A lot of the story is missing here she admits that she was on heroin when she went to her grandfather's house so he was probably giving her money for sex that's why they had an arrangement, people like that leave out little factoids that point towards it being her fault because of the drugs and her willingness to have sex for drugs, yes grandpa is a scumbag but she made it too easy for him
“ if you were older than 20, how could you let this happen? ” very horrible question to ask a survivor of manipulation, rape, and incest. i’ve enjoyed these interviews so far, but this one really rubbed me the wrong way. you have GOT to learn how to handle these types of situations. you’re very lucky that Star is a strong woman & you didn’t have to deal with a breakdown on camera. This was VERY inconsiderate questions to ask a survivor of trauma like Star. Do better, please. If not for your viewers, then for the interviewee. They deserve a safe space to be heard, not further judged. Bless you, Star. I wish nothing but the best for you, honey 🩷
You’re right in a way I guess but honestly the dude making these is not a licensed therapist or anything like that, he’s giving them a platform to tell their stories and sometimes his questions are more meant for the guest to have a direction to move their story toward when they stall on a specific moment 👀 The people taking part aren’t expecting him to coddle them and give them a form of therapy, they volunteer to tell their story for people like us to gain perspective when we haven’t lived through these type of situations
@@mhill93278phrasing matters. Simple adjusting it to "what would you say to people who would ask why you didn't fight back, even though you were an adult who could have?" Makes a world of difference. This man is a professional, he should know how to address these topics if he's dedicated to covering them. It is his responsibility as the interviewer, not as a therapist. And he should take this constructive criticism and apply it to future interviews. There's nothing wrong with people giving him feedback.
@@kiracarver988 Yeah also being a trained therapist/psychiatrist would help too, but the point was you’re demanding a level of professionalism that this interviewer has never claimed to possess or promise to his guests 🤷🏽♂️ So it sucks that his gesture to give a platform to these people who want to share their stories is some how “coming up short” for your satisfaction when you’re penalizing him for a promise that he never made 👀 Its like, now if he doesn’t rephrase himself is he an asshole because you said so? Or if he comes across as dry then because you’ve warned him now he’s doing this wrong? He never promised or claim to have a talent for this, you can’t get upset or demand perfection
@@mhill93278 nope, sorry, a professional interviewer absolutely should know how to be sensitive when the time calls for it, and how to construct questions even on the fly. Literally the expected job of a good interviewer. Just like how sometimes, an interviewer should know when to push someone's buttons to get to the truth of a matter, etc. lol what do you even mean. It's his job. He's the one who decided to cover such sensitive topics, but he's not expected to know how to be sensitive?
"I'm the common denominator...there's gotta be something about me that...brings out the worst in men". That broke my heart. It's not you, Star. It's them.
He was also repeating back to her in her own words so that he matched her emotionally. Remember he is interviewing, not doing therapy. It is not his role to correct her language.
It makes me fkng sick that her grandmother was so bent on her going to church but was knowingly allowing her husband to abuse every child in that house
Folks are in for a sobering reality that think they can hide behind the cloth and/or bible while seeking forgiveness for these disgustingly cruel acts. Common sense, the conscience and the bible states that when you continue doing something knowing that it's wrong, can only be defined at it's roots as blasphemy, and that's why and how the conscience becomes unhealthy, because the Holy Spirit has turned away.
"Not my kids." I understand this woman doesn't think highly of herself, but that line right there makes her a hero. I hope her children become the adults that finally give her the love she deserves.
kimberly arnold I watched a short film about inbred a week ago. There were 3/4 brothers & 2-3 generations. You can tell one was brought up living in a dog kennel as he only barked. They were all utterly filthy & all lived in absolute squalor. Very sad to see.
I am an incest survivor. Thank you so much Star❤️ That is the first time I have ever written that sentence. You inspired me. You made me feel not alone. I am 57. I’m smiling rn bc of how much better you made me feel about myself in the world. Love you!
I am so sorry for all of you I'm a father of two young girls and a young boy and never in my wildest nightmares could I imagined inflicting anything like this on my children I will pray for you all and I hope that you truly find the piece that you deserve God bless
Incest can become much like Stockholm Syndrome where victims end up feeling protective of the abuser. Its akin to brainwashing. Mark I hope you learned something from this and approach victims with more compassion and sensitivity. Star, you are a brave beautiful lady that deserves the best life. I admire your courage!
That’s probably from the betrayal of those who she loved and thought loved her in return but instead they hurt her and betrayed her trust. A broken spirit that’s still fighting 💔💜
Sadly... underlying I thought she maybe jealous... knowing he would be engaging in sexual activity with her daughters...sick as it seems...she comes across in MORE than 1 way of being in love with her grandfather Smh I don't know who's MORE messed up...Smh
@@groundhog_7977 she was manipulated, taken advantage of and groomed by her grandfather. “Not my kids” clearly means she won’t allow them to be hurt by him the way he hurt her. She isn’t “jealous” lol wtf. she’s protecting her kids. You’re just victim blaming… don’t be ignorant
@@groundhog_7977 agree 100%. Sure, this girl has had it rough in some ways but shes not just 100% a victim in this whole situation. Theres def more to it and theres def some blame to be placed on herself as well. Shes literally attracted to and lusts after her grandfather. Thats not some automatic thing that happens when you are abused. Theres much more to this story and many more contributing factors from HER side than we actually know. Without even getting too far into it, its apparent that, simply put, much of her situation(s) is on her.
"Not my kids", and later the "I'm not his anymore" was so powerful oh my god. This woman deserves the purest love. She has such a powerful ability to love despite all that was done to her. Its not your fault star, i truly hope and pray you find healing and peace
@@QueensNewYorkguyget out of here with this victim blaming bs bro. If u haven’t been through abuse, u don’t have the slightest idea what it’s like. So kindly stfu 😊
“Why did you let it happen when you were an adult and able to stop it?” A literal loss for words for how pissed off mark made me with that question when she had literally just got done explaining why when ppl would ask her that as if it’s an appropriate question to ask someone disgusting Edit didn’t see how many ppl responded to this until now I get why he asked it but he obviously should’ve asked in a much better “reporter” type of way like “for all the people who will be wondering why did it continue.” Or something like that as a childhood victim myself from my own father who did 6 years as a teen for it this question sounds like you don’t believe them and at least for me Ill stop opening up cuz you already don’t believe me like cys didn’t for years until he was incarcerated at 15 he was just let out a year or two ago finished his Sentence I’m 23 now
I normally do not comment on videos, but I whole-heartedly agree with this sentence. When I heard him say that I was just thinking wtf is wrong with you?? Underrated comment, that was so uncalled for and I'm disgusted. This poor woman just suffered so much throughout her life but it's good to know that her grandfather can no longer harm anyone else.
Literally…. This kind of response from people alone is TRAUMATIZING. It’s a lot to go through life as a victim taking on the guilt and shame of the predator. It’s these kinds of reactions that can keep people suffering in their own head.
Why made you angry? It's about taking accountability as a victim. Children can't defend themselves, but if you're an adult and you know things are fucked up, you should take action, otherwise you are part of the abuse. People take "it's not your fault" (unless you are a child) too far, that's why these people don't seek any help, but continue to get involved in same toxic relationships and pile up trauma.
@@fallenstar7776 - Dear Star, I assume you are the remarkable woman telling your story on this video? If so, for starters please start calling yourself "Rising Star", which is what you are. It is your first family are the Fallen Stars, but you have survived that poisonous pack of disfunctional humans.What you have been through in your life so far would destroy many less strong souls. You are doing the right thing now, talking publicly about it. I hope you are starting to heal just by coming out into the open. Part of my own recovery was to cut off completely every jackass in my first family, none of whom protected me. We have no choice with blood relatives,, but we can leave them (at least as adults) if it's not a good scene.. Friends we can choose, and as adults take on good people as a replacement family. I hope you will stand fast now and allow only people in your life who will protect/encourage support you on your path to healing. Also, a good professional counsellor can help with trauma and self-esteem issues. I feel very positive about your future because I can see that although feeling so broken inside, you are strong in spirit and smart, and you have looked inside yourself to see your situation clearly. I see you also a beautiful woman in your prime (I speak as a Senior) and so please also enjoy your youth and beauty with worthy people, and have some fun doing things you enjoy. Do follow your dream to become a nurse! You'll be great at it, a very compassionate professional caregiver doing important work to help others. Rising Star, you ARE somebody. I send my love. YOU GO, GIRL!
How dare you ask this victim why she didn’t stop her abuse?!? If you’re going to speak to victims, you better treat them with 100% respect and sensitivity.
It’s an interview on a sensitive topic. He has the right to ask anything he wants this isn’t a counseling session. This is for entertainment. If you are so easily triggered by a question why watch these videos???
You just made my guts turn… entertainment is not the right word to use. This is for visibility. Bringing very grim topics and shedding light on them so that others may feel seen, heard and potentially give other survivors some kind of hope. This is not for entertainment. Excuse me while I go throw up now.
@@Sourninjalo Its obvious that you lack of some good old-fashioned backbone. Not everything is for entertaining purposes, and I wish that somewhere sometime in the future, you will have the capacity to understand that. If you don’t respect yourself, try to show some respect to the people who got hurt because of y’all.
This isn’t incest, this is rape. Very poorly worded questions, and lots of re-traumatizing. I know this is journalism, but the questions where worded very poorly. She didn’t “let it happen.” She was raped. It wasn’t sex. It was RAPE.
He is mirroring her own words back to her, he is actually meeting her emotionally by using the language that she used to describe the situation, if she uses the word sex and he says the word rape do you know how triggering that can be for a victim! We all know she was raped but that’s not the word she’s used herself to talk about it so mark is actually being very sensitive in this situation.
The worth and dignity of a soul is measured by what it delights in! And delight/happiness is our highest desire. Men have killed to have it. Kings have gone mad trying to find it. Wars have served it. Affairs have worshiped it. We all seek it. Sadly, billions have died without discovering its secret... namely, that joy is not an it, but a He. The Gospel is the good news that sinners can delight in a Holy God. It's the good news that all of our deepest desires are satisfied in the ONE who sent His Son to bring us to Him. . God is so valuable and so satisfying that the most loving thing he could do for us is to make Himself gloriously indispensable. He is the only being in the universe for whom self-exaltation is the highest virtue. Therefore, God's commitment to be glorified and our goal to be satisfied are not at odds but come to simultaneous consumation in the worship of His Son... who took upon Himself the Wrath that God had towards us in our sinful disregard of Him. A wrath that could never be appeased through man-made religion. Jesus didn't die to turn the world into a paradise, he died so that we could stop seeking paradise in the world... Temporal things such as beauty, popularity, money, sex, racial identity, gender reassignment... can never truly satisfy. BECAUSE WE WERE MADE FOR SO MUCH MORE! We were made to gaze intently into the Eternal Beauty of a majestic King, Father, and God... meet Jesus the Christ. Life is hard, God is good, Glory is coming 😊... Thanks for taking the time to read this comment.
@@QueensNewYorkguy That's also what slaves told their masters before becoming "bed wenches" its to give the illusion of free- will. in reality that 6 foot 7 man could break her jaw and do whatever he wanted. She was living in fear.
@@urRAWRsoundsfunnyLOL 911 ☎️! It works, you should try it sometime when you decide to take accountability and stop making excuses choosing to be a victim
Given the mature themes that Mark has chosen to interact with on a daily basis for this SWU project, you'd think he would ask more mature questions than, "if you're 20 years old, how do you let your grandfather get away with this?" You can argue all day that he's playing devil's advocate and just trying to challenge the interviewees so he can get the best content possible, but I really don't think the ends justify the means. Star gave Mark so much information and heartbreakingly beautiful reflection in this video; he didn't need to say that to her. Victims are already made to feel like the abuse is their fault from every angle, so to lull her into a false sense of security by providing a safe space to share her experience and then imply that she could have stopped her abuse any time if she really wanted to--I just think mark can do better and his interviewees deserve better. God knows they've been through enough before he gets there.
She dissociated more times than I could count. You could visibly see her check out. The brain does that to survive trauma. My heart just breaks for her.
I feel that I do the same thing I was sexually abused from 9 till 17 I moved out at 17 and don’t want to and the comments didn’t stop till my step dad died .. at 15 my stepdad son rape me.. my mom committed murder my dad went to prison for molesting his niece.. the story goes on and on I do the samething as her
-Her grandfather raped her... the definition of rape is that its non consensual (not saying "no" doesnt mean you wanted to be raped) -Freezing/not fighting back is an appropriate response to rape/trauma (very, very common) -Having an orgasim is the body's response to being minupulated sexually. That doesnt mean you liked it. Of course there may have been times when things felt pleasurable, thats the way sexual organs are designed to respond to touch. (Lots of survivors struggle with this, including male survivors) -You are incredibly brave to share this with as much vulnerability as you did! Im so proud of you. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for explaining this and putting that information out here for people to grasp and try to understand. Its an incredibly hard story and situation to fathom and what you just explained in detail I think would or could bring more survivors peace by just educating people on the bodies responses and how unless its explained and heard it can be torture to process if at all possible to process. I think star is the epitome of strength. I love her heart and fighting spirit.
Well said, totally agree! So proud of u for telling ur story, talking about ur trauma is therapy for the soul. Will say a prayer 🙏🏻 for her to stay drug free and live a happy life. 🥰
No she does not need to put this in a movie. She needs to heal and she needs people around her that will love her and accept her and help carry her through this. She doesn't need to be exploited anymore.
It broke my heart too. It made me think of myself, to know I'm not the only one who feels like the common denominator.... Very heart breaking but at least I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
She is the common denominator. It's not her fault, that's the part that's sad to me. She doesn't seem to understand that predators can spot prey from miles away. She's groomed for abuse.
her protecting her 5yr old baby cousin is heroic to me, and i wana hug her for taking up all that pain and anger and keeping him away from her, may God bless her life now, she's beautiful and I would accept her as part of my family any day
"Secrets keep us sick" and the truth will set her free. She did it! She let it all go right here, and now she's free. So beautiful and real. Thank you, Mark for giving her the chance to do it. *hugs*
@@chanted1558 you would be wrong. Secrets DO keep us sick, speaking, writing and working through them can indeed heal us. It's alchemical. That is why therapy works.
@@chanted1558 “ @ yes Chaunte Williams she needs more then mark platform to speak her truth to Get the professional help she truly NEEDS!! This maybe be a 1st step but if people think oh she can just come on mark ch say her truth and Oh she is healed!! And feels better!! Etc etc they are so wrong !! This lady needs yrs of really help, she has A lot of work ahead of her!! I pray she gets the professional help she needs. She has ALOT OF WORK TO PUT INTO HERSELF IF SHE EVER WANTS TO EVEN GET/feel a little normal. I pray she finds some peace, but u can hear it in her voice SHE IS BROKEN!!! God bless her. I have worked with the homeless since 2004, I’ve seen may of women like her, her story, her life, etc I work with street kids age 16-30 yr old , I’ve seen /heard skit over the yrs. some never get the help they truly need. Sometimes the damage is too much . Etc sending her love& prayers 🙏🏽, Love, Light& Healing 🙏🏽🦋💙🇨🇦
“It was so easy not to hit my son by I don’t understand why it was so easy for them to hit me.” That hurts so much, people are cruel. Edit: I know this is late and to some of you who went through this trauma, I’m so sorry you guys had to go through that but just know that you are still here and you are the strongest person no matter what anyone tells you, you never let your abuser win by living your best life and leaving them in the past and I hope you leave them in the past, it’s okay to think about them every once in awhile because we are human after all, if you still struggle please don’t be scared to talk to anyone, not just therapy but a close friend and if you don’t have anyone, hell you can talk to me and I’ll give you my sc. take care of yourself guys :)
@@robertmacnaughton4190 Many of us who have gone through trauma are told to "get over it" by others, who have never been through much of anything horrendous. They're too stupid to care
5.8 million views on this interview. I think it is safe to say that we need an update on Star. Every time I come across one of your uploads, I think of Star. No other interview has touched my heart like this one. I pray she is safe, happy, healthy and living the life she deserves bc damn it, she deserves a happy life. I just want to hug her.❤️
I have watched a good number of the videos on this channel but this was deep: the flat calm tone of her voice, the lack of tears vs the story and the pauses... I pray for good days ahead for her and her family.
Stockholm syndrome is one of the saddest things... the fact that she blames everything on herself and hopes SHE can be forgiven. And the way she loved him to the end. Its heartbreaking.
She even says that if she could have a father figure. She just wanted a man to not beat her, to protect her, as sick and sad, love her. He groomed her. She also repeatedly says how he is charismatic and larger than life. Heartbreaking 😥
Thank you for bringing up Stockholm syndrome. You are 100% correct, and somebody needed to say it. On another note, though, I truly believe she could have shot and killed him, whether during the commission of a rape or not, and she would be in the right. I’m afraid, as I’m sure she was, that it’s not a sure thing in front of a jury. I pray, “Oh Mighty God, please bring her peace, in Jesus name I pray. Amen.”
Her grandmother would sleep with one arm on him just to make sure he wasn’t messing with her children...... but wouldn’t leave his ass alone to make sure he wasn’t messing with her children.......
@@Beetwate305 I honestly hope & pray that what you just said you said in a very dark comically twisted way, & if so sure I get the 'joke', however in all honesty what & where in pedophilia/sexual abuse/rape/incest is there any room for making jokes out of something that is so depraved, & where it leaves in its wake victims whose lives are forever changed & destroyed, some of those victims are left with seeing no other option other than suicide form the horrific side-effects that these people eveyone from little children through to adults. Such a skewed fucked-up remark such as yours has no place within such a horrifically heartbreaking topic such as this one. The decent thing would be is to apologize for any offense, because I your comment offended me.
This interview is too hard for me. I am a incest survivor and I cannot get through this interview. I wish Star the best and I am really sorry this happened to you.
I dated a girl when I was a teenager so was she.her dad S/A from very young up untill she was 15 years old. She told me what happened to her. I turned him in.she said her mom would not believe her,and he threatened her.
@Joe Dick What is wrong with you? She should blame herself a little bit for her grandfather raping her? She was a CHILD. How do you think that trauma and abuse impacted her as an adult? You are incredibly sick and twisted. NOTHING EVER makes that behavior even a little bit okay. NOTHING.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was a victim of child hood sexual abuse from my grandfather fro the age of 5 until 8. I turned 9 in October, he died in November and my Dad started sexually abusing me in December and that lasted until I was 12 1/2. I finally told my Mom when I was getting ready to turn 17. The next day she took me and dropped me off at the state mental hospital because she told me I was the one who needed to get out of the house. I had siblings and she wanted to protect them because if anyone knew they would be taken away. After 2 weeks she picked me up after telling detectives that I didn’t want to file charges. My parents made me quit school because they didn’t want to tell them the truth as to where I had been. It was kept quite and never spoken of again. I am 49 now and 2 years ago,I told my husband. I have seen a therapist at least 2 days a week since then. I know what she is going through it’s not easy. My parents are still married and none of my family has any contact with me. I may have lost them all but I have and I am still finding myself. I am on my way to becoming a mental health counselor to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Thank you for your courage to speak!
OMG ... you are a survivor... thanks goodness you finally told somebody...live your life with not regrets and thank you for sharing and the work that you do
You’re very courageous. And you are, by the sounds of it, the first one to break the chain of hidden family abuse. Thats a tough load to bear. But i can absolutely, 100%, tell you that because of you other victims in your family will follow you. You have quite literally opened the escape door for others. I know this as a professional in the mental health field as well as the same actions of my mum in her family. You have started a process that can now never be locked up in secrets and lies again. That makes you an extremely brave hero. Extremely brave.
I cant stop crying. I dont know how she did this. Survived. I will pray for her recovery and happiness and peace. It amazes me what people can survive. This woman deserves my respect. Thank you for sharing this brave womans story.
I keep getting drawn back in by Star’s voice and story. I wish I could hug you Star. Your pain is raw and all too real. Where ever you are, I pray you are loved and feel safe.
Don’t ever call it “sex”... it’s rape. People refuse to say rape because it makes them uncomfortable... and it should... because it’s the worst thing you can do to another human.
@@JohnSmith-su3ze I never said they couldn't say it nor did I invalidate what they said. I added my take on it. You can say "no one asked you" but it's UA-cam which is much like a public forum so fuck you right in your fucking face. 😁
Currently she is battling a nasty addiction. Her mom is on TikTok and she was sober for a few months and had her own channel but unfortunately relapsed. She is currently living with her sister. Her life has been very traumatic but she is a beautiful soul.
@jayme11475 I’m so sorry to hear that but I think that addiction would be the only way I could survive on this earth after being through all she has suffered. I’d be an addict too. I hope she can find the peace and healing she deserves.
I honestly could listen to Star talk all day! Even though her story is chilling and horrific, her eloquence and character shines a beautiful light on such a tragic story. Star, you are one strong woman who’s empowering, inspiring, and one badass survivor whose story will help so many people. ❤
When she dissociated and had to ask him “can you please ask me a question” This is what crippling ptsd looks like after a life time of abuse. I pray she reads these comments so she can see what we see: A VICTIM she did nothing wrong she was conditioned - doesn’t matter if she was 21- she was still victimized and it was always rape. And she sacrificed herself to try to save her baby cousin. Not to mention the strength it took to break that generational curse , by saying “NOT MY BABIES” Keep protecting those babies star and keep loving yourself.
@@childishgambimbo3694 god I hate people who be like “you’re not a victim you’re a survivor” like ik you have good intentions but seriously just stop. Yeah she’s a survivor but she is still a victim because it happened to her. She technically, by definition, and in any interpretation is a victim and you can’t change that by saying she’s not or saying she’s a survivor. They’re two things that don’t have to be exclusive.
I can tell she is very practiced at choosing her words and tone so she doesn’t say the wrong thing or come off the wrong way. NOT in a lying way. In a survival way. We can spot our own 😞
Yes, you can also tell in the way she sounds very matter-of-fact about it, with no real emotion most of the time. I always wondered about that about myself in therapy, how I could tell so many horrible, painful things in such a matter-of-fact way, and I think it's in some way a part of the distancing you have to do mentally and emotionally in order to survive.
We experience this because we experienced trauma at such a young age. I dissociate easily when I talk about the things I have been through. It's a coping mechanism that we developed as a child when trauma was occuring.
Her voice is not expressive of calm. It’s completely flat and devoid of emotion. In order to tell & relive the trauma she must compartmentalize it, keep her feelings & fear buried deep, and distance herself from it. It’s a very primal coping mechanism.
Wouldn't she have had saved her kids if she hadn't had them? The more I watch these videos the more I feel we are able to solve a lot of the world's problems by bringing fewer humans into it... :-(
@@toegh this is the fourth comment I found in the past two days that was trying to push an argument either for or against abortion. Are y'all bots? Three of your other comments on this channel are about that. Change the tune.
You broke the cycle! You got away, made sure your kids were never exposed to this, and helped put this man away. You are strong and we are celebrating you!!
Thank you for your bravery . It took me 14 yrs. To get my daughter away from her dad and grandmother ,they had been sexually abusing her from the age of newborn to age of 9 which I was unaware of. I thought at the time I was just getting her out of a home that was as fasting with drugs and evil people. I didn't find out that all in this occurred until my daughter was 10 the courts continue to try and make me send her to visitation when I was just requesting an advising the courts that it was a drug house but will only hold. They were sexually abusing her and humiliating her. So on. My is 17 now! I have been taking her to counseling since she was 3 years old. It's so sad because the victim always feels like it's their fault. You must have done something wrong to serve it. That's what these predators do. Like she said in the interview or good at what they do. I had no clue that was going on. They brainwashed her so bad and put fear in her so bad that she didn't tell me anything. Like I said until she was 10 because her little brain put it in the back of her head because she couldn't cope. As soon as I found out I called the DA they did nothing about it. They said we don't have enough evidence. I said you don't have a 13-year-old here. Willing to sit on stand and explain everything that she went through. To just day she's still in counseling she's very traumatized. Continue to try to find ways to help her. I I went through similar situation with my biological dad whom I wasn't raised with. When I reconnected with him when I was 21. She started doing things that were borderline and I was just write it off as I was overreacting. Anyone out there here read this and is going through the same thing don't feel like it's your fault. Say something? Do something. Keep saying something and tell somebody does something to help you . There are some people that are so evil awful there are so People are still out there and God knows who else their abusing sexually mentally. Special thanks to the host as well as star for telling her story because it takes people like us to continue to put it out there so people can stick up for themselves. I understand her people hurt people.I was abused by my mom physically and mentally for so many years and I never did the things that my mother did to me to my children. Us victims of these horrific actions need to stand up and speak up for the little ones and the big ones that don't know or understand. We need to teach our children. Unfortunately that there are several ways that people will try to situate abuse you and make it seem like it's okay ❣️ ❤ Be safe star. Continue to tell your story. It will help others.
@@ivanrussell3083 She was raped repeatedly by someone who knew what they were doing and should have had the human decency not to do such a thing. She is the victim here, not a willing participant in the act.
@@matthewcioffi6385 nah bruh in your 20's she was a "Willing Participant " like she said he didn't physically force her she chose to continually have sex with her Grandfather! He's is a predator yes but she has to take responsibility for her part!
7 years= The majority of laws were made by men. IMO that explains the lack of penalties for sex crimes in general. The men who commit these crimes, hide in plain sight & make our laws, run our churches, lead communities. How they are allowed to continue to remain in society at all is beyond me. Many more of these people exist than we can begin to see. The penalties for these type of crimes are such a joke. How can we trust society when the most vulnerable are not protected, but the abusers.
@@knockingonheavensdoor6102 for real though!!! I've seen local pedos get sentenced as low as 18 months! Meanwhile, their victims will have to carry the burden for the rest of their lives. It's absolutely beyond sickening
Honestly, cases of sexual abuse and rape are very tricky when it comes to sentencing. Often there is no tangible proof of rape or sexual abuse so the jury must be convinced using testimonies of victims. Without proof, sentencing is usually pretty light, which is why he only got 7 years. However, with theft and drug offences, there is almost always proof (I.e. possession of drugs/stolen goods)
@@knockingonheavensdoor6102 this is largely untrue in the way you are describing law. It is not as sexist as you are making it out to be. My other comment applies to both men and women. Perhaps reading it may help you understand why the penalties for sexual abuse are often so light
Yes, but I guess we should know more about how the interviewees are recruited and how consent for their videos is negotiated. I am a little worried that what we are witnessing is an act of emotional exploitation of people who are already very vulnerable. I very much hope I am wrong...
@@interestingvideos4me I hope so too. I think just from watching some other videos that he is genuine. He allows the person to tell their story in full candor. The way that most of it is uncut I believe shows that. The strength in this women is unbelievable
Next to murder, incest is man's worst crime. But the idea that this monster raped his own daughter and then raped his daughters' daughter - who likely was HIS daughter - is staggering. She never actually says what the 23 test said...and believing that he had a vasectomy because he said he did sounds like more of his bullshit.
Exactly what I was gonna say. I hope she can continue to put one foot in front of the other, and for the sake of her children as well as hers, get the professional help that she needs.
Stars story is truly horrific and I completely agree with you but I can only think that in forgiving her grandmother, she was letting go of any anger she held for her. Yes, the grandmother knew what was going on but we don't know the full back story. None of us were there. Maybe she too had been abused by the grandfather before she was aware of him abusing his grandchildren and lived in silent fear as she didn't have the courage to leave. Star appears to be a very loving and caring woman with such a big heart despite being let down by the people who really should have loved and protected her the most. I admire her strength and honesty and wish her all the best for the future.
@@suz1017 she’s talking about her grandmother forgiving her. She is the victim. The grandmother should be asking for Stars forgiveness, not the other way around.
Yes. I was so stunned by that part. And although I don't want to infer anything, it is very very very very hard to believe that the grandmother did not know anything. Very hard. And I speak as a mother. How do you not see your kids and see that your partner goes away so often and the relationship between the kids and your partner? I don't see how that is possible and I would love to hear about this when it is proved to be true that the mom did absolutely not know (I'm not speaking about avoidance, or traumatic amnesia.)
@susan marshall Yes. Thank you dear. Afterwards I got that. I don't always understand everything that's said on these vids due to the accent. It's still very chocking.
It was all manipulation. Star's grandfather knew she had low self esteem, that she was abused, that she battled drug addiction, that she had no place to stay, and that she needed to stay clean to see her son. He gave her what she needed, food, clothes, shelter, encouragement, even love. He told her all the things she needed to hear... just so it would be easier to violate her later. He was a sociopath.
It’s all r*pe. Her mom fought back and it was r*pe. Star may have been complicit - still r*pe. Being complicit is not consent, in fact it’s self protection and freezing is 100% a trauma response. Also to ask “you were 20, weren’t you old enough to stop it?” As if when you turn 18 you magically transform into an empowered advocate for yourself that can stop generational incest. This woman is incredibly strong and I hate that she blames herself whatsoever but I unfortunately understand why.
Thank you for saying this. Victim shaming/blaming is the worst and I cringed when he asked her that question. There are so many layers to the response an individual has to sexual abuse, there should be no judgement.
she’s trying to make it clear then her mom was actually raped but she was raped too and it’s making me sad she doesn’t see the two situations as the same. they were both raped.
I think she feels its worse because they were most likely raped as children and her mother is probably someone she loves more than herself.. it's so sad..
I believe it’s due to the fact that her mom was held down and such. To her that would be more traumatic.. he was going to do it either way, by her going along with it she could have saved herself a hell of a lot more hurt. She was also protecting her grandma and niece.
she was groomed . this man made her feel safe , while everyone around her was angry at her . she stayed because she felt like she had no other options i don’t get why it’s hard for people to understand that
her granddad treated her like a lady like she wanted to be. she felt a sense of....something, But it went away. She felt violated & disgusted--but at the same time, she loved her grandad and don't want to see him in a bad situation--so she kept having sex with him.
Star, your body has physiological responses with rape. You can have an orgasm and not be okay with what’s happening. There’s a lot of information out there about this happening and I hope you come across it. You can NOT blame yourself for what that predator did to you. No matter your age. I’m so sorry you went through this.
Yes, this is exactly right. So many rape survivors feel guilty and ashamed that they had an orgasm, but our bodies were designed to respond to certain stimulus. It's a purely physiological response. It's not the person's fault.
So you mean to tell me this man touched EVERY SINGLE ONE of his grandchildren and children .... And the grandmother did absolutely nothing 😳 This is horrifying to say the least and she is the epitome of strong and beautiful.
When I finally told my grandma (who raised me and my sister and brother) that my cousin molested me, who she had watch me and keep me occupied, her exact words were and I’ll never ever forget them “that makes sense... he molested his sister too” I wasn’t sure what I was looking for when I told her but that wasn’t it. This lady being interviewed is as lovely and as pure of heart and soul as the driven snow. I would love to hold her until we both shattered and we could rebuild with out the evil of this world. To know someone is hurting a child and do nothing is the same as hurting the child yourself.
The only thing I can think of as a reason for her behavior (as a domestic abuse survivor myself) is that maybe she was allowing the abuse on the girls every now and then so that she could have a break. As AWFUL as that sounds, the wife usually goes through the same as the kids but it's more violent. I am in NO WAY saying those girls had it easy or deserved anything that happened to them. This whole thing is a long systematic line of abusive incest and it's all horrible. From an empathetic standpoint, as someone who has been through domestic violence myself, she may have been laying there in her bed as her husband did these things, fully knowing he was doing them and hating herself for not stopping him. There were times my husband physically abused the kids and I was outside the room shaking, praying he would stop, because the second I went in there he would beat the shit out of me. He didn't hurt the kids as much as he hurt me. Again, I'M NOT DEFENDING THIS BEHAVIOR. It is an absolute nightmare to live through and I'm so sorry these girls had to live with this asshole pedophile.
Something I should add is that a year ago I removed my kids and I from that situation. It isn't easy AT ALL, and I can understand why this grandmother didn't try to escape. It isn't easy for a woman to just start over, especially with children in tow.
@@thomasbeebe-wurzer3061 this girl has been through so much. The fact that she chose a man that favours him-and keep in mind that this fellow _grew to favour him as he aged,_ as his beard grew in and such-maybe a large black overall man would’ve been her preference no matter what even if her grandfather had died before she was born, maybe she just prefers large black men and the overalls are incidental, maybe the attraction is totally influenced by unprocessed trauma, but who the fuck are we to judge after hearing what she’s been through?
Im 45 years old today, I still feel the guilt and shame of being molested by mom for years and its hard to come to terms with the fact that yes it physically felt good but emotionally devasted me for life.
@@joshuaday3980 This is such an important comment. The “guilt and shame” is the killer. As if men being raped by women is somehow not real, because he is stimulated and orgasms. Those are involuntary. What a horrible thing you’ve had to fight against; having your truth invalidated even by your own mind. You cannot control your body with your mind if your mind and heart are being victimized simultaneously. Star’s physical response did not mean she wanted it to happen. And even if eventually her mind played tricks on her to desire it because of how she had to disassociate from her own self, she was victimized and it was still RAPE. Just as it would be for anyone being coaxed into it while being intoxicated. I cannot imagine the pain you carry, you have my deepest sympathies. But from the bottom of my heart, I hope you let go of this guilt and shame. It is keeping you in a prison. This was not your fault. It could never be your fault, NO MATTER WHAT.
@@fauzianezam246 whoa! HTFU!!! That is NOT what is happening.... Obviously you've never had to go through s@xual assault... So shut your mouth about shit you don't even know about!
Her grandmother knew what was happening. She was an enabler. I don’t believe the stories, where a woman says, that she didn’t know, what was happening with her daughters or grandchildren. A woman knows. Can feel it in the air. If you care about your kids, you just know.
Star said her grandmother forgave her as if her granddaughter was intentionally participating in hurting her grandmother for sheer enjoyment. What volumes does it speak that she was moved to tears by her grandmother's grief and not her own when Star is the one that underwent trauma at the hands of her pervert husband? We are talking about people who needed to protect her from a serious behavior and crime, knew the disturbing issues were happening, and did nothing. Does not THAT speak volumes for Star, girly? It's sick to assume the survivor has to feel sorry for the enabler's inactions and the perpetrators' disgusting actions. Grief? She should be angry at her grandmother feeling the need she wanted an apology from Star. So many excuses made for enables and perpetrators no wonder this stuff just keeps happening to young girls and boys all over the world. You keep turning a blind eye and/or feeling the need to empathize with the onlookers who did nothing, and yet expect an apology. F_ck that. Stars love and identity was smeared and robbed from her by perverts and the onlookers are just as perverted as the perpetrator. Period.
You're 100% right. Her grandmother had a responsibility to protect the other women/girls and she chose not to confront her POS husband because of her own selfish reasons. @@nildaluzrodriguez
the fact that she got emotional about her grandmother forgiving her… as if it was her fault. my heart breaks for this woman. i hope she heals and finds the clarity to realize that she was only ever the victim. God bless her
You can tell there is confliction within her about if it was her fault or not. She says she could have said no, but that's not the story she told. She wants to blame herself. But, sir is very much a victim of a monster. She should be the one forgiving get grandmother, not asking for it. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but as a Mother of two daughters and a woman who has survived physical, and SA. I couldn't stay with a man or stand by a man who was doing this to my daughters for any reason. I would be homicidal to be perfectly honest.
Guilt is common among the feelings victims go through. It's a long process, it needs to be expressed and respected as such, at least in the beginning, or else the victims will feel furthermore misunderstood and that their feelings are inadequate and not worthy of being shared. This testimony is really helpful for me as a psychologist in France, I wholeheartedly thank Star for sharing her experience with us, for other victims to dare and speak about incest even as adults, and for mental health professionals.
I was abused by my mom and that’s one of the things I ask myself the most.. why was it so easy for her to beat me but I can’t bring myself to do such a thing to anyone or anything... :-/ now she’s different with my siblings (I think) but I wonder if it’s an act, if she’s changed or if it was me..
When she said “there has to be something about me that brings out the worst in men” my heart dropped, I used to say that to myself all the time sometimes I still say it, I didn’t think other people would have that same mindset.
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I was looking for this comment . when u get repeatedly mistreated by people around u, u start thinking that there must be something about u BC everyone else don't get to see the side they show you at least not to the same severity. Sometimes they mistreat u unprovoked so it's like is it something with the way I look or carry myself. Why do i still attract this. What did i do wrong. it becomes a cycle of thinking that haunts u
don't think of it like that. you don't bring out the worst in men, you are an unwilling participant in someone unleashing hell on earth upon you. just because they've "never hit a woman before" doesn't mean they didn't have it in em. truth be told everyone is capable of horrible things, its just that some people choose to act on that.
i’m 37 & have felt like that. “what am i doing wrong?” girllll absolutely nothing! we are queens with crowns on our heads. all of us woman.... we are the creators of life. these men need to get right or get left!
This whole interview is a lot of self-blame. That ain’t it. If someone is targeting or preying on you, the problem isn’t you. It’s not the rabbit’s fault for looking so damn biteable. It’s the fox’s fault for not keeping their teeth to themselves.
Enjoying sexual assault or domestic violence is a coping mechanism to repeated trauma. Physically, your body is responding as bodies do when touched, regardless of if you want it. It's like being tickled, its an uncontrollable response. But mentally, the mind will often try to translate abusive relationships into positives, to cope with the overwhelming reality of the situation. Basically the brain tries to limit the stress response by sending enjoyment responses, but it's simply a harm reduction and survival technique. Similar to Stockholm syndrome. Plus orgasms send dopamine hits to the brain--regardless of if theyre consensual or not--thus the 'enjoyment.' Basically, it's a disassociation between the prefrontal cortex (conscious self) and the more primordial parts of our brain. Point being, it wasn't your fault and you have nothing to feel ashamed of. It's a common response. I hope Star sees this.
unfortunately the evidence for these subconscious ‘survival mechanism’ theories is scant. they are tolerated in psychiatry because they do help to relieve pain regardless of their scientific veracity. on the flip side, this kind of therapeutic theory immediately presents itself as goofy & casts an undeserved unscientific light on psychology & psychiatry in the minds of skeptics, measurably delaying therapy among victims of this nature. there is nothing about a child victim feeling momentary physical pleasure or even enjoying being violated by a perpetrator in general that either reassigns any blame to the child victim or absolves the adult from responsibility for these capital crimes
@@knuthamsun6106 It sounds like you, specifically, have a problem with the complexity of victims' accounts. No one I know believes that these theories are goofy, and you're projecting your own issues here. And you're right that the research is scant, but as someone with a lot of history with victims of domestic violence, it's most certainly true (even if just in part). Aligning yourself with a predator to prevent further harm being done to you is called the 'fawn' response. If the abuse goes on long enough, this can morph into true feelings of affection despite the abuse. This is, in part, due to the brain's need for social connection, so if you're cut off from everyone but your abuser, then you must put your social needs onto the abuser. It's normal, but nonetheless a trauma response.
@@yogatella I'm not a psychiatrist, though I do plan on going into the field. In the meantime, I've read a lot of books on trauma and neuroscience. I also have many many family members and friends who experienced sexual assault or domestic abuse, so unfortunately I am very familiar with the common trauma responses.
@@yogatella Fyi, forgot to mention this, but I highly highly recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk as a way to understand the complex neurobiological processes that occur during and after trauma. People often focus on the psychological parts of mental illnesses--and with good reason--while forgetting that the the way the brain is physically wired largely affects mental health. For example, after traumatic events, research has shown that the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls fear responses) can get up to 20% larger and significantly increases the number of receptors. All of this contributes to a common PTSD symptom known as hyper vigilance, and sometimes with medication this particular symptom can be alleviated. This is one of the reasons I'm interested in psychiatry, because with the right medicine and therapists, patients can really see their lives changed. I speak that as someone with PTSD, as well as many family members with PTSD as well. It's a fascinating subject, and I have the deepest sympathies for survivors like Star. And with the right treatment, life can get so much better for people like her.
When she said what happened to her mom was “honest to god rape” broke my heart. It’s as if she doesn’t think what happened to her was “honest to god rape.”
Especially when it's incest, like I know i feel had I never existed this would have never been an issue in my family therefore even if I don't blame myself, I still recognize it wouldn't be an issue without me. 🤷♀️
Yes, I blamed myself for pretty much everything. Trying not to do that and place the blame where it belongs. So hard when raised in severe abuse. Have to retrain your brain not to do that
@@itzfrosty3784 What she probably meant is that she would never let anything like that happen to her kids. He could take advantage of her but "not her kids".
“my son was the same age as I was when I was first hit. he did the exact thing that I did to get hit and it was so very easy not to hit him” this is such such an important moment. where the victim actively makes the choice not to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. i love seeing people break the cycle and choose to love and nurture their kids instead of forcing a bad childhood on them to make up for the one they themselves were given.
My mom and dad both broke their family’s cycles of abuse, loved me more than their own pain, never once hit me or were physically inappropriate with me. My dad was brutally, disgustingly abused but he was the best dad to me EVER. Knowing what they went through and how they did the exact opposite with me is incredible and the older I get the more I admire and thank them. I GOT LUCKY. Few others did and it breaks my heart! Every child deserves the love, kindness, safety, and shelter I was given!! 💔
This was one of the most difficult interviews to watch… and it was even more disturbing that he only received 7 years in prison. Even though he did end up dying in there, he deserved multiple life sentences for what he did.
I know, right? Josh Duggar just got 12+ years for watching child porn. How does a rapist pedophile with multiple victims over decades get a measly 7 years?! What a sick system of justice.
This almost similar happened to me and my mom knew I told her after it happened the first time and she continued pushing me into his arms the monster for me no matter what . I’m still crying about this and am old now and after many years of therapy . It just does never get away !
@@juttapluhar2819 I send you love and healing prayers for you and anyone who came into pain from your abuser. May you find some peace in your life as well as hope to help others. You’re a WARRIOR 💪🏽 and don’t you ever forget it! Jetta Pluhar, Thank you 🙏🏽 for sharing your story, I pray it will help others. 🙏🏽
When she talks about being disgusted with herself for enjoying what he did sometimes, it hit deep. A lot of people don't say anything about being abused sexually out of fear of being judged for participating in or liking it. Pleasure is pleasure it's not your fault. You are SO understood and loved!!!!
I suppose that that is the part that is so striking to me. How common I have learned that Molestation is in the world. Mostly, it is associated with shame and then there are the cases where it is quite open, not I society but in some families and I kept encountering both forms of it, from time to time, when I was dating .
That grandmother was sadly complicit. Allowed that monster to abuse her own children and grandchildren. The entire time she was with him all she had to do was report him but she never did.
Although we haven't heard her story. She was most likely abused too and went through a lot, as was said in the video. No one was to blame except the disgusting abusers I believe.
@@doriljubojevic517 though I do place pure blame on the abuser and I would not be surprised if he abused her too, there is still blame for her. I've seen abusive situations where some adults stayed quiet and the abuse continued. Just like this grandmother who stayed married to a man and knew he was raping her own kids and grandkids. I have also seen adults who spoke up and in turn saved the other victims from further abuse. If you have been with a man almost you're whole life and you are well aware that you own husband is raping almost everyone he comes in contact with even if that includes yourself, but you sweep it under the rug, you don hold a degree of responsibility.
@@kenny995 i agree, to a certain degree she was at fault for not doing anything but the most important thing is that they got away at the end. With other horrible things that went on in their family, a person in her situation could only be praying for it to stop and fearing for their life and the decision to talk about it and stand up is hard. I'm just glad they managed to get through it. No one in this world deserves to live like that.
@@doriljubojevic517 I suppose hindsight is 20/20, maybe if someone else sees this video it will give them the courage to speak up. Hopefully the family has learned and is starting to heal. You're right, no one deserves to suffer this.
I got 7 yrs in prison for 200 dollars worth of crack in 1991. Smh. Yea this system is really designed to lock us up for the smallest stuff and let them get away for just bout anything
THIS is the epitome of a GOOD mother ... you broke the cycle Star.. YOU broke the chains YOU... I hope one day you can break the chains of trauma and depression and live a life full of love.. you deserve the world!!!!
Unfortunately the longer you have depression the less likely it will go away. Doesn't mean you can't be happy but you're gonna need meds or something else. I've had depression and I really doubt it will ever go away. Started at 8 and it can deal with genetics too.
You can get over depression. Been depressed for 21 years of my life. now I’m living depression free. I’ve been living like that for 12 years now. No meds no nothing. Some days are bad but I’m optimistic and most of my days are good. I’m completely cured thankfully. Don’t let anybody tell you you can’t get over it. My whole family had depression so obvs it was genetic for me too but I overcame it. Anybody can!!
@@summera4019 that's really impressive. I've had bipolar depression since i was 7. It changed to full on when i was 10. It's genetic for me too. My mom has had it since she was in highschool. She's in her late 40's. And I'm 16, these have been along with diagnoses by s doctor.
@@summera4019 I’m trying to get like you! I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 10 years old and got diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar 5 years later. I take my medication, which does work at times, but I would want to try to be in a happy, stabilized mood without it. Congrats to you.
She lives in shame everyday. Like it or not a lot of women in that situation would do the same. He’s the only man she knew. In constant denial of it and loved the man. It’s really not that black and white. With that being said I’m glad she has been scarred by the fact that she let a monster roam free like that.
It’s sick that the grandmother KNEW that he had molested or raped her girls, just to get custody of her young grandchild and put her at risk. AND that her mother had experienced his abuse, yet still brought her children around him at all for this to happen. These women did nothing to protect their kids.
@@darrellandsondraholden9457 I have to disagree with you. Total disgrace that she did not put her grandchildren first! If she knew, she is just as guilty as he is.
@@darrellandsondraholden9457 It doesn't matter. These women knew what was going on and refused to do anything about it. These women had every right to get him locked up and protect their young children but did not.
This is incredibly uncharitable of me and I fucking hate the constant "prison will be fun for a fella like you" 'jokes' and innuendoes. However, I really hope that her grandfather's crimes were well known in prison and the reputation for the prison experience for pedophiles was completely accurate.
You can not understand why someone reacts the way they do to situations like that if you have never been there. It does something to your Soul. You are not in control. You freeze. You can't run, scream, fight, Anything. All that has been locked away from you when you were a child!
@@rockland3593 wow you obviously don't care enough to know anything about psychology, brain damage and other damage caused by systemic abuse. Go somewhere else since you clearly don't want to be here. You uneducated, unempathetic freak.
@@watovit I'm a psychologist now how dumb do you feel? The problem is obvious and people like you think you know everything and obviously love to pass blame like this girl does own your crap
"I'm the common denominator" made me pause the video because that hit so hard. That's literally what I sound like. And I'm finally on the other side. I always wondered why things always happened to me, why I couldn't have an ounce of normality. It's just a little jarring to hear my own feelings put into words like that.
So sad she had to go through type of torture and torment as well as the stockholm syndrome she experienced. A survivor is an understatement and hope she truly finds peace in a world that did her so wrong.
It’s heart-wrenching to hear these stories of abuse. It seems clear to me that her drug problems were her way of escaping the severe trauma caused by her grandfather and her father. I pray that she and the other survivors in this channel find healing in this lifetime.
the fact that she knows her grandma KNEW what had happened to her mother and her aunts, and KNEW what was happening to her as well and STILL says "my grandmother is one of the most beautiful people i know" is absolutely mind blowing.
When she said “sorry can you ask me a question” I could feel the anxiety of every horrible experience racing through her body. Mark needed to save her in that moment and it’s just so sad. I hope she finds peace ❤️
The was she got silent and spaced out I could feel the emotions and flash backs she was experiencing made me cry cause I know first hand what she was going through and how she was feeling that very moment trying to get that vision out her head
Same. That was painful to hear and she felt like she was a bad person bc her body reacted to what was happening. Like girl you can't help that. Ugh I hope she gets some professional help
That part was the most difficult for me to watch along with her silence at the end. Her silent moments and staring off struck me as disassociation. I'm 50 and have disassociated on a daily basis as long as I can remember. She is a sweet soul who was terribly wronged on so many levels from such a young age. I understand the pain all too well. I wish I could give her a hug. She is a survivor.
@@lesliedelong5330 it's very common. I'm currently in a period of depersonalization. 3 weeks of dissociation. There are lots of exercises online that can help you to come out of it.
"He's just a man that could bend other grown men to his will. If you've never had anyone in your life like that, it's hard to understand"- I have never related more. I hope this woman truly forgives herself. You always feel like it's your fault. Self love, honey. I hope you find yours. You are not alone.
the way she recognizes what happened to her mother as rape but not what happened to hers, absolutely breaks my heart
I caught that too. I was so so so sad to hear her say that. Oh my goodness. 😔😔😔
A lot of the story is missing here she admits that she was on heroin when she went to her grandfather's house so he was probably giving her money for sex that's why they had an arrangement, people like that leave out little factoids that point towards it being her fault because of the drugs and her willingness to have sex for drugs, yes grandpa is a scumbag but she made it too easy for him
Yeah and why was she with him.. She knew he was a rapist
@@JJ-sv7rh genuinely? please do something about your nasty mind and life
I audibly said, “oh, honey”. Really made my heart hurt.
"I was going to be a nurse and be somebody." You are somebody.
Correct Star I love you
You are an amazing WOMEN! STAY STRONG
If you never felt that way, you don't know what it is like.
Somebody I admire. You're so tough I'm telling you
@@whotelakecity2001 Many people replying are survivors, too.
“ if you were older than 20, how could you let this happen? ”
very horrible question to ask a survivor of manipulation, rape, and incest. i’ve enjoyed these interviews so far, but this one really rubbed me the wrong way. you have GOT to learn how to handle these types of situations. you’re very lucky that Star is a strong woman & you didn’t have to deal with a breakdown on camera. This was VERY inconsiderate questions to ask a survivor of trauma like Star. Do better, please. If not for your viewers, then for the interviewee. They deserve a safe space to be heard, not further judged.
Bless you, Star. I wish nothing but the best for you, honey 🩷
Agreed!
You’re right in a way I guess but honestly the dude making these is not a licensed therapist or anything like that, he’s giving them a platform to tell their stories and sometimes his questions are more meant for the guest to have a direction to move their story toward when they stall on a specific moment 👀 The people taking part aren’t expecting him to coddle them and give them a form of therapy, they volunteer to tell their story for people like us to gain perspective when we haven’t lived through these type of situations
@@mhill93278phrasing matters. Simple adjusting it to "what would you say to people who would ask why you didn't fight back, even though you were an adult who could have?" Makes a world of difference. This man is a professional, he should know how to address these topics if he's dedicated to covering them. It is his responsibility as the interviewer, not as a therapist. And he should take this constructive criticism and apply it to future interviews. There's nothing wrong with people giving him feedback.
@@kiracarver988 Yeah also being a trained therapist/psychiatrist would help too, but the point was you’re demanding a level of professionalism that this interviewer has never claimed to possess or promise to his guests 🤷🏽♂️ So it sucks that his gesture to give a platform to these people who want to share their stories is some how “coming up short” for your satisfaction when you’re penalizing him for a promise that he never made 👀 Its like, now if he doesn’t rephrase himself is he an asshole because you said so? Or if he comes across as dry then because you’ve warned him now he’s doing this wrong? He never promised or claim to have a talent for this, you can’t get upset or demand perfection
@@mhill93278 nope, sorry, a professional interviewer absolutely should know how to be sensitive when the time calls for it, and how to construct questions even on the fly. Literally the expected job of a good interviewer. Just like how sometimes, an interviewer should know when to push someone's buttons to get to the truth of a matter, etc. lol what do you even mean. It's his job. He's the one who decided to cover such sensitive topics, but he's not expected to know how to be sensitive?
20 grams of weed would put you in prison longer than this monster got. This is so horrible.
I'm not a conspiracy guy but our government is ran by pedophiles. If they aren't then they are complicit in the actions of these creatures.
well yes bc one is part of the holy bible and the other is the literal devil ('s lettuce)
@@nevermindmeijustinjectedaw9988tf is your point the Bible don’t mean shit this guy is way worse then lettuce my guy
@@nevermindmeijustinjectedaw9988what are u talking about, pig shit
@@nevermindmeijustinjectedaw9988does the bible say "dont smoke weed its the devils lettuce"?
"I'm the common denominator...there's gotta be something about me that...brings out the worst in men". That broke my heart. It's not you, Star. It's them.
That was really sad.
You never know.
Tbh she may be self aware that she pushes people beyond their limit, it can be both people and not just one sided
I had a very different reaction to the same part lol
@@hotmegoi504 LOL?? Really?
In these interviews the interviewer always refers to rape as the victim “having sex with...”and it’s so wrong.
THIS 👏🏼
so does society with men being raped.. it's wrong yes.
it could be he doesn’t want to say that word if they don’t use it first
THANK YOU
He was also repeating back to her in her own words so that he matched her emotionally. Remember he is interviewing, not doing therapy. It is not his role to correct her language.
It makes me fkng sick that her grandmother was so bent on her going to church but was knowingly allowing her husband to abuse every child in that house
Religion is the perfect place to find forgiveness
religion the the perfect place to conceal guilt with forgiveness
”forgiveness”
Folks are in for a sobering reality that think they can hide behind the cloth and/or bible while seeking forgiveness for these disgustingly cruel acts. Common sense, the conscience and the bible states that when you continue doing something knowing that it's wrong, can only be defined at it's roots as blasphemy, and that's why and how the conscience becomes unhealthy, because the Holy Spirit has turned away.
Some of the cruelest people I’ve known were some who thought they were the most godly.
"Not my kids."
I understand this woman doesn't think highly of herself, but that line right there makes her a hero. I hope her children become the adults that finally give her the love she deserves.
The grandmother was literally complicit in 3 generations of her families destruction.
kimberly arnold I watched a short film about inbred a week ago. There were 3/4 brothers & 2-3 generations. You can tell one was brought up living in a dog kennel as he only barked. They were all utterly filthy & all lived in absolute squalor. Very sad to see.
@@DMWBN3 woa what was that called
The Whittaker family? I believe
Mr Watto
That’s on this channel dumbass
lamBETTERthanY0U thought it was, thanks though ass wipe
She didnt "let this happen" it's so insensitive to say, you owe her an apology for that.
I cannot believe he worded it that way, beyond insensitive and after she has just sat there and bared her soul.
I felt SICK...
she did let it happen.
🤦🏽♂️
@Dakota Matos seriously?
I am an incest survivor.
Thank you so much Star❤️ That is the first time I have ever written that sentence. You inspired me. You made me feel not alone. I am 57. I’m smiling rn bc of how much better you made me feel about myself in the world. Love you!
OMG - I am writing it for the first time ... I am an incest survivor. Can you believe I feel guilty? now that I have written it? I am 61 years old!
Much Love to both of you ❤
I am also an incest survivor! I am 64! It all seems so surreal after all of these years!
@@coryd2668 ❤️🙏 thinking about now I feel so violated and abused. My heart goes out to all that went through this
I am so sorry for all of you I'm a father of two young girls and a young boy and never in my wildest nightmares could I imagined inflicting anything like this on my children I will pray for you all and I hope that you truly find the piece that you deserve God bless
Incest can become much like Stockholm Syndrome where victims end up feeling protective of the abuser. Its akin to brainwashing. Mark I hope you learned something from this and approach victims with more compassion and sensitivity. Star, you are a brave beautiful lady that deserves the best life. I admire your courage!
Absolutely. I was sexually abused by my father, and I relate to a lot of what Star shared.
She has the saddest eyes I've ever seen
Yes.
Agreed
Uggh. She really does. You can feel her pain. I just want to give her a big hug 😔
Foreal I just said that what a trip
That’s probably from the betrayal of those who she loved and thought loved her in return but instead they hurt her and betrayed her trust. A broken spirit that’s still fighting 💔💜
"Not my kids" She broke it. She broke the cycle.
Jesus. This was intense.
I don't get it please explain
Sadly... underlying I thought she maybe jealous... knowing he would be engaging in sexual activity with her daughters...sick as it seems...she comes across in MORE than 1 way of being in love with her grandfather Smh I don't know who's MORE messed up...Smh
@@groundhog_7977 they are both sick in the mind
@@groundhog_7977 she was manipulated, taken advantage of and groomed by her grandfather. “Not my kids” clearly means she won’t allow them to be hurt by him the way he hurt her. She isn’t “jealous” lol wtf. she’s protecting her kids. You’re just victim blaming… don’t be ignorant
@@groundhog_7977 agree 100%. Sure, this girl has had it rough in some ways but shes not just 100% a victim in this whole situation. Theres def more to it and theres def some blame to be placed on herself as well. Shes literally attracted to and lusts after her grandfather. Thats not some automatic thing that happens when you are abused. Theres much more to this story and many more contributing factors from HER side than we actually know. Without even getting too far into it, its apparent that, simply put, much of her situation(s) is on her.
"Not my kids", and later the "I'm not his anymore" was so powerful oh my god. This woman deserves the purest love. She has such a powerful ability to love despite all that was done to her. Its not your fault star, i truly hope and pray you find healing and peace
It’s 100% her fault!! What world do you live in? Clown World🤡 apparently
@@QueensNewYorkguyhow was it her fault?
@@backisayback5147 cause she wanted it! And didn’t do a damn thing about it!
@@QueensNewYorkguyyou’re gross
@@QueensNewYorkguyget out of here with this victim blaming bs bro. If u haven’t been through abuse, u don’t have the slightest idea what it’s like. So kindly stfu 😊
“Why did you let it happen when you were an adult and able to stop it?” A literal loss for words for how pissed off mark made me with that question when she had literally just got done explaining why when ppl would ask her that as if it’s an appropriate question to ask someone disgusting
Edit didn’t see how many ppl responded to this until now I get why he asked it but he obviously should’ve asked in a much better “reporter” type of way like “for all the people who will be wondering why did it continue.” Or something like that as a childhood victim myself from my own father who did 6 years as a teen for it this question sounds like you don’t believe them and at least for me Ill stop opening up cuz you already don’t believe me like cys didn’t for years until he was incarcerated at 15 he was just let out a year or two ago finished his Sentence I’m 23 now
I normally do not comment on videos, but I whole-heartedly agree with this sentence. When I heard him say that I was just thinking wtf is wrong with you?? Underrated comment, that was so uncalled for and I'm disgusted. This poor woman just suffered so much throughout her life but it's good to know that her grandfather can no longer harm anyone else.
I think many people were thinking the same.
Literally…. This kind of response from people alone is TRAUMATIZING. It’s a lot to go through life as a victim taking on the guilt and shame of the predator. It’s these kinds of reactions that can keep people suffering in their own head.
It's not characteristic of him to ask stuff like that but yes i wish he had phrased that differently
Why made you angry? It's about taking accountability as a victim. Children can't defend themselves, but if you're an adult and you know things are fucked up, you should take action, otherwise you are part of the abuse.
People take "it's not your fault" (unless you are a child) too far, that's why these people don't seek any help, but continue to get involved in same toxic relationships and pile up trauma.
She’s so much more of a survivor - she’s a rape survivor, a child abuse survivor, a molestation survivor; so many failed this woman. She’s so strong.
@Zert Teyyy bro shutup
Natalie, comments like yours, on the right days, give me what I need in order to keep going. Thank you sweet lady!! Love always Star
@@fallenstar7776 - Dear Star, I assume you are the remarkable woman telling your story on this video? If so, for starters please start calling yourself "Rising Star", which is what you are. It is your first family are the Fallen Stars, but you have survived that poisonous pack of disfunctional humans.What you have been through in your life so far would destroy many less strong souls. You are doing the right thing now, talking publicly about it. I hope you are starting to heal just by coming out into the open. Part of my own recovery was to cut off completely every jackass in my first family, none of whom protected me. We have no choice with blood relatives,, but we can leave them (at least as adults) if it's not a good scene.. Friends we can choose, and as adults take on good people as a replacement family. I hope you will stand fast now and allow only people in your life who will protect/encourage support you on your path to healing. Also, a good professional counsellor can help with trauma and self-esteem issues. I feel very positive about your future because I can see that although feeling so broken inside, you are strong in spirit and smart, and you have looked inside yourself to see your situation clearly. I see you also a beautiful woman in your prime (I speak as a Senior) and so please also enjoy your youth and beauty with worthy people, and have some fun doing things you enjoy. Do follow your dream to become a nurse! You'll be great at it, a very compassionate professional caregiver doing important work to help others. Rising Star, you ARE somebody. I send my love. YOU GO, GIRL!
I want my mom to tell her story publicly. It’s so tragic and a huge family secret that no one has believed her on.
@@maiaegerton3371 What a beautiful comment! And I agree Rising Star is way more appropriate! Amen
It killed me halfway thru that her Grandma “FORGAVE HER”. No Sweetheart! Nothing to forgive. She should have apologized to you and your Mom! Jesus.
That grandmother is pure evil.
Right!!
The grandmother should feel RESPONSIBLE for not stopping this abuse and carnage!!
Jesus Christ loves you
That grandma could have saved all these kids and chose not to.
@@JesusLovesYouSoMuch1 LOL
How dare you ask this victim why she didn’t stop her abuse?!? If you’re going to speak to victims, you better treat them with 100% respect and sensitivity.
Shut up loser.
Yeah I felt terrible and uncomfortable to hear her explaining herself again and again. Surely asking once was enough.
It’s an interview on a sensitive topic. He has the right to ask anything he wants this isn’t a counseling session. This is for entertainment. If you are so easily triggered by a question why watch these videos???
You just made my guts turn… entertainment is not the right word to use. This is for visibility. Bringing very grim topics and shedding light on them so that others may feel seen, heard and potentially give other survivors some kind of hope. This is not for entertainment. Excuse me while I go throw up now.
@@Sourninjalo Its obvious that you lack of some good old-fashioned backbone. Not everything is for entertaining purposes, and I wish that somewhere sometime in the future, you will have the capacity to understand that. If you don’t respect yourself, try to show some respect to the people who got hurt because of y’all.
I hate how the interviewer kept referring to her rape as “sex”
I think Star and Mark already discussed that before the recording and he only used her own words.🤷
This isn’t incest, this is rape. Very poorly worded questions, and lots of re-traumatizing. I know this is journalism, but the questions where worded very poorly. She didn’t “let it happen.” She was raped. It wasn’t sex. It was RAPE.
He is mirroring her own words back to her, he is actually meeting her emotionally by using the language that she used to describe the situation, if she uses the word sex and he says the word rape do you know how triggering that can be for a victim! We all know she was raped but that’s not the word she’s used herself to talk about it so mark is actually being very sensitive in this situation.
It’s still incest
This isn't journalism. This is sensationalism.
@@sircabooci4506 its definitely not journalism you are right about that
@@sircabooci4506 when you incentivise prostitutes and drug addicts with money to 'encourage' people to tell their story that is exploitation
He got 7 years, only served 2 before he died :(. He basically got away with this for his whole life. May he rot in hell 🙏
The worth and dignity of a soul is measured by what it delights in! And delight/happiness is our highest desire.
Men have killed to have it. Kings have gone mad trying to find it. Wars have served it. Affairs have worshiped it. We all seek it.
Sadly, billions have died without discovering its secret... namely, that joy is not an it, but a He.
The Gospel is the good news that sinners can delight in a Holy God. It's the good news that all of our deepest desires are satisfied in the ONE who sent His Son to bring us to Him. .
God is so valuable and so satisfying that the most loving thing he could do for us is to make Himself gloriously indispensable. He is the only being in the universe for whom self-exaltation is the highest virtue.
Therefore, God's commitment to be glorified and our goal to be satisfied are not at odds but come to simultaneous consumation in the worship of His Son... who took upon Himself the Wrath that God had towards us in our sinful disregard of Him. A wrath that could never be appeased through man-made religion.
Jesus didn't die to turn the world into a paradise, he died so that we could stop seeking paradise in the world...
Temporal things such as beauty, popularity, money, sex, racial identity, gender reassignment... can never truly satisfy. BECAUSE WE WERE MADE FOR SO MUCH MORE!
We were made to gaze intently into the Eternal Beauty of a majestic King, Father, and God... meet Jesus the Christ.
Life is hard, God is good, Glory is coming
😊... Thanks for taking the time to read this comment.
@@janepatton8100 this, amen amen
If he didn’t repent he is in hell
💯
Sadly hell doesn't exist, these kind of people should be made to experience hell when they are alive.
Every single time she had “sex” with him it’s wasn’t sex. She was raped. My heart shatters for this woman.
She said he could do it to her on her terms!!! Were you not listening??
How dense of you. You clearly don't understand how childhood grooming and abuse work@@QueensNewYorkguy
@@QueensNewYorkguy That's also what slaves told their masters before becoming "bed wenches" its to give the illusion of free- will. in reality that 6 foot 7 man could break her jaw and do whatever he wanted. She was living in fear.
@@urRAWRsoundsfunnyLOL 911 ☎️! It works, you should try it sometime when you decide to take accountability and stop making excuses choosing to be a victim
@@QueensNewYorkguy here’s another person with a sub average IQ
Given the mature themes that Mark has chosen to interact with on a daily basis for this SWU project, you'd think he would ask more mature questions than, "if you're 20 years old, how do you let your grandfather get away with this?"
You can argue all day that he's playing devil's advocate and just trying to challenge the interviewees so he can get the best content possible, but I really don't think the ends justify the means. Star gave Mark so much information and heartbreakingly beautiful reflection in this video; he didn't need to say that to her.
Victims are already made to feel like the abuse is their fault from every angle, so to lull her into a false sense of security by providing a safe space to share her experience and then imply that she could have stopped her abuse any time if she really wanted to--I just think mark can do better and his interviewees deserve better. God knows they've been through enough before he gets there.
so true!
She dissociated more times than I could count. You could visibly see her check out. The brain does that to survive trauma. My heart just breaks for her.
Yeah her saying it felt like a dream, it didn't really happen, is classic derealization. It's heartbreaking.
Yes I see it too
Yall, I just seen that. An you can see it too. She disconnecting life.
🥺🙏🏾
I feel that
I do the same thing
I was sexually abused from 9 till 17
I moved out at 17 and don’t want to and the comments didn’t stop till my step dad died .. at 15 my stepdad son rape me.. my mom committed murder my dad went to prison for molesting his niece.. the story goes on and on I do the samething as her
-Her grandfather raped her... the definition of rape is that its non consensual (not saying "no" doesnt mean you wanted to be raped)
-Freezing/not fighting back is an appropriate response to rape/trauma (very, very common)
-Having an orgasim is the body's response to being minupulated sexually. That doesnt mean you liked it. Of course there may have been times when things felt pleasurable, thats the way sexual organs are designed to respond to touch. (Lots of survivors struggle with this, including male survivors)
-You are incredibly brave to share this with as much vulnerability as you did! Im so proud of you. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for explaining this and putting that information out here for people to grasp and try to understand. Its an incredibly hard story and situation to fathom and what you just explained in detail I think would or could bring more survivors peace by just educating people on the bodies responses and how unless its explained and heard it can be torture to process if at all possible to process. I think star is the epitome of strength. I love her heart and fighting spirit.
Dana🤎🤎🤎 Thank you for your words.
this comment says it all. thank you 🙏🏻
Yesssss!!!!
Well said, totally agree! So proud of u for telling ur story, talking about ur trauma is therapy for the soul. Will say a prayer 🙏🏻 for her to stay drug free and live a happy life. 🥰
Star is one of the top interviews. Her honesty and pure raw transparency is unreal. This woman needs a book/movie deal
No she does not need to put this in a movie. She needs to heal and she needs people around her that will love her and accept her and help carry her through this. She doesn't need to be exploited anymore.
Agree. Best interview I have ever seen really. She's 💯 raw and real
I often wonder how Star is doing now. Her interview has always haunted me…
@@lisaaxe9062so you see paw paw in your dreams at night tugging away at your nightgown? Lol she could be lying for all you know
@@QueensNewYorkguy not quite🙄
This was a haunting interview. So emotional and so complex. Star is a stunning lady...inside and out. Sending her peace.
Hearing her say she's the "common denominator of abuse" absolutely breaks my heart.
Agreed.
Yeah, it's not her
💔
It broke my heart too. It made me think of myself, to know I'm not the only one who feels like the common denominator.... Very heart breaking but at least I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
She is the common denominator. It's not her fault, that's the part that's sad to me. She doesn't seem to understand that predators can spot prey from miles away. She's groomed for abuse.
I wish she could know how HUGE her statement of "not my kids" is. Ended a generational chain of abuse! So strong and beautiful
It gave me chills. She said it with conviction and strength. She meant that.
AMEN!!!
No doubt! That gutted me. I was trying not to cry watching this but when she said that.... fu*k it, I tried. 😭😭
Absolutely, took the words right out of my mouth!
Right? If we are a progressive civilization education, womens choices & exposure #stoptheCycles!l
her protecting her 5yr old baby cousin is heroic to me, and i wana hug her for taking up all that pain and anger and keeping him away from her, may God bless her life now, she's beautiful and I would accept her as part of my family any day
"Secrets keep you sick." Too true. Thank you
YES!
"Secrets keep us sick" and the truth will set her free. She did it! She let it all go right here, and now she's free. So beautiful and real. Thank you, Mark for giving her the chance to do it. *hugs*
We can hope. I dont think she is ever going to be fully free. Some pain is eternal.
Sry, that's NOT HOW IT WORKS! That comment is so blissfully ignorant I'm almost sorry to tell you otherwise......but it's nowhere near that easy!
@@chanted1558 you would be wrong. Secrets DO keep us sick, speaking, writing and working through them can indeed heal us. It's alchemical. That is why therapy works.
@@chanted1558 “ @ yes Chaunte Williams she needs more then mark platform to speak her truth to Get the professional help she truly NEEDS!! This maybe be a 1st step but if people think oh she can just come on mark ch say her truth and Oh she is healed!! And feels better!! Etc etc they are so wrong !! This lady needs yrs of really help, she has A lot of work ahead of her!! I pray she gets the professional help she needs. She has ALOT OF WORK TO PUT INTO HERSELF IF SHE EVER WANTS TO EVEN GET/feel a little normal. I pray she finds some peace, but u can hear it in her voice SHE IS BROKEN!!! God bless her. I have worked with the homeless since 2004, I’ve seen may of women like her, her story, her life, etc I work with street kids age 16-30 yr old , I’ve seen /heard skit over the yrs. some never get the help they truly need. Sometimes the damage is too much . Etc sending her love& prayers 🙏🏽, Love, Light& Healing 🙏🏽🦋💙🇨🇦
@Deshaun Hairston 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
“It was so easy not to hit my son by I don’t understand why it was so easy for them to hit me.”
That hurts so much, people are cruel.
Edit: I know this is late and to some of you who went through this trauma, I’m so sorry you guys had to go through that but just know that you are still here and you are the strongest person no matter what anyone tells you, you never let your abuser win by living your best life and leaving them in the past and I hope you leave them in the past, it’s okay to think about them every once in awhile because we are human after all, if you still struggle please don’t be scared to talk to anyone, not just therapy but a close friend and if you don’t have anyone, hell you can talk to me and I’ll give you my sc. take care of yourself guys :)
This right here is so heartbreaking.. She seems like such a sweetheart.
I know this exact feeling. I have a lot of empathy for this woman.
This woman should get into creative writing or something. She has a beautiful way of presenting an absolutly ugly side of humanity.
@@robertmacnaughton4190 I'm sorry you've suffered so much abuse. I will keep you in my prayers.
@@robertmacnaughton4190 Many of us who have gone through trauma are told to "get over it" by others, who have never been through much of anything horrendous. They're too stupid to care
5.8 million views on this interview. I think it is safe to say that we need an update on Star. Every time I come across one of your uploads, I think of Star. No other interview has touched my heart like this one. I pray she is safe, happy, healthy and living the life she deserves bc damn it, she deserves a happy life. I just want to hug her.❤️
I have watched a good number of the videos on this channel but this was deep: the flat calm tone of her voice, the lack of tears vs the story and the pauses... I pray for good days ahead for her and her family.
Stockholm syndrome is one of the saddest things... the fact that she blames everything on herself and hopes SHE can be forgiven. And the way she loved him to the end. Its heartbreaking.
I literally said the same thing. That sick fucker still had a hold on her and it makes me so sad for her.
I struggle still with Stockholm. It never goes away. I hope with more time that it will fade
@@FailingArtist sorry hope you find what you need to give you the strength to overcome it.
She even says that if she could have a father figure. She just wanted a man to not beat her, to protect her, as sick and sad, love her. He groomed her. She also repeatedly says how he is charismatic and larger than life. Heartbreaking 😥
Thank you for bringing up Stockholm syndrome. You are 100% correct, and somebody needed to say it. On another note, though, I truly believe she could have shot and killed him, whether during the commission of a rape or not, and she would be in the right. I’m afraid, as I’m sure she was, that it’s not a sure thing in front of a jury. I pray, “Oh Mighty God, please bring her peace, in Jesus name I pray. Amen.”
Her grandmother would sleep with one arm on him just to make sure he wasn’t messing with her children...... but wouldn’t leave his ass alone to make sure he wasn’t messing with her children.......
Yeah, not good enough hey
Same thing I was thinking like you had to know something was going on...
You mean Gma wouldn’t leave him? Yeah I know 😭💔
I just remove my wife’s hand slowly, works every time
@@Beetwate305 I honestly hope & pray that what you just said you said in a very dark comically twisted way, & if so sure I get the 'joke', however in all honesty what & where in pedophilia/sexual abuse/rape/incest is there any room for making jokes out of something that is so depraved, & where it leaves in its wake victims whose lives are forever changed & destroyed, some of those victims are left with seeing no other option other than suicide form the horrific side-effects that these people eveyone from little children through to adults. Such a skewed fucked-up remark such as yours has no place within such a horrifically heartbreaking topic such as this one. The decent thing would be is to apologize for any offense, because I your comment offended me.
This interview is too hard for me. I am a incest survivor and I cannot get through this interview. I wish Star the best and I am really sorry this happened to you.
I am sorry to hear that Cheryl
I dated a girl when I was a teenager so was she.her dad S/A from very young up untill she was 15 years old. She told me what happened to her. I turned him in.she said her mom would not believe her,and he threatened her.
Sending you love and comfort Miss Cheryl ♡
Incest survivor sounds weird, probably you mean rape survivor (because incest by itself is not usually deadly)
Wishing you healing as well as Star
Mark, my dude. I enjoy your work but that was a massively fu*ked up question to ask her. The one about her being 20. Jesus, man.
Its sad that at this point she’s blaming herself for the sick bullshit that the men of her life put her through. You can hear the pain in her voice
Yeah she has the empty hollow persona of someone who never or hardly felt love. Certainly not unconditional
@@maibster hey, next time, shut the fuck up lmao
@Joe Dick What is wrong with you? She should blame herself a little bit for her grandfather raping her? She was a CHILD. How do you think that trauma and abuse impacted her as an adult? You are incredibly sick and twisted. NOTHING EVER makes that behavior even a little bit okay. NOTHING.
@@maibster I see Ted Bundy has entered the chat room, smh
@@maibster wow dude. You're literally blaming a child for being raped and abused.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was a victim of child hood sexual abuse from my grandfather fro the age of 5 until 8. I turned 9 in October, he died in November and my Dad started sexually abusing me in December and that lasted until I was 12 1/2. I finally told my Mom when I was getting ready to turn 17. The next day she took me and dropped me off at the state mental hospital because she told me I was the one who needed to get out of the house. I had siblings and she wanted to protect them because if anyone knew they would be taken away. After 2 weeks she picked me up after telling detectives that I didn’t want to file charges. My parents made me quit school because they didn’t want to tell them the truth as to where I had been. It was kept quite and never spoken of again. I am 49 now and 2 years ago,I told my husband. I have seen a therapist at least 2 days a week since then. I know what she is going through it’s not easy. My parents are still married and none of my family has any contact with me. I may have lost them all but I have and I am still finding myself. I am on my way to becoming a mental health counselor to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Thank you for your courage to speak!
OMG ... you are a survivor... thanks goodness you finally told somebody...live your life with not regrets and thank you for sharing and the work that you do
I pray for everyone who still suffer to this day. ❤
You’re very courageous. And you are, by the sounds of it, the first one to break the chain of hidden family abuse. Thats a tough load to bear. But i can absolutely, 100%, tell you that because of you other victims in your family will follow you. You have quite literally opened the escape door for others. I know this as a professional in the mental health field as well as the same actions of my mum in her family. You have started a process that can now never be locked up in secrets and lies again. That makes you an extremely brave hero. Extremely brave.
Excellent vocation. Your skills are needed in our hypocritical society.
Pamela, your hubby gives u all love u need. I wish u will help more people to get a better life.
I cant stop crying. I dont know how she did this. Survived. I will pray for her recovery and happiness and peace. It amazes me what people can survive. This woman deserves my respect. Thank you for sharing this brave womans story.
She was an adult and i guess that helped some.. the problem is that she loved him and she was an easy pray
EYEroll
I keep getting drawn back in by Star’s voice and story. I wish I could hug you Star. Your pain is raw and all too real. Where ever you are, I pray you are loved and feel safe.
Women that can go through this type of stuff and can still get up, get dressed are the TRUE superwomen.
Absolutely
Well put. This just breaks my heart.
Well most do drugs which is how and why they get up but ok.
Agreed.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Don’t ever call it “sex”... it’s rape. People refuse to say rape because it makes them uncomfortable... and it should... because it’s the worst thing you can do to another human.
I think it's 'one of the worst' things you could do to a human tbh
Not to take away from what it is which is horrific
Who the fuck are you to dictate what other people should or shouldn't say?
Your arrogance is off the charts
@@JohnSmith-su3ze I never said they couldn't say it nor did I invalidate what they said. I added my take on it. You can say "no one asked you" but it's UA-cam which is much like a public forum so fuck you right in your fucking face. 😁
Actually the worst thing is Hypocrisy.
Norm anybody?
Is there any update on Star ⭐ ? Its been almost 2 years, she's so strong and full of hope in this video... I pray for her! Love her sooooo much ❤
Currently she is battling a nasty addiction. Her mom is on TikTok and she was sober for a few months and had her own channel but unfortunately relapsed. She is currently living with her sister. Her life has been very traumatic but she is a beautiful soul.
@jayme11475 I’m so sorry to hear that but I think that addiction would be the only way I could survive on this earth after being through all she has suffered. I’d be an addict too. I hope she can find the peace and healing she deserves.
I honestly could listen to Star talk all day! Even though her story is chilling and horrific, her eloquence and character shines a beautiful light on such a tragic story. Star, you are one strong woman who’s empowering, inspiring, and one badass survivor whose story will help so many people. ❤
When she dissociated and had to ask him “can you please ask me a question”
This is what crippling ptsd looks like after a life time of abuse. I pray she reads these comments so she can see what we see: A VICTIM she did nothing wrong she was conditioned - doesn’t matter if she was 21- she was still victimized and it was always rape. And she sacrificed herself to try to save her baby cousin. Not to mention the strength it took to break that generational curse , by saying “NOT MY BABIES”
Keep protecting those babies star and keep loving yourself.
Don’t tell her she’s a victim ??? She’s a person that things happened to sadly
She’s a SURVIVOR!!!!!
@@childishgambimbo3694 god I hate people who be like “you’re not a victim you’re a survivor” like ik you have good intentions but seriously just stop. Yeah she’s a survivor but she is still a victim because it happened to her. She technically, by definition, and in any interpretation is a victim and you can’t change that by saying she’s not or saying she’s a survivor. They’re two things that don’t have to be exclusive.
I noticed that too, she learned how to shut off parts of herself.
Yes. Horrific to see.
I can tell she is very practiced at choosing her words and tone so she doesn’t say the wrong thing or come off the wrong way. NOT in a lying way. In a survival way. We can spot our own 😞
Yes, you can also tell in the way she sounds very matter-of-fact about it, with no real emotion most of the time. I always wondered about that about myself in therapy, how I could tell so many horrible, painful things in such a matter-of-fact way, and I think it's in some way a part of the distancing you have to do mentally and emotionally in order to survive.
Amen
❤️
We experience this because we experienced trauma at such a young age. I dissociate easily when I talk about the things I have been through.
It's a coping mechanism that we developed as a child when trauma was occuring.
“We CaN sPoT OuR oWn”
I love her voice, she's so calming.
Her voice is not expressive of calm. It’s completely flat and devoid of emotion. In order to tell & relive the trauma she must compartmentalize it, keep her feelings & fear buried deep, and distance herself from it. It’s a very primal coping mechanism.
She’s depressed
@@susandavis903shush. her voice is pretty and calming to me
She has a beautiful soul and she's a survivor...nothing is her fault..much love sent your way!
You broke the cycle, Star. You saved your kids, helped your cousin, and helped any future kids your "grandpa" could have hurt.
Wouldn't she have had saved her kids if she hadn't had them? The more I watch these videos the more I feel we are able to solve a lot of the world's problems by bringing fewer humans into it... :-(
Sarah well said.
@@toegh this is the fourth comment I found in the past two days that was trying to push an argument either for or against abortion. Are y'all bots? Three of your other comments on this channel are about that. Change the tune.
@@sallyann985 I am an antinatalist, I don't think I mentioned abortion, I am pro vasectomy.
@@toegh yes, I had a sense that you were antinatalist.
You broke the cycle! You got away, made sure your kids were never exposed to this, and helped put this man away. You are strong and we are celebrating you!!
She is so so strong
I actually didn’t notice it but I believe you
Thank you for your bravery .
It took me 14 yrs. To get my daughter away from her dad and grandmother ,they had been sexually abusing her from the age of newborn to age of 9 which I was unaware of. I thought at the time I was just getting her out of a home that was as fasting with drugs and evil people. I didn't find out that all in this occurred until my daughter was 10 the courts continue to try and make me send her to visitation when I was just requesting an advising the courts that it was a drug house but will only hold. They were sexually abusing her and humiliating her. So on. My is 17 now! I have been taking her to counseling since she was 3 years old. It's so sad because the victim always feels like it's their fault. You must have done something wrong to serve it. That's what these predators do. Like she said in the interview or good at what they do. I had no clue that was going on. They brainwashed her so bad and put fear in her so bad that she didn't tell me anything. Like I said until she was 10 because her little brain put it in the back of her head because she couldn't cope. As soon as I found out I called the DA they did nothing about it. They said we don't have enough evidence. I said you don't have a 13-year-old here. Willing to sit on stand and explain everything that she went through. To just day she's still in counseling she's very traumatized. Continue to try to find ways to help her. I I went through similar situation with my biological dad whom I wasn't raised with. When I reconnected with him when I was 21. She started doing things that were borderline and I was just write it off as I was overreacting. Anyone out there here read this and is going through the same thing don't feel like it's your fault. Say something? Do something. Keep saying something and tell somebody does something to help you .
There are some people that are so evil awful there are so People are still out there and God knows who else their abusing sexually mentally.
Special thanks to the host as well as star for telling her story because it takes people like us to continue to put it out there so people can stick up for themselves. I understand her people hurt people.I was abused by my mom physically and mentally for so many years and I never did the things that my mother did to me to my children.
Us victims of these horrific actions need to stand up and speak up for the little ones and the big ones that don't know or understand. We need to teach our children. Unfortunately that there are several ways that people will try to situate abuse you and make it seem like it's okay ❣️
❤ Be safe star. Continue to tell your story. It will help others.
2 yrs old! 😢
💯% agree
There is a lifetime of sadness behind this woman's eyes. My heart breaks for her.
She was a grown ass woman she knew what she was doing!
@@ivanrussell3083 She was raped repeatedly by someone who knew what they were doing and should have had the human decency not to do such a thing. She is the victim here, not a willing participant in the act.
@@matthewcioffi6385 nah bruh in your 20's she was a "Willing Participant " like she said he didn't physically force her she chose to continually have sex with her Grandfather! He's is a predator yes but she has to take responsibility for her part!
@@ivanrussell3083 wow. Victim blame much? What is wrong with you
@@ivanrussell3083 you can’t control anything as a kid
"secrets keep you sick" this woman is powerful and I hope one day she realizes her own power and strength.
Man
🙏 amen prayers to her i send hope and healing prayers her way 🙏 ❤
Secrets keep you sick has been my whole damn life.
@@gNa_0000 I'm sorry 💙
Yes unmmmn she has strength um she um strong um yes um
“I froze like I was 5 again.” That broke my heart.
Exactly :(
How tf did that man only get 7 damn years when people are getting 10 for theft!?
I know right. & think how many years people get in certain states for minor drug offenses
7 years= The majority of laws were made by men. IMO that explains the lack of penalties for sex crimes in general. The men who commit these crimes, hide in plain sight & make our laws, run our churches, lead communities. How they are allowed to continue to remain in society at all is beyond me. Many more of these people exist than we can begin to see. The penalties for these type of crimes are such a joke. How can we trust society when the most vulnerable are not protected, but the abusers.
@@knockingonheavensdoor6102 for real though!!! I've seen local pedos get sentenced as low as 18 months! Meanwhile, their victims will have to carry the burden for the rest of their lives. It's absolutely beyond sickening
Honestly, cases of sexual abuse and rape are very tricky when it comes to sentencing. Often there is no tangible proof of rape or sexual abuse so the jury must be convinced using testimonies of victims. Without proof, sentencing is usually pretty light, which is why he only got 7 years. However, with theft and drug offences, there is almost always proof (I.e. possession of drugs/stolen goods)
@@knockingonheavensdoor6102 this is largely untrue in the way you are describing law. It is not as sexist as you are making it out to be. My other comment applies to both men and women. Perhaps reading it may help you understand why the penalties for sexual abuse are often so light
Being this vulnerable so publicly is breathtakingly profound and brave. I hope she finds peace
Exactly!! My God...it was captivating and moving. Her description was profound.
Yes, but I guess we should know more about how the interviewees are recruited and how consent for their videos is negotiated. I am a little worried that what we are witnessing is an act of emotional exploitation of people who are already very vulnerable. I very much hope I am wrong...
@@interestingvideos4me I hope so too. I think just from watching some other videos that he is genuine. He allows the person to tell their story in full candor. The way that most of it is uncut I believe shows that. The strength in this women is unbelievable
Next to murder, incest is man's worst crime. But the idea that this monster raped his own daughter and then raped his daughters' daughter - who likely was HIS daughter - is staggering. She never actually says what the 23 test said...and believing that he had a vasectomy because he said he did sounds like more of his bullshit.
Exactly what I was gonna say. I hope she can continue to put one foot in front of the other, and for the sake of her children as well as hers, get the professional help that she needs.
Omfg....she is crying about her grandma forgiving HER!! Honey...you did NOTHING WRONG!!! This breaks my heart. She is so traumatized.
Stars story is truly horrific and I completely agree with you but I can only think that in forgiving her grandmother, she was letting go of any anger she held for her. Yes, the grandmother knew what was going on but we don't know the full back story. None of us were there. Maybe she too had been abused by the grandfather before she was aware of him abusing his grandchildren and lived in silent fear as she didn't have the courage to leave. Star appears to be a very loving and caring woman with such a big heart despite being let down by the people who really should have loved and protected her the most. I admire her strength and honesty and wish her all the best for the future.
@@suz1017 she’s talking about her grandmother forgiving her. She is the victim. The grandmother should be asking for Stars forgiveness, not the other way around.
Yes. I was so stunned by that part. And although I don't want to infer anything, it is very very very very hard to believe that the grandmother did not know anything. Very hard. And I speak as a mother. How do you not see your kids and see that your partner goes away so often and the relationship between the kids and your partner? I don't see how that is possible and I would love to hear about this when it is proved to be true that the mom did absolutely not know (I'm not speaking about avoidance, or traumatic amnesia.)
@susan marshall Yes. Thank you dear. Afterwards I got that. I don't always understand everything that's said on these vids due to the accent. It's still very chocking.
When you are abused you will slowly believe its your fault and stupid family members will let you believe it's your fault
It was all manipulation.
Star's grandfather knew she had low self esteem, that she was abused, that she battled drug addiction, that she had no place to stay, and that she needed to stay clean to see her son. He gave her what she needed, food, clothes, shelter, encouragement, even love. He told her all the things she needed to hear... just so it would be easier to violate her later.
He was a sociopath.
Exactly.. So sad.. Wishing the absolute best for this beautiful young lady.
Yes well said 👏
Sick and disturbing but true
Agree
BINGO
It’s all r*pe. Her mom fought back and it was r*pe. Star may have been complicit - still r*pe. Being complicit is not consent, in fact it’s self protection and freezing is 100% a trauma response. Also to ask “you were 20, weren’t you old enough to stop it?” As if when you turn 18 you magically transform into an empowered advocate for yourself that can stop generational incest. This woman is incredibly strong and I hate that she blames herself whatsoever but I unfortunately understand why.
😭😭😭😭
#FACTS
Thank you for saying this. Victim shaming/blaming is the worst and I cringed when he asked her that question. There are so many layers to the response an individual has to sexual abuse, there should be no judgement.
Thank you! I needed to hear this
Her cousin prosecuted the monster!!
she’s trying to make it clear then her mom was actually raped but she was raped too and it’s making me sad she doesn’t see the two situations as the same. they were both raped.
So were her aunts... :(
I think she feels its worse because they were most likely raped as children and her mother is probably someone she loves more than herself.. it's so sad..
@@Cherry-nu3uo yea :(
😢
I believe it’s due to the fact that her mom was held down and such. To her that would be more traumatic.. he was going to do it either way, by her going along with it she could have saved herself a hell of a lot more hurt. She was also protecting her grandma and niece.
she was groomed . this man made her feel safe , while everyone around her was angry at her . she stayed because she felt like she had no other options i don’t get why it’s hard for people to understand that
Lack of empathy is the only answer I could imagine.
her granddad treated her like a lady like she wanted to be. she felt a sense of....something, But it went away. She felt violated & disgusted--but at the same time, she loved her grandad and don't want to see him in a bad situation--so she kept having sex with him.
@@shineymcshine5026 whoa
@@shineymcshine5026 no , she didn’t have sex with him. He raped her. I agree with what you said but this was rape
@@kadeelacayo4806 if it happend 1 or 2 time we can say that but more than 50/60 i don't know what it is...
Star, your body has physiological responses with rape. You can have an orgasm and not be okay with what’s happening. There’s a lot of information out there about this happening and I hope you come across it. You can NOT blame yourself for what that predator did to you. No matter your age. I’m so sorry you went through this.
Very, very true. Thanks for stating it.
I feel so bad for her. God bless her and heal her soul.
Yes, this is exactly right. So many rape survivors feel guilty and ashamed that they had an orgasm, but our bodies were designed to respond to certain stimulus. It's a purely physiological response. It's not the person's fault.
yeah Involuntary orgasms are a common phenomenon in r*pes, especially systemic ones..not to mention the added morbidity of incest.
This was also my immediate thought when she said this.
So you mean to tell me this man touched EVERY SINGLE ONE of his grandchildren and children .... And the grandmother did absolutely nothing 😳 This is horrifying to say the least and she is the epitome of strong and beautiful.
Yeah he would've been dead the 1st time he tried something with my child. DEAD.
When I finally told my grandma (who raised me and my sister and brother) that my cousin molested me, who she had watch me and keep me occupied, her exact words were and I’ll never ever forget them “that makes sense... he molested his sister too” I wasn’t sure what I was looking for when I told her but that wasn’t it. This lady being interviewed is as lovely and as pure of heart and soul as the driven snow. I would love to hold her until we both shattered and we could rebuild with out the evil of this world. To know someone is hurting a child and do nothing is the same as hurting the child yourself.
The only thing I can think of as a reason for her behavior (as a domestic abuse survivor myself) is that maybe she was allowing the abuse on the girls every now and then so that she could have a break. As AWFUL as that sounds, the wife usually goes through the same as the kids but it's more violent. I am in NO WAY saying those girls had it easy or deserved anything that happened to them. This whole thing is a long systematic line of abusive incest and it's all horrible. From an empathetic standpoint, as someone who has been through domestic violence myself, she may have been laying there in her bed as her husband did these things, fully knowing he was doing them and hating herself for not stopping him. There were times my husband physically abused the kids and I was outside the room shaking, praying he would stop, because the second I went in there he would beat the shit out of me. He didn't hurt the kids as much as he hurt me. Again, I'M NOT DEFENDING THIS BEHAVIOR. It is an absolute nightmare to live through and I'm so sorry these girls had to live with this asshole pedophile.
Something I should add is that a year ago I removed my kids and I from that situation. It isn't easy AT ALL, and I can understand why this grandmother didn't try to escape. It isn't easy for a woman to just start over, especially with children in tow.
Women that date predators love to keep the cycle lasting for generations and generations they fight hard too protect the abusers and shame the victims
I hope someone tells her that a body will respond even when you don’t want it to. What an honest, transparent testimony.
orgasms during rape aren't uncommon people can't control our bodily functions
@@bg5748 no. No no no. Not in this comment section-get out.
@@thomasbeebe-wurzer3061 this girl has been through so much. The fact that she chose a man that favours him-and keep in mind that this fellow _grew to favour him as he aged,_ as his beard grew in and such-maybe a large black overall man would’ve been her preference no matter what even if her grandfather had died before she was born, maybe she just prefers large black men and the overalls are incidental, maybe the attraction is totally influenced by unprocessed trauma, but who the fuck are we to judge after hearing what she’s been through?
Im 45 years old today, I still feel the guilt and shame of being molested by mom for years and its hard to come to terms with the fact that yes it physically felt good but emotionally devasted me for life.
@@joshuaday3980 This is such an important comment. The “guilt and shame” is the killer. As if men being raped by women is somehow not real, because he is stimulated and orgasms. Those are involuntary. What a horrible thing you’ve had to fight against; having your truth invalidated even by your own mind. You cannot control your body with your mind if your mind and heart are being victimized simultaneously. Star’s physical response did not mean she wanted it to happen. And even if eventually her mind played tricks on her to desire it because of how she had to disassociate from her own self, she was victimized and it was still RAPE. Just as it would be for anyone being coaxed into it while being intoxicated.
I cannot imagine the pain you carry, you have my deepest sympathies. But from the bottom of my heart, I hope you let go of this guilt and shame. It is keeping you in a prison. This was not your fault. It could never be your fault, NO MATTER WHAT.
The fact that she didn’t shed one tear until talking about her grandmother’s grief speaks so loudly
It speaks of dissociation
@@fauzianezam246 whoa! HTFU!!! That is NOT what is happening.... Obviously you've never had to go through s@xual assault... So shut your mouth about shit you don't even know about!
Her grandmother knew what was happening. She was an enabler.
I don’t believe the stories, where a woman says, that she didn’t know, what was happening with her daughters or grandchildren.
A woman knows. Can feel it in the air.
If you care about your kids, you just know.
Star said her grandmother forgave her as if her granddaughter was intentionally participating in hurting her grandmother for sheer enjoyment. What volumes does it speak that she was moved to tears by her grandmother's grief and not her own when Star is the one that underwent trauma at the hands of her pervert husband? We are talking about people who needed to protect her from a serious behavior and crime, knew the disturbing issues were happening, and did nothing. Does not THAT speak volumes for Star, girly?
It's sick to assume the survivor has to feel sorry for the enabler's inactions and the perpetrators' disgusting actions.
Grief? She should be angry at her grandmother feeling the need she wanted an apology from Star. So many excuses made for enables and perpetrators no wonder this stuff just keeps happening to young girls and boys all over the world. You keep turning a blind eye and/or feeling the need to empathize with the onlookers who did nothing, and yet expect an apology. F_ck that. Stars love and identity was smeared and robbed from her by perverts and the onlookers are just as perverted as the perpetrator. Period.
You're 100% right. Her grandmother had a responsibility to protect the other women/girls and she chose not to confront her POS husband because of her own selfish reasons. @@nildaluzrodriguez
the fact that she got emotional about her grandmother forgiving her… as if it was her fault. my heart breaks for this woman. i hope she heals and finds the clarity to realize that she was only ever the victim. God bless her
You can tell there is confliction within her about if it was her fault or not. She says she could have said no, but that's not the story she told. She wants to blame herself. But, sir is very much a victim of a monster. She should be the one forgiving get grandmother, not asking for it. I know it's an unpopular opinion, but as a Mother of two daughters and a woman who has survived physical, and SA. I couldn't stay with a man or stand by a man who was doing this to my daughters for any reason. I would be homicidal to be perfectly honest.
@@aprilpinkelton4385 same here. If anyone touched my daughter?!? They'd be roasting in a pit of fire after I surgically removed his "wares"!
Guilt is common among the feelings victims go through. It's a long process, it needs to be expressed and respected as such, at least in the beginning, or else the victims will feel furthermore misunderstood and that their feelings are inadequate and not worthy of being shared.
This testimony is really helpful for me as a psychologist in France, I wholeheartedly thank Star for sharing her experience with us, for other victims to dare and speak about incest even as adults, and for mental health professionals.
Bless her
@@violetsvisionscat3399 you type like you make money for amazon
She's one of the prettiest, softest-spoken women I've ever seen.
That combination seems to have been a curse on her life.
She’s mesmerizing to me. She is soft and beautiful and eloquent. I can’t NOT watch her speak.
@Farang Explorer ...what the fuck?? anyway
No, the men in her life have been a curse on her and her sister. It's not her fault.
@Farang Explorer felt the need to say this for what tho
her beauty was NOT THE CURSE, the fact that she was surrounded by abusive men was the curse.
“It so easy not to hit him so i don’t understand why it was so easy to hit me so much & so hard”
When she said that about her son .😔😔
Yes.😢
Yes, broke my heart
That PART 😔😔😔
I was abused by my mom and that’s one of the things I ask myself the most.. why was it so easy for her to beat me but I can’t bring myself to do such a thing to anyone or anything... :-/ now she’s different with my siblings (I think) but I wonder if it’s an act, if she’s changed or if it was me..
🥺🥺
When she said “there has to be something about me that brings out the worst in men” my heart dropped, I used to say that to myself all the time sometimes I still say it, I didn’t think other people would have that same mindset.
I was looking for this comment . when u get repeatedly mistreated by people around u, u start thinking that there must be something about u BC everyone else don't get to see the side they show you at least not to the same severity. Sometimes they mistreat u unprovoked so it's like is it something with the way I look or carry myself. Why do i still attract this. What did i do wrong. it becomes a cycle of thinking that haunts u
don't think of it like that. you don't bring out the worst in men, you are an unwilling participant in someone unleashing hell on earth upon you. just because they've "never hit a woman before" doesn't mean they didn't have it in em. truth be told everyone is capable of horrible things, its just that some people choose to act on that.
i’m 37 & have felt like that. “what am i doing wrong?” girllll absolutely nothing! we are queens with crowns on our heads. all of us woman.... we are the creators of life. these men need to get right or get left!
@Jimmy LaPinga just dont bro.
This whole interview is a lot of self-blame. That ain’t it. If someone is targeting or preying on you, the problem isn’t you. It’s not the rabbit’s fault for looking so damn biteable. It’s the fox’s fault for not keeping their teeth to themselves.
Enjoying sexual assault or domestic violence is a coping mechanism to repeated trauma. Physically, your body is responding as bodies do when touched, regardless of if you want it. It's like being tickled, its an uncontrollable response. But mentally, the mind will often try to translate abusive relationships into positives, to cope with the overwhelming reality of the situation. Basically the brain tries to limit the stress response by sending enjoyment responses, but it's simply a harm reduction and survival technique. Similar to Stockholm syndrome. Plus orgasms send dopamine hits to the brain--regardless of if theyre consensual or not--thus the 'enjoyment.'
Basically, it's a disassociation between the prefrontal cortex (conscious self) and the more primordial parts of our brain. Point being, it wasn't your fault and you have nothing to feel ashamed of. It's a common response. I hope Star sees this.
unfortunately the evidence for these subconscious ‘survival mechanism’ theories is scant. they are tolerated in psychiatry because they do help to relieve pain regardless of their scientific veracity. on the flip side, this kind of therapeutic theory immediately presents itself as goofy & casts an undeserved unscientific light on psychology & psychiatry in the minds of skeptics, measurably delaying therapy among victims of this nature. there is nothing about a child victim feeling momentary physical pleasure or even enjoying being violated by a perpetrator in general that either reassigns any blame to the child victim or absolves the adult from responsibility for these capital crimes
@@knuthamsun6106 It sounds like you, specifically, have a problem with the complexity of victims' accounts. No one I know believes that these theories are goofy, and you're projecting your own issues here. And you're right that the research is scant, but as someone with a lot of history with victims of domestic violence, it's most certainly true (even if just in part). Aligning yourself with a predator to prevent further harm being done to you is called the 'fawn' response. If the abuse goes on long enough, this can morph into true feelings of affection despite the abuse. This is, in part, due to the brain's need for social connection, so if you're cut off from everyone but your abuser, then you must put your social needs onto the abuser. It's normal, but nonetheless a trauma response.
@@yogatella I'm not a psychiatrist, though I do plan on going into the field. In the meantime, I've read a lot of books on trauma and neuroscience. I also have many many family members and friends who experienced sexual assault or domestic abuse, so unfortunately I am very familiar with the common trauma responses.
@@yogatella Fyi, forgot to mention this, but I highly highly recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk as a way to understand the complex neurobiological processes that occur during and after trauma. People often focus on the psychological parts of mental illnesses--and with good reason--while forgetting that the the way the brain is physically wired largely affects mental health. For example, after traumatic events, research has shown that the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls fear responses) can get up to 20% larger and significantly increases the number of receptors. All of this contributes to a common PTSD symptom known as hyper vigilance, and sometimes with medication this particular symptom can be alleviated. This is one of the reasons I'm interested in psychiatry, because with the right medicine and therapists, patients can really see their lives changed. I speak that as someone with PTSD, as well as many family members with PTSD as well.
It's a fascinating subject, and I have the deepest sympathies for survivors like Star. And with the right treatment, life can get so much better for people like her.
Same thing I just wrote, its a form of Stockholm.
When she said what happened to her mom was “honest to god rape” broke my heart. It’s as if she doesn’t think what happened to her was “honest to god rape.”
And it truly was rape. Every time.
@@michaeldes1800 Nothing more violent than hurting a child that way...
@@michaeldes1800 rape is rape. Why are you categorizing it like one is more weighted than the other.
@Connie Balmer not "god rape" ... "honest to god rape". basically "real rape".
@@vegangurly trying to understand her perspective, not attempting to force his literary critique onto reality
She was failed by so many people. Her grandma, grandfather, mum, dad. Its so sad
@@intoodeepstl314
Beauty can be used as a weapon as much as a muscle bound man can use his strength.
Mom
@@tacomasfinest5034 what?
Her auntie too 😩😿
Breaks my heart to know she feels like she’s the “common denominator” for all of the physical abuse she’s suffered through her life.
It's very very common for people who have survived drama to blame themselves for everything
Especially when it's incest, like I know i feel had I never existed this would have never been an issue in my family therefore even if I don't blame myself, I still recognize it wouldn't be an issue without me. 🤷♀️
So many people feel this way. I grew up like that. Shoot sometimes I still feel like it’s me.
Yes, I blamed myself for pretty much everything. Trying not to do that and place the blame where it belongs. So hard when raised in severe abuse. Have to retrain your brain not to do that
@Deshaun Hairston please keep seeking your true worth and more love in counseling
“Not my kids.”
So much strength in that one sentence.
Amen to that
What did she mean by that I can’t lie it lost me....was she saying that she was carrying his child or what ???
@@itzfrosty3784 What she probably meant is that she would never let anything like that happen to her kids. He could take advantage of her but "not her kids".
This!
Amen 🙏
when you are not fed love on silver spoon you learn to lick it off knives. - Lauren Eden
Just wow - ON POINT!
Wow!
Thank you. I know what I need to do.
WOW.
Amen.
“my son was the same age as I was when I was first hit. he did the exact thing that I did to get hit and it was so very easy not to hit him” this is such such an important moment. where the victim actively makes the choice not to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. i love seeing people break the cycle and choose to love and nurture their kids instead of forcing a bad childhood on them to make up for the one they themselves were given.
My mom and dad both broke their family’s cycles of abuse, loved me more than their own pain, never once hit me or were physically inappropriate with me. My dad was brutally, disgustingly abused but he was the best dad to me EVER. Knowing what they went through and how they did the exact opposite with me is incredible and the older I get the more I admire and thank them. I GOT LUCKY. Few others did and it breaks my heart! Every child deserves the love, kindness, safety, and shelter I was given!! 💔
L
“I wish I was somebody, anybody but my self”…….
"It was easy to not hit him" shows that abused people don't have to become abusers. Victims don't have to become villains.
BREAKING THE CYCLE IS THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THIS TORTURE. She showed real strength and courage.
This was one of the most difficult interviews to watch… and it was even more disturbing that he only received 7 years in prison. Even though he did end up dying in there, he deserved multiple life sentences for what he did.
I know, right? Josh Duggar just got 12+ years for watching child porn. How does a rapist pedophile with multiple victims over decades get a measly 7 years?! What a sick system of justice.
dont think it would have mattered anyways…because he was old and everyone probably knew he was gonna die. Im just happy he died alone.
Hope there is special place in hell for him
This almost similar happened to me and my mom knew I told her after it happened the first time and she continued pushing me into his arms the monster for me no matter what . I’m still crying about this and am old now and after many years of therapy . It just does never get away !
@@juttapluhar2819 I send you love and healing prayers for you and anyone who came into pain from your abuser. May you find some peace in your life as well as hope to help others. You’re a WARRIOR 💪🏽 and don’t you ever forget it! Jetta Pluhar, Thank you 🙏🏽 for sharing your story, I pray it will help others. 🙏🏽
Those eyes have seen a lot of trauma, you can almost feel her fear.
When she talks about being disgusted with herself for enjoying what he did sometimes, it hit deep. A lot of people don't say anything about being abused sexually out of fear of being judged for participating in or liking it. Pleasure is pleasure it's not your fault. You are SO understood and loved!!!!
I suppose that that is the part that is so striking to me. How common I have learned that Molestation is in the world.
Mostly, it is associated with shame and then there are the cases where it is quite open, not I society but in some families and I kept encountering both forms of it, from time to time, when I was dating .
Quite open , meaning what ??
@@me_rio_sola I’m so sorry 😞❤️ I wish you nothing but joy my dear ❤️
Absolutely and even victims of rape struggle with this same issue. Nobody deserves this and it’s nothing to be ashamed about.
@@ghostsamongus3370 it’s Stockholm syndrome. This is a sad part of abuse. You should rethink what you posted
That grandmother was sadly complicit. Allowed that monster to abuse her own children and grandchildren. The entire time she was with him all she had to do was report him but she never did.
Although we haven't heard her story. She was most likely abused too and went through a lot, as was said in the video. No one was to blame except the disgusting abusers I believe.
@@doriljubojevic517 though I do place pure blame on the abuser and I would not be surprised if he abused her too, there is still blame for her. I've seen abusive situations where some adults stayed quiet and the abuse continued. Just like this grandmother who stayed married to a man and knew he was raping her own kids and grandkids. I have also seen adults who spoke up and in turn saved the other victims from further abuse. If you have been with a man almost you're whole life and you are well aware that you own husband is raping almost everyone he comes in contact with even if that includes yourself, but you sweep it under the rug, you don hold a degree of responsibility.
@@kenny995 i agree, to a certain degree she was at fault for not doing anything but the most important thing is that they got away at the end. With other horrible things that went on in their family, a person in her situation could only be praying for it to stop and fearing for their life and the decision to talk about it and stand up is hard. I'm just glad they managed to get through it. No one in this world deserves to live like that.
@@doriljubojevic517 I suppose hindsight is 20/20, maybe if someone else sees this video it will give them the courage to speak up. Hopefully the family has learned and is starting to heal. You're right, no one deserves to suffer this.
She should have been tried to
I got 7 yrs in prison for 200 dollars worth of crack in 1991. Smh. Yea this system is really designed to lock us up for the smallest stuff and let them get away for just bout anything
So true!!! We live in a perverse world!
That's crazy! This system is completely screwed up. Smh
So sorry. The system is so fucked up!
I got locked up for possession as well...but mine was for 0.5 grams of Marijuana...its still on my record even though its legal
Shows some major flaws in our justice system
THIS is the epitome of a GOOD mother ... you broke the cycle Star.. YOU broke the chains YOU... I hope one day you can break the chains of trauma and depression and live a life full of love.. you deserve the world!!!!
Unfortunately the longer you have depression the less likely it will go away. Doesn't mean you can't be happy but you're gonna need meds or something else. I've had depression and I really doubt it will ever go away. Started at 8 and it can deal with genetics too.
You can get over depression. Been depressed for 21 years of my life. now I’m living depression free. I’ve been living like that for 12 years now. No meds no nothing. Some days are bad but I’m optimistic and most of my days are good. I’m completely cured thankfully. Don’t let anybody tell you you can’t get over it. My whole family had depression so obvs it was genetic for me too but I overcame it. Anybody can!!
@@summera4019 that's really impressive. I've had bipolar depression since i was 7. It changed to full on when i was 10. It's genetic for me too. My mom has had it since she was in highschool. She's in her late 40's. And I'm 16, these have been along with diagnoses by s doctor.
@@summera4019 I’m trying to get like you! I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 10 years old and got diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar 5 years later. I take my medication, which does work at times, but I would want to try to be in a happy, stabilized mood without it. Congrats to you.
Depression doesn’t go away. You learn to live with it
the grandmother who suspected it all needs to serve time. pissed me off.
She angered me..
She will serve time down Under
What a repulsive woman...how could she stay with him...disgusting
She lives in shame everyday. Like it or not a lot of women in that situation would do the same. He’s the only man she knew. In constant denial of it and loved the man. It’s really not that black and white. With that being said I’m glad she has been scarred by the fact that she let a monster roam free like that.
And the fact that she feels like her grandma is a beautiful person although she suspected it. How could she even stay with a man like that.
It’s sick that the grandmother KNEW that he had molested or raped her girls, just to get custody of her young grandchild and put her at risk. AND that her mother had experienced his abuse, yet still brought her children around him at all for this to happen. These women did nothing to protect their kids.
Did you not hear what the lady said? He was sick, abusive, and controlling. Unless you've lived it, you should not judge these women.
She was DEFINITELY failed!
@@darrellandsondraholden9457 I have to disagree with you. Total disgrace that she did not put her grandchildren first! If she knew, she is just as guilty as he is.
thy deserve to die in my eyes!!!!! EVIL!!!!
@@darrellandsondraholden9457 It doesn't matter. These women knew what was going on and refused to do anything about it. These women had every right to get him locked up and protect their young children but did not.
This was mesmerizing. I found myself hoping she’d say “…and then I shot him.”
Same here
This is incredibly uncharitable of me and I fucking hate the constant "prison will be fun for a fella like you" 'jokes' and innuendoes. However, I really hope that her grandfather's crimes were well known in prison and the reputation for the prison experience for pedophiles was completely accurate.
Yep, me too.
@@mbl882 It is and that was more than likely the cause of his death. I sure hope so, i hope that gave to him over and over until it took him out.
Me too
she's the victim of a generational curse that she is meant to break
I agree. I know because I fight the same battle. It's taken my whole life to understand that and I am a senior citizen!
She is breaking it...
You can not understand why someone reacts the way they do to situations like that if you have never been there. It does something to your Soul. You are not in control. You freeze. You can't run, scream, fight, Anything. All that has been locked away from you when you were a child!
@@rockland3593 wow you obviously don't care enough to know anything about psychology, brain damage and other damage caused by systemic abuse. Go somewhere else since you clearly don't want to be here. You uneducated, unempathetic freak.
@@watovit I'm a psychologist now how dumb do you feel? The problem is obvious and people like you think you know everything and obviously love to pass blame like this girl does own your crap
Cant believe her grandmother slept in the same bed as the grandfather knowing he might get up and abuse her granddaughter.
RIGHT?!!!!
I read it somewhere that some women want to believe it’s not true
yeah its nasty she as much to blame
Exactly
It’s messed up. But you know dam well she was probably also a victim of the toxic and manipulative environment the grandfather created.
"I'm the common denominator" made me pause the video because that hit so hard.
That's literally what I sound like. And I'm finally on the other side. I always wondered why things always happened to me, why I couldn't have an ounce of normality.
It's just a little jarring to hear my own feelings put into words like that.
So sad she had to go through type of torture and torment as well as the stockholm syndrome she experienced. A survivor is an understatement and hope she truly finds peace in a world that did her so wrong.
It ended and I'm just sitting here in silence. Her story is horrific, yet she's so captivating. I just want to hug her!
Me too.
Same.
Me too
Me too.... I’m speechless but all I want to do is hug her.
Maybe getting a hug is the last thing on her mind..
Her grandma forgives her? Oh hunny no, if there was to be any forgiveness, it would only be the other way around.
People like this use "forgiveness" as a control tactic.
@@ARedMagicMarker your talking about the grandma right?!!
@@adamtyler8695 Yupperz.
Thats what I was thinking too.
Absolutely, the GM ain't 💩
It’s heart-wrenching to hear these stories of abuse. It seems clear to me that her drug problems were her way of escaping the severe trauma caused by her grandfather and her father. I pray that she and the other survivors in this channel find healing in this lifetime.
One of the saddest stories I've ever heard. She is such a beautiful soul. I wish her all of the joy in the world and for her children ❤️✨
the fact that she knows her grandma KNEW what had happened to her mother and her aunts, and KNEW what was happening to her as well and STILL says "my grandmother is one of the most beautiful people i know" is absolutely mind blowing.
So sad
ln my opinion the grandma sound like one of those wives who plame the victim and get jealous of her because she thinks she want to stesl her husband
Too much much to accept they all let her down..disgustingly
For real
This is why I cut off my entire family. They expected me to let my girls go over there and it couldn't bear to see him touch them.
When she said “sorry can you ask me a question” I could feel the anxiety of every horrible experience racing through her body. Mark needed to save her in that moment and it’s just so sad. I hope she finds peace ❤️
The was she got silent and spaced out I could feel the emotions and flash backs she was experiencing made me cry cause I know first hand what she was going through and how she was feeling that very moment trying to get that vision out her head
Same. That was painful to hear and she felt like she was a bad person bc her body reacted to what was happening. Like girl you can't help that. Ugh I hope she gets some professional help
It's dissociation.
Questions and hugs etc keep us in the now. Helps bring us back into the present moment.
That part was the most difficult for me to watch along with her silence at the end. Her silent moments and staring off struck me as disassociation. I'm 50 and have disassociated on a daily basis as long as I can remember. She is a sweet soul who was terribly wronged on so many levels from such a young age. I understand the pain all too well. I wish I could give her a hug. She is a survivor.
@@lesliedelong5330 it's very common. I'm currently in a period of depersonalization. 3 weeks of dissociation.
There are lots of exercises online that can help you to come out of it.
"He's just a man that could bend other grown men to his will. If you've never had anyone in your life like that, it's hard to understand"- I have never related more. I hope this woman truly forgives herself. You always feel like it's your fault. Self love, honey. I hope you find yours. You are not alone.