own right, but totally worth it. I went through half a dozen Theripest before I found the right person to help me. It’s hard because by the third or forth Theripest I though I was broken beyond repair. I wasn’t broken beyond repair and am living a good life now knowing that the stuff that comes up in my mind has a source and a reason that I can cope with. In the meanwhile you might check out Dr. Gabor Mate and his lectures that are on UA-cam. He does a lot of addiction work, but it all links back to childhood. Best of luck to you
Dear stranger,like someone mentioned here i realize its more common than we realize.Sometimes the fact that very small acts that hurt a kid can change the way he is as an adult scares me sooo much that i alwaz rethink if i ever wanna hav kids.I love kids n i want every kid to hav an emotionally healthy childhood so that they wont hav to spend the rest of their lives healing from their childhood wounds.Having said that i also feel grateful that we r being able to find the source of what of how we feel .Just imagine having a mindset all ur life n never getting to know why we had it in the frst place.Never give up on ur inner kid.Be there for that kid n keep helping that kid in healing.Lov n healing to all
@@martinbanks Thank you for taking time and for caring enough to write this. It seriously lifted my spirit and I am very happy to hear you are now doing better.
It helps me to see I'm not an alien, I guess some mental issues can make us very hypocritical.
I'm visiting a therapist for about year and a half now, and the mental gymnastics I did before I was even able to see I was having problem like this, were insane, it blows my mind looking back. It's very easy to keep yourself in some vicious circles.
Thank you for being so kind ♥️
Been single here for 2 years and it’s the best thing that has happened for me. I get so much done and focus just on me. More time for work and gym.
@Fytren Yes !! I’ve been single for awhile now and I have to say going very well. Like… it’s working out. I think I’m the one 😍
A few hours of unpleasantness.... try months... or years 😅
Didn't expect to see you here
It’s been 18 years and counting for me. Still not over her. Therapy is a waste of money, by the way.
@@JohnSmith-ns6dp damn what was so great about her? Unless she died
@Excuse Me Sounds like a choice to me based on fictional concepts of the person.
Beta
"Let's imagine that we know what we want"
Me: Wouldn't that be nice!
Unfortunately my partner was too scared of ending our relationship and seeing me upset, he decided to do it by lying to and hurting me. Then he broke up with me over the phone (yes, after 6 years). I know we both wish that he could actually have sat down and had a conversation with me because I was in a dark place for months after. He still is in that dark place because he can't forgive himself for how badly he hurt and betrayed me. Respect and kindness goes a long way.
I really do hope my ex feels the SAME about me like your ex does about you. I hope he knows he hurt me, I hope he regrets it as much as I’m in pain. I have such a resentment towards I can’t even fathom to explain. It’s been 3 months since he broke up with me over the phone when I was at my father’s birthday party, that ended my day. I was deeply hurt, saddened and destroyed that he could ever think of breaking up with me bc all I’ve ever wanted in my life was to be with him. The first days and weeks are the worse, but I’m actually getting better. Still feel sad or very angry at times. I don’t know if anyone in this comment section feels the same, but after watching the video it didn’t make me understand my ex for breaking up, it just made me even madder to the point of having a tantrum, guess I’ll hold this grudge forever… maybe I’m just still heartbroken for feeling such strong hate for him for breaking up and I don’t see it fading anytime soon, maybe time fixes my wounded soul and I’ll leave this bitterness behind
I would say that I was/am cowardly when dealing with people. I had to use a letter to break up with my former partner of 16 years, so I didn't have to see his face when he got the news. Things are going much better for me, now that I've pulled the trigger and am a single woman, rather than living in a farce of a relationship with a heavy narcissist of a man. I really appreciate the message of this video. I've spent my whole life timid, because I learned that being "nice" and "good" and "quiet" were the best ways to get along in the world.
Omg I've been fighting with writing a letter and just handing it to her because we live together. But I think after this I know I just need to say it
How are you doing 4 years later? Was it a divorce that you went through or just a break up?
@blackeneddove I am doing extraordinarily well. It was only a break up, not divorce. In the intervening time to now, I really got to know myself, traveled internationally all by myself, met a man online and through the ability to just be who I am and not hide behind being nice or good, we fell in love and I married him in September last year. I finally found someone who doesn't want me to be any other than what I am. I'm incredibly happy and things got better.
That was literally me. Only was able to end it after my grandma passed away, for some reason that gave me the strength to finally be completely transparent and more importantly choose myself. One of the best decisions I've ever made.
How long were you together, if you don’t mind me asking?
@@arenh2049 sure! We were together for over 4,5 years. We started out as high-school sweethearts and went through most of adulting together!
Omg it happened to me. I’m gathering the courage to get a divorce after my grandfather passed away and I realized that we live only once and we are not eternal and at the end no one else will care more about ourselves than oneself.
An ex of mine, with whom I was together for a long time, actually threatened suicide - thinly veiled, but leaving no room for any different interpretation. He made me his anchor to life, his social life line. And I felt responsible.
I shouldn't have. I actually managed to arrange therapy for him, before breaking up. But now, years later, I think he may have tried to get help earlier if I hadn't tried to play therapy girlfriend.
But well, can't change the past. And I honestly hope life is good to him and he gets the help he needs.
Yeah same. Makes me sick. Me not caring enough while the douche bag told himself he was more clever than not, blaming or getting mad at me over his own faults is just so fn bizarre. I dont mean to sound mean... but I tried it. And what a waste of time!!! Now I dont hafta juggle ish as much, and can focus more. So thats nice. Hopefully develop better sleeping patterns. I dont feel guilt about his self pitying sorrows. He had those problems b4 he met me. Now? His fam can act like his actual fam. ... so, yaaaaay. And you know? "Leave it to God"... yeah, im a little bitter, but save what?
@@ahhwe-any7434 Oh, I absolutely understand the bitterness. There are days where I really resent the guy for the time, nerves and sanity I lost being in that aweful relationship. And it took a lot of time and friends and, at some point, actual love to heal and be so chill about it.
That's the worst nightmare. I broke up with a woman once who clearly was a bit unstable. We had been together for about two months. And then the next day her friends sends me a message that she's in a hospital after she tried to drink a bottle of some house cleaning product or something. Fuck, that's terrifying. Later on I suspect that her friend was in on it and they just tried to make me feel bad. She actually never went to hospital. But I'll never know for sure. Later when she tried to contact me and told me she's sad or something, I immediately contacted her friend and told her to look after her lest she do something stupid.
I saw this and I took action, feeling relieved yet painful right now. Thank you for giving me the courage, The School of Life.
The School of Life: The Fear of Ending a Relationship
What it really is: *How our childhood experiences affect us on our fears of breaking up with someone because we'll be bound or scared to hurt the partner*
Just broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I feel like my life energy has left my body. This video has helped me remember that I am doing the right thing as much as I may want to go back. Thank you.
how is it going now? are you feeling better?
@@lavendermelody9223 SOOOOO much better! I definitely made the right decision. I am so glad it’s over. Thank you for asking! I hope you’re not in that situation.
@@plamen2110 thank you for your answer! that's wonderful that you made the right decision and had the guts to overcome your fear of a breakup.
unfortunately, I am now to decide what to do 🥲 my girlfriend has several psychological traumas she's struggling with, which negatively affect my mental health and which I'm tired of dealing with. so, maybe, for me it would be right to break up with her finally, although I feel guilty and still very attached to her.
hopefully, I'll be as brave as you are and leave her,,
how long after break out did you feel relief ?
The School of Life has turned itself into a relationship coaching channel.
relationships are a pretty big part of life
TooM Just about everything that’s important is relationship oriented.
Blade of the Darkmoon I’m not complaining, this was right on time in my life lol
“the truly courageous way to leave is to allow ourselves be hated for a while by someone who still loves us “
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.
Happy valentine’s day!
No Labels :(
SomebodeeeeeEeeee!
When I leave I get anxious wondering if im ruining something good and immediately contact them
I think what we need to realize is regardless how long and invested the relationships can be, both parties have the choice to leave or stay anytime. No one can actually keep someone from leaving a relationship if its broken.
However, this fear can be the result of many reasons, like manipulations from their partner, insecurities, life choices like having kids, financial shortcomings, etc. And yet, these things brew up to the point people get hurt.
I wish it's easy to just leave a relationship. But unfortunately, society has made it harder for people to do that.
I'm at 14 years in...Half my adult life has been spent with him but I no longer feel happy or able to continue. We've had our ups and downs but the last 2 years have been the worst. It's just somehow lost its spark. We bicker more than we cuddle. We haven't been on a date in who knows how long. I'm getting ready to go camping solo this week and I can't wait to get away... I can't imagine staying for the rest of my life but I'm petrified of leaving. I've been with this person since middle school. I've never had an adult day of my life single. I've never come home to an empty house. I've never dated, been with another lover, or provided solely for myself. I fear for my mental health...
Your scenario sounds a lot like mine. What has happened over the past year? Did you stay or leave? How did that go?
Would be interesting to know how it went. I'm 12 years in and it's almost the same situation as yours
I ended a 6 year marriage a month ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I tried everything they mentioned in this video. I tried postponing this many times. Until I finally said no more. I am wasting her and my life. I packed my stuff and flew across the world to start again. It is tough, everyday I wake up with the pain, but it’s the best thing I could have done. Things are starting to get easier.
How have you done that?
Lesson: Don't argue in the presence of your children
noted
And yet in another video this is said to cause an unrealistic expectation for adult relationships when that child grows up
@@Blue_Ink_Crochet It’s one thing to have a disagreement, it’s another to throw things around and scare a child into thinking they’re unsafe
Got rejected recently by someone who said she just didn't feel that way after we went out for awhile. The ending to this video speaks truth and offers some much appreciated closure.
This video made me cry. I find it difficult to trust people enough to get into a relationship. I find this video relatable.
After my divorce relationships are finished for me. Losing a lifetime of assets and my children for good forces you to learn a lesson in life.
Same here. Divorce is the worst. Starting from scratch at an old age.
I’m potentially in this position. 32, married with a child. My options either seem to live a lie and stay or leave to be without my son. I’m in constant pain and torment with these options. Any advice is appreciated.
@@WayTruthLife3 Everyone's situation is different. Sometimes it may be worth staying and trying to work things out. Are you contributing to the issues you have in the relationship? Can you improve? If you leave there are other issues I have found out. Child support, parent alienation, the lifelong damage your child suffers; not seeing your child that often etc. then you have the issues if you/your ex get a new partner. Your child may dislike them and not want to be a part of your life. I have a friend going through all this at the moment. I asked him; "Can you see yourself maintaining this bad relationship for the next 45 years?" He left the relationship almost immediately.
I’m in the same situation. 32. Been in this relationship for 4 years and we have a child. I had my doubts way before our son, but never pulled the tigger. Once I found out she was pregnant I committed myself to stay and try to make it work, but deep down I’m unhappy. My fear is leaving my son. Having another man step into his life eventually. I know it won’t kill me but just the thought makes me sick idk what the best thing to do is
@@KG-zx2ry Yes it's a difficult decision. My marriage was different- my wife had a boyfriend for 3 years. I said it had to stop. She didn't. So I filed for divorce. I really had no choice. My son and daughter were taken away and basically bought up by another man too. This was debilitating. But I survived somehow. I have seen my son for only 1 hour in the last 13 years. He now has nothing to do with this person and my ex and has just completed his law degree. He moved out as soon as he could. At least he texts me these days. Today I help male friends of my past get through their divorces. It truly is alarming how many couples split up today. Never marry. Almost all end in disaster and the one's that don't are unhappy anyhow. The world has changed to what it was even 10 years ago and it will never get better for relationships-only worse
I ended a my relationship 7 months ago now and I'm still not over it. I have the crippling fear of never finding anyone again.
Kyle Hudson It isn’t so much the ending of the relationship it’s the fear of never finding someone?
Lytonya i think so
@@lytonya1533 true
I hope it gets better, your situation is my biggest fear..
I just ripped my heart out but I made the call end the best relationship I’ve had. After 2 years together, 6 weeks before I moved states and she was getting ready to come with, I ended things. We cried, I sobbed later, but I have some life things that just made me not be the partner I want to be. I want to cry and go back to her, but I know I can’t. Eventually, I hope, I know she’ll find someone that’ll be ready and happy to love her.
This can’t be true, they pretty much mapped out my entire life with 100% accuracy.
This is definitely not exhaustive in the list of possible reasons for being afraid of ending a relationship. There can also be a fear of losing the major source of joy in your life at the moment even though it's a bad long-term strategy. I've experienced that before, and I made the wrong decision.
I think I need to watch this a hundred times before I finally am able to do what I need to do.
The most difficult to break is a relationship with a caring and sweet woman that wants a child from you. Idk know how to do this, please help me
I did wait 20 years, lost a lot but I'm more happy now 😂😂😂
Why ?
Thinking it will get better is a illusion.
First 3 months are to find out, when you see any problems run run run 😂
I really wish this video came out a few years ago. I was in a relationship with someone for almost 2 years and I was young and dumb and I didn't know how to just be honest about how I felt and leave. I ended up hurting them much more than was necessary.
I realized from a long time ago that in the end he was going to be very attached to his family and eventually move back to his country so I didn't build any castles in the air around him, but needed something solid to let him go because I was worried about the drama it would ensue. The blessing came over the holidays when I learned that he is with another guy when he goes to visit home over the holidays, so a long angry and somber conversation of an hour sealed it all.
Why do I feel like The School Of Life really wants me to breakup my relationship and blame it on my parents?
I have been pondering the idea of leaving my girlfriends for a long time.
She is perfect, and she love me to the moon and back. It such a healthy relationship. But when I left for France, for two week and I experience a lot.
Good and bad.
But coming back home, I felt like a different person. I knew staying with her, just = my comfort zone. I been what feels trap in my comfort zone for years, I know getting outta of it is hard but I know it for the best. So I ended it with her. Guy I never felt so much guilt in my whole life. I’m doing everything I told her I wouldn’t do. I feel like I’m the most ungrateful person in the whole world.
I have been comforting her, as she understands why but obviously still loves me. I hear her speak her pain and I see it. Everyone I know from her hates me.
Yet, my mind hasn’t change. I still feel the same, I know I love her. I do miss her but that’s fear wanting to run back because I’m uncomfortable rn.
I wish us the best.
That's... literally the exact answer to the question I didn't know was haunting me.
I couldn't be more honest when I told him to leave me and that I don't think I love him enough and that it is better for both of us and have done this at least 3 times and even used some insults and somehow he is still around and here I am
Its been 25 years for me. I knew after 3 years of marriage that i made a mistake. Just when i made the decision to leave, she got pregnant. So i stayed. Then 3 years and another child later i found the woman i believed to be my soul mate, but because I was afraid of losing my children, i let my love go. The fear of changing bank accounts, living hand to mouth with no money and taking such a big risk was just too much for me. I've stayed even after both boys grew up and moved out. I have had good times, but i know i could have had better. My whole life has been screwed because i am weak, and i want to be comfortable. 7 years ago I looked up my old mistress and she had just gotten married. She looked so incredibly happy and that killed me inside, seeing her smile killed any motivation for me to leave my marriage. Im stuck and trying to make the best of it. It has not been fair to my wife, who is a very good person.
Maybe instead of sitting around and being unhappy or unfulfilled, we should try to communicate the reason for these feelings and at least try and work on the relationship.....then if that fails at least the other person will see it coming. Just springing something like this on someone causes unbelievable pain and is extremely unfair, because you are not giving the other person the chance to try.
So true
I was stuck in a relationship for 3 years that I wanted to end after a year.... I finally did it and been single since (that was 7 years ago :p)
This whole thing hit home. I don’t even wanna end a relationship rn but like the parents in this always make me cry reminding me of mine
Everyone I've cared for has left me. It's been hard, I've been single for over 3 years and I don't get dates but I don't have to worry about getting left.
We all need to get over ourselves. Most of us are replaceable, lol. Live your life! (I know it’s not that simple, but srsly)
🙏 yes @nancycm, but people with grief must also grieve!
@@dangfd551 as the child of someone who took his own life, I hear you.
Why did this pop up in my recommended at the perfect time 🥲
You either want it or you don't.
If you want the relationship, don't make excuses not to stay.
If you don't want the relationship, don't make excuses to stay.
This video changed for the better my and my ex husband's life.
Relationship? What's that?
Some kind of food?
No, It's a Legendary Pokemon. Nobody I know have caught one.
LOL
I wasn’t expecting to be called a coward but it’s right in reality I’m just saving myself from short term pain that would end with me and them happier
I broke up with a guy and he was so upset he had a heart attack. He didn’t die, but I visited him in the hospital. He was 23 at the time and didn’t have any prior heart problems... Love can hurt
Wow. The part about postponing the break-up was too relatable. And the fear of hurting another person by bringing bad news.
I have broke up with men who later stalked me. One, in particular repeatedly broke into my house stole things, broke my bookcase out in the front yard and left a bucket of dog poo on the porch. I had to call the cops but they said there isn't much they can do. He would come to my work and ride around to purposely intimidate me. My saving grace was I lived with 3 other men who had a collection of Samurai swords who were willing to defend me and the house I was living in.
A partner should be an embellishment to your already secure, happy, and established world. They are not the direction, nor answer to what you are seeking, but instead, are a good friend in which you can share things with.
Reminder to self: broken men cannot love. That doesn't mean they aren't worthy of it or that they are a lost cause, but when you know what it is you are looking for, you shouldn't settle for anything less, or else you might unintentionally try to change them. Let them go, you are on different wave-lengths. It is not your responsibility to give up your youth trying to help them; therapy and meds, patience and tolerating abuse - value yourself enough to walk away. The world can be scary outside, "maybe he's not too bad, maybe this is as good as it gets." Wrong. Seeing through a lens of fear is to live a life in hell. Don't let past experiences make you bitter and closed to the world, let it make your heart more sweeter and open with wisdom. This pain you've experienced - the heartache - it exists with purpose and even chaos is perfect, so learn from it, and let it make you softer not harder.
cowardly. exactly. it’s COWARDLY to not break up with someone when you want to. there is nothing noble about that. it’s just your desire to be liked at all times(low self esteem) overriding your rationality. how middle school is that? if you really care about the person, you should focus on how it’s going to affect her/him and not you because in this specific situation, you already made up your mind which means you are going to be fine without them.
Much harder then it sounds
Hard and very much on-point
I’ve told my partner lots of times but I can’t stand him being upset 😢 so I make it back up to him and go round in circles
This channel gets me completely when it comes to my current relationship
Fear of being alone is YOU not liking YOURSELF. Go build the person you would like to meet and hang out till the end of times. Mental health, hope and FREEDOM forever!
Beautifully put! Love this
this really resonated with me especially the part about making excuses to leave i been with this person 4 years now .its driven me to depression thinking that she will be crushed when i leave but i should actually look at it as im hurting her by staying longer and longer . i plan on leaving with in next couple weeks already got another place i decided instead of a long drawn out back n forth break up im just going to slip out with out saying anything block her from everything i know ill be fine once i leave but i know she'll be hurting and mad for a bit ..i been having to remind myself that life goes on and she will eventually get over it
😧 you disappearing without any explanation will hurt more and longer than doing the less cowardly thing and having a conversation with her. Disappearing without a word will leave her wondering probably for the rest of her life. Give her some closure atleast.
@@supreme9801 it's only option I have right now
I have been with a person since I was 16. I'm 37 and have never navigated life alone. I didn't know this boy was going to blossom into a seriously mentally ill narcissist. I have being abused for years. He has paranoid delusions. I can't take it anymore, and I know I have to get out, but the truth is that I really don't want to. I'll never have the comfort or familiarity ever again, that I've had my entire life, and I'm worried and scared.
I laughed and cried while looking at the depiction of the little one trying to cheer up the adult
I needed to see this! I’m in the same situation and I kept asking myself why do I feel this guilt!! I know I’m not happy but I feel so guilty😢 I picture him sitting at home alone and it breaks my heart but I’m not happy so I’m just waiting for him to leave the house today is actually my plan to leave.The reason I’m waiting for him to leave is because if he sees me moving in front of him he begs and cries and I’m in a really bad head space at the moment suffering from really bad depression.I can’t handle the begging and crying.He hasn’t left the house in weeks his job is during spring and summer so he’s been home all winter.It’s like he knows something so sends me to the store.I don’t want it anymore I’m not happy.
Did you act? Are you happy now?
How did everything go?
damn the bed scene at 7:13 made me cry
Giving up is easy, it makes me so sad to see many if you can easily give up without trying to maintain the relationship
I'm trying to end a friendship which hurts me. Needed this!!
Freud: it's all about your mother and sex.
DeBotton: it's all about your childhood and break-ups.
Just in time for Valentine's.
Love this channel😂😂😂
Good vid though👌
That was so hard to watch. My partner of 19 years is leaving. He has been thinking about it for 7 years. I have always held on to hope that he would change his mind. It is hard to give up the hope when you love someone. It is hard to understand that he wants to live separately from me and our kids. We get on well but there is something missing for him. It makes me feel so sad for us both.
@Veronica Isles - I will pass on that. Dr David does not know my husband.
@Veronica Isles - I am not an idiot. It is clearly a scam. There are crazy adds like this all over UA-cam. It is so sad that folk go on UA-cam and try and scam people who are having a hard time.
@Veronica Isles I think you and your fake profile understand just fine.
This channel’s videos always bring me inner peace and a food for thought!
Going through a 5 year relationship and we broke up 2 weeks ago I know she loves me and I love her but I have ruined her and hurt her that I wouldn’t want her to be broken with me and I would just want her to save the person she is and be happy and even if that’s not with me . Sometimes I wish I didn’t meet or date her because maybe she would’ve never been hurt or broken because of me . :/
About to end a relationship I’ve been in since 17 yr old now 34 married for 6 . It’s time it’s not working out anymore and he doesn’t want to be with me.
Serms like you had a good run. Most people dont get to experience it for so long. Id leave with gratitude
This reminds me so much of my childhood. :/
I bet it would be easier to break up if our partners would let us know that they are adults who can accept others leaving them if done in a respectful way, because they don’t want someone who doesn’t want them as well. Fear comes when partner shows physiological dependence and vulnerability, and doesn’t say anything to assure their partners got a freedom of choice or reacts badly to mentioning such possibility.
Just dropped a "friend" for the second time. I did it in 2018 and it was so hard but the best for us both. Well she didnt stay away for long, just 4 months. Then she came back and lied and said she would change. I naivly believed her, but after just 3 months i realized she had not changed but worse, had no intentions of doing so. She still only dated abusive men, introducing them all to her 3 kids - still scammed the governemt for money instead of working - still always expected me to be on call to "calm her nerves" /her words... I realized she would never get profesional help - at least not as long as I was there as a free shrink. I couldnt fathom, i cant fathom why she enjoyed hanging out. I was belittling and annoyed and could hardly hide it. I tried to break up again since december and finally managed yesterday. She is pulling the same stunts as in 2018, telling me i am shit etc. I feel like this time will be permanent but i worry.
Ending my 8 years relationship + 4 years marriage = 12 years of my life, i dragged it for almost 6 years, once i did it, it’s the best thing I should have done years back.
Why tho ? What made u not love them anymore ?
Breaking up is never easy but it’ll get harder for you to get out of a situation if you truly don’t want to be present.
We grow is an egoistic culture in which our desires, wants and likes are important and prior to others. we don't want to learn and grow through pain in a relationship. We end our relationships easily regardless of the future of our children and wants of our partners . The scar of a divorce is deep and not to heal easily. Ending a relationship is not as easy as it's said here. For a better relationship we all need LOVE. For the future generation and for our planet we need LOVE. Only LOVE.
These animations are amazing. So emotional yet simple
Never fear to break up a relationship when it is dead. The more tears the better
The animation is on point! I can’t stop laughing at “ we may tell them and kill them or they kill us”
I also died 😂😂😂‼️
The School of Life seems to know when to post something at the right time for me it’s almost spooky. My long term boyfriend just broke up with me the same day it was posted (last night).
In domestic abuse cases the fear of being killed is very real and if you look at statistics most females killed by a violent partner are killed at the point of leaving or having just left. It's not always easy. Saying this LEAVE but get support to do it safely if you are in a dangerous situation.
That's where I am right now. Ok... I'll talk with them after this. Welp, that didn't work...Ok! I'll talk to them after that.
4 months later...
Why the hell is this so difficult T^T
I'm currently in this situation..
I want to break up, I'm not strong enough. I know it's not fair to him 😢. I'm not afraid to be alone though. I've always loved my solitude. It makes me often wonder why I started the relationship in the first place... to conform to social norms probably...
interestingly i've had a fear of getting into a relationship because i thought it may end up with having to deal with the fear of getting out of it.
Jesus. It scares me how accurate this is.
This guy's voice is so musical! Don't forget the animations. Wow!
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
✚２３４８１４０7９９３２３🇺🇸🇺🇸⏭⏭⏭
There are plenty of people who have been murdered after ending a relationship. I get the point of this video, but to say that someone "won't pick up an axe" or weapon or whatever is totally dismissive of victims of domestic violence and I found those idealistic statements fairly irritating because there are many people that are violent in relationships
Yeah my friend murdered his wife after she asked for a divorce (and he died too, it was a murder-suicide none of us saw coming) and my partner has become consumed with a suicidal desire to kill themselves when I just left for a long weekend because of how intense their BPD feelings of abandonment can get. So I had similar feelings and thoughts arise while watching this. Your points are good but you should allow caveats for the most extreme of situations, of making sure you escape potentially murderous partners in the safest possible way etc
My mother was knocked unconscious by an ex boyfriend, and an older friend of mine was stalked and beaten half to death by her ex husband. I personally had a six year relationship with a man who didn't physically hurt me, but took it upon himself to get rid of all of my childhood photos, my high school year books and my first toy that my dead grandpa gave me just because I wouldn't "come home." Please note that if I had been any where near him and not thousands of miles away he would have been violent, which is why I left him. This video is problematic on more than one level, the first of course being the casual dismissal of domestic violence. The second being that it makes it seem like it's okay to hurt people you've invested years of your life in just because you're temporarily bored or going through a rough patch. "Just leave anytime you want!" Um, okay Boomer.
I read the comments and don't see much of I told him exactly what I'm telling you and we tried to work it out. lots of I left because I did this and they wouldn't magically just fix it. You're in control of your happiness no one other person should bring that much and if they do then work it out do the work, your heart and brain dont tell you that with every soul you meet do they?
Im in a 3+ year relationship... Our first 2 years were really toxic and bad and this year has shown me the true colors of them as a person... But im still scared to leave them. Im scared I wont find someone that will give me any form of kindness. After my mother left me, I clinged onto my partner having this sense of hope that we'd have a better life together.... Im 18 now... And nothing has changed its only gotten worse.... I dont know what to do... To stay or leave... I love them, but not IN love with them...
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
✚２３４８１４０7９９３２３
this is crazy because... i love him but he tells me if i leave him he’s gonna kill hisself
Damn this video just appeared in my reccomendations and it hits so hard
this video will be credited many breakups after valentines...
This whole video just read me like a book.
Just broke up with someone who I had been wanting to break up with for awhile but I always thought about that fact that this person would always tell me If I ever left them I would be the last person they’d ever date again, they put a lot of pressure on me the pressure of being the reason why they might never find love again or have the children they want to have just because of me and they also always said this stuff to me I think because they saw the signs of me wanting to leave and wanted me to stay but that also showed me that I should leave it and now they tell me they’ll never forgive themselves for things they’ve done to me because they’ve lost everything by losing me and that they’re day doesn’t go on without me and all of this I know will pass but right now I feel terrible about what I’ve done.