To that neglected child inside you: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
Unfortunately, pain hurts regardless of whose fault it is. On second thought, if it had been my fault, I'd at least be able to own the pain because of the implication that it had ever been under my control.
You already know... physical wounds are tended too, emotional wounds are swept under the rug or not even recognized as a wound. Untended wounds leave ugly scars.
@@barbaraladams5304 For some of us, that is exactly what we need. If it is not for you, I am sure there are other channels more suited to your needs. Be well
I know how it feels, sometimes I thought I was adopted and they regretted it. Please be positive, dont let it drag you down. There are people who care for you.
When anyone compliments me deep down i don't believe them... Lost my father when i was 9 years old now I'm 32 through all my life i was neglected emotionally.. noone cared if im ok or not although i was in one of the top schools eating well dressed... But no emotions... And i don't believe anyone's emotions towards me.. i hope i can fix this emptiness inside my heart💔
I always used to believe i was nothing but a burden to my parents and i wondered why i was born. Now i realize these were two fairly unconscious people, immersed in a troubled relationship, trying to make ends meet and who never received nurturing from their own parents. It really had nothing to do with me. As i child i (naturally) drew the wrong conclusions: that i was flawed , a mistake etc... Now i see that it was no reflection whatsoever on my worth as a person. My job now is to let go of these child's beliefs and discover and value who i am. My parents were not equipped to do this but i can now do it for myself.
Good work. Im proud of you. And yes they are usually damaged themselves. No excuse to not break the cycle but at least theres a better awareness these days
Same here, we have to heal by ourselves because our parents and their parents simply can't help us. Otherwise they wouldn't have unconsciously destroyed us in the first place.
This is exactly my story too.... I so empathise with you.... it’s the worst feeling, my mother was so cold. You are a special loved person... don’t forget that... best wishes to you..... good luck in your life... you are a strong person! ❤️❤️😍👋
The emotional neglect of children is epidemic. Children need to be loved, they need exchange of feelings so that they develop a sense of connection with themselves. Give children loving kindness, whenever, wherever you can.
Wow, it somewhat comforting to read how many people have had similar childhoods to mine. It seems we all grew up in a household where there was a marked lack of affection, lack of support, and the expression of emotion was frowned upon; at least it was for me. It still affects me to this day and I have no doubt it caused the Social Anxiety Disorder I used to suffer from. Emotional neglect makes you fell unsafe, because you never had a solid foundation of support at home.
be your own best friend ... love yourself and take care of your needs ... have your childhood now ... I'm 73 and doing it ... I'm raising monarch butterflies, hatching tad poles, lady bugs, praying mantids, raising rabbits and chickens ... it's never too late ... I guess I'd rather live with animals than people
Whenever I felt bad about something my parents always told me that I shouldn’t complain because other people have it worse. So i not only felt bad but then i felt guilty about feeling bad.
As I child, I remember being burdened by the fact that my parents couldn’t afford time for me and my siblings because they were busy working to financially support us. I simply believed that I had no right to show objection over the lack of supervision they had on us, especially on our academic performances. But God is fair in His way and I am grateful for everything that I have managed to achieve despite everything. Now, I’ve enrolled in a university and currently studying medicine. My hope is to help children who suffer from neglect heal and become the best version of themselves.
I just cannot stop crying... am 36 yrs old now...mother of 8 yr old..and making every effort to connect with his heart, CONVERSATION.. talking emotions.. allowing him to feel every emotion and experiencing that phase with him...
Yes children need shelter, food, water, education, etc. but they also have psychological needs that must be met to be functional. Parents need to be more educated on these necessities that are so important.
So the intense feelings that appeared to attack me out of nowhere are not feelings of anger but feelings of childhood neglect triggered by as silly situation as entering a classroom where no one knows me. I thought I had social anxiety and anger problems but now I understand
I always said that when i had kids I would do the opposite of my parents and how that worked I have 5 Awesome confident kids.But I am still struggling it's so painful even to see your kids turn into what you wanted to be but at least i'm grateful for them.
Exact same - 3 amazing children who feel loved, and are living-loving life. And yes, deep deep down, once in a while, I have that feeling too. You are not alone, and you are awesome!
@@Luna-ft8yh I guess you're lucky that you knew you weren't at fault to begin with. But fact is that the majority feels blamed, whether directly accused by the parents or not. If a parent acts angry and violent the child will internalize it. "What did I do to make them angry? It's all my fault. I'm the bad kid here." If you want to learn more I suggest you look into things like the perspective of the victim. (I'm sure you have some similar traits but are faring off better than most.)
@@Luna-ft8yh It sounds like you're genuinely curious. I'm no therapist or psychologist. So to the best of my ability I'll try to explain it. It's sort of like going back to a conversation or argument you had with someone and thinking of something you should've said or something that would've really "won" that argument. Only now it's on a huge scale. It's like the "if only i had..." situation but on a larger and more damaging scale. I noticed it ranges from people who grew up with alcoholic parents, people who grew up with a parent that went to prison, parents that have drug addictions, in my case, parents that passed away way too soon. It's thinking that if only you had made different choices small or big, maybe.. just maybe not only your life, but maybe your family and friends' lives would've been so much better. It's different for everyone. But that's how I felt majority of my life. Hope this helps.
This is something that I am dealing with now. I just turned 26, and growing up I was raised in a single parent home by my mom. I was verbally and physically abused, as well as emotionally abused. I didn't know about the emotional abuse until as I got older and I started researching and questioning things about my mom's parenting. Growing up and even now I've always felt as though me and my mom never had a bond. She's never been the type of parent to really communicate with me. I feel as though she either hides stuff, or she just doesn't initiate conversations. But she will talk and have conversations with other people, and it's really frustrating.My mom has always been present, but she has always been absent at the same time. Never there for me emotionally. She's not affectionate at all. No I love yous or hugs or kisses. I get nothing from her at all. But she'll show it to other people. This is what I am still struggling with at 26 years old. We are so disconnected from one another. I don't really know much about my mom to be honest. We've really become so estranged, and I still live home. I feel like once I move out this year coming in that I probably won't speak, hear or see from her again or in a long time. Every time I think of my relationship with my mom it just upsets me, because this isn't what a mother/daughter relationship should be like.
This isn't what it should be like. It just is. Most likely she was treated the same as she is treating you growing up. Please keep learning however you can about this and most importantly about yourself. What I have found really important to me is to find something you can do (not necessarily a "job") that makes YOU proud and keep doing that! This drastically raises your self esteem. And move out asap. Surround yourself with people that have Your best interest in mind. couple of websites you can look into that will help you map yourself out. 16 personalities .com The 5 love languages .com Book: The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins
I am sorry your Mom treated you this way, both my parents treated me this way. Please check out Stephanie Lynn Coaching, also Inner Integration Meredith McDonald, Lisa Romano, Joanna Kujath. These UA-cam channels will help you on your journey to healing. They have helped me so much. God bless you!
i’m sorry you have a crocodile mom. i do too. i have a close friend at church who is my mother’s age. she is so loving to me, she texts me every day. she takes me to ladies lunches and has me over for tea. my daughter had the idea of adopting her as her grandmother, and i decided she is my adopted mom 😂 i hope her kids don’t mind
My mom sounds very similar. I moved out at 18 when I went to college and had been living in a different state from her up until 6 months ago. It was wonderful to not be around her zombie-like energy towards me. I didn’t realize how abnormal her lack of mothering was until I had my twin babies. I needed motherly help more than ever, but she didn’t really want to help unless it was on her terms and she made so many things about herself. I never felt more let down by a person in my entire life. I hope you feel as refreshed as I did to be under a different roof from her. I wish she would stop contacting me, and she doesn’t even do it super often.
I can relate to this. Dad left at 2, raised solely by my mom. My mom was usually there physically (unless she was traveling for work), and we were never worried about food, water, shelter, physical things. But I've never felt a strong bond with her, or any meaningful bond with her. I've never been able to talk with her about deep things, issues in my life, concerns in my life and I remember always feeling so damn alone as a kid. We just didn't talk about feelings or harder conversations - it was always things like weather, sports, worries, chores; surface-level talk. She was too insecure as a parent to mirror back my own feelings to me, to show me genuinely positive affection, and she was fearful and avoidant of all my unpleasant emotions like fear, sadness, anger, etc. I'm 27 and struggling with it, too. I just hope you can relate to some of my story and I hope it helps to validate your own pain and struggles in all this :/ I'm wishing you love for your future, I think in the end it's all we really want.
wow! I have all of the above. As a mother, I realized that I am making the same mistakes with my kids and I am trying to educate myself to be a better parent. Thank You for this Video! I feel broken to know that I can damage my kids the same way my parents destroy my feelings.
Wow. How does this strange woman know my mind!? For the first time in 43 years, I am hearing my experience mirrored back and it gives me such hope that others have experienced what I have and that it will be okay.
I was not neglected. My parents gave me everything. They fed me, provided shelter for me, send me to school, and gave other things that a parent should except.. They always compared me to my cousins like I was never enough, criticised my appearance when I was a child, never showed affection, and I couldn't remember if they ever said that they loved me. Yes, they never neglected me and I'm still living in my bubble. I had chronic depression and possibly borderline personality disorder. And upon reading the comments, I guess I'm not the only one recovering from our childhood.
The damage is done! It’s always there even understanding what happened and trying to nurture yourself. I’m grateful that all of this is recognized for a long time it wasn’t.
I didn't realise that I was affected by CEN until a few months ago. I even wrote a blog post about my discoveries and how it impacted my childhood. I'm not resentful in any way, I'm just glad that I know so that I can unlearn certain behaviours and thoughts about myself. Some forms of CEN aren't as bad as others though. As a now 29 y/o, I definitely see how my mother has been able to invalidate my thoughts, feelings and emotions through the years if that makes sense. A lot of parents who are the perpetrators of CEN probably experienced it themselves in some way. Don't blame your parents, just spend as much time as you can educating yourself and unlearning all the negative thoughts and feelings you've experienced.
I grew up in a religious cult where I had a single mother but I definitely saw every single adult as somewhat of an adult figure and parental guide of some sort. Almost all of my experiences were quite negative and I’m only 20 just trying to figure out how to become a normal person and just put the pieces of my thoughts back in a way where it’s beneficial for me. I am constantly arguing with my extremely negative inner self dialogue where I tell myself that I don’t like myself and that I just shouldn’t be here anymore because I know that life has so much more to offer than what I’ve seen in the first 15 years of my life. These videos help me so much to understand more of where my thoughts stem from and I really appreciate that there are people who talk about this stuff.
I can't help but tear up while watching this. I was suddenly reminded of those time I felt neglected since I was a kid. But I do love my parents. But sometimes I question their love for me. Up to this current age of mine, 23, I often feel like I'm out of place in our family. I don't really want to think it that way but the way I see it, it seems they care more about my big brother than me even after he had hurt me physically when we had a fight just a few months ago. My brother and I do bicker and fight a lot when we were kids. But this was the extreme he's done to me. And instead, neither of my parents didn't even got mad or properly scolding him for hitting me, their only daughter. They just reprimanded him coz they're worried about his emotional state get him more violent and they even asked me to just understand him. But how about me then? I was so disappointed about it. But I still decided to be on good terms with my brother after not talking to him for a week and crying almost everyday during those week. Even when we're okay now. I'm still getting those flashback and the instense emotion I felt back then I just end up crying.
2.3K LIKES - Sad how many of us can identify with this topic. Definitely count me among the throngs. I hope we all can find peace within our individual selves and new good and powerful ways to recognize our worth - we all deserve to wear our super hero capes. Love for humanity is love for ourselves too. I hope this makes sense. Peace y'all. From a Southern girl who was very emotionally neglected too. We keep marching onward....
Sounds like my childhood. Neither parent wanted to have kids but never told the other one tgeir true feelings on the topic. In the 60s if you didnt want kids their was something wrong w/ you
I think if you tell yourself "I'm a loser". That could mean your emotional need is someone to make you feel successful or valuable. You could tell yourself "you can be successful"." You are valuable". "You have a precious heart." Then notice or do nice things for yourself. Like eat right. Put on a nice lotion or body oil. Exercise. Baby steps.
I pray for everybody who has experienced any type of childhood abuse. physical, psychological or verbal. Words also hurt more than the physical beatings 😔 please stay strong through it all 🙏🙏😢♥️
I really needed this and i'm so happy and thankful for every therapist out there doing this amazing work to help people in need ! I just started my BetterHelp and I have my fist session tomorrow as well!!!!!
Haesue Jo thank you for this informative and so necessary video. If everybody grew up in home where all there needs were met we would live in a much beter society and world. These unmet needs and unresolved issues stick to us like glue and most people don't really have a good idea what the issue is. We keep looking outside ourselves for the solution for lack of any other way of dealing with that hole in our soul, when what we need is to become whole. Hopefully more and more people get the message and start working on these unresolved issues and start to heal our inner wounds. Then this generational dysfunctional chain can get broken.
Every immigrant child needs to hear this video! Dad was never in the picture & mom was always working Most immigrant parents are never home & that emotional needs takes a toll on your life Not knowing people who speak the same language makes you an outcast it doesn't help when society basically wants nothing to do with you This video explains why I feel the way I do Anxiety Low-self stem Depression Socially Awkward
Wow- all the descriptions at the beginning fit me. I tend to block out bad memories, even as an adult, so I don't even know how I got here or what my emotional needs are.
Thank you it’s great to hear positive advice on dealing with and coping with things that overwhelm so many of us. I learned to be ok . I Fix everyone else and isolation has become my protection . It’s the nearest I got to caring for myself. I know I deserve more than that , so I guess that’s one step closer to ........whatever I’m trying to fix . Anyway thank you
It’s sad I don’t even know how to snap out of it and stop looking back, can’t even explain anything anymore just so hard wish I could build a different future than this for myself and go back to when I use to be happy and knew how to use and understand my emotions.
Thank you so much for making such videos. it makes me happy to know that there are people out there who truly care about deep emotional wounds of other people
my caregiver was intentionally cruel to me ... not physically, but emotionally ... can't remember a hug ... ever ... I actually asked her if she could remember her mother hugging her ... she said no, so I accepted her upbringing as the cause of my neglect
Dwelling in the past is painful and counterproductive. Yes, be gentle to yourself. Give yourself due care. But also, move on. Remember, your parents are/were human, and children don’t come with instructions. Best thing you can do if you planning to become a parent is let your neglectful or abusive parents be your best teachers. And raise your children attentively, with kindness and compassion. And know once and for all. children; being the most lovable of creatures. Any parent who treated them as otherwise did so for two reasons. (1) ignorance, (2) they were in pain at some level. Knowing this, frees you to move on. God Bless!
I am a fatherless and raised by a single mom the moment I met Jesus I felt alone and Jesus filled my empty heart Jesus Christ gave more care and love to me that exceeded my expectations I thank God for all he's done. Always remember there's always hope in Jesus he is our hope and answer to our lives.😍 God bless you all😍🤗
To that neglected child inside you:
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
Thank you, means more than you could ever know
Unfortunately, pain hurts regardless of whose fault it is. On second thought, if it had been my fault, I'd at least be able to own the pain because of the implication that it had ever been under my control.
@@brianwalsh1401 I'm just starting to realize this now. Any chance we can connect? I need advice.
ficky kusuma gracious I’m about to cry thx so much 😢🙏🏽
So, so true.
This is an important topic. This needs more awareness.
Agreed!
You already know... physical wounds are tended too, emotional wounds are swept under the rug or not even recognized as a wound. Untended wounds leave ugly scars.
William Combs There are absolutely bad parents. Just as there are great parents. Not all parents are good, a lot of them are awful.
Agree
@@barbaraladams5304 For some of us, that is exactly what we need. If it is not for you, I am sure there are other channels more suited to your needs. Be well
You develop unhealthy attachments to emotionally unavailable people because of it. This is why you end up in relationships with narcissist.
attachment? a privilege in itself.
That’s me!
Couldn't have agreed more.
Sooooooo true! Been there done that!!
Omg yes!
I was never hugged by either parent. Nor was I ever told I was loved 😭
💖
Same here😭
I'm sorry :(
Same here.
Oh God
when there's someone who does care for me or listens to me now, I feel like a burden and not worthy of anyone's care or attention.
I know how it feels, sometimes I thought I was adopted and they regretted it. Please be positive, dont let it drag you down. There are people who care for you.
Me too
When anyone compliments me deep down i don't believe them... Lost my father when i was 9 years old now I'm 32 through all my life i was neglected emotionally.. noone cared if im ok or not although i was in one of the top schools eating well dressed... But no emotions... And i don't believe anyone's emotions towards me.. i hope i can fix this emptiness inside my heart💔
This explains my major social anxiety and extreme hermitism, wow.
Same
Same here
Sameee😞
Too true❤️
Me too.
I always used to believe i was nothing but a burden to my parents and i wondered why i was born. Now i realize these were two fairly unconscious people, immersed in a troubled relationship, trying to make ends meet and who never received nurturing from their own parents. It really had nothing to do with me. As i child i (naturally) drew the wrong conclusions: that i was flawed , a mistake etc... Now i see that it was no reflection whatsoever on my worth as a person. My job now is to let go of these child's beliefs and discover and value who i am. My parents were not equipped to do this but i can now do it for myself.
Good work. Im proud of you. And yes they are usually damaged themselves. No excuse to not break the cycle but at least theres a better awareness these days
Same here, we have to heal by ourselves because our parents and their parents simply can't help us. Otherwise they wouldn't have unconsciously destroyed us in the first place.
I'm learning this, too. But as a single parent.
This is exactly my story too.... I so empathise with you.... it’s the worst feeling, my mother was so cold. You are a special loved person... don’t forget that... best wishes to you..... good luck in your life... you are a strong person! ❤️❤️😍👋
The emotional neglect of children is epidemic. Children need to be loved, they need exchange of feelings so that they develop a sense of connection with themselves. Give children loving kindness, whenever, wherever you can.
True
Yes!❤️
50 years old and it still is affecting my life. I've only recently identified what my issue is and watching these videos helps.
Wow, it somewhat comforting to read how many people have had similar childhoods to mine. It seems we all grew up in a household where there was a marked lack of affection, lack of support, and the expression of emotion was frowned upon; at least it was for me. It still affects me to this day and I have no doubt it caused the Social Anxiety Disorder I used to suffer from. Emotional neglect makes you fell unsafe, because you never had a solid foundation of support at home.
be your own best friend ... love yourself and take care of your needs ... have your childhood now ... I'm 73 and doing it ... I'm raising monarch butterflies, hatching tad poles, lady bugs, praying mantids, raising rabbits and chickens ... it's never too late ... I guess I'd rather live with animals than people
Whenever I felt bad about something my parents always told me that I shouldn’t complain because other people have it worse. So i not only felt bad but then i felt guilty about feeling bad.
Claim it:
I will move into my own house soon. Away from toxic family. Employed in a peaceful work environment. Living with animals and plants. ✨✨♥️
After decades of not knowing what was wrong with me I finally understand and can at least make sense of why I feel the way I do.
As I child, I remember being burdened by the fact that my parents couldn’t afford time for me and my siblings because they were busy working to financially support us. I simply believed that I had no right to show objection over the lack of supervision they had on us, especially on our academic performances. But God is fair in His way and I am grateful for everything that I have managed to achieve despite everything. Now, I’ve enrolled in a university and currently studying medicine. My hope is to help children who suffer from neglect heal and become the best version of themselves.
My dad didn’t hug me or say he loved me . It still affects me at age 51.
I just cannot stop crying... am 36 yrs old now...mother of 8 yr old..and making every effort to connect with his heart, CONVERSATION.. talking emotions.. allowing him to feel every emotion and experiencing that phase with him...
Yes children need shelter, food, water, education, etc. but they also have psychological needs that must be met to be functional. Parents need to be more educated on these necessities that are so important.
So the intense feelings that appeared to attack me out of nowhere are not feelings of anger but feelings of childhood neglect triggered by as silly situation as entering a classroom where no one knows me. I thought I had social anxiety and anger problems but now I understand
I always said that when i had kids I would do the opposite of my parents and how that worked I have 5 Awesome confident kids.But I am still struggling it's so painful even to see your kids turn into what you wanted to be but at least i'm grateful for them.
Exact same - 3 amazing children who feel loved, and are living-loving life. And yes, deep deep down, once in a while, I have that feeling too. You are not alone, and you are awesome!
It's not your fault...
It's not your fault...
Good Will Hunting
@@Luna-ft8yh I guess you're lucky that you knew you weren't at fault to begin with. But fact is that the majority feels blamed, whether directly accused by the parents or not.
If a parent acts angry and violent the child will internalize it. "What did I do to make them angry? It's all my fault. I'm the bad kid here."
If you want to learn more I suggest you look into things like the perspective of the victim. (I'm sure you have some similar traits but are faring off better than most.)
@@Luna-ft8yh It sounds like you're genuinely curious. I'm no therapist or psychologist. So to the best of my ability I'll try to explain it. It's sort of like going back to a conversation or argument you had with someone and thinking of something you should've said or something that would've really "won" that argument. Only now it's on a huge scale. It's like the "if only i had..." situation but on a larger and more damaging scale. I noticed it ranges from people who grew up with alcoholic parents, people who grew up with a parent that went to prison, parents that have drug addictions, in my case, parents that passed away way too soon. It's thinking that if only you had made different choices small or big, maybe.. just maybe not only your life, but maybe your family and friends' lives would've been so much better.
It's different for everyone. But that's how I felt majority of my life. Hope this helps.
Help Cady, I just came across your post and am wondering how you are managing.
Kman your comment made me teary eyed
This is something that I am dealing with now. I just turned 26, and growing up I was raised in a single parent home by my mom. I was verbally and physically abused, as well as emotionally abused. I didn't know about the emotional abuse until as I got older and I started researching and questioning things about my mom's parenting. Growing up and even now I've always felt as though me and my mom never had a bond. She's never been the type of parent to really communicate with me. I feel as though she either hides stuff, or she just doesn't initiate conversations. But she will talk and have conversations with other people, and it's really frustrating.My mom has always been present, but she has always been absent at the same time. Never there for me emotionally. She's not affectionate at all. No I love yous or hugs or kisses. I get nothing from her at all. But she'll show it to other people. This is what I am still struggling with at 26 years old. We are so disconnected from one another. I don't really know much about my mom to be honest. We've really become so estranged, and I still live home. I feel like once I move out this year coming in that I probably won't speak, hear or see from her again or in a long time. Every time I think of my relationship with my mom it just upsets me, because this isn't what a mother/daughter relationship should be like.
This isn't what it should be like. It just is. Most likely she was treated the same as she is treating you growing up. Please keep learning however you can about this and most importantly about yourself. What I have found really important to me is to find something you can do (not necessarily a "job") that makes YOU proud and keep doing that! This drastically raises your self esteem. And move out asap. Surround yourself with people that have Your best interest in mind.
couple of websites you can look into that will help you map yourself out.
16 personalities .com
The 5 love languages .com
Book: The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins
I am sorry your Mom treated you this way, both my parents treated me this way. Please check out Stephanie Lynn Coaching, also Inner Integration Meredith McDonald, Lisa Romano, Joanna Kujath. These UA-cam channels will help you on your journey to healing. They have helped me so much. God bless you!
i’m sorry you have a crocodile mom. i do too. i have a close friend at church who is my mother’s age. she is so loving to me, she texts me every day. she takes me to ladies lunches and has me over for tea. my daughter had the idea of adopting her as her grandmother, and i decided she is my adopted mom 😂 i hope her kids don’t mind
My mom sounds very similar. I moved out at 18 when I went to college and had been living in a different state from her up until 6 months ago. It was wonderful to not be around her zombie-like energy towards me. I didn’t realize how abnormal her lack of mothering was until I had my twin babies. I needed motherly help more than ever, but she didn’t really want to help unless it was on her terms and she made so many things about herself. I never felt more let down by a person in my entire life. I hope you feel as refreshed as I did to be under a different roof from her. I wish she would stop contacting me, and she doesn’t even do it super often.
I can relate to this. Dad left at 2, raised solely by my mom. My mom was usually there physically (unless she was traveling for work), and we were never worried about food, water, shelter, physical things. But I've never felt a strong bond with her, or any meaningful bond with her. I've never been able to talk with her about deep things, issues in my life, concerns in my life and I remember always feeling so damn alone as a kid. We just didn't talk about feelings or harder conversations - it was always things like weather, sports, worries, chores; surface-level talk. She was too insecure as a parent to mirror back my own feelings to me, to show me genuinely positive affection, and she was fearful and avoidant of all my unpleasant emotions like fear, sadness, anger, etc. I'm 27 and struggling with it, too. I just hope you can relate to some of my story and I hope it helps to validate your own pain and struggles in all this :/ I'm wishing you love for your future, I think in the end it's all we really want.
It is completely terrifying, and yet a relief in a weird way to see so many of you telling my story.
wow! I have all of the above. As a mother, I realized that I am making the same mistakes with my kids and I am trying to educate myself to be a better parent. Thank You for this Video! I feel broken to know that I can damage my kids the same way my parents destroy my feelings.
Everything is cycle pattern always repeat generation to generation except there is the one who strong enough to break the pattern
In all honesty. I didn't realize until very recently that I was emotionally/verbally abusive/neglected when I was a child. God bless you.
For me, Journaling has been the most useful. Every day, nobody else can read.
What do you write about?
Thanks for sharing
Wow. How does this strange woman know my mind!? For the first time in 43 years, I am hearing my experience mirrored back and it gives me such hope that others have experienced what I have and that it will be okay.
Why isn’t this issue something widely discussed. I think this topic is something people generally relate to.
I was not neglected. My parents gave me everything. They fed me, provided shelter for me, send me to school, and gave other things that a parent should except.. They always compared me to my cousins like I was never enough, criticised my appearance when I was a child, never showed affection, and I couldn't remember if they ever said that they loved me. Yes, they never neglected me and I'm still living in my bubble. I had chronic depression and possibly borderline personality disorder. And upon reading the comments, I guess I'm not the only one recovering from our childhood.
The damage is done! It’s always there even understanding what happened and trying to nurture yourself. I’m grateful that all of this is recognized for a long time it wasn’t.
There are some parents who purposely target their own children. Actually scheming and setting up the child for failure.
I didn't realise that I was affected by CEN until a few months ago. I even wrote a blog post about my discoveries and how it impacted my childhood. I'm not resentful in any way, I'm just glad that I know so that I can unlearn certain behaviours and thoughts about myself. Some forms of CEN aren't as bad as others though. As a now 29 y/o, I definitely see how my mother has been able to invalidate my thoughts, feelings and emotions through the years if that makes sense. A lot of parents who are the perpetrators of CEN probably experienced it themselves in some way. Don't blame your parents, just spend as much time as you can educating yourself and unlearning all the negative thoughts and feelings you've experienced.
I grew up in a religious cult where I had a single mother but I definitely saw every single adult as somewhat of an adult figure and parental guide of some sort. Almost all of my experiences were quite negative and I’m only 20 just trying to figure out how to become a normal person and just put the pieces of my thoughts back in a way where it’s beneficial for me. I am constantly arguing with my extremely negative inner self dialogue where I tell myself that I don’t like myself and that I just shouldn’t be here anymore because I know that life has so much more to offer than what I’ve seen in the first 15 years of my life. These videos help me so much to understand more of where my thoughts stem from and I really appreciate that there are people who talk about this stuff.
I can't help but tear up while watching this. I was suddenly reminded of those time I felt neglected since I was a kid. But I do love my parents. But sometimes I question their love for me. Up to this current age of mine, 23, I often feel like I'm out of place in our family. I don't really want to think it that way but the way I see it, it seems they care more about my big brother than me even after he had hurt me physically when we had a fight just a few months ago. My brother and I do bicker and fight a lot when we were kids. But this was the extreme he's done to me. And instead, neither of my parents didn't even got mad or properly scolding him for hitting me, their only daughter. They just reprimanded him coz they're worried about his emotional state get him more violent and they even asked me to just understand him. But how about me then? I was so disappointed about it. But I still decided to be on good terms with my brother after not talking to him for a week and crying almost everyday during those week. Even when we're okay now. I'm still getting those flashback and the instense emotion I felt back then I just end up crying.
Someone pray for me that I don’t turn out like my parents
There are tests for driving so why parenting doesn't have any tests?😭
if you re still living at home, move out asap. This is the first step of self-healing.
My mother still does this, and I'm 30 years old....... :-(
All the symptoms apply, so true :-(
5:42 "Know thyself" - Socrates
“If I knew myself, I’d run away.” - Goethe
3:30 be my own loving healthy PARENT..👍❤
2.3K LIKES - Sad how many of us can identify with this topic. Definitely count me among the throngs. I hope we all can find peace within our individual selves and new good and powerful ways to recognize our worth - we all deserve to wear our super hero capes. Love for humanity is love for ourselves too. I hope this makes sense. Peace y'all. From a Southern girl who was very emotionally neglected too. We keep marching onward....
Sounds like my childhood.
Neither parent wanted to have kids but never told the other one tgeir true feelings on the topic. In the 60s if you didnt want kids their was something wrong w/ you
I think if you tell yourself "I'm a loser". That could mean your emotional need is someone to make you feel successful or valuable. You could tell yourself "you can be successful"." You are valuable". "You have a precious heart." Then notice or do nice things for yourself. Like eat right. Put on a nice lotion or body oil. Exercise. Baby steps.
This touches me in a deep way. Thank you for making this video.
I was sick at two. I became a lil parent helper at age three. That's too young. I continued helping until college.
I pray for everybody who has experienced any type of childhood abuse. physical, psychological or verbal. Words also hurt more than the physical beatings 😔 please stay strong through it all 🙏🙏😢♥️
My heart was pounding so fast watching this video. 😮
I really needed this and i'm so happy and thankful for every therapist out there doing this amazing work to help people in need ! I just started my BetterHelp and I have my fist session tomorrow as well!!!!!
I think if we knew how to be more caring and gentle with ourselves we WOULD be
When I was a child, my father gave me everything I asked for but we rarely talked and interacted with each other. Does this considered as neglection?
I experienced the same thing
@Loriane I'm sorry. I hope you're able to find a better situation. Just remember, you deserve love and protection.
yes 100%
Getting this in video format is better than reading an article
Haesue Jo thank you for this informative and so necessary video. If everybody grew up in home where all there needs were met we would live in a much beter society and world. These unmet needs and unresolved issues stick to us like glue and most people don't really have a good idea what the issue is. We keep looking outside ourselves for the solution for lack of any other way of dealing with that hole in our soul, when what we need is to become whole. Hopefully more and more people get the message and start working on these unresolved issues and start to heal our inner wounds. Then this generational dysfunctional chain can get broken.
Every immigrant child needs to hear this video!
Dad was never in the picture & mom was always working
Most immigrant parents are never home & that emotional needs takes a toll on your life
Not knowing people who speak the same language makes you an outcast
it doesn't help when society basically wants nothing to do with you
This video explains why I feel the way I do
Anxiety
Low-self stem
Depression
Socially Awkward
All me before I went searching for therapy and answers
What happened at therapy? How did you figure things out?
Min. 1.58: Link between perfectionism and emotional neglect, very interesting..Thanks from Italy.
The most relieving thing about life is it passes
This makes me realise how epidemic this is. We can break the cycle, see a good therapist and start realising we are no. 1
Wow- all the descriptions at the beginning fit me. I tend to block out bad memories, even as an adult, so I don't even know how I got here or what my emotional needs are.
Thank you it’s great to hear positive advice on dealing with and coping with things that overwhelm so many of us. I learned to be ok . I Fix everyone else and isolation has become my protection . It’s the nearest I got to caring for myself. I know I deserve more than that , so I guess that’s one step closer to ........whatever I’m trying to fix . Anyway thank you
Your right about many sooo many folks are perplexed , confused and dont know what to fo with they life ......
Thank you, Haesue, that was really informative and helpful. Hope you are safe and well.
This has been very helpful i felt a shift inside when hearing parts of this well done ....
It made me cry ..
Thank you so much for your video! It was so helpful for me, and also I love your energy and the way you speak.
That was really helpful, and I like your forceful manner.
It’s sad I don’t even know how to snap out of it and stop looking back, can’t even explain anything anymore just so hard wish I could build a different future than this for myself and go back to when I use to be happy and knew how to use and understand my emotions.
I wish you were my therapist 😢 your video helped me so much
Thank you so much for making such videos. it makes me happy to know that there are people out there who truly care about deep emotional wounds of other people
This is why I decided to not have children. Why would I want to pass on this level of incompetency to another generation?
Thank you for creating this informative video----it is most helpful! Blessings!
This hits home and it is really accurate.
my caregiver was intentionally cruel to me ... not physically, but emotionally ... can't remember a hug ... ever ... I actually asked her if she could remember her mother hugging her ... she said no, so I accepted her upbringing as the cause of my neglect
Thank you for making this
Hi!
l don't know if you can read this, but still I will leave it here..
You are weirdly beautiful!
Just wanted to say Thanks beautiful!
This was awesome. Thank you for the knowledge
Thanks so much for this! Namaste 🙏
Thank you so much .. your information was precise and very helpful .. Stay blessed .. Thank you ..🙏🏻🌸🌹☺️
Wow.....this is a fabulous video.....
Your words and descriptions make so much sense. Thank you.
Excellent video, thank you ever so much.
thank you so much for this video!!! after watching this video I feel much better
I needed to hear this today. Thank you
Dwelling in the past is painful and counterproductive. Yes, be gentle to yourself. Give yourself due care. But also, move on. Remember, your parents are/were human, and children don’t come with instructions. Best thing you can do if you planning to become a parent is let your neglectful or abusive parents be your best teachers. And raise your children attentively, with kindness and compassion. And know once and for all. children; being the most lovable of creatures. Any parent who treated them as otherwise did so for two reasons. (1) ignorance, (2) they were in pain at some level. Knowing this, frees you to move on. God Bless!
@James F thanks for the advice
Hey Better Help Team..new sub from Nz..love the Advice keep on keeping on with the goodwork
Oh,my goodness! This is so helpful ！
Thankyou, this is great , just what I was looking for x
Thank you, this video is really helpful. ❤️
Tnx for your sharing. ❤️
I am a fatherless and raised by a single mom the moment I met Jesus I felt alone and Jesus filled my empty heart Jesus Christ gave more care and love to me that exceeded my expectations I thank God for all he's done. Always remember there's always hope in Jesus he is our hope and answer to our lives.😍 God bless you all😍🤗
Subscribed!
I go through most of the problems your channel discusses
Thank you 🌹
Great video thanks ❤️👍❤️😊
Such a beautiful video
OMG this is an AMAZING video!
Wow. Thank you.
Thank you!
Wow everything is spot on
4:04 this helped a lot, thank you
Super duper helpful!!
Thanks
Nailed it.
Thank you...