The thing about love is we grossly underestimate how difficult it is to find a good relationship. When in reality, finding someone who you really connect with, intellectually, romantically, and sexually, who likes you back AND IS SINGLE- is damn near impossible. So I happily accept single-ness because settling for a dud is simply not an option.
When you talk about reckoning with the cool girl idea, it struck a cord with me, but because I personally always catch myself trying to emulate the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, the woman that is so special and quirky that you can't help but fall in love with her. And I play up the parts of myself that fit with that idea, and I neglect the things that don't. In the process, I lose myself. I am afraid to be perceived as boring, or average, and thus forgettable - and unlovable. Where you say you're afraid to be too much, I am afraid I won't be enough. I'm trying to fight against this urge now, but it is scary.
I relate so much. I used to be so jealous of those characters in movies, or more quirky girls around me, and thought I wasn’t good enough. in reality, I was just too shy and sheltered by my parents. The ones who had no problems getting boyfriends in my classes were confident and actually socialized with guys.
I accept being boring and weird, and that these qualities are just enough for me because they are a part of me and who I am. They make me, me I no longer seek external validation and in return, I attract those that see my qualities and personality like a nice cup of tea. To be honest, some men and women want to come home to peace. My boringness is not a bad thing it's peace in a loud storm. Whoever you choose to be whatever character you wish to play be authentic to yourself, and understand that being boring and average are traits that are attractive also. (to yourself first & others second)
We're gonna need a video with that list of questions to ask yourself when dating 👀 Thank you for an incredible year of content, I'm so thrilled that you are finally getting the recognition you deserve
This should be required viewing for young girls and girls just starting to date. I needed to hear this so badly so I know it's not just me being this way "If I'm too much for you, you can go and find less" I was ready to toss my phone in the air THIS needs to be my mantra👏
" Maybe you have a good first date, because you are a good conversationalist and not because this person is the love of your life." Man that's such a new perspective to me. I'm out of words... would love to have a friend like you and talk about these things🥺
I have never (!!!) met a woman with the same problem as myself before I found you! The way you spoke about not getting innocent attention in your teenage years resonates with me so much. I was kinda angry and ugly growing up, so dating me was always the butt of everyone's joke. And now that I am attractive it feels like everyone just wants sexual favors, not actual connection. Nobody seems to understand what it's like to not have these good memories of pure, innocent affection, to not experience being loved for yourself. Everybody kept saying it would eventually happen, but it never did and probably never will. And I am trying to make peace with that. So thank you for providing comfort and representation!
i am gay and from a small town at 16 i went straight to grindr and hooked up with old guys even though i went to therapy and thought i moved on, after promising so many times i’m not going back on grindr and knowing damn well i don’t want sex, my last hook up was 5 days ago and i feel worthless, i am suffering and i am trying to get the guy’s attention i don’t know what to do anymore
@@andiangle i’m sorry you’re going through this i’m going through a similar situation it feels like most of the straight guys i met on dating apps only want girls for their body… so in my opinion i’d say tell him straight up that you want more than just a hook up and if he can’t accept that then either cut him off completely or stay as friends if both of you can work it out to understand where both sides are coming from
"It is not easy to love me, and it shouldn't be." That one really hit me. I've always thought no one wanted to date me because I'm "too difficult" or "too picky". But this concept of being a human deserving of effort in love is so important, especially for women. We're given the impression (and sometimes told flat out) that we should be quiet and pretty and mold ourselves into what our boo thing wants us to be. Also, I never realized how many other people didn't date in high school and college. My cousin is only a year older than me and has 5 kids and my family can't believe I'm not dating anyone. Even my dentist has told me to lower my standards (which, fuck off dude). Part of the issue is that older generations were expected to get married young to basically whoever they knew and we're comparing ourselves to them. But we have aspirations for higher education and our careers, as well as this idea that we can live on out own and maybe not have a family. We have new standards for our lives in terms of education and careers, so it's time we update our standards for romantic relationships, too. I love hearing these kinds of conversations!
You got me through both 2020 and 2021 and I just want to express my gratitude to you. You’ve helped me recognise my sexuality, body confidence as well as confidence in being single. Thank you so much for everything and I am so so excited for what 2022 is going to bring for this channel.
After I ended a 3 year long relationship with my cheating ex, I downloaded Tinder and got a taste of the hookup culture for the first time (I'm 23),encouraged by my friends. I've never felt so empty and sad in my life, I care way too much about the guys I go on dates with and sleep with, it's just not for me. It's so reassuring hearing these words coming from you as well.
trust me i understand completely it feels like most of the guys on there only want the girls for their body and validation it’s terrible in my opinion i don’t recommend it… especially when you’re type of person that gets easily attached
Exactly I’m 37 and it happens to me all the damn time. I show up for men all the time yet they can never show up for me. I just don’t care anymore and I’m independent someone told me. It’s funny because me and my ex of 5 years are both independent. We both just don’t want to deal with the drama at this point yet we are still friends.
Man the thing about not receiving innocent affection really hit me. This year I've really been exploring why I need to feel desired to feel valuable. And it's because I've been sexualized since I was a kid and a majority of the attention I've received throughout my life has been for sexual intentions. I genuinely thought nobody could love me or even like me if they weren't attracted to me. I thought that's why girls never seemed to like me. I'm finally realizing that it's trauma. That how I was treated so they could gain sex from me has never been ok. And it's not ok for anyone to view me as only a sexual being, even a lover. Thank you for that epiphany ❤️
The thing I always tell myself, when I feel myself holding on to projections, even though the person I'm dating is actually not good for me, is, somebody is only ever the things they can be and do for you. Yes, they might be a great friend, roommate, brother. Yes, they might be kind and intelligent and everything you are looking for in a partner- but to you, they might be sporadically cold, flakey, careless, inattentive, less interested than you, toxic. And even though you have witnessed all of the great trades this person can display, which feed into your projections, at the end of the day, all they will ever be for you, is who they are to you. The parts of them, they give you, that you get to enjoy. The rest, is unfortunately meaningless.
Screen shotting this comment so I can re-read when I find myself falling into that habit, I am soooo bad for falling for potential I know people hold but it’s not my job to make them live up to it, they won’t do anything unless they actually want to
This is so important, definitely need to keep this in mind. I've been learning it this past year when I met a really cool person but yeah, sometimes they made me feel unimportant or like i wasn't a priority. That's not something I should try to think my way past. It's there and I need to acknowledge what I feel.
The way you articulated it… as a plus size woman I went from no attention to sexual attention, skipping innocent love/attention. That was IT. I’ve been on my own healing journey and that really summed up the beginnings of me talking to grown men THAT KNEW BETTER when I was a literal child.
You've been speaking facts during this entire year of your emotionally unavailable series and journey. I think that your audience can clearly see how much you've grown and learned and honestly they might had too, thanks to your shared opinions. So, thank you! Personally you gave me food for thoughts throughout all 2021. I wish you a great 2022!
I relate so much to this video, especially as a romantic who has been single forever and feel like I'm trying to catch up. I struggled with severe depression in highschool and I still feel like I am trying to catch up with my peers because I was so busy trying to stay alive I didn't have time or energy to do fun dumb teen romance stuff. Now that I'm reaching 25 and highschool/college friends are getting engaged, married, starting families. The biggest struggle is maintaining confidence in myself instead of trying to seek validation from a partner while still acknowledging that it's okay to want a partner, love, a family.
OH MY! I needed to hear this. I am in my 62nd year and have just left a marriage of 25 years. I have my own place and I love time to myself. My mum - who's 95 - Encourages me to start dating and can't understand why I am not game yet. 'Chemistry is not compatibility' a smack in the face there. I shall remember... I pray that you will decline small love. Learning so much from you and think you should perhaps adopt me so you can guide me moving forward.
It’s been weird for me being simultaneously a hopeless romantic, wanting love, I’ve never really dated, not trusting men and having incredibly high standards. I love hearing so many of the things I’ve been feeling for years and years be articulated so well by you, Maddie
literally got CHILLS when you said you quit your job to do this full time!! MADDIE!!!!!! you have helped me so much this year as I've discovered growth through heartbreak and dating and showing up for myself, and I'm working on being more vulnerable and MYSELF in my own videos now too :) so so proud and happy for you!!! you deserve this!!!!!!
One of my reminders to myself is “I love myself more than I hate being alone.” It takes A LOT of effort and awareness and opportunities to practice, but I’m not afraid to be myself, express my requirements, and move in alignment only with what/who I want and deserve. I was right there with you Maddie on this journey. Am I still single? Yep, but I’m closer to the love & relationship I deserve because I’m letting go of what I don’t.
I can totally relate to trying to be "effortless" and the cool girl by minimizing myself. In my first serious relationship I minimized myself so much because I was afraid to ever come off as needy, clingy or too emotional. I tended to side with him in disagreements, I never brought up things that bothered me and I always felt insecure about the relationship. I never felt truly loved or valued. I was so worried about feeling validated and being liked that I didnt stop to think if i actually liked him. Leaving that relationship was so freeing and it was great to finally find someone later who consistantly reassured me even when I didn't ask and never made me feel insecure or like I had to put up a performance.
I remember the first time I actually set up boundaries with a guy and told him that it doesn't make me feel good when he doesn't answer texts asking him to show up when we had planned something the day before. In the end, the things didn't work out with this guy, but just communicating that and telling him that I was not crazy for expecting a basic level of communication was a huge step for me. Haven't dated or been emotionally available in 2021 either, and it's been great. Thanks for the video!
its honestly kinda scary how someone from the other side of the world can think and talk about the same things i've been thinking and struggling all my life. maddie i relate to you so much in so many levels, i can only hope that someday i'll be able to have the same confidence in myself to so clealy say all the things im feeling, to apreciate who i am as a person and to be so open and honest with myself in regards to those sentiments. love ur channel, love you girl, i hope you have an amazing new year and im really excited to see how we both do in 2022, i'll be always here waiting for your videos, i adore them. ❤️
I can relate to this so much as a neurodivergent girl who has been considered a weirdo and unattractive their entire life until I was 17. When I first had been giving romantic attention by another woman, cuz I'm a lesbian and boys don't interest me, I lapped that shit up. It was a horrible relationship and I am so happy to have learnt from it. I wish I could tell my 17 year old self that my creepy, twice my age coworker who persued me is not the last person to show me romantic attention. Absolutely. God insecurities about being different can eat you. I'm so glad to have followed your journey, it was really comforting in a way
I totally agree and identify with everything you said. I’m 23 and was always insecure about not having a partner and being so “behind” with experience. About 2 years ago I lowered my standards just so I could “catch up” and “fit in” and dated someone that I knew had many red flags. Ultimately I was beyond disappointed and hurt by him. We didn’t date for long and there was a huge break in between but I broke it off for good last year and haven’t felt better about intentionally not dating all of 2021. Glad other ppl feel the same :)
I havent dated in someone since being cheated on 5 years. Ive been living the solo life (by choice mind you) but only recently have I felt lonely, so I downloaded apps to help get the ball rolling again and i realized very much I forget the rules and norms of seeing someone. Then by chance one day I took a walk at the park (almost didnt since I was feeling down about myself that day) and I had someone come up to me and compliment my purple hair and asked if I wanted to walk and talk in the park. I was SHOCKED I am so used to being hit on at the club (which I enjoy) but its the first time someone wanted to just talk. We went on one date and sadly I had to shortly after had to go cross country for like 2 and a half months and we are still talking everyday :3 He has been showing me the parts im insecure about he actually likes, which is hard for my brain to grasp since im so self critical. So it will take awhile to accept being loved. I had put off dating because I put school first and then I put my job first
Let me just be honest, I am a 22 yr old male. Been loving on a girl who is inconsistent at best for 4 years. I needed to hear all of this. I loved this content. Thank you so much for this video, also I have never had sex however am still in college. This is such a positive and different way to look at things.
What you said about setting invisible deadlines for yourself is going to be so relatable for so many people. I wasted my time on a guy who didn't like me that much in high school just because I wanted to kiss someone before college. He was a dick and I knew it and I wish I had stood up for my feelings through the whole thing. Thank you so much for talking about unequal situationships, I feel moved and seen.
I love how Mango came over to Maddie when she was talking about the video Crying About Everything That Didn’t Happen. That video was an especially vulnerable video and when she was talking about it, you could see the lasting emotions from it. Just goes to show how pets can really sense our emotions and love us!
I admire the fact that you continue to believe love is out there for you. I’m similar to you in that I know what I want and what I deserve, and I refuse to settle for anything less. I’ve also always wanted “true love” like you. But I feel pretty hopeless/pessimistic about it all; it seems like there is not one person on this planet who is right for me. I’ve pretty much given up on the possibility of love, and my goal is to be okay with the idea of being alone forever. It’s admirable that you continue to believe you will meet the right person, because I know exactly how hard it is to have hope in this situation.
exactky same. ive started losing hope in the whole thing and now just care ab having friends, a career and loving being single as i can count on those things happening , whereas i cant count on a relationship .
I’ve kinda come to the belief that that’s no “one” there’s no perfect person. Any can be the “one” if you let them. Relationships are work, it’s not only about the magic of love and chemistry etc. honestly there is no person who is Right for you.. are you right for someone? I’m not trying to send anyone down a self-doubt spiral. I read a bit ago that instead of trying to find “the one” just become “the one” and it’ll all find out when you need it. That person (or even multiple people you meet overtime) might not be exactly what you want, but they might be exactly what you need.
@W I agree. I think I struggle sometimes because I’ve spent years alone, working on myself so that I could be “the one” for someone else, but I still haven’t met anyone I click with. I do believe that if you expect certain traits in someone else, then you should be able to offer them too. And I don’t think there’s one right person/one perfect partner, but when you’re searching for someone with emotional maturity, honesty, kindness, etc. it can seem like an impossible task😅 A lot of men & women out here are just not ready for a relationship, so finding the “right” person is like looking for a needle in a haystack
When you brought up the innocent affection part of the conversation, it was a major realization/core memory moment for me and made me want to sob for myself, which I NEVER cry for myself. Thank you for sharing because even though this realization for myself devastates me, I know how to verbalize how I feel and can make steps to not accept the treatment I’ve received any longer. Thank you. And congrats on the success you’ve achieved this year. I’m so proud of you, truly. I know it’s overused a millions times over, but words can not express how much I appreciate you sharing your art with us and yourself. Because that’s what all of this is.
the “i want someone who’s ready for me” feels like something I need to repeat to myself every morning, thank you for verbalizing and unpacking it all maddie
It makes me so happy to hear a young woman standing up in the chaotic dating landscape. Your channel has flourished so much this year. I love your internal reflections and what you say resonates with so many girls including myself. Keep being yourself - your integrity and loyalty to yourself is beautiful!
I remember watching these videos and then ignoring the advice and dating around. I got hurt very badly by a coercive situationship that I wanted to be much more serious than he wanted. If it wasn’t for finding my current boyfriend in July, the one man that’s ever been respectful to me, I think I would’ve not dated in 2022. Thank you for helping me set standards for myself and allowing me to accept and feel deserving of the love I have now. Happy new year, darling!!
I have never dated before (I’m 21) and I have always felt pressured by society and what everyone was doing. Through 2020, I started realizing that I don’t need to stress about society trends and just do my own thing. Right now school is priority and self love. Thank you for this video.
Maddie, I just wanted to say that you literally saved my last couple of years. You inspired me to get the courage to leave everything behind to pursue my dream job across-country. I'll be moving on Dec 31th to live at my first solo apartment in a huge city where I don't know anyone, but I know that I'll be fine because this series made me feel good about enjoying my own company. Thank you!
“If that is asking for too much, you can go and find less” You’re so inspiring to me and I’m actually thinking about trying a year off from dating to focus on self love ❤️
I've never heard someone tell me something so relatable and insightful. I am currently 25 and I constantly wonder if I'm broken, if there's something wrong with me, if I'm unlovable, just as you said. I am the only one in my friend group who has never been in a relationship, although I have been through long, long "situationships". I can't believe someone has been going through the exact same experiences I have been going through for all these years. I am constantly trying to be gentle to myself and love myself and understand so many things you've put in the video but it's so scary and so difficult. Thank you for sharing, truly.
Also omg that grieving piece is HUGE. Thank you so much for sharing, I think I also need to let go of past ideas of what love is “supposed” to look like. So happy to see you growing and thriving!
15:00 i deeply relate to feeling behind and jumping head-first when it seems like it might "finally" be my time to catch up with everyone else and find "my person". after years of comparisons and chasing any little inkling that it might be "my time," i want to slow down and focus on enjoying being single. learning to love being in my own presence & company without feeling lonely or depressed.
I just want to say something that might sound a bit confusing - but it is absolutely mind boggling to me that you've just recently started therapy (i'm pretty sure?), the self reflection and self awareness you have about your mind/ body, what they need and what you plan on doing to better your own peace of mind is one of the most inspiring things i've seen in a while. You should be very proud of what you've accomplished and your younger self should be very, very proud. xx
I totally resonate with your experiences in dating! I’ve spent a lot of time trying to channel “bad bitch energy” instead of working through very valid feelings of hurt. I’m thankful for your vulnerability!! Hope you’re having an amazing holiday season!
god you're amazing. i love this video. im going through a similar process right now. my favourite moment is when you say "you can't say the wrong thing to the right person".
u are the main reason for ur success as a youtuber ! ur content is amazing and so well thought out. u deserve all of the love and recognition that u are receiving. it's so rare to find such a raw and vulnerable content creator that doesn't spoonfeed and sugarcoat shit. thank u for being amazing !! u truly are a remarkable human being and you are the reason why i have found the power within myself to heal. enjoy your break! i can't wait to see ur videos pop up on my feed again!
I was one of the people who found you early this year and I'm so glad I did! This series especially has been so insightful and nice to watch. Our experiences in the dating world are quite different, but even as a 20-year-old lesbian who has never even kissed anyone I still found things to relate to in the stuff you talked about. Being a shy closeted kid, I also watched everyone around me fall in love for the first time and have those high school sweethearts while I was struggling with feeling unlovable. And now I'm here in university at twenty years old, I've been scrolling on dating apps for a year and a half yet I've never found anything other than some dates that were alright, but never anything special. I find myself thinking that exact "how come that doesn't happen to me" thought when my peers find serious relationships or have fun single years full of casual hookups around me, and I'm just sitting here with my feelings of loneliness and wondering what it's like to hold hands or kiss someone. "The love I am looking for is also looking for me" almost made me cry. That's beautiful, and I need to remind myself of it more often.
As a 19-year-old lesbian who is going to university and also never kissed anybody I can really resonate with your comment. My experience in the dating world is really the opposite of hers. I only went on a few dates, despite using dating apps on-and-off for nearly a year. However I found two great friends through these apps and I know that I have at least a lovable personality, but no one seems to be physically attracted to me. Sometimes I just want to be someones special person, but I am unsure if anybody would ever see me as a sexual human being. Platonic love is the only thing I get and I gladly take it.
I’m 21 (also lesbian :)) and I had my first kiss when I turned 20. That was and so far is my only sexual experience. I try not to let it get me down but a lot of times it does. No one ever showed interest in me growing up so it made me feel like something’s wrong with me or I’m just not desirable enough to anyone. Everyone around me and all my friends have already gone through relationships and/or sex and I feel so embarrassed about I don’t even talk about it with my best friends. I know I shouldn’t and people reassure me but that doesn’t change the hurt I feel about never seemingly being wanted that way by anyone. Tldr; you’re not alone
@@dandelionlys i'm returning to this video way later so i'm only seeing the replies to this now, but thank you so much for sharing ❤️ i identify with a lot of what you said. it's unfortunate and it's honestly fucking hard sometimes and it's okay to feel that way. i do think we'll eventually find the love we dream about, though. some people are lucky enough to find it early in their lives, but it won't be any less special if it comes later. as maddie often says, the love we deserve exists because we exist. and meanwhile, there are thankfully plenty of other lovely things in life for us to experience and be excited about!!
@@lytopia seeing these replies super late because i decided to rewatch this video, but thank you for sharing ❤️ i relate to you really strongly. thank god for good platonic love, though! i'm learning that as i open up to my friends more and more, i'm able to get a lot of the things from friendships that i used to think would only be possible in a romantic relationship. it's just as important and strong of a form of love!
just after my boyfriend of two years broke up with me i discovered your channel. you have taught me so much about healing, self love, confidence, and so much more. thank you Maddie, for everything you do for us. we love you!
I love how elegantly you articulate your needs at 22:40 in particular. You don't imply that the other person is less if they can't give you what you need, you are simply establishing healthy boundaries.
Just going off what you said about not wanting to build or teach your partner how to love you… Firstly I agree. Secondly I don’t think that’s realistic. I have a loving relationship because we both actively and passively share what we want out of one another. We’re a lot alike and can understand each other and we still need reminders from time to time on how to care especially as we change and grown together. Relationships are work even when they’re healthy and loving. I love watching your videos you have good insights.
“It is not effortless to love me & it fcking shouldn’t be” YES, THIS 🖤 This took me so long to learn and honestly I still struggle with it, even in a committed relationship with someone who puts in the work.
It's bonkers to me how much I relate to this video. I spent the last year on dating apps and had a string of mediocre situationships that went nowhere. I do the same "falling for the potential" thing. I fall for the story of what could be and don't stop to think if I even actually like this person. This spoke directly to my experience and my heart. Thank you for being this voice on the internet
So many wise, beautiful words and lessons. Wishing you every happiness, joy, peace, and adventure for 2022. Thank you for all you do, share, create. You inspire me to like myself more, and even to dare to learn to love myself deeply. It makes me feel fizzy in my stomach to think that might be possible. Thank you for giving me that feeling x
I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU!!!! The part about feeling “caught up” really struck a chord with me as I’ve been talking to my therapist about that exact thing. I started dating for all the wrong reasons trying to “catch up” to my peers and family who were getting into relationships and having experiences I’d never had. I neglected to ask myself what I was comfortable with and where I needed to be at that time. I decided this month to quit dating consistently and just focus on friends and myself because when I am dating I find I throw all self love out the window. I’m already SO much happier and more confident and you’ve been a huge inspiration for me this year to prioritize myself, my mental health, celebrate my body, and my sexuality. THANK YOU MADDIE ILY
Girl, I'm heartbroken as shit right now, still in the beginning crying stage of it all, and this video resonated so much with me. Like holy shit. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable with us and sharing your life experience with all of us who are either still young or simply haven't figuered everything out yet. You said you'd thank us for the next decades for helping you work your dream Job full time, but we, just as much, will be thanking you for all that you've shared. I'm confident that you are actively helping people live better lives and that, to me, is the most charitable and beautiful thing someone can dedicade a chunk of their life to.
Congratulations! At 57 yeas old, I'm right where you are. Edit: Except I'm more like you at the beginning of the video. I've hardened my heart, and still hurting. I have a lot of healing to do. You are very self aware and relatable. I'm so glad that I found this video.
Congrats maddie on going full time! :’) Ive had a pretty rubbish year for love and dating and so ill be doing my own no dating year for 2022 so ty for the inspiration ! X
my friend sent me this video, I have watched some of your videos before but this really really struck a chord with me. I think it's the best video I've ever seen and the experience I've related the most to when it comes to my experience with dating in my whole life! I too dreamed (and still do, I don't think anything can take that away from me) with that sort of innocent attraction. It's what I desire the most. This year I also started realizing that I struggle a lot with expressing my care for others, even just friends. Like you I am confident to a certain degree, outwardly confident, inside a mess, but people don't see that so they don't read me that way. And a lot of people like meeting me at first bc like you I'm also good at conversations. But then nobody sticks around. And I also made the mistake of allowing ppl I didn't really like to get into my life bc I was so needy and wondering 'wtf? if this is what I can get then I'm gonna take it'. The exclusive sexual attraction thing also happened with me. It started online but then progressed into real life and as I was surrounded with some toxic friends who touted having sex with everyone as the be all end all of personal affection and just growing into your hoe person bc fuck the patriarchy and stuff, I started engaging in stuff like that more often. I thought maybe that's what I really wanted. That year as crucial for me to discover that while I was okay with not having a committed relationship (bc I honestly have a lot of my shit to sort through), I still wanted some sort of affection from the ppl I slept with. I never slept with anyone irl who I didn't have a connection with. Online it was different, but I regret a lot of it. Sometimes it was fun but most of the time it was me trying to please men who I didnt' care about simply bc I got high on the fact that someone wanted me, even if they despised everything about me except for nudes or sexy talk. I wasn't happy with that. Then in the summer of that year I met this guy who I thought was amazing and fell HARD. He was younger than me and as all of my past experiences (specifically having sex with a guy I liked only to later find out he really only wanted sex. Cool with being friends and treating me with respect, but didn't fall in love) had culminated in the other person leaving, I thought I was maybe being too impulsive, so I carefully planned my actions with him. I would get super nervous just to talk to him bc I thought I really don't want to ruin this. Fast forward to 2020, we are good friends, but he never developed feeling for me either. We became almost best friends and went on a lot of friend dates, developed a lot of physical intimacy (no sex or kissing for obvious reasons, but just a lot of hugs and cuddles which I desperately needed), and I thought if perhaps I changed my appearance he would fall for me. I witnessed him getting crushes or talking to girls who are almost exactly like me, they fill the same role in the social arena or sth like that as I do, have the same interests, same personality, with the difference that quite simply... They are thinner and more attractive to him. It took me 3 or 4 years to finally accept that I couldn't force someone to admit they liked me if they really refused to see me as a girl they could be with. And I was suffering NOW. Why did my suffering have to drag on for eternity? We had amazing chemistry, I still felt giddy with him after 3 years which to me was a lot! Friends everywhere used to comment on us being a couple and I got so high on that. I thought eventually he would see we had found a great thing and should stick together. But I always suspected and still do that he cares a lot about appearance bc he never crushed on girls who were obviously not physically perfect. So yeah, some friends did an intervention on me, the pandemic helped and now I'm over him. It still hurts when I hear that he's talking to girls who are like me in every way but they're conventionally attractive, but I realized that all this time I was paying so much attention to wanting to be liked by him, that I didn't allow myself to see that I was miserable and I deserved to not be. So this year I stumbled on a guy who was actually pretty cool and decent, except for the fact that he lives out of town and was in an on-off situation with a girl who was supposed to be the love of his life. He was super messy in his love life but always treated me with respect, I felt great around him and I felt like he wouldn't despise me because of my body. I then confronted him about what was up with us, if he liked me now, and he kept avoiding the question, which only made me grow more frustrated. I thought "if only I put in some more effort and ask the right questions, I will get what I want!" But I didn't. Instead he told me that he didn't feel it yet, but there was the possibility that it would develop. He was more emotionally mature than I was. I took that as a sign that I should 100% back off and not try again, when in fact I could have tried. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out, but I did self-sabotage by constantly putting him on the spot and demanding he make me a priority when we were just in the initial stages of getting to know each other. Regardless, he was probably the most compatible person I've ever come across with, super thoughtful, considerate and philosophical. I still like him a lot and I want to try again with him, but at this point it's understandable if he doesn't want to. And honestly with all that has happened between us I'm a bit scared to even try again bc I wasn't treated right sometimes and don't want to willingly put myself in such a position again. Not a point to make here but yeah, just sharing my experience. Thank you for this video, I am very glad it exists and that you exist and can put this stuff so eloquently into words. I too felt like I was missing out and needed to catch up with all my friends, still do bc I've never actually had a relationship and I'm 25. But yeah. I know now that these things take time and I should not try to run on anyone else's schedule but my own.
Hey, it was interesting to read your comment. If you don't mind I will offer my perspective on the last guy. He might have been emotionally mature, but why do you think you weren't? I think you did the right thing by backing off if he didn't reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity. If you just asked him whether he liked you or not and he answered with not now but maybe eventually, you did the right thing. That answer doesn't indicate that he would have loved you, but it could have resulted in you focusing on him even more and spending more emotional energy with a guy that didn't feel the same as you but you would do that just in case. I know that people who seem less passionate about their love life, who take things with more calm seem to be more emotionally mature, and maybe you felt like a childish teen for having intense feelings, but i don't think emotional maturity is about the feelings you have but what you do with them. If you felt much more and he didn't even if you ended together the relationship would probably be really unbalanced. You have tje feelings you have and they are not necessarily wrong. Also when people fall in love they feel with intensity for the other person and may not take dating as slowly as others, doesn't matter the age. And this is not unhealthy if both are in the same page and obviously they don't forget the rest of their life and friends
I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year last night, and just happened to find this video. The part where you were talking about your needs really made me further realized that I made the right choice to end my relationship. I wasn't a good girlfriend and my mental health has been really bad for the past year, and I was really bad at keeping up communication and putting in the effort. This year will be my year for no dating, and hopefully I can grow as a person and become a better partner for whoever I end up with in the future, as well as for myself.
It hurt so deep to relate to every single one of your experiences, been single for a year after my first “serious” relationship which also turned toxic and made me depressed for a while, trying to find myself and forgive my poor self. Lots to learn here, thank you
This video made me cry (I cry a lot tbf) and I just wanted to say thank you for sharing these parts of yourself online with people who are basically strangers. I love your content and you have taught me a lot about the kind of person that I want to be. Thank you for everything and I hope that you have a very happy new year!
I relate to you so much, from the experience in HS, to the dating in my 20s. I just turned 30, and have been with my partner for a couple years now. Getting comfortable letting small things or the wrong people go without knowing if or when something or someone might come next makes all the difference
"you can't say something wrong to the right person" thank you, this video make me reflect on so much, bring me happiness 💗I'm happy that you're are here with thoses reflections, and you're personality is refreshing If someone leave that means that they are not the right person, +there not something wrong with you, that just mean you hurt and you be compassionate to yourself, you're amazing, keep up, you're amazing 💕
the absence of innocent love. i resinate with that so much. it isnt exactly love without strings, because as youve taught me strings are good. theyre what keep us together and are what found healthy relationships. but its growing up with parents that i felt i had to fight to deserve the smallest display of love, affection, and approval. always moving the bar higher, never feeling enough for them. thats definitely been a huge impact on my life that i am very much still working through but i do think im recovering from it and learning to accept love. realistic conditional love. thats what i want.
I am 12 minutes in and EVERY SINGLE THING you have said resonates. It’s really comforting even reading the comments and seeing I’m not the only person who struggled in their youth to be a romantic interest of anyone, but was always seen as sexual and the object of sexual desire. I definitely have realized that I somewhere along the way internalized that I should be sexually desirable and agreeable in the hopes that I would get the actual care and emotional vulnerability I was always looking for. I spent so much time hoping between casual sex, casual dating, and short relationships trying to convince myself I liked anyone simply bc they showed interest and weren’t abusive. I strangely enough stumbled upon this video after deciding I wanted a break from dating in 2022 so I could focus on pouring into myself and healing from some of the trauma/grief/disappointment, maybe it’s a sign.
Your videos are so unique in a lot of ways, I love your content and how deeply connected I feel watching them. It's like a friend that films a diary to share experiences with the one's they love, you're the cutest Maddie 💖
maddie, i feel a lot of what you're feeling. i'm a 19 year old in school and haven't ever been in a relationship either. it brings me a lot of comfort to know that even if i don't hit the 'relationship in college' threshold, that there is someone out who has gone beyond that and grew from that, and that i could possibly do that too. as a disabled person i also feel like i don't have the same experiences as my friends and peers, and you've inspired me to allow myself the time to grieve what i haven't gotten and accept that i deserve the love i want. trying to be open, emotionally available, and learn what i need in the upcoming year
"we have to grieve the idea of love that we had growing up" YES. I've spent the second half of 2021 dealing with this after a failed relationship with the person that was absolutely perfect on paper. I wish her the best but meeting shattered every single desire I used to have for my romantic life. I went into it thinking I wanted a long term partner to marry and build a family with, and left being afraid of ever having my freedom taken away from me again. It was hard but now I'm a whole new woman, I'm stronger and wiser, a lot happier of being by myself. Just remember kids, if you want someone who commits to you quickly, you're going to find it...and regret it. Real bonding takes time.
Maddie i literally cant express how much i love you and how grateful i am to you. i'm a 17 year old girl that has no fcking idea of what to do with her life but your videos are like a scape and they give me hope. thank u so much for everything and i hope you have a happy and healthy year.
The introduction of this video literally gave me a lump in my throat, I felt like you were not talking about yourself but that you were describing me. ❤️
All of this is SUCH good advice, and I feel like most of it works for friendships too. When Maddie said something along the lines of “this is not enough for me and if you can’t respect my boundaries, I can’t be in this relationship”, it really resonated with me.
I'm just starting to go on this journey myself, the way you describe viewing romance in your past is exactly how I've viewed it for forever, and I'm only in my second year of college. The way you talk about these things it's like you're taking it from my own mind, but you phrase it so much better than I ever could. I love your videos, thank you for creating :)
3 years single and im just now starting to love being alone. The first year was fear of being with someone and the second being scared of getting too old and still single. Now its like a big weight is lifted. i still get anxious about being single and feeling like no one will love me. But it goes away, and now it goes away bc im getting to a place where i love myself that i dont want to settle. Still working on loving how i look and thinking im beautiful. But damn im so proud of how far i came from the darkness.
I really love the way you expressed your self reflections. I think I’ve realized a lot of similar things this year but when it came to implementing them into my next relationship i felt like I couldn’t or I would forget everything I learned. I’m so proud of you for being able to set your boundaries and be so clear about what you want!! I hope I can get there one day
I want to thank you for all the videos you've done, especially on the topic of love and sexuality. I can proudly say that, after years of struggling with vaginismus, I have managed to get better, thanks in part to your many advices on masturbation and confidence, sprinkled in your videos. I even bought myself a christmas gift on bellesa ! This is a huge step for me, and I cannot understate how grateful I am to you. So thank you, I'm glad you can take a couple of weeks off, and I can't wait to see what happens next (yay the podcast!!) :)
thanks for this! I just woke up today feeling frustrated and angry that this guy won't text me first, he hasn't for the last 6 weeks although he responds to my texts. I did an experiment to see if he'd text me first and nothing, it's been two weeks since we talked. He's a great guy and we have awesome chemistry but the feeling of constantly wondering "does he like me? did I put him off with being too vulnerable and sharing very personal things about myself?" takes up so much bandwidth. And it hurts to feel ignored. I've been dating pretty consistently all of 2021 (after a terrible break up and a sexless marriage) and it's been an awesome journey of sexual self discovery but this consistent pattern of men not giving me basic attention is exhausting and hurtful. I do get easily attached if there's good sex and communication and I put a lot of effort into trying to always play it cool. Thanks for validating my feelings, I might just cut this man off to spare myself the mental anguish :P
So much of you talking about jumping straight from no affection to sexual affection REALLY struck a cord with me. So much of my life has been spent tying my worth directly to my sexual desirability, and it's something I still struggle with as a married woman in a soulmate-level relationship. Thank you for talking about this so openly and in such an introspective way - it's incredibly helpful even to me, so I know it's gotta be life-changing for people still dating. It definitely would have been for me. 🖤
This video is amazing. Your apartment, clothes, voice & story. I have NEVER wanted to listen, nevermind watch, someone talk for half an hour. Being afraid of being “too much” is so real, and I’m so glad you’re able to set boundaries well within your rights, and that you’re sharing it w us
I need you to know how beautifully full circle your intro felt to me - the greek statue room at the met was site to one of my worst tinder dates of all time. (In a moment when I really could have used dedicating much more time to me and less to dating but didn't know how) Thank you for sharing your experiences and putting a smile on my face!
I just got out of a relationship and decided to take a year or two off from dating as well. I even made my own list of questions to ask myself when I start dating again as well (I added the two you mentioned, too lol). Thank you for making this video. It was so inspiring.
Girl, you really are a special soul! This is really next level content. It's by far the first youtube video that as touched my soul so deeply to the point I kept reaching for my journal to let this explosions of thoughts and emotions come out. Your content is so thought provoking and yet so comforting. I can't wait to watch another year of your special and incredible journey through this beautiful thing called life. I hope 2022 keeps giving you all the good things you deserve!
Girl, I am on this saaaaame journey! 100%. I’m also a creative and way too caring of a person. When you said “chemistry is not compatibility”….it blew my mind. Like, I should know that…but I didn’t. All of my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th dates always are great….because *I’m* fun and creative and a great conversationalist….but I mistake that for compatibility and then get hurt when things fall apart after the 5th date. I feel blindsided and worthless and I try to act tough rather than admitting that I’m hurt. Your words just turned a lightbulb on inside of my brain. Wowza, gotta shift our perspective from “does this person like me” to “Do I actually even like them?” Killer content, thank you, sister!!!💖💖💖
You've helped me (and my mental health) so much during the past 2 years. Your videos are a much needed bit of light in this world. Thank you so much Maddie. To 2022 💖
This has inspired me to live completely for myself for 2022. I always felt like I was worth something when I was in a relationship or having sex with random men, yet when that was taken away from me, I felt ugly and invaluable. I always seek attention for men who only wanted physical live rather than a deep connection. I want an extraordinary love, a love that undeniable with no anxieties or questioning whether it’s right or not. I need to learn how to love myself and choose myself over anyone. So 2022 is my year of being single and learning how to be happy alone. Thank you for this, this was all the motivation I needed❤️
I just ended a 2 year situationship with my first kind of bf. We had a lot of chemistry in the beginning, but I started fall for the potential in him. We were too fundamentally different in our beliefs and values and I found myself compromising myself in order to force the relationship to work. I am so glad that that chapter of my life was over. I don’t want him to compromise himself either so it was for the best that we went our separate ways. I also found that I did not set up boundaries nor call him out when he crossed them. I am looking to the future to stand up for myself more.
Your words about not having an opportunity for innocent love were really relatable to me, thank you for opening up. Not having that kind of attention in middle/high school when the people around you are, especially if you are also 'the fat friend', made me feel so undesirable to the point that when someone did show that attention towards me, I settled for him and allowed things to slide that I shouldn't have. Even now, years and years after being in high school and having healthier relationships, I still have issues that I'm working through, like flirting with people I don't need to, or overanalyzing if someone is attracted to me, even if I don't care about them. It's crazy how much those younger experiences of rejection can stay with you, and you might not even be aware. Also congrats on being a full-time UA-camr now!!
The thing about love is we grossly underestimate how difficult it is to find a good relationship. When in reality, finding someone who you really connect with, intellectually, romantically, and sexually, who likes you back AND IS SINGLE- is damn near impossible. So I happily accept single-ness because settling for a dud is simply not an option.
Yesss this
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
It’s very impossible
You weren’t seeking love, you sought impulsive fun through hookups and now paying your dues coz no one will touch you.
@@robbillington1982 wow, lots of assumptions there!
Possibly the most loveable human on the internet-"I was worried I wasnt loveable."
stop i’ll cry hahaha 🥺🥺🥺
When you talk about reckoning with the cool girl idea, it struck a cord with me, but because I personally always catch myself trying to emulate the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, the woman that is so special and quirky that you can't help but fall in love with her. And I play up the parts of myself that fit with that idea, and I neglect the things that don't. In the process, I lose myself. I am afraid to be perceived as boring, or average, and thus forgettable - and unlovable.
Where you say you're afraid to be too much, I am afraid I won't be enough.
I'm trying to fight against this urge now, but it is scary.
love your honesty
Ugh this. One quality I'm most afraid of being perceived as is boring/average, so I often overcompensate and 'act out'. The balance is thin tho...
Oft I relate
I relate so much. I used to be so jealous of those characters in movies, or more quirky girls around me, and thought I wasn’t good enough. in reality, I was just too shy and sheltered by my parents. The ones who had no problems getting boyfriends in my classes were confident and actually socialized with guys.
I accept being boring and weird, and that these qualities are just enough for me because they are a part of me and who I am. They make me, me I no longer seek external validation and in return, I attract those that see my qualities and personality like a nice cup of tea. To be honest, some men and women want to come home to peace. My boringness is not a bad thing it's peace in a loud storm. Whoever you choose to be whatever character you wish to play be authentic to yourself, and understand that being boring and average are traits that are attractive also. (to yourself first & others second)
We're gonna need a video with that list of questions to ask yourself when dating 👀 Thank you for an incredible year of content, I'm so thrilled that you are finally getting the recognition you deserve
definitely can do!!! i’ll add it to my list 💌
I hella agree. Need it
@@MaddieDragsbaek consider a patreon, maddie!
Guys there are many yt channels out here with really wonderful advice, one of my favourites is mathew hussey
@@welovemaddy I keep saying this to her lol
This should be required viewing for young girls and girls just starting to date. I needed to hear this so badly so I know it's not just me being this way
"If I'm too much for you, you can go and find less" I was ready to toss my phone in the air THIS needs to be my mantra👏
Totally!
Omg were you part of the collab channel with Megan tonjes? Because I can’t find any of those videos I used to watch and it feels like a fever dream 😂
" Maybe you have a good first date, because you are a good conversationalist and not because this person is the love of your life." Man that's such a new perspective to me. I'm out of words... would love to have a friend like you and talk about these things🥺
I have never (!!!) met a woman with the same problem as myself before I found you! The way you spoke about not getting innocent attention in your teenage years resonates with me so much. I was kinda angry and ugly growing up, so dating me was always the butt of everyone's joke. And now that I am attractive it feels like everyone just wants sexual favors, not actual connection. Nobody seems to understand what it's like to not have these good memories of pure, innocent affection, to not experience being loved for yourself. Everybody kept saying it would eventually happen, but it never did and probably never will. And I am trying to make peace with that. So thank you for providing comfort and representation!
Ooh shit.
Why is everything you’ve written just how I’ve been feeling lately. Especially as 2022 has began.
Good luck to both of us.
We’re enough.
.
i am gay and from a small town
at 16 i went straight to grindr and hooked up with old guys
even though i went to therapy and thought i moved on, after promising so many times i’m not going back on grindr and knowing damn well i don’t want sex, my last hook up was 5 days ago and i feel worthless, i am suffering and i am trying to get the guy’s attention
i don’t know what to do anymore
@@andiangle i’m sorry you’re going through this i’m going through a similar situation it feels like most of the straight guys i met on dating apps only want girls for their body… so in my opinion i’d say tell him straight up that you want more than just a hook up and if he can’t accept that then either cut him off completely or stay as friends if both of you can work it out to understand where both sides are coming from
@@fairoadiary thank you for answering
"It is not easy to love me, and it shouldn't be." That one really hit me. I've always thought no one wanted to date me because I'm "too difficult" or "too picky". But this concept of being a human deserving of effort in love is so important, especially for women. We're given the impression (and sometimes told flat out) that we should be quiet and pretty and mold ourselves into what our boo thing wants us to be.
Also, I never realized how many other people didn't date in high school and college. My cousin is only a year older than me and has 5 kids and my family can't believe I'm not dating anyone. Even my dentist has told me to lower my standards (which, fuck off dude). Part of the issue is that older generations were expected to get married young to basically whoever they knew and we're comparing ourselves to them. But we have aspirations for higher education and our careers, as well as this idea that we can live on out own and maybe not have a family.
We have new standards for our lives in terms of education and careers, so it's time we update our standards for romantic relationships, too. I love hearing these kinds of conversations!
You got me through both 2020 and 2021 and I just want to express my gratitude to you. You’ve helped me recognise my sexuality, body confidence as well as confidence in being single. Thank you so much for everything and I am so so excited for what 2022 is going to bring for this channel.
Agree 💯% im so happy with this content
this^
After I ended a 3 year long relationship with my cheating ex, I downloaded Tinder and got a taste of the hookup culture for the first time (I'm 23),encouraged by my friends. I've never felt so empty and sad in my life, I care way too much about the guys I go on dates with and sleep with, it's just not for me. It's so reassuring hearing these words coming from you as well.
trust me i understand completely it feels like most of the guys on there only want the girls for their body and validation it’s terrible in my opinion i don’t recommend it… especially when you’re type of person that gets easily attached
Exactly I’m 37 and it happens to me all the damn time. I show up for men all the time yet they can never show up for me. I just don’t care anymore and I’m independent someone told me. It’s funny because me and my ex of 5 years are both independent. We both just don’t want to deal with the drama at this point yet we are still friends.
That's me too
Screw hookup culture. Yep, I care too much. I genuinely care for ppl. Can’t just use them and discard them like some empty ppl do🙄
.
Man the thing about not receiving innocent affection really hit me.
This year I've really been exploring why I need to feel desired to feel valuable. And it's because I've been sexualized since I was a kid and a majority of the attention I've received throughout my life has been for sexual intentions. I genuinely thought nobody could love me or even like me if they weren't attracted to me. I thought that's why girls never seemed to like me.
I'm finally realizing that it's trauma. That how I was treated so they could gain sex from me has never been ok. And it's not ok for anyone to view me as only a sexual being, even a lover.
Thank you for that epiphany ❤️
Thank you for sharing this!
beautiful. Thank you for sharing
i can relate so much!!!
The thing I always tell myself, when I feel myself holding on to projections, even though the person I'm dating is actually not good for me, is, somebody is only ever the things they can be and do for you. Yes, they might be a great friend, roommate, brother. Yes, they might be kind and intelligent and everything you are looking for in a partner- but to you, they might be sporadically cold, flakey, careless, inattentive, less interested than you, toxic. And even though you have witnessed all of the great trades this person can display, which feed into your projections, at the end of the day, all they will ever be for you, is who they are to you. The parts of them, they give you, that you get to enjoy. The rest, is unfortunately meaningless.
Love this, a reminder I’ve needed many, many times
Screen shotting this comment so I can re-read when I find myself falling into that habit, I am soooo bad for falling for potential I know people hold but it’s not my job to make them live up to it, they won’t do anything unless they actually want to
This is so important, definitely need to keep this in mind. I've been learning it this past year when I met a really cool person but yeah, sometimes they made me feel unimportant or like i wasn't a priority. That's not something I should try to think my way past. It's there and I need to acknowledge what I feel.
this is beautifully said. thank you for the reminder
All of this, I needed to hear
The way you articulated it… as a plus size woman I went from no attention to sexual attention, skipping innocent love/attention. That was IT. I’ve been on my own healing journey and that really summed up the beginnings of me talking to grown men THAT KNEW BETTER when I was a literal child.
Same here but I'm not plus sized. I was touched sexually even before my first kiss.. it's sad and kinda traumatizing. How do u deal with it?
You've been speaking facts during this entire year of your emotionally unavailable series and journey. I think that your audience can clearly see how much you've grown and learned and honestly they might had too, thanks to your shared opinions. So, thank you! Personally you gave me food for thoughts throughout all 2021. I wish you a great 2022!
I relate so much to this video, especially as a romantic who has been single forever and feel like I'm trying to catch up. I struggled with severe depression in highschool and I still feel like I am trying to catch up with my peers because I was so busy trying to stay alive I didn't have time or energy to do fun dumb teen romance stuff. Now that I'm reaching 25 and highschool/college friends are getting engaged, married, starting families. The biggest struggle is maintaining confidence in myself instead of trying to seek validation from a partner while still acknowledging that it's okay to want a partner, love, a family.
can we be friends? I relate to this so hard 🥺🥺
OH MY! I needed to hear this. I am in my 62nd year and have just left a marriage of 25 years. I have my own place and I love time to myself. My mum - who's 95 - Encourages me to start dating and can't understand why I am not game yet. 'Chemistry is not compatibility' a smack in the face there. I shall remember... I pray that you will decline small love. Learning so much from you and think you should perhaps adopt me so you can guide me moving forward.
It’s been weird for me being simultaneously a hopeless romantic, wanting love, I’ve never really dated, not trusting men and having incredibly high standards. I love hearing so many of the things I’ve been feeling for years and years be articulated so well by you, Maddie
literally got CHILLS when you said you quit your job to do this full time!! MADDIE!!!!!! you have helped me so much this year as I've discovered growth through heartbreak and dating and showing up for myself, and I'm working on being more vulnerable and MYSELF in my own videos now too :) so so proud and happy for you!!! you deserve this!!!!!!
One of my reminders to myself is “I love myself more than I hate being alone.” It takes A LOT of effort and awareness and opportunities to practice, but I’m not afraid to be myself, express my requirements, and move in alignment only with what/who I want and deserve. I was right there with you Maddie on this journey. Am I still single? Yep, but I’m closer to the love & relationship I deserve because I’m letting go of what I don’t.
I can totally relate to trying to be "effortless" and the cool girl by minimizing myself. In my first serious relationship I minimized myself so much because I was afraid to ever come off as needy, clingy or too emotional. I tended to side with him in disagreements, I never brought up things that bothered me and I always felt insecure about the relationship. I never felt truly loved or valued. I was so worried about feeling validated and being liked that I didnt stop to think if i actually liked him. Leaving that relationship was so freeing and it was great to finally find someone later who consistantly reassured me even when I didn't ask and never made me feel insecure or like I had to put up a performance.
I remember the first time I actually set up boundaries with a guy and told him that it doesn't make me feel good when he doesn't answer texts asking him to show up when we had planned something the day before. In the end, the things didn't work out with this guy, but just communicating that and telling him that I was not crazy for expecting a basic level of communication was a huge step for me. Haven't dated or been emotionally available in 2021 either, and it's been great. Thanks for the video!
i have been crying for 90% of this video, im so fucking proud of you
“If that is asking for too much, you can go and find less” I WANT THAT TATTOOED ON ME
its honestly kinda scary how someone from the other side of the world can think and talk about the same things i've been thinking and struggling all my life. maddie i relate to you so much in so many levels, i can only hope that someday i'll be able to have the same confidence in myself to so clealy say all the things im feeling, to apreciate who i am as a person and to be so open and honest with myself in regards to those sentiments. love ur channel, love you girl, i hope you have an amazing new year and im really excited to see how we both do in 2022, i'll be always here waiting for your videos, i adore them. ❤️
I can relate to this so much as a neurodivergent girl who has been considered a weirdo and unattractive their entire life until I was 17. When I first had been giving romantic attention by another woman, cuz I'm a lesbian and boys don't interest me, I lapped that shit up. It was a horrible relationship and I am so happy to have learnt from it. I wish I could tell my 17 year old self that my creepy, twice my age coworker who persued me is not the last person to show me romantic attention. Absolutely.
God insecurities about being different can eat you.
I'm so glad to have followed your journey, it was really comforting in a way
Same girly same ☺️
I totally agree and identify with everything you said. I’m 23 and was always insecure about not having a partner and being so “behind” with experience. About 2 years ago I lowered my standards just so I could “catch up” and “fit in” and dated someone that I knew had many red flags. Ultimately I was beyond disappointed and hurt by him. We didn’t date for long and there was a huge break in between but I broke it off for good last year and haven’t felt better about intentionally not dating all of 2021. Glad other ppl feel the same :)
I had the exact experience...in the end it's better to wait for the right person...
You are surprised that the relationship didnt work out, when you describe it as “dating down?” Smh
@@sorvex9 nothing was mentioned about dating down
I havent dated in someone since being cheated on 5 years. Ive been living the solo life (by choice mind you) but only recently have I felt lonely, so I downloaded apps to help get the ball rolling again and i realized very much I forget the rules and norms of seeing someone. Then by chance one day I took a walk at the park (almost didnt since I was feeling down about myself that day) and I had someone come up to me and compliment my purple hair and asked if I wanted to walk and talk in the park. I was SHOCKED I am so used to being hit on at the club (which I enjoy) but its the first time someone wanted to just talk. We went on one date and sadly I had to shortly after had to go cross country for like 2 and a half months and we are still talking everyday :3 He has been showing me the parts im insecure about he actually likes, which is hard for my brain to grasp since im so self critical. So it will take awhile to accept being loved. I had put off dating because I put school first and then I put my job first
Let me just be honest, I am a 22 yr old male. Been loving on a girl who is inconsistent at best for 4 years. I needed to hear all of this. I loved this content. Thank you so much for this video, also I have never had sex however am still in college. This is such a positive and different way to look at things.
What you said about setting invisible deadlines for yourself is going to be so relatable for so many people. I wasted my time on a guy who didn't like me that much in high school just because I wanted to kiss someone before college. He was a dick and I knew it and I wish I had stood up for my feelings through the whole thing. Thank you so much for talking about unequal situationships, I feel moved and seen.
I love how Mango came over to Maddie when she was talking about the video Crying About Everything That Didn’t Happen. That video was an especially vulnerable video and when she was talking about it, you could see the lasting emotions from it. Just goes to show how pets can really sense our emotions and love us!
I admire the fact that you continue to believe love is out there for you. I’m similar to you in that I know what I want and what I deserve, and I refuse to settle for anything less. I’ve also always wanted “true love” like you. But I feel pretty hopeless/pessimistic about it all; it seems like there is not one person on this planet who is right for me. I’ve pretty much given up on the possibility of love, and my goal is to be okay with the idea of being alone forever. It’s admirable that you continue to believe you will meet the right person, because I know exactly how hard it is to have hope in this situation.
exactky same. ive started losing hope in the whole thing and now just care ab having friends, a career and loving being single as i can count on those things happening , whereas i cant count on a relationship .
Same boat :(
I'm glad you shared that... Feeling the exact same way, thought I was the only one
I’ve kinda come to the belief that that’s no “one” there’s no perfect person. Any can be the “one” if you let them. Relationships are work, it’s not only about the magic of love and chemistry etc.
honestly there is no person who is Right for you.. are you right for someone? I’m not trying to send anyone down a self-doubt spiral. I read a bit ago that instead of trying to find “the one” just become “the one” and it’ll all find out when you need it. That person (or even multiple people you meet overtime) might not be exactly what you want, but they might be exactly what you need.
@W I agree. I think I struggle sometimes because I’ve spent years alone, working on myself so that I could be “the one” for someone else, but I still haven’t met anyone I click with. I do believe that if you expect certain traits in someone else, then you should be able to offer them too. And I don’t think there’s one right person/one perfect partner, but when you’re searching for someone with emotional maturity, honesty, kindness, etc. it can seem like an impossible task😅 A lot of men & women out here are just not ready for a relationship, so finding the “right” person is like looking for a needle in a haystack
When you brought up the innocent affection part of the conversation, it was a major realization/core memory moment for me and made me want to sob for myself, which I NEVER cry for myself. Thank you for sharing because even though this realization for myself devastates me, I know how to verbalize how I feel and can make steps to not accept the treatment I’ve received any longer. Thank you. And congrats on the success you’ve achieved this year. I’m so proud of you, truly. I know it’s overused a millions times over, but words can not express how much I appreciate you sharing your art with us and yourself. Because that’s what all of this is.
the “i want someone who’s ready for me” feels like something I need to repeat to myself every morning, thank you for verbalizing and unpacking it all maddie
when you spoke about going from no attention to solely sexual attention, i felt that so much i cried. love you maddie
It makes me so happy to hear a young woman standing up in the chaotic dating landscape. Your channel has flourished so much this year. I love your internal reflections and what you say resonates with so many girls including myself. Keep being yourself - your integrity and loyalty to yourself is beautiful!
I remember watching these videos and then ignoring the advice and dating around. I got hurt very badly by a coercive situationship that I wanted to be much more serious than he wanted. If it wasn’t for finding my current boyfriend in July, the one man that’s ever been respectful to me, I think I would’ve not dated in 2022. Thank you for helping me set standards for myself and allowing me to accept and feel deserving of the love I have now. Happy new year, darling!!
I have never dated before (I’m 21) and I have always felt pressured by society and what everyone was doing. Through 2020, I started realizing that I don’t need to stress about society trends and just do my own thing. Right now school is priority and self love. Thank you for this video.
Maddie, I just wanted to say that you literally saved my last couple of years. You inspired me to get the courage to leave everything behind to pursue my dream job across-country. I'll be moving on Dec 31th to live at my first solo apartment in a huge city where I don't know anyone, but I know that I'll be fine because this series made me feel good about enjoying my own company. Thank you!
That affirmation hit! Like yes! “THE LOVE I’M LOOKING FOR IS ALSO LOOKING FOR ME” Such a great video and congrats on going full time!!
“If that is asking for too much, you can go and find less”
You’re so inspiring to me and I’m actually thinking about trying a year off from dating to focus on self love ❤️
I've never heard someone tell me something so relatable and insightful. I am currently 25 and I constantly wonder if I'm broken, if there's something wrong with me, if I'm unlovable, just as you said. I am the only one in my friend group who has never been in a relationship, although I have been through long, long "situationships".
I can't believe someone has been going through the exact same experiences I have been going through for all these years. I am constantly trying to be gentle to myself and love myself and understand so many things you've put in the video but it's so scary and so difficult. Thank you for sharing, truly.
Also omg that grieving piece is HUGE. Thank you so much for sharing, I think I also need to let go of past ideas of what love is “supposed” to look like. So happy to see you growing and thriving!
15:00 i deeply relate to feeling behind and jumping head-first when it seems like it might "finally" be my time to catch up with everyone else and find "my person".
after years of comparisons and chasing any little inkling that it might be "my time," i want to slow down and focus on enjoying being single. learning to love being in my own presence & company without feeling lonely or depressed.
why is almost everything youre saying about your life experiences and how youve felt so incredibly relatable? 😞
I just want to say something that might sound a bit confusing - but it is absolutely mind boggling to me that you've just recently started therapy (i'm pretty sure?), the self reflection and self awareness you have about your mind/ body, what they need and what you plan on doing to better your own peace of mind is one of the most inspiring things i've seen in a while. You should be very proud of what you've accomplished and your younger self should be very, very proud. xx
it's like you took the thoughts directly from my head
I totally resonate with your experiences in dating! I’ve spent a lot of time trying to channel “bad bitch energy” instead of working through very valid feelings of hurt. I’m thankful for your vulnerability!! Hope you’re having an amazing holiday season!
god you're amazing. i love this video. im going through a similar process right now. my favourite moment is when you say "you can't say the wrong thing to the right person".
u are the main reason for ur success as a youtuber ! ur content is amazing and so well thought out. u deserve all of the love and recognition that u are receiving. it's so rare to find such a raw and vulnerable content creator that doesn't spoonfeed and sugarcoat shit. thank u for being amazing !! u truly are a remarkable human being and you are the reason why i have found the power within myself to heal. enjoy your break! i can't wait to see ur videos pop up on my feed again!
I was one of the people who found you early this year and I'm so glad I did! This series especially has been so insightful and nice to watch.
Our experiences in the dating world are quite different, but even as a 20-year-old lesbian who has never even kissed anyone I still found things to relate to in the stuff you talked about. Being a shy closeted kid, I also watched everyone around me fall in love for the first time and have those high school sweethearts while I was struggling with feeling unlovable. And now I'm here in university at twenty years old, I've been scrolling on dating apps for a year and a half yet I've never found anything other than some dates that were alright, but never anything special. I find myself thinking that exact "how come that doesn't happen to me" thought when my peers find serious relationships or have fun single years full of casual hookups around me, and I'm just sitting here with my feelings of loneliness and wondering what it's like to hold hands or kiss someone.
"The love I am looking for is also looking for me" almost made me cry. That's beautiful, and I need to remind myself of it more often.
As a 19-year-old lesbian who is going to university and also never kissed anybody I can really resonate with your comment.
My experience in the dating world is really the opposite of hers. I only went on a few dates, despite using dating apps on-and-off for nearly a year. However I found two great friends through these apps and I know that I have at least a lovable personality, but no one seems to be physically attracted to me. Sometimes I just want to be someones special person, but I am unsure if anybody would ever see me as a sexual human being.
Platonic love is the only thing I get and I gladly take it.
I’m 21 (also lesbian :)) and I had my first kiss when I turned 20. That was and so far is my only sexual experience. I try not to let it get me down but a lot of times it does. No one ever showed interest in me growing up so it made me feel like something’s wrong with me or I’m just not desirable enough to anyone. Everyone around me and all my friends have already gone through relationships and/or sex and I feel so embarrassed about I don’t even talk about it with my best friends. I know I shouldn’t and people reassure me but that doesn’t change the hurt I feel about never seemingly being wanted that way by anyone. Tldr; you’re not alone
@@dandelionlys i'm returning to this video way later so i'm only seeing the replies to this now, but thank you so much for sharing ❤️ i identify with a lot of what you said. it's unfortunate and it's honestly fucking hard sometimes and it's okay to feel that way. i do think we'll eventually find the love we dream about, though. some people are lucky enough to find it early in their lives, but it won't be any less special if it comes later. as maddie often says, the love we deserve exists because we exist. and meanwhile, there are thankfully plenty of other lovely things in life for us to experience and be excited about!!
@@lytopia seeing these replies super late because i decided to rewatch this video, but thank you for sharing ❤️ i relate to you really strongly. thank god for good platonic love, though! i'm learning that as i open up to my friends more and more, i'm able to get a lot of the things from friendships that i used to think would only be possible in a romantic relationship. it's just as important and strong of a form of love!
I feel like you ripped my heart out and you're holding it in your hands and directly talking to it
just after my boyfriend of two years broke up with me i discovered your channel. you have taught me so much about healing, self love, confidence, and so much more. thank you Maddie, for everything you do for us. we love you!
I love how elegantly you articulate your needs at 22:40 in particular. You don't imply that the other person is less if they can't give you what you need, you are simply establishing healthy boundaries.
Just going off what you said about not wanting to build or teach your partner how to love you… Firstly I agree. Secondly I don’t think that’s realistic. I have a loving relationship because we both actively and passively share what we want out of one another. We’re a lot alike and can understand each other and we still need reminders from time to time on how to care especially as we change and grown together. Relationships are work even when they’re healthy and loving. I love watching your videos you have good insights.
“It is not effortless to love me & it fcking shouldn’t be” YES, THIS 🖤 This took me so long to learn and honestly I still struggle with it, even in a committed relationship with someone who puts in the work.
It's bonkers to me how much I relate to this video. I spent the last year on dating apps and had a string of mediocre situationships that went nowhere. I do the same "falling for the potential" thing. I fall for the story of what could be and don't stop to think if I even actually like this person. This spoke directly to my experience and my heart. Thank you for being this voice on the internet
This channel literally kickstarted my emotional growth this year and I thank you for that!!
maddie, you've changed my 2021. i fucking love you. here's to a new year, letsgooo 2022 🥂
So many wise, beautiful words and lessons. Wishing you every happiness, joy, peace, and adventure for 2022. Thank you for all you do, share, create. You inspire me to like myself more, and even to dare to learn to love myself deeply. It makes me feel fizzy in my stomach to think that might be possible. Thank you for giving me that feeling x
I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU!!!! The part about feeling “caught up” really struck a chord with me as I’ve been talking to my therapist about that exact thing. I started dating for all the wrong reasons trying to “catch up” to my peers and family who were getting into relationships and having experiences I’d never had. I neglected to ask myself what I was comfortable with and where I needed to be at that time. I decided this month to quit dating consistently and just focus on friends and myself because when I am dating I find I throw all self love out the window. I’m already SO much happier and more confident and you’ve been a huge inspiration for me this year to prioritize myself, my mental health, celebrate my body, and my sexuality. THANK YOU MADDIE ILY
Girl, I'm heartbroken as shit right now, still in the beginning crying stage of it all, and this video resonated so much with me. Like holy shit. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable with us and sharing your life experience with all of us who are either still young or simply haven't figuered everything out yet. You said you'd thank us for the next decades for helping you work your dream Job full time, but we, just as much, will be thanking you for all that you've shared.
I'm confident that you are actively helping people live better lives and that, to me, is the most charitable and beautiful thing someone can dedicade a chunk of their life to.
This is such a cozy environment 🥰
Congratulations! At 57 yeas old, I'm right where you are. Edit: Except I'm more like you at the beginning of the video. I've hardened my heart, and still hurting. I have a lot of healing to do. You are very self aware and relatable. I'm so glad that I found this video.
Congrats maddie on going full time! :’) Ive had a pretty rubbish year for love and dating and so ill be doing my own no dating year for 2022 so ty for the inspiration ! X
my friend sent me this video, I have watched some of your videos before but this really really struck a chord with me. I think it's the best video I've ever seen and the experience I've related the most to when it comes to my experience with dating in my whole life! I too dreamed (and still do, I don't think anything can take that away from me) with that sort of innocent attraction. It's what I desire the most. This year I also started realizing that I struggle a lot with expressing my care for others, even just friends. Like you I am confident to a certain degree, outwardly confident, inside a mess, but people don't see that so they don't read me that way. And a lot of people like meeting me at first bc like you I'm also good at conversations. But then nobody sticks around. And I also made the mistake of allowing ppl I didn't really like to get into my life bc I was so needy and wondering 'wtf? if this is what I can get then I'm gonna take it'.
The exclusive sexual attraction thing also happened with me. It started online but then progressed into real life and as I was surrounded with some toxic friends who touted having sex with everyone as the be all end all of personal affection and just growing into your hoe person bc fuck the patriarchy and stuff, I started engaging in stuff like that more often. I thought maybe that's what I really wanted. That year as crucial for me to discover that while I was okay with not having a committed relationship (bc I honestly have a lot of my shit to sort through), I still wanted some sort of affection from the ppl I slept with. I never slept with anyone irl who I didn't have a connection with. Online it was different, but I regret a lot of it. Sometimes it was fun but most of the time it was me trying to please men who I didnt' care about simply bc I got high on the fact that someone wanted me, even if they despised everything about me except for nudes or sexy talk. I wasn't happy with that.
Then in the summer of that year I met this guy who I thought was amazing and fell HARD. He was younger than me and as all of my past experiences (specifically having sex with a guy I liked only to later find out he really only wanted sex. Cool with being friends and treating me with respect, but didn't fall in love) had culminated in the other person leaving, I thought I was maybe being too impulsive, so I carefully planned my actions with him. I would get super nervous just to talk to him bc I thought I really don't want to ruin this. Fast forward to 2020, we are good friends, but he never developed feeling for me either. We became almost best friends and went on a lot of friend dates, developed a lot of physical intimacy (no sex or kissing for obvious reasons, but just a lot of hugs and cuddles which I desperately needed), and I thought if perhaps I changed my appearance he would fall for me. I witnessed him getting crushes or talking to girls who are almost exactly like me, they fill the same role in the social arena or sth like that as I do, have the same interests, same personality, with the difference that quite simply... They are thinner and more attractive to him.
It took me 3 or 4 years to finally accept that I couldn't force someone to admit they liked me if they really refused to see me as a girl they could be with. And I was suffering NOW. Why did my suffering have to drag on for eternity? We had amazing chemistry, I still felt giddy with him after 3 years which to me was a lot! Friends everywhere used to comment on us being a couple and I got so high on that. I thought eventually he would see we had found a great thing and should stick together. But I always suspected and still do that he cares a lot about appearance bc he never crushed on girls who were obviously not physically perfect. So yeah, some friends did an intervention on me, the pandemic helped and now I'm over him. It still hurts when I hear that he's talking to girls who are like me in every way but they're conventionally attractive, but I realized that all this time I was paying so much attention to wanting to be liked by him, that I didn't allow myself to see that I was miserable and I deserved to not be.
So this year I stumbled on a guy who was actually pretty cool and decent, except for the fact that he lives out of town and was in an on-off situation with a girl who was supposed to be the love of his life. He was super messy in his love life but always treated me with respect, I felt great around him and I felt like he wouldn't despise me because of my body. I then confronted him about what was up with us, if he liked me now, and he kept avoiding the question, which only made me grow more frustrated. I thought "if only I put in some more effort and ask the right questions, I will get what I want!"
But I didn't. Instead he told me that he didn't feel it yet, but there was the possibility that it would develop. He was more emotionally mature than I was. I took that as a sign that I should 100% back off and not try again, when in fact I could have tried. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out, but I did self-sabotage by constantly putting him on the spot and demanding he make me a priority when we were just in the initial stages of getting to know each other. Regardless, he was probably the most compatible person I've ever come across with, super thoughtful, considerate and philosophical. I still like him a lot and I want to try again with him, but at this point it's understandable if he doesn't want to. And honestly with all that has happened between us I'm a bit scared to even try again bc I wasn't treated right sometimes and don't want to willingly put myself in such a position again.
Not a point to make here but yeah, just sharing my experience. Thank you for this video, I am very glad it exists and that you exist and can put this stuff so eloquently into words. I too felt like I was missing out and needed to catch up with all my friends, still do bc I've never actually had a relationship and I'm 25. But yeah. I know now that these things take time and I should not try to run on anyone else's schedule but my own.
Hey, it was interesting to read your comment. If you don't mind I will offer my perspective on the last guy. He might have been emotionally mature, but why do you think you weren't? I think you did the right thing by backing off if he didn't reciprocate your feelings with the same intensity. If you just asked him whether he liked you or not and he answered with not now but maybe eventually, you did the right thing. That answer doesn't indicate that he would have loved you, but it could have resulted in you focusing on him even more and spending more emotional energy with a guy that didn't feel the same as you but you would do that just in case. I know that people who seem less passionate about their love life, who take things with more calm seem to be more emotionally mature, and maybe you felt like a childish teen for having intense feelings, but i don't think emotional maturity is about the feelings you have but what you do with them. If you felt much more and he didn't even if you ended together the relationship would probably be really unbalanced. You have tje feelings you have and they are not necessarily wrong. Also when people fall in love they feel with intensity for the other person and may not take dating as slowly as others, doesn't matter the age. And this is not unhealthy if both are in the same page and obviously they don't forget the rest of their life and friends
I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year last night, and just happened to find this video. The part where you were talking about your needs really made me further realized that I made the right choice to end my relationship. I wasn't a good girlfriend and my mental health has been really bad for the past year, and I was really bad at keeping up communication and putting in the effort.
This year will be my year for no dating, and hopefully I can grow as a person and become a better partner for whoever I end up with in the future, as well as for myself.
It hurt so deep to relate to every single one of your experiences, been single for a year after my first “serious” relationship which also turned toxic and made me depressed for a while, trying to find myself and forgive my poor self.
Lots to learn here, thank you
This video made me cry (I cry a lot tbf) and I just wanted to say thank you for sharing these parts of yourself online with people who are basically strangers. I love your content and you have taught me a lot about the kind of person that I want to be. Thank you for everything and I hope that you have a very happy new year!
I relate to you so much, from the experience in HS, to the dating in my 20s. I just turned 30, and have been with my partner for a couple years now.
Getting comfortable letting small things or the wrong people go without knowing if or when something or someone might come next makes all the difference
"you can't say something wrong to the right person" thank you, this video make me reflect on so much, bring me happiness 💗I'm happy that you're are here with thoses reflections, and you're personality is refreshing
If someone leave that means that they are not the right person, +there not something wrong with you, that just mean you hurt and you be compassionate to yourself, you're amazing, keep up, you're amazing 💕
Grieving for past hurts--that was some balm you just dropped, thank you. And good for you
Did you have any particular mental health resources that helped prompt/birth those realizations and process those experiences?
the absence of innocent love. i resinate with that so much. it isnt exactly love without strings, because as youve taught me strings are good. theyre what keep us together and are what found healthy relationships. but its growing up with parents that i felt i had to fight to deserve the smallest display of love, affection, and approval. always moving the bar higher, never feeling enough for them. thats definitely been a huge impact on my life that i am very much still working through but i do think im recovering from it and learning to accept love. realistic conditional love. thats what i want.
I am 12 minutes in and EVERY SINGLE THING you have said resonates. It’s really comforting even reading the comments and seeing I’m not the only person who struggled in their youth to be a romantic interest of anyone, but was always seen as sexual and the object of sexual desire. I definitely have realized that I somewhere along the way internalized that I should be sexually desirable and agreeable in the hopes that I would get the actual care and emotional vulnerability I was always looking for. I spent so much time hoping between casual sex, casual dating, and short relationships trying to convince myself I liked anyone simply bc they showed interest and weren’t abusive. I strangely enough stumbled upon this video after deciding I wanted a break from dating in 2022 so I could focus on pouring into myself and healing from some of the trauma/grief/disappointment, maybe it’s a sign.
Your videos are so unique in a lot of ways, I love your content and how deeply connected I feel watching them. It's like a friend that films a diary to share experiences with the one's they love, you're the cutest Maddie 💖
maddie, i feel a lot of what you're feeling. i'm a 19 year old in school and haven't ever been in a relationship either. it brings me a lot of comfort to know that even if i don't hit the 'relationship in college' threshold, that there is someone out who has gone beyond that and grew from that, and that i could possibly do that too. as a disabled person i also feel like i don't have the same experiences as my friends and peers, and you've inspired me to allow myself the time to grieve what i haven't gotten and accept that i deserve the love i want. trying to be open, emotionally available, and learn what i need in the upcoming year
"we have to grieve the idea of love that we had growing up" YES. I've spent the second half of 2021 dealing with this after a failed relationship with the person that was absolutely perfect on paper. I wish her the best but meeting shattered every single desire I used to have for my romantic life. I went into it thinking I wanted a long term partner to marry and build a family with, and left being afraid of ever having my freedom taken away from me again. It was hard but now I'm a whole new woman, I'm stronger and wiser, a lot happier of being by myself. Just remember kids, if you want someone who commits to you quickly, you're going to find it...and regret it. Real bonding takes time.
Maddie i literally cant express how much i love you and how grateful i am to you. i'm a 17 year old girl that has no fcking idea of what to do with her life but your videos are like a scape and they give me hope. thank u so much for everything and i hope you have a happy and healthy year.
The introduction of this video literally gave me a lump in my throat, I felt like you were not talking about yourself but that you were describing me. ❤️
All of this is SUCH good advice, and I feel like most of it works for friendships too. When Maddie said something along the lines of “this is not enough for me and if you can’t respect my boundaries, I can’t be in this relationship”, it really resonated with me.
I'm just starting to go on this journey myself, the way you describe viewing romance in your past is exactly how I've viewed it for forever, and I'm only in my second year of college. The way you talk about these things it's like you're taking it from my own mind, but you phrase it so much better than I ever could.
I love your videos, thank you for creating :)
3 years single and im just now starting to love being alone. The first year was fear of being with someone and the second being scared of getting too old and still single. Now its like a big weight is lifted. i still get anxious about being single and feeling like no one will love me. But it goes away, and now it goes away bc im getting to a place where i love myself that i dont want to settle. Still working on loving how i look and thinking im beautiful. But damn im so proud of how far i came from the darkness.
I really love the way you expressed your self reflections. I think I’ve realized a lot of similar things this year but when it came to implementing them into my next relationship i felt like I couldn’t or I would forget everything I learned. I’m so proud of you for being able to set your boundaries and be so clear about what you want!! I hope I can get there one day
revisiting this video as i’ve decided to start dating again, so much of your experiences and thought processes resonate so deeply with me
I want to thank you for all the videos you've done, especially on the topic of love and sexuality. I can proudly say that, after years of struggling with vaginismus, I have managed to get better, thanks in part to your many advices on masturbation and confidence, sprinkled in your videos. I even bought myself a christmas gift on bellesa ! This is a huge step for me, and I cannot understate how grateful I am to you.
So thank you, I'm glad you can take a couple of weeks off, and I can't wait to see what happens next (yay the podcast!!) :)
thanks for this! I just woke up today feeling frustrated and angry that this guy won't text me first, he hasn't for the last 6 weeks although he responds to my texts. I did an experiment to see if he'd text me first and nothing, it's been two weeks since we talked. He's a great guy and we have awesome chemistry but the feeling of constantly wondering "does he like me? did I put him off with being too vulnerable and sharing very personal things about myself?" takes up so much bandwidth. And it hurts to feel ignored. I've been dating pretty consistently all of 2021 (after a terrible break up and a sexless marriage) and it's been an awesome journey of sexual self discovery but this consistent pattern of men not giving me basic attention is exhausting and hurtful. I do get easily attached if there's good sex and communication and I put a lot of effort into trying to always play it cool. Thanks for validating my feelings, I might just cut this man off to spare myself the mental anguish :P
So much of you talking about jumping straight from no affection to sexual affection REALLY struck a cord with me. So much of my life has been spent tying my worth directly to my sexual desirability, and it's something I still struggle with as a married woman in a soulmate-level relationship. Thank you for talking about this so openly and in such an introspective way - it's incredibly helpful even to me, so I know it's gotta be life-changing for people still dating. It definitely would have been for me. 🖤
This video is amazing. Your apartment, clothes, voice & story. I have NEVER wanted to listen, nevermind watch, someone talk for half an hour. Being afraid of being “too much” is so real, and I’m so glad you’re able to set boundaries well within your rights, and that you’re sharing it w us
I need you to know how beautifully full circle your intro felt to me - the greek statue room at the met was site to one of my worst tinder dates of all time. (In a moment when I really could have used dedicating much more time to me and less to dating but didn't know how)
Thank you for sharing your experiences and putting a smile on my face!
I just got out of a relationship and decided to take a year or two off from dating as well. I even made my own list of questions to ask myself when I start dating again as well (I added the two you mentioned, too lol). Thank you for making this video. It was so inspiring.
you make me feel so seen. thank you for being you and talking about this
Girl, you really are a special soul! This is really next level content. It's by far the first youtube video that as touched my soul so deeply to the point I kept reaching for my journal to let this explosions of thoughts and emotions come out.
Your content is so thought provoking and yet so comforting. I can't wait to watch another year of your special and incredible journey through this beautiful thing called life.
I hope 2022 keeps giving you all the good things you deserve!
Girl, I am on this saaaaame journey! 100%. I’m also a creative and way too caring of a person. When you said “chemistry is not compatibility”….it blew my mind. Like, I should know that…but I didn’t. All of my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th dates always are great….because *I’m* fun and creative and a great conversationalist….but I mistake that for compatibility and then get hurt when things fall apart after the 5th date. I feel blindsided and worthless and I try to act tough rather than admitting that I’m hurt. Your words just turned a lightbulb on inside of my brain. Wowza, gotta shift our perspective from “does this person like me” to “Do I actually even like them?” Killer content, thank you, sister!!!💖💖💖
I am sobbing, that affirmation at the end hit me so hard. Thank you so much for your bravery in going on this journey and sharing it with us all :)
A Maddie video on my birthday after binge watching all her content all week? Best day ever!!
Omg YES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO UPLOAD 🖤🖤🖤🖤⛄⛸️❄️🔥😭
Honestly I want to do this for my 2022. A year of no dating so I can heal from past situations and build my boundaries. I love this and ur channel am
You've helped me (and my mental health) so much during the past 2 years. Your videos are a much needed bit of light in this world. Thank you so much Maddie. To 2022 💖
This has inspired me to live completely for myself for 2022. I always felt like I was worth something when I was in a relationship or having sex with random men, yet when that was taken away from me, I felt ugly and invaluable. I always seek attention for men who only wanted physical live rather than a deep connection. I want an extraordinary love, a love that undeniable with no anxieties or questioning whether it’s right or not. I need to learn how to love myself and choose myself over anyone. So 2022 is my year of being single and learning how to be happy alone. Thank you for this, this was all the motivation I needed❤️
I just ended a 2 year situationship with my first kind of bf. We had a lot of chemistry in the beginning, but I started fall for the potential in him. We were too fundamentally different in our beliefs and values and I found myself compromising myself in order to force the relationship to work. I am so glad that that chapter of my life was over. I don’t want him to compromise himself either so it was for the best that we went our separate ways. I also found that I did not set up boundaries nor call him out when he crossed them. I am looking to the future to stand up for myself more.
every video you make is healing
Your words about not having an opportunity for innocent love were really relatable to me, thank you for opening up. Not having that kind of attention in middle/high school when the people around you are, especially if you are also 'the fat friend', made me feel so undesirable to the point that when someone did show that attention towards me, I settled for him and allowed things to slide that I shouldn't have. Even now, years and years after being in high school and having healthier relationships, I still have issues that I'm working through, like flirting with people I don't need to, or overanalyzing if someone is attracted to me, even if I don't care about them. It's crazy how much those younger experiences of rejection can stay with you, and you might not even be aware. Also congrats on being a full-time UA-camr now!!