The Narcissistic Mother: Top Toxic Traits
Вставка
- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- In today's video Jill dives into the topic of the Narcissistic Mother, and her top toxic traits. #narcissist #narcissisticmother #femalenarcissist #toxicmother #narcissisticfamily
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
Visit Jill’s Linktree for all website and social media links:
linktr.ee/jill...
If you are interested in private Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching with Jill , please visit her website
payhip.com/The...
or send her an email at theenlightenedtarget@gmail.com. She conducts face to face meetings on the computer using zoom or over the phone. Many times getting the help and support from a professional who has lived through this is a necessary step to healing.
Purchase a copy of Jill's Ebook: What are the specific personality and character traits narcissists look for in a target and how they are able to exploit and manipulate these traits.
payhip.com/b/nwID
To connect with an online licensed therapist, the link below will direct you to BetterHelp where you can find a qualified therapist and receive therapy from the comfort of your home.
Please click on this link to get connected:
www.betterhelp...
Jill is sponsored by BetterHelp and receives a small commission on referrals. She only recommends services that she trusts.
CHECK OUT MY MERCHANDISE UNDER THE “STORE” TAB ON THIS CHANNEL
Follow my Amazon Influencer Page and view products that helped my healing journey the most. Here’s the link.
www.amazon.com/shop/theenlightenedtarget
Donations are very much appreciated.
paypal.me/TheE...
Follow me on Facebook:
/ jillwisenarcissisticab...
Follow me on Instagram
/ the_enlightened_target
Follow me on Tic Tok
vm.tiktok.com/...
Follow me on Twitter:
/ enlightened1989
This channel is for educational purposes ONLY.
One of the worst things of living like that in childhood is there is a good possibility you will find a life partner with similar behavior. And try and fix it.
Edit: awareness of the abuse is the first step.
Bingo!💔🥺
I certainly did. I gave up on it until I can fix myself. That cycle was exhausting.
Exactly what I did. Luckily, I got away from him. Wasted years :(
Fear , obligation, guilt. Oh yes. The FOG of narcissistic abuse. My mother ticks every single box. Now that she is widowed ( for the 3rd time) she laid it on THICK. And this is after years of NC. It was both overt and insidious. So now, she has succeeded in manipulating my brother to actually leave Colorado ( and his kids/grandkids) to come live with her in FLA. To "help" her. He was always the golden child. You are SO right about boundaries. And about competing with their daughters. Bizarre and unsettling. Very inappropriate. Even when I was married. Even divulging details about her sex life etc. Gross. She is insanely envious of me, especially after I had a book published. Oh and the way she talked about my dad...who died when I was 13. He was only 38 and a victim of her too. I'm so grateful to channels like yours for all this helpful info!
IM IN IT!!!!!!!
They exhaust good empathetic people
TOTALLY
Prayers for providence of all children torcherd by their narcissistic mothers
Thank you.
@@yinyangphoenix yes thank you I'm a victim still but at least I'm aware
agreed
Me too I'm angry betrayed by my own mother
I have a narcissist mother I just stay away from her period
My mother has hated me my entire life. Dad saved me from her when I was 13. He worked hard to build me up and to make me realize I am important and loved. Living your best life without a narcissist is the only way to be.
I'm happy to read this. My 13 year old daughter and I are currently trying to do the same.
God bless your father. I can relate to this good man.
My mother have ordered my murder because I still don't comply to her rules.. and, left the country 25 years ago hence, she can't control me....
A couple of years ago, she 'diagnosed' me, as having been severe mentally ill all my life... I see!!?? I am likewise a whore, a prostitute. "such a one" etc etc... the accusations will never stop - In my mind, she will continue screaming about me after they bury her..
Last I had anything to do with her, was when she - in the 1990's tried to make my home a free hotel for her friends and, I finally asked her to stay away... She didn't and I left the country in 2000. She is still screaming... and, I am happy to have gotten away..
They hate that loss of control!
Identified patient. Stay safe!
I realized my mother was a malignant narcissist at 46yo.. she was becoming worse and worse and yes, she violated EVERY boundaries I asked her to respect... and yes, I learned too late I couldn't tell her anything, she will throw at your face at your worse moment. She will play with your head until YOU go crazy and no, you cannot please them... my mom just hate me, she decided when I was young that I was a burden and I still am. She hates everything about me, she doesn't admire me, feel love, empathy, nothing. She does everything for everyone but won't do it for me, her daughter... When I was young, she conditioned me to be what she was "telling" about me... when I realized what she did, I felt a lot of sadness, betrayal at his worse, I never talked to her after that and it's a relief... just thinking about her gives me chills
OMG I'm a 43 year old only child and going through that rt now please pray for me I been 10mo no contact my little kids keep asking for her they don't understand that they are asking for some one that doesn't want nothing to do with them but of course she will make me to be the bad guy 😢💔🚫🚫🚫
@@ladyredd6857 I understand and I know it's not easy, and you have to stay sane for them, you have to protect them and you.
I stopped talking to mine years ago, for 3 years, and many times before that but I never stopped her from seeing my son but she used him to get to me...
If your mom doesn't want anything to do with them, let her not be there for them! That's it!
If she is inflicting serious psychological pain to you, stay away, you and them, be proud of being the bad guy so she can't play with their heads too. You know her better than anyone, trust your instinct, take the time to realize everything she did to you, be angry, go to therapy, it really helped me and never forget that you are the best person to know what is right for you and your kids.
The mother of my 4yo daughter is a horrible covert narcissist. She has caused me so much stress, pain and is doing so much psychological damage to my child that I just wish she wasn't here.
Your right, I've walked through the same nightmare.ℹ️💯✅❤️👍👌✝️🙏🗡️🥷☯️😎
Try going through all of that with autism
A narcissistic mother is heartless
I have a narcissistic mother and what you have said her is sooooo true. Unfortunately I am the scapegoat kid in the family (an adult now and still the scapegoat). It didn't occur to me until a live-in nanny/help who lived with us for years (yes, she had help all the time), having left and built her own family, said to me years later that she noticed the "way she treated you" meaning me. Then the light bulb went on and I've worked from there to try and control my own life. As you said, these mothers present themselves as wonderful, kindly people to the rest of the world. So unless others are the recipients of their behaviour too, it's fruitless telling others. Anyway, thank you for your generosity in sharing this information.
You just described my mother to a “tee”. She’s almost 77, I’m 57 and she is still this way. She has me stuck @ 13. She use to call me a liar, even when it was 💯 truth. This woman is one of the most manipulative liars I have ever met.
@lilamiumi Thank you! I’ve been using Jessicas meditations for a couple of months now. She is amazing! I work with Steve Nobel’s healing meditations as well, have for several years now. Maybe you will enjoy his work, too! ❤️
My mother is well
@@ladyredd6857 My mother is hell
Hope you'll be able to leave the relationship or have minimal contact.
Manipulative control freak! I’m 50 and unraveling my entire existence over a single night where I was abused right in front of her and uses her motherhood guilt to rally them all to spout out her lies and thinks that by sheer numbers of who sides with her =‘s her as the honest one … I refuse to allow her to control this narrative I know 100 with truth how I was treated in front of her no matter what web of lies she told and gas convinced herself and my other slave siblings. To put it plainly this was be of her top statements “ I’m the Mother and I’m always right and when I’m wrong I’m right, got it?!”
Didn’t realize my mother was a narcissist until my 60s.
Me too it’s a relief to know that I am not defective 🎉
Was in my mid 30‘s
Yes, mid 40's. A therapist told me my mother was a borderline based on what I told her. It fit her completely.
@@knit1purl1as is border line personality disorder?
50 for me ❤️🩹
The most accurate description of my mother!! My mum separated from my dad when I was 10 years old she immediately told me to find a part time job and lie about my age saying I was 15 (the legal age for part time work) I worked for a lovely gay couple (men) who wouldn’t have questioned that I appeared so young. I was the scapegoat I was physically and violently abused kicked punched to the point I could barely move my body at all and turned purple-black and twice the size from swelling. She accused me of taking drugs, smoking, being a slut, etc etc when I was a virgin had no boyfriend and definitely didn’t know anything or anyone who took drugs and didn’t smoke - it’s simply all a reason to themselves to abuse you.
I was at a function where she was I (embarrassingly) had a lot of attention from some men and I happened to catch her stare, it was (I hate to say this but) like her eyes were directly from the devil himself, I never forgot because it was so shocking the pure hatred, jealousy and everything vile was coming out from her.
I recently went no contact thank God!! I think I just saved my own life. My life has never been my own it’s always been just a coping mechanism to all her unwarranted physical and mental abuse. That’s now changing.
Pleasing them is the only way to survive they dont give affection
I guess it’s different in every situation but their primary objective is to be selfish of their own needs being met and take the focus away from those their hurt because the narcissistic parents NEEDS ARE FIRST
No the best way is to walk away from them and love them from a far.
Conditional "love."
So true. Their so called love.
“SNEAKY” is all I can say, I’m so tired of them. They almost killed me, first emotionaly and then, physically. I don’t care about their pain, because they always call you the “crazy one” and believe that they are flawless. They won’t get help because they don’t think they need it, you are the problem in their eyes. So why I would let them kill me while they are so confortable in their misery?
When I was young I Watched other friends parents have affection to each other , while my empathetic father desired the love and affection , my violent COVERT narc mother was never able to give it to him . ie.. holding hands, kissing and zero hugs EVER! Never once ever did I see any affection. Going through old pictures proved my theory most pics were distant and cold You may ask why he stayed back then ? .. it was because she threatened him constantly about going back to his family a telling them all his secrets ( which were made up lies )trauma bonded . After he was diagnosed with dementia the bullying really started, now he couldn’t defend himself. I loved my father with all my heart and he deserved better . All he truly wanted was to be loved and respected.. he got neither!! May she rot in hell !!! Just glad she didn’t poison us . But she never really made us dinners growing up . The verbal abuse was the worst hours upon hours of screaming weekly always til 2 or 3 am . She would only stop when she exhausted herself, then she would go to sleep. Only for the cycle to start again, walking on egg shells is an understatement! Slow death from EVIL. I consider myself a super empath having dealt with 5 narcs in my life . I kneel to my shield 🛡 with my razor sharp sword at the ready . My father made me the man I’m am now . I Miss him .
Sounds like how my mom wAs!
Belive me, as an only child of a single mother, I'm approaching my 50s and I'm STILL just figuring all this out. I sometimes wonder if I know my mother at all...
you don't... when I stopped talking to my mother and began a therapy, I understand she was worse than I thought... There is so many things that came up, memories I had buried in my mind... I realized she conditioned me to become what I became by treating me as if I was the violent one, but she was the one pushing my limits by provoking me all the time... It is really devastating.. I realized I had created an image of her of what I wanted her to be and based on what she was saying about me but it was all false, it was her fantasy... she is just crazy and I can't do nothing about that, the only thing I could do is leave her be and forgot I have a mother. Good luck
Same
There was no one there to know. x
We are taught to admire and revere our mothers, and when we talk about abuse we are told that we are ungrateful. I'm in my 70s and still trying to untangle it all. And...I loved her. But it is only after her death that I am able to heal.
I just turned 60 and I feel the same way about my mother.
Every single thing you said was spot on truth. The damage these narcissistic mothers cause to their children is off the charts. 💔
Jill you just described my mom. I'm feeling sad but ever so glad that you articulate exactly how horrible a narcissistic mom is. The level of jealousy is unbelievable. The elaborate plans to undermine every advancement you might make. Mom didn't want me under her thumb...she wanted me under her feet.
Mommy Dearest...........been there.
That is how "we" became programmed for codependency and a targeted by narcissists at work and in relationships.
Better late than never, but I wish that I'd learned about strong boundaries earlier in life.
My ex's mother is a horrid, self absorbed, cruel, mean, dismissive and all the other traits you mention. She has so ruined both her children that even in their 50s, neither one of them has any redeeming qualities.
Im the scapegoat of a narc family system, and as a kid I had to call my mom this but all seven words just like in the movie “mommie dearest who I love so much”. She made me watch that when I was a child to make it seem like she was nicer than Joan, but actually she perfected a method of abuse that was even slyer than the stuff in that movie. 43 and deeply deeply deeply wounded by memories of the kind child I was and the child I never got to be. Know she’ll deny it. She’d kill me easily and get all the community care like a bereaved saint. Blamed me for any show of hurt as a kid after her psychological and verbal and spiritual attacks, including silent treatment/stonewalling for months at a time. I’m going no contact. I feel and I am hurt including the autoimmune disorder caused by this mistreatment. I’m so sad. I was so robbed and discarded. And lied on. And none of it was my fault. And no one from my family and their wide network have never and would ever believe me. Free yourself as soon as you can! Find folks who see and believe you. It is not and never was your fault. 🙏🏾 #blessingsofcourage
I wish you could do a video on ex mother in laws. Mine is currently doing everything in her power to try and destroy me from accusing me of false accusations and telling him to lie to get restraining orders against me based on false accusations. I literally just want to be LEFT ALONE!!! She and him are making my life hell and I truly believe she’s the reason he is the way he is and our marriage ended. He didn’t have a clue how to love someone. And now he’s doing the same with his own daughter. It honestly should be a crime. She is INSANE!!!
Make sure to take good care of YOU and your daughter. Try best to move on and give you and your daughter the peace you deserve. Don't dwell on them as they will never, ever change.
Sounds like we have the same mother in law. Oh my gosh she is so twisted and evil. I can relate to everything you said. Stay strong I'm a self healer going thru my divorce and she has turned into the devils wife. But soon enough I'm free and they are all doomed. I survived and so did You now pat yourself on the back 🤗❤here's to a happy new life.😊
Get away from the flying monkeys anyone who associates w them 🎉🎉😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I get dealing with Insanity!!
God bless you. ❤❤❤ I am sorry to hear about this suffering. It is honestly terrible when people are evil like this.
I don’t know I just disagree with a lot of this! I’ve been a mother and stepmother of 3.
I have a 40 year old son who is a police officer. I have a 34-year-old son is well-established and productive in life. It was a horrible divorce. I now have a five year old daughter, and there are Boundaries that need to be set. There are rules that need to be followed. I don’t know what age group you’re talking about but my son when he was 10 was not allowed to hang around with 18 year old kids that were smoking marijuana that’s just a concern of me as a mother and I believe that that’s a good concern for a mother. so yes, I did say who they can hang out with. I did say when they had to come home, I did say what they can wear! if you have a 13 year old girl and she wants to wear a skirt that is showing her underwear seams! I don’t believe that that is the right thing to wear.so I don’t understand what age group you’re talking about? I could see the Child is now 18 is making their own decisions. You should definitely but out of their lives, and let them go live their life specially if they have moved out and they have made boundaries and made special stipulations on how they want to be treated, then I can understand that so I think you need to specify an age group here, especially if you’re trying to raise young children or teenagers there are rules that must be followed, and I don’t see them as being narcissistic traits or narcissism at all or controlling. I see it as protecting and teaching your child how to grow up properly so that they can be productive young adults once they leave the nest.
I'm 46 years old and only learnt that my mother was a narcissist. When she left a belt buckle mark on my face, that's when my school decided to step up. I'm sure they threatened them with DCP or psychology. So off we went! Three times a week! $150 a pop!! I was 12. Guess who's fault it was!? Correct mine! It was my fault she couldn't stop bashing the shit out of me. It was my fault how much her tight arse had to spend because of it. I left the house at 14 when she kicked me out. Thought she could control me by throwing me out and I'd be begging her to let me home and I'd do everything she stayed. Nope. I left and never went back. She shot her reputation. The lies they'd tell to not make them look bad. I was lucky I left and never went back. I have 14 years of damage to repair. l can't believe adult children choose to continue their relationship with their narcissistic parent. All they are doing is damaging themselves more. Cut toxic people from your life. Blood or not!
Absolutely
Whenever I stand up to my mom and we get into an argument it'll always be blame shifting she'll start making up lies about stuff I've told her in the past adding more than what I've told her and then she'll go around telling all her friends I have to live my life with the life she makes up when I don't shut up and fall into line I'm living a nightmare of Lies
By age 7 I was trained to wake first to bathe and change my baby brother and bring him to my mom in bed. Then into the kitchen to heat up the formula and make my mom a coffee: one teaspoon nescafe, one teaspoon sugar, one teaspoon coffee mate....
@@PukeTubeCensorsTruth 💖
My mother passed away last summer. She was definitely a narcissist; I think she was Malignant. Her abuse was horrible! I was her Scapegoat, and she taught my father and younger sister to treat me the same. My father is a narc (covert/communal) in his own right and a retired preacher. My sister I also believe to be a narc, but she's the Golden Child and has histrionic traits. It's difficult diagnosing those closest to you.
My point is...this all happened is a supposedly "perfect" family--a Preacher's family. I was abused from the time I can remember as a child and eventually was estranged a few times as an adult only to go No Contact later. This kind of volatility happens in all sorts of families, and I think certain "professions" provide better masks for the parents to hide behind. This was the late 80s-early 90s, so people trusted preachers and their wives blindly back then--many still do today. I know I had friends (other kids at the time) whose parents were also in ministry who mistreated or abused them as well. My story is NOT unique.
Frankly, I think the whole trope of "preacher's kids being wild and rebellious" comes from the Smear Campaigns of the parents! It would take a lot of explaining to make a valid argument for that so let me just say this: when my father kicked me out of the house the day after Christmas (of course, physical violence occurred) at 19 based on my sister's lies and threats to harm herself, I moved out and married the guy I had been seriously dating at the time. A couple of years later, after very little contact with hardly anyone in my family at all (including extended family), I found out from a cousin that my parents had been telling everyone all this time that we had ELOPED! Not only that, but they didn't like the guy and they were afraid for me. You can clearly see how the rewriting of history happens to make them look good, of course.
It was some 3 decades ago when I got kicked out. It just happens to be a good example. No, I should have never married that guy. We both were just trying to survive, and we divorced pretty quickly with no kids. But my parents tried to paint me as the wild and crazy one--not the one trying to survive their abuse.
In my case, I can definitely say that my father was complicit in the abuse. Somehow, my mother got him to do it for her--if that makes sense. He either abused me (he would have called it discipline/punishment) to keep her happy and calm, or she would lie (like my sister) saying I needed to be reprimanded for something that I didn't do. It was pathetic looking back on it, really. She also did a lot of physical abuse and screaming at me--sometimes on a daily basis. I could never do anything right in her eyes growing up.
Now that she has passed away? It's like none of the family knows how to behave. I'm No Contact with them and relieved she can no longer harm me, but she was always in control. Even after they divorced, she was still in control. I've only become further isolated from my extended family who said they would support me after she passed; it turns out they only wanted to take info back to my father. When I was not sharing any...they disappeared pretty quickly. I blocked them all now. It's lonely, but I'd rather not be in the chaos.
So, that's what a narc mother can create in your life. It's just the tip of the iceberg, really. I'm sure I'm not the only one. It helps me to write about things and get it out of my head. Maybe it will help someone else to read this and not feel so alone--that's the worst. You are not alone. So many people have similar stories, but we can rebuild our lives. I believe that. That's what I am trying to do...a little more each day. Our parents may have messed up the first part of our lives, but we can take back what time we have left and make it our own. Blessings of peace, strength, and hope to all...
My story is strangely similar to yours. Most people thought my family was great and would tell me how lucky I was????? It was horrible, sad, lonely and heartbreaking. To this day I am a loner.
🎯
Wow! So very much of what you said resonates with me! We are orphans if we happen to be born to a narcissist. If your mother or father was your biggest bully and you manage to survive such a horrible ordeal and heal from that severe trauma somehow, you become unstoppable. Thank you so much Jill ❤ God bless you ❤
My mom manipulates with going to church and holds money over our heads. But not anymore because there’s no more money to hold me down. I even asked to be out of the will. My siblings are following her narcissistic ways. Consumed by money and things. I don’t like being around them because I’ve been labeled as the black sheep. I’m 53 now, and finally free of them.
I grew up with both a narcissistic mother and a narcissistic father.
You shpuld do another video like this but focus it on grandmother narcasist! Its horrible.
Watch true crime channels and you’ll see lots of killer grandmas.
Narcissistic mothers become even more toxic as grandmothers, at least that's my experience. They systematically tear down the entire family, from their adult children to their grandchildren with their behaviors, never seeing, nor caring what damage has been caused.
@@sheilabeck1595you are absolutely right. Word for word. This is what I'm living through now.
I am unwell all the time over it.
My mother is 90 & I am 71. She is still just like she always was & in fact she has become even worse. You would think she would have mellowed out some, but NO! There is nothing or no one that can ever do anything right in her world. It is especially discouraging when I have tried so hard to be a thoughtful, helpful daughter & person. Despite her frail appearance, she will tear you to shreds privately & behind your back, & leave you feeling like you are lower than whale crap. She demands exclusive devotion & even then it isn’t enough
Great video. It really struck a cord with me. I remember being 36 years old and asking my mom to establish some boundaries and she turned to me and said. “Mothers and sons don’t have boundaries..” That was the final bit of evidence I needed to know there was no hope for our relationship.
You described my mother through and through. She has been gone for almost 3 years. And now I'm trying to find out who I am.
My mother's favorite words to live by: " What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too." She even tried that on my first boyfriend. She made sure I was modestly dressed, then put a halter top on and and would not leave him alone. I called her on it the next day and she told me he was old enough to want a "real" woman and not a "5 and 10 girl."(5 minutes of pleasure for 10 years in jail". I never let her find out what any of my cell phone numbers were and I always unplugged my landline when I desired privacy, then I celebrated her frustration. She took my allowance whenever she found it. When I moved out at 18, I gave her a bill with interest for her theft.
My mom has the same line she lives by….. literally stole all my money even till my mid 20s. I thought we were saving for a house and she was holding it for me because I was “to irresponsible “….. saving more than 60 k and she gambled it all…. To this day she still lies in my face saying I gave it to her
My mother had NPD. Unfortunately I didn't know that until she had torpedoed every possible mate I had, and it wasn't until I had therapy, that I realized that I was selecting women just like mom. By then, not only was it too late for me to do anything about it, but also came the realization that I didn't have the tools to find the appropriate mate.
Yup, me too. I came to the same conclusion years ago and haven't even dated for ten years now. I've given up tbh.
How about you take some ownership…bcs your mother had NPD, it most likely caused you to have issues that might have made your previous relationships impossible, not that everyone you chose was just like your mother. Perhaps because your mom was the way she was, you now don’t know how to love anyone.
@@Moose74491 Yawn. Projection.
@@Moose74491 Another complication is that I am autistic, a high functioning autistic, but still, I am autistic (unable to pick up on body language, unable to read subtle clues, unable to understand social cues, etc).
GF 1, the perfect GF. We were madly in love. My mom had not met her and unfortunately she died in a car accident the night we became engaged.
I broke up with GF's 2 & 3 when they flat out said "I'm just using you for s*x." GF 4 was my college GF and unfortunately, her father had been molesting her forever and when she finally confessed that to me, a lot of her interactions with her father suddenly made sense. But she couldn't pull away from him. GF 5, a longtime military GF, actually kept me around as a spare, doing an excellent job of hiding the fact that she had been cheating on me the entire ten years.
So, since I am so clueless that a GF could hide ten years of cheating, perhaps I shouldn't be doing this, I don't have the tools to do this.
I’d maybe call “worst or most common toxic traits” but regardless a good video 😢
I went no contact with her and her whole family for about 8 years now. She tried with all her powers to get back in my life and in my home,she did everything she could do to get me back under her control from manipulating my husband(her son) against me,to asking family members to persuade me to let her in again,to talking to religious people to talk to me...the list goes on and on. I said No once and never will I take my bounderies down for her
they absolutely love sending religious people to talk to you. that is the ultimate guilt trip.
Good! For You!!! My Husband And I Cut His Narcissist Mama, And His Narcissist Sisters Out Of Our Lives Years Ago.
I wish you would do one on narcissistic siblings.
There's so much information about parents and partners. But, siblings are your longest relationships in life. They are incredibly important in your formative years.
And the roles continue, even when your parents are gone. The competition doesn't end, just because childhood does.
They’ll tell you “Too bad, suck it up.”
Mine would ask me if I was starting up with her when I asserted myself. Another was for her to go on a whining or crying jag and ask me how I thought she felt.
As I gotten older, recently learned my mother is a narcissist, along with my ex, who moved in and lives with her. I have never known on hell on earth until recently.
As the daughter of a narcissistic mother I became a manifestation to her of everything she despised about being a female. My stepmother turned out to be more motherly and human towards me than my own mother was.
My narcissistic/borderline mother (and siblings) had a pernicious religious-cult spin to her scapegoating directed at me. Realizing I wouldn't "drink the Kool-Aid," and live her approved lifestyle, my egg-donor went into her usual self-righteous preaching. Finally having had enough, I went no contact. That was 25 years ago.
I cant show any type of happiness or success or really say much about anything around family. I can't be myself. So I talk to the world. Community is my true family.
My mother once followed me to the disco,when i was 17. I was the scapegoat.
I think my father and stepmother were both narcissistic. He was a workaholic and left us with her. He was very passive and just wanted us to bend to her to “keep the peace.” She is still alive (85) and starting to unravel.
What you’re describing is a picnic compared to what I went through. Thank God I had a wonderful, loving father. 💞
My mom is a narcissist she abused me my whole childhood and in my adulthood. I finally fought back and stood up to her. Ofcourse, she still was a controlling narcissist but, not as often. I stopped going around her. My first memory of her abuse was when I was 4. She was sweet to my oldest brother. She made excuses if my oldest brother did anything wrong! She had guilt about his father never was in his life but, my dad adopted him! He had a great father! She is loving to my other brother as well.. sometimes she abused him but, not as bad as she did me! I could never please her! She told she doesnt like girls! I asked her why did you have more children you already had my brothers..her response was bc In wanted a girl! I said yes, to abuse!i was told my whole life I would be a failure! When I applied to college nursing school,she told me you'll fail it! I graduated and she didn't even go to my graduation! She was jealous of my relationship with my father! Thank god i had him in my life! If she knew I really liked a guy I was dating, she would deliberately sabotage my relationship! She read my diary when I was a teenager I could never understand why she hated me so.much! All I ever wanted was her to say I'm proud of you! She hated my ex-husband until we divorced now she loves him! She recently had a stroke and can't communicate. Karma
Your always on point. Mine will just attack at any sign you maybe happy. I’am not very nice to her much anymore. Especially when I’am tired and she will as if I’am sick go on the attack. Every kid she had is better than me so I tricked her in staying two weeks in Florida with them. She couldn’t pull off the good mother act with them for two weeks. Now they knew I think but two weeks was I think their braking point. Down there she’d be in a assisted living or straight out alone in a nursing home. I’ve always keep my word so she stays at home until she passes. Then I’ll be free and I don’t care about how others feel about that. There will always be that part of her I love because she is after all my mother but I’ll never miss that demon in her. I ask her a lot anymore if she has complimented or said anything nice to someone today. She always says the same.I’am sure I have. Then I ask what was it. Never an answer. I was out of the house at 15 and that was because she got remarried. Now and days with just that she’d been in trouble The 70’s and 80’s it was different as a kid. People didn’t care.
Yep, my mum was 11/10 on the scale... Her cruelest moments for me as a very young child was comparing me to my dad... A dad she said beat her, threatened her with a gun, and that she hated every bit of him... Screamed I was just like him as a very young boy. Best part; I never met my dad, and did not even know his name until I was 49, nearly 10 years ago. This kind of severe emotional abuse is extremely detrimental, and is just a very small bit of what I went through.
Even as an adult, she took great pleasure in mocking and belittling me, she was NEVER wrong, NEVER said sorry about anything, was often ballistically angry, a bigot, was extremely physically violent, knew everything, and had no friends. When she passed I was the only one at the grave site and there was no service. Despite all of this I tried to 'help' her as best I could, but that only intensified what I wrote above. So sad to read of others suffering here and I truly hope peace will find you.
I made it 4:18 into the video. Now I have to go. Seething hatred, it is boiling up again.
This video hits close to home .My mother and a couple of my aunts are exactly like this. Yeah, Ruby Franke comes to mind . I'm glad she is in jail . I hope she makes some wonderful friends in prison
I
Wow! This was spot on. It fully describes my mother who now tells everyone that I hate her when I haven't expressed this at all to anyone because it's not something I feel. I don't talk to her about anything because it's always the same, a waste of time. She doesn't like how I show alpha tendencies when she expects me to be the mommies boy like my baby brothers. She fears this because alpha males according to her, would graduate from high school, get married, move out and raise a family without any "help" from her. I would do this and I wouldn't need her.
I learned many years later that my narcissistic mother had an affair with the man I thought was the love of my life! For over 2 decades she kept that secret and also she allowed my little daughter to be SA by my nephew during sleepovers. It started when my girl was 3 and he was 13 for 7 years and I had NO CLUE. I was so STUPID to trust my mother EVER! My daughter told all when she was 18. My mother had a direct hand in almost ending my life and my daughters too with what she allowed under her care. Mother is still trying to get into my life no matter how much I go no contact or block her from things. I was the scapegoat daughter always and I was a stupid fool to think that she ever loved me and my daughter. She raised me to be her slave and servant but I loved her so much I gladly did everything I could for her, including financially. ANd she let that happen to her own granddaughter, my own precious child! May God have mercy on her. Of course she has DENIED my daughter's recollections and memories but she is a sick liar. 😭😭😭😭
I recognised my late wife's mother : I got rid of them both sharpish !!!!
My daughter is becoming a narcissist mother. I pray for my wonderful grandchildren
Hmmmn not a nice thing to say about your daughter 😮
I wonder if you're the problem and she got it from you! I would say it's a learned behaviour. Not a personality trait 🤔
You've just perfectly described my ex wife and her toxic relationship with my Daughter
Good Lord that thumbnail is nightmare fuel.... Just like narcissistic mothers.
It is !!
You described my mother to a tee. For years I hated myself because she tried to make me feel as though I was bad and undeserving of anything good. I've long since healed because Jesus Christ healed me and helped me see the situation for what it truly was.
That sliver of affection comes once or twice in your life, after which she takes that sliver and turns it into a weapon to stab you right through the heart.
"They are not people...." ..fullstop..
Nope. Soul murderers
Good morning beautiful 😊😊 Thank you for your wisdom!!
My narc mother died 32 years ago! Good, i have been able to finally breathe!
Your comm hit me. When my narc parent died, I remember going out to the patio lawn chair and absorbing the silence, one breath at a time. It was the noise in my head that was deafening… defensive tools and strategies I kept ready, the chinking of armor I wore 24/7, and the reel of lies playing over and over that she told about me, or believed about me. And in one sudden moment, there was silence and weightlessness, and an emptiness of sensation. And she was gone… and I breathed deliberately for the first time as just me.
I was free. And I sat there for a long while breathing, afraid to open my eyes to see what damage had been done. It was utter.
That was how I spent the first hours of my freedom. Two decades later, never a tear shed. Every part of my life still reminds me of what it could have been…if only.
But I just breathe and thank God for my survival. I thought maybe you’d understand.
My mother is a narcissist and I could understand this at the age of 47 . She has bo humanity towards her children . For her her children are lifetime slave because she gave birth to them . And wnen you started noticing what she is doing with you . She turned the tables and made you isolated from everyone in the family she connects with playing as the victim . Now I am on my way to heal 🙏🏻
Thank you! ❤
My mother was Histrionic.
She shared many traits with narcissists. Such as being extremely selfish, respecting none of my boundaries, giving me no privacy. She would even open the shower curtain to look at my body when I became a teen ager.
She would even try to seduce my boyfriends.
At least, she wasn't controlling like narcissists. She didn't care about me.
The only thing she was afraid of is that, in her eyes, I was becoming "competition" for her. She then decided to send me far away from home, alone, to boarding school from Peru were we lived to Switzerland.
I decided, when I finished boarding school, to continue my studies here in Switzerland where I still live (I am 60 now).
It is no wonder Histrionics belong in the same Cluster as Narcissists, the Cluster B of the DSM.
(my usual language has become French)
@@PukeTubeCensorsTruth
Hi! Thank you for your comment/question.
No, it was the mother of my narcissistic father, who, from France where she lived, helped me finantially to continue my studies here in Switzerland.
At age 16, when I obtained my diploma to go to university, I rented an appartment alone. I cheated by saying I was legally emancipated. Fortunately, no one asked for written proof.
My mother was a beautiful woman; she even was a model for some time. Very intelligent woman. She was a medical doctor specialized in nutrition. But, early on, she became alcoholic. And she was violent. The only thing she cared about was getting attention from men and pretending she was a perfect person, perfect mother.
Alcohol started ruining her looks. She became ill and died at age 53.
I went to visit her, in 1998, in Los Angeles were she was living with her second husband. I took the plane and went to say goodbye to her because she was going to stop the treatments that kept her alive.
She told me she was sorry for all she put me through. That she was amazed at how well I turned out to be.
But... I'll never know if she was sincere when she told me that. Or whether it was because she was afraid of being punished in the afterlife.
Usually, Histrionics calm down a little when they start to loose their looks. But they remain toxic people.
Are you in a relation with a toxic person?
I hope my English was OK. My usual language has become French. I also speak Spanish.
Saludos from over here! 😊
@@PukeTubeCensorsTruth
That's nice of you 🙂Thank you for replying and for your kindness ❤
I suppose they choose to have children to "fit in"; to conform to what society expects from people (to study, work, have children).
And also, as you said, to have people to look after them in their old age.
Not because they want to have and love a child.
Maybe it could be as well, that they expect EXTERIOR factors like "BEING LOVED" by someone, having children, etc. will fill the void they have inside. Void inhabited by demons only. They gave up on themselves early on. There is left only the narcissist (or other Cluster B) and the mask. And tiny fragments of the child they once were.
Maybe, as you say, my mother died in peace or a relative peace after presenting her excuses to me and maybe other people.
Many people believe they can live the way they want to and just have to "repent" at the last minute to be forgiven for an entire life of evil doing.
Her excuses did not give ME peace. It cannot restore what she did to me and the consequences it had on my life. She did it for selfish reasons or else she was just stupid and superficial. Histrionics are superficial even if some of them, as my mother was, are intelligent and educated.
Also, it did not give me peace because I realized she knew all along what she was doing.
I think my mother would of never apologized if it wasn't because she knew she was dying and wanted to clear her "soul".
I have had to deal with several narcissists (histrionics are similar to narcs). Including my narcissistic brother who stayed to live with my mother and her second husband, in Peru.
I also got married to a grandiose and violent narc and ended up legally escaping with my 2 children. I guess I recognized the lack of love which my father had gotten me used to and it felt "familiar". I fell in the trap. At least I managed to escape 🙂
Going back to the "excusing" and FORGIVING a toxic person, I leave that to God.
Each time (many times) I have forgiven a narc or other toxic it was as if they considered my forgiveness as an authorization to start again, continue the abuse.
I agree with you. NPD is a survival mechanism. My paternal grand mother (the one that payed my studies) was a psychopath. She is to blame for my father becoming a malignant narcissist.
But personaly, I think we cannot spend our time "understanding, forgiving" all their evil doings just because they suffered when young.
Either be it, as Prof. Sam Vaknin says : "Because they were put ON a pedestal or UNDER a pedestal"... it gives similar results. The child was not loved unconditionally.
Since you were sincere with me, I'll be too. I think these people were weak, contrary to us. They decided to go the "easy" way, blaming every body. And not choosing the harder path that it is to remain pure, good, caring in spite of all we have and still endure.
I agree with you. There is more to these issues that psychiatry can explain. And... after all... psychiatry is not really a science or, at the very most, a "social science".
Yes, they do seem, all accross the world, to follow the "same manual". Scary.
I also wish you the very best.
It was a pleasure talking with you ❤
My mother to a T!!!
My ex mother is so cruel and her husband and children are no different all narcissistic and cruel so I told them what I have experienced and witnessed was putrid behaviour from humans who don't deserve life and with those words I left and have never returned they are all in hiding now because I promised the full return on their investment 😅
My mother was all of this except the selfish part, or the jealous. Or at least that's what I think, I may have not noticed it as such. My father was all those though, luckily I only lived with him a few years when I was older. Not that it did any good for me.
I'm a pleaser and always feel like I'm doing something wrong so constantly apologizing even if it doesn't make sense, like it's completely branded on my speech.
I am convinced my mother, even in her throes of anger, knowingly, and deftly, knew how to leave no marks when she would beat the daylights out of me. She also used my own things to hit me. She is kind of like a cross between Lucille from Arrested Development, and Faye Dunaway's performance of Crawford in Mommie Dearest. Im fairly good at firewalling, and it drives her nuts when she decides to reach out.
I need help with some clarity.. is it narcissistic to tell your children what they are wearing, listening to, what friends they keep, etc... is moving them down a hard path? My mothering instinct does not want to see my child hurt with risky behavior, encouraged by friends, thinking women are objects, based on the music, wearing clothes that say "look at me," but then annoyed when unwanted attention comes (and yet, really wanting the attention)...
That’s not what I’m taking about in this video. Trying to guide your children to teach them, is one thing. Trying to outright control your children for self serving reasons and image is quite another. There’s a big difference.
Narcissist mothers do not have mothering instinct. That you even care enough about yr k8ds to ask this ?should put yr heart at ease. My mother is cruel and jealous and tries to destroy me. She doesn't care about me, unless I do something she can use against me. You are the mom I needed. I would have gotten direction and care. Be proud of your love!❤❤ your children will grow and be successful and know right from wrong. Good luck
Is a highly entitled person also a narcissist?
Possibly, it’s a big red flag for sure.
My covert malignant mother has been deceased for over 20 years … I tried to find a shred of love from her to the day she died .. never happened … but I see the result of her behavior in my 6 older siblings who continue on as if I’m still the blacksheep … only 1 I can have a normal conversation with and 1 other brother may actually be a psychopath and killed his ex girlfriend … you’d never know it as the facade is so meticulously maintained
My mother gave me a picture of herself and sister with striking similar terrorist expression.
can"t watch this its hits to close to home.
This is why you cant go to other family to get help . because the narcissist parent always puts on an act for them . Nobody believes that a person would do things like this to their child
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN: An enmeshed-mother/ parent versus a covert narcissistic mother/ parent? Could they be coexisting at the same time or have similar personalities and traits?
Well, most relationships a narcissistic parent has with their child will be enmeshed. Usually the relationships will be enmeshed or they won’t have anything to do with each other. Pathological enmeshment is a very serious psychiatric familial issue, and could be an indication that the parent is a covert narcissist or has npd, and it may not. However pathologically enmeshed relationships are a huge red flag that something is seriously wrong, and should be taken very seriously.
@@theenlightenedtarget thank you for this insight
I had to do deep breathing thru this..at 56 and my mother being dead for 3 yrs im trying to deal with this. Im the scape goat..I always called my older sister perfect because they seemed so close and my sister seemed not to like me very much. My sister and i don't talk. I have 3 boys that i know my mother was very jealous of from the start.. except for my 3rd who was gay. But I believe she turned them against me somehow..they no longer talk to me. She was very wealthy so money was her tool of choice for my boys..i think or maybe i was an awful mother too. One step at a time..thanks for my rant..one video down, so many to go.
I understand you so much I realize mine was this nar at 53 my mother is mean and I don’t won’t to be bothered with her period.
@@theresaw9136 just remember you aren't the nut job..she is. I'm so sorry. Peace and Love
She is all this to her child , it is silent abuse. The kid could never make a decision apart from his mom. It's sad!!
TRUE STORY
My mom was finally diagnosed. All of this is so spot on. And the way they do things is so underhanded that you don’t even connect the dots until much later. For example I don’t recall at the time feeling like a “slave” but my father said he remembers her sitting around watching TV and having her children wait on her. I was her scapegoat and the way she hurt me was by completely rejecting me and acting like I didn’t exist from the time I left the home at 16. The only time I ever heard from her was when she wanted something. I really felt that when you said selfish manipulations presented as gifts. After years of mutual no contact she called me up announcing she wanted to give me a car. I didn’t have one and needed one badly. I almost cried cause she had never done something for me ever. She took it back three days later when she asked if she could move in and I said no. She acted like I had the gall to say no to her and clearly felt no shame for what she just did. She died from her alcoholism about a year later. I have come much further in life than I ever did when she was still around. Even when we weren’t speaking she was still holding me back.
I couldn't love and nurture because i had to think like a psychopath to protect my children?
Another incredibly helpful post. Thank you very much, Jill. The 1960 film starring Burt Lancaster " The Birdman of Alcatraz " brilliantly portrays a narcissistic mother. Watch this film! Thanks again.
Hi Jill you are correct 95% of the time, I experienced a mom who manipulated as an Olympic Coach to be our extreme best, yes she was intrusive but when questioned gave it up. inspired not envious. She had to deal with chain smoking Dad/husband & hell raising/rebellious daughter kept us in line, made millions came from very humble means. She was like the good witch/angel. We are all broken, humor, problem solving, question authority or no improvement. Is there such a thing as a good narcissist? Yes/ but rarely or you get lazy, fat and non ambitious, stop fighting for what's right.
This mother falsely accused the father and 4 others of SA, filed charges and has isolated the child with a new supply psychopath 30 years older in his home in a gated community. I feel nauseated thinking about the situation.
Thank you for making this video ❤❤❤ I am so pleased that you are talking about this issue in your videos, as it is very helpful. We are lucky to have you. ❤❤❤❤
Very very true. I caught my mum in my purse taking out money.
Our mother used to tell us she was “God” in our family home! Talk about threats, blackmail, reactive abuse, lies, deceits, cruelty, two faced tactics, rage and an addiction to paint a fake and phoney image in people’s heads as soon as they get the opportunity about “who they are” even at the most inappropriate of times (e.g. the spouse’s funeral). Give them no information about your life and so if they have no information, then they have no information to screw around with! Consider a restraining order if they don’t respect your personal space and keep a close and safe eye on them from a distance!
🎯
I was an only child, and a private adoption at 4 days old after it took my Mom a decade to convince my Daddy to be willing to adopt a child. She's been dead almost 20 years now & I only realized what a narcissist she was until the last decade or so!! Every point you brought up hit every aspect of my life with her & only now at 65 am I learning who I truly am & I'm much happier & at pesce now than I've been in my entire life. I describe her best like this, my Mom "Loved" me but NEVER "Liked" one single thing about me"!!! I was never good enough & constantly was compared to ALL of her friends "perfect" children.
I thank God for my Daddy & my Granny, (her Mother oddly enough), cuz without the two of them I probably wouldn't have made it to adulthood with Any sanity intact or Any will power of my own to get me through life.
My prayers go out to Everyone who's had to grow up in such confusion & madness without realizing it was Never them that was the problem to begin with.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
My narcissistic mother do this all the time you would think it's a normal thing to compare children! ,and she judges and treats her children according to their Material accomplishments , one time she's giving you a fake advice about not looking at other people in order to act and the next thing she is comparing and triangulating you with your siblings or with the children that you grew up with that may or may not be doing better than you , the narcissist says one thing and do another , narcissistic mothers feels like you owe them for giving birth to you , that you owe them for raising you as a child to an adult ,that they know more than you bc they brought u to life so you must listen to them at all cost forcing you to follow their rules , follow their religion follow their abusive ways of life while expecting you to overlook their wrong doings their mistakes , their transactional love and misgivings and if you call their bluff they will take this as a challenge and set out to hurt your name and your character amongst your siblings and your peers and anyone by hosting a pity party declaring you as the problem , say lies about you before you can say truths about them literally trying to beat you to the punch , they see themselves as the pillar of your success these grandiose Mothers they feel you can't succeed without them , they see you as some kind of retirement investment ever since you were a child you gave them real love as an healthy child but they gave you "conditional love"they look at you and all they see is someone that can potentially help change their life in the future they don't see an amazing child worthy of real love . I could go on!
This is my mother and she's a big church goer
Fights, competitions, who is better, she betrays me whenever she thinks I believe her, she thinks she can hold me closer with lying and promising stuff. She never wants what’s best for me, she always puts her first. She destroys my life. When something is important for me, she destroys everything and then blames me that I didn’t give my best to reach my goal. That is so fucking evil.
In old age they reap what the sow. My narc mother has burnt so many bridges along her path including with her children and grandchildren.
One that have incountered sexually abused two of her sons making one of them an abusive father. She also was accustomed to paying rent with sexual favors and when she wanted money from her son, she would threaten to turn him in for his sexual abuse of his daughter.
The wounds are deep and lasting. And it has affected both my sister and I our whole lives. We made the decision to break her cruel influence for our own children.
Hard to do “no contact” with a narc mom
No, it's not! If you love yourself even a little bit you will put a stop to it. She has every right to be herself but she has no right to destroy someone else. If she invaded your no contact get a restraining order. I am sick of these people draining the life out of good people for the sake of their ego.
Doable. I’m right at a year. It’s wonderful!
Did 3 myself.
5 years now she is an evil person
The public facing appearances were so important to my Nmom. She was the head cheerleader and a beauty queen. The pressure to live up to her expectations was toxic and horrible.
My N Mom also a beauty queen, trophies and newspaper pics. I'll tell you beauty is a curse! I can't look really good in her presence, she prefers me in rags. Younger sister a N , always always launches into one-sided fights - cause she walks off andy jaw is open
You're so right, great show!
oh you know my mother well. my sister and I put up with her and got sick from it. we got anorexia . wow you got it.
They smother you in every possible, even literally!!!
That image is legit terrifying. {makes me cry}
The timing of this video was amazing for me personally. Having lifelong stomach issues, I recently found my mind gravitating back to my mother anytime I must spend a while in the restroom missing out on anything as a result of my bathroom needs, thinking- yeah I'm in here right now, missing out, because "I'm lazy"... This video was incredibly triggering, but glad to have come across it. My own mother has been especially horrendous... and I couldn't help but think as I listened to this video, if most of my now adult children heard these descriptions of behaviors & abusiveness without context of the video, they would certainly say that it reminded them of &/or sounded like their Mema. (My son was sheltered from much of her awful behaviors, so he probably still thinks pretty well of her.)
great stuff Jill - unpleasant but essential listening...